Single Ladies In Your Area - Favourite Things About Being Single

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week Amy and Harriet discuss their favourite things about being single. Is taking the time to pamper yourself important? What could be better than being able to decide exactly what you want to do, all the time? And shouldn’t we all occasionally get really drunk and pretend to be a Duchess? Single Ladies are recording a special LIVE edition of the podcast on Saturday 13 September as part of the London Podcast Festival! For tickets and information head to plosive.co.uk.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello, this is Harriet Kemsley, and I'm very excited to be back on tour around the UK with my new show, Flusi. As listeners of the podcast will know, I am really trying my best to be a bit of a flusie, but it's not going particularly well. The dates are on sale now. It's going to be autumn 2026. For tickets and information, head to plosive.com.com. Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. and we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there.

We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on. If we managed to get any. And share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone. We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that.

This is Single Ladies in Your Area. Oh, and welcome, single ladies in your area. I have a very like, I introduce the podcast like a lady in her 30s. Not like a lady in the 30s. I am a lady in the 30s. You are. Yeah. But I meant like a lady in the 30s. Oh, I see.

But I am also a lady in her 30s in the 30s. Hello and welcome to single ladies. And welcome to single ladies in your air. That's very good. Thank you so much. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah, I used to work at Castle Howard as a just for like a, like it's a stately home. I only did for like a couple of weeks.

but the volunteers were so posh. And a lot of them had that voice and they couldn't say Castle Howard. They'd say Castle Hard. And I was like, what are you saying? Castle Hard. I was like Howard, heart. It's like party hard.

Yeah. I'm getting Castle Heart. Yeah. Everyone hit me get ready. That's part of heart. What's Castle Howard? There's like a story behind it. Castle Howard is like just a big old fucking house

with some beautiful gardens and that what people go to. And they filmed something called Bride's Head Revisited there. That's what I know it from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a beauty. She can't stop. I've really set things in motion. I really said it something. This has come from you being very professional. I'm like, wow. It's a beauty.

I, yeah, so this episode we're talking about a favorite things about being single. The things that we absolutely love. We just love being single. So we just want to share all the things we love about it because we just love being single. But right now, I don't. So it's a really interesting topic to be talking about. Oh, this is cool because I really do. That's great. That's great.

I generally do. I just am so tired. Yeah. I haven't had a day off in so long. And also I'm just not getting sleep. Yeah. And I think that is the reality when you have a child. Of course.

And you don't live with their father or mother or the parent to that other, that child, the other person. The other person. You're doing it solo. Yeah. And I'm very lucky. He has her once a week and he often when I'm out of the time. He'll have her at the weekends, but I just, I'm not getting enough sleep. And the night before last, I was on a sleeper train.

And, you know, you're not, you're not getting the best night's sleep on a sleeper train. What? It's very rattled. I don't know. I didn't quite what I think to do it, but I imagine being like rock to sleep, you know, rather than being like, oh, God. You know, it's like kind of always rolling up. Ha, ha, ha. You know what?

Noise trains make, I just realized. Yeah, that was good, actually. Yeah. I did a lorry, didn't I? That's a hard. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah, chugoochoochoochug chugoo chugoo chugoochug chugoo chugah.

You obviously know a lot about trains. I do. I've learned so much from my Australian man. The Australian train man. And so, yeah, I'm just so tired. And then last night I was like, I just was so tired. And I was like, okay, I've got put me able to bed.

Then I was like, I'm just tidy up. And then I'm going to go to sleep like just almost an hour after she went to sleep just to try and get eight hours. And she just kept waking up. She just kept waking up. And that is her prerogative. Yeah. She is a child.

