SleepyCabin - SleepyCast 18 - [Free-Bleeding Gorilla Girl]

Episode Date: March 6, 2015

SleepyCast, Episode 18 has arrived, and it's chock-full of delicious goodies: Bleeding orifices, tragically deformed children, bondage, poo, farts, wieners, and the Virgin Mary. Do enjoy. This episode starring: Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Ricepirate (www.youtube.com/ricepiratenewgrounds) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/Spazkidin3d) Niall (www.youtube.com/Cryburgers) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Paul Raymond, John Erlinger, Creeps McPasta, John Toomey, k0xfilter, skooks, Sonny Canchola, Dim, Hayward Cole, Denis DeLong, Jace Baker, Duncan Neilson, Jacob Miller, Shane Danells, Ryan Pagonis, Trevor Wood, Brian Adam +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

Wait, is it weird to you guys, peanuts can be that, like, toxic to people? Like, what, what the fuck? Can you guys do a baby cry sound? This podcast brought to you by the freckle on my asshole. It looks like poo. There is a world as tangible as our own, impossible to see yet unavoidable to sense.

A world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin and in that cabin is a bunch of guys he's a bunch bullshitter Welcome to

Welcome to Sleepycast Home of The Sleepy Cabin crew Sleepy cast I'm Chris Wait that was horrible I've got a severe lack of charisma That was perfect

Okay Mick yeah What is your thought on Girls who bleed out of their babies Oh out of their pussies Well there's this new phenomenon on going on. I've seen more of it of recently and I don't really like it

because I think it's gross but maybe that's just a bias. Is this this bleeder thing you were talking about? Yeah. Okay, what the fuck is this bleeder thing? Free bleeding is basically girls against the patriarchy and they think that the man made tampons for them to to shut up, shut that bloody

vagina up. Yeah, yeah. So basically, like, these girls are going around and they're not putting tampons in and so they're just like fucking staining everybody's, like, seats and stuff to prove a point. Isn't that vandalism? I mean, that's my point. Like, it's like these people think they're being outspoken, but it's like the reason why you stuff cotton balls in your pussies, ladies.

Is this a real thing, Corey? It's real, it's real. Like, have you ever seen one, though? No, I've seen, like, a few posts of it and stuff, and I've seen videos of people just bleeding and walking around. Yeah. I saw that, like, artistic thing. It's a new phenomenon going on.

I saw that artistic thing, well, artistic in quotes, and she was standing at a window, like a mannequin. And she was fully naked and she had. had like a big canvas under her and she was like free bleeding on the yeah it's basically like they just do mundane things and just like they're free bleeding but basically my biggest issue is they think it's like this huge like thing where it's like oh society wants me to wear a tampon so I can fit in but it's like no you're supposed to do that out of the courtesy of your heart you're being kind when you don't bleed on people and

stain their you know what that would be like someone who had like a severe ass leakage problem and then they felt like they were being you know oppressed because someone was like dude, can you please wear a diaper? Because you got shit all over my couch. Nick! It's like, damn you. It's not really. The ass leaking community are going to fucking go after you after you. Nick, Nick, poopy butt syndrome is a very serious... And you know what? They tend to wear diapers, right? They come in droves. Poopy butts. They poop and droves too.

Yeah, they poop and drove. No, I'm just, like, I don't understand how the whole free-bleeding thing can... It just seems really rude. It is. It's rude and it's just inconsiderate it. And it's like these people think like, oh, I'm being inconsiderate. I mean, if you had a bloody, blood, blood, it's just... arm and you were bleeding. I got a blade finger right now. I'm sucking on it. But like you wouldn't just be like, oh, ha ha ha. I'm just rubbing it all over your fucking couch and shit. Well, you might. I would not. Well, what do you think the cave women did. That's what I was gonna say, like, why did we evolve to bleed at our pussies? Well, because they're like, Injecting their, like, vagina walls.

I know, but fuck so. I was doing research and I was, like, looking at image fat for, like, art and stuff. Like, of course. Spraying our pussies because it's a good, it's a good referential place to find references for the kind of smut and dirty, porish art. I do. So I was looking for references on what to draw and I noticed that a lot of older women tend to get these like gray crustaceans around the edges of their pussy. Crestations? Yeah. Like fucking crabs? The pussies like... There's like barnacles,

do you remember that episode of Futurama where at the end the dudes like bones like fucking crippled into him? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what pussies do. Because, you know, I noticed something. I noticed like, you know, like teen and stuff you're not supposed to talk about pussies or these prestige pussies pristine that have yet to fall out fall apart isn't that like call duty strange they have a prestige level yeah yeah and then you see like these older women and their pussies are falling out graying around the age you but I don't understand they're gray everywhere the gray there yeah you know what time when I saw an old lady push I was like it's pretty gray looking I mean like

well I was in Vegas I looked up out of a swimming pool I saw this old lady standing with big baggy shorts I saw right up there Pussies aren't like a jelly fit she was just standing her like hey hey ha I guess are like exposed wounds than ever heal. They're just constantly open and let the air flow. Yeah, I always thought it was kind of dangerous. You know, you're talking about caveman times and you know animals like bears

and stuff can smell menstruation. They can smell the blood. Yeah, they can. The ovulation, the hormones and shit. It almost seems like a... Seems like something we would have evolved out of. That's what I'm saying. I would think that maybe pussies would eventually grow into a thing where they contract and go inside themselves. Well, like evolution doesn't have like a set

in mind. It's like, it doesn't know what's going to do. It works. It works. It works. It works. It works. But it works. Yeah. If pussies are supposed to be baby makers in like baby fucking homes, then how come when a baby comes out is ruined forever? What? The pussy's ruined forever? Yeah, because the baby's big and the pussy has to expand much larger...

Yeah, but if pussies were made for that... They do, trust me. They kind of are, because after they get torn open, that's when like if you have like three or four kids, you could accidentally just fart one out and not even know because it's just been broken open so many times. It just like... It kind of seems kind of weird.

though like everything's evolved to like shit of babies out and break your fucking like hips and shit and your body changes right yeah so you kind of think like why didn't we just mitosis like worms listen it seems to make more sense this is incredibly insensitive and I'm not a girl so I probably look like an ignorant asshole you all do Corey go on but it's just something I've always thought was interesting that pussies aren't made to withstand tons of babies they are though like they're supposed to like they're supposed to uh impregnate as many women as possible make them have as many babies as possible so they can like have like yeah but you destroy the foundation from the beginning and then it's...

Babies just fall out accidentally. Yeah, but that's... You still, like, stitch a pussy back together when you're done with, like, with the childbirth. Evolution doesn't know that. Like, when you... I know, but you should, though, it's evolution. No, it shouldn't.

No, it shouldn't. Because like, like, the woman body is like, oh yeah, the dick isn't gonna fucking feel my type pussy anymore. It doesn't care, like, it doesn't know that. No, but you would think that. Corey. Corey. Corey.

Freebleeders. So yeah, so that's basically like, my biggest issue, but it's like... Sorry, on that, I just have to say, this is kind of a segue. segue. I remember one of the first times I ever went down on a girl. This was, so there's no names on this, but when I lived

in Malaysia, and the girl I was dating at the time, she had a really nice apartment, but there was an empty apartment across from her apartment. So we went in there and it was dark. You know, it had a bed and it had some furniture, but it was pretty much empty. And, you know, we were messing around, we were having sex, and she told me to go down on her.

She was actually very adamant about me going down and her. Anyways, so I go down, and I'm like, wow, you are. You are really wet and I don't know what's going on down here. No. And then she put her hand down there and she's like, oh my god, no, this isn't right. Go turn on a light, go turn on the light. So I go over, I flip out the light and she screams.

There was blood all in between her legs all over this. There was no sheets on the mattress. There was just the mattress and there was also this big mirror that was like pinned up against the wall. So she's screaming. There's blood all over the bed. Like a murder. It's like a murder. Yeah, it's like a murder.

out of her vagina or something, and then I look in the mirror over her, and there's blood all over my face going down my chin, and I start like, ah! Yeah, and I never wanted to go down on a girl after that. It was very traumatizing. Ever? Ever? I have since then. I got over it.

The same thing happened to someone I used to know. He actually went down on, he went down on his girlfriend, on, um, he went down on his blood relative, on the 4th of July. You are from Missouri. Yeah. Okay, sorry. But he went down on her on the 4th of July and he said that while he was doing it he got this really

strong spicy sensation in his mouth but he kept going and he didn't know what it was and then later later later later on he found out then this is the best part okay because the girl you know a part of the stereotype she was Mexican so she eaten a lot of spicy food so was you he in his mouth no she blood in his mouth but she just happened to have spicy vagina yeah she had spicy vagina boy that's absolutely true dude because if I eat too much hot sauce and I take a piss I can feel it burning my dick hole as it's coming out. So she must have eaten one of those spicy midnight enchiladas.

And when he went down on her, he tasted like her, like, spicy blood that, like, ovulated through her whole body. Ovalated. Hold on, okay. I hate ovulated girl. If you've ever gone down on someone or if they've gone down on you, has the person going down ever been farted on? What the fuck? Okay, queefed on. You've been queued on?

Oh, quiffed. Oh, quote, I used to know this. I mean straight up farted though. I used to know this chick. I've never farted your friend. I don't know if I ever said this. I used to know this chick where we were sitting in class and she had this bizarre talent to queef on command.

I'm not sure if I ever told the story, but we were sitting in sociology class and we were sitting there and she's like, you guys want to hear me queef? And we're like, yeah. And then she went, pf. We were like, whoa! She got a job in a window. She was like, okay, I'm going to do it again. And she quiffed again?

And she's like, smell. It smells like chocolate chip cookies. Whoa. It actually smelled like chocolate chip cookies. I love that you went down to go smell it. You were like, here, do it again, do it again. No, she did it up. She did like a horse queef in her fucking face.

What? It smelled like chocolate. And not just chocolate. It smelled like, I don't know if I could do like quiff taste testing. You would have to because I get a blunt cold and just get out. It smelled like chocolate chip cookies with Eminem bits. That is so specific. A little burnt too.

The cookies were a little burnt too. Okay. Come on. Now you're getting a little cooking crazy. Do they have a warm soft center? Are you saying I'm... I'm not allowed to have a six cents to tasting quiff cookies? Sex in general is gross. Yeah?

You ever just be like, I'm so fucking horny? And then you get a girl on you. Oh, me? And you're like, ugh, this is nasty. That's the thing. It's like what Stamper said. He said, like, sex is supposed to be dirty and nasty, and you're supposed to just go all out. Look, I don't mind having dirty, nasty sex.

