Single Ladies In Your Area - Embracing change and trying to be alone with Sophie Willan

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

This week Harriet and Amy are joined by Sophie Willan, who tells us all about wild first dates, embracing change, and struggling with the art of being alone. How do you enjoy time by yourself? Can it be fun to up sticks and start again? And should we all just ✨figuratively✨ piss on parliament on a first date?Both series of Alma's Not Normal are available to watch on BBC iPlayer now, and keep an eye out for Sophie's upcoming podcast The Art of Being Alone.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Matt Crockett and Linda Blacker.Design by Welcome Studio. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there. And we're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing.

So we're going to speak to experts, chat about dates we've been on. If we manage to get any. And share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone we might even get our exes on yeah we'll see about that this is single ladies in your area this week we are talking about our trip to burlesque the burlesque factory is that is that the right term and we are chatting to our wonderful guest, Sophie Willing. Oh, it's a good one. It's a real good one.

Hello, dear Angel. Hello, my little love. Hello, how have you been? I'm good. I'm trying to stay sexy and I'm trying to... Can you see what I'm doing what is that what is that I thought you were going to say what it was

I tell you what it is it's it's a sexy shoulder move that we learnt when we went to burlesque yes

we did a burlesque class and it was so cute Amy booked for us to do burlesque to learn how to be sexy ladies yeah and well you can you can guess whether we achieved it or not you Amy book for us to do to learn how to be sexy ladies and well you can guess whether

we achieved it or not that's something you have to figure out we will put a little clip up on Patreon you've got to pay for that because my my at one point that we had our feather bowers kind of behind us

you're meant to kind of like shimmy strut with it. It looks like I'm dragging something I've just killed back to my cave. I just got it over my shoulder. I'm like, come on. But that's sexy in a different way. That's like cave woman sexy. I can get shit done. I'm a hunter gatherer.

Yeah. It's cool. Yeah. I think you have innate rhythm and i think that's great that's great well i i have done a lot of dancing before yes um but i wouldn't say any of it translated into being sexy could could i do the moves yeah could i do them on the beat sure did they look sexy no but i think you look good when you're doing it. Like you have to be a certain level of dance in order to continue it.

Like I did ballet as a child and my teacher refused to put me in for grade one. I was the only one in the class that she refused to let do grade one because she didn't want to bring down her average of successful passes. But I really loved it. And like I take Mabel to baby ballet and look I pick up a few bits here and there um it's uh I'm not a I'm not I'm not good physically well you were great at burlesque Amy that's so sweet but you were we have the footage and everyone can see it um I can literally I can literally see it see it. But you have like a lovely, when you move, it's lovely. When I move, it's not lovely. Yes, it is.

It's like, ooh, what is that? There was a point where I can't remember what direction the shoulders was meant to go in, forward or up and down. But yeah, that wasn't happening for you at all. It was meant to be shimmering and then yeah and it was like oh yeah no that that that isn't happening for you and then a few days later or actually a few days ago you went oh yeah because you went to burlesque and then i couldn't do this and then you did the move that you couldn't do perfectly for the whole hour i was trying to do it you were

like i can't but then you was like oh yeah i couldn't do perfectly. For the whole hour I was trying to do it. You were like, I can't. But then he was like, oh yeah, I couldn't do this. And it's like, you're literally doing it right now. You're doing it right now. It's maybe, you know, like you have to try not to do something and then you can do it. Is this it? Yeah, that's it. Fuck, I can shimmy. You can shimmy like the best of them. I need to go on a dance floor immediately. Let's go. Let's go.

But it felt like a very exposing thing to do. Yeah. And so I think that's what's maybe good about doing things outside of your company. Yeah. I felt apprehensive, I would say, at the start. Because I didn't know what it was going to be like. And luckily the teacher, well, there was like two women there, weren't there, who were like teaching us. Yeah.

And they were really nice. Yeah. And went at a really reasonable pace. I didn't know what it was going to be because I booked for just us two. I think then they normally expect like a hen party of like 12 people. And it's just us two being like, we'd like to be sexy. I think they were a bit like, what is this for? We were so earnest. We were so earnest. Excuse me, we've turned up. We've got our notebooks. We just want you to tell us how to be sexy.

And they're used to people being like, whoa, watch out for the inflatable penis. We've gone for cocktails. Michelle, get your tits out. But we were like, hello. Very first day of school vibes, wasn't it? Like, hello. How do I move my shoulders?

Yes. And this is called a shimmy, is it? Okay, lovely. And next we'll be moving on to the thrust times four. Okie dokie. We did start off very simply because I remember one of the first things we did was just walking. And I remember being like, this is hard, actually. We had to walk to each other.

Yeah, to each other. And that's hard, like, maintaining eye contact and, like, trying to be. And it's so hard not to, like, make it into a joke. I know. Or, like, to actually, like, to try and, like trying to be and it's so hard not to like make it into a joke or like to actually like like to try and like actually be sexiest I can't even say it I can't even say that literally vomited yeah it's really hard not to instantly want to yeah do it daft and silly but the whole point is that we've got to be confident in being we can be sexy if we want to be can't we you said that so short that's good no but we can but i don't want to i don't i don't

like i don't know if i necessarily want to walk in somewhere and be like no you shouldn't sing your own song. Staring them dead in the eyes. Shimmying. One shoulder going up and down, one going front and back. Something I've killed over my shoulder. Hello. Yeah, it's just interesting meeting these people because they were so comfortable in their bodies.

