Single Ladies In Your Area - Red, Green (and Beige) Flags

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

Harriet and Amy take a look at red, green (and beige) flags, and how not to charge straight at the red ones 🚩. Is it helpful for people to fly their beige flags? How do you spot the green ones? And how could there possibly be a red flag more terrible than *checks notes* ...drinking from a straw?Support the podcast and enjoy early and ad-free listening, BTS content and more by subscribing to our Patreon at patreon.com/singleladiesinyourareaWe want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Matt Crockett and Linda Blacker.Design by Welcome Studio. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our bodies are the containers. I risked being different. With nothing but love. Stories that heal. Share yours. Together, we are unsinkable. Weareunsinkable.com Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill.

And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there. And we're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're going to speak to experts, chat about dates we've been on.

If we manage to get any. And share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone. We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that. This is Single Ladies in Your Area. Well, in this episode, we're talking about red flags. And we are like a bull charging at a matador, it turns out, and also the flag ourselves. And I can't wait to find out what a beige flag is.

Plus, I talk about being a bit brave and a bit direct. And I talk about getting rid of the past. Hello. Hello, how are you doing? I am holding on. Okay. How are you doing? Yeah, by the skin of my teeth. teeth yes my teeth have never had less skin

that is a horrible expression horrible isn't it horrible expression should i take that off my hinge i will hold on to you by the skin of my teeth start doing skincare on my teeth, just keeping that skin really nice. Yeah, it's hard to focus when I've got that mental image. I'm trying to feng shui. Oh! But I was like, I need to, I just had this mad whirlwind where I was like,

I've got to get everything out. And then I just started getting stuff out. I started sorting through all of Mabel's baby clothes and I got rid of a chest of drawers and I got rid of all of my old clothes. And it's like I moved my bedroom around and I was like I need to get rid of my bed I'm sleeping in my marital bed like this is mad this is mad I'm sleeping on the mattress where I conceived my daughter this is this is wrong you know like I need to who's gonna want to come back to that well no one if you tell them that. But I think if you didn't mention it, it would be absolutely fine and lovely.

I can't not mention it. That's the problem. What happened here? Right here. Right where your hand is. When you tour like a castle or like ancient Rome and you're like, this is where the beheadings happened or whatever. I need to get rid of all of that.

No history. I am fully on board with this. This is why when I moved into my new flat, I got my infamous now TV bed. The TV bed. It looks like a normal double bed. You go into my room, you think, hey, that's just a normal double bed.

You get the remote. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happening? You press a button, you press up. A TV lifts out of the foot of the bed. And it lifts so slowly, Harriet. I don't know why it's so slow, but it's very majestic. I would say it takes the best part of a minute. What?

Yeah, it's real slow. It is a slow TV bed. And let me tell you, Harriet, nothing has ever happened on that bed. Literally, not even a kiss ever happened on that bed. Literally not even a kiss has happened on that bed. That's how clean and fresh it is. Yes I've had it a year now don't worry about that. Don't think about that but the mattress is in crisp

condition. Three people have slept on it. Myself and my mother and father. Not at the same time but when they stayed over I slept on the sofa. So maybe my mum and dad, not at the same time, but when they stayed over, I slept on the sofa. So maybe my mum and dad had a little kiss there. I need to burn the bed. The most action you need to burn the bed is your parents.

Oh, God. I'm burning the bed. Right. Yeah, great, great. We're going to hit the sales, so we're going to get new beds. Or we could swap. Yeah, there we go. I would like the TV bed. Have the TV bed. My we could swap. Yeah, there we go. I would like the TV bed.

Have the TV bed. My bed's seen some things, Amy. Okay. I'm sort of jealous, even if them things aren't the best things, it's seen something. You've actually made me feel a bit better because I was like,

I need to get rid of it in order to have like a fresh start or whatever. And then you're like, it's just a bed, I guess. It's just a bed. Yeah. But I was like, the energy,

it just feels like, it's like, it's like the past. sage it my friend did do that yeah my friend um melissa came and stayed and she um she saged all right yeah yeah yeah i've had a big clear out too i think there's something in the air there's something in the air i think it's like we've got to let go of the past and then I read somewhere that it takes two years to get over a divorce and like we separated in like March of next year so I was like I've got to oh my god I've got to get ready for when I'm gonna be ready I couldn't make it um and I think

I've just been like hanging on it's just like being like survival of like okay like everything's just in place and I've just got to get through and then now it's like I saw this therapist and she was like you need to make your home like then now it's like, I saw this therapist and she was like, you need to make your home, like, a nice welcoming place. Like, that's why you're finding it hard to, like, come home when Mabel's not there. Like, you need to make it, like, a place for you. And, like, I'd been trying to, I wanted, like,

I'd done stuff to make it a place for her, but, like, my room I hadn't really, like, thought about or done anything. I was just like, oh, that's just where I'll sleep. But now it feels like I've got a bit more space to kind of, like, do stuff. A sanctuary. Yeah. Oh, I A sanctuary. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah.

