Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - The “Aha Moment" (An Email Episode)

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

It's another email episode! This week, Kate and Oliver share their favorite songs for anxiety free moments and discuss digital memories, how grief tests family bonds, advice for growing sibling relationships, and more.Executive Producers: Kate Hudson and Oliver HudsonProduced by Allison BresnickEdited by Josh WindischMusic by Mark HudsonThis show is powered by Simplecast. This episode is sponsored by: Olive & June (www.oliveandjune.com PROMO CODE: Sibling) Boll & Branch (www.bollandbranch.com PROMO CODE: Sibling) Coors Light (www.coorslight.com/HUDSON)Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/sibling)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. September is a great time to travel, especially because it's my birthday in September, especially internationally. Because in the past, we've stayed in some pretty awesome Airbnbs in Europe. Did we've one in France, we've one in Greece,

we've actually won in Italy a couple of years ago. Anyway, it just made our trip feel extra special. So if you're heading out this month, consider hosting your home on Airbnb with the co-host feature you can hire someone local to help manage everything. Find a co-host at Airbnb.ca slash host. Hi, it's Gemma's Begg, host of the psychology of your 20s. This September at the psychology of your 20s,

we're breaking down the very interesting ways psychology applies to real life, like why we crave external validation. I find it so interesting that we are so quick to believe others' judgments of us and not our own judgment of ourselves. So according to this study, not being liked actually creates similar pain levels as real life physical pain. I'll learn more about the psychology of everyday life, and of course, your 20s, this September,

Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Honey German, and I'm back with season two of my podcast. Grazias, come again. We got you when it comes to the latest in music and entertainment with interviews with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities.

You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't audition in like over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about all that's viral and trending with a little bit of cheesement and a whole lot of laughs.

And, of course, the great vivras you've come to expect. Listen to the new season of Dacias Come Again on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Kate Hudson. And my name is Oliver Hudson. We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship. And what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling reverie. No, no.

Sibling reverie. Don't do that with your mouth. Sibling rivalry. That's good. Emails. Emails, email. What's you're going to do with those emails? What's in your inbox.

Oh, yes. Well, shall we get straight into it? I mean, yeah, this is our favorite. People love them. Forget all the small talk. Let's just get right into the... Let's do it. Who wants to go first?

Well... You go first. No, don't look. Don't cheat. Don't cheat. I'm going to cheat. I was about to cheat because I know that Allison puts like a sad warning. So I was trying not to get that one.

But maybe it'll work out in my... My favorite. Here we go. Hi, Kate and Oliver. Amy here. Longtime listener, first time emailer. Currently residing in a two-bedroom estate in South Philadelphia. Hashtag go birds. First, your podcast is thoroughly enjoyable and I am envious of the relationship that you have with each other. Having a close relationship with my brother is something that I've always wanted for as long as I can remember. But if there's one thing I've learned in this life, you can't force anyone to like you, love you, or want to be your friend. And that includes a sibling, especially when one sibling is in therapy, i.e. me. And the other has chosen to stuff the issues way, way down.

Anywho, I just finished listening to the episode, How to Get Over Yourself with Dr. Mark Epstein. And I have to say, the analogy of driving with the windows down, hair blowing in the wind, singing along to a tune and being totally free, really struck a chord with me. I know those moments. I love those moments. Yes. And it never really dawned on me how really free those moments truly are. Clear head, clear heart, pure epic joy. So true.

Yeah. So true. As my subject line states, it was a mini aha moment of sorts. Yes. Something to store in the back of my brain and remember to try to live life as if I'm riding down the highway, scream singing to some epically nostalgic tune. and just let go of all the things I think are holding me back. Thank you for the podcast and the gift of this aha moment.

Cheers, Amy. P.S. Yes. The nostalgic portion of my pandemic is in full swing. I just finished watching season six of Dawson's Creek. And Eddie and Joey should have totally ended up together. My 20-something self was all in on pace, even when my 40-something self would choose Eddie in a heartbeat.

Oh, that's the best. Eddie Doling. Amy, that's the best. Ollie, that's so funny. I love that email. It made me feel good. That was such a good email. It does.

That is a feel-good email. And how great was Dr. Epstein. I just loved him so much. Found out after that I got a phone call from a friend who will remain nameless who called me and said, that's my therapist. No way. Yes. I was like, what? You're so lucky.

so great. So fun. And then he said, is he? Because I still have so many problems. No, but he was kidding. He was totally kidding. He said he's the most amazing therapist. But yeah, it was really, really cool.

And I loved him. But you're right. Like, it's so good to have those sort of, like, in your brain rolodex of visuals, things that feel visceral, that driving down the highway moment. you know I love that I feel like everybody can relate to that I'm so glad that she wrote that in

it's so fun I know I know it's true she says I love you can feel that I love these moments it's like I love those moments too it's just so great

what song what song do you think you'd be playing well it depends on the era of my life because I've had those moments and they are to a certain song

so like Well, what about, forget about what you've done in the past. Let's just say you're on an East Coast sort of lonely highway. The sun is amazingly beautiful, and you're on a beach, strip of beach. And there's like the dunes, you know, sort of the grassy dunes, and you're just flying down sort of a two-lane highway. You know, what song are you blasting in your convertible? Like Don Henley, like Boys of Summer?

Probably beast of burden. Oh, that's good. That's a good one. Because it's got like a, it's got like this beat to it that's like, when you hear it, when you hear Bees to Burden, I'm just going to play it real quick. Mm-hmm. I mean, I'm just there. Like, my whole being is like, oh, yes. Yeah, that's good.

