Single Ladies In Your Area - Tarot Reading with Jennifer Cownie

Episode Date: January 24, 2025

If we can’t find love the natural way, then we’ll have to find it the supernatural way ✨ This week, Amy and Harriet are joined by tarot reader Jennifer Cownie who does a reading to help guide them through dating in 2025. But what is a Pentacle? Do more Cups mean more wine? And which card is the horniest in the deck? If you're curious about the tarot, you can get in touch with Jen by heading to litwitchure.com or follow her on Instagram @cownifer.Litwitchure's book Wild Card is availble to buy here.Support the podcast and enjoy early and ad-free listening, BTS content and more by subscribing to our Patreon at patreon.com/singleladiesinyourareaWe want to hear your dating stories! Email in at [e-mail] Single Ladies In Your Area on Instagram @singleladiespodRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Matt Crockett and Linda Blacker.Design by Welcome Studio. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. We're both single and in our 30s. And we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. And the landscape has changed. Everyone has settled down. But we're back out there. And we're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing.

So we're going to speak to experts, chat about dates we've been on, if we manage to get any, and share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone we might even get our exes on yeah we'll see about that this is single ladies in your area well this week we're talking about horoscopes and then we've got a real treat. We have an expert tarot reader in the shape of Jen Cowney coming in to give us our readings.

And we find out what's in store for us. I'm excited for this episode, doing a tarot reading. Yeah. Have you ever done a tarot reading before? Yeah, a friend did one in my living room. Have you? Yeah, my friend Sam used to do it when we lived together and it would always feel like so exciting.

I think he would manipulate the cards to try and make me do things that he thought I should do, just like in a life kind of way. Okay, as long as it's not like a, and this one means you have to take your top off. No, no, nothing like that. But I think he was really good at it. And a couple of things he said really stuck with me.

And I think it probably was him, but part of me likes to believe it was the cards, you know, the magic cards. What did yours say? Oh, I really can't remember. At the time, I remember being like, ooh. A bit like horoscopes, you can kind of bend it to fit. Yeah.

Should you need to. But you're only bending it in a way, like it's not bad to bend it to fit yeah should you need to but you're only bending it in a way like it's not bad to bend it because you're only finding out stuff about what you already think but yeah I do I do kind of like this stuff I didn't used to be so into it and then in April I went away with Lou Sanders our previous guest and my friend Melissa and Lou and Melissa are both batshit. So they're into all of this kind of stuff. And then it did make me get more into it. And I do quite like it. Oh, that's nice.

I do find it quite fun. And then if I'm like feeling a bit like, why do I feel weird? I'll like message Melissa and she'll be like, oh, it's because the moon is in retrograde and Mercury is coming. And it's just like, oh, I can shift responsibility to the moon is in retrograde and Mercury is coming. And it's just like, oh, I can shift responsibility to the moon. It's the cosmos.

I'm late. Why? It's the cosmos. Look up. It's the bloody cosmos. I can't be expected to meet this deadline when Mercury is in retrograde. I don't know what any of them words mean. I don't really know what it means, but I do like it.

So are you into it? I'm not against it. I'd like to be into it more. I just don't really understand it. Although, again, one of our previous guests, Sophie Hagen, put me onto an app called CoStar where you have to put in not just your date of birth but like your time of birth

and place of birth. There's a really fun meme that goes around of it's a picture of like a text from a man to his mother and he says, Mum, what's my time of birth? And then the mum just replies

and says, stay away from that woman. I really like that. Yeah, because you can't put in other people's stuff and find out if you match. But yeah, I've not got around to asking anyone what their time for birth was.

But every day it gives you little daily updates and stuff. It gives you a list of do's and don'ts. So today, do, haircut, ouch. Handwritten letters. Getting caught. Okay, don't people please in too deep

finishing sentences it's quite broad it's a lot for a day you know it's a big thing for a day you've got your haircut you've got to

not please anyone write a letter well let's get an expert on shall we somebody that really knows their stuff yeah but not about horoscopes

about well maybe about horoscopes I feel like it's connected. Is that wrong? It's got to be. It's all cosmos. Yeah, cosmos. The cosmos.

But our expert, Jen Cownie, is going to read our tarots. I'm hoping it's not the worst reading of all time. Yeah, I'm scared of her power. Yeah. What if it's like... You've got two weeks to live. You've got two weeks to live

and in them two weeks you're never going to have sex. Okay, so we've got worst case scenario. Worst case scenario is die soon with no kisses. Best case scenario, some kisses and live a bit longer. Great. All right. Well, there we go. Let's see what Jen Cownie has to say. It's a match. So we are joined by a very special guest in the studio, Jen Cownie, a tarot expert.

Oh, my God. Can I say expert? If you wish. I'd love to. A tarot expert. So Jen is very kindly going to do Harriet and myself a reading. And this is where we find out, like I imagine Groundhog Day, you know where the groundhog comes out and they go, it's another six weeks of winter. And they'll be like, you're never having sex again. Can a card tell us that? Will the card say?

I'd like to say no, but I feel like they are quite sassy. So sometimes you get a thing where it's just like nothing for you today. Oh, God. Today I can handle a lifetime. The future is always shifting. So, you know, I don't think I don't think it's going to give you a full picture for the rest of time. Shifting so it can give the immediate future. And then is it right that like your decisions and stuff can then alter it so So it can give the immediate path, but then things can change?