Oh, this is fantastic. My friend recommended it to me. It was really good. I've only seen her once and she was like, look, you might not think this is right and if you don't think it's right, just take a couple of days to think about whether you want to see me again. And I was like, as soon as she said that, I was like,

no, I definitely want to see you. And she was like, you can't email me for two days. And I was like, oh my God, it that, I was like, no, I definitely want to see you. And she was like, you can't email me for two days. And I was like, oh, my God, it makes me want her so much. Oh, my God. I mean, it's like dating or something. All the other therapists have been like, do you think you'll want to see me again? You know, like, do you think this will happen? And I'd be like, yeah.

And then this one played hard to get. And I was like, this is the one for me. She read you like a book. She read me like a book. I was like, count it. I literally put it on my phone. I was like, I can email you in 48. She read you like a book. She read me like a book. I was like, count it. I literally put it on my phone. I was like, I can email you in 48 hours. I'm going to schedule the email and then I'll go straight out 6am.

Oh my God. But she caused the amygdala. So she was talking about my amygdala and like anxiety and stuff. But she caused the amygdala, Amy. So it was really like slightly slightly it was kind of comforting but then also like she kept talking about my Amy she's been listening to the podcast it was really sweet um it was really sweet so she's like yeah you know Amy's like playing up yeah big time it's fun tell me about it but we're not here to talk about her.

Do you know, there was a point, I think first year of uni, when I was learning about the amygdala, just, you know, as a hobby. Because it's Amy G. Yes. I was like, I'm Amy G, so I was going to get a tattoo of Della. And honestly, I thank the Lord every day that I did it. Because that would be gross. What is the amygdala?

Is it a place where it processes? It's something to do with giving you your emotions. Wow, it means something. It means something, doesn't it? I don't know what. But I'd like to only be referred to from now on as Dilla. Dilla. Dilla Din. How have you been?

Yeah, all right. I did a brave thing and I was direct. Was it in person? No. Was it on the phone? No. Was it via text message?

Yes. Yes. And was it a direct sort of clear message? No. Did it start with a lot of like, don't worry about, obviously not, I'm not really bothered about this like, don't worry about, obviously not,

I'm not really bothered about this anyway, but I just had a quick thought, just a little tiny thought. One of the people I have a crush on, I sort of said, hey, it's all right if not, definitely, obviously I don't care at all,

but do you want, should we kiss? Should we kiss? And he was like, um, yeah. I know. We haven't, but imagine.

But I've put it out into the universe. You've put it into the universe. Yeah. It's like you've lunged by text message. Yes. I'm a textual lunger. Yeah. I think it's good just to say things rather than just being like the confusion or whatever.

I think it's good just to be like. And then if he was like, oh, nah, then you'd be like, oh, okay, cool. But instead you're like, oh, okay. Well, what this has done is we've learned that he was very worried. That basically I was wanting a serious long-term relationship immediately. And that's very much not the case. Kiss means marriage. Kiss means marriage. Kiss means marriage. But I think sometimes I do struggle remembering

that people don't think exactly the same as me. I genuinely find that really hard. I've kissed lots of boys in the past, let me tell you. Do not worry about that. But I, so in my head, like a kiss and a relationship, there's a big timeline of difference. Because then it's like, that's a big jump. Whereas for him, I think a kiss and a relationship is much closer together.

And I understand why he would be like, no. Yeah, because a kiss is just like a step towards trialing something. It's like, is the kiss nice? Like, do you feel, because you might not feel anything. Like that's the thing. Well, exactly. Especially if it's someone you know then you're like you don't know where this yeah exactly get off gross oh well now we've kissed we have to stay together it's awful but yeah i think that's that's so true is is you just assume the other person is on

exactly the same page as you. But they're not. There's loads of pages. Yeah. And sometimes you don't say what page they're on. The other person's on a different page thinking they're on the same page, but you're not even reading the same book. He's got a Kindle.

