Single Ladies In Your Area - Needing emotional intelligence and predicting friends' relationships with Celya AB

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

This week on the podcast we welcome comedian and SNL UK writer, Celya AB! She answers questions like: is suggesting therapy as a non-negotiable a bit small-minded? Why do love songs hit different when you’re heartbroken or in love? And is it a genius(/terrible) move to suggest an arm wrestle on a date - and winning coz you can’t help being so hench? 💪Celya is on tour this Autumn with her brand new tour, We Must Stop Meeting Like This! Tickets are on sale now at celya-ab.com.Amy's taking her brand new show Thanks For Having Me on tour around the UK from Feb 2027. Tickets are on sale now, just head to plosive.co.uk.And Harriet is going on tour with her brand new stand-up show Floozy this autumn. For tickets and dates head over harrietkemsley.com.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodProduced, recorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photo by Paul Gilbey.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello, it's Harriet, and I've just come on to let you know that I'm on tour. Later in the year, I'm bringing my show Flusi to you. I'm flusying about the UK. Lots of new shows have been added. Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Birmingham, London, new date there, and we've added Winchester, Frum, got in trouble for pronouncing that wrong. Frum, Taunton, Leeds, Milton, Keanes, Leicester, Margate, Farnham. and let's not forget, Cochester.

You can get tickets at Harrietkembley.com and I'd love to see you there. Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down.

But we're back out there. We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on. If we managed to get any. And share your work. tips and horror stories.

So we all feel less alone. We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that. This is Single Ladies in Your Area. Welcome to Single Ladies in Your Area. Thank you, Harriet. Pleasure. Really overjoyed to be here, thank you.

Let me introduce you to this episode. This episode is with a very good friend of both of ours. Celia, A.B. Love that. Yeah. Love, she was in the show. I hate that I missed it. Yeah, but you're back now?

But I'm back now and my ears are wide open and ready to listen. Wow, what a... How did you make that? Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Yes, real, what an image. What an image. Do you know, I got a message in my Instagram request folders. Sometimes I just have a look.

I don't read them all. I just have a little dip in to take the temperature of, of how it's going. And I dipped in and a man had said, an awful message really, but niche. He said, I'd like to have sex with your ears. You've got very sexy ears. I just thought, I've never been complimented on that before.

Yes. And even though that isn't a compliment, it's borderline a hate crime. Yes. I just found it fascinating. What do I to reveal you have a tiny penis as well? Yes. Oh, God, that's it, isn't it?

penis the size of a hearing aid and that's including the balls the balls go round the ear I've thought about this too much now Harriet now I'm thinking about it though and now the listeners are everything you should just have to deal with that on your own you request vulgaris just for yourself

stop sharing please we shouldn't have to put up with this as well no that's horrible I'm sorry that he sent you that message we don't want any we don't want any message No, none of those messages. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Yes. Thank you. Thank you for your service. Thank you. Can I just say? I just never heard it. Which is ironic. You couldn't have you wanted to.

Anyway, we must stop talking about hearing your head cock. Tell me about our wonderful guest. Well, her name is Celia. Yes. Let me take you back. I don't want to be the one introducing things anymore. I don't think it suits me. I'm not an introducer.

It's too much pressure. I took it on and then now I'm done. I can't do it anymore. Well, what sort of things did you chat about? French. She's French. She's French. Okay.

And it was actually a very insightful episode. It was very like thoughtful. Philosophical. Yes. We're not used to that. French philosophical. French philosophical. Yes.

Yes. you kind of want it like, I almost started smoking a cigarette. I don't even have any cigarettes. It was, um, it was wonderful. On a stick, like a cigarette on a stick. A cigarette on a stick. Yes, yeah. I don't smoke, but that's what I'm going to do when I listen to the episode.

I think you should. I think you should. You should start. Yeah. That's no. People shouldn't do that. That's not. That's not.

That's bad. That's bad. Actually really difficult to quit once you start. I, uh, yeah, I just love Celia. And she, um, she's so funny. And she also, yeah, just had like, really, like, lovely thoughts. She's really thinking about things. is really looking for emotional intelligence.

Good luck. Yeah, nice one, mate. Good luck with that, Celia. But yeah, I don't know if that's, that is something that I, but I'd never really thought about it. Like, it's not on my list. I've got to put it on my list. Well, do you know why?

It's because generally, this is, it's awful to generalise, but generally women have high emotional intelligence. So I think we take it as a given. Like, obviously, we want people that can care and have empathy. can understand how other people are feeling. Yes, but if you don't put it, if you don't put it on the list, you might not get it. It's really important you put it, I think.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think we need to do new lists. I think we do need to update our lists. Okay, well, that's something to think about for a future. Yeah, because I was thinking about my list and it is like, it was just like gets out of bed in the morning and I must get him higher. Whereas mine, I met my, I met the man who's on the list, but I didn't put single in Australia.

He was married, but I met him. And I was like, oh, my. God, I've... You didn't put it on the list. I've manifested you. And then I just didn't put available. You just assumed they're going to be single. Yeah, and I didn't put in the same country as me.

So I'm learning. We're all learning. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we'll... I guess we should do that. We'll do that.

But first, first, please. Most importantly, please listen to the wonderful Celia. A.B. Amy, we've got to get out there. Oh, hello, Celia. Hello, Harriet. I'm really happy you're here. I'm so excited.

This is literally my... favorite podcast. I feel like you said that to every podcast. No, no, no, no. I feel like you're going around to every podcast saying you're my favorite. The rest is politics. Genuinely, this, I think I've like kind of, I've been hoping to be asked to do this podcast for so long. And kind of like similar to you and Amy, I was like, what if I find the right person before I get asked?

It ain't happened. Welcome. Welcome. There's pros to not finding choice. So many pros. So many pros. Yeah, genuinely so excited to be here. How long have you been single for?

Okay. Let's get, go, go, show you? What year is it? 2026. Yeah. I want to say... This millennium, this whole millennium. God, it's 20...

It's a case of 2022. Yeah, because the whole time I've really, like, known you've been single. The whole time I've known you were really lonely. You've had like a real air of being single. I've had stuff. I've done stuff. Yeah, yeah. But like, no, no, not the right person yet.

