SleepyCabin - SleepyCast 13 - [The Hospital Episode]

Episode Date: January 3, 2015

The gang discuss trips to the hospital and self masturbation. http://sleepycabin.com/audio/sleepycast-13/ This episode starring: Psychicpebbles (www.youtube.com/Psychicpebbles) Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Niall (www.youtube.com/Cryburgers) JohnnyUtah (http://johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

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Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin. And in that cabin, there's a bunch of guys. He's a bunch, bullshitter. Welcome to Sleepycast 2015. Uh, happy new year. That was good. In this episode of Sleepycast, we're going to talk about hospitals

because our good friend Zach almost died recently. He almost died. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, before you go, who's in this podcast? Neal. Yeah, that's me over here, right here. Zook. Hello?

Crabb and jub. Hello. Crab? That was nothing. That is nothing. That's not anything. It was so funny. Okay, so you almost died recently.

Yes, Jeff could also vouch for this story because Jeff, uh, Jeff took me there. He was kind of good at start. Start from day one. So here's a backstory. What, give us the timeline. So we moved houses. We brought up in a previous podcast. We moved houses.

And so while we were moving, I got a sandwich from Wawa. And I was like, I feel kind of sick. Before I ate the sandwich. I was like, I feel kind of sick. Then the next day, we watched. Diehard because Nile never saw Die Hard before, 9-Hen. I've never seen Die-Hard one either. So we ordered a pizza.

We ordered pizza with Domino's. It was Domino's. And I ate the pizza and it was tasty. It had four slices. Yeah. Do you want to tell everybody what you did it? Yeah, no, no, no. Hold on.

I'm getting to that. We have the Domino's, we're watching Die-Han. It gets to the part where Hans Gruber looks at the picture and sees his wife, and then he lifts up the picture, and he's like, oh, it's his wife. It's that part. And at that part, my tummy started rumbling. And I ran to the bathroom. No, no, no, actually.

You became Hans Bumer. No, no, no. No, every man in his life has a moment all the time where you think, is it a fart, isn't a shit. You gamble every time. And very seldom isn't a shit. Yeah. I took the gamble.

Mm-hmm. Oh, no. I didn't get snake guys, my friend. You understand? Wait, you shit your pants? Listen, listen to me. I farted, I felt, I felt a warm liquid. I thought, did I shit my pants?

I've never seen... I thought, I thought, did I shit my pants? Wait, liquid? Listen. It's a gamble every time because most time, 90% time, it's, you know, you should your pants, it's a fart. It's not a gamble. It's a gamble every time. So I, I stood up, I stood up like, I stood up like, I stood up like a fart. No, I know, because I happened to me too much.

So I stood up like a robot and I skittled to the bathroom. I skittled to the bathroom. I opened my pants. God damn, there was a big brown streak down by, oh my God, I shit my pants. And I thought, I thought, okay, let me analyze this. Made a little painting. I'm going to hat through these. If I throw these in the trash can, these guys are gonna, one of these guys are gonna stamp or allow is gonna walk in the bathroom See my shit covered pants and then that get embarrassed for me

So I thought okay the only way to do this is be a man. Yeah, now what happened next? Zach Zach slowly opened the bathroom door where we were watching die hard and also I'll preface this with a fun fact Jeff's face right now and the fun fact is that Zach shot his pants exactly we're sitting Chris. Yeah, oh no really here? Here? I thought this was a hospital story. You guys are going on and on the shit. It goes in there.

This is the premise. The hospital is coming. Okay. Yeah. All right. This is super interesting preface. This is the build-up. There's way more shit tales in this story.

Okay. So anyway, so Zach opens the bathroom door slowly. His head creeps out the corner. Looks at us. Daggeride starts chuckling and then goes, guys. And we were like, what? And then we both looked up.

And then he put up, like, he waved it like a flag. You did not. He waved it like a flag. It was like. something he was proud of. I held it up, I held it up in the air. You are fucking gross. You held it up.

I held it up like I just, I held it up like I just wanted to be severed head. Yeah. You are you give me shit for being gross. And let me tell you. You're gross, you nasty. I can be gross, right? But that is fucking disgusting.

That is crazy. I was going to throw it anyways. It's like wafting through the air. No, no, no. What I got to do with the fucking, I'm going to have to throw away anyways? You waved it around in the air. You waved it.

I didn't wave. I didn't know. little shit particles were flying all over them. There was no particles. I did not wave it. I didn't hold it like a fly. I didn't do it like a guy with a shirt off at monocryrol. I did not do that.

I would have executed you for this. I held it up like an executioner holds him a separate head. I showed it to, I showed it to him. It was my dominance. Why? It was me alpha billing them. I mean Stamper just turned her head back and we kept watching it.

Holy shit. Stamper was there? Stamper was there. Did this for a poor poor little brittle mind already? It looked like one of those Spanish exclamation marks. You know the ones that? or upside down because there was a dot on top and there was a line of shit. Oh my god

oh you were serious about that yeah oh okay that was true great I you mean an eye no you know yeah or like lowercase eye yeah except like it was longer than an eye more like a J without the hookah we got it okay okay before the audience leaves

day two I'm sorry day two day two had diarrhea you know not a good not gonna go into it yeah had diarrhea you know we all have it. Even the hot girls with big titties have diarrhea. Yeah. It happens. Jessica Alba has diarrhea every day. That's a bit too far. Look. That's true, probably.

It is true. She's had horrible. She's had explosive diarrhea and she's mowed in the toilet. You can't deny it. Is that who she sounds to you? Yeah. Okay, moving on. Day three. Full regular tunes, but they're black, tar black. I think, I think, not good. Zach, actually, between this part and the next part, do you want to tell us? tell them what you did in the house when we went back

but you had tar black shit so Zach you had you're they come out like blocks of tar your shit your shit was It was literally tall And you were worried and you didn't know what to do And then we went back to the house And you were like no I won't go to the doctor tonight No no no no this is the other part of the story

Fuck This is the other part of it No this is the part of it No this is the part of the story I did not I did not want to go How many acts are there to the story It's a 10 act movie I did not

I would go to the doctor This is like a Shakespeare and shit Zach Let's not bicker Okay look It was reasonable that you didn't want to go to the hospital I wanted to go to the hospital Then you convinced me out of it

You said oh you're fine You're fine You're fine You said you're fine I looked it up Black shit means a bleeding on the insides I thought no good Yeah

No good That means you're bleeding We went home Yeah yeah yeah In my stomach It's not like any wrist Sinked No no but I was like

I don't want this happening Because it happened for two monades I thought bad Oh god I came to the office I was leg on the couch. I was very sick. I was like, oh, it was very, very sharp pains. You're potentially blaming Nile if you were to be dead.

No, no, I wasn't blaming Nile, but Nile, if you had to kill Zach, I would have been really upset. No, you weren't, you weren't talking me out of going to the Hock. You said, don't go to the doctor. You said I'd wait a week. Uh-oh. He could have been dead, Nile. Dude, I didn't say, and you said it's not a turtle bleeding. I was brought up, not going to the doctor unless that, did that clip?

No. I was brought up. not going to the doctor unless I was dying. I was bleeding on the insides. It's never happened before. Okay, oh, yeah. You're okay. You're okay. You're no insurance family.

Wait, listen, first of all, Zach didn't get the medicines the doctor prescribed, and now he's okay. And now he has to pay thousands of dollars for a cat scan. So, I was fucking right, man. Okay, okay, okay. But maybe you should stop picking your hole all the time.

Okay, so I should have stayed home and maybe had the chance of giving fucking stomach cancer dying now and I would have said, well, at least you didn't pay money. But anyways, I didn't want to fucking diverting too much. Okay. I was sitting on this couch laying on my back.

I watched the movie Scrooge with Bill Murray. And then I felt sick and I said, Nilel, I might need to go to the hospital later. No, no, no, no. It was more like Nile. Nile. I felt, I did feel very decrep, but I felt honestly dead.

Nile contacted Jeff. Jeff picked me up. Very extreme pain. Let me just say, let me just say, I get this mysterious text from Nile over Skype. And he's like, hey, Jeff, you know, Zach might need to go to the hospital

and I'm like Any know My heart scoops at me I'm like what is happening And knowing you Knowing you fucking guys I'm like man He's probably bleeding out on the floor or something

Knowing what you guys are up to all day Because I can't trust any of you So He's like yeah You know He's just lying on the couch And he's moaning And he's having blood shits

And I'm like Are you serious? Like what is What I'm like How long has this been happening? He's like, oh, five days, straight? Really? Is that really what's happening over there? Oh, that's terrific. That's terrific, Nile. Why don't we tip into the hot? Why don't we take it? Dude, I'm the fucking punching bag.

I love the image of fucking Nile on the phone of Jaff being like, yeah, Zex's kind of, he's kind of sick, and Zax just like squirting play. Yeah, Zach's like, oh. I'm like, how's Zach now? He's just lying there moaning like he's dying. I don't know. It was honestly very extreme paid. But So it was Jeff, Jeff was gracious to pick me up, take me to the hospital. And the hospital itself, we went to like, I think, 10 p.m. 11. It was, it was like 11, 11.30. I couldn't find the fucking main entrance.

Yeah. I've been, we've lived close to this hospital for years, but I've never, I've never gone there. I've never had, like, a real medical emergency. Well, I have, we'll get to that. But I couldn't find the fucking main entrance. All these arrows keep pointing to, you know, it says, all these signs say emergency, and then an arrow in a direction. And then all of a sudden.

It takes you a circle. They stop. They stop. going somewhere and I'm like where where are we going yeah and I was driving around the outside of the hospital like three times trying to look for the main main entrance when in reality it's kind of in the center of the complex you kind of have to snake through all these roads into the middle of it to find the main entrance so I dropped Zach off at one of the exterior and I had to by the way my stomach is like I had to walk I it's like a ghost hut I had to walk

through like 20 corridors I was the creepiest thing slightly panicking I didn't know how serious I didn't know Zach I'm just gonna drop that I did I actually feel like I was like I felt like a ghost, and it was weird because in one of the hallways, there was this huge flat screen TV that was really well lit. Nobody was at the hospital at all. Cool. But there was one huge flat screen, and it was like a doctor like here in Abington Hospital. We have, it felt like a weird, like, Robocat moment where it was like a future tech.

It was weird. It was bizarre. I thought it was like, I was like, die? What the hell is happening? So I stumbled through all these like million corridors and saw people like dead on the floor. I find my way to this, to this one lady at the very end of the emergency room. Only one chick. At the, behind the desk.

A chick. A chick with fucking tits. And I said, hey, I'm bleeding out of my ass. And she said, all right, this way. And then she said, let us bring it to the ass pleading section. Ass pleader. We got an ass pleader over here? But then anyway, she took me in.

She took my blood pressure, all that stuff. She put me back in the room. She took your ass pressure. And while this was happening, I was like, Jeff was trying to find the spot. I found a parking space. I wandered into the hospital through the same entrance I left Zach at. And I'm like, I can probably find him. and I wandered around for a while.

