Single Ladies In Your Area - Advice from Joan Rivers, single parenting and learning to read the room with Cally Beaton

Episode Date: May 22, 2026

This week Amy and Harriet are joined by comedian, author, speaker and all-round bad ass, Cally Beaton and her gorgeous pooch Jeff! She shares her infinite wisdom and answers questions like: How can you stop creating obstacles for yourself and just go for it? Is there ever any getting away from the classic “mum guilt”? And HOW do you flirt with someone from across a room without exchanging a single word? (No really, how? Amy REALLY needs to know.)Cally's book Namaste Motherf*ckers is out now in paperback. Grab your copy at callybeaton.com.Amy's taking her brand new show Thanks For Having Me on tour around the UK from Feb 2027. Tickets are currently on sale, just head to plosive.co.uk.And Harriet is going on tour with her brand new stand-up show Floozy this autumn. For tickets and dates head over harrietkemsley.com.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodProduced, recorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Assistant Producer is Amy Townsend-Lowcock.Photo by Paul Gilbey.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello, it's Harriet, and I've just come on to let you know that I'm on tour. Later in the year, I'm bringing my show Flusi to you. I'm flusying about the UK. Lots of new shows have been added. Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Birmingham, London, new date there, and we've added Winchester, Frum, got in trouble for pronouncing that wrong. Frum, Taunton, Leeds, Milton, Keunes, Leicester, Margate, Farnham. and let's not forget, Cochester.

You can get tickets at Harrietkembley.com and I'd love to see you there. Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down.

But we're back out there. We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on if we managed to get any. and share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone.

We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that. This is Single Ladies in Your Area. Hello, baby. How are you doing? Good, thank you. You look very cosy. Is this cardigan from Journey?

Never fully dressed. Never fully dressed. It's very cowboy-y. Cowboyy. I was just thinking because I've got a cowboy cardigan, which I nearly wore. We would have matched again. But it's a dark blue.

God, it's so funny. We're always matching. It's cute. It's cute. Even if we say it ourselves. And nobody else says it. No one else is saying it. Even if it's just just saying that we're cute.

We'd be cute. How are you doing? You're good? I didn't get the best sleep. Mabel has a cough and the dog has a cone on his head and I slept in between them. And it wasn't... A cough and a cone. It wasn't a rock and a hard place.

It's like a modern version of a rock. I'm just stuck between a cough and a cone, if you know what I mean. It was not a relaxing night's sleep. I mean, it's very cute. It's too very cute, very loud, very... Very, in the cones case, very uncomfortable. Sunny lace came really close and he still wanted to snuggle, but then the cones just hitting me in the face.

My God. Mabel's coughing into the cone into my face. Then she goes straight back to sleep, whereas I'm like, oh God. And then I'm just awake for an hour and then I finally get off again. And then she coughs again. But yeah, it's... I mean, all is good. All is good. Will you get a good night's sleep tonight, do you think?

I doubt it. I doubt it, but I might take the cone off. The cone has been on for a week and he's stopped looking his foot. He's walking on four feet rather than three, which I believe is better. So I think that we can take the cone off. So that's a big step. That's a really big step in the household. That's good.

That's really nice. I'm good, thank you. I had a pretty good sleep, I'm afraid to say. I wish I didn't. I wish I. No, I wish you did. I feel bad about it. Although I will say I got to sleep later than I expected

because I've started re-watching House. You know, with you, Laurie. Yeah? Yeah, and I'm on like the last season. And I don't think I've got this far before. I think I've re-watched the first few seasons like 10 times. But now I was drifting off and I was like, oh, I've not seen this bit.

What? And then I didn't get to sleep for a couple of hours. But that was all my undoing. You're crazy. I'm crazy, yo. I was in bed last night with a guy. I couldn't get any sleep. What guy?

House. Yeah, I was like, where's this going? House MD. Oh yeah, because technically the TV is in your bed. Yeah, famously. He's in my bed. I'm in bed with House MD every single night. And, yeah, my housemate Jordan laughed in the morning.

He'll be like, yeah, I was going to bed. I was going to bed late last night. I can just hear the house-themed tune blaring out of your bed. I'm like, yes. I love house. But we've got an incredible guest on, the one and only, Callie Beaton. We do.

I've known her for years as a stand-up, a very funny stand-up. And I've been on her podcast. And now she's written a bloody book. Oh, my God. Is there anything this woman can't do? She can do it all. I think she's incredible.

Yeah, agreed. I think we should try and learn from her. We must at some point learn. Oh, we should. You must learn. You know what I've realised this year actually. I've had to do some stuff recently where I've had to learn stuff. I'm not a learner.

I just can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. If someone gives me instructions, they're not going in. I don't know where they're going. They're not going in. And then I go away and then like, okay, so work on what we talked about.

And I'm like, I don't know what we talked about. And so what am I meant to do now? And I don't know how to learn at home on my own. And I'm just not a learner. And it's got to a point. I couldn't do it at school. and then you have a long period where you don't learn. Yeah.

And now doing these things where I have to learn, I'm like, you've got the wrong gal. I'm sorry, this is a case of mistaken identity. If we want a learner, it's not me. Learning's hard. Learning is hard. Learning's really hard. I think I can learn from Kelly.

I think we should definitely try. Let's really try because I think she has a lot to give. Yeah. And not only do we have Callie Beaton, we've got Callie Beaton's dog, Jeff, in the studio. So if you hear any, sort of clipping, clopping, bones being chewed. I'm sorry, that was

me. It's Harriet. But if you hear any tails wagon, it will be Jeff. If you hear any lapping of water. Again, me and I'm sorry. That's Harriet. That one will be Harriet. I'm a thirsty boy. That's what I'm going to call you from now on. The thirsty boy. Oh, thirsty boy's here.

