Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - You Can Only Control You (An Email Episode)

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Kate and Oliver are back for the first email episode of this season! They read letters from listeners and discuss the work that goes into sibling relationships, addiction and loss, resolving conflict, and more.Share you story with us by emailing [e-mail] Producers: Kate Hudson and Oliver HudsonProduced by Allison BresnickEdited by Josh WindischMusic by Mark HudsonThis show is powered by Simplecast.This episode is sponsored by:Sakara (sakara.com/sibling)Coors Light (coorslight.com/hudson) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. September is a great time to travel, especially because it's my birthday in September, especially internationally. Because in the past, we've stayed in some pretty awesome Airbnbs in Europe. Did we've one in France, we've one in Greece, we've actually won in Italy a couple of years ago. Anyway, it just made our trip feel extra special.

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offenders in this episode i offer tips from them i'm dr leslie forensic psychologist this is a podcast where i cut through the noise with real talk when you were described to me as a forensic psychologist i was like snooze we ended up talking for hours and i was like this girl is my best friend let's talk about safety and strategies to protect yourself and your loved ones listen to intentionally disturbing on the Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Kate Hudson. And my name is Oliver Hudson. We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship.

And what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling rivalry. No, no. Sibling rivalry. Don't do that with your mouth. That's good. That's good. Allie, I'm excited about this.

We're going to do our email. Emails. Always loved the emails. Always crying. I know. I know. I don't know. We'll see.

Well, we'll see what happens. There's one on here that says sad. So I'm assuming That it's sad That this could be But when I was reading these before I was in a very emotional state Yeah

So we'll see I mean I'm feeling better About myself and my life a little bit So yeah Well You know maybe I've cut off Do you want to do the first one Or should I do the first one?

I want to say this Before we get into this That I'm always so grateful That people share these stories Yes Me too Because I think it makes a lot of people

feel good even when it's a sad story it makes them feel like they're not alone because I think a lot of people share we talk about this on one of our other episodes just that people share tragedy and then people share the joyous moments of siblings and all of these things

I agree I agree where are we going to start should I go first why don't you go first I'm scared I would be too because I always get emotional okay here we go here we go hello

first oh my God already First, of course, I have to say I really adore your podcast. It is so comforting. Ollie, your endearing way of being honest about your flaws and struggles really helps me work through my self-hate and doubt that I really struggle with, so thank you. Kate, the way you laugh and love with your entire being

is something I aspire to. My name is Lizzie, and I come from a large family. I've always described it as the Brady Bunch, each parent having three and getting married, but then having three more together. I am part of the last trio, the second to last child of nine. Wow.

That's almost like Danny and the Fugiawis and the fosters, and they called themselves the Brady Bunch. Because they were three boys, and then Ron, my partner, met my best friend's mom, and they had the three girls. Okay, my little brother, being the baby, got lots of attention,

I was like a quiet chameleon trying to blend in which landed me in circumstances like being the child left behind at Blockbuster. But I wouldn't have changed it for anything. I loved watching my siblings and being surrounded by chaos.

And chaos was plenty. Friday night pizza with almost every kid also having a friend over. Large Sunday breakfasts and lots of ER trips. But the chaos was not just from the children but from our parents as well,

handling a large, split family, their own childhood trauma, and addictions. We had to witness and sometimes be the brunt of their growing pains. Really? Wow, that's connected to something deeper within. Well, at least they had growing pains. Oh, my God. That's funny.

I'm on my period. This is going to be tough. Okay. I'm in like, I should be in a cave right now. That was surprising to me, you know. Well, I know where this is going. I know, I know. I kind of like, I immediately projected into where this is going and it got me.

Okay. Recalibrate here. We had a lot of tremulous times among the good ones. And I watched all my older siblings leave as soon as they were able to each year getting increasingly more quiet. I remember missing them greatly, and to this day I have trouble with silence. Oh, so she was the second to laugh.

Oh, could you imagine? Everyone's gone. It's just her and her younger brother. Right. Oh, okay. That's crazy. I think aiming to get out of the chaos, path, and venture into our own

might have made it difficult to stay close. When a crisis arises, we are all really good at jumping quickly and being there for each other. people are usually pretty good at this when you've had some volatile trauma in life however when it comes to daily communication in life and being involved that is much more difficult

with so many kids and different dynamics some siblings are closer than others and some don't see each other unless it is a holiday or special event and even those are decreasing we lost our mom to her pain pill addiction seven years ago since then the separation has increased our dad is very loving and supportive but also very reserved it is hard to stay close mom had her

issues when she mom had her issues but she was our glue i want that to change and i have to say from listening to your podcast i inspired to dig deeper i'm glad i didn't go for it's like just like delve right in Yeah. I'm inspired to dig deeper with all of them. My sister and I have already started a lot of communication. We are learning a lot about ourselves, our past, and becoming closer than ever. But I want to be able to text all my siblings asking, how are you without it feeling weird, as sad as that sounds? I appreciate the help from your podcast to put in the work, and I have no expectations from it, but I know I have to try.

thank you again and all the best to you and yours lizzie good letter oh that was so good it was so i mean that's hard because when you've got nine siblings oh i mean the age difference must be really extreme you know what i mean and then to be the youngest um and then it just goes from a full house to completely empty i know like a really chaotic yeah It's funny, but being siblings doesn't mean that you are just automatically connected and happy and have a relationship and communicate. It's like any other relationship in your life. You have to work at it. You know what I mean?

With everyone with your wife, with your parents, with your husband, with your whoever, and then your siblings, you have to work at the relationship. You have to put the call in. It's so easy for life to sort of get in the way of those things. Yeah. Yeah, I can't stop thinking about succession, and I wish I could say certain things. No, no, there's nothing to give away. But that's what's so interesting about that sibling dynamic in there is that they all kind of love and hate each other all at the same time. And then the shared experience of their own traumas is always what brings them together because nobody understands them their trauma like the sibling.