It was like a fucking goat. It was like a horror movie. There was nobody around. It was 11.30 at night in the hospital. That's good, though. I couldn't find anybody. I was wandering up and down hallways. I saw maybe one nurse.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't find you. I couldn't find the emergency room. I went back to a main desk. I saw just a lone phone sitting there on the desk, and this says, call for assistance. And I feel like I was in the movie, like, the shining or something. And I'm just like, and I'm just, like, alone in this huge foyer.

And I'm like, I pick up the phone. I'm like, hello? It's like, this woman's like, how may I help you, sir? And I'm like, I'm looking for Zach. And she's like, well, what, you know, what's his? She's like, well, uh, uh, she's like, well, where are you? And I'm like, oh, I'm at this cell until entrance. And she's like, oh, so the doors weren't locked?

No, no, they weren't. I'm standing. You wandered into a closed hospital? No, no, but the entrance he walked in should be closed. one of the doors I walked into had a huge red banner closet that said that said after 9 o'clock then you cannot walk through here

I walk through there and nobody did anything there's no consequences but anyways she said she couldn't she said she's like well I can't she's like well I'm not there I'm she's like in another fucking state she's not even in the hospital this woman I'm talking to on the fucking phone

so she's like I can't help you you're just going to have to find the emergency room and maybe they can help you locate him I'm like all right well thank you and as that's happening I go back to my room the doctor walks in and he's like, ah, so what's the problem?

You know, they tended people asking the same thing. You gotta scribe it over and over. And so I did, and then a nurse came in. And, uh, actually, so the doctor before that, the doctor was like, he was like, lean over on your side. And I was like, why? He was like, you know, you have to do the,

finger up the ass. I was like, I was sort of laughing. I thought he was joking. Oh, God. I thought he was joking. I had that done a few times. I thought he was joking. Yeah, ha, ha.

I was like, good one, doc. He's like, seriously, roll over. And I was like, what? gets out the lotion, puts on a club, so it's really violating. No, no, no, let me tell you about this. I get on my side, I have to say, the human finger looks a lot smaller than it is, when it's up your ass.

Like, when you put the top, like, there's three segments to your finger, put the first segment in, I was like, oh, geez, that's it. Did it feel like a big fat cut up with your head? Yeah, then he put it all the way in, and I, for some reason, like, my body's started shaking, I was like, something primitive my brain struck and I started like saying like

fucking 1960s Robin like for Batman at Robin Close I was like oh geez oh boy it was I don't really happen I was like it was unvoluntarily you know Did he pull out of like a marble and fix you And he pulled it out and then he did the He fucking like threw a box tissues at me like cleaning himself up you fucking slut

Like I was in a portal he was a clean up Oh my God That's not what mine was like That's what mine was like and then You both been inally penetrated I was fingered by a small like Nice. Brown man.

A small brown man? Yeah. The good news about that is, he can get as much shit on his finger he wants. You know. You can tell. He can tell. I've never,

I've gotten my balls fell out by a doctor, but I have never gotten the finger up the butt. I've got a twisted nut story, but go to the hospital, but go on. So, we're still not at the end of your story. Yeah.

So, and a nurse comes in, and she starts asking me these questions. There was one part that was weird because she said, she said, she was, you know, asking me basic questions, or any medication?

And she said, do you ever, do you ever, think about hurting other people or yourself and I didn't know what she said I was like what? And then she got really nervous like maybe I was like a psycho who like was like what the fuck you say? And then she started laughing and she was like

it was so all comfortable and she was like do you ever think about hurting other people yourself and I was like no? And then she like got out of this fast it was so weird. When did the insurance part come up? Oh yeah the lady walked in and she was like well you have insurance until I was like no but I can afford this which is a lie you know and so

they asked me by insurance and said no and then a doctor a guy a nurse came in and then he was like I'm going to give you the IV now and I was like all right but don't do it in my wrist because every doctor who's tried to do my wrist fucks up just do my arm

like by my joint and he was like trust me I can do this and I was like literally just do it I was like no he was like trust me I was like dude you know whatever you're a doctor I'm sure you know better than me and he was like I'm a nurse I was like

I was just I was trying to before except it was a He was a really... I was trying to compliment him. I was like... Yeah, but you insulted him kind of? He was really...

You know, I was like, I'm a nerds. I was like, dude, I mean, I was trying to say like, you're a medical professional. You know better than I do. He looked like that guy Jesse James on TV. Yeah. Yeah. Look all like that guy.

Yeah. Very intimidating nurse. I don't know what that looks like, but I... Tough guy. He put the I in. Tattoos all over his arms. Yeah, the opposite of that happened to me except that I didn't mean it.

I was supposed to get an injection or some shit. And it was this lady nurse and, uh, or, Our lady, and I was like, so when's the doctor coming? Because I was waiting a while, and she was like, I am the doctor. Oh, geez. Sweet. A lot thickens.

Wait, you're not done your story yet. It's all of that. I swear. Go for it. So, puts the idea and all that stuff. Comes in and says, hey, if you need to shit, shit in this little plastic thing, you give to me so I can eat it. Jeff, Jeff actually wanders in there. He finds his way in.

Apparently, you didn't even have to, like, ask if you knew me. They just let you walk in. Oh, my gosh. I was, I didn't have to show my. or anything. I just said, listen, where's, where's, uh, where's a little faggid's psychic pebbles? And they're like, he's that way. Jeff couldn't make a maniac with a gun, tried to finish his business.

He'll kill me in the hospital room like Terminator. I was like saying, like, I'm like, the Terminator and like, where does Zach head out? And they're like, that way, sir? And I'm like, thank. Fuck you. And I walk in. Thank.

Fuck you. So Jeff, Jeff gets in there where Jeff and I just stood fucking laughing everything out how weird the room was. Like, they had these animal curtains, like these, like they're for babies. Like babies could, like, look at. while they die. This is where kids

go to die this exact room. They have these weird like stupid. It was stupid. They had a fucking blue giraffe but the monkey

was a regular color. It pissed me off. Then they said you would definitely shit blood but there's nothing immediately wrong with you. You're fine,

go home if it keeps persisted to you have Crohn's disease or stomach cancer. If the cancer grows come back. Yeah, that's pretty much what they said.

And I left and I haven't gotten the bill yet, but I'm sure I will. Your cats are still gross to this day. Do you have any other notes on your phone about this? You were trying to keep some notes on everything we were observing that night. But, yeah, I was saying, like, the guy, there's a computer in every room, and, you know, so there's a list.

So, you know, I was being a nosy Pete or whatever, and I was looking at the screen while the guy, the guy is supposed to log out every time he's done, but he left it on, and he walked out, and I was noticing everybody's name and what they were in for in the emergency room. they were in in in in Zach was the only one in there with like anal bleeding but but there were there were there were there were a lot of uh the shortened word it said vaguely there was a lot of vadge it was like badge bead badge bleed like a lot of people like it was like badge bleed you know badge bleed vaguely vaguely bad yeah it was a monthly period thing but considering it was a Saturday night it was really it was really quiet in there I was expecting some like screaming and yeah I was going to say earlier um you guys were lucky like to get

into a hospital when there's no one there because when you have something wrong with you and you're waiting for like two hours because of hospitals packed full of screaming idiots Yeah, that's happened to me I had my fingers broken and that happened Oh, it was it was the it was the like the lamest way of like breaking my fingers ever I was playing soccer in school and they were like you're fat and retired again the goal And I was like okay and I held up my hands to block the ball someone kicked it and it broke both of my fingers And I was just like well that was quick and then that's how I learned you had the spark that's how I learned that's how I learned to do the Spock thing because it broke my fingers like away from each other's like that and I was like Sir this uh my fingers are broken and he was like uh what's on scale of one to ten how much does it hurt and I was just like 10 and he was just trying to play for a bit longer and I was like you're fucking idiot

I don't no no it was my teacher a PE teacher and I just walked away and he just let me walk away which was nice of him I guess but then I called my mom and she brought me to hospital I have to wait there like an idiot would fucking spock signal on my hands were you your finger stuck like that. Yeah. They were stuck like that for like weeks. Another time I broke my finger, my mom was pissed me off and I punched the door and I broke my finger. And I was like, mom, uh, my, I broke my, uh, I broke my, uh, my, I broke my, uh, I'm, I'm not bringing you to the hospital. It's just like, healed over time. Yeah, my mom was like, unless you're done. Oh, that was like a little fracture though. It wasn't broken. My mom was nice, but it's just the way that she, like, she just didn't want to bring me to the doctor ever. I actually, I don't think the fingers were ever broken. I think they were fractured. I've never broken a bone and like, you know, half. Yeah. Oh, I have a good, I have a good hospital. Before you start that. In my arsenal. Can I just say one last thing? Yeah. Jeff, do you want to tell the audience what we did to Nile? A very cruel thing we did to Nile.

As I was, basically, as I was like, you there, Jeff and I kind of passed in time by, you know, shooting shit. And I was born. Yeah, we left. We basically left Nile here, and I took Zach over and, while on our way out, you know, we were like, that's one. I forgot which one of us, they were like, hey, wouldn't it be funny if we just told Nile,

Zach died? I'm like, yeah, that would be funny. What? Where's the humor there? We basically, Jeff's, Jeff by logic was like, we have to use this for something. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, this, this kind of opportunity doesn't come up very often, Zach.

Do you think that I would have believed that, like, you did? I believed it for, like, I read the- The chat log is the funny kind. Do I appreciate you to post that? It is honestly the funniest thing ever. It is so goddamn funny. Jeff just wrote Zach is dead.

And before I could register, because we were talking about, like, we were talking about stuff like, oh, what are we going to do about Zach and stuff? You're like, how did they do it? You weren't joking. We're joking. The hospital.

Just came back and just goes, Zach is dead. And like, those three words, uh, Oh my God. For a second, and I just read them and I didn't process that the Jeff makes, Jeff's funny, so I, like, I don't know. You were a dickhead. That is so mean. I know, I was making me nervous because when I said that,

I saw that you, you know, he can see somebody's, somebody is typing in Skype. Yeah. I see this typing and then it stops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and then it's up, nothing's coming up on my end of the screen. I'm just like, what's happening? I bet for you.

I'm like, is he gonna kill himself? I don't know. I bet for you that was also one of those things where the second you pressed, you went, oh, I shouldn't have done that. I'm just, I'm nervous. I'm like, you better, I just wanted to respond fast.

