Single Ladies In Your Area - Amy and Harriet CATCH UP

Episode Date: April 24, 2026

Amy and Harriet haven’t been in the studio together for a little while, so this week they finally catch up on what’s been going on in their own dating lives and discuss getting back out there, having big crushes, and nearly-but-not-actually sending some v horny text messages. That, my friends, is ✨growth✨.Amy's taking her brand new show Thanks For Having Me on tour around the UK from Feb 2027. Tickets are on sale from 10am Friday 24 April, just head to plosive.co.uk.And Harriet is going on tour with her brand new stand-up show Floozy this autumn. For tickets and dates head over harrietkemsley.com.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodProduced, recorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photo by Paul Gilbey.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill And I'm Harriet Kemsley We're both single and in our 30s And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene And the landscape has changed Everyone has settled down But we're back out there We're desperately trying to figure out

What the hell we should be doing So we're going to speak to experts Chat about dates we've been on If we managed to get any And share your tips and horror stories So we all feel less alone We might even get our exes on Yeah, we'll see about that

This is Single Ladies in Your I'm so happy you're here. I'm so happy to be here. I've been away. I've been in the north of England doing my stuff. But I'm back. She's back.

I'm back and ready to catch up. Single lady in your area. Just walking around with a carrier bag. Someone called the police. What was she up to? She looks baffled, bless her. She's in the wrong area, of course. Single lady in the wrong area.

Oh, no. It's not the same when you're not here. I'm so happy you're back. Thank you, me too. I'm so happy you're back. We haven't had a proper chat since like last year. I know. That's crazy.

Yeah. We did, we did go to L.A. together. Well, we've chatted. We've chatted. But we haven't chatted on the podcast. Imagine if we just didn't see each other on speaking between. We only must be gone pod. Um, yes.

I hung up. No Amy. No Amy. Safe for pod. Must say for pod. God, what, I mean, we're both still single. Yes. Yes. It is the thing. It is true.

That is the thing. I have been through a roller coaster. You have. I've had like two kind of almost relationships. And it's kind of been amazing in a way because I think what I've learned from it, what our good friend Chloe Pets was telling me she was like, your heart is just open.

And I think I was so worried before that it wasn't. And then now it is, which is really nice. And I met two guys that were great and they nearly became something, but it just wasn't quite right. And I think what was really nice is just that there are nice guys out there and that I feel like I have grown in a way that I know what is right for me and what I'm looking for. Yeah.

That's the whole goal of life and this podcast is not to actually find someone. It's to be in a position where you're open to it and you know what you want and won't accept anything other than that. Yeah, this is it. That's the entire goal. Yeah. And you've done it. Yeah. So it feels, I can just rest now.

Oh, you're done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done it. Pop this single lady back in bed. She's done. But I think it's what's nice with it is. just kind of like a reminder of what it is like to be in a relationship.

And also I think it is a thing of just, I think the problem is you just get used to somebody being there and somebody to speak to. And I think then I just always find the withdrawal is like coming off drugs or something. It's literally just your nervous system is attached to somebody. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. It would be interesting to ask about it. And if they have the same thing.

But I often feel like I have to like detach. My body has to like regulate a little bit. And then I can think clearly and be like, no, you know, it wasn't. because of this and this and this and then it's, you know, it's fine. It's fine, but it is hard and you mustn't think it's not hard because I get, you know, if I just really like someone and then they don't text me back. I feel withdrawal from that sometimes. Depending on, definitely depending on where I am in my cycle.

But like, sometimes it will like ruin my day that I'm like, well, you've seen that and you've not texted me back. And I'll be like, well, I'm absolutely devastated by that. And then the next day, I really don't care. This is it. I think it's just a very confusing thing of like not running away in your head with anything. It's like trying to stay present and just be like, is this something? And also that it just does, I think what happened with me was that I met people for the first time that didn't have any obvious red flags.