I do drink an unbelievable amount of liquid. Do you? Anyway, just a little fact about me. Not a learner. And I'll have a drink. It's a match Oh hello It's so nice to see you Callie So nice to see you

I feel like we don't often get to be in a room together And we have not I think we've only ever been in a tent together We did a festival It was one of the worst gigs of my life And I feel so ashamed that you witnessed that Did you know it was a Where was it? It was a festival

All I'll say is that somebody Who was not you I was emceeing the comedy tent And you were on Somebody very first famous was so horrible to me that day that all I was doing was trying to think why am I in this world? I was not noticing if you had a bad gig. I just thought you were the most wonderful human. Oh, that's so, oh, that's so, how you can go around thinking something. Oh, my take out is that

you're just amazing. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you. That's what I took from that comedy tent. Well, I took the same from you and I was like, oh, I'm really embarrassed that this like cool woman has seen me not do well I didn't see you not do well. Well, I shouldn't have said it. I should not have said it. Do you know why, Amy? I probably didn't see you because I couldn't see through the tears. Oh, fuck.

So I was literally backstage really upset and thinking, would it be bad for him to get the golf buggy back to the car park? Cannot finish the gig. Yeah, somebody really horrible, like in my top, in my top three horrible experiences. Oh, my God. So you were the least of the problem. Okay, well, that makes me feel better for myself at worst on your behalf.

Yeah. I'm so sorry. So if that's been burning a hole in your soul, let that one out into the... That's gone now. That needs to be gone now. So no, you must have been thinking that I was thinking, how's she doing so well?

How is that person? No. Who burned through her. I was meant to do half an hour. And do you know when you're at this stage in your career where you've got like a solid 20, maybe 22? And I was like, I'll leak it out with a bit of crowd work and all this. And I was like, I meant to do half an hour.

And I finished everything I had. plan to say the crowdwork went terribly. Nobody would speak to me. And then I looked at my watch and I was like, I have done 12 minutes. Even worse, the feeling we've all been there. When no one is laughing, it really crunches down the words. Yeah. You don't have the breaks for laughter so things go quickly because there's no laughter. You're panicking because you're talking quicker. And I remember some really good advice. I can't remember who gave it to me. But somebody said when it's going badly, slow right down and talk to the crowd,

which are the two things you don't want to do. She did try that, though, it seems. Yeah, she tried everything. But anyway, it was good of you to stay on there long enough that I'd stop crying and could come on after. Oh, my God. Oh, Tammy, I hate that. So there we are.

So you thought you had a bad day. Because I remember the thing that I took away from that gig was, well, if it was not her, I can say, it was Angela Barnes. Yeah. And I was just like, I had the best time with these women. They are so cool and funny. And you do a gig. And all ginger.

And all ginger. If you're not a ginger woman, you're not coming in. So believe it, that three ginger women on a lineup. That must have never happened before ever. There would have been people going, I don't know how this happened. It's never happened again. Because she was like, we've just seen her. And see brilliantly, why is she coming on and now talking to the crowd in a shitware?

No, I think it's really funny, isn't it, what we remember and the things that we think that we did badly. And, yeah, so no, that's not my memory. Oh, well, that's good to know. How's the therapy session feeling? Yeah, good. I'm feeling better about myself. I'm dealing with some past things. I've been thinking about myself.

And I'm thinking about yourself too much, Harriet. It's essentially fun. It is about you too. It is your show. That's okay. We won't talk about you. Yes. We do.

If our listeners haven't come across you yet or before, give us a little insight into all the strands of your bur. Well, so I felt, oh my strands of my bow. So, yeah, so I got into comedy. I did my first gig when I was 45. And until then, I had worked in telly behind the cameras. So I'd worked for, you know, ITV, Comedy Central, lots of the difference.

Because you're very successful in, like, the TV world before you were. Well, I did okay in the TV world. I mean, I think, I don't know if it's successful or just if you stick around long enough. People mistake that for success. It's like, I've been doing it for 30 years. People are like, you've achieved so much. Yeah. I'm like, no, I've just stayed here so long.

So, yeah, I did, so, yeah, I got into working in telly and film even while I was still at uni. And I, so I did do it for a very long time. So I worked in that sort of side of things. So I'd worked with lots of amazing, you know, people. And I got into stand-up when I was 45, ditched the day job the year I turned 50 to go full-time as a writer, performer, a comedian, all the rest of it. And then as of last year,

and it still feels really funny to think, not only did I manage to write a book, but that it became a bestseller. So, yes, I wrote a book which got published last year in hardback. It's about to come out in paperback, and it became an instant Sunday times. bestseller. And I honestly thought it was a prank call. When I called it called by my editor, I was with my daughter and we were driving and we were on speakerphone. I said, no, don't

come back there, Lindsay. And she went, no, honestly, she also said, she went, and she said, and you know, right now, I was off this minute, it's the number one self-help book in the country. And I said, have I written a self-help book? She said, what did you think it was? I don't really know. She goes, yeah, absolutely. Would among other things be considered self-help? I was like, oh, well, that's even nice for then that I topped the charts, so the chart I wasn't playing in. So, yeah, so I got the surprise of finding out I'd written a self-help book, which I guess it kind of was. But I don't.