Like, it didn't, like, obviously was way too early to hit me that Zach is dead, so I just had the, like, initial gut feeling, you know, like, he could have been dead. It could have been dead. It should have been dead. I wish you were dead. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I was like, no. I was gonna pump it up a bit. I'm like, listen, I don't know. No, if you put too much details. We weren't, we were gonna say, like, it was your fault. We were gonna say this. Dad is way more realistic. It's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's dead. That's what I'm saying. That's what you would say if I would die. But originally, I was like, Jeff, if he asked questions, just say the doctor said, if you would have gotten there one day earlier, he could have lived. Yeah. It's all, it's all Nile's fault. And originally we were actually getting, one of our friends,

one of our artist friends gave us some of your cookies. I was going to, I was going to, I was going to say your name. say your name. Plug-in-plug, Nikki Naxe on a very good artist. She said this bunch of cookies and stuff, a care package. But I was going to have Jeff take a picture

of me in the hospital and say, like, you did this, your cookie sent him here. Because we're like, we have to use this for something. It's too funny to just use this. That's so fucked up. It's so funny, though. Speaking of you dying, what would you do for your funeral if you died?

What would you make everyone have do-do? Oh, God, I can't. What would you do? What would you do, do for your foo-few? Like poo-poo. in your casket. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Can you imagine if you, like,

bought one of those, like, fake shits and, like, put it on, like, a guy in the casket at a funeral? A fake shit, like a big dog food? That would be so mean. It'd be good, though. Oh, I have a hospital story. What is it, Kyle? When I was, like, 15 years of age,

I was a strapping young guy, 15 years of age. You, strapping? Bright future ahead of me, and I decided one day... Strapping it on. I said one day that I wanted to not go to school, so I pretended that I had a stomach stomach stomach ache his kids do and then my mom

brought me to the doctor because I was really playing it up this time because she didn't believe me at first and the doctor put pressure on my lower stomach and he was like, does this feel, does this hurt? And I was like, yeah, and he goes, yeah, it's appendicitis. I was like, what? He goes, yeah, you have to get that appendix. I was like, oh, and then my mom rushed me to the hospital

and then I was like, under anesthesia and it was like, yeah, this is an emergency. And I was like, oh shit, I was like looking around the hospital And then, and then, like, before I knew it, like, it was way too late now. I was way too late in the game. I could not back out. You were gonna take your fucking organ out, dude? Maybe it's too late.

But dude, I was on a fucking stretcher and I was going down a hallway. You should have done it way before that. You should have said it in the doctor's office. But then his mom would have been like, you little shit. Yeah, you little fucking shit. You little shit. As compared to getting your organ pulled out of your body but no reason? And then I go to the doctor and I was like, how long will I have off school?

And he was like, hey, okay, it's not so bad. But what happened was, The next thing I knew he was like okay count back was from ten and I was like ten nine seven six but then I got to one and he was like yeah that didn't work and it sounded so dodgy that my anesthesia didn't work and he just put me on another one which did work because I thought I was gonna feel every single bit of the surgery or whatever that was unnecessary or whatever yeah so anyway he chucked out my appendix and threw it in the bin and then brought me back to uh my hospital room like you just threw like a cartoon appendix you just threw this bloody thing into a trash can

And then he brought me back to my room and stuff and I like I couldn't walk. It was so, it wasn't working. You got your pedics taken up for the load on a lie. Do you have a scar from that? Yeah. Shows. Oh, Bha.

Beah. Yeah. He doesn't see. Oh, there is. Oh, there is. That's a little baby scar. Yeah. And they just pull it out with little tweezers.

I don't know, but they said it was like under my heart or something. It was like way too high up. Did they take it your heart instead? They put the appendix in the place of your heart? Yeah, in the heart in the place of my appendix. Did it take your wee-wee? So, yeah, then I got five days off school. And now you're missing an organ based on a lie.

Yeah, but I don't need that organ anyway. It was only a ticking time bomb, as you would say. I could elaborate on my kidney stone story. Yes. I did bring it up in... What? Pied out rocks? Yes, basically.

Yeah, I did bring it up briefly in a previous episode, but I'll elaborate a little bit. But yeah, I was having these pains in my side, and I didn't really know what the hell was going on at the time. And I, you know, I got a cat scan. And because I have insurance, it didn't bankrupt me, like, Zach. But... Not yet, my friend.

You was white. Yeah, but she said, yeah, you got a kidney stun. I'm like, oh, that's terrific. And my dad, my dad has had a bunch. So I'm like, oh, that's great. So I had to go to the first time. I went to the urologist. And, you know, he's like, all right.

For those who don't know. Really? Yeah. The peepee. What a shitty job. You go to his opposite. He's just, I like peepee. I like pee pee pee.

I like, so I guess, you know, he's pressing on my side. You know, he's like, does it her here? Does it her here? And then I guess it's just like, it's just standard protocol for you're all just. He's like, well, I got to fill your balls because just, you know, that's just what I do. So he's like, you know, rolling him around his fingers and then making me turn left and right and cough. If you kissed your ball, what would you do?

Would you read you out? Would you, run away? Your ball would, like, contract up? Or he just like nibbled. Just a little nibble. Got you? I would have been like a deer in headlights. I don't know what I did.

You're queer in headlights. Jeff, one last question before you proceed. Yeah. What if he laid on the floor on his back and sort of hitting it like a cat? Getting your balls. Oh, do you look? That he was naked too. Yeah.

He's like... Jeff. Did you hear about the dentist? Do you hear about the dentist? I know, uh, did you finish? No. I have a lot more to go. Oh, I'm sorry.

Poor Jeff. Yeah, no. Fuck, fuck you guys. You disgusting freaks. And, you know, because he finishes. He's like, all right, yeah, they check out. And I, you know, and I'm like, you're okay. You know, you don't have your balls felt every day like by some weird guy.

And I'm like, I thanked him. I said, well, thank you, sir. And he's like, what are you thanking me for? I just felt your balls. He said something weird like that. And I'm like, I don't know. What do you want me to say? Did he go, somebody's a saggy-maggy?

A saggy-maggy. Yeah. You Irish freaks No No Saggy baggy Yeah Where's that slag for

It's a saggy Saggy, saggy, saggy, saggy Like if some people's balls sag Stamper's ball sag Yeah he's got fucking old man He has long balls It's lung balls Are they?

Are they the ones that tuck Are they the ones that tucking Right under the shaft? Jeff has very You get kind of saggy In the hip's balls are disciplined My own size I got little disciplined balls

I'll tell you that much I get baby nuts Yeah yeah Jeff's balls are just like Thank you In the cold, you can see that little baby seam going down my nuts. Oh, yeah, yeah. Go for Jay.

Here's the fun part about kidney stones for those who've never got them. They can be minorly uncomfortable for a long time. Yeah. But then at some point, they could just decide, okay, I'm going to put a human being in the greatest imaginable pain possible. Yeah. Where you're going to wish you were dead. It's like literally, it's literally the very very. maximum pain threshold, I think a person could...

I've heard it described as the male equivalent of giving birth. One day after work, it got so bad. It was like somebody's twisting a knife in my side. And it was only amplifying. It was increasing. And I... It was so painful. I couldn't even fucking think straight.

I lied down on my bed. I got home. Somebody drove me home from work. And I'm shaking. And all I'm doing, I took every ounce of strength not to scream. And I couldn't... I couldn't even.

believe it. And all of a sudden, the next thing I knew, it was four in the morning, and I woke up, and I was like, I must have, I can only imagine I must have passed out from this, because I, I don't know where those 12 hours went. So, and I'm like, I'm like, shit, man, this is scaring me. I don't want this to happen again, because I guess it twisted or something in my urinary tract or whatever. So, turns out, you know, they said, yeah, you know, your stone's a really weird shape. It's probably stuck. So we're going to, first we're going to, you know, give you a big bottle of oxy cotton, which is the most amazing drug ever. Dude, that's, like, really addicting.

I totally understand how people are addicted. I took it for my ear surgery like four years ago, and you want more when the doctor... It just makes you feel good. It makes you feel like euphoric, like you're floating. Yeah, it makes you feel warm on the inside. Yeah, so people use it as substitute for like opious, like heroin and all that shape. Oh, I totally. And they gave me a huge.

fucking bottle and I only took like two or three of them out of like 50. I couldn't even believe how many they fucking gave me. So he said in the meantime, all right, we're gonna do this thing where, uh, um, oh yeah, first I went to the first I went to another doctor. And this is, this is the funny thing about fucking doctors. He said, okay, well, you do have a kidney stone. Here are your options. And he listed through like a bunch of options. He's like, okay, first we can put a stent in, which is basically putting a tube up your dick and hoping the thing comes out on. on its own and just assist the stone coming out. Or we can do this or we can do this. Or, you know, we can I forget what the other options were, but none of them were particularly pleasing. And I said, well,

well, doctor, what do you suggest? And he basically's like, let me just go through the options again. And he listed through the options again. And I said, well, that's great. But what do you, you're the doctor. What do you, what do you suggest me to do? And he wouldn't fucking tell me.

He's like, well, let me just read through the options again. And, you know, you should pick one. And I'm like, and it was certain to occur to me. Like, I was just being a naive or something that, you know, he was afraid to give me a suggestion. I don't know if this doctor's been sued before. This is just typical with all doctors, but he didn't want to fucking give me a suggestion for what to do. So I eventually went with this, it's called Lithotripsy. It's basically you, basically they have this fucking machine.

they ship around to every hospital in the state like once every day this thing is at a different hospital because it's so expensive and they basically they you go in they lie you down in a bed of water like basically stark naked and I have a little fucking towel over my dick You're a little leaf over your d'is

Yeah I'm like I didn't expect that I thought I was at least like be able to in a hospital gown or something so it was really creepy being surrounded by five dudes staring at me like like I'm in like in that Why are you afraid you get a boner Because you always get bones What was there a part of you that was like it?

I was too scared. I was lying with water. I was not happening. And next thing you know, so, you know, he, first he scans my, there's just like a live, there's like a live window of what he can see in my stomach. You know what's funny? When you're lying like down in water and you've got like no boner, your dick like floats. So it's like, it's like, I was lying on my back.

Yeah, it just makes it look like give a little baby dick. So first thing the guy says like, yeah, you have a lot of gas in you. I'm like, oh, thanks. You're Putin? Yeah. No, I wasn't. I guess it was a lot of pressure build up. So they were having trouble locating the kidney stone.

Yeah. So. They sucked the parts of you. The whole thing the way, the way where... They basically blast sound waves with you and shatter the stone. Yeah. And that's all I heard. That's all I knew.

I'm like, oh, they're going to shatter the stone and that would be it. So they quickly knocked me out. The next... All of a sudden, I remember waking up fully closed again in a hospital bedland. I'm like, this is creepy. Somebody, some fucking person just dressed me as I was lying past... Gall of walking as a slicker as she fucking I'm like

this is what a rapist must do to a girl or something like it's like anyway so yeah she's like she hands me basically she hands me a milk jug carton a jug or whatever a milk jug and she's like yeah pissing this and I piss and it's like

I still remember it as basically pissing gravel and blood oh my god it basically bursts a bunch of little blood vessels in your body but it's nothing too damaging, but basically, yeah, you piss out this whole kidney stone into gravel. And, uh,

you know, I was fine then. I just left and everything was great. This is good. Do you have like a really big pee hole now? Because it's because it's, because it's sounded down. No, no, I don't, Zach. It's normal. You know what you have like a microdick? Microdick? Yeah, like, do you, like, if you have a microdick and if you have a normal kidney stone, do you think the size

comparison makes it more like, like a kidney asteroid? Yeah, what if they took the wrong thing, Jeff? I'm gonna assume your, your urine, your urine hole is about, the same size, no matter how big your dick is. Okay. If I had to guess. Can I tell you a story about my penis? Oh, sure.