Yeah. And lived in the same country that you were like, oh, this could be a thing. Like it could be a thing. But I forgot that just because they don't have red flags, it doesn't mean that they're, necessarily the right person for you and you just need to let it play out. Do you know what that's exactly like? I feel it's like when you go shopping

and you're a size that they don't often have in the shop and you see something in the shop in your size and you're like, well, I've got to get it. You're like, I don't even like it. It doesn't suit me. But just because it's in my size. Or if something's on sales. Yeah.

I've got to get that. Yeah. But do you like it though? Is it right for you right now? well no it's a bikini and it's winter but it is in my size so technically I should just have it yeah yeah exactly and then you're trying to make it fit and then you're like I'm cold I'm really cold I'm really uncomfortable all the time I'm really unhappy but it does fit so yeah oh it's tricky isn't it so yeah it's tricky but it's um yeah it's just so odd I just feel like I feel like

I'm dating probably for the first time in my life ever which feels mad like I just never really, I just would get drunk and fall into bed with somebody. And then eventually I'd lunge and they'd be my boyfriend. And now I'm like properly dating and like I'm like not seeing. I'm like trying to wait. Like I think I can be a bit too firm on this. But trying to wait like a few months before you see somebody as a partner. Just like, that's great.

But each time it's like, oh, well it like will play out and you'll just see. I'm just trying to observe and see how it how the land lies. How the land falls. How the bird That's bad, isn't it? Yeah, the landslides. I think that's bad. I feel like there's a landslide happening.

I'm just going to wait a few more weeks and see if this landslide happens. It feels like there's a landslide moving towards me. Let me just check my book. Yeah, I can see now. It's an avalanche, yeah. And I can't remember if I'm supposed to stay or go. Well, but you've grown.

If you think back to the first episode. I can't believe, thinking back on the first episode when we said, how do you kiss? How do you kiss on my? How do we kiss boys? How do we flirt? Like, all of this stuff is just like so pathetic. Like, oh my God. I don't want to slag old us off, but grow up, you know.

Can we burn those episodes? Before we talk about that, let's just talk about how maybe I haven't grown and maybe need to go back to episode one. Oh, you have grown. You've grown so much. Do you think? I really think you have. Yeah. I really think you have. I don't know.

So I'm really back into having crushes. I'm not dating really, but I'm having a lot of crushes. And we know what I'm like in a crush. I project so much onto these shells of men and then fall for them without really them doing anything at all. There may as well be a poster on my wall. Can I take back what I said? Yes.

Yes. Take it back. I think they're just in times when you're just dealing with life, then maybe you revert to old ways. You're dealing with life and you're busy and you don't have the time to put into all the headspace to put into actively dating.

Yes. The thing you're not actually going out there and meeting people and doing things. And so you're living in your imagination and the crushes are a self-defense. That's what it is. You use the crushes to protect yourself because it's not...

That's what it is. And do you know what? I do find crushes. are a genuine, like, part of my life that is escapism. And it's almost like just putting on a song that you're like, I think having a crush on someone, I find, even though in a lot of ways it's very, can be very toxic and problematic for me

because I will act on them and then go, oh, no, they're awful. But just when they're in my imagination, I think it's like, yeah, a really helpful tool. So for listeners, I am grieving at the moment. I lost my dad in February. So, no, March. I lost him in March, start of March.

And so obviously that's very difficult. And that's why obviously no headspace for dating. And of course, life things happen and dating, you really, the thing that's kind of positive about having something in your life that happens that makes everything very immediate and very like, everything falls immediately into a perspective. that makes total sense and you go, oh, I don't care about this fucking guy, you know,

because you're like, oh, my life, the thing about death or illness or anything bad is that it really does sort out your entire life into a priority list that is so clear, it couldn't be clearer what matters. And dating really just dropped to the bottom of the pile. But, you know, like two months on, I'm enjoying having my crushes. I do think it's sort of helpful and it makes you feel a bit normal again because you know you do sort of turn off a whole side of your personality I think you almost feel guilty of like

