Single Ladies In Your Area - Not settling for your “quarter to 2” and meeting your perfect weirdo with Laura Smyth

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

This week on the pod we welcome the brilliantly funny comedian and podcaster, Laura Smyth! She helps answer questions like: How do you date whilst managing single-motherhood? Is it possible to avoid the temptation of just "settling"? And is straightening your hair the first tell-tale sign of a mental breakdown?You can now watch the full video episode over on our Patreon, head to isitham.org.Laura is taking her show Laura Smyth: Born Aggy on tour around the UK from September 2026. For tickets and dates head over to laurasmyth.com. And check out Laura's pod Shouldn't Laugh But... wherever you get your podcasts.Amy's taking her brand new show Thanks For Having Me on tour around the UK from Feb 2027. Tickets are on sale now, just head to plosive.co.uk.And Harriet is going on tour with her brand new stand-up show Floozy this autumn. For tickets and dates head over to harrietkemsley.com.We want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodProduced, recorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Assistant Producer is Amy Townsend-Lowcock for Plosive.Artwork by Welcome Studio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello, it's Harriet, and I've just come on to let you know that I'm on tour. Later in the year, I'm bringing my show Flusi to you. I'm flusying about the UK. Lots of new shows have been added. Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Birmingham, London, new date there, and we've added Winchester, Frum, got in trouble for pronouncing that wrong. Frum, Taunton, Leeds, Milton, Kewn, Leeds, Leicester, Margate, Farnham. and let's not forget, Cochester.

You can get tickets at harrietkemsley.com and I'd love to see you there. Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill and I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene and the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down.

But we're back out there. We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts. Chat about dates we've been on if we managed to get any. and share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone.

We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that. This is Single Ladies in Your Area. Hello. Hello. It's nice to see you. Hello there. Hello. Hello there.

Hello. It's nice to catch up. I think true friends speak to each other how adults speak to dogs. Hello there. Hey, me, you're a good girl. Oh, you're a boy, girl. I actually think that's true. I actually think that's true.

There's something in that. It's so nice being here with you. I can't go over it. Your nails are so nice. Oh, thank you. It's called like cats eye or something. It's so cool. Is it where they put like a magnet on it or something?

Yes. Oh my God. I've seen that on Instagram. It's mad. I don't really understand it. My nails are so teeny, but this guy promised me that he's going to help me grow my nails long. Oh.

We'll see about that. See what other lies men are telling these days. See about that. Talking of men, I had quite a dramatic second date. I don't even know about the first date. This is killing me. I had a first date. He was very sweet.

He came and picked me up. From an app? From an app. And then we had a second date. I was doing a show reasonably near like where he lived. So he came to meet me afterwards for a drink. It was really nice. And then we said goodbye because I had to go to another gig.

And so he went on his way. And I went. But the problem. was I had driven somewhere that I think maybe technically you weren't really meant to drive doing this thing that we're talking about where you just drive up to the venue and then just leave your car

there like outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My car was actually outside where I had to go, but the problem was there was a canal and then there was a wall and so I'd driven down but then to get back I had to turn my car around so what happened was I got my car wedged between a canal and a wall.

Harriet. No. I kept trying to go forward. the dark. It actually wasn't in the dark yet. It was in the day, which is actually maybe more embarrassing. Okay. Yeah. Every time I try and go forward, it was like, well, I am going to go into if I do this and if I go backwards, I am about to knock down the pub. I've just been doing. Oh my God. So I sat there for quite a stressful while and I was meant to be on stage in Dartford and I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. And this used to happen to me all the time. When I was like 17, my dad used to have to come and like into Canterbury like constantly because I get my car stuck like parallel in an alley.

And everyone would be like, how did you do that? How did you get it like a million tiny turns until it's completely jammed? And then I was like, I'm just going to try him. He was so sweet and he came back. And he was just like, did it. It was amazing. He just like did it. Oh my God.

It was like one of the most attractive things that's ever happened. That's something that can just like do practical stuff. Just like knew how to get me out of the canal and get me on my way to Dartford. That's all I'm looking for. That's so hot. Yeah, it was really lovely. And the fact he, like, the fact he was like, I'm coming, I'm going to help.

Oh, my God. After he said he did think when I was calling that I was going to say, oh, I've cancelled my gig, let's hang out more. But no, I was calling to say, please can you help me because I've got my car stuck in between the wall. And it can help. Oh, my God. Yes.

Yeah, it was. Well, this sounds promising. Yes. Yeah, it has since gone to shit. Okay. But he's a nice guy. It was a nice guy. At that point, it was really promising.

Wow. Oh, that's great. Oh, I'm so pleased. Thank you. I'm so pleased you didn't go into a canal as well. I'm so pleased I didn't go into canal. I've been doing a lot of stuff in canals recently. You mustn't.

I've got to stop. I've got to stop. I don't think you should be near a canal if I'm allowed to say that. Thank you for saying that. Please, can you let our age no? Can we stop booking how it near canals? I just keep doing it. Someone the other day, my friend Kate was like,

it seems like, it seems like, your job is just like people watching you suffer in different ways. They just really enjoy you doing things really badly and struggling. And I was like, yeah, that does seem to be like if you have a brand or whatever, like Kim Kardashian's got skims, I've got, we'll probably fall in the canal. But you did the Great North Swim, so. Yeah, yeah. And I swallowed a lot of sewage water.

No. Yeah, it was very hard. But it was actually afterwards, I was like, wow, this is really cool. How long are you swimming for? 34 minutes, nonstop. round the lake. 34 minutes non-stop. You can't put your feet down.

There's nowhere to put your feet down. I did a practice and there was a water snake. What? Yes. It was so horrible and these were it jump out of the water. Anyway, I'm very excited for the guests that we have today. I love her.

I love her. She's very funny and she's very... Look, I don't want to say the word. It's wise. It's wise. It's that cursed word. It's not. I think he's a compliment, but maybe isn't.