And then you're like, oh, yeah, people actually live like that. Wow. Fascinating. Yeah fascinating yeah really really fascinating i did yeah i left feeling uplifted yeah we quickly drank two strong drinks and then we had two very strong drinks yeah daytime early yeah it was like before midday yeah early i think that's the thing as well like doing burlesque in the morning is quite bonkers, really. It's like a Saturday morning. Would you ever do it for real? Yeah, I think I would. I really think I would just because I really like dancing.

And there's no other way of doing dancing on your own. Do you know what I mean? I can't be like, oh, yeah,'ll do a five minutes at a contemporary dance night like I just the only way I would love it if you did that I would like

I would make t-shirts saying Amy like that would be so cute I would love that so much but no I think I would do it I don't think I'd get them out yeah

you know but I'd do like a fun routine it was like the tease like that was it like you showed a little bit and then you showed a little bit you're not just like tits out.

But I think I would do a pure comedy one. Like I don't think there would be any teasing. It would just be like comedy to music. Sexy with the comedy though maybe. Because I think you'd still be sexy while you're doing it but then you'd be like, oopsie. My butt's out. Whoops.

Oopsie. Oopsie. Oopsie. My butt's out. whoops oopsie oopsie oopsie my bottoms my bottoms come out whoops whoopsie it's like with the popping the balloons

was it her that said that was it you that said that you had to pop the balloons and I'd seen a burlesque routine where a woman came out all covered in balloons

and but she was very amateur bless her, and she popped the two boob balloons first and then had nowhere to go. Because then it was like... Oh, your elbow balloon next to it. Oopsie, bit of elbow.

Nah. That's just part of it, isn't it? It's like, don't go straight in and be like so intense. Like, work up towards it. I don't know, I'm just trying to intense yeah work up towards it i don't know i'm just trying to find life lessons from it like why did we do it you know i'm trying to find a reason for confidence yeah for self-confidence yeah because now if we ever have to carry a feather boa we we can and it was like we put on these gloves and it was like it was nice and she was like talking about like kind of how you like touch yourself and like move and it was like oh god yeah you had to like draw your hand over yourself or something one thing about

your body and one thing about your hand and it did feel different whether you're being like touched or you're touching do you know what i mean it's the same action but just the headspace of like i'm being touched or i'm touching and it did change it we had real breakthroughs we had real breakthroughs yeah and also like just touching yourself in a way you were like, oh, I know. I mean, you touched like that in a very long time. In front of three other women. You might get lucky.

Doing it all in front of like a big wall of mirrors as well is confronting. Yeah, because whatever is happening in your head then you're like god no yeah that's not yeah but it's good that it's all in front of that because if it was like if you learn without the mirrors and you was like i feel pretty good and then you saw the mirror you'd lose confidence but i still had so much fun i had a lot of fun it was really good to do it with you it was really good and i it with you. It was really good to do it with you. And I think we could be professionals. Do you want to be in a troupe? Yes.

Is that what they call it? Yeah. A burlesque troupe. Yeah. We could be able to call single ladies. Single ladies and it's very quick.

You pop your tip balloons and I pop my butt balloon and we're out. And you get your bum out and go whoopsie. Black out. Ten seconds. We're out of there.

Well, we've got a wonderful guest. We do have a wonderful guest. I think she could be in our troupe, you know. She would be fantastic in our troupe. She used to, when she did stand-up, she was the best shimmier. She's a great shimmier. She's like a queen shimmier.

She'd just come out kind of shimmying and had this kind of thing right from the off where I'd kind of stumble onto the stage and nearly trip over the microphone and be like, hello? I start with an apology. I'm so sorry. Oh, sorry, sorry.

So we can all learn something from our wonderful guest, the fantastic Sophie Willan. It's a match. Well, we're very excited to be here with one of our favourite people, Sophie Willan. Hello. Woo, woo, woo. Woo, people, Sophie Whelan. Hello. Woo, woo, woo.

Woo, woo, woo. Thanks for joining us. That was quite a lovely... Hello. Yeah, it was like a wolf howl. It was. We both joined in on, yeah. Female wolf howls. Yes.

Howling at the moon. Oh, yes. Oh, have you told me something about howling before? Yeah, I think so. I feel like when there's a full moon, I drink a bottle of wine in front of me to go howl at the moon. Have you ever read that book Raised by Wolves? It's a feminist book about women. We're all like a wolf pack.

We've gone down a track. Oh! And this is why everyone's single. That felt good. Oh no! Did you ever attract anyone from howling? Did it ever go well? Well, me and John got together on a full moon. Did you?

I got engaged on a full moon. Did you? And I think it's a bad sign. Apparently full moon is when all the crazies come out. I thought it was a bad sign. Well, I won't go out drinking on a full moon now. You're joking. No, and there's certain friends I just won't see.

You're joking. She's hard at the best of times, but on a full moon, when you're due on and there's certain frames i just won't say you're joking she's out at the best of times but on a full moon when you do on with a bottle of wine oh my god awful oh my god i always come on my period on the full moon dear yeah this month last month what does it all mean just connected so connected aren't we i don't know what that means either. My grandma died on a blood moon. A very rare pink moon. Wow. The first one in a decade or something like that. Full moon. But it's bright pink.

