Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - Revel In It: The Truth About Competitive Siblings

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

From ambition to competition, Family Therapist, Dr. Whitney Goodman breaks down the truth about sibling relationships.She reveals the BIG mistake parents make without even realizing it, and the long-term effects of attention-seeking siblings.Plus, what Oliver did recently that might have traumatized his son.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Let's talk about safety and strategies to protect yourself and your loved ones. Listen to intentionally disturbing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Kate Hudson. And my name is Oliver Hudson. We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship. what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling reverie. No, no.

Sibling reverie. Don't do that with your mouth. Sibling revelry. That's good. Oliver Hudson here, check, check, test. Reporting live from Toronto, Canada, I am here in my bedroom and my son is upstairs. We are doing a movie together. It's an experience that has yet to start really, and once it does, I can't wait.

I'm afraid. But I'm not going to get into that right now because we've had our guests waiting for a minute in the waiting of Whitney Goodman. We need to bring her on because we need to deal with. my trauma and my child issues because I have many of them. Hello. How are you? Good. How are you?

I'm good. I'm so sorry. I'm late. I've been nutty. I'm in Toronto and starting work. I'm doing a movie. My son auditioned five separate times, got the job. So he's here with me, playing my son.

which to me is going to be incredible, but you can tell me whether he'll be traumatized from this experience. It sounds like it could be a great experience. It could go either way. I mean, it could go either way. But, you know, it's definitely an incredible moment for me to watch this happen. And he's never done anything before. And it's a substantial role.

I mean, I'm freaked out more than he is. I'm sure. That's awesome. So it's just been running around and figuring out and he's got guardians and tutors and, you know, it's a whole world. It's wild. Yeah.

It is. It is. It is. Where are you? I live in Tampa, Florida. Mm-hmm. Okay. A little bit different in Toronto right now.

For sure. For sure. It has been colds here for us. It's been like 40s. Forties. 40s. I mean, that is cold. I mean,

there was snow on the beach. Yeah, I know. Was that in Tampa? Was that on the East Coast or the West Coast? That's like the Panhandle. So probably like five or six hours north of me. Okay.

So you're not getting snow. You're not getting snow. No. No, no, no. You'd move if you got snow. Absolutely. Before we get into all of the questions that I have as to why I am as fucked up as I am,

although I've been in therapy for a thousand years. I went to the Hoffman process to deal with childhood patterns and, you know, it was an incredible seven days, you know, definitely life-changing for me. But just a little bit about you, sort of where you grew up, where you grew up, how you got into this line of work and what's inspiring, you know, about it for you. Because for me, quickly, I'm an actor, you know, but if I wasn't, I feel like I would be a psychologist. I just am semi-obsessed with the human condition. The fact that we're all made up of the same shit, yet we're all so vastly different.

I've been through anxiety. I'm on Lexapro. You know, I dealt with feelings. I'm very, you know, sort of self-reflective. And at the same time, this whole planet's going to be a big ball of fire at some point. Civilization, as we know it, will no longer exist. So what are we concerned about at the end of the day? What does it all matter anyway?

You know? So where did you, where did you, where did you, where did you grow up and how did you find your way to what you do? Yeah, I'm born and raised in Florida. I left for college and came back, but otherwise I've been in some city in this state for majority of my life. And I can very much relate to you that I have just always been obsessed with why people do what they do. Whether that's my own family members or strangers that I meet, I find stories about humans to be fascinating, which I imagine is also a huge part of acting, of getting to kind of

embody someone else's experience that that fascination really just led me to this career. I've been practicing as a therapist for a decade now. I cannot imagine doing anything else and learning about how people's family experiences have impacted them is of huge interest to me. I think it's really what makes us who we are at the end of the day. Did you have any doubt that this was the avenue of therapy, of psychology, that you wanted to get into, or did you kind of play around with maybe this, maybe that, or was this your main focus? You know, everything I've done has always gone back to the family.