I've been single for, that's four years, isn't it? Yeah. Four years. Yep. Yep. Yep. When did you move to London? I moved to London in 20, 2021 with my ex.

Okay. So this is the ex from 2020. This is the ex from 2022. Yeah, 2021, I think I moved here. I was kind of like in between Birmingham and London for a while. And then it was like, well, I'll just move in here. But then, yeah, then we broke up. How long have you moved?

We broke up in, I think, April of 2020, just before my debut. Your debut comedy show. My debut comedy show. I don't know if everyone listening is going to know what that means. I'm like, your debutante ball. Like, what are you talking about? Your first stand-up comedy show. Yeah.

You broke up four months before, five months before. Yeah. Did that feature in the show? Yeah, which was quite good, actually, because... That's the great thing with comedy. Because I was like, there's no end to the show, because it's a bit too joyous. And then it... Oh, that's wonderful.

That's wonderful. And then it gave me that little sad bit at the end, which, you know, sacrifices work out in the end. No, it was really... tough. Good to laugh about it now, though. Yeah. So wait, how long were you in London together for? So he lived in London and I lived in Birmingham and I used to, so I think we started dating

in 2019, I think. So we went together for close to three years and then sort of lived together for like maybe a year and a half. Oh, okay. The way you said it, it was like you moved to London and he immediately was like, I preferred it when you were in Birmingham actually. That would have been a better ending for my show No, it was, it was mutual

I'm sorry, sorry for assuming Just assuming Just clearly assuming Yeah, so obviously you book up with you No, it was, we were living together for like a year and a half Before the deal You really gave it a guy We really gave it a guy

And I think we really like It's kind of like when the world started reopening After COVID That was like, are we, I mean, we had a really, really nice bubble in COVID. Yeah. And then I think like when it started reopening and then, but I have no like, I've got no bad feelings about the guy. Like I think that's like one thing I'm quite lucky with. Like I think there's no, sometimes it just didn't work out. Yeah. Yeah. It just there's something

not quite right. And yeah. You're looking for something. Was he, um, in comedy? Yes. Oh. It was the first comedian that I really dated, I think. And it was, um, it was good. I think that the, do you ever like look back at a relationship in your, like if I had been in therapy at that time, we would have communicated better. You know what? I was thinking this earlier and no. I think my choices have been so wild at every turn. I've literally been thinking recently.

Like, I don't think, you know how some people were like, oh, that's the one that got away? Yeah. Every single one, I'm like, what would I be doing now if I was with that person? I know what you mean. I think like maybe more like I have some like regrets in the. But actually, they're not regrets. It's more like I can see that I was younger and that we were both young. And I think that sometimes with relationships,

you can't have regrets of the way that you both behaved in sometimes in communications because you were just babies. You were just still trying to figure out how to even be one person, let alone working as a two. I think that's a really nice blame-free way of looking at it. Yes. I like to blame. But I love that for you. Yes.

I am, I mean, I'm like prone to just shame and guilt. So this is a good thing. Internalize it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you cut me open, there's shame. Ooh.

Delicious. Don't do it. Yeah, so single since April 2020. That's so specific. Yeah. I just remember it because I remember thinking like, I came out, Edinburgh was going on sale. And actually I remember it because I quit my job and became a full-time stand-up that same week. That you broke up?

Yeah. Wow. Like within two days. Wow, that's a, that's a big week. That's a really big week. I wonder if there was something about like the planets. Like there was something weird going on in the planets in 2020. Well, I tell you what happened in the planets.

I quit my job and then was like, yay, we can just be a couple and that'll be a full-time stand-up. And then it was like, oh my God, with all the free time that I've been in the day, we can do so much stuff. And then we broke up two days after. And I accidentally bought two, for myself, two lifetime memberships at the Prince Charles. because I forgot that I'd bought one because I was so heartbroken and tired that I bought one on the first day Two lifetime memberships,

The Prince Charles Cinema I bought one on the Monday of the breakup Two days later I quit my job Or like the other way around Two days later I broke up But another one and forgot And I've got two lifetime memberships And the Prince of both under my name

Do you use it a lot? I did for like the first three months of like and um i cried a lot in the prince trials um during that time but i quite i kind of look back at it fondly like it was a nice way of like getting over someone i think that's true i think sometimes there's something quite nice about breakups in somewhere like the sadness is so pure yeah like it's just so i know i don't know how to describe this it's just like it feels so bad that you're just in it like you're never more present in your life than when you're going through a breakup and everything feels so raw and you can't achieve anything you can't achieve anything you can't

do anything you just have to get through it and all the songs sounds so good like I feel like as someone who hasn't been like sort of in love since I feel like when I'm listening to like love songs it's kind of like shooting blanks like I'm just like yeah not like yeah it doesn't have that power yeah like every song is about like like yearning and and like I'm kind of like trying to picture someone that I could yearn for it's like it's like a mix of different people that have yearn from in the past. And it's like, but when you're interested in someone and when you're heartbroken over someone, every word seems to have been written about them.

Because they keep it vague. Yeah, they're not naming loads of names. I like how you were a human. It's like the most vague thing. Crying feels so good. Like there's something so cathartic about crying. I just cried nonstop for like three months. Once we decided to separate.

I just lived my life crying. Like I'd just be going places crying. Yeah. I would cry at the most inappropriate times. And in the most, like, extreme ways, I remember one of the times I cried the most, it was, it's in hindsight, so embarrassing. My agent was on maternity leave. And so I'd had these cover agents who were, like, lovely and so nice. But I'd kept it quite and hadn't told the agency for a while and, like, me and my ex used to work together quite a bit.

And so I don't know why. I don't know if it felt like I could telling like a parent figure or something. But I was like, right, I need to tell them. I called them. And I just started sobbing down the phone. And it's so embarrassing. And they were like, are you okay? And I couldn't catch my breath.

And then I had to call my sister-in-law and get her to, like, talk me off because I had to go and get Mabel from nursery. And I was like, I can't turn up, like, hysterical. It was just this mad kind of relief. Not relief. Wow, that seems like that. Whatever audience live on release. Yeah.

