Single Ladies In Your Area - Botox Wanking And British Vs American Crushes With Amy Annette

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week Single Ladies are joined by comedian and wing-womanner Amy Annette. She answers questions like: what on earth is face-tuning? Is the American approach to dating better than British? And should you warn the person you’re wing-wommaning before making a move on their behalf?Amy Annette is performing her brilliantly funny show ‘Busy Body’ at London’s Soho Theatre in January, and then around the UK. For tickets and dates head to https://sohotheatre.com.Harriet is going on tour with her brand new show 'Floozy' in autumn 2026. For tickets and information head to plosive.co.uk.Enjoy extra content on Patreon at patreon.com/SingleLadiesInYourAreaAnd do check out one of our favourite dating apps - Feeld.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello, this is Harriet Kemsley, and I'm very excited to be back on tour around the UK with my new show, Flusi. As listeners of the podcast will know, I am really trying my best to be a bit of a flusie, but it's not going particularly well. The dates are on sale now. It's going to be autumn 2026. For tickets and information, head to plosive.com.com. Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there.

We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on. If we managed to get any. And share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone. We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that.

This is Single Ladies in Your Area. On this episode, I talk about an unusual discovery. that I made. And we talked to Amy Annette about crushies, wing womaning and wanking. Oh, here she is. Hello. Hello.

You look so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so unfathomably tired. You had the longest night and you just looked at me with a saddest eyes. Generally, I felt so bad. Oh, no. I'm sorry.

I'm genuinely so happy to be here. I just, I was on a train for 10 hours yesterday. Yeah, it's brutal. And it was meant to be. be a two and a bit, I would just, like, it was awful. And there was a man who was resting his head on my thigh. Yeah, I don't love that. He was a packed train and he was drunk.

He was not, he was lovely. And I actually felt quite bad because he was trying to, kept trying to initiate conversation and I was having none of it, Harry. And he'd be like, so where did you get on the train? And I was like, shut up. And I was like, uh, Newcastle. And he's like, oh, yeah, we got in Edinburgh because, and I was just like, like, I'm so, I can't do this.

And as he was talking, I was just picking up my huge, huge headphones. He was like, point them over my ears. And then he just turned his back. And he was sat and he had his back. And then he was tired. It was a long, it was 10 hours. He had this long journey and just, it was like just resting his head on my lap. And I was like, yeah, fuck it.

I get it. But I will not be engaging in conversation with you. I can't talk. I can give you thigh. That's it. There's a limit. I don't have much energy. You can have my thigh.

You can't have my conversation. Did you have, like, battery all the way? Luckily, I had a charger. Oh, thank God. Yeah. I imagine if you'd run out. I can't even comprehend. I would have just got off the train and just walked into a forest.

Yeah. And lived there. I'd be living in a forest right now. I would literally be living in a forest right now. I would imagine if I had to go and find you in a forest today? Oh, it'd be a nightmare, wouldn't it? Then you'd be tired. Oh, gosh.

But enough of me being sleepy. I'm so sorry I looked at you. with serum energy. It was so sweet. I just felt so bad for having to make you talk. I'm so sorry. What have you been up to?

How have you been? Well, I just, this summer, I just being like dating. You know, I know it's not summer anymore, but it's like, I don't know, it's very much getting into winter. It's very, I'm feeling very Christmassy right now.

But yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. The last few months I just been dating a bit. I, for the first time, I brought someone back to mine. It was like a big. things. I had like a new

a new bed and all this like stuff. Your tress of drawers? Got in my new dress of drawers. I got in my new bed. This was a little while ago now. Oh my god. It was a bit of a mess. Let's say the place was a bit of a mess. And I was like, oh, he's made such a mess. It's kept, look at this. This is awful. And then we were upstairs in my bedroom. There were clothes everywhere.

And I was like, oh, he's made such a mess. He's been trying on my clothes again. This is so annoying. My ex-husbands, you know. Oh, why has he been putting tampon wrappers everywhere? An idiot. He's a real idiot. Oh, my God. But it was really nice, but I did something a little bit embarrassing.

We were... What? You? No. Can you imagine? I can't. I did a faux part. I did something that people don't normally do. And then I'm in bed.

And then it went... Wait, is this before or after? This is after. It is after. It's a day. Then the night went... Oh, you've got a... third nipple.

Anyway. You bet. Oh no. You shouldn't be diagnosing men with third. It was a third nipple. Was it? Yes, it was. Was it, though?

It was. I know a third nipple. My dad's got one eight person. Where was it? Like here where they are. They're like here and they don't know. He didn't know. He must know.

He knows now. Well, he knows now. And he knows your dad's got one. Yeah, he knows about my dad. Oh, my God. You know when you just suddenly like, oh, that was. It's not the thing.

Why would you say that? Why would you just go, oh, you've got a third nipple? What are we doing? What are we doing now? But, you know, this is quite new to me. At least you weren't laid on his chest and then just like, you start suckling. What are you doing?

Oh, just playing with your third nipple. I don't have a third nipple. I've got news for you, buddy. You got more in common with my dad than I wish you did. You're horrible. Wow. Yeah. So I was just really.

Yeah, I had a guy back. It was really cool. Pretty cool. Wow. I love that you just, you just went into it like dead on. It wasn't like flirting around it like, oh, what's this?

Or like, oh, there's a mark here. Or like, hey, don't you think it's weird? There's five nipples in this bed. How many nipples in this bed? As there are members of the Jackson five. What? Talk to my dad. What?

Wow. Anyway, life's hard. Haven't seen him since. He's all good idea. He's like a really nice guy. But it's like, yeah, it was just, it was just funny. Like being new to like kind of doing this kind of thing. You know what I mean?

Like he's like, he's like really nice. And we went on a few dates and stuff. But like we're like, I don't think we either of us think that we're their person. And like we don't live in the same place. But yeah, just getting useful like this kind of thing and like how to behave when somebody. You know what I mean? Just how do I exist in these situations? Oh, yeah.

In a normal way? The only thing I've got that's kind of similar is the boy that I have mentioned who's really hot. Yeah. And he's so hot that sometimes I laugh. Do you know what I mean? I have experienced it and then they go, why are you laughing? And then they go, why are you laughing? Yeah. And you're like, like, like.

It's so funny to me. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. He was stood in his boxes and he had his glasses on and he looked like Clark Ken or something. And I was just, I was just like laughing and he was like, I'm sorry, you just look so hot. And he's like, what? And I'm like, this is ridiculous. You're ridiculous. But they don't find it charming.

Imagine they've never said nothing. And then there would be all these hot guys going around with like a complex. and they're like, I take off my clothes and she laughs. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me. Like, I'm just naked. I'm standing there so vulnerable. And then I'm doing it because I just can't believe this situation. But you forget that guys have feelings too.

You forget. It's so easy to forget. And, you know, even though they're so hot, they might be insecure. I don't know what about. But they've caught everyone's getting insecurities. But it's just now and again, I'll just catch an angle of him or something. And I will literally just burst out laughing because it's so funny to me. me.

His hotness is funny. Do you know what you mean? I do. I do. I do. You know what you mean. And I'm like, I don't know. It's like out of context.

Like somebody with that body shouldn't be like in my flat. I know exactly. And I think that we both like to look at the absurdity and things as well. Yes. You're like, this is an absurd situation. Like what is happening here? You know, this is the norm of things. Like this is the way things are meant to be.