And I'm just looking at a magic eye picture. We're not even remotely in the same page. That's profound. Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, I think that's good. I think that's brave. There was a moment recently where a friend,

different friend, who I don't have a crush on, or I didn't think I did, was like, we were talking about kissing and he was like, this is what you need to do to kiss someone. And he was very,

he's a very handsome boy. And he was like, you just need to say, I really fancy you and I want to kiss you and he said it and I was like I can't feel my legs yeah I was like I can't feel my legs and I was like maybe I have a crush on him maybe I have a crush on anybody maybe I have a crush on everybody

I think you just gotta kiss them all gotta kiss them all pokeballs what just happened this is a Pokemon theme gotta catch them all Poke

Pokeman Pokemen god that was it don't say balls that was so good Poke yeah I had no idea I thought you were having a stroke

or like something terrible was happening that's like why is she saying Pokeballs I don't understand Pokemen gotta catch them all yeah yeah yeah this year 2025 yeah watch out the year of the perk

that might have just put us back a few months talking of red flags we're gonna go through some red flags that you might find on a first date how to identify them what they are and what to do about it run towards it that's what i like to do like a bull and how do you kiss someone amy you just got a lunge trying to look at that flag trying to work out what color it is it's always red oh yeah what colour it is. It's always red. Oh, yeah. It's a zoom, it's red. It's always a different shade of red. Some are, like, bright red.

Some are, like... I've seen some pinks. Is that a pink? Is that a rosé flag? Yeah. I love a rosé. Nice rosé in the summer. It's not green, though.

Green is what we want. Green is what we want. Green means go for it. So, if you're not aware, there are red, green and beige flags. I feel like beige flags are newer in the vernacular. Vernacular? Yes. Yeah, right?

They're new. Yeah, beige is because you think, oh, is that like, does that mean boring? But I think it doesn't mean boring. It means, yeah, because it doesn't really make sense between green, red. It should be like orange. Amber. Amber, yeah, because it doesn't really make sense between green, red. It should be like orange. Amber. Amber, yeah, it should be amber. Well, the definition here, so beige flag,

annoying but slightly endearing idiosyncrasies that fall somewhere in the middle of red and green flags. The term beige flag was coined by Caitlin McPhail on TikTok. You see, it is new. To describe things that come across boring on dating apps, such as having an opinion about pineapple on pizza or mentioning mainstream TV shows. What? Just mentioning mainstream TV shows?

Maths. Whoa! Fuck! God. Okay, so it is boring things, and I do agree about pineapple pizza you have three chances on hinge to write something about yourself yeah why would one of them be a strong opinion about pineapple on pizza like that is what you're going with yeah that is what you're using like

this is the thing i'm going to find my wife with yeah their feelings about pineapple on pizza let's just before we throw stones remind ourselves of our hinge bios yeah no it is it is it is hard it's hard out there it is hard it is really hard i sound like the basketball machines at amusements yeah is that better then do you know what it is better than... Yeah, I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Do you know what it is? I'm delighted people put that because I instantly know I'm not interested in them. If we stop people putting their beige flags out there, we wouldn't know.

Let your beige flags fly. Fly them high as a warning. Yes, then we see them and we know to run away. Yeah, because boring is... Somebody that's recycling the same opinion is not something that I want because the conversation is going to run away. Yeah, because boring is, yeah. Somebody that's recycling the same opinion is not something that I want because the conversation is going to be dry. But somebody might be scrolling and going,

pineapple on pizza. Oh, I have to know more. Like somebody might love that. Yeah. But for us, of the people, it might be like, oh my God. Also, there's a lot of people that Also, I do like pineapple on pizza. Yeah, me too.

I like it. So go fuck yourself. And I like muffs. I keep thinking you're saying maths. I'm so confused. As in married at first sight? Married at first sight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

UK. Or Australia. Yeah, we get you like maths, Amy. Why do you keep shouting maths? Maths! And I love maths. Maths! I like pineapple on pizza and maths. Maths. And I love maths. Maths. I like pineapple on pizza and maths.

Beige just flying the whole time. But yeah, someone who's putting pineapple on pizza thing is also the sort of person that would say like, I'm just crazy. I'm just real crazy. Shut up. Yeah. You know, I've ever done like anything where it's corporate

and you have to go around and say two's and a lie or you go around and you're like, my name's Sheila and I'm the office clown. And you instantly go, you are the dullest person in the room. Yes. I don't want anything to do with you. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean.

