Single Ladies In Your Area - Friendship Break Ups

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week Amy and Harriet discuss the difficult subject of friendship break ups. How do you maintain a friendship whilst dealing with adult life? Is it possible to reach back out to a friend after you’ve not spoken for years? And don’t we all just wish we could throw our phones in the sea and live in a Mediterranean with a woman called Rosa?We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello, this is Harriet Kemsley, and I'm very excited to be back on tour around the UK with my new show, Flusi. As listeners of the podcast will know, I am really trying my best to be a bit of a flusie, but it's not going particularly well. The dates are on sale now. It's going to be autumn 2026. For tickets and information, head to plosive.com.com. Hello, I'm Amy Gladhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there.

We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on. If we managed to get any. And share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone. We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that.

This is Single Ladies in your area. Hello, baby. Hello, sweet baby. Welcome to another episode of single ladies in your area. Oh, we're back. Are they still single? Yes. Are we in your area?

It depends where you are. Yeah. But we are single. Headline. We're still single. Everyone's worried about the podcast ending. Do not worry. It can run and run.

Yeah, there's no chance of this ending any time soon, baby. It's because we're picky, though, I think. No, it's not harrier. I think it's because we're too picky. No, go with it. I think it's. Because we're too picky. Yes.

We've got too many. Too many are interested and we're not going for it. We're fighting them off. Yep. With a shitty stick. They're at the door now. Get back. Please. Leave us alone.

We're trying to work. Oh my God. Stop banging on the door. Oh, my God. Please. Oh, God. It's exhausting. Do you get a lot of fan mail from men on your on their podcast?

Okay. Okay. Okay. Anyway, this episode isn't even about any of that. No. We don't need them. Stop back. Please, would you give us a minute?

We don't need them. It's not about them. It's about friendship, which is actually what formed the podcast. Yes. Friendship is good. Friendship is the hard of words, but this is about bad friendships.

It's about bad friendships. Yeah, so we're talking to. today about friendship breakups. Yeah. Which, I mean, it's crazy, isn't it? That you do break up with friends, but not in the same way that you break up with a partner. There isn't really closure in the same way.

No, it's a really, like, not talked about thing. Yeah. I've had a few in my life, and it can feel so, like, I think about it. When I was going through it, I would think about it constantly. Like, it was a thing that took up more space and that you have the guilt and you have the, like, it just is, a thing that is all encompassing.

Yeah, it sort of feels like a family member has decided to not be in the family. And you can't get your head round it. Yeah. Yeah, it's very confusing because I think there's no set way of going about it, definitely. But sometimes it's just very not clear

because I've definitely had people in my life where I felt like they didn't really like me, maybe. And so I've maybe... And these are your friends. These are my friends. They're my friends, but I felt like they didn't, do you know what I mean? I do not what you mean.

Yeah. And you just feel like we're good friends, but I just don't know if you actually like me. And I don't feel like I can quite be myself maybe. And so maybe I've stepped back a little bit, but I haven't quite known how to do that. Maybe I haven't done it in the right way. Yeah.

But you have certain people in your life that maybe you can't be completely honest with them. Oh, yeah. Totally get that. And sometimes it depends how you become friends as well. Like if you've become friends at school and then you've tried to stay in contact, that's so hard because you've gone completely different life journeys

and there's loads of friends that I was like really tight with at uni and stuff who were still on Instagram or whatever and we'll give each other you know the odd like but if we were to meet up

I don't know what to say to you now I've got like I don't know what I don't know what we would chat about I think that's the case for a lot of people I'm still like close to I've got like a core group from school and we don't see each other that much Because of just like we live in different places and just like everyone is so busy.

And you don't go to school anymore. I don't go to school anymore. They won't let me come back. I'm like, there's still a lot to learn actually. You missed a few bits. I'm really struggling out here. But yeah, I still feel like, I do still feel close to them. But I just, there's no way of seeing them more than a few times a year, which seems mad in

context of it. But life just goes so quickly and you're like, I. don't understand how this has happened. When you reach like, I don't know, late 20s, late 20s onwards, friends disappear into marriages and families. And they kind of go. And you're like, oh, bye. And you get it because I barely have time to see anyone and I don't have a family.

If I, in my spare time from work, if I was having a family, there would be no time to see, like the equivalent of, me who's like, do you want to go for a pint on Monday night at 11pm till 1140pm? Like, no, obviously I don't. Yeah. So it's really hard. So I think sometimes you, friendships fizzle and fade. And sometimes they wax and wane, but sometimes you have to break up.