Yeah. But she just couldn't stop crying. Oh no. And I, when she cries, it like goes into your bones because you're like, this is everything I don't want is my child crying. Like it's just like a feeling that it's like you can't. It feels like you're going to explode almost. And then we're in the middle of the night where I'm just like on my own with her and

I'm just like, how am I in charge of this situation? Like why am I the adult? I don't understand what's happened. That I'm an adult that is the adult to a child. Yeah. How did this happen? happen. And then part of me wanted to like call her father and be like, this is really hard. Like this is so hard because there's no one there to be like, oh, this is hard with. And then it's

kind of good. Like if we're looking at the positives, there are some positives in it that you're not having an argument with somebody. You know what I mean? You're just like doing it. You're just getting on with it. But then I was just like, I was just so frustrated. And I wasn't my best, but it just like every time I'd get back to sleep, she'd cry and wake up. And then she was in my bed and then, you know, there's a lot of kicking. And I just was so frustrated. And then I was like, like kind of like being a bit short with her, which is never what I ever want. And I'm usually so good at being calm. But then I was just like at the end of my rope, I was just so tired.

And then I was like, what do you want? And I was speaking to her like, I was her therapist. Like, what do you think that you need right now? And it's like, she doesn't know. She's a fucking child. But I was treating her like, you need to tell me right now what you need. She was like, I don't know what I need. I just want to cry.

And I was like, but I need you not to cry. And so it's just, I just am so tired. And you just feel so, like, fratting. I was old and like sometimes you just go into his maid, like, oh, like a bit victimy and I'm like, oh, poor me, you know, blah, blah, but now I'm really lucky. Everything is good in the light of the day. You can see all that.

But then in one in the morning, I just ordered a chest of drawers. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I told you that my chest of drawers is falling apart. And the thing with the chest of drawers, it's another thing about being single is I'd ordered this really nice. It was like really, really cheap, which might be part of the reason why it's fallen apart seven months later. But it's like, it was like pink ratan chest of drawers.

And I was like, this is great. And I'm going to start at the year. And I was like, I'm going to put this together myself. The start of 2025, I'm going to put it together myself. I can do it. After three hours, I gave up. And her father was very sweet and took pity on me and said, I will put it together for you. And then he spent an hour and a half on doing everything that I had done.

But he's not a fucking expert anyway. And also, and so it's like, it's just been lopsided. And then now. all the drawers are basically falling out. And I was just looking at it. And I was like, I can't do this. And I just wish that there was somebody, I just need somebody practical in my life.

Like, how am I the practical person? This doesn't make any sense. I'm the one in charge and I'm the practical one. And this is, there's something off here. And I'm trying to, I'm trying to do it. But it's like, I can't, I can't do it. It's just some things, you know, you try and learn and you just are like, this isn't a me thing.

Even if you were in a relationship, there'd be stuff where it's like, neither of you can do the thing. And sometimes you just need outside help. Like everyone needs help. And you are doing so great. You're like parenting like an absolute motherfucker. It just didn't feel like last night. I just was like...

And then this morning she's fine. She like wakes up and I was like, I'm so sorry about last night. I shouldn't have been short with you. Like you're like it's not your foe you're crying. Like the next time if you just tell me where you're crying, like I'll fix it. But it's not your fault.

And then I just was like, oh God, I just felt so bad for being short with her when I usually can be patient. But I was just like, I need sleep so bad. Of course you do. And you can't be hard on yourself. You're doing amazing. I can't even imagine the idea of somebody, even if I love them more than anything else in the world, waking me up constantly and you've been so tight because you didn't sleep the night before and having to rationally be like, what do you need, crying ball of energy? What do you need? Crying ball of energy that gives me no answers. What do you need? You don't know what you need. I don't know what you need. I need sleep. I know that.

Yeah, it's just an amalgamation. It's like there's just no sleep. There's just no night where you have like eight hours and you wake up and you're restored. It's just like builds and builds and build. You're just like, this is just building and building and building. There's no time off with work, which is good. But I think also I need to learn how to prioritize. It's a weird thing where I find it very hard to say no to anything

because you just think that all the work is going to go away. Everything is going to go away. And it just feels very stressful. Yes. I just am operating on a level of stress. And then this morning when I woke up and I went on Instagram and I saw your post that you'd been out with Phil and I was like, oh my God, I wish I'd been out drinking with you and Phil. Like, you're doing like shots.

I was like, my life is so different to this. And I love my life. I'm so lucky. But I was like, fuck, I would love to have been doing shots last night. And that would justify my tiredness in such a better way. Yes, we're both tired. But for very different reasons. And the thing is, all I get out of it is a hungover.