Yeah. But we mean it as only the highest form of prayers. And it's probably what's going to lead to our cancellation. But I stand by it. I think wise is a great compliment. I wish for wisdom. I would love to be wise. Just a bit of wisdom.

Oh, give us a bit of wisdom, will you? Let's listen to Laura and see if we can get some wisdom. Just want some of her wisdom to rub off on me, please. It's Laura Smith, everybody. It's a match. Oh, hello, Laura. Hey, Harriet. How are you doing?

I'm really well. It's so nice to see you, bro. I like the faces. Yeah, you've got a good face. Oh, yeah. You know what? Good face. Yeah.

You know those faces where you're like, this is going to be funny. And you don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always say Parks and Rec give good face. You know, when anyone turns around, you go. Really good face. Everyone's like, what are they going to say?

That's a great. I think I'm a bit of an asthy. I don't like ugly people. People, in that horrible? What did you say? An asthete. Like, I'm into aesthetics. Yeah.

Like, I just like people. And it's not as if they're, I'm not saying they have to be like conventionally pretty, but I'm just like. Interesting face. Something happening. No, lovely, lovely. That's what you want. That's what you want. That's what you want.

Just really lovely looking. Just fit. Just fit. Just fit people. Make me fit in a poster. Do you know what I mean? I just like, or just when people, and again, it is about, when people are lovely, it is that you love their face anyway. when people are a little bit like, anything like that bit, drop me out.

Yeah, it used to be the good thing about podcast. It didn't matter what your face is like. Oh, no. It's a nightmare. I just recorded something Radio 4 and I was like, why am I getting a makeup artist? Oh, my God. You're jerking? It's a radio 4.

Yeah. No one asked me to do that. Okay. I just like nice faces, Amy. No, I get it. I get it. I get it. We're going to need to help with this one.

Yeah. panel beating. Cool time, 6am. First guest, midday. Thanks for coming on. I'm glad I'm here. It's exciting. What's your dating history?

Like, what's your, what's your situation? Well, well, well, well, well, well. So, it's really funny. When you're like a teenager, you're just dating because you're just in the same proximity as someone and that's all fun and games. Yes.

I miss. And it's all, oh. Fuck, I missed that. How easy. Just fun. Hanging out. You just hang out. And then you pop off with one of them. Yeah.

Without a purpose. Yeah. And then you're like, I don't like you anymore. I like your friend, but he's got a better skateboard. Yeah, and it's all love. It's all fine.

So then, when I was about 19, I met the father of my first child and accidentally got pregnant. And then realized. You're in a relationship together. Yeah, we were in a relationship. But I was,

it's in that relationship. You know, you're like, oh my God. Like, I think I was, I wasn't in a great place, then met him and it was like, now I look back at it was like an upward swing of just a really low place where, like, Everything's good, I'm fine, I'm fine.

This is truth. That's what I've done in the past where I'm like, oh, if I'm with this, then that's something that I'm doing. That's at least one thing that we can tip off that I've achieved in my life. Like, I'd quit uni and I was really in a sort of bad place. I just think that classic thing, I'm going so deep, I just don't, I have to go to the core of every issue. You know that classic thing where you think you know who you are

and then you strike out in the one and you go, I don't know who I am. Yeah. All the things that make me confident and my infrastructure are gone. So I kind of couldn't really hand uni. I was at University of Sheffield and was like 18, hated it, left. Wasn't in a great place.

Then started working at a casino and I kind of met him and he was like, so cool and like all bravado and bravado. And you don't know words like red flags. Yes. Yes. I just believe what people say as well. They say they're going to believe it.

And then you're like, oh, people could lie. That's crazy. I know. And this is it. I think this is why really nice girls. Yeah. Get in relationships. Because you normalize people's weird.

And then before you know, you're like a contorted person in the corner accommodating how weird they are. And you know what you're like, because that's what you do. Like if you was like, oh, I've got a nut allergy, normal people go, okay, I won't eat those. Or, you know, or you just take, accommodate needs in a part of your social contracts. Yes. And then when you're in a social contract with a weirdo, anyway, it's just a person. He's just a person. And then as it sort of was hitting me like,

ah, okay, you're not what I thought you were up the dove, which was fine. And then so I was a single mum from 20. Wow. So I was sort of busy. I was busy with a lot of like just taking care of the beautiful little thing and finding myself and in temporary accommodations and on the housing list and essentially homeless.

And then got. back to university and was just like on this hustle for 10 years, all whilst being a real pick-me girl, because I didn't really realise, sometimes even when you know something's not good for you, you're still nursing that rejection. Like, if you go, your behaviour needs to change because this is, we're out of here. And then they don't change that behaviour. They don't chase off. You go, oh, even though you've done the rejection, you're still feeling the rejection. Yeah, of course. That's what I'm getting at. Yeah, sometimes I've broken up with people and then I'm the one that's really sad about it and they're fine.

Yeah. That feels bad. Guys, I didn't mean it. So I don't think I was, I think from my 20s, and it really annoys me because I was so fit. I was so fit. Like I look at passport photos me and I'm like, hello. Fit, mate.

And I was so like, maybe you'd like me. I'm just a little single mum, but maybe you'll like me. And I think I got to the end of my 20s just going, What are you doing? You know, when you have to have word with yourself, like the Carrie Bradshaw thing where you're the common denominator, I said basically, I don't know where I saw it. It's probably before memes, but I read somewhere,

maybe an article, maybe I read a book. Fuck, imagine. Something like that. Oh, my God. And it's basically, if you're always picking someone that's unavailable, it's because you're subconsciously doing that because you're not ready for a relationship. So you're...

Oh, sorry. Oh, dear. Oh dear. I think we should start banning books. That's my approach. Who said that? I bet it was a man. And I just thought, yeah, I am subconsciously picking.

And I've seen friends do it, and it's horrible. You know, it's really important when your friends are involved. Because you'd see people go, well, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, look, he's got a kid with his ex, but he's really, like, they're really good. Or he's actually just come out of a big relationship, but, you know, he's really nice. You're justifying it. Yeah. Immediately.