Yeah, I've definitely become a worst friend in the last year. I've just become very overwhelmed, I think. Yeah. And work is so busy. And when I'm not busy doing work, I want to be. with Mabel. Yeah. And it's really hard to, I think, as well, because our jobs are so social.

I also need a bit of downtime where you can just kind of be. And I don't want to travel anywhere. Like, all of this stuff is so selfish. Like, I've become so much more selfish, I think, in the last year where I'm like, this is just the only way that I can survive right now. It's not selfish to need to survive, Harriet. But I didn't use to put my survival first. This is called growth.

It is a new thing for me, but then you feel bad because I'm not, I'm definitely not this year there for people like I used to be. And I feel real guilt about that. Like I really do. But I also, this has to be the new normal because otherwise I'm not going to be able to stay afloat. Well, yeah, of course. But that's totally understandable. And your real friends will understand that, you see.

That's it. But that's what's what's, you know, Yeah, that's it. And I think I do feel really lucky that I do have a lot of great friends that do get it. But our jobs are innately so selfish and they're so unpredictable. And you do sometimes make plans and then you have to just change them. It's just is, that's so rude. And we don't have just like the weekend free where you can make a plan and stick to it.

That's the thing because of our schedules. But I'm sure this is the same for like anyone who's like freelance or on a zero's contract or anyone who has kids. particularly who's like co-parenting or a single parent. Or people that are just busy by life. People are just busy. They just want to sit down for a minute. Or also people that are like neurodiverse or people like, there's a million ways in which socialising becomes genuinely almost impossible.

And I have days when, because I'm terrible and I know this. And I'm trying to get better and I do get better and then I get worse. Then I get better and I get worse. My diary is like a binfire because I find it almost impossible to say no to stuff. And people will be like, just say no to stuff that you don't want to do. And it's like, yeah, but I want to do everything? Yeah, yeah. And when the office there, when someone's like, hey, do you want to do this thing in Devon?

I'm like, I want to go to Devon. Yeah. And then the day comes and you're like, why the fuck am I going to Devon? Yeah. This was a terrible thing that I put in my diary four months ago. But I will keep everything in and then I'll be so overwhelmed and so burnt out that I'll be like, right, I've got a day off in three weeks. That's when I see all my friends. I know, I know, and actually it's just, it makes you so tired and, like, like you look tearful then.

And I, I know that feeling so well. Because I think it's as well that it's the travel, it's the planning. I have started to say no to more work stuff and it's so scary because you're like, I then feel like, like, our jobs, we've had to accept every single job that's been offered. Yeah. We've, like, missed, like, friends and family things and just done everything. Oh my God, the weddings I've missed, the birthdays I've missed. So many people get married in August and I have to be like, I'm sorry, I can't because I'm going to a fucking clown festival in Scotland.

And they're like, what do you mean? It's my wedding. I'm like, yeah, no, I get it. It's just I'm in a double act. I'm going to put a hot dog costume on and do a show every day for maybe 10 to 15 people. And I can't explain why, but this is so important to me. Yeah. I missed a friend's wedding.

I was going to be a bridesmaid and then I went to Edinburgh Festival. And then we didn't talk ever again. And I get it Because it's fucking insane And it's her wedding And we've been friends for ages And I mean it's shit But I will say

One of my best friends Missed my wedding And she was one of the bridesmaids I had a hendoo Where we went snowboarding And she came from America And she took like three flights And she came to the hendoo

But then on the like two days before the wedding She was coming from America And she was like I can't do it I can't come And she was meant to be a bridesmaid And I get it I completely

get it. Like if I need her, she will be there. Sometimes I don't think that things like that, you have to understand the person and you have to understand where they're coming from. Yeah. And I think those kind of extreme reactions are not always the right call. Yes. Yeah. Because I'm a person who is, I will say. And she'll be at my second wedding. She'd better fucking be there. Book them flights now, baby. We're going to a singles night tonight. Get them flights booked. A positive and a negative of me is I'm very forgiving of other people not turning up, flaking out, canceling last minute.

I'm like normally quite happy for that to happen but it's because I myself, I'm like not as reliable as I want to be because I think I am operating at a sort of slightly burn out, clawing my way through stuff. So I'll be like, yeah, I will commit to this social thing because I want to do it. And I desperately want to do it. But then my energy levels will be so low that if something isn't like immediately necessary,

and there is an option of being like I could just relax for like two hours instead, I will be like, I can't come. I'm so sorry. And I feel talented for the gill is almost more exhausting than just going. I think that's good though. I'm trying to get there. Like I'm very much a thing with like, if I say something, I would do it and I'll be there no matter what the cost is,

but then it's like, what actually turns up? You probably don't want it there? You know what I mean? Like, I'm like really like, I find it very, if I've agreed to something and unless like something crazy comes up, like I would be there.