You've got a daughter, like an incredible human being. And, you know, I know which one. one sounds, well, mine is easier. Mine is definitely easier. Well, Phil Ellis when he's drunk, it's not the easiest time. To be fair. To be fair. To be fair.

Yes. That was, I did have to put somebody to bed. And check on them. So kind of, yeah, I guess I did solve. We had similar evenings. It's just I was drunk. And Harriet, I was drunk. Nana's letting loose.

And I did something that I haven't done for, I don't. even remember last time, I like drunk-messaged people. Yeah, it was really, this is really funny. This is really, this is really good. It's insane. So I told one guy that I thought he was devastatingly hot, which is so dramatic. The cringe I'm feeling in my body.

I know, I know. I feel like such secondhand cringe feel like I'm trying to get it out of my fingers. Like I'm just moving my arms to get it away from me because he feels so icky. We're just pushing it away. Horrible. Horrible. Why? Why? And also he lives on the other side of the world.

So it was like awake and it was the morning. And he was taking his daughter swimming. We are in very different places in our lives. At least you were saying something positive. You know, like that is a nice message to get when you're going swimming. Is it? Yeah. Is it not creepy as fuck?

If a guy, if a drunk guy messaged you when you were taking your door to swim and being like, I think you're devastatingly hot, you'd be like, ooh, back off loser. Well, it's just the difference is if you like them or not. You know what I mean? I think you don't like you a little bit, you know. So I think it's like... Well, not anymore. You put your cards on the table.

That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no subtlety there. I sent a crazier thing than that. A friend. A newish friend as well. Like, not someone who I'm like super duper close with.

I had put a picture of a Duchess up. And I replied to it. Oh, I thought he sent it directly to you. Oh, no. Sorry, no. He did send it directly to you. But like a what, like, it wasn't like he sent me that and then I sent that picture straight back.

Like he sent me that and then, I don't know. Why did you send it? I asked if I looked Italian because my freckles had come out. And he said, no, only in the way that this Duchess is Italian, but she's from like Denmark or Germany. She's just married into, I don't know. It was funny. Don't worry about it.

That is funny. It is funny. I'm telling you it's funny. Yeah. but he sent me a picture of this, like an oil painting of a Duchess. Then like 10 hours later, I'm in bed, pissed out of my mind.

And I take my... I mean, this sounds like it is. I take my T-shirt off, but I leave it over my head to look like the Duchess's headscarf. And I take a picture and send it to him with no context or anything, just like...

But the thing is, this morning, I didn't remember taking that picture. So this morning, he's working up, seen it, replied, very kindly just put like, ha, ha, ha. And I was like, oh, got a message of him. Oh, cool. What's he laughing at?

Oh, fuck. Why am I being a Duchess at 2 a.m? I actually think it's a cool picture, though. I've seen it and I actually think it's cool. Like, you do look like that Duchess. All right, well, we'll put it on Patreon. Yeah, let's put it up on Patreon. The Patreon is perfect.

Harriet, I've put a dog with tits on my profile. In terms of being something I like about being single, is these kind of like you can have crazy nights willy-nilly. I mean you can in a relationship I guess but you have to sort of ask them if that's all right but you can you can just do like little bits and bobs

and it feels like there's loads of potential that's it and evening has potential back and evening has potential when you're married an evening has no potential you know what I mean like if anything you're going about the evening and then you're trying to get back as soon as possible but there's a

I hope there's like a little spirit in the air like you don't know what's going to happen Yeah. But then look, I don't want to be Debbie Downer, but then also there is a side of that that as the night progresses, and you know the night's got it going anywhere, then it is a bit like, you know, that is disappointing. Well, that's when you start drunk messaging.

Yeah. I also was trying to get a guy to come and meet me who I shouldn't have been messaging. You were just going through your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those other messages in that. There's all, look, I had a great time. Drank Amy's a fun time. She's social.

She wants to change. Yeah, she doesn't want the party to end. She's doing impressions. Who wants to chat? Impressions of oil paintings of Duchesses. Yeah. I just want to tell everyone their heart that I like them. I don't want anything from you.