Well, I suppose it depends on how you interact with the cards. So some people would be like, yeah, this is a very, very strict, like this is what's going to happen. I tend to be a little bit more open because I find that the cards, they're very symbolic. They have quite inscrutable little people doing strange little things on them. So if you take them too literally, not that helpful. But I think they can very much tell stories about what's going on for you,

what kind of themes might be coming up. They can ask a lot of difficult questions, which is always nice. Always feel good to be interrogated by a deck of cards on the regular. So it could give you kind of an idea of like maybe where you're going, what you should look out for, what maybe you haven't noticed. So hopefully not quite as um yes strictly predictive as some people actually fear I think although I can obviously just be like hey what do you reckon will happen next week pull a card and we'll go from there is it wrong to think that you might

be a bit magic oh question what is magic um I definitely don't think of myself as being like a psychic practitioner of tarot so I'm not going to be saying like I can hear the spirits and this is what they're whispering to me because that would really freak me out and I don't want it no thanks if you're listening back off just get away I don't I don't want to hear your voices um but so when I started reading tarot which was actually quite late in life like I wasn't sort of at my mother's knee being taught the cards. Like my parents were in the military. So it's surreal. Really?

Really took a curveball there. They're still a bit baffled by it. I started in my 20s. And at first I was quite sceptical. I was just like, oh, these have got pretty pictures on them, haven't they? They're nice. I'm sure that'll be fun. And then after a while, I just found the way that they sort of fall, the stories they tell kind of uncanny.

There was too many times that I was reading for myself and my friends and being like ooh weird so maybe there is a bit of magic but I don't know

how it works I've got no idea I'm not under the hood under the bonnet wow there's something there but how or why so you're just the

I'm just the conduit the conduit something I don't know god that's fascinating I love that you've given us quite a brilliant

overview there but is there anything any information that listeners who've had no experience of tarot before need to know any sort of context the main thing I always say about tarot and I say it a lot whenever I do any events is I think it's quite misunderstood I think there are quite a lot of sort of stereotypes around tarot and a lot of it is like oh it's super creepy and scary and I get I meet loads of people who are terrified to have their tarot read a lot of it is like oh it's super creepy and scary and I get I meet loads of people who are terrified to have their tarot read it's a very

kind art when practiced right there are definitely there's definitely ways to do tarot which are more like look at me aren't I clever and magical

and I'm just going to creep you out for hours but it's a lot nicer than people think it's also a lot funnier than people think like the cards are quite silly when you actually see them

I brought an interesting deck today which is not one of the traditional decks it's quite a... Ooh! It's a sexy deck. It's a lot of women wearing really big boots. Oh, yeah.

Which I think is the right energy. This is exactly the right energy! Do you ever read something on the tarot and then you're like, oh, I can't say this? They're not ready to handle this. I mean, I think there are definitely moments where, nowadays, mostly I read people I know because I sort of feel the pressure of if it's a stranger. And if they're going through something, if they're having a hard time, I'm like, well, where's the safeguarding here? I can't follow up on you. I don't know who you are.

And there are moments where things come up and you're like, oh, God, have you had a bit of a tough time lately? And then, you know, it can be quite emotional. It can be quite emotional it can be quite difficult so um yes is the answer but i would also say increasingly i tend to read for people who i know who are friends of friends or who i can at least email afterwards and check in on and we can handle it you can handle it we can handle it but yeah sometimes difficult things come up there are some cards in the tarot that look quite intense um that's sort of the way of them but they're also all very metaphorical so you can turn our head what does it mean? she's eating the boots

it's usually the ones where it's like 10 swords stuck in someone's back people get that one and they're like oh I don't love that for me and I'm like no I don't love it for you either, it's not great you try and frame it as it's a positive actually it's like acupuncture, they're hitting the right spots it's not 11 swords

it's only 10 I'm taking the acupuncture one though for future there spots and it's not 11 swords it's only 10 it's only 10 there could be more i'm taking the acupuncture one though for future there are times when you're really just like oh no i'm gonna have to say something that makes this not as bad as it is you gotta get in there and sniff them am i right in thinking that there's different almost like in your regular playing cards there's different like suits. I know there's like cups.

Yes. What are the... So basically a tarot deck, 78 cards rather than 56. You get your bonuses. You have the suit cards, but rather than... I actually can't remember the normal suits now because I do tarot so often. Diamonds. You've got your diamonds, spades, clubs and hearts.

Wonderful. We don't have those in tarot. We have cups, we have swords, we have wands, and we have pentacles. Pentacles? Which is just a coin with like a kind of five-pointed star on it, basically. Ah, okay. But each of those suits refers to sort of a different aspect of your life. So cups is like the heart, it's the water suit.

The swords are the mind, weirdly. Wow. The wands are fire and their kind of spirit and energy. And the pentacles are earth and their body and sort of physical things. So you get those four suits. And then you get literally trump cards, the 22 major arcana cards, which are the big famous ones. Should we rename those maybe? Yeah.

Right? It's a bit awkward, isn't it? And yeah. Sad. I haven't got anything else you want to say about that. Yeah. Other cards. The major arcana. The big secrets, as they're called. sad I haven't got anything for you anything you just want to say about that yeah other cards the major arcana the big secrets

as they're called so those are the ones that you probably recognise from TV and film so that's where like the lovers and death and the tower

and all of that they're almost always interpreted incorrectly when you see them in TV and film are they really annoying almost every time

you see in the film someone turning anything over and then going like oh it means this you're like no it doesn't and it wouldn't be that hard to check yeah there is like google yeah there are books yeah there are people who do this as a job and i'm always really delighted when someone emails me like can you just check that i'm using these cards right in my book and i'm like yes i can check oh that's fantastic is different, but I trained very briefly to be a massage therapist

and I was re-watching Friends. Oh yeah, do you not know this? I did not know this. Oh yeah. I'm not good at it. Oh, that'll be why. Yeah. I was having a sort of crisis when I lived in Manchester

