Single Ladies In Your Area - Listener Letter: “They had a kink/fetish that I had never heard of before"

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

Single Ladies are on a break and we’ll be back very soon. To tide you over until then, this week you can enjoy yet another full Patreon episode - for free!A letter from a listener about an unexpected kink turns into a DMC between Harriet and Amy all about body image, learning to love yourself and 👏 building 👏 self 👏 esteem 👏We've got your Valentine's Day SORTED. Come along to a special live recording of the podcast on Saturday 14 February at the Underbelly Boulevard Soho, London. For tickets head to plosive.co.uk. We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Matt Crockett and Linda Blacker.Design by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Amy Gledhill here. And Harriet Kemsley. From the Single Ladies in Your Area podcast. And we've got some exciting news. We've sorted your Valentine's Day plans again, as we're doing a special live recording of the podcast on Valentine's Day. A.k.a. Saturday the 14th of February. Yes, we've got a lovely venue.

It's at the Underbelly Boulevard in Soho, London. And we're on late at 9.15pm. So if you have a terrible date booked in, you can go to that, and then join us after for a debrief. Oh, I mean, I'm excited. We had so much fun at the last Valentine's Day show. Yes, and we both absolutely overshared. Will we do it again?

You'll have to come along and find out. Okay, yes, yes, we will. So that's Saturday, 14th of February at Underbelly Boulevard, and you can get tickets at plosive.com. I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene.

And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there. We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on. If we managed to get any. And share your tips and horror stories.

So we all feel less alone. We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that. This is Single Ladies in Your Area. Oh, hey babies. Hey babies. Hey, babies. To let you guys in.

on some secret episodes. Yes. Well, not secret if you're already a Patreon member, because that's really our Secrets Club. We are releasing some of the patrons onto the main feed just to tide you over, just a little bit until our new series starts, which is pretty soon. There are still bonus secret episodes,

secret episodes going into the Patreon right now. So if you are missing us and you want some extra content, You can get along over there, join the secret club. The secret club. Were you ever a member of a club, like when you were younger? Hmm, that's a really nice question. I would have loved to be one of the clubs. Oh, I can't think of a single club.

That's so me. Did you think of a club? I don't think I did belong to a club. I think maybe, I mean, drama club. Yeah. The saddest of all clubs. Yeah. Other than maybe like amateur magician club.

Oh, that's a bleak place. Mm. But for children, maybe full of hope, I think the problem is once they become adults. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, kids doing magic is adorable. It's post-30 where it's a real problem.

Yeah. Yeah. We've come across it and it's become our problem. Yeah, no, I'd love to, blund. to a club and I guess I do the secret Patreon club. Why don't keep saying it's secret? You just find a paywall basically

and we also have very exciting news which is that we're doing a live show. Oh thank goodness, thank goodness. I can't wait, it's on Valentine's Day so we all have plans actually so we couldn't come even if you are sorry we're busy. That's the main reason I'm so happy we're doing it because I'm like

oh Valentine's Day yeah I'm busy I got plans. Oh, I don't even need to think about. Is he going to ask me for drinks? Will I be alone? Will I be eating a multi-pack of monster munch in my bed? No, because I'm going to go see the single it is, which is me and you. I, there is, and actually there's even more of a reason to join Patreon, which is that there is a discount code in the Patreon for the live show. And come along. We're very excited. I will also say that we have a friend of ours that came to the show last year, a certain male comedian who we thought, it's so lovely he's coming to our live show. What a supportive, good friend this is. When we realized what he was up to, the old fuck was coming because he realized

that's where all the single ladies were going to be on Valentine's Day. So if you are a man listening to this and you do and you are looking for a date, I cannot recommend the single ladies enough. We've got them all. We've got them all in one place. And do you know what? Only decent men will hear that because not many prowlers listen to female-led podcasts.

Yeah, I think if there's someone in the audience that you like the look of, I think you can trust them. Retract, retract. Don't trust any of them, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm really excited for it. I guess we've got quite a lot to update you on because it's like a series gap.

