Single Ladies In Your Area - Pubes, periods and bumping into your ex with Chloe Petts

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

This week Harriet and Amy and joined by the incredible Chloe Petts to discuss pubes, unexpected periods and how it feels bumping into an ex. Is there a ‘correct’ way to groom your pubes? How should you act bumping into an ex? And can fancying someone make you come on your period?Chloe is on tour with her new stand-up show 'How You See Me How You Don't' starting at Soho Theatre, London and then around the UK. For tickets and information head to chloepetts.org.Support the podcast and enjoy early and ad-free listening, BTS content and more by subscribing to our Patreon at patreon.com/singleladiesinyourareaWe want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodAnd follow Chloe Petts on Instagram @chloepettsRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Matt Crockett and Linda Blacker.Design by Welcome Studio. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there. And we're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing.

So we're going to speak to experts, chat about dates we've been on. If we manage to get any. And share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone we might even get our exes on yeah we'll see about that this is single ladies in your area so this week i just have a little breakdown and talk about my flirting which it turns out might not be flirting. Yeah, I'd agree. And after that, we speak to the brilliant Chloe Petz about pubes.

Yeah. We didn't mean to, but we did. And honestly, I think it's the most insightful chat we've had so far. Welcome to the pod. Another pod, another week, another disaster. No, another learning experience. Another thing to learn from. When do we graduate? When are we learnt?

Oh, I'd love to get like a BTEC. BTEC in dating. And then you're done. Then you're done. Just be done. Just be done going around being like, I am qualified and I don't need to study anymore, actually.

There's nothing left to learn and endure. Turns out it wasn't for me. Change of career into spinsterhood. Yes, got the qualification and retired immediately.

To a peaceful life. I'm burning this certificate. It was a nice piece. What's happened? It's so difficult because we're trying to be really honest here and I think it's been nice piece. What's happened? It's so difficult because we're trying to be really honest here. And I think it's been difficult being single with a baby. Yeah.

She has started to stay with her dad a couple of nights a week. And I'm just finding it so hard. And this is not a fun way to start the pod. It's honest. I know. And it's really good to share. I just keep going around and just like crying. I don't know.

Like it's just hard because you want to have like fun and be fun. But it is just really hard. When we separated, it's like I did it because it was the right thing for her. Like it was definitely right. And I wanted to like make like healthy relationships and her to grow up and like see that. But it's just really hard not to be with her all the time. Now, two nights a week, she stays with him. And like I think a lot of people are like, that's great you can get out there you can like live your life but I

think I just have to grieve it that um I just have to grieve that period and um just have her not be in the home with me it just feels um it feels really unnatural it's a big change it's a big it's a big change and I've been so lucky that I've had her with me so much and um Bobby has been really great in that respect and he's really like taking the hit and he's been so good and so understanding and I just have to you just have to go through it it's like with it with so many things that is this you just have to go through the hard stuff and it just has to be hard and shit but I am I just feel like I'm going places and like having fun and being really positive about it but then it's like it's that thing on

Instagram or whatever when it's like it just feels like you're being a bit fake. Like it is really hard having a child that I'm not going to see all the time. We're so lucky. I'm just, I'm just finding it hard. Of course. And it sounds like you're saying there's like a pressure to immediately spin it into a positive. Like, oh, well now I've got this free time and I'm so lucky

to have this but but you've got to be honest about how you how that feels and it's gonna feel really really hard and it's gonna feel strange and I think it's such a big step from going from being in a in a home with where there's always two other bodies there yeah and then now you're going back and you're like well it's me and the dog at least you got a dog sometimes the dog's not there sometimes he takes the dog and it's and it's the right thing it's completely right and he's like helping me by taking him sometimes but um it's just hard and I think it's that thing you really like understand why people stay in relationships that aren't right because you're like well it's not right but it's comfortable and I get to have all these other things like I really

like understand that and it's really hard and shit to have to do this stuff like it's really hard and um I'm just tired and I'm just yeah it's just hard to go on dates and be like fun and and I did go on a date I went went on another date and it wasn't right, but he was very nice. I had all of my limbs out. You know when, like, you turn up... Oh, whoa, whoa. Just circle back there a sec.

So we've gone from something really honest and I'm so proud of you for just, like, for doing it and for sharing it and saying like genuinely and authentically how you feel in your current life situation the gear change I will say too I had all my limbs out was a little quick for me I don't know how the listeners feel I was like holding back tears just being in awe of you I just just so proud of you oh this isn't very fun for everybody to listen to. So I was like, I wouldn't let they add all my limbs out.

Everyone's limbs were very much covered in my morale. And I think that feels like a metaphor for how I'm living at the moment. All my limbs are out and everyone else's are covered. Okay. Alright, okay. Well, first of all, just to say, I just want to pick up because you said it feels like it's really hard to have

to be light and breezy. Yeah. Just want to say you don't have to be light and breezy. You were allowed to sort of sit in our feelings and it's something that I find really hard. I always presume if I'm not like happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, joy, joy joy then people will instantly be like well I'm not hanging around with her again yeah it's not the case at all yeah everyone's three-dimensional and I think you're such a great person you don't need to put on an act for anyone not for your friends not for

me who's your friend also and not for the listeners thank you you, Amy. And also Pluto has now left wherever Pluto was. And so it's a new beginning for everybody. And so all the hardships that we went through, I don't know if this is right, but this is what I'm taking from it. It's all done now. That's all done. And so now we were stuck in it for 18 years, apparently,

and now we're releasing. And so from this moment forward, it's all going to be easy. That's what TikTok is telling me. And so it's all going to be easy that's what tiktok is telling me and so it's important that we hold on to that okay so from this moment forward it's going to be easy we had to go through hardships we've been through the hardships from now on this is actually the morning after your date the morning after your date shut up pluto left wherever the fuck pluto was and went went to where Pluto's I'm not a scientist or, no wait,

astrologist. I'm not a doctor. I'm clearly not a scientist or doctor or an astrologist either in any way. But we're all going to be fine. Oh my god. So we can get our limbs out and keep our limbs in. We do whatever we want now.

We shed that. Yes. I'm sorry, but if the last 18 years has been thanks to Pluto, Pluto can get fucked. Fuck off, Pluto. Fuck off, Pluto. But let's start to get, we're beginning. And so it's just things have just felt hard

and they just, and all these changes, it's so hard, change is so just so hard. It is hard, but it's important. It is. And ultimately, all the right decisions have been made. And we know that. Yes, this is it. We absolutely know that.