And I'm like, yeah, no, this person's not available. And then what happened was, I just got to this point where I just knew it's me, the problem is me. And, you know, it's really important to do that. And I started having a lot more therapy. And my therapist was one of these people that's very good at just going, I sort of just started saying stuff. So just like, yeah, I'm just hearing rejection after rejection.

After rejection, after rejection. I was like, okay. Weird. Okay. Where'd you get your qualifications? I don't think you're allowed to say that, actually. And I just thought, yeah. And I just got to this point and my Rosie was 10 and I just thought, I'm great.

You know, I've got a teaching career. I've got a lovely home. I've got a beautiful daughter. And actually, if that's my whole life, I'm good. I'm actually really good. How have I defined my life or what's not there? She doesn't know any different, you know, and it was all just really nice. And I'd got out of this relationship with this kind of guy where I was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, he said, oh, we're boyfriend, girlfriend,

as though that was going to be like the it, you know. But, you know, he had no interest in meeting my daughter. He wasn't really there. It was just like, what is this? I don't know what this is. Yeah. And it was the first time I thought, what am I doing? And then...

It's so hard because you're like, why are men not respecting the fact that you have a child? And why would anyone mess you around in that situation? It's just, I just can't get my head around it. Well, because I was allowing that. And I do have to own that. I was doing this whole, I'm a cool girl. Like, I work. I've got, you know, I'm a cool girl.

I'm like, don't worry about that. Because I think deep down and here's where it gets really heavy, I think deep down I'd internalise the rejection stuff with her dad, even though whatever, for both me and her as though we weren't good enough for anyone. We were just these kind of people that couldn't even, it was this so old-fashioned sort of misogynistic stuff that I'd internalise of like single motherhood of, do you know what I mean,

of not being good enough? And it was so on a subconscious level, if someone said, oh, you and your child aren't good enough, How dare you? I think deep down that was how I was functioning. And so I was on the old dating website, Guardian Soulmates.

And then what happened was, I was on it and I'd written like, you know, what you're looking for. And I just went, and I'd written some bullocks, right, whatever it was, like, sort of like, cool girl bullets. And then what I wrote was,

actually, I want someone really good at gardening and putting up shelves. Because that is what I need. I thought, actually, what do I need a man for? That is what I need. Yeah, but actually, Task rabbit.

It wasn't around back then. Well, single girl needs to wrap it in a task, really. Yeah. It wasn't around, but this ginger guy and I knew he was ginger because his profile photo

was black and white, their giveaway. They always try and hide it. God love them. That's a good tip I might. I'm just a classic. It's a change. It's a classical guy.

In sepia. Yeah. Is she? Isn't she? And he's, opening line my now husband was, alright tiger, also one of my profile pictures did have tiger face paint

because I'm so funny. He went, all right, tiger, how big's the garden? What are the shells for? And my vagina exploded. And I thought, wow. But here's the twist of me and my husband. I'd been teaching. And my head of department,

because I'd got out of this mad relationship with this stupid guy, a bit hard. But, you know, she said, look, don't date this first term. It's really hard. You know, I just finished my, training years. I was going to my years proper. She went, just focus on teaching, start dating again in January. It's taken a lot out of you. I was like, fine. But he had messaged me in September,

so I ignored him for four months. Never played it. Like, you know, what's his name? Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. I can assure you, I've never played anything cool in my life. I accidentally I accidentally played it cool. And then in January, because I was back on this website and you can only message when you're subscribing. So I hovered on with this. black and white and seap image of this nice guy. And I accidentally unliked him. So I went, oh, I liked him again. And he went, hello, thanks for the like, he said.

I think I messaged you a little while ago. I'm so sorry. I probably said something stupid about gardening shells. He'd got in his little head. So I was like, oh, I'm going to have to subscribe because I can't leave him hanging again. So I messaged and said, oh, no, nothing stupid about it. Ha ha ha. So I was just this weirdo.

And as my husband tells us story from his perspective, he was so baffled that I had messaged back. in September because he said the minute I saw you, I knew I was going to marry you. So he was baffled that I hadn't messaged back. He knew. What? So that's what our first dance was the Johnny Cash version of first time ever I saw your face. Oh my God, don't.

I'll cry. I'll cry. I can't. I know. And that was me being a pick me girl for such a long time. And then, but I was ready to meet my equal. That was it. All right.

My mate says, everything's sex and C. I'm that generation where everything's sex and see. Your lights were on. But it was. Well, there's two versions. of that in it. There's your lights were both on or what my mate,

Katia calls, oh, because, you know, she just married a quarter to two. I said, what do you mean, quarters two? You know, quarter to two? I said, what do you mean? You went, club shut in two o'clock

so you grab someone to snow. So you're either at a time where your lights are both ones to meet or the other risk is you're at a certain age where you, where you know, you'll do. You'll fucking do.

You'll do quarter to two. Oh my God. So I didn't do my, you'll do quarter to, I just, he was just so nice and then we, first date, February 1st, 13 years ago. So yeah, we, and I met him at the top of Liverpool Street Station. I come up. I went, oh, you're all right? He went, yeah, just standing in a child, look cool. And I went, oh, it's awful in it. And then I just linked

his arm when we went to the commercial tavern. And it was just like, it was like the first time, I almost missed him. Because I almost, it was so not like any other dating experience I've had. There was no anxiety. There was no weirdness. But I was still like chatting to other guys and I kept sort of almost doing the dating going oh thank God I can go and see Ali almost in this sea of dating thank God I can go and see this guy and then about third of all day

we just went well I don't know we just did something stupid like pull a face each other and I remember I said oh do you think it's just this easy and you think it is and that was it and I'm telling you as someone that's like this is smug buried shit I get it but this is someone that's gone through every bit of shitty dating

rotten shagging around nonsense heartache, you can imagine. And then I met this girl, I'm like, oh, because I always say you wouldn't pick. You know when you're dating? You wouldn't pick a mate the way you pick a bloke. You wouldn't go to someone.