Wow. And she died at the same time as this bright blood moon. And pink. Yeah. So that was quite nice. And I was in the countryside when we were filming Alma. It was in lockdown, series one. Yeah.

So you could really see this beautiful blood moon. Oh, God. It was fabulous wow she was a single lady just to bring it back yeah yeah

oh my god yeah we all deserve a pink moon at the end yeah I think so we do deserve a pink moon yeah that's how I want to go thank you so much

for coming on I feel like we've all been on a journey this year yeah we have actually the three of us yeah quite a lot we've been on a journey

haven't we? Yeah, well, we knew we were talking. Something's wrong with that. I know. I've crammed a lot in, haven't I? Physically.

Me and you were talking about, we've been a bit unhappy but not really going forward and just going, oh, maybe we go to the French Riviera and find a millionaire.

Ha, ha, ha. Fast forward six months, neither of us are dating millionaires. Yeah. But I've been sleeping with somebody who's very skint. Oh. I was hoping for something.

The opposite, yeah. He was the opposite, yeah. Did you meet him on a full moon? What was the moon? Do you remember? I can't remember. I met him on an app. Right.

This is what I think is so interesting because you did the opposite. We've been on the apps for ages with not doing anything. Yeah. You, in typical Sophie style, went on the apps and you fucking went for it.

The same night. Harriet got a request for Raya. I was like, hi, so is everything all right? I've just had a request to accept you. Yeah, I didn't know

you'd broken up. That's how I woke up in the morning to Sophie's request. Yeah. I went on Raya and I met him. It was my first date

and then it was fun and everything. Well, was it? I know I was a bit nuts actually. Yeah, because you were just, you were

freshly broken. I just split up and also my friend was unwell and so I come back from Manchester. That was it. And I met him.

We went for some drinks and then I really needed a piss very suddenly and we were by the Houses of Parliament and I was like, I'm going to have to have piss very suddenly. And we were by the Houses of Parliament and I was like, I'm going to have to have a piss here. And he was like,

sorry, are you pissing on the House of Parliament? I was like, fuck the Tories. I remember that. And then he... Date one. Date one. And he went and told his mates, like, well, this is a fucking weird date.

I went on. Pissed in front of the Houses of Parliament. Got shitfaced and called me a narcissist I did I called him all within the first wow

I mean I wouldn't see me again would you? so then when he texted me because oh that was it so when I was leaving I was like oh listen

let's be honest we're never going to see each other again it's been fun woo I get in the car she's pissing on the House of Parliament

fuck that's all it is and then I get in the car. She's pissing on the house. Woo! Fuck, that's all it is. And then I get in my Uber, and then he texts me. So I was really shocked. I was like, oh, God, are you all right? Yeah. I think that's good, though, because I think, I mean,

that's like the most extreme version of you, but you're like yourself, like right from the beginning. And so there's no, like, getting to know. It's like, this is me, baby. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, actually, there's another side to this.

Well, you have that joke in your stand-up, don't you, where you show your madness and then surprise! Yeah, I hide it. But not well, I think. It's very clear. Okay, thanks, Sophie. Drop my best out here. Give it a hit.

Get down. What did he text you? What was the text the next day? I can't remember. I deleted them because I went through different phases, kept deleting his number and then re-adding it. A real crazy behaviour. And then I was like, no, this isn't, I'm not getting sucked into this.

Yeah. So then I joined Field. Yes. Down to fuck, I put. DTF. Down to fuck. Is that what that stands for? Yeah.

Well, I tell you what, I was unindated. Because men, men are perverts, aren't they? They were like, brilliant. I couldn't sit down for two weeks. Sophie Willard. I know, I went wild. I slept with a man with the biggest penis I've ever seen in my life. Sophie, the hand gesture you just did.

That was outrageous. No, but it was, honestly. That's like two foot. It was like a baby elephant's trunk. I've never seen anything like it. Oh my gosh. I love it. anything like it. Oh, my gosh. I love it. This is the one that Ben's sitting in.

Normally we have female producers. We've got the great Benito sat in, wishing he was dead. Yeah, he was so mad. It was massive, Ben. Ben, look her in the eyes. It was just like, I thought, this is a disability, really. This is getting in his life. Wow, really?

It's very powerful. It was too powerful. He was a really hot, beautiful man, actually. Turns out he's a news reporter. Shut up. So I didn't meet him on Raya. I met him on Field. And he was only showing his chest and downwards.

I was like... He didn't show you the face? So you never saw the face? You met up with him without seeing his face? Yeah. What if he's had an awful face? Because I think you can tell so much about, like, if you trust a face.

You can tell. You can tell. It had to match up a little bit. Yeah. And he had a beautiful face. He was gorgeous. Really? But he had a...

It was just insane. But then I thought, do you know what? I'll commit. I can take a challenge. Oh, my God. But then he was like a weird... He was almost like some weird sort of surgeon.

He came with like a bag of tools. He basically has to get you warmed up for it. So then he, because he knows it's... It's like he's a vet or something. Yeah. I felt like I was dying out of the room. Full arming. Pulling out a calf.

That wasn't really hot, that experience, that bit. But then he was beautiful. So it was kind of, you know. But then he gets weird, I have to say this bit, but he's getting excited for himself at the end and he goes, whose pussy is it? And I said, oh, I think it's mine as well. So I was a bit confused at this stage if we're asking.