I've worked with people in addiction treatment centers doing family therapy. I worked with people who had chronic illness, cancer diagnoses, things like that. But I've always worked with how those difficult life events have impacted the family structure and those relationships. And I think everything kind of comes back to that at the end of the day. So true. I mean, you know, it's like the root of everything is family. the way that you were brought up, the perception, the singular perception of how we were brought up as well, because dealing with siblings as we have for however many years we've been doing this podcast,

you know, Kate and I have realized that you could be raised the same, but our perception of how we are raised is vastly different. I mean, we've talked to brothers who, one brother, like, despised their father and the other one loved him tremendously. They were raised exactly the same. You know, so how much does that factor into sort of the way that you work? Because, I mean, perception is everything. Maybe it's incorrect. Do you sometimes have to sort of skew people's perception or put it back on track to say, well, you're seeing this maybe in a way that isn't truthful or that didn't actually happen? Yeah, sibling relationships are fascinating. And I work a lot with adult siblings who do have very different perceptions of their

childhood. And usually I find that those perceptions are often both correct in different ways at the same time, right? Because we have different personalities. We're different ages when events happen. We also have profoundly different relationships with our parents based on how they are responding to us because of what we're triggering. in them, right? So you're going to see things like gender, personality, birth order,

the circumstances surrounding how you came into the world, all impact the way that your parents relate to you. And what we find through the research on sibling relationships is that the way that the parents treat the children often is the biggest impact on how those siblings relate to each other and how they see themselves within that relationship. oh wow so it even affects on it even affects how the siblings view each other totally because you're competing right for your parents time energy resources and you you sometimes do see your sibling as competition for that finite resource of course i mean i think that's primal you know at the end of the day i mean there is there's survival mechanisms that's

exist within us that are unconscious, I assume, you know, that sort of that primal nature that we are. And there's no doubt competition. I was joke with my sister. I'm like, you have me to thank for your fame and success. Because I was always the one who is like loved the most perceptive, the perception of the, it was that. And Kate had to vie for attention, which means that she had to sort of, you know, get out there and show the world that she was bigger and better and more famous. So I joke with her that, you know, she definitely has me to thank. And it still exists today. You know, she still thinks, oh, Oliver's the favorite and he's the one who's coddled. And she may or may not be right or wrong. I don't know. It's up for interpretation. But yeah,

no, it's definitely, it's fascinating stuff. Now, did you, first of all, do you have siblings? Yes. I am the oldest of three. Okay. And how much of your, own dynamic that you grew up with, with your parents, with your relationship with your siblings, how much does that play into sort of your practice? How influential is that in what you wanted to do, the avenue, the direction, but also sort of how you went about sort of helping other people, how you go about helping other people? Yeah. You know, I think I'm one of those therapists where my personal story is not at the forefront of my clinical work. I can certainly say, of course, in my family, I've had estrangement and mental health issues and chronic illness

and all of these things that I think you can find in most families. But my personal story is not what really drives my work. I find it coming up, absolutely where I'm like, oh, wow, I've experienced that. And you have to constantly check in and be doing your own work with your own therapist to make sure that your story isn't totally getting in the way of what's going on between you. and the client. Do you have to have your own therapist? Is that, is that a law? It's a requirement for most grad schools. I know when I went to grad school, you know, like 12 years ago, it was required. And now I do have my own therapist. I find it to be very helpful. That's so interesting when you really think about it, you know, because if you're a therapist having a therapy, you're like, you challenge your

therapists with with your own set of knowledge. I was like, what are you talking about? Like, don't try to, don't try to fuck with me. Don't try to fool me. Right, right. Yeah, my therapist will be like, well, I'm sure you've heard what I'm going to say before. I'm like, it's fine. So do you have breakthroughs as a therapist in therapy?

Oh, totally. Totally. I mean, life is always happening, right? And so there's certainly things that I'm experiencing now. that I could have never predicted would have been part of my life. And they're not situations that would have normally been triggering for me as a therapist. You know, when I became a mother, that was something I had to work on to make sure that I wasn't carrying any of my own stuff into those sessions.

Do you, as a therapist, do you have to have lack? And this sounds a little bit crazy. But lack of empathy. only because I'm a very empathetic person, very feely to the point where I think it can be destructive at times, you know what I mean, where I take on a lot of other people's feelings, I guess. And I know that's sort of buzzy right now, like an empath and all that shit. But I feel it, you know, I can, I can feel it. As a therapist, you kind of have to hear and let go. Totally.

