Single Ladies In Your Area - First dates, age gaps and hobbies with Lou Sanders

Episode Date: October 25, 2024

This week Harriet and Amy are joined by comedian and fellow Fingered-by-Father’s-Day member Lou Sanders, to discuss first dates, age gaps and starting new hobbies to find love. What is an appropriate age gap? Are all the single men at climbing walls? And can you still find love if your favourite hobby is sitting?To buy Lou's book, merch or tickets to her stand-up tour head to lousanders.com.Want to share your dating tips or horror stories, or have a question for the experts? Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespod and Twitter @singleladiespodAnd follow Lou on Instagram @louliesandersRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Matt Crockett and Linda Blacker.Design by Welcome Studio. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there. And we're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing.

So we're going to speak to experts, chat about dates we've been on, if we manage to get any, and share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone we might even get our exes on yeah we'll see about that this is single ladies in your area well this week we're very lucky to have a fantastic guest it's our friend and yours lou sanders she's coming on to talk about age gaps, tobogganing on a first date.

Our WhatsApp group, fingered by Father's Day. It's an aspirational group and title. And Amy has a little surprise for us. I've been finding different ways to find my person. I've seen him. For £30, I him I'm intrigued I'm in and Liz can be talking about her book what's that lady doing and she's on tour around the UK you've got I've seen the show it's brilliant got to get out there and see her oh hello Amy hello here we are I'm so proud of you you're on the apps what? Harriet, my worst fear came true.

Immediately. I would say almost immediately. Somebody I know has popped up. Oh, it's awful, isn't it? A comedian. No. A friend from back in the Leeds days. And was like, hey, what are you doing?

And generally like. They liked you. Yeah. And I was like, no I'm gonna be sick and I didn't I just didn't respond yeah and then they messaged me on insta being like hey we just I saw you on there and it was just like I know I can't I'm too embarrassed to acknowledge it yeah but we spoke on instagram and it was and it was fine and then at the bottom he's just like oh just so you know i saw you on hint and i was like i know i look i fucking know i just this has never happened before i don't know how to address this i feel very embarrassed that you've seen my list of likes yeah there's something

very vulnerable about it it's so vulnerable but you forget they're doing exactly the same thing that's it like they've done that but like why are they so confident with it? Like, leave me alone. I'm just trying to do my dirty little stuff in private. Yes, like they've walked in while you're having a wee

and then they've stood there and had a conversation. You're like, get out, I'm pissing. And they're like, by the way, I saw you pissing.

You're like, I know, I'm literally pissing right now. Please. Do you want to see me piss? I don't want to look at you piss. I immediately try to get away from the piss.

And then I have seen a comedian, because I did the thing where you put in all the telephone numbers. To block them? To block them. I put in every single telephone number, every production assistant. I've put in everyone. Because I don't want anyone that I know to see.

It's like doing comedy. I don't want anyone I know in the audience to get so fun with. I just want to be private. Exactly. But you can't help it. You can't help it. Life is people that I know to see it's like doing comedy like I don't want anyone to know in the audience I just want to be private exactly but you can't help it like there's just life is people that we know life is people that we know and one a comedian did come up and um I immediately was like oh god and I only saw like I didn't scroll down their profile or anything but I saw just like the first bit and I was already like that doesn't represent you oh I know the truth yeah I know it's the first time I've had like the real life comparison of like I know this person and I know what their vibe is and then I've seen what they've how they've presented themselves and it and it doesn't match up

so then all these guys I'm like these guys seem so nice I'm like right okay so I've just realized actually that there's very little correlation I guess between a lot of them yeah I absolutely know what you mean and I also I don't know if you have this fear but I have the fear that you're going to end up in a whatsapp group where they're going to take I don't want to like create that for you if you didn't have that but I think so they're going to take, I don't want to like create that for you if you didn't have that, but I think they're going to take a picture and be like, look what I saw. Look at what I just seen. And then everyone laughing

and be like, what she said. It's so vulnerable. We're actually so brave. We're so brave. Everyone on dating apps, you're so brave. You're so brave. It's really brave because everyone's got family,

colleagues, neighbours, mum. But this happened as well. I got a message, a WhatsApp message from a number I didn't know and it was a guy who I think was something like a sound tech of a live gig I did years ago don't remember meeting him or anything like that and he'd seen me on a dating app and then gone back through his emails found my number on a call sheet which is surely like real bad etiquette yeah and then messaged me being like hey I think just so you know I've seen you on a on a dating app I think someone's using your pictures and

stuff like that unless it is you in which case can I take you out for a drink? And I was just like, oh, my God, like, block. No, that is fucking awful behaviour. Yeah, because it's like they're pretending that they're like, oh, my God, I'm just alerting you to some trouble. But if it's not trouble, then I'm here and I'm thirsty. And here's my dick. Oh, yeah, I get it. I get it.