Oh, yeah, I've met this girl, Amy, on the circuit. Like, she's a little bit white wing and she don't always takes me back. And I don't think she fully brushes her teeth, but I don't know, I think there's something there. You wouldn't do that to her mate, would you? But we do it. We round up these.

Why are we justifying these? You should never have to justify anything. Ever. Yeah. So I love that that's because I, on my profile, I have, one of the things I say is I'm ideally looking for someone with a working printer. And the guys that reply and that are like, I've had people like leave voice notes and be like,

okay, what do you need printed? That's him. Those are the ones that I've like been like, oh, I'll follow it up with. Yeah. They get the joke, but also they're like genuinely like, I've got a printer in the office. What do you need? I'm like, this is, yeah, this is it.

And I still, even since I look forward to seeing my husband. So it's not as if there's not excitement. Oh my God. He feels like home. He just feels like home. He's just like home. If we're together, it's home. This is what the bar has to be.

It has to be the bar. I would rather be single. I know people that have justified their partners for decades. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course it does. Yeah, it does. It just eats away. Yeah, and we've been through a lot, you know, like a lot of cancer.

Sharon Stone has recently been in an interview about having a double sets me how it ended her marriage. Have you seen that? Yeah, his response is crazy. She got the diagnosis and as she was talking to her like oncologist surgeon saying, well I think I'll go

for the double bilateral you know. He just stormed out. This one, I mean, be careful who you marry. He stormed out, sulking basically. It's just that's where your brain went

rather than, of course, we do whatever. To keep her alive. What about my titties? Like, just madness. Yeah, she says it ended up marriage. And when I, at Barts, where I had my treatment and I was like looking at prosthetics and all this sort of stuff. And this woman that was helped me, she said, oh, yeah, yeah, I've had women. Like, how many women in those scenarios make decisions based around their men?

I was like, oh, you're going to go for the reconstruction? I was like, no, I don't want to make my recovery harder. In my head, it was just survive. And then she's, oh, we get women making all their decisions, like even their wig decisions, where women would be chuff with it, feeling good with a wig, come back at my husband. like it. Oh my God. Wouldn't you rather be single?

Wouldn't you rather have a girl gang around you? Go through those life big things. And can you imagine caring if they had one ball or no balls? Can you imagine it even crossing your mind for a single second? But if you're not married for the right reasons, that would be it. But this is the same. I'm only married for the balls. He's not, I'm just like, ah, if I'm not too bad.

If I'm not too bad. Say it with me. I'm a goddess. God. You're going to go through some shit with that person, man. They've got to be like, your bride or die. You guys have fun together as well.

I've seen you at Glastonbury together. You're like having your time in your life. That's when me let loose. Because you know, should I tell you what else is like, because obviously my Rosie was 10 when we met. So I always say that me and him have almost got dating still in the bank. But he came in and he was in it. And you want someone like that.

You know, I know Bobby's involved as well. Like I didn't have any involvement. But like I think when I was dating, I don't know, I'm making an assumption. I was very much like, ah, like this person's got to step up as dad as well. They have to be, they have to be not necessarily a dad, but somebody that is like a great role model. Exactly. I'm not bringing anyone in that's.

Exactly. And I think sometimes you can frame that when you're a parent as though it might be like a trickier thing. No, it's not. It's, she's a filter. Are you good, even if I'm still dicking about. And I take back what I said. They actually do have to be a great dad. They have to have that element to them where they're excited.

Add into that. Yeah, you are a package. And, you know, it's all, they're in it. And a real person would be like that. So I think that there's a little bit of sort of still got a bit of like the dating, still in the bank sort of thing. Oh, my God. But Glastonbury's where we get a little bit.

And it's the only weekend where we get like, fillet. Oh, my God. You know, like Midland fairies for the weekend. And it's fun. I love that. Oh, my God. So we do let loose. But you need it.

So yeah, that's nice. Oh, God. this is so positive because we literally today we decided that we're like we're never going to date again we're like we're done we're like absolutely done and then you're like well but that

that sounds nice and some people just say like Ali was very like my husband was like it's a numbers game you keep going that is kind of how I see it but it's so hard you have to regroup a bit I don't know the resilience I don't know whether men can just go oh that didn't work move on

whereas I'm like I'm rounding up from the minute I meet someone I'm like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I will make this work in my head. You have a kid as well. This is a person question you didn't have to answer. But this is something I found hard.

Like, I don't want to be, like, heartbroken around my daughter. Like, it's really hard to, like, let yourself go. Because I don't, like, when I used to be heartbroken, it would be, like, days in bed and just, like, unable to function. But it's like, I can't be like that. I have to get up every day and I have to be present. And I don't want anything to throw me off in a way that will then affect her. Yeah, it's hard that, isn't it?

I don't really have an answer because I would be pathetic. I was just pathetic. I'm such a romantic. Yeah. I was remember Amy Winehouse in her in-Lay card, like for Back to Blacksard, who the album's dedicated to, and she wrote, and people who fall in love every day. And I just thought, yeah, like, I am a romantical person.

Like, I, well, we're comedians, aren't we? So we know that feeling of, like, everyone. You like me. I want to know some people that I don't, I won't even share a can I drink with. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I guess that's it.

You just have to be open. And as you get older, it's, yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to be, like, really practical and logical with it, but I don't know if that actually works. You're asking the wrong idiot here, man. But, like, I always say to my single friends, if you're really, like, let's be logical now, let's be rational. It's like if someone offered you, like, a 50-quig gig, you know, you'd be like,

but why do we sell ourselves short on this one? Where has that come from? And we, it's like sedimentary rock. We've kind of internalized these layers of reject, what we perceive as rejection, they're not. They're just not right. And when you do really meet your person, you go, oh course, you're my person.

These other guys weren't, and it was nothing to do with me. It's like, you know, like self-tape, you know, you're just not that character. Yes, yes. It's not, and I know when I've been on the cast inside of things, where you're not, every self-tape's good.

And you're, oh, that's who I imagined. That's all it is. And things just match. And I think that, so we go at it from this sort of back-footed person as though, because essentially, until you've met your person, every day, all your dating history is bad gigs. Yeah.

