SleepyCabin - SleepyCast 04 - [The Ghosts of Grandma’s Genitals]

Episode Date: September 27, 2014

It's SleepyCast, Episode 04! Uh...grab a cup of cocoa with little marshmallows and join us around the fireplace as we talk about Zach's...grandma's...pussy. And other things. sleepycabin.com/audio/sleepycast-04/ This episode starring: Stamper (www.youtube.com/StamperTV) Psychicpebbles (www.youtube.com/Psychicpebbles) Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Niall (www.youtube.com/Cryburgers) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

This podcast is brought to you by... Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth. Sleepycast is brought to you by... Spreadasshole.org. Your fresh go-to website for... Spread assholes. What else did you think? Come on. You think it was an airliner? What?

There is a world as tangible as our own. Impossible to see, yet unavoidable to sense. A world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean. of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin.

And in that cabin, it's a bunch of guys, he's a bunch bullshitter. Welcome to Sleepycast. This is episode, whatever, and I'm Stamper, and I'm here with Chris O'Neil, O'Ne, Zach, psychic pebbles,

and our best buddy, Nipeep, beep, beep. You cover guys. out he's a big boy you're gonna make people think that he's fat I am fat yeah that's what I thought you were doing

it's what I farted What I wasn't saying he was fat I said he was gonna beep beep here comes a big fat guy No I know it's a smash for this beep beep Oh you thought I was doing a dump truck backing up Shut up with your truck anyways Nile hangs out with those at the sleepy cabin office and do shit all day so he just he's gonna sit here and drink and We were lonely we needed somebody

I just do shit yeah I just sit down and kind of like watch watch the the world go by and he's the only Irish boy in this room that still has his accent I don't really though I I like Irish people think I'm a fraud and American people think I'm a fraud so I don't fit in anymore I'm at yeah you're like an orphan yeah I just don't fit in anywhere so I wandered to the sleepy cabin one day and they were full of weirdos and that's that's where I fit in now this is my home it's really easy to pick up accents yeah okay okay come do do New York hey I'm a New Yorker how the fuck I

Bates, you didn't give him a chance. Boo. I can do a New York accent. Samper, do a Philly accent. Okay, sweet. You got it. Does Philly have an accent? Yeah, he's like, I'm the angriest gamer you've ever heard.

Like, what is a Philly accent? Yeah, I'll have some water. It's like half way between Boston and New York. Yeah. They're all this. They all blended together. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's like all the coasts.

Like, the South have an accent. Stamper, do an impression of a French guy. French accent. Whee. You mean, like, French accent with French accent with. That speaks English? No, do a typical, don't do you stereotype. I'm going to do a normal French man.

But he's speaking English and trying to talk to you. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's not bad. It's not bad. Do a Russian guy. I was more Japanese. What?

He was like, I tried to talk to you. No, that's what you did. Do it again. Do a Russian guy. We are going to store to buy nuts and bolts. Yeah, that's a real Russian accent. Because most people go like, my name is a Vladimir. But that's not what they talk like.

They more talk like what you did. They're very direct in their language because they want you to understand what they are saying. Yeah. Do a German guy. Don't do what I leave you to do. Don't do it. No! No!

No! You do a German guy, monkey! Dance! I do German guys! Climb your symbols! Dance, monkey! Not you de lae! The German guys, they talk kind of like this, yeah?

Yeah, well, how about you, I would do a Czechoslovakian guy, Zach, go, monkey dance. Hey guys, up from Czechoslovakian. How the fuck you're doing that? It's fucking incredible. I lived there for 20 years. How else do you think? Do it Slovenian guy. How come Czech girls get their own porn category? Because Czech girls like... Hello, from the Czech Republic.

I got the big cities with the big... Yeah, but... I need money and I have low standards. Yeah. You think they'd be categorized under European. I think German girls are hot. Type of German girl on any poor website. You'll get some good stuff.

They'll be spreading the fog. The check is a vacuum is because of like human trafficking, I think. Oh, that's why it's so cool. Not to bring the tone down, but I think they put them in a box and throw them into a ship and bring them to check. Like Madagascar. Yeah. Yeah, Madagascar. Yeah.

They kept me away from my family and fucked my mouth. It's like, yeah, it's so hot. You're like, oh, fuck here. Yeah. That's the good stuff. Did I say it was funny? You're not laughing at it. I'm not laughing.

I'm not laughing. Uh-huh. So, let's talk about. Enough with the Czechoslovakian sex trafficking. However, we got there. Do you ever see that movie it's called human trafficking? No. Did I just say enough with it?

Let's keep talking about it above everyone else said. Wait, no, what about it? I don't know, it was like this movie, it came out. You know the guy, he was, I don't know his name, but he's the actor, he plays the villain and everything. He was like... Tim Curry? No, he's the guy who was in Angela's Ashes of the Dad. Tim Curry?

That's Tim Curry? No, it's not. It's fucking... Oh, Tom Cruise. I wouldn't have to say to me. Oh, Tom Hanks. Was he in Angel's Ashes? Yeah, the dad.

He plays the bad guy in all. Kevin Spacey, Dry Pitt, Bruce Woods. I just realized. Was the dad and Angela's ashes, the guy from the Frightners? Yeah. He sits in the toilet. The bad guy. Oh.

The bad guy that plays the bad guy and everything? Mm-hmm. Shooter McGavin from... No. Is Happy Gilmore? Shooter McGavin. He played the guy from... Rob Schneider.

It's Rob Schneider. It's Rob Schneider. It's Rob Schneider. It's Rob Schneider. What else was he in? Rob Schneider? He was in the animal. He's just in and around

This is the second time we've talked about the animal Not enough Two times it was too little Anyways what about the human trafficking movie I don't know I remember I watched it when I was 15 And I like scared the living shit out of me

But there wasn't really much to say about it It was just like They just put like girls in boxes Well you're not girl though They couldn't it would trap you or me Yeah I know but for some reason I had the irrational fear That I was gonna get like kidding They do though I mean yeah

They get girls and shit But they also take boys And make them sit under tables But us you think I would flatter myself enough to say they would capture me of anybody. Yeah, all those, like, anti-gay politicians, they all, like, hire those dudes.

If no, I was a little boy, I'd traffic him. I trap you. I'd trap you in my house. I'd slam your pink butt all day. Yeah, I'm glad my butt is, like, pink and not, like, a hint of brown, because I find that... Yeah, like, like, stampers. Yeah, you know, like, some girls? What do you mean?

A hint of brown. You know, the way sometimes they've died, like, pink, and sometimes they're died, like, brown? It is weird. You mean the asshole, the whole ass? No, just, like, in and around. You look at your asshole in the mirror? I never done that? I have.

I have. Do you guys think bleach that's upsetting? Yeah. What do you expect? Like, oh, that's where poop comes up. Yeah, because when it's in your imagination, you think it's like,

it's this beautiful, like, butthole. Dude, it's the only thing your ass does is shit. What are you expecting? No, no. That's the only purpose is this spray shit out of your ass. I don't know.

I knew it was going to like an asshole, but I thought maybe it looked a little better. You didn't even smiley face? Yeah. No, I thought it would be like, you know, like, you know, like a hole and not like a fucking starfish that's false.

fossilized or some shit. It's like... Oh, you thought it was gonna be like a perfect geometrical circle. Yeah, just a little full stop. You thought it was like a manhole with a little guy inside of it. I always wondered why monkeys have huge like sagging sphincters dangling out. Not all, dude, just a couple. But like, how did people evolve to not have that? Like, were people just subconsciously like, eh, that looks gross.

No, dude, evolution is not steered by people being conscious. That's why it's weird. I mean, it can be like, we kind of, we do that sometimes with like crops or like animals, like dogs and stuff. Almost all mutter dogs are like... Oh, man, that's a topic in itself, too, man. How we've been destroying dog breeds? Do you think it's a little bit weird? Do you think it's kind of bad?

I've always thought about this. Let me wrap up the previous... Why do we have butt cheeks? They say that human beings aren't supposed to sit. A lot of... A lot of things aren't like... But then everyone's like, oh, yeah, your butt cheeks are playing. A lot of things aren't like we got butt cheeks afterwards.

It's like they were for something else, and now they're just kind of there. They were made to make your butt hole warm? Maybe it was like muscles for the back or something, and then it was... They happen to be what we sit on now because we were always bipedal. They were made for, like, clapping. But when you see, like, a perfect circular flies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just like... You see, like, a perfect circle ass.

Like, it just feels like it was in God's plan. Yeah, because it's like, it looks like you got a protractor. So when God makes gross people, you think he was just up on night and he was just fucking wasted. He's just, yeah. He's, crumpled people over his desk. He's like, God's assistant to that. I have a fucking dead lion here. It's an asshole, whatever.

Here he makes gross people with birth defects, and he's like, they're going to like that one. And then he just falls in. I would think it'd be the opposite. I think he'd be like, he would, like, do the first couple of people really good and put him on the top. A lot of...

And everybody, like, everybody... Like, all the drugs in the middle were, like, just fuck the people he did really fast. So his boss thinks they're all good. Yeah. Because he's not going to look through all of them. But, like, people think that... Like, there's actually people that believe that gross deformed people.

And I'm not saying all deformed people are gross. I'm just saying, like, people that are gross and deformed. Whatever? Whatever, anybody who says otherwise, go out and fuck a deformed person with seven eyes. Go ahead. Yeah, I know. But you know, you get these, like... I saw somebody with seven eyes. I'd be like, holy shit, you got seven eyes.

I'm not saying they're like inherently ugly, but I'm saying these people who are... If I didn't have some of them, someone who are so... Oh, sometimes, I'd be like, I'd wink at them with like three times. But these people with progenia, it's like, don't make... You know, making fun of people is never good. But it's like, you see these people on Facebook that are like, oh, these people with progenia are so cute. It's like... They're so beautiful.

Yeah. You're lying. They're nice people. They're really like good. Delea Roe. Be nice, but you would not fucking kiss under the mouth. You liar. You're a liar.

I've never been. disgusted by somebody? But I'm always surprised and I feel awkward. Like, one time I was in a mall and I walked through the front door and this girl walked by me, like 20, whatever. And she, her right arm wasn't an arm.