He didn't do that. But, you know know i just thought that is so that made me be like oh yeah like you are you are being you are putting yourself literally out there it's so hard there's so much admin involved like there's just so much like endless admin to try and find love like yeah it's so hard yes it is it is really hard. But before we go on to you who's doing actual real life stuff, I'll tell you my bit of good news is I found a man that I am building up to ask him on a date because he's funny. But again, I am almost incapable of having actual real conversations.

And I think I only fancy people when it's like, we're just talking shit. So on his profile, he said something about bum wine. And I liked that. And he was just like, oh, my God, you're the only person in history that has ever liked this prompt. This is his low standards that we're talking about amy yeah what is bum wine i can't remember it was but it was a jerky thing it doesn't mean it just means like shit wine or something like that i don't think it's anything to do with pooms what i'm saying but i like that whatever it was like a humorous thing and i went back being like look i hope this isn't too

forward but i've had 10 000 bum wine business cards printed and i'm awaiting the next step and then it sort of went from there and look have we only talked about bum wine yeah yes we have exclusively this happens to you so often i can't it. I don't think you've told everyone about the ham situation yet. Oh, God. It's time. I, okay. I fancied a boy. Oh, God.

I fancied a boy. He messaged. I brought up ham. How did it come up? You just mentioned ham because you like ham. I said, wouldn't this be a funny tv show is it ham and he's like yeah yeah like is it cake like is it cake yeah like is it ham and he was like uh yeah yeah i guess and then yeah for the next sort of few days, actually, sort of just backwards and forth.

And we just exclusively talked about ham, different ham products, making a course out of ham. I bought the website. I didn't even tell him this. This makes it even more pathetic. There was one point where I am the legal owner of the website, is it ham.org? And I didn't do anything with it

because there was one point where he just stopped messaging back and I was like, do you know what, absolutely fair folks. Oh god! I think you need to email him from info at isitham.org Oh god! A picture of his house with a ham outside.

I'm just incapable of it anyway enough of my terrible i actually had a similar thing to this did you yeah so um so this guy had like i'd written like i hate et or something like what you scared of when i said et yeah and then he said something like oh if i saw him down a dark alley I'd kill him or something but I don't know why I was just like oh that's unusual like usually people are just like blah blah blah then I was like that's at least something a bit different yeah and then I went on his um profile and then it said like what are you looking for and then he said your bank details and then I was like oh that's kind of fun at least he's trying to be funny yeah and so then I replied saying like oh great like if you can get him then um what are your bank details or something let me know no and then he replied with his bank details like his actual bank details and then he was like

how much to do it and then I was like oh I'll give you seven quid and he was like great these are my bank details and then i was like okay three pound 50 if you do it three pound 50 uh three pound 50 for proof and then i was gonna actually send him three pound 50 because i was like you've got to commit to the bit yeah but then i was like actually you know what like i have a child like i can't be spending three pound 50 on some random guy on a dating app. Also giving your surname, like it will come through, like some quite legal information. So I was going to do it, but it was just like that bit too quick

where I was like, I really want to commit to this bit, but actually like, you know, that's like a toy or something that I shouldn't be spending. I do not want to tell you how much I spent on isitham.org for the year. What the fuck am I going to spent on isitham.org for the year.

What the fuck am I going to do with isitham.org? We had to do something with it. We've got to sell merch. Fuck me. Oh! It's so hard.

It's so hard. I'm not good at this. No. I'm not going to have the kids be like, no, because I think you are going to find somebody that's like,

this is amazing. We've got isitham. dot org like they're really gonna go with it and you just you've just got to keep trying until you find that person i think yeah you need someone that gets into it and is like that's great and all but let's go to a ham based restaurant that's what i need i need someone who does the nonsense who commits so much to the nonsense that we're doing the nonsense live with each other. Yeah, it can't just be nonsense. Yeah, and then they can be like, ha ha ha, this is so funny, let's kiss and then you're back to the nonsense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's kiss for a joke. Yeah, yeah, funny joke. Wouldn't it be funny? Like, what if we pretended to kiss, but like we was kissing and we were pretending to be fish at the same time? I'd be like, ha ha, yeah, let's do that. You know what I mean?

You're looking for a real specific type. I know.'s i think you're gonna find them i think you're gonna find your perfect person that's so silly and wants to kiss you and then be silly and i don't what you do in the bedroom is gonna be crazy there's gonna be costumes there's gonna be There's going to be pranks. Little whistles like a... Imagine one of those tweedledy hats with the spinning bits on top. Nipple tassels, but they're little clown bow ties. He's wearing them. Spinning. He's wearing them.