It's got like a great driving groove. The other one, I'll never be your feet, the booty. Oh, what a song. Jesus Christ. So that might be my, like, number one. There's the whole album of Tattoo You for me was like that moment, like that freeing moment in my life, right? But the cranberries, when I was 16 and got my car, it was all about the cranberries. You know.

Which song? Ah, ah, ah, you know. Right, right, right, right. What was it? Let's see you. Boys on the side, you know? Remember boys on the side? Yeah, that's the Drew Barrymore movie, right?

Yeah, and you, like, put the car down. Right. And you're just like, woo! That's amazing. Okay, and then here's my other vibe, which would be another 90s moment, which is just, like, always my go-to. this is just really loud great system no no oh no tribe just tribe in the car blast it right here go i mean

i mean there's no better fucking no it's like can i kick it yeah it's just like chill is inducing yeah it's true that's an era I mean, it's just too good. Yeah. Well, thank you for that email. No, you got to give me one. I just, like, took that up. Oh, God. I didn't even, I wasn't even thinking.

You know what I love, which is a traveling song to me? You were married. I do love that, but you were married to this man. I love wiser time. Like, there's something about that song that is traveling. It's on the road for me. I just, I don't know. Yeah.

Yeah. oh really loud yeah this was uh they would so this was the part in the show every time the Black Crows where we would

there was like a set of like three or four songs that were always like that's where you go out when you're on the road for a long time you skip a lot of songs yeah yeah

great song oh and then and then Don Henley for me like there's something about like boys of summer you know yeah that is nostalgic and that reminds me of driving down the beach oh it this is yeah this is like this reminds me in moscoka like in the boat yeah yeah like you know with uh yeah this is you know who loved this this is why this is becca this was on yeah Your high school girlfriend put that on her mixtape to you.

Yes. And I know that because I stole it. That's right. That's right. And then, of course, Bob Marley, legend, the whole album, just throw that on and then just drive next to the ocean. Oh, so fun. Okay. Cool.

Fun. Thanks for the memory lane. We should do a Spotify. Sibling Revelry. A sibling revelry playlist for driving for free, for anxiety-free moments. I love that idea. That's a great idea. I've been thinking a lot about the episode that we did with Lisa and memory.

And I've been writing down a lot more since we've had, since we had her on the podcast that I've been kind of writing my day out. not in a silly way, not like, I went and like drove to see like my doctor, but I'm writing out, I'm putting down in my phone things that happen in a day that are either like funny or like interesting things that Bing does or Ronnie did or said. And it's really fun. And then I kind of translate them at night. I just write them in my sort of daily diary. And, I was looking back, I've been, like, a week of them. And it's funny how quickly you forget. Oh, yeah. Like, within, like, three days, I forgot, you know, what Ryder had said. And then I looked at it, I was like, oh, I would have never remembered it, you know? That's a good idea.

It's kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of fun. Bodie found, because for some reason, I've kept all my iPhones. I don't know why. There's a drawer of them. But he found. It's probably because you're.

Paranoid. I have the, I'm like paranoid. He has an iPhone one, okay? And he found a charger for it and plugged it in, and it came to life. And there's all these fucking pictures from, oh, it was amazing in videos and stuff. It was, it was unreal. Did you dump it out into the computer? Yes, yeah, yeah. I got to do that. I did it on my hard drives and stuff, but I got to go through all that stuff. Oh.

Well, that's the thing, too. It's just about, it was almost easy. back then when it was photos and you went to the photomat and now they're in books and it's tangible. I have so much digital memory everywhere around me between VHS tapes between mini-d-tapes, whatever. I don't know what. And now we're dealing with SD cards and this and that. And remember the flip camera? Oh, I have one right here. Look at this. Dude, remember this weird? I know. I have that. Yeah. Oh, my God. I can't have even had it sitting right here. By the way, I had those when Bing was being born. We had like flip cameras everywhere.

Yeah, but it's... I'm like scared. I don't even know where they are. I don't even know what's on these, and it's so overwhelming. It's like, I need to get everything in order and all of these memories and pictures and videos. But it's so difficult. You know, they call it a digital cleanse. This is one thing that I'm, I'm like, it's the Maria condo.

You do the cleanse of the house. You do the cleanse of the clothes. and then you've got to do your digital cleanse. And that's like, if you spend an hour a day cleaning things out digitally, you would be surprised how much you'd actually like, like even your emails. I have 17,000 unread emails. Okay, this is a great topic of conversation because Aaron has 600,000 emails.

You know how many I have in my thing right now? Zero. It's the... You don't save anything? It's the Virgo in me. No, no, no, no, no. Meaning if the ones that I read are there, but all the bullshit ones, I actually erase. I don't let them just sit there.

You know what I mean? Oh, really? Oh, no, no, no. When you look at my little blue email thing, there's no number on it. Yeah. Oh, it feels amazing. Not me. And I'll let it get to a hundred sometimes.

I'm like, oh, God. All right, dude. I'm like, where's my phone? It's right there. Take it, take some time and just erase. And then it gets clean. And I'm like, all right. We're back to zero.

When I finally have days that I don't have anything, which is probably like not till I'm like about 60, but so I'll get to it then. No, but I want to start doing like an hour of like photo cleansing, going through my thing, deleting all photos that are like shitty that I'll never use. Organizing where they go, you know. It's a good idea.