and I was just like, I don't know if stand-up's ever going to happen for me, so I just should probably go to beauty school. That's quite a pivot though isn't it it's a hell of a pivot there was just courses in my area I was like I'll do that sure but I do know how to do like a basic massage and then I was re-watching friends and Phoebe's obviously doing her massage and I was looking at that being like oh wrong wrong wrong oh I'd love to watch something and be smug about it there's nothing there's

nothing I know that I've ever seen and be like actually you're doing that wrong should we do it I think we should do it yeah who's gonna go first though do you wanna go first I think you should go first okay what would be your ideal outcome from this reading so wait does this mean what I want to happen in life no that bit I can't give you but I mean more like sorry I was about to give you I'll be there I'll be like what I want I'll just choose the right cards for that outcome that's fine I mean more is this about are you wanting to kind of know what you should be doing where you should be focusing do you want to reflect on what's gone before and where you've kind of

where you are right now we want to look forward you want to look forward we do you want to reflect on what's come before and where you've kind of where you are right now we want to look forward we don't want to look back screw the past it's not even real yeah but not if it's bad then we can look back

I make no promises that might be bad too okay it's going to be forward okay maybe oh no maybe like what what I could do now

to make things good in the future is that an option yes definitely so what we could do now to make things good in the future. Is that an option? Yes, definitely. So what we'll do, I'll just get you to pull one card at a time rather than like spreading the whole thing across this entire room. But I'll ask you first. I feel like all the lights are going to turn off.

It's going to be that vibe where you feel like, yeah, like we're sat around a round table. Okay, so pick a card. This card's going to represent where you are right now, just like a sort of starting point card. Should I shut my eyes? I mean, you'd probably be finding it hard to see where the cards were if you did that.

So maybe keep them open. Just look. Knock over one of the six drinks around here. That's my arm. Just have a shuffle through until you feel one that feels right and then turn it over and show it to me. I love to see her. She's one of my favourite cards on the deck.

Oh, I'm thrilled for you. I didn't know it was going to happen. You said you weren't scared, but you look quite afraid. Yeah, I know because I'm scared of holding it like it's fire. This is the nine of pentacles. And I genuinely refer to this card as the patron saint of single women. It's just a really good card to be in oh okay great she's holding a bird so she's holding a bird in the hand um she's kind of she's nude in this version which is yeah um yes the pentacles basically are about kind of all the things that you've got in your life so you know your friends and your home and your health and like everything you have and the nine of pentacles is all about being able to sit there and go look at all this

great stuff that i have managed to create for myself i'm going to cry i'm gonna cry too it's such a nice card to start with okay that's really good it's also um again this is something i think i wrote about in the book i wrote about tarot you know the share quote about rich men talking to her mom and her mom saying one day share you're gonna have to settle down and marry a rich man and Cher goes mum I am a rich man yeah that's this card as well it's basically that thing of of love is not like a necessity it's a luxury it's something you might enjoy but actually there's a real sense of autonomy there and of being able to stand on your own two feet and know yourself and be in a very sort of good solid place so I hope this is a good place to start this is really good yeah to start. This is really good.

Yeah, because that is how I've started to feel. Like it's been a crazy time. I got divorced. It's just been like a kind of period of just figuring it out, just not being able to breathe. And I feel like I can now. And like, I feel like, yeah, I do feel really grateful. So that is really nice.

That's a really good place to start. And I think whatever else comes out of this tarot reading, I think hold on to that place of actually, you come from a position of strength like you know yourself you've been through things you've learned things and you've got your pentacles around you so everything else is what can you build on what can you add to where you already are you're not in a place of there's a gap and there's a big hole that you have to fill yeah that's a really nice way of looking at it I'm full actually so sometimes it's sorry boys honestly it's not. Sometimes this card... Sorry, boys. Honestly, sometimes I get this card and I'm just like,

why would I even date? What could they offer me? I love that. Well, maybe there is something they can offer you. Shall we find out? I'll pull you another card. I'll pull you another one. Okay.

Shall we pull a card for something that perhaps, yeah, something perhaps that you don't know that you need, but it would be a good thing in your life. Ooh. Who have we got? Strange. You're pulling all of my favorites today okay so strength it's a lady in a big boot and one of the books is on a lion oh my god yeah this is going to be a theme with this particular deck which is just all women wearing big huge boots yeah so in most versions of. Yeah, I want to be that lady.

So in most versions of this card you do see a woman not always in big boots and a lion. So sometimes she's dressed in quite a sort of like pure maidenly, almost like a nightie with a little flower hat. And she's often sticking her hands into the jaws of the lion which is pretty cool. And strength is not about physical strength, it's not about being able to kind of lift weights at the gym as you might imagine, it not about physical strength. It's not about being able to kind of lift weights at the gym, as you might imagine. It's about inner strength. And in particular, it's about being able to embrace some of the bits of yourself that you don't always like. So the bits that feel kind of like angry or sort of untrammeled. And particularly as women in the world, we're socialised to be like nice and pretty and friendly all the time. And aren't we lovely? And we're not

always allowed to feel that kind of like beastly side. that sort of like, I'm angry, I'm pissed off, this has really bothered me. And so strength is about stopping repressing that. It's about being able to go, actually, these are parts of myself that are not always polite and not always easy and not always something that everyone will celebrate, but they're bits for me and I need them and they are part of who I am and I appreciate them.