Okay, Amy, we've not got this, but we've got somebody on who... Look, she's a wise lady. She's a pro. Thank goodness. Shall we chat to Lou? Let's chat to Lou Sanders, please. Is it ham? We are here with Lou Sanders.

Comedian, friend, data, expert, wise woman. Well, I don't think... I have been single for a while. I don't think we can all be an expert. Choosy. Let's say choosy. But this is something

that we struggle with, isn't it? We've talked about this. Not choosy. No. Are you not? No. Low standards. No, I have had

very low standards in the past and I still think they could be dragged up a little standards. Yeah. No, I have had very low standards in the past and I still think they could be dragged up a little bit. Okay. How do you go about sort of dragging them up? We are in what's that group called Let's Get Fingered Before Father's Day now, aren't we? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Father's Day has passed as well.

I do need to extend it. Yeah, I was a father's day. All right, though. She has to get that in somehow. I did. I'm sorry to quote so early on. Wow. Yes.

Get fingered by Halloween, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Spooky fingering. Spooky fingering. Yes, I'll take me back

to Father's Day. Was it actually on Father's Day? It was like two, three in the morning but I can't remember which side because it was after, oh no, it was after he knew about the whatsapp group and i was like yes i've met my target and he was like well it is three in the morning so technically it's another

day and i'm like no no no it doesn't count no no if you haven't been to sleep did that make him feel special um we don't know he wasn't my guy he was just over for a little bit so it was nice it was perfect oh that's yeah for that for that little time what happened in the lead up to said fingering uh kissing kissing is that what you're asking i mean it's what i wanted to know, but more what activity, like how would you spend the evening before that? Was it a date? Was it like more of a friendship? Well, just because he was only over for a week, then I just sort of hauled around after my gigs.

Oh, wow. He did mention going on a date. I thought, that's very little point. We've got to get in there before Father's Day. We don't have time. It's very nice pizza. We've got to get in there before Father's Day. We don't have time. It's very nice pizza. You've got to get moving. This is not what this is.

You met him on an app. Oh my God, I paid. So I was on Bumble and I came off the paid thing. It's quite depressing. Like I've got a two week window where I'm like, this is really fun. And then after that, it's quite depressing. And there was a guy in Margate where I'm moving to, and he was kind of nearly my type.

They looked like he had a few boards in the van, but he did also look slightly cheesy. Like he might wear a leather necklace. So not quite right, but I was like, so I paid the 20 pound or whatever it is to go on the paid things because I didn't message him back in time because we'd matched. And then I forgot to message him.

Yes. And then I was like, oh, I should message him if he's my guy. And then I paid that 20 pound or 25 pound something. And then he didn't message me back. So that was a waste of time. But and then I came off the app anyway, because, oh, my God, I went on another date with this guy who was lovely. Not really my type. And then he said

oh if you you know I've left my number on the app and everything but if you don't like me then just you know delete the app and I was like delete the app because I'm not going to delete the whole app I think he was joking and I was like imagine if I deleted the whole app and then I got home and deleted the whole app and I felt so bad because I wanted to send him a nice message saying lovely date but you know I don't think we were each other's. So what, he did delete the app? I did delete the app. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, I deleted it. I don't know why. I just, because he wasn't quite my type. I was like, I've just got to delete this app. Do you put that you're a comedian? God, no, no. What do you, what do you put?

I just don't, I leave occupation. Oh, mysterious. Yeah. That's the main criteria that I look at on the apps, I've realised. Is their job? Yeah. Is that bad? What job do you want?

I don't know. I just know what jobs I don't want. You know that phrase, dress for the job you want? Fuck for the job. Fuck for the salary you're after. That doesn't make sense. Do you want someone in the in the creative stuff

I quite like it when it's like an animator producer or something like that I go oh that's cool they're probably

like left left wing they're probably fun creative maybe quite hard working yeah

and I quite like this but when I quite like this. But when I see like construction or something like that, this is really judgmental of me, but I instantly go like, in case I read the sun. In case I read the sun, yeah. So I've only been on the apps like a few weeks now. And what I found is I don't think I'm blind, but I can't see.

I can't pick anyone. It's like I can't see anyone really do you know what I mean it's hard to imagine them as a person I just can't get excited about it you cannot tell at all yeah I think men go don't aren't as fussed about like the connection but there's hard if you think all the people that you've met in your life there's hardly anyone that you think oh I could marry you whatever yeah hardly anyone yeah so it's so rare if you on the apps i think it's just to like distract yourself or get a bit of hope because i don't know you've got gone a lot of dates i think to get that yes like vibe yeah you can waste people's time i love wasting people's time but i'll say obviously we're wasting each other's time. Well, that's what our friend Melissa,

she's very worried that people are going to fall in love with her. She feels very responsible. She's like, God, I'm just so worried, you know, that I'm going to let them down, that I'm going to hurt them. And I'm like, they're fine. You've got to get over it. They're absolutely fine. You can do that the next day they'll meet somebody.