Yeah. And I do not want to have sex with Sheila. Great. Well, tell her. You pass that on. You let her know. I'm not interested, actually. Well, that's the beige flags. Obviously, we've got green flags,

an indication that a personal relationship has the potential for a healthy and enjoyable future. I've never seen one. Looking forward to seeing one for the first time, hopefully, at some point. Fascinating, isn't it, that these exist? Yes, rare. very rare flags actually yeah

gosh yeah I'm scrolling through the rolodex of my dating history being like hmm green flags or maybe I have

seen a green flag and then I've just like stomped over it yeah I've been like gross oh there's a red one yeah excuse me

I think you've got the wrong flags out yes and a red flag I'm sure we all think you've got the wrong flags out. Yes. And a red flag, I'm sure we all know, but the red flag is an obvious warning sign that a relationship is toxic, such as dishonest or disrespectful behaviour, or could be an emotional or physical danger to you. See, when you put it like that, it's not as appealing, is it? No, it doesn't seem as like kooky and risque and dangerous. Like, oh, just a sexy red flag.

Oh, they might injure me in some way. Oh, I'm just looking for a fun time. Oh, no, this is actually, this is, it's time to get our ducks in a row. Look for those right flags. Yes. Yeah. No more. No more.

I learned to harden my heart. Leading me closer to my purpose. Be patient with what's coming. Stories that heal. Share yours. Together, we are unsinkable. We are unsinkable.com. Uh-oh, it looks like I've met a turtle again. So we've got an article here from Cosmopolitan.

Famously the place to go for... I think it's like a science journal or something, Cosmopolitan? Yeah, it's a medical journal that they update annually with the latest discoveries. That are scientific and right. So this article is about 17 relationship experts reveal the red flags you're missing on first dates. Because when I read these, I was like, oh, I think they're missing some big ones. Okay.

Like we've spoke about before, like the being rude to service staff oh I think that's such a red flag and we've got so many people on our ics episode putting that forward as their biggest ick and I

and I had it on my list as well but it's not it's a red flag because it means that they're they're dismissive of people and they don't yeah

no empathy yeah because you can't put yourself in that position of that member of staff or you have to position yourself as that position of that member of staff. Or you have to position yourself as above somebody. Like that's how you get kind of power.

Gross. Ugh. Gross. Gross. Well, these are the ones that we might be missing on a first date. Do you want to take us through it? Yeah, so the first one is insists on ordering your food and drinks. Good luck with that as a vegan that's allergic to nuts. Oh, yeah. food and drinks good luck with that as a vegan that's allergic to nuts oh yeah as someone who's eaten next to you it's wow it's a real ordeal is too strong a word good luck to you sir you try and

red flag me i've got my epi pen we'll see we'll see how that works. We went somewhere and I was like, I know what we can share that's vegan and definitely doesn't contain nuts. So I thought a safe option would be to go for a fruit platter. No, how wrong, how wrong I was. Harriet had to order a separate fruit platter that consisted, was it just of pineapple? It was just pineapple because I can only have fruits that have a thick skin

because I'm allergic to the stuff that grows on the outside of the fruits. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So it's vegan, no nuts, no fruits, really. Yes. I wasn't vegan, though.

I've been vegetarian, but then I had like little spells of veganism. And then if I told you this, I saw Wicked. And I haven't been able to eat dairy products since. Oh, what? Have you seen it? No. They talk about how badly like the humans treated the animals. And like the animals used to talk,

but then they stopped talking because of how humans treat them. And I have been unable to convince myself that animals didn't speak at some point. And even though I know like 99.9% that animals never spoke, I can't not think there might have been a moment. This is the plot for the kid. Am I the red flag? I'm red flag. I don't think you need to get a new bed just yet.

I think you're all right. Okay, safe. There's this goat and the goat loves to teach. I don't think you need to get a new bed just yet. I think you're alright. There's this goat and the goat loves to teach. The goat loves to teach and then the goat can't teach because its voice starts to go because of how badly the humans treated it. No one else has had this response from seeing Wicked and I saw it for a second time

because I was hoping it might undo it. Oh no. It doubled down. Yeah, you can't watch spongebob squarepants never been able to wash again because you feel like the sponges at one point could talk oh god well i'm so sorry to hear that thank you because you're really narrowing down what you can really narrow it down yeah yeah what can you you have? Well, I was going to say pizza, but actually not anymore. I can have pizza if they get rid of the cheese.

But tomatoes are fruit with a thin skin. I can have it when it's cooked. See, when it's cooked, the proteins on the outside are destroyed. So I could have fruit in a crumble. Wow, it's a real minefield, isn't it? So yeah, good luck ordering for Harrier. Yeah, good luck with that, mate.