Yeah. This is absurd. This is so silly. People have. bodies like that in like films and on TV maybe or like Holly Oaks late night that's where you expect to see a body like this Amy's tuning yeah holy oaks after that yes please record series record but when it's when it's live it it's funny it would be like the queen being in your bedroom you'd be like ha

naked naked you'd be like wow I've seen you on the Telly quite a lot, but I didn't expect you to be selling the end of my bed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the context. Yeah. Oh, dear. Well, we've got a wonderful guest here. Speaking of hotties. Speaking of hotty butotties. Speaking of hotty buttotties. We've got one right here. We've got one with us. And we love her. Yeah, we love her. She's an angel from the sky. I'm so happy she came on. Yeah. Please welcome to the pod. Amy Annette. Roses are red. Violets are blue. We've matched on and up.

What you up to? Oh, well, well, well. We're very lucky today, aren't we? Oh, well, well, well, well. I love it. We are very lucky today. We are joined in the studio, of course. By Amy Annette.

Hello, Amy. Thank you for coming, Amy. Hello, Angel! Thank you, Amy. Hello, little tiny babies. So hair, you've died. Oh, and extensions. Yeah.

But once you realize it all hair, hair is fake on TV. All hair is fake on TV. It's amazing. Amy Pola. She has her podcast. Yes, I saw that clip. With Mariska Hargitik and they're talking about whether or not they're wearing a bit, they call it or something. A piece. And they're like, and Mariska's like, I didn't even put a piece in. And Amy's like, it's all pieces. And I was like, what? Even for a podcast. Even for her plus. Yeah. And then she was like, yeah, she was like, I can't believe even Amy Polar is doing it. And she was like, I know Mariska's like, I won't do a piece because Amy won't be doing a piece. But then to be fair to Amy Poehler, I think similar to me,

She has incredibly thin hair. So I'm going to get into the piece. Get a piece. Me and Polo. Yes. Can I get a piece? If Amy Poe is doing it. Is Amy Poe is going to wear your great companies?

I felt similar when I saw in an interview, Olivia Coleman gets Botox. I was like, well, if she can get Botox and act like that. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I want it now. Yeah.

You don't need it. I want all of it, though. That's the problem. Yeah. I also want it. And then side effects, of course, famously. What of Botox? Well, just of everything.

I do worry a bit about Botox because I guess it's different to fillers, but, you know, everyone's trying to get their fillers out now. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And they can't dissolve it proper. And there's leave some people have cavities left behind. What, like little craters like the moon. Craters like, yeah, craters like, I don't want a mooters. But, you know, God bless.

Now you can just book these things, almost untreat well. And I do kind of think, well, I'll just get a nose job. Do you mean, you just get, I'll just treat well, yeah. I'll get massage. Yeah, yeah. A foot back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. BBL.

Phyllis, BBL. Yeah. Well, we were talking before the pod started recording about how, because I sweat profusely from my face, that I got Botox for, well, it's for hyperhydrosis, which is what the sweating's called. And it doesn't do anything to your wrinkles per se. It's on the surface to, like, stop the sweating.

And I will say, I've only had it once. It was one of the most pitiful victims of my life. And I was just like, I'll just sweat. It really hurt. I think maybe I'm a wimp, though, also. No, no. But it hurt. It did hurt.

I didn't expect it to hurt. Yeah. Did they tell you what's going to? Yeah, the woman who does it is absolutely incredible. And she was just like, shout out. Shout out. She's brilliant. She's a nurse.

I trust her. Oh, well, if she's a nurse. She's a nurse. Yeah. Because I knew I wanted this treatment, But I was, I didn't want to go to like, I'm sure, I mean, I'm sure they're all qualified and stuff, but I didn't want to go to like a beauty salon. No.

I wanted to go to like medical. Yeah. And I think there's something in that that's like, I think that's a prejudice I've got. Yeah, you're like, I'm not vain actually. I'm not doing this because I have a, yeah. It's a medical thing. I need a doctor. Yeah.

I need a doctor. The reason, but it's still, because the reason I wanted it is because I'm vain and I I didn't want to have a sweaty face, but I'm like, it's a medical thing. It's a medical thing. Well, I want to hold space for what you just said. Thank you so. Because I think you're both right, but also at the same time, I do think people do get gangrenous infections.

You know, there was that guy who was an estate, real estate guy, who was, like, pumping people with the wrong kind of silicate. This is so bad. They found a man online, and he was like, yeah, I'll do you. I'll do you some fillers. And he was just like a random old fella. So what I'm trying to say is, whilst I do agree, and I want to hold space for the idea that you are pretending that this is something,

you know, like you have a snobbery, or something, I hold space for that. I do also think injecting stuff in your face is best done by a medical profession. This is it. I think this is maybe my biggest problem with it is that if more and more people are doing it that have the money to do it,

then people that feel inadequate because they don't have it will then try and find cheaper ways that are not safe to do it. And that is maybe my biggest issue with it. That's happening. 100%. And that's the problem with Instagram. Whoa, let's get into this.

Let's do it. Here we go. Here we go. Internet. You have heard of the Internet. Are you listening? It is the problem with the internet, because people, we've all forgotten what's real and not what's real.

And it's so annoying when people go, this is real life, not real life. And you're like, I know, but it's more subtle than that. And I remember learning about this thing, within a very powerful article about people's avatars, basically their online version. Like, we're of an age that we know, if we put up a picture of ourselves highly face-tuned,

it's going to be a bit embarrassing when we see people the next day and we simply don't look like that. But children at school were living these double lives where they all put up pictures that were face tuned, as they call it. I know that's an app, but like, you know, Photoshop. And they would then turn up at school, obviously not looking like that. And there was a completely accepted thing. So it's like this idea. So it sounds positive, like, okay, so you don't have to look like.

Actually what it is is like wish fulfillment and everyone kind of knows. And then when they get to a certain age, some people are then getting surgery to look like the TikTok filter, the face, the Instagram filter. It becomes that like that's almost the real you and you need to become that version of you is the real you and the version of you is not the real view. So like when I read out, oh, the lack of embarrassment, fantastic.

So yeah, you put on this fake filter that you go to school and you're real stuff. In fact, no, the acceptance, the non-embarrassment of that difference is actually, as you say, that that is the real you. Well, that's the perfect you. Oh, gosh. It is really hard when you put like a nice filter.

Also, can I just say, I've only recently learned this is not recently, in the last year I've learned, you know when people say, oh, I put a filter on, because I don't really use TikTok. Yeah. And I don't use Instagram. I thought the filter was Paris, Rio de Janeiro.

And so when people are like, it was very filtered, because I'd be like, oh, that picture looks great. And they're like, it's very filtered. And I'm like, hey, you put on Paris. Miami or whatever. And it's like, you do whatever you want.

So I'm like, God, these people are looking great and they're just doing that. And then I've, I now, understand that they've actually got like it's a different face. It's a completely different face. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I'll put a picture up and put like a

filter on or whatever and I and you know and you make sure you've got like nice angles. And then sometimes I'm like I can't post that because that even though it's not like a TikTok filter. Yeah. This isn't what I look like at all. And I do feel embarrassed. Like I'll still put like

I'll pick nice pictures. Don't get me wrong. Sure. You mustn't get me wrong. Sure. But there are, there's definitely been some pictures where I'm Like, I can't, I would feel too. As you don't put it up? No. Well, that's modern if you. Well, in fact, that's old fashioned.

It's old fashioned. Yeah. But I'd like to be able to. Well, would I? No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Depends what you're doing it for.

Same. Attention. It's attention and it's attention. Basically, if you look at my Instagram, you will know when I've got a crush on someone because the pictures get hot. And I'm posting pictures for specific men. Well, Elizabeth.