And then he was like, no, no, no, it's not. I'm like, so not my pussy, is it not? I was like, oh, was like no no no it's not i'm like is it so not my pussy is it not i was like oh fuck it oh it's your pussy okay so yeah get it yep it's your pussy whose dick is it oh it's mine then and this went on for ages he was and he was like whose pussy and then i just burst out laughing oh my god and then he went oh what you're laughing at i said oh i just think we've established who's pussy's been really great if we could move on. And then I felt like something out of, like, I felt like Bette Lynch from Coronation.

I put on my silk kimono and went, I'm just going for a fag, I'll see you in ten. I felt awful. I was, like, smoking by the kitchen door. I'm like, well, I'll be all right. Sorry, I'll be back up in a minute. I felt awful. Just need a minute. Just need a minute to mix all of it i felt horrible i felt disgusting wow there was just too much going on anyway he packed up his little tools and he looked quite sad and then like a sad vet and then you turned on the news at six You need a reporting life. I know, outside my house.

But yeah, then I said, he looked a bit, I said, oh, you're all right. A bit disappointed. He went, it's all right. And then I went, do you get this a lot? Because, you know, and he's like, I do actually, yeah. And I thought, God, I really feel for him. Really? Because it's like, it's, you know, it's a lot of work that.

He has to think about how he approaches the world. But there must be a woman with a vagina like that somewhere. But the thing is, he's got very good technique at getting you ready for it. But the problem is... Your arm gestures are getting bigger and wider and wider every time. They gave a spoiler for a moment, but then now we're getting full arm spread. But the thing about this that's problematic, right?

Imagine if you get used to it and then you split up. I'm trying to fill a very large hole and it's not emotional. You know, I mean, it could be. So I thought you couldn't sleep with him more than once. So he must get that a lot. Like women go, brilliant time, really glad I've done it. Ticket off the bucket list, but I can't see you again. The bucket list.

Yeah. You've got to get in there and sniff them. But it was so fun in those two weeks. You were just like, I'm dating this person. Yeah. I was alive. Yeah. I'm slightly dead again.

But maybe it's because you mentally knew that you were going to settle down like so quickly. So you were like, I had this window. I didn't know, though. I think because you have a pattern of maybe going from relationship to relationship, whereas... Yeah, it's a problem that I'm trying to break out of. This is the problem. I'm a serial monogamer. I came up with a great podcast idea that I'm going ahead with called The Art of Being Alone.

Yeah, I'm never alone. The whole point was I was going to do some research about being alone, you know. So we have to start the podcast by going, hello, so I failed at the task. Well, we were worried that we were like, well, what if we start the podcast

and then we're instantly in a relationship? We're fine. No worries about that. We're fine. We're fine. It can run and run, actually. It is the longest running podcast.

Welcome to series 95 single old ladies in your nursing home so have you been on dating apps at the minute then whilst you're doing this oh Sophie

it's literally embarrassing it's actually embarrassing after your success to for your huge wide success I'm just promiscuous I think just be promiscuous

it does you the world a good do you think I'm not trying oh yeah you are actually you've got some some good shifts in haven't you and you have in the past haven't you

I've done my time you've turned a new leaf on me yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but that's just because that's what

I was looking for yeah just a bit of fun and that the other thing was an accident. But how, I think we're both like, but how do you do it? Yeah, most basic questions. Yes. How, why? So, yeah, talk us through how your first encounters,

like where did you meet? Did they come to yours? I was pissed on the South Bank. Yes. Okay. Okay. And I was like, fuck it. My auntie, I've come back from Manchester.

She was with me. She was going to get in a train. And then I was like, oh, actually, let's just see. And then I found, I was like, oh, great. Well, I'm on the South Bank. He's like, oh, I'm working nearby. So he came for dinner. I was already pissed.

I was like, woohoo. My friend Elliot was with me. He took my dog home. Great. Bit odd. Oh, my God. It takes people months to go on dates. You got a home. Great. Bit odd. Oh, my God. It takes people months to go on dates. You got a date that night?

That night. Yeah, that night. Yeah, within an hour, actually. He was clearly just desperate himself, wasn't he? He's like, yeah, I'm nearby. Yeah. Wow. But then you squeezed in for a couple of weeks.

You lived a high life. Yeah. And then... Well, now, yeah. He used to say I couldn't get my couch through my house. So him and his brother today, they're coming back and they're taking off my whole window and putting my couch through my window.

Oh, my God. I'm just up for that. Yeah, that's nice. I don't know any men that could do that. And then they're taking the window off today. They could break a window by accident. And they're like, they've got stuff to do that with. Oh, my God.

And he fits stuff to walls for me. Stop it. I love that. I absolutely love that. It's really hot. And do you have to ask and then it'll be later? Sometimes he'll do it and other times I have to ask, which is irritating, but, you know.

It's worth it. He's got a lovely body, big hands, and he fits stuff to walls. That's what we need to say that we're looking for. Yes. But is he a bit screwed up? Probably. Probably. But who isn't? Who isn't? Oh God.

Be not too much this weekend. You've had a series of long term relationships. You were basically living the life of retired people for a while so it's like you've come back. That's what happened. We died. Right. We died in Prince Ridge.