She had a hand growing out of her shoulder, just a hand. It was flopping and moving the fingers. What? So she had no arm. It was just a hand in her shoulder. And I saw it and I was like, ha! I mean, I didn't go, ha! But I was like, I was like, I was taking a side bite.

I just didn't... It waved at you? It didn't wave at me. It was just like going like this and like she was trying to grab for something. Speaking of deformities, snap her saw my deformity earlier today. I have like an extra finger. I was born with like, not an extra finger, but it was going to be an extra finger. And it was just like, it looks like a little wart now.

So yeah, he has a little wiener on his pinky finger on his left hand. But it's like, what I was trying to say earlier was not all people with deformities are ugly, but when people say they're beautiful, like super amazing, it's like, you know, they put somebody with perjured next to like, Yeah, let me do something like that. Yeah, let me do you like that. glad I don't look like that. Exactly. Bless your heart.

It's fine. Be nice to people. Don't be rude to somebody based on their looks, but don't fucking say they're beautiful because you're lying. You're a fucking liar. Well, like, if you've lined up all the people with progeria, like one of them would probably be beautiful in,

like, you know, in comparison. Compared to the other ones? Yeah, maybe they are beautiful. This could be the most worthless little word ever, the most beautiful person with perjuria. Jesus Christ. I don't know. He could exist.

So that was like a sideways manner of saying that most of them are ugly, but I'm sure there's a good looking. I'm sure there's one who's the least ugly, even though they're still ugly. Like, if they were like, okay, they have something in common, so if they were to go together and have, like, a disco full of progeria people and they hook up together. And they hook up

together. Seriously, at the progeny disco ball, there's one that are really, all the progerians trying to. There's like a hot one. Yeah. Who walks in the door in slow motion and song plays? It's like, oh, that one. It's like a different, it's like a whole different world where it's like, even like, she's, like, the progeria queen of the ball. Yeah, the

Queen, yeah. You're out of my league. Yeah, get out of here. But in that same vein, you know, the way, like, I don't mean to bring it down again, but, like, you know, like, high school proms, and if there's, like, a burn victim or something, they always get prom queen? That's fine. Yeah, no, it's fine, but do you think they're, like, oh, they're only doing this?

It's pity. I was just bad to say that. Because the regular ugly guys who are burned, it's like, yeah, they go jerk off a home alone. Yeah, but, like, you know when you were just saying, like, yeah, don't call them beautiful or whatever. You can call whatever you want. No, no, no, but, like, do you think, do you think people are, like, Well, obviously, duh, they're not beautiful, but we're going to try and make it feel better, except you think that makes them feel worse. No, it's a good point.

If you have a fucking fetus growing out of my head, someone's like, you're beautiful. You're like, you're obviously lying to my face. If they said that and I had a fetus, I'd be like, are you talking to me or him? And then see, which one of them is. That's pretty good. And the fetus is like, ho, ho, ho. If I won prom king, I almost said queen, but I'd. That's okay, Stamper.

If I won prom queen and I was clearly a hideous monster, I'd go up to the stage and be like, you guys are fucking assholes, I know what you're doing here, and I'm out. That's what I'm saying. Do they all think that? Or are they like, they just have to put up a face for them? They don't really develop that law. The people with Progeria only live to be, what, 12? Progeria is something like a lost European country like Prussia. Full of them.

The Great Progenia. They're probably a... The sunken island of Progeria. You know, like, there was an island of... It was a ravaged type of world. World War I and the Empire broke up and all the progenia scattered to different corners of the world. Oh, I'm sorry. I threw you off the topic that you kind of skewed into. Well, I was just going to say, like, something really small. Do you think it's kind of weird?

You're a winner? No, no. No, you can't do that? No, but you think it's kind of bad. I can, and I did. Welcome to Planet Me. Do you think it's kind of, do you think we're kind of ruining the jane pool because now we can, like, mask deformities or like genetic? Yeah, but you know eugenics? Disavages. You know about eugenics? It's like selecting people based off their traits.

So you want to, it's like if you go into a laboratory and you go, I want a kid with blonde hair and blue eyes and like a huge dick, you just get like a man with huge dick. And then like, yeah, that happens. No, no, but I'd be like so. People think it's unethical. No, no, no, no. I don't be unethical, but I mean, like a couple thousand years ago,

if you were a big fat guy, you would have died. Now are the fatties, there's no natural predators anymore. Like they just call them the fatties. The fatties. There's some human life. There's a progerians. The fatties? Yeah.

They like the reptilians. They just kind of hang the fatties. A couple thousand years ago, most people who are alive today would have died. Like, I would have been the first person to die like 5,000 years ago. They used to give misjudgments and stuff, too. They used to have like shamans look at babies. And if they weren't good enough, they'd throw them off a cliff and be like, And that's not good, but...

Do you know that there's Indians to this day, and it's a tradition in India? And they throw a baby off a roof. But they all catch it like a fucking crowd surf? Cool. That's a real thing. And the baby lives? Sometimes? Yeah.

I'm sure a couple times its heads fall down and it's been flying. flat-headed or something. There's videos on YouTube. Those Indians are crooky people. I know. The Indians are the Indians. The Indians or the Indians? Indian.

Yeah. Like the good Indians are the bad Indians. You can't say the native Indians. That's why I said it. Oh. But, uh, wait, in Indian, they like cows around the street. The reds are the browns. That's all that's me.

Oh, yeah. Don't eat that. You take that out. The Indians, like cows run around the street and they shit everywhere. People have to swarm around the shit because if they run over the shit, they get in trouble with God. What? Oh, yeah. They worship cows.

But, like, do they even work? bush of cow shit. Yeah, they eat the shit actually. Who cares if they let cows walk around the street, I still see, I saw something today where it was like guy in Iran insults or Iran, sorry. Iran. Bush fucking ruined

my vocabulary, Iran, Iraq. Yeah, blame Bush for your... He did. It's like nuclear. He said, everyone said nuclear so much, it fucked me up too. It's another thing where you hear the wrong way to say something so often that fucks you up. He was always, he was talking about nuclear weapons and people threw

that out, I don't, I don't give a shit. The way he was pronouncing words. He's talking about nuclear weapons. He said nuclear wrong. What a, no, no, I don't give a shit. He could be like they're launching nuclear weapons right now. Right now. I would, fuck it out.

I'm saying it's, I'm saying it's like, what a fucking moron. Chris, Chris used to say Parmesian propersia. He said it, he said it so much of fuck. Now I say Parmugetian by accident, even though it's not the epitome. Yeah, you say epitome. I still say fucking epitome when I know it's a epitome because I've heard so many times.

Zach wanted to say the epitome of hyperbole and he's like the epitome I didn't say hyperbole but I said I said epitome. But if you're not a douchebag, you'll listen to what somebody's saying, understand what they meant and not stop them and correct to their... Anyways, all I said I say was Iran. I saw something today where somebody insulted Muhammad very just jokingly on Facebook and he got put to death and this is like 2014. What did he say like Muhammad has a big...

I didn't even think twice about you saying Iran by the way. said Iran. Is it supposed to be Iran? I say Iran, too. Well, it's supposed to be said how they say it, so who cares how... No, it's just one of the things. It's like... Yeah, well, if that was the case and I'd be going around, like, hey, guys, let's get some pizza with pepperoni and mozzarella. I don't know that's my point, though. I wouldn't care, but it's like

Iraq, it's like, I, nobody else says it like that, except for us. What do you guys think of beaches? Beaches? Do you like going to the beach? Shut up! When I was two years old... When I was two years old, going to the beach, and I saw a big crab, and I screamed, and it was my dad with the big crab hat that I couldn't sleep.

I'm like in fucking jaws. Did ever tell you about the pier thing that we jumped off of? Zach, you're the biggest idiot I've ever met in my life. Stamper, want to hear a cool story. Sid pre told me if you went to the beach you saw your dad the crab hat,

you wouldn't run away. Stapp, want to hear a cool story about a crab hat? No, because I'd see my dad in the crap hat, dumbass. This is a cool. This is a cool. Crabs story. Christ is trying to tell me

a crap story. We're going to listen to the crap story. Crap story. You let that tell me. It's crap story time. You need a jingle for crab story. That's him clicking his... Crab story, crab story, crab story.

One time, he got crabs. One time where I was a little teenager, we went to this big wall that you jump off into the ocean, and it was really high up, like 30 feet or something, maybe 20, okay? It was big, right? Yeah. And everyone was jumping off, and I was like, I'm going to do it. And then I went to do it, but I couldn't do it because it was too scary.

But I was like, no, this time I'm going to do it. I jumped off and I smashed into the water, and I went fucking 20 feet down into the water because of gravity. And then it was a big fucking crab and he was going, Oh, just waiting to you. I was like, Ah! Just waiting for you like a fucking crocodile.

And I swam away and I never jumped off piers again. Yeah, jellyfish did that to me. They gave me the fear of not being... He was fucking the size of this table. He was not... No, no, this is real. Chris, there was not... No, in Ireland, the crabs, like I've seen clear.

Are the size of the table? I swear to God, and are now. Well, maybe half the size of the table. No, no, no, no. But this table is big. This table, it is a big table. It is a big table. It was the size of the table's like four or five feet, dude. But the biggest crab I've seen was, it's like four feet.

But anyways. Well, I said four or five. Anyways, the beach. What do you think of the beach? Because I think the beach... It's full of crabs. I think it stinks. I think sand is really annoying.

I think beach, I hate the force fun. That's racist, dude. It's like, let's have fun. I think the ocean is disgusting. I don't care how clear your ocean is. It's fucking putrid. It's full of condom water. It's full of.

It's full of spermicide. It's always your bedroom. Blood, poo, snots. So is your bedroom. bedroom. So is your underwear. I don't snot in my underwear. Chris's way of changing his underwear is when he throws it on the wall and if it sticks, that's the day to change his underwear.

Like spaghetti noodles? Yeah. It's not true. That's what he told me. Do you throw spaghetti at the wall? Yeah, my stepdad told me that. He was like, you know how you know the spaghetti's done? You take it out of the pot and throw it at the wall. But then your wall... Then your spaghetti's covered the fucking wall. Actually, my dad told me that underwear joke. Dads are cool, huh? Yeah.