The thing is, I am very smell-oriented. and like, you know, I pull down my pants and I'm like, whoa! Like a green cloud waffes up into my face. You know what you can't do? You know what you can do? The same thing happens sometimes with girls. You pull down their undies, their cute little panties,

and all of a sudden it's like the equivalent of a bowl of smell, just like raging bowl, just charge your nostrils. Mick, do you know what you do? Okay, you take one of those... Some febrize. No, no, no, no. You take one of those, like, those fun-sized balloons. You get a dollar general, you snip the edge of it,

you stretch it up and put it over your head so you block your nose or... And then... I'm being fucking serious. That way you can handle anything because technically you can't smell anything. You poke holes in it too if you need to see, but... What are you talking about?

You can't blow up a fucking balloon and poke holes in it. Listen. What? I am... Me and my friends used to niggering so many things. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Do I have to cut that out?

That's really... If you give context, maybe we can keep it and go on. Okay, I'm not trying to be raised. this when I say it. It's just that the term like that would be like ghetto rigging stuff. Are you about like Jerry rigging when you're like a new term? It's a new, it's the Compton term.

Yeah, this seems like the really racist term. We used to call it McGivering back in the day. It's called, it's called Enword rigging. So that's the new, that's the new thing. Well, anyway, it's like, yeah, because we were outside and my friend's like, man, I need a barbecue. And it's like, we don't have a fucking grill.

So he's like, hold on. He finds some wire tin. He finds, like, some old chord thing, and he just, like, sort of, like, wraps it around it, and then he gets, like, this coal and stuff, and he makes a fireplace. A homemade fireplace made out of just shit laying around in his yard, and I'm like, what the fuck? What did you do? He's like, oh, I just knew it. Wow. And it's just, like, a turn.

Like, it's, yeah. Your friend's erased it. For me. Like, when I used to try and put things in my ass, if I had a compensated because I didn't go out and buy condoms, I just used bags with fucking rubber bands at the end. Is that what the, I can barely feel shit with a condom on? I would have fucking plastic bag. The rubber thing? You kidding, Cory. It's one of those big black bags that you...

That's a bin liner. If you don't have condoms, look for a bag, and maybe a little creakable... Corey, don't tell kids to do with this, you big idiot. Corey, Corey. This is wrong. You're going to have a million kids getting pregnant there because of you. Chris.

He's a good respect to the man. I have to know. If you had to marry a woman, okay? You have two choices, right? They're both standing right in front of you, but you're going to have to marry. one of these. There's no other option. Yeah. One of them has really long

gorilla arms and tiny little baby legs. And the other one has tiny little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms and really long... Torpedo titties. And really long giraffe legs. Okay. You have to marry one, which one?

And these torpedo tities, the blue veins are fucking stanking. You shut up. This is not part of it. Gorilla arm baby legs or T-Rex arm giraffe legs. This is actually quite a tough one, right? And you know what? They're actually identical twins. So they have the same face.

And the same butt. She has the strength of Jurassic legs. Okay. So she can... She can crush baby dinosaurs' heads. This is the dilemma. You ready? Both of them can't give good blow jobs.

A big gorilla fish would rip your cock off, little T-Rex time would barely feel anything. Okay. That's already like a deal breaker. That's shit. I like blow jobs and jerked off. It doesn't matter what the deal breaker is. There has to be a deal. I have to pick it.

Okay. Well, I guess I'd be less afraid of it. the fucking long-legged idiot. The fucking gorilla arm would be kind of scary. She's got like short legs to be walking around to the other arms. She's like, I'm like Tommy Pickled baby legs. She's like this. She's like a fucking gorilla over there.

I don't want. She always has to be on top because you have Donkey Kong hands right next to your fucking head. And put the fucking giraffe leg lady. She could run over and kick you into the sky and kill you. I would probably go with the long-legged lady. Yeah. Because she'd have the like little stupid arm. You like little baby arms?

You can still fucker Is that what you like? You like it to touch you with their little baby arms? Make your dick look bigger. You're gross. Oh, yeah. You're pervert. No, you're making me picked from due to four idiots.

It doesn't matter what you picked, you would have been a pervert. Oh, can I tell a story about today? Please. That reminds me. I was coming out of CVS pharmacy and guess what was at the front door? A chip lady?

No. Chick with brown hands. Imagine a freshly born chick. Like a gross little fetus like vainy, Chicken like chicken mixed with a little boy and that's what was there right? No It was like a Girl Scout cooking dude I've heard of stuff like this you know what it is no I was about to get to that right this is the little this is this is this was a conflict in my head right so you walk out this lady walks up to you like do you want to buy some Girl Scout cookies you look over at the Girl Scout there's a girl scout and then there's the form little chicken boy and you're like what the fuck right so I was like thinking that's just okay there's no no no I didn't say shit I was like I got no money because I didn't have any money right but this is what was going on in my head I was like so did they put that little chicken boy there to make me feel bad and give them money or did they bring

along her little chicken brother because she's really nice sister and I didn't know which one. It's the latter. You should have just asked. You should have just pointed right at the chicken boy and be like, what is open this chicken boy? What is this is actually something it's true. I swear to God, no I really think they put them there to make you feel bad. He fucking con. Now that you mentioned he didn't look at me and go, ah. Was he like sin fuckus? No, he was worse. I swear, no. I don't want to be mean, but no.

They found the most deformed kid to put him there. I swear. You know what they did? I've never seen anything like it. What? I'm not trying to be mean. You know what? I don't understand.

Like if the Girl Scout was a chicken scout, like a chicken Girl Scout, that would kind of make sense a little bit. But it's so weird, like, buy my Girl Scout cookies. And by my Chicken Boy cookies. That is weird. Is this being mean? Like, I'm just trying to get my head around us. That's his job.

He was weird. That's the form specifically so I'd buy their cookies. No, no. The little boy was there. Or were they being really nice? to him because they're great like mom and sister I know I'm not trying to be cynical but that sounds a little too

set up I didn't think so I was like this is kind of fucked up that's really sad too because it's like clearly the people that love him or take care of him are like totally taking advantage of him that's another thing I was like if I had a deformed little boy I'm not gonna like yeah I would leave my home to play Xbox unless you know what's actually was the mastermind

do you know the little chicken boy's like hey hey mom you gotta take me with Maggie to the store because I'll just stand there and people throw money empty. Do you know what's fucked up, realistically, around Christmas time where that dude like shakes a bell and expects people to put money in terms of a little bit? Santa Claus?

No, no. Oh. The Jesus, man. What's that called? Were they like, it's, they... The Salvation Army. Yeah. Yeah.

If they had some, like, person with elephantitis doing that, you would think people would take second glances and then when they actually see that this is a man with elephantitis, they would donate. You know, I feel like it's hit or miss, because half the people are going to feel guilty and want to give them stuff, And the other half we're just gonna be like,

ah, you're gonna run away. I feel like it's different, though, if you're just like some dude shaking a bell in people's faces when they walk by, or if you're like a guy with elephantitis, like people may turn and run or they'll... grocery stores do this really cheap tactic, right? Where you get to the bagging area,

and then they have a charity, and they're like, I'll bag your bag for you for free. That's mainly in Ireland, you're like, you're like, fuck off. All you want is money. Get out of here. I don't want you to guilt me to giving you free money.

You know what the other thing is, it pisses me off so bad. The other thing is like, let's say there's a long line of people behind you. And you're buying like, let's say, a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of check, you know what I mean? So you're clearly you have money to engage in bad habits and they ask you

for a dollar for, you know, cancer for kids and there's eight people behind you and you're like no. What are you supposed to say? It's so fucked up. It's one thing if I'm going to a place like you say like to buy a fucking pack of cigarettes and brandy and just like, but it's another thing when you go to a place and you're going to a fucking fast food place like Burger King or McDonald's. You're just getting

some quick food and then they're like would you like to do any dollar? It's like, can you really not? These years are made to say that. They don't feel a fuck by them. You know what is smart, though, is what I'm trying, the point I'm trying to make. What is smart is what Wawa does. They have a bucket on the table. Exactly. That's good. After you order, like, after you give them money, the money goes to this little area thing, and then you see this thing right here.

You're just like, oh, I don't want to carry change in my fucking body. That's like you just drop in the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is actually really smart. And you know, I don't mind that at all. I don't either. I usually do that. It's like, that would be way easier. Instead of saying like, here, donate, there's people who are dying. you just bought a dollar cheeseburger, it's just like let me have the option. It's interesting because the

difference between somebody asking you for money and then you feeling like you got robbed versus you just being like yeah, I think I'm gonna do something good today. There's a difference in how you feel when you give that money. Exactly. Nobody likes carrying around change it's a genius concept. Just fucking throw it in, you're done. Yeah. And you save the world. That's true. Everybody give your change

to the chicken boys. By the way, please donate to our Patreon. To the chicken boys and to our Patreon. Yeah, every time you put your change in one of those little buckets, you feel like you're a great person. You're just like... But how would you feel... You look at the cashier... Yeah, but how would you feel if, like, it had a fan for every time he threw it in?

So everyone was doing it and it became like the coolest thing. You wouldn't feel very good, donating to it. Would you Nile? Yeah, you big idiot. Yeah. I'd fucking do it every day, Corey, you're asshole. Do you know what I think... Do you know what I think that chicken boy was there for? I think he was there to sell his own chicken boy cookies and...

Yeah, you didn't ask. You were getting snickered. You didn't ask for chicken bowl. Yeah, you know what that... Yeah, the Girl Scout actually stole his cookies and shoved him into the gutter. It's like, go away. Little chicken boy was held by his own will. You could have broken free if he would have bought his chicken cookies.

It was really weird. Because there was a subway across the street. So when I sat down to eat a subway, I was just looking over at him. He was just like running around. And the mom was like grabbing him and bringing him back over. She had like a leash on him? I was kind of like, look, all I'm saying is if I was a retarded chicken, I would just want to stay at home and play Xbox.

That's all I want to see. I wouldn't want to be dragged out to the store. If I was a retired chicken, I would go on Xbox Live and scream with people at the top of my lens. Squawk. So I had mentioned Chris before. I thought you guys were all a bunch of hot, sexy, young GQ Romeo's. Because

every time we go out, we're always flocked by girls, and they always walk right by me and they turn their noses up, and then they walk right into your guys' arms. You're a big ultra-bullshitter. What are you talking about? Is Q. Jerry curl? You know what? I hate you.