You lived a whole life span. You came up to visit us and I got like my special teapot out. I was like, ooh, I'm so excited to have a guest. It was terrifying. You said you've got to come back to London. What's happened to you? Oh my God. Yeah, we went a bit weird, didn't we?

Yeah, you lived a whole lifetime together. No, so we just had a lot of teapots and good chats about feminism. Fuck that. Wow. You just want a man who can put something up on a wall and then put you against a wall. Yeah, I think so. They're the two. It's all wall based. There's a lot of walls. A lot of walls, actually. Breaking down some walls, but not all of them. No. Keep some of them up, for God's sake. So did you have like a wild time in your teens? Yeah. Well, I know you did as well, didn't you?

And you did as well, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So kind of similar. Yeah. But then I had a bit of a break in my 20s. I was heartbroken but then

my friend Lydia lived with me so in a way that was like a codependent relationship I was codependent friendship yeah that's what I've been

trying to break out this is the first time I'm like but then I worry yeah I have a child now and then I'm like oh I've just I've found something

like a buddy you know and then when she's 18 I'm going to be like fuck I'm going to find someone else and that's it it's trying not to be in, fuck. I'm going to find someone else. And that's it. It's trying not to be in that anymore, but it's not easy. It's not easy.

This is why I started this idea of the podcast, was to kind of discover how not to get yourself in these. Yes. But I've not done very well. No. But you're very good with company. Am I? Yeah, I think you're very easy and good around people.

But so are you two. I need breaks. Yeah, we're the same. I think we both need a break. Oh, I think you're very easy and good around people. But so are you two. I need breaks. Yeah, we're the same. I think we both need a break. Oh, I do need breaks, though. Oh, do you? I get very overwhelmed with company too much. I do need breaks.

Yeah. I need to retreat into my own little cocoon. Yeah. But I don't mind someone being in that cocoon as long as there's shushy time. As long as there's shushy time. What was it? Shushy time. Yeah. Shush.

Shushy time. It's shushy time. Shushy time now, please. Yeah, I think that's such an interesting thing of, like, how to be alone. But then, like, you can still be in a relationship and find those moments. But I think I've been so, like, scared of getting into that again, of, like like letting someone in yeah yeah which makes sense because you've got a daughter so you want to protect a little bit more

don't you and protect yours and her space people are a lot less kind of careful with their own selves than they are with their children it's literally since having her it's just changed everything yeah I think having your own home when you've bought a house I've bought one it does make a difference, doesn't it? Because it's your space and there's something about anyone who comes into it physically.

Yeah. It's symbolic, isn't it? It is. The thought of them just wandering around or like leaving their beard, hairs anywhere. Well, this is, yeah,

when I first started dating, I just was like, why is your shit here? Why have you got nine pairs of shoes in my house? Oh, that's a lot of shoes. What the fuck hard to box them up was he wearing them and then going home barefoot I don't know I didn't really know it was like he was smuggling shoes into my house some people leave a toothbrush I know and then I gave him a box I was like I think you need to

like just so you know yeah he's got a lot of shoes though that's too many shoes so he's got a lot of shoes, though. That's too many shoes. So he's got like 50 pairs of trainers. Wow. I've got three and he bought me two of them. So he was like, well, this is just a normal amount of shoes to function. I'm like, is it? No, surely not. Surely you don't need nine pairs.

How often is he there? I know this is the problem, isn't it? Is this where it's tricky? How often is he in your I know this is the problem is this where it's tricky like how often is he in your space? a lot actually he's been in my space today he's been in the Uber

down here with me oh has he? because he was going somewhere else he's standing out of the window he's taking the window out he's stayed over here

he's meeting his brother and they're going yeah I think he's been at mine for two days now. He needs to go. Needs to go. Don't call me now. No, he's lovely, but it's about having space, isn't it?

Harriet, you've been trying to tell me, haven't you? Not been listening, have I? Well, it's because you say you like to have alone time and then you're like, yeah, he has stayed every night for two months. And you're like, these things are not adding up in any way. Yeah, they're not adding up. Yeah. Yeah, a bit like a teenage. you're like these things are not adding up in any way yeah yeah a bit like a teenage you need like oh yeah yeah because i but i think you always have to be doing something like that's what we were saying that like you'll have a night off but then you'll be like having to sort something or do a project or something or like putting up a shelf

or something i can't like yeah relaxing to me is like steaming the floors. I really love that. I've got a new steamer. Oh, have you got a steamer? Oh, yeah. I've got a robot mop and hoover that I set off at 11.30pm every night with this round. Then I've got a buffer which has its wheels and it goes... And then I've got a steamer. And I do the steamer every two to three days and I do the buffer every day and I do my mop every night.

My robot is fantastic, my robot. It is amazing, yeah. Just goes around the house, cleans everything up for you. That's incredible. Amy, we've got to get out there. How are you finding being friends? Yeah, really good, actually. It's been ups and downs.

Yeah. Come back around. I missed him a bit as a friend as well. Of yeah because we are good friends yeah so i'm hoping we can we can continue that yeah and i think you're both very good reasonable people and i think that can happen for you guys sometimes when people are like yeah i think we're going to be friends and you think you don't stand a chance oh yeah maybe maybe. But I think you two particularly can definitely do that. Yeah, because I was saying, I find it hard, you guys, not being together. Yeah, it can be, because we're quite good fun together, aren't we?

