Single Ladies In Your Area - Dream dates and weirdest one night stands with Lou Sanders (Live at Underbelly Boulevard Soho)

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

This week’s episode of Single Ladies is a special LIVE recording of the podcast, coming to you from Underbelly Boulevard Soho. Harriet is joined by special guest host Loulie Sanders, and they ask the audience for their weirdest one night stand stories and what they would change on the dating apps.You can buy Lou's incredible memoir What's That Lady Doing? in all good bookshops, and follow her on Instagram @louliesandersAnd Harriet is going on tour with her brand new stand-up show 'Floozy' from October 2026. For tickets and dates head over harrietkemsley.com.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded by Anastasia Metreveli at Underbelly Boulevard Soho.Produced and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photo by Paul Gilbey.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill And I'm Harriet Kemsley We're both single and in our 30s And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene And the landscape has changed Everyone has settled down But we're back out there And we're desperately trying to figure out

What the hell we should be doing So we're going to speak to experts Chat about dates we've been on If we managed to get any And share your tips and horror stories So we all feel less alone We might even get our exes on Yeah, we'll see about that

This is Single Ladies in your area. A good friend of mine who is going to be co-hosting today. I had to kill Amy in order to get this seat. Yeah, it's a bit awkward. Yeah, it's awkward. She just loves the podcast so much.

Have we had nice Valentine's? Okay, that was that. Mixed, mixed result. How many beautiful, can I just say how many beautiful ladies are in the ground? Yeah, it's what we attract. It's what the podcast attracts. Like, hey, like attracts, like. Yeah, thank you.

Why did that feel sarcastic? No. Okay. It felt like a dick. I do have a statement from Amy who wanted to give a statement to everybody because she's very sorry that she can't be here. She says, happy Valentine's Day, single ladies. I'm so sorry I can't be there, but I'm busy sucking someone off behind a bin.

Well, and I'm not. Lou's broken up my very busy day, sucking off people behind bins to be here. and Amy couldn't. That is, if anyone is confused, that is a call back to the last show. I don't think that doesn't even make it anymore. Obviously, I don't listen to the show, so I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big fan here.

Also, it doesn't take that long to suck people off if you're doing it right. I'm there for hours. What's your trip? Amy's was fun because she had a big backpack on and she didn't take it off. That's what was so fun about it. And you used to do Sundab in a backpack. Oh my God, it's all coming together. Yeah, very different stories.

So she says, I am so delighted. The stunning Lou Sanders. Oh, stuck. Yes, is here. And me and Harriet can open up our relationship. Oh. Very modern. She says, no huge updates from me other than I've noticed two ways I give myself the ick.

When I'm driving on my own or with passengers, I describe other vehicles. calls as Mr. Like, no thank you, Mr. Bus. Indicate please, Mr. Ick number two, roughly ten seconds before I vomit,

I quietly say, please no. I love that. I love that. Lou actually listened to me vomit just a couple of weeks ago. Yes. Yes. Yes. We were snowboarding because we're very gnarly and I actually thought she was shitting.

So I was laughing because Because she doesn't like bodily flit. I don't like to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. She's very like, you know, delicate in that way. Just a lady. Just a real lady. So I thought she'd let her guard down and was fine.

The room was tiny and you could hear everything. And so I thought she was shitting away. So when she came back, I was really laughing. And she went, oh. Like she just thought that I thought it was really funny that she was really sick. And then she fell asleep. And then two hours later when she woke up. I was like, it's quite mean how you just laugh when I vomited.

I thought you were just booping. we'll do it again I actually I have an excuse to this that I feel like I do for myself and that is anywhere that I'm barefoot

I will stand in an animal's food bowl oh yeah yeah isn't that horrible you know what I mean it's like on your sock or on your barefoot

she's weird because you don't have pets to you yeah what's happening so much um okay okay

what is happening okay and then Amy said she's got sent the only message that she got sent today from a man this Valentine's and then it was a picture that this man sent her of him searching for her name on the Epstein files oh my god and then the second picture was him going like that when he found her the third pictures with Epstein yeah no she doesn't come up thing that we've got in common.

Yeah, that's fine. I didn't know. You could just search for friends. I didn't know that either. Yeah, I can be doing some of that later. No, I'll be on a date probably. Why don't you search for some of your exes? You know if people have felt it in the air,

but it does feel a bit bleak today with mummite. Does anybody else? I mean, this is lovely, you know what I mean? But the streets outside, so many women holding flowers. Yeah. I don't even know if they've bought them, but they're holding flowers. It's like one mass sort of funeral visit, isn't it?