You don't need to worry about it. Stop worrying about what they're absolutely fine. Like, you can do that the next day and they'll meet somebody. Like, you don't need to worry about it. Like, stop worrying about what they're going to feel. Like, yeah. But I think it is, as a woman, you do feel responsible and you think, oh, how am I going to send a message? I don't feel responsible for them like that. I love that Melissa does.

She's so confident. Imagine that, just like, well, I haven't texted back, so I've ruined their lives. They'll need intense therapy. I'll pay them. I'll pay them. I'll pay them. Amy, we've got to get out there.

Do you know what's really depressing though? I went on a date with, no, I went on a date on the way to a date. So I was going on a date. That's not a depressing thing. I was going to meet this guy and then this other guy messaged and he lived on the road from me so I thought I'll drop in and then straight away I was like oh no this is a scumbag right he's a scumbag and I just knew and his last girlfriend was a lot younger than him I know I went out with someone much younger but now I'm in the market for a nice 42 year old that

can use a trampoline anyway but um and I, what have you got your age settings down to? He was 47. He lied about his age. He said he was 45 and he was 47. I said, what have you got your age settings down to?

18. This is it. This is what I've been finding. It's so many men have this and they don't realise how disgusting it is. 18. 18.

Like, you're an embryo at 18. My nephew's like 18. You're like, he's, you know, I'm like, you can't be 47 going out of an 18. And then I said, you're an embryo 18. My nephew's like 18. You're like, he's, you know, I'm like, you can't be 47 going out of an 18. And then I said, you're a pig

and you're the opposite of what I'm looking for. And this is just like, how, they're an embryo. And he was saying, oh yeah, but I probably wouldn't do anything. You know, it's just that, it's just for an ego lift or whatever. And I'm like, if you match with an 18 year old, that 18 year old is severely damaged

and has father issues. And you should not go anywhere near them if you've got an i-year-old, that 18-year-old is severely damaged and has father issues. And you should not go anywhere near them if you've got an iota of, you know. I got into an argument with a guy about this because he was late 30s and he had 18 at his age. And I was like, that's too low. And he was like, I'm not even going on the apps anymore. I was like, yeah, you don't need to. You can just hang out around schools.

You don't need to find them on apps. Just go to the local comprehensive. You can pick them up. Oh, my God. It's crazy.'s crazy oh yeah so then i went on the other date right so with the other one and i was like oh my god this man is a disaster this last one and i thought we'd bond over how ridiculous it was that he had 18 and the guy's like oh my god that's awful that's awful i said what have you got your age he was 42 he had them down to 20 and i'm like what are you like that's that fuck but it's like and then what they're doing this 47 year old wants to have a family and stuff and i'm like you are you're going the wrong way around it you're not going

to adopt these girls horrible so horrible should we share what our edges what hours are yeah well I've deleted my app but I think it was 38 then I dropped it down to 34 okay but then the guy that I was with for the with like seeing through that bit he was 34 and I thought that's too young and I put it on again yeah what was your upper edge limit 56 yeah and that's when it was a bit depressing that's it because mine was I think 33 was the lowest maybe and then I moved it down to 27 and my god they got better looking oh did they it was like it was a whole other world and I think also because I think maybe the men our age are putting under us but the younger ones are putting up to us so the young so I was getting loads of when I moved to up to 38 again yeah I was getting loads

of like 26 27 years old lied about their age and then they were like obviously I'm not because I was like oh they're good looking and then they were like I've lied about my age and I was like oh right and then I had to like delete them but they want an old maybe not to go out with but I think they want to like muck about with older women because I did ask someone about it not like that and then they were like oh yeah because the conversation a lot of the time you're just holding the phone for an Instagram picture with the young girls they were like so you do get a bit better conversation and then you get to say this is what Instagram is you get to teach the older woman what a reel is, which is cool.

You feel powerful. Yeah, definitely. What's your age? I've done 30 to 50, just round numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A good 20 years there. 20 years? Father and sons. Yeah, that was nice, Amy, yeah.

30 to 50, I don't know. Is that all right? I think that's great, yeah. Okay, 30 to 50. And what did you say yours were? I went down to 27 just because it's visually much yeah and I never I never like really like them if they're under 30 but it just feels more hopeful yeah because there's not a load of our guys when I set them

right up again it was depressing because they were like oh this girl really wants an old one and then what they haven't looked after themselves that's the difference like I think now I I really do want like 42 to 46 if they've looked after their knees and a bit like a good spirit like there was one I go to gymnastics and there was a guy in gymnastics and he looked like a tiny bit older than me he said oh you used to go to skate park didn't you and he recognized me from the skate park I said oh yeah and then he's we talked about snowboarding and he does all these things I was like he's perfect then he mentioned his girlfriend I thought very classy get her in that's lovely but that's what I thought I wanted I want like a 40 odd year old but that does go to gymnastics roses are red violets are blue We've matched on an app. What you up to?