Dads are faggots. I never want to be dead. But we do want to get a dad dick, as we said earlier. because they're fucking... I'm glad this got a little more levittis. Is that a word? No, what the fuck? A little more lighthearted.

Levittus? Wait. Like, okay, just off the record, is this an okay podcast or shit? I think it's okay. It's fine. If this one is boring, I'm gonna get the blame

because I'm the, like, new guy. No, you're not gonna get the blame. Just tell us a funny joke. Hurry. Well, I told you Zach this one the other day, but I'm gonna tell it again. What's Big Red and scrapes off the ocean floor? I don't know.

Moby's dick. See, that got a smile out of Stamper, but you can't see that on fucking... You can't see that in the podcast. A man walks into a tree and he's like, I'm looking for owl, and here's who?

That's pretty good. Fuck! You got more of a laugh out of that one. My one was funny. My one had a whale and a fucking dick in it. Chris, you're such a faggot. No, I'm not.

You can't say that word, dude. I like girls. Yeah, with big dicks and fucking no tities. No, I know loads of guys, pointing at you? I don't know. Dick girls, like... Alright, this question came from Zach Hedl.

Why is my dick so shriveled like an onion? Did he ask that question? Oh, look at that. Are you fucking kidding me? Zach Hable asked that question. It's right here. What a friday? On ink and paper.

Well, can you believe this? There's one of my Will Stamper. I can't believe what I'm saying here. It is me, Stamper. If you did not know, today I am a faggot. Well, it's been every day. Wow, being a faggot is so good, but please don't read this off in the pot.

Ooh. Oh, shit. shit you know what let's delete let's take that oh let's delete that let's take that out let's not worry about that I just send that to him I was lonely do you guys get infuriated by the fact there's only 130 characters between Chris shut up 140 yeah but that is really like what if you wanted to say hello I this is a very long message and my name is William Stamper from Alaska you wouldn't be able to say that you actually found out hello and I'd say hi hi this is me instead of when you're censoring yourself I'm not from Alaska I live

there for a while oh you saw me moose, am I correct? I saw moose. I saw plenty of moose. Sapper, I recall at one point, you told me you were walking home from school when a big van pulled over and out got a moose, and he said to get into the van. It's like a family guy joked. Yeah, except in the family guy, he'd have like a gun and be like

Do moose have big dicks or not? I've never seen a moose dick. What not? I do have a story of like... Betrayal? Like, the moose used to just kind of hang out in neighborhoods and my friend had a dog that used to Run up to moose and bark in their faces because he thought he was tough shit and then what do the moose say? Well

One day a moose kicked his dog in the face and cave didn't half of his face Did he die? His dog didn't die, but he never barked at moose again No Because he couldn't barked his face was The moose was just standing there well he just like popped him in the face and his whole head caved in like a Did he turn into a pug? Could you like the half like this It's fucked up You'd turn into a fruit bowl, like in a half of his face.

Did you tip your cigarette ashes into it? Yes. You just like grab him as, hey, come here. Come here, dude. Speaking of pugs, like, you call them ashy. They're the biggest fad in 2014. We talked about this. We were talking about this.

We did a whole podcast. Oh, okay, no mind. We did a pug cast. Stiff, what do you think? What do you think? You did bring up earlier about how we're fucking destroying dog breeds. Yeah. We are.

We are destroying them because, like, they're not meant to look like it. The pug is ruined. The English bulldog is a fucking design. You know the English bulldog? Yeah, they only lives to be six years because they got so many fucking, that's like that medium age that they live. I have a dog and it's a Cavalier King Charles and it's cute and all, but like it's not meant to be made. Like every single one of them have heart defects, had a fucking breathing issue. You've broken eyes that point in every direction.

Like fucking bulging eyeballs. We've been fucking up dog breeds for so long. Like the England, the bull terrier. If you pull up pictures of the bull terrier how they used to look versus how they look now, you'll see how their skulls are actually changed now. That's actually because like what happens is. When you get purebred dogs and you breathe them with each other, they all end up being inbred.

So, like, each generation is, like, more fucked up. If you want the dog to have a longer group, you take the longest stuff from this group, the longest stuff from this group, the longest stuff for this group, put them together, take the longest stuff from that group. Yeah, and they do all kinds of fucked up shit. Like, they cut dogs tails and stuff. And, like, St. Bernard's is supposed to be the helper dogs,

but now they're essentially worthless. Yeah. Owning a St. Bernard is just owning a St. Like, back in the day, they used to be, like, really stout-hand. The Eagles are still pretty, like, I had a couple of eagles. They're still hunting dogs and some dude. Wrong again.

They're fucked up too. They have little cute tails and little white tips. Yeah, but that's the point. They're cute, but they're not like... That's the first time they had sex, too. Me? Yeah. Oh, with the beagle.

Yeah, tell them the beagle story. You just read your cock and jerked off. Yeah, tell the beagle story. I saw a beagle. I grabbed you and fucked you and fucked it. That's not... No, you snuck up on your beagle. He snuck up on your beagle.

I said, come here, buddy boy. You rub peanut butter all over your crotch. That's what you said. You rub peanut butter all over his crotch and blew him. Yeah, it's... suck it. I was wondering before if there was like a family... You know the way some people like do actually wrap peanut butter on their ass and let their dog lick it?

Yeah. Like are they like peanut butter families? Like people that do it in the family. Like more than one person. You mean like the dad will do it? Like yeah, the dad will do it and think he's like really discreet and then the son will do it and be like he ha ha but he's really getting his dad's do-do and his bum. That's gross. Oh like everyone's keeping it a secret but the dog is tossing everyone's salads. Yeah, yeah. And the dog's like hey hey hey, yeah. He's just having a great time.

And the mom's doing it too. Yeah, the mom's doing it with the dad. And then she goes in the kitchen, she's like, Who ate all the peanut butter? Yes. And there'll be peanut butter around the dog's mouth, but peanut butter and a little bit of darker peanut butter, which you wouldn't really know.

I wonder if there would be a market on, like, dog peanut butter, and who would the demographic be? What would be the demographic be? Yeah. Yeah, if they sold, like, just innocent peanut butter for dogs, who would the demographic of that? It'd be 100% people. I went to a dog store once.

They had a whole dessert rack for dogs. They had little dog cupcakes and dog pies and stuff. Who shows the dog? So who do you think, who do you think, What? People that love their dogs, don't ass? Why do you wish you were dog, Chris? You can have dogs who can't have human cupcakes as a human.

They had like dogs saying frosty and stuff. What am I ever? My dogs used to get little frosty paws. Frosty paws. They love them. They love them in the summertime, they lick them. Really? Yeah, they call frosty paws.

It's really cute. You take the lid off and you put them down and lick them like crazy. Dogs are stupid. I had a dog called Whizzy. Wizzy? Yeah, it was a Springer Spaniel and wouldn't stop fucking jumping up on people. Do you put it down? I thought that if you wanted to kill someone.

somebody, the best thing you could do is get a big dog like a Rottweiler or a German Shepherd or something, right? And you train them to jump on people while they're at the top of the stairs. So the dog kills them, pushes them down the stairs. Oh, that is like...

What if the guy falls in your dog and kills your dog, but the guy survives and your dog dies? Well, then you're looking at a fucking... If there's a whole wave of people dying by dogs being pushing the stairs, it's all going to come back to you. No, it's just the one person that you're raised. You're going to go to jail.

You're sitting on the couch. You're like... Responsible stapper. You're like, yo, Rex, jump up. When he kills somebody. Think about it. Think about it. Have dogs killed people.

Dogs have killed. But not in the traditional dogs. I think they did that like the 1800s with the black people. I think... Pit bulls get a bad rat, man. Pit bulls are great dogs. I read that a cat ran up to its owner

and scratched it on the tendon on the back of the leg and she died. What? Yeah. How did that happen? I don't know. Why did you kind of up to somebody to scratch the back of her leg?

Because the old lady was like, here's your nipples, puss. And then the cat went, whew, that's your feet. You fucking liar. I swear, you look it up. I don't believe you. You still are always lies.

No, it's not a lie. You're like, did you hear the NSA headquarters blew up today? Like, look at the website. It's like virus.org. Fakevirus.com. I didn't know. I thought I was reading news. Yeah, he's reading like this Alex Jones website.

He's a tauton. He's a chick at info.com. Yeah. Oh, Bob is a's a reptile. He is. He's got a big long tongue. That's for looking pussy out. Oh, Michelle.

Zach, three of your favorite foods go, hurry Sad, rock, trees Wind, water, fire Three of your favorite foods go Snow, spaghetti, and lasagna Shepherd's pie, macaroni and cheese, pizza Dude, isn't Shepard's Pie made by your mom better than like normal Shepherds Pie

My Shepard's pie is better than my mom's Wackass Shepherd's Pie Stamper is the best cook I know Yeah, Stamper is a cooking connoisseur I remember one day you said... It was like, just like mom used to make I'm like what, that shit? No, I'm just My mom's actually a really good cook.

Well, my mom, she, like, cycled between three foods, three dinners every day. I think everybody's mom, like, everybody's mom is good at cooking, like, five things. Yeah, that's what they do. This is the thing that they do. So that's when I came to America, like, people were, like, shocked that I never ate a pickle before. And, like, yeah. That is pretty shocking still. Yeah, but that's because I didn't grow up eating pickles.

But now I have. I have the people. I'm not even bad for that you didn't eat pickles, but the fact that you never stumbled out of pickle. No, because I pick them out, I pickle them out of the McDonald's burgers. and I throw them on the wall. What do you do that for? Because it's funny. But, like, still, then I worked at McDonald's, and I stopped doing that because I realized how much of a task it is for the workers.

And then... Now, welcome to their world. Yeah, no, I worked at McDonald's, and it was the worst job ever, and I got so much empathy from working there. What was your job at McDonald's? I was a crew member, so essentially I fucking changed the bins, and I, like, made burgers and shit and gave out free burgers to my friends and got caught and got fired. But then... That's not a job? You know, but that's what happened.