We're just bombing all over the face. But you're not, you're not. They're just, you've just gone to the WI in, you've only gigued in the WI in Winchester. What is this smart that this woman's coming out with? Do you know what I mean? And that's okay. They're not meant, and that's okay.

So we tell ourselves these things, but then I always say to my single friends, with your logical head, who would be good enough for you, reframe it, Who'd be good enough for you? Who'd be, like, funny, successful, like a vibe, friendly, understanding, as pretty as you as good looking, style. Who'd match you?

They're going to have to be really special. And, of course, you haven't met them yet. We just haven't met them yet. Because who'd match you, bitches? Yeah, we just haven't met them. And you know what? I hate all this sort of stuff, like, all the female-emowered about unsinglesinglesing. No, you want to meet your weirdo.

I really want to meet my weirdo. That's it. You can be like, oh, I'm. I'm going to have a great time being single and I'm going to enjoy it. But you can also be like humans and animals like looking for a mate. Like it's like a primal thing. You don't have to be ashamed by the fact that you would love a partner. That doesn't have to be a bad thing.

No. And it's love and it might surprise you who it is. But it is like, because I didn't start comedy until I was 37 because I couldn't have done it in my 20s. I couldn't have done it until I'd, because there's something so safe about my foundation now. I didn't have that in terms. in me, that handling that making myself vulnerable possibility of rejection. I didn't have it. I had to do a lot of work on myself.

And it took to my late 30s where I'm like, oh, I've got a little pack now. I'm in a pack. So I don't, because essentially doing something as risky as comedy or something bigger like is risking censure from the group. And we're pack animals. We're hardwired to not risk that rejection. If we're a mate, we've got to be in the pack. So if you do something, you go, oh, the pack rejected me.

This is tantamount to death. feel like that, that rejection. You know what I mean? So then there's something about like needing that foundation and base. You've got yourself in a stable position. Exactly. Where you're unflappable,

you're unrockable by the little rejections of like comedy or whatever. It's like, oh, fuck off, I don't care. I've got a pack. Yeah. I'm fucking great. They flap me, but the flap is 24 hours, not 48.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas then if you're dating and being a mum, which is all flap, everything's flat. All flap. I'm flappy anyway. way as well, this is the issue.

Keep them legs crossed. And you've been married as well. You did the thing where you're like, here's my weirdo in a pack. Yeah, I thought I had my weirdo. Then you don't trust yourself a little bit where you go, oh, hang on. The thing I thought, you know,

oh, maybe I'm not, maybe I, you stop trusting your instincts and that's not accurate. You shouldn't do that. Yeah. It's great to, you picked yourself twice. You are, I found my weirdo. Oh, no.

It ain't working, that's fine. Yeah. You picked yourself twice. That's great. I think that's such an interesting thing. So your husband was involved when you started stand-up. So he helped encourage you to do it. That is such a...

I mean, more... I only confess to him that it's something I dreamt of doing. He was the only person I was brave enough today. And then he would say to people, oh, Laura's a teacher in a stand-up. He just said it. And then his wedding gift was a day he's writing to Logan Murray course. He not only like...

It wasn't just, oh, he was my foundation. And he was like, I'm speaking this, this is you. It's so sad how rare that is to have somebody that sees you that isn't threatened by it and that wants to push you to follow your dreams. Like, it's so sad how bleak that is and how little story that I've heard. Oh, we just, and I just, the same with him, we just back each other 100%. And it's just, because I'm all go and he's like chill. So I have to be like, gruel.

I'm a bit more like a bully. like, you know, and that's nice. But I always say like, because I'm just, everything's taken off in comedy in such a nice way. So he's just there, man. And I always say it's a bit like I'm batting, he's fielding. Yeah. That's the vibe.

And it's easy. They're so, like, fuck, I always thought I'd have this, like my dad's, I'm big alpha kind of, uh, uh, sort of like, the beta men, the safe men. Every good man I know on the school one is not dick swingy. But they're so much more powerful than the, Yeah. All top show ones.

Of course. The ones that are like just holding everything together. He's just, yeah, it's great, it's nice. I never thought growing up, like no shade to anyone, women took care of everything and men were just occasionally there to fuck shit up and leave. That's the only pattern I knew. Oh, you just love a roast, do you? So interesting that you started stand up when you had kids

because I think it's, that's not a common story because I think it's so hard to do that and to have, because I think there's so much, it's so much judgment as a woman doing it anyway, but I think there's so much judgment and I know women that have started stand up with kids. It's so hard, the external judgment of following your dreams when I think it's the most, like,

it's one of the best things you can do for your kids is to see you living a fulfilled life because they'll grow up and think that's possible. Yeah, we're 100% agree. There's stuff like that about like, you know, it's like you just are modelling to your kids all the time of night. I think my mum even can't quite believe the things that I do

that are just about self-care, like the girls' trips. My mum just takes care of business. Like I said, she just took care of business. And just, I'm not in just the truest sense, like just a homemaker. And then, you know, she was widowed young, younger than me. She held it all together, always holds everyone together. There's not a baby in East London that's been born that ain't had a blanket knitted by her. She's just that woman, you know?

She's amazing. but I never knew that you could do stuff that was just for you. I didn't know that. Like that was just hard. So it took being ill and it, you know, it took the sort of bravery to go, I remember because I'm part of being, like, I had my ovaries out.

And I remember work because I had the sort of treatment and all that. And then I was having my ovaries out to be protective. And I was like, to be protective. But I remember working so hard that I thought, oh, it's all right. I'm having surgery soon so I can sleep. I get pathetic. That was the, do you know what?

you're like, oh God, a bit of surgery. Hospitalise me, will you? I'll have a break. And I thought, and I booked a, I think the next month or something, I booked a solo trip to Cephalonia to just lie for three days, reading shit books.

Oh, you've got to there. And that's what, it took back being ill. So I want to model to take my kids, yeah, like take care of yourself, man. Like, no one else will. Yeah. Yeah, we're both feeling this very strongly at the moment as well.