Right. You know, it's really interesting. Yeah. Again, when you've had, when you've six step brothers and sisters and then three full, right, it's, that's also complicated because they all grew up together or at some point, but they're also from have different mothers, you know, or dads or. Oh, it's so blended. I mean, it's so, you know. But the thing is what she's doing. what Lizzie is doing and reaching out is probably the best thing because, you know,

some of these siblings might be feeling the same way and they're just not doing it. Yeah. Sometimes it's hard. It's also really hard to lose your mom to addiction because it be people who have suffered lost through addiction. You can't help, but at times, even though intellectually you're like, I know it's not about me, but you can't help but go to that place of like you chose that over me. not only that but sometimes separating as a sibling separating from that life from that trauma

from that pain when you're hearing from another sibling maybe it brings it back in a sense you know what I mean like something they want to get away from that part of their life so you know there's probably a billion with nine of them there's probably every reason in the book but I'm glad that she's reaching out Also, the pain pill addiction thing in our country is just, yeah, it's crazy. Too much. Well, thank you. Lizzie, thank you for sharing. That was really beautiful.

I'm so happy, like Oliver said, that you're reaching out with no expectation. I think that that's the most important thing because, like, if we put too much expectation on it, then we're bound to be let down. You know, it's like you can't go into anything with expectations. I know. Because they'll never end up, it'll never end up the way you want it to. Oh, God.

But putting in the effort and the time, that's just the best. Well, you can only do so much. So much. You know, you can only control you. And then everything else after that is, you know, out of your control and up to the gods. So I'll read this next one.

But then if we switch off, you get the sad but one wants advice. Oh, okay. I'll take the sad one. I'll just keep crying. Okay. Hi, my name is Jackie, and I thought about writing in my sister's sibling story. And then I decided not to.

Then I decided, yeah, okay, I will. It can be a dark story, but the ending is a beautiful light. My sister, Jamie, and I are 11 years apart. Wow. I guess you could call Jamie a surprise. My mom's tubes were tied, and at 40 years old, found herself pregnant again. Wow. Aaron's tubes were tied, too.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. from the moment she was born we were pitted against each other i was 11 i remember going to school and telling all my friends that i was finally going to have a new baby that day i was so excited for some unknown reason reasons neither she nor i can understand the story turned out turned around to be that i never wanted her that i said i wanted to give her back i wasn't the youngest anymore and it made me pout truth be told life was no picnic and gaining a little sister didn't take away anything from me there was never really anything there to begin with so the stories that were made up were ludicrous so from the time she came into this world it was a sealed deal for as long as possible the line would be drawn that she and i would be not enemies but i'm not sure what to call it we grew up believing we hated each other that's basically what we were told truth be told i adored her and always did i took her to the playground took her to the pool with my friends fiercely protected her she was my baby doll

when my parents argued which was often she and i would go to my room and listen to in sync or watch tv i took the cushions from my old futon and made a little bed for her under my desk so she had her own little space without going into much detail what i can say and what will say is the odds were against my sister in multiple ways what didn't hurt her only led to slandering and a destructive and a destruction of what little relationship we were able to salvage after all those years i was fed lies, she was fed lies. Again, I don't know why. The beautiful part in all of this is those very lies that made us scratch our heads and come together, discuss what was said and basically compare notes. What was sought out to destroy was entirely salvaged and more. Our mother

passed away three years ago. In more ways than the obvious, it's been one of the toughest things to go through. We lost not only our mother, but other people, the kind who are still alive but no longer reside in your life. But through that, we gained a bond that was years in the making. While people tried to set it ablaze forever, somehow we figured out how to let it out. She's a 25-year-old mama and wife now. I'm a 36-year-old mama and wife. In a lot of ways, we are opposites, but in most ways we are the same. It's been two years since we began the journey of getting back to siblings, and out of all the darkness, that's been the ray of light for me. She's everything that I am proud of and more. She had beaten everything.

single odd with nothing but her heart and it takes a warrior to win that our story is one that i wish i could write a few chapters on because there's so much pain so much more to all of this than i can write in this email too much truth that deserves to be said but instead i just wanted to put this out there because i know we know there has to be people like us out there we started out as a sisterhood that contained three of us and today it only stands with the two of us you lose some and you gain some we aren't strangers to loss but again loss isn't always through a coffin life is a chaotic mess sometimes you aren't dealt the best hand but what i've come to figure out is you turn that hand you were given and you make it work in every positive way that you can jamie is a part of my every

day we live states apart but we are at the point that if we go a day without speaking something feels wrong and i never imagine we could or would ever get to that place as a young woman and child i never believe that came from suffering and struggle, obstacles and hardships. But if I've learned anything, is that something beautiful somehow comes through. So this is interesting because I don't know what the conflict was. Yeah. But clearly there was serious trauma that happened.

It sounds like the fact that the odds were against them. Sounds like a mystery. It's holding something back a little bit, not wanting to reveal too much. Right. This idea that they were pitted against each other. from the get it has to be some sort of reasoning behind that right or just abuse or abuse just real abuse yeah it's that's it's so i mean it sounds like there was some very but i guess

the question is why you know what i mean why would you want to pit two sisters against each other what is the i mean any reasoning when you're in any abusive kind of like you know web there is no rational here nor there you know I think that's what a lot of people who've been in abusive relationships or abusive sort of families

try to understand it if you tried to understand it it just doesn't make any sense you know because yeah there's a lot of reading between the lines here more than trying to like figure out the ins and outs of what happened

it sounds like she was in this a really, really terrible situation where she wanted to have this sort of loving family but there was a lot, I mean, to me, it just reeks of someone who... I guess so, and we don't know,

but it's a we can only guess. I mean, if you're saying your sister hates you and she doesn't want you and this, this and that, and, you know, I guess the positive of all of it is they've come together and now they're best friends. Well, and they can't go a day without talking to each other. So whatever it is that happened. The truth always does reveal itself, doesn't it?

That's like, that's what, you know, and then people say like lies have legs. Mm-hmm. It's like you tell a lie or you, you know, it's going to find its way to you at some point. Yeah. Someone's going to find out and you're going to, it's going to, everything becomes revealed. Yeah. At some point. And so.