So, my question was, what is the dumbest thing that you've ever done for a girl? Like, you would have never, ever, in your life, ever thought about doing this and you even hated doing it when you did it but you did it and you did it for a girl either because you had feelings for her or because you wanted to have feelings in her. That's a... I've won't...

All right, I figured at least now considering your past Tinder escapades that you would have at least a handful of these stories. Well, it's not what you think. I once worked at a supermarket for eight months for a girl so I could like live with her. Did she ask you to? No, but I need to support myself and I did like if I didn't live with her I could have went back home and live there and pretty much gave up my whole fucking life oh no I was gonna say after you worked there did you did you guys split up or what yes like eight months sorry yeah but um I'm way back I'm way better doing that shit now like when I was on a date recently the chick brought me into Victoria's Secret why do they always fucking do that no matter

when you're with a girl they always bring into Victoria's Secret this first time I this girl brought me in there. I go, oh, that hand lotion smells nice, because I remember seeing that. No, I'm not in a situation like that. I know. Walking to Victoria's Secret and they're like, well, I want that, like, a really expensive gown over there. And I was, and I was like, well, that's not what

Victoria Seek was for, but I was like, that smells like she goes, well, I didn't buy me some. I was like, no! Like, now I'm so much better. That's why she brought you in there. Yeah. She just brought you into the store so you buy or something. Yeah, that's fucked up. It's just like, like, a nightwear

and larger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she goes in I was thinking of something else. She goes in, she finds the most expensive sexy underwear, tries it on, shows it to you, lashes you a little leg, and then she's like, you like, you like, yeah, baby. And she's like, all right, where you have credit card? Not enough to buy it for you. That's what I was like. So I've gotten better at that.

Like, I used to be a little bitch. I was never in this situation. You've never been, like, one time I went back to Seattle over the summer, and there was this girl, and apparently she was really into, I didn't find this out until later. You know what the Klonic is? Yeah. She loved getting them? She would get them.

It doesn't seem like something you get a dickens time. Several times a month. What does that mean? It's when... Okay, so basically what it is, is you lie down on this little bed thing. Yeah. And they take a plastic tube and they shove it up your butt hole. Oh!

And then they fill your entire intestinal cavity with water. Okay. Like, they just pump you full of water. Well, that's an animal. Hold on. Well, it's kind of like that, except it's literally your entire intestines. And then you got to hold it, right? You got to hold it for a little bit.

And the whole time you feel like you're going to shit yourself. And they're like, don't worry, don't worry. That's totally normal. You're going to feel like you want to poop because there's like blockage in your intestines. All it is is when the water hits that wall, just let it happen. Don't try to poop this tube out. Just let it work its magic. And it'll break through the wall.

And then all of a sudden it'll fill up more of your intestines. Then when they're done, when you're totally full of water, they suck it all out. And there's this machine. So all the water that was in your intestines. comes pouring out or being sucked out through this tube and then you can see all the stuff because it's like a clear tube So you can see everything that was in your intestine So you can see all of like this intestinal plaque you see all these little Tud nuggets you see it literally looks like one of the levels from battle toes

There's just like all this goo in she did she have like a could you see reflection in her but hole? Was it that clean? I never actually looked at her but hole. Oh really? I wasn't really into butts during that period of time That's the magic for me because like anytime I see a hot girl. I always think like oh there's a big old turd sliding around her intestines, and then like... Yeah, but that chick, I guess not. No, she was clean as whistled. Why do you think of that?

Why do you think... Because it's funny. I don't know, I just think... It just comes in my head. I know, it's not funny. It just pops in my head. It's just fucking stupid shit about. When I see a picture of like a fucking famous,

like, chick, like she's like starring on like the red carpet, I'm like, she's gonna poop later. Exactly, same thing. Dude, I was telling Zach in New York when I was walking around. You know, everyone's very fashionable, And there's a lot of really pretty ladies. You know what I think, what I'm thinking? Well, I'm thinking if she has a bleach butt, she has one of those brown holes.

Yeah. Oh, the brown, the browns are the pinks. Yep. What are you? I don't care. But no, what are you? I'm probably dirty. You're dirty brown.

You're dirty black. Dirty black. Just slightly off the other. I'm team dirty black. I think we're officially getting to the too much information. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. It's not a bad thing.

I just don't remember. We've never got hair. hair on it. Where we're going to get way up inside of ourselves and share it with the world. I have a dirty butthole with hair on it. If you can see it, this is the equivalent of us literally putting a webcam right up to our butts and spraying our cheeks as far as we can.

You know what I used to do when I was younger? I'm not sure. Not that. No, do you remember Burn Out Paradise? It was a game for Xbox 360 and PS3. Okay. They designed it so that when someone online takes you out, like they smash your car

and you explode. Yeah. They get a picture of your face going like, oh no, you're doing. But me and my friend Jack, we used to like spread her butts up into the camera. And then they take to take a sound and just get like a picture of our asses. It was so fucked up. I don't know what it was about asses when I was a kid.

Everyone used to moon people when I was a kid. It was like a thing. It's funny. It's like you have to wonder how these fucking people at Microsoft, these idiots who inquire these webcam things, they have these online things. So like, people aren't gonna abuse this stuff. People aren't gonna play fucking Uno with a bunch of million anonymous people. And you're not going to get these guys fucking little kids playing fucking hair. It's going to be family sitting around.

It's like choking their wieners at the camera. I never understood that. I never understood they make these fucking webcam games. And they don't think people are going to be. Because let's face it, if you allow somebody, it's like with Dark Souls. Originally when people are doing Dark Souls, they were doing like horrible names. Like they were trying to do as vulgar as possible. And they're trying to get away through the sensors.

Some of the people are always going to try to do. Those images, I feel like it burned into your psyche. Like, when I was a kid, when I was in high school, I went back to Seattle for one year. And I remember I was with this group of guys. And it was just because some of the guys in this group were friends that I hung out with when I was a kid before I left Washington. So I remember we'd go out. And I felt so terrible about it. I mean, besides T-Ping this one girl's house whose father was actually in the hospital with cancer, I found out later.

Like the worst, the thought of like the mom and her having to go out and clean up, they had a big yard too. Just like cleaning up toilet paper and like their dad was in the hot. I never, ever, ever wanted to TP a house after that. Anyways, but this one thing they would do, they would go around and moon people randomly on the sidewalks, but they wouldn't just moon people. Basically, you know, you're at a stoplight, or someone's trying to do a crosswalk, and they've got the hand,

and they've got to stand there and wait. That means that when you come up to the red light, you know, they're right to your side. They can see you. And what they would do is they'd be like, oh, excuse me, sir, do you have the time? And they would look down at their watches, because no one had smartphones at the time.

They looked down at their watch, and then all of a sudden, one of them would get up and they'd stick their ass as far as they could out of the window and spread their butt-shing so when the person looked back up from the watch, they'd be staring right into the guy's ass and then we'd drive off laughing. But I would just,

but in retrospect, I'd just imagine, like, that was burned into their mind, like, looking directly into this teenage boy's butt hole. You never know what he could, like, you were driving off, but he could have been like coming in his pants. That's true to you. You know, like, what is this? And by the time

he figured out, we were going. We were going. In a cloud of smoke. Cops or something. Yeah, the first thing you see is just like, I saw this deformed kid's face. He had one eye, and it was squinting at me. He was sticking his tongue out.

Wait, you know, I just realized, you were talking about attention about girls, and then we just totally went off. I was just saying, you know, there's really fashionable, beautiful women in New York, and they're walking along, and they got these big high heels on, and they're, like, wearing, like, this really great outfit, and all of a sudden, they got a really sexy walk, and then they just fucking face plant. I saw

one woman do this. She was, she was, when I saw her from across the street, I was like, whoa. Then all of a sudden I was like, wow! Because you fucking like, and I was, we were talking about humanizing these people. Like, when you see like these really gorgeous people, sometimes it's like they're almost not human.

You know what I mean? They're like above human. Reproids. Right, or the, right, exactly. They're like magazine covers. But when you see them do something human, or when you think about them, like taking a shit or something like that, it humanizes them.

But watching somebody faceplant really humanizes them. And it wasn't even her, like, literally face-planning. It was everything that led up to that. Her legs, like, bent backwards and we're kind of, like, just going in circles, like, little helicopters going in opposite directions. And then she face-planted. But it was that awkwardness of that whole thing. And then, like, nobody helped her up. Everyone just got kept walking, like, fire.

I used to always make her laugh. Because, like, like, clockwork in Ireland, like, the girls will get all dolled up and go out at nighttime. So, like, you could just, if you're just sitting in the car and then you're looking out of the window, you're, like, bound to see some girl who thinks she's the hottest shit ever, just, just, like, fucking... fall out. Oh yeah, not only that, especially when they're drunk. Like, you know, you'll see, like, girls like all decked up and, you know, dressed really nice, and then, like, they just, like, puke all over themselves

or something like that. No, absolutely. We ever tell you what me and Nal used to do when everyone got drunk at the weekends in Ireland? No. So, we used to live in the main street of Wexford, which is the main town. Yeah, yeah. So, like, right near the club. At 2 a.m., every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, people would be coming home, like, fucking tons and tons of

people every night, right? So, we see lots of fights, lots of girls fall on their faces and shit. But one time, uh, I was coming home from America and I bought a Brookstone projector from the airport. It's just like a little 720p projector. Yeah, a little mini projector. But we hooked it up to Nile's computer and we got a picture of the Virgin Mary off of Google. And we shined it on the building across the street. Chris, after effects it to be like creepy and move, like slowly. Like slightly moved a bit. So she's like breathing up and down and there's like particles coming out. It looked really good. Yeah. We used to shine it on the building across from us and we'd find like lone girls walking home at night time.

So all, like there's not a single light on the street on. We just shine this projection. at the window and they just they look over and the second they look over you put your hand over the project so so she disappears the second they see yeah so they look at it and they're like what the fuck yeah they don't know what the fuck they saw it remember chris you remember the time when uh there was there were these girls walking by and we did it and they all saw it and they were like ah and then they ran to their car and then the car like the car came back and they like stop and they were like yeah this is where it was and then we just did it again they're like ah and they just drove off they didn't like fucking chat themselves the actual best one though was when uh there was this guy right and he was with a girl

and there was this corner right across from our flat where there was always people fucking down there like always right but this one night a guy was walking with his girl and they both sat in the corner for no reason start fingering her and sucking on her tithes or whatever so then we were just like get the exorcist's face

we fucking got this scary exorcist face we shut it on the wall so the guys there are like sticking on her titty or whatever and she looks up and she's like he was at the angle so only she could see it so he was like he probably met her that night at the fucking club he probably thought she was having the weirdest orgasm She's like, oh my god, I'm doing it right.