Doesn't mean it's not hard. Yeah. Doesn't mean it's not going to hurt. Doesn't mean we won't cry most days of the week. But ultimately, the right things have happened. Yes. So talk to me now about your limbs being out where were you it was like a fancy place but everyone there was like quite cool

but it was like an unexpectedly warm day and then sometimes when I wear a tights it can like imprint weirdly and then gives me a weird shape and so I was like great I when I wear tights it can like imprint weirdly and then gives me a weird shape and so I was like great I won't wear tights but then my arms were also out and then I just walked in you know when everyone is just dressed like really like scandy and cool and everyone's limbs are so covered and then mine are just like flailing about the place were you in a bikini in a restaurant? in my bikini in the restaurant and In my bikini in the restaurant. And you know when you just feel a bit uncomfortable?

I was just like, oh, I don't know. But I sometimes feel more comfortable with my limbs out than Scandi Cool because it's really odd. You've got lovely limbs. Thank you, Amy. But it's like about, I don't know what it is. I think it's like the dyspraxia thing. Sometimes I get very hot. I can't wear wool. I can't do this.

And I can't wear anything that's too tight. I just feel weird and so sometimes having my limbs out I just feel like moving my arms around like I'm um what's that creature praying mantis that was me I was like a big praying mantis I just got into the date it reminds me you know if you're changing a kid's nappy and you take all their clothes off and they just really enjoy being free yeah and you're like oh I went in so free but then everyone else was very unfree and they were very like closed and I was like oh this just feels a bit weird um but then the the person was nice it just wasn't quite right so back to the drawing board I went on the apps and I was like maybe was having a nap and I

was like okay I'm just gonna message some people and like it was like a Saturday afternoon and I'm gonna like just see what's out there and then it just went so badly I just like there was a company that I thought would cue so I was like I'll send the messages or whatever so I said hi Ryan is that a cowboy hat? It wasn't like a religious hat or something, was it? And you were like, hey, is that a cowboy hat? Is that a fancy dress costume? Uh-oh.

What hat was he wearing? A cowboy hat? I think it was a cowboy hat. I think maybe he thought it was like a dick, but I was just like Did you put, hi Ryan, is that a cowboy hat? You fucking loser. I know he said you fucking loser. It's just a question. I was just like

curious, like is that a cowboy hat? Maybe he's like, I don't want to date a woman who cannot distinguish what a cowboy hat is from other hats yes yes i have to tell you another um chat that i got into oh wait no they've blocked me as well relating to people is so hard oh my god what happened they said something like um oh together we could run away and and live in a castle and i said it would really depend on the castle because and then he was like what do you mean and i was like some of them don't have ceilings and he said he was like i'm not talking about historical ruin like

i said i'm just like weird the thing about me is i'm just like fuzzy about walls like i just really i need a wall and then he was me is I'm just like fuzzy about walls. Like I just really need a wall. And then he was like, wait, you're, you're fuzzy about walls? I was like, yes, I think walls are important. And just like, you know, in every turn, you're like just saying something. And you're just like, that's the obvious thing that I feel like for me to say in this conversation. And they're like, what the fuck? Like, what the fuck is coming out of this woman's mouth?

And you're like, I'm just saying what I think is the right thing to say at this moment. Why is that so wrong? The woman thinks walls are important. We shouldn't have to be explicit about this. It shouldn't be a strange thing to hear. So yeah, I've just been having a bit of a time of it yeah what i love about doing this podcast is that we're very honest

and i feel like a lot of a lot of the stuff that i really love and watch on TikTok or Instagram is like people succeeding. And I feel like our USB is genuinely failing time and time and time again. You know what everybody said when we started the podcast? Don't know how long they're going to be able to do it because they're both going to be in a relationship.

We can't even get on a date. Yeah, I mean, how are they going to get past episode 10? They'll both be married, won't they? No, no, getting blocked from having conversations about walls. The longest running podcast that's ever... Single old ladies in your area. In your care home luckily we're not alone Harriet no thank god thank god thank god we do have

a fantastic guest with us this week I love them me too it's the one and only Chloe Pets. It's a match. We are joined in the studio by Chloe Pets. Hello, Chloe Pets. Thank you so much for having me. I feel that you deserve a clap. Thank you. Thank you to the community. Thank you for coming in.

Thanks for having me. Here at last. Yeah. We've been waiting for you, Chloe. It's either a compliment or very sinister or maybe a sinister compliment oh I love a sinister compliment

yeah go on your hair would look good cut off or like I like your t-shirt and then they say it would look better on my on my floor

what about I like your haircut it would look better on my floor. What about, I like your haircut, it would look better on my floor. Lovely pubes, they'd be better on my floor. Lovely pubes is enough of a sentence to come for. Lovely pubes. I love what you've done, Tom. Has anyone been complimented on their pubes before?

Complimented? Actually, this is so perfect because I have... Because just this week. Go on. I can't wait to hear this. Well, I don't know if this is too much to say on a pod. I was thinking about it before. Never too much.

Okay, so I went to go and have laser hair removal. So I haven't had laser hair removal. I had it like 15 years ago at the dawn. The dawn of laser hair removal. The first time I had laser hair removal. Because it does come back a bit. Before I kept like most of it, but just got rid of like the edges, you know. We're talking about the lady parts.

Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it could have been like your arse or your legs or your feet or something. Oh, all of that as well. I kept most of it. We just got the edges. We didn't explicitly say pubes at the beginning though.

So where are yours growing? Arse, legs, feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Feet pubes, feet pubes. I kept my feet pubes at the beginning though so where are yours growing oh legs feet pubes feet pubes i kept my feet pubes you you were having your laser so i went to go get my laser but before i got the laser then i was talking to two people very close to me we were just talking about pubic hair and you just don't it's not something you're often seeing you're not knowing what's happening and they had got it all taken off and i was like what and they were like yeah everybody has it taken off and i

was like what because now i'm going around and then I'm not going around showing everybody come on get it man get in but I'm going to be showing some people I hope that I'm going to be showing some people yeah I'm going around the people I know just to try and work out what's happening down there because the consensus that I was getting was that everybody's got it all taken off and like that's so embarrassing if you haven't and I was like what I didn't know that and then they said that their friend had like a little bit at the top so it was like it was wearing like a little hat and they were like oh what what's the point right so what should I do this is a really good point actually because I think when you're single and dating you do worry about stuff like this when you get like over 30

it's very difficult to sort of ask, like, what are we doing with our pubes? What are we doing? Like, when you're in school, it was maybe, it's really awkward. And then there's a point where you're like, are you shaving yours? And now I feel like we should know. It doesn't come up.

I'm not talking about it with anybody. So I need everybody to let me know individually what they're doing. And the thing is, I like my pubic hair. I don't not like it. But then I thought maybe it's easier if it just goes. And then my friend was like, okay, just shave it off. And see what you think. I'm so hot. I'm wearing like a waistcoat thing and. I'm so hot.

I'm wearing like a waistcoat thing and I've got so hot, which is crazy because I don't have any beauty care in my mind. I've been on a podcast a lot with Harriet and this is the quickest you've ever had a breakdown. It always happens, but this is the quickest one.