I think, like, I'm trying to understand how that's important because I did the exact same thing. Like, I cried down the phone to my old agents, being like, so maybe we're keeping each other down. Because I, yeah, I definitely have, I've called, I call my age and I cried on the phone. I had, oh my God, the day of the breakup, I had to do tour support for somebody. And I remember it was Oxford. And apparently, I was quite mean to the, like, my crowdwork was quite mean and, like, heartbroken. And like, oh, look at you, all happy and love, well, it's not going to last.

Pretty much. Like, I think out, like, because you've seen. seen me on stage, I'm not like an edgy. No, you're like a silly goose. But I was a very serious goose on that day in October. In 2022, you could work out who it was for and stuff, but it was, I think I walked into the dressing room and said, yep, we just broke up, let's do this. Then just went straight on stage.

Yeah. It's so. Did you have to do gigs and stuff? Yeah. And the thing is, I don't know about you, but a lot of my material was about my ex-husband, but we didn't tell anybody for a while. But I would be on stage talking about being married. And then sometimes I'd come off and I'd be in a green room.

And there was this one particular night in near Sloan Square. And everyone was making jokes about my marriage. I don't know. Like, what? Yeah. You know what you're in a green room sometimes? And there's like a bit and everyone's got the bit and everyone jumps on the bit. Yeah.

And I was like, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. And then they were like, yeah, imagine if they like break up or something. And I was like, yeah. Ha, ha. Ha. Just like, you know, you're just like going along with it. Yeah, and then I walked out of the venue.

And I remember walking and I was like, you know at the end of the usual suspects when it's like Kaiser Jose, he's suddenly like the limp. It was like, I just became the saddest person. And I got in my car and just started crying. Yeah. Just mad. I mean, I completely like, there's also that thing with breakups where you have to give it like a full six weeks before everyone you know knows. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

So like you have to. to kind of let plant the seed of this has happened and let people say it to each other. But I think it's the same, it's like universal. It's like with anyone that has a breakup. It's a thing where you're still, you still see someone in like six months or there. They go, oh, how's your boyfriend?

And you're like, oh my God. The news didn't spread. It didn't reach you. Yeah, it didn't reach you. Like, I don't know why you're so disconnected to everybody, but you don't know. And now I have to do it again. And I have to bum you out

because you're like, I have to tell you we've broken up. Yeah. And then you'll have to say, oh I'm sorry about that, are you okay? And then I have to say, yeah, I am okay. It's been a while. And then you have to have another conversation about it

when maybe by the time that it reached them, you're kind of done. The great thing with mine is that no one was surprised. They were just like, oh, it's happened. It's happened. We didn't know where, we didn't know where. But it's happened. And so that's nice, isn't it?

I did do that thing with another comic where there were a comedy couple. And I, it was the first time I met the man in the relationship. and I said, I'm obsessed with your girlfriend stand-up. I think she's amazing. And then he was like, I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yep, great, thanks. And then I walked out the conversation. And then a full two months later, someone told me,

no, they broke up like a year ago. And it was a messy breakup. And I was just telling him, like, you should really just value her. Like, she's amazing. Yeah, that seems really pointed, actually. It's a match. As it stopped you from dating comedians? I cannot divorce another comedian.

It's a real thing. I cannot do. Not that many assets. One. It's just a mistake. It's just like you can't have that on the back adlock. You know what I mean? Just like two down, who's next?

Like it can't, that can't be it. You keep bumping into them as awful for the rest of your life. This is it. Especially if you're not with a child. This is it. This is it. I can't have another job with another comedian. Do you ever bump into each other now that you have a child together?

We're weirdly bumping to each other all the time. All the time. Yeah. But then I've also, I was really like no comics, but then you try and date people that are living a normal life. And I think what we do and like working nights is really confusing. It is very confusing. Yeah. And like the amount of, I mean, I'm not, I don't date comedians. I don't think, I feel like the, there is a time in my life where I would. You don't date comedians. No. That's a rule. The way you said that was no. No. Sorry, Harriet. Sorry, hi. Do you want to pause for a minute? Oh my God, that's why I got you here. Sorry. Wait, wait, is this a new rule?

I've had it since, I mean... April 22. Yeah, basically. I think I was like, I think I was quite open to it until the year after my breakup, I was like, maybe I will date another comedian. And then I think I really needed the separation because I feel like... But it's hard as well because you are, you spend a lot of time with comics and it's kind of becomes your whole life.

And so it's normal for comedians to be attracted to each other. But I do feel like there's... I think I've tried to understand what I need is different from what is available. I think this is so impressive. I cannot imagine having the wherewithal or the self-confidence to block out a whole group of people. Oh, it's... I mean, it's not like they're queuing up as well. Like it's not like I'm going to have to be like just battle lots of comics and be like no thank you

Like it's like more like it's actually everyone's pretty fine about it It's still my choice everybody Everyone's pretty like yeah yeah yeah we also respect that we were thinking that the whole time But like I feel like I don't know like I would date I think like a good pair is like comedian and producer Yeah I think like that's a good pairing or someone who used to do producing But I find that recently that producer's part of their job is to be really nice to you Did you know that? So it's confusing.

Because you, what you think that that comes on to you? No, like, I just, more like, I thought they were just all nice. But then, like, I found out recently, like, I mean, you know, there's, like, apparently part of the training is, like, you have to be really nice to comics. But, like, I think, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, because I'm a writer on a show now. And there's, like, it's, like. S&L. Let's, um, let's flex. But, like, going from, like, writing to being, like, you know when you do, like, a TV job and, like, that you've got your own role and, like, like, that you've got your own.

runner who's there to do everything and you're like oh my god me and this runner are really getting on they're like they're just getting paid to be nice to you yeah and like yeah they go back to get your snacks and they're like this fucking this fucking how many fucking christmas how many bald eggs does she want we have very different snacks how many she wants 60 bald eggs but more like um i mean more in a sense of like i think you need someone who kind of gets it but i'll give you an example i want on a date with a girl i want to say four months ago and um One of the things that she said was like, if I'm dating someone, I don't really like having to compliment them all the time.