It's a good, that's a good stony. project too by the way yeah it is a good stony project yeah it is because rio takes my phone and she's just filming shit i'm like what are you doing she's like gna gna gna moving the camera everywhere and filming everything and it's just a waste and i've a thousand videos of that the the video of her wanting to send to emma stone telling her how amazing she is she's obsessed with She's obsessed with Corella. She saw it one time I watched it with her, and now it's on TV all the time. I'm obsessed with Emma Stone.

She just got her wig, came today, and she put the thing on, she put a mole on. And, I mean, Kate, when I tell you that she embodies this character, it's crazy. I mean, she walks into the room. She will not break character. And anyway, she took. Like me with Annie. Right. She took my phone.

She can have your phone. I said, sure. And I went in to deal with Wilder. And she comes out. And it's a video of her wanting to Emma Stone, wanting somehow for me to get it to Emma Stone, because it's her saying how much she loves her and she's going to be here for Halloween. And I love your acting and the whole thing. She's like, you're just like, she's like, I just like love you and you're just such a good actress.

And she's like, hi, I am at Rio Hudson. Hi, Emma Stone. I'm Rio Hudson. And I just want to say that I just think you're like so. good you're such a good actress and oh she's so cute i know so of course i text kate and i'm like okay do you know emma stone and you know and i sent her the video because i've got to i've got to somehow get it to her i'll get it i'll get it to her well emma stone i think religiously listened to sibling revelry so she should she should know after hearing this episode

Emma, Emma, it's her favorite, yeah. Oh, okay. Core's Light, baby. Coors Light, one of our longest running sponsors for good reason, because we used the product, and we have been using the product since I was 21 years old. We all just need to chill. And this beer is literally. made to chill. We want to savor every second of summer. Summer always feels like the shortest season,

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Because as the beer that is made to chill, we want you to savor every second of summer. Get Coors Light and the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to Coorslight.com slash Hudson. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden Colorado. bowl and branch these are sheets that once you slip into them and roll around in them you will never want another sheet in your life you must trust me on this i create a burrito i get in my bowling branch sheets and i just roll i absolutely love them they're 100% cotton they're organic and i actually got the blush sheets which is a really beautiful sort of nude pink color i've got them on not just one bed, not just two bed.

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That's B-O-L-L and branch.com. Promocode Sibling. Hey, Kate and Oliver. Love the podcast. I've been a subscriber since the first episode and then joining you two, so much. I live in a small Canadian town near Victoria, British Columbia, on Vancouver Island. I remember Victoria. I remember watching Goldie Hawn filming Bird on a Wire in Victoria, maybe 30 years ago. We were there. We were there. I was exciting to be watching a big Hollywood movie filming in

our little city. But what really stays with me about that day was witnessing a warm, genuine family moment. Behind all the busyness, the cameras and equipment, Off in a quiet corner in his oversized sweater hat glasses and those unmistakable dimples was Kurt Russell. A few children running around his knees as he quietly watched his wife at work. I was a teenager then, but I remember thinking how wonderfully normal the family seemed. Your family. Someone's working and the other ones are supporting her hanging out together. It was so cool.

Well, I mean, there's a chance that could have been Mel Gibson, and she was just having a fair and we didn't know it. No. Mel doesn't have those dimples. The closest person in the world to me is my sister. I love that. And by the way, I remember being in Victoria very,

I remember that house, how cool that house was. And we used to get tutored in that window, that little nook. Yeah. I remember the smell of that house. And then we had that outlawful. outside area, and it was always so, like, green and beautiful. The closest person in the world to me is my sister. We speak the same language, and our lives are completely entwined.

She's a year and a half younger than me, so I thought I was the oldest sibling. But it turns out, I'm not. We just found out we have a brother we never knew about. Before the pandemic, this guy reached out to us on Facebook. He was almost 50 years old and looking for his father, our father. Of course, our dad's not on social media, but he was able to find my sister and I. This guy really looked like young pictures of our dad. He also looked a little like my son.

Those familiar eyes in this stranger's profile pick reeled us right in. We had to know more. We went down a rabbit hole on this guy's Facebook page. He's a major oversharer. And he had a blog. A lot of details were shared about his past and his current situation of looking for his father. My sister and I were up all night reading and texting each other. His mom and our dad were together right out of high school.

They were engaged. She got pregnant and didn't tell him. She dumped him with no explanation, broke our dad's heart. We never knew any of this about our dad's life. Our brother was finally told the truth before his mother passed away. She lied to him his whole life. But before she died, she told him what happened and who his real father was. He grew up thinking his stepfather, who he never felt a connection to, was his real father.

We haven't had a chance to do a real family reunion yet with him. But through a pandemic, a DNA test was done by mail, and it is confirmed, a 99.96% positive result that My dad has a son, and we have a brother. Our father lives just over the border in Washington State, but the border remains closed, so we still haven't been able to be in the same physical space as a family yet. We have had some very funny, big family Zoom calls, and the three of us siblings have met in person. I also have another niece, and I am in love with her beautiful personality. It's a very interesting time for us.

We always wanted a brother growing up, specifically an older brother. over the years. We had talked about that very thing. It's bittersweet, though. On one hand, it's happy and exciting to have this new family member. On one hand, it's happy and exciting to have this new family member. And on the other hand, it's hard to reconcile the fact that we missed so much time, not knowing him until we were in our 40s. Sibling relationships grow into their own entities over the decades. It's so much more than DNA. I don't know how someone else fits in our thing just yet. I'm doing my best. to just get to know my brother as he is now

and not try to think about all the time lost. It's been a ride for sure and there's so much more to learn and know going forward. We are just grateful for all of it. Thanks so much for doing what you do. It's so genuine and loving. Keep doing it.