It happens at some point. And so then I took it all off, which I've never done before, apart from once when I had to get it plastered. What the fuck are you talking about? Plastered? Wait, what's the word that I'm looking for? Vaginoplasty.

No, vaginoplasty. No, when you make a sculpture out of your vagina. Why? I think we understand what's happening we don't understand why for work of course for TV for a TV show

I once had to plaster cast my own vagina a lady did it for me where was it shown? Who saw it? E4. They did cancel it throughout the series. Anyway, I've still got it.

And that's the last time that I've been bare. And then I went and then I was like, oh, I'll just see. And so then I got the first. Are we talking waxing it off? No, no, no. So I shaved it all off. Oh my God! And then I went to the laser place and I was like oh I'll just do it all

and then I was like oh wait now I've done it all but it's only been once and so I think some of it will come back but then now am I stuck like this with just a bald vagina is my vagina bald forever

I think it will come back but is it going to come back in patches and is this even what I want I don't know what I want and I don't know what's normal I think that nothing is normal yes

I think that everyone should do whatever feels right. Yes. And I have slept with people that have fully shaved, not fully shaved. I've enjoyed both. There's no judgment coming from any sane person. I have a bit of judgment, but don't worry.

Carry on, Chloe. I know I slept with someone who had laser treatment ages ago and it's like, it grows back a bit. A bit? But like uniformly, but it's like ages ago and it's like it grows back a bit. A bit? But like uniformly, but it's like really nice because it's like soft and downy. Like it's really beautiful. Oh, Chloe, you've helped so much.

You're going to have the back of a hamster down there. I'll say it's painful down there. What do you mean it's painful down there? Well, because they've... When did you get it done? Tuesday. Oh, Tuesday. No, on Tuesday I went. And then I was like, oh, you know when you're just in those moods where you're like, fuck it. when did you last get it when did you get it done you said oh tuesday right tuesday i went

and then i was like oh you know when you're just in those moods where you're like fuck it but then it's gonna have life-altering implications where i just don't have and then i was like you know when you get carried away in your head and i was like well there's like an apocalypse and then it's like really cold and then like my vagina freezes because it has no covering yeah that is my first thought as well. Harriet, you know that most people when they go through a divorce get like a fringe or something? I've got the opposite of a fringe. They don't just have a mad day and go,

I'm going to be reckless. I'm going to have it all permanently removed from down there. But I think if it was on Tuesday, then you've got quite a long time for it to grow back. Yes. And it's just one. It's just one. Yeah, because normally you have to do

a course of them, don't you? To get rid of it, rid of it. Could you readjust and say, I just want a little top hat? Yes, but I don't know what I want. And I don't think I do want a top hat because I'm not a formal person. Nike tip.

You want it to be casual. A casual, maybe a cap. A baseball cap. Yeah, a baseball cap. Some trainers. Fedoras? No. Yeah. No, you don't want a fed, a baseball cap. Yeah, a baseball cap. Some trainers. Fedoras, no. Yeah. No, you don't want a fedora on that

because your vagina every time you took your pants off was like, my lady. Yeah. Because I, I'm going to say it, for better or worse, I'm a fan of the pube. I am. Get it on a t-shirt. I want it out there. I'm a fan of a pube. I am. Get it on a T-shirt.

I'm a fan of a pube. And also, for me personally, because I have done waxing where it's basically all been removed, except they left a little thing and I was like, well, that looks gross. That looks like a little slug. That looks like it's an accident. I didn't like that for myself. I liked walking around afterwards and going,

oh, I'm so smooth. I'm so smooth. I liked walking around afterwards and going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It feels good, doesn't it? I'm so smooth. But then I actually was just like, I just didn't like it. I like to have whatever's going on down there going on with a little trim. I think I like that. I think that's what I like.

And I hope it's not too late and I hope we get it again. But if not, in like five years' time, you're going to have lovely, soft, downy hair. Oh, it'll be so nice it's going to be really nice I like I like the comparison

of a hamster's arse just so it'll be so lovely and soft yeah it would be a pleasure to to

do business with yeah exactly yeah that would be lovely yeah you'll just be sat in this podcast recording studio giving myself a little stroke.

Yeah, a little fidget toy just to soothe you. Next time you have one of your breakdowns, oh, that's soothing. Next time I have one of my breakdowns. I just remembered the intro to this episode. What happened? Let's keep it moving.

I'll listen along at home. Can I tell you about, I know we didn't bring Chloe on here just to talk about pubes, but can I tell you about my worst pube look? So I like to just let it do what it do, just keep it trimmed, right? Uniform.

Yeah, lovely. And because nothing has happened down there for so long now, I feel sort of, you know, whatever. And I realised I sort of trimmed a bit, feel sort of, you know, whatever. And I'd, I realised, I sort of trimmed a bit, but sort of mainly down the middle

and left the sides. Oh, like a monk. Yeah. Like a, like a reverse mohawk. Like bald in the middle. For fryer vagina, we'll see you now.

Yes. Yeah. Do you think that because you encounter more as a lesbian you know more of what's

going on what's do you know what I mean because I this is surely surely you know more I can't really see

over my teeth yeah I've never seen one head on you can't I can't see mine and I sort of feel like it's like the back of my head do you know what I mean

like oh I don't need to straighten that bit because I can't see it. Yeah, maybe you should get a hairdresser to come around with one of those mirrors to show you your vagina, reflect your vagina. Is that what you wanted? Long at the sides?

Yeah. Yeah, that's lovely, that. But maybe because you see them. Yeah, no, I think so. I've never met one face on. Really? Never? Not once?

Never, not once. I think it's probably difficult because I imagine at the point that people get to the having sex bit, then there will have been some like, oh, I better trim myself up a little bit. You've never seen one that's not been prepped. Exactly. I would say majority not bald, completely bald.

For your census. Chloe's done the survey. I've done the survey. Majority not bald. Door to door, reporting back. If they. I've done the survey. Majority not bald. Door to door, reporting back. If they are, don't mind it.

I don't mind. But what I will say is every single person I slept with from my teens to my late 20s, I would say would comment on it and go,

sorry, or like, is this okay? Or blah, blah, blah. I'm so sorry about it. Yeah. And I'd always be like, God,

I've never apologised about mine. Should I have apologised? I think you've got some letters to write. Dear Sarah, I'd like to formally apologise for my vagina eight years ago. Cannot believe I've never apologised. But I think that's great. That's really good.

That's really great. And I'm always like, no, don't apologise. It's an absolute privilege for me to be down here. Thank you. Thank you for your kindness and good grace. My lady. Yeah, my lady. Been up too much this weekend?