Yeah, you are, yeah. We went on this mad holiday in May, and everyone just lost their minds. And then Sophie lost her passport on the last day, couldn't leave. On the last day? We were leave. On the last day! We were in Menorca, weren't we? No. And I'd go to the police station and be like, hello, passport there, no passport there.

Anyway, I thought I was fluent in Spanish. Turns out I'm shit. The woman went, sorry, can you just speak in English because it's really bad, your Spanish. I was like, okay, a diss whilst I've lost my passport, but fine. Then we got stuck on the island, so I booked into a five-star hotel.

Yeah, they just sent this photo, like it had been like a terrible thing, passport lost, and then just a picture of them both holding champagne, checking into this hotel, Johnny with holes in his T-shirt, like, oh. Turned around. Johnny was laughing because he was like, I just feel like I'm some sort of weird homeless passenger

in your wing of life. So I was like, don't worry, John, I've booked you to the five-star hotel. Spa? And he was like, all right. His life will have changed so much. Yeah, and I think there's a lot that he loves now. Yeah, and that's it. And I think that's the same as Bobby.

Like, he loved, like, Bobby loved the freedom of it. Like, there's no one to answer to. Like, he can just do what he wants and be free. He's not interested in my second buffer for my floor. That's it, yeah. No. No. No.

God, no. You've both kind of come back to London and kind of come back to life a little bit. Because I think it was also because you were in the pandemic. You were just in the pandemic. We lived with his mum and dad. We called them our best friends. That was a bleak day.

Oh, so sad. There was one point when I was like, do you know what? We think you might be our best mates. And they didn't look flattered. They looked concerned. They're like, our best mates are Susan and Terry. Yeah, yeah.

And we were like, just love Ro and Jeff. John was like, yeah, I mean, it's great to have a stimulating chat, isn't it? Because we were living in a press switch. We just weren't getting... And it was quite bleak. And obviously they're pensioners, we were pensioners. It worked really well.

Well, you weren't living near anybody that... You didn't have anybody that you could walk and see, really. No. You weren't going out or doing anything. No, I'd sort of wander around the press switch village wouldn't I sort of bumping into people went for a drink with the florist a few times she was having a nervous breakdown actually after a bad divorce but then I just became her therapist I was like oh sorry do we have to go over it again can I just

I just wanted to get sort of shit facedfaced with a friend. Can you tell the story about the dog-walking group? Oh, well, I think we were just really clutching at straws. And I thought, do you know what? Sort of be healthy, be sociable, woo, you know. So they said, and I had a dog, and I thought, do you know what, I'm going to set up a dog-walking group in Presswitch called Presswitch Pooch Mooch. They had a Facebook group called Pooch Mooch.

Suddenly loads of people, this is after Alma, they flopped to it. It's like, oh, I didn't think about that. I was just thinking, all right, yeah, Pooch Mooch has been quite successful. All these people say, I'm a business brain, I'm a business brain, I might be a genius. But then I kept forgetting about it.

I kept forgetting to turn up to pooch mooch then I'd be bumping into people with the dogs because they knew what I looked like excuse me Sophie what's happened to pooch mooch with all these dogs fuming with me

looking at me going like sort of me and Alan came down with Florence and we look for you then I thought oh shit I've got it right oh fuck I remember one day I remembered that it was Me and Alan came down with Florence and we look for you. Then I thought, oh, shit, I've got to... OK, oh, fuck. I remember one day I remembered that it was Pooch Mooch. I was like, I've no plan, I've no walking group, it's the middle of winter, it goes dark at three.

So I took this... But by this point, everyone had trailed off. I think it was two people who came to Pooch Mooch in the end. Oh, Pooch Mooch. I know that was the... Because the only one I'd actually gone to because by that point everyone had given up. There was just a weird lady with an Alsatian

and then this other woman who was just like, what's Siobhan Finneran like in person? What horoscope is Lorraine Ashbourne? Why don't you have a dog with you? I think that's a cat on that list. So that was just awkward and weird. I was like, yeah, they're all right, actually. So what should the dog call them?

No, no, but tell me more of it. Oh, no. That was really sad. And then eventually I had to end Pooch Mooch, but it's quite hard to do that. Oh, yes. I had to send a guru, I met a guru,

hello, given life and work commitments, I'm feeling that this time I'm going to be stepping away from Pooch Mooch, stepping away from something. I'd only intended one. But I was like, if anybody wants to take over away from Pooch. Stepping away from something. I'd only intended one. But I was like, if anybody wants to take over and run Pooch Mooch, feel free. No one did. No one did.

No one did. In fact, I still get scowled at when I go through press which is doggone us. R.I.P. Pooch Mooch. R.I.P. Pooch Mooch. But that was a sign of desperation. I think you're such a good kind of inspiration of somebody just like switching up their life.

I was like, fuck it. Let's just get to London, move in anywhere. We can't do this anymore. You know, it's awful. I was having three baths a day again. It was really bad. I was like desperate. If we had a conversation, I was like,

do you think they were interesting? They're quite into bugs. They had an interesting perspective on bugs, didn't they? There was nobody. Oh, gosh. Now you're back. You're alive. I'm alive.

Yeah, it was good for both of us, I think. Basically, we'll either go to London and grow together or we'll grow apart. And we did grow apart. We were having separate lives. My friend is a small round American man. He's fabulous. He's got a lot of character.