I think every new therapist goes through that battle of like taking on too much. much, right? Especially if you are someone that is that way. And I actually found myself like swinging a little bit too far to the other extreme of being like too disconnected. And over the last couple of years, especially with virtual therapy, it's easier to disconnect. Like, you're not feeling it the same way that you do when you're actually in a room with somebody's energy. Yeah. That you have to make sure you don't go too far in one extreme. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Now, by the way, how much of your work is being done actually digitally now online? Literally, 100%. I closed my office during the pandemic and no one ever wanted to go back to being

face to face. See, this is fucked up, in my opinion. Look, you know, I know there's like all these, you know, better help and there's all these sort of, and I think it's great because we are actually actually making a dent in mental health in one way or another. I love that. And if it has to be done, you know, digitally and that's the only way people will do it, great. It's better than nothing but in person you cannot beat it you just can't beat it you know you can't beat a podcast in person too and this whole thing has gone away it's made it easier it's made it great i get to meet you we get to talk and sort of get to learn about each other a little bit but when we were doing it in person and i just did one in person uh the other day it just feels so much better that energy is so

real it's different yeah it's different it's different it's different it's different. I mean, do you, are you double-edged about it? You get to be sort of at home. You get to do your thing, you know? Yeah. A lot of the work that I do now is mostly groups. And so that is a really cool thing that I'm able to do virtually with a lot of people. And I do think it makes people feel safer to be in a group environment like that. But when it comes to the one-on-one, like seeing individual clients, I feel mixed about it. I think it's great for some people, like you said. It's the only way they'd get to therapy.

Is it being that way? But other times, I do think some people could benefit more from being in person. I used to do a lot of like couples and family work and I cannot do that virtually because of the talking over and stuff that I had to totally stop. That's funny, especially with the delay, little slight delays. And everyone's like screaming, well, you're the fucking. second thing and I'm like, okay, hold on. Yeah, yeah, it's really bad.

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I'm the CEO of One Tribe Foundation, and I just want to call on and let her know. There's a lot of people battling some of the very same things you're battling. And there is help out there. The Good Stuff Podcast Season 2 takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation. A Non-profit Fighting Suicide in the Veteran Community. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join host Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of One Tribe's mission.

I was married to a combat army veteran, and he actually took his own life to suicide. One Tribe saved my life twice. There's a lot of love that flows through this place, and it's sincere. Now it's a personal mission. I don't have to go to any more funerals, you know. I got blown up on a React mission. I ended up having amputation below the knee of my right leg and the traumatic brain. injury because I landed on my head.

Welcome to Season 2 of the Good Stuff. Listen to the Good Stuff podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hola, it's Honey German and my podcast, Grasasas Come Again, is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment with raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition.

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Listen to the new season of Grasas Has Come Again as part of My Cultura Podcast Network on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. So talk about this, the group stuff that you do. Yeah. What is that? I'm curious. Yeah. So I run a program called Calling Home.

where we help adults build better adult family relationships. And I run a lot of different groups. We have groups for adults who are estranged from their parents, family estrangement groups. So anyone dealing with estrangement, we have groups for adults with difficult mothers. And really, it's just like adults from around the country getting together to find community around some of these issues, share advice, experiences, etc. So how many people are in the group? usually between 30 and 40 per group oh this is cool oh this is interesting okay so give me the the logistics of this so if i wanted to be a part of a group of x there's a way to go to a website and sign up for it and all that

yes so you go to callinghome.com you can sign up and then we offer right now about eight to ten groups per month we're currently hiring more people then you can sign up up for a group, attend virtually. You can attend as many groups as you'd like in a month. And is it a listening type of a group with 40 people? Like how do you, how is one able to speak and who's moderating? Is it like one therapist? Yeah. So I run a lot of the groups and then we have two other therapists. They're run all by a licensed clinician. We bring discussion questions to the group. People can raise their hand. We call on them in the order that their hands are raised to speak. It's a very controlled environment. And you can come just to listen if that feels better to you

that day as well. Yeah, so you're not being called upon. If you want to share, then you share. Exactly. So you, the therapist, will lead the group and let's say, you know, adults who have issues with their mother. And you will sort of give an intro and go into sort of some of the issues, just the universal general sort of issues and then to open it up. Yep. Yeah, we usually have about like three to five specific things we want to talk about that day in the group that I think are going to be issues for most people there. And then people will respond to the discussion questions or if they have just a problem that's coming up that week between them and their mom, they can also ask for advice or input from the group. I really like this. Now, is this something that's been done for, you know, a while? Like, I've never heard of anything like this. Or are you pioneering this? Yeah, we started November of 2023, so relatively very new.