You've had a crush on someone for a while. Maybe. Because you look real good. You're looking pretty good. You know what you mean? There's more. There's more. And I'll post a picture.

If I see a little Instagram story at like 12 o'clock, I'm like, crush. Yeah. And you'd be like, okay, which time zone is his crush? Yeah. Okay, she's posting at 2 a.m. Okay, so that's Australia or America. Okay. Do you what I mean?

And it's like, I will post on Instagram for basically a specific person. Yeah. And then I look, I'm pathetic. I'll, like, plus something up. And then I look to see if they've seen the story. And if they haven't, I'm like, what a waste? What an absolute waste of a story? Then you go again.

Then you go again. Also, what I've heard people do is they make a close friends, but they only put that one person on it. But they don't, they post as if it's like, hey, close friends in L.A. soon, if anyone around. So they give impression of many people, but it's just this one person. That's so funny.

Because that's so bleak. Because then you're like, still no views. Still no views. Still no views. That's awful because I know I'm going to do that now. But also you can use it because then no one does see it apart from the person. So you don't need to be embarrassed. Oh, I'm going to do that so much.

Please, don't you add me as the other person though. Yeah, I'll have you both. Can you have us and this person? And I'll see full nip, if that's what I need to see. Because that's what's going on there. That's literally what's going on there. No, you're very good because you, you like covered my nip for me. Really?

Oh, yes. So, I would love to hear your opinion on this. So me and Harriet took this gorgeous picture. It's now pinned on my. Instagram. Like normally I put like Korea highlights or like so if someone finds me

they're like oh it is that girl that I saw at this comedy show they've gone. They've gone. I literally unpinned my Perrier win

I literally unpinned it get that gone to mean how it looked so fit in this picture. Any I go can win the comedy award oh and they have

and look at the past the last 30 years so I was like get this parrot get this out of there I'm not bothered. It needs to be. First pinned picture is me and Harriet in these,

because we did the comedians rest in it. Okay, so I know this picture. Yes. Yes. And I was like, oh, we look so good. Yeah. And I was like, do, do, do, do, like getting it ready to pose. And then I saw Harriet's quite visible nipples through through, through.

But like, I sent the picture to Harriet before I posted it. I was like, would you be cool with me posting this? And she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I saw the picture and I was like, hmm, that. that... Once you point out, the nipples are very distracting. So then I sent a message being like,

look, because I don't know if you do it on iPhone, on Android, there's this brilliant thing because sometimes if I'm a bit nippily, you can lasso it and it goes. And it like covers... Yeah.

It's not a nipple feature. It's to get rid of like... But you've used it for the... But I've exclusively used it for nipples. So I was like, this is a weird message to send you, but would you like Mr. remove your nipples from the picture or are you happy to keep them in?

I think Harriet was like, I'm happy to keep them in. And then I was like, okay, yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't care. But then I was like, this actually might be a bit much. Well, like you did. I think what'd you ask the question? Yeah. Yeah.

But then I said, and Harriet was like, what would you do? And I was like, if it was on stories, maybe keep the nipples in. Yes. I was like, for main grid, we might just pinned forever. Yeah. Nips on stories, lassoe on posts. Yeah. And that's where we stand on that.

That's a rule. No more questions. And so I lassoed Harris nipples out of the picture. So is my opinion, did you overstep as a colleague and friend? What's your opinion on nipples? I guess. And as a woman and also as a comic. Thank you.

Which is less important. No. I guess here's my question. Here's my thought. I don't know if, even when cold, I don't get that. Okay. So it's not a thing I've had to think about. But having said that, I would do it.

I would definitely lasso. Anyone's titties. I would even go as far as, like, taking something out of someone's teeth, if that was something I had the physical, technical capabilities to do. Absolutely, yeah, that's great. You know, with love in my heart,

even if it's someone's beautiful picture, I take a shadow out, you know what I mean? I would love to learn how to do it next. It's like a class or something. Yeah, just meet any young person. We need to meet a young person. Just find any young person on the street and say, hello.

Can you take your nannas, how to get rid of this shadow? How do I get rid of a moustache? Yeah, we'll be. Oh, man. I don't get you of moustache and nipples on this. Because I do think online is fake as much as I've just been like, be real. I think, you know, it's not, don't, sometimes you see people doing face tunes and you're like,

come on, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, baby, girl. You ain't never look like this. Yeah, maybe I've seen it, but like not often, like a couple of times where you're like. No, no, it's like these AI videos. Like, honestly the other day, I was like, I can't believe this kangaroo stole this baby. And then everyone I didn't think, this is obviously AI.

And I was like, yeah. Oh, I know. This is. I send a lot of videos to people and I'm like, this is crazy. And they're like, Harriet, again, it's not real. That doesn't happen. Can you believe the queen and Princess Diana have just had a cage fight?

I'm like, okay. I was on a ferry from Belfast to Liverpool and it's called Overnight Ferry Life. And there was a woman doing, just sort of talking to her husband, but her phone was just like in her hand. And then she was just kept like looking down and then talking to him again and then looking down. But the video was a fake video of the queen taking money out of a cash. point and I was like just turn that off while you're having a chat

but she was looking at it almost like it was like she was going to get an update she was like yeah yeah no I was like still the queen putting a fake in I can't bear to talk to my husband without having without looking at an AI video every one second that's about my marriage here

you know that's fake oh my god Queenie be dead so like Queenie never did this babe oh my god but that is having a husband am I right Well, we don't know. Well, I did.

You did. Yeah, I did. I've been there, done that. You've done that. Yeah. You wouldn't surprise me if you'd been secretly married. Huh. And also, can I say this with love?

You didn't know. Yes. That rings true. That rings true. I nearly did that. Yes. Yes. And then he said,

but let's never get divorced. We can just actually... Oh, and we could actually be a couple. And then I was like, oh, no, I don't want that. And then, yeah. He wanted to come here because he had, And floaters in his eyes. And he was too expensive to get them doing America.

And I was like, I'll marry you. Come over. And now he's a big Trump guy. He's a big Trump guy. But the floaters you were fine with? I want to help. Sorry, if you've got floaters in their eyes, I'll marry you. Of course, I'm married.

If you've got floaters in your eyes, it must be really annoying. I just don't think you're married. I might be married. Yeah. I think I've mentioned it before, but I found out that I was like sort of an escort. Not a sexy one. Sure. I was going with a guy.

He would pay me. to go to strict clubs with him. And... You have never mentioned this before because this is something that would really... Bring a bell, I feel I'd say. Yeah, it was actually Sunil Patel that said, oh, you're an escort?

And I was like, no, wasn't? He's like, yes, a man was paying you to go out with him. And I was like, oh, yeah, but escorts have sex and he was like, not necessarily. But the machinations of whether or whether or not you're an escort is not so interesting to me is, what?

Well, interesting. Honestly enough, me and Chris, Chris Cantrell, Chris met this guy this week because he was in Holland. I was like, oh my God, it's him. Sorry, but how did this happen? I went in a bar. Cash in hand. Not much cash in the hand. One of the regulars was like, hey, I'll give you as much cash as you're getting for your whole bar shift if you come across or to the strip club with me.

Because the stripper, this I mean saying out loud is awful. The strippers trust you. more if you go home with a lady. And that way, he could pay them a lot of money to get wanked off, sucked off. I don't know what happened in that room. So you would just stay in the main situation. We would go, we'd get a double dance.

