Single Ladies In Your Area - Attachment theory, the universe and rewriting our lists

Episode Date: June 19, 2026

This week on the podcast, Harriet tells Amy more about attachment theory, and the two of them look back at the lists they wrote in series one of what they're looking for in their dream romantic partner. Is a commitment to the NHS the most important thing? Does being deep matter anymore? And are magicians still off the cards?You can now watch the full video episode over on our Patreon, head to isitham.org.Amy's taking her brand new show Thanks For Having Me on tour around the UK from Feb 2027. Tickets are on sale now, just head to plosive.co.uk.And Harriet is going on tour with her brand new stand-up show Floozy this autumn. For tickets and dates head over harrietkemsley.com.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodProduced, recorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Assistant Producer is Amy Townsend-Lowcock for Plosive.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello, it's Harriet, and I've just come on to let you know that I'm on tour. Later in the year, I'm bringing my show Flusi to you. I'm flusying about the UK. Lots of new shows have been added. Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Birmingham, London, New Date there, and we've added Winchester, Frum, got in trouble for pronouncing that wrong. Frum, Taunton, Leeds, Milton, Keanes, Leicester, Margate, Farnham. And let's not forget, Colchester.

You can get tickets at Harrietkembley.com And I'd love to see you there. Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down.

But we're back out there. And we're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on. If we managed to get any. And share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone.

We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that. This is single ladies in your area. It's just so cozy when it's the do of us and dog. And dog. We've got a podcast dog called Sunny's back. It's Harry. It's beautiful, very talented dog.

He's such a good boy. He's got a bad poor. It's hard. It's hard being a dog. And it's hard being a woman. A woman. Yeah. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.

Boom, bum, bum. Giving all your love to just one dog. Amy, she's got a voice. What can't you do? That was beautiful. Find a man. Oh, yes, the point of the podcast. Remember?

Well, I have something that might help you. Oh, well. I have been reading a book. Oh, my God. Just when you think, you know, Harriet, she really throws a curveball. Yeah, it turns out I can do it all. Go on. I've been reading a book.

So there's more to the story. So the book is not the end. It's just the beginning. It's just the beginning. The book is called Attached. Okay. I'm in. Yeah.

So it's about something we've spoken about before. Attachment styles. Interesting. And as we all know, we are anxiously attached. I was actually going to say, but I've realized I've got attachment styles mixed up with something else. I was going to say, acts of service. We are acts of service.

We are acts of service. Although actually speaking of that, I've realised my love language is acts of service and it's not gifts. Oh, that feels like growth. That is growth, isn't it? I actually don't care about gifts. I care about someone doing something for me. Do things for me.

Yes. So anyway, attached is about attachment stars. As we know, we're anxious. And so there's three different types. One is secure. One is anxious. And one is avoidant. Yes. Middle finger up there.

that for the avoidant one. There is, so in the book it says that 25% of people are anxious, 25% are avoidant and 50% are secure. No. Well, the problem is, you might feel like you're coming across a lot of avoidant men. Do you know what the problem is? The problem is, all the secure ones get attached quickly and they stay because they're secure, so they stay in relationships forever.

And what is left? All the anxious freaks and all the avoidant losers. Just bouncing off each other. just like one's trying to grab them and's trying to run away. That's what's left in this hellscape. This is why everything's fucked. Yeah.

Yeah. This is why it's fucked. Oh, God. But you can work on your attachment style and you can change attachment styles. I'm going to go straight from anxious to avoidance. I'm skipping outside here. Okay, so say I go from anxious to secure.

Mm-hmm. It still means all the other fuckers are avoidant or anxious. I don't want to be with any of them. I think that there will be. There will be some stress. There's some stress. Not all of the, not all of the secures

around relationships, you know, because they, they might have, I've been locked up somewhere for a while. They might have, they might fall in underground. You know how sometimes people get trapped. On the ground.

And then there's a rescue mission and then they emerge and they have a big beard. That's what we're looking for. I love facial hair. Yeah. Yeah. So,

okay. So this is the, this is the thing. And I think it's been very interesting. to read because I've been having feedback in my life from people around me. Women are saying, don't change. You're perfect. Be as you are.