You are loved. Be well. Christy Purley. Love that. Well, there's so many things in that. Yeah. I mean, how many of us find out that we have a brother that was, or a sister that was adopted, probably a lot.

Yeah. That's a good statistic. Oh, God. Imagine the amount of people who have siblings out there who they have no idea about, and probably never will know. Yeah. Oh, there's probably, there's probably millions, probably. By the way, you could get a knock on your door.

And some chick could be like, hey, sorry. I just felt like you might want to know that. I didn't want to bother you with this, but we have a kid. I'm like, what? I'd be like, no, I don't. Don't say that. That's terrible. Oh, God, I can't even imagine that.

Yeah, I'm sure that's what a lot of men feel. It's different, obviously, for women. I don't want that. Well, yeah, I mean, that's why I'm good. Boys have to make wise decisions to be very, very careful. Well, Aaron, I mean, remember that? Aaron, as my wife, and this is part of the reason I love her because of her a wicked-ass sense of humor. Oh, this was the best.

Oh, my God. I mean, I'll give the short, brief version of it, but I always messed with her, always fucking with her. And I always said to her, you'll never get me because I'm so aware of it. Because I'm always messing with people. And I come home, and there's a manila envelope, and I open it up, and it's a paternity suit. and it's got this girl's name on it a girl who I was sleeping with in college it's got the daughter the timing

everything works out this is a real document I am freaking the fuck out I have to go right to the dentist I'm calling mom on the way to the dentist like mom I don't know what's going on like I think I might have a kid

and she's like what are you talking about I'm like I got this paternity suit and she was strangely calm And we hung up and I'm thinking Maybe this has happened to Pa Before and I don't know why she's so calm But this is crazy life-changing shit that's going on

And I just started Dawson's Creek And it had just come out So I'm thinking maybe someone's trying to like extort money from me Or I don't know I'm trying to make an excuse I get done with the dentist I haven't called Aaron yet I'm driving down Wilshire Boulevard I call Aaron

I'm like okay babe so I got to talk to you something has happened here and and she goes well what is it you know and i said well here's the thing like i think i might be a father um i got this paternity suit and it all matches up i know the girl the timing works this is not a fake document it's you know did you cry she's just sitting there were you crying no oh that's good no no i know yeah no it's nice And, and, uh, and, uh, and then she, finally she goes, this is so cruel. Oh, oh, it's gnarly. It's so gnarly.

Finally she goes, do you remember when you said that I would never get you? And I was so in my, wrapped up in this. And I'm like, yeah, but what the fuck? Like, I'm trying to tell you something serious right now. I didn't even think that she was about to drop a bomb. And by the way, it is, I think it's April 2nd at this time, okay? Right. Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's March 31st. Are the 31 days in March? I don't know. I don't know the days. Yes. Okay. So it's March 31st. And she goes, remember when you said that I would never get you?

And I'm like, yeah, but this has nothing to do with that. And then she goes, she's like, April Fool's. And I'm like, what the fuck? It's not April Fool's. She goes, I know, but your mother called. Because mom was in on it, but your mom called and was like, honey, you cannot keep this going. Like, he is in a fragile place. His dad wasn't there for him.

Like, this is not cool. So Aaron had to cut it off by a day. Oh, that's so funny. Oh, no. But she. Mom gets so worried about it. Mom hates stuff like that. Oh, she does not like stuff like that.

Because Aaron called mom and said, this is what I'm going to do. Mommy doesn't, like, cranks. She doesn't, like, competitive thing. She doesn't, like, family games. No, I know, I know. Because Aaron had to call mom because she and Aaron knew I would call my mother. And I did. And mom was so cavalier about it.

I was like, something's up. She's like, oh, honey, I'm sure it's nothing. It's fine. And don't worry about it. I'm like, what don't want? This is real. Oh, God. Okay.

My turn. My turn. Hi. Your turn. I just wanted to say, I love the podcast. I've admired you both for years, and you seem straight up like the best friends everyone dreams of. Just finished the Jesse White, Sean White podcast, and loved it. I love that even when it's not people I'm familiar with, I can still relate to their stories and learn something and laugh.

Myself and my two sisters lost the heart of our family three years ago, our very own Goldie, my mama calf, the glue, the reason and the gift, we've always been the closest of families. A true coven of witches. Although our dad would replace that first letter. That's funny. That didn't even, that didn't hit me for a second. Staying together as a family whilst navigating grief is a true test of sisterhood. We've discussed often how grief tests family bonds, and we've watched others navigate the same losses, some more successfully and some less. Keep up the amazing work, and most importantly, I hope you stay this close forever.

If nothing else as siblings, we, you can always say no one else has ever been raised by our, your, most. parents and have the same childhood memories and that is something to hold on to stay safe stay grateful stay loving neum or neom i i'm so mad i'm not getting that right but thank you i'd love this i'm i'm so sorry you lost your mama that's just so hard i know i can't even imagine what that feels like or will feel like and it's a hard thing to even kind of you know contemplate for us but you know it sounds said that you've got this amazing group of sisters it's interesting though how she talks about how you know grief tests family bombs you know it's it's you think you just sort of come together which hopefully everybody does

but i guess sometimes it can tear you apart oh my god i was talking about this the other day I mean, just think about the will alone, dealing with the whole life that your parents have had or your parent has had and left behind and the will. And sometimes those things can be so complicated. Who's going to do this? Who's going to go through this? We need to go through that. I don't want to.