Yeah, but it just, it feels like such a brag to be walking around with flowers today. Yeah. I nearly got you some flowers, but that's the sort of thing that a shit boyfriend says. I nearly got used to flowers. And you're like, yeah, well, why didn't you? You know, you had the thought.

You caught the money. I was going to get Lou a gift as a thank you for doing this. And she made a joke yesterday about how I always get shit gift. No, her love language is gifts and it's very sweet But then I always feel indebted And I'm like, oh no, now I've got to get her a present And I'm not as good as... You're very good at buying presents

I just feel guilty when someone gives me a present Make of that what you would about my self-esteem I think one of the things that I didn't like today With so many people got engaged Like I think it's just like getting engaged on Valentine's Day Boo! Wait, did you just say like Like boo?

Or were you like, what was that? It was like, it was boo, but I didn't have run away. Okay. Like, boo. Like, boo. Or like. It was boo. Boo.

Yeah. But I just did it in the hip-hop way because they're my roots, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I forgot about your roots. Yeah. Sorry.

I think one of the things that made me so cross was, I mean, not that cross. You know, not really that cross. But, you know, was a lot. Like, there was a lot. Like there was a lot of women online, I think, that have, like, got into relationships recently. Just, like, making posts, like, ladies, you know, if you've been single for a while, it can happen for you.

And there's just a picture of them with their boyfriend. It's like, it's like they've forgotten so quickly. It's like once I think they were alone for a while and then met somebody, they just so quickly are like, oh, you know, like, don't worry, you're going to find someone, you just hold out. It's like, I think, when people give up smoking, and then they're the ones that immediately are like, someone smoking near them.

You know what I mean? I hate it. But when I see this post, I look at them and I think, yeah, fuck, if you can find love, I should be able to. Because you're annoying. Some people don't want to find love, actually. Some people are actually really happy on their own. Do you know what I've been doing today, which is really tragic? I've had quite a nice day, but I've been asleep for most of it.

But then on my car, in my car, I wasn't lounging across the front. So I think, tempt anyone today? When I was driving up here, I kept singing, The greatest love of all isn't sad of you. I think it was a message to myself. But I know that because you've sung it five times to me today already. I'm trying to tell you something, sweetheart. Anything else you want to sing?

No, but I think at the end we should all sing that line of that song. Yeah, yeah. That would be optional. If people want to leave, they can. They want to stay. It's a lovely message. The greatest love of all isn't. Yeah.

Yeah. But I don't like it when he looks are like, oh, you know, when you're like, how am I still single when I'm so fantastic? And they're like, got to learn to love yourself first. And it's such a stupid thing to say because I know I love myself more than like these idiots. Why are you pointing at me? No, no, I know. Some idiots in relationship, you know, some idiots in relationship. You know, some idiots in relationship.

Really relatable healer story there for everybody. Well it's 90% girlies, come on. Where's your healers at? Well, I'm starting to see why a lot of you are single. Have you got no healers? No, I've got six and I've been single for ages. Yeah, because you were saying that you're not looking for love,

but you are on a lot of dating apps. No, I'm on one dating app, Raya, and it's hell. And yes, I did. Yeah, what we got? Who's on Raya? Oh, they're impressed. If you want a link, we'll give you a link. Oh, it's awful, though.

Yeah, no, it is. When I first joined Rea, I wasn't getting very many matches, and I think it's because I was dressed like a Christmas pudding. And I did email them to say that I think the website's broken. And, guys, they didn't email back, so proof in the pudding. Something's gone wrong. Checking systems. Imagine the confidence of thinking it's the technology and not yourself.

I love it so much. Lou actually showed me her profile earlier. We were looking, you can see, like, on Raya, like, who some of the women are in it, and they're just, like, so elegant and beautiful, and they're, like, just look incredible. And there's a photo of Lou in a wetsuit doing... I can't get any matches.

It's mad. I only need one. It's a much. Have you been dating much? No. Yeah. No, not the demand. Well, I know you have.

Yeah. Making yourself laugh. She's having a good time. I've been trying my best and I have been trying my best. I think it's difficult for me because I'm coming in like from a marriage. So I'm like I can see everything like from the future kind of. I can see where it goes. You know what I mean?

You're not married now. Make that clear. Otherwise, otherwise I just haven't got the time with all these marriages. This is all a scam. Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to go home to my husband after this. I hope you have a lovely evening, everyone. No, I was, I was married.