And then I was a waiter. I told Stamper this. And I pretended I was a waiter before, so I pretended I had experience. But I didn't know how to wait a table. And they caught me and I got fired. And then my other job, I got fired as well because I, there was this guy and he was like my Indian manager. And he told me that I wasn't allowed to go to the toilet. And I was like, this is bullshit.

I went to the toilet anyway. And he got mad at me. And I was like, it's my human right to go to the toilet. And I sounded like a fucking faggot. So he ran me out the door. And then, yeah, that was my last. kind of proper job. You're fired for peeing. Chris. Oh no, then I got fired. Oh man, I got fired so much. I got fired two more times.

One time I was working in this retailer called Debenums and I was really tired and I crawled under a clothes rack and fell asleep for eight hours and then when I was crawling out I was looking up my manager's skirt accidentally and then she fired me. I don't believe that. I swear to God it was in 2006 December 2006 and Debenams in Gaug Wow, the date makes me believe. Yeah, well in Debenham's and Galway I was like in the stock room. On October 1st, 1995, I bet Tom Cruise. It was 6 a.m., I swear. Yeah, no, no. What actually happened was, I was a 12-hour shift or something. I was only 16. I thought it was bullshit and I was really tired from the day before. So I went to the stock room and crawled under the clothes and then crawl back out eight hours later. And my manager was standing right there and was pretty much looking up her skirt and she got mad. Yeah, that's it. What did her pussy look like? I didn't see her pussy look like? I didn't see her pussy. Here's a good pussy story. When I was in Vegas when I was like 13, my dad, We were staying at a hotel because my dad's a dirty gambler.

Anyways, we're at the pool. I looked up. You dad's going to hear that. An old lady was wearing big old baggy shorts so they could see her big old pussy. Big old baggy pussy. What's the first pussy you've ever seen? Not old ladies.

She was the first one. Well, she was the first real one. My first hit? Yeah, it was at an accident. Not two? Just one? Yeah, it was one tip because I was one tip because I was in this place

where you jump off diving boards and there's some girl in the queue. A swimming pool? Dumbass? No, it wasn't. Because it was in the sea, but it was diving boards. And there was like, her tit was hanging out. And me and my friend were like, wow.

And we were looking at the, no, I didn't. But I was looking at it for ages. And then some other girl goes, hey, your tits hanging out to her. And then, like, she put it back in. That was the first titty I've ever seen. First titty's ever seen. Yeah, well, I've seen my moms when I was a kid. Yeah, I saw a post.

Like, yeah, everybody, like, just recently, like, every guy I've ever met can tell you verbatim the first time they ever saw titties. But I can't remember the first time I saw titties. Really? It was like my moms, my sisters. my cousins. Yeah. My was like your mom, your sister? That just

sound like I had a fucked up child. Because when it's your sister and she's similar to your age, why would she, like, when she's developing her tities, like, would she like fucking walk around on top of her? Yeah. Yeah. My sister was a year older than me, so we grew up together.

So you saw our tities? You see, like, when my sister's like I saw a lot of tities, I can't. It's just a blur of tities in my mind. I remember the first time I saw a pussy. I was in a penthouse magazine, and when I pulled it open, I was like, what is that?

Yeah. My grandpa, my grandpa's been collecting every Playboy since like 1970. It's like, when I remember when I was like 10 or 11, I opened it up and there was a big dildo crammed in a pussy. I was like, ah, I thought it was like some weird thing. Wrong, they don't do that in Playboy. I don't think it was Playboy. I don't think it was Playboy. But I know for a fact there was a huge delto crammed in some kind of pussy.

And I opened it up and I went, ah, I didn't know what it was. I thought it was like some growth coming out of her. Did you guys ever find? I was disgusted by pussy. Did you guys ever find your dad's pornos? But it made my weaner hard, and I was disgusted at the same time. What more story about my grandpa is big pussy dildos. What?

Listen to me. Wait, wait, wait, what? You listen here, but listen. This better be the best. Wait, Stanford, where do you think the story's going to go? Why? Where do you think it's going to go? Because he says it's big grandpa's big ass dildos or pussy dildos.

Incorrect. We used to happen. My uncle gave us, this was back in like 1999, 2000, right when home computers were starting to become really... You know, people had home computers. computers at that point, but they were really becoming modernized. It was like the cell phone. Yeah. Like, computer. Yeah. Anyways, my big,

Dirty Uncle gave my dad a house computer. Big Dirty Uncle. Okay. That's his full name, by the way. What was his name? What was his name? First name, big, middle name Dirty, last name Uncle. Okay. Anyways, Big Dirty Uncle, Jr. gave us this computer. It was the only computer in the house we had in my brother's room.

And he didn't clearly anything off. So my dad was like, here, you can play a computer. You could go on there. And we went on the computer, he left a bunch of pictures of naked ladies with their big titties out. Big fucking tits. My brother was a little boy.

He got freaked out. He didn't know how to handle it. So the only thing you could think of to do was to print off the naked ladies and he slid him under my parents' door. I guess he was like, what, he was trying to say,

what the fuck is this? But he never, he never, like, he just slid it under it and we left. It was regarded about it. They never said anything about it. We never heard anything back.

It just kind of went undiscovered. So my parents came home with it. He just felt like a naked lady picture. they're like, huh, and they fucking probably threw it away forgot about it. You've never heard anything about that since? No, it just vanished the thing there. I'm assuming my dad was like, that's the fuck it, he threw it away.

Hey, can I tell you funny story? Yeah. Same thing. I went over my friends to house Kevin when I was younger and it was like eight and he had big old brothers Mark and Robert. Is this to do with the huge cock? Yeah, he's got a fucking monster cock. Anyways, brothers, download lots of blacks on blonde porn onto their computer and we were with little kids. Blacksonblons.com was a real website.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, I remember that. I know. Like black chicks on blonde. No, no, no. Black men on a little blonde girl. Yeah, not black guys with blonde hair. No. But anyways.

Like Simon Fane. I was going to worry about blacks on blondes after this. But anyways, we were in the sitting room. Kevin was like, hey, look at this. And I was just like, oh, oh. And I was like, I don't like that. I don't like that at all that. And his dad didn't see the computer.

And he just sat down and laid out on the couch. And then Kevin turned the computer away from his dad He was lying on the couch a little bit and Kevin was like, he kept clicking true. I was just sitting there silent with a big old boner, an eight-year-old boner. Oh man. That's just too much.

Best kind. I have a similar. We watched like an hour of blacks on Blaswell's dyes just watch TV right next to us. When I was like, when I was like 13 or 14, I was kind of late to the porn industry. 14. Not industry, but scene, yeah. I am. I caught up though.

Yeah. Oh man. I'm fucking, I'm years ahead, light years ahead now. But at the time, you know, Limewire, and that's where the go-to,

porn? I don't know the lime wire. Yeah, yeah. Okay, can I just say one thing about Leyenweiler? Right, if you type in the letter P or anything in the limeware, it will always come up with a 12-year-old fucks dog. Yeah, exactly. I downloaded that. When I was, when I was every, no matter why you talked to the limewer, that always showed up. Like, what was you watching? No. Wait. Yes, you did. No, I did not. I did not. I watched I watched it. I watched it. Chris, you fucking did, did you.

I watched it and it was a rap video. Even if I did it, I was like 13. Oh, even if you did, you fucking did, dude. I did when I was 12, but it was a dog, no, not a dog, sorry, a rapping video. But anyway, when, LimeWire, when I was a kid, I was in my friend's house and we were looking up Hermione Granger porn, or Emma Watson, and his dad walked in, and his dad was really fucking slow. I remember one time there was a pizza stuck to the roof in his car. That's how slow he was. You didn't even realize it was there.

Like a pizza? A whole pizza? No, no, no, just like his slice of pieces stuck to his roof. Like, he was really slow and really messy. But he came in when we were searching it, and my friend, like, blocked the screen. When his dad walked in, his dad started talking about, like, soccer results and shit, because he loved soccer. And then my friend just, like, got rid of his hand, and his dad just looked at it for, like, 20 seconds. And that 20 seconds seemed like 20 minutes.

It was so long. He was just looking at it. It was, like, this actress porn. And then he, like, slowly just, like, turned off the screen as if that would do anything. But it didn't. his dad knew, his dad knew were filthy perves. But he started jacking off in the middle, not the dad. The dad?

No. He was checking off, what you two there? No, no. My friend started jacking off when I was there, and that's when it kind of got weird. Yeah, well, that's my story. After he turned his screen off. After he turned off. He started jacking off.

Yeah, and his dad walked out, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. And there was a pizza stuck through his balls. No. No, no. But there was a pizza stuck to his roof. But there was like eight kids in that house.

It was kind of weird. Chirky off together, eat this in? At the same time, he just, like a swim team. Yeah But that's the same friend When his granny died His granny had like severe Alzheimer's And then she died

And they had no respect really for her When she was alive Because she had Alzheimer's and they were kids And they were just kind of joking around with her But when she died they had an open casket in her house And he started like going Nye look at this And he like opened her eye

Like her dead eye And I was like I got really creeped out And then he started like squeezing her nose And like pinching her cheeks and stuff And I was like I don't know I was really fucking

I didn't I thought it was kind of funny He started jerking off Yeah Well, you might have. Like, I would not be surprised. You know, when you're a kid and you don't really hate you? Like, when was the first time you realize you couldn't cry when you needed to? Yeah.

You never like, oh, like, you know, when you're a teenager, a little bit older, like, oh, I need to. I should be sad, but I'm not. I should be sad than I am. Dude, it's just like being close to, like, certain members of your family. Dude, this is 90% of my family could die and I wouldn't care. But that's what I'm saying? When did you first realize that? I mean, I'd care, but I wouldn't fucking.

When did you first realize that? When did you first go? I never broke down my emotions. Like, should I be crying right now? But I, I, my grandma was like, everybody was really sad. I was like, oh, God, I'm not sad. Like, I was, I was bummed out, but I wasn't, like, sad. Bumbed out counts.

But I was, like, you know, everybody's, you know, weeping. And I was like, oh, I need to, you know. So I was like, all right, what I'm going to do is I'm going to fade cry here. And I went, uh, uh, uh, and everybody looked at me. I was just by it. I just shut up and I didn't say anything about it. And nobody said anything about it either. And it came out just like that.