And she's like, ah! He's like, I'm good, baby, I'm good. But what happened was he was like, she looks up, she sees the fucking scary exorcist's face, she screams, we cover it. And he's like, what the fuck? And she's like, uh, I saw, uh, never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. He starts fingering her again. We did it again.

She's like, ah! He's just like, what? Eventually they got up and left, but like that lasted about it. I thought it was going to get all, like, really sad and stuff. Like, you just started smacking her and you guys felt really terrible about starting a domestic dispute. We just used to scare the fuck. It was just a simple little projector. It wasn't even that good.

It was actually more so the fact that it was, it was such a bad projector that you just got the faint image. So it wasn't too obviously a projector. It was more so like, you could definitely imagine these people seeing it and being like, was that my brain that's right? Because it was so faint on the wall. You know, I feel like that faint, though.

That's like one of the biggest problems I think with horror films nowadays is that they're so clean and it's got so well. Yeah. That, like, what was so awesome about the old ones was that it was kind of grittier. Yeah. And like your imagination had to fill in the blanks. Exactly.

And like with these nice ones, it's like, oh, you know, they're more grotesque deaths. But they're so clean, like the visuals are so clean that you see everything and it doesn't look real or it doesn't matter. Yeah. Fuck that. These bitches, the second they see the Virgin Mary, you cover it with your projector. So they're like, it was one frame. You know, you know telling the story is going to cause so many car accidents? Like, some kids are going to go out and do this and people are going to be driving into telephone poles and shit.

But you know what else made it creepier to them, though? The people who saw it and believed it was like the Virgin Mary, okay, so they saw a version of Mary, and they're fucked, they're scared now. Right. But for the people who knew it was protected, they're like, there's some creepy fucking bastard down the point in the projector. That's even almost scary. Like, some people...

The idea that someone was watching this. No, but some people, like, sometimes, like, we do it, and then a guy would just go, and just like... Yeah, he'd look right up at the exact second. Like, when we'd shit our pants... Yo, did I ever tell you that one time? I used to have a green laser pointer, and I'd stay up to, like, four in the morning and, like,

shining the end of the street of people. But one time... No, sorry, one time, okay, so we were surrounded by other flats, right? One night, I just got the pointer and I pointed it into every single flat window for like probably 10 second bursts, right? Just to see what happened and nothing happened. I was like, all right, I went to bed. And then I fucking woke up and just heard like, oh, and I was just like, what the fuck? And I barely just pulled up my blind a little bit. There was this fucking massive muslin, really Russian old man.

He was just like, I know you're up there! And I was just like, oh God, I hope he doesn't know which one it was. I want to know what he thought you did. Like, what happened? All I was doing was pointing a big green light, like, laser into his window. Yeah, but something must have happened. It might have hit him right in the eye or it might have like... It probably...

It was like, you know, cost, like this whole... He was devastating. He was probably... He was jacking the top of the house. Or it did, like, hit all those fucking mirrors and then it got into his eye, and then he was like, oh! And then he jerked off and it sprayed up in his face. He was scared backwards.

I was going to say maybe he was in his, like, little toddler who was scared of Monster's bedroom. He had a seat me looking at the world. window, he would have smashed down my door and killed me. He was fucking scary. And he looked like that guy from you ever see Dennis the Manist to live action movie? Yeah, yeah. He looked like Christopher Lloyd the bum in that movie. It was fucking scary. He was... Christopher Lloyd's like the least threatening guy. No, but in that movie he's scared. I have a question. Yeah. And I don't know, it's very, it's very random. Okay. Have you guys ever eaten your own comb?

Don't, don't start... Well, Zach's not here. No. Wait, wait. I'm not, I'm not, and this isn't a gay dispute. This is like, legitimately serious. All right, yeah, you know what? We can't go on about it. I'll say this. I have, I have taste. I have not eaten it. You tasted it. Okay, no, there's a difference. I wasn't just like gobbling a whole fucking cussing. Listen. Listen. I just kind of like, you know, put my tongue.

Listen! Okay, yeah. I'm not talking. This isn't a gay dispute. This isn't if you're fucking gay or if you want to blow guys. This is just a legitimate. Okay. Have you ever tried? Have you ever tried it? I have tried. I have, I have stuck. I have just barely dabbed my tongue.

He dabbled in it, just a tiny little... He drank it with a sick of straw. No, I have, Corey. In my entire life. Oh, it bubbles. The only thing I've ever, all the gross shit I've done, I've probably only tasted pre-com. Well, Corey, yeah, well, me, yeah. Which is, you're going to say me too now.

You're going to say me too. No, no, well, I've only said, like, we said that this is, you said this isn't going to be a gay dispute. No, it's not. It's not. It's not. But if Zach was here, see, he'd be like, it is because it's. Okay, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what he would say.

Exactly. But I'm just trying to say, like, that why he's wrong. But anyway. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You just so weasled yourself into that dispute. But anyway. I'm just like, I'm gonna keep that in just so everyone knows what a weasel you are.

We're off that topic. Just answer the goddamn question. All right, all right. I pussyed my way into that one. God. Okay, so the thing is, I jack off and I'm like, I'm gonna, you're like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. And then the second you come, you're like, oh, God, that's disgusting.

Dude, I'm the same way. And I do it? And I'm like, oh, because it feels good. Then you're like, where's the thing? You made myself up. You know that whole. You almost want to. Like you, but you won't do it.

Yeah, why do you want to do it? Why do people want to do that? That entire dispute you had with Stamper and Zach, right? There's a point where you get so horny. Yeah. Like, I'm going to do something horribly dirty. I'm going to drink all my cum, right? That's it.

And you aim your dick up in your mat, right? But then you're like, no, no, no, no, I won't do that. I'll come on my hand and then I'll eat it when I'm done. But then the second you come, you hold it up and you're like, oh, and you put it away. Chris, I tried to, like, aim and come into my mouth. But the farthest I got was like the middle of my chest. You literally dodged that bullet. I was okay.

Because you were looking down like, oh, thank God. Also, also, you have to train yourself. You have to train yourself. Also, I was edging to try and have a little push behind my penis. So I was like, all right, I'm edging now. So I'm really building it up. So you timed your thrust. You know, honestly, I don't think any of you really tried because the really easy way to do it is you get in like a sit-up position with your legs on the bed and your back on the floor.

I don't like know. And then what you do is you flex your ass a little bit. So it's basically like there's. no way you're gonna miss. In fact, you should close your eyes because you're probably gonna hit yourself in the face. I don't do that. Wait, you get further range when you flex your ass? No, I'm saying that if you have literally, if you're in a sit-up position and you've got your legs on top of the bed and you're flexing your app, you know, like your, oh yeah, yeah, like your legs. Because then it shoots higher up and then kind of, I don't do that. No, it shoots

down directly into your fucking face. Mick, I don't do that. I've never done that before. I'm just saying if you were in, if you were honestly trying to get it in your mouth, that's how you do it. I try to like get comfortable because it's like you kind of like, you kind of gotta get into the mood, but I never like go like, like, fucking like you never jacked off upside down? I don't, like... None of you guys have ever jacked off upside down. No. Dude, you get

blood rushing to your head. I'm gonna try that. I'm gonna fucking try that. Asphyxiation a little bit. But it's not as bad really like choking yourself or something, but if you're jacking off with your head over the bed, like, you know, if you've got your back to the bed and your head's kind of down, the blood rushes to your head.

And it feels better? Well, you know what? I'm cutting off it. I'm doing that when I get back And then I'm going to practice Association later Everyone's gonna think I'm a fucking freak When someone was fucking a girl in her ass

I came in her ass In her butt? She farted it out She said this is comfartable Was it bubbly? And then you ate it? And you were like This is cum fart food

Generally When you sneeze Do you also find yourself farting as well? Well that's because Because when you sneeze It contracts your bowels like, right on their But have you ever been afraid that you may

actually like... Shit yourself? Yeah. If you have like severe... Like sometimes when you're sick you do kind of have the squirts going on. It happened to me, do. Yeah, and then you're also like sick

so you have like sneeze and sniffles and all that. And so yeah, I mean, I think I may have like squirted a little a little shard too. I'm always terrified. Like when I'm sneezing and I'm like, I'm always like, oh, I don't even... I don't know how forceful it was. Oh. Oh, actually I think Zach was saying that.

Yeah, it happened to me right on that couch. Yeah, right with Corey's sitting, right? Right, where you're sitting. Chris's shit. No, I said what you're saying. No! Yeah, you're sitting on my green... You're wallowing in his green turns.

Damn. And I shat in my pants and I wallowed through the bathroom. Wait, today? No, it was... Fucking Chris free-assing everywhere. I've whittled to free shitting. Zach, like, spoon fed me, like, gross sardines. He's like, taste this, taste good.

Actually, the only time... I don't know if I said this before, but the only time I ever actually shit in my pants. Oh, like... Full-blown. Yeah, like, I actually shit myself. It was coming up the bottom. I feel like there's a situation in everyone's life that at some point in their life they're going to shit themselves.

Not when they're old, like old men who don't know like the fucking time of day is. But like you're just going to be something's going to happen. You're in a situation where you can't help it and you're going to shit yourself. That happened to me when I went with my father to Aldi's. I needed to go to the bathroom really bad. And when I went there, I sort of had the idea that there would be a bathroom there because it's fucking Aldi's. Right. There wasn't a bathroom there.

So I was there and I'm like, I'm going to shit my pants. Like, I was already, like, wincing and stuff and really uncomfortable. You know they have a bathroom. They didn't. Because the employees have to use the bathroom. They didn't have a bathroom. Not in this Aldi. Well, they had to for the employees, but they didn't let customers in there.

Yeah. That is so. They're like, you're just going to stand in the aisle and shit. So he, he would, in like, in Alties, you also have to pack your own stuff. So you kind of go to an area to, like, pack your stuff. So while I was doing that, I shit my pants. What fucking supermarket is this? It's all these.

I like to pack my own girls. But I would, but that's my situation of where I've shit myself. What about you guys? So what happened? You shat yourself and then what? My dad grounded me. Dick. Yeah. Like you already shit yourself. Yeah, that's insult to injury. He took away my Super Nintendo. That's what he did. That's what I shit myself and I told him. I'm like, dad, I can't help it. There's no bathroom.