Here's what I love about it. I love that there's nothing is a quick fix, but we all do need advice. And sometimes we have great friends to go for, for advice, family, etc. Sometimes we don't want to talk to those people. Sometimes we just want an anonymous face or someone we don't know. and you know me sort of growing up with whatever mental issues that I have as far as my anxiety goes and you know cerebrally I understand that millions of people are going through the same thing but when you actually can relate and connect with someone who is feeling that same way there is a comfort

in it oh yeah and so you don't have to sort of spend you know years of therapy years of good in years of therapy and spent a ton of money to sort of maybe get some really sound advice that could change the way that you go about your life, you know? I think that's pretty awesome. That's pretty great. I've seen it have such a profound impact on the people that come. I think for me as a therapist, what I noticed was exactly what you're saying. I'm working with these individuals and all they keep saying is I'm the only one going through

this. Nobody's family is as messed up as mine. Nobody else is dealing with X issue. And I just kept being like, oh, I wish I could get you guys old to hang out in a room together. And you really can't do that as a therapist, at least not legally. And so it was really born out of that need to try to create a community for those people. And you're seeing a need, meaning like the classes are filled up. Yes.

We have helped around like 2,000 people at this point. And our groups are always full every single week. That's so great. I'm going to do it. Give me some topics, like just for fun. What are some of the topics? So we dive into a different topic every month at Calling Home. Next month we're doing like the impact of your family relationships or family

dysfunction on your romantic relationships. This month we talked all about emotional maturity, dealing with emotionally immature family members, done mother-daughter stuff, adult sibling stuff. That's one of our most popular topics of all time was adult sibling relationships. Really? Yes. I was very, I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was surprised by that. What did you, what was the takeaway from that sort of, you know, class symposium, you know,

whatever you want to call it? What, what, for you, what surprised you the most? What, actually, what was it that you sort of like, oh, my God, yes, the research has shown and it's being reflected back to me. And then what were the big surprises of the adult sibling? So there's not a ton of research on adult sibling relationships. like two people out there, you know, doing research on that. And I think I knew a lot about young siblings, but not as much about as people age. And I was surprised how many people feel like there's something wrong with them if they can't get along with their sibling. And that there's really this societal expectation that we will have these long lasting, lifelong

relationships with our siblings. And a lot of those relationships are, you just got lucky if you get along with your sibling, you know, it's just chance. And so most of the people are coming to the groups being like, I feel so bad that I don't like this guy that is my brother. You know, we're so different in all these ways. And I think just taking away that shame, also the impact that parents were having on these relationships, you know, by getting them to compete with one another, drawing comparisons, meddling in the relationship. That was a big thing. Mm-hmm. No, I know. That's It's so interesting because I have three kids. Inherently, there's always competition, as we talked about, between siblings.

It's normal. At what point do you just let that happen, you know, because it's nature. Obviously, you don't want them knifing each other in their jugulars, right? And at what point do you sort of step in and say, hey, you know what? Like, this is the only person that you're going to have in your life, you know what I mean? like you need to love your sibling you know is that is that a that essentially a bad thing to do is to tell someone that you have to love someone you know i think from what i hear on the other side of adults who are having these issues it's more about the parent like allowing all of the siblings

to be their own person not making one version of a child better than the other and encouraging them to find ways to problem solve with one another at the ability at which they're able, you know, at their age. There's some adults that come to these groups and they're like, my parents never intervened. They would let my brother, who was bigger than me, stronger than me, beat me up all the time, and they never stepped in. And that's not right. And then you have this other extreme, of course, where it's like you are interfering all

the time, only protecting one child over the other. And I feel like there's a good, happy medium there from what I can tell. Yeah, I mean, there's such a fine line. There's such a balance. no one does it right let's be fucking honest i always say this and i've said this a million times and tell me if you agree with this it's not about if you fuck up your children it's just to what degree totally and can you be accountable and apologize and recognize the ways in which you influenced them negatively you know influenced negatively that's you're not saying

That's my therapist speak. So then talk about a little, again, I told you I went to the Hoffman process. You know what that is? I'm not familiar with that, actually. Okay. Yes, it's kind of west coast. But it's at the risk of sounding like an asshole. I mean, it's, first of all, it's been around for 60 years.