Like, and I was like, she was like, so like, yeah, if I've, like, if I've told you're beautiful, you should know you're beautiful. And I was like, it's a one time thing. It's a one time when she said it. You better, you better remember it forever. Well, I heard that and I was like, you can't date a comedian. Yes. Because like, I pictured myself.

The most beautiful of all. I'm in the species. I pictured myself. Like, we're on a date night. maybe we've been together for a year and I spend and now we're getting ready and I come out

and all she says is you're ready like I pictured it in my head like I just said do I look nice and she said Zilia

I've been through this I told you in May 23 like I think like my I don't really I mean it's like of course I listen to the episode

of love language I think I'm big into like word of affirmation and I'm really good at them as well that's your love I love words of affirmation. The problem with words of affirmation for me is I've realized. I was seeing somebody in there very, they were very good with, like, really just like giving

so many compliments. Yeah. But that it's kind of overwhelming at the beginning. And then it just naturally stops being all the time. But then you miss when it's like a constant thing. Yeah. Say more. So what's... So like, they're just like saying like compliments constantly. Yeah. But then life happens. Yes. And you can't be saying compliments while you're living your life all the time. You can. You think you can. You can. You look very nice today. Thank you so much. See? Thank you. But could you keep that up when we're just like, do you know what I mean? Like, I think it peters off a little bit. It can't be like compliments like all the time for other. I think so maybe. I feel like for, I think I'd like to think I could keep it up. I think it's also because I'm big into

gratitude and like so like every morning I do my little gratitude things. And if I'm like in a relation with someone that I like, I would be like, you were in my gratitude today. You were in my like, like, like gratitude less you and like I feel like the I just I think it's like as long as the words are not empty like I really like something like you did really well at this and well done for like dealing with the situation well and like that and a physical touch I suppose I'm a big hugger yes I didn't think so I didn't think I was into words of affirmation so much

and then before I dated somebody that was like it gave me no compliments at all and I just thought oh you just think some the ugliest person in the whole world like I just just you just by the end you're just like I think I'm disgusting because he never says I'm attractive. And I also like I'm like a follower of compliments. So if you're not giving me compliments, I'm not giving you. Same because I'm like, well, I don't know if you've consented to receiving a compliment

because he don't seem to be into that, into them that much. Yeah, exactly. Like I feel like the, I'm most stressed. I don't mean like empty compliments. I mean also like just like, no, it's not just, it's not so much compliments. I guess it's like really good communication and like someone like I'm big into emotional intelligence and someone that is I guess like not working on themselves but like kind to themselves and patient with themselves and also patient with others I think someone that has like

basically someone that's been to therapy for a while yeah like but like and I also don't like the idea of I hate on dating apps and people are like if you haven't been to therapy don't bother because it's like this is such a privilege to be able to get therapy I think it's It's kind of gross when people say, if you have a metatotherapy, don't bother. Like, it's like, okay, so if you haven't got $340 quid a month. Yeah. Like, I think that's really gross. However, I like people who are into just questioning themselves and just like, yeah,

just understanding where things come from. But you just think sometimes that can go too far and sometimes it's just nice to have a simple man. Yes, but I also feel like, I don't think me and someone that's very simple. and had a nice life would be a match. Yeah. Like, I think I need someone that's been through some stuff and has like, but like is a very kind person as a result of that. Or like that has patient for me, which I can be a challenge.

Boys. They love a challenge. famously, they love a challenge. What are you doing that's challenging? I think I'm. Cheating. I think I'm someone. that I'm very big on just communication

and I think that I'm a very honest and blunt person and I expect someone to do to be the same and I think that like obviously I'm a comic so I'm self-involved so I'm often thinking about why I did something and why I'm doing things and I think that I can be challenging for someone to date someone who's sort of like work in progress on that front but like not cheating or anything like that more into like

I'm big into long conversations oh no they hate that yeah yeah but then like living with me that I suppose it's like kind of like doing a very sincere podcast but you're very fun and I think you have a really like you're somebody that has something that um me and amy have been striving for and I think I've got better at it like you have like a very naturally kind of like flirty vibe oh do I yeah I think so I think it might be the French.

I think it's the French and the brown hair because... French and brown hair. French are front hair. No, I've heard that about me before, but I actually don't... I've been wondering, because I've been told before I'm quite flirty, but I don't see it. But I guess I do maybe... Like, when I watch myself on a podcast, I'm like, why am I flirting so hard with, like, Andes Altman? Like...

But, like... But, like, in the moment... I don't think I, like, it's not, it doesn't come across as like, I'm trying to flirt. It's just how I speak. But maybe it's eye contact. Yeah, I think you have really good eye contact. And I also think you're very fun. Like, you have, like, a fun vibe happening.

Which is good. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's a great quality. I have tended to be, like, quite serious. And that's not fun. You've been serious in what way? Yeah, in like, sometimes I would like, especially with dating and stuff, I think. If I like somebody, I've become quite serious. Like, it's not who.

I am and also it's not very fun. Do you think it's you maybe trying to like feel safe first making sure that like because you're extremely fun person. Is it a way of kind of being like I'll just set up that I'm not always just this fun person that I do have boundaries that I do have all of these things that I need and then you can have the fun. I would love to think it involved that much I think what it is is that I think that other people I have to pretend to be more serious because that's what they're going to want. And I think this is what, I've been on this, like, weird journey where I, like, obviously, like, when you date people in comedy, like, it's a very silly life.

Everyone's quite silly. And then I didn't think I could, like, manage to date somebody who was, like, a proper person who had, like, adult tastes. Yes. Like, things like that. Like, lived a proper life. And, yes, had, like, good taste and had, like, a pension and new nice restaurants and things like that.

Like, I didn't think that was something I could get because they'd be like, oh, this. silly woman doing? I feel like you're like the sun. You're a very bubbly, sunny person. But I also think having been to a music festival with you and having been, I've immediately put myself as baby in the dynamic and you were in charge of taking me from one place to the other. I also know that when you're serious, it's kind of like, it doesn't come across as jarring

to me at all, like in between the two. And also people, there's a spectrum to everyone, right? Like, like, I'm sure Christy the clown is sad sometimes. Sure, like, you know, like the most bubbly person you can think, they also have to, like, set up direct their bits and stuff. Yeah, I think that's it. I think when I have to do something, I have to really focus on it. If I need to do something serious, I have to really focus.