I've never actually shat myself. In 34 years, I've never shat myself. I came so fucking crazy. But I have pissed myself a few times. Um, and one time it was because, this is when I was a little kid. My grandma, uh, my grandma raised me, which she was. went out to lunch with one of her girlfriends and she took me to a supermarket because they had an arcade. They had like three or four games. I think it was like a Gallagie game or something I was playing.

It was old. Anyways, so they gave me a bunch of quarters and I was playing. I got so far in this game and I had to pee so bad. But I didn't want to stop playing because I had never gotten this far and I was kicking ass and there was no signs of me dying. Like I was on a fucking roll. I remember just standing there being like fuck this and I just pissed myself

and I was wearing shorts too. So it was very clear what happened. And I'm sitting there with these wet shorts And like people walking by Watching this fat Chinese kid playing Galga And and but But I recall like later on And thinking back on that

And it was kind of the first signs of like I knew that I would become like a workaholic Like I knew that I would have the attention span And I would have the will and the drive Like my father I never thought because I myself I'm somewhat of a work person I love I work every day

I have no problem with it I love to work I never thought I would Because of my dad he always found like grunt work to do around the house. He would always like, he would buy like a fucking bus

and he'd be like, we're going to fix this up. He would spend like 15 grand on a bus or 1500 on a bus and he'd be like, we're going to fix it up and it's like broken and stuff. I was like,

I'm never going to be into this stuff. I'm never going to want to have to work and do shit every day. But he'd just find stuff for you to do. So you'd like buy a bus, brand new, and then you'd take a crowbar to it and be like, fix it.

Yeah, he'd fucking bash out the windows. He'd be like. And then he'd put a bomb to your neck and be like, you got an hour to fix days, go. Niall, talk about shit already got. Fine! Well, I was working in a supermarket, and I was like literally about to get fired.

It was the same supermarket that I was talking about earlier. You shit yourself to just spite them. No, but literally like on the way in. I quit. Literally on the way in, I was like, all right. Sorry. Okay, okay, sorry. I didn't mean to cut you all.

I didn't mean to cut you. I'm sorry, that just... Literally on the way in, I was like, uh, yeah, I'm not going to last the day here. and I was on the verge of being fired anyway so I got on my cat I got on my register and then the fucking the hottest girl in the whole

shop like does, do you want me to bag for you? She said, do you want me to bag for you? I was like for fuck sake and I was like yeah yeah go go for it and then I was like I feel sick and she was like, you should tell somebody and I was like, I'm telling you bitch I feel really sick and then I told

I told like the Indian manager when he walked by and I was like I need to go to the bathroom I feel really sick and then the hottest girl was like yeah And then I was like, rat to the bathroom, and I can't shit in public toilet. I've heard this. Yeah. No, that you can't shoot in public toilets. Dude, before you go into the story, I'm the same way.

When I go into a public bathroom, and I know it's like you go into a guy's bathroom, it's just like you try to restain your, you're like, you don't want to fart too loud, and you feel self-conscious. I find it helps, though, when you hear other guys coming. Oh, absolutely. As soon as they break the seal, it's like, hey, guys, let's do it. It's like, you sit down. Okay, this is what always happens, right?

You walk in this guy piss and you're like, I can't do it. I can't do it. Then another big fat idiot walks, he's like, oh, p, oh. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, and then... I really do, I really do feel it. I need a guy to break the wind before I can break the win at the public bathroom. Then he masks the sound of yours.

Exactly. The trick, though, is just to flush. Flush and go with the flush. Actually, the best thing to do is really do it... Scream. No, no, yeah. I've never done it, so I'm actually... No, no, the best thing to do, this is a...

This is a, uh, what do you call it? A life hack. When you go to a public bathroom and you really need to shit, restrain yourself. until the person goes up to wash his hands and turns on the water and then fucking blast your ass all over the toilet

because the fucking you go but sometimes they don't wipe and you just wait for that door to go you just shit I have a terrible habit of when people make loud noises like if they have like really painful

sounding farts like really like you know sharp needles are shooting out of their butt I always I always make a sound no it's not wet. It's like, I mean, it sounds like they're shooting, like, granite out of their, yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like sandpaper or a glass or some shit. I never understood that. So when it sits down and goes,

yeah. And anytime that happens, I always just out of a reaction will make a reactionary sound. Always be like, ooh. And they must be like so, like, self-content. I'm like, ow. There's something. I always do make a sound. So anyways, Nile, you've got a shit. You've told the girl, hey, I got to go.

My stomach's grumbling. Yeah. Indian dudes like, go take the shoot. You're walking up to the... Wandling up. Right, to the public toilet and... Okay, and I ran onto the thing and went, but I still actually...

Like a roller coaster. That's the first thing I thought. Wee! Yeah, but the thing is, I still had anxiety. I still couldn't do it. I was like, no! So your hands are up in the air, your legs are spread. Your ass is cold.

I was ready. Your ass is convoyed. The shit's around the front lines, ready to be fucking, just to be... But your butt hole was clenched. And it just wouldn't come out. It was confused. It was like doing... However, if somebody punched you in the stomach.

But the weirdest thing is, I would have easily been able to shit my pants when I was standing there. But I wasn't able to shit in the toilet. And then the girl walks in and you fucking let it go because that's what you needed. That's probably what happened. So I just, so I was like, I need to go. I don't care. And I like just left, vacated the premises. And I called, I called my friend to pick me up.

I was like, please pick me up. And then like, and then waiting for, like, her to pick me up was the, like, longest 15 minutes of my entire life. Because I was like, like, standing around. And I was trying to walk, so I was trying to walk just to, like, not, like, if I stood still, I know, like, something in my body would be like, want to move. I was trying to take my body into thinking it's moving. So I was like, all right, here we go. And then when I was waiting, and then, like, I walked into her house and I was like, I'm having a shower because I didn't want to tell her I was, like, shit. I turn on the shower and was like, oh.

Wait, you can shit in somebody else's shower. I lived, I lived in that house. But you, wait. You can shit in the shower, but you can't shit. No, it wasn't in the shower. I turned on the shower to mess. I do the same thing. I do the same thing.

It's now a habit of mine. Anytime they go into a bathroom, yes, I turn on the water. Yeah, I would know it. Chris, when you lock the door upstairs and the tap is running for like 20 minutes, I'm like, yeah. I don't know, the only time I ever turn, and I'll turn on a shower, the only time I do that is if I'm going to puke. because I don't want, especially at a party, I have

in people's homes, turned on their showers, locked the door so I can puke in their toilet, and I will actually clean the bathroom. Like, it'll be cleaner when I leave, you know what I mean, than what it was when I went in. And that's how you know I puked, because, you know, I've, like, sprayed all the, the... Can you please puke in our bathroom? What's that? You please pick up?

I, um, I told Lexi that trick, like, to mask yourself if you're going at it, it's like, just turn the water on. And if it's not loud enough, just fucking blast it and turn on the other faucet to me. Oh, just turn it all the water's, just blast it. Like, it's the weirdest part. It's like weird psychology thing for

nervous poohers like myself. Nervous poohers. Are you joining that? What, like, the day I moved into, like, it's NPS, it's NPRU syndrome. Just say I went over to visit Nervous Pookeme syndrome. Not ninja party sex, but, yeah. It's like, I, like, in April, I came over to America with Chris to visit, like, Zach and Stamper

and all those guys. Like, I wasn't able to shit that whole thing, and I was here for 10 days, and I was like, oh my God, I was like really sick. And then I moved back and I lived with Samper, but the second that was like my house, I was like, I was able to do it. It's weird. It's like a GTA save file. It's like the second it's your house. I am so much more comfortable

in my own home because most of the time, I have a setup. Like, in order for me to have a comfortable shit, I need to take my, I need a cold floor. I need to take my socks off. I often will take off my shirt as well. Sometimes I blow on my belly to just to get a cold breeze on it. I've actually started taking my shirt off too

when I go to the bathroom. It really helps. It does. I hate a warm bathroom and I, when I have to shit. I love it. I can't stand a warm toilet seat either. What? I hate warm.

That's the nice to shit. You know what you're doing. I do. I have a lot of experience. You're a veteran of kidding. Because, especially when I lived in countries like Malaysia or Taiwan during the summers, it's so hot. It's like 100 degrees and I'm profusely sweating and I'm trying to poo.

That's not nice. And the toilet seats all slippery with my ass sweat. And I'm like blowing on my sweaty belly just to get like, Is that like a rich world? I'm talking about like lukewarm. That's nice. When you sit on a toilet and it's like someone already just sat on it, but it's not warm. You like it when it's pre-worned by somebody else's ass?

I enjoy my shits. I will bring in a Game Boy. I'll bring in a comic or a novel. I love taking the shit too. I just don't want to imagine that I'm like I've got the same, you know, ass imprint as somebody else. Like, I can't do it. He walks into a bathroom and he sits down. He sits down.

He goes, he's done. What? Yeah. Zach goes on your shit. He's just fast around. He's right back. It's weird. He's right back downstairs.

But fucking. too. I don't take that long to shit. I like sitting down and I like fucking just letting my sphincter go loose and then you just wait for all the fall out over 20 minutes and then take your time. There is nothing left in there. You guys ever been halfway true of shit and then you sneeze and it cuts your

turd and half? Yes. Absolutely. It's just like some... That's the worst though. That's a good time. Worst. No, then you got two turds for the price of one. Yeah, well sometimes if I know I'm going to have like if I feel like oh my god this turd is going to rip my ass. You can tell sometimes if it's going to happen, I will purposefully be like, okay,

No, this is not happening tonight. My ass is staying whole. What I'll do is I'll pinch it off because it actually helps. Because once, if a really huge turd, I'm talking like, you know, those salami turns come out and it's halfway out, there's, you know, you're done. You know what happened to me once? No, but you're going to tell me. It only happened to me once. What happened?

I got constipated for like a week and a half. For the week and a half, you're like... And then you coughed up a turd? No, no, you're like, do you know how I eventually got it out? How? I like I got in the shower and I like I pretty much put shampoo up my ass to Louvre Oh my god I like washed it up into my ass right, right? That's a good idea

And I got back out instantly went over to like sat in the toilet really fast. I was like It's like I pushed for like 30 minutes and then eventually it was like It was just like a little Malteseer and I was like are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me right? And I was like bullshit, but then later on I went into the kitchen and I was like Oh god Oh god I ran into the bathroom It was like, bhm, it was just like... A week and a half word.

Literally, it was like a fucking cow turn. It was like... It was like... It was like an iceberg. It was a fucking, like... It was huge... It was one of those... It was...

It was... It was... Chris, I know exactly what you're talking about. It was... You put a little flag in the top of it, like... Cicda! No! It was like pure slurry. It was like a fucking tank of it.