I'm not ready for it. I mean, it's like there's just so much. And people don't realize how much goes into it, you know. And a lot of times, I think wills should be discussed earlier and that while you're living, you know, you should, everybody should be on the same page to just avoid that part so that you can actually really just grieve. Yeah. But like think about the moment where someone says something and everybody's grieving and one sibling says something and you're like, oh, that never happened. Well, it's such a sensitive time.

Yeah. You're like, why are you saying that? That never happened. You're like fighting, like, you know, oh, now you're going to be that person. Like, you know, mom or dad is gone and you're just going to make up stories about them. Oh, God, you're creating a whole narrative here. I don't like it. I don't mean to do that.

I'm just saying that this would be something that you could see happening, you know, especially in a big family. Okay. Well, thank you for the email. Now, I get the sad warning one, and I'm extremely sensitive right now. Let me see if I can do this. You ready? Oh. Hey, guys.

Maybe I'll just read it upbeat. Hey, guys. I was a huge fan of both of you before you started the podcast. But the podcast has just elevated my love for you. The way that you approach talking about how important siblings, family dynamics, and relationships are is really unique. I think you've touched a lot of people and should be very proud. I was listening to your podcast religiously because I've always had a complicated relationship with my siblings. As a middle child, my older sister struggled with alcoholism and my younger brother struggled with epilepsy since he was two years old.

I've had so many moments with both of them that have shaped who I am and how I deal with others. I like to think I'm empathetic and can try to look through the eyes of others. And these two perspectives have truly changed me forever. here we go damn it Allison damn you Allison four months ago

I lost my little brother to epilepsy I guess sudden unexplained death from epilepsy in the middle of the night he had a seizure so severe that he stopped breathing it was always a possibility

but at the age of 30 we always hoped he was past the risk years because if you look up sudep communities and who has been lost too it's a very young group I've been dealing with the pure loss of such a beautiful human being and damn it and only recently it was able You want me to do it? Yeah, I guess so. Okay. I've been dealing with the pure loss of such a beautiful human being and only recently was able to start listening to your podcast again before it was just too emotionally triggering.

I wanted to say thank you and express that for some reason my ability to simply listen to you was a big tent pole in my recovery. I appreciate what you do, and I hope that people are getting as much out of it as me. as a side note i know you've been open to talking about drugs and its ability to heal and treat my brother never responded well to typical pharmaceutical drugs the only thing that started to work in his later years was cbd the pure CBD that people with epilepsy require is still very expensive and not very accessible through traditional channels we are in canada so things might be different in the united states we did a fundraiser after his death and raise $20,000 that will go towards the study of CBD for uncontrolled epilepsy, with the aim of getting it FDA approved and more accessible for all. Love you both, and thank you. I hope you will continue this well into the new normal.

Much love and respect, Emma. Nice. Wow. Emma, I'm so sorry, you lost your brow. That's tough. Jesus, that's tough. That shit gets me, man. Yeah, you...

I can't, I can't. It's just so sad. And your brother, you know, I don't know. You just, you just wonder, like, God, why did people have to get these things? You know, why can't we figure out how to fix it? And, you know, science can do so much. And then yet, you know, it's like, I was just reading a story about a boy, a twin. who was super young, like, you know, like nine or something.

And he had the same thing, had a, you know, epilepsy and passed away. It's just terrible. And I thank you for reaching out, Emma, and sharing the story with us. And also, I think it is important to talk about CBD and how it's not something that is actually looked at as real treatment. It's looked at as alternative type of treatments so you can't get them a lot of times those things aren't insured. I don't know what that's like in the States. I'm with you on that, Emma. I don't know.

I don't either. And I don't know if it's FDA approved or not. I haven't really looked into it. But I do know that it's CBD is magical for many people and amazing that it helped your brother so much. So that's a great. as far as I'm concerned, a great thing to sort of be pushing for approved, you know, FDA approval. Thank you. Sorry, I couldn't get through that.

Thank you. Kate. Hi, my name is Nikki from Ontario, Canada. Just started listening to your podcast, Love It. I actually stumbled across Oliver's Instagram singing the Saturday song, and it took me out of my bad mood. I'm a mom to nine kids ages two to 18. Wow. five girls and four boys,

and we've been really getting to know each other during this lockdown, and I'm excited to get back to normal and school, I love my kids, and they get along for the most part. It's nice to see my older kids really helping out with the little ones. I've been waiting 18 years for that. So glad it's finally here. I'm a forever listener now,

and I love the chemistry you two have. Makes me hopeful. Yay! This is so funny. nine kids oh my god what the ass that's just insane two to 18 like you're never out of the woods in a lockdown too well that's me i'm two to 18 by the way almost i'm two to 17 right but she's got she's got she's got right she's got six more that's insane i love it i'd love to know more about that are they all like same dad same thing how old is she how old's nicky feels like

i feel like it's all the same feels the same well i'm so happy that we've been able to you know yeah be a part of this lockdown experience with you keep keep listening because uh i do more singing on my instagram it's it's my outlet i'm just trying to show people the real talents That's so funny Hi there Kate Oliver and Allison Allison gets a shout out I decided to write in

because I started listening to your podcast last July coincidentally right around the same time that my sister and I became estranged from each other I'm the youngest of three kids I have a brother who is nine years older than me and a sister who is six years older than me being the little sister

by a decent sized age gap I was not incredibly close with either one because I was viewed as the annoying baby sister. When I was 12, our dad passed away from cancer. One good thing that came out of this, lost grief, was that it pushed all three of us closer together than ever before. However, as years passed, my sister and I had a hard time remaining close as adults