Ugh! I would love to know a little bit about how your relationship with dating. Are you dating? Do you date? Have you dated? Do you hate dating? Do you love dating? I have never done the, like... I either have, like, a one-night stand or I sleep with someone for at least three months.

Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done the apps once. I did that in my early 20s. Good time to do them, I think. Well, yeah, I did it once. And then like the second person I went on a date with, we went out for like a year. Look at this success.

Yeah. We've got success in our midst. And then the rest of the time was just like, I would go through in my early 20s. I would like, yeah, I just don't go on dates. I like meet someone at a party and then I'd go for a drink or something. And then we go for a drink and then date for a year that's lovely isn't it isn't that lovely at the end of the year like you're like you're attached enough to them that it's heartbreaking

but not attached that you can like yeah do you know what I mean it's difficult yeah we're saving ourselves that by um not having anyone stick around. I don't like the dating bit, though, where you have to go through all of your best stories and you have to be really charismatic and impressive. I don't like that bit. Yeah, I like going to a bar, making a connection with a person and sort of doing it that way.

That's what I like to do. Yeah, that's really nice. And I think the thing about like having a one night stand or dating for three months plus is you're getting the, they're the two best bits. You get that initial like, oh, this is so exciting.

This is just like a lusty, passionate evening. And then that bit, if you carry on up to three months, is very like a bit tense and you have to be on your best behaviour. And then after three months is when you're like, okay.

Are we a thing now? Are we a thing? But you're more comfortable. You're more relaxed. There's no like, I think it takes a lot of energy at the start of a relationship because you're, masking's maybe the wrong word, but you know, you're just making sure

that you're like being your best self and then you can kind of be your best self but just in a more relaxed fashion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the first three months if i really like someone i'm always just shitting it yeah oh fuck like i've yeah what if they this is so good like i what if it ends yeah what if it ends how do you handle that um intense anxiety like i would get very anxious if yeah if i really like someone the first like three or four weeks I

get so anxious and so I've seen you in those modes it's really cute it's so cute it's you that I would come to and be like Harriet what's going on you're like everything is fine like this person has given you grace at what the fuck is wrong with you chill out calm down yeah and I'm so I have a girlfriend now I'mating again okay don't worry about it carry on but I had it with her where like I was so into her

and she was doing this like this batshit thing where she was like literally being the Chapel Roan song casual where she was like saying it was casual

but oh my god but being like but then calling me every night and then like being so cuddly when we were around each other

and then eventually I was like hey you know you said this you said this was casual, like, you know, it's not. And she was like, oh, yeah, no, no, no. I would be batshit if I didn't, if I said this wasn't casual. But for that three weeks, because I liked her so much and I wasn't really sure where I stood, I was like, fuck, this is anxiety inducing, this is scary. And it was just before the Edinburgh Fringe where I was basically like waking up in the morning, writing my show, going to do some exercise and getting on the train to chip in Norton

to go and do a work in progress. So like there was no, there was nothing to distract me. I was just like fixating on this thing. But what was good about that was this time now I'm a bit older, instead of like, usually I would like reassurance seek from the person and like try and like push buttons to like get an emotional response back to show that they care or something.

But this time I was like, nope, none of that is happening. I'm just going to my friends for support. And I made sure that I separated my feelings from like, she wasn't doing anything really to evoke that response from me. I was anxiously attaching because I liked her so much we talk about anxious attachment a lot

yeah are you anxious attachment oh big time oh hello nice to meet you oh big time but what was great about this was like

I was like she was communicating really well like I know I said the thing about the casual but like we were communicating really well and it was really good

so I was like she's giving you all of the great signals here but you're still anxious maybe it's not her problem maybe it's really good. So I was like, she's giving you all of the great signals here, but you're still anxious. Maybe it's not her problem. Maybe it's a you problem. So I just communicated as much as I needed to to her to say,

actually, I'm a little bit anxious, but I've got this. And then went away and dealt with it with my friends. That is the healthiest thing I've ever heard. It was amazing, yeah. You've got to get in there and sniff them. What would you do if you found out that I started going out with your ex? I would be shocked. Yeah.

I'd be real shocked. I'd feel like you had a plan. You know what I mean? You were going to get him yeah I'd be like where's this going but I can't wait to see how it happens

I've thought about this because not with you specifically if a comic started dating him which could could definitely happen I have thought about it

and my main thing is like oh you'd want to I'd want to befriend that person and be like hey I'm here if you need anything do you know what I mean support group waiting here ready for you yeah I mean like with one of my exes he dated a lot of comedians who I'm friends with you know whatever a lot of women that I love and when you're in the relationship they're still great but when you're in the relationship

they're still great but when you're out of the relationship it really is like a hey how do you feel is this okay like do you want to talk about and it's like oh yeah this is nice so i'd actually be kind of thrilled if you did because then when you broke up if you broke up you can join you can join the community the droves of comics that have who do you think the comedy community would be most surprised if it turned out that you started going out with? If Harriet started going out with my ex or I started going out with her ex, I think that would be fucking outrageous.

That would be so funny. I think that would be outrageous. Imagine that this podcast, imagine the episodes. Broken ladies in your area. Oh my God. It's such a head fuck to think of it. Yeah. Would you be actually upset

or would you just think it was quite funny? I wouldn't think it was funny. I would be worried. I think I am going to find it hard when, I think it's going to be really good when my ex starts dating somebody, but I think it's also going to be hard. And also there's other factors.

I think everyone deals with things differently, but I like to know everything like I want to know like up front yeah because that is the thing where we do work in a thing where I do feel like I could go somewhere and something could have happened with somebody there and it's like the longer that we're apart the easier it is yeah but like I don't want to go somewhere and then everyone be like yeah I was with whatever last night oh hello harriet you know i don't ever want to have that kind of vibe yeah but that's apparently that's fine to have that vibe this is what i'm learning yeah you don't have to know everything right yeah i want to know everything i want to have it all sorted and i want but apparently you don't have to tell everybody everything yeah interesting why do you think you want to know everything

I want to know what is happening in life so that I can just plan it all and everything's going to be fine and there's not gonna be any surprises there's nothing that's going to go bad I just need to know if something bad is going to happen I want to know about it and so I can process it I don't want to be surprised just can everybody just let me know everything thank you so much we've talked about sort of you i think it was with was it with michelle where you like to sort of like have control like you feel comfortable like the more control you have in the situation that that gets rid of some of your anxiety i have none it turns out i am a nun with no control but I feel like

I feel like I had that too where like I would be so scared of my emotions that I would try to like not have any yeah and then when I like

got surprised by my emotions and just let them come in I was like oh nothing was there as bad as I thought it would be so like I remember again in my early 20s

I was so upset about someone that broke up with me and I bumped into her. And I like had this like really strong physical reaction where like, I felt sick and like I was gonna shit myself and like, my face went red and I started shaking after like I managed to hold it together. And then after that happened. And I think it was because like my body was like simultaneously trying to have a big emotion, but trying to stop myself from having a big emotion. So it just came out as physical symptoms.