And so, yeah, so I guess, so I've gone from sort of TV exec to comedian. I do lots of corporate speeches and hosting and stuff and more lately have got into writing. And in particular writing long form. And I'm writing another book at the moment. So I've sort of morphed in a few different ways since the old peri menopause and menopause hit. Just when we're meant to go invisible. and I'm just not obliging. I love that.

I think it's so inspiring for people just not to think that once they're on a path. They have to stick to that path. Like it's a really scary thing for people to do something, especially as like out there as stand-up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think it's also, do you know what it is? I think we spend so long thinking, oh, I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm going to be found out. And I'm the only one who feels like that. So I better really like keep my head down and try and do my absolute best to please everyone and be what everyone wants me to be. And as a 57-year-old woman, I would just like to say to anyone, either younger or older than me, that no one knows what they're doing. Everyone thinks they're going to be found out. We spend so long thinking, if only I'd just done that thing, I thought I was going to be that, but I didn't do it and now I'm this. And I'd spent years watching all the people I worked with on screen, on stage.

I was on stage a lot as a businessy person, so I was used to holding a mic. But I had no, I would just look at people and think, oh, you know, I went to drama school. I thought I might do that. And I guess that ship has sailed. And it never has, you know. And people say to me now, they're like, oh, it's great. You've done all these reinventions. But it's not finished.

I'm 57 and I will keep reinventing and keep working and keep doing new things. My dad's 82 and he's reinvented and he still works as a musician. And, you know, and I think we, there's enough in the way of women in the world without us getting in our own way. So my book is a kind of, it's a manual to get out of our own way. Just for God's sake, get you out your own way. There's enough of the queue in front. Exactly. Don't put up the red light for yourself.

You know, the traffic light, not other red light. So, yeah, I think it's, I don't know, whether you get more wise as you get older. You certainly have less fucks to give as you get older. Yeah. And I kind of wish I'd had a bit more of that vibe when I was younger. You know, I mean, not that we should be going around saying exactly what we're really thinking to everyone.

But I feel like if anybody's sitting there thinking, oh, it's too late or I can't do this because I'm this, or just a question, is that an impossibility because of the way the world is? Or are we willingly saying that's impossible? That's what I would question. Yeah. God, it's fantastic, isn't it? Are you ready to go try some new stuff?

Yeah, I've got to get out of this podcast. Yeah, please. Hold of you back. In my memory of way. There's going to be fashion designers. Oh my God. You've got to get in there and sniff them. Had you already sort of considered stand-up?

before how did that because that's such a reinvention right i know like you say you were holding the mic and stuff and but it's it's a crazy thing for anyone to do i think it must have been somewhere in me i found um viv groscope's book i started at the same time as viv yeah and what was what was the name of her book i laughed i cried i think it was and it was about charting her first hundred gigs so i had that in my bookshelf in my study at home so something must have drawn me to that yeah and i hadn't started reading it though so but something had made me buy it or someone maybe gave it to me so some seed must have been sewn but there was a possibility that this was going to be the case and also I used to do a lot of talking like I would often be the one wheeled out on stage or if they were like

if Bloomberg TV were in Cannes and we were down there I would be the one to do the stuff the interview on screen so I was kind of I never was media trained but I was media trained because I did a lot of stuff in media. So I think I was quite comfortable and I found being on stage quite fun and giving interviews quite fun and it must have been somewhere in me. And I did think originally I was going to be an actor and I went to Goldsmith and I studied drama. And I realized I couldn't act. So there was just a small problem. I was like, oh, I'm actually shit at this. I was kind of good when I grew up in Dorset and there was no one there. There was like one other boy who could act a bit. And he was my boyfriend.

So we were like the two who could act. So I think we were like, yeah, you know, yes. You're going to be great actors. And then I got to London and I was like, oh. There's an instinct in there somewhere. It's just not quite the right thing. And I think that's what people often have. And they're like, oh, I think this is my thing that doesn't work out.

And it's like, no, there'll be something else around this that is your perfect thing. If you just kind of try a few more things. Yeah, maybe it's your perfect thing or maybe it's the time. I mean, it's certainly I couldn't have done stand up. I wasn't really even a good public speaker when I was young. It took me, it was when I got my first board level position. I ran a TV production company that got acquired by ITV when I was 32. So I became the youngest and only female member of the ITV board,

which was very male in those days. It was all exitonians, white pale male stale, full on. And then they would do all these big sort of corporate presentations. And I remember they said they were like, there were about 2,000 employees at the time and they said oh we're doing our annual or bi-annual whatever it was reporting thing and it's going to be at the odian marble arch alistair is hosting it and you need to just do 20 minute business update and i was like i'm sorry nobody trained looking back at it nobody said do you know how to do one would you like help and i remember thinking well this is when i have to resign because

i can't actually do that and i took myself off on a week's i took a week of work and bear in mind at the time i had very young children so very full on lives i took a week's holiday and paid to go on a public speaking course out of my own dollar fan one, didn't say that's what I was doing, spent that week in boot camp with what it turned out was this thing, I wish I remember who it was, but this incredible woman,

and the other person who's meant to me on the course didn't show up, so we had one-on-one boot camp. Oh, my God. Yeah, one-on-one boot camp, and I remember, like, going in with all these preconceptions, and then she just worked with me for a week, and it wasn't like in the movie version, I'd have then got up on stage at the age,

it would have been amazing. I don't think it was amazing, but it wasn't bad enough to get me fired. And I did it. And then I gradually became good at it. So I guess all I would say is that was obviously 25 years ago, anyone going, I couldn't stand on a stage, I couldn't do this, I couldn't either. And now I do it for a living both with stand-up and corporate stuff.