I was married. Yeah. Lou said today that if I get married again, then she'll give me away. Oh, isn't that so nice? How key would that be if I give her away? And she said, I'll give you, oh, I'll fucking give you away. That's what you said. I'll fucking give you away.

But I'm seeing it for, because I can see where it goes. Like, I know, like, a ghost of Christmas future, like, how bad it can go. So I see everything as a warning, something. Like, I think they're in the present and I can see how badly it can go. So, like, if they don't have shit, then I'm like, they're not going to have a fucking pension. You know what I mean? Like, if they call their mummsy, you know what I mean?

Like, they shit themselves regularly. Harriet, I've got to say, I've never been married. I've sort of got that vision as well. Wow. How does she do it? I guess I'm a healer. What can I say? I guess I'm a healer.

we've been away recently haven't we've been away we've been away yeah it's nice it'd be so much easier if I was a lesbian because I think you're beautiful and not you know I'm gonna I'm gonna propose I'm gonna propose because we I love spending all my time with you what like what is this what's happening I just wish that I was that way inclined and then we wouldn't have to waste our time with men I think it's the biggest political thing you can do is go for a woman unfortunately but put it away because I don't want to see it. Yeah, we shared a tiny room, and I was really nervous you were going to get sick of me.

Like, we didn't even have, like, like, chest of drawers or anything. Like, we were just out of sticking because I was so nervous. It's really fun going away with Lou, though, because every time we go away, and she has a catchphrase. What's your catchphrase? What was it this time?

It's the same every time. It's the same every single time. And every single time, as we get on the plane and we get in the car, she goes, well, if we can't pull here, we can't pull anywhere. And you know what? We don't.

We've never once pulled on a single trip. We've been on like over five trips again. Snowboarding holiday. There were a couple of lads. One interested in me and one interesting year. We just went home. This is a lot of problem. Luke gives it a big talk all day.

She's going, yeah, probably going to be like on that dance floor. I'm going to be snogging. And when I turn around, she's gone home every single time. You just sneak off. You sneak off. Every holiday as well, I bring 10 out of date condoms. face on them. What for something?

Years ago and they've all gone out of day and I can't bear to throw them away. They've just got my hopeful little face. They've just got my hopeful little face on. I want to pass them on to my... Lovely, yeah. She gets them out. She gets out ten old cigarettes.

She's had for 20 years. She puts them away. Smoking tin. And then I just doodle off. Yeah. Well, we have some good times, don't we? Yeah. I am the other day, my daughter,

and her friend went through my handbag. to get some toys out and a load of condoms fell out. And I was like, oh my God. And I was like, this is not the stage of life I thought I would be at, like in my late 30s. This is crazy. My friend I was lived with was like, that's exactly how I imagined your life. Actually, this is kind of spot on. This is kind of what I thought would happen.

And I was like, oh, sad kids looking at me. What's that? No, we're making ourselves seem less. Come on, we do get some offers. I got an email today, for example. An email? How sexy. An email you say.

Yeah, from an insurance company. No, a man emailed my website because there is a contact button and he said, I think we'd get on, I'd fun in love with you on a radio show, you can see me. And I don't usually reply to that, but it was Valentine's Day and so I said,

would it kill you to send a fucking bitch? It would be such a small chance that it would be your person that you'd email, but when you're confronted with the first, face, it does feel yeah, rude, not to reply. Yeah, well, when you specifically ask for a photo and then they sent it,

and then you ghost them. I'll tell what's ruder, mentioning it on the podcast. But he was good looking. He just, you know, just wasn't, not everyone who emails in my website. It's going to be my husband. I found out. What average of emails are you getting?

Oh, not many. Yeah, don't worry about that. But it's usually... Could you put a thing on the website saying, do send, if you're going to email, send a pick. Yeah, it smacks of a bit. It's more desperate than bringing 10 out of day contacts. But they do it on Instagram as well,

they might message you on Instagram and they go, but then their accounts private and you're like, well, what am I going to do with this? You know? Yeah. But that's how all the male comedians meet their girlfriends is Instagram messages. And I tell you what, it's not the same for women because why isn't it the same?

I don't know. I think Fern Brady said that once that she gets a lot of messages from men holding guns. And I get a lot of messages from men holding toddlers. That's kind of our different styles, I think. Yeah. That's because you sort of are a bit

like a toddler. Thank you. Thanks, Lou. Yeah. When a man falls in love with you, he's going to fall so hard in love with you because there's no one else out there like you. Who's going to be a paed about? No. No. Yeah, that's the issue.