because she stepped into the other parent role until I went to college. I struggled to share and let her in and she struggled to listen without judgment. I am lucky that my older brother and I are close and see each other often, but my sister lives in Hawaii, and we haven't seen each other much since I was in middle school. Wow. She is now married with a 15-month-old baby girl who I've yet to meet because of COVID in the long distance between us, 20 hours of travel time. My sister and I had a fight on the phone in August on the 10-year anniversary of our dad's death and haven't spoken since, despite my attempts to reach out and repair our relationship. recent podcast featuring Dr. Carl Pilamer made me feel less anxious and less alone about struggling

with a form of estrangement. I even bought his book and read it cover to cover to try and learn something from the other people who deal with this type of emotional weight. I discovered that this affects millions of people and I should be grateful for my closeness with my brother and my mom. It makes me happy and sad at the same time to listen to how close and cute your sibling relationship is each episode. I'm encouraged by your closeness to one another to work on myself and to strive to get the band back together again. I miss my sister and hope she knows how much I love her and think about her. Please don't stop doing what you are both doing with this podcast because I think you are helping more people than you even know by sharing your family with your listeners. With lots

of love and thankfulness, Anne. Anne, I love that so much. Thank you for sharing that with me. just want to say like when I'm when I'm thinking what I love the best thing about that email is you talking about how you can work on yourself to make those things happen because I think that a lot of times we feel like it's like everybody else's issue and you know my therapist said to me one time he's like you know you you change the more you change the more you can see how other people respond. And the more we work on ourselves, the more we can see differently, kind of the sort of dynamic and the experiences that we're either, you know, a part of or creating. And and at some point, you know, maybe it's just time or maybe it's just the right kind of conversation

at the right time. But my hope is that the more that you work on yourself that your sister will want to continue to hopefully, you know, reconnect. And I'm glad that that podcast with Dr. Carl gave you some perspective, too. It's grateful for the relationships that you have, too, you know. I think that's the hard thing is we can't control other people. Right. We wish we could control them and tell them, like, I want you to know, I love you, and can't you see this this way?

And can't you, blah, what the fuck? And we wish we could actually make it different. But at some point, you know, you realize you just have to let go and, you know, the whole let go and let God and hope that it actually comes back and you can reconnect at some point. But it sounds like you have your mom and your brother. And hopefully that will help, you know, that you have that connection. And there's still time. A lot of things can happen.

Squarespace is basically a one-stop shop to success, okay? Squarespace empowers millions of dreamers and makers and doers, and they give them the tools they need to bring their ideas to life. So we've actually been using Squarespace for a while now. Allison, I think Allison actually designed the sibling revelry website through them, and it's super easy. I actually went on them one time. I remember I had this idea. This is years ago for a company, and I was like, I need to see how you build a website, and I found Squarespace, and I went on.

I actually did the trial, and I built this sort of fake website, and if I can do it, Anybody can do it on Squarespace. It's this one-stop shop to creating a brand for your business. And not just their world-class designs, which, by the way, their designs are incredible. They're beautiful. But it's an all-in-one. So it's domains, right? It's websites, online stores, marketing tools, analytics.

So you sign on to Squarespace, you use Squarespace, and it's all right there for you to navigate. I love that you have, you know, the ability you can customize the look, customize your feel, your settings, products, and more, and it just takes a few clicks. It's pretty, it's very simple, super straightforward. When you create a website with Squarespace, you get free unlimited hosting, top-of-the-line security, and dependable resources to help you succeed. It's awesome. We love Squarespace.

So go to Squarespace.com slash Sibling for our a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code sibling to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Olive and June. So excited to tell you about Olive and June. This is the Manny System. It's the answer to Salon Perfect Nails at home. Yeah, I mean, I can imagine doing a manicure on your own is.

You're never going to get it the way that you want it. You're never going to get it the way that it looks like in a salon, but that's going to change. That's going to change with Olive and June. It is salon worthy. So, you know, it may seem odd for me to be talking about a manny system, but I do have a beautiful wife and I have a beautiful eight-year-old daughter who have used the manny system, specifically my daughter, because she loves doing her nails, as my wife does as well. But the polish looks incredible. I mean, at least from me, I mean, from my eye. They created a system with all the tools you need in one box.

The polish, it lasts up to seven plus days. It does not chip. It's five steps, and it comes with Poppy. This is a patented brush handle that makes it easy to paint with both of your hands. So this is like a one-stop-shop manny situation. We love it. I was looking at somebody's Instagram the other day, and they had all these, like, cute decals, too.

So Olive and June, check them out. It's an at-home manny system that comes out to just $2. Your new nail life is here. So get 20% off your first manny system when you use promo code, Sibling, at Olive and June.com. We're done with expensive bad manis. This is the new us, okay? Second email.

Hi there. Obsessed with both Kate and Oliver. and your series. I'm 35-year-old twin. Faternal twin. We have a 33-year-old brother who is born blind, Brian. Our story isn't complicated, but perhaps inspiring. Short version, both of our parents struggled with addiction and alcoholism, depression as well. My mom raised us and did a phenomenal job. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. They started whoever, I don't know what their name is yet, but they said our story isn't complicated, but perhaps inspiring. Short version, our parents struggle with addiction and alcoholism, a depression? I mean, isn't that complicated? Yeah, but maybe there's a

I mean, that sounds complicated. I mean, right out the past, it sounds like there's a lot of complicated. I'm just saying, I mean, you know, wow. Right. That's interesting. How amazing that you can think that that's not complicated. I can't wait to see where the rest of the story goes. I know. Oh, God, I know. I know. I wish I would, I mean, this is, I'm, I'm I'm in. I'm hooked. God, I wonder what complicated means for this person. I already feel complicated.