You're so good in real life, meeting people, though. Yeah. And here I am, sassy. You are, though, because you're really good. Although we went away in April, and me and Lou kept trying so hard to find a life, a nightlife, and it was bleak. Yeah.

Harriet's divorce was through, so she was like, we are going dancing. It was such a weird like snowboard resort with no one there and we just kept going to like these bleak casinos and everything

and Harriet was like, I know this one, I know this one. I was literally going in and opening the door and being like, no one in here, get back in the car

and let's go to the next place. Oh my God, it was a mission and then we went, we opened the door and there was this great club and we got talking

to loads of people it was so fun that was really fun but then Lou got overwhelmed but it was fun I got overwhelmed because someone tried to sexy dance with me

yeah he really he really went for it as well and I thought oh dear I'm out of my depth here and I took Ranaway she ran aside now Ranaway ran aside

because it wasn't quite my time and I was like, no, I can't do it. This is like so embarrassing. I'm more of a solo dancer. Yeah. You've got to know what you want and what you're comfortable with.

And I think that comes, like every year I get older, I'm like, why was I still doing that stuff? I didn't like that stuff. And I think... Butt stuff, yeah. Butt stuff. I don't want any of that. still doing that stuff i didn't like that stuff and i think that stuff yeah but stuff

any i don't want any of that i just want to want very gentle very infrequent sex it was good you'd want it more come on on. No. Gentle monthly touch. A monthly cuddle would be ideal. Robert, time for a monthly touch. Warm your hands up, please, Robert. Robert, did you wear your warming gloves? Yes. Gosh. So we're trying to meet people in real life.

What do you think is the, what's the way to do that? I think a lot of men go to a climbing wall. I do. so we're trying to meet people in real life what do you think is the what's the way to do that i think a lot of men go to a climbing wall i do you're really up for a climbing wall yeah i've seen them wild i panic halfway up though and then i just cling and then i have to be taken down yeah yeah is that attractive i said i said to lou that i would be very happy to come along to a climbing wall but i would hold the bags great i'd hold everyone's bags i'd look after everyone's coat i'd get as a good seat if anyone needs hydration i'm happy to go and get the water you know all of that stuff you want crisps to share i'm your gal yeah i'm not i'm not climbing the wall yeah fair enough but not not i'd love to yeah i I just know I'm not a natural born climber.

I did go out with a climber and he would free climb. He was like incredible. And again, I would sort of stand at the bottom and be like, woo, you're doing so good. Wow. You just go and watch him climb. That's my worst nightmare. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. You split up because he's dead or? He just never came back down I don't know where he is I was waiting in the bottle

I probably just gonna go I'll just take all this safety equipment and go I think he's fine is this flirting could you tell us about the the relationship with the healer and how that affects your romantic relationships like do you go to a healer to be like um i've had this connection

what do you think about this or like how does that what's that interplay i don't know because they their timelines are off oh really like yeah they said like um one of my heroes was like oh you're gonna meet a sort of european he's got a big tummy and he's read your book yeah that's so specific yeah and then and then another one was like oh i could tell he he didn't tell me but he was like oh you're going to la okay yeah and i could tell he thought that i was going to meet someone there and then i texted him when i started going um haven't met anyone yeah i remember when we were there and then you were like any day now we do have to go out i've got to meet my guy yeah he's not in the chalet but then he was like don't have any expectations or don't think like time you know

whatever we've only in it like 10 days so there is a time limit yeah but he was like don't have any expectations so that's why he didn't tell me but i could tell he thought that so he didn't tell me that because he was like anything could happen at any time so you can't really tell the future yeah yeah yeah but um but then they all say the same thing just love yourself don't think about it and is that is that is that what we should do yeah apparently apparently they all say but is that just like i am pretty fond of myself and also you see loads people in relationships and you think they've got no self esteem at all what are you on about that's two nutters together what are you on about they both hate themselves

so I don't know I think that's one of the hard things is looking at relationships and being like I don't know how many of these relationships I actually want to emulate and there's actually not many that you see that you're like but I guess that's just it it's hard for everybody in different ways yeah

there we go there we go profound very profound actually and if that was the end of the podcast that would have been a brilliant place to end

we've got more to say but there's more there's more I didn't know I didn't see that was the end I was like that's so beautifully wrapped up a bleak ending