So we've done quite a lot of stuff. I guess the live show, but that's where we can really just let loose of what we've been up to. We always have to bleep a lot of it out in the episode. That's true. Yeah, I think it's going to be really fun. It's our last show was, I had the time of my life.

Me too. It's at Underbelly Boulevard Soho, which is a really lovely space and they have very good cocktails, actually. Do they? They're very fresh. know they're fresh because I drank one and realized immediately I was allergic to it. That's how I'm afraid of a lot.

What were you allergic to this time? Oh, there's a bit of like thistle or something. Yeah, great. So bring your cocktails and your epipens. Oh, that's great. Yeah, it is. It's quite a boogie venue. I think we can get like not super duper dressed up, but we can get a little dressed up.

We should be a bit swank. I think we should be a bit swank. I'm going to put red lipstick on. And I encourage everyone to do the same. I'm going to put red lipstick on and snog things. Oh. What things? I think it was just because the idea of, you know, when you leave, like, a kiss, man.

Oh, when you, like, kiss an envelope. But don't snog an envelope, Harriet. That's a terrible thing. I said it wrong. I take it back. Sometimes wet envelope. Walking's hard, and I'm trying my best. Patreon.

Patreon, Patreon, Patreon, Patreon. Hey, hello, Patreon. There we go. There we go. We're in tune. Nobody say we're not. I mean, not like, musically. But spiritually, we connected as we are one.

Yes, we are to you. Yeah. Because you're the best ones. We're one big throng. Is that word? A throng. I guess it's like a, like a, like a, like a, like a thruple, but like for all of us together. I guess we're all in a pollicule.

Wrong. Yeah. None of us a single. We're all in a pollicule. Yeah. And try and say, we're not. You can't prove it. Hello, pollicule.

Oh my God. Yeah. And then everyone's like, oh, you're single. You go, no, actually. I'm in a pollicule. I'm connected with mainly women all across the world. And some guys and some others. But mainly single ladies.

Mainly ladies. Mainly ladies. Yeah. And some ladies that wish they could be single, I think. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What are people in couples listen to this? And I'm all for it. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of love that. Yeah, me too. I think it's good. And it's good to watch shows like love at first sight or like dating on the spectrum. I think with like a partner because it's like an interesting to raise questions. And I don't know. I just find it interesting.

I think it's healthy. Yeah, you're all very healthy. Well done. It wouldn't be in a pollicule with you if you weren't. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Pollicle. We have a letter.

A letter. Let me get it out of the letter bag. Ooh. Do you hear that? AISMR. It's an actual letter. It's not as an email, but we printed it. I didn't print it on you printed it.

As you know, I can't use printers. It's colour. It's a colour as well, in it? Oh, fantastic. Not missing around here at Plosive. Good use of emojis in this letter. So this is a letter from one of our a polycule. From one of our pollicule.

But we're going to call anonymous squirrel. Yeah, I quite like that. I like that. Because it feels like we should be like wearing berets or something. Like those kind of, and that we should be like stomping through the mud. Oh, I love this. We're like on a mission. Yeah.

And squirrels on the mission with us. Great. Nuts. Nuts in mouth. We're ready to go. Hey ladies, I have recently discovered your podcast and I'm making my way through ready for season two. Great, very good. I have a somewhat multifaceted question based on experiences of mine that I would love to get answers on.

If so, please could I remain totally anonymous? Absolutely you can, anonymous squirrel. Yes. I have recently dated someone who had a kink slash fetish that I had never heard of before. Belly buttons. Oh, I've never heard of this one before. I've heard of this before. But I guess the belly button is like a weird,

it's a weird little thing, isn't it? It is. What is it? Oh, it's the umbilical cord. Oh, it's the um, was cut. Oh. Makes me think of being a baby. A little bit judgy about the fetish there.

Amy. Uh, no, I'm not judging. Just about my own belly button. Yeah, yeah. It is when you first, yeah, when the, um, I will say when the stump falls off, it's, um, sorry what?