And that age gap is interesting, too. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I know 11 years. That 11 years, you know, she's 25 and she's 36 and her sister is 25. Yeah. I mean, that's worlds apart when you're that age. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. And also like what, you know, Alison just texted me. She's right. Like any kind of abusive, that's why I think this is sort of the core of this might be something that has to do with abuse because at the core of abuse is power. Mm-hmm. Right?

So it's like, you know, it's like when people who are abusive like to commiserate with other people about how much they hate someone because it gives them more power or wanting to put someone down or if they're jealous of someone they want to create a kind of pack of course yeah yeah because it makes them feel more powerful exactly that's good but it's a good analysis I'm just happy that they're able to like find each other and have each other their sisters again You know what I mean? Well, Jackie, yeah. Thank you.

Thank you, Jackie, for writing in. And hopefully there's even more healing to be done. It feels like, you know, you hold things very closely, close in, and hope sounds like, you know, there's still a lot of unpacking and healing to do. And she spells her name J-A-K-K-I. Interesting. What, I want, no, that's, that's a very typical Jackie. No, it's not.

J-A-C-K-I-E. Well, there are also a lot of G-A-K-K-I. I have a friend. I have a couple of Jackie. J-A-K-I, really? Yeah, never, never seen it. It might be English. Maybe.

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Dakara.com slash sibling. Oh, I was just having this moment, Oliver, today. Yeah. About when we're going to tap the Rockies. Because I have to figure out when you get to Colorado, the home of Coors Light. That's right. It's funny because they are synonymous, obviously. You know, when you think of Colorado, you think of Coors Light, or at least, we do.

I've been drinking Coors Light for a long, long time, and it's a beer that is literally made to chill. Let's not forget that. There's actually mountains that turn blue when it is. ice, cold, and crisp. It does really embody that Colorado spirit of, like, there is time to just chill and, like, have fun, chill out. Yeah, it's cold logger. It's cold filter.

It's cold packaged. It's cold everything. Actually, literally, it's freezing. It's cold. Literally make the chill. So, for me, when I think of a six-pack of silver bullets of Coors Light, I think of fly fishing. I think of going on a float trip, and what we do is, you. dragged the Coors Light behind the boat, and that water brings those mountains to a blue, beautiful

blue hue, pull over the side of the bank, crack it open a 90-degree day, there's some trout, drink some Coors Light. Okay, well, then we're going to manifest that. Doesn't get much better than that. Does not get much better than that. No, it doesn't. When you choose to chill, carry your plans with a nice cold, Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or It's the Cart, or by going to courselight.com slash Hudson.

Celebrate responsibly. where I'm going to go and call out. All right. Hi, Kate and Oliver. My name is Alyssa. I'm 22 years old and a dedicated listener. I love hearing all of the different sibling dynamics of your guests. And of course, you guys.

I'm the youngest of three girls. One being 15 years older. and the other two and a half. My oldest sister moved away when I was three. Despite the age gap, we have a deep, soulful connection. We hardly see each other because of the 500 miles of distance between us, which has become increasingly harder as I've aged. My other sister has always been my best friend,

regardless of what we would have said if you asked 10 years ago. I love them with my entire being, and I'm so lucky to walk through life with them holding my hand. I have a huge extended family totaling in 60-something second cousins alone. My mother's family has always been very close, often called the country Kardashians, much to their disdain.

These last few years have been quite a different story. In February 2020, we lost my grandpa to cancer, a few weeks shy of the COVID shutdown. My grandpa's death, COVID quarantine, the 2020 election, and now my grandmother's declining health, has put an enormous strain on our family. It brought the phrase, walking on eggshells, to a whole new level.

We were and still are in pretty constant turmoil. We used to get together for every holiday, dinner party, birthday, you name it. Three years ago, we could talk on the phone for hours daily. Now, I'm lucky if I get a birthday text. I'm losing my family, and there's nothing I can do about it. My mom is one of five. She is the second oldest of three girls and twin boys. The three girls being close in age while having a 10-year age gap from the youngest girl to the twins.

Her and her older sister have always had a turbulent relationship. Resulting in my aunt having a very surface-level relationship with my sisters and me, or is it my sisters and I? Nonetheless, the statement reigns true. I believe my mom and her younger sister had a pretty normal relationship. who was once upon a time my favorite aunt the twin boys she just adores as do i our mother is a true saint who goes above and beyond to try to bridge the gaps she's the peacemaker oftentimes to her own detriment she tried her damnedest to love her own siblings while also upholding her children's beliefs she is my north star i miss my family more than they will ever know thank you for reading any advice

you may have is welcome with warmth, gratitude, and best wishes, Alyssa. Hmm. Weird. Yeah, what happens? I don't know. Is it because grandma passed? Maybe it's like the matriarch and the patriarch, and then you've got, you know, COVID to shut down, not being able to sort of see each other.

That's right. Grandpa's death, COVID, quarantine, the election, her grandma's declining health was a strain on the family and then it sort of split everyone apart. Well, that's, I mean, I hate to say this, Alyssa, but I feel like you're not alone. I feel like there was a lot of families, especially in quarantine, especially the distance, especially the election, you know, and politics. Yeah, no, it's true. It can all... It was a perfect storm of sorts. Yeah.

And Ollie and I talk about it a lot. Like losing, you know, when you have a family and you're in this great little pocket and grandma and grandpa are still alive and it's sort of this great moment. And then you kind of think like what happens when that shifts? You know, when when grandma or grandpa pass away, it does shift the family dynamic. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. and then you're bottled up, you know, you've know where to go. You can lose your mind.

I mean, as far as advice goes, sometimes it takes the one person, the champion, to say, hey, you know what, all on a group text, put everyone on there and say, this is ridiculous. We need to get together. Here's who we were three years ago. And here's who we are now. How did this happen? You know, unless there was one inciting incident that needs to be talked about. Okay. Or if it was just a collection of grandpa dying, declining health of grandma, COVID, quarantine, the election, all that.