I'd have to sit on my hands. They'd be doing the dance. And then he'd get what's called a naughty 40. So he'd give them £40, I think for a handjob. He'd also give the other one £40 for me. And we'd both go into separate rooms and the girl would be like, okay, what do you want? And I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, sit down.

How are you doing? How long have you been doing this? You're so great. You look so beautiful. Oh, you're at college, and we're chat, chat, chat, chat. Did they like that? Yeah, they love that. Yeah.

And then... Because sometimes I think, you know, let the professional work, but do she and... No, yeah. And I think it, yeah, it would have been... Oh, God, one-on-one, I can't even imagine how it would be. It would be awkward for me. I just couldn't...

At least you didn't have to go in the room with him. Yeah, no, that would have been awful. That would have been awful. No. Like 10. 10? How, what was the duration? Like over a year or?

Sorry, I really thought you were going to say two. And then you said 10. Two. Um, duration. Yeah, like six, eight months. It was like, you know. Yeah. There's a bit in Peepshire, which I really, really, really resonate with

where Mark's getting a lap dance and he's like, what do you do with my face? like how happy, and genuinely, them thoughts are going through my head, like, I want to be supportive, like, this woman's, like, doing so good. Because, of course, every time you went, you had to have the initial lap dance. Yes, yeah, the couple's lap dance. So then I'd sit on my hands and be like, woo, like, you don't know how to pitch it. You don't know if you should be like, this is so great.

Or if you're like, I'm cool with everything, I'm just not bothered. Or it's a, and I don't think I ever nailed it. I don't know what the right thing. No, I think that's a nice time where you're encouraging, Yeah. You're not too loud. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Hard to know. Hard to know, actually. Hard to know. But I think I'd be a pretty good. I think we'd all be pretty good escorts. We'd be such a good escort.

You would be so, like... Thanks, mate. Amy. Yeah. I'm not just binging you up here. Really? I don't think you're eating her up at all. There's a confidence, though you would be.

No, I'm sorry, I do. You should be so warm and lovely. You'd make you feel so comfortable. Right. I'd be a bit, like, I'm like, I wouldn't know what to say, and I'd be, like, like, I would make everything awkward for them, but you'd give them a lovely experience.

Yes, and because also you don't seem to know when you're in crazy situations. You wouldn't even know you're escorting. Say it with me. I'm a goddess. So you're in a long-term relationship. How long is this term? So long.

So long. Crazy long. I, we started dating when I was 23. Wow. I don't know this story at all. I'm excited. Yeah, I don't know. It's like always.

Tell us. Tell us the tale. Romantic stories. Like, meat, cute. Yes, I guess it was quite, yeah, it was meat cute. So, Nish and I met in Nish, comedian, Nish Kumar. What? You never, I remember. I saw your sex. One erected nipple.

He calls us the single ladies. There they are, the single ladies in your area. It was in Edinburgh. We met, we met Edinburgh, but I was... At the fringe, during the Fringe. And so I was producing a sketch show. Not really. They basically wanted a flyer that they didn't pay,

so they made me the producer. So we were saying in this flat, it was in the times before it was so expensive to be in Edinburgh. So, like, someone had rented a, like, three sketch groups. Oh, just even saying that as a sense. Wow. Shill was fine, had rented this flat, and there was space for me.

So then I was in there. Nish was in a sketch group at the time with Tom Ninen called The Gentleman of Lesha. Wow. Lovely show, bonkers, actually. Kind of ahead of its time. And then, which is such a nice way of being like, not well received. Yeah. Ahead of its time.

By a thousand years, maybe. We don't know. We assume they'll love that sort of stuff in the future. Yeah. So we met then, but we didn't date, let's say, date. American. We didn't start kissing until about two, three years later.

Really? So you lived together? Yes. And did you have a crush? I did have a crush, but I also had a crush on someone else in the flat. I'm loose. Oh, a multiple crush flat. That's fun. 20. Yeah. You know? You think I'm just thinking one simple crush? No.

I'm crushing on everyone, to be honest. Yeah. Oh, this, I could have ended up with so many different comedians. In Edinburgh, it's very easy to have a lot of crashes. Yeah. It's crush energy. It's crush time. Yeah. For those who don't know in Edinburgh, you live in flats with people. You go and do your show, whatever you're doing there. And then everyone just sort of converges to drink, stay up till 4 a.m.

Yeah. Go back to the flats that they share. Yeah. Start again the next day. Bonkin does occur. It does occur. So I've heard. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Around that same time, I had this, a crush on a guy who, I don't know if I really had a crush on him. He was a director of a sketch group. You love sketch. It's not the... Well, that's number one true, but also number one, two, it was...

Number one two, yeah. It was the era of sketch. Oh, a sketch was at its height. This is 2010. Yeah. Oh, the kings of comedy. Kings of comedy. It's three to four men,

and guess they pretend to kiss at one point, and it's funny. It's so funny. Are they going to kiss? Are they going to kiss? Are they going to kiss? But they're boys. You know, you get it.

Yeah, I mean, it's just good. stuff, isn't it? It's just funny stuff. So it's like, there's a little sketch goes. And he, I don't know if I did have a question on him as much as I was like, I will have some, I will have a romantic incursion. Something will occur to me this month. And he seemed, uh, weak.

Yeah, true memory. I was like, yeah, he'll be up. Yeah, he'll do it. This will be okay. Yeah. And, um, I remember essentially being like, walk, me. It was like the most confident I've ever been and ever have been since, but it was just like, the stakes were both so high and so low.

Yeah. And he kept trying to tell me that he was, he worked for GCHQ. This is what I remember, which was like, it's like the spying hub in Cheltenham. But the way he did it is he kept being like, I live and work in Cheltenham.

And I was like, that's nice. He was like, I work in Cheltenham. I was like, at the Opera Festival. I just couldn't get it. At the racist. He had to be like, GCHQ. Oh my God. I still wouldn't know at that point.

No. And I was. very into spooks at the time, so I didn't. I still am into spooks. I'm real too with me. Great. But that's my memory of that French. It's not nothing to do with Nish. Wow. And then, and did you get with the spy guy? Yes.

He's a bad spy. He's a terrible spy. He's a terrible spy. Hello. I'm a spy. Okay. I live in Cheltenham, if you know what I mean. With my little I. Yeah, that'd be really good. He keeps playing that game. My favorite game? I spy.

But then, so then years later. Okay, two to three years later, I decide to act on my crush. I say to Nish, do you want to go out with me? Wait, you say that to him. What's the build-up to it? Guess what he says? No. What?

Wait, wait, we have to unpack this because that is, I have never said that to any, I've never said to a boy, do you want to go out with me? So it was crazy. So I had felt that there had been pure vibes. So you're meeting up a couple of times, but like, not on purpose. You're running into each other through work. We've got gangs of friends. We're in the same gang.

We hang out a lot. They'd been in Edinburgh in between where we'd hung out a lot. And I think I got to the point where I was like, this is pure vibes. Your friends, but you have feelings. There's vibes here. And if there's not vibes,

I'm living in Cloud Cuckoo Land, you know. And to be fair, I have lived there, but I remember even at the time being like, you know when you almost get to the point where you're like, it's mad and not to say something. Yeah. But also alcohol. I had a lot of alcohol.

And he was going... I've never said anything. What? I don't think I've actually, like, said it out loud, like, said, would you go out with me? But that's because you're a cutie-p-tooty. No, it's because of my insecurities. Like, there's lots of people that I've had vibes with, but I would never say, would you like to go for a drink with me? Yeah, that's tough.

Because it's so hard. I've lunged when I'm drunk. So that's my main move. Yeah. Okay. Ideally, we have to share a bed for some reason. What a fantastic thing. or something really works for you.