Do whatever you want. Take your children's women. Good for you. But let me tell you that I appreciate your aesthetic from the other side of the world. So look. That is, those nights out, they're good. That's one of the great things about being single.

Yeah. Who knows what's going to have. happen and also we're going to meet. Yeah. Anything could happen. Turns out nothing, nothing did, but anything could. Often nothing does. That's the thing.

Often nothing does happen. But there's a lovely, there's a lovely hope. There's a lovely hope that quickly gets squashed. But it's nice when it's there. 7pm? Yeah. Oh, the world is your oyster. Yeah, the night is young.

1 a.m. You're in bed with a t-shot on your head going, I think I look like a doctor's. You just don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what's going to happen. Another thing I like about being single is I'm totally, maybe it's kind of like a similar point, but I'm totally in control of my free time.

So like obviously you have a child which makes it different. You have less free time. But in that free time, you don't have to spend energy appeasing someone else. You can just do whatever you want to do. Yeah. Even if what you want to do is go to bed,

you can just go to bed. There's no one to be like, oh, but I thought we could do this. I want you to, blah, blah, blah. Shut up, I'm doing what I want. I don't think I was ever appeasing in my marriage. Right, right, right. I'm going to bed.

So, okay. I think you were doing a lot of, a lot of bending over backwards to people, you know, that I was doing. I feel like I'm bringing the negativity to this. But, like, one thing I've been finding hard is I've been finding evenings really hard. Like, I'm out so much. Like, I'm so lucky, like, with this job. Like, it's very social. But the evenings that I spend in, like, I love to have an evening where, you know, it's me and Mabel and it's great.

We have dinner. You know, we have fun. of a play, we watch little something, and then I read a story, I put it to bed, and then I've put it to bed, and I have this time where I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything, and I've just been finding it hard, I've always found evenings, like on my own, like difficult, I don't really know what to do with them, like I like to be out. And I think doing a job like this, you always have a purpose, and so you have maybe one or two nights in a week. And so that's like, time to regroup. Yeah. But having a partner there when a partner's not there, then you're like,

this is really my own time, you know, it feels really good. I think the only thing I found frustrating is that people have been like, oh, in those moments, if maybe like you feel a little bit lonely or whatever, you don't know what you do, why you call a friend. And it's people in relationships that are saying that. And I find it a little bit frustrating because I think there is a big difference to speaking to a friend. Like, I have amazing friends.

I love so much. But there is a certain thing about being in a relationship where you can be sat in the same room or even in different rooms, you can just be with them. Yeah, that's so nice. It's a different, it is completely different. And so many of my friends, I do have this relationship with very almost. Yeah. But it is different when you are in love with somebody.

Yeah. To just be, just to be in their presence. Yeah. And to not have that is a, it's just a different thing. And I'm just still. Because it's very comforting, isn't it? Just to have someone there and not need to be on or like chatting all the time. Just to be your authentic self in the presence of someone else.

It's just very comforting. Yeah. I do get that. I will say having a. a flatmate is like halfway there. Yeah. Just like knowing he's pookling about... And yours doesn't go to bed at like 8pm.

No. That's what I need. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine goes to bed a bit early. I needed to stay up later maybe. Yeah, that is really nice. Yeah. So do things together.

Yeah, sometimes. Like I'll... So last night, I thought I was going to go to the cinema. And so I invited him. And then he couldn't make that showing. and then I bumped into Phil but it's always like, hey, I'm going to do this, do you want to watch it? Or it's like, I'm going to watch this film tonight.

So it's like, it's nice and it's not too much where I did have a, well, I've had a couple of female flatmates who, ugh, I know, I never again. I have to say never. But I think, I think because we weren't good friends before I moved in with these two, on separate cases, two women. They, I think they were like, oh, you can move in and then we can be best friends. And it was like, oh, I don't want this.

It's like, well, we'll always eat together and we'll do everything together. And it was like, oh, no, no, no, no, I've got all that sorted. Like, I've got all my friends and stuff. And, like, I'll happily, like, do something once a week or something, like, happy. But it was like, what are we doing tonight? And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah, there's a balance. And I think women, we can be so guilty of that, that, like, we just go in.