Men are saying, you should try and be different. Oh, okay. You should be less you. You should stop going into things like my ex-husband was actually very sweet the other day. And we had like a nice chat. Give him his flowers when they are due. Don't just say bad things about him. He has very good qualities as well.

And he was very sweet. And he was like, I think you're just, you're just kind of helping yourself all the time and you're just going into the world kind of unguarded against the world and kind of hopeful and not and I don't want to lose I don't want to lose that I think I think I need to get some steps to protect myself a bit from it and I think that's maybe true for a lot of us maybe okay do you think yeah I I mean you never want to be like hey don't be yourself that is literally multiple men have said that to me when I've asked and I've been speaking the isn't it?

Yes, but I know, I don't even know which specific men have said that, but I know the men in your life and I would say we mustn't listen to a word them to say. Okay, okay. But protecting ourselves is good, but we also want to be our authentic selves. It's tricky, isn't it? It's really tricky. It is tricky. And hope is good.

Without hope, we've got nothing. It is good. One of the male friends is saying that I need to stop jumping in with both feet and just put one toe. in. But I put the toe in, I put the rest of the foot and then I put the other foot in and then I move my house in as well. And then I'm in the ship. There's not space for it. It's not space. And I haven't been asked. That's a really crucial detail that I need to slow, slow. But it's so hard. It's so hard to slow things slow and try and be grounded and cool and calm. I'm not. I'll tell you it's hard, babe, but you'll get there.

That's why I said I talk to the expert. Yeah, let me tell you, as a woman who doesn't project onto a man that she's maybe had one interaction with, project that he's the best guy of all time and put all my hopes for the future. It's like, oh, you liked an Instagram post. Well, when we get married,

yeah, it's really tricky. But do you know what? When the right person comes along, they'll want us to jump in with birth feet. Well, this is what I was saying. And they were saying, but you could be less. You could still be less, which does still feel personal. But I literally, like, I highlighted, like, look at all these things I've highlighted.

Like, I've highlighted so many things. Oh, he's from the book. Should I read some things? Well, one really interesting thing, I thought, because I think, I think what's difficult is if you are a single independent lady, like we are. Like, I love that. I'm so proud of us. Like, I think we should like take that on and live that. But it sometimes can get confused as thinking that if you want a partner that you're letting the side down a bit.

Yeah. Yeah. But one of the interesting things in the book was saying about how when you're in a partnership with somebody and it's like a really like true, good partnership. They monitored somebody's brain. And when they got bad news, it had a certain reaction. But when they had bad news and they were holding the hand of the person that they were in a partnership with that they loved and respected, the impact of it was less. Oh my Lord. Obviously they have to be somebody that is,

because I've definitely been with people who have erased the impact of things. It made it much worse. So it's definitely about finding the person that calms your nervous system. But then it's, and it was talking about how we are meant to partner up and to be these support systems for somebody

and to be the person that kind of steadies you and you work through life together. And I just hadn't thought like that, I think, in a long time. Yeah. It feels like kind of in a weird way like the opposite has happened where you have to be like, I'm fine on my own. I'm there. Yes, that's true.

But I think it is nice to think, oh, I'm waiting for the right one. But I do ultimately want a partner and somebody that I can study them and they can study me. God, that would be nice. Oh, imagine. Imagine I'm a good partner who made your life better. It's impossible. Well, this is the thing. All the secure ones have gone, Harriet.

It's just goes in a load of avoidant turtles. Yeah, so when our partners are thoroughly dependable and make us feel safe, and especially if they know how to reassure us during the hard times, we can turn our attention to the other aspects of life that make our existence meaningful. Yeah. It's like having somebody there that you can, like, hold it down for each other. Yeah. But I just, I think with it, it's also just so clear how important it is to pick somebody that is a secure base.

Yes. It's got to be the right person. Oh, it's hard. And it literally talks about how your physical health is affected. Like if you're with a partner who's like not the right partner for you. Oh, yeah. It can make you sick. Yeah. 100%.

Yeah. I think I had the realisation on this podcast, however many episodes before when I was just like, huh, it's so weird that I don't have panic attacks anymore since I've broken up with my boyfriend. Never had once. Well, I had once. one on public transport, which, do you know what? That's a bad boyfriend of themselves. That's a bad boyfriend.