I was like, oh. I love how non-confrontational your family is. You just do weird shit and nobody ever says anything about it. Another thing that happened was they're like, you need to go and say you goodbyes to her. She's going to pass away the next couple hours. And I went in and you know when something's really dark, like you're trying to make out something you're looking at it. You're like, I'm going to think about that.

I have a thing about my desk right there? Is there somebody sleeping on that bed or whatever? You're kind of squinting to see if it's there? Yeah. We all went in her room and the lights were dim because she was dying. She didn't want a fucking bright lights blinded here. and I was on the edge of the bed and she was laying there with her legs spread

and I was like, is she wearing underwear? I was like trying to see if she was wearing underwear so I could notify and tell somebody hey her exposed pussies hanging out you know, close the legs or put a blanket over or something and I was like squinting looking at it and before I could even see,

clarify, my aunt looked at me and she threw a blanket over my grandmother's crutch and was like, oh no, she thought I was trying to look at her pussy like my aunt thought I was trying to look at my grandma's pussy while she was dying and I never talked to my aunt I had to have to like, she just assumed

I was stealing in her pussy and taking advantage of her. Oh man, I've, I've, like... To this day, it's still, like, it's completely up in the air. I hope my uncle listens to this, because once I was, uh, on his computer, because I used to babysit his kids, and my friend sent me, like, meat spin or something,

or some, like, fucking gay thing. And, uh, then I saw that he looked, like, I saw his history that he looked at the gay stuff. And, uh, yeah, he was like, he was really weirded out by me for, like, next, like, two months. Or, like, since, like, I haven't really seen him much since, but, yeah. That's a beats, that's a meat spin kid kid, what he says to you.

Yeah, no, he thinks I'm like some fucking weird gay porn star advocate. I wouldn't care if you were, you'd be whatever you want. Yeah, this one time I was in a bank lobby, and there was a big stuffed taxidermy goat, and I was there with either my grandma or my mom, and when I saw the goat, I was like, hey, yeah! And then I ran over to the goat, and I got down on my hands and knees to see if they taxidermied his weiner, and, like, if his weiner was still there. And so I was looking up under it, and then one of the bank tellers was like,

she was like pointing and laughing at me like it's the funniest thing she ever saw and I got really nervous I just stood up I was like I probably shouldn't be doing that The end Do you have any crazy grandma stories He didn't have a weiner by the way That'd be cool if he did

A big taxed every dick No my grandma's all died And I wasn't there to see them To see their vaginas To see their vaginas No Oh my Lord But no, I never saw my grandma's pussy

To the record You're really missing out, Stamper Let me tell you that much He is missing out Creepy He's missing out Do you hear about that guy Who goes around fucking grandmas

He's on E-fucked But he did, he did like interviews And he just goes there Like he's some serial killer This guy's got on fucking grandmas man It's an epidemic man Lock your doors He's like, he's this dude

And he's like He fucks him and they're like I haven't had sex like this in 40 years Oh he fucks old late Yeah, he was just there was a big grin on his face smoking a cigarette. Yeah, yeah, that guy. Yeah, like grandma's a title. You have to say old ladies. Unless he's fucking your grandma specifically. Like, that's... Then we got a problem. Yeah, you can't say grandmas. Like... Yeah, but it's such a weird title. Yeah, I, like, it's like fucking like a 50 romance. It's like, yeah, I fucked a father today. It's like, what do you do you do fucking? What do you do?

Yeah, but grandma's means old ladies. Come on. There's a two-way word about it. That was your story now? No, I had a grandma story. My grandma story was my friend opening the eyeballs. You better make this good now. That doesn't make... I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm kind of derailed a little bit there. Stapwood, you fucking old lady? What's the...

Hell yeah. What's the old... Would you go? Would you actually? No. I would fuck up until the eight... No, my friend told me that his range of fucking was 13 to 65. Hold on!

Hold on! Yeah, well, he was 16 at the time. Hold on. 16 would fucking 13 year old? Yeah, that's why it was so weird, because it was like, such a huge range. It was like 13 to 65. I don't mind the range. I mind how far back it goes.

Well, when you... you're 16. 13 is like pretty like it. Yeah, there's two kind of 13 year olds. There's ones that with tities and ones without tities. And the ones without tities, that's cool. If you're fucking anybody who who doesn't, who isn't a... Yeah, well, or fat boys and... No, no, I'm talking about like 13 year olds that

developed and they got big fat tities. That's, that, no, I'm not saying they're they're hot. I'm saying when you're 16, you might... This is bad. I'm a bad feeling about this. Anyway, Zach, what are you saying? I remember. Okay, good.

Would you fucking old person? That's a lot of Samper. Yeah. I have a good topic. Zach. Yes. Stamper. Actually, everyone, when you were a child, what was the thing you were most terrified of?

And you can't say your dad fucking you, because I already have devs on that. But something you were legitimately terrified of. My uncle fucking me. When I was a kid, I thought that Casper lived in my house. And he's the most cutest, like, ghost ever. But I was fucking terrified. Whatever. Casper's not.

If Casper floated over my bed Even now, I'd be like If anything was in my room Big baby head He looks like a... He's a big baby, you're not sad If Tom Hanks was in my room at night, I'd be scared Because fucking somebody else is in my room

They're my personal space What if Tom Hanks was like, shh, be quiet, it's okay I would shit my fucking dance What if you like patted your head And made you feel comfortable And it tucked you in? What if Tom Hanks was in your room at night And then he came up to you and he was like, Zach,

no questions, I need you to come with me And you saw him And you saw it there was... Tom Hanks. I go up, I reach my head and touch his face and he says, yeah, it's me, who else? Would you get up and go with him? I would say, Tom, get the fuck out. Yeah, but

like, what if I say, Zach, it's urgent, I need you to go. I'll say, what is? What are you to take me to your Polar Express? No, he goes, no, I'm going to take you to go, um, I'll be like, what are you feeling? Big two? Get the fuck out of my house. Tom Hanks! I'm not going to be eternal hurt too, Tom Hanks. Get the fuck out! I was legitimately terrified of aliens

when I was a kid. I still am the sub-degree. Aliens made me sleep with my light on from the age of 12 to probably the age of 14 because I was convinced I was going to be taken away. It didn't help. Was this when you lived in Alaska? This is when I live in Alaska. I don't blame you. I lived in the country in the wintertime when it was dark most of the year and I was convinced that I was good.

It was imminent. Because my parents were, I wouldn't say they were workaholics, but they worked their asses off. So they worked like 14 hour days And I barely ever saw them They'd come home from school And it would just be me and my sister And my brother in this big house And I don't think my sister gave a shit

Maybe she was afraid of love- About aliens? I was terrified aliens And it didn't help that I watched a documentary Or fire in the sky And fire in the sky That fucking movie dude Fire in the sky is a horrible movie

I haven't seen it but I've seen signs And that's kind of scary No I mean horrible in a sense Where like if you watch it if you want to sleep Yeah It's a fucking terrifying movie And there's another movie with Christopher walking called Communion.

And it's a little corny and it's really cryptic, but there's some scenes in that movie that'll fucking terrify you. But I saw this lost home footage video called the McPherson Abduction. I don't know if you ever saw that. If you watched it now, it would be completely laughable. But when I was a kid, the McPherson abduction video

it was a fake documentary, right? Okay. Where people were like, yeah, we don't know what happened to these people and they show another clip of the footage or whatever. And it was just like aliens kind of sequentially stealing members to this family and like some kid was walking around with this and I thought that I was doomed man

I had to like convince myself as I was sleeping like nobody's gonna come Yeah but why would they just To this place? I'm dup to you of all people Why would they say? Because he's the middle of Alaska. That was one of the things that you know Like how people say like yeah Do you believe in like reincarnation

It's like yeah I'd be reincarnated It's Ben Franklin Yeah fuck that You'd be a fucking little Chinese girl Who was a slave in 1,200 and yeah Why does everybody assume that reincarnation There's not enough famous people to go around I've always pressedly, it's like, no.

There's this guy who's legitimately convinced right now to this day that he's the reincarnation of John Lennon, and he writes a shitty fucking music. I'm like, yeah, this guy was alive before John Lennon died. So, like, it makes, like, no fucking sense. I used to be paranoid that my whole family was going to die, just generally. So I pray before I went to bed. Every night I pray to God, I'd say, I would literally say, God, please let my family live until tomorrow.

They name every single person in my immediate family than my secondary family. my cousins, aunts, uncles, I'd be like, please don't kill him. You ever feel guilty because you left somebody out? What would mean? Like, left him out of the house? No, you left somebody out of your prayers. Oh, I did.

I was like, oh, fuck, yeah, yeah. What if they died? Would that make you believe in God? If I was, like, 12 or 13, and I did that, I left somebody out and they died, I would... You kept laughing out Uncle Jack or something. Like, I could tip by a car?

I would probably still be religious to the day of that happened. That would probably want to traumatize me. Honestly. God's like, well, fuck you, Zach. Take that. Yeah, that'll teach you next time. You like Uncle Jack? Fuck you.

I'm trying to think of something terrified music, kid. That actually terrified me. Yeah, I mean, the regular stuff. Ghosts, I remember... I've never been afraid of ghosts. I always saw that if a ghost... Not guy, I saw like demons. Like a demon, like a scary ghost.

Demons are fucking corny. If a dude walking to my room with horns... Oh, that's how ghost stories. I'd be like... Dude. Really with your fucking horns, asshole? Fuck off. I guess I guess I've always been more apparently about, like,

realistic things. Like somebody breaking into the house and fucking, like, cutting my... throat or something. Oh, like, home invasion. Like, everyone's always afraid of aliens, but nobody ever thinks about home invasions. I'm still at this day. Yeah.

No, when I woke up one day, there was a guy in my house, and he ran away. Like, I swear to God, I got home invaded one day. And when? When? He was looking at me, you know, like a deer in the headlights. And I woke up, and I just looked at him. I was like, and then he just ran out the door. And he didn't steal anything.