having crushes or thinking about frivolity you know in certain situations but life doesn't stop and I think my dad would want me to date But it does put you in like a really weird space as well, particularly if the people that you have crushes on, if you see them and they know that you're grieving, it's a weird, it's sort of, it's a vibe killer.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's a real, it's a real vibe killer, obviously. But I think it's going to be helpful in the long run having this perspective having like, seeing my parents' relationship as well. So they celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary in the February and seeing like, oh, it's really nice to have someone

who loves you and can care for you. And that's the first, God, it's the first time in ages where I've gone, oh no, I do want a boyfriend. I don't want to be old on my own. But maybe we can just be old in our own. I mean, I think you'll have a husband, but I think I will be living in your garage. No, we'll all live with our husbands.

No. Will I live in my garage with our husbands? That's how it's got to be. That's it. I'm not accepting anything else. But I think that's so beautiful. I think that's, and that's the thing to hold on to is there's an example of what is out there and you can't settle for anything that isn't that?

Yeah. I think there's a lot that you can, there's a lot that you can see past if the foundation of the relationship is that you ultimately care about someone and will be there when they need you. And I think in my last relationship, my last like long term relationship, I was putting up with a lot of stuff, but in my head thinking, but if I really needed him, I think he'd be there. And then when I really needed him, he wasn't there. And I was like, oh, then this is nothing. So I think there's so much now, I feel like with this perspective, I could overlook, but they have to be, they have to be kind.

and they have to be, they have to have empathy. And I know obviously that should be, that should be the base level, but it's just really confirmed to me like, oh, you know, someone could be as funny and charming as they like, they can, you know, be super smart or whatever. None of that ultimately matters. It's just about if they can care.

Are they going to be there during the big life news that are coming? Yeah. And no amount of charm or intellect or hotness can, even be a patch on someone who is genuinely there for you and cares about you as a person. So I guess I have grown actually. I take all of that back.

My God, she's grown there are so much. I think actually I have grown. Whoa. Wow. It's a match. And I tell you another way I've grown. I have stopped myself sending some really bonkers messages. Yeah.

So I was about to message someone who I have a crush on, and we sort of, I don't know, there might be a vibe there. There also really might not be a vibe there. I was going to bump into him. He was going to be at the same thing. And I nearly messaged him in the morning. And Harriet, this is wild. I nearly messaged him.

Should I shave my legs for tonight? And I can't stress enough. There really might not be a vibe. Oh my God. I'm so stressed. I'm so stressed. Yeah. Yeah.

And I... But why the fuck not? But also... Because it would be mental. Yeah. And also you're just... All you're doing there is creating the image of hairy legs. Yeah.

So it's not... Yeah, that's very true. It's not like the most sexy. Should I wash my stinky pits for tonight? Winky face? Should I scrape my tongue for tonight, sir? I get out the femme wash. Give myself a good once over.

Viginal douche for tonight or not kissy face. Yeah, obviously I should... Yeah. Obviously, I should never have sent that, but I just... But you didn't. That's growth. That is growth, actually. And do you know what I sent instead?

Would you like to hang out sometime? That's nice. And he said, yeah. That's really nice. And I think if I'd have been like... That's really wholesome. Me, Shiv, heavy legs, snipe for you, fuck man. I think he wouldn't have responded.

Or he would have been like, oh, I feel so awkward. I feel awkward. No, but you didn't send it. You didn't send it. It was just a thought. It was just a thought. And those thoughts so quickly would have become actions. And it didn't.

But I, there's a part of me that's like, I don't have the time or the head space for all these back of, oh, oh, little subtle flirting, little cheekiness. I want to say, hello, I really fancy you. Shall we try and have sex and see how it is? I do agree with that. But I also, I think that it has to be, it's, that's forcing it a bit. You know what I mean?