So perhaps there's something there for you. Perhaps there's a sort of an angry animal inside you or something kind of that's being repressed that perhaps you need to reintegrate into yourself does this feel in any way true watch out everybody the beast I'm gonna release the beast 2025 release the beast no I think that's definitely it and that's something that I am I was like raised to be like very polite and very good and like that was the that was the thing and that's something I'm trying to work on is to not be thinking in my head what I need to do to make someone else happy and um try to just be even if that means they're not going to like me it's um a very like to disappoint somebody or make them not like me is a very um the tarot is gently suggesting that you embrace disappointing

people occasionally if you're being true to yourself. Beast. Beast mode. Beast. Beast mode. Beast mode. Activated. Say it with me. I'm a goddess. Do we have something that you need to kind of let go of? Okay. As we go into yes ex-husbands

ex-husbands if an ex-husband turns up that will be quite funny at this point right but oh my god here he is is it a woman in boots or is it actually not the two are pentacles the two are pentacles okay does does your ex-husband enjoy wearing really tall hats like in this card? No. It does look a bit like him to me. Yeah, it's kind of a bit like the gangly kind of... There is a vibe there, yeah. Yeah, there's a vibe, but no, not really. Okay, well, I don't think it's him.

So the two of pentacles. I've never understood why in every version of this card, this person wears a really long sausage hat. And there must be some kind of... There must be some symbolism that i've completely missed out on maybe they're hiding a dick on their head oh let go of dickheads let go of dickheads we found something new in this card i've never seen it here before but that's a new angle and one we're gonna embrace the two of pentacles is basically about like trying really

hard and like working so you see that in that card someone basically juggling of pentacles is basically about like trying really hard and like working so you see that in that card someone basically juggling two pentacles and being like i'll just keep on going i'll just keep on going i'm just gonna keep on working really hard and as someone who is also single i often feel that dating is like having a part-time job and it's just this thing of like well i've got to put aside an hour every day to go on the apps and to speak to all the in you know imaginary invisible game people on the little on the apps and to speak to all the you know imaginary invisible game people on the little on the little telephone box and it becomes like a chore it becomes this thing where you don't really remember its connection in real people you're just like and here I go from my one

big screen job to my other small screen job and I don't know if perhaps there's an element maybe of thinking about your sort of relationship status and dating as like a task or a chore or kind of feeling as though you're having to do it like that rather than being able to just sort of embrace it and run and be free and be silly. How are you feeling about that? I think that it doesn't seem fun. It's not very much a job for me. Yeah, and for them. I have a daughter and it's very hard to find the time to kind of see somebody and not see it as taking away something from her or from spending time with my friends, which is really fun or doing my job, which I love and that I need to I want to really work at. So it's like another thing to do that's like the least fun of all of them by far. Yeah. And yeah, that's that that is an interesting point to try and make it a fun thing rather than the last thing on my list that's a bit of a chore.

There's also, I mean, this is not really the tarot saying it, but I think that I often say to myself is like, do I even really want to be dating? Like, is this actually, do I actually want to do that right now? We are doing a podcast. We do need some kind of content. I suppose it is technically your job, so, like, in some ways. Yeah, but it's also, it's about being single. Being authentic about it. And you don't have to do it.

Exactly. You can't just be single. That's all there is. And that is kind of what I've been doing, I think. Yeah. I actually think it's way more fun. Yeah. When it turns up organically, when something just appears and you're like, ooh, a frisson.

Yes. Oh, a connection. How lovely. How interesting. Whereas and you're like, ooh, a frisson. Yes. Oh, a connection. How lovely. How interesting. Whereas when you're sitting there being like, yes, it is exceedingly rare, obviously. And it gets rarer with each passing year. I know. I'm really there.

I'm really in the trenches with you. I can't remember the last time I thought even the tiniest snippet of a frisson. But I live at home. Où est le frisson? Où est le frisson? No one knows what we've taken um but i think sometimes like when it becomes a chore i am seeing it as a chore i'm definitely seeing it as a chore yeah maybe you can have a little holiday from it have a couple days off yeah have a week have a week off have a little break have a little week off yeah a Yeah. But I think I have been on a break from it.

But I think maybe it's the attitude of like seeing it as something that's fun. I don't see it as fun. No. Yeah. Because also I feel like I do go in sometimes as it being fun. And then they come into it and they're like, what is she doing? How? Well, I'm like making, I'm like.

Oh. I'm just being myself. Yes. And they don't want that. And so I'm trying to be fun. Yeah. But they're like, this isn't what we signed up for. What did they sign up for?

They like not what I'm bringing, which is like. When energies don't meet. Yes. I need to keep the fun, the fun energy into it. It's hard to stay fun when you're tired. Go on then. Let's get this over and done with.

That's cool. That's what we already talked about with strength. It's about kind of those bits for you. You don't always have to be bringing the fun. You don't have to make them feel fun. If they're making it feel like a chore for you. But they all are.

That's the problem. So what do you do? Wait for the frisson. Wait for the for the frisson yeah don't waste your time until you find the frisson I think again to go back to that first card about being on your own two feet and being yeah happy strong single woman like you're looking for something that's going to add to your life and make it better than you are now but the advice I've been giving out to people and I think this is true is like it is a numbers game like I think you do need to go on dates and you do need to meet people. And like you do have to see it as a little bit of a job because people aren't just turning up at your front door with a frisson. You know what I mean?

Frisson delivery! Oh, lovely. Hello, come in. Are you the frisson? And how do you kiss someone? Amy, you just got a lunge. Should we put a card for what you're sort of, what you're bringing to any potential romantic things in future?

A page of cups. Oh, what the fuck? A glass of wine. That's what I'm bringing, baby. Tipsy energy. I really enjoy the page of cups. A beret. May I see this one? Oh, gosh.

Do you know what? She's very chic. She's almost, I would say, French. I like to wear... My friend teased me. I like to wear jumpers that have French. Well, I used to. I stopped because of how much I was teased about it.