Yeah. And so I can't really be myself and flirt. But there's, are there different ways of flirting, I imagine? Also, like, a thing about me as well is I can never tell when someone is flirting. unless they're doing it in like a sort of like 90s jock way. Like if they're a pickup artist. Yeah. If like if they don't have like an arm upon a wall and I'm there, like it doesn't register as flirting.

Like yeah, this is it. I think it's really hard to know what flirting is. I never know if someone's interested in me. Like I just like I never assume because I've, I think because I was as a teenager, I was quite like sort of like bullied and not like, cool in any way in high school, I don't think I have it in me

to believe that someone's interested in me until someone else, like I need an exterior person to say this person was flirting. Yeah, that's a thing that's been really helpful for me recently. Yeah. It's other people giving you the confidence to believe that somebody likes you. But we need to get there ourselves. Wow. I know. It's just like

it's that thing of being a work in progress and like constantly working yourself and building your confidence so that you just assume everyone's flying with you. Yeah, I feel like that's, I think, do you know what it is, the idea of thinking that someone is flirting with me and they're not? This is it. It's too terrible. I'd rather be alone forever. It's too horrible, yeah. The idea of saying to someone, are you flirting right now? And then I'm going like, no.

Like, just no. Sepuku, immediately, immediate supuku. Like, because I think there's once, I must have been like, I think it's like, Did you say immediate Suduku? Sepuku. Oh, what is that? Do you know, the Japanese shame ritual? natural. Yeah.

Oh, yes. Sorry, I thought you meant do a Suduku. Get the Sudoku out quick. Where does the nine go? Like, I just find it like,

every single person, like, I'm sure that you must have been involved in these, like, like, when we hung out or like telling me someone was flirting and me being like, I just thought they were nice.

Yeah. Or like, no way they were interested. And because I, I'm not really good on picking up on signals from people. Like, unless it's like I feel like they hate me, then I'm really good at picking up on this.

But like, I need some, if someone fancies me, I've been saying this for a long time. If someone fancies me, you have to tell me. This is a PSA. Everybody listening. If you fancy Celia,

please tell her. You have to tell me because I will never know. Because literally, I'm actually, I'm completely the same. Are you the same? Yeah. Do you ever like lie in bed awake

and you're like, oh my God, this person from 10 years ago, like made me a carbonara. Of course they were in love with me. No. No one's made me a car. I had a Spanish flatmate from like 10 years ago who like just realized like recently like, oh, 10 years ago he made me a carbonara because he knew that was my favorite thing before he left.

And the whole time I was like, thanks bud. I want to play catch after that? Let's get some chicks like that. Let's get some chicks. Oh, you just love a roast, do you? How do you feel about like putting yourself out there? Like is that something that you've tried? I'm trying.

to do it now. I feel like I've got this like least of life that I wasn't didn't think I was going to have and so I'm trying to challenge myself and put myself out there more but it's crazy because I've done it for so many years during stand-up but doing it romantically one-on-one with somebody feels so hard. Can you give me an

example of like something that you've tried? So I I went this I mean this isn't even romantically but I went away on my own for a few days and that felt like something that was really like beyond me to do and Amy like really encouraged me because she's good at doing it and I just thought it would be like so embarrassing of me to go away on my own.

It's so it feels that feels so insane to say it out loud. How did it feel like when you like was it, what was the fear that you would be, you would feel that everyone would be like, what a loser, but then no one cares and I had a great time and I just needed some quiet and it was so good. Yeah. Yeah. Even more that no one cares, I think some people are envious. Like, I feel like, like I like to do a lot of stuff by myself.

Like that's and like sometimes I'm watching people in groups looking at me doing something by myself and I'm like I think they also want quiet sometimes. Yeah. I feel like going away by yourself can be so daunting if you see it from the perspective of how other people may see it. But once you're there, you're like, oh, it's just me in my body and it's just me in my head and it's nice to spend time with me actually. Yeah, it was. It was wonderful without anyone else's energy. Like this is a thing. I think I've just been like on this journey.

but yeah, the next step is to try and like, like, I've never asked anyone out. I've never told anybody that I like them. I would like rather die and be rude to them. Ever than ever let them know that I like them. I think that's a bad way to live. And our mutual friend Alexa, I'd met somebody and they'd like message me and then we'd kind of like be messaging. And then she was like, why don't you just ask him out?

And I was like, oh my God, that's crazy. I would never do that. And then now I've started to at least like message first. Great. And it's worked so well. It's like finding a cheat code in a video game because there was like two months last year where I don't know what happened. Like I was on my, I was on my like follicular face for two months straight. And I was just like started asking people out. And it worked.

It's so empowering to be like, I'll just be the one to approach. And it's great until I got my first rejection and then I didn't do it ever again. Wow. How did it? How did it go? So for like two months straight I was kind of like I mean it was saying that

like I was like just going out on the streets and then going hey me and you're like no I asked two people and they said yes but there was like a third person where So how did the two that went well go? Really well. So but they're people you knew you were chatting to One of them was some

a guy on an app and I was away and I just was like I was just like hey I'm in town for this amount of time I think that is so much easier. Yes. Because you're not your real self. There's time limit.

You just have to get it moving. Yeah. And they're not like picking someone who like doesn't know I do stand up, doesn't care that much about it, who happens to live in a city that is a full like nine hours difference, like time difference. Yeah. So like that was good.

And then the second person was someone who lived in London and I was just kind of like, it was like first date sort of thing where I was like, I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship. I just would like to. sort of like explore something more fun and then that went really well and then the third person was someone that had known for a little bit of time not too long that I asked out and they didn't actually reject me specifically they just said that they happened to be seeing someone else but because like my rejection muscle hasn't been trained I took that as a full-on rejection and as women were so

used to saying, I'm seeing someone. Yeah. Because that's the thing that keeps you safe. Yes. They respect the amount of taxi drivers that you're dating man. Like a sort of like WWE. Like the amount of tax driver I'm fully married to like. It's like yeah.