And I really like it. It's my happiest time of the day. So when I say if I can do it, anyone can do it, I'm not mucking about. Because it was not, yeah, it was not as I've established at Goldsmith. It was not naturally gifted. this area. So for me it was maybe right type of career at the right time. And I also, it was, because I obviously did know quite a lot of people in the industry and people would say to me, oh, did you use them to try and get stuff? It's like, well, first of all, it's really hard to do that.

Second of all, there's no point going, or could you put me on mock the week? And then you're shit because you're new and you're not good enough to be on it. So you have to wait till you're good enough to do the things or you maybe get one chance at it and you'll never do it again. So I didn't really use my little black book to help my career apart from to try and get advice. And a friend of mine who used to be an agent, quite a successful agent, and then ended up working for one of the big streamers. And she said to me, you do know you don't have to throw away everything you were before. Like you could be a really good corporate speaker, you could be an awards host, do stuff that and this. And it's really well paid.

And it's really well paid. And it's really well paid. But actually, again, the relevant bit of that, great for me that it does. Yeah, it does. It funds my stand-up hobby. Yeah, literally. But also, really, again, what's relevant for everybody, never mind, just with stand-up and corporates, is you are the sum of all the things you've been to date.

So whatever you decide to do, you know, if you're a bus driver and now you want to work in a nail salon, which I know maybe an unlikely set of circumstances, but there will be things that were relevant that you were doing as a bus driver that are relevant in the nail salon. Like, you do develop wisdom that is portable. So it took someone else saying to me,

you do know you can sort of use everything you've ever done. You're allowed to look at everything you can do and do all of it. I was like, oh. So yeah, that was really amazing advice. What's really great is that it feels like you've taken on other people's very sage advice really well and ran with it. So like it sounds like you were really open to someone going, oh, you can do this. Or, you know, like going to the public speaking one and one and stuff like that. It feels like you're someone who can really.

you listen to people and take their advice. I think a lot of people ask for advice and then when they don't hear, you're doing everything great exactly as you are, just don't change a thing. You're like, oh, I could expand myself this way. Say it with me, I'm a goddess. And then do you feel like now, as in your role,

now as a coach and things, you're sort of helping other people? I worked as a coach alongside my day job for about 20 years because when I first got into boardrooms and I was so unhappy but didn't tell anyone and there would have been no one to help.

They weren't all big on their kind of like how's your mental health, Kelly? If I'd walked into... How was it being the only woman? Yeah, I mean David Cameron sat in that boardroom at that time. David Cameron headed up internal communications for Carlton Television. So that tells you what it was like.

Oh my God. So that was the vibe and I realised I just wasn't as happy as I'd been running a little indie and then I hadn't asked to be on a board like it's great when you can sell your company, although it wasn't just me who owned it, so it's not like I've made enough money to, as we're seeing,

never work again. But I, and I realize, well, what's missing? And I thought, well, I know what's missing. You know, lots is missing. One is being fleeter for agile, not wrapped up in bureaucracy all the time. But the other is human connection. And I used to, my whole thing,

the reason we had good ideas, the reason it was a successful indie was that we treated people well and we fostered talent and voices and creativity across a, range of levels and demographics and it was without us thinking about being diverse, it was a range of diverse voices. And I used to manage people in a way that felt ethical and hopefully was as I wish I'd had been managed. So then I was like, oh, that's all gone now. All I'm doing is like trying

to be heard in this really waving boardroom. So then I thought, well, like, maybe I could find the kind of EQ soft side of life in another way. So then I went off, they paid for me to go and do like I did a my master's in NLP paid for by them and you know taking a few days of work to do it and evenings and stuff and then I started being a neurolinguistic programming which is a bit David Brent in its reputation now but there's some really interesting things you can get from it yes you can you have to be it's a bit it's it's it's much hated and reviled by many people and I don't really care what people think about it because I'm not in any way evangelical about it all it taught me to do was have a framework so I could actually and then I

did a coaching qualification. What's the most useful stuff that you picked up from it? All NLP is is taking all the best bits of everything else and stealing it and finding a framework to use all of it. So stuff from psychotherapeutic approaches to coaching approaches, everything that had existed to the point at which NLP kind of got devised, which I think was in the 60s-ish. Everything was sort of was put in a melting pot and it was put in a framework where you can use it quite meaningful. The idea being if someone can be excellent at anything, everyone can be excellent at that thing if you just break down what it is that's helping them be excellent. So I remember when we all did our presentations and we were finishing the master

practitioner thing and there was one guy who was not a footballer and wasn't particularly coordinated but he had learnt how you know when footballers kick a ball up and then they catch it on the back of their neck. Oh yeah. He'd worked out exactly how you do that by microscopic every last tiny minute and he could do it every single time and then he got one of us and as it turned out was a woman I thought was really old at the time. She was probably my age.

I was like that old woman learned to do it. That 57-year-old old crook learned to do it. So this really old woman, who possibly was maybe at the outside 60, got offered to do it and she couldn't play football either. And he taught her to do it within three goes and she could do it every time.

So that's probably a really visceral example of, so that's kind of what NLP is. But I'm definitely not, as I said, I'm not evangelical about it. But what it did do was give me, I did that. coaching qualification and then was able to offer coaching outside of my day jobs. So I just always had one or two coaching clients and then at points did lots of different things in my career.

At points was running kind of much more of those kind of coaching training things at other points had real jobs. I mean it was all real jobs. But so yeah. So I had like, so I thought when I, so when I when I was thinking about writing the book, I thought when I do corporate stuff, what people like is the combination of robust kind of experience, like seriously having walked the walk, not just bullocking on about it, being funny and having takeouts. So when you give a speech, people go when, there's like, oh, here's three things I can actually do right now.