Um, so you cut the cord. and then the baby has like a little stump that like dries up and then falls off. I feel like I'm making this up. But like this does, yeah, this does happen. Like it literally has happened to me. And to all humans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so tired.

I'm so tired. And so the stamp is, is, yeah, that's pretty gross, isn't it? But the actual belly buttons are quite cute. Like, I do get it. Why do they, why are they inis? Have you got an iny or an out of it? I got an iny. I think most people have an iny.

to people having any year. But why aren't they all outies? Because do you know what I mean? If you cut it off, it's like... I just didn't think we'd be asking this kind of big question today. Like, it's just hard to... It's hard to know, isn't it? Let's get Charlene Douglas back on.

Get it back on. We'll be the expert. You don't know. We've had a lot of questions in July last left. Why aren't all belly buttons outies? To do with love. They're just basic questions about the human condition that we just wanted to ask you.

She's like, please, guys, I hope you find a boyfriend really soon. Stop calling me, girls. Okay, so it's a belly button fetish. I have not heard of that. They loved it when I exposed my belly button. And for play involved lots of belly button fingering and licking. I think that's quite cute. I don't know.

I think it's quite cute. And I'd love to like reveal my belly button to someone and then be like, whoa. You know what I mean? It's like fun to like reveal it. But I don't know how much. pleasure I'd get from somebody looking my belly button. I think it'd tickle. Yeah, it'd be a bit tickly.

And I think I'd be, I think I'd kick. Oh, I'd be like, blah! Get off! Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'd be like, I think I'd like have a visceral reaction to that. Also, I used to have a boyfriend who would always like smell himself.

As in like anything, like he was a real sniffer. And he'd always put his fingers in his belly burn. then sniff it. No. No. And I'd be like, why do you always smell your belly?

And he'd smell his ears. It'd always just like smell stuff. And I'd be like, why do you always smell your belly button? And he was like, because it smells vinegar. And I was like,

what? And you'd do it and it did smell of vinegar. So I'd be worried that like, if someone was a licking my belly button, I'd be like, you'd want some salt on that. I think that is a way to like cure a kink. Like if a kink like needed,

not that kinks need to be cured, but if it's something you didn't like, if you were to behave, in that kind of way. I really think you could get rid of the kink quite quickly. Oh, do you think? Yeah. Do you think if I was lit and I got some like fries?

I'll just dip it in my belly button. That's for you, sir? I think there's a certain portion of our only fans or something that would, like, give you a lot of money for that. Okay, okay. I know some people are weird about belly button, so it made me wonder, what is the best way to navigate these kinds of kinks and fetishes when dating? I was quite happy to go along with it in this case.

But if it was something else, I'd really struggle, light feet, vomit, emoji. Yeah, I'd find that really difficult. Look, people struggle with feet. If they liked my feet, I'd like that, like, because I like a foot massage. But I don't want to be doing that to their feet. Do you know, I've really gotten better with feet. I used to hate all feet, everyone's feet and my own feet. Yeah, because I was just like, ugh, gross.

But now, I think since I've discovered pedicures, I'm like, sometimes I look and I'm like, I've got such pretty little toes. Oh, I love that. I like, oh, I like my little toes. And then I sort of appreciate other people's feet now, mainly women's, to be honest. But I'm not freaked out by guy's feet anymore. And now and again, you see a guy's foot and you go, what a lovely foot. Do you?

Yeah. But a bad foot makes me want to vom. Yes. I'm not foot neutral. Have I ever spoken here about the time that I got a pedicure in, I was away. And my sister still likes to bring it up to this day. And we got a pedicure. And the woman got out.

one of those things that like grate the foot and she was like she was like really putting her back into it and she was like there was a pile I'd been going to loads of festivals that summer and so my feet were hard and she was just like using it like a cheese grater and just she was like there's so much she was like there's so much we're going to get there like she was like they added on a charge like because of like how tired this woman was sorry distracted um we didn't last dating but it was nothing to do with belly buttons. In a way, that side of things actually revealed something to me and I have to ask, does anyone else get a weirdly sexual feeling

when they finger their belly button? I kind of get that a little bit. Interesting. You're not like, oh my God, I've just come. You're a bit like, ooh, you know, like I guess, are there still nerve endings in there, maybe? Charlene. Charlene?