If even if I have to like do this planning and I have to travel there and then I have to go here, like I will do it. But I've realized the cost that that has come at. Yeah. And so I'm trying to do that less, but it feels bad. Yes.

It's hard. It's really hard. And it's like, so say if someone says, would you like to come to my birthday party in three weeks? Wow. The way they asked was rude. Yeah. No thank you with that tone of voice, Madam. Would you like to come to my birthday party in three weeks? Yes, Honour. Tell me now. Sorry, yeah. So, right. So my thought process goes like this. Immediately I'll go, yes, because I really genuinely want to. And then I'll go, oh, hang on, I'm busy for five days before that with no break. And then that would be my day off. And I have got something big the next day. And then there isn't another day.

But so then I'll sort of go like, oh, no, I can make that happen. I can make it that happen. So I say yes, I commit to it. And then as it gets closer, I dread it more and more. And then I start panicking. And then I'll be like, oh, no, I'm feeling ill. And then I'll, I'll be like, no, but I won't tell them today because I think I probably can make it tomorrow. and then the day will come and then I'll either just not turn up,

which feels disgusting, or I'll send them a message and then sit and worry about having sent that message for the entirety of the time I should have been there. And it's like, I should have just gone. I think there's a better way you can live. Yeah. I think there is definitely a better way you can live. I think I need to say no.

Yeah, that's it. And you need to maybe look at your diary like the week before and be like, oh, these things, when I think about it, How does it make me feel sick? I should get it out right now. Because people completely get it, I think. I think one of the things that's difficult for me is that my month has to be like so planned. I have to be a babysitter.

I'm doing this. Like these things have to happen. And so it's very difficult if somebody does cancel last minute or like things, you know, like with dates and stuff. Like that's difficult because I have to know when and everything has to be like accounted for. But everyone's at different schedules and everyone's got different ways of operating. And it's like and that's why it's hard to make friendships work. Like because everybody has got.

different things going on and different priorities. And I used to get in a habit of like trying to fix a little bit other people. And I was maybe like guilty of this in situations. And I think actually that can be you think you're doing a nice thing. And actually it can be a very selfish thing. Like it's like you're putting the energy on somebody else. And then you have a baby and you have no energy to fix anything. So then the dynamic changes.

And I found that a weird thing where I'm having to change some of the dynamic. in my life. Oh, that's interesting. But probably for the better. I think for the better long term because it's like, why did I feel the need that like, I had to like actually just let people be like stop trying to like tell them what to do or like fix things. Like just chill out. You know what I mean? Like it's annoying. But it's coming from a place of care. Yeah. Yeah. It's a way of showing. Yeah. It's just like I can't sit with like if somebody has a problem like I want to be fixed. I don't want it to exist. I don't want it to No, it's annoying.

It's annoying. It's annoying because you're like just fucking be present and stop talking about my problem, you know? And how do you kiss someone? Amy, you just got a lunge. Have you ever had a friendship breakup? Yeah, I've definitely had friendships that have like changed. And I have maybe not been the best at communicating. It's like I've gone off like a feeling that I've had.

Like I felt like they didn't like me maybe. and that like the dynamic that we were in was not good and that maybe like I wasn't being myself completely with them. Yeah. Sometimes I can get in those dynamics where I'm just like I'm not completely myself and I'm, I feel like I'm there to help them. Yeah.

And then, you know what? Have you ever had that? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not for a while though, but I think because I'm having less, like the older I get, I have less friends, but better friends. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think I used to just. just have like a ridiculous amount of friends, but no friends at the same time. Yeah. Where it's like, it was more like party friends. Like people, well, no, I had some good friends. But like generally it's like people that you meet up for drinking and stuff like.

But no one who's like who you can rely on. And I think as you get older, you kind of go, well, God, I don't have time for this bullshit. I need someone who can, who will be there if I need them. And that's with a friend and with a partner. You just don't have time for someone who's like just there for the good stuff. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And I think like what, like our lives, like having breakups and like finding itself. Like that's been an amazing thing is like finding all these like women that are in the same like life space as us.

It feels like we're all on kind of like a journey together. Like it's like really, it's like that journey is like just slamming into the same wall over and over again. But there's something really nice about that. It is. It sort of feels like when you're in the same year at school, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if you're all different ages, if you're in the same kind of area of life, it's like, oh, we're in the same class. So we've got something in common

because we've got similarities in that we're single or in that we're the same age or as in, you know, you could be like a group of parents or whatever. There's like things that like bond you together and makes you feel like stable. I guess like because school is such a big part of growing up and forming them friendships, I think I always think about stuff in terms of like school years.