Wow. And as soon as I was just like, but you didn't die. That was fine. Like you can deal with stuff that's outside of your control and allowed it in. I felt so much better about everything. And now like, you know, now I'm not that scared of bumping into exes because I'm like, well, you know, it will be hard, but I'll deal with it.

And then I'll feel better again. Well, luckily I bump into my ex five times a day well that's good yeah that's good isn't it isn't that good um I've not I've not bumped into mine yet and I keep thinking well I'm gonna eventually how will you feel how do you predict you might feel? Yeah, because you won't know for sure how you're going to feel. Yeah, I don't know. I think I'll feel, if it's like a work thing, I'll feel absolutely fine. We still live quite near each other

and sometimes I'll be on the bus or something, passing a street and I'll be like, oh, don't look out the window because you might see him kissing somebody else. And then I'm like, but I don't mind that. I don't care. But there's just, I think there is like a sort of defence mechanism that you've got like inherently in your body that's like,

well, keep yourself safe from this. Don't look at that. And like, we don't have each other on social media or anything like that. So I very rarely encounter him. Yeah, I don't know. I guess, I think it'll be fine. Yeah. I do think it'll be fine.

But if he's like, you know, literally having sex with Harriet when I see him. Or me. It would be like, oh, Chloe, of course. It would be a shock. It would be a jolt. I'll probably have a jolt. You'd have a nice little jolt. Amy, we've got to get out there.

But it's interesting what you were saying about the physical reaction, because recently, I'm just going to throw this out there in case it resonates at all. So I've been chatting to a boy that I've got a crush on. That's fine, don't worry about that. The last two times I have seen him,

literally the last two times I've physically seen him, my period has started immediately when I'm not due on a period what? yeah and the first time I was like

did you know about this? no but I don't know what it means like what does it mean it's like well I googled it you fancy him so much that you've bled

from your vagina well the first time I was like well that's weird because I'm not you should have done a little trim and then had a little...

Yeah. That middle section is really bleeding. So the first time it happened, I was like, oh, well, that's weird. And then the second time... I don't know what it means. This is so strange. Yeah. Yeah.

Not to, like, stigmatise your body. No, of course. The body is a beautiful thing. And it has happened once before on the French exchange. Because I was going out with, I mean, obviously it's in school, but I was going out with a boy. I had a boyfriend, but I didn't like him. He was very mean.

And I'd gone on the French exchange without him and I fell in love with Aurélien. Oh my God, he was the coolest French guy and he was like a bit older and he had a moped. Obviously, obviously, I was like, okay, well, I'm in love with him. Well, the second to last night, we'd kind of, he kind of said, I really like you. And I was like, oh, I can't do anything.

I've got a boyfriend. And he's like, okay, well, tomorrow's your last night, so let me know. And I was like, okay. And then throughout the day, I'd gone, do you know what? You only live once and I don't even like my boyfriend. He's really horrible. And I'm going to kiss Aurelion, actually.

And then immediately came on my, like as soon as I made the decision that I'm going to kiss Aurelion, actually. And then immediately came on my... Like, as soon as I made the decision that I was going to do something with him, I immediately came on my period. Did you kiss him still, though? No. What? Because I thought it was a sign from my body.

I thought my body was going, don't do that. Do you think your body is preparing to get pregnant? So it's like they see, so they see, like, potential, then they're like, got to get this fertilisation going, you going you know let's start the process do you understand the menstrual cycle no no no but that's what i mean that it's like getting rid of it to start again it's like we're finished with this cycle get the next one coming but no i don't understand thanks for pointing this out in my work setting thank you so I'm going to google it

I'm genuinely intrigued by this a lot of the stuff was like you know how women can sync up like there is a thing you can sync up with a man no but your period is the first day of your cycle so your period is beginning

and it's starting the cycle so it's getting you ready so it's like your body's like let's go baby get going but if there's not like, imagine you'd had a period and then a week later

you see the boy you fancied. Does the period start again then? What? Yeah. But there's not even been any time for an egg to get in there. There's not even been time for a ruler.

And it's not even like, oh, there's a bit of blood. It's like, I've got the cramps. I've got the mood swings. Like the hormones. Is it trying to create a flood to keep the man away? It's trying to, it it trying to create a flood to keep the man away it's trying to it's trying to create liquid to keep like a barrier between you yeah is it a barrier a new study

found exposure to male pheromones can boost a woman's mood and stimulate the release of a hormone that regulates the menstrual cycle so romance can affect the menstrual cycle. It can trigger your period. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Fucked up! You're both just on your phone and I feel like... Well, I was trying to find out, but it just said, when I'm on my period, do I feel gay?

Yes. I've had different results. do you feel gay when you're in the room not me that's what it said I didn't google why on my period do I feel gay

it's not me it's what somebody put on google it's not my google search history. I feel gay when I'm on my period. Oh my gosh. Listen again, I'm not a scientist.

I have to say this in every single episode. I'm not a scientist. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a doctor. Fucking hell. Apparently that is a thing though where like... a doctor. I'm not a doctor. Fucking hell. Apparently that is a thing though where like... You're gay on your period.

You're gay on your period. No, but like you have like feelings and impulses that don't represent what you would usually feel when you're in the like

second half of your luteal phase. Oh, wow. Okay. Mine's stress induced but when i'm really stressed the week before my period i will like instinctively want to burn my life to the ground like yeah end my relationship run away you know get a fryer cut on my pubes like so maybe that's the thing of like there's some kind of like hormonal impulses that make you feel gay when you're in your period.

Imagine if I was straight on my period. If I was straight on my period. So like 25% of the time I would go out with your ex-boyfriend. And then the rest of the time. No. No. No. God, no. no no no god no someone can go back through and listen to this podcast episode after i asked this question i don't think you've asked me one question the whole episode

what one did you ask why do i feel okay okay what am i I said, why do I feel gay when I'm on my period? I said, what happens if I've had laser hair removal for all of the hair removal from my body? There was one where you tried to be sensible and went, how do you feel about dating? Yeah. We were sensible for maybe three minutes and then it devolved into...

I think we can learn from you in some... Because I think that you at least can come across sometimes as confident, I think. And you saying that you would ask people for a drink yeah how do we do that oh okay that was a question yeah that was a really good question we don't need the answer we'll chop around it i think like i think it's probably a bit more difficult because I go in being the sort of butch one. And is that always? Yeah. And like, I would say that, yeah, I would say that there's a lot more like distinction now between like, in my early 20s, mid 20s, it was sort of masculine and feminine.