We just got this empty chair in front of us. Charlene. Charlene, please let us know. Yeah. I guess it's like, you have a sense. There is a sensation there for sure, don't you? There is a sensation. And maybe it's stronger for some people.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're barely... Because your tummy, I think, has, like... Your tummy is quite sensitive, isn't it? Yeah. Like, if someone rubs your tummy, like, that's actually, like, the nicest... Like, that is such a nice feeling. I've never let anyone do that in my entire life.

Yeah, of course not. But they rub it, like, you're a bear or something. You know, when you've, like, eaten too much food and they just rub your tummy and it's like... You're just like... No. I was going for it and they just rub her tummy your tummy your tummy. You're like a bear.

No? No. No. I'm definitely in the school of like... Because you're self-conscious of your stomach. I am self-conscious to my stomach. But once you're in it and you're like everything's lay bare and... Yeah, I guess I would really like that.

But even like, you know, if you're spooning and then they put their hand on your tummy and you're like, I instantly pick it up, put it on a tit. Oh, I think what you're looking for is a little bit higher, sir. Do you think that's my tic? Because that's not my tit. That's my tit. I think that would, in the start of relationship, I would definitely be self-conscious about what my stomach looked like.

Yeah. But when you're into it, you're like, it's too late, mate. Wow. Do you know, I don't think I've ever got to that stage. How interesting. That is interesting. Yeah. But, like, I've definitely got to the stage where I can, like,

piss in front of them. Oh, that's my asshole. Don't worry about that. But would still never be like, huh, there's my belly. Isn't that interesting? Interesting. That's growing up in the 90s with all the body shaming, isn't it?

Yeah. Well, I'm going to learn from this. And the next time I feel comfortable, I'm going to say, touch my tummy, rub it like a bear. That's it. And then it feels really nice. Yeah. Okay. This is great.

I like that. Wow. You would have thought this would come out of the email about belly button kinks. A couple of my friends are the same. Those that do all have rather deep iny belly buttons. So maybe that's the coronation. I don't think mine's massively deep. I think it does.

It definitely has like a little thing. Anyway, I hope this is along the lines of something you may discuss, but I totally understand if not. Thank you anonymous squirrel. Thank you anonymous squirrel. How do you measure how deep is Belabut meant to be? About foot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I get my whole hand in you. Yeah. I keep stuff in it as useful as on my handbag. Carre my phone around is good. Phone charger. Yeah, yeah, get it out. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think, I guess it would just be like how, how crucial is this fetish to this person.

Yeah. Like, if they're like, I can't come unless I've got some belly button time, like you'd be a bit like. Belly button time. I think you need to, we need to find the roots of this. You know what I mean? Like maybe I would just be a bit like, I don't know if I can devote belly button time every single time. You know what I mean? Like they can only get off if there's like a belly button access.

But it's really interesting what the squirrels. says because she's like, oh, we didn't make it in dating. So I think it's really bold to introduce a kink in like a fling or in like a one-night stand because I feel like... Well, I don't know because I don't know. I still haven't discovered what my kink is yet, but I'm sure I'll have one. But like I feel like introducing it on a one-night stand, you're quite vulnerable to be like, hey, I like this thing, which isn't, you know,

in the normal inverted commas on the to-do. list of what we do on a one night stand. There is an app or something I think that you can fill in and then everyone puts in what they like and they don't like and then you see if they match. I've heard of this because I think that is a good way because the problem is with some of them is that they can be a kink to somebody could be the opposite to somebody else. It's like a love and hate kind of thing. So it's like you share something vulnerable and then somebody goes,

like that's my worst nightmare and then that's like a bad reaction or also you feel like that then you have to do something that you're not comfortable with because that's what that person needs. So it's a very, it's very tricky, isn't it? It's tricky. It's tricky to navigate. It's, there's so much more around the connection than just having a kink. But maybe for like a one night stand or something,

or like it is like a good way of just like fast forwarding to finding someone that's into the same stuff as you. If you're like, hey, I want to see someone's belly button tonight within a two mile radius, you can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then someone's like, I just want to see my belly button so bad. I've been wearing cropped up all day and no one is looking. Yeah.