Like that's never gone. Yeah. I thought that would go. Yeah. And it just hasn't. And I'm always like, well, and like in comedy, I feel like there's school years. And it's nothing to do with age.

It's like when you started comedy. Like, we're in the same school year. Like, he's actually the year above. But he's fine. And then there's like some new school people who I really like. And it's like, why can't I just be an adult human woman? And just, do you know what I mean? I do.

But I still think maybe it's quite an immature way to look at friendship. I don't. I don't know. As you get older, it's like, I've, it's literally just this year. It's crazy. Like, I've just finding it harder to be, like, present with people and to be, like, actually in the same space as them. Yeah.

And it's like, that feels so bad because it's like some of my best friends, I think I can only see them a few times a year. Yeah, I know. Like, that feels mad saying it out loud. But, like, one of my best friends lives in America. I go see her once a year and she comes here once a year. And she's like one of my best friends. And that's just maybe what it has to be for a bit in this period of life.

But it feels quite modern. I think this is what friendships are now. Yeah, but maybe there's something better about when you were like in the village or whatever and you'd go see Doreen, you know, like every morning. Who are you fucking out with? And you go put your washing out with Doreen and have a little gossip, you know? And like that would it used to be. And then now it's like, oh, we can do lunch.

Yeah, in every. Every few months. Yeah. It's crazy. It is. And I think as well, like, having a job where, like, you go to the same place all the time. So we don't have that. But, like, when I've had that, you, colleagues are a weird kind of friend.

But it's nice seeing the same people over and over again. Like, even if you wouldn't necessarily pick them, you find someone in your place of work who's, who you're the most compatible with. I'm yet to find anybody. But one day I hope to find somebody in my place will work. Ouch. Oh, sorry, this whole episode was a friend breakup. By the way, it's a very meta break up. I've brought you here.

How do I break up with Amy? Oh, God. Oh, I'd hate to be broken up with. I love you. Please don't break up with. I love you. Imagine if you broke up with me on the single lady podcast. That would be the saddest place to be broken.

She's the singleist single lady in town. Oh, God. Sorry, I don't know why I'm having so much fun with it. I am a bad friend, I think. No, because it's never going to happen. Okay. But I think, yeah, it's just so, I just find it all so interesting. And I love my friends so much, but I just, it's just interesting.

It's hard, isn't it? It's hard. Because you just want to sit sometimes. Like that's it. You just need a moment to sit and like process. Yeah. It's time. I guess time and energy. Well, it's energy. Energy is the currency that I find the most precious. Yeah. Because I feel like I have it the least.

Yeah. I would just drag myself to everything. Just like drag myself around. And that's not working for me anymore. It's not going to work. I have to have to stop doing that. Yeah. Yeah. I think the odd you get the more your female friends are like so important. You like, I have cut out so many male friends just with such relish. Snip, snipp, snip, snip, see ya. And you just, oh, do you get them all? You're like, oh, the ladies, you know? Like, they're the ones that are going to get you through.

Yeah, 100%. 100%. Oh, is message back? It's not good. I don't think I've ever, like, had a friend breakup where, like, you sit down with each other and you say, you know what? I think this is working. and like blah blah blah like do you think because and I would not want anyone to do that with me is

the truth like I know that that's meant to be like the the way that you're meant to do it is like communication and if anyone did that to me you can go fuck off like if you sat me down and told me that our friendship is not working and like I would actually hate that maybe I would hate that the closest I've had to it was but this is when I was must have been like 18 was our friendship group a group of girls who I went on holiday. with we went to Ibiza and by the end of that trip they did sit me down and say they didn't want to be my friend anymore and then we got the plane home. Before the plane.

Yeah. It was like two days before the end of the holiday. Two days before the end of the holiday? Yeah. What could their reasoning have been? No, it was, it was fair. I see their point. But I also see my own point.

So let me tell you, we'd done our air levels. We'd agree to go to Ibiza. I didn't want to go to Ibiza. The other five did. Yeah, I would be in, I don't want to go to Mbitha. I've gone and I don't get on there. I was like, I'm, Ibitha's not my thing. I was a little punk, you know, and I was like, I don't really like dance music.

But they wanted to go to be there. And I was like, okay, if that's a consensus, I will go. They all had more money than me, which is totally fine. But we were all paid equally and everything. But when we got there, I had to say, I don't know, 300 quid for the week spending money. It goes so quickly as well. A bottle of water there was like seven euros.