That's helpful. And I thought, well, if that's what people like hearing, and I'm one of the most speakers in the country, so I must be doing that right. But listening to people, I think if you are riddled with imposter syndrome, as many people are, and I think you're very normal

and it probably is a sign of not being a psychopath or a narcissist, if you feel like an imposter. So good on us, those who do. If you feel like an imposter, you're going to listen to advice because you're constantly thinking, well, I might just be a piece of shit and this might, I might be shouldn't do this. So then if someone goes, by the way, you might want to think about this, you're going to go off.

Like if anyone, I don't mind if people say after my set, have you thought about this topper? I really don't mind because I think, well, maybe I haven't thought about it. Maybe it's good and if it's shit, I won't use it. But I don't mind. Yeah, go ahead. Give me advice. Absolutely great.

If I like it, I'll take it. If I don't, I won't mention to you that I did. I think that's one of the really helpful things I've heard you talk about is about people helping each other. I think especially women doing that. Like I think it's such an important thing. Like you talked about not pulling up the ladder behind you. Yeah, I think it's really important to, you know,

my segue into comedy came about because of a conversation that I've talked about a lot with Joan Rivers, who I knew because of my day job. and I'd introduced her to the stage lots of times. And she'd seen me on stage as a sort of business host. And she said, I think you're funny. And I think you could do stand-up. I now wonder if she'd been saying that to people for 50 years,

everyone she ever met. And no one had been streaked enough to do it. I was like, she found me. There's probably like hundreds of people like there. Let's go get at me. But I didn't do it. She's not wasting her time doing that. No way.

Well, I did wonder. But anyway, she's dead now. So we'll ever know. If you've got a good anecdote about it makes sure it's about a dead person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was lovely that she sort of noticed something in me. But the power of that conversation was that I said it was too late. At the time I was 45 and I was a single mom.

One of my kids has additional needs. And I was in a boardroom all day, every day. And I just said to her, well, of course, it's too late. And she just looked at me and said, well, I'm 81. What's stopping you? And then she died two weeks later. Two weeks after we had a dinner where she said that to me, she was dead, very unexhausted. and actually the resonance of that story is a wise female elder noticing something in me

telling me I could do a thing and putting in context how young 45 was and is and it is trust me as someone 12 years older than that I'm like yeah that is bloody young and I also think and I need to remember when I'm 70 I'm going to be looking back at 57 and going you were so young. Like, why were you worrying about things? And, you know, today's the youngest we are ever going to be. And we forget that. We're so busy thinking, especially

as women, we should be looking a certain way. Did we have a kid? What's happening with our relationships? And I think we can just liberate ourselves from that, really. Yeah, if you start standing about 45, if you can have at least a 20 year career, if you wanted to retire. Harriet. Yeah, literally. Yeah. I mean, if you wanted to

stop at retirement age, you know, but you can. You can have like a proper, yeah, 50 year career. Like, that's amazing. Yeah, we can keep, I mean, everybody's going to be working for sort of 60, 70 years now. So if we're not up for reinvention, you know, like, what are we going to do? And I, you know, I'm lucky enough that I did have those boardroom days. But it hasn't enabled, I was always the sole breadwinner throughout my kids' lives. So, I mean, you know, I was with a friend the other day and we had similar careers in media and she's now retired and got plenty of money.

And she was like, well, you could do the same thing. And then we worked out. Now, what I have spent on having two children single-handedly is what she's not living off. I was like, no, the money you're having fun with. It's got into the bag of those pesky children. So she was like, I wonder why I were differently off financially. I was like, I can tell you their name. Yes.

Let me introduce you to them. So, yeah, you know, it's the reality is, you know, I mean, I could sell everything and live in a yurt and not work again. I could, definitely, which not everyone could. So I'm lucky that I could do that. But I don't want to do that. I want to still live in my house and I want to still be able to, you know, have not do nice things.

And I like working, you know, my dad's going through a really difficult cancer journey at the moment. He's a very vibrant 82-year-old and seems like 20 years younger than he is. And I'm just noticing that what's happening for him at this really difficult time in his life is very determined by his physical health, but also his mental attitude.

Yeah. I don't mean about cancer. I'm not saying if you're listening, you've got cancer. You've got to, like, grit through it, be positive. It's real. You know, it's not stopping him having cancer. But he is how, there is something about how he's chosen to live and the curiosity with which he lives and how his world keeps getting bigger.

Wow. At 82. That's incredible. And I just think, well, and his mother was the same. My paternal grandmother was the same until she died at 99. She was the same. Wow. So I think, you know, I don't know how long I've got.

I'd like to keep being questioning and curious and, yeah, trying stuff and keeping things a bit interesting. And if that pays the bills sometimes that's great. You know, it doesn't always. But sometimes it does. Oh, you just love a roast, do you? Do you have any advice as somebody who has raised children as a single mom, like on the other side of it?