Yeah. Because it's such a vulnerable thing, I think, to share. This is what's put me off a bit is I just afraid of seeing people I know. I know. Very deep secrets maybe. But then maybe it's the time when things aren't secret anymore. And maybe getting rid of the shame and being like... I think it is about that.

I think it is like there's less shame, especially on this app and in that community, there is no shame and it's celebrated. And that's brilliant. And I think maybe it's like me getting rid of shame of someone touching my belly. It's like if it's just normal and everyone's and it's normalized and there is no shame and that's better for everyone. So I think we just need to be more open about it but I still don't know. I need to go on like a sort of Louis Theroux or Stacey Dooley type mission to find my kink. Yeah.

I think we should like because this is it. Like I just feel like I feel so lucky to be single again and to be able to like explore some things that are there that I don't know like that maybe I could just have some fun. It's like, wow, this is all bonuses that I wasn't meant to have in my life. Like I was meant to be married to the same person forever. And it's like, wow, I had this bonus time where I have more confidence and I have less shame. And I can live truthfully and explore things without getting too attached. Like I have enough self-esteem and independence that I'm not just looking for somebody's validation. Yeah. It's interesting. Also, I think you're going to find someone that like really loves touching your tummy. And so it's like if you like find like a

love for that, you're going to find someone that, like, really loves it. Like, and I think that's really exciting. Oh, thank you. Oh, someone's going to rub my tummy like a bed. Yeah, and they're going to be like, I love your tummy so much. And then you're going to be like, I'm so glad that I let someone love it, you know? I can't even imagine that. I've never even thought about that.

I've never even thought about the possibility of someone being anything more than neutral. Like, I've always gone like, oh, if they could just be neutral. Basically, if they could just be neutral about my body, that would be like such a win. But I can't even imagine someone being like actively like, wow, I love your body. It's made me really emotional. I don't know why. Like it's just like it's just so hard like being a human and I have like so many friends. I mean, and they're mainly women that just like have these insecurities that are like holding them back.

And I've definitely like I've had that a lot like when I was younger. Like I was like covered in a layer of hair like all over my body. And I just like was so worried about like people seeing. And you just like, and it was like, like, keeping up the shaving schedule was like fucking exhausting. It was like, it genuinely affected my GCSE results. It's just like, like, like, you have all these like insecurities and these worries. And you're like, how could anyone love this or like even like not be repulsed by it at times? Like I've thought about things about my body.

And it's so freeing when you start to feel confident in it. Wow. Well, it's anonymous squirrel. Wow. Wow. Squirrel, this belly button thing is really centres into a tiz. Yeah. But a positive tiz because we're learning and we're growing and even just identifying and going,

oh, I've never even considered someone being positive about that. It's like, huh, how interesting about me, how interesting about society, how interesting about, I guess, previous relationships and encounters I've had that I've never felt that. And at least I know what to look for in the future. to be like, oh, I'd like someone who's enthusiastic about my belly. Yeah. God, imagine that. Right, I'm going to have to get in touch with Anonymous Grill

and be like, send me the details of this belly button man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I have a similar thing with belly belly belly. It's like what I wear is like, I think about it so much about like it digging into my stomach and then like the fat coming out the sides. And like if you go on a date and if somebody's going to touch you there and like where they're going to touch. And it's like trying to smooth it. And it's just like so much headspace goes into this stuff.