And then you're trying to people please. And, I mean, men have grown up not having to do that so much. so they're easier. It's just like you don't feel as responsible for them sometimes or feel like you want to make sure they're okay. Yeah. Because they're fine. You know what I mean?

You don't want to make sure they're okay and just be thinking about their feelings as much. But yeah, I think that's it. I haven't properly lived on my own ever. And I'm not on my own. She's, I've got my daughter's. It's amazing. But yeah, it's just a weird, it's just a weird,

I just find those evenings. It's just something I'm like working on of how to like, fill it. Yes. Without, and I think also I'm just exhausted, that doesn't help. So by the time I've put her to bed and I've tied it up, I'm like so fucking exhausted that I'm like, I just sit and I'm like, ugh. Yeah. But that's probably good because you're working so hard. If you were to do everything that you're doing and then after you've put Mabel to bed, go like, now I'm going to get the gal pals around.

You'd be too tired. Yeah. You'll be too tired. Oh, you just love a roast, do you? But what do I love? about being single. One thing I have been thinking about is I would like to go and go away on my own. Like that is also something I've never done.

Like I've never done it unless it's like we do it a lot for work. For work. Like you're going to work. But you have a purpose. Yes. And so I was thinking of maybe at some point maybe trying to go away for a few days and do like a writing project. And like, because again, our wise guru, Rosie was telling me that every year she tries

to go away for a bit and have like a writing project. She writes in the morning and then like. that's great. I enjoy herself the rest of the time. And I think that would be really good for me to try and learn how to be on my own because even like I left home and then I moved to,

this sounds nuts, I moved to New York and I moved in with a roommate and we shared the same room. We lived in the same room like one more room for a year. And then I moved to London and I moved in with one of my best friends and me and him lived together until I moved in with Bobby. And so it's like I've never really had that thing.

I mean, where I'm just, now working it out. I think it's a really good thing, you know? Like, that's a good thing about being single. Yeah. That's a good thing is working out who I am and what I want and have to fill my time without filtering it with someone else. Yeah, 100%. I'm generally happier. Like, and I mean this. Oh, I'm happier. Yeah, for sure. That's so true. I'm just generally happy. Generally happy. I'm being complaining, but I'm sorry about that. I'm just tired. I am generally happier. I'm so happy. If you can't tell. I'm so happy. I'm sorry that that's not. But no, I genuinely am really happy.

Yeah, my base happiness is up. My base happiness has gone hell up. I'm so less anxious. I don't have panic attacks anymore. Like, I feel healthier. I feel mentally more robust. I feel stronger. I feel more confident than I felt maybe ever.

Yeah, me too. And we were just talking, before we started recording about because I'm going away, I've bought a bikini. Bikinis. And I've never worn a bikini in my entire life because I've always been like, oh my God, people will need to go to therapy

if they see this. And I'm like, oh, fuck it. Lucky world to get to see Amy and a bikini. I'm so excited. And it's like, I would never have done this. And it's because there's nobody that I need to like worry about embarrassing them or like dressing up for. Like, I can do exactly what I want.

And I'm so bored of myself being like, oh, can't wear that because I don't like my arms in it. I don't like my tummy in it. I can't be asked. I just need to wear the clothes that are appropriate for that weather. And a bikini is appropriate. And I'm so excited to wear it. And I love a bikini.

A bikini is just fun. There's something fun about a bikini. Oh, I've never worn one in my entire life. Oh, we're going to do it. I would really like to see that. This is so exciting. I'm just going to do it. I just want to see you drinking a cocktail in a bikini.

This is so exciting. Because I love bikinis. My stomach is my thing that I'm like, you know, like it's, it's not like a, I don't have a six-back guy, surprise, surprise. But I love a bikini, I just think. Okay, amazing. It's just fun. It's just fun.