And now it's like a lot more like, I don't take the lead as much with stuff. I'm like, this is mutual and really nice and like you know gender bendy sort of thing but what I would say is that like well I don't know what it is I I just I love a flirt I just love a flirt and something comes just something comes over me and just when I'm in the bar and I find someone attractive just something comes over me and I'm just like I I'm going for this. Wow. Yeah, see, I haven't really had that in a while.

I'm excited for that to come. How do you flirt? Oh, Chloe, I mean... Oh, no. Don't. We talked earlier in the intro, we talked about Harriet starting conversations on an app. It got blocked twice. What did you do?

First time, all I said was, is that a cowboy hat, Ryan? Yeah, but it was on his pubes, wasn't it? Is that a cowboy hat, Ryan? Are you just pleased to see me? Second time he said we could get, like, on his thing, like, oh, we could just buy a castle and go and live in that. And then I

said it would depend on the castle because sometimes they don't have ceilings and ceilings are important to me and then yeah it's not as easy as yeah walls are important because sometimes they're ruined the castles are ruined I understand what you've done there you've he said we can live in a castle and he's obviously sort of thinking about a Disney sort of castle. And you've just gone, what about ruins? Are you taking me to live in the ruins of a castle?

Can we discuss structural integrity of this building? I'm a very, what is the word for it? Literal. Literal, yes. I'm quite literal. And so if somebody says

you want to live in a castle, then I think... A ruined one. I think Rochester Castle. It'll be cold. Oh, Rochester Castle is fun to go around though. Would you live there?

No, but no one was asking me. Yes, and that's the message. So that's what we think flirting is, to answer your question. So we don't know what flirt is or how to do it. And I think I'm so scared that somebody's not going to like me. And so to put yourself out there and then say it and then go, what the fuck, Harriet? We have had this conversation before. Oh no, what did I learn? to like put yourself out there and then say it and then then go what the fuck harriet we have

we have had this conversation before no what did we what did i learn because i forgot i don't think you've learned anything but i remember we had a conversation where we were at edinburgh and we were talking and we were sort of going anyone you want to flirt with maybe big night out maybe we'll go home with someone and then you yes, but what if we go home together? And then when we get there, I take off my clothes off and they start laughing. Oh yes, that was my big fear. That was my really big fear. And I was like, I just don't think that would happen.

Yes, but now we've had the laser hair removal and... And it's going to grow back in patches like a Dalmatian. I think if you took someone home and they saw you take your clothes off and they started maniacally laughing, it would be for a different reason. I've got my foot stuck in a bowl. Exactly. Or the trousers won't come off when you're sort of jumping. I think that's a very endearing part of your personality.

It's the step of taking them home. It's like letting somebody know that you like them. I'm so stressed right now. It's so stressful. Why is that stressful to you? Because then, because what if they were like, what if they didn't like you? I'm just like trying to be like flirty or whatever.

And then they're like, wait, are you trying to be flirty? Yeah. It's so embarrassing. Yeah, that's it. Do you think it's embarrassing? It's so embarrassing. The way I do it, Chloe. The way we do it, it's real embarrassing. Do you think it's embarrassing? It's so embarrassing. The way I do it, Chloe. The way we do it, it's real embarrassing.

Do you think that's embarrassing? I think if someone told me, like, wanted to flirt with me, they told me that they were interested in me and I didn't feel the same, I would just go, I am so flattered and that is lovely, but that's not embarrassing. I don't want to hear that. That's the problem.

That's exactly what I don't want to hear. You know what I mean? Somebody going, that's so cute. No, not cute. That's so lovely that you said that. Not cute. It's just, going, that's so cute. No, not cute. That's so lovely that you said that. Not cute. It's just,

sorry I don't feel the same, but thank you. Yes, but I want to know that they're not going to say that. I need to know that for sure. But you would know, despite a lot of evidence to the contrary,

you're not stupid. You might be ill and logical, but you're smart. No, you're not stupid like you know you'll know if there's a vibe no disagree

really what yeah hard disagree I've got no idea when there's a vibe and when there's not really yeah

sometimes I'm like oh my god the vibe here is off the chin and then turns out they've had a girlfriend for a year yeah but that doesn't mean

that there's not a vibe I think sometimes some people just vibe with everybody though they're just vibers they're going around vibing and then you're like oh my god they're vibing with me

and then they're like yeah they vibe with everybody they're just vibers so how do you know if they're a viber or if it's a specific vibe yeah mad how stressed you get

by this and have decided to do a whole podcast about it mental we've realised we're not where you go if you want success stories. We're the, if you think it couldn't be worse, and then you come here, come to us. That's our USP.

So you're a cautionary tale. Yeah. We're the failures you don't have to be. You're dating someone, though. I'm not dating anyone. We're not dating. Oh, we're not dating, Chloe. Well, what are you doing?

Oh, just thinking about him all the time and telling him I like him. And what does he say back? He says, I like you. Well, then you're fucking dating. We're not dating. What do you mean you're not? They're not dating.

We couldn't be any further away from dating. They couldn't be dating if they tried. You're doing the fucking Chapel Rowan song. But we've never kissed. No, there's none of that. Yeah. He's laid in my bed. He's laid in my bed no there's none of that yeah he's laid in my bed he's laid in my bed he's laid in my bed

I don't think he's laid in your bed yeah so I'm going out with Lady Miller he'll encourage me to kill my enemies no so I'm not dating anyone

when I see him blood comes out of my pussy and blood blood comes out of his hand oh god yeah that's what's happening Amy can I ask you a question which is really direct Blood comes out of his hand. Oh, God. Yeah, that's what's happening. Amy, can I ask you a question which is really direct? You don't have to answer it because it is really direct.

Oh, my God. Is there an element that you are inviting in? Are you deliberately dating someone that's unavailable? Because you're scared. Oh, good question. It might not be true, but it's always good to check in with oneself. Yeah, that's really interesting. Because then it'll be at an arm's length. It's very safe. It might not be true, but it's always good to check in with oneself. Yeah, that's really interesting. Because then it'll be at an arm's length.

It's very safe. It's very safe. I always describe it as like, you know when you're in the sea and then there's the like, what is it called where the sand goes down all of a sudden? Like the shelf. Yeah.

Shelf. Okay. Okay. The sea. The world. Sky. Okay. The sea. The waves. The sky. But so like... When you're dating someone and you like them,

I feel like you submerge up to your waist. Yeah. For a bit. And you're like, yeah, I'm in this. I'm submerging. And then you get to the shelf where you have to really, like, choose to, like, let yourself go and put all of your scared bits to the side, scared I might get hurt.

And you just have to go, no, I'm jumping off. What if you're in the shallows and you're just pulling both of you under? Just rolling around in the shallows. Do you know what? I've actually got a series of photos of me doing that. Me and my friend went on like a singles holiday. Just to check, you do realise that I was doing a metaphor? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I did get it. What's a metaphor? No, I did get it. I did get it. But we were trying to take like good pictures of each other like in the sea. Sexy pics. Sexy pics.