Kind of if you're like in the middle of it, maybe. Just asking for friends. Are you asking for friends? Yeah, they're not here right now. Well, you've got to give them the right name, which you did. with bells on, so giving them a good name is good. I think what I would say, particularly to, it's often working moms who feel this more than dads, but there may well be dads listening, who feel the same, this immense guilt. Like, I'm never doing anything well. I'm like a shit mom,

and I'm shit at my job and everything is everything, I'm half-assing everything because I can't cope. And every time I'm not with the kid, I'm actually being a really bad person and I should be more with them, really, in an ideal world. But I also, what I would say is, that it isn't a guilty secret to be pursuing our creative dreams, to be earning a living, to be out in the world. And what you realise when they get older, and I never saw this coming until mine were pretty much left home, was that I had inadvertently provided a really good role model for both of them,

which was you do get off your own ass and earn your own money. You do beg forgiveness, not permission, go where your heart takes you, and you do not need to be in a traditional unhappy family unit if you don't want to. You can do it your way and it can be messy, but it's full of love and it's full of hope and have a go. So I think actually you're providing a really good role model, whatever the gender of your child or however they identify of, you know, that women don't have to have a role where the only time they're doing what they're meant to be doing

is when they're being a really brilliant mum. Like great if occasionally we pull that out the bag, which we might do every year or two for a point. an hour. Great. Those are lovely moments but that's not what we're aiming for and, you know, so the imprint of being who you are in the world is an immense gift to your children and then they learn that they could be lots of interesting things in the world too. I think that's such a, that's such a lovely thing to hear. It's been me and like Bobby's instinct and so it's really helpful to hear somebody that's the other side of it because you don't want to make a mistake

obviously but the thing we always say is that we want her to grow up with parents that are living like full happy lives following their dreams. Like that feels like something that's a really good thing for her to grow up and see. But then you're like, I don't want to get to 10 years time and be like, oh, fuck, that was thinking wrong there. Yeah. I think it would, no, it's not a mistake. So I think you and we have the right instincts.

And also there's that horrible saying, isn't that? Happy, happy wife, happy life. It's not about that, but happy people, happy children. You know, you've got to be fulfilled and you've got to give, you know, her the chance. to be fulfilled too and also be confident without one of you around all of the time. You know, she needs to be confident when you're not there, when he's not there, when she's with someone who's not either of you, that's a gift. Yeah.

You can't sort of just attach them to their breast forever. I mean, some people try. They do try. And that is a rich comedy mind. Can I ask with everything that you've done, a single mom, you're in a boardroom, you're working all the time. Did you find time to date? Oh, God, yeah.

Did you? Hell yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've dated, as my daughter now says, she's like, you've dated a ridiculous amount of mom. And I, yeah, I dated, I dated far and wide. It was my favorite hobby.

I love that. I mean, I was an early adopter of, like, the dating stuff before the apps were there. I was online. I was making the effort loading it on my browser. When no one was doing it, when there were like 50 people on Guardian Soulmates, of whom 10 were the same person pretending to be 10. people. So yeah, I dated. I split up with my kids' dad when my children were, and prior to him, he wasn't like someone I met at school and my one boyfriend. So I lived a rich experience before him.

And then we split up when the children were young, three and five. And then from then onwards, I didn't hold back on dating. So yeah, I was always dating, like to the point that I think, a waste of time. I could think of all the Jane Austen novels I could have been reading. You said it's your favourite hobby. It was a real fun. You were investing in your hobby. It was such a fun hobby.

And I was on business trips a lot. So, like, when I would travel away, I was like, why not? Everyone would be like, are you getting lots of early nights because of the babies? I'd be like, no. I'm not. This is like me. It's like when everyone's like, oh, should you go to bed? And I'm like, no, you don't understand.

This is precious time. Yeah, I am living five nights in this one hour. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to create. crazy night out. You're away. You need to find a date. Yeah. So I ended, yeah, so I did date far and wide. And I think I just assumed I would find another person like my kids, but my kid's dad is still an important part of my life and he's and he and his partner and their kid are part of our family.

And I'm, you know, love them and they're really important. And we all live 10 minutes away. And I think I just assumed I would find another him. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll find another person who I live with and we settle and that just was absolutely not to be. So I have had the most fun and the most atrocious taste in humans. I've got very good taste in friends. Yeah, friends I'm great on, family I'm great on, animals I'm great on. But yes, I think, yeah, I've had terrible taste in terrible taste for audio. Anyone listening? My dog has got his tongue deeply in a glass of order. But yet all that time And now, you know

And this slurping animal on my knee I joke that he's the best husband I never had Because he's so fun to hang out with So I just really like Hanging out with a dog And I have dated since I've had the dog I'm on a bit of a hiatus at the moment Because my last, even by my standards

My last dating experience was so negative I was like, do you know what? I'm not doing this anymore I need a break I need a break I can't put myself through that anymore. Do you normally have guests with a sound effect of slurping? Never before. Never before. Sometimes it's me to be fair. Yeah. It's like Harriet, stop. Stop slurping. It's disgusting.

Harriet, I've put a dog with tits on my profile. What are you like on dates? I imagine you're... Fun, attractive. Perfect. Perfect. You know, yeah, a 10. Solid 10. That's like, like all of us, right? and the people are very lucky to have me on the date. I think I'm sort of pretty much how I am. I think maybe I used to be a bit more of a people pleaser. Nowadays, less so. So, like, yeah, there are sort of some... I was always quite good at leaving dates

if I didn't like people. So when I was doing... So my advice is for online dating and I used to do so much of it when I was a single busy mum and I would always have something else going on outside that I was going to... So I'd have another thing.

Like, I would have friends who'd be down the pub and I was going to join them after. And I would always say, because I'd have a babysitter, I would always say to the person, I have to be somewhere in an hour. I've only got an hour. And I really would have a thing I could go to. But it was never a thing I had to go to.