What? I know exactly what you're talking about, where you have like that shit that's stuck and you're like... You're like... I gotta dilate my asshole or something so you fucking go and finger yourself to... What? That's what you do? What?

You have to open your ass. What? Dude, I don't feel like I'm the only one to do that. I really want to know. I want to poll. By the way. Anyone who comments, whatever your comment is... Listen.

Hold on. Whatever your comment is in this podcast, at the very end, just say yes or no. That's it. Just like, write your comment, write yes or no. And if you're saying yes, that means you finger your assholes. So shit's come out. Yes! Yes! No, that's bullshit. That is a civilized normal human being. Fucking bullshit.

By the way, can I just let you know? You have an animal. You're a fucking liar. I went to the doctor. I bought that fucking shit your pants liquid. Nothing more. I am telling you right now, if you don't have any fucking pepto and you have indigestion, the best thing to do, ladies and gentlemen, is to finger your fucking ass until it's loose enough.

Oh my God. And then you can shoot it out. You're dead serious. Yes. Cory, you're dead serious. I've done it. Corey, have you ever... I have...

I have... I have nothing wrong. I'm gonna beat you up. I have nothing wrong. Okay, I wasn't... I wasn't finger myself in coming. Like, it wasn't a fucking... I wasn't prostate massages.

No, you're figuring yourself in shitting. I was staring it so I could shit. Yeah, man. It's you have to break the fucking wall barrier to let this shit out. Oh my God. It's an old Chinese remedy. I thought you fucking knew.

All Chinese technique. Computer. That's all. Pug. Fing. Have you ever been constipated to that degree? I've been constipated, I've been constipated, but I got to admit,

I've never, ever felt the impulse to shove an object up my an atus. Well, listen, there's another thing you can do. There's another thing you can do is when you're shitting, you fucking, like, jiggle your ass and spank your butt a little bit. I'm not joking. I learned a lot that way. You ovulate your ass. I want a poster of Corey's shit techniques.

No, me. Uh, finger is a ass, uh, ass cheek jiggle. is true. Shampoo, reach your hand in, grab the turd and pull it out. If you're constipated like that, what you're supposed to do is you're supposed to rock back and forward really, really hard. Yes, you ovulate your cheeks, you shake them.

You get your loose butt grove in. Before the post-traumatic stress syndrome, rocking back and forth shit technique. Before that fucking constipation in epidemic, I used to like, I used to go like three days when I was shitting, I'd be like, whatever. But now I shit like once or twice a day. And now I haven't been constipated since.

That's good. You should be shitting fairly regularly. Have you guys ever, like, shit in a shower? No, Corey. I have, uh, it's, I thought Nile did, but I already did not. I did not. Please, please, please don't. Please don't, Corey.

No, no, no, no, don't say it. Have you ever, like, uh... Have you? No, no. I mean, like, have you? Listen, have you ever had a situation where your ass was, like, it was really sweaty that day, so you got a lot of little, like fibers from your... Yeah, yeah, and you have, your ass has, like, all these, like, weird...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like belly button link, but... Yeah, yeah, exactly. Ascent. So you have to clean your asses. Yeah, yeah, I don't. Just like, like, that's what I was gonna say. I'm not saying shit. I'm like, have you ever, like, clean your ass and then, like, you have all these, like, weird fibers?

I thought you were gonna say, have you... Literally, spread eagle in a shower and just blasted a turd against the shower wall. Spread eagle? Like, I got, like, fucking too nasty. And just like, like, bullets, like throwing fucking meatballs at the wall. That's never happened to me, but when I was a kid, you know the way when you're kid, you can have that... bullshit, Nile. You've totally spread eagle and shell over your shower. You're bad with your like sisters and your cousins and your brother.

You have bad with you're like little family. Yeah, I was in there with my cousin once and like I was just like playing with my rubber. For some reason, I'm picturing like these kids playing in a bath and someone comes in fucking spread eagle's shit. I was, I was imagine the other way around. I was imagine they were in the shower and they were like on their back with their legs up in the air. And there's fucking like sitting up in the air. It's worth like I was playing with my like little toy boat and I was like, Yeah and like all of a sudden right where like the boat was right parallel to the boat like a just big turd just like

It just floats up to the top And it was like and like half of it was over the water and half it was under the water so there was that like a little rain tape I was like a fucking cousin I was like to say Corey like unearthed a memory in my head there a minute ago What I do you were talking about that and I was just like wait a second when I was younger I took a shit in the bathtub when you were younger though Yeah when I was like four

Yeah, that's, I feel like kids have done that. Yeah. I'm just saying like a Corey thing like, oh, I guess shoving my fucking thumb and my fist up my ass isn't working. No, you just use a finger. Rocking back and forth. You dilate your ass. Like I'm a fucking crazy person.

No, what you were saying there. Jiggling my butt cheeks isn't working. What you do is you pull out that big old horse stick and you fucking. That's how you loose your ass. Wait. Hey, Chris was saying something. Wait, I'm just trying to remember. You know what you were just talking about having bats with your cousins and shit?

Yeah. Did I ever tell the story about me and my sister in the bath? No. Do you guys remember that? I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this last time you were in Ireland. Yeah, that was it.

Over Christmas. Me and my 26-year-old sister. We're shitting in the bath. Yeah, we were shaking in the bathtub. No, wait. I didn't tell the story where when I was like four, my sister was, wait, I must have been three, actually. My sister was four.

In the bathtub, we're both taking bats because that's what like brothers and sisters do. And your parents are like, ha, ha, ha. But I was just like... Just wait to me, you're older. I just remember sitting there, and I just started pissing. And all I remember is my sister looking down and seeing the yellow coming at her. And she was just like, ah! And she was like, just grabbed her right on time before the pissed like gone through.

I thought she used to be so scared. She was like, ah! It was like splashing here. It was like spring everywhere back at you. No, I swear it was like Indiana Jones. It's like right before the thing. It's like you took her out right before the pee hit her. we sure do you talk about turns and piss and stuff

it's just an easy good like it's a relatable conversation everybody poops everybody pees like that book yeah that just like that book everybody comes everybody comes everybody comes here's a horse

here's a cow everybody when you were learning about anatomy anatomy growing up and you were like typing in like you were typing in vagina and penis like yeah you get these images of like

like dicks being cut apart and just like you have like boils on their penis actually the worst thing to do is to Google something like vagina or penis because oftentimes you'll get a whole bunch of things like burn victim penises or like dissected penises yeah then you'll see like a porn shot too then you'll see

like you know Lex Steele or Peter North and then you get all confused you'll see like someone who cut open a dick so it's like still bleeding and shit so you're getting a mix of like you know porn sexy images clinical diagrams and like horrific dissected, tragic

accidents. I was doing a project on cows. And I needed to know the anatomy of a cow. So I was looking up cow anatomy, and I was looking at, like, I was learning certain words, like, there's certain parts because they're not the same as this. Right. I mean, they are, but they're not.

And I was getting these just, like, horrific fucking images of cows, like, fucking, like, you know, like horse flies and shit eating apart their, like, yeah, yeah. Pussies and stuff. You know what? Even if you Google image something like, like smiles. You'll get like these people who had like car accidents and their faces

spin open and shit. Yeah it's like Glasgow smiles. Yeah. Yeah or yeah you'll get some weird creepy like yeah somebody got cut along the size of their mouth. If you look up like if you look up like burn victim you'll get like happy families like eating fucking like turkey sandwiches just like nice images but if you actually look up like happy family you get like fucking unrelated families. Yeah that's right. Like all and like it's like they were like happy family I never understood that. It's like, I thought Google was supposed to be like family oriented.

How can you were giving me all these like clinically things? That's because you turned off, you turned off, you turned on the show me disgusting shit button. This is the safe filter. Do you honest, Google got rid of porn now. Yeah. Yeah. But they never said it.

They just did. You just noticed. No, no, no. They didn't. No, they did. They did. Like, it must have happened last night because I, the addresses.

Addresses are still up, but you can still go to, like, websites, but the images, Google images you can't see porn anymore. Even if you turn off safe search, it's just like, if you look up, like you might get like a boob shot or something. Yeah, if you look up like sexy tits or something, you'll just get like girls in bikinis. What?

Very G-style. I'm pretty sure. You have to go to think. What you'll get is what you were talking about. You'll just get girls with like, fucking like their tities are getting cut open to be filled with like, like, what do you call that stuff? Milk. No, girls don't get their tities cut open to be filled with milk.

Wait, how else is it? What do they get filled? What do you mean? Silicon? Yes. Oh, okay. It's bored inside them. Take this milk.

You gotta get a curly straw. You know, drink some milk and blow it into the curly straw while it's eating up. Wait, is it true? Is it really true that guys can lactate? Yeah. So milk is coming out of the guy's titty. Yeah. I like titty.

No, you don't. I do. Do you want me to show you? No. Have you ever tasted it? Yeah. Wait a minute. You're going to drink your own titty juice, but you're not going to eat your own cum?

Ah! Yeah. I'd see. See, this is where I think, and listen, we're not going back to that, but I do think that bodily fluids are bodily fluids, and there's nothing. That's exactly what I think. Or you're a body of food. Your bodily fluid.

No, but it doesn't matter. That was my initial thing. It was like if you eat your own snot or if you swallow your own snot or if you eat and crud out of your, whatever, your fingernails or your... If you eat your snot, you're gay. Yeah. Anyways, yeah, we don't need to go there, but yeah. That happened to, oh, can I tell a story? Yeah.

You reminded me. I used to sit, okay, in school, in Mac class, I used to sit. to sit next to this gross freak. Oh no, I can't say that. Okay, okay. Why can't you say that? Fowl, gross, smelling, fucking... It was a mirror.

Just in case he listens to it, I need to be nicer, okay? Okay. Okay, so I used to sit in a math class next to this tall, lanky, weird fellow. With that's so much nicer. And one day, one day he just fucking sneezes and he just turns to me and he holds his hand up to me

and it's like a spider web of snot. Oh. He was just showing me. Oh. Like, why would, why? Like, look what I did. Yeah, like, if I did that, I wouldn't just show it to it. I'd be, I'd be fucking embarrassed.

Like, fucking wipe it under the desk or something. Dude, that happened to me not too long ago. I was like, and I sneed, I thought it was a normal sneeze. And then I had this, like, huge gunky spider wet thing in my hand. I'm like, ugh. I didn't know what to do with it. There was an alien baby in your hand. It was gross. It's like my whole fucking hand, like, I said.