And it's like, all right, well, someone needs to champion the cause of getting back together. Well, this is a good, this is a good actually. Like, let's put ourselves in her shoes. Yeah. What would you do? I'm going to try to think of what I would do. But was that what you would do? You'd put everybody on a text if this was us. Yes. That's what I would do because it's easier to start that way. obviously pare down the what you've written here but similar saying this is who we used to be and now we're this how did we get here why did we let this happen and now it's time to change it COVID's over quarantine's over you know we need to we need to figure this shit out yeah or maybe

just even a simple thing that instead of trying to fix it for everybody else maybe what I would do is say I miss our family and I miss and I would tell like stories and I miss the times we would all get together and laugh and it's so important for all of us to have that and for me to have that and I just want you guys all to know that I love everyone in our family and that I wish we were all still close

instead of being like we need to figure that we need to fix this you know no no yeah because like that maybe would make them see like, wow, this is affecting Alyssa or affecting, you know? Yes, I mean, I was being a little bit more stern because that was a sentiment behind it, but I agree. I mean, I wouldn't come in hot like, we need to fucking fix this shit, you assholes.

I mean, but, but, but we're not dissimilar. Our families were all connected, but we're off doing things and we're not in each other's spaces a lot because of the nature of what we do. but that family affair text chain can bring everyone together within minutes where there's a joke is told something's laughing and then it sort of goes

room and just rolls oh my god rider's text the other day it still cracks me up which one when he face timed me and his dad when he took the picture that was so funny rider did this thing where he faced he I was facetiming him he called me at night and I was looking for something

on my phone and he took a picture of me, like a screenshot of me looking insane. Like I... Like mid-blink. Yeah, I was like mid-blink. I had like five chins.

I was like looking for something on my thing. It was too late for him to even be calling me. And then he sent this picture, side-by-side picture. He had done the same thing to his dad.

And he sent it, he put it together side-by-side, and he sent it to our family affair group chat. and said, ladies and gentlemen, my parents. And we both, we looked exactly the same. Yeah, it's funny. Oh, it's so funny.

But I'm saying that group chat is a good thing. The advice I would, I would give Alyssa is that. Because that can begin the bringing back together, just even laughing and joking over text and sending pictures. I also think Alyssa's the, you're the baby. You know, you're the youngest, and sometimes it takes that, like, youthful vulnerability to get all of the older generation looking at themselves and saying, you know, the younger generation in our family needs us and needs us to be good

because that's what they need to model for the family. Not like literally a model, but like... I mean like on a runway? That's great advice. Set up a photo shoot. They need to model. They need to do a catwalk. shoot with the family.

And even if there is conflict, like how to resolve that conflict and come together and beat together, it's all we have. You know, I always say like we need to, the world is so unpredictable right now. It all starts at home. We need to be able to know how to resolve conflict

in our own families before we, anyone can truly understand how to resolve conflict on a global scale. Right, right. If we're not doing that, we're not making that a priority to show our children and our families.

We're not going to be raising the next generation to know how to do that. That's a good idea, actually. You should get all of the leaders of all the countries on like just a group chat. They have their own threat. It's like Putin.

Yeah, Putin and Biden. Like Mercon, like all everyone. All the presidents and prime ministers and leaders are just on a big group chat to sort of like talk and laugh. They like send gifts? Yeah. Like just gifts

That's a funny sketch By the way Like in SNL They're all like on a group chat Oh God Like what kind of gifts Would Putin send? Oh my God

It's funny And you show them all In their respective places Like texting And it's funny It's like you know Like really insane You know

Like I'm a little concerned About the nuclear thing And like Putin sends a gif Of like A girl going like oh no right or it's like Putin what are you doing it's that that gift that gift that gift of Homer Simpson backing up into the hedge like like mm-hmm oh my god um anyway try it try the group chat thing I and then hit up

hit us back I would love to see if this works me too um um um Okay, your turn. My turn. Hi, Kate and Oliver, I really appreciate your podcast. My siblings are my best friends and favorite drinking partners. Thank you for letting me share this story. My older brother and I are closest in age, 22 months apart. We grew up budding heads as most siblings do, but as we got older, we became really close.

Sounds familiar. We'd go out together in high school, and everyone always thought it was weird when we'd run into each other at the same parties, because we were actually happy to see each other. Unlike most of the other siblings, we were friends with, LOL. My brother played D1 football college at UVA, and I went to Clemson. So we had a little family rivalry going in college, which was fun, both being in the ACC. The UVA, I know, the UVA Clemson games are some of my best family memories. Oh, that must have been amazing. Through that experience, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be a sports reporter.

Fast forward a few years later, I get a job out of college as a sports. reporter in Virginia covering my brother's old team. He has since transferred to Southern California and is now in the process of trying to get drafted to the NFL. Yeah. Awesome. His football career is a huge reason why I'm in sports reporting now and I text him with sports questions 24-7, whether it be about schematic plays or good questions. I should ask athletes and interviews. You guys rock best, Julia. I love this one. How fun. I love a good sports family. That's a fun rivalry too That UVA Clemson at home

You know It's also another thing where you know You've got you've got a sister and a brother And like the sort of power Of good sibling relationships And how it informs the things that you end up doing And inspires Yeah

And here she is Being a sports announcer That's pretty awesome That has to do with that connection With her brother Oh, yeah. Love of sports and wanting to be a part of it. The best scenario of all of this would be he makes the NFL, she gets on DSPN,

and now is reporting on the game that the brother is playing. Like that's the dream. That would be unbelievable. That is the dream. That should be the goal. Right. Well, thanks, Julia. That's awesome.

You know, sometimes we get the good ones. Thanks, Julia. The sad ones. This was a very uplifting, exciting one. Okay. Okay. I'll read the shorty and Kate can read the last one. Oh, geez. Okay. When I would bring my friends home when I was a teenager, my brother would walk up to them and feel their pants and say, oh, cotton. Then their shirt sleeve and say, ooh, silk, these must be felt as he grabbed their boobs.