I found it so expensive because I need a bottle of water every like half an hour. And I was like, I don't know how to be in this place and not die of dehydration. This is crazy. Exactly. But day one, we got there and the reps, the holiday reps, were like, set everyone down for like the little welcome thing. And they're like, if you give us like 250 pounds, we can get you entry to these clubs and this, this and this. It's like a package for the week. And all my friends were like, yeah, we want to do it.

And I was like, right? The only thing is I will have like 50 pounds left for the entire, for everything else for the week. And they were like, but we really want to do it. And I was like, okay, well, I'll do it. But like if I need some food or water, like you might have to help me. And they're like, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, okay. So I give them, I give the reps basically all of my money, day one.

So we have entry to a club every night, whatever. Now, these girls, God bless them, turns out didn't really like clubbing. And so we'd given all our money to the reps and we'd go to a club at like nine and by 10 they were like, we just want to go home and get a bottle of wine and I'm like, right, it's just we've given all our money to come here

and I can have free drinks here but if we go back I can't, I can't do anything or eat or get anything. So I was getting like a little bit frustrated and like the first couple of nights I just went back with them. But then I'd like, day three had no money and we went to a club

and we was in the queue for the club that we had paid to get into and they were like, we're not feeling it, we're going to go. And I was like, what, we're going to go sit back in our horrible hotel? And I was a bit like, no, we've paid, let's, let's at least go out in a beef. I didn't even want to come here. And then what happened was, I, in the queue for this club, I bumped into a boy that I'd gone to school with, who was a nut job. But I was like, oh, hey, and he was like, oh, we're going into the club.

Do you want to come with us? and I said, yeah. So then these girls went back and had their skincare on by 10pm. And I went to a club till 6am and had no signal and couldn't really tell them where I was. And then me and this guy

and his friends broke into a swimming pool and then we stayed out all night. And then I maybe went and I had the best night of my life. Why would you be friends with that girl? What? That girl sounds pretty fun to me. But then I got back to the hotel

at like noon the next day and they very rightly were very cross with me because we didn't know where you were you'd gone off on your own we didn't even know if you were safe you can't make us feel like that and I was like I totally get that but from my point of view

I've given all my money to do these activities and if you don't want to do that in activities that feels crazy to me so we all fell out and then for the rest of the whole day I just did it be on my own but genuinely had a great time and then yeah

like a day or two before the holiday this sat down. I was like, look, we can't, we don't want to be your friend anymore. That is so infuriate. I find that so hard. Look, I've had friends that have disappeared and, but like for longer than that. And like, we've had to like nearly call the police. Like, it's been like very stressful.

But then I wasn't like, you, we don't want to be friends anymore. I was just, I'm like, that was for much, like, that was way into like the evening of the next day where you're like, oh, they should have emerged by now, you know. These dynamics are so difficult. I think, this is the, this is the problem with everybody. I include myself in the. that these girls' trips are difficult. It's a difficult.

At that age as well. Yeah. I don't think it would be like that with a group now. I think it would be more like, you're doing your own thing and you're like, oh, no, I'm tired. You go do that. I'm going to sit here.

Exactly. But I feel like when you're younger, the idea of not doing something as a group is like, well, who does she think she is? And I feel like as well, there was that dynamic of at that age, I think when there's a group of, I'm going to say female friends, but this is a hugely, I'm completely broad stroking. But like, maybe there was a group of friends.

If one of the friends left the room, I feel like all of them people in the room would slag off whoever had left the room. And then they'd come back in and then a different one would leave. And you'd all slag that one off. There's like a real, it's almost like a bonding exercise to find something, not slag them off, but to be like, well, that's not very sick. You know, and I feel like, because I wasn't there, they kind of bonded over me being this wild card. and it really brought them together to be there. No, that is nice.

That is nice. It was really nice with them. But then I didn't have any money and they wouldn't help me eat. So I was like, oh fuck, this is so shit. But you know what? At 18 years old, it's fine. I could find some crisps.

Yeah. I could get my free drinks in the club that they didn't go to that I'd paid so much money for. Yeah, it was crazy. It's so, it's just so, I don't know why French. Like it's such a like a delicate, tricky, tricky delicate thing. Yeah.

And it feels like, so with a breakup, it's like, it's very sad because it's one person doesn't like you. But when it's like a group consensus. And they've sat you down. They've sat you down. Brutal. By committee, we have decided we don't like you. And that felt like, oh, oh, God, you know, that was that was harder than a breakup.

Because you didn't do anything malicious in any way. But I do see their point. And the older I get, the more I see their side of it. But at the time, I was like, what? What? Just because I'm trying to be fun. Sorry. But now I'm older.