I know, geez. Okay, so my mom raised us and did a phenomenal job. We always felt and knew we were loved. When my sister and I hit our mid-teens, our mom went downhill with drug and alcohol use, and parenting wasn't that great anymore. But the structure and bones had been instilled in us, and we had amazing grandparents.

I moved out right before I graduated high school, and my sister moved out at 19 to North Carolina to live with my dad. My brother stayed because he was in his late teens, and our home was all he knew. My mom spiraled, and my brother moved his room to the basement to get away from her. She could be nasty, and it was a very unhealthy environment. Brian got a job after high school and survived. We have a stepdad, who we are all thankful for,

but he didn't play much of a role in all that, and all that happened. My dad committed suicide in February 2009, and my mom died February 2010. I moved to North Carolina to be with my sister in 2009 after my dad died, and that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. We have a closeness and bond I could never explain in words, probably unhealthy how much I depend on her, L.O.L. We have finally got our brother to move here to North Carolina after 12 years of trying. He belongs with us.

He will be here next week, actually. He's terrified as he is leaving all he has ever known, and that's a little more intense when you don't have one of your senses. He's strong and will be fine, and my sister and I are ecstatic. We are all successful, happy adults. Our sense of humor is great, if I do say so myself. I think it's a great testament to having a shitty hand dealt to you and that it shouldn't define you and your choices,

and it hasn't for the three of us. Best, Carla. that is inspiring. That is so inspiring. I'm not sure it's not complicated. But it is very complicated. But it is extremely inspiring. I think what's so interesting is that she's saying that the foundation was there.

But what a sad thing to see it kind of fall apart, you know? God, addiction is just so... Gnarly. Oh, it just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because it just takes a hold. It's just, it's like, I don't know. I've seen, I've just, I guess, I guess because, I mean, I'm really grateful, knock on wood that nobody in our family has really struggled with addiction. I know.

But I'm very close to many who have and continue to. Yeah, but they just fight, man. It's that fucking fight. It's that human instinct to survive and to be the best of you, to be the best you can be. And you need each other. And that's what's great too. They brought their brother over after that much time. And now they're a trio living in North Carolina and living the best that they can.

After having been through all of that, I mean, shit. It's so great that there's a lot. It's really amazing. And I'm worried that I can't get a job. Jesus. Fuck me. really i mean it does put things into perspective these emails it really does you know i'm a very lucky person very grateful you know you got to be reminded of it though sometimes i feel like i feel like

the brother i mean that's the thoughts also a really interesting thing you know because when you're you know born blind and just in your familiar settings that kind of transition to then move someplace that's completely new and foreign is must be really really really you challenging and nerve-wracking you know it probably becomes by rote you know you actually have you've you've physically experienced your surrounding so it's easier to be mobile but imagine moving to a whole other fucking place i mean that's got to be gnarly and a real decision you know but good for them i really love when people who have really like he said been dealt that kind of really shitty hand define who they are for themselves, not by the hand that they were dealt, you know?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I sometimes wonder, I'd be intrigued to kind of look into this further. I mean, I have in my own way. I've read a lot of books about these things, especially addiction. I wonder where that comes from, if that's nature or nurture, you know? I wonder if your ability to sort of see past, like, where. What is it that, I mean, I guess there's the survival mechanism,

but what is it that allows a person to actually be able to see, redefine their life and not carry the burden? Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Interesting. I mean, it is. I love this email.

Thank you, Carla, for writing in. Hi, Ollie. I'm a longtime listener of your podcast. Love, love, love, love, love you, and Kate. I've heard you mentioned about withdrawing from Lexa Pro recently. and couldn't help but reach out. I never do this, but I can't not. I'm sure you've done your research,

but in case you haven't, SSRI withdrawal is a very real thing. I've attempted to come off my Alexa Pro four times now, having to always reinstate. I am currently one year into my current weaning, one year into weaning, did not take me that long.

Maybe that's my problem. I started at 10 milligrams, and I'm now at 2.6. So I was at 20 milligrams and got to 2.5 and then went and then went off of it. I didn't wean past 2.5 and it took me, I don't know, two months. And she's, I don't know if she or he, but, you know, they're into it. It's already been a year in. Anyway, I've learned everything I'm doing at the moment from surviving antidepressants.org

and Laura Delano from her inner compass initiative. Cool. It can be a bit of a rabbit hole. once you look into this stuff i take it all with a grain of salt take what i need and leave the rest when i hear you talk about your current anxiety i can't help but relate during one of my withdrawal attempts i was at every doctor known to man convinced something was wrong with just about every organ in my body oh gosh um the second i went back on my medication it all went away anyways to keep this short i hear you and relate so so so much and there are so many other

others who do as well medication has its place but many people have also been damaged by its use we need more focus and support now more than ever on how to safely get people who want to come off their medications off a researcher psychiatrist mark horowitz issued a research paper on safe deprescribing so we are getting there anyways i don't expect to hear back you did all i hope is that this message reaches you it did all my love and sincerest healing energy your way, Ollie. I love that so much. Yeah, I mean, it's really true, isn't it? Because, you know, we have the, it's like, you know, it's easy to medicate,