Oh, gosh, it's raining. Yeah. But that's, I really get that. But I think I spent up until Nish my entire life like that. Drunken lunges, no, nothing. Oh, looking back, the opportunities I had. Yeah. Yes.

And not taken. But you still feel this way? I could never say to a boy, no matter how well the vibe was, would you like to go for a drink with me? I have to be asked. Crazy to me. What?

Yeah. But you're so good at that. Just saying, do you want to go for a drink or do you want to go to cinema or do you want to? I, you are good. The thing is I'm going to be like, do you want to hang out? And then I can't get past that bit. Well, you're crazy with love. We love in my heart.

We love someone who comes in who tells it how it is. I'm like it. I am myself also. But I have never known someone like Amy to misread Q. Yeah. It would be so much easier if they would just do it more. Just say how they feel more. But also if you don't fancy them.

Famously, the people who are, it would be awful. If there's a guy that you don't fancy, do you know what? That's really true. The only people that tell me they like me are people I don't fancy. Yeah, that is true. Maybe it'd be easier if we all were a bit more, I don't know if this is the right American in like they're pretty straightforward.

The only problem is then like dating is kind of like a business, which I think is quite stressful. But you could. you could, everyone's just a bit more up front. I like this, I like the upfront, I like the clear, the clearness of it. Clear cues. I know, I think the British crush and an American crush on very different things. Yes, because British, you have to get drunk.

You have to get to the point of, you have to remove your whole personality and dignity in order to pursue something. But American, you can just put it on the table and be like, this is how I feel. Are you interested? And everyone knows, if I say no, you're also not embarrassed. Whereas in a British cross, if I say no, we both know, that's a forever change. You have to internalize it and there's something deeply wrong with you at your point. And you can never be friends again. No.

Whereas I think in America you could be like, oh, no, I'm not, but thank you. So you asked for, you asked if you wanted to go for a drink. I said, do you want to go for a drink? He said, no. So you were so sure in it. Like, you knew the vibe so sure because that's not something you've done before. And so like that you were like, this is an inevitable thing. There's something here.

I'm just going to ask him. And he said, no. No. Can you remember that? This fucking idiot. Honestly, sometimes when I go drunk, I still go. Next time I see him. And then what did you do?

13 years later. He said no. I said, what? And then I went, I did feel, it was the era of the single ladies' tune, of course, in our area. And I did, honestly, was like, me and Beyonce, we get it.

Because I did feel quite empowered from asking and him, even though he said no, I felt way less crazy. than if we were just living in this like Yeah, okay, well I know now that it's no. Yeah, I didn't feel as ashamed or sad as I thought I would. In that I felt like, well, clearly I also was right and there was pure vibes.

But like he was basically, to be fair to the crazy man, he was full-time temping and living between, I think he was living with his grammar at the time. He was temping trying to do Edinburgh for the first time. Like he was about to do Edinburgh for the first time. He was like going into his first time. year was basically being like, I don't know if I can do comedy full time. Okay.

Just had a lot going on. Yeah. And he's also talked about that he had not had any part, like no girlfriends before me. So, I mean, I had one, but we don't talk about it. God, no. So one girlfriend, I'm so angry. I actually think, weirdly, if there'd been like 10, it would be easier. Yeah, 100%.

One, yeah. 100%. She knew him before me. And so, you know, now I understand him better. I'm like, yeah, fair enough. That's going to give so much false hope to people, though. You saying that, that somebody's saying no, and then you're like, but they did like me.

But wait. But way. They said no, but it's not. I know that they mean yes. They took a year and they were like, there's no better option. So let's get a good. And then a year later, we got drunk, the British way, snogged. And then here we are.

And then I went away, went away to America for truly just a month, but enough time, or two months, but enough time that it was like, We are either going to be not talk to each other during this time, considering we've just started to sort of date, or we're going to talk all the time. We basically became boyfriend and girlfriend while I was away just because you can't really casually email someone. Yes.

And also it's the error of the email because data was too expensive. Yes. So we're revealing your feelings by email? Not really. As much as I was, we were just sort of talking about our days. Oh, I love that. But I guess also I think probably two people who had not really had proper relationships before,

We were kind of feeling it out. And it's this friendship, really, isn't it? It's just friendship with a bit of kissing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If it's good, that's what it is. Yeah. I will say it was not complicated, considering, you know,

it wasn't then like plain sailing for the rest of our lives. But like, it's never been complicated in terms of, I guess, respect, you know? And I think that is the thing that I feel the most stressed about when I was dating and when I talked to my friends about dating. It's like the lack of. of the real possibility that someone is going to disrespect you to almost pathological degree.

Yes. The thought of being in bed with somebody and then them disrespecting you and that is a real thing that's out there. Like that's a thing that I would really try to protect myself from. They play act or maybe even more scarily they believe it in the moment

but then they're going to later on ignore you, pretend it never happened, say something insane. And like that is a good relationship. I agree is when you're like, I know that even if you're like, you hate me at times or find me annoying, whatever, your core thing for me is that you see me as a whole person.

Yes. This is someone that you've agreed that you, you know, you want to protect, I guess, in some way. Is this flirting? I mean, I say this with, like, all love to the community, but, like, I am surprised that I've ended up with a man in this way. You know what I mean? I so believe that I would end up in a lesbian community, like, farming lavender.

Yes. Like, it just makes much sense to me. I've not lived my life in a very pro-male way. I mean, this with love. Yeah. Nish is as close to a gay woman as you can get. In a heterosexual sex man. Yes, yes.

Because my type with women is hyperfeminine, and my type with men is hyper masculine. So it's like, he's hairy, but very sweet. Yeah. He's got the mind of a lovely lesbian. He really does. The body of a man, the mind of a lovely lesbian. He's picking lavender now.

Oh, yes. He wouldn't do that. It's not an outdoorsy guy and that's it. We can't have it all. Yes, that's so true. Yeah. Thank you for saying that.

Beautiful. No, I think it's great. I don't think we're going to get married, but if we do, you're speaking. You're doing that as a reader? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, thanks. It would be an honour to do that.

You'd be very good at it. After Amy wing-womened me. Yes. So I feel like I would be paying favour. I have had the tremendous honour of wingwomening, Amy, in Melbourne. Yeah. And it was one of the most exciting and insane weeks of my life.

At one point, I was going to call Amy. It was 1 a.m. Just to be like, ah! Bonkers. Yeah. Because I love a crush. Oh, my God. A crush is my dream.

But then when the crush loosely returns your feelings, we're living. And it was loosely, but fuck, wow. It didn't feel loose. Well, we just don't know, do we? I don't know what happened. I couldn't have been. more involved. And I will say this,

I don't know if it helped. But there was definitely one night where I don't think it helped. And Amy did send me a message being like, I hope we can still be friends. I did a thing where I thought she's either going to forgive me for this

or she's going to be forever annoyed. But then it kind of became this thing where it was like actually, I wasn't, the wind was blowing in another direction and it had nothing to do with me. It wasn't you. Please explain what I did there. Yeah, what did you do?

There was a point. I was having this big crush. Huge crush. Fuck me, what a big crush. Can I be clear? Yes. I was also having this crush. Oh, yeah.

Because the light was shining out. He was shining his life. He was shining. I texted a niche and I was like, I don't know what's going on. But I'm going to be in a thruple. If I'm allowed. That would be so... We could be in a quadruple.

Quadra. Quadriple. So I had this huge crush. Amy was with me every step of the way. I don't know. It was all building, building, building, but not... I wasn't getting a kid. I just, oh, I would have loved to have kissed this man's face.