I'm like, oh, I would absolutely, yeah, I would freak out if one of my friends went off in a beafer with some guy who smuggled. He smuggled pills into a beather by, sell it uping them to his dick. Like, that's the kind of guy I was hanging out with. Oh, we've all hung out with that kind of guy. You've all hung out with that guy, obviously.

Yeah. But, yeah. I do think female friends, like it is, I know I'm just saying female friendships here, but I do think there's something so saying to my friend Melissa the other day, because I was like a long time ago now, but we were together for like a whole week and we had one argument. But apart from that, like, we just had this lovely time. We were like sleeping in the same bed and just like hanging out,

like being together the whole time. And I was like, I actually think it's so impressive that we like being around each other so much when we're not in love. Like we don't have love to keep us together. Or sex. Or sex. Exactly. I don't fancy you.

We're not getting the payoff of an orgasm. Like this is much harder technically for us to like be together. We don't have any chemicals tricking us into being near each other. We're just making the choice. You know? Like I do think friendship is like it is harder because you're not being tricked by those things. You know what I mean? I completely do.

There's no. Yeah. You don't get the highs. You know, you don't get the excitement. The physical intimacy. Blah, blah. You know, old chila over here. Do you, are you tactile with each other?

Yeah, some of my friends I am. Some of them we're a bit like, some of them it's less. It's more like a kind of, we know each other so well that we don't. You know what I mean? It does depend on the friend. It's really weird. Because I see, like, because I'm not like this, but I'm not. against it, but I see like some friendships where like if they're watching TV, they're

like lay on each other and stuff like that. Yeah, I have friends like that. Yeah. I don't. And I'm not against it, but it's like, I believe in it. I believe in it. Everyone's each to their own. But I can't imagine like sitting down and watching TV and like cuddling with a friend.

Do you know what I mean? I just can't imagine it. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like that's me. That's like a, like an obstacle. I don't. Yeah.

It feels like a, I don't know why, but I'd be like, what's going on? We're going to fuck? I love you, but I don't want to fuck you. Yeah, I have friends where we hold hands sometimes. Really? Really? Because it's like, it's a bit too, like, it's a really weird thing. Like, some of them, like, we are really close in a different way.

And other than, like, they're like, we annoy each other, you know, a bit too much. Maybe I don't know. Interesting. I remember there was a girl at secondary school that I used to hold hands with and everyone thought that we were gay. And we weren't, but we, I guess we had that. We had holding hands. I don't know why.

I guess it's just different dynamics for different people, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it's how you click with something, you know? Like that's the thing, like friendship is such a, it's so interesting that you can like spend so much time with somebody and then not get to a point where you're close. Whereas with some people like, I feel like when, oh God, this is so vulnerable.

But I feel like when we met, like, you just made me laugh. Like, I just felt that we'd be laughing so much, like so quickly, even though we didn't even, we didn't actually really even know each other that well before we did the podcast. But every time I saw you, we'd just be, like, laughing and having fun. And then I'd be like me so much. And like, I actually don't even know her that well, but I just really like her, you know. And you just have like an unspoken thing.

Yeah, I feel like that. And I feel like I'd known you a bit for ages. but we'd be like, if anyone else, I'm like, I know Harriet, just because we'd have such a nice time if we chat it. I'd be like, yeah, I know Harriet. And then I'd think about it and be like, well, no, I don't really, I don't have a number.

But with other people, it can take a really long time to get to that. It's kind of like a magic thing, isn't it? Like friendship is such a, but you have to almost work on them harder than relationships because you don't have those orgasms. Yeah. And also, like, the intimacy of like kissing someone. accelerates your friendship, your closeness, your bond.

Yeah. And you don't ever get that with a friendship. So I wonder what it is that... Should we kiss? I think we need to kiss. Oh, God. Oh, wait, no, I misunderstood. Sorry, I mean, nothing.

I thought that's what you're saying. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Sorry. But do you know what I mean? Like, with like a romantic partner, you're getting closer, closer, closer, closer.

But then you kiss and you're like, ah, we've moved upper gear. Whereas friendship, I don't know what the milestones are. Telling them your deepest, darkest secrets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fair, fair, fair. Yeah. I think it is, isn't it? I do. I think what I really like as well,

because sometimes with my female friendships, it can be like that I'm worried about hurting their feelings. And sometimes like male friendships can be easier in that way because me and my male friends are just like so mean to each other, I think, all the time. And it's like, but sometimes I can be so aware of like a woman's feelings. Like I never want to hurt them because they're precious and they don't deserve that. But I love language and friendship can be.