but we're at the midpoint yay yay I do know I do know a couple of people who've really got it good like they've really chosen well really they didn't go for so one of my friends and i won't say names she was so fit she still is but like she when we were younger everyone was like whoa and she could have had quite a lot of different guys but she went for one that just made her laugh that That wasn't the good looking one,

but he just really, really made her laugh. And he's like a solid guy and they are really happy. Oh my God. That's it. And I think that's what's good is us waiting, you know? I mean, I'm saying it like it's a choice. Yeah, yeah. But you know, I was really waiting and waiting and waiting to find the right one, you know,

to try and be a bit more picky. Be not too much this weekend. Oh! I want to show you something that I did this week and get both of your opinions on it. I'm excited about this. I, um, this week from an Instagram ad, a woman claimed that she could,

you give her some money, she could draw your soulmate. I love that. She didn't need any more information. Yep. How much money? Like 30 quid. Yeah.

Okay. That's all she needed. Yeah. When I used to work at Debenhams, I got four pounds an hour and that was a full day. Okay, well there you go. Wow. There you go. Yeah. I can't wait an hour and that was a full day. Okay, well, there you go. Yeah. There you go.

Yeah. I can't wait to see this. Yeah, so she's drawn him. It wasn't what I expected. I wonder if she knew, like, which way you, you know, if you were, like, pansexual or just lesbian or... Oh, that's it. I think you have to say, like, what you identify as

and what you're looking for or if you're open to anything or you know and how does she picture how where does she get this from she just starts drawing and in her mind yes yeah he appears as she draws oh that was one of the one of the things as well you did oh you did have to answer i think it was five questions so you say what you identify as what you're looking for gender wise or if you're open to all but anyway so i put you know open to all this is this is the man this is my she drew hang on she drew that yeah she didn't draw that that is no that's ai that is so ai it's ai isn't it so she's put that into ai she just put any any man basically to ai yeah and she's come up with how do we how do we describe this guy my first thinking is Gary Lineker looks very Gary Lineker

yes yeah very Gary Lineker I sort of would probably give him a bit of a go would you oh wait who's soulmate the lines have got crossed

oh the lines have got crossed well no I mean he's not quite he looks like a Blue Peter presenter yes but a retired one

yes yeah yeah yeah and one that hasn't done anything yeah one that hasn't done anything wrong one that hasn't done anything wrong um a lot of sun damage a lot of sun damage i don't mind him do you want him well i don't think that's how it works i think that is how it works 30 pounds would be random if you transfer me £30 I think he comes to you right okay

but yeah so this is my soulmate and I I opened it I was out and about the email came through your soulmate is ready and I was like

oh my god here we go and I was like right well wow like what a big moment opened it just walking down the high street

and I was like oh didn't yeah didn't expect yeah didn't expect any of that and then was going to the high street and i was like oh didn't yeah i didn't expect well yeah didn't expect any of that and then was going to the chemist and i was sat waiting for my prescription and a man came in who looked probably about 40 like that but i was just like that's fucking him and i was like i'm gonna have to speak to this man and i was do you know when you sit on the well you're probably you know when you sit on the,

well, you probably don't, but I always sit on the little chairs that I feel like the elderly people were in for the prescriptions. And I was just sat there with like some shopping bags trying to catch this guy's eye to give him like a bit of a, well, hello there. But he didn't look.

And then I could hear him asking more and more questions about a sort of, like a scab. I was like, I don't know if it is, I don't know if it is for me. The scab wasn't healing and he didn't know whether to put moisturiser on or leave it. And that's your guy.

That's my guy. That's your guy. Well, at least he's attending to a scab, which speaks volumes, really. Do you know what? It really does. Yeah. Have you ever done anything like that?

No. No. No, I'd say yes. I do just let the universe bring someone in. The universe is just going to bring someone in to me. That's why I'm off Bumble. So just like, oh, it'll just happen. I think when I moved to Margate.

Yes. I think definitely, yeah. Although I don't recommend going on the apps in those places. I talked about this before. But yeah, I went on them in Kent. My sister had always complained about it. And Jesus Christ. Another one with a fish.

I think it's often you meet someone through hobbies, don't you? Like, let's just say when I've been cold water swimming, there's been a couple of oh really nice men with their girlfriends but you're very good at getting out there like I don't do you have any

no we're not really hobbies no hobbies zero hobbies yeah we've got to get some hobbies what do you want to do what are men

reading that's a very sexy you're going to find a very solo hobby yeah very solo TV TV Yeah, very solo. TV.

TV, is that? Because you've got to pick them for yourself. It's not things that men like. So you've got to pick a hobby for yourself. But then I don't want to do any of the shit they do. I'd love to see you both on a DIY course. I would love to do that. I actually looked into this, into doing a DIY course,

because I wanted to learn the basics so I could just do stuff myself. That's cool. I don't think any man would do that. I would hate to think of you loose with a drill. It's very unsettling. Doing the basics, she says. Oh, God. It flips my stomach thinking about it.