Like, French phrases on it. Like, what are you wearing? A top that just says discotheque. I think it's because it feels like it's French. It's like chic, you know. Champignon. I'm pretty sure I've done the exact same thing and gone to France and been like,

now I feel like an absolute bitch. Just walking around. I had the necklace with the Eiffel Tower on, but it'd be like, you'd think it's like nice, but then you wear it in France. You're like, is that wearing Big Ben or something? It's like a bus just hanging around. I'm sure someone does.

There was someone out there who does that. So what you're bringing, it's not wine. The Page of Cups is basically about the imagination. It's about playfulness. It's about bringing able to tap into that kind of deeper sense of self and the subconscious and like bring it out

into the open so some versions of this card you have like a little guy holding a fish in a cup and the fish represents

the deep subconscious weirdly in the cup and sometimes I've got one deck where it's a giant fish holding a little man in a cup and I really enjoy that too

I'm bringing a fish with a man in a cup you're bringing a fish in a cup with a man in a cup and a fish and a man is in the cup and you're in the cup i was gonna say that have you got in one of your five um like hydrations in front of you is there a fish in any of them this is very much about kind of being able to sort of tap into

that sort of subconscious self and be playful and be silly and you said you were bringing strangeness to dates and i'm just like actually this is a strength this is a thing that you should keep on bringing yeah because sometimes I can go into this like good god like serious mode of like yeah oh I'm a prude and I'm very serious but that's not the real me it's just like I feel like I don't know how to behave so I go back into being that like polite yes you could put on a mask yeah and actually yeah the page like the pages of the tarot are all kind of quite childlike energies. So they're often sort of associated with like young people. And as you know, because you have a child, kids, they don't mask.

They're just like, here I am. Wish they could mask more, to be honest. If anything. A lot of time is spent teaching them how to behave like, you know, like pretend to be people. But you almost like want to embrace a bit more of that kind of that child self of just like this is who I am underneath everything else. And you can't get away from that. You must keep on doing it. So be a cabbage of cups.

I love this. Oh, that's so good. That's what you're bringing. And that's just absolutely one of Harriet's like just most joyful, beautiful strengths is that you've just got this like innocence and playfulness. And it's so no but it's brilliant and it like pours out of you it's gorgeous

and it's the page of cups it's the page of cups it's the fish with the man in a cup it's the fish with the man in a cup and there's a glass of wine and also wine would you like one more card one more card

one more four more yes I think this boost mode this card should be Would you like one more card? One more card. One more. Four more. Yes. I think this card should be almost like the closest we have to a prediction card. Like, oh, what next? What's the tarot? What directions does the tarot say we're going in?

Three of pentacles. Oh, three of pentacles. Interesting. So the three of pentacles, as you can see, is a woman kind of in this version of the deck, sort of holding up what looks like a church like arch and normally this card is people building a cathedral a different path for me

a different path have you considered stonemasonry perhaps you could take that up and then when they do it wrong on telly you could be really annoyed

yes that's it that's not how you lay a foundation finally you could be there you could be smug about you could put the pillars of the earth or something.

The cathedral, of course, here is metaphorical. It's not a real cathedral. And famously, cathedrals do not get built quickly. They take time. They take time and energy. And they also can't be built alone. They are beautiful structures that require help from others. And I think what this says is actually going forwards,

you're building towards something big and beautiful and magical, but it might take time and you might need to lean on those around you to help you build it and that might be your friends might be your family might be whoever it is but don't think of this as just you on your own chipping away at your block think of it as a great work for your life that's going to make it bigger and better and will have happily happen with other people that are with you oh my god this is so lovely. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. That's so nice. And people will worship you.

I mean, ideally. I'm not an expert. In fact, I've never done this before in my life, but what I'm getting from that, and I think I should be listened to actually, is that, yeah, people are going to worship you. Okay, one card was the dickhead card. Get rid of them.

And then people are going to worship you. Thank you very card was the dickhead card. Get rid of them. And then people are going to worship you. Thank you very much. I think you'll be doing my cards. I love them. Oh, you just love a roast, do you? I can't wait for all mine till we meet at like death, death. There's only one death card in this pack.

How have you picked out five? Yeah, imagine if there were more. That's never been in this pack how have you picked out five imagine if there were that's never been in this pack before listen we'll start let's do it we'll start by asking you

to call the card for where you are right now so this is a card for where I am right now the ten of pentacles again a very happy place is it yeah are you happy

very happy great not all the time obviously but right now I'm having a lovely day is that what that means yeah basically oh so basically I like to think that's me and Harriet Great. Not all the time, obviously. Not all the time. Right now, I'm having a lovely day. Is that what that means? Yeah, basically.

Oh. So basically, I like to think. That's me and Harriet. Oh, there we are. There you are. Just hanging out. With our tiny heads. We've got such tiny heads. No boots in this one.

No boots. Barefoot. Oh, sort of weird, flat flipper feet. That's me and Harriet. There we are. So I always think of the Ten of Pentacles as the card that represents home. Not as like necessarily a physical space

because home is often something you carry with you. Like I was a military kid. I moved house a lot. But it's about those kind of little things, little talismans, the people, the feelings that make you feel grounded, that make you feel safe, that give you a space to go on and from. So do you feel like you've got a good sense of home at the moment? Do you feel

do you feel unmoored? Do you feel like, oh I feel quite solid? No, I feel quite settled. That's really good. Yeah, I do feel quite settled and I feel like this year I've more sunken into friendships. Right. Kind of sink into it like a lovely mud do you know what i mean i'm like knee deep in in love mud is that is that what this card is i mean yeah i think it is saying how much you love your home and i love my i actually love my home yeah i feel very yeah i feel very settled for the first time ever i like that and again as as a person who's been in relationships and come out of them sometimes having that that space of your own, that place of your own, it's just very important and it gives you that sense of grounding

and you can be like, well, if nothing else, I've got a nice comfy bed and a nice little sofa. It is literally mainly my bed. It's really good to go to bed with my kids. It's a TV bed. It's a TV bed. What do you mean, what is a TV bed? Jen, you press a button, a TV comes out and puts you in a bed.