It's more about my balls, but... When I was in secondary school, um... Actually, no, it was the morning before secondary school. Morning routine, go have a shower, jerk off in the shower, come. Yeah. Get out, get ready for school. Of course. This morning...

This morning, I won't... Really? Yeah. I can check off in a cold shower, not in a hot one. The only way he can... I could jerk off in a lot of the shower. The only way now can do is if he lays on his bed and fucks his hand romantically with candles. You know, I... Faggotte.

I don't... I don't pretend it demands butt. Jesus fucking place. How does that make me a faggit? I heard you go, oh, guys, but... I'm gonna come, guys, bud. No. All I do is, I mentioned it before.

I gave the tutorial on this podcast. You did a step by stuff to me. You guys jacked my story. Okay. Anyways, this is the story, right? Yeah. Wake up. I have a bad pain in my balls, right?

And I'm like, that's no good. I'll get in my shower and have a little wank. See if it makes it feel any better. Yeah. Get in the shower. The second I come Instant pain, I'm like, oh my god, my balls. So- You're soaping your dick hole. No, you didn't. You don't tell you dick-load. Oh, another story there is one time I rubbed toothpaste on my dick, so I thought it would make it feel minty, but it actually burned to fuck it in my pants. You wanted to feel minty. Yeah, well, like, for, like, I wanted, I heard that if you put coke in your mat and blow your dick, it feels good. Chris, you ever fuck the vacuum in her? You were a stupid kid, Chris.

Chris, I was, I was, like, 16. You did say when time you were washing your dick And a whole bar of soap bell in It was not bar of soap But no listen It was no, where was I? Oh yeah, coming in the shower, instant pain I put on a towel, welcome to my mom

And I'm like, Mom, my ball's actually really hurt And she's like, well, well, I still going to school Because I used to always trying to get out of school Because I hated it But anyways, she makes me go to school With a pain in my ball And then I last like one class And then I go to the next class

I'm sitting there in pain And it was biology And I was like, sir, I got a pain of my nut. And everyone was like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I was like, no, I'm serious. And he was like, you know, well, named the part of your ball and I'll let you go. And I was like, yeah, my epidimus. And he was like, okay, off you go.

And everyone was like, ha, ha, ha. Okay, so I go to the hospital with my mom. I have to wait with holding my balls next to my mom. And then she brings me into a room. The nurse takes a look at my balls. And she's like, I can't handle these big boys. I have to go get my superior. So she brings in a little brown man.

and he's like, I will hold your balls and he has both my balls from both of his little hands and he's like, you have twisted your balls if you hadn't have left it any longer we would have had to amputate one of them

and I was like, that's shit. So he fucking grabs both my balls right, he stretches them out as far as he's getting out with both hands and he fucking throws them in opposite directions they spin around for a few minutes. That actually happened.

Yeah, no, like they span around for like a few minutes and then they were back to normal. Chris, Chris, originally, my cousin had that but he said when he pulled the balls apart the guy stuck his face in it

like with those silly pudding on the newspaper. Oh, like in Star Wars? And his face stuck in the ball skin. You didn't do that to me. With the carbonite? You know? Yeah. He spun the balls round and then he grabbed the flaps of the ball sack and he stretched

it out like bat wings. And then he put his lips up to win. And he said, you would be normal. He was like, you are free of all demons. And I was like, thank you. You are truly not a hook nose arab like Zach would say. And then he finished it to the wall. He melted into the floor.

He faded away into sand and the wind. You can't say who comes out. That's the story of my balls. I can back up from it. I'll just tell you one other little detail I left out. Before I went in for the procedure, they stuck a needle in my arm for the IV. The IV. And this stupid nurse missed.

So if anybody was ever wondering, what happens if you don't get an IV in your vein, if they missed the vein, she put it in my arm and she walked out. All of a sudden, my arm starts blowing up, like my forearm. Smelling? blown up like a balloon. Oh, God. It's all, it's filling up in my arm. Gross. I'm standing. I'm like, this is not happening. I'm like, this is not normal. Did you pull it out? No, because she, you know, yeah, they tape it on like, yeah, it's an IV. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, I was, I'm so freaked out by needles. I'm like, oh my God, I can't

pull this out of my arm. And I'm just like, ah, I'm just like, ah, ah, ah, ah. She comes back in and she's like, oh, sorry about that. Did she drain it all out? It, the body absorbs it. It takes a minute to, that's even last. But it takes a minute to absorb back into your body, but yeah, but if it doesn't get in the vein, it just... What were they pumping into you? Just saline, whatever? Yeah, saline is just like salt water pretty much. Yeah, just for some reason they like hydrating you before they do anything.

Yeah, it's like electrolytes and all that bullshit. I'm gonna put my toe in salt water and remove the infection. Oh yeah, Chris has a, as a, as a gammy toe. Yeah, I've got a big old nasty toe because I went to the doctor and I was like, listen, toe hurts. And he pulled out like a fucking Grim Reaper's sife of a toenail out of my toe. Oh, because you had a... And then I was... I was like, yeah, that's better, but it still hurts.

And he pulled out a little tiny green of sand, and I was like, that now it feels great. But then the night, now it's infected. So thanks, Doc. Ew. Well, is Ireland for you? Chris. If I'm dead next episode. There's a little man living inside your toe causing chaos.

If you die, if you die because of your toe, that would be, like, that would be so. That would be fitting. That would be fitting. Yeah. How would you, Jeff, how would you want to die? How would I? If you could choose, like, if you could choose the newspaper, like, the newspaper headline. Oh, yeah.

Of your death. Do we talk about it? this before? Did we? I don't know. Well, I don't know if I mentioned it before, but my whole, my whole plan is basically to set up a rude goldberg machine where I... We do talk about that the pilot. We can go over again, though. I'll just bring it up again. I set up a rule, a rude goldberg machine where you put a canvas on the wall and I basically stand up against the canvas and I just shoot myself in the head. You don't even use the root gold machine? No, no, this is what happens. Basically, everything's tied to like the gun in the canvas and it, it blows

my brains out against the canvas. That's hilarious. And then it... And then the machine like starts going off and it dumps my... Like a trap door opens the floor.

Dumps my body in it like a garbage can or something. And then some little machine it goes around the room like dropping metal balls through hoops and stuff and it comes around and then a little metal arm

will like sign my name on the bottom of the canvas. Cool. A little set of metal hands of property. Yeah, let's write a little little price tag on it. A little... How would you want to die?

Ideally. I'd go ahead and to the desert with a tripod and I tape a magnifying glass to it and I'd lay under it and let it burn a hole in my head and kill me. I'm a, I don't really like burning and fire. Yeah, burning would be bad. Okay, fine. I would, uh... Well, I don't want to stop you.

You can do what you want. I want to do something original, but I don't want to do something painful. I hit my head with a saucepan until I die. A saucepan? You'd break the saucepan first. No. What if you could do something related to like Dragon Ball Z or Final Fantasy? Is there a way to die?

Christopher was super sad. He was screaming until you had a heart attack. Call it the autism, like, death. Because, like, you just go, you jump off a building and try to fucking beat Goku or whatever. Cammy, hammet. What if you went to NASA and said, listen, I want to be put in a gravity chamber.

Whoa. And then you'll be crushed together. I want to trade to beat you have to be boo. And you walk in and fucking breaks your spine immediately. He didn't get in the gravity train for boo. You walk that with like a handgun. You're like, I want to check. Trugs, trucks and Goetan.

That's not the gravity. That's not the gravity chamber. It's a time thing. Yeah, that's that place. It is gravity, though, because gravity's deep... There's an asshole that train in the gravity chamber. Which one is it? They're a gay. I've got that cell right over there. If Goku didn't push-ups. You make a NASA engineer put you in a gravity chamber. Oh, it becomes super-saint- They'll even have a gravity chamber, do they? You know what actually, like, I'm always like...

For some reason, I keep having a recurring dream where I'm in like this sci-fire world, right? Where I'm on like a big ship. Like a fuck-off planet of a ship, right? Yeah. They have these engines where it's just like a helicopter propeller, but like a million miles big and wide, right? And I'd love to just sit like, I'd lie down on the edge and just like wait for the propeller to like spin around and then just like cut my head off. Yeah. Even though it's just like bigger.

Chris, if you were in space, you would die before they'd even got to the propeller. I'd be sucked into the sun. Why does that have to be in space? Yeah. Well. I guess that would be a cool way to go like go on the moon and just open your helmet and like die. You have your eyes sucked out of your head? How many dead guys?

Do you ever see like dead bodies with your eyes hanging out? It's the creepiest shit. There's no dead guys in space. I didn't think flying into the sun would be that bad until I saw that movie Sunshine, where it's sort of... You'd be dead before you got to the sun. All you'd be dead way before you got to the sun. You'd have a nice tan, though. Well, I know that. Realistically, I'm just saying if... If I was in a futureistic spaceship and I was flying towards the sun, and had shielding on it.

Shielding? The heat would be so insanely in hot. You'd die from radiation, like your head would explode like way before the heat gets... Okay, Dr. Nile. No. Noelstein. It's true. Radiation.

That was terrible. Oh, Chris, I was meant to tell you, in relation to the doctor, I think you'd be interested in this story. Did you know, I don't know if I said this before, but do you know about the dentist who gave sperms to his sperms to his patients? No. He like, jacked off into a little cup and he was like, okay, gobble this to like his patients at the dentist. And like, they all did it. And then like one girl was like, this tastes like semen. And then she like went public with it.

Whoa. That's funny. She's just. She's like, I'm the cum drinker for five. Yeah, that's what she was like, she was like, tasted like semen. And like, she was just like outspoken about it. Speaking of semen, right? Have you guys ever been so horny?

You're like, I want to taste my cum. But then when you come, you're like, I don't want to do that anymore. Never. I've never actually have been. I have been. I've been like, oh yeah, I want to come in my own mouth, then. The second you jacked off, you're like... That makes you gay, dude.

It makes you gay, dude. I don't know. It's like eating snout. That's like, it doesn't. It's like, it's like, I just feel like a pervert when you're at... No, eating cum is literally the gays that you can do. There's nothing gay.

If it's your own cum, you're just replenishing your loss-podge of your... It's not... It's like... You're like my babies. You will die inside me and it's fine. It's been like a whole three episodes before I've totally fucking had it with this podcast. And now I've fucking had it again. You're not like gays?

The queer is the whole... You need to suck your own dick. Would you do it? Yeah? Would you eat your own comb? Would you roll down a hill like the cheese rolling? No, I'd get a portal gun on do it. Oh yeah.