A guy named Bob Hoffman created it. And it's this amalgamation, this meshing, this smashing together of all different kinds. of therapies all different kind of spiritualities and it was an experiment basically um in the beginning and it has evolved into um a process and it's become sort of hip in the last like seven eight nine ten years where there's like a ton of celebrities you know gone to the Hoffman process you know and um you know I'm just always dealing with childhood issues dad kind of bailed when I was a kid there's self-esteem stuff here you know, all the stuff, all the 101 that you would probably, you know, put on me is true, right? And I've seen it affect my life.

I'm very hyper aware of myself. I know that there's, I have compulsivity, have impulsivity. There's certain things that I wish I could control better. Just always on the search. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not, I'm not okay just being the worst part of myself. I'm okay having a bad part because we all do, but I'm not okay living in it. And I went to this process.

And without getting into the whole thing, because I've already done and I've already talked about on this podcast before, but it's diving into childhood patterns. It's this idea that we have negative love patterns as well, because when we're born, we need love to survive, essentially. And whether that's positive love or negative love, we will attach ourselves even to the negative stuff. At which point then we begin to act out these patterns unconsciously, you know, and then it goes into sort of, you know, you recognize it, but there's a lot of self-forgiveness, forgiveness of your parents, because if you go back into their lives, you can sort of see the

pattern that it happened from their parents and how it's kind of been passed down, which was the case with my father, like tremendously. And then it's just kind of diving into compassion, forgiveness, and exposing yourself through all of these different methods that some you just are like, what am I doing right now? And for me, personally, it was about surrender because you go in there and there's 40 people and it's a week long and you have your small groups as well, but you do most of the work within the big group. and you know they're all going nuts they're beating on a pillow with a wiffle ball bat or whatever they're doing it's their mother and you're like what the fuck is happening you know um i feel like an idiot doing this

but why do i feel like an idiot you know which is part of my issue as well so it's about surrendering to the process and once i did and had a crazy breakdown slash breakthrough it was easier you know and it was incredible and not to say that you don't go back to certain things because we're human and within the process at the end they say this is not like a pill that's going to fix your life we're hopefully giving you some tools to deal with shit but I will say that in that first week the honeymoon it's the most incredible feeling that I've ever had and I'm I'm I'm a skeptical person I'm not cynical I'm just skeptical you know I I want to see it and feel it I'm not

just going to sort of oh my God and dive into some sort of spiritual practice because I want to have that proof, you know what I mean? And I felt psychic, honestly. I was seeing the world differently. It was sparkling. I had this weight that had been lifted off of me, this gunk that had been scraped from the inner recesses of every piece of my body that have been sticking to the rib cage. And not to say that it doesn't build back up, but within that week, I felt my full potential

as Oliver Hudson, as a human being, the full potential of what it could be. Impossible to live in that moment because it's too glorious. You know? So anyway, all that to say, that's kind of what the process is, but it's dealing with childhood patterns.

And I guess the big roundabout way, the question is, you know, how much have you looked into that? How much does that matter, you know, sort of in raising your kids, whether you are imprinting these positive and negative patterns on them, you know, and when that starts and how detrimental that might be to sort of who they are and how they grow up.

I mean, being aware of those patterns is so important, right? And you're speaking to that, that, like, I had this huge awakening and understanding of myself from working through all of that. And I think we can't understate, like, how impactful that can be on you. And so I find now that we have a lot of, you know, especially like millennial parents are really into all this stuff, you can get almost too afraid of messing up your kids. Yes, yes. You know, and I find myself falling into that.

You know, I have two kids and I'm like, I'm a therapist. I'm listening to people whose parents have destroyed them every day. And I'm like, oh, my God, what am I going to do to my kids? like that's so interesting oh it's terrified you get to hear all the horror stories and now you're how old are your kids i have a seven month old and a three and a half year old okay so you got babies and it's like okay you're a therapist now you're hearing all these fucking horror stories you're like okay this is what not to do what not to do maybe i'll right right and it's like you know i'm out here talking about all this stuff my kids are going to be able to like play this back one day

and be like mom what did you do at home you know i have to really walk the wall here and that can be scary too, right, that we put this pressure on ourselves, that there's this fine line between like holding yourself accountable and saying, I can really do some damage to my kids and also like life is going to happen. And some things are going to happen that are totally out of my control that are going to negatively impact my kids. And that's where like we kind of touched on this earlier. I think that being aware of that and being able to repair and recognize and look at your kids and say, that was hard. That was shitty for you to go to.