He plays the banjo. He has a beard. He's fantastic and he was in this long term relationship and he started reading The Ethical Slot and he just sat there with his beard in The Ethical Slot on a t-shirt and said this is what a feminist looked like. I mean he he was a proper cliche of everything. But he started reading the ethical slot and then saying that it was academic

and it was intelligent if he starts opening up the relationship. And I was like, I just think you want to fuck other people. I think let's be honest. Yeah. Yeah. So they split up him and his boyfriend. Oh, did they? Yeah.

Six months later. I think some people are wired for it. Yeah. I cannot imagine anything worse than dealing with more than one person's feelings. Imagine the chat

you'd have to have with the multiple partners and the going between and the... I don't think I'd want them to be in relationships. If I did an open, it'd be like,

if you're on holiday, you can shag someone. Yeah. Fine. Yeah. But it has to be just sex. Yes. For me.

That's how I feel. The actual physical thing, I could probably get over. It's the connection. It's the chatting. It's the intimacy. That's what would, I'd be like, are they funny? Why are they being funny? Why are you laughing at them?

Yeah, yeah. But if it's like, oh, we snogged on a night out. Yeah. All right. And how do you kiss someone? Amy, you just got a lunge. I think you're an inspiration, Sophie. Yeah, am I?

And I'm so glad you're in London. Yeah, I'm happy to be here. It's nice, isn't it? Yeah. I'm so glad that you've got your own nest. I love it. Oh, you've got to come round here. I'd love to come round here.

Yeah, it's gorgeous. What you've done, it's crazy. Sophie moved in and then within three months, it was like, what the fuck? I know, it's a completely different house. I've gone wild. Yeah, I've not seen it yet. Yeah, it's gorgeous. What you've done, it's crazy. Sophie moved in and then within three months it was like, what the fuck? I know, it's a completely different house. I've gone wild. Yeah, I've not stopped with it. They're a bit obsessive though, aren't they?

To get out more, I think, again. I keep just thinking about kitchen tiles and stuff like that. What's your place like? Well, it was new. So there was nothing that needed doing for it to be nice. It was just nice. It was gorgeous. It was new, so there was nothing that needed doing for it to be nice. It was just nice. It was good. It was so nice.

But then I tried to tart it up for a bit and then ran out of money and time and it's just sort of like, it's plateaued. So I want to put more colour in and stuff like that. I love it so much. And I've been there a year and still every time I put my key in to go in, I go, oh, this is nice. This is my little flat. Like, yeah, I'm over the moon.

Your place is lovely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got the same decor taste, really, haven't we? We do, yeah, we do. Just got loads of pink furniture. Yeah, it's just become more and more. And I think it's like, it is weird because I did buy it with Bobby and obviously we moved in and it was infested with rats. And so there is things that hang over it a little bit, you know.

But I was saying this earlier I'm trying to get rid of stuff like get rid of the bed and stuff and just like make it the bed will be good

yeah I've just bought a new bed it's olive green and my TV's inside yes I saw that yes is it the same colour

it's not the same colour but the TV coming out of it it's... Now that is single ladies living very well. That is single ladies. Woo! Yes! I love this.

Yeah, it's really good. It's fabulous. It's really good. It's just good. Do you know what? I will be in bed all day watching the telly. You need that. I need that.

You need that. Once I got a TV in the bedroom, like once we separated because he never wanted that. And that for me was like a really big thing got I got a TV in the bedroom like once we separated because he never wanted that and that for me was like a really big thing I love a TV in the bedroom there's a lot of snobby oh I don't have a TV

in the bedroom no I know fuck off why not it's the best lying in bed and watching TV it feels so indulgent

it's all I want it's beautiful why would you sit up right watching TV when you could be late I know I agree it's mad to me that people you do that like you've just fallen down yeah Why would you sit upright watching TV when you could be late? I know, I agree.

It's mad to me that people... You do look like you've just fallen down. Yeah. I spend so much time watching TV in bed now. I love TV. I love TV. I love it. TV's fantastic. People are like, I don't really watch TV, I read books.

Do you? Because TV is the modern book. I'm sorry. People read books and that was entertainment and now they've got telly. So don't be a snob. Because if telly was around in the 1800s,

they would have been watching that. Of course they would have. But now there's books for me. Fuck off. Is it fucked? I feel the same with like people about and their kids not watching TV.

Like I let Mabel watch a bit of TV because I'm like, I find real comfort in TV and I want to watch a little bit every day and like, that's kind of my happy place. It's Miley's happy place. Deliveroo,

TV, done. Bed. Perfect. Bed. I'm not going to lie to you, I've had Deliveroo in bed watching TV.

But then I feel disgusting afterwards. No. Do you not? No. See, I feel horrible actually. I get a bit worried

about my bedding and that kind of person. It depends what you're eating, I suppose. Yeah. I had a bit worried about my bedding. I'm not that kind of person. It depends what you're eating, I suppose. Yeah. I had a curry in bed yesterday. Oh, there you go. Yeah, that will do it.

That really has everything on it. Because I've got beanbag trays, which, again, is a single lady's luxury. Oh, that's lovely. Do you know what I've got? A pregnancy pillow. Yeah. Which is like a big horseshoe shape. Yeah, my grandma had one.