I'll see your red flag and i'll raise your red flag and it's my personality analogies uh so it says this is a red flag even if you say that you can order for yourself or you find it endearing cute or maybe even romantic in reality it could definitely be a sign of a controlling person. Yeah, why would you want to order? It doesn't occur to me to want to order for someone. That's such a personal thing. Yeah, although I hate making decisions. And actually, if someone was just like... But this is it.

You're just waiting to be controlled. Oh, no! I'd love to be controlled! Yeah, this is the problem. You're just out there waiting for... You need to start learning how to make decisions. This is what you have to do. But wouldn't it be easier and nicer

if someone just sat down and just like, she'll have this and this. Yeah. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, and then she'll wear this and this. Great. And yeah, she'll, oh no. It's ideal.

If anyone's looking for a toxic relationship, Amy is ready. Yeah, no, I do understand yeah I do get it okay do you know what if they were ordering me something I didn't want and stuff like that yeah exactly that's it

but you don't know what you want this is it we need to go on a journey to work out what we want and then no one can control us. Oh, OK. Yeah. I want that vegan pizza with no cheese. No cheese, no nuts. No nuts, no fruit.

That's what I want. Thank you. Thank you so much. That's what I chose after seeing fucking wicked. It's ruined my life. Is it ham? Okay, number two has zero opinion. You see, this is me.

Wait, you are red flag. I am red flag. I am red flag. I red flag. I red flag. It's one thing to be easygoing, but it's quite another to be without an opinion on everything or unwilling to share opinions you do hold. If your date insists you decide everything about your first get-together,

they may be battling with a low confidence level. That's me. Oh, no. So two for two, really. So we've done the first two. One, I think, is a positive. One is me. But I think for you, you're not a red flag.

You're just... I'm literally wearing red. Oh, you're a walking red flag. Oh no, I knew it. But I think it's because somebody that could like control you. Yeah. If you don't have opinions or you have low confidence, like that's what somebody could be looking out for.

I think this is what happens. I think they see these qualities. Yeah, you have just announced them on a podcast as well which isn't ideal anyone that gets in touch with you in the next week amy you need to you do i'm so easily manipulated it is unbelievable yes yeah um but i'm at the beginning of a journey. So I won't be soon. Yeah. Idiots. Yeah. Yeah. You see Amy in three months.

She's going to be walking into a restaurant going, I'll have the soup, steak and a bit of the cake. Yeah. And I want all of that now. Yes. No, because then I'm being rude to it and then I'm a red flag again. It's hard actually, isn't it, to be a green flag? It's hard to be a green flag and attract green flags.

I think with this one, it's also that if someone is just like going along with what you want yeah then it's like that can also be manipulative like i don't think you're manipulative this is maybe a red flag of mine that i'm just assuming that any man that does this is being manipulative but like they're like oh i just like whatever you like and that is a way of like um a narcissist or something could like start to control you weed all their way or way in like oh my god i love that thing too and you're like oh we're soulmates we're so similar yeah i don't i don't ever say that i'm into something that i'm not into but say it's just a case of like where should we go for dinner i fancy this i'll go yeah yeah yeah maths i love maths i love math um I've done that in the past though

where I've I've just agreed with what someone said and that's really backfired because then I've said what someone said to somebody else and then they've been like that's not true and I'm like god damn it just trying to copy what people are saying so that I seem right and then and that's not even worked it's hard hard, isn't it? It's hard. Just everything is hard. We just got to get fingered by Pancake Day. Number three, isn't aware of your need for safety. Oh, yeah, that wouldn't be great, would it? That's a big one, isn't it?

Do they have a hard time wondering why you won't meet them at a sketchy bar on the wrong side of town? Do they just let you put up with the creepy person at the club without recognising the situation and helping you out of it? If they don't realise you have a need to feel physically safe, they haven't matured enough to realise that your needs will be different to theirs. That one is obvious, but I guess you could try and explain it like,

oh, you know um it's just easier for them to meet on that side of town or you can always like find a way but like actually if they're not seeing you as a priority I saw someone on TikTok that was like I love it when men order me Ubers to go on a date and then order me an Uber back like they'll order me an Uber there and then order an Uber back and I was like I can't even imagine that. That's so nice because then you feel so safe and taken care of. Yeah, but if it was like a first date and I was getting into an Uber, which is already pretty safe, but it's like crazy safe. And then it's like, what, they're in charge of the destination?

And they can just change it. And you're like, I thought we were going to the pub. Kidnapped. Kidnapped. Okay. Uber home. Red flags are everywhere. We can't avoid them.