Yeah. I mean, the only thing I'm worried about is that my, the skin on my stomach hasn't seen the light of day in my life. So I'm very worried that it will instantly go red, burn and peel off. You do you know what I mean? It's like, it's so good though for the sun to reach, to reach it. Like this is a very healing kind of thing, I think. Yeah. And it feels like I really like, like almost like,

not to be wanky, but like an accepting thing. I keep thinking like, oh, yeah, I'd love to wear a bikini. I'll wear one when I'm this or when I, when I'm this shit. I'm finally going to look good in a bikini when I'm 92. Yeah, exactly. That's when my body is going to be a bikini ready. Yeah, when I'm wasting away, when I have a degenerate disease and my flesh is wasting away, rotting away,

then I will be the right size for a bikini. And I just can't be. And the thing is, I don't judge. anyone else the same way that I judge myself. I would hate the idea of someone thinking that they couldn't wear a bikini. And I'm like how they looked. It would blow my mind. Exactly. It's so mad.

I would like, I really feel like super passionate that everyone should wear exactly what they want. And I feel like I could do speeches about it. I feel like I could lead a protest. Yeah. Yeah. But then it's like, oh no, no, but I won't because that is, that's ridiculous. But I just, I think this is maybe good. It's not like body positivity.

It's like body can't be asked to think about it anymore. And it's almost like neutral. And I want my body to be neutral. Yeah, body tired. I'm body tired. Yeah. And I don't give a fuck. Who my bothered, who my worried is going to look at me?

What am I thinking is the worst case scenario? I'm going to look so hot in it. Well, we see. It hasn't arrived yet. And I'm very worried that my boobies weren't fit into it. I got a blue one and I got like a pink and white sort of chequey one. So cute. So cute.

There's something about bikini. I think it's like a two piece. Like it's like you've matched that you've coordinated. Like it's very chic. I think it's going to be amazing. Well, that's great. And I honestly feel like this confidence has come from having some single time. Working on myself, doing my therapy, doing the pod.

Generally like being more interested in like how women are staying happy and what's going on. And I feel like I've plugged into something that's like really empowering. And I don't think I would have done this if I was still in a relationship. I think I'd still be having panic attacks and in Deliveroo at midnight every night. I think that's, I get so much less deliveroo. Yeah. And so much less. And I have so much less fear of like, sometimes the evening would just be gone from bad stuff.

Yeah. You know what I mean? There's no risk of that. Yeah. It's like very neutral. Everything is neutral. And I think this is another thing I'm adjusting to peace. Yes.

It's a new thing. Like I'm not quite sure what to do in peace times. Yeah. My body still thinks it's at war. And so I'm not quite sure how to feel the peace. So I'm learning how to feel the peace. Say it with me. I'm a goddess.

Another thing that I was just thinking that I'm really grateful about is, it's like the mess. Like my ex is like, he's so good with Mabel. And he's so good. Like we both have to be very adaptable because our jobs are a bit unpredictable. Yeah. And I was away at the weekend. And so he moved into mine.

Sometimes he does that because we think it's a bit easier on Mabel. He's so good at doing that. Like that's a very good thing to do. But then, and I think he did tidy. He did tidy. He did what his tidying is. He did his tidying to his level of what is tidy. Yeah.

That is not my level of tidy. And that was what I was used to living in and then doing that extra tidying every day. And I came back and I was like, ugh. And then I had to, and I was like cursing his name and like tidying everything up and like doing all this stuff. And then I was like, that is a thing. I feel so lucky that I don't, that's not my daily routine anymore, you know? And like, I'm happy to do this because it's easier for everybody if he just does this now and again and he moves in. And that's, you know, that's a difficult thing for him to just come and stay.

So I will do that. But if he could just, if he could not do that in future, it would be helpful. But it's a thing of, oh, I don't have to clean up after anybody. But then the other side of it that I was thinking that I was being to therapist about it, she was like, oh, do you ever like cook for yourself? And I was like, I want to be somebody that even just like lights a candle, like to make it like cozy. And I never even do that because I'm always like, oh, but what if I leave it on and it burns the house down? Because he would always go around like blow out candles like after me. Like he would find them on and be like, and blow them out.

And now there's no one to do that. And so I'm not even like lighting a candle for myself. Like, I mean, I sound like fucking like, Princess Diana or something. You need to light a candle for yourself, girl. Candle in the wind for my memorial. Like what am I talking about? But like that thing of treating yourself and trying to romanticise your life and like to cook a nice meal for yourself.