They turn up late. They make you pay. Noisy. Noisy. Stingty. Man coughed in my mouth. Ooh. Why?

I didn't read a book, but I did see something on Instagram, which I would have to share with you if that's allowed. Yeah. So this is good news, actually, for quite a few. Quite a few listeners. So, if you are, Scorpio, like me, Taurus, Leo, or Aquarius, oh, this is going to be great news. The hardest seven years of our lives will end on April the 25th.

So by the time this episode comes out, I imagine it's already ended. So I'm talking now as a woman who's endured seven tricky years. Yeah. But when this is out, I'll be living the high life. You'll probably be on a beach somewhere by the time. I'll be on a beach somewhere. I don't want to pop with the balloon here. But they did say the same thing about cancers earlier this year.

They said I think it was even like maybe a 10 year cycle of hardship was ending. Oh. And it ended. I'd say things still feel quite hard. Things still feel quite hard. Which is confusing when the planets are aligned. Right. Yes.

It's almost like this might be bollets. I hope for all those people though And to be fair that is a third of the population A quarter of the population Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do hope for them that this is true. You've got a hope. Can I, so let me see what it says.

Uranus in Taurus, blah, blah, blah, has been sitting directly across from your sign for seven years Which means the planet of radical disruption Has been pushing on everything Scorpio holds most sacred Like your privacy, the need for control And your carefully managed sense of power. Right.

I don't know if I agree with any of that. But yeah, you have probably had situations over the last seven years where things you thought were safely contained became very much not contained. Secrets came out. I think it's talking about us doing the podcast. So it has to end. It's got to end. It's got to end.

It's been a fun. But we've got to listen to Uranus. Always listen to Uranus. If listeners take away one piece of eyes. Please. Please listen to Uranus. please you must we're not doctors

of the planets or the bodies but you must listen to your anus one thing I always do it's listen to your anus hang on Harriet how's your anus doing today is blocking something

I don't know what it's had a tough seven years let's just say that underneath the ice queen exterior and I think I am seen as an ice queen. It knows you, it's got your card. I keep saying phrases. Is that a true?

I know your card. No. I think it's got your card and I know your... I just keep saying phrases like really confidently. And I say them. I think that's not here. But we are being recorded. I think you've done some other episodes.

I just keep talking. This is the problem with the podcast. You're just talking and you're just... No, maybe I've got your card is a thing. I know your card. I've got your card. I've got your number. Yeah, that makes more sense.

I've got your number. And your card. And the birthday card for your cousin. Yeah, that's... In my bag. Yeah. Basically, the thing that made me go, well, that is me.

It says there has probably been a level of exhaustion that you have not let many people see. Yes. April 25th, that pressure from the outside stops. and what you were left with is actually something really significant. Seven years have been pushed towards integration and letting some of what you hold so tightly actually breathe has made you more powerful, not less.

I don't know what that means, but I do start a new job on April the 26th. You will. Yeah. Maybe it's all going to change for me. Maybe you're going to do this job. Yeah. I've got to do the job, Harriet. Wow.

Stop in the diary. That's spooky. Ooh. Spooky dokey. I guess astronomy is real or astrology or whatever. I've got your number. I guess astronomy is real. I guess we have been to the moon.

Oh, getting things right is so hard. It's really hard. I'm so tired of getting things right. That's maybe on April 25th. That's when I'm going to just be able to rest. Yeah. Stop trying to get things right all the time. Yeah. Just let it go.

Let it go. Maybe we'll just breathe out and just be less exhausted. That would be really nice. Imagine be less exhausted. I can't. No, I can't. I don't know her. I don't know her. Roses are red, violets are blue, we've matched on a nap. What you up to. Ugh. So you know we did a list before.

Yeah. We wrote down like that list of things and then we talked about the other day how we should update our list of what we're looking for in a list. of what we're looking for in a partner. I think we should do that. I think so. It works so well the first time. I think we should. Well, no, but it actually did because I actually met people that had a lot of things on the list. Yeah.

Same. But one of the things I realized was missing that I would add to my list if we're going to do it now. One thing I would add is a feeling. Like I wrote so many things like on the list. And at points with people I felt it. but I didn't have like this, I don't want a consistent feeling of just feeling like safe and like, like, like, so, yeah, like, adored feels like a horrible word. No, say it. But, like, it makes me feel a bit like creepy.