Yeah, you could just put... I totally suck my dick like it. If you're gonna make one of those portal guns, videos, like you're gonna jack off into the portal. You come into it, and come into your mouth. I'd shove it up my own ass and put a portal up there, so my dick comes out of my ass. Yeah, but I'm just... You're just me in your face if you do it by mistake.

Because what happened is you'd like give you some facial and you never want to watch a girl get a facial ever again at the portal. Yeah, would I be like, oh, I'll remind me. me, I'm hot now. Would you stick to the dick in your own ass if you could? Stimper would. Stick it in my own ass? Yeah, with the turtle. Stamper would. But you're fucking an ass. No, I've never fucked an ass. I don't really care to. Not right now anyways. What's the most fucked up thing you would do? Because... To myself? If you cloned yourself? If I clone myself? Yeah. Seriously. I probably fuck me. I suck myself off.

You fuck yourself off. Probably, because I know... But he'd be, like, looking back at you moaning. I'd grab... I wouldn't because I know me. I'd be like... He would be like... No, not. Other than I would be like... Oh, fuck me. Nali. He'd be like, oh, I don't look at these. So you'd be totally cool with this. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't fuck me, but I'd like... Oh, you would fuck you. I would not. You'd play Good by horse when you did it too, wouldn't you? Good by horse. No, I would not. You'd be fine. Getting it.

I would suck myself off and that's about the extent of it. I wouldn't... I wouldn't get it. If I saw him on... If I saw him on, hurry ass, I'd be able to... My clone would be like, dude, why don't you be the one? Because, like, we're both the same, right? You try to, you try to debate each other about who would fuck who first.

Then we wouldn't end up doing it because I wouldn't... But you'd still have... Here's the thing, though. I would only suck my dick off, right, if the other one of me was sucking my dick off because I wouldn't do it for nothing. Dude, okay, he'd stuck you up and be like, okay, you suck me off. You'd be like, no, get out of your faggit. We'd both have to do it at the same time.

It would have to be like a 69. Dude, if you were 69 and yourself, his fucking big dick would be in your mouth. It'd be disgusting. His big hairy ass would be your face. Okay, well... That'd be nasty. How could you get horny if there's a big dick in your mouth, you, fat? Why do you keep calling his dick?

Oh yes, sweet dude. You've you seen my dick, Zach? I saw your dick once. I saw both your dicks. Yeah, no, I'll see my dick a few times. I saw a jeffstick and I gasped. I've never seen Zetaer, or nozzles, my smelly go away dick. No, my dick is a, it's just a dick.

No, it's a dick. Your dick is one pub. No, it works. It's there. You've got a click dick with one pub. You said you never saw it. You said you never saw it. You have a really small dick, Chris.

Yeah. No, my dick's good. Now at our two, we had an annual meeting. We decided that your dick is small. I'll show you my dick right now. Ready? We decided that your dick is small. You ready?

No, stop. Stop. Look, Jeff. Oh, he's grabbing it. Look, Jeff. I'm not looking. He can tell his penis is out of his pants. You can tell he's like wiggling one of his fuck out of here.

Fuck. That was just my balls. I hate you. That was just my anus. What? Do you go to a gay leather club for a thousand dollars? Gay Leatherman club. A gay leather man club.

Man gloves? Why would you call it that? A gay-laden man-cloth. That is like something so specific. You know what I gotta do there. You just, all you do is all you do is just, all you do is. That's your job for the day. That's all you have to do.

A thousand bucks. $1,000. $5,000. Just for three hours. Free Wawa for the rest of your life. What if someone called? No, no, no, no, no. Anyone would do it for free.

What if someone called you? No, a Lawa gift card for like $300. That's less buddy. Jeff, what if someone called? I've been a little bit of my own was like $15 feet tall, right? He was a clone of you 15 feet tall except he had the mind of a child and he wore his hat

on your balls. Oh no, your hat on his balls. What his big penis? What would you do? What would you do? I'd run away screaming. There's a giant... No, because the government has passed a law that says that if you run away, you get in trouble because he's your responsibility. And he's like, yeah, go! This is the stupidest fucking what-if scenario

I've ever heard in my fucking life. You better fucking finish it. So you have to put them on the lease or something. It's against the law to run away from a clone yourself. No, you can't abandon it. Shut up. It's a giant. Look, Jeff, this is the future.

It's the year 2012. And there's these... Wait, what? There's these big... Okay, so these clones machines, right? So you can fuck yourself, like we're talking about, right? Except your clone has gone wrong, so he's your responsibility. He grew too big.

So it's like a tack on that shitty attack on Titan... Yeah. Yeah, but they're all me. It has the mind of like a meme lover. He loves the memes. He's always like... And he wears your hat on his balls. He's always making...

advice say animals all day. I buy an elephant gun and... No, you're not allowed to do that. You get in trouble. Like, instead of a Phillies head, he'd be wearing a troll face hat? So what am I allowed to do? What is he just allowed to do what he wants? You can fuck him if you want. You can keep him in a cage if you want. Is he like cows in India? They can just wander around and do eat people. Yeah, but look. You just eat grass. Eat grass and shit all over your house.

Yeah. I guess I'd guess I'd sick him on people. I didn't like it. What if he grabbed you tried to fuck you? I'm just like, all right, go, go for it. What if everything he feels, you feel? No, he's cloned. He'd feel joy stomping on stupid people. I feel like. The good thing about clones is they melt after a few years. What?

Yeah, they're like snowbin. They dissolve into the ground. Really? And they can grow more. You ever see my movie the sixth day? That movie stunk. No. What if you were Arnold?

Then you found out you were the clone. What if you had a clone, but then you found out you were the clone? Yeah, that's exactly the question. Because you could be, because it's exactly... Speaking of that movie, you can actually clone now. But in that movie, uh, yeah, um, if I was the clone, I'd be like, fuck this, I'd just leave. And then he could deal with my problems and I could get him in trouble. Yeah

The worst Go ahead Why would you clone your pet though? Because like it's gonna be a different dog It looks like that's the same Well if you're a little kid And I guess you can't deal with dying I guess they just want to

It looks like it looks like that old That'd make you feel better It looks yeah but you can just get another little dog The most fucked up part of that movie was when I think What happened? He decided not to clone the dog Or something

But he ended up getting a doll instead And the doll is the creepiest shit Oh yeah It was like the doll from Child's play Chuckie. It was like a Chuckie doll. She's like, no kid wouldn't want this. Get out of here. I didn't like that movie.

Dolly the sheep was the first clone. I read that on a toilet book. What the hell is a toilet book? Meep, I had all the toilet books. The toilet books are the books that you put beside the toilet and you read fun facts. You sit on the toilet, you're like, I'm going to have a big old shit now. I'm going to read for 10 minutes. And you have books like, how much poo does an elephant do?

Politicians are shies. Do you think books that are used as toilet books? Do you think they should ever leave the bathroom once they're not Piss? No, because they're covered in feces. Yeah, they are. They're actually like... Me and Chris lived in Ireland, we had a couple, and they were like...

I had watchmen. You remember watchmen? Yeah, the state of that was gross. That started like rotting us stuff. No, you guys, you guys probably piss all over and put it back and drug shit and piss. I was there... You saw... Someone kept pissing on the floor, but I know it wasn't me or Chris.

No, seriously, Chris, like, even if he wasn't there, like... Who are you taught... Where was this? My flat in Waxford. Hold on. Actually, he's gone now. You're saying the piss was on the floor, even if... Chris wasn't there but only you were there. Yeah, it was a ghost lawyer. I know, but the other way around too. It was like

There was an actual ghost. We've already got to go. You did a ghost was pissing on your floor in Wexford. Yeah, it was ecoplasm. If I survived debt, the last thing I would do is fucking piss on Chris on his floor. Why would you not do you not do you not do you not do you not do you not do you not do you not do you guys on my and you could pissing? I would piss on like people's like couches and TV's not their fucking bathroom. Someone's gonna go hey, do you piss on my sitting room though I'd be like, oh it's definitely a ghost if she pissed on my bathroom she can fuck with you. You already think it's a ghost now it doesn't matter the gig is up. She can't find me right now because she's across the ocean. Pissing into one else's bathroom? Yeah.

If, Jammin, if you survived dead, would you, do you fucking spend your ass for, like, rattling door knobs? Yes. To scare someone. Yes. I'm saying, if I could, if I could rattle doors, I would, like, spend, pound the doors and scream if I could. Like, theoretically.

Yeah, but ghost, have you not seen the movie Ghost? Like, I showed you the movie Ghost for Patrick Swayzy. Yeah, so you have to be really, really powerful to do that. He fucking knocks over the thing at the end. You have to be a talented ghost to do that. Yeah, man. They harness energy from people being. Patrick Swayze is fucking powerful by the end of ghosts.

He's like Goku. He is Goku. He's ghost's coup. Jeff, if you, if you died... Yeah. If you were, if you were like Patrick Swayze, if you were walking with your gal, you got shot in the alleyway,

and you came out of your body, and Whoopi Goldberg... Yeah, yeah. Could talk to you? Would you talk to Whoopi Goldberg? If he could talk to you if you were dead? Jeff, okay, Jeff, I'll be Whoppy Goldberg. You'd be dead, okay?

I'll be dead, Patrick Swayze. Okay, yeah, yeah. You're dead, Jeff. I'm dead dead dead, dead dead man. I don't mean to bring up Disney World again, But when I went to Disney World, I saw, like, I think I tweeted that I saw Neil Patrick Harris, but it turned out he was doing something that night, doing some, like, talk. And then the night that I was going to go there, Neil Patrick Harris stopped,

and it was Whoopi Goldberg in his place, and I just didn't want to go. Whoopi Goldberg also narrates the space. Yeah, no, we went to, New York, we went to the hated planetarium. And I was like, oh, sweet, it's going to be some, like, the cosmos, kind of voice. And it was like, and it's like, the universe is really old. And I was like, oh, my God, why is she narrating it, dude? She's like the last person who should be doing it. She's got a little.

No, it's, no, it's, no, it's, no. You're just racist. I don't want her talking. You're just, I'm not racist. I just don't want to hear her talking. What would he say to me, Zach, if I was bad? Okay, Jeff, Jeff, you just died, okay? Yeah.

Well, you'd be, you'd be talking to yourself, and I would notice you, right? Yeah. So, I'd be talking, you'd be saying whatever, I would hear you. I would hear you go, so. What the fuck is that? Is that a fucking ghost of my house? Jesus, I'm not very good at this game. I don't know. I never really thought about it.

I could mention my other one other time I got hurt. You got hurt? Yeah, I was in second grade. I was on, this is the fun time before they actually had wood chips below, on, like, on playgrounds. It was all, like, concrete. Yeah. And there was a big metal jungle gym. And the bottom, and it was pretty much put into concrete, so you couldn't even move the fucking thing.

So I was hanging upside down, and I fell on my head. Oh, my God. It was blood everywhere, Chris. Yeah. And it was like one of these creepy, it was almost like one of those creepy first-person horror games. It's all blurry, and then the person puts their hands up, and then it brings them down, and their hands are both covered, and their hands are both red, bright red. Geez, yeah. You split your head open.