I can imagine you doing something similar to Kate's friends. It's really funny and totally of a certain generation. Of course. If that was happening in this generation right now, oh my God. You'd be canceled before you even got to call. You would, yeah, you'd be canceled from. You couldn't even get to the punchline, which is these must be felt.

It's so funny. Oh, that's hilarious. But to answer your question, this is something I would have done. I mean. Not anymore. No. I was never like that, though. I was, I mean, I was extremely scared of girls.

I mean, all through high school, all through, still. I don't know if I remember it that way. Maybe it was your own anxiety. You weren't showing it. But on the outside, you didn't seem like someone who was scared of girls. I was afraid of rejection. So I had to make sure that they loved you. That they were, like, deeply in love with me or wanted to see me naked before I even made

any conversation. But you worked really hard and making sure that they... No. I just... You weren't that scared. I would position myself at the club or the bar to be seen

and then make a little eye contact and then make them come to me because I was way too scared to go up and say like, hey, how are you? Like, I don't think I've ever done that in my entire life. Gone up to somebody. Gone up to a girl and just been like,

hey, how are you? I'm Oliver Hudson. Nice to meet you. I mean, it's so scary to me and awkward and weird. I've never done that. Never. And then even in high school, you know, I didn't kiss Becca for like a billion years.

And she's sitting on a couch next to me, literally looking at me saying. Her lips are pursed. With her eyes. She's just like, fucking do it. And I'm sitting there like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I remember my first kiss with her. I was watching the Billy Idol video Rock the Cradle of Love, which was like the sexiest video at the time.

Yes. I remember that video. I'm like, just fucking do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. And I was like, look at it. I just jam in there. Like so fast because I was trying to get it over with. It was not good. But at least I broke the ice. But I was so scared. Oh, she was probably so happy. She was. Was it at DeVita's house? That was at Becca's house. But my first kiss ever was with DeVita. At DeVita's house. And the same thing happened. We're all sitting down watching Halloween. Everyone leaves all at the same time. Everyone gets like, hungry at the same time, purposely leaving DeVita and I there. I was like, oh, no, here we go. And she's waiting, waiting, waiting. And I'm doing nothing, nothing. And the friends come in and

they're like, what happened? I said, nothing happened. And I was so angry at myself. I went into her room and I was like pissed off and Jesse comes in and he's like, what happened? I said, nothing. I hated myself. And then all of a sudden the girls opened the door and it's DeVita and Becca and all the girls. And Davida goes, Oliver, come here. She took full control, takes my arm, pulls me back into the room, and just starts making out with me. And that was my first kiss. And that's indicative of how I've lived my life with females from that moment on. Even single in L.A. at clubs, I was always, like, too scared.

Well, now you don't have to worry about it because... No, I don't. But you still kind of get like that because you don't really... Well, I guess you're better now. You have to ask for affection. No, I do. I'm also still where I still don't like being rejected. Like that's why Aaron has to sort of initiate sex all the time

because I don't want to do it. I don't want to be like, come on, baby, let's go. Your fear of rejection is exhausting. I have no moves. I think it just, I know, but I think you should get over it now. I'm just like, pulling my wiener out. I'm just like, limp weaner just being like, huh? What do you think?

Am I going to get a thumbs up or a thumbs down? Terrible. A thumbs. I mean, honestly, only a thumbs up because she cares about you. But that move will always be a thumbs down for any woman. Like, like, just do us a favor and don't just pull the wiener out. Like, that's just not. It is a very, the men do that all the time.

They just pull the wiener out. I know. Limp and gross and it's not pretty. A wiener's not pretty. And it's like, what do you want me to do with that? Right. And I'm like, babe, like, does this turn you on? My wiener turn you on in any way?

She's like, honestly, no. I mean, it's not really what gets me going. I'm like, God, damn. Okay. Last one. Maybe we should cut that one out. No, keep my wiener in. That's what she said.

Oh, good. Okay. Hi, Kate and Oliver. Oh, watch this is because we go from that. This is going to be like so sad. Oh, good. Oh, God, geez. Okay.

Hi, guys. Let me start off by saying, I love you both and purposely didn't address this to Kate and Oliver or Oliver and Kate as not to boost or hurt Ollie's ego. True fan. Oh, that's so funny. I've been a fan of Goldie's since her laugh and days and even loved watching the silly Hudson Brothers show back in the day.

Yes, I'm that old. Or that wise, or that was. I recently discovered your podcast and started with the older episode. I absolutely love this podcast. It's evident that your parents did an amazing job raising you, whether it was Goldie, with Bill, Kurt, or both. It just doesn't matter. Someone certainly did something right.

You're both such beautiful people, and it shines through in your words and love of one another. I cry at the drop of a hat like Kate and can also be as goofy as Oliver. I love when Goldie drops in. She's always a guaranteed laugh. And love you three have reached. other is extremely evident like I'm sure many others have said in their emails to you you make

us wish we could all be your best friends for the past couple of years my favorite podcast of the many I listened to has been Pete and Sebastian now with you too I'd have to say it's a tie for first place on my list keep up the good work and I truly hope you continue this joint venture for many years to come you have yet another loyal listener oh thank you that's a good one to end on positive. I love that. That makes me feel so good. Funny. She obviously is a true listener because she understands my ego is fragile. You know, she's older, which means we're expanding our demographic.

There's all kinds of good things in this. That's the best thing. I mean, I was talking about this on an interview I was doing, and it was really just the one thing I'd love so much about doing this is that feeling that, yes, people, you know, have written in and said what it feels like. like for them, that it's comforting or that it makes them happy and that it makes them feel like they're not alone and all those things. And I think this dynamic, this sibling dynamic brings up all kinds of stuff for everybody

and really does kind of re-center you to think, well, you know what? We kind of need to work on our family relationships and make that more of a priority. Yeah. Or maybe inspired to do so. So, we always do speed rounds with the guests, but this is fun. Allison wrote us a bit of a speed round for us. Oh, this is funny. So let's do it.