I adore you. I adore you. But then you're like, oh, is that bad for a woman to be adored? Like as if she's. No, Harriet. Just, yeah. We want to be adored. We would adore them. That's it.

I will adore them. I will adore them. And so I want to really, like, feel that and just feel so. And I didn't quite feel that, I guess. At points. did but then I didn't and as soon as it's gone it's gone you know yeah and we don't want it to go you need to feel consistently adored yeah I'm going to read out your list of what you said before let's see if it checks out and makes a lot of sense someone this is number one on the list

someone who checks the doors stand by it yeah stand by it safety someone but somebody that's like getting up and doing something proactive to like work towards the safety of your family I love I really stand by that. And the more it goes on, the more I'm like, like, I was, oh, God, I'm getting so passionate. I've been thinking recently what I'm looking at and I'm adding to the list. I'm like, I don't know. I'm just going to like aim really high because I'm not really like I like know what I really want. Like, yeah.

I would love somebody that would like come with me on tour to like some of the tour dates and like drive me there to some of them. And like, take me to the gig and sit in the audience and like love it and just be like, I'm proud of you and this is great. No, but like a partner. in it. A partner in it. Like, because I'll do that for them with their work. I know. But that you like, and then it's like, it is so lonely, like going on tour and doing all

this stuff. Yeah. But they'll come with you and be part of it and you'll be part of their life. I love being proud of someone. Yeah. And then it's like, rather than being like, oh, it feels like I'm being embarrassing. Or I want him to get into that stage in a relationship with somebody where I'm like, oh, doing stand up.

I just like really like put it down. And I'm like, I'm so self-indulgent. I'm so like, whatever. It's icky. It's icky and like, oh, like, stupid me. And actually I want some. me is like, no, this is like so fucking cool. And like, I know it sounds like a lot, but it sounds so nice.

Not someone that's proud of you for your job and your career that you've worked really, really hard at for more than a decade. Yeah. This is bare fucking minimum. Yeah, but it did, it felt impossible. Yes. It felt impossible a couple of years ago. And then now I'm like, no, that is what I want.

And like, you have a like a show abroad or show somewhere else that they'll come with you and be like, I'll work and I'll do my own stuff like whatever remotely. and you can just be in it together because it was that remember that I didn't want them around and now I've realised I do want somebody that I want to be around yeah I do want to be around somebody

and actually like quality time and physical touch like is something that I like now. Oh my God! Yeah. You're coming over to my way of thinking where I just want to look at their cheese. Someone else to be in control but not controlling. Wow, what does that mean do you think?

Oh yeah. I don't know, I don't know if I don't know if I said that. But yeah, somebody to take charge of it, somebody to just do, because you're not just making every decision, yeah. But also that, you know, they don't ruin your life. You're going to put that on. Ben, skis, snowboards. Snowballs first, then skis.

I have realized that this is actually... Because I've met people that. snowboard like that felt like a mad thing to one and then I met people that snowboard and I was like this is amazing but actually like that would be a really cool life thing but that's actually like I have friends I can snowboard with that if they did snowboard and they wanted to do it amazing but actually like that's not yeah huge anymore yes then we've got last two playful yeah I love makes life fun like you just have life there's something that you just want to go do something fun like you have to go to the post office but you're just you're having a fun all the time you're having a laugh yeah can we

just have a laugh. Please, please. And then you've got DIY explanation mark. Explanation mark. I could even say it. Explanation mark. Yeah.

Yeah, that's important to me. I've also got DIY on my list. Yeah, do you want me to read your list? Oh yeah, you read your list. Wow. Yours is, um, yours is better, I would say. Yours is better.

Yours is like less random, I would say, kind. Yes, I really, really want that. I, it's what I'm looking for more than anything. Yeah. Is someone so kind that they don't even like think about it. They're just doing kind stuff. Yeah.

And it's not a chore to be kind. It comes from their bones. Someone whose bones are kind. Kind bones. Sharing. Yeah. I guess that's kindness. Yeah.