I wish that didn't happen is more powerful than anything because we're all going to mess up, myself included, and have our kids sitting on a therapist couch telling them about something for their life. You know, no one's immune from that. And I think expecting yourself to be as a parent is where you set yourself up for failure a little bit. I think that's a great lesson, which is you don't try so hard to be perfect because it doesn't exist you know you have to rely on your instincts i believe and then of course take

lessons from people you respect you know um and then communicate you know i and it's not just communicating to your child about how they must feel or how i think it's communicating to how you feel as the parent and how you might fuck up i i actually had a moment with my oldest um you know who's now 17. I forget how old he was then, but he was fucking up doing something. I don't remember what it was. You know, and I have, I have, you know, snapped at times where I, I realize I was in the wrong and I, you know, nerves get frayed as a parent, you know what I mean? Like, you do and you say things too quickly and sometimes you don't think I'm through. And I apologize. You know, I'm like, hey, man, sorry. Like, that's on me. I screwed that one up. And then in this,

specific instance, I said, you're the first kid. You're going to screw up, but guess who else is? Me? Because I don't know what I'm doing. Bode and Rio, my other two, they're going to benefit from this because I'm learning. So I'm going to cut you a little slack, but you've got to cut me a little slack too. Because just as you're going through puberty and you're figuring shit out, I'm going through adult puberty. You know, I'm trying to figure out how to raise a teenager. I have no fucking idea, right? I'm just going off of my own instincts and trying not to be a hypocrite, knowing who I was as a kid and understanding that part too, you know, not not condoning it because I did some crazy, crazy things, but at least understanding it, you know?

Totally. I think what's so beautiful about the story you share is like you're saying, look, I'm human, you're human. It's my job to lead here because I'm the parent. So I'm going to take accountability when I mess up. And I'm also holding you to a standard that I think you can reach as my kid and an expectation that I have. And, you know, the number one thing that I hear from adults who have bad relationships with their parents is that they wish that their parents could just do that, right? Just show up and say, hey, I messed up. Shouldn't have reacted that way. Shouldn't, you know, I shouldn't have done this.

I'm going to try to do better in the future. And most of them tell me, if my parent did that, I could try to have a relationship with them now. I could try to talk to them. But it's when a parent says, my way or the highway, I never mess up. I'm doing my best. You know, I'm not allowed to be criticized that the child starts to really struggle to actually connect with you in any way, especially in adulthood. And those teen years. Oh, yeah.

Oh, gosh, the teen years, especially. Yeah. You know, I had to transition my parents. because you know and it kind of strangely happens overnight where you're parenting kind of a toddler you know teenager but kind of 13 and then 12 13 and all of a sudden like 14 15 I'm like oh shit wait a minute hold on like put the brakes on I have to switch it up a little bit here you know because this little dude is becoming not such a little dude anymore his brain is developing a little bit I have to sort of respect his respect him just a little bit more as far as his own opinions go.

And there was a shift that happened pretty abruptly for me. It wasn't, it wasn't gradual. I was like, whoa. Yeah. But that shift is so important. And I think for anyone listening to this right now, like you can probably think if you, if you don't have a great relationship with your parent, maybe think about like, is there a shift that they didn't make at some point in our relationship?

because I do hear that a lot as well as, like, my parent loved me when I was five, but they could not find a way to relate to me as I got older and voiced my own opinions and I wanted their respect. And so you saying, like, you made that transition for your son, to me is a sign that you're saying, how can I show up as the best parent for you? Not just like the kind of parent that feels good to me. And you have to make those transitions if you want to have a lifelong relationship with your child.

Yeah. And it's hard because you also. So you want a parent, and at the same time, you want to let them have their own sort of ideas about the world, and you want them to screw up because if we're sheltering our kids too much, which I believe we are, I think there's no more grit. I think we have coddled the grit out of our children, you know, to some extent. I'm not saying everyone, but just broadly, I guess, you know. my wife and I have issues about that stuff because I'm less fearful than she is you know what I mean I let them go do their thing they ride their their motorcycles or e-bikes or this whatever they've got around L.A you know I mean they're not reckless I'm not putting them in any sort of danger or I'm not

but I they need to go out and experience these things you know otherwise who are they going to be you know I'm Jorge Ramos And I'm Paola Ramos. Together we're launching The Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time, as uncertain as this one. We sit down with politicians. I would be the first immigrant mayor in generations, but 40% of New Yorkers were born outside of this country. Artists and activists, I mean, do you ever feel demoralized? I might personally lose hope.