Sometimes like making fun of each other. Yeah. It's a very, I find that very interesting. Yeah. Like I really like it when a woman can come and just like get at me a bit. You know what I like? I kind of like that. And then I'm like, oh, I feel safe.

Like, I don't have to be like careful of you. Yes. I know exactly what you. you mean. I know exactly what you mean. And you can relax. Once you can take the piss out of each other, you can relax because you know you are friends.

If you've never taken the piss out of someone, it almost feels like you don't trust that they could take it or they don't feel. And then it's like a kind of, but as soon as you can be like, oh, well, you know what? You're all like. And you're like, okay, we're fine. We're fine. But there is a risk that sometimes it does feel meaner when it comes from a woman. You know what I mean?

Like sometimes someone says something and you're like, oh God. Like, you know what I mean? And it's like just because of how society is, I think. Yeah. Very interesting. Very interesting, actually. I have one friend that I feel like we've broken up, but it's purely because I am bad at communication.

So my friend Kat, if you're listening, who I love, we were really, really close. And then Kat would message. And then this is when I was in my last relationship, which took up all of my time and energy. And then I didn't really get back to her. And then she'd send a message and then it'd be ages and ages. And then it got to a point where I hadn't reached

out to her for so long that I felt so much guilt, then I was, like, paralyzed in reaching out, and now it's been, like, a couple of years. And I would say, I think about her, oh, definitely, like, once, twice, three times a month, where I'm like, I want to talk to Kat. But I'm too scared to reach out because I feel like I'd have to send such a big message

of, like, look, I'm so sorry, I've just been really shit, and then this whole, had this relation, and it didn't work, and then I've been really busy with work. But I do think about you, and I miss you, but I don't know how to get in touch. Call her now. But you should, you should call her. I should be fine with it.

I know she would be. But yeah, I think that's what sometimes so hard is to explain it. Like sometimes it's so hard. Like it's like easier not to say anything than to say like what's actually happening. There's such a fine line with communication of. It's so hard. Also, I didn't realize this is apparently like an ADHD thing. Like not messaging back.

I thought I was just fully shit as a person. Like every facet of my. personality, which I thought was a personality, but it's just a list of symptoms. Because you get a message and you read it and you sort of respond in your head, but then you'll be distracted, do something else. You're like, I'll respond to that better. I want to give that time. So I am going to do that.

So I'll pop it on the to do list. But it's on the to do list that isn't like urgent priority or emergency, which means that it gets pushed down and down and down. And then you haven't done it for a week. And then it changes because the task isn't reply to your friend. The task is apologised for not replying to your friend. like, well, I need to give that some time and some thoughts. So they know I really do feel sorry.

So I will do that. Just not right now. But I'll do it. And then that happens about three or four times. No. No, it's really stressful. No, I completely get it. I think I can find sometimes going on to WhatsApp like so stressful because I'm like this.

And then you just don't do anything. And the same with Instagram. There's so many different platforms where people can be messaging you and you have to reply to all of them. Yeah. And it's very hard. Like this is a bit mad. But when I did last one laughing, I think every single person I've ever met in my.

my whole life, message me. And it was so lovely. But then you just feel like such a cunt if you don't reply it immediately and then say, how are you? How are the kids? How is this? Yeah. And it just felt so like overwhelming.

So overwhelming. But then people don't, people just like, oh, they're just like sending your message or something. But sometimes a message can feel. It's a task. Yeah, that's it. And that's so shit. It's so shit. I think a lot of people do see it that way that it can become like, oh, it goes on the same

priority as like emails or anything. Like, I have to get back to this. I have to. And I always like. to send the last message. Yes. That's so funny. It's because I just feel like I, like, I feel too bad unless, like, it's ended with me.

Do you know what I mean? And so I always want to be like, like, I always will reply. Like, it's like at some point. But it's like the whole process is so overwhelming. I find it the nicest and kindest thing that anyone can do is when you're messaging and then they just heart a message and you're like, that's the end of the track. It's done. Yeah.

Thank you. I feel like, I feel like replying saying, yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Because on a telephone call, you say goodbye. Yeah, it's over. It can go on forever. It's infinite.

We could be messaging everyone all of the time. It's so stressful. We could be messaging everyone we've ever met forever and constantly. It's so nice when you just give the tap, tap, little heart. And you're like, I'm out. I love talking to you. You're one of my favorite people in the world. Thank God I don't have to carry on this conversation.

So interesting that friendship can feel like such a burden. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like such a wonderful. Wonderful thing in life can also feel like a thing you have to take care of. Like a fuck, I've got to keep this plant alive. You know what I mean? Like, and that's, it's a beautiful, beautiful plant. And I love the plant so much.