Like, and a generosity. Like somebody that's just like doing things for like people around them without even thinking of it. That's the thing. It's like not even sharing with me. It's like watching someone do something altruistic. just like kind in the world. It's the biggest turn on.

If only we could tell these incels. Yeah. This. Yeah. They've gone the wrong way. There's actually... It's not because you don't have money or you don't think you're fit.

It's because you're not being kind. Nobody wants to fuck you, you fucking idiot. You're fucking mental. Nobody gives a fuck if you don't have the muscles or whatever. You're literally being the opposite of kind and that's what we want. And I think one thing with kindness is it also includes communication. Like I think it's... It's actually, and I think people sometimes think that it's kind, like, not to say what they're thinking or to like, but actually I think it's kind to communicate.

Like, and it's like a hard, not natural thing. I think especially for some men with how they've been brought up, but like to communicate what they're thinking, what they're feeling like what's happening. Imagine knowing what was going on in a man's head. I don't think we should, we should go in that place. I think that's a place not meant for us. Yeah, I think we would be attracted to men anymore if we went to that place. Funny, you've put funny. Yeah, funny.

I do want funny. It's important. I want funny, yeah. I want funny. But funny, not like, professionally funny. Just like playful. Please, not attention to seeking funny. Yeah. Have a laugh with me.

Let's talk shit. Let's talk nonsense. Take the piss. You know? Come on. This is maybe the biggest one you've had so far. Passionate about the NHS. And I really, really stand by that.

How passionate? Really passionate. How many pounds were they banging? Oh, they were head to toe in pans. They had a suit made of pans. Well, I think I maybe want to go out with someone who works for the NHS. Yeah, that's lovely. I think I...

Because they epitomize everything. They're kind. Sharing. All this empathy. A lot of people in the NHS, I will say, have some of the finest, funniest, personalities of all. Yeah. Because you kind of have to, to deal with stuff.

Oh, man, I'd love someone who work for the NHS. It's like an NHS dating app or something. You know how they get that like card? I love. Blue card or whatever they get a discount. Oh my God. I can't remember if I've talked about this or not, but very briefly, I went on the last leg,

a live TV show and we all had to go around and say our person of the year down the camera and I nominated this doctor that I'd just seen because he was so hot and he said he was going to watch. And the doctor emailed me and I was like, This is it. This is the fucking... This is it.

This is the start of it. And I emailed him back. And then that's the end. Oh. Oh, that's the end of that. I mean, what could he do? I'd only emailed him because I had to send over a scan. So for him to reply...

He can't use that because of the code. I know. But if you did want to slide into Amy's DM's her Instagram... I said... I said I'm on Instagram. I said I'm on Instagram. If you want to, I don't know what I'm putting on my Instagram. That is repelling people.

But Dr. A. Do you think it's this podcast? Yeah. Yeah. Do you think it's doing things like this? I think it is. Do you think they hate this? Yeah.

These are like private things that girls are men are doing private. I don't think they're going to happen. So that they can see it. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's this, isn't it? It's this. It's this.

Oh, we've got one more update actually while we're on the topic. You know, I went to Australia. There was that guy, fantastically hot train driver that I got with. Fuck. Great. But told him that I worked in admin. Despite...

You said you did a dog at the down hall. Despite these women coming over while we were on our date saying, oh, I saw you today, I really loved it. I went, oh, thank you, thank you. And he went, what was that? And I said, I did a talk about admin at the town hall. Bless him. Getting quick. It's a popular talk.

It was like, oh wow. Big fans of my admin across the oceans. Well, so I did last one laughing, which obviously you did series one, the OG. Obviously they put clips of that everywhere. And then I just got a WhatsApp

because he doesn't follow me on Instagram or anything like that. And I just got a WhatsApp from him, you know, a screenshot of a clip of me. And he just put in capitals, what the fuck? And I put, surprise. That's perfect.

It was really good about it. It was really good about it. Obviously, you don't know how someone's going to take something like that. Yeah. But I just didn't have time. I knew it would be like a one night, possibly two night thing. It didn't have time to go into. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, I know James Aycasto. Do you know when we've talked about this, how people are like, what's this person like? Do you know this person? person, yes. I know all the male comedians that you like. And they're all fine. Yeah.