And I think that that's such a good point. I hadn't even picked up on that like because we know the excuses. We kind of like. It may we make it personal. But I think that you're so right by describing it as a muscle. Like I think it like. Like it's doing things that are embarrassing. Yeah.

It's a great, that's how we grow. Like that is how we have our jobs now that we love is because I'll just speak myself. I embarrass myself all over the country. Oh, same. Over and over. Yeah. And you just have to build that muscle of just being like, and I think dating is the same as stand-up. You just have to fall on your face and not be for people, but keep putting yourself out there.

Yes. Until it kind of works. Yes. And I think there's like that, I don't know about you, but I feel like with stand-up, I can just be like, okay, I'll just go and write something else or I'll just go. But like, if I get rejected for how I look, I'm like, right. So I can't like come up with a new five. Yeah, this isn't something I can. Yeah.

Yeah. And like I feel like I still struggle with, because I've lost lots of weight when I was a teenager and then moved country, I think I'm still sort of like not. basically it's body dysmorphia. It's like I still feel, I don't often feel like eligible to attract someone. Yeah. And the way I look. But then sometimes I do feel quite beautiful. And like there's no like.

I know exactly what I mean. I'd really like to have a baseline. Yeah. Where I just am like, oh yeah, like I can chat to people and it's nice and maybe they'd want to date me. Rather than being like, oh, I'm fucking disgusting. And this person would never want to date me in a million years. Yeah. And then sometimes being like, actually I'm doing okay this one day.

I can be too broie with men. as well. Like, like, the amount of men, and this, I'm not even joking, the amount of men on a date where I've been like, do you want to arm wrestle? Or not who wins? Like, it's like, it's often like me because I'm like, it's not my fault I'm hunch. But like, more of like, it's also like growing up with brothers where like I'm sometimes too comfortable around some men in a way that like doesn't make them feel. I don't think they see me as a potential date person if I'd remind them of like their coach. Like I just have like a weird like I'm not. Like, my energy is not fully, like, sort of feminine or masculine.

I tend to dress more feminine. But, like, it's kind of confusing, I guess, for a lot of people. Yeah. With the rejection, did it happen in person? Yes. So you were, so it was somebody that you were, like, friends with? Friendly, yeah. Friendly.

Someone that I didn't know that much. But, like, it was that thing where, like, it was someone in my life where I'm like, why have we never, do you know what I mean? And then I was like, oh, I guess I should just put myself out there a bit more. Yeah. And then, but then I felt like, I felt completely fine about it. But then I did notice that it took me a few months to sort of get back out of there after that. Even though it was a perfectly like, I mean, that person is in a relationship now.

And like. And you haven't put yourself out there again. Like you haven't asked. No, but to be fair, I just haven't met someone to put myself out there too since. Like, because of the block on dating comics and stuff. After that was like the fringe. then after that was sort of like lots of comedy parties. And like most of the people I know are comics because I moved to London and didn't know anyone.

So I guess it's like just have to wait until. Also, oh, this was a big change. From like October onwards, I realized that I wanted a relationship, which hadn't been the case in like four years. And so I was like, I've just, it's going to be more about finding the right person and I just haven't met the person to put myself out there. I think when you're looking for the one, potentially forever, then the bar is so much higher.

Like in your 20s, you can just be dating somebody and it doesn't mean the thing, it doesn't have any repercussions. Like, it's just something you're seeing. Whereas now there's no point unless it's something that's potential with. And like, I've decided, that decided, I've realized the last year or so that I want a baby. Like, I, like, I would love to have a little baby. And, like, that also adds another layer of, like,

it's not just about meeting someone at a party. Yeah. It's about like, see that they're responsible, see that they also want that. See that like you've just got, it's like a bigger, it's just more chips on the table of, not chips like, like, like, just more carbs. Like, do you know what I mean? It's more that you like have to bet on someone. And so I think that's kind of like, that's also kind of posing like the fun, flirty vibe of like,

sort of like summer festivals you know what I mean it's hard for those things to go hand in hand because often that's how you need to start something like you don't want to start something just like hello I'm selling I'm looking for a long-term relationship maybe are you interested

like you need to have a bit of fun you know what I mean at the beginning at least yes yeah yeah yeah I don't know like when you're like I imagine with you as well with Mabel there's probably a new thing that's been added onto finding someone who you feel is responsible Yeah. It's been incredibly helpful for me having somebody like outside of myself that I cannot risk bringing anyone that is potentially damaging to me.

Like even I was seeing someone and like, like, End and I just felt like really sad about it. And then I was like, I don't want to be like heartbroken in front of my child. Like I don't want to waste time with her where I'm like, oh God, you know. In the past I used to be able to just like be heartbroken. You could just spend days in bed. It didn't affect anything. But now I've got to get up. I've got to live my life. And so putting feelings into somebody, I've really got to start being very like,

I think what's good is that for a long time I was like, I can't imagine ever being with anybody or ever. And I've started to kind of start taking like leaps a little bit with people. But I think I need to, I need to just, I have a PT and he's quite straight with me. And he's like, you've got to start just putting one foot in. Like the problem is. I put all my feet in. All of them.

All of my feet. All 10 of my feet are in. And I need to just dip toes rather than just being like as soon as the problem was I think when I started like not seeing any red flags. For a long time all I saw was red flags and people and I was like, oh, this person will never be good enough that it's never going to be anything that's fine. Yeah. It could just like be fun but I'll never be able to think of that in my head.

And then as soon as I started to meet people that I was like, oh, I can't see any real reasons why this couldn't be something. I was like, well, I guess I'm in. And then that's not, you can't do that until somebody is really proven themselves. It's more of like a, it's like a sieve, sieving system. It's like, okay, you pass the first bit of no obvious red flags. Yeah. And then you've passed a second bit of all of my, the past versions of me are not coming out.