That's why you're looking through the Epstein files. Is it ham? This episode of single ladies in your area is sponsored by Field, a dating app for the curious. Okay, right. Before we get into things, we must tell you guys about their free self-discovery tool reflections, which you can try either in-app or at field.com slash reflections. It's basically a series of prompts that get you thinking about your desires,

your relationship styles, and your boundaries. That's right. And the idea is that by understanding yourself a bit more, you're actually better place to connect with other people too. So, Helen, I've already had a little go at answering the questions, and I want to talk you through my thoughts on them today. So all the questions were, like, revealing about yourself, but was there one that just had you, like, stumped? I think the question about whether I would open up to a partner,

it seems so mad as like an old lady now, to still be kind of afraid to say certain things. And it's a reminder that you need to. When you were answering the questionnaires, were there any answers that you put down that surprised you about yourself? I think there was in the Bounderous section. It turns out I actually have really good Bounderous. It really kind of explores questions to see whether you can spot problematic behavior. Yeah. And it turns out I can. And yet still, I've invited you into the studio. Wait, wait. I'm really aware of red flags. If I see a red flag, I will burn it.

What have you learnt about yourself? And do you have you learned about yourself? And do you, have, like, more clarity on what you like and dislike. Do you feel like you know yourself better? Yeah, I found the questions in the desire section. That kind of made me pause for a minute. Because I think we grew up having to hide our desires. I'm going to push them down. Because if, like, people would just be shamed for them all the time. It would literally be, like, front page news if anyone had a kink that wasn't, like. I was raising the girls brigade. Like, that's not a thing. You know what I mean? Ken, Hampshire. Thank you.

our desire. No. Yeah, we were not encouraged. We were told to push down our desires. And meet a farmer. And meet a farmer. Yeah. And make a cake. Yeah. But now you have desires. No, I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm honest with you. I feel like I'm on this journey about, oh my God, what do I like and not? Like, I think this is the thing is like to think about things like really clearly. Like, that's never been my MO. Like, I just do things. And then people are like, why? That's more my vibe. And now I'm trying to be more. thoughtful about things. How yeah, that's really beautiful.

Thank you so much. Like, genuinely. Thank you. Okay, slow. Would you do reflections with a partner? Like, if you were already in a relationship. Yes, this is a crazy thing because you'd never think you'd recommend a dating app to do with a partner.

You would never be like, oh, hey, darling, do you want to join this app? I've joined this app. I think it could be really good for us. Hi, we're in a monogamous relationship that's closed and it is just the two of us. Let's get on a dating up, just for the hell of it, of course. But I think it's good because then once you, once you, you can see what desires line up. Like, if you're in a long-term relationship,

the things can get a little bit, a little bit stale. But you don't know. There's this whole world out there that sometimes you don't even know about. There's words, I've never even heard of. Things I've never even heard of. And very specific things that it turns out, you might like, I'm going to tell you later. I'm going to give you a whole PowerPoint.

Oh my God, I can't want to. This is it. I think because we're so English and awkward, no offense. I think it's good to have somebody else. No offense. I said no offense. I said, no offense. You can't take offense.

No offense. I said, no offense. And I'm fine with that. I've taken offense. You seem to take a bit of offense. Yeah, but when someone says, no offense, five times. Can you see how I'm going to be offended?

No offense. No offense. Great. I think we need this app to work on this relationship. I don't want to work on it with you. Post reflections, do you feel more open to trying something new? Maybe I do.

Maybe I do. Why do you want to know? Yeah, I do. I'm proud of you as a friend. I feel like I'm in this era of like trying things. I think you need to try some things. You're in a bit, you know, you're in a bit of a rot. No, actually, can I say?

I agree with that. I'm in a ruff. You didn't take a fence. That's growth. Good for you. I want love more than anything and I haven't tried to find love in three months. Yeah, so why are you stopping yourself? Let's not think about that.

I'm going to set you up in the app. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And your desire. And I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to do it, but that makes me nervous.

I'm nervous. Yeah. To know yourself, you're afraid of yourself. Don't put your hand in your hair. Oh my God. Wow, this trousers. Last question. Do you feel more open slash curious about anything?

I think it's like the start of a journey maybe of understanding yourself. I think so many people now are just starting a journey, whereas before they didn't think they could talk about these things and things like this are opening ourselves up. The British need this. This is for the great British people. This is for those at the Duke of Edinburgh Award and now are finding themselves. Yeah.