No. I didn't know they were real. How could she not be happy, Jen? I thought that was just a thing from sci-fi. So did I. You can get it from DFS. It is fantastic. I too would have a ten of pentacles if my bed were also a television.

It's real good. Yeah, I guess that's given me the main sense of feeling home. Okay. Well, look, whatever does it, whatever works for you. But I like this. I like that in both cases here, we've had a card for your start card, which isn't like I have this, you know, you haven't got the heartbreak card. You haven't pulled like there's a huge yawning gap in my soul.

It's like, no, I'm actually pretty good. And it's like, it feels like we should or to everybody. It's like, oh no, you haven't got it together. You've not done the thing. But actually it's like, but I think I'm happier than some of you guys. You know what I mean? Oh, way happier.

Totally. You meet people who are in relationships and you're like, oh, I wouldn't want that. Yes. That doesn't look like fun. Yeah. Doesn't sound like you're having a nice time. You're going to be arguing in the TV bed, ruining it.

Ruining it. You're ruining the TV bed. TV bed. Wonderful. So you're starting in a really good place. Okay, well, that's really good. With your TV bed. Okay.

The next card we pulled for you was around something that, yeah, something that you needed to embrace. Something that, it was something that I didn't know I needed to embrace. You're right, something you didn't know about that you need to embrace. Would you like to pull a card for that? Yes, please. I would love to. Okay.

Oh, quite an intense looking card. The five of wands. Interesting. Oh, I like all the wands. From what I can see is there's a flame and the main crossing point is very much on her vagina. Yeah, that is an interesting build on this card that I haven't seen before.

I think I know what this is trying to tell me. If I'm honest. I'm curious. Tell me what you think it's trying to tell you and then I'll tell you what it means and it may be that they're the same. Okay, well, because of the fire burning right near her and then all the direction is towards her vagina.

I think what this is saying is maybe I should, because I haven't, do some sex and sexy stuff. But I probably don't even like sex anymore, do I? I mean, who knows? Who knows? But maybe this is going, go on. Maybe it is. I think the longer you don't,

the more it becomes like a defence mechanism. It's like, and your body starts to be like, I function on my own, get away. Yeah. And actually. I have sealed up. Yeah. Yeah, it's the season of the wank.

It's the season of the wank. That's what I've been saying for all of Autumn Winter 2024. It's the decade. So yeah, the wands in the tarot basically represent where you put your energy. And definitely sex is part of this suit. So there is a card in the wands, which I think is just like the horniest card in the deck. It's not this one, actually.

But you never know. He might pop up later. Imagine if you get the horniest card in the deck. That would be so good. It's like, woo, wheel ride, literally. It could happen. But this looks like a horny card. It does.

It's weird because I've never seen, well, I have seen this card many times. I don't think I've ever really examined this particular version of it. And I love it because it does have a much hornier symbolism than it usually does. Usually it's like five men fighting with sticks. I'm going to bring back I think well okay coming back so wands they are quite phallic fire that's about sort of spark and energy yeah and often the five of wands is about kind of like like little niggling energies you know it's not like big burning flames it's not like this is the huge big bonfire it's like oh it could just be like lovely crushes it could just be like lovely crushes

it could just be the kind of the vibe of casual sex you know the vibe of just like this is amy's year of 2025 to find a winner like the whole year everyone can compete and at the end at the end of the year we announce a winner good luck contestants hey the odds be ever in your favour and all that I think that's what they're saying oh my god I think it's saying rather than chasing like one big thing be like open to

all the little sparks and all the little niggles and all the like ooh the frisson here the frisson there there could be many I think we instantly go to like

oh but is this person going to be the person forever and then it's like no just go with the little frissons little frissons little fires all around there are seasons

when you're like no I really want to kind of lock in and I'm looking for a life partner. There are seasons when you're like, no, I just want to sample the goods. I want to taste the different words. Tapas. I want a human tapas. Human tapas. The dating tapas scene.

So that's what you've got to do that you didn't know about. And yeah, I think it probably involves some sex. Oh my God. Because what is tapas without sex? That's why I always wonder. That's why you're got to do that you didn't know about. And yeah, I think it probably involves some sex. Oh my God! Because what is tapas without sex? That's why I always wonder. That's why you're not allowed in restaurants. That's why I'm banned from so many restaurants around London. Spain.

Not allowed. I'm not welcome there. I don't know what my thoughts are. Uh-oh, it looks like I've met a turtle again. The next one's something actually you're going to leave behind. Please don't be the horny little man. Don't be the horny little man. Something you're going to let go of a bit as you move forward.

Okay. The Ace of Pentacles. She looks nice. I don't want to leave her behind. That looks really good. To be fair, she is really nice. Every card in the tarot can be good, can be bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we know some are good and some are worse.

We know this one's generally nice, but the pentacles are all about potential. And the ace of pentacles is always about kind of like planting the seed of something new and tending it. But I think it is kind of the opposite energy to what we've just had with the five of wands. It is that thing of like,

here's my one precious egg and i'm gonna sit here stroking this one thing and i'm just gonna focus in on it and it's gonna be all i think about okay this feels very pointed actually it does feel like the cards are just like get out there yeah our phone call before this has paid off jen it's my check in the post. Yeah. Yeah. This is all making a real lot of sense actually.