Like I never do that. I just try and eat either extension of what maybe was happening or just really quickly try and cook something. Yeah. And it's never like, oh, but this is like a feast that I would love. Like I'm never like, oh, let me make myself a feast. Like ever. I would do that for somebody I love because even if it's probably not what I want to eat

because I can only eat quite specific things. But yeah, you should do that. I'm such a terrible. Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's a thing to work towards. Yeah. It would be great though, wouldn't it? Imagine just like properly looking after yourself,

like you'd look after another human being. Yeah. It would be insane. I'd be so well looked after. I'd be thriving. Yeah. But you don't. You're just like, I'll just grab this.

I'll shove that in my mouth. There's only me. But it's like, oh, imagine if we were like, oh, yeah, resting enough, eating really well, cooking for ourselves, lighting candles, looking after our, doing our skincare. Like I slap stuff on. But like now and again, only if my bedroom is completely tidy,

I don't know why this affects me so much. I do like the nicest, most relaxing skincare. And I like really take my time and I put my little headband thing on and I do all the steps and I give myself like little hand massages and all this. And it's so luxurious and I feel so comforted by it. But I do that maybe like once every three months.

Because you're just like, oh, I'll just like rub this off and like slap some moisture. But it's like, oh, giving yourself care is nice. But I think that's it. I think I've been existing on this level of like high alert. Like I'm on high alert often. And so to come down from the high alert is hard. And that's a new thing. Now that we have the space and the time.

Yes. To try and bring back down like the warning sign. Like just bring it down to like a more neutral kind of. It sounds like. Like you have, and I think I have, a dysregulated nervous system. Yes. And I think we should maybe look into getting an expert on to help us with this. That's a really big idea.

I mean, it's always Instagram, but everything I see on Instagram that's like, is your cortisol, which is the stress hormone, is your cortisol too high? Do you have this symptom, this symptom, this symptom? Do you find it hard to sleep? Are you like constantly in a panic mode, stress mode, on high alert, I guess? Is it this? Is it this? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all of that.

We need to, like, regular our nervous system so we're not... I realize, like, I sit clenched. Like, even if I'm just on a train relaxing, I'm, like, clenched, like, ready to go. And I have to, like, go, oh, right, come on, shoulders down, unclench your bum. And, like, breathe, and I go, oh, God, that feels nice. And then within about 30 seconds, subconsciously, I've, like, tensed all back up again. And I think most... Well, I don't know.

I'm saying most people just because it's my experience, and I presume everyone has the same thing. But I reckon loads of people are like going through life on high alert because the pace of life and all the stress of life and then all the experiences you have. And particularly in relationships and once you come out of it, your body is like you say, it's like your body, your literal nervous systems like anything could happen at any minute.

Well, let's be on standby. What if they come home and they're in a mood? They're not coming home. We should be happy about that, but your body doesn't know this yet. Be not too much this weekend. Ugh. I remembered another thing that I'm grateful about. Look, I'm getting so positive now.

I'm so grateful. Like, in my exes case, this was not a situation, but I've been there in the past. You don't have to hang out with people's, like, friends and family, you know? Yes. You can just, like, you don't have to make small talk or try and, like, go somewhere you don't want to do.

Like, that's great. I love that. That's great. It's just our. Our friends. Will you come to my brother's 40th birthday? Oh, God. No.

And obviously go, yeah, of course I will. And then it's like... And then you're doing all the presents, you're doing all the staff. Yeah. None of that. None of that. None of that. Just what we want.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what? It's pretty good actually. Being single is good. And look, I've got this new cabinet that I ordered and I checked that it was fully assembled. I like found one that was arrives assembled. I was like, that's what I need as like, okay,

I'm just going to fix this problem because I cannot deal with this anymore. And then also last night, I think this added to my thing, the shower rail fell off. And so maybe we're just like trying to put it up. We're like, why are we in charge? I don't understand. Like, I mean, she's not. Like, I'm meant to be in charge.

She's like, I don't know how we're going to do this. And I was like, I don't know either. Like, this is crazy. And then we're just stepping over a shower curtain this morning to like brush our teeth. And you're like, this is chaos. So I need to like, yeah, I just need some time to address the chaos that has just been building in different areas. We need to declutter our lives. Declutter our lives and our brains and just enjoy the peace.