So it wasn't like I'm meeting my friend, Sarah, and we're going to the cinema. So if I was having a lovely time, then I would say after an hour, actually, I don't need to go to that thing, I'll stay. But it meant I always had an out. That's great. And sometimes when I started stand up, the out was I had a gig,

and I really did have a gig. So I remember the last guy I kind of really fell for. I said, I've only got an hour. And then I got the wrong pub And ended up So I actually ended up with like 27 minutes And I had and then I was on stage I was like I've got a gig

And he said who are you going to see? I said, Me And we literally had time for a drink And a snog And then I had to be on stage 27 minutes I love it

Incredible Yeah I actually did this where I arranged a date before like dinner before a gig And the food didn't arrive And I had to leave It was like, it was crazy.

But yeah, you just, it's a way of fitting it in. And then he was really cool about it and then just came and met me around the corner for a drink afterwards. Yeah, well, I totally, and also that's important. I can have to take us as we are, which is bad ass comedians. But yeah, my advice is to not make it the only thing. If you're a single mum dating, don't make it the only thing you're doing that night. That's such good advice because I think that feeling has to be a good night for you. And they may or may not be part of your good night.

So, yeah. So that's my advice. Double dip. And also leave. Leave if you don't like someone or they say something that offends you or whatever. Just go. You don't need to explain. I think for all women it's helpful because that's a whole evening and then it can get you down.

Whereas if you're like, oh, that was a bad hour, but then I had a great time afterwards. Yeah. It's a good night. Yeah. I remember I was thinking about dating stories before I came, but is what not to do was that I, so I always would have a wing woman. I write about this in the book or a wing person. but it was usually a woman. So I would tell them because I was meeting people from that,

their internet, in the days when it was much less normal to do it. And I would always tell a mate, you know, where I was going. And with whom I would send the profile and if I had a phone number, which I always did, I'd say that somebody knew what was going on. And a few of my friends were like main wing women at that time. And I remember sending a thing to my girlfriend,

who actually I saw last night for a curry 20 years ago, probably. And I said, I'm going to the World Festival Horse. I said, I'm going to the RFH. And I'm going to be there at seven. Anyway, I messaged her later on saying he was a real prick, but I'm home now. And she went, why did you meet him at the Royal Free Hospital? And I was like, you were the shittest wingwoman ever. And like, why would anyone have a date?

What, in this sort of bit with the smoking heart patients? Let's hang out here. But so anyway, the different, and another wing woman I used to have a look back then, Joe. I met someone at the engineer pub in Primrose Hill, which knew where I live. And I walked in and this guy was like, who I was meeting, was like, way old. as they often were back then, way older than he'd said. And he was sitting chatting to other people.

And then he just started telling me about, like, engineering and the pipeworks under London. And I was like, oh, God. So I messaged my friend Joe, he went up to the bar to get jinks saying, 10 years older than he said, and really fucking boring about engineering. Only I'd said it to him.

Oh. I got a text, no, Kelly. No, I can't. I can't. Saying, I'm not that old. And I've got stories that aren't about engineering and do you want ice? and I couldn't leave because I was in the end of the pub

like the bar was between me and the exit. Oh no. Yeah, and then by the time he sat down, my phone was on the table. So this is by the time we all had mobiles and apps. This would have been probably on, I don't know what, Tinder or something back then. And then my friend Joe sent back a sort of phallic meme of piston engines, which as he put the drinks down, lit up on the table. Oh, my God.

Oh my God. Oh God, that's so stressful. Are you good at making the first move? Yes. What are your tips? Very good at making the first move. Do you mean in terms of asking someone out or the physical stuff? Both please, Halloween, all of the advice you've got.

Yeah, well, making the first move, I mean, obviously consent goes both ways. So I'm not pinning people up against a wall just because I'm an older woman. I'm right. We've been persecuted for years. It's my moment. Shut up. So I think, obviously, to make sure that we're making sure things are wanted. But yeah, I think it's completely fine to...

How are you doing it? Well, I would say something that is much more... I would say that I fancy them. I find them really attractive. I would say... Interesting. Yeah, I would say something that was overtly, you know, if we were talking about reading William Thackeray,

and I was really fancying the person. I would say, I'm kind of thinking about other things right now. You know, I don't often find people as attractive as I find you. Something like that. I would never do that. That's amazing. Yeah. I think...

And it works. Unless she's like, never works. Unless you ever. I've never had sex. And that's why I've got a dog. But I've read a lot. And I'm great at needle points. So do what I do, girls.

No, I think... Like even the last time I fancied somebody... Because the bar has sort of changed a bit for me in terms of... I don't know what's changed. Something's changed. Anyway, I don't fancy as many people as I used to fancy. I used to just fancy. I'd say to my friends, I find him really attractive.

Unusually, they'd be like, well, it isn't unusual, is it, Kelly? Because you just fancy everybody. I'd be like, oh, yeah. And my type was broad. But I was hosting an awards thing recently, and there was a guy on the sort of top table when you're having dinner, and you don't normally meet, like, the hot guys at those things.

But this guy, we got chatting, and there was a massive, like, chemistry. I was like, oh, God, I haven't felt like this for ages. And I sort of thought he was feeling the same. And in that case, I just made sure that at the end of the night, so he'd won some award for whatever at the end of the night and I'd handed out the award and then I had to go. And I made a point, he was in a big circle of people and I just made a point of really making, having quite prolonged eye contact with him as I was saying goodbye to the group. And I just wanted

to make absolutely sure that we'd fully locked eyes. So we locked eyes for quite a long time. And I was pretty sure that it was mutual the thing. And then he messaged me afterwards. So I think even that was just a clear move. I wasn't looking away. I was saying I'm leaving, but I wanted him to know it isn't because I wouldn't like in other circumstances to talk to you quite a lot more. So we've just got to own that.