I've got one of those. Your grandma had one. Yeah, one of those yeah yeah yeah yeah no no no because they hug them oh yeah because you go to bed pissed with it every night yeah it's brilliant

it's absolutely brilliant but also who needs a man when you've got that prop yourself up in the TV for your delivery oh yes I should use it for that

it's so good it's good as well because when you have it and you get more and more pregnant it does start to like push the man out of the bed it's quite useful it's like yeah that's really good does start to, like, push the man out of the bed. It's quite useful. It's really good, yeah.

You start to get them out, there's no room for them. It's a great idea, actually. It's a good tactic. Yeah. Yeah. So there we go. We've learnt a lot. Great.

About owning our space, making our space really nice and comfy. Do we ever live together? Well, this is the thing. Bobby always said that. He was like, I never want to live with a partner. And I was like, no, you have to, whatever. And then now the older I get, I'm like, I don't know if I ever want to live with anyone again.

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton did, didn't they? They had like a bridge or a joining room at the top and they had their own houses. I think that's perfect. Gorgeous, gorgeous. We both had a flat in the same block of flats. Yeah. So we were like a few doors apart.

We basically slept together in the same bed every night, but we'd pick which one. But then, you know, you can just go, I'm going away from you and I'm having a bath in my own space. Yeah. And he liked a lot of things, a lot of boy things, you know, like figurines yeah film memorabilia and stuff and I don't want

that in my head no agreed and we don't need to I really don't want these teenage boy posters to ever end up in my beautiful home with all my intelligent

thoughtful think piece art yes actually good yeah good thank you

this is wonderful it's been so good to talk to you thank you Sophie we love you thanks for having us it's been so good to talk to you we love you everyone should watch um it's not normal it's incredible it like made me laugh so much and also cry it's just beautiful and moving and amy is um very funny in it yeah lifetime thank you for letting me do leslie oh you're brilliant it's Lesley. It's good fun, isn't it? Oh, so much fun. Yeah. So much fun.

And Sophie on set is just incredible. Starring in it, just being across everything, but being so warm and nice to absolutely everyone. She knows everybody's name, everybody's lives. And she's like, oh, how was your husband's cataracts going? And you're like, who's that? Well, actually, I don't want to talk about that right now. It's not so high. But it's wonderful. But yeah like, who's that? Well, actually, I don't want to talk about that right now. It's not said I.

But it's wonderful. But yeah, Alma is a triumph. Oh, thank you. You should watch series one and two. Yeah. BBC iPlayer. BBC iPlayer.

And people can find you on Instagram. Yeah, I suppose they can actually. I shouldn't say that. Yeah. They won't find much, but they'll find me. It just is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Much, but they'll find them. It just is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another one with a fish. I love being around Sophie. Me too. She just makes me feel happy. Such good energy.

A real whirlwind of positivity. But without being, like, saccharine about it. Without being like, ooh, everything's nice she's just just cuts through bullshit she cuts through bullshit and she's always she's the same as lou in that she's always herself yeah and that's what i admire that so much because i'm always trying to be that whereas she just she's just herself in every situation yeah it's the's the best, the best sign of a person. And she, look,

and the thing with Sophie, she throws herself into something. So she was single for a hot minute and she fucking did it. Like, you can't say she didn't do it and then she's back out again and she's like,

she's just, she's in, she's out, she gets stuff done. Yeah, she gets stuff done. Yeah, and I love that.

I think we all need to be a bit more Sophie. Yeah, we do. We all need to be a bit more Sophie yeah we do we all need to be a bit more Sophie unless it's a full moon unless it's a full moon in which case everyone needs to stay inside because it's dangerous

out there actually yeah so thank you so much to Sophie for coming on and you can watch the wonderful Amazon Not Normal on BBC iPlayer

whenever you want you can binge the whole thing whenever you want watch it now what the whole thing. Whenever you want. Watch it now. What are you doing? Watch it now! Why are you listening to this? Put it on.

Also, Sophie has a podcast. You might have heard of podcasts. They're pretty cool. Called The Art of Being Alone. And that is coming soon. Keep your eyes and ears peeled. And I am back on tour. I can't stay away.

I've got some dates coming up in Manchester, Oxford, Bath, Farnham, Chelmsford. Come on. And how could I forget it? Maidstone. Tickets at HarrietKemsley.com. And I'm at Soho Theatre right now. You listen to this thinking, surely she's in a studio. No way.

I'm at Soho Theatre and I will be from the 27th of January to the 7th of February doing my solo show, Make Me Look Fit on the poster. And she does. They achieved it. Hello, me again, Amy Gledhill, but this time I'm with...

Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa! WT, fuck! What's going on? I'm with... Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa! WT, fuck! What's going on? I'm with bloody Ian Smith. Off at Northern News podcast. Yes, a podcast that's not about the news. Don't worry, single ladies.

No, it's not about the news. It's not about being single. No. It's about the North and all of our stories are about couples. That is not the truth, Ian. No, not technically true. It's weird stuff. It's funny stuff that's going on up North that we're reporting back on.

Things like... Pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire village and attacking children. Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in bath mat. And we've got special guests. We're talking about people like Phil Wang, Jessica Knappett, Ed Gamble and Ross Noble, who joined us in the studio. Woo-hoo!

Yeah. So that's Northern News, starting next Thursday, the 1st of May, and then every Thursday after that. Join us.