Yeah, because especially you work for yourself so you're like, it's got a go, go, go, go. Oh, the dreams. gonna. Yeah. But yeah. I'm definitely the closest to a mental breakdown I've ever been. Oh, I thought we straightened her was the red flag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was straightened it or do a Brittany.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And today I've straightened it, tomorrow, I can't be so sure. It's hard, isn't it? It's really hard. Because it's really hard to, because I don't have kids or anything, so it's really hard to, like, choose yourself just for yourself. Like, if it was like, okay, I need to take time off because if I burn out, I won't be a good mom. Yeah. I'd probably do it. But if it's like, well, if I burn out, I'll just, I'll just carry on.

Yeah, no. And I'm finding it like, I'm at the precipice, and I'm looking down into hell. Yeah. But it's so hard to, like, choose yourself and go, I've got to start. It really is, there's a really nice, you know, it's like, I think it's a raster thing with it's there, you know, you can't give from an empty cup or you can't give with both hands.

Yeah. That was it. You can't give, my friends that you can't give from both hands. I mean, where are you taking? Where are you filling up? And I've done like a lot of work. And my hyprotherapist just talks about things in terms of cups. And I think what we don't talk a lot about in the mental health discussion is like,

if your red lights were going on. Like when I'm not in a good place, like when I got a lot of mental health and that, I'm like, I see it now with red lights on a car. If I'm irritable, crying, straightening my hair, you know. Yeah, yeah, go on. I'm listening. You know, go for a natural makeup book. I'm listening.

isn't it? I'm like, oh, okay, what can go in my calendar? And I'm sorry promoters, that's when the 200-pound gig on the South Coast can go. Do you know how? It's gone. It's gone to go. That can go. And you start going, okay, no, that can go.

And you start going, okay, there's four days I can go to New Yorker next week. Do you know what? And it really is that. And because you can't, you have to fill that good cup. Yeah. And isn't it, you know, take care of yourself. And then you're creative. You know, when you have a rest for a week

and then jokes come in to you and go, oh yeah, I've been trying to say shit for six months. I just relax and a joke. A joke come in. I'm not a shit comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm tired. Yeah.

And it's good things. And as well, there's also this stupid elbows at dawn stuff in our industry. It's like, what are you making for? Yeah. Because you go to a green one. Oh, you're flying. I just did a good photo shoot. Yeah.

I'm going on a couple days when someone's done my face for me like the hustle is real and you feel like you're just about to break somebody and then you're like oh no, same same old. Yes, yeah. So you have to give yourself, you have to do it for yourself

and then I just love having immovable things in my calendar because you know so many people have got access to your Google cow. Yeah. Like when you're agent phone, just check it. Is this hard? What's embarrassing?

I was like, no. Is this hospital appointment? Definitely happening on Thursday. When you are rescheduling, I can cancel it. Oncology catch-ups, for real. You're like, oh, my kid don't really need the orthodontist.

But yeah, I colour code things in my diary. Like, sage is stuff that's like good for my soul and orange is fun. And, you know, when there, and it feels really nice looking at you. It's a really good idea. And it's a good way of looking to see if you've got the balance right.

Because when it's all blue and you're like, that's not the one. So yeah, I'm like, okay, orange is, are coming. I've got greens, yellow, is there. Orange, orange, goring, jarring, do you see it there? And I just think, yeah, oh, that's all right. Oh, wow.

Gifts. Sign up to my... Yeah, what else you got? Yeah, on my class. On my girls. Teachers, teachers. You know, but also just being honest about those sorts of...

Yeah. It's so good because we're all like, yeah, it's great. It's great. Yeah. Is it ham? What advice would you have, though, for when you're a single mom and you maybe don't have the space

to be able to just go to me or whatever, like, now that you have, like, a set-up that it's easier. Like, what advice would you have for people that that's not as easy to do? It's really hard. And you know what else? I mean, I'm going to get myself in trouble here because it seems a hotly contested subjects as well. Like, I'm not saying do this, but, and also money is a thing.

I'm in a better financial position. I get that. Yeah, that's what I mean as well. But a little bit of bunking with your kids is good. Like, when my... Yeah, I really agree. Yeah. My kid can't always handle school.

And sometimes you, like, you're both your cups of. for yours and your daughters, because shoulder's tough, you're tearing about, swathing me. They've got a 95 as well all the time. Oh, it's hard bar for them.

And it's amazing. That cup language is really, like even my 10-year-old body would like, oh, your cups a bit full, mum. Because I'll be snappy. It's spinning all over the farm. Get away.

Essentially it is. And then we have the mum guilt. But those days we're like, do you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to get, let's get pancakes. Yeah.

And go to the Jewish Museum. And those little resets because I remember, especially when I was saying to my, like, I'm not such a regular way, but I love it. I'm like, I'm a ready. I'm heard it. Is like, oh, I just want to go to the Caribbean for a month. I'd say stuff like, and he said, and he was like,

I just seem to have therapists that just give straight talk. They're like, no, you'd be stressed, you miss your kids. I was like, okay. So those sorts of things where you're working in those little things. And sometimes you see people put a picture, we think the world is going to stop, we flatter ourselves that we think the world is going to stop turning on its axis when you don't do that thing.

But you know, you don't hate anyone that cancels a general meeting. Yeah, you're like... So cancel meeting sometimes, if you need to. The world does not stop 10 and it's actually a little bit of a sickie if you're not taken too many is just like it's okay. And don't do that thing also when you call a sickie.

And also, if you call a sickie, let the kids go school. Don't do that thing where you only stop feeling guilty when it's 5 o'clock. Yes. Are you ruined the day anyway? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So those little moments, and I remember saying once my dog got out, it's awful story, but it could.

And so it was convalescing it and I couldn't walk her for two weeks. And actually I realized not walking the dog had really affected my mental health. And my therapy said to me, why don't you just go for a walk yourself? And I was like, me, get a job. I was like, that's never, that's never occurred to me. You know, work like free kids running around. Yeah. Oh, I could just go.