The injuries. But then we could meet people in A&E. Yeah, that's true well because i yeah i would quite like to be with a doctor yeah and then you're saying earlier that like you need to like dress for the job that you want so maybe i should like just put a picture on my profile of just like me just a bit sick in bed yeah maybe that's what's gonna i think that's how the nhs works we've got a bit of time here we could just scale the internet to see if anyone needs us we could do a cooking course no that's all couples and old people

no thanks no thanks to all these courses like i don't know if i want to date anyone that's on a course i do get you i do get you and also so many women if you do any self-development self-improvement it's wall-to-wall puss. Because, you know, men just aren't, you know, they're not for thinking. They're not improving. They're like, this is me. Yellow, you're welcome. Take it or leave it.

Take it or leave it, princess. I'm showing very little science in sort of investing in it. What about if we all went to the darts no Jesus Christ please oh god this is so bleak

fuck no I don't think we can chase it I think it just comes I think it just falls in our lap I really do I think it falls in our lap

when we're ready how do we get ready how do you know when you're ready we just live our lives we live our lives I think we've got to immerse ourselves in our lives.

I know it's boring. It's not boring. It's living. It's great. It's living. It's great. I think we just find the joy in life and then just one plops into our lap when they're ready. Yeah.

A watched pot and all that, you know? Okay. That's good. See, Louie is a wise woman i've yet to do my first day off an app what have you got any sort of advice or tips on what to do or what not to do or where to go oh yeah i have actually okay okay when i was doing the apps i would now this probably sounds a bit selfish but i thought well chances that i'll meet someone here are quite slim so do something you'd want to do anyway so i played uh play table

tennis and there's a park near me with a table tennis thing so i don't know i want to get better at table tennis anyway so i'll just play table tennis with him this one guy played table tennis i thought we played three matches yeah go on ask who won it was me but he was so annoying and he didn't ask he didn't ask any questions or anything and then uh I he then he did say about an hour and he's like oh what do you do and I said comedy and he's oh great I'll send you some sketches I've written and then I walked him to this is quite a good tip if it's quite boring and not for you you just walk them because you pretend you're going on a walk but you walk them back to the station without saying anything you're like oh this is you see you later that's really good but

you know no disrespect to them they're love we're all got we're all got children yeah they're trying to find a person I'm not wasting their time, they're not wasting mine. But, you know, if you get a lovely game of ping pong or something out of it. I went tobogganing with one. That was quite fun. Tobogganing? Well, it was snowy and I had to sledge. And so we just thought we'd just run up the hill and then go down it and everything.

That was really fun. That was day one. He was really nice, but not quite for me. But he did actually break my sleigh. Oh, he was nice and i did go on another date my babysitter met her boyfriend they've just moved in together from table tennis so she loves table tennis she absolutely loves it and then she plays it all the time and this guy that she was playing table tennis with they fell in love whoa that's so cute so table tennis that is cute but i feel like you have to do it for the she does really love it she's doing it for the love and then he's there and she's like she's she's really into table tennis passion bring passion baby yeah is it

like a crisp eating conference you could do um i would i really tried to get the world record for um quickest eating a vegan hot dog and and i would like to go out with someone who was like like a competitive eater i really would like that would be so fun um i wasn't very good actually but you know there's there's something for everyone i'm sure i love activities oh one of the guys who i like spent a bit of time with shall we say he was a professional snowboarder and he's going to teach me how to do like some results in the air and stuff so he did say he'll teach me that's amazing well if you if you go and you need someone to look after your

bags and I'll look across and there'll be another guy with a pile of bags. Yeah. And I'll be like, hey. But you won't be able to get near each other because you'll both have the bags. Because you can't leave the bags. We'll spend the whole time just dragging bags towards each other. And then it'll be like, time to go. We'll be like, oh, yeah, lovely to meet you.

That would be great. Yeah. Yeah, I'd like someone who also looks after the bags. Yeah. If you're listening. But someone not with baggage, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, I'd like someone who also looks after the bags. Yeah. If you're listening. But someone not with baggage, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Okay.

Thank you. Okay. It's important to keep a GSOA. You've got to get in there and sniff them. Do you think you should go with someone similar to you or opposite? I like similar. Do you? Yeah should go with someone similar to you or opposite? I like similar. Do you? Yeah, similar I think. Yeah. Do you have like what are they called?

Non-negotiables. Do you have any sort of like, they have to be nice. Just kind and decent. That's got to be a non-negotiable hasn't it? Surely. And a big old, no. I don't mind about that i don't know no come on have you done that have you written your list of things like yeah i wrote my list of what you um

what you're looking for yeah everyone's must be similar you'd hope so well no because i was talking to these girls years ago these sort of pos girls. One had a signet ring and we were saying what's important, like in a partner and obviously like humour, like up the top. And she's like, oh, no, I don't mind about humour. Wow. She didn't want them to be funny. She didn't need them to be funny. Wow.