It's about maybe not. Obviously there are times when you want to be like this is the most perfect precious thing that I'm going to cradle and I'm going to like nourish it. But there are times when you're like actually that's not a helpful energy for me. It's not helpful. And I think you see a lot of things as precious that aren't necessarily precious. Like I think that's a lot of things as precious that aren't necessarily precious like I think that's a really polite way of saying something

but multiple times I've seen you do this but you're like you will be like this is the best thing in the whole world and you put all your love and energy into it and you're like it's incredible and you're like

yeah I mean it's fine but I do do that over and over again but you're so precious and so you do it to these things and you're like, it's incredible. And you're like, yeah, I mean, it's fine. I do do that over and over again. But you're so precious. And so you do it to these things. Yeah, I guess. But like, you see it as the best. Yeah, you stroke it and you look after it and you think this is the best thing in the whole world. But it's, you're the best thing in the whole world. Oh, that's very nice. It's true.

So we're going to be more ones. We're going to be less cradling our single egg. Yeah. Of love. Jen, I get big crushes. That's nice. No, because then I just want to think about them and only gravitate towards them. They're polishing your gems.

Yeah. Just chuck that gem in the sea and go for these tiny little ratty things. But there could be other gems that you just haven't seen yet. There could be other gems. It's in the polish. I'm going to have sex with some gems.

You could get out there. Cut to Diamond and Crust in Dildo. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I've gone up some wild gems. I hope there's a brand

out there that's going to be like fantastic. Podcast read time. We have open sponsorship. New Diamond and Crust in Dildo. Yeah yeah imagine that ad in the middle of this epi like are you fed up of wanking with a normal dildo well i have smooth silicon when you can have

the hardest sharpest material in the world it will cut you to rips That's a real danger. That's worth a go. Shall we move on? Shall we move on? What is the thing that you are bringing to your romantic future? Well, this isn't going to be the horny man.

Oh, there's two. We've got a wild card that's going to have to come stay at the end. Oh. Two of swords. Two of swords. So the two of swords

is basically a person who's very good at making decisions. No. No. Okay. Well, wait, is this what she's going to bring into the future? You're going to bring this into the future. You're going to become good at making decisions.

Because we were saying this. Yeah, this is what we're saying. She's not good now, but this is something to work on, to like go with things and say, this is really good. I like to think of this card as, you know, in films, when everything, like an action film, when everything's going wrong and someone goes, oh, no, what do we do? And it's, you know, it's always the woman. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This card is the person who has a plan and is like, we're going to do this thing. We're going to do this. It's quite decisive. It doesn't mean that you necessarily know the answer for any good reason. It's more just like, no, you know what? That way. We're turning left.

Oh, I love this here you're not very good at saying no to things and so it would be good to have a bit more of that maybe and a bit more like yes yeah bring a bit more of that energy decisiveness cutting things down trusting your instincts i've decided to walk out of this. I've decided to piss myself right here. And no one will stop me. Nothing you can do about it, actually. Absolutely nothing. Oh, that would be fantastic. We created a monster.

You're the beast. The beast and the monster. You're bringing your beast energy and you're bringing this like clean cutting. Yeah. I can see through stuff. You're going to see through stuff. You're going to call people on their bullshit. I've never done that. You're going to see through stuff. You're going to call people on their bullshit. I've never done that.

I'd love to do that. I'd love to see you do that. I'm going to be right behind you. Thank you. You just can. Like, no one can stop you. Oh, my God. Fuck.

Everybody watch out. Literally. You're having a bad time. You can be like, this sucks. You've got two fucking swords there, Amy. And a blindfold, which doesn't bode well with the swords. That's the bit of kind of like, you don't necessarily know why you've got the answer.

It's about looking within. You just trust it. You don't even see, you see inside. You trust in yourself. You're not going data. You're not going on spreadsheets about it. No, going on gut. Going on gut instinct.

Going on pure gut. Love that for you. Is it ham? The final card before we flip over your wild card is the trajectory. Where does the tarot think you're going? Please be horny, man. We know he's in there somewhere.

I think it's this one. It's not the horny man. Oh, fuck. It's the four of fucking cups. Fucking hell. You don't seem to have immediately warmed the four of cups in the way that... No, I just wanted the horny man, I suppose.

Oh, this is kind of good. I guess it's lots of wine, and she's got one glass on top of her head because she's downed it like a legend. And that's exactly what this card means. The four of cups. The cups are about the heart. They're about the emotions.

And the Four of Cups is sort of that thing of like, do you want this? So technically the cup that's for some reason floating on this woman's head is normally being offered to her by a giant hand. And quite often the person looks back and they're like, I don't know, do I want it? And this is a card very much about expectations

and the expectations you have for yourself or the people have for you versus what you actually want it's a card about not people pleasing about this oh my god it's a card but you might find that you know a gem is offered to you and you're like yeah i do want that actually but you might be like no no i don't i think it's a very it's a very similar and you've got the two of of Swords here, but it's very directional. So it suggests that perhaps there will be an emotional opportunity offered to you in the coming times. Wow. You need to decide whether or not you're going to drink from that cup.

And we've literally been talking about trying to work out what it is that we actually want. Yes. Because I don't know really what I want. So I'm going to work out what I want by having lots of frissons. Lots of frissons. Bit of a horny time. A bit of a horny time.