Like, I stuck it in Kid Gack. And I was like, kid gack. What is it about? What is it about when we were kids? I remember when I would have these like stuffy noses where like I was blowing bubbles with snot and it was like crust like all on my upper lip and when you got scabs

they were like little mountains like they were like these big huge chunky chocolate chip cookies on your knees of shit like we would have like I don't know I just felt like everything was crustier and bigger and goopier and grosser it's because when you're small the scabs like the densely

always stays the same size so when you grow up it just seems smaller oh that makes sense Yeah, yeah girl. Thanks, Dr. Science. When I was sitting in school, I sat beside this girl, and she was, she'd always, she was really annoying. I think she had a crush of me, and she kept going,

Naya L'u! After everything I'd say, and it was really weird. You were making fun of somebody. And she always... Oh, I get it. You were in special ed, yeah? No. I'm just kidding, sorry.

And she always, like, farted. It was like... Nailuola. Exactly. I had to deal with that for like a fun. I like you. I like you. No, but then she hated me because one day she was sitting ahead of me because I didn't, I just didn't want to sit there anymore.

Was she hot? No, she was nasty. No! I wish she was the hottest girl in school. No, she was farting and talking. If you had this girl who spoke broken pig latin wherever the fuck you speak and she also had like a farty butt syndrome, would you hit or quit it? That's what happened and I quit it. She speaks pig Latin.

You hit it? But she said, no, I spit it. But she sat right. I said, So what the thing is, what happened was, I didn't want to sit there anymore, so I sat behind her. And, uh,

you know those, why do you sit behind her if she's farting? It was the only scene available. I was better than sitting to sit on. Oh, I was going to, that's what I was about to say. Um,

you know, those chairs were like, there's like squares or the bottom that were there's like at the end, like for some reason there's like a hole in the bottom. Maybe that's just in Ireland. There's chairs where,

the bottom of your chair? There's like plastic chairs. Oh yeah, yeah, okay. And there's like a hole like an, uh, like a letterbox or something at the bottom. Okay, yeah. And her ass crack, she was kind of heavy, so, like, her ass crack was, like,

seeping through, like, the Play-Doh machines. And I could not stop laughing. And every time she farted, because you see it kind of a ripple a little bit. Yeah, that's the thing. I was like, and that made me laugh even more. Did you try to throw stuff inside of it? No, but, oh, God.

Like your dick? Whoa! No, but then... Now I was just sitting behind her and his little kid in the sand trying to throw it in. And he just could not stop laughing. Like a penny and a bucking. Fuck it.

Sorry. Sorry. Go on. And then someone, I think someone told her I was laughing at her for the, or she heard me laughing at her and she hated me. And I think she just thought I was laughing at hers, but she didn't know I was just laughing at her, like, book crack hanging out. Yeah, let's get into the real meeting what I was thinking of us. Whoa, what the fuck? Is that Zach?

Hey, Zach. Holy shit. Where the fuck did you come from? Oh my God. That's not Zach. That's not, no. Oh. Dude, that is the best impression of Zach I've ever fucking heard.

No, no. Say, my name's Zach, my wiener looks like a dead fetus. Hey guys, this is me, Zach, my wiener looks like a dead fetus. Holy shit, dude, that is the best impression I've ever heard. Yeah, thanks. Wait, wait, check this one out. So, guys,

Me, Nile, that's my name, by the way. Oh, my God. Whenever I see a baby, I get so worked up. He would say that, too. I have to hold the feelings back. Hold on, make, watch, watch. Watch how fast I can switch back.

Okay. It takes a bit of training to get used to, but once you get into the character, You can do it. Like, check this one out. Sorry, I couldn't do it that time. I thought you were going to fart. I wasn't in the moment. Here's my Zach impression.

What I was going to say, let's get into the real discussion. You see this nice old lady. She's doing good deeds, and it just gets you rowdy. You're waiting for her to fuck up. Did you ever see that video of that... Then what? Do you ever see that video of that guy who fucks granny? That fuck her.

Is that what you wanted? Is that you happy? Are you entertained? You fucking You knock her over her Ford Sedan And you take that bitch That's right She's fucking carrying somebody's groceries She was helping chicken boy across the street

And I was like Oh my God Knock her over That's right I'm so glad you were wearing that Sunday dress I there's some pretty hot mature women I do agree yeah Yeah so I would consider

Like you know when people are like milfs But is it your preference I really not Really. It's just kind of one of those sides things. Is it the first tab you go to under categories when you go to... No, absolutely not. No, but it might be set memes. It might be my second or third, though.

My first tab is either ass licking or... Is that a tab? Yeah, it's a drop-down menu. It's part of your bookmarks? It's a fart-down menu? No, it's a drop-down menu. It's either like ass-licking or something kinky. I have no idea why most websites don't have gang-bang as one of the tabs.

You do? I'm not a... No, a lot of them don't. They all have group, but they don't have gangb. You don't go to wank db, my friend. I went to wank db. It doesn't exist. It does so exist.

I went there, didn't exist. I go to every day. Dude, I go to porn. I run it. Port MDB. MD. MD. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wank DB. I've been going to XNXXX ever since I was 15. Oh, yeah, that's what's... There's also, there's also tube galore. Tube galore is really good. Used to go to a fucking porn hub, but it seems too typical for my taste. Yeah, me too. Everyone's like, I'm always on Red Tube.

It's like, man. Yeah, you're a fucking vanilla, bitch. You gotta get to them tubes. Yeah, get to them tubes. One of my favorite is, um, uh, Toys R Us.com, uh, or Babiesar Us. Because they've got all... Yeah, you can... I can...

I love that onezies. I wish they had gang bang in the categories there, too. You see, like, babyware and shit. Little kids pushing the stroll of smiling. That'd be good if, like, on a website like that, it's like, it's like electronics, you know, furniture, gangbanks. Like, what? So, Chris, I'm on Whankdiv.

com right now. And it starts off with a lot of categories. What's your go to category? I go to short hair. Chris. What? Short hair. Really?

Yeah. That's such an interesting category. Niall. Look for ass-licking. Have you ever dated a girl with short hair? Told you. Ass-licking is right there. Right there.

Has-licking is always more. Have you ever gone out with a girl? And she was like, hey, what could I do to spice things up? What do you like that I can do? That I can do. Besides being like, so my dick. But you'd be like, I want you to cut your hair. Would you ever do that?

Probably. Really? If they offered. Wow. I'm actually... I don't know. Like... That's something that's never bothered me.

Would a girl be hotter? Let's say you were going out with the girl. She had long hair. You thought she was hot? If she had automatically become hotter to you? There's just something about it. I don't know, yeah. Hair doesn't bother me. What if she had a shaved head? It's close. It's close it to a boy.

Like I prefer the pixie cut. It's like Captain Picard. I like... Like, uh... Like, I like those... Patrick Stewart. I like those punky shaving cuts. shaving cuts but

I don't know yeah pixie cuts I saw something Ollie showed me like there was like a thing that they did a vote thing and it said that more girls were into being being like strangled

and hit they're into being like feeling like the victim you have no idea how many there are like that yeah yeah I know I started to notice that yeah I started to notice that these these girls like and it's funny too because like these people are like they're get about rape, but a lot of girls have huge fantasies about me. I would actually say

almost all of them. And I'm not saying they all have rape fantasies, but they all have like, they all want to be rough. I think it's the danger, it's like the danger, but like, it's still safe. Like they know that you're not going to like, you know, kill them. Like me, I would love to be restrained, but I would be terrified at the same time.

Even if, but, I mean, that's what, like, I know I could do it with Lexi. Because she could just like bite your dick off and then run. Yeah, exactly. Just right out of the street. You have to have a trust thing and you have to be able to experience that. And I would like to think if Lexia had something, if she really wanted me to do something to her, that I would do it. I wouldn't have it off doing it. I actually think that's one of the prime, one of the prime, one of the bullet points that a lot of people who are into bondage when they talk about how it strengthens relationships, like a lot of people think it's weird that, you know, you'd choke people or tie people up or that or whip them or whatever. And then, you know, one of the arguments is, well, you know, it actually takes a lot of trust to be able to do something like that. And if you're ever willing to go there, if you're willing to give in to that,

that you really trust that person, I can see where that comes from. When they want to be strangled, they don't actually want to be, like, fucking, like, strangling. You just, you can't really, like, do that. And same with pulling the hair. You, like, get a clump of it, and you kind of pull, you don't pull it, like, at the roots.

You don't make it like that. You just kind of, like, wrap it up and you go. Yeah, they're, like, the whole restraint being held down while you do stuff. I'm learning so much from all you guys. Listen, the next time you get a girl, but the next time you get a girl, Chris, It gets weird sometimes.

It gets shipper in the face. It gets the side of the bed. Yeah. It's like some guy, like, you know, sucker punching the girl, like, square in the nose. I just feel like that's so long. She'd be like, oh, yeah, and just fucking break her nose. Yeah, that would be not good. You know what a lot of girls are actually into. If you get, like, pliers and put it in fire for, like, 10 minutes.

Shut up! No, no. They are. They are. They're into being branded, too. No. No. Mick, I'm telling you, you put pliers in fire for, like, 10 minutes, right? Mick. Oh, God.

You get both fists. You jump one up or push. No, it's serious. Get them nice and wide and then you You shove the pliers and rip out the goose Oh my god Chris Chris Chris

You get one of those fucking like hot irons that you press it on inside of her cheek They fucking come they love that shit They do Especially if you brand them what you name or something Yeah you brand them I take back to the fact that I thought you guys were ladies men You guys are savages You guys should be

You guys should be chained up in a basement We are not ladies men. And with pliers up your ass. Can you recall that? No, what I did when I was younger. Okay, so I was in elementary school. I was 11 at the time. There was a girl in my class called Carolyn, right?

I had a big crush on her. And I remember one time I sent her a note in class, you'd be like pass that on. And it was like, when you go out with me, and she sent one back was like, yes. And I was like, here. No, no, no, no, no, right? Anyways, I was like, yes.

And then I did never talk to her, right? Like, ever. Like, I never said a fucking war to. which never support me, right? Yeah. And then, like, a few months later, I got a note in class that was like, I'm sorry, there's someone else.

And I sent back a note. It was like the most gory stick men, right? It was like the words, I hate you. With the Y, like, piercing through her head. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Who's 11?