Good luck dating me, princess. No. Yeah, surely. Kind, good sense of humour. You're meant to get really specific with it i think oh yeah i think then it's like i don't know then how do you find but the universe knows more than us that's why i don't want to get too specific i don't know um well thanks so much lou that's it i think we've learned from we've learned your wisdom that's our time we're gonna get out thereip that bit that you said earlier, like right at the end. Yes.

Oh, you can't react to it, I think. Yeah, round it all off. Yeah, round it all off. I'm more willing to give over to the... Give over. I'm more willing to give over to the universe and just be like, do you know what? Don't push it too much.

Stop pushing. That's it. I think that's what we're both doing a bit and then being like, we need to find a hobby to find somebody. But then it's like, I'm not going to pretend I like darts. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's just.

Yeah, I don't think it's a sexy crowd anyway. Yeah, it's not the creme de la creme. I've spent £200 on darts and there's one single dad. It's covered in beer covered in beer that's my type that is my guy covered in beer that should be easy to find

do you think it's not already covered in beer you know you can you can do the honours yeah thank you so much Lou well thanks for having me thank you Lou

bye wait she's going on tour you need to tell us about your tour oh yeah tour is on sale now starts in February but you know

for example Norwich is already sold out so get your skates on and your book and your book we love your book do you get my book it's a lovely piece

it's a lovely time it's a very good book oh thanks for the opportunity to share you you know, some conversation. It's a match. Well, I think losing inspiration. The queen of our WhatsApp group. The only one to manage the finger bang.

Yeah, she's like the queen bee and we're just all the bees that are just not getting fingers. Oh, sad, isn't it? Sad, actually. Yeah, a bit sad. Are bees the ones where they sting and then they die? Yeah. Well, maybe that's what will happen to us.

We'll get one prod. The way you're using your finger. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done it you're using your finger. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done it. You're using it. I should not have done it. I apologise to everyone in the room. Yes.

Well, let's not take away from Lou's greatness because of my awful fingers. I think she's an inspiration because I think she's just a very active, she's always trying to do things, whereas I just want to sit. I love sitting. I really like sitting. I sitting and they're not going to come to you you know she's like living her best life yeah and then you're more likely to meet people yeah what if your best life is just sitting down at home that's tricky isn't it yeah because Lou's out

there she's roller skating she's doing all sorts of activities she She's at walls. She's at walls. Yeah. I like to be against a wall in a corner on something comfy. Yes, yes. In the dark on my own. Why am I single? I don't know. It's not making any sense. I'm trying to work it out.

It's like a riddle. I don't know. Oh, gosh. So, yeah, I think we all need to be a little bit more Lou, maybe. Let's all be a bit more Lou. Yeah. Do you know how you can be a bit more Lou, by the way? Do you know you can buy Lou sells caps? She's got really good caps.

And genuinely funny. Yeah, yeah. The caps say Dick Inspector. Oh, come on. She's got tea towels that say Make Me Wet. Yeah. Which I mean, perfect. Lovely Christmas present.

Lovely Christmas present. Yes. It's for your your great grandmother the perfect gift the perfect gift for your elderly relation yeah also lose book what's that lady doing it's really like crazily funny but um she's just um so brutally honest it's amazing she's a real all-rounder. Also, she's a real girl's girl without having to say I'm a girl's girl. Yes. She'll send voice... I'm so bad at getting back to people,

but she'll send a voice note that'll just be like, oh, I know you had a crush on this person. Nothing will have happened because of this. And you're like, where did you get that information from? But thank you. She's really proactive. She's doing the research behind the scenes. She's getting the intel.

She's finding out. She's got her fingers in all the pies. It's because she's up walls. And I think she's listening in to conversations while she's up these walls. Nobody knows she's there. They'll be like, oh, I've actually got a girlfriend.

And she's like, you what? Let's get on the buzzer, Doamey. Another one down. Literally. So yeah, Duamey. Another one down. Literally. So, yeah, we love Lou. We love Lou. And you can see her on tour as well. Yeah, I've seen the show.

It's very good. Me too. It's called No Kissing in the Bingo Hall. It's very good. And if it hasn't changed since I last saw it, she mentions the WhatsApp group Fingerman for Pancake there. Yeah, she gives us a little tribute. Oh, that feels good.

Hello, me again, Amy Gledhill, but this time I'm with... Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa, WT, fuck! What's going on? I'm with bloody Ian Smith. Off at Northern News podcast. Yes, a podcast that's not about the news.

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