Yeah. Like you're not triggering anything that is not conducive to a healthy relationship. And then the last one is like, do you actually like me? Yeah. I'm still learning. So, like, I didn't think I would. still be learning so much. I know, but there's no, like, so my cousin has two children and is separated from the dad

and she's dating and it's kind of the same thing where like she'll be like, this person would have been great for me, like pre-children because there's less risks. But then she's having to like also, yeah, she's more tentatively like, there's more trials that those men are being put through basically because you are, like, you're meeting children are a very important part of the development of their brains. And she's like, this is so important for them that they know they're safe around that person. And I'm safe and I feel like to not introduce too many people to them as well. And I think like, I think you guys should hang out.

I mean, my cousin. Yeah, I haven't introduced Mabel to a single person yet. I think that's called as Mabel like four. I think that's, I mean, there's no right or wrong. Yeah, until I think it's something and it has a definite future. I just wouldn't do it. But I think it's probably easier at this age where you could just be like, oh, it's a friend.

Like, she's meeting a lot of friends and I think it could be, it could be okay. She's meeting a lot of friends. Her birthday party is to you and like the polycule that you're in. A lot of my special friends. But no one particular. This is mommy special friends. Say it with me. I'm a goddess.

Has dating in the UK been different than France? Yes. Yes. Yes, I feel like I would be more open to putting myself out there if the rest of the country was also. Yeah. I feel like... France is more open? Yes.

Okay. Yes. Like, just being on the dating apps in Paris, I was back there in November and just being like, oh, this is... People are just straight away in messages being like... I don't know, there's more of an honesty to the communication. There's less sort of like, they're less sheepish than a lot of English people. And also like in the UK, I'm a novelty. It's that I'm the French person that they're dating.

I'm the French. And that I think that kind of like, because of just probably like a sort of both like fantasy and xenophobia, it puts, there's a lot of people that I'm not eligible to date. Just because they'll just see me as like, well, she's probably not going to be here. And if reform goes in. Or like, or like, I'm going to put her on a pedestal because she's French. And like also again, I'm a very honest, blunt person. Not blunt. I just communication.

I need clear communication because that's the only thing I can do really without feel like I'm erasing myself a little bit. Like I don't want to feel like I'm working in an office in a relationship. And like I have to put flowers on everything. And I don't mean that in a mean way more in a like clear communication. This upset me. Not like I feel like when you, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

And I feel like in the UK there is like what a lot of I think, English men specifically, I think English women are better in terms of emotions. But a lot of English men, I think, have that, like, a lot of them haven't worked out how to even access how they're feeling, let alone trying to understand how someone is. And, like, what I'm saying is, like, I'm an intense French woman. And the little English boys are like, no, thank you. An English woman can handle it. But, like, a lot of, like, I don't know, I feel like that's, it's weird.

I was thinking about that, like, I just noticed that in the last week or so that I am a novelty, even though I think of myself as like, just a person, I am like someone else's ex-French girlfriend or like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, you've got a specific, like, casting brackets. Yeah. You've got a specific thing that, yeah, yeah, I see that. Yeah. Have you ever dated someone that was not English?

Yeah, my ex-husband. Was Canadian? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I like the, I think I'd probably, I don't. don't know if I'd like French, it's maybe a bit too, um, not you, no offense, but like, a bit too pretentious for me. Not you, my pretentious. Not you're not, but like the French, you know,

sometimes like the Parisian kind of thing of like, I would crumble under that. I would just, I'd be a mess on the floor. Like, I just couldn't cope with the kind of the, uh, behavior that you'd need, maybe like the... I can see you have a French man though. No, because I think they'd be like, what is this clots doing? Like, we're trying to go for a nice dinner and have a, have a cigarette on the balcony and then I've dropped the cigarette in my hair and I fall off the balcony. They don't want that. I don't think they want that. Whereas I, like you, like, I clear communication I find very helpful and that is why North

American people I find very easy to be around. Like, some of my best friends are American because they're just like, they tell you exactly how it is. And then I feel safe. Whereas I think is I can't quite work out what I'm going to be doing or... I know, like, do you know, my idea of hell is trying to work out how someone truly feels about a situation or... Exactly. And this is what's so hard with dating.

Yeah. It's like it's, and I think as a, as a woman you do, maybe pick up on things and you think, oh, the vibe is it different? Is it this? Like, you don't want to be mentioning it. Yes. I don't know. It's a real headfug. It's going between like hypervigilance and actual vigilance.

It's like, and like, I can't feel safe in any relationship, whether it be friendship or like self-checkout. Or like a romantic relationship. If I don't feel safe in, if I, if I don't understand the walls of the. relationship if I don't understand like this is like if you're upset about something you will tell me if you're happy about something you'll tell me if that's like I just need essentially I work really well with rules like I'm the same and I also like I don't care if someone's not really into me I just want to know like I don't I find it really difficult when I'm like wait I don't quite know if they like me or not like I just want them just to be like oh yeah I don't like

yeah exactly what I'll be like oh great like that's such a relief for me I don't want to be just going around trying to figure it out yes and also So like in terms of like telling people that like if someone fancies you, for example, if someone fancies you, it's better for them to say that and then to like to and then be like, oh, I don't feel that way. And then we can keep this friendship or whatever other relationship you have than having to wonder. Like I think you can you can only repair a relationship that might have been hurt by unrequited feelings if one person says it.

But I just have a bit in my stand up like two shows ago that was like, People in the UK will have a crush on a friend for years and they'll take it to their graves. Like, they would rather just not say anything. And you can see it when you're in a group of people because when they're like, I'm going to use this. Like, let's say you're in a group of friends. And so let's say I have a crush on this camera and we're one in a group of friends and we're laughing. The person that has a crush on a person will do this. And you can pick up on that.

Yeah, they'll just go. And like, but like, I mean, that's obviously exaggerated for stand up. But I do think that that's like a, sometimes I notice it in groups. And you spotted it like. Not on me, but I've spotted sometimes. Yeah. Do you think you're quite good at spotting kind of? Yes, excepting it's for me.