We've all been at the bottom of the hill, but you've started climbing. Yeah, and then I fell down a bit. But then I got back up again. Yeah. I fell down again. But now I'm back up. It's great to see that you've learned so much already

from taking reflections. And what's even better is you can take it as many times as you like. After all, knowing yourself fully can be a lifelong process. But what matters is that we keep trying. Love that and that's so true. And I cannot wait to get stuck in myself. So ladies, if you're curious to try it yourself, you can take reflections for free at field.com slash reflections.

Or download the field app spelled F-E-E-L-D on the app store or Google Play. You've got to get in there and sniff them. So look, we're going to look in one of these boxes. So we're going to look at... Not a euphemism. So this is, tell us about your most hilarious or bizarre one-night stand. I mean you've never had a one night stand of course so you wouldn't have a story would you?

Well actually once I did sleep with a guy on a boat to Bilbao if you want the details and I was with my parents and I was 16 and what are you looking at you watch for in the middle of the story? Unbelievable! Sorry, got somewhere to be have you?

I doubt it on Valentine's Day. Check it with the babysitter. See it, I had this. Things are going. No, carry on your story. Right. So I slept with this guy, we said you want to play backgammon. And anyway, went back to his cabin.

And he said, I think you've got a tampon in. And I had definitely, sorry about this, it's a bit gross, but I'd definitely taken my tampon out. So I was quite surprised that he said, you've got another one up there, but he seemed to know what he was doing. Went into a little, I don't know. I didn't have bloody put two up there. Imagine if I didn't sleep with him.

I would have had toxic shock syndrome. That man saved my life. I was going to say, the magician dynamo was on here before. It was like a tricky could have done. Imagine a man knowing how many tampons you got in better than you. That's man. I know.

And that's why you shouldn't use tampons. Do you use a moon cup and that's my effort. Thank you. Well, I couldn't use a moon cup. Why? Because of how I'm not allowed like squash in the living room. I mean, I couldn't have a moon. Cup it would be fucking chaos. I couldn't.

You can use a moon cup and period pants, that's what I do. I use period pants, yeah. But you could use a moon cup as well. I couldn't. I'm a bit wobbly. But if you've got the period pants there as a second. I can't have a cup of blood out my vagina. Like, it's just not an option. I would love to be that person that can just, like, balance a cup of blood in their vagina. Like, lovely, I'd love to be that person.

Oh, have you seen Melissa? She's ever so elegant. Why did you say that? She can use a moon cup. Sake. I once, this is a mad blast from the past, but I once, we went on a girl's trip to San Drape. It was like, it sounds very glamorous. It was like our holiday. Especially the way you say, San Jabay.

St. Trobers. We went to St. Traubbers. And it was like our holiday after the end of school. But we basically, we stayed in like camper vans just outside in this holiday park. And it was like, wasn't glamorous at all. But then I met this guy and I went back with him. And we had sex without a converse.

on it but then he panicked that I might be pregnant and then it was really confusing because then he started running me a bath and then he put me in a bath and I was and then I just sat in the bath and I was like I wonder why I'm in his bath and then I realized he was trying to wash it out and he went to private school can you imagine can you imagine yeah and then it's so compliant just oh I wonder why I'm in the bar They'd like you to have a bath beforehand, but after, that's new. We went to go and get the morning after pill the next morning, and he, like, panicked and he said, please can we get the morning after bill for my sister.

Now that is a man with a girlfriend. You think? Yeah. Yeah. Was it a small town? Sandra Pay. Oh. Oh, yeah.

That's what. weird. Where was he from? From England. It was from England. That doesn't make sense to me. I think he was really embarrassed about it, but actually it sounded more embarrassing because it sounded like he just fucked his sister. Okay, so I'm going to read out some of yours.

Okay, so tell us about you're most hilarious or bizarre one night stand. He was late to our date because he got locked out of his flat by some roadman friend of his living out of his van. I was new to London and took him back to where I was house sitting. I told him it was. I thought, did Heath, but it was Hampton Court.

I imagine waking up in the morning. Lovely hands writing. You've all got lovely. Okay, living in L.A., so glamorous. Went back to the guy's fancy beach house. It belonged to his family, and his whole family, and his nephew walked in whilst I was naked, and the mum screamed. That happened to me as well once.

And the guy who was with, I don't know if I've told the story before, but he hid in the cupboard. But it was so embarrassing, because then I was just naked in the bed. It was at this party, so it looked like, I just... I'd taken myself away in the party and got naked in bed, like, I'm going to have it. And his aunt was crying, and then... And this guy was in the cupboard, and I was just in this bed.