The thought of going, kids, I'm going to go for a walk for 20 minutes, had never occurred to me. And I'm not being silly, like, obviously, I go careful now, you little poor bitches, you know, no. But those little things where you carve at that minute, you know, it's the touch, everyone says touching glass now, but genuinely, like, yeah, yeah, there are moments that you work in

because your cortisol levels are like up here. Yeah. And one of my favorite things in the world is going cinema by myself. that feels like the most indulgent thing on the planet, especially because we're a gigging. Yeah. So you think if I'm not gigging, I'm not doing this and I haven't got the gig. But that, oh, you like really stop and think, what do I really like?

Oh. And you do something like that? You're like, oh, man, I don't want to kill everyone. I just did something for me. And they can be really little. And if you work them into every day, you'll be all right. But we just don't, we don't give ourselves a license. I think that's so true.

it's just like micro moments when it's like when that like pressure is like building and then you're like just trying to calm a child and then it's affecting your nervous system and then you have to work it's like crazy but then if you can just have little minutes on your own like that's that's again if you can't afford a holiday to be able to yeah just take a sick day and go to museum that's free or to the park and picnic and yeah and because we don't have fun with our kids we don't have fun with ourselves you know it's like I just had a night where the girls went to streets in Margate and you know when there sometimes things are in Dari, you're like, oh, God, I shouldn't have booked that in because I'm so busy.

Yeah. Then you do them and you go, oh, no, of course I should have booked it in. Yeah. I mean, when I was a single mom, like, on benefits than that, sometimes what me and Rosie would do, we'd get, and it was really cheap them, but we would get the DLR from Stratford to Cutty Sark, and then you can pretend you'd drive in the train. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then sometimes you can get the clipper, and we'd get the clipper down and back again. And then, and just these little things that weren't big days out, And we did a lot of those things and my mum used to do a lot of those things that were taking them out and it's just like that kind of, oh yeah, I'm actually having fun with my kids. Or like stupid hairstyles.

I don't know, it sounds like really like, you know, patronising but you forget that, oh yeah, a bit of fun. And then you're not modelling fun to them. Yeah, so those sorts of things and like are good. And also I'm speaking of privilege of being in London. I do realise you've got those sorts of things. But like there's just nice things. And I do love, I know we're all do.

scrollers, but if you find an account that's a good mum account as well, that they go, oh, this actually really was a bit of fun. I get lovely top tips. So, and then the kids really appreciate that you've put a bit of effort in. And also, we're in a creative industry. If you're not in a creative industry, the best thing I liked

when I started comedy was like, oh, I'm playing again. I'm playing. I'm thinking of, you park that as an adult. It's like, you're trying to do, like, you're trying to do all the housework and gets things done. Then you have to play. And it's like, no, you have to try and like organise an activity. But then then it's so hard to come up with an activity sometimes.

Yeah. I'm not doing activities. Like, what is that activity? Yeah. I don't know what an activity is. Yeah. And just that little bit, I kind of remember, it was just sometimes when something's really easy,

you go, actually, I'll try that. And you know when you match their enthusiasm? Oh, yeah. And I just, then I'm happy for the rest of the day, safe and the knowledge. But, you know, there's that little things that they're all like, oh yeah, you can actually do this shit. And it's the first thing to go.

But I've got a joke. It was like, oh, my kids were so cute the other day. I almost looked up from my phone. Put the motherfucking phone down. And we're all doing it. But sometimes when you get these little hacks, we go, oh, I might actually try that. I might actually try that.

Yeah, fun. I don't have kids, but I want to do, like, fun stuff. I need to do some stuff that isn't directly for work. Yeah. You talk about your sticker book. Okay, so I have started doing one thing, so I started collecting the World Cup stickers. Yes.

We were telling our kids about it. I've become a tick-tie. Oh, deep joy. Deep, aggressive joy. Yesterday. So yesterday was my one day off in a long time and four a long time. From the stickers or comedy? From everything.

And I had a day with me stickers and wine. And my house mitt went out and I was on the sofa sticking my stickers in the sticker book. When he came back, I was in the exact same position but I'd had a full bottle of wine and some other bits and bobs. And I was like, look at this. Deliveroo and I'd spent £88 getting some stickers delivered to me from the centre of London on a bike. It was four miles away and the guy took 35 minutes to ride.

And when the driver came to the door, I had to be like, I'm babysitting. That's why I could. I was like, my, he will kick off if you didn't get this stickers. How fun is lying as well? Lying was fun. Lion's fun. And the driver was asking me more questions. I didn't expect any questions and he was like, is it your kid or someone else's kid?

I was like somewhere else. He's a kid. I was like, it's my nephew. Like, just fully into the lies. This guy, get drunk to have some lies. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. I had the best day.

I'm fully into stickers. That's what I'm saying about the cinema thing. Whatever, yeah, but whatever it is, whatever flows your boat. And that little bit of regression, do you ever feel more like a beast though? Are you like a little kind of tiny Roman emperor? We're like,

cycle the things I want to me now. To be fair, it's the lightest. He's probably like, it was, yeah. But I felt so decadent, man. Having a boy on a bike, bring me the thing I wanted. Come on, boy on, bike. Because also, like, let's not like, like, you know, it's nice making money. Because, you know, so I went for the more Nauterpool once, right?

And I went, someone, oh, you can go get it at this centre in Stratford. And I was sat there and I signed some paper. You know, when I, it's like I, because the last time I probably took the more Nasspool, I was like a teenager. I was like, and I sat there and then waiting in this long queue. And I, and then I remember, oh, you just buy it. You know what I'm not, I'm not teenager. I went, I'm an adult in my phone face.

Do you buy the morning after? It's like this. Got a white, cut there. That's like the Ludwig center is strapped. With all that, it's amazing kids that are taught. Do you know what I mean? I was like, I'm an adult with money. But it's like, that's what you did with the pinni.

Like, I could get a hundred pound more of these delivers. I'm a God. I'm a good. Pursuing childish interests with adult money. Oh my God. Go Disneyland. Fuck it.