I did, I did really hard. I did that, too, when I was younger. And, yeah, basically, the principal had to, uh... The nurse wasn't even there that fucking day. Really? They'd take me to the hospital. Yeah, I got my head stitched up. That, uh...

That was cool. Yeah, no, that happened to me, too. Because when I was younger, uh, my mom and dad had owned a flat, like, like, for a long time. That was the flat that me and Nali used to live in together before we moved to America. But when I was a little boy, they were just checking out the flat before they bought it, and, uh, the stair, had steel edges to each step, which was kind of fucked up.

But I was at the boot top, and I was like three, and I just fell down, and I split my head open, and I didn't even realize. It wasn't even sore. My head was like, the top of my scalp was like kind of hanging off. JFK, was like JFK getting shot. Have you, dude, have you heard his wife describing that? Yeah, she was like, it was like, big old hamburger dropping off the line. I'm serious. It's fucked up. Her recollection of that is fucking, like, really messed up and weird. Tell me.

Look, I encourage you people to look up. Like type of JFK, Jacqueline Kennedy Association description or something. You know, you've seen the video where she leads back? Yeah. Yeah. She's grabbing a piece of his head. Are you serious? She's grabbing a piece of his head. Yeah, she was trying to put it back together. Yeah, she was in shock. She said, in her description, she was like, yeah,

JFK, my husband was just sitting there and his brains were my lap. And apparently she was in such shock that she wore that outfit for like the rest of the day and it was covered in his blood. Oh my God. She was in such shock. I was like, holy fuck. dude. That's disgusting. That's so sad.

And she said she was looking right in the eyes the second that happened, which is evil worst. Well, he got shot first and didn't die, right? You got, because you can see him in the, the brooder phone. I think the first shot hit through his back or something. He hit the guy, hit the governor in front of him. Yeah. And then the second shot. But it happened to him pretty fast, though.

Yeah, no, it was all over about three seconds. You ever play JFK Reloaded? No. It's a game where you're supposed to, like, reenact it, and you're the sniper, and you're supposed to do it the exact same way, and you get points for doing it. it but yeah it's like it's weird it's kind of bad taste yeah it is very bad taste it's like they columbide spryo game i played it i played it i actually like there was a point in college where i played it like after school for like a week every day and i was like oh jfk okay i was

like and then i like i eventually got it all right and i was like okay that's done now you could do that in real life no no i don't how to really believe harb yaw's world no but there was like kind of an addicting factor to the game because like wanted to kill the president no it's because it's like, well, you're learning about how it happened and you're being rewarded for doing it perfectly. And there's really funny ragdoll physics, and if you did it wrong, everyone in the game freaks out and

like ragdolls over each other. It was kind of funny, but yeah, it wouldn't be very funny if it happened to me. I'd be pretty upset. I'm surprised we've got so long without a president's of assassination attempt to an actual assassination. Not that I wanted to happen. Are you sure, Zach? I saw it.

You see your eyes bright up with a little sparkle. Listen to Mr. NSA people listening. Well, they are, but go on. Should I... A fun fact about Zach. Yes. I once asked him at dinner, I said, list every president we have had in order, and he did it.

What a nerd. I did. I know it was... It was only the... It was only the 20th century. Bitch. It's talking about something everyone can enjoy. Let's talk about something that not...

Not dark souls. Let's talk about... Let's talk about... Let's talk about when you're a kid. and you record yourself masturbating and he masturbate to that later. Yeah. Yeah? Let's talk about that, you fucking freak.

Let's talk about that. Now, you said, you said you were like 13. You said this. What? You were the one who brought this up. And you were the one who admitted this first, you were a little dirty shit.

I was like, Nilel said you told me a story now, you said you did that when you were like 13, and that video is floating around somewhere you don't know where it is. Right? Yeah. Is that right?

Yeah. Your eyes are so dark with depression right now. It's up in the, hey man, come on. You don't need to constantly remind me that I look bummed out. Nile. Can we have a Tinder update? Tinder update.

Nile, the Tinder correspondent. Masturbation. Come on, one segment. We've got to finish this first. Okay, well, self masturbation is when you masturbate to yourself, even if it's a video. So basically, when you, like, record yourself masturbating and you play it back, you, like, that turns me on. There's nothing else in the video but you. No, it's just Nile masturbating.

It wasn't me. This is a broad term. Wait, no, wait. We're talking about self-masturbation. The definition of that doesn't mean Nile fucking language. You're a perverg. Self-missation is what you left-barred-a-mast debate. This scenario has never even occurred to me, somebody's doing this.

This people do this. I don't know why I'm the leader of this. We all did this. What happens is what happens is. Christopher closed-mastombed. This has never occurred to me. You got so worked up by it. When I was like 10, on my cell phone.

Never even imagined. See, I didn't have a cell phone at that age, but I couldn't have, I could have never done this. You never, you never, you never, like, saw yourself in a mirror. you got to do yourself. Oh, you're talking to jerk up to yourself? I was 13. I was 10.

I was 12. We probably did it in the same day. We probably did it. Maybe it was me jerking off to you and you were jerking off to me. Yeah, telepathically. What if you guys got, had one of those, never mind. I don't know. Mutual comments.

I was going to say one of those mirrors you could see through, but like it doesn't work on both sides. You'd have to. There's a bad as many, dude. It's a window. Yeah. It's a window. Yeah, it's a window. Yeah, it's a window.

They do exist. Yeah. They exist, Jeff. You guys are fucking sick. No, let's shake off through a janitorial window sometimes. They'll be so comfortable. We can pretend it's a big, too, we mean. You guys are the worst.

And we both come on the glass. You're like, ah ha ha. You're the worst sexual deviance I've ever met in my fucking life. I'm not a sexual deviant. I've done stuff everyone's done. You're like, you know for a fact, you're like little zoo champs. I know for a fact when you were like 10, you spread your ass into a mirror to see what it looked like. No, I never did that put.

But I did stand over a mirror like when I was naked before like one lying flat on the grind. No, you just look down, you just go, oh, and then you just keep walking. No, you said you put a straw in your dick hole and you put a little, a little head inside there, let it crawl around. You know what actually I did do when I was young? You know when you're young and you go to bars and you get all the straws and you make them into one huge straw. Okay. I did that, but I brought it home and I put it into my dick hole and I shoved the other end of my ass and I pissed into my ass. Should we...

Can I tell the story about Mike? Mike? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that story. He got headphones and he put the headphone jack in his dick hole To listen to his dick And he was just like it hurt It was sore Why did he think that he could listen to his dick?

It was a little boy For those wondering who Mike is, he's our good, good... To be fair too though, like the dick hole does look like it would perfectly accommodate a headphone jack What if you like, what if you started hearing like sad? You ever fuck a vacuum cleaner like a hoon? No, the fuck it does not work And when I saw that in Scary Movie 1 when I was a little boy, I tried it and it hurt. And I was like that- So he did try it.

Speaking of, speaking of fraudulent. What? American pie. He fucks a pie. It's like one-inch thick. How is he fucking it? Let me guess. You fucking made a pie to try it. I didn't.

But I saw the movie I was like, fraudulent. Fraudulent. You don't need to fuck it. All he's doing is, just rubbing his dick against it. Yeah, but the point is, it's a nice hot American pie. So it's the sensation of fucking hot. You're not fucking it. Yeah, but Zach, what if you kind of turned it vertically and you kind of...

Have you never... Have you never got into a really hot back? water you're like, oh yeah, that's good. He's not fucking a pie though. He's rubbing his dick against it. Like an animal. Feels good, babe. Your parents, speaking of vacuums, have you parents had ever bought, used a, bought a floby?

What's that? What's that? What's that? A floby? Yeah, it goes know what a floby is? No, what's that? It's the thing you, it's basically you cut your hair with it. You attach to the end of a vacuum and it cuts your hair at like a uniform length.

But you like, you're all these infomercials where you're vacuuming a person's hair, but it's cutting their hair. Wow, that's weird. That's fucking bizarre. Yeah. Is this popular? Is this a thing? It's kind of like, it's like a poor person thing.

Like, cut your kid's hair. You don't want to take your kid to the barber. But it'll work on Chris really well because he's longer hair. My hair's stupid looking right now. I need a haircut. Pissed me. Anyway, back to the sexual jerking off deviants of whatever. Look, all I know is when I was a young boy, I was fucking horny.

I still am sometimes. Mm-hmm. Well, speaking of horny. Yeah. Tinder. Oh yeah, you're a horny. little fucker. So I... Tinder correspondent Nile, the Tinder update.

Well, last week, I, uh, last week I I discussed the fact that I'm on Tinder. Um, and it was just to, I, I was, I said it was just to see what kind of people are on there. But then I did happen to go on a few Tinder dates. A few. You were completely a dishonest in lying with us. No. And, no, no, no, no, no.

Just, just, just let it out, Nile. Just want to see what's out there. And then, well, one of them, some chick picked me up. and we went into the woods and uh that was true and and what was i would not have let some girl take i would i would have assumed if i were your seat if you're going into the woods i would i would have i would have actually called the police no but chris i would assume she's going to take me to the woods and like you have in a car yeah guys she picked me up and she goes we're going into the woods and i wanted to say like uh and i wanted to say like uh have what no no i was like dude i'm i'm a

stranger. You're so pussy whipped. You're like, ah, you know what, I'll probably die, but yeah, dude. It's for the badge? I'm gaged. That's what you always say. I'm engaged. Yeah, what happened was I was more fearing for her in case I did decide to kill her or something.

Uh-huh. So you were more afraid that she was, you were less afraid that she was ambushing you and more afraid for some reason once you had the urge, you would snap and kill her because you could. No, I wouldn't kill her. I wouldn't do it, but I just thought like, that what if I do? What if you happened to kill her. What if, what if I did?

It bothers me. You're not even smiling when you're saying this. No, he looks dead in the face right now. He looks... Yeah, the twinkle in your eyes gone from the last long of him. He looks like... No, don't say that, Chris. He looks like the guy from Charles explaining the chugs. You got like the dead eyes. You're just, you're dressed like somebody who would kill somebody right now. Now, can I just say, you bought new gloves and then you cut the fingers off like ash ketchup and it pissed me off. It's because I can use my fucking phone. You look homeless, though. But I always look homeless. That's my thing. I love gloves. It's like Crash Bannico.

I know. We're just like Crash Bandico, imagine? I was going to say, your jacket, it's like stylish yet homeless at the same time. I know, that's the look I go for. You know, it's actually the combination of all your clothes. I know. It's very grayish, brownish, all over. Yeah.

And you got the fingernailess gloves, you got the beanie hat, you got the open shirt with your little chest hair is hanging out. You do, you pull it off the stylish homeless look. That's better than anybody I know. That's what I go for it. You'd be the fanciest guy at the homeless bowl, if you went there. You would. And speaking of homeless, does it? Does anyone have a light for this?