What was this? About seven years ago. That I would have never been able to sleep again. Maybe he was going back to his old friend's house. Well, he looked like, he was wearing a cat burglar outfit. But he was wearing like all black and shit But ghost story When I was eight

This is actually true I swear to God I woke up and I felt someone beside me And um like I don't believe in ghosts But like this one would fucking scared me There was someone beside me And I thought it was like my little sister or something And I got up and I saw it was like a boy And I was like what the fuck I don't have any brothers

And then like walked towards me Disappeared into a blue light And then I ran into my parents room Because I was scared shitless as I would be And then I woke up in that room So I knew it was real and that actually did happen I guess it was sleep paralysis or some shit

but yeah yeah that that really did happen that fucking scared me for about 10 years I remember when I was probably 13 or 14 or something like that I was with my cousin and we were upstairs in our room listening to like we were playing games and it was like 12 o'clock at night

and this is my recollection of it I don't know how reliable this is but we were like downstairs we heard people talking we were like what the fuck all three of us were people talking what the hell's going on it was like a group of people talking We went downstairs and we like

To my recollection I saw a group of like It was like semi-transparent people playing poker at my kitchen table and I was like what the fuck This is definitely I remember this definitely didn't happen Like I definitely misidentified something And then I saw that I was like what the fuck

And I went down at my cousin saw it too Yeah And we went to my parents and they were like you're fucking lying And I went downstairs and there's nobody there And then your dad beat your ass You beat my ass called me a liar Yeah But Zach you told me I was fucking crazy for seeing a spaceship

No, I said, I didn't say... That's true. That's true. Here's what I said. I said, you saw what you saw, but it was not a space alien. I saw what I saw, but I didn't see ghosts. You said ghosts. I didn't see ghosts, period. Ghosts.

Zach, you told me a funny story once where you said that you were in a mansion and fucking a chair chased you down the stairs. Oh, yeah, no, no. It's amazing whenever you recount my stories are so far off. I was in a mansion that a chair chased me down the stairs. Here's what really happened. I was in my grandma's happening. And this is way after I stopped, like, you know, believing or being spiritual. It was always, like, 16, 17.

I went to my grandparents' house. They're like, oh, we'll be right there, like five minutes. Just stay in the house. And I went in there broad daylight, went in their house, sat in the living room. They have a bunch of modern furniture. And I saw, like, one of their rocking chairs started going back and forth slowly. I was like, what the fuck? I started, I got put back a little bit.

I was like, I'm completely lower in the house. This rocky chairs starts going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Then it starts getting really severe. Then I hear a bag, back, back. bang, then I hear footsteps. I shit my pants and run outside. And I waited in the driveway. I was like, well, I'm not going to the fuck back in there.

I went back in, nobody was in the house. And that house has a lot of weird stuff that happens in that place. My dad stayed there one time with his girlfriend, who was visiting, and they were staying one of the guest bedrooms, and my dad saw a huge, like, black lump next to his bed, and it, like,

rose up, it went around them, it circled around the bed, and sunk down. And my dad tapped his girlfriend on the shoulders, and what the fucking? is that. He pointed at it, and she saw it too. And it was like clearly walking around there. It was like, it was like three or four feet off the ground walking around

the bed. They freaked out, turned the light on, disappeared to them. And also there's one room in that house where whoever sleeps in it, everybody who slept in that room has confirmed whenever you sleep in that room, you fan it or you dream about killing people, going crazy and killing people that you know. It happened to me.

I stayed in that room, and I had a dream that I fucking killed everybody. Very strange. And I'm not super shit so on up, but that that, that, that, that happened to me, and it's gonna be fuck out of me. I think that was the last thing that happened where I was like, okay, there could be, oh, last, last story. I was with my brother one time, the home alone, and we were talking, and I said something kind of anti-religious as a joke. Like, fuck God, he's a fact, what is he though? Like a minute later, my brother went back in his room,

and the fucking cross in the living room, which was nailed up, flipped upside down, the perfectly upside down, and I freaked out, you. I was like, oh my God, it scared the hell to me. Hey, do you remember when you stayed in Ireland with me? Why would God do petty shit like that? I'm just scared the fuck in me. It worked, I mean, I pissed my pants. Do you remember what happened when you stayed in Ireland with me, Zach?

Yes. Do you remember that? You remember that? It was Zach. He stayed in my little flat. Right? Do you remember Zach? Yes, yes.

I was there. I was there. Anyways, he was staying with me in Ireland, and he had his smelly bitch girlfriend staying too. The boat stayed in the guest room. That's me. I stayed in the guest room and this is what happened I go to bed, I wake up,

walk into my kitchen, there's ketchup all over the roof and exploded out of the press and I was like Zach you were a fucking asshole, why did you do this? And Zach came out of bed with his little but morning one and he's like, what happened here? And I'm like, why did, where did this come from? Just catch up all over the roof. It was all over the walls.

It was all over the floor and it looked like it had exploded Do you still have the picture? Do you still have the picture? Okay, there's a picture of that, but I lived in that apartment and there was a ghost And Chris doesn't believe me, but it was a little girl, and she lived in the fucking... Oh, fuck off with your cliché little girl. No, because I...

Dude, I heard her laughing. I know little girl is a cliche, but it doesn't take away from the fact... Why would you ever be scared of a little girl? I didn't write this. I didn't write this. This is what happened. Come on, Lyle. It's not something that you write down. It's your holy...

It's your honey subconscious, presenting a little girl to go fuck you a lap your... No, it's not. I'm not attracted little girls, but it was a little girl... Not anymore, thanks to the tree. No, I'm attracted little boys, but still, it was... the fucking cupboard, right? The little roll was? Do you guys say cupboard?

They say... Cabinet. Cabin. All right, yeah, so it was in the little cabinet, right? Under the sink. And that's happened to be where near the ketchup. So that's like a clue. And watch how it.

No, no, one day I heard her giggling one night. And another night, Chris was on his computer and there was a clock that we never fucking use. Oh, yeah, I remember that. And the clock was behind the microwave, right? Yeah. And then, for some reason, the clock was on the fucking wall the next... Or that night and it was working.

And it was working. at the right time and I was like oh weird Chris must have put the clock on the wall but it had his ticking noise and I knew Chris would never do that and I was like Chris wouldn't like a ticking noise but I didn't think about it and then the next morning I woke up and the clock was on the sofa and the batteries were out like as Chris would do if there was a ticking noise in the room and um what you call I go Chris why did you like assemble a clock at and put it back in one night yeah and take it apart and he was like I'm sorry I'm sorry I the ticking was annoying me and I was like why are you sorry I didn't put it up there and then he was like I didn't put it up there and we're

the only two people that live there, literally the only two people in the house. It was the scarer ghost. Yeah, like it was, okay, yeah, but how do you think? Here's, here's... It was at the right time. It was set to the right time. That is good, but then, whenever I hear these stories, I think, if you surpass death, why would you go into a fucking Irish apartment?

Yeah. Put batteries in a clock, type it and put it on the wall, just do it like Chris. Look, I agree. I would do way better stuff in the afterlife. I agree. It makes no sense, but that's something that happened. But even my story, it's like, if I survive the afterlife, why would I rock a fucking chair back if both you scare somebody.

Yeah, this is fucking funny. Yeah, I would do it for us. You'd be bored out of your mind. Here's something that I can't explain. This is one of the most fucked up things that's ever happened to me, okay? Close to when I first moved up to this area, right? Yeah. Kind of next to the place we live in now, right? I moved into a brand new apartment.

Brand new in every respect. It was built brand new, and Jeff lived right next door and he lived in a brand new apartment. It was just like newly constructed, right? When I first moved in there, I didn't have anything. I had my clothes and I had an air mattress. And I'm in my, the bedroom.

It's a one bedroom apartment with a living room out front in the kitchen. It's essentially kind of a studio that has like a second. Yeah. So I go into my bedroom and this is kind of in my, I'm fucking afraid of the dark phase because I was still afraid of the dark. Well, now I don't care anymore because I'm a fucking alcoholic and my life is in shambles. But back then I actually valued my life. So I leave my bedroom light on and it's kind of.

got a dimmer switch. So I put it like halfway down so the lights are kind of halfway dimmed. And I get to bed. And then the only thing, I'm serious. The only thing I remember is a girl opens my closet door, doesn't creep it open. She comes out of my closet door, completely naked with this long black hair that comes down to her waist, out of my closet, walks over to the foot of my bed, sits down on my bed, and then she turns around and looks at me. She doesn't have a face. Her face is blank. There's no eyes, no nose. It's just a blank canvas.

And she's staring at me like this. How could she be staring if she had no eyes? Her head is fixated. Her face is pointing at me, asshole. So she's clearly looking at me some way. Her head is fixated in your direction. And I'm not screaming. I'm not upset.

I'm like trying to understand what I'm looking at because she's like, me and her are like locking faces. And I don't really get what's going on. It's not terrifying at all. It's puzzling. And it's in the same exact room. that I was in the same ambience and all that, the lights and the bed

and everything. It was like, I I didn't even know who this person was. She came out and she looked at me and left and that was it. Was your little heart-pounding crazy? I waited for the sun to rise after that. I'm fucking like 25 years old, 26 years old. And you couldn't sleep. And I was sitting there holding my blankets like what the fuck just happened?

Dude, I... Because that happened. Granted, it didn't happen. It's not... It could have been sleep paralysis or or lucid dreaming. Yeah, I mean, obviously in the real world, I would have stood up and screamed my shit in my pants, but like, so I was clearly dreaming, but it was like, but was I?

Yeah, because you wake up and you're the exact same setting. The exact same setting. The exact same lights, the exact same everything. And again, like, I didn't put enough emphasis on this, but when she sat at the foot of my bed, when I woke up, I swore because it was an air mattress. Yeah. Like I said, and then I felt she's shit lifting like this.