But sometimes the burden of the plant is so stressful. Yeah. And all my plants are dead. Oh, mine are dead. But I haven't thrown them away yet because that's another thing. That's the friendship breakup. That's the plant breakup. I'm not ready to break up with it yet.

The pots are so nice, but they're just there. I do think it's how everyone feels. Yeah. And if you're somebody that doesn't feel this way, this is how everyone else feels so. If you're someone that constantly messages in the group chat because you think everyone's got time and energy and head space a message back, you're wrong.

But it's not personal to you. That's the thing. It's not personal. It's what the other person is just trying to get through the day. It's crazy. How strong my feelings are towards people. How much I love them. How much I love being in their company.

How proud I am of them. and yet messaging them feels like torture. Also, I don't want to do fun things. Like, this is so bad. This is so bad. But I'd be like, oh, I should plan something. You know, there's so many people I want to spend time with. But actually, I don't want to do anything fun.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to go anywhere. Yeah. And I don't want to do anything. Yeah. And the past that would be class as depression. It's not.

I just don't have the energy to do anything else. Yeah. That's bad. That's really bad, but that's just where I am right now. And at least we can acknowledge this. It's really important to acknowledge that this is where we are right now. And maybe the growing and the learning from this is going, okay, so our lives are clearly not operating perfectly well.

Yeah. Because we should want to do fun things and we should have some time and space and mental energy to do it. Yeah. So then we need to be like, okay, so what's happening in our lives, which means that we don't want to do fun things anymore. I almost feel like I need to empty my calendar completely until I get to a point where I crave doing a fun thing again.

Yeah, but still manage to pay your bills and your mortgage. But that's something you have to do. It's like I can justify work because I just have to do it. But it's like then doing anything that's fun on top of that. Yeah. It feels too much. Yeah. Maybe this is the most unrelatable episode ever.

Well, no, because I, I, I, so in our industry, we kind of working all the time, just all the time. And also even when you're not working, something will happen and you'll go, that's material. Like, you never switch off a single second. And technically some of it is meant to be fun. Like, we're at festivals and stuff. But it's not fun. We didn't, yeah. We've been to festivals together and some of them there wasn't a single moment to like have fun, you know.

But this isn't just our job. So many people work so hard, particularly now. You know, with all the austerity and everything, nothing's affordable. all the prices are high, which means people are working more and more and more. When you're not working, you're on your phone, which is just like an electronic ball of stress where it's like, do this.

Have you seen there doing this? Why aren't you like this? You need to buy this. Look like this. Every time we open our phone, it's hell. And when we're not on our phone, it's hell. And I think it's just, yeah, I think life's hard right now,

unless, I don't know, I was going to try and say someone's life who's easy, but they're just Bezos maybe It can't be easy Not paying tax must be stressful Runing the planet must be hard I don't know

In the pictures he seems happy I'm thinking of like Someone who lives in a village In a warm but not boiling hot country Who paid off their mortgage Do something really wholesome Like when they were like 25 And now they just like

garden, read books and maybe pen on an easel in their garden. Well, we've made so many bad choices. I know. I know. We are the problem. We are the problem. God, we just cannot stop talking. We've had people writing.

We asked for people's friendship breakup stories. And they're great and they're juicy. But we can have to talk about them on the Patreon. We try too much. I'm so sorry. We just talked too much. So funny that we're talking about how like, we're just exhausted. We don't have time for communication, and yet we can't shut up.

We're two little hypocrites. Oh, God, we're the worst. Anyway, if you don't hate us by now, come join us on Patreon. I'm just so worried that this isn't relatable, but I guess I think this is how everyone's feeling. Like, everyone's pretending like they want to do something, and then when it comes to it, they want someone to cancel. Every single person has a reason.

Apart from this lovely lady that's gardening and... Why is she not reporting? applying. She doesn't have a phone. She doesn't have a phone. Yeah. Rosa. No phone, no Rosa. God, we love you, Rosa. Shout out. Shout out to Rosa in her garden. Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont. And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact. Perfect Brands is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding. That is what we've heard is Isn't it? Yeah.

This changes people's lives. If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up? An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals. Because it used to be considered so honorable, like sumos, and they all live together, sumos. No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Derricks? I don't think people know that. I emailed 100 Derricks.

I don't think it was Derricks. I thought it was Brian. Sorry, Brian. Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook. Our podcast is out every Friday. It's really easy to remember. It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again. Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains.

One of the hottest podcasts, people are going crazy for this podcast. Yeah, please give it a listen. We're loaded up on buzzballs. We've got a Laboooo in both hands, and we are ready to screech.