Yeah. And I think Amy wanted to kiss his man's face via me. Yeah. I would be like a human puppet. Yeah. I needed it to happen. Yeah. Yeah, I think more than me, you needed it to happen.

Because you're a real person, you're the other side of it. You're like, is this real? Is this not real? Yeah. I'm outside being like, there's energy. It's fantastic. It's like a vortex of something. Oh, it was hot.

Because to be clear, we had all gone to an event. Yes. And Amy and I had kind of tagged along. Yes. And so we were very happily in this little gang. Both of us were sort of talking, you know, talking to people we knew, but like they were a unit of friends. And then this guy really like hangs out with us. And he's like really being jolly, really laughing at Amy's jokes.

Mama Mia, laughing a lot. He's got good day. He does have good date. And he's cute and he's listening and it's just, you know, making eye contact. It's the three things we love. So funny. And he's very funny. And he's very charming.

And it is a bit like a politician. I don't mean that in a negative way, but in a way that we're both a bit like, you know, like out of nowhere this guy is giving us. Charmed. Charmed. And I felt very visited, you know. Princess Diana visiting the wards.

I felt warm, warm in my heart. We are the wards. She was touching me. Diana. Yeah. And I'm just near it. Can you imagine what you're feeling? I cannot.

Oh, I'm in the corner. like this. That's exciting. And then you got a text or a message? I think we were messaging a bit. Yeah, we was messaging a bit. Just funny stuff. That's the big reveal to me.

I'm like, how cute. And she's like, we've been messaging. Yes. Yes. I remember telling you. Fantastic. So then, there's only a few more days left for you. Yes.

In Melbourne, and so in Melbourne, a bit like Edinburgh, there's like a few places that people drink. There's only a few people do their shows and they all go to the thing. And then Amy's show gets 16. for a week. Fantastic. So there's a bit more time. But not enough, really.

So it's like, if this is going to happen, it's gas to happen. Yeah. It should ideally, I don't want to be too mathematical about this. Snog, day hang out. Fucking. Yeah. The big three days. The big three.

The big three days. And we're like, they are the big three. They are the big three days. I was like, we've got not a huge amount of time to get this going. This kiss has got to begin soon, you know. Just on schedule. We're not on schedule. So he keeps planning.

He keeps planning to meet us, but Amy, after things, you know. And he was, okay, so he's going to meet me here at this time doing this thing. I'm like, yeah. I'll be there. Amy, can you take your fingers out of yourself, please? And then... But the messages are getting sexy, right? I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've stated an interest. And that's all we're looking for. That's all we're looking for. A stated interest. Yeah. And so then, but then the hangouts keep being disrupted by other people. people. It gets confusing.

It gets confusing. Then it sort of culminates in us or being in a bar. Last night. The last night, there's other people. Then they leave and then it's just us three. And then he's like, I'm going to go. And then Amy clearly thinking it's now or never. Does a sort of heroic fall on the sword and kind of goes, no, you must stay and you must

kiss and I'm going to go. Yeah. And the vibe was like, we don't know if we're going to. a kiss because there's like a complication. But also, to be clear, all the sexy chat had been message. Yeah. But face to face, even though I had valiantly given you a loan time, not just this one valiantly. It wasn't building.

So you were like, we have to throw something into this. There was an offline online problem here, right? Yes. Online, sexy, sexy, sexy. Online, friends from home, me. What are we all doing here? Some, a gang of people have left. Yeah.

Who we don't know. So once again, it's just quite weird because it's like, well, we wouldn't have chosen to hang out with these people we don't know and this one man. Not what we would choose to do. So already it's mad, why are we there? And so then I'm, again, I get a bit like,

Nish, I get to this point where I'm like, no, this shall not stand. Someone's going to say something. Yes. Because otherwise, is day, night, is water dry? Shakespeare's here. I can't live in this world.

And so I just go, then he starts to say he's going to go. Yeah, I know. What the effing F. For some reason I'm not swearing at the time. And I just say, I just say, no, you have to talk about what this is. I'm leaving. And then I remember being like, wow, girl power of me.

And then immediately, whilst I'm in the street being like, oh, I don't know if Amy wanted it. It's so funny. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But otherwise, you both would have parted. But yeah, yeah, he was going to leave. And so he's going to leave the city and you're going to leave the country. And all this sex talk would have been for nothing. I mean, to be clear, nothing did happen.

Nothing happened at all, no. But you did talk? We talked. Oh, we talked, kind of. So you sort of left and then we sort of sat. Oh, God. Oh, God. Going, I said to me, I think I said to him, like, just so you know, I didn't plan that.

I didn't have anything to do with that. And he was like, oh, I can see from your face you had nothing to do that. And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows me. He knows, like, and it's all fine. But there was just as you were leaving, probably as you were going down the steps of the bar, I was sat there being like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. And I probably felt that energy coming down my back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just of some reason, you did great. I don't know, I mean, I shouldn't told me. It's hard dating, and it's like, it is to have somebody that's helping you is nice. To try and help, it's hard.

It's lovely. You know, that is, that is nice. I do have such a strong visual memory of walking. It was night time. Walking out into the, and it was rained. And I was like just walking out into, and the bar was in an alleyway,

and I was just walking out into this like bin-filled wet aloe in being like, oh no. I don't, I think Amy probably should have known I was going to do that. But I didn't know I was going to do it. No. I just felt, who could have known?

What do you mean? Your friends from home are going. And now we're the three of us left. Obviously, I should now leave. And then you guys have a quick snog, minimum. Minimum. And now he's like, I'm going to go. What?

You're not going, go. Yeah. If anyone's leaving, it's me. You were almost angry about it. I was furious. I am angry. Yeah. Well, I'm angry now.

I'm angry. Because what I'm, excuse me, is day night? In water, not wet? But it's mixed messages. I think that's the thing. I think it's mixed messages. And I think standing up for it and being like, hey, what's happening here? Yeah.

Yeah. But just in the guy's defense, it all made sense actually when it was explained. And he did nothing wrong. Yeah. It's all fun. It's all fun. It is totally fine. It's a great story.

You know, if I was his friend, I could also imagine kind of doing a version of it the other way around. Yeah. And also leaving, being like, you need to talk about this.

Yeah. Would you do it again? I almost certainly will. Knowing myself. Knowing myself. Do you sometimes think, like, and I know this is not the right energy for this podcast,

but like people often think when they're single that it makes themselves more themselves. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because you, and then I know that when you start dating, I've had so many friends do this.

They're a bit like, oh my God, I didn't really. realize that like there were so many things I do that it's so intrinsic to me that when there's someone else there I am aware of this thing. Yeah. I didn't realize I didn't realize I judged people in this way. I didn't realize I let people get away with this thing. Yeah. But actually sometimes being in a relationship for a long time, you sort of cook in your own. Yes, you're accepted who you are. You're to an extent and like, you know, just obviously sometimes be like,

well, that was an insane thing that you just did. But like the confidence I guess that I have to do this sort of thing. Yeah. But then I, I, I, I, sort of was like this before. Yeah. I've sort of never really been in control of myself. The app is such a funny thing, isn't it? The inverse of normal life, because it's, you know they're into you, because you know it's a day, but you don't know anything about them.

It really helps in that sense. Like, you get into quite a lot, like, not knowing if they, like, if it's like a romantic thing. And so it helps that you both know that it's, that's not friendship. It's not a table. Yeah. Yeah. I find that really helpful, like, the clearness of it. So did you miss the apps?