but, you know, you don't want to stay on these medicaid, depending on obviously what your situation is. For a lot of people, they go on anxiety medication, but, you know, want to wean themselves off of it or go on it to do some work and then the idea is to get weaned off of it, you know? Yes, yes, I agree. And I personally was just on it, you know, too long. It's like five years and just popping the pill, popping the pill,

doing that every night. And when, you know, I personally, and this is only my personal, you know, it's dealing with my personal issues and my chemistry, I didn't need this to be or I don't think I need it to be sort of a lifelong, drug. Some people do. There's no doubt about that. But for me, it was to sort of get right, to get in therapy, really get into sort of myself. It allowed me to sort of open up a little bit more without having the anxiety of just life. And then it's time to wean off. But I just sort of, I don't know, just kept popping the 20. Kink, kink, kink, kink, you know. It's like Jay Kohl

says. You don't want to medicate. You got to meditate. I'm down with that. But I also do, I'm grateful for the medication that helps a lot of people. Oh, gosh, without a doubt. I would never rail against that. You know, I like science. I think these drugs are amazing. They do amazing things for people.

No doubt about it. Not at all. All right. Shall we answer one last question? Yes. So the question is from a listener who said, I love the relationship you two have as siblings. So here's my question for you, too.

If you had to give advice to yourselves looking back that could help grow your sibling relationship for the future, what would it be? Ooh. That's a good question. I mean, I guess it depends how far back we're going. mine would probably just be more communicative expressing how I feel talking to you more including you more in my life and my ups and downs of things yeah yeah communication is good I mean I like that yeah I think it would be it's a hard thing because I it would again

this like leans towards something that something that I have to, I had to work on or would have had to work on, which is that instead of feeling rejected by you all the time, that I didn't personalize the rejection, even though you made it very hard not to personalize it. But, but I think that, I think that trying to find a way or honestly working with our family, differently so that that sense of and I would say specific to you and I too that there was a gap you know when you were working and married and there was a separation of sorts I guess you know if I was to give myself advice back then it would be like well you know keep in touch stay connected but I guess that that's that's just part of life I guess you know I mean I don't know

yeah I mean I think yeah but I think that part of the issue for us was the fact that we didn't have a tight bond when we were young. We had, we were together. I mean, we were like, but like it wasn't, it wasn't, you know, you didn't ever want me around. Then you went to college and then we like hung out and partied and had fun when we were together. And we got closer. And then I got married and I was working and it was whatever for, and then that time for, me you know was just sort of starting my own thing yeah but it wasn't even that long i mean

think about it like i was back in l.a by the time i was 24 i had rider so i was like in l.a and i mean i traveled a lot but i was home yeah but i think you're right i think it's a good question yeah no i think i think honestly what would have shifted and made our relationship different Or advice that we would give to ourselves would be probably, I mean, I hate to put it like on you like this. But for Oliver to be more accepting of me, you know, when I was younger, like brought me in, would bring me in more and nicer. I mean. Yeah. I know.

Well, we've talked about this. Like, how could I have been? I was all. I was all weird myself. I know, no, I know. But it's not like we didn't have like a crazy bond. You know, like when you think about it, it's like we did so much together. But then when we were sort of home and, I don't know, there was always like a push-pull.

There's always a lot of rejection from you. Well, that was a great. That's a very good question. I like that question. I could have probably for myself, If I'm thinking about it, I could have. God, I can't wait for this. This is a long, pregnant pause.

Well, no, no, no. I'm just thinking about my reactions to those things and like not having, not having the reaction. But I could have had more. And I was, I was a fighter by nature. Like my nature was to like bust my way through versus just being like, oh, you're mean i'm just going to go sit in my room by myself like i'd like i i know but i but but but i probably could have learned to just not be so um it's hard to reflect on these things we're so young and it honestly it everything led us to where we are now so there's not much i would change necessarily it's an

interesting reflection but I don't have any regrets I wouldn't have done it any differently I didn't know I wouldn't even know how to do it any differently at the time you know we're evolving constantly shifting I like what you're saying about communication as we got older I think maybe in the 20s in our 20s yes yes stronger communication but we didn't have like fucking face time and phones and shit we had like flip phones yeah that was like 2000 to 2000 five we had like our little no kias and black like blackberry was like 2005 right or something four god i don't remember so like that era was kind of old school we would have had to like fax each other or call each other on our flip phone you should do that from now on just fax each other

i'll like fax you a little drawing okay oh this was so fun um great emails I love these episodes I do too Even though I'm always crying And I cannot control myself I still I just love I love them Yeah

It makes me happy Honestly it gives It brings me pride in a way That people are listening Why you're having you so sad That's good That's perfect for like my life Anyway, love you guys, love everyone.

Remember, write in Siblings submissions at gmail.com. We love hearing from you. Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson. Producer is Alison Bresden. Editor is Josh Windish. Music by Mark Hudson, aka Uncle Mark. If you want to show us some love, rate the show and leave us a review. This show is powered by Simplecast.

It's important that we just reassure people that they're not alone, and there is help out there. The Good Stuff podcast, Season 2, takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a non-profit fighting suicide in the veteran community. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join host Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of One Tribe's mission. One Tribe saved my life twice. Welcome to Season 2 of The Good Stuff. Listen to the Good Stuff podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia. Had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name it.

Five, six white people pushed me in the car. Basically, your stay-at-home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. All you got to do is receive the package. Don't have to open it. Just accept it. She was very upset, crying. Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand, and I saw the flash of light. Listen to the Chinatown Sting on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

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