And it's impossible. How do you explain that? What would you say? What would you say? Just went over next time. I think I'd say, well, I was having sex with that guy in the cupboard. Had sex on a park bench, left my... heels and limped home found her afterwards he was engaged.

No, that's naughty. What was it about the heels? Left my heels. I don't know why she left her heels. I'm assuming a woman. But, and limp time found out. How did you find out he was engaged? Who said that?

Does anyone mind? Oh, is that you? Oh, hello. How did you find out he was engaged? I said I don't know who was, and then the next day of my friend said, he was very unattractive. Oh, as well. Wow. I think sometimes the ones who are challenged in the looks department are the worst

because they're just like, well, I've got to get it because they're not used to getting it. Like before, so like the fit ones are sometimes a better bear, maybe. Yeah, aim high. Aim for the moon, settle with. That's why I only go out with 10s. Greg from Devon or whatever. I don't know. Why, you only go out with what? Tens. When was your last relationship?

Well, what is a relationship? My cats are really pretty. Living room sofa, no kissing, barely any touching. 10 minutes. Max. That's a one-night stand. That's so sad. No kissing.

No comedy here. It is meant to be a comedy show, everybody. It's not a tragic tale of something that happens. Everybody, thank you. No. No. No God no

Lou's trying to find love So she's got a novel I'm going about it I think I'm actually fine with being on my own But I thought it could be a fun bit for the show Yeah no Lou's really happy how she is

But she has started to do this bit And I stand up Where she does try and find love And so she's trying to find somebody to date In the audience The only issue is I don't know if there's any single men In this whole building

Okay stand up if you are Identify as a Man Stand up if you identify as a man. Uh-oh. Wow. Target! Okay. Target!

Right. Okay. The ladies are clapping. Now what we're going to do, it is a sort of, it's an interrogation situation. There's six. That's so pathetic. I'm so sorry. No, they're not, but you're not perfect.

Well done for coming. You know, well done for coming in a sea of women. Now we're going to do an interrogation. You're lovely. Right. Okay, sit down if you only have sex with men. This is fun, isn't it? Sit down if you only have sex and men. Okay.

Sit down if you've never been to therapy. Imagine if they all sit down. Oh, one sat down. Okay, sit down if you... Don't film this. The big question is if they have... Girlfriends. That's the big question. Oh yeah. Sit down if you've got a girlfriend

or a part. Well, yeah, it's got to be a girlfriend. Oh. Nice try, Zaylor. Okay. Well, the way you're patrolling, I'm like Nazi vibes or something. I don't know. I'd get an idea why I'm still seeing.

Okay, would you like to come on a date with me? Like, oh, sorry, yeah, right now. Sorry, yeah. You didn't make that clear it was going to be right. now. Yeah. This is how I date with my friend. I hope you don't mind. What's your name? Joseph. Joseph. And have you got any healers? No. Not yet. Not yet. Positive. Very positive. Watch and learn from Joseph. He's pretending that he's open to the idea. And then when I give him psychic Simon and a few other ones, he'll sort of go, oh yeah, I'm sure I'll get around to contacting

them. Never. What do you do, Joseph? I'm a magician. up for Joseph Give it up for Joseph Did you just see Dynamo show? No Oh What? What a roller coaster?

But there were more weren't there? No, there were six men in the audience Couple had a girlfriend's couple and never been to therapy There was one, wasn't there one over there? Yes, yeah, there was one over there Look at us, like one We've got one!

There was one behind it. I think it's good for the ladies to know who's single. You know what I mean? I think it's good because that's one of the things that we were doing. Is it a hunger game scenario after the show? We was going, now we're fine. Do you know what? We're joking around about all this.

But actually, you know, if we wanted to be with people and settle, we could. Yeah, whatever you want to tell yourself to. Yeah, absolutely. Be not too much this weekend. So what we've got the next one is, if you could add your own feature to the dating apps, what would it be? You could filter out magicians or only show people with. cats or like something something like that do you know what yours would be yeah what would yours be what would

filter out oh sorry i just remembered about the magicians thing i just so sorry about that i'm so sorry what would yours be what would yours be well it's not very funny but i would i would filter out people that are like me because the problem is people come to me and they say oh i'm really clumsy and i'm a mess as well and i say there can't be two of us you know what i mean the house is going to burn down yeah i've got to find somebody that can be in charge of stuff Yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you filter that? I don't think you can.