Yeah. And it affects, like, what you wear and what you're thinking. And it's just such a, like, what a waste of time. Yeah. It's such a waste of time and headspace and energy worrying what our tummies are doing. It's literally just a thing that's full of shit. And we spend so much time trying to pretend it doesn't exist. Yeah.

It's just literally a thing that holds a sack of shit. And someone that, like, loves it. Like, I've loved, like, people's tummies that are all sorts of different tummies, you know. Oh, my God. The guys in the world that I have found the hottest have big tummies and I fucking love them. Oh my God, a hairy big tummy. I want to put my face in it.

Like, I genuinely like kiss it all. Like, I love it. I worship it. But you can't imagine anyone just like looking at, like I always feel like people might fancy me in spite of my body rather than like because of, which is fast. because it's like I always kind of been like,

well, I hope people are neutral about my body and they're like my personality. But really, people could maybe fancy my body. Yeah, big time. Okay, all right, okay. But yeah, I've always gone like, oh well, God bless this guy for going out with me despite me being an ogre. Yeah, I've had a similar thing as well recently,

but like the opposite side of I've been like, oh, I don't have to just go for personality. I don't have to just let the personality be the thing. Like I could go over someone that's like, I don't know, like, yeah, we're just learning stuff. We're learning stuff. Yeah. We have to deprogram ourselves from the 90s and the magazines and the films

and the music videos and just the general narrative of like, you've got to look like this. Because we think we're over it and things are changing so much. And younger women are doing such great stuff. And it's really helpful for everyone. But I think people who are our age are still struggling. Like I will never get over seeing beautiful size 10, size 8 women on the cover of magazines with like red circles around things that aren't right.

How do we get over that? How do we pretend that hasn't happened? How do we pretend that hasn't infected our brains? How do we pretend when we look in a mirror we go, oh, that's a red circle, that's a red circle, that's a red circle. Even though there's been such great movements. But also I'm slightly worried with a Zen pick being kind of. kind of like huge at the moment. And people are losing a lot of weight

who are starting off at a very reasonable, healthy, inverted commas weight. And now going back down to being tiny, tiny skinny, reminding me of the 90s. And I feel like we're on the precipice of maybe a bit of a resurgence of this really toxic body image thing again where it's like, okay, so maybe this woman was a size A

and now because of a Zempic or whatever, It might not be a Zempe or whatever, but it's now going down to a size zero again. I feel like all this stuff of size zero, I feel like we left that behind and I feel like it might be coming back. And I think that's scary. I find that scary.

Yeah, because it's a thing of like, you're not allowed to be anything apart from that. It's like, oh, well now you literally have no reason not to have any other, like not to be like that. Yeah, I think it's scary. And I think we're sort of moving like two steps forward, but I think there is always that one step back. And yeah, I hope that all the good, positive work that so many people are doing is like kept up.

And I'm being very curating things like my Instagram very carefully because I know if I follow too many accounts. Like, I realized I was following accounts that were like, like weight loss transformations. And I was like, why am I fucking doing this? And it was things that I'd followed like years ago that I'd just still there because I'd have been on a diet and gone, oh, this is inspiration. and then they're just still there and then I'll be scrolling and I'll just see all this stuff

of like before and after videos and it's like I don't want to be living like I'm a before video because you keep thinking like oh if I can just, if I just do this and I just do this then I'll be happy and then I'll be ready and then I can have a relationship

and it's like I'm culling everything that isn't like a positive thing because you just see this imagery and Instagram puts all sorts of things that you're not even following into your fucking eyeballs being like look at this woman's fat ass. This one's good, but this fat ass is bad.

And I'm like, ah, I'm so confused. So I'm trying to really, like, get rid of that to try and keep my brain healthy and realistic that, like, bodies are bodies. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I know what you mean. And it's, like, accepting it and loving it and not always striving to do something different.