And she was just like, look back, like, you do know that when you become a mass murderer, they're going to go all the way back. She's going to recount that story. Her face is going to be in the, shadows they're gonna have her like behind a glass wall or whatever and she's gonna be recounting that I don't know why I got so mad I never even talked to it god when you're a kid everything fucking it's always the end of the world yeah

always weird that your pants is fucking dirty and you wanted to wear your favorite pants and they forgot to wash them you're not going to school and you hate your parents you know what every time I see her oh like whenever I go home for Christmas I like I see her around town or whatever I always be like hey Carolyn she just like always look us away it's like oh you probably still remember that I hate you she's got it home over her bed. Next to pictures of your face with like daggers in it.

She goes to her psychiatrist now. I think I used to be mean to girls and I would go up to this chick's name who was Devin K. I'll just say that. I used to call her Donkey Kong and make like monkey noises. When I was in elementary school there were these two

girls, Elisa and Nell and I had a crush on both of them actually. And at one point I remember, I don't know why I thought it would be good, but I walked up behind them while they were talking and I slammed their heads together. Oh my God! I don't know why. I thought it was... I think it was just like, you know, like, give me attention or something.

Oh, man, I forgot. When I was 11, I was in school, and this girl who was heavy was in my class, and she was out sick or something, and the teacher was like, oh, where is Nicole? We'll just say Nicole. I was like, she's out couch shopping because she can't fit in her seat, and no one laughed. No. The teacher looked at me and he was like, get the fuck out. No, we, I remember, like, and I still have this problem now,

but there are times when I want to blurt out the worst fucking thing. That was one of the things where I wasn't thinking. It just came out of my brain. Exactly. I've had to learn to, you know, to censor myself. Yeah. But I don't, even today, I mean, not today, but even like now at this age and this time, I'll be standing in line and I'll see an old lady.

And just a part of me wants to just push her as hard as I can while she's got her groceries. I don't know why. Dude, I get the same impulse. Am I crazy? Are psychos! No, I get the same impulse. I see... I would never do it.

No, no, yeah. I see this, like, person... Yeah, like, a really feeble person. I'm just like, what we're having? I fucking just, like, pushed him off, like, the side. Or you go into, like, a really expensive place where stuff costs, like, three... Oh, and you just want to bring everything.

They just want to fucking show... Yeah, absolutely. That's like that thing where you're, like, flying an airplane, you're like, I'm going to fly this into Twin Towers. Yeah. You know, when you go to a mall and you're on, like, the third floor, and you can always see down, like,

the balcony onto the marble floor. you always think like you can just easily just jump off. I have. I have been like if I jumped off I could probably live but then just not function again. I was like I could be dead in five seconds if I want to. I don't want to but I'm just like if I want to like you think that if you jump

off you think how many people would crowd around to like see. That's what I was saying because as I was thinking of it like two kids like two like five year olds and their parents were just walking right towards I'd like I could just I could make that kid flat next to them and fucking give them like post-chromatic system. At the same time if I saw you shovel ladies

as hard as you could. Like an old lady. You would fucking laugh. I would... No, I wouldn't. I might laugh. But then I would... Then I would beat the shit out of you.

Yeah. Absolutely. I would never... I would never go up to like an old person doing something and just fucking like tackle them while they're like trying to pay for something. Are you sure? Absolutely. I mean, I have weird impulses to do stuff like that. Just like sometimes like I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's like I'm slightly crazy. What if an old lady came at you or you're at the Newground's office, right? And you just finished jacking off in the bathroom. You totally like you're in this nice. state and it's quiet and it's dark and then all of a sudden out of the shadow is this crazy old lady comes after you with a knife She's running at you full speech like ha Here she has no teeth and her tongue sticking out. What do you do? What do you do you fucking fuck her Would you would you punch your square in the face? Yeah

You'd come on her you drop kick her? You'd drop kick her? Yes You wouldn't feel bad you wouldn't be hesitant Absolutely this crazy bitch is coming at me with a knife all right? She hits the ground the knife slides across the floor She crawls at it, like, fast forward speed. Oh, my God. Like, in that case, it's not a real old lady. She is, no, she is, but she's, like, absolutely, like, jacked up. She crawls at it like a fucking crazy spider, grabs it, comes right back at you.

What do you do now? Jackie Chan hit the... Firm real artery. No, no. I Jackie Chan hit the fucking pool table, so it slides in and crushes her. All right, crushes her. It crushes her. Half of her body's crushed.

She pushes her other half with her arms, and her... Her legs are still under there, she literally ripped herself in half. Grab, the knife is by you now, though. What are you gonna do? She's crawling at you with her hands. She's like, ha, her, ha, her. She's like, army crawling at you, she gave you the knife. I go back to the bathroom and lock the door.

Corey. You what? She kisses both of her hands. She's like, they're like, they're crawl over the door. You crawl over you. She reaches in a purse and brings out little chocolates and she goes, Steve's off right.

You know what? You are a gentleman. You are a true gentleman. I thought you were gonna like stop out of her head or something. What would you do if you would do if you were being chased by a horde of grandmas wanting to give you a kiss on the cheek. That's all they're trying to do. They just want to go to there. Come here, come here. You're so cute.

I'd stop and stick my tongue out. We all know what you do. You run to a telephone booth and actually like you're making a phone call while they all run by. A mob of old ladies come to kiss me? All they want to do is kiss you on the cheek because they take your little. Really? Yeah. But there's loads of them. They're going to crowd you.

They're going to crowd you. I'm just getting some old lady kisses. Yeah, I might smell like cats and like moth balls, but that's a small price to pay. Pots balls? Yeah, they do. I genuinely had an auntie who had like a beard, and she still would be like... She's always like... Oh, everyone had a bearded auntie. No, I know. It's such a cliche.

I don't know why, but it's like, oh, come get me a kiss. You're like, oh, fuck on. I was... I was browsing, like, through porn, because I was, like, really horny one day. Is there a beard born? No, I was... Oh. It's like, you get these, like, weird, obscure, like, things.

Like, when you go to tubes, you have, like, these, like, choices, like, you scroll through... Yeah, like, sub genres. Yeah, sub-genres. So you don't click and stuff? Yeah. And then there's this one genre, which was, it was like, um, cum facials and stuff. Yeah. And it was this like old lady with a black, like, mustache.

Oh, no. I thought it was like the lighting on it. So I got really curious. Oh, no. And I clicked it. And this black dude was jerked out. And she had a, like, she had a milk mustache. No.

No. That's what my auntie was like. She had white hair. She was like fucking a million years old. But she had a black mustache. No. Guys, that imagery. I'll never.

mustache come facial. No. She was a great aunt, by the way. Is she still alive? No, she's fucking dark. Why, do you say she's a great aunt or a great... She was a great aunt? Like, she was my granddad. You know, I just got this imagery of, like, this really, really

old lady with that black mustache, and there's just this big black dude coming all over face, and then she's, like, licking it with her, like, little tongue, she's like, eh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very visible. I thought it was just a lighting. Like, I thought it was just weird lighting in the porn video. You ruined my life.

I'm going to go home and drink a bottle of bleach now. I jerk off until I die. In my opinion, I understand that sex is like one of those things where people do weird things, but there are just so many, like, puke shit, or... I just cannot, or shit, I don't like vomit. I just can't. Vomit is one of those things where it's like, I see it, and I'm just like... Because I think...

I'm an empathetic vomiter. If I see people vomiting, I want to vomit. Yeah, me too. It's not like I'm going to watch I have... I have no gag reflexes, or I have gag reflexes. Yeah, is what you say. I have gag reflexes. Well, here, open your mouth. We'll find out. If I, if I put my finger in my mouth, I will puke. No matter what. Like, I have low tolerance for that kind of stuff.

And when I see someone puke, it makes me sick. Yeah. Check this up. Oh, shut. Just stop. I can't do it. Oh, I thought you were going to... I don't have a gag reflex. I wasn't doing his pants. I was like almost puke every single... Hey, boys, now it doesn't have a gag reflex.

I don't think he accidentally told the world about that. No, I just see that guys trick it out. Try to stick your whole fist in your mouth. Because I just want to show you that I don't have a gag reflex. Because when I was younger, I felt really sick, but I couldn't... So when I was younger, everyone would fuck my mouth. No! No, it was very innocent than that. I couldn't vomit and I was really sick.

You were a kid. So, fucking... Yeah. So I was trying to do it because I saw on TV that people do that. It just didn't work. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks if you want a pew in a kid. Let's talk about... Sex, baby.

Let's talk about you and me. Yeah, we've been talking about six and poopy bots and torpedoes. People don't tune in to fucking figure out the equation for the nuclear Hey, Dron Collider. They tune in for shit and sex talk. What?

Oh, he's just saying that like, you know, we're a bunch of immature assholes. You sit around talking about poopie farty, sex, we got the farts, we got the poops,

we got the poops and the farts. We got the stories about poopie farts, we got the farty poops. Step right up. Step right up. For some reason,

I kept finding the word B-hole funny. Oh, that's right. You kept saying bee hires. Juicy behole. Juicy behole. Now it's kind of grating, but before it was really funny.

And I was just like, Stamber, a girl with a big juicy behole sticking out. That's right. You would lose the shit. And he wouldn't help the cause because he was also like...

No, we were walking. I remember we were walking. He's like, yo, Corey. You're like, yeah, he's like, Behole. You were like... Yeah, I remember.

So it's like, I don't think I'm ever going to grow up. And it's like, it's... Your Toys R Us kid. Yeah. I'm a... Toys Rist kid, there's a million Behold

fucking toy that I can stick my dick in Like bikes and trains and video games It's the coolest toys Shut up, we all know a song God I don't know it. Wait, you're talking about Toys Rush? Yeah, the theme song. Our one went, Toys R Us, Toys R Us!

Did it? No, it didn't. No, it didn't. It did. That was the song? It was like, Toys R Us, Toys R Us! Yeah. Oh my God, that fucking sucks. I was living in America at the time So I got the good one. Toys R Us. Toys R Us. It was good. That's how it ended. It was like do do do do do do and it goes Toys R Us! Toes Rast!

Why would they change that? They changed everything. I don't want to grow up. That one was iconic. Didn't you say that Frosty Flakes? Well it's like Oscar Myers. Nobody sings the fucking Oscar Myers song anymore. They don't wish I had an

Oscar Maynor. No one says it anymore. When I was a kid, we'd love seeing it because you were saying Weiner. Yeah. But then you were saying you were a weiner, right? It was a fucking toy with. From by the train. Did you.

It's the cool toys for the days Dada Dada Nake God Dajie stick in my butt I want to be a toy Dada rass kid Dats go and go to Dars a Rask kid If I didn't go up and be a piece shit called Kuton

Fuck you!