I don't think you can. Yeah. So somebody has said, need to be a cowboy. So they would filter so they would only filter in cowboys. Oh, right, yeah, and that's nice, yeah. Yeah, because I don't know if you know that Amy had sex with a cowboy. No. Oh, yes.

Big fan of the podcast. Lou Sanders is here. I did know that, but not from the podcast. She told me in real life. No men holding fish. Oh, yes. That's really nice. I think we can all agree on that.

Yes. There should be more men here because they could learn a thing or two. You know, those six men, give me a cheer if you've ever had a picture of you holding your fish on a dating website. Well, they don't need to learn. It's ironic.

No crusty white dogs. Is that like a street term for something? I don't know. I don't know. I think that's someone that's been spurned before. Guys, again, looking for a step-mom for my dog. Yes, I do get that because I think often men are looking for like, yes, someone to look after their dog or someone to look after their child. Yeah.

Have you come across this? They're often like holding up a child like take, take it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. You're going to love this. Magicians only. Like to keep them in, to keep them in.

Somebody in this room. Somebody there's somebody in this room for you. Somebody wants a magician. Wait. Did you write that? That's lovely, isn't it? Unless we've misunderstood it. Oh, to filter out.

Don't think about that. Yeah, let's not think about it. That's lovely. Get another one. And why did you go into magic? So I was into rugby. The logical next step. I had an accident and I was in a wheelchair.

Oh, no. Yeah, sad now, isn't it? Yeah. Someone feels guilty. Oh dear. Get to the next bit. My grandfather just kept showing me card tricks to keep me entertained. And they never told me how they were done.

And it really annoyed me. So I just learned out of spite. Wow. Nosey boy, huh? That's really nice story. Yeah, that's a lovely story. You must have been very good at magic because you can walk again. That's lovely.

You're a lovely guy, I'll say that. Reviews from previous dates. Yes, I agree. It's horrible, isn't it? They're like, oh, or sometimes they share text messages where somebody is like, oh, I think you're lovely. You know what I mean? And then you're looking baffled.

No, I have not had that. Yeah. An actual number of glasses, forks next to their bed. Whoa. That's so specific and also brilliant. Like, yeah, take them to the kitchen. Yeah. Oh, they should filter out. They should say, how long have you been single? On Monday, I went on a date with a man two weeks out of a nine-year relationship.

Well, he's a cowboy because he's getting back on the horse. But that's the thing, isn't it? They, they just, that's, men just jump back in. Men just jump back in again. And then they don't learn. Whereas we take time. We're really picky. We're just picky. Okay, this one, a way to highlight ghosters. That's a good. Yes, yes. How would you do that? I'm not an app developer. And have you had therapy? A way of that. That is true. That is a good one.

That is true. That is true. But then maybe some of them just go to therapy for a long time. And the thing is with therapists, like I love my therapist so much, but she just always tells me I'm right. And then I say, I can't be right in this. And she says you are and I love it. Because I think... Name rejected. I think he's got... He can't have a good therapy. There's certain men, name rejected, name rejected.

There's certain men that have been in therapy for 10 years and you're like, how is this possible? How? You're still running the same patterns. This is mental. Yeah. I think actually the bigger... There's a bigger problem here in its therapists saying that they're therapists.

Yeah. I had a terrible therapist. I should have knocked her out. She was so bad. Really? What happened? Well, she would refuse to say, but... No, she was really bad. She was immoral. Some of them are absolutely mad. The stories I've heard, which I won't go into. Yeah, but you can always trust a healer. That's one thing. That's one thing we've learned. Yeah. Okay. Link to Strava profile. That's a good idea.

Is that what? Is that you? Is that you? So do you like, you want to see their stuff? He was always running. Yeah. All they care about is they're strava. Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Then you know that they're not stravering too much.

Yeah. Hashtack men's mental health crisis. Yeah, what are they running away from? Yeah. Why don't you stop running and start talking, baby? But I think that's a really good one. Also, I don't want someone who's running because it makes me feel bad about myself. Also, you'd be so dizzy if they'd be so dizzy if they're.

They were just, they're not running with, like, when you're with them. I didn't say you weren't a good runner. I didn't say you weren't a good runner. Why don't you run after them? And then they go, put this on your stats. Filter out boys who date you for three years, then dump you on a random Wednesday for having a low risk to, what does that say? A low risk tolerance.

What the fuck does that mean? What the, hang on, oh my God. You're not an I sir. you're right but I would invest in you. So low risk tolerance. So what he wanted you to go like skydiving? He didn't do and he didn't want to so he finished with you. That was the main reason is you wouldn't go bungee jumping with him in Bradsea Park.