Yeah, yeah. And it's hard as well because I have lost. weight in the last, since the breakup, since I've become a lot happier, the weight has dropped off. And it's really interesting because I think I look better. And it's a hard thing to reconcile in my head. And a lot of people would be like, oh my God, you're looking so great. And it's like, I know what you're saying. You're saying I've lost weight. And that's hard because I do feel better. And I think I do look better and clothes are fitting me nicer. But also, I'm the same person. And I feel like I'm the same level of like attractive that I, like, nothing has actually changed.

It's so, I find it a really confusing headspace. And also I don't want to be like, I'm in a real big pickle because I don't want to be like happy that I've lost weight because I feel like that's toxic and an unhealthy way of thinking. But also I want to be happy with my body. And I have got a bit happy since I've lost a bit of weight. And then I'm like, oh, so does that mean that I'm, what, am I fat shaming my set? Like, I mean such like a weird. Yeah, I mean, like, such a weird pickle with it all. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

I know exactly what you mean. It's all so complicated and it's all so much messaging that we just grew up with that we're just still unpicking and new messaging now. And it's just that thing that it just keeps coming back down to that like the thing that you're ashamed about or that you're like, oh, no one will love this. Like somebody will love it. And like, but then it doesn't even matter if they do. Like it's just learning to like like ourselves and have like a level of self-esteem despite what all the messaging is. like just to be like, I'm great right now. Yeah.

Right now, it's all good. Like this is, it doesn't have to be like in three months when I've worked on this thing. It doesn't have to be there. And it's like, this is me now. This is life. Let's do it. Where the after pictures and the before pictures was us when we were going through trauma. Yeah.

When we were in bad relationships, that's the before. It's not like a physical thing. It's like a mental thing. The inside happiness is the thing. But then it's like, yeah, it's so hard not to fixate on certain parts of your body or the thing. be like, oh, but I'm obviously disgusting because of this thing, because I've been told that this thing is disgusting. So I'll just keep that level of shame around with me. And I'll just only be like, oh, but I can only be attracted to someone's personality

because, like, I don't deserve somebody that, like, I'm really attracted to. Yeah. Before the personality. I don't know. Like, that's just a weird thing I've been thinking about recently. I totally get that. And I know I've had the thought recently where I've gone like, oh, I think I've got a crush on him and then go, um, it's too fit.

That's what I was, until I got with the fittest person I've ever seen in my whole life. And then I was like, oh, wait. I didn't even realize that option was available to me. And it's like, oh, a lot of it is to do with confidence. Yeah. And it's not like I'm saying that I need to be with someone really fit. I just stereotypically, like I just want to be, but to be really attracted to somebody and not be like,

oh, but if I really get to know them and like we, like, I can only have somebody who knows my personality and is attracted. Like it can't be just like a, I don't know. I don't quite have the words yet to phrase it. But I know where you're coming from and I think I feel the same. And I think it's that we're both like, oh well personality first. Always personal.

For Rose and for them, personality first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's something like, it's something crazy because you're, like the hottest woman in the world and the fact that even you're thinking... Oh, the feeling is mutual. Yeah.

Oh, trust me. But the fact that even you are thinking like, oh, well, like, you know, I couldn't have access to like a super hot guy. Like, that is mind-blowing. Well, you're like, oh, they should be with like a perfect... There's like perfect women and they should be with the perfect women

and then they should be the perfect women and then I just need to find like some kook. Obviously I just deserve some kook somewhere. And I probably do want to be with a kook, you know, like somebody that is, but it's just being like, oh, I just, it's just raising yourself esteem a little bit. Like, and just not, like, not crossing things out because you're like, oh, but I'm not good enough for that, obviously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm obviously not good enough for this thing. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for writing in anonymous. We're all... But it's good. It's good to recognise this. And I think it will be relatable

because I don't think we're the only two people in the world feeling like this. Yeah, and we don't have the answers. That's the thing that nothing is. Is, yeah. And we never said we'd have the answers. No, no, no, no. We said we literally don't have the answers

and can somebody please help us? Charlene! Charlene! Goodbye. Thank you for listening. Goodbye.