And I fell in the shallows of the sea. And every time I tried to get up, the wave would bring me back down. And she's not helped. She's just continued just taking pictures. You thought that that was your point. Yeah. But she made them into a gif where I'm just like getting oh no we're getting up again

and then I'm rolling back and I was like it's a metaphor but it's also real there's a meme of this it's so funny it's like a video online where this woman

keeps getting pulled back into the seat and the guy taking the video is like Julie stop drowning this is so funny that I was trying to say something beautiful The guy taking the video is like, Julie, stop drowning. This is so funny that I was trying to say something beautiful and earnest.

And you're like, yeah, I saw this meme one time of this lady drowning. Called Julie. Of course. And the man wasn't helping. But she keeps coming out and she gets so close. And again, Julie, no, not again, Julie. To be honest, I would like to see that. And I would love to see the gif of you rolling around.

I will send it on, don't you worry. But eventually, once you stop rolling, then you need to jump off the shelf and submerge yourself and let yourself go. And how do you kiss someone? Amy, you just got a lunge. Do I believe that anyone would ever or could ever like me? Do you know what I mean? I like you so much.

Thanks for being so lovable. Lovable rogue. I don't know what I said, rogue. I just spit it in. Why don't you think you're inherently deserving of love? Like, it's not even that you're not. Look, what I will say is we say this to all people we go you're inherently deserving of love yeah but maybe you're not yeah no no everyone everyone at a base

level is inherently deserving of love but i would say that you're more deserving of love because it's not just that you're inherently deserving of love like you're a great person as well yes you deserve more love you deserve more love than inherently yes with that. You deserve more love than inherently. Yes. Why do you think you deserve less when you actually deserve more? You're talented. You're hot. Cracking pair of big natural. Funny lady. Lovely ginger pubes.

Lovely thick coarse ginger pubes. At the sides, in the middle, nothing. Nothing. No, there's some. There's some, some. And I just think. Some. Yeah, what's going on there?

Well, you see, I... You've got a cool job. You've got it all, actually. You've got it all, though. Maybe that's your problem, men. Have you both considered being gay not just on your periods? It does seem like a better option, doesn't it? All things considered.

I think it's a lovely idea. I think I just haven't, I've never had that thing with anybody. Yeah, very fair. But I am going off men. So what does that mean? But that doesn't mean you're going on women, does it? Yes. No.

Yes. Whoever I was to meet and fall in love, that just. But if you don't have those sparky vibes. If I don't have those sparky vibes, then it suggests. I get that. That's probably. But you never know what's going to happen but that hasn't happened

so that suggests it's probably not going to I'm an old gal you're not an old gal really I've had my time I've had my chances this is

leave me here to die fucking depressing yeah I'm so this is the vibe this is our vibe this week this is the vibe sometimes it's a bit depressing and that's it.

Sometimes it's been a hard week. I'm glad you're having a lovely time in your relationship. But sometimes, sometimes being single is a little bit depressing, Chloe. I don't know if you can remember. Also, sometimes being in relationships is depressing. Yep. Not yours. Oh, no, sorry.

But I'm just... Yeah, no, like you can, the most lonely you can feel is in a relationship. A hundred percent. A million percent. So it's not all about Harriet. I am really in, well, maybe this will sound like an easy to say thing from someone that is in a relationship. But when I wasn't in a relationship for the last year,

I found so much like familial intensity in my friendships. That was just like so beautiful. Yeah, that's definitely what I'm getting. And like, I think that helped me with this new thing. familial intensity in my friendships that was just like so beautiful yeah that's definitely what I'm getting and like I think that helped me with this new thing

because I'm like I have got so I'm like so rich in so many areas that like I would love this to work out and happen but I don't need it

to work out yeah that is how I feel for sure we've got very good lives we're very lucky yes what those cows

have led happy lives. You know you feel the milk or whatever like, they've lived happy lives. Take them out back. You can taste it. Take them out back, bullet in the head, they've had a happy life. But it's not getting any better than this.

We're just a couple of meat patties. We can have love and deserve love. You do. You will. But why am I gay on my period?

And when Chloe said that I was a catch, my period started. Chloe, period starter. You should call your next show that. Chloe Pett's period starter. I'm a period starter. New call your next show that go pet period starter I'm a period starter new release

by the point of view do you have any other questions for me if we were to ask you a question what would you like us to ask you oh come on

what would you like what do you think you can best date you've ever been on that's a great question let's have it. I don't know. Okay. I would say the best date I've ever been on is with my current girlfriend.

Coward. And we met in Dalston and then we went and played table tennis on London Field. And then we went and had Japanese food and then walked down the canal and then went to Victoria Park. And like, you know, we were like, should we carry this on? And we were like, yeah. And then we just had an amazing evening together and it was perfect. But then a notable date that was not her was I, with my ex,

we spent this amazing day in Margate. And it was just like the perfect day. Beautiful walk, lovely coffee, started drinking around mid-afternoon, lovely glass of wine, read a bit, went and watched the football, had some beers, worked for a delicious meal. I just think long dates where they have like lots of elements is what I think is beautiful. What about you guys?

I don't think I have any. Amy? Okay, I'll tell you mine while you're thinking. Mine was very simple. Yeah, love that. It was with a guy I met at, you know, like a free party where you go into the woods. It's like a rave. He wasn't at the rave. It was with a guy I met at a free party where you go into the woods. It's like a rave.

He wasn't at the rave. He was just rock climbing and came down. In the middle of the night? Yeah, came down the cliff and was like... He was rock climbing in the middle of the night? No, at like 8pm at dusk. You accidentally went on a date with an escaped convict. That's it, yeah!

It was the ankle tag really drew me in. So he came down and we met there and we were sat next to a fire and the smoke was going in our eyes and I had like a scarf on and we wrapped the scarf

around our heads like a tube and we sat just like literally just faces just chatting for like six hours while there was a whole party going on. And we just couldn't stop chatting. And I was like, oh, my God. And I like this guy so much.

And then the first proper date we went on. So the next time we saw each other was in Hull. And we, like my favourite place is like Hull Marina. And we went at night and we climbed over. He loves climbing, this fella. We climbed over a little barrier and we went and sat on this bench right on like the edge of the old pier as it was getting dark and we drank like a bottle of wine under a blanket

and we just chatted and it was so lovely then we went to this old man pub for like one drink and then and then we just had like a really nice kiss

at the end I love that it was beautiful where's he? can we call him up again? no he's moved away I think he's got a girlfriend and I think a child now

oh what a shame yeah I think a child now. Oh, what a shame. Yeah. I feel like maybe we're in an age bracket now where all of the good men have been tied down and are in marriages.