Isn't that mad? What is wrong with them? Wow. What do you think's wrong with them? Would you say? Yeah, what do you think's wrong? I'm afraid. We've got to get out there. Okay, so this is describe your dream date in three words. Why don't you describe your dream date in three words?

My dream date in three words is Pizza Express Voucher. It's my dream. What's yours? Mecca Chi. Don't worry about that. Describe your date in three words. Tipsy unhinged, sassy. Yeah, exciting, sexy, mysterious.

Oh, this is a good one. Asks me questions. Oh, looks like. We're your dream date because we ask you this question. Spondaneous, abroad, relaxing. Abroad, just in the middle. Spontaneous.

Doesn't live here, obviously. It's spontaneous and it's relaxing and it's not in the UK. That's lovely. Not a freak. Eat cake alone. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, because we're not all after the same thing.

with a man. That's all of them. That's all of them. Guys, thank you so much. I've started recording this halfway through and I don't know why. You need to ask you lawyers, I think that's the issue.

We could get Annie and Beth up here to say in a really honest way what they think our problems are. Annie and Beth, would you want to come up and say why you think lose single? And how do you think lose Why do you think Lou's single? And Harriet.

These are very funny comedians, Beth Rylent and Annie McGraw. Can you get them a round of applause, please? Do you think Lou's problem, would you say, Beth? She's just too bloody fit. Too, too fit. It feels a bit like you've planned this, Lou, I will say. It feels a bit like you've set this up, maybe.

No, we've got to have extra time. Yeah, we've got to make sure Annie and Beth come up on stage. It's flashing, giving him a sort of bull's-eye view of the old snatch. Yeah, it's hard to think while you're single. Yeah, it's hard. Why don't you go in on Harriet? Well, I've got something about Lou. So when you moved out.

Yes, yes. You paid to have a sort of, I guess a healer, sort of sage your house, sort of ridding it, as I understand, from spirits and ghosts. And I think you paid him £2,000. and what no I'm not giving you the mic back you're probably in this situation and what you did say to me was

he couldn't come in person because he had a meeting so he did it remotely just say can I just say it was £1,000 it was £1,000 £1,000 would you say this has gone well for you alone

it is exactly the sort of thing we have to come face to face with our shadow You can't, you paid the guy to sage them, they're not around. How much are you paying the five healers sort of on average a month? I actually don't. Hey, how am I single? Whoa!

Hey, can Angelina Jolie do this? Right, now we do need to... No, no, sorry, you didn't answer. I don't have any healers anymore. I've got like... Is it fast a line? No. I go to...

I was at your house last week. I didn't ask to come up here. No, no. I get spoken. We've got on's Harriet, shall we? It's very clumsy. Yeah, Harriet's clumsy. But that's the only thing that I can think of.

You must be going for the wrong type. It doesn't feel in the spirit of Valentine's Day. You brought up two more single women to roast you. My thing is a laugh. I know Beth and I are also single if those six men are... What a night they can have. Okay, so I guess the end of the show is just us all singing. I don't know what the song is.

What is it? Does anyone else know what it is? That's the biggest reveal of the night is Winnie Houston. Well, look, thanks for coming. We've got a Mads of Shoreshaw. Can anybody tell why we sing God? In tonight, not even the healer's no. Have you ever seen such a collection of beauties? It's unbelievable.

We're wasting our prime prime years. Our prime genus. Okay. I'll show you a magic trick later. It's me taking my clothes off. Right, okay. I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for coming, everybody.

We really appreciate it. We've got a lot to think about. I think we've got a lot to go away and think about. We need to go through your finances. That's for sure. We need to have a good look at that. because it seems like you're being swindled. So we've got to have a little look at that, that's for sure.

But thank you so much, everybody. And we hope to see you all. Well, no, I hope you all getting relationships. But you can still come. You can still come. Happy Valentine's to you all. Hello, single ladies. If you're a single lady and you're interested in meeting other single people who are really furious about the direction of the Labour Party

and a contemplating voting green for the first time, then you might meet them in the audience at one of my tour shows. I'm Nish Kumar and my stand-up comedy show is called Angry Humour from a Really Nice Guy. We're going to the UK and Ireland between September and November of 2006 and the tickets are available right now. I will, if requested, organize a dating service during the show. I would say if you're interested in meeting some very angry people, they will be at the show and they will be mad as hell.

Tickets are available at nishkimar.co.ukh. None of this is legally binding. You may not meet your life partner at one of Nishkama's tour shows.