I think an Uber home is nice. Yeah. But then they know where you live. Oh, fuck, yeah. None of that. I don't want any of that. I guess if they just give you cash, then no. No, that's like a man that gives me cash to go on the date and then catch at the end of the day

when i've done what he wants when i've done exactly what he wanted and agreed with everything that he said and he's made me eat seafood or something that i don't like um this one's insane apparently it's a red flag on a first date if he looks to the right a lot. Imagine if you're just sat by the entrance or the entrance is on the right. Or the TV's there flashing lights. Yeah, there's like a game happening on the TV and then you're like, clearly a liar.

Clearly a big old liar. That can't be. You can't. Some studies show that when a person looks up and to the right, they could be creating a memory instead of recalling a memory, which could mean they are not telling the truth. This makes it become like, it's like you are going into something, like a spy or something, and you have to like,

yeah, let's work out if they're lying. I don't know if that's great energy to go into a first date. I saw you look to the right then. What does that mean? Oh, you haven to the right then. What does that mean? Oh, you haven't seen Wicked. If you could just put your finger into me and then I'm just going to connect you up to this lie detector. If that was an option.

You would do it. I don't know. Would you? I don't know. You'd have to do it as well. But if there was an option where it's like, to go on a first date, you're both hooked up to a,

whatever the lie detector is called. Awful. I did that with my ex-husband once for this TV show. We had to do a lie detector. And it's also awful because you can't, you can't lie. It's like impossible. And they ask you a question and then you have to respond.

And you're just like. Did it work? Was the lie detector accurate? Yes. Oh God, did it really work? Yeah. I can't even remember what the questions were but yeah because i think it can because you like you have a moment of panic and then you try and suppress it and then you just you either lie or you have to tell the truth and for a first date that's so much pressure oh but i think less pressure for a first date than a relationship. You've got nothing to lose.

I'd quite like it if on a first date, if he was just like, you know, just asking him really honest. I'd want to know stuff. That's toxic. You shouldn't need to know all this stuff on a first date. What, like, do you think women are equal? Do you know what I mean? Just like. I think we should set up a dating agency where we just do like we just give a lie detector test to loads of men and then just like find out if they believe

all this stuff and then if not they're not allowed to join oh my god just get rid of all the yeah yeah because a red flag when men are like i'm just such a feminist yeah and you're like oh shut up if you were a feminist you wouldn't feel the need to say it because you would assume yeah that it's that everyone's a feminist you learned a word and saying it i mean obviously if you're talking about feminism i just don't think i just i've never had to say it as when i'm a feminist yeah and i think if it's coming up early on on the dates i think you're a fuck boy yeah Yeah, it should just be assumed. Yeah.

Like, imagine if someone on her first date was just like, just so you know, I'm not a racist. They'd be like, okay, okay, well, that's pricked my ears up. Me thinks I have

a few follow-up questions. Do you know what I mean? Just out of nowhere. I just want you to know me. Oh, by the way, I'm not a racist. Oh, okay. Just so you know, I think women are equal.

Oh, right. Really? Cool, mate. Because I don't think the same about men. Okay. Well, this is why we need to be hooked up to the lie detectors too. It's only fair. Pretending I had it all together.

I need to escape my circumstances. I am not a doormat. Stories that heal. Share yours. Together, we are unsinkable. We are unsinkable.com. Harriet, I've put a dog with tits on my profile. It's supposedly super into the environment, but uses straws.

Now, I think I just, I don't know. This feels insane. Is this written by AI, do you think? These can't be real experts that can't be real because I think what it is is it's like such a small it's such a small microcosm that you meet somebody for like an hour and a half in a bar yeah so you're trying to pick up stuff yeah but it's like this is really reaching I think that well it does say in the article these are the ones that you might miss yes so these aren't the main ones yes and i think that's mad that is mad but i think that like if someone says they do love the environment and then they um they get out their plastic bag and then put on their

put on their i hate turtles t-shirt or something then you're like this doesn't start a little tire fire next year for warmth yeah i mean oh the thing is i always use a straw but they're all paper straws but you famously hate the environment i do hate the environment i'll be honest hook me up to a lie detector um but yeah they're all paper so i mean i don't know what this is yeah i just done a suggest so what i kind of agree with this one suggest a wine bar for the first day but doesn't drink suggest a wine bar for the first day but doesn't drink yes i don't know because because flick in in when felicity ward came on she was saying that she doesn't drink but we'll go to pubs because i guess it's like a yeah my my ex-husband was like that as well it was like he can be around it it's yeah i don't think that's

i don't think that's true i guess what they trying to get at there is if it's like they're plying you with alcohol and not drinking. Oh, yes. If they're like, oh, let's go wine tasting. And then they're doing shots of water while you're downing the wine. They're like, is that wine nice? Can you just see if you can walk in a straight line for me, please? Oh, keep having some more then. That's bad.