Fewer polishing of single gems. Winner announced. Winner announced. Winner announced. Hunger Games 2025. Yeah. Don't just take it because it's given to you. Don't be like, oh, I guess because it's here,

I have to, that has to be my husband now or whatever. That's it. That's it. That. that okay but you've still got a wild card which came out on its own what does it say the page of wands oh it's nearly the horniest card adjacent the knight of wands is the horniest card really oh but the page of wands look at that big wand i mean that's a horny card if i've ever seen a horny card you've had the page of cups this is the Page of Wands... Look at that big wand! I mean, that's a horny card if I've ever seen a horny card. You've had the Page of Cups. This is the Page of Wands. Similarly, like, that kind of, like, energy.

Not quite the horniest card of the deck because that would be the Knight of Wands, but it's the one beneath it, so it can grow into it. Oh, my God. So I'm almost the horniest. You're almost there, ready to step into your power

as the horniest card on the deck. That is, again, mischief and fun and, like, going out there. It's about embracing the flame the free song and I shall you absolutely shall I'm feeling very positive

about both of your futures at this point I can almost feel an STD coming on it's already hurting those flames they're tickling oh my god I've never had an STD 2025 I'm sorry. Yeah. It's already hurting. There's flames. Oh my God.

I've never had an STD. 2025. All right. What a way to brag. It's going to be the year of it. I'm going to catch you up, Aria. The Page of Wands is now the card of STDs. This is wonderful.

Thank you so much, Jen. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. I so enjoyed giving you a reading and I feel very excited to hear what happens. we're excited to read your book as well it's called um it's called wild card it is called wild card yes yes and what's it about it's about the tarot it's basically less of the kind of like deep mystical numerology and more of just like this is what this card means in fun human sort of the The STD card. Yeah. So, for example, the horniest card on the deck is a line we wrote in that book.

Amazing. So it's supposed to be hopefully kind of a nice, accessible introduction to the tarot. Yeah. If you're just like wanting to dabble, but you're not really sure. Could people get readings with you? They certainly can. I'm not a full-time tarot reader. But yeah, if you're curious about getting a reading from me, then go on the website litwitcher.com I realize that's a silly name we came up with it in the pub about eight years ago

we didn't know it would go this far but imagine you were saying the word literature but then you made it witch yeah there's a website right you can email us there and if we're available we can do readings feel free to get in touch and ask me about tarot cards or to be like, why did you say that about STDs? I'm a tarot deck. You're a tarot aficionado who's upset. Hopefully not. Well, we've had a lovely time.

Yeah, we've had a lovely time. We feel very hopeful, actually. Yeah. I feel quite horny. Is that normal? We've got to go find that horny man. Where is that little horny man? That's why I didn't pick him out

because he's still out there and I have to go pick him out of the world. You've got to go and find him and you'll only find him by going on, seeking your free songs for the five of wands. Oh, gosh, this is fantastic news. Harriet, I've put a dog with tits on my profile. That was fun.

That was fun. I'm delighted with our readings. Yeah, I think we both came out of it well, thank God. Thank God. Yeah. No, that's really good. I wish you had got the horny little man. But yes, as you said, we're going to go to a bar after this

and we're going to find him. We really are. We're going to search every bar in this town and we're going to find that horny little man. Excuse me, is the horny little man in here? Horny little man? All right, next place then. Come on.

Come on, let's go to five, guys. No, I thought it was lovely and it's just like it's these things it's like you've got to like write this down somewhere I feel like I need to like

put these cards I need to remember this stuff you know yeah be helpful should we get them tattooed tattooed on each other and then we'll be able to see them

yeah and I'll be like can you just remind me again and you'll show me your back and I'll be like oh yeah yeah whole little man my daughter's like what's that on your back i don't worry about that

it's just a horned little man you'll understand when you're old for your bad auntie amy yeah i really i really enjoyed that i'm gonna read her book i'm gonna read her book and i i think i recommend having a tarot reading it's like i found it as long as it's like reputable person i think you don't want somebody that's going to be like, like spook you out or be like negative. Like she was very positive. And if she picked up any bad vibes, she hid it really well.

And I appreciate that. Yeah, me too. There was a few times when you hold up the card and she'd go, oh, and I'd go, oh God, oh God, what does it mean? Oh, she seemed surprised. She was like, oh wow. But all very good.

I had a very nice time. A big thank you to Jen for joining us. You can find out more about Litwitcher and their tarot readings on litwitcher.com, which is spelt litwitcher.com and their tarot book, Wildcard, is available to buy now. It is.

And you can get Jen on Instagram at County Fair. And come and see us, everybody. Come and see us. I am in Manchester very soon. It's rescheduled because I got stuck on a train. This time I'm not getting stuck anywhere. I'm going to make it. And I'm very excited for that.

And then I've got Oxford, Farnham, Maidstone, Chelmsford, Bath. And you can get tickets at HarrietKemsley.com. Come and see. I just head-butted the microphone. Amy, you do. You do yours. I give up. Come and see this in person, everybody.

It's a sight to behold. And I'm at Soho Theatre 27th of January to the 7th of February and yeah just come along get tickets from sohotheatre.com

and that would be lovely come and see us and maybe we'll read your tarot we are not qualified do not accept that we will not be doing that thank you

one and all for listening and thank you to the Cosmos hello me again doing that. Thank you one and all for listening and thank you to the Cosmos. Hello, me again, Amy Gledhill, but this time I'm with Not Harriet Kemsley. Whoa, WT, fuck! What's going on? I'm with bloody Ian Smith.

Offer to Northern News podcast. Yes, a podcast that's not about the news. Don't worry, single ladies. No, it's not about the news. Don't worry, single ladies. No, it's not about the news. It's not about being single. No. It's about the North and all of our stories are about couples. That is not the truth, Ian.

No, not technically true. It's weird stuff. It's funny stuff that's going on up North that we're reporting back on. Things like pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire Village and attacking children. Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in bath mat. And we've

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