Oh, it's really forcing it, Harriet. It's almost threatening. If a guy sent that to me, I would genuinely think about calling the police. But I'm just like, I just want to like accelerate these bits to the bit where it's fun. Yeah. Do you what I mean? I do completely know what you mean. But I think some of these people are not the most reliable people.

And so you're trying to make something with people that aren't. And actually if you were to, look, I don't know why, but like go on like the apps or like meet people where it's like. God, but it's so long. But it's, but that is, life is long. You know what I mean? Like it's like you're, you're starting something. It's like you can't rush these things and force them because then it doesn't go anywhere. It's like things are forced and it's not.

I totally get you. It doesn't work. And I know that it's boring. What if you just want to have sex? Have you heard of the apps? Yeah, but even that's... Oh, hi, how's your weekend? Yeah, yeah, no, I know.

Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. Can we have sex or not? Yes. Yes. I do, I... I do completely agree. I do completely agree with that. But that's not how I want to meet the love of my life, you understand.

Yeah. I want that to be, you know, about like a meeting of minds and... But there's just some people where I'm like, can we... Can we... Can we just? Would it be so hard? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I really do know what you mean.

I don't know how I've got into this headspace is this one guy who I just think is like the hottest, oh, outrageously, perfect physically, and seems really cool. And we message a bit, but it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just want to say, look, it's not hard. Should we bang? Can we just bang?

Or not. If not, fine. Like, absolutely fine. You've suggested three different versions of this message. Let me... Let me just take the last five minutes. These are all different versions of the same message. I think, Harriet, what's happening is I'm horny.

I was... And I haven't. And I... Yeah. It's been a long time. Yeah. And I think that's complete... That's completely...

And that's fine. Fair enough. Yeah. But I think you do want sex, but I think, I think with these people it's, you also would want more. And so trying to just make it sex is not the, it's not the way. Oh, God, isn't it boring and hard? It is really boring and hard. I also went through a period when I was like, I just, and I was.

I remember your horny period. It was absolutely fascinating. I keep having horny periods. I love it. I don't know what's happening. But it's like, I think I just thought, once I gave birth, I really thought, I'm a mother now and I'm just going to not have sex anymore in my whole life. Wrong.

Wrong. And I'm going through this like this period. And it is, but it is always complicated and it's frustrating. Yeah. But it also is like a dance or it is a thing. And it's like it's not sexy just to be like, should we just bang then? Like that's not a sexy message. All right.

Well, I'll go back to should I shave my legs? Winky face. Do you know what? This is absolutely discussing. One of my other options for the message to the shave legs guys was, do you like snogging? That's quite cute. That is quite cute, actually.

I prefer that one. Do you prefer that one? Yeah, I prefer that one. I was going to put, do you like snogging? Maybe we could have a secret snog. I just feel like it shouldn't be this hard for you. I just think it shouldn't be this hard for you. And I think that you are putting things in your way by people that are unavailable.

These are these are people that are unavailable. because there would be a thousand people that would love to snog you. Well, I don't know where they are. 100,000 million people that would want, all of them would want to snog you. But you seem to focus on the ones that have things happening in their brains, in their personal lives. Things are happening and they're just like,

I don't know if you're doing it on purpose to protect yourself and you think that you want things, but you don't. I don't think I am. I'm really trying to be more than available. Because if you just want sex, Amy, I don't think that I'm like, I'm saying anything that's out of the ordinary here. You could have sex a thousand times today so easily if you're just looking for sex. That is there for you. But I also completely understand about the game because I also have had the same thing.

And when me and Lou went snowboarding, I was like, I just really, really need to have sex. I just really, and then it just felt impossible. It just felt impossible to like make a connection with somebody and be like, I'm not looking for the love of my life. I'm looking for a certain thing, but also I do want to be treated with respect and I want you to like me and all these other things. And I need to fancy you and have any of your vibe

and all of this stuff. It's not straightforward. I guess what I'm looking for is to have sex with the love of my life. See, yes. This is... This is... This is...