Yeah, so that's my little update. That is, it's such a perfect update. Thank you. I hope there's more updates. You've got to get in there and sniff them. Not an arsehole. Yeah, that's a big one. Yeah.

Yes. Carer. Why, I've actually put I want a carer. I've got to take that off. It does say. Get her. Playful. Yes.

Stole that from me. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Good at DIY. Stole that from you. Creative. Yeah, I'm not that bothered anymore about creative.

Yeah. It's not weird. Just passionate about a job. Just having something where they, I think this is the thing. They need to know their path. They're on it. They're doing it. They don't have to be making loads of management.

They just have to be excited about it. No. They just be following something. Yeah. Either that they love or that they're good at or the NHS. standing up for what's right. Yeah, I love that. That's hot.

That is hot. There's nothing hotter. Yeah. Than, oh my God, listen to this. So I was in an office yesterday and I think. Who is she? I know. I think I can say the person.

So lovely, incredible man, Mike Wozniak came up in conversation about how he's like the nice, He is like one of the nicest guys in comedy. He loves his wife so much. He's a great dad. I mean, as far as we can tell, I don't want his wife to be like, well, he didn't, you know, he's a good, from the outside at least,

and I've heard nothing to the country. It's so hard, isn't it? How many caveats? I just want to say he's a good man, he's a great man, I like him. Oh God, this felt. He was in a script reading or some sort of meeting,

and he paused it because he could see some, It's like kids, like teenagers, having a go at this like teenager and he like paused it and just like went and sorted it out because he didn't want like any bullying to happen and I was just like, oh my God. That is amazing. I'm so sorry. Where was this reading happening? It's Grange Hill? I don't know.

I've got no idea. In a school assembly. This is a maddestra of it. That is so, that is amazing. That sort of thing. Like if a guy, if a guy can stop a fight. Oh my God. Not accentuate the fight, not do, decelerate the fight.

Oh. Decelerate. Decelerate. But decelerate makes sense. It does because you accelerate. You accelerate. Yeah. I just want to decelerate.

I just need somebody who is looking for somebody that cannot speak. Right words. Violence. What was this about? Now, violence. Now, I think what I meant at the time was that like, it's about the decelerating the fight. It's about like...

Descelerating the fact, yes. The passion for standing up for what's... Yeah. Right. But also like... Violence for good. Violence for good. Yeah, maybe.

If you have to. If you have to. I mean, I don't want anyone to be violent at all. Although Harriet, I have been watching a lot of rugby matches. Rugby League. and the things that their men do really do things to you on a cellular level

as a woman. Rugby is hot. Yeah. Man, it's tricky. As someone who's always been like, I think I want the tortured poet type of thing, watching like a big fit guy, bring down another big fit guy. Just because they want to get a ball.

Oh my God! It is like injecting me with energy watching this happen. I didn't know how... I mean, rugby players have always been fit. Of course, we know that. But just seeing the warm-ups. It's so hot. Oh, my God.

It's the hottest thing. But it's like, I think it's just such an impressive thing because, like, I also think my rugby players are very hot. But the women's rugby players are, like, fucking insane. I have been watching some of the women's rugby. You went to even to the award. They kind of made me. But you don't want to mess with them, you know what I mean?

They've kind of been forcing me to watch it. But I've got really into it. I've got like stockings, they're incredible. They're so incredible. Is it rugby league or rugby union, the women's one? I don't know what it's called. Yes, I did a podcast on it. It's the big rugby.

It's the big rugby. And they're so incredible. They sold out Twickenham. They got like, they're just like killing it. Is it the English team? The English team. Yeah, the English team. They're amazing and they've,

they're just like an inspiration. They're an absolute inspiration. And they've just changed the face of like women's rugby. When they started out, it wasn't even an option that it could like be a full-time job. They would have to have jobs on the side. It would be a hobby. They're fucking killing it. It's amazing.