Like this is a peaceful time. We are in peace times. I haven't had an argument for like a year and a half. That is such a good point. And that's exactly what I was thinking last night. I'm not, at least I'm not arguing with anyone right now. Yeah, I'm on the line. It feels rough.

it's better than the other, then everything gets heightened, you know, unless you're with a partner that's like your, like, great partner who's like calm and you can both communicate really efficiently, even when your child is screaming. Yeah, yeah. But I definitely feel weirdly, I feel less lonely now than I did in a relationship that I, that wasn't right for me. I haven't felt lonely for a long time. I think when it first happened, I felt lonely and a bit like, what am we going to do?

and like, I guess like Rosie said, like, we were like hunting, like, desperately, very desperately for, like, the next partner and, like, what we're going to do. Yeah, if you listen back, it is a bit pathetic. You kind of can see why we were struggling to get dates because our energy was off-putting. How do we kiss?

How do we find someone? How do you drag them down and kiss them? I'm so glad that's there for other people. Yes, yes. Let's get more episodes out. So we go. It gets down there. bury that.

Let's bury those early episodes. Yeah. But I'd stop back because it's how we felt at the time. People would come on and we'd be like, we can't even get a date. Like that is every joke that we know. How do we get to kiss a man? What form do I feel in to kiss a man?

So yeah, I think we're now in a period for anyone that's listening that's newly single that feels like that. Like we've gone in this journey. And now I think we are in like a bit of like the thriving side of it bit. Now that that, just ignore everything I've said throughout this episode. We're very much an unthriving era. Do you know what it's like? It's getting into a cold swimming

pool. Like, so coming up religious and it's so hard to get in and you're like, oh my God. Oh God, I can't do this. I can't do this. I mean, I want to be warm again. How do I get warm again? And then you get in. Just grappling on the side. You're trying to pull yourself out again. But then once you're in it, you're like, huh, this is. great and then you have a little surround and then the endorphins and then you actually feel better than you ever did Amy that's so lovely

and then you get out and you feel good and then you're going around and then gradually you feel worse and worse and that's being in a relationship and that's being in a relationship with I think maybe the person you're in a relationship with is the towel so you get out and at first they dry you and they warm you and you're like they're so nice

wow and then but then over time they're just this wet thing that you have to carry around and it's a burden. It starts to stink. And it's embarrassing. And you just want to put it in the bin and get a new one. It's heavy because it's long with water. It doesn't smell bad.

Soggy, ugly thing. You're like, what was I doing with that? Well, I remember when I was in the pool and I was happy. I'm getting back in the pool. Oh, it's so cold. I don't like it. I don't like it. I want a bit warm again.

Oh, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. Ha! Ha! Ha! So we hope that you are all in. enjoying being single. Let us know what you enjoy about it.

I've just had it recently where some friends of mine that in relationships are like, oh, hurry, don't get into a relationship right now. Like you're doing so well, you're doing this. Like, why would you get into relationship? Relationships are hard and blah, blah, blah. And you're like, go fuck yourself. Because you are in it.

You could leave your relationship so easily. Don't give me this advice what are you talking about. Like, you don't have to be in there. Like, it's complicated. I'm in it now, but for you, you know. You could get out of it. You can leave. Leave tonight.

Call her. Call her now. Come on. Yeah. So I find that a little bit frustrating, but then you're like, it is true. It is kind of, there is a kernel of truth in it, which is that we should enjoy this time and make the most of it. Oh, great. Let's go to the pool. We should. Let's go to the pool. Let's go to the pool. I'd love to go to the pool with you.

Yes, please. You're not a damp towel. You're not a damp towel. You're the sunshine that dries air dries me. You're the sunshine. Okay, well we'll see you on. See you on later. Bye bye. Bye.

Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont. And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact. Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding. That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah. This changes people's lives. If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up?

An in-depth look at summo wrestling and the scandals. Because it used to be considered so honorable, like sumos. and they all live together, Sumos. No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just message loads of Derricks? I don't think people know that. I emailed 100 Derricks. I don't think it was Derricks.

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