It takes me found the problem. And I guess me texting want bang, question my. is probably not going to... Well, should we just bang then? We're going to bang now? What? Wait, why are you not bang me yet?

Yeah, no, I understand that's not ideal. It feels like that might be. You might have just cracked the code. I think I might have just cracked the code. But I also get why you might just want, like, a distraction and to escape feelings and just to feel like something that isn't hard because you've been through so much hardness recently,

but not in the right way. In very much the wrong way. And let's never equate them two things together ever again. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. I paused as I said it. Yep. Yeah. You've got to get in there and sniff them. Yes, it's difficult, isn't it? You know, you want, I want frissons. Yeah.

I live my life frisson to frisson. She's a frisson. I'm a frisson girl. Give me a frisone. Maybe I don't even want the sex. I just want the frisons. I want the flurisons. I want the flurons. I want the like, I guess as well, and not to link it back to that, but I guess as well, you don't feel there's no sexiness or femininity when you're grieving. It's all like, it's all down and sad and, you know, you're just a big grieving lump.

I want to feel like hot and sexy and wanted and flirted with. Do you know what I mean? I think that makes a thousand percent because I think that you threw yourself in in a way that was like amazing and incredible and you had to completely be like 100% focused in one way. And then when you do that, you then other parts of you aren't being seen to rightly. Like you did everything incredibly. But now you're like, oh, but I haven't tended to these other parts of myself for a while. But let's be real.

I only cared for someone. My dad, not like a boy. I only cared for someone for like two months. I cannot imagine how mothers feel, you know, like, or like people that have. just had babies, how on earth, because that's not a two month and then they're out, that's like a commit, like I am so in awe of mums that get back out there, because you're always caring for someone. And how on earth do you feel the time and space to be like, I'm sexy? It must be so hard. I think that is. And I think it's like, it is a universal thing. When you're in a caring position,

it's really hard to then switch into sexy. Yeah. Like it's just, you're, you're, tired and your focus is on something. And switching focus is not, it's not an easy thing. It's not easy thing. But I think that, I think that you just need to try and look after yourself right now. Like I think that now is a time when you just have to do everything you can to look after you, you. And maybe I keep, this is like a, I think I'm becoming more and more woo-woo in my old age

or I'm hanging around with Lou too much. I don't know what's happening. But I think the universe is protecting us in a way. Like I think the universe is like trying to stop these things from happening. It's because it's like maybe you just need to be, you need to be wrapped up a little bit at the moment and treated nicely. And I can't trust any of these fucks. So that's these fucks that you are focused on, I wouldn't quite trust them.

I think you need to be looked after and treated incredibly. And I don't know if I quite trust that. And I feel like I've been protected because there's been a couple of times when I, yeah, I nearly got into a relationship, but then I was thinking, and then it didn't happen. And then I was thinking back on every relationship I've been on.

I can't think of a single person I've been in my life that I would be happier if I was with them right now. Yes. Oh my God. And so everyone has ended. And when it's ended,

I've been like, oh, like, sad. Oh, God. I should have done this, we should have done that. Every single one, I'm like, if I was with this person right now, I would be miserable. Yes.

So it's like all this stuff. We just have to kind of like let it, we have to be active, but just like let things play out and stop trying to force things so much. Right. I'll delete the wannabang text. I quite like... I do like snogging. That is... That's pretty cute.

But I think you're right. And I also think like... Yeah. I... Whilst I'm having this need to be like flirted with and frissons, I also think... deep down, I know it's like a almost self-destructive... These messages feel like a sort of knee-jerk reaction. They don't feel like a sort of centred, grounded, healthy, we're back into dating, you know? And I understand that. And that's your normal approach.

And that's just my, that's how I normally do it. But yeah, you know me, that's how I, I'm normally so calm and collected and just grounded. I don't think anyone would ever describe us as grounded in any way. God, they're so grounded. They take their time. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't rush. They consider everything. Yeah. No. I see Fitman. I instantly think I'll send a picture of my bumhole or something. You want?