The last text you sent in general or to each other. Well, yesterday we were doing a thing and you wrote, you wrote, that was fun. Yeah, that's it. That was it. I wrote that was fun. And I didn't respond. You didn't respond until later, until the next day. I didn't mean to

But you wrote it late I did But the thing is When people don't respond to my texts I take no offense to the Yeah I don't either I don't either Well it depends on what it is

Sometimes I don't respond You're like Oliver With exclamation points You're trying to call me Or FaceTime You're like answer your fucking phone Yeah but I'm usually joking That's usually me just being silly

Yes I don't really feel that way I just like when someone My move is when someone hangs up on me like and I know they hung up on me that's when I'm like I write back don't you ever hang up on me now let me ask you an honest question not not with me just in general how often do you see someone calling and don't pick up um meaning like I don't I don't want to talk I can't talk to this person I just don't feel like talking in general like honestly not

often really yeah if I'm not if I have my phone and I'm not and I'm not doing something I'll answer my phone. You will. Yeah. The problem is that I hate my phone, so I leave my phone places. Yeah. And then I can't find my phone. I'm like, oh, that's how much I hate my phone.

Yeah, I hate my phone too. So everyone's like, where are you? And I'm like, I hate my, I need life without my phone. I know. My phone sometimes causes nausea. Oh, I hate it. Sometimes I pick it up and I start going through the motion of like, Safari, mail, text.

Yeah. I'm like I feel like throwing up because it's just like I'm almost programmed and like It's horrible You're like what am I doing? What am I doing?

Why am I? I already looked at my emails I already looked at them Well and then you're like Why am I on like you know Offer Up? Yeah exactly I love Offer Up

I put a rug on there It's been seven months I've got no bites Why am I on it But why am I what am I looking at? I know totally I'm like looking at You're like, right, like, click, like, CNN, like, for the 800th time, like, no.

Headlines haven't changed. Like, ugh. I sometimes think about how my biggest issue with the phone is that now because everyone's on their phone all the time, they think if they said, they think of something, they're like, oh, I'm going to send you an email, you know, hey, Kate, like, please call back because I need you to do X, Y, and Z, right? And because they sent that email, they think they've finished contacting me. Right. They didn't call me. They didn't text me. Right.

You need more points of contact. They didn't call an assistant. They didn't call, right? They just are like, I did my job. I wrote the email. And you're like, that's not doing your job. That's not doing work. Work is actually connecting with someone and talking through something.

Yeah. And I miss that. I don't like exchanging emails. I know, everything's over email. And then they're like, would you like to do this, you know, da-da-da-da, this, like, whatever for me. Like, an offer comes, let me put it this way. An offer comes in. Would you like to do this?

I'll write back. You know, all that sounds interesting. Like, what's this about? And then they write back. Well, I think it's like this. And you're like, well, maybe. And next thing, you know, you're going back and forth on an email. I know.

Get on the phone. And you're like, just pick up the phone and call me and let's talk about it. Like, I can't, I don't want to stare into this device. I know. Talking to you. I know. I know. Right?

I have different friends who do different things. I'm gonna like throw my phone. Like Taye Diggs only does videos. That's how he communicates. If I text him something, all of a sudden, whoop, like an eight minute video of him in the car. Being like, what's up, man? Like, hey, fuck you. I'm not like, he's like, I'm just doing this.

So like, what's? And he'll ponder for like 30 seconds to say nothing. Well, that's also exhausting. Tay, if you're listening, that's exhausting. He gives videos, all videos. Spade is all voice note. Like, he doesn't text. I like voice notes. I like voice note too.

It's easy. Yeah. Especially when you're like driving or doing something and you can't type. Yeah. You know, the voice note is nice. I like the voice note. I like the voice note. Catherine Hahn does Marco Polo.

Oh, yeah. I have that. Which I try to get into. She'll send me a Marco Polo and then all of a sudden like a notification will come up. I'd be like, you have a Marco Polo from Catherine Hahn for five years ago. And I'm like, oh, jeez. But I think, honestly, just call me. Like, get on the phone.

Let's talk about it. I want to get rid of my email. Oh, God. How is it impossible? Well, this is interesting. I've been thinking about this. No way. I have a thing on my email right now, although it's off now, but I have like an out of town.

Yeah. I think I'm going to keep an out-of-town thing. that's good all the time because you can always see them that basically says I don't answer email often yeah

if this is important please contact this person or just call me yeah like I can't I don't I hate sitting there I have so many things

I want to read in a day the last thing I do is want to read and then I feel bad because people take the time to write these really nice emails and then you're like fuck I have to sit here and read

a a really long email. But there's also a benefit to the email, which is then you don't have to talk to that person that you don't want to talk to and you'd rather communicate through text and email, which is great. Or you just be like, I don't want to ask a favor,

I want to ask a question. I'm like, click, click, click, click, click, click, send. And then you're like, okay. Instead of getting on the phone like, hey man, like how are you, how's life? That's crazy. And then finally, like, so the reason I called is... No, I love that.

It's so much better. It's so much more personable. It makes it harder for someone to say no. I emailed my agent like four days ago and didn't get a response. What? Yeah. And I'm like, what the hell is I call? Oh, that's not good.

Well, no, I call another one of my other agents because there's film and TV both. And I emailed my film agent. I was just like checking in, what's going on. You know, I need a job, being funny. And I said, I'm open to softcore. And I called Dar my other agent. I'm like, fucking Chris doesn't email me a bag. It's been four days.

Turns out soft core was flagged and put into a spam. Whoa. Yeah. You guess you can't say soft core. Why? I don't know. I said soft core is, I didn't say porn. I just literally said soft core.

Interesting. So at CIA it was flagged and then like thrown away. I guess CIA is not in the soft core business, Ollie. Not yet. Song you can't get out of your head. Oh. Well, right now it's one of mine. I know.

Mine's wrecking ball. Well, that's because you sang it yesterday. I can't stop. I know. That's a great song. It is. The woman you wrote that song, it's actually a great story. When she sings the song, because she wrote it, she wrote it about her relationship.