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And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.

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or anywhere you get your podcast. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh.

Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here. Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new Super Secret Bestie is the divo of the people. The devil of the people. I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it.

Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. We're in the head? That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbrates, men, and of course, our favorite secrets.

Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Michael Thura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple, podcast or wherever you get your podcast of course social media is like the devil you know we hear it all the time there are positive things and extremely negative things either way it's the it is where we are and it's the future so there is no denying it you know what i mean it's not going to go away it's only going to get more crazy so how much do we rail against it or how much do we need to integrate it into sort of our children? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

It's a tough one. It's really tough. And I feel for parents, you know, you've got, you have older kids that if I would have had kids, you know, 10, 15 years ago, I probably would have given them social media a lot more quickly than I would today, knowing what I know now. And so I think there are a lot of parents who are. kind of saying, well, how do I backtrack on this based on what I've already given them, what their friends have access to?

It's a tall order. For me, personally, I don't feel like I feel comfortable with my kids having access to it before 16. Like, that's kind of my marker for me on from what I know about it. I have sons. If I had daughters, I also might take a little bit different of an approach just because I think it has a different impact on them sometimes. But I do feel that saying it's all bad to your kids isn't a great approach. You have to teach them how to live in a world where it exists, but also helping them do it safely, I think is our job as parents. But don't you think it's a

case by case? Meaning, like, and I'm only speaking from my own perspective. All three of my kids are on social media. They don't have guardrails. There's no boundaries. They don't put things on their phone. You know what I'm saying? My daughter's 11 and she's not public, but she can look at TikTok, but she's not like people aren't, you know what I mean, but she can look at it. Now, whether in 20 years, all of a sudden, they're all psychos and serial killers and I fucked up big time remains to be seen. But they're all such great kids. Totally. And they go outside and Rio dances five times a week and she plays volleyball and basketball and my kids are, you know, big skiers

and all the stuff, balance for me is really where it's at. Right. If I saw one of them really falling into sort of a hole where I didn't like it, then okay. But I'm like, they're pretty good kids. So is it case by case? So I think what you're speaking to is that for your kids, you feel like social media has not taken over their lives,

them having access to it. They have enough of a balance and enough of a feeling of like, I enjoy all this other stuff in my life that I'm not going to let that take over. And so that works 100% in that specific case. I think what is unfortunately happening with a lot of kids is that if they get on there too early and there's nothing to balance it out and there is no conversation about what should be happening or if you have a parent who is always on their phone,

always on social media, you know, that modeling isn't happening. You're going to have different risks. So of course, it's never and across the board. thing. It's more just about how do you want to handle it in your head? What do you feel equipped to fight against, you know, and how have you raised your kids up to that point also plays a role in it? Yeah. What do you think about sort of not just with social media, but sugar and everything else where you hold off on it so much so that it becomes an obsession, which I've seen with certain kids. Because they can't have it, it's all they want.

and it's an obsession, you know what I'm saying, where it becomes kind of an unhealthy thing. Yeah, I'm more of like an intuitive eater type of proponent where I think that the more of my kids have access to things openly and I talk to them about how this is going to make your stomach hurt. If you eat it all the time, let them try it out, see that they get a stomachache. I three-year-olds can be given, I've taken that approach since birth, and he really can be given like a cupcake, take a bite and say,

I'm full and put it away. you know and instead of having kids who i think do go to a birthday party and that's the only time they get to have it and they go nuts obviously that can be personality temperament based too yeah but that's what i found has worked best for me personally i was just talking actually like half hour ago i've been doing the drewberry more show a bunch and uh it's like sort of a you know the guest just comes in and and talks about relationships and love and sex and life and audience questions and, you know, it's been really, really fun from sort of a straight male perspective. That's what Drew wanted, you know. Okay. And I'm very unfiltered and very candid and

just speak to sort of how I do things. And, you know, you're there and you give advice based on absolutely no training, just on, you know, years of therapy and just self-analysis and whatever my views might be. And I always find myself sort of giving a cool piece of advice. I'm like, that was good. And I don't follow half the fucking things that I say. You know, it's unbelievable to me where I'm like, man, if I just followed my own advice, things would be pretty fucking great. As a therapist, I mean, do you deal with that shit where you're just like, why don't I listen to myself? I'm telling, I'm telling Bob here this and how I need to do this myself. Yeah. You know, I do have a pretty strong value.