Yeah. Yeah, the same as me before. Yeah. What's it like? At first, it was really intimidating and terrifying. And then it was like kind of awful, I didn't understand it. And now I feel like, I mean, things always changed, but I feel like I figured it out a bit more,

which is that you have to be proactive in it. Like, you have to send out, I like to send roses. Oh, it sends you roses. I send roses like a king. I said my roses to the boys. I've got a few roses to send out. And then it's, you have to let them know that you like you. Because the ones that are coming to you,

Yeah. Trash, garbage. The worst. If you're going through the app traditionally, awful. You need to go for those highlighted profiles and give out a rose.

We don't have time for anything else. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's been working for me. That's really smart. Because otherwise you're like, oh, maybe this guy, you know, whatever. But it's like, no, you have to be excited about the person. Yeah.

That's one thing I've learned because I think when I first went on, I'd see a guy and be like, maybe I could like this guy if he's, you know, and I'd look at one profile, and I wouldn't find him like, physically attractive necessarily, but I'd be like,

but I don't know if he's got the right vibe. Like it could work. And I'm projecting so much onto him and there's so many, maybe, maybe, maybe. And if he, I don't like what he said here, but you can't really judge people and what they write on an app. So in my head, I was like, all of them are possibilities.

Yeah. And now I'm like, do I want to have sex with them today? That has to be the starting point. Yes. Because why not? Yeah, yeah. And then it's like, and then you looked at it. Yeah, because otherwise I was just being like, if I really get to know this guy, you know, maybe he's, maybe he's like into plants or like he likes his mum or like, but he, you know, the picture will be of basically who you picture when you picture like a serial killer.

And I'm like, but, but what's his past? What's he into? Yes. Murder. Murder. Murder. Murder. Yes. Murdering women on the app. And he's very clear about that. And he's clear about that. He's in his prompt.

It's like, I will, if you say yes to me, I will murder him. Yeah. But what does that mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, what sort of the headspace was in when he were like that? But now I do just go, would I want to, would I want to snog him? Yes. We're aiming higher.

We're aiming a little bit higher. At the beginning, it was like a lot of projection, a lot of you just didn't know. And so you'd be talking, to be and ranticizing it and then you meet up. And then now it's much more straightforward. Yeah. Yeah. Because also, I think that's really understandable because you would like someone to do that for you. Yeah.

Like that's, I think, the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're so trained with British crush of, like, big. out a vibe, find a guy, love him for 10 years then ask him out. Like, you slowly move towards someone. But you know everything about them, but do they fancy you or not? Whereas it's totally the opposite way around.

The only thing you know is that they want to have sex with you. There's some space here for sex. Yeah. Yeah. That's can a hitting. My success on the app has been with one of the hottest physically attractive men I've ever seen. Yeah. And he's sweet.

And I sort of can't get my head around it. he's the hottest man I've ever seen. Yeah. And he's nice. Like, my brain's almost like rejected. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we didn't believe we could get hot nice men. It just didn't, it just wasn't.

Like, this year has been baffling. Yeah. But also, I guess, with love to our community of female comedians, I think believing you could have a hot, nice man is not in the DNA of a community. 100%. Yeah. Of a female comedian, sorry to be clear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I agree, you know, not for you. you do. I'm looking at you. I'm like, these are the hotty tutis. This is some of the hottest of the tutti. Yeah. You deserve scum. A scummy. You deserve nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm constantly surprised.

I say to Nish, if you leave me cheat on me, basically what I want him to do is if he breaks up with me, it has to be for another woman so that I am completely in the right. I need a breakup that is not to do with my behaviors or actions. I love that. Nish cheating and just sobbing through the cheating. It's really fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you broke up, I needed to be from like, he's the fucker.

He's completely, yeah. It has to be completely his fault. Yes. I stand by that. But more than that, I think what it speaks to is like, still within a long-term relationship, I'm like, oh, there's no way for this to, you know, like, I don't deserve it, basically. Yeah. Don't deserve nothing.

But we all deserve it. Because you're a hotty-pot-totty. I forgot how I said. Putty-a-D-a-D-D-D-D-D-T. I have said both of those things. Yes. It's because I'm a hot-a-p-p-tutti. It's because I, since not having a full-time job,

I don't control my voices anymore. Like, when I had a proper job, I was, I didn't say QD-Patudi so much. You can't stop saying it. I'm talking to men in the street who I don't know being like, oh, it's chilly-willy. Jilly-Willy. That's a new one. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm living my life out of laugh. Yes. I shan be afraid. You shouldn't. Hey, Sean. Harriet, I've put a dog with tits on my profile. I feel like this is coming to the end, but I was really intrigued when you said about talking about wanking.

Oh, just on the way here, I was like... Wait, what? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. On the way here, because I'm a fan. Right, you've got to be. Big fan. And can I say, I'm not alone in being a fan of this podcast. This is one of the few podcasts.

Oh, I thought you were talking about wanking. I genuinely was like, yeah, you've got to be. I wasn't saying... Yeah, that was like... I thought you were talking about whacking. No, I did, yeah, yeah. Okay, let's get ready. Okay, let's get ready.

No, but my non-comedy friends, this is one of the few comedy podcasts they listen to. Whoa. Wow. Oh, shout out. Shout out. Shout out. That's part of the reason why I wanted to be on it. But I was thinking on the way here, like, thinking of them listening.

And I was like, I wonder what I would talk about, like, what do I not want to talk about? And I was like, I'm pretty chill with these two. I think I didn't even talk about whank. Amazing. Because to my mind, as a fan of the podcast, I am surprised by how little y'all talk about wanking. I don't think we've ever talked about wanking. It just seems to me like single ladies in your area.

Maybe that's also because single ladies in your area obviously is truly a porn category. It's a porn category for sure. And often it is just when you've used to get you, when you get this little thing, it's it. Do you not understand what the way is? Oh no, Harriet. Harriet.

But with the, no, I don't think I knew that. Yeah, so it's like a sort of classic internet. idiom, singles ladies in your area are looking for sex. Right, yeah, yeah. I said it was like a meekute thing where they were like in the singles column and like, you know, when they like put like... Yeah, like personal

connections. Yeah, yeah. It's not that. It's not that. No, it's like traditionally if you're on like a crappy website, it will be like a sort of flashing image at the bottom. Like a pop up or go, single ladies in your area now. I'm bored. That's so, that's such a good title. Fawking.

How, Harriet. Anyway, I've got a business brain. Can I just say? No, it's very charming. It just means that you're not across the sad side of the internet. But also, how supportive of you to go, yeah, that can be our title. I thought it was a great title. I thought it was like the meeky kind of thing when it's like, like, you know,

when they put like I saw on a train. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Misconnections can't such a good name for a booker. So, wow. Because I think it's really helpful to come with some and be like, oh, this is something we'd like to hear about because we haven't worked about it.

We should do a whole episode on it. I think you should do a whole episode. And that makes sense within your sexual health. Yes. But it was less than I was like, I've got to talk about one. Because before we came in and it was like, remember to bring it up. Yeah. It was more than I was just like, you know,

when you think about the framework of what you would talk about. For sure. And weirdly, I was like single-aided in your... you're wanking. That's a connection that I'm going to make. Of course that's a connection. And also being a single lady,

a lot of wanking. But to be fair, you know, doesn't have, don't have to be single. I think it's a really good thing to talk about because it was really,

I just remember being at school and like how little we talked about it and like how like there was a weird shame around it. Like it went, as we got older, like it went away, but we wouldn't talk about it. Whereas the boys,

it was like non-stop jokes about wanking. But still now, it's the same, isn't it? Yeah. Boys are always like, ha-ha-wanking, Wonking, wonky, wonk in.