Question mark. Exclamation mark. Sail on now. Sail on now. That's literally what I feel like I'm doing. Yeah. And do you know what? I'm about to go into like a job for six weeks where I won't really have time for dating.

But I feel like within that, you could a little bit like, I'm not, I don't think the apps are amazing. But I think it is all that I know from that is that it just is clearer that somebody is there for the same thing. Yes. Whereas some of your things it's not quite clear if they're in the same thing. And so at least then it's like a clear thing. And you're going to be away. And as you know, like when we're away sometimes, like that's a better way to. When we're away, nothing happens.

Just like at home if you know what I mean. Although I will say actually... Australia. Australia. Actually, when I'm in a different country... Austin. Yeah. Yeah, when I'm in a different country, obviously, I clean up.

You're in the UK. But I'm in the UK. But when we went to L.A., I know I sound like... This goes back on everything that I've just said, but it was only one night, so it doesn't count. but I did spend a lovely evening with who he is naming himself my American lover. Oh, it's so chic.

It's so chic. Oh, you've taken a lover. I've taken a lover. It's time you've taken a lover. And he's a great man. He's a kind, funny, fit man. Could he be international? Could be fly him in?

Can we write that off? Can we write that off on the podcast? Can that be tax deductible? Yeah. I'll sit in between you. I tell you what, Harriet, it wouldn't. Stop us. Honestly, I'll just leave you a question if you can go host this one together.

No, he's fantastic. He's like, he's like a little sexy angel that just keeps him ticking over. Oh, that's wonderful. And he's so kind and funny and good. He's a good-hearted man. Yeah, it's lovely. But he lives in a different country and also, you know, it's not like a, it wouldn't, you know, We couldn't.

But wow. It's a thing of well when they live in a different country of you haven't seen all of them. Of course. Yeah. But I think, and I think it's so wonderful that you had that. Like to have a little escape and to feel like yourself in the midst of such a hard time in your life is wonderful. It was a real tonic. Oh, wow.

All I'll say is Las Vegas balcony. You read a book? Yeah, I read a book on that balcony. Oh, I read a book several times over. Oh my goodness. Ground floor. Noon, ground floor. But other than that, my life is a desert.

Well, I mean, that's incredible. It was a treasure. It was a real treasure. Well, I think we have grown and learned. We have. Yeah. And it's good even in the bits where we're kind of going, oh, am I doing this wrong?

At least we're realising that it might be wrong. Yeah. You know? And I think that is good to think about what you actually are looking for. I think sometimes you can try and protect yourself and be like, I'm just looking for this or I'm not really looking for anything proper. And maybe you are more than you think. Yeah.

God, it would be great, actually. I've never even considered how good it would be to just have the love of my life. I've just sort of written that off as a possibility. You know what? After years of this podcast, I think we might be ready for the loves of our lives. Let's say that to the universe. We walk out of this, you go, straight into twins. Oh, useful twins.

You cannot say we haven't done the work. We've done so much work. You cannot say we haven't. We're working overtime. Tried so hard. Yeah. Okay, well, fingers crossed for twins. I'm really proud of you.

I'm proud of you. I'm so sorry you've had just an unimaginable time and I just am so happy to be here with you. Thank you. Me too. Watch out if you're in Las Vegas. Hello, single ladies. If you're a single lady

and you're interested in meeting other single people who are really furious about the direction of the Labour Party and a contemplating voting green for the first time, then you might meet them in the audience at one of my tour shows. I'm Nish Kumar and my stand-up comedy show is called Angry Humour from a Really Nice Guy.

We're going to the UK and Ireland between September and November of 2,000. and the tickets are available right now. I will, if requested, organize a dating service during the show. I would say if you're interested in meeting some very angry people, they will be at the show and they will be mad as hell. Tickets are available at nishkhmat.coma.com.ukh. None of this is legally binding.

You may not meet your live partner at one of Nishkama's tour shows.