Red flag. That's definitely bad. Criticizes anyone. Anyone? A dictator? Okay. Criticizes the food? Yeah, I guess, I guess, yeah, there's also criticizes their exes.

Criticizes their exes, I think that is a red flag. I agree with that. I think that's bad. And I think, I think that is true. You don't want, you don't want somebody negative. No. I think you can criticise some people.

Like, oh, they criticise Assad. You know, like, that's not a red flag, is it? You know,

I don't know. Yeah, like, if they were talking and you could only be positive about people. Yeah. But the way the conversation

was going was like, what did you think of Liz Truss? And you have to be like I personally loved her I thought that some of her knitwear

was on point and that is all I have to say about that thank you because then we're in toxic positivity yes yes exactly

and then you can't really connect if you're not saying true feelings like I think being negative is part of who we are it it's part of who we are it's a part of who we are I'm sorry taking a leave it

criticising the food I don't know depends if the food's real bad yeah yeah yeah yeah just forcing it down being like I think this is giving me

a hand of like dick shock anyway gotta pretend you know you're eating raw fruit and nut smoothie yeah I love it my face is swelling up that's weird don't be negative about my face i love it i love my big swollen face i'm body positive yeah offers to change plans with a friend to spend time with you

is that a red flag i can be guilty of this where you're like oh i just want to make it work and i just want to see this person. But it's like, no, you need to be steady and you have your life. Yeah. And this person has to fit into your life. And especially if you don't know them and you don't have any connection to them,

you shouldn't be like, I'm throwing everything out the window. I'll be there. What time works for you? Yes, I'm meant to go to a funeral, but let's go to a wine bar and be positive about everything and everyone. Yeah.

I think this one as well, overdoes the romance without any solid foundation. I think that is true. I think if someone is saying things about the love bombing kind of thing, when there's nothing really there or they're complimenting you too much or they're saying, we're perfect, we're identical, we're this. Back off, mate. Oh, you just love a roast, do you? you too much or they're saying we're perfect we're like identical we're this like back off mate oh you just love a roast do you should we talk about maybe some of our our what we would find as red flags yes because i think

some of these are crazy so i would say i would say the ex is one definitely or yeah if they're if they're immediately talking about like oh my my ex was so crazy yeah yeah I hate it if somebody like on on dating apps a lot they're like oh the Sunday scaries or whatever or like they're talking about like oh I hate going to work like I don't find that very attractive because I want to be with somebody that's like passionate yeah and it's like you don't have to love your job yeah but you could be like talk about what is positive like even if you have like a side thing that you love like rather than like focusing on that because then it feels like every week they're going to be like oh god like yeah I hate my life I'm stuck in it and that's I's, I mean, that is life and that's what happens.

But if somebody is like excited about things and they're trying to pursue things, that is more attractive. A positive outlook generally, but not only. Yeah, opening with it. People are pointing at me, I'm like, oh, I hate this. You're like, oh, don't start with what you hate, start with what you love.

Yes, there you go. That's it, in a nutshell. That's a green flag. Yeah. a nutshell, that's a green flag. Yeah. I would say that's a green flag. I would say somebody who talks about money straight away. If you don't know them and they're talking about it like, well, I ain't this much.

I dropped 15K on a holiday or something like that. I'd be like, how did you get to this wine bar? I got here on my yacht. Yeah, it's my yacht it was difficult because we're very much inland

but I make it work I had to get a sort of lorry to sort of pull it it actually took six hours

because the route we had to take was only by a very wide I'm sorry I'm so late but I had to get my yacht

here yeah that's my yacht getting towed outside parking is a nightmare in a yacht which is what i have yeah i wouldn't like that yeah i see that what about green flags hello um i think i think someone that's fun i, as somebody who did a roast battle with their ex-husband, I think, like, I don't want to go too much into the territory of, like, like some people on dating apps are like, I want somebody that can rip the piss out of me or whatever.

Yeah. That's actually not what I want. Like, I actually want someone where it's, like, very soft and, like, sweet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think a green flag then is being able to take the mick out of themselves. Yeah. Because I think a red flag is taking yourself so seriously. Yeah. I think a green flag then is being able to take the mick out of themselves. Yeah.

Because I think a red flag is taking yourself so seriously. It shows that your ego is huge and fragile at the same time. And I think that's a real red flag because then you're on eggshells all the time. So I think if they can rip themselves a bit. Yeah. I think that's a green flag. Yeah. When they demonstrate that they a bit. Yeah. I think that's a green flag. Yeah. When they demonstrate that they're good with children. I was just thinking about the children thing.