And I have to say, and this is prejudice of me, a male wank is kind of grubby, and a female wank is sort of beautiful. Yeah. I've said it, all right? I've said it. I agree with that. I agree with that.

I think it's classy. I stand behind that. We'll put that out on this pod. I stand behind that. I think you should stand behind that. As you sit in front of the, that's our stance. That's our stance. But it feels like such a big part of, like,

people's obsession about having a partner. Because I think there's two things when I think about singledom, which is like your lived reality, which is that you are out here living life, wanting to make connection with friends, with lovers, da-da-da-da. That's beautiful and that's exciting and that's life. And then there's like the sort of almost like the industry of singleness, which is so much about, it's so hard to reject society's norms, especially for women, around you have to have a partner. A partner completes you. And even if you know that that is a nonsense, you are. also like, well, I would like a partner, but do I want for the right reasons? Yeah.

You know, I'm just essentially summarizing your entire partner. This is great. We needed this. Yeah, it turns out we need to learn a lot about what this podcast is, actually. No, but that's why I love your podcast. It's like people being like, I want this, not that. I just, I've realized that's, that's actually kind of beautiful, right? That's the journey you're on.

I'm learning about myself through the people like me. Yes. That's life. And then it's like, but I need a boyfriend because otherwise I'm failing at life. That's not so good. So then it feels like within all of this. that wanky just exists. Yeah.

Well, it is because it's like a thing, a reason you have a partner is so that you have someone to have sex with. But that's an unspoken thing. Yeah. Not to have a partner to have sex with. It means that you're put in a difficult position. Yeah.

Yeah. It's unspoken for women. I think for men is like part of the point of having a relationship. Yeah. I think. I don't know. I mean, you know,

TV and film version of men. But it is an unspoken thing that like, also I think the scary thing about apps and dating in general is that like you want, obviously, to have sex. with someone, but it's like that's such a vulnerable position to put yourself in. It's not as straightforward as men. Like, if you want to have sex, it's not as easy to...

No, it's like, so there's a vulnerability to dating almost because of sex. So then you're just like, I just find that sex becomes this really weird thing when you're single. Yeah. And then, you know, some people manage to have lovely sex relationships that are just pure... Mm. I've never had anything like this before. You do manage it, Amy, actually. And I think that is because, well, number one.

Hottie-to-toddy. Horstit-Tot-A. Number two, you, when someone is into you, like, and they say I'm into you, you actually manage it very well. Oh. Thank you. Yeah, that is true. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, because you're up front with people. I don't know your sexuality enough to think. Oh, that's an absolute mess. All that's all that I would say. I'd love to make some pronouncements on you, but I simply won't. But yeah, so then wanking always feels like this sort of, like, other thing that for men is always talked about But for women, it's not.

And for women, it feels like shameful and like, yeah, something like very private and so forth. Guys are like, yeah, yeah, and then I had a wonk. And it's like celebrated. Whereas I think women, it's like, oh, God. But actually, what a joy. Yeah. What a joy. And I think there's, you can have like, you can light a candle.

You know, I think women can do it in a way. That is just so nice. I've never heard. Can you imagine a man lighting a candle? No, for a wank. Can you imagine? No. I don't want to actually.

Like, it's not, I don't, I don't aspire for that. Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. What do you think they should light? A fire. Set their house on fire.

Set the house on fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you feel about partners wanking? What do you mean? Well, when you're in a relationship. I think the only problem is if it impacts your sexual relationship. Yeah. So if someone is wanking a lot and then is not one,

wanting to have sex with you, like, as a partnership, like, your deal is that you're not always going to have sex, but you are each other's sexual partners. And so if you are taking actions that lead to the other person is not satisfied, then I think that is a conversation. Yeah, I would agree with that. I mean, I think it also depends so much on the people, right? Like, I've never heard of a woman going to the toilet work to wank. But I don't get the sense that for men, sometimes that wanking is like sexual as much as it is like a release. Like obviously there's a sexual element to it. But it does also just seem to be like almost like a sort of a sneeze.

Like God or fart. You got to get it out. It's like a fart. You feel uncomfortable. I started this conversation. I know I have and yet I'm feeling so Catholic. I'm like, you got us into this med. No, we're going to get a wanking expert.

Get a wanking. Get one of them comedians who loves talking about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, we don't want to hear from there. though. A woman. A woman. A woman. We get a woman. Yeah. Not all men. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on, Amy. You're such a cutie-p-pootty. You're a cutie-a-a-to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. I loved it. You're doing a little tour. I'm doing Soho theater with my show Busy Body at the end of Jan.

So like 28th to the 31st. And then in Febb going around the UK. Amazing. Wonderful. More information online at amy annette.com. Fun, right? Yeah. Honestly, being with Amy and Melbourne, and I hope we get to do this one day,

was one of the more exhilarating moments of my recent years. I honestly, Nish kept being like, stop getting so involved. Niz! You're spoiled your. Honestly, I was like palpidating at points. Oh my God, it was.

I loved it. Can I say this? It was hot. It was hot. It was hot. It was hot. It was hot. And Amy knew how I felt about it.

It was hot. It's nice to be on a journey when you're in a long-term relationship with someone. It's like, you know, this. Yeah. And so to revisit it today and to make plans to travel with you for such a reason. Fantastic energy. Oh, is message back? It's not good.

I think Amy has, like, such nice energy. I really like being around, Amy. The best. She's so funny. Yeah. She's so funny and just like, you're like drawn to her. I don't know what it is. I know.

I just want to, like, sit by her feet and just. and just listen to her, tell me tales. I feel like she's wise. She has like a wise sense about her. I want her opinion on things. Yes. I feel like her opinion would be right and I want to know what she thinks.

Always. Always. She'd make like a single lady's group where we just, just for us to ask Amy questions. Yes. Yes. Ask Amy.

Ask Amy, not you. No chance. Not fucking, not me. No chance. No chance. But yeah, ask Amy. And we could be like, we could just send a picture of a boy

If she knows him and be like, yes, no, she'd be like, no. And I'd be like, okay, okay. I listened to you. Yeah, I feel, yes, that's so true. I feel like you should just get the right vibe. Yeah. Such a good wing woman. And then such a bad wing woman for that one evening.

But generally, but the vibe, the intent was 100% good. And it was the last chance. It was like, let's throw portion to the wind. I need to do this for you, big gesture. Yeah. It's flopped. The gesture has flopped. There's been a terrible, terrible flop.

The gesture itself. The gestures smashed on the floor and we need to clean this up with a mop-in bucket. Yeah, we've got flop everywhere. There's flop everywhere. But she tried. She tried. And what more can you ask of a friend? Not a lot.

Not a lot. Go see her at Soho Theatre and on a tour of the UK with her show, Busy Body. Oh, she's so funny. We love you, Amy. Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye. Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont.

And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact. Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding. That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah. This changes people's lives. If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up? An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals.

Because it used to be considered so honorable, like sumos, and they all live together, sumos. No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just message loads of Derricks? I don't think people know that. I emailed 100 Derricks. I don't think it was Derricks. I thought it was Brian.

Sorry, Brian. Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook. Our podcast is out every Friday. It's really easy to remember. It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again. Lucy and Sam's perfect brains. One of the hottest podcasts, people are going crazy for this podcast. Yeah, please give it a listen.

We're loaded up on Buzzballs. We've got a Laboooo in both. and we are ready to screech.