Like, I am actually, I can tell the future in my friend's relationships. Like, if we all know each. Like, so many of my friends have been like, I've started dating a person and I'll pick up on the fact that you're talking about them differently. And like, you're like, I reckon by, in six months times you'll be dating or I reckon and like I'm really, I'm going to back myself here. So I'm quite good at predicting who will get with who. But I can't do it for myself.

Oh my God, okay, afterwards I'm going to ask you who I'm going to get with. Yes, put me in a group and I'll figure it out. Yeah, yes. I think like, just pattern recognition I'm quite good at. Yeah. But not for me. Like as soon as I'm in this, I'm like, it's just like a blizzard. I think we have to wrap it up.

I am, I just, when we went to end of the road, that was so fun. That was a real like, pivotal moment in my life doing mushrooms with you. Watching Carrie. It was so nice. It was so nice. It was so like... I felt so free in a way that I haven't in like so long and you probably could tell.

What was it? I think I went on Ivo's shoulders and then I did I just throw like my bag? Yes. So I gave my phone to you to look after so I could dance and then you put it in your bag and then you gave the bag

to a random person that we had a... Oh no. Oh no. And I was like... And then it completely interrupted my feeling of freedom because I was like, trying to keep an eye on this random guy. It's fair enough because I was, I had been baby the whole time apart from that.

You mustn't trust me. You must trust me. That was your mistake. One of the most joyous moments of my, the year last year for me, was when moonshine, is it moonshine? A moon Charleston Ellie. Oh my God. Both, like, all of us dancing backstage and then going into dance was, just like, it was just so joyous.

Yeah. And sure, there was some mushrooms involved. But it was only a tiny dose. Yeah. And like... It was all we needed. It was all we needed. And it was so, I don't know, it was like such a...

That was such a nice weekend. It was so nice. I was in such a grunt when I arrived. And then I just was so free. And I woke up that morning after doing the mushrooms. I think I had like three hours sleep. And I woke up. And then I just, I really wanted to wake you up, but you wouldn't wake up.

And then I sat on the stairs for like two hours. It was just like so hard. happy up to these mushrooms and no one would wake up in the Airbnb. It was like, oh yeah, we were all knackered. And then you stole my jeans. I remember. I was going to come back. Yeah, I got that bike. You packed my chair. I just grabbed everything in our room, just shoved it into a bag. My passport and my mom. Just packed everything. And then I remember thinking like, he probably needed those. Yeah, I did. But I remember thinking like, if I, did I pack them. And then I had to like, because we were all so tired and quite hung over,

I had to find a picture of me wearing them from this weekend just to, to, like, legitimize the fact that I have, I own those jeans and they were with me. Yeah, I'm sorry about the jeans and the phone. I'm sorry for waking you. But I had the time of my life. There was a point when you went to bed, because we were in a bunk bed together and like, well, yeah.

So you were in the top bunk and I was in the bottom bunk, and I was up much later than you, the day that you, before the day you were leaving, I was up until five. And then, do you know when you've been in a really loud environment, so sounds feel less loud that they probably are? I was like, just in the bottom bunk, just scrolling at full volume. Scrolling at full volume. You don't see very sorry.

I wasn't, I had a great scroll. I did Olympic levels of scrolling that night. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to have spoken about dating. with you. You are going on tour later this year. Where can people find you? I'm A.B. Celia on Instagram. I'm doing basically everywhere in the UK. There are two big boys of a rooms. There's Bloomsbury Theatre in October and then the Bristol-Oldwick in November.

And I would learn for people to vote tickets. Yes. Amazing. And you're going to be in Edinburgh. Yes, I'll be in Edinburgh. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland, UK. And that's at 6-10 Monkey Barrel tickets are live now. the show is about, it's sort of about like how my therapist told me to stop doing stand-up. And the relationship I have with who I am and who I put out and dating and all of that.

Amazing. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much to Celia. She's as wonderful as you expect. Wise. What's a wise woman. She is a wise one.

Yeah. She's a wise. Yes. She picks up on things like, I loved what she was saying about how she can see if somebody has a crush on somebody. Like she can pick up on people's cues. Yeah, but can't see it in herself. Can't see it in herself.

Yes. Oh, it's a gift and a curse. It's a bloody gift and a curse, isn't it? Now she has to be like, oh, well, I know that there's a curse. But yes. Yes. Wow. Wow.

Yeah, it's like an old fairy tale or something, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. tragic. Anyway, thanks so much to Celia for coming on. A good look, not dating comics. Yes. My, my. I respect that. Oh, I respect the hell out of that. Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't do it myself, but I respect it. Trying all the time to do it myself.

Done. Fully back myself. I must never going to happen. Stop divorcing them. Okay. Thank you so much to Celia. You can go see her on tour, which you should. Celia is so funny and fun to watch her new show. We must stop meeting like this great title is going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival ever heard of it and then on tour at places like the Bristol Old Vic and Bloomsbury Theatre. Lovely.

Very, very cool. And you can find her on Instagram, on Instagram. Instagram is what we use. I was really open. You didn't pick up on Instagram. That's why I really quickly said at Instagram. We're on Instagram in your area. You know what's hard?

talking. Actually, sometimes talking is hard. You're doing so good. Thank you so much. For somebody that is their job is talking, I'm not very good at it. I will be honest. You're so good at it. Thank you. It's hard. So, her Instagram handle is at

A-B, Celia and Celia is spelled C-E-L-Y-A. Yeah. Of course it is. Of course it is. It's chic. Stre-chique. I need to stop. I always try and speak French in this earlier and show is. It looks at me with kindness and disappointment.

Hello, single ladies. If you're a single lady and you're interested in meeting other single people who are really furious about the direction of the Labour Party and a contemplating voting green for the first time, then you might meet them in the audience at one of my tour shows. I'm Nish Kumar and my stand-up comedy show is called Angry Humour from a Really Nice Guy. We're going to the UK and Ireland between September and November of 2006, and the tickets are available right now. I will, if requested,

organize a dating service during the show. I would say if you're interested in meeting some very angry people, they will be at the show and they will be mad as hell. Tickets are available at nishcamore.coma.com.ukh. None of this is legally binding. You may not meet your life partner

at one of Nishkamars tour shows.