Anyone have a light for this? That completes the picture, the little cigar. What do you call those things? Black and Miles. Yeah, I'm trying to quit the cigarettes, so I'm smoking on the Black and Miles. Yeah, maybe you should have started. Dumbar.

I just feel like those things have the little mouthpiece, like the little flute you get in school. Yeah, they whistle. Here, I wasn't here last week. Can we talk about how gay soccer is again? Oh, no. Oh, yeah. So, Chris went back to Ireland last weekend.

I had to watch four soccer matches, and all I could think about was. how many people die each year over the supporting different teams. That's all. Like people actually kill each other over that. Well yeah, but it's... Yeah, there's hooligans and all that shit. And I was like, Dad, why do people like, why do you care so much about it? It's like, it's about being a part of something.

But why can't you be part of something that's not... Nazis was a part of something. Well, they like it. That's what we're saying. I know, but you know why I think they like it though? What? It's because it's really relatable. When you're a young little boy, you kick a ball around, and then you see these guys, you're like, go, that takes skill.

And that's the only reason. People just want something to talk about to other people. And that's... I know, but it's like year 2015 almost. It is year 2015. I know, but also last week we had a point where it was like, it's like modern day gladiator fights, you know, except people just don't die. I know, but football's boring.

Yeah. It's boring. It is. I agree. Rugby's kind of fun to watch, though. Ruby's way more fun to watch because people get the fucking heads kicked off each other. Hockey's more fun to watch. Basketball is more fun to watch.

But football is... Soccer is... It's like... It's like... That the only reason they like stuck to it was because oh yeah when I was a little boy I kicked it and I remember that and that was kind of hard Yeah possibly I get that it does take skill but the fact that there's billions of dollars put into it and billions of people are fucking Just a mind-boggling. Yeah The end

The end Yeah I could tell you let that steam out I could take a soccer story Okay, go for it When I was in school a little when it's a little lad I was gonna I was gonna do after school soccer and I went to the store and I went to the store and and my mom's like, well, you have to buy shin guards.

Oh, yeah. And I picked out, instead of the white shin guards, like, everybody picked out, I bought, because I was kind of, like, into tennis a little bit at the same time, too. Yeah. So I picked out these shin guards that were, like, yellow tennis felt. Oh, like, highlighted yellow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, and then I got home, and I'm like, oh, my God, these are fucking fruity as shit.

I'm not wearing these. I'm not even going to play soccer, mom. Fuck you. Oh. So I ended up dropping out of soccer. And then my friend was like, yeah, all right. Well, I'll buy him off you, and I did, and he did, and he ended up playing with him, and he got beat up. No, he didn't get beat up. He got, like, severely picked on the whole season for wearing them.

I had a Jewish friend who was in soccer. He was called Oimid and Vig Poyman. Like, was he friends with Melvin O'Olland? Yeah, no, they were brothers, actually, if you could believe that. Of course they were. Ombique Poyman used to go to Sacrippercet every day. What do they have different surnames if they were brothers? Oh, shut up about that. But anyways, he goes to soccer practice

And he was like, I brought a different ball It has a nice Jewish star on it So I can celebrate my Jewishness all day And they beat him And there's one of the kid called Nazi McFatsey He was a Nazi if you could believe that Nassi McFonzie. Was he fat too? No, he was very muscular

because of the Nazi, he was an Aryan. He was an Aryan. He was an Aryan. He was an Aryan. He fucking gouged the eyes out of the Jewish guy And put him over his own eyes and said Now I see what you see And the world looks even worse Because now I see what it's like to be a Jew Holy shit. I thought you were gonna say it was horrible. I couldn't believe what I was here

I thought he was gonna say like typical kids stuff though. Yeah, boys will be boys. But um you need I got a soccer story kind of you know what it means not used to live in a flat that overlooked Wexper town so every Saturday night we saw everyone coming home from the nightclubs Yeah, and one night there was there was that big fucking idiot he was like, I support Liverpool and he had a Liverpool tattoo on his arm and he was with this like pretty hot girl. Yeah, she was like can we go home? He's like no, we're waiting here for a bit and he was waiting for people to come down the town so you could be like oh do you support and they were just like

Liverpool he was like oh okay and then they walked by and then one guy was like Manchester you fucking idiot and he was like oh and they start fighting each other just because of the two different teams that they supported I nearly got beaten up in Wexford because I accidentally kicked a water bottle that they conveniently placed in my pad

yeah yeah people put water bottles in the street if you kick it they chase you kill you yeah so I was walking to Chris warm me never to go to Abercabelle Which is a cabab shop. That's not the real name. Someone got like stabbers.

That is not the real name. That's the real name, man. It's a big friend of it is. Yeah. Cababre. Cababs are like tacos. Yeah, they're like tacos in Ireland. It's like Avra.

Speak language with the gods. Yeah, so I went there. I didn't listen to Chris's advice. And when I was coming home, there was like a group of... Hooligans. And then I walked by, I was walking and I kicked. And then they go, Oi, you take my bottle.

And I don't know why they talked like. that but I then they started running after me yeah and then I ran into this place called Burger Mac which is a McDonald's rip-off and I love burger boom I waited in there until they left but I almost got my head like smashed in for kicking a water ball it seems like in your country or even England people chase each other a lot no it's like here here the conflicts are quick and like they'll fight or stab each other each other but they're like they just chase each other around people people go out of the way to like try and beat you up right because

I was in Uncle Sam's there during Christmas getting some chips. Yeah. And I was like, hey, can I have two battered sausages, please? And then everyone looks at me because I don't sound Irish anymore, kind of. And there was an actual small traveler kid, which he's a gypsy pretty much. They're looking to cause trouble constantly. If you see the movie Snatch, it's a... So he heard my slightly American accent.

He's like, where are you from? And I was like... Waxford, and I walked away, and I was fucking shitting my pants. Because if those little guys stared on you, there's nothing you can do. When I went to Ireland, one of those guys was bothering me at the movie theater, but I thought he was being nice, I couldn't tell. Yeah, Zach was getting fucking picked on by an Irish traveler. But he wasn't, though. Irish travelers will fucking kill you and not think about it.

But he wasn't. Like, I didn't know. He was acting like a casual, because Americans are good people. They're nice. Like, if you're on the side of the street here, some will say, what's wrong? Can you need some help or whatever? I don't know why, but they hate Americans. But anyways, I was in Arnold.

I was in a theater and they were like, what are you going to see it? I was like, oh, I'm going to see, you know, oh, he's taken to. He's like, oh, yeah. you like Lee said I was like yeah he's a good actor and I thought it was just like small talk Chris's like dude who talked to those guys I was like why because they'll fucking like it's it's discrimination to like be like

oh don't talk to them but like you pretty much shouldn't like Yeah like the colloquial term They'll fucking they'll kill you like sometimes The colloquial term for them is Nackers Like and like once like I was I was with my friends and a group of them came over and they go I hate Nackers do you hate Nackers

Yeah they're trying to use reverse like trying to get us to go Yeah we hate Nackers but it was so obvious that that's what they were So I was like, no, no, I love them. And then they go, ah! So they're like, yeah, come over. Our house has been... My mom's house has been broken into, like, by travelers, like, at least three times. This is interesting. I don't know anybody who's ever been robbed my entire life.

Anybody in the USA. Yeah, no, like, there's, like, a crazy amount of, like, security over an Ireland, like... Well, that's Wexford. The USA has a nice part. It's not... It's not Wexford. It's Aircom Phone Watches. It's all over the country now. Yeah. Is there a USA equivalent to this at all?

Detroit. gangs or something? Yeah, Detroit. It's like that's the worst of it. Like, America gets a battered up with our guns and stuff, but proportionally our crime is not that bad. Jeff, we should be shocked, jocks, you and I, what do you think? Wahaha! Let's do it. So, a nigger walks

into an abortion plague. Whoa. Sorry, was that too wrong? That's crazy. Was that too wrong for radio? Yeah. Yeah. What would our FM station be, Zach? Got to be like a number and then a crazy name. Uh, uh, 96.

5. 96.5. The gasp. I'm Jeff, and this is Zach. Hey, niggers, who whoa. He can't even... He hates niggers. The hog cross didn't happen.

I'll be the music guy who you're like... Can you give me some dead babies? And I'm like, wah, wah, wah, wah. Yeah, I'm wrong. It's right. Welcome to the gasp. I like that. Oh my God.

record scratchy yeah yeah yeah hey Jeff have you seen the movie the interview why yes I have seen the interview

Zach have you seen the interview Oh my God what are the odds You have seen the interview and so have I What a crazy movie Wow I also absent

Fuck you The interview Yeah you know I just thought it was mediocre blah I didn't cheat it I think the biggest issue is, obviously, the fucking the buzz around this movie.

Yeah, they had the best marketing ever. The best marketing ever was banned for a while, right? I mean, Sony at one point said they were never going to release it on any platform, a theater. It was banned for a whole week. But then they realized the marketing potential. I almost feel like it was... It was a marketing ploy.

They really did back out because they didn't want to... They got threats, basically. Yeah, but they did realize the marketing potential. And it was a lot of... It was a lot of the movie theaters, too. The movie theaters said we're not going to show this. I have a question. They released the death, they released the, basically the ending of the movie on... That was leaked. Who was, yeah, who did that? I didn't think the whole...

It's like nobody had the full movie, then all of a sudden, somebody released the ending. Well, someone hacked Sony, so... I think somebody, whoever hacked Sony to begin with, did I think. But if it was the Koreans, why would they do? Why would they release? I have no idea. No, someone, yeah, there was a thing that said, uh, that it had to have been from inside Sony's building, because there's no way you can just hack a network like that. Yeah, but Sony's always getting hacked.

Like PSN is always down The actual movie itself Yeah I thought it was fucking okay That's about it I mean I want to show now We got a few good labs I think the biggest thing to point out Is James Franco is so over the top

And stupid and ignorant His character's hilarious He's always His character's always on 10 So when he's funny He really hits the mark But when he's not funny It just flopped

It just feels It's palpably uncomfortable It's so forced sometimes It was badly written The whole movie was badly written I would say there are some very convenient parts

and the parts that have dead ends the two poison strips go nowhere that doesn't go anywhere They could have taken out the entire ricin part of the movie

pretty much The poison strip The three poison strips Yeah Because nowhere That was I think that was kind of a red her

To trick you Like a sense of urgency It was It was It was oh no That way How are they gonna do it Definitely yeah

But the two strips Come anyways And then those go And it's like It just feels like Like a dead end What Jeff said That was the most

important thing though It's like When they just write someone to be impossibly stupid, it's just lazy. And it was funny a couple times. He has one line where he's like, oh, it's 2014 women are smart now. Like that's ignorant. That's so ignorant. You delivered that terribly.

What's that? You delivered that like horribly. I'm quoting it. There's another part where he said Konichi want in North Korea. Like his ignorance was funny sometimes. Like it definitely landed sometimes. I'm just, I don't know. When they're an FBI headquarters and she's like, we need you to take him out.