Rugby forever. We love rugby. Deep horns. Why does it say deep horns? It might be deep, full stop, horns, full stop, which still does it make it much better. Deep horns. I don't even know.

if I want deep anymore. Yeah, I don't think I need deep. It's nice having... It is nice being able to talk about things, like, to be able to talk about things properly. But I don't want somebody that's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? You want to have, like, a fun, engaged, like, exciting conversation. But I don't need somebody that's like, and then so-and-so said in the 18th century, blah, blah, blah. But I don't want to listen to you. As soon as somebody starts doing that, I shut down. As an act of protest, I shut down. Yeah, if someone starts talking to me about the 18th century,

I would be like, man, this guy's so deep. I'd be like, fuck me. Why are we talking about the 18th century again? I think he said horns, though. Horns? Horny. Do you think it was horny? Actual horns.

A bit naughty, maybe. Maybe a bit naughty. Yeah, horns could be a bit naughty. I also, but again, I've gone way off this. I also really, this is mental. We must have talked about this. I had to sort of a crush on, like, men that were a bit like the devil.

Do you know, like, Darren Brown? We must move on. We must, we must move on. No, but do you know what to mean? Not necessarily him. I genuinely cannot understand. But like a bit of like darkness, like a sort of like using their powers for good,

but there is like a... A magician. You're saying magician. I don't want a magician. What you're saying is magician. Don't give me a magician. You're saying magician. I want a rugby, no, I want a doctor who plays rugby league on the weekends. And can get a rabbit out of a hat.

No! No. rabbits. Happy. Happy. I'd love a happy boy. Happy. That's it. And they can have, it can go up and down, but their baseline is happy, content with the world. Content with their life. Oh, it's making me want to cry. But what are we adding to this? So, so this is the thing. There's still more from your last one. Oh my God. Cese me. Sees me. Sees me. Sees me. What is like visits me. Has a good vision. Has good vision. No glasses. Sees the.

Yeah, okay. Sees me, wants the best for me. God, that's such a low bar, that's such a low bar, but it's, I think, I think you can notice it sometimes that you're like, I don't know if you were happy for my happiness there. I don't know if my joy in the situation was... Have I noticed this?

It's like blindingly obvious that they're not. And that's got to go. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's often, it's almost always like an insecurity. It's like just goes back to that person. person of like, oh, but what do they think of me if they have? But like, it's just, it's just looking out for it. It can be so hard to notice.

I think I think I genuinely, like, something I find really hot is being proud of my partner. I find that so hot and attractive to be like, God, look at him go. Me too. Like whatever he's doing. Yeah. You know, I'm like, I'll be impressed by the most basic thing. Oh, sense. It's actually really kind of embarrassing.

I'll be like, you did what? That's great. They're a toddler or something. It's really kind of embarrassing. But like how cool is it to be like, to respect your partner and be like, God, that's amazing. And I'm so proud. Like, I love that. So the idea that somebody wouldn't be proud of you because they're insecure.

It's like, I'm insecure, but it doesn't impact how I feel about you. I'm wanting you to achieve whatever you want to achieve. Unless maybe they were like what they wanted to achieve. was being like the hottest man in the entire world, then I'd maybe be like, okay, but why? Why do you want to do that? If they wanted to do that,

for some kind of sport. I think you don't need to worry about that. No, you're right. You know what, you're right. We don't need to employ your attention to this. You're right. If it comes up, we'll deal with it. If it does come up, we're going to address it.

But if it's been in that, come back to that. Next episode. So I've met a man who wants to be the hot. man in the world and wants everyone to find them attractive no matter their gender or sexuality. It came up quickly. Yeah. So what can I do about that then?

Yes. No, you're right. I don't need to worry about that. Is it ham? So, yeah, what are you adding to the list? Available. Being burned. Been burned.

Being burned. These lists, it's a tricky, it's a tricky thing. Yeah. Being available. Making an effort. Consistency. and hand rugby tackle. Number one.

No, I don't need them. I don't need them to be a big rugby player. I'm not even bothered about that. I think those are really good. I wrote some down somewhere, but I am probably on a toilet door. But no, I do, yeah, I have a few more things. Let's hear them. But I can't remember them.

This is the problem, because I wrote them. down, oh dear, then maybe I didn't even add them to Alyssa. They're not going to come true. It's basically what I said of, yeah, is like really excited for you, has their own stuff. And you can like make a life together. I think that was a thing that I was scared of before. It was like somebody being in my space. Yeah.