I would say just hang on him for five years and scoop up the divorce. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I really do. The first round of men

they're all tied down at the moment. Yeah, but they're going to be free again. They're going to be freed up. With all the training of the woman. Yeah. You've got to wait for the moment. Yeah, but they're going to be free again. They're going to be freed up. With all the training of the woman. Yeah.

You've got to wait. You've got to wait for the divorcees. Fuck. I'm ready. Or move to Hull. Because you're, what, like, I would say you're London 9 out of 10s. In Hull, you're 12 out of 10s.

You want to move to Hull with me? We're moving to Hull. All right. Okay. We could move to Hull, but what if everyone in Hull is like a... No, no, no. There'll be some hot people in Hull

and you'll get first dibs on them. This has been fantastic. Harriet, please just say that you have a dating... I can't think of a single thing I've had this whole time you can't think of one good date I've had this whole time

to think of it just one it'll come to me you've been for a meal you've been for a meal have you eaten food with a man you've been for a meal

cinema it's very difficult because I think it's like in context of like like your date is so lovely because then you're now in a relationship and so it's like

all those feelings but then when things don't work out it's hard to look back and um i can't think of any but there must be some there must be it's impossible that there's not and it's impossible that there's not i'm so sorry i'm so sorry we had lovely holidays yeah that's nice yeah that's really nice that's just a any longer's nice. That's really nice. That's just an elongated day. Yeah. That's really nice. Yeah, really nice. Really nice. Well done.

Thanks for coming on, Chloe Petts. Thanks, Chloe. Oh, I'm going on tour in... Oh, fuck. I'm going on tour, starting at the Soho Theatre, January the 13th to January the 25th, and then I go around the country.

ChloePetts.org. That's where you get tickets. You've got to see Chloe, the funniest. And the show's called How You See Me, How You Don't tickets. You've got to see Chloe the funniest. And the show's called How You See Me How You Don't. How You See Me How You Don't.

Thank you. Thanks guys. Patatas bravo. Roses are red violets are blue we've matched on an app. What you up to oh i feel once again when the guest leaves we're always so glum when they're like yeah leaves i think it's why is it do you think well i miss them um i think that's that's partly it we've been through a journey together

yeah is it like maybe I'm using this word completely wrong but there's like a French word like maybe it's ennui where it's like after sex

where you just feel a little bit sad yes petit mort little death we came we saw they conquered

I think it's like yeah I just keep thinking like we keep like talking about it and I do this work and I was like all of this stuff and then it's also yeah I just keep thinking like we keep like talking about it and I don't know this work and I was like all of this stuff and then it's also like oh but if we just meet the person then it's fine you know what I mean like it's like oh like but what I'm realizing is there isn't a right person there isn't and when you meet a person it's very much like a negotiation and it's work and we're doing the work on ourselves but when a

person comes that we like there's still so much work to be done and we have to meet the person that wants to do the work with us yeah exactly because if somebody doesn't want to do the work with you then it's you're just working alone yeah yeah and it'd be like the chuckle brothers to me too but it's just to me. Yeah, it's just to me. I'm just carrying a door for no reason. Actually, let's not talk about carrying cabinets and doors from a previous episode. Let's not bring that up again. Well, what a rollercoaster we've been on. I think this was maybe one of our most chaotic episodes.

There's bits where I couldn't breathe. Yes. And I'm snorting. I'm not generally a snorter. And I did a little snort. I actually am weirdly, like, pleased that we talked about pubic hair. I'm so glad because I was, like, thinking about it, like, beforehand. And I was like, is this too much? So, yeah, I'm really glad we talked about it.

And that is actually something I would really like. Look um look patreon guys if you could just let us know like or like if you could like this is open to everybody but if you wanted to share or like what you think not pictures not pictures please words use your words to describe very vividly what it looks like we should do like a poll upon instagram and then it looks like. We should do like a poll on Instagram. And then it's like an anonymous thing of like, you're bald, you're not bald. You got a fry attack. You got a fry attack.

Just me clicking, yes. Ah, one vote. I don't anymore. Just putting it out there. So everybody, join our Patreon. It's very fun. Yeah, join us on there. Go, join our Patreon. It's very fun. Yeah, join us on there. Go see Chloe on tour.

Chloe's the funniest. Here you go again. There you are. I see you. How you see me, how you don't. Here we go. There they are. Round the back.

Yeah, no, I really enjoyed that. I really enjoyed speaking to Chloe. I feel wiser. Spending time with Chloe makes me wiser and listening to what Chloe has to say makes me feel better and calmer. I don't know what it is about Chloe, but I just feel better when I'm around Chloe. I feel like Chloe's got it figured out.

That's it. That's it. I know. I know. I'm around Chloe. I feel like Chloe's got it figured out. That's it. That's it. I know. I know. I'm just trying to. I'm wondering if, and this is something we could have asked, but we didn't ask any questions.

We refused to ask a single question. In fact, the more Chloe said we should ask questions, the less we wanted to ask questions. Digging heels writing. Let me tell you about my period starting because I sniffed a man and i bled because i'm so unused to being near male pheromones now

you bled out of panic i bled out of panic bleed that my body was like what is this male in the in the flat i think that's what it is it's like a it's basically a male free zone my flat and then there was a man in there

and then I think my body was like shed shed shed womb shed womb it's like when you know

they have security tags in clothes now and if you steal something it can like the ink can go everywhere it's like that or like like an octopus when it spray you steal something it can like the ink can go everywhere it's like that or like like an octopus

when it sprays like ink it's like that's what you do to try and keep the enemy away oh what's the what's the one oh skunk

a skunk yeah very skunk vibes I think big skunk vibes big skunk energy yeah anyway go see Chloe. Here we go

back again, round the house. Brilliant, brilliant. Around the UK and at Soho Theatre and it's called How You See Me, How You Don't. Thank you. Hello, me again, Amy Gledhill, but this time I'm with Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa, WT, fuck! What's going on? I'm with... Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa! WT, fuck!

What's going on? I'm with bloody Ian Smith. Off at Northern News podcast. Yes, a podcast that's not about the news. Don't worry, single ladies. No, it's not about the news. It's not about being single. It's about the North, and all of our

stories are about couples. That is not the truth, Ian. No, are about couples. That is not the truth, Ian. No, not technically true. It's weird stuff. It's funny stuff that's going on up North that we're reporting

back on. Things like pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire village and attacking children. Woman in tears

after spotting spitting image of dead dog in bath mat. And we've got special guests. We're talking about people like Phil Wang, Jessica Knappett, Ed Gamble and Ross Noble, who joined us in the studio. Woo-hoo!

Yeah. So that's Northern News, starting next Thursday, the 1st of May, and then every Thursday after that. Join us.