Uh, to dinner? Yeah, there were a couple points like that was, just stop it. Yeah, that character, that was the female character. Silly. Or, part where to use his bag and he's like, no, I want my bag. It's like, fuck you. She was so hardly written that character. I'll give him something with my hand.

Yeah. It's like, no, like, it's like, it's felt really, yeah, badly written. It felt convenient. Yeah. Convenient in the wrong kind of ways. But I think, yeah, that CIA chick character was, you could have completely... How people just don't know how to write, like, girl characters. Like, it's so weird.

They wrote the Asian luggage. She was totally funny. She was really funny. Very good actors. Very funny. Very interesting. But the CIA chip was too... I think what they needed was they needed straight man. Yeah, she was literally just serving a... They needed, they needed like a stone face kind of person to be like a no bullshit kind of person. She's the hard ass who slowly melts for James. She wasn't a hard ass though. She was goofy. She was like a goofy kind of character like that black sidekick guy she had. He was funny because he was so stone face all the time. That was they need a character like that in her position. Yeah. You know? So yeah

I don't know I thought I thought the guy who played Kim Jong-o and was funny Yeah Very well-likable character He was a cool actor too He acted the part well he just didn't really look like him No that was a problem yeah Yeah I was saying I should have got inside to do it like that gang and some ugly disgusting little monster Fat the Gaudi guy

Yeah he didn't look anything like him Yeah he looked handsome kind of he just had like this beautiful smile Yeah yeah yeah yeah Kim Jong has these really long, disgusting teeth. He's a ghoul, dude. Yeah, like fish teeth. I thought the fucking Katie Perry references were stupid, too. I thought it was fine.

Oh, it's just so quirky and fun. It played the fact that he was a fruity faggot. I'm kind of sick of those Seth Rogen movies where it's like, we'll put in gangham style, we'll put in, like, just these popular songs. No, but that song is like four years old, so it's past, it's been so long and that it's not popular anymore. Nah, it's not. It's not a fresh off the press meme, though. It's kind of an older song.

No, but, like, this is the end, too. Like, GangaStyl and fucking Backstreet Boys. This is the end. This is the end. This is the end. Dude, Backstreet Boys, that song is like... I know, but it was still like... Yeah, but what if I don't like the Backstreet Boys?

Now this whole ending is ruined for me. That ending was shit anyway. And, uh, props to Rogan for, uh... What's his name again? Seth Rogen? James Flack. For, uh, showing the audience again. He's never worked out a day in his entire life.

Yeah, but who cares? I did think the Dead Sea was really sweet. Yeah, that was really well put together. It was cool. Zach was saying was supposed to be even more gory, but they had to stop. Yeah, they had leaked emails too where Seth Rogen was like, yeah, we took, we made the hair melting less bad. We made his face embers less bad. We made his face melt less.

Wow. Because apparently he was too, you know, Sony was like, hey, stop that. Hey, come on now. Stop it. Come on now. Stop it, kids. Yeah, but I just wish it was. kind of slightly more grounded in reality.

My biggest issue was like, this is probably from like a kind of a donkey, faggy position, but the whole like nuclear thing was kind of far-fetched. Like the ending is like, Kim Jong-un is going to launch the nukes because James Franco pissed him up and said, what? I think it would have created a better sense of urgency if they're going to go

that way where it's like Seth Rogen and James Franco have to save the world from nukes. It would be better if maybe Kim Jong-go-un was planning to invade South Korea or something. You know? America isn't just going to gonna look at these fucking Koreans

with their nukes sitting outside and do nothing. Yeah. But it was like, yeah, they have like, they have like,

you know, 20 megatone bombs or whatever, which they don't have. They don't have it. By the way, that's the other thing too. At the beginning of the movie, it's like,

I think they said North Korea is dead, they know what, like a 10 mega, 20 megaton bomb on an island or whatever. North Korea does, I don't think they have one megaton.

They have kilo tons right now. They have like dirty bombs, yeah, yeah, exactly. They have, they have, I think,

I'm not going to give a specific number, but they don't have megaton bombs right now, especially not a 20 megaton bomb. So, yeah, but it was like, North Korea's going to launch the Luke, it was like, maybe if they would have, if James Franklin would have found a plan for Kim Jong-un to invade the South Korea or something. That's a little bit more grounded. It's still a little bit forgivable, though, since it is like an over-the-top movie. It's a comedy, but it just felt weird.

It was like... I always like movies, like, even if it's comedy, it could be more grounded. Yeah, exactly. Sean of the Dead was way cooler because of that. Yeah, you're right, actually. Yeah, but no, I'm just saying like that the average viewer doesn't know that that's unplausible. The average viewer is a poor. The average viewer needs to take a short of it.

But for comedy, I gotta say for comedy, I don't hate Seth Rogen. I think Seth Rogen's made some really funny stuff, I think, and he's made some good movies. Do you like The Green Hornet? No. I never saw that one. I like, this was the end, I thought Pilot Express was, I thought they were fine. Oh, Pineapple Express was really good. They're good movies.

They're not bad, they're not horrible, they're not amazing. They're what they are. They're laughs. Do you like more? Seth Rogan or Paul Rudd? Seth Rogan. Are you sure about that? I think Paul Rudd's charming.

Who's more charming? Seth Rogen. Jeff, if you met Seth Rogen, you'd be like, oh man, Seth Rogen. I'd be like, sweet dude, you're cool. Thanks, man. And I'd be like, I might be able to meet him. These guys had a pitch with his manager.

Oh yeah, she was cool. Oh, yeah, it was for Point Gray Studios. Zach and Chris. She was my favorite She was my favorite Hollywood meeting Yeah she honestly was She was the cool

She was like oh I have a side little story About South erosion She was sort of related What's that This relate This is This goes back to

When Tom and I went to see Greg Sistero from the room Right Yeah I love this Yeah basically You know For those who are familiar

With the movie The Room That cult movie Tommy was all Original Yeah Yeah Tommy was Greg from the room

he was having a little thing in the city where, you know, it's basically showing clips behind the scenes clips of the movie. He was doing a live reading of some of the scripts from the old, previous scripts of the movie. He was like really milking that movie in a way. He plays Mark. In all fairness, it was interesting.

The whole thing was interesting. A lot of funny behind the scenes footage of like Tommy Wozow or whatever. Doing these weird like jeans commercials and before he was known for this movie. But anyway, he was Facebooking Tom. for like the longest time like those two are going back and forth because Tom and I made a game based on the room which has gotten like a few million views and I did the music

yeah Chris Chris did the music which was fucking great by the way the Pokemon version of the of the room theme which somehow worked perfectly I don't know how but uh yeah so you know him you know I think Greg had like a total crush on Tom so he he's he bit Greg was basically hey Tom you're gonna come to the show and Tom's like all right and he brought me along and, you know, after the whole show, they're talking and signing,

you know, and this is, not to get too off track, I'll get back on track in a moment, but we both bought the book and we went up to get it signed, and Tom got his sign, and it all went smoothly,

and I'm like, I'm sitting down, just like, I know something fucked up is going to happen here. And I go up and I'm like, hey, Greg, and, you know,

I'd give my book and open it up. And the book is pre-signed, by the book is pre-signed by Greg like hey like some generic message and it says his his signature and something the other writer's signature and I guess there were a pile of these books they were just going to give out to people but I pulled a book they could pull the book from the wrong pile for me so your ears were already signed yeah

it was not supposed to be signed because like everybody at the show is supposed to get their signed personalized you was yeah exactly you know what's weird about that what um one time I was with Zach picking up his girlfriend from the airport in Philly and I saw that book there The Disaster Artist And I bought it at the airport

And it was also signed So I guess he had I guess he signed a million And just put him all over the city So yeah So I guess because You know

He was totally ignoring me He was like I'm just the artist of the game Fuck me But you know He's talking to Tom And you know He's like his terrible man crush on Tom

He's like you know Tom And he told Tom This incompetence At The show, and he's like, you know, I have a deal with, you know, that, what's his name? James Franco. James Franco and Seth Rogen, they're going to write a movie based on this book, Tom. And then Tom told me this outside where he didn't, nobody knew this was not public knowledge at the time.

And I'm like, oh, shit. And Tom's like, yeah, you know, he, you know, he was going to, he said he's going to invite me to the premiere of the movie. Whoa. And I'm like, what about me, motherfucker? Yeah. I made the game too. all the art. Yeah, I spend just as much time as fucking Tom on this movie

on this game, motherfuckers. Like, fucking Greg. You fuck. Fucking Greg. Fuck you, Greg. He's a very handsome man, though. He is very handsome. He is very handsome. So, you know, I feel a little dejected. I'm like, God damn it. Yeah, maybe if I sucked his dick on Facebook

like everybody else, but um, so yeah. So, yeah, so I guess you know, Tom's like, well, you know, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, to send you a ticket too. Yeah, that fucking happened. I'm like, oh yeah, thanks.

Thanks, Tom. That's great. Fuck all you guys. I don't need it. I don't need your fucking ticket to your fucking movie premiere. You cunt's fine. Whatever. Jeff, would you be surprised if you logged in the top of his Facebook and you saw pictures on between them of Greg sucking time's day?

I took, well, I took pictures of them together. They looked like they were in love. no none of this is tom swap by the way this is all this is just Greg being all Hollywood I guess

and uh well he's made it so yeah I don't know so assuming now that these two are hot shit because of this room I guess for the for the interview I guess they're just going to go ahead

and make the movie now based on this I think they're I think they're interpretation to be interesting yeah James Franco's playing Tommy he actually has this like dumb kind of stuff

yeah the eyes But he wrote about the game in the book, and I'm assuming the game is not going to be in the movie at all. Yeah, so we'll see it in the book, right? But they mentioned about it in the book. He just said this game is fucking gay. I hope the artist. Everybody who's... Every actor from the room played the game.

Really? And they meant talk about it on their Facebook pages, yeah. Denny talked about it. I think... Lisa. I don't know if Lisa did, because I think we pretty much drew her as like this disgusting monster. This topless monster in the game

the whole time. And Tommy, I think, had Tommy's blessing, I guess, and so that one pretty well. Isn't he really weird about that? Does it like pull reviews off YouTube and stuff of his movie? The only was really weird about, like... We were super nervous. After we...

We were going to spend like three weeks on this, and after a few months passed, we were like, what if he doesn't... What if he fucking tells us to take it down? So we made sure to promote the sale the DVD as much as possible. And you have to change the name. You just called it the room when you first uploaded and you changed it to the

tribute. Yeah, the room tribute. Yeah. But that was fun to make. I could talk about, I could talk more about that, maybe a later a later podcast or something. It's gone on for two hours. But for now, we're all going to go to sleep. Yeah. That was a trump word.

Thanks, grass. You just, you freak. This has been sleepy cast. I'm Nile. Obzuck. Okay. I'm Jeff. I'm Jeff. Oh, Jeff.

Oh, Jeff. Oh, Jeff. I'm Jeff. I'm Jeff. You see?