Somebody, their energy affecting me. Yeah. And now I just, I don't know, I have this like vision of just being able to like play board games with a partner with. Mabel and like I just like and I hate ball games. Like I literally hate ball games and I cheat like I am not somebody you want to play ball games with in any way. I've always hated all this kind of stuff. But I don't know what's happened to me. I've got soft in my old age. Like I just like love the idea of I think it's also it's having a child and it's like I've

just kind of calmed a bit like me and maybe they're in like a really great place and I just but I would love to have somebody to kind of have a partner to do some of it together would be so nice and to make a little unit. And I think I really was like scared of that. And so it's less now about being able to sort out my packages. But you know, that is still it's still on the list. If they did have a printer, it would be great. It would be, look, I'm not going to lie. It would be great. But we've moved from it being a non-negotiable. Yes. Yes. To it being a plus, a little bonus. Yeah. Yeah. Like them snowboarding or whatever. Like, yeah.

But yeah, it's the more, it's the littler kind of things that are actually the really big things that make up a life. Like what are you actually doing like day to day? What are you like somebody to like have dinner with and like make dinner for each other and like these kind of things like I'm really excited for that. Oh my God. I'm so proud of you. You have grown so much and you've opened your heart to like the actual possibility of it. My heart is open and I cannot shut it for me. I wish it could.

I've lost the key in it. Oh God, don't let somebody come and swim me up. This is not. I need help. My heart is so open. Oh, my gosh. Well, let's manifest this for us and for listeners. Make your list again. We must keep checking in with ourselves.

Our lists have changed. Our priorities have changed. We have grown. This shows we've grown because our lists have changed. Yeah, and they've become more specific and they're less about horns. Yeah. And skis. Not skis.

Snowballs. Sorry, my mistake. My mistake. But yeah, I'm going to, we'll write our lists up and put them on Patreon or something. I'm excited for us. Like, I feel like we've been on such a journey. And I mean, yeah, we're still journeying. Oh, it feels like we've only just got on the bus, on the coach.

Yeah, but if school trip coast to Paris. I don't know, it feels like something. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah. It does feel like something. I feel like we're less embarrassing. Like we're still, obviously this whole episode was embarrassing. It's absolutely pathetic.

Absolutely pathetic. But it does feel like there's something, something has changed. And it must have changed within us. Yeah, I think so. And I think our self-esteem maybe as well that we feel like we could get somebody that is like a partner. Yeah. Wow.

But I think we just... Wow. That's crazy. Wow. Who'd have thought, how many episodes are we on you at this point? It's two years. It's almost two years, Amy. I just know it's nearly two years since we started this podcast.

It's almost two years. Right. We needed those two years. I do think we did need these two years. And when you're single, I think you do, that is the time when you grow the most. Yeah. Because when your relationship, you kind of, you can sit down a bit. You can kind of like a chill, you get comfy.

It's like you have that lovely feeling. That feeling is there of like safety and connection. Well, you know, it's up and down. You have that thing that's there, that magical feeling. feeling that you can't describe. Yeah. And we have been raw dogging life. Fuck me.

We saw from raw dogging. Two years of raw dogging. Not me. I've got my extra safe condos, everybody. God. Yeah. I feel like a new chapter. And maybe it's because I've read this bullshit horoscope thing

where I believe it's all going to change. But I do believe that I'm about to. I'm going to start work on the 25th. I do believe. The job that I'm scheduled to start work on will happen on that day. I believe in that. Call me crazy. Maybe not all astronomy is bad.

No. No, there must be something in it. Planets exist. And if we know one thing, remember what is it? You've got to listen to Uranus. Listen to Uranus. Hello, me again, Amy Gledhill. But this time I'm with...

Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa. WT. Fuck. What's going on? And with bloody Ian Smith. Off a Northern News podcast. Yes, a podcast. That's not about the news. Don't worry, single ladies. No, it's not about the news. It's not about being single. No. It's about the North. And all of our stories are about couples.

That is not the truth, Ian. No, not technically true. It's weird stuff. It's funny stuff that's going on up North that we're reporting back on. Things like Pure Evil Blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire Village and attacking children

Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in Bathmat and we've got special guests We're talking about people like Phil Wang Jessica Nappit, Ed Campbell and Ross Noble

who joined us in the studio Woohoo! Yeah! That's Northern News wherever you get your podcasts