We've got to own that shit. And we get rejected so much as stand-ups and people in showbiz. What's the worst someone we fancy going to throw at us? It's not going to be worse than some of the things that happen at the boat show on a Friday night. That's true. Or in a tent at a festival.

I mean, we've got the chops for rejection. Otherwise, we wouldn't be doing this. So, for example, say I have a crush on someone. Just using you as an example. Using me as an example. So I have a crush on someone. And I think maybe there's a vibe, but I'm not fully sure. Would you advise for or against me just messaging and saying, like,

I think you're really hot. Do you want to snog? I think the better thing is to try and find a way to do it for. face to face. Oh, that's so scary. Yeah, because I feel like otherwise you're sort of chatting out of an open window. Like a mad person. This is the risk of the not reply.

Yes. You give them a lot of power for the not reply. Yeah. So I think if you can do a more of a, you find a way to do it more face to face. I think that's really good. Yeah. But I definitely don't believe. I was definitely from an era.

You know, I was born in the 60s. Women were meant to like be holding things back and sort of playing games and playing games and playing hard to get and making the guy do the running and don't let it. It's like, I always just thought, what a load of absolute chites. Like, what, what? So, you know, I think we need to, what are we waiting for? I mean, yeah, we don't want to go hurling in without reading the room, but we know, Amy. Yeah.

So read the room. Uh-huh. Amy gets her skates on, her helmet. Knee pads. I'm hurling. I'm hurling. Let's go. Exactly.

Read the room. But I think when you're reading the room, you know, we know how to read a room. And what are we scared of? And also, if they're going to be a dickhead or reject us or ghost us or whatever, they are a dickhead. So we might as well flush out the dickness. Or they're not your person or they're a dick. Or they're not your person who's also a dick. And then skate on, my friends.

Skate on. Thank you so much, Kelly. Your book is available in paperback now. It's available. Yeah, Namaste, Motherfuckers. It was out in hardback last year. It's coming out in paperback form on the. 21st of May and I'm touring everywhere.

I'm doing a show that it's a two-hour one-woman show and the first half is pretty much, well, is stand-up. And the second half is more book and other things. And my dog started crying when I talked about my tour. He said, but you leave me to go on tour. So don't worry, Jeff. And where can people find tickets for that? All at Calibeton.com is the best place to go.

And the tour is carrying on at the moment. There are dates listed until the end of 2026. And we're about to extend into 2020. Oh my God. Amazing. Amazing. Well, thanks for having me. Inspiring and wise. Thank you. Right back at you. Is it Ham? Incredible. Yeah. Callie Unbeaten. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I love that. That should be our next book. Yes.

That's really good. Yeah. I think it's so, it's so inspiring to hear of people that just like keep wanting to get better. Yeah. It does feel like a thing that like as you get older, like the instant. really is just to kind of start just shutting down. Yeah. Oh, fuck it. I am what I am. Yeah. I'm not a learner.

I'm not advancing on this. But I feel like we did. I certainly learn. I learn whether I retain the information is another thing. But I'm fair and present for it. That's not. It's on me. It's not on her.

Yeah. But yeah, I think it's really inspiring. Because already I'm like, I don't want to go out. I don't want to do things. I don't want to learn. But, you know, you must. You must.

The thing I'm so excited to do is, which I know I will fuck up. up to try and hold eye contact with someone I fancy until they realize. I was really thinking that for you. I think that's a really good way of doing it. It's like a, it's letting them know or just getting into conversation. I don't think I've ever said this to a man that I find attractive. Well, obviously you're attractive.

Do you imagine just slipping that in? I find it really hard giving me in compliments. We've learned this about you. That's one of the things I've learned about you. I've got better at it though. Yeah? I've literally got better. I've started to like say nice things to them.

Like it's really, I'm really learning. I just didn't really, it never really occurred to me. Yeah. But actually they really like it. And it's a way of showing them that you do like them. It's almost like they're people. Almost. But I'm going to take on a lot of, like I just, you know,

hope to have a tenth of Callie's sort of drive. It's incredible. Yeah, wants to live her best life. Yeah. And I do not like this phrase. but I do feel it's the first time it's ever been appropriate. She's a girl boss. She's an effing girl boss.

She's girl bossing all over the shop. Yeah. And doing so incredibly well and she's so cool and funny. And it's so hot being like, yeah, I fancy you. Oh my God. I love that. Snogging after 27 minutes. Come on, that's hot.

I turned up my date. It's like ages to order the food because of the allergies. And then they had that whole thing. And they went the food finally. He did come before he came out to leave. No, kids. Obviously approach. Okay.

We're learning. We're learning. We're learning. So Callie's book, Namaste and Motherfuckers, Top 10 bestseller Sunday Times, thank you very much, is out in paperback. Now, get yourself a copy. And you can follow Callie on Instagram at Callie Beaten Comedian.

Thank you to Kelly. Thank you, Kelly. Jeff. Hello, single ladies! If you're a single lady and you're interested in meeting other single people who are really furious about the direction of the Labour Party and a contemplating voting green for the first time, then you might meet them in the audience at one of my tour shows. I'm Nish Kumar and my stand-up comedy show is called Angry Humour from a really nice guy. We're going to the UK and Ireland between September and November of 2006 and the tickets are available right now. I will, if requested, organise. a dating service during the show. I would say if you're interested in meeting some very angry people, they will be at the show and they will be mad as hell. Tickets are available at nishcamore.coma. coma.ukh. None of this is legally binding. You may not meet your live partner at one of Nishkamars tour shows.