Go full hill and mower. Fuck this shit. That's basically how she lives her life. That's something that is embracing. I'm a child of adult money. Fuck being. Yes. And we've been in a relationship.

Yes. She's a god. Be more her. Oh, be more power. Always more power. It's true. Oh my God. Yes.

Yes. See, deep joy. Deep joy. That's such a funny image of you getting the morning I have to bill with students that you taught us. That moment, I'm like, I have money. I have money now. Move out of the way, kids, you all have to wait for yours. Kids, I'm not having a full child.

Fuck all of you. Or being like her for being like, you get the pill and you get the pill and you get the pill. Whisper in the kids, come down, come down, come here. I'll get you one. I'll get you one. Can with Aunt E Laura? I saw you're right at. To conclude, just who will you be your equal?

You'd have to have some doubles, mate. I'd have to have some swaps. Yeah. For some swaps, so you've got the full Argentina back. I've got a pile of doubles, yeah. I just want someone to trade with now. Yeah. Can you imagine that be like the meek?

That's like Diolipa. Have you heard Diolipa? They were reading the same book. Yes, they were on the same page or something. Yeah. Just finished a chat to you and also were on the same page. Oh, wow. Too slick.

But imagine. if you were like there, stressing over your doubles and he just walked in going, you need a messy. Yes. Yes, please. Have you got a messy? Got a shiny messy.

Oh. Just want a boy with a shiny messy. Yeah, pinini panani. Hey! Can't top that today. Oh, fun. Thank you so much. Oh, I've loved it, girls.

You're on tour? Tour is on sale, so I'll go out on the end of September, I just got to write it. No, I'm just joking. It's called Bournagie, which is basically a lot about marrying a nice man and just having the ump. Why am I still being banned

from like WhatsApp groups by him? I just don't know. They're nice people. They're nice people. So yeah, that's the fun of it really. Oh, lovely. You can find you on Instagram or? Oh, that Laura Smith. I just share DJ Fat Tony memes.

I'll be honest with you. There ain't no concept. And you have a podcast? I do. I do. I do. Someone of mine. I do that. You're good at this. You're so good.

I'm so good at this. Yeah, shouldn't laugh. But, which we weren't going to call it our stupid podcast because it's just very silly. It's just us being very silly. We're not podcast millionaires yet. But it's very funny. Very silly.

Oh, my God. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. What a woman. What a hero. What a hero. What a hero. Oh, it's power. Me.

Kelmsley Galadio What more do you need in life? It's a cult I want to carve You got Saunders at the top She's started it all Yeah, she's in the sea as we speak Yeah

You know what I arrived at Margate for streets on Friday And then I just see this cackle, Laura Smith And it's her and Steve Libby in a car And I was like, don't want to talk to you, Lou Oh my God, just talked about traitors I am Starstruck stealing the boot She just does that as a welcoming committee, anyone that arrives in more. Yeah, yeah.

Amy, we've got to get out there. She's wise. What can I say? She is wise. She's so wise. She's so funny. And she's so cool. And she's so cool.

She's got so much good energy pouring out of her. I wish I could stick a tap in her and drink from her keg of energy. Okay. Yeah. No, I regret all of that. Yes. But do you get the sentiment. I do, I really get, I get the sentiment.

I get other sentiments just went on when I do get that sentiment that I think you mean. Yes. She is a wise well. She's a wise well. But also like of just good vibes. Yeah, she's a fun time. Oh yeah. I loved it.

Especially at Glastonbury. Yeah, wow. And I mean, obviously, I don't know her husband, but from Laura's own words, he sounds like a fucking brilliant dude. This is it. And this is why you can't settle. I think hearing these stories are so good. We can't.

give up. No. I want to give up so bad. I want to be done with it, but we can't give up. You absolutely mustn't. We shouldn't give up. Because what if there's something that nice around the corner? And things, you just have to try.

This is what I think the really good advice is you just have to keep trying. Yeah. All right then. Laura is on tour around the UK with her new show, Born Aggie. Is it like Born Slippy? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. TBC, Fitzborn, Slippy.

We haven't seen the show. We haven't seen the show. And she is online at that Laura Smith. With a Y. In the Smith. Yeah, not in that. Not in that. Don't be spelling that with a Y.

You'll be made a fool of. Yes. And crucially, you won't find Laura. And Grizzly you won't find Laura and you need to. Yeah. We all need to. Once again, I feel like joining a cult of our guest. We have so many brilliant guests on where I am genuinely

inspired and in awe of them. And I'm like, and they leave and I'm like, but what now? I just want to learn from you. No, but you actually have learnt. You've learnt. You actually, you can't see it, but you've learnt. And some things that I'm picking up from you are learnt behaviour.

Oh my God. There's been growth. We're growing. The problem is we started from underground. And now we're just little seedlings. We're just dipping our little heads above the ground. Yes. But underneath so many roots have been put down.

Yeah, we got really windy with the roots. Yeah. We've been going back and before. Yeah, down. Because it's dark, you know, you can't see we went down for a bit back. And then we went up again and then, yeah. Then we got stuck between a wall and a canal. But now we're poking our little heads above the soil and going,

yes. Okay. Okay, then. We'll try some more. We'll do it. We love you. We love you. I guess if we're still trying, we'll see you again next week.

Yeah, we'll see you next week. We will see you next week. Bye-bye. Hello, me again, Amy Gledhill, but this time I'm with... Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa! WT. Fuck! What's going on? I'm with bloody Ian Smith.

Off a Northern News podcast. Yes, a podcast. That's not about the news. Don't worry, single ladies. No, it's not about the news. It's not about being single. No. It's about the North. And all of our stories are about couples.

That is not the true thing. Not technically true. It's weird stuff. It's funny stuff that's going on up north that we're reporting back on. Things like pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire Village and attacking children.

Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in Bath, Matt. And we've got special guests. We're talking about people like Phil Wang, Jessica Nappet, Ed Campbell and Ross Noble. Whoo! Noble! Whoo! That's Northern News, wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.