It's literally like a relationship, like her engagement, like, when it was a terrible, it's a terrible story. But she put it into that song. So when she sings it, it's so powerful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so sad, so deeply sad. Yeah. Well, I was with Sandler on vacation And he likes all music

But, you know, he's got his girls And they like certain music So he's playing Miley Cyrus Which I don't really listen to Oh, her new album Fucking good, man Yeah, she's a great album Her album's great

The production on it is awesome Yeah And she sounds great Well, she's got one of the great instruments She's got one of my favorite voices No, it's different Yeah, I love her voice You know

It's also, I think this is I think this is her best album. I love this album because she, it's like, I don't know, it feels mature. Last movie? So what song is, you can't get out of your head? The wrecking ball, yeah. I would say other than that, other than like the fact that I'm deep in it with my stuff, I would say the song I can't get out of my head would be.

Well, now you're putting one in your head. That's right. that's right so it's this is not working no your whole album it really is that's it you can't get your record I can't tell yeah I know what song it is I just can't tell you last movie you watched God oh well I just watched succession

which is not a movie no I know I know because the next question is last show but the last movie I watched was murder mystery too did you I did I watched it wow yeah I can't even remember the last movie I watched Honestly, maybe knives out too. Yeah, you did. That's right. In Colorado.

That's right. Wow. Is that the last movie? I don't watch movies because I watched TV. I watched TV shows. Well, you got to watch. You have to watch movies. I want to, I need to see Triangle of Sadness.

It's so good. I know, I know. And you know, I've been watching so many movies lately. Yeah. I'm on a kick. I'm on a mission. Well, it's also the old movies. I want a mission because I really want to see that event movie.

I want to like bring back. genres of films that I think have a real place in the movie theater I think we need to focus on those things even though there's also the other part of where the industry is going which is streaming and all that

but I still think that I still think there's a obviously there's an audience for the theater I mean we had a great weekend the other weekend with air and and what was the other one but Super Mario? Super Mario

completely destroyed. Yeah, it's great. This is great. It's crazy. Did air do good? Air did great. It was 20, I think 20-something million at the opening weekend. Yeah, I got to see it.

I think it's on a bit of a rebound. I hope so, because we love movie theaters. Yeah. Okay. Last show. Last movie you watched in the theater. Oh my gosh. I don't.

Knives out. Knives out. I mean, it was kind of a theater. Yeah, it was a theater. The Wheeler Opera House. Yeah. God, yeah, I think. Yeah.

Mine was... Oh, it's a smile. The horror was really good. Oh, God. Was it good? Yeah. Scary, good. Ethan Hawks and it's good.

I don't like scary movies. Okay. Last show. You watched Succession. Yeah, beef. Last night. I'm watching beef. Beef.

I want to see beef. Beef is cool. Beef is, it's like this little show. It's actually getting great reviews. It's getting bigger now on Netflix. It's amazing. It's really good, different off-beat. Allie Wong.

Allie Wong. Love her. She's amazing. Everyone in it is amazing. It's the same people who did everything everywhere all at once. Give me the elevator pitch. Give our audience the beef elevator pitch. Yeah, it opens with a like a six, seven minute road rage incident.

And you get to sit from the perspective of one character. And you follow him coming out of a sort of a Home Depot type of a store. And it's nothing bad. He backs up and there's a honk and that's that. she flips him off and boom this whole road rage incident starts and it's crazy i mean it's oh scary big six-minuteer and that then takes you into the different worlds of who were in the cars okay and then how their lives sort of collide oh interesting yeah that's sort of what it is and there's all kinds of stuff in between oh i like that's i'm in i'm i'm in it's good i'm okay book you're

reading right now the one you're reading right now the one you're You gave me. Yes. What's the title? Caroo. And you love it. Love it. It's really, really great.

It's just so up my alley. The character reminds me of me, strangely. And I'm not deep into it enough to give a pitch on what the book is. Because right now it's slice a lifey. But it's good. Really good. Right. The book I'm actually reading right now isn't even out yet.

No. It's called Motsable. And it's very funny I can't tell anybody what it is but I really like it and it has a Jewish No And then

But another book Is I've been reading I've been doing this thing where I read 20 minutes every morning something nourishing So I wake up before the kids I like put on weird like flute music And it's like Mm-hmm

Do do do do And like Or I put on on vibrations, like morning vibration, you know, to elevate your mind. Okay. And then I get coffee and I come upstairs and I read 20 minutes. And the 20 minutes that I'm reading is the Book of Secrets, Deepak Chopra. And I love it.

And so I find, too, that when I do that every morning for 20 minutes, I finish these books like this, so fast. If you tell yourself, I'm going to read 20 minutes. minutes every day of my book, you will finish that book sooner than, and so I do it now every day. I read for 20 minutes. Because I, I get so locked into television that I forget to read. And read in the morning because your brain is awake and it really does sort of like wake up your brain to, I mean, lately I've been reading more than ever. So I read for 20 minutes and then I've always got a book on audio and I'll do

like right now my Mata Ball books on audio and I paint. I do my paint. Oh, that's great. So I paint by numbers. That's right. That's my new one, isn't it? Do you stand up? Yeah. I stand up so that I don't... Get blood clots? Yeah. Or I just move around. Right. I do some... I pulled

this up, Clara and the sun. It's an Ishiguro book and it is fucking really good. I finished. I just finished that. Just the writing He's such a good writer. It's crazy. Now, when did that come out? 21.

2000, okay, March. But he won the Pulitzer. Ooh, I want to read that. A while back. Not with this book, but it's like, it's just such an interesting book about AI, but it's, but it's not, but it is. It's, it's really good.

I'm not going to get into the whole thing. Well, it's good. Well, as you know, we are, Oliver and I do like to read. We actually said we should have a book. I know. We keep saying that we should. We should just try it. I'm happy to try it.

I'll do it. I love to read. But we have to, we have to, you have to meet or at least like Zoom. Yeah, but when? Well, there's things we can do. Everyone's got to finish the book, right? No, you do it in chapters. Oh, so you read.