So I don't know. if like my feet were in a weird position where I like deflated. It's one of those things where it's like is your brain trying to figure out what the sensation is first or you what I mean? Because if I walk up and slap you you're going to dream that you could shot in the chest like your brain's going to figure out a way

Yeah I mean I know I said explain this but I mean there's clearly like a lot of explanation But still it's spooky as well it happened to be But it was like so coincidental and fucking weird. If that happened to be I probably couldn't sleep that I'll never forget that. But like that kind of happened to me too though the exact same situation where you're

your bed and then you dream and then you're I was in the same room though and this isn't the one with the airplane either this was a separate time when it was in my flat and I was going through sleep paralysis but this time I had already gone to sleep paralysis so I was like I know exactly what's happening just don't imagine anything scary just fucking don't

and then this fucking thing materialized at the end of my bed and it was like this big tall black it was like a little tiny man no it was the big black man it was this big black mass right and I had these four big long things going on to the floor so I assumed like big long arms and big long legs and had this tiny little white face right

and it was fucking scary and I was like oh my god Like a little doll mask? Yeah it was just terrifying right They started leaning towards me I was like this is fucking oh my god Can't you close your eyes? If you close your eyes you're still dreaming

It doesn't make a difference So you just gotta sit there and wait for it to wear off But if you close your eyes does it like Make it a little bit different Well I could but I didn't Like if you're gonna close your eyes If in my head it's like if I close my eyes I'm gonna see the fucking exorcist girl

in my dreams or something So I was just so fucking neurotic and like paranoid that my brain would do something way worse like I pick the worst That's what happened to me with that's what I'm saying But right and it started leaning towards me and it just fucking then I was able to sit up and I was like it's gone cool But uh yeah and then afterwards I like typed in what it was to google and it was so weird well no actually I told Sean what it was and he told me that it was like the common symbol for god or something I was like god rest his soul Sean was fucking weird but uh I had a really scared of you a couple nights ago because it was super realistic. Yeah, but what was it?

Oh, you know, so I've been like for back... Yeah, you actually have to tell people after you say that. Anyways, no, but I've been like watching for background noise, like Cold War stuff and World War II stuff because it's good to listen to. I watched the movie called Threads. It's a British movie. Yeah, the Nuclear War one. Yeah, it's a nuclear war movie. I saw that, and it had a good score, right?

It's a really good movie. So is the day after. It's basically the American version, quote, unquote, but it's kind of, it's pretty... pretty different. But anyways, a couple of nights ago, I had a dream we were going to Wendy's. Chris and I, I think, you stamp, or somebody else, the third person,

and, because I've also been keeping it with the new ones. Wait, let me stop you. Yeah. Wendy's is fucking good. Wendy's is delicious. Wendy's, did you ever have the Baconator? Double baconator? Yes. Oh, my fucking Lord. He did trouble so high. That is the shit is the best. Very good. And also, as you, chicken Asiago?

Yeah, that's good. That's also really good. I used to get the regular cheeseburger. That's pretty good. They got those junior baking cheese burgers? As far as fast food goes, the fries? Yeah, the fries are like McDonald's. They look like McDonald's fries, but they taste like... They're better.

This podcast, brought to you by Wendy's. It's not. Eat burgers, you ugly. Yeah, but anyway, the other day, I think I have mild schizophrenia because... Can I finish the thing so nobody gets upset? Yeah. I was just really sure. It's not even that scary, but it is scary to me.

Anyways, I know you're probably keeping up with World News, but I was keeping... I read a headline, and it wasn't even bad, but it just played. apart and it all click together. Because in the movie Threads, the thing that starts nuclear war in threads, it's like the Soviet Union invades Iran or something and we invade Iran. And what's happening

in real life is, NATO right now is in Ukraine and in the western side doing My God, you're boring the shit out of it. It's really short. Basically, there's a country called Ukraine and in the west there's NATO. And the east right now, Russia's there. And I had to do this sort of shooting at each other. And we went on the way to Wendy's

and I heard this on the radio and a huge fucking mushroom cloud came up and I was like, I have low-back. I turned around, and I came to the house, and I came here first to grab the water jugs. And I was, like, in the fucking basement. And I woke up at, like, 6 a.m. And I was like, well, and I stayed up for, like, four hours and I couldn't sleep. And it was super, the way it was played out was super realistic.

I've got a lot of nuclear juice. Yeah, it's like, you said mushroom cloud. I've never had a nuclear world. Dude, it is the most... It comes towards you, and then you wake up. No, it was like, here's what happened. It was like, there was a massive nuclear mushroom cloud in the distance. I was like, holy fuck.

And what happened? way in it just over there I was like holy fuck and what happened really close to me and I like got down to the car and I poop came down my leg and I woke up and there was poop over leg Yeah do you ever a dream where you're pissing out of urinal and they wake up a piss all around you I did I always do I always have those

Not lately I was I I had to piss the bed 19 years old I'm 23 now I remember pissing the bed when I was a kid But sadly I remember pissing the bed like twice when I was 18 And then once when I was like 24 She's gonna fucking kill me now but the first day I stayed in my girlfriend's house the first night I stayed in my girlfriend's house

I was like oh yeah so she let me stay in the spare bed Then I had a fucking I pissed the bed a little bit just a little bit I woke up before the fucking stream came fucking flowing And then I ran to the bathroom And I somehow covered it up a camera I threw him in the I managed to wash the sheets and dry him before anyone woke up But anyway what I was gonna say is I think I have mild schizophrenia Because sometimes I always see these people at the side of my fucking eyes

And when I look they're gone and I told Zach about this And he told me to ask Stamper about the shadow people So Stamper, what the fuck are the shadow people? That's where your story was going? Yeah, what the fuck? You went from paying the bed? That's such a corner story. That's segue, retard.

I didn't even mean a segue. You're qualified it. Wait, I'll tell you my pee story. The last time I remember pissing the bed was like a couple of years ago. I had this dream. I mean, granted, I went to bed with a lot of beer and water in my sister. Yeah, well, that's what happens. So, but I started dreaming that I was in this bathroom and I went into the men's bathroom and I was looking for the urinal.

And I was like, okay, so. I guess I piss in that thing. And I thought it was like a futuristic bathroom where you pee in these slots or whatever and they take your pee and then whisk it off to land long forgotten or something like that. And then I started peeing into this thing and then it started smoking and popping. And then I was like, oh shit, I'm pissing in the radiator where, you know... Oh, of course. It happens all the time.

Oh, my God. And then I pinched my dick shut and then ran over to the real urinal, which was another fucking weird contraption in the wall. And then when I started pissing in that thing, I pissed the bed. Oh. And then I woke up and had to pinch my dick shut again. Oh, man. Yeah, and squeeze it and then, like, run.

Fucking fill it with, like, a little water. Yeah, like, fucking hot water filling you. I don't have four skin, so my dick doesn't... Oh, I do. I have... I'm sorry. You got mutilated at birth, anyways. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You're a huge fucking yelpark. No, what it's supposed to look like when it's a boner, it's a beautiful, fucking... So our directions look identical, right? Sorry, you're watching. Natural lubrication, baby. Yeah. Natural lubrication.

You say that, but I don't for... You have to use lube. No, no, no, Zach. In your jeans, when you get a boner, it fucking rubs off. So you have a big dry, gross fucking... You've got a big leery... A few jean hairs, like, on your fucking boner. But when you have a foreskin, it's all looted up.

Nice, shiny little boner. Mm-hmm. Big boner. Nice shiny little, nice pretty cock. Big boner. Anyway, shadow people. You look angry, Zay. I'm just baffled.

You guys really believe this, too. I know you believe... Wait, so... Wait, so... Wait, you believe that... I think you guys really believe you're superior because you have four skin. I don't believe I'm superior. You do.

You do. Just because you're shouting over me doesn't make it through. Zach, you believe you're superior. Just okay. I don't give a fuck. You guys, you guys are so fucking for your four skin. Yeah, we're four skins. Oh yeah, for the record, Nile and Chris are uncut.

And me and Zach are cut. Yeah, so, but listen. Like every other person in America. In America, nowhere else. What the fuck. It's like, if a buff guy walked up through, it's like, well, I have abs. It's like, and, yeah, there's. Dude, listen.

It'd be no difference. Like, yeah, I could crush a coconut of my bicep. No. It's no different. I don't think of you any different because you're cut. Are you any different because you're a different? I don't think you're any differently that you're freaks, okay? Yeah, but Chris, you really believe your sex can believe you're so better.

The only reason you self-lubricate is because your pre-com is rolling around inside the-to-like-oose skin. No, no, you don't understand. No, you don't understand that. No, a force-be, even without, like, lube. I've literally never used lup before. If you put your foreskin up against the pussy, right, it has room to come back so your dick goes in. And slides in, it's beautiful. That doesn't make any sense.

It does. It's completely reliant on the female in question. No, listen, because the foreskin acts as the lube. Look, Stamper, they really think because they have little ex, like, at quarter of the skin, they have a million percent better sex. Your head is the vagina, right? Look, the foreskin is stopped, but now the pee pee comes out. It's because it's natural lubrication.

Yeah. It has nothing to do with lubrication. It is. That's your dick coming out of skin. Stamper. Do you ever use lube? Don't put your fingers in my eye. The only way that you guys can get the same.

The only way that you guys can get the skin. same sensation as us is if the girl quiffs on your dick while it's inside because that's when the air pushes out that's the same as the like skin it's not water-based it's skin your foreskin doesn't secrete water-based skin doesn't it does it pulpit medication because it helps it slide in

it helps it slide in then it comes back out no it doesn't okay okay just imagine picture this really really as as vividly as possible I'm trying to now so so I just did it for him you fucking ignored it I think of my I didn't ignore it it's nonsense think of my brilliant fucking uncut dick right going into

a pussy, right? And when it goes in, right, the pussy pulls back the skin. Uh-huh. And then when it comes back out, the skin goes back out. So what? It doesn't matter. It makes the sense. Are you telling me your foreskin is the like of your entire cock? No, but it's like that it's about that long when it comes back.

It'll come back a long way. Zach, if you aren't cut, you'd agree with us because when you are, like, there's no reason to get you to tip. Your argument is that I can't really because I've not, I have a phone skin. First of all, it wasn't a choice, all, okay, first of all, it's not a choice, but second of all, I don't understand You're like why what is the point in getting the tip of the top of your dick cut off?

I'm not defending being cutting babies' cocks off. Yes, but it does act as a lubrication because What are you talking about lubrication? You're not thinking of it as water but it's not right. He's not talking about liquid lubrication. He's talking about a sliding mechanism. Look, if that's the foreskin, that's my cup tan and that's my dick is my dick, I push it in.