Yeah. Like, or if they say like, oh, I love my niece and nephew. Yeah. That is so, that is so attractive. Yeah. That's really nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's really nice.

And if they like dogs. And if they like dogs. Yeah. a red flag would be like I kicked a dog on the way in when I got out of my yacht

there was a dog sitting outside my yacht and I absolutely booted it that's a red flag that is that is the epitome

of a red flag I think as well when they're nice about their mum is that too cliche yeah if they're nice about their mum. Yeah, without being too nice. If they're not like, she is so cute. I just love snuggling up to old mumsy.

God, it's a real fine line, isn't it? I just love to massage her little toes. Oh, God. Yeah, okay. Green flags. A green flag. What is green flag what is green when they when they do something to help someone that doesn't give them anything back yes or like i really like it well i think this is red flag

so i was in a bar with a boy and there was a kid playing and their ball had like rolled kind of near our table and i instantly got up to to get the ball to give it back, and the guy I was with was just like, oh, just stay out of their business. Oh, yeah, no. Well, that's crap. Yeah, I agree. And he was just a bit like, it's nothing to do with you, just leave.

And it was just like, oh, but, oh, okay. So I think the opposite of that is a green flag, where people are like, oh, I can see someone needs a bit of help there. Like, oh, I'll help you with the bag up up them stairs but not in a show-offy way because if you throw that ball again i will put it in my handbag i'll get the ball oh pop oh sorry maybe the children shouldn't be in a bar i'm trying to enjoy my peanut grigio with this monster in front of me yes so how i think helping people is a green flag helping people is a green flag yeah that's true I'm enjoying my Pinot Grigio with this monster in front of me. Yes. So I think helping people is a green flag.

Helping people is a green flag. Yeah, that's true. That is something that my ex was often doing that I really liked. Always helping people. Yeah, that is something that I'm... Being socially aware of what's going on. Yeah. That's really nice. So it turns out we've not encountered many green flags.

We can see a red one and then pretend we're colourblind. Do you remember that song, Colourblind, by Darius Dinesh? No. Oh, it was so good. How did it go? Couldn't tell you. Well, it's no Pokeballs. We've realised that we have red flags.

We are a red flag. Once again, the tables have turned and we have brought a mirror up to ourselves. It's hard. But there's so many, so many red flags. I think that is a good thing. I think it is really good because so often we so many, so many red flags. I think that is a good thing. I think it is really good to be, because so often we're like, men are red flags and they do this and they do that.

And actually it's worth looking at ourselves and being like, God, we're crap. God, we're crap. Yeah, just sailor with whatever. No, to be like, oh, I need to, you know, not just thinking about how someone else presents, like thinking about how you present.

And remember, red flags and icks are different. Red flags do mean that they might be dangerous. Although looking at some of these that we spoke about today, looking to the right, it just depends. It does depend, yeah. Depends what's on the right. All of this, I guess what we're trying to say is all of this is context. It's context.

Yeah, and let's not look at every tiny thing and like panic about it because that's... That's a red flag. You can't live like that, yeah. Everything's a red flag. Yeah, and then you become the red flag because you become like the investigator that's trying to work out, trying to be on like high alert at all times.

But also you need to not be on low alert you need like a medium level security you need one to two bouncers with you at all times yeah right well we hope that's been helpful once again once again sorry uh we tried i'm leaving here more confusing when i came in we're learning with you. Yeah. Maybe at a slower rate. I think so. I think we're sort of bottom set. Dating-wise, we're bottom set. By the time all of the listeners are in relationships,

then we can find love. Yes, okay. Okay, well, enjoy flag hunting. May you only see green i learned to harden my heart leading me closer to my purpose be patient with what's coming stories that heal share yours together we are unsinkable. We are unsinkable.com. Of a news podcast. Yes, a podcast. That's not about the news. Don't worry, single ladies. No, it's not about the news. It's not about being single. No. It's about the North,

and all of our stories are about couples. That is not the truth, Ian. No, not technically true. It's weird stuff. It's funny stuff that's going on up North that we're reporting back on. Things like... Pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire village

and attacking children. Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in bath mat. And we've got special guests. We're talking about people like Phil Wang, Jessica Knappett, Ed Gamble and Ross Noble, who joined us in the studio. Woo-hoo! Yeah! So that's Northern News starting next Thursday,

the 1st of May and then every Thursday after that. Join us.