So we'll do like one to five. Okay. So by the end of two weeks, we have to read from chapters one to five. Right. Meet on Wednesday. Oh, my God. It'll never work with our family. But we should try it.

We should try it. I know. Mom's like, I will be in Tel Aviv. And then we'll get like, I didn't go to Tel Aviv. And why? She goes, I'm going to be in Dubai for six months. And then all of a sudden, like, I'm not going to Dubai. You just got insight.

That's her new thing. Mom's new thing. She's always traveling the world and the not. But doesn't go. Is it a new phase for mom? Oh, next place you're traveling to is speed around. going to Cabo San Lucas on Wednesday. I'm going to NYC to help Ryder get his first apartment.

Oh, good. And so we're going to go do that. And based on what we've seen, it looks like he's living and like, he's like, we got to go to New Jersey. Amazing. It's like, you know, he's got, he's got big hopes. I'm like, honey, you got to lower these, these, uh, you know, the last thing you bought. The last thing I bought was a, oh, that's a good question. The last thing I bought were these Japanese prints that I'm putting in my office.

And they're really, they're really cool. They're like Japanese posters that have like really great color, like pops of primary color. Last thing I put my credit card down. for was yesterday a golf fitting. Oh, how was it? That was good. Are you excited? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, so. I also bought myself some St. Laurel boots. Oh, geez. That was also, I did that. I'm not going to lie. I went there. They were just so great and they make me like 10 inches taller.

Right. And I can walk in them. Well, last thing I bought actually was probably Rio's tutor from last night. Yeah, right? My electric bill. First thing you did when you got up this morning. Well, the first thing I did was Ronnie came running. Well, actually, the first thing that happened was I overslept, which I never do.

And it was 8.10. Whoa. Yeah, crazy. I'm usually up at like 6.30. And Bing came and was like, bye, mom. Like, is everything okay? Like, bye. And I'm like, oh, my God.

Honey. But yeah, we both overslept and then, oh, the first thing I had to do was Ronnie. I woke up to Ronnie had face paint all over her face. Oh, really? Yeah. She drew, she's drawing all these, like, very artsy face painting things. And so she came in and she's like, getting ready for Coachella. Yeah.

She's like, what am I, Mommy? I'm like, a rainbow? She's like, no. A rainbow princess? No. Like, well, what? She's like, a rainbow face. It's angry.

Yeah, and I was like, I'm sorry. You're a rainbow fairy. And then I had to wash it off because she didn't want it anymore. She was upset. The first thing I did is I wake up and I go wake up my kids. And there's a pattern. Coffee. I wake up the kids.

Aaron sleeps a little open up like first wake up call. Aaron is like, Danny, why are we the waker-upers? I just get up early. And then Aaron gets up too and does all the stuff. But I usually get up, do the first wake-up call and then get back into bed. Don't sleep. I'm just to read the news a little bit. Yeah, that's what I do.

And then I get up for a second wake-up call. And I'm like, you guys, get up, get up, get up, get up. And then I go downstairs and make my coffee. That's like me. Oh, see, I wake up. I do all of that. And then I get coffee and then I come back to bed. You do.

Yes. I do a once back in bed, second wake-up call down for coffee. I love these little weird patterns. They do change. And then I make egg on bags. That's what the kids want. eggs on bags egg on bag

egg on bag it's a fried egg on a bag new favorite thing to cook oh I mean I'm always cooking I know I haven't even but I would say my new favorite thing you know what is Zingweeney noodles yeah that's I got a thing

for my kitchen aid that makes the Zinguinis and so I just do them all the time and I have them and I blanched them and then I have I do my pet I have pest I make pesto and I make all my sauces. I like zinguines.

And then that way I'm eating healthy. I like zinguines. My other new thing, favorite thing to cook is multiple things for dinner because the kids love it. So like I'll do a lot of things that like have stuff that they can. Like a smorgasbord. So like taco type stuff and I'll do I'll do different meats, right? Or I'll do beans.

I'll do three different kinds of beans. You know, I don't like over. overdo it, but I do a bunch of different little things. Yeah, lots of different flavors and tastes. And then the kids, like, have so much fun doing it. Yeah, that's a good idea. A lot of, like, for instance, there's ways to do a lot of good Asian-inspired dishes where you do, like, you, and then you can do some more store-bought stuff. So you've got seaweed things they can put on it and sesame seeds and pickled stuff.

I like it. Shmorgasbord. That's good. We should do a cookbook called Schmorgasbord. Yeah, it's good. I like a smorgas board. smorgs are good a word you keep using lately there was one and i i was saying interesting too much i don't know if i'm still saying no i was saying something interesting oh gosh i can't

remember but it was this thing i kept saying it saying it oh so annoying i know you get caught on these words but i don't know what it is now probably like oh um Oh Interesting was the word Isn't it interesting that Right It's interesting when you know Or I find it so interesting

And then I heard someone say Think about How many times you say this word And if that's what you're doing Like it basically means you're unintelligent Or something Right Yeah

And I was like I guess I'm not very smart I keep going back to that word Yeah I don't know You're forgetting it I forget, I don't know. I can't answer it.

All right. This was fun. Fun. Send more of your emails. Push the like button and follow us. Leave a comment in the comment section. And don't forget to always send in your emails at Sibling submissions at gmail.com. Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Katie.

Hudson and Oliver Hudson. Producer is Alison Bresden. Editor is Josh Windish. Music by Mark Hudson, aka Uncle Mark. If you want to show us some love, rate the show and leave us a review. This show is powered by Simplecast. I'm Jorge Ramos. And I'm Paula Ramos.

Together we're launching The Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time as uncertain as this one. We sit down with politicians. artists and activists to bring you death and analysis from a unique Latino perspective. The moment is a space for the conversations we've been having us father and daughter for years. Listen to The Moment with Jorge Ramos and Paola Ramos on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you want to hear the secrets of psychopaths, murderers, sex offenders? In this episode, I offer tips from them.

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