If this gets, we don't need to do that. If the foreskin gets put here and it can't go any further, the dick can still go further because it's attached to the foreskin like that. You know, have you had sex? Y's! So you're saying... You've had sex before Nile! I've had sex of many... So you're saying the forest skin stays out of the pussy, right?

The four skin stays out of the vagina. No, I'm saying that it helps to go away. You're saying you're saying it bunches up outside of the vagina and the dick goes in? Yes. What's the decision do you have? It's pushing against the fucking thing! It's not going in! It helps! You're just scrudging up, but I can do this right now!

It's the point of it! So let me get this straight. I can put my foreskin over my dick and that's what you feel would give sex. You don't have sex. You don't have force me. What are you talking about? Yeah, okay, okay. Your dick would still go in without the force force.

Exactly. No, we know that. You stivers. Zach, when you jack off, do you use Lou? No, I've never used Lou. So you get your dry hand and you fucking put on your dry, fucking... Have you ever seen an uncut dick before? Yeah.

A cut dick. A cut dick. Most porn is American. I'll watch porn. Nile, look in my dick. Oh, continue. But anyway... You could wipe first.

Porn-o. Wipe my dick. Chris, Chris, one thing I have to talk to you about is you wipe your dick after you piss. I don't do that. I do. I squeeze it a little bit. Why do you wipe it? I'm just wondering. I squeeze. I squeeze. I wipe. Then I shake. Nice foreskin, dumbass. I'm not that careful. There's nothing to do with my foreskin. Excuse me? What are you talking about?

He said whenever he pees, it comes like a fucking shower head. I pull my foreskin back when I do. Yeah, no, when I pee. When I peeve and I don't pull my foreskin back. Guess what I do? No hands! No hands! It doesn't come out like a garden hose when you fucking like snake? No! Look. It's Zach's down to my toes and I pee. On his toes! Yeah, why would you pee on your toes?

I love my big dick flop out? Oh my head. I said no hands. It's not related. See, it has its benefits for being cut. But it also has its benefits for not being cut. Talk to the European and they're so proud that their dick is not cut. You are the guy who used to call me a freak for being cut. You brought all this on yourself, Zach.

You're not cut. Uncut. Look, uncut. I'm South Park, bigger, longer, uncut. Look, I don't. dick, by the... I don't think you're... I don't think you're...

I don't think you're inferior for not being caught, but I think that uncut dicks are superior than... If I cut your forehead off right now when you had sex, you'd be like, wow, that's like 2% different. Yeah, 2%, 2%. 2%.

And guess what? Guess what? We pour dicks out and we pee. Yeah. I don't have to open locks and do algorithms. No, it's not an algorithm. I pull my dick back.

You have to do a fucking rubies cute. No, but it feels good when you pull my foreskin back because I pull my foreskin back and go, And then I pee. You don't have that... You have to pull it back. You have to lock it in place. You have to, like, put a bike block on it.

Yeah, when you really have to pee, you have to go and scramble with your dick and be like, oh, God, pull the four skin back. Well, you don't have to, but if you don't, then it comes out like a... It comes out like a fucking... When I was five, I saw, like, an elephant pee, and it came out like a waterfall. It comes out like that if you, uh, don't pull it back. We've been talking about four skins for 15 minutes. Well, four skins is a topic of concern, like, because I think people in the comments are going to debate about the four skins. But, like, we're the minority because we're not a man.

I think everybody goes to the opposite side because it's funnier. I think it's funny to watch you guys work about poor skins. Hey, my dickhead has plenty of nerve endings. I'm not missing out. Look, you're not missing out. Look, you're not missing out, but we just don't need to use lube before butt sex. I never use lube. Yes, you do.

No. That argument goes up to the way. I never use loop before. I go in dry, baby. If you be. You know what you have to use lube before butt sex? What? Because your dick head is all wrapped up inside your gross, sweltering, nasty.

Stopper, sweltering is not a word. And second of all, Quiltering is a word. Look, second of all, when you put your dick in an ass, the foreskin acts as the lube, so it goes, and then it goes in. That's because your dick has all sweaty and gross and infected on the inside. Oh, yeah, that's schmegma, by the way.

Nice fucking erotic blue cheese. You're putting it in a salad? You're going to put that in a salad? You're going to put that blue cheese on a salad? Yeah, what are you going to? Yeah, look. Yeah, that's their lube. Fucking blue cheese schmegma.

You're acting like you're meant to be cut, but you're not made. I never said that. Dude, 99% of humans whoever. said that wrong. Yeah, you did. You said, no, Snapper said, like, oh, it's diseased, but it's not diseased, because it's not cut. It's a diseased little cock. It's not. The appendix also is that where it's fucking broken. Yeah, but

like, why cut off stuff that's not? Like, I don't need my pinky finger, but I'm not going to cut it off. You still use it as to grasp you. Yeah, you don't. You don't not need your pinky finger to grasp. No, you do not. You just need your posable thumb. That's it. That's very important. You only need your index and your thumb. Yeah, that's all you need. It's a little fucking crap.

If you were hanging off a cliff, I think you would say differently. Yeah, so anyway. Your skin, there's no point in cutting it off. If you do, fine, fair enough. I'm Tiba, who gives a shit? Yeah, well, me too, but I'm just saying that you cannot say. You cannot say that it's like fucking your dick needs a bit around it. It's superior. It's all you say. What am I going to do, stitch something?

Get some ham and wrap it around. Yeah, get an onion ring and just staple it on. An onion ring. And then you're good. Four skin's cool. You can keep little pennies inside. Look, whether you're cut or uncutter. I could do that, fine. Push a penny by dick.

You can stuff it with peanuts? I did that yesterday. I took a quarter of a penny and put it my dick. Japsi. No, I pushed it over and rolled the foreskin over. I can still do that. I still for skin. Did you hear about the Japanese pipe cleaner?

Did you hear about that? No? The Japanese, they're doing this thing that were to get a little tiny pipe cleaners. They shovel up their japsize, and every week they get a... Chris, by the way, Japsi is too offensive. The Japanese shove it in their japses. Listen, they get a new pipe cleaner every week. A new pipe cleaner is a little bit thicker,

and they shove it up their japsi until they have a dick hole that's like... Like a big gaping three inch circumference dickhole So they could pee in like two seconds No, so the other guy can fuck the dickhole with it Oh god man what the fuck it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like Docky or that's what you put the four skids over each other I look sick docking It's like a space docking

It's like the space station Yeah it's like Those guys get the credit for popularizing it But I've seen people fuck each other's dick holes since 1996 So they're not on everything goes Did you work at dickhole in a gay porn website? What's that? Did you work on a gay porn website?

Yeah, I worked on playing. So you've seen like fucking all kinds of like weird shit. Well, I wouldn't say weird. No, it's not weird in that community, but like for. Yeah. Yeah, so like you've seen docking. What's the point of dickhole fucking by the way? Yeah, what?

So you can fuck a dick hole and get real horny. There's one of those meat spins where they had like a banana and they showed it in their fourth. Did you see that? Oh, God, dude. Stop. Oh, poor baby. Can't handle it. It makes me feel sick.

Oh, baby. Go eat your, eat your, eat your, eat your four. skin jar, schmegba. It's so he can come in your dick hole and then you come in his dick hole. What? Did they do that? Mm-hmm. And you just refill each other's balls and then you go home. That's making you sick.

You just swap and comes. I'm with you there, Zach. Those guys can't handle shit. Oh. That makes me... That's the last thing where I said it before, Stamper. No, it's in this... You're by a long shot.

What if I said I walked over to you and put ass bust in your face? Spread out your sandwich and closed the sandwich back up and you ate it. Why did it? What was it in? Zach talks about this ass mustard That like when you wipe your ass Like a yellow tint is left But he talks about it way too much

As if like he has severe anal leakage issues No, it's not that bad Yeah, you have a problem with your asshole, dude Yeah Everyone has ass mustard No But anyway, when you wank Do you sit down and wank like that

I fuck my hand I lie down flat down He keeps saying guys I haven't drunk off in a month We keep going why Because I go in the bathroom Yeah, they go in the bathroom But if you go in the bathroom

You have to sit on toilet and go like that but I can't wait like that. I lie down like that and start fucking my hand and it's so much better. Dial, have you ever done this? Probably when I was like 12, but then I realized the superior way of lying down on your,

and fucking your hand. That's weird. I think you are completely alone. Well, listen, I'm alone in the, like, you need a fleshlight. Because when you go to this podcast brought to you by fleshlight. Flashlight.

We're going to hook that up. When, uh... Fuck it. Fuck it. That's the, yeah, that's a good. When I wank, I lie down on my front and just fuck my hat

like simulate a You don't even need a flash like you come Just whatever like tissues On Come on Come wherever Just go And let it come wherever

What I never understood As a people that use napkins Like what the hell is that People who use socks I don't get that Because they're I try to do a sock before But when you use a sock

It's like Does the fibers not fucking irritate your dick Head You're supposed to whip a sock on your weir Like right at the end Yeah but right at the end You go I'm gonna come Where's a sock

you go find a sock. It's right here on your belly. You don't need to come anymore. It's on your belly. You lay back and there you go. Well, I never knew that method. Now you do. Well, now I do.

All right, so that was Sleepycast episode. Whatever. That was Sleepycast episode. Five or six. Yeah, I don't know. Thanks for tuning to Sleepy Cast. I'm Zach. And he with me is Nile, Chris, and Stamper.

Wait, stop. I didn't, I didn't finish my thought. When I jerk off, I like to jerk off on a towel. I'll lay it out on the bed and because it goes everywhere. That's a good idea. Here, say say, But is that a towel that everyone uses though? No, it's my jerk towel.

Okay. But I don't understand when people jerk off on a little six by six inch napkin. Yeah, napkins, napkins, you need to have like really good aiming, like the fucking hunger games of like, yeah, I just in my underpants sometimes. Well, actually a lot of the time. Okay, here, now, okay, I want to show up. All right. Stamper, say something like, I just love to come, and then say, speaking of coming, we're going to go. You want to do that? To be like, I love to come.

I'm going to leave that whole part in the podcast. Even this is what I'm saying. Really? I'm going to leave it in. I think it would be a good close segue. Now I sound stupid. Okay. And speaking of coming, we're going to go. Good one.