that I operate from, that I'm not going to tell people to do things that I, that I'm not willing to do myself or that I haven't tried to do myself. I, of course, I'm a human being that goes through stages where I do not live in accordance with my advice. But I would say for the most part, like, things that I tell people to do are things that I think I should be doing as well and that I'm trying actively to do. Yeah. No, it's the human aspect of it. That's always nice. you know yeah i used to have a therapist for years who was awesome and uh it was in person obviously and i was going through a bunch of shit and um sometimes it wasn't active therapy it wasn't cb it wasn't cognitive behavioral therapy which i'm in now and love it it's my favorite it's just

very active you know what i mean this was not that and he would sometimes just sit there and had this, like, mustache, he would just stare at me, would not break eye contact, and I'd be looking, I was in there for years, and he'd just be looking at me, and I wasn't talking, you know, because I had nothing to say in that moment. And he just looked at me. And finally, I'd be like, what are you doing, you know? He's like, holding our space, like, very casual. I'm like, just, I was like, this is intense, man, like, say something. That's really intense. I can say, I have never done that as terrible. It's not my style.

But I will say I admired, I admired his inability to sort of blink and his just, just security in himself. Uh-huh. I wouldn't, I get all squirmy. He was just casually kind of sitting there. That's amazing. No, I know it was. Um, and then what about last one?

Um, your husband. married to a therapist does that ever come into play if we were married i'd be fucking with you probably all the time about like are you judging me are you analyzing me can i do anything without you judging me you know that doesn't come up a lot in my marriage what does happen is my husband just like steals my lines that i say and uses them like when we're out with other people to like they'll be sharing something he's like you know we'll say this profound sounding thing that I'm like you took that from me and I have to just act like you know he made it up and that's like a running joke that he's he therapieses his friends or other people using my

content that's funny I love that well this has been so fun and um check out say it again the group thing because I'm going to I'm going to yeah it is calling home and you can find us at calling home.co. Yeah, I'm going to do that. Please do that. That would be, I would love to just even be, well, as you can see how much I talk, I'd probably be talking, but I was going to say fly on the wall, but like I'm sure raising my hand. Whitney, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks for having me. All right, cool. See ya. Whitney, yeah, doing good things for the world. As am I. No, not. I could. I am. I'm making people laugh. Am I? I don't know. Has anyone told me I'm making

people laugh? Do I think people are laughing and they're really laughing at me, not with me? Hmm. Whitney, I need a session. Um, all right, Oliver Hudson out. Hey, it's your favorite jersey girl, Gia Judeyce. Welcome to casual chaos, where I share my story. This week, I'm sitting down with Vanderpump Rule Star, Sheena Shea. I don't really talk to either of them, if I'm being honest. There will be an occasional text, one way or the other, from me to Ariana, maybe a happy birthday from Ariana to me. I think the last time I talked to Tom, it was like, congrats on America's Got Talent.

This is a combo you don't want to miss. Listen to Casual Chaos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It may look different, but Native Culture is alive. My name is Nicole Garcia, and on Burn Sage, Burn Bridges, we aim to explore that culture. Somewhere along the way, it turned into this full-fledged award-winning comic shop. That's Dr. Lee Francis IV, who opened the first Native comic bookshop. Explore his story along with many other native stories on the show, Burn Sage Burn Bridges. Listen to Burn Sage Burn Bridges on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

I'm the homeguard that knows a little bit about everything and everybody. Let me know Lauren La Rosa. Did you hear that exclusive? Lauren came in high. I came in telling the truth. Every day, I'm bringing you the latest in entertainment, breaking down the headlines you can't stop talking about, and giving you my very unfiltered take on the biggest stories in the industry.

From exclusive news, and y'all know I got it, to us breaking down the interviews because y'all are my co-hosts now. I'm giving you the deep dives on some of the biggest moments in pop culture. Oh, my God. Listen to the latest with Lauren La Rosa weekdays on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. How serious is youth vaping? Irreversible lung damage serious.

One in ten kids vape serious, which warrants a serious conversation from a serious parental figure like yourself. Not the seriously know-it-all sports dad or the seriously smart podcaster. It requires a serious conversation that is best had by you. No, seriously. The best person to talk to your child about vaping is you. To start the conversation, visit talkaboutvaping.org, brought to you by the American Lung Association and the Ad Council.

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