SleepyCabin - SleepyCast 28 - [Major Malfunctions]

Episode Date: June 15, 2015

Made this one extra-long to make up for the wait. Just another casual night at the cabin - babysitters, tacos, (Eddie Murphy for some reason), and more! This episode starring: Stamper (www.youtube.com/StamperTV) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/Spazkidin3d) Niall (www.youtube.com/Cryburgers) JohnnyUtah (http://johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

Previously on Sleepycast. Jeff, I heard something happened at the office recently. Someone about tacos? Yeah, my fellow Sleepy Cabin members ate my tacos. That doesn't seem like a very respectful thing to do. I drove Spaz Kid and Chadman to lunch. Oh my God, you drove them at this restaurant? Yes.

Tocos. We went to a Mexican restaurant. We got a large portion. I got four tacos. Okay. When you bring food. home from the restaurant in your little take-home box, you know, the assumption is you're going to eat them.

Oh man, they were delicious. Each taco came with its own little lime sliced. I put them in the Newgrounds refrigerator. I'm like, they'll be safe here. I open the refrigerator door and they're not there. They're not there. Oh man, they were delicious. I want answers, Jeff.

We'll eat their tacos. There is a world. as tangible as our own, impossible to see yet unavoidable to sense, a world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away

neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin, and in that cabin, it's a bunch of guys, he's a bunch, bullshitter. Corey, would you like to offer your side of the taco, the taco... Yes, I will put it close to the taco discussion.

Just close this out. Because people want to know the truth. They want to know the truth. They only hear it through Jeff's eyes. And in a real investigation, you don't hear it through the victim's eyes. Oh, wait. Let's go like this. You be Corey's lawyer, and I'll be Jeff's lawyer.

Okay? Okay. I'm the, I'm Corey's lawyer. Ordering the car. Case of the stolen carnious side of tacos. If you want to know what we're talking about, tune in to the last episode, which was Sleepy cast, last episode, what was it called? Senior Archerichery, Agua Edition.

Ah, yeah. At the very end of it. Anyways, or in the court. I haven't heard this. Bang, bang, bang, bang! My client, uh... That's the gavel. He's innocent.

Corey's lawyer doesn't know what the fuck's going on. You're the worst... I hired you. My client is innocent. And all you do is fuck my wife and barely do anything to protect me! Look, I'll give you the best damn case. You can possibly do you're like, oh my defendant is guilty. Look, I don't know what this is about. I'll tell you, here's that.

Hey, my client went to a restaurant with you. True or false, Corey. Oh, that's true. He ordered tacos. True or false, Corey. I ordered tacos also. It doesn't. It's irrelevant.

Your Honor. It's irrelevant. He brought his tacos home in a takeout box, put them in the fridge and you ate them. Ah, but that's not true. Your stomach stole his property. Hold on, I have a recording right here. True or false. I have a recording right here of the perpetrator who started the taco eating

Okay. Like the taco eating shenanigans. Let's play evidence A. Okay, hold on. And I'm gonna hit you with some Goodwill hunting shit after this. What a math problem? Ordering the... Shut up now.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hello, Corey. Do you think Jeff will eat these tacos? I don't know. See? As a friend, you should have been like...

Yes. Ah, but here's the thing, Jeff. Here's the thing, Jeff, there have been times, and I've noticed it might just be a cognitive bias based on where we go, but that you leave Jasmine stuff in the fridge. You know what I leave in the fridge? Order in the court. If Jeff left his wallet on the table, would you take money out because every now and again he leaves money on the table? No, overruled, objection. To be fair.

He doesn't leave money on the table for people to eat. If it's in the fridge, it could be up for grab. Did you have... You can't eat money! Did you have a sticker with your name on? Spend it on food, though. They knew it was mine. Did you have a sticker saying, Jeff's do not eat?

Okay, here's what happened. Do that's a universal sign? Are I working with children? Do I need to do that? Alright, hold on, hold on. Apparently. Before we start pointing fingers, here's what really happened. It's been pointed.

Shad came to me. He came to me with a sad puppy dog eyes. You're all and I'm gonna let him finish his statement if he wants to. I already have my objection in mind. The fact that you might have cars or anything. Hold on. Hold on. Order.

Order! Order the court! Throw him in jail and throw out the key. Okay, sorry, Your Honor. So, anyways. You tell us what happened. Tell the court what happened, Quorum. Shadman came to me with puppy all guys, carrying a bag of tacos, his little bottom lip quivering,

and he's like, very hungry. And I'm like, you know what, it's fine. Jeff doesn't always eat his leftovers. There's a wallow about five minutes up the street walking this. That's cool. Actually, it's over 20 hours. It was closed. It was closed.

Okay. That doesn't make it okay, though. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Anyways, the real victim, The real person, the real perpetrator, the real enemy who started this to begin with, was a little alcoholic beverage, I like to call 99% proof peach alcohol and a little bit of blue moon. Passing the buck to an inanimate object. Hold on, hold on. My alcoholic side, Corey's apaholic side is the fucking...

I can't help you here, dude. This is that you're digging your own grave. Do you accept or deny? I ate one of the tacos. I ate one of the happy tacos, yes. So you're guilty of eating his tacos. Oh, that's right. There were two hands.

In regardless of Chad, you're guilty. I am. Look, if Shad started killing somebody and then you came in to start stabbing him, then you're still guilty of murder because you helped commit the crime. You are guilty and sentenced to death. That is true. You're still being guilty of accessory to taco eating. Whose idea was this devious scheme?

Who said, Shat's puppy dog eyes on my drunk side? May, may I offer, before we close up the case, may I offer one other extenuating piece of evidence? You're a rule. Let the court show Jeff just pulled his wheel out. I'm opening case, you know what what you know Joshua works here had a sandwich in the fridge. What happened to that Corey? All right. Let me explain myself. I gave the two-day rule on the sandwich in the fridge The two-day rule stands if somebody hasn't eaten it after two days I assume fair play because it's been in there for two days and most people

Let's say something like McDonald's or Burger King are not gonna reheat something that's been in there for a few days. You will though We got a day? You take it upon yourself this big garbage disposal to clean out the However, however I also thought it was Tom who left it there for that one time when we went out and Tom said you know I might just go to Burger King or something So you thought it was okay to eat your boss? No hold on hold on I thought he went to Burger King and left food in there there was no way Tom would reheat fucking two day old like Burger King to look you are you are making a lot of assumptions So I assumed yeah no I did I did a lot of leaps of faith lawyers turning on you

Ladies and gentlemen in fair of the jury it looks like we do got a serious serious food thief. This man, Mr. Spaz kid. You don't even know how to be a lawyer. I'm trying to pass... He was like my three hundred dollars. Is it a lawfies? Is it a law? See, the fact you only pay $300 for a lawyer shows you got a shitty lawyer. Actually, $300 is a steal for a lawyer and you're not me. What kind of fucking lawyer whose job is to protect you says, wow, you fucking paid... I'm a worthless lawyer, you're idiot. You waste the $300 dollars. I'm not even a lawyer.

Better car. I think University of Phoenix. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. No. No. No. Hold on. Guilty sentence to death. This is what happened before Shad ate it and then he was like these tacos are awful and I'm like you should probably heat them up But then I went and I got drunk and then I came back and I'm like fucking I'm gonna eat the rest of them You know why they were awful because it was the bitter taste of theft in his mouth fuckers That's true there was anger Y'll eat a sandwich out of the trash can and enjoy it, but there was something wrong about those tacos and he knew it when he ate it

Oh, because you were doing something illegal Yeah, thievering with tacos everything I do I'm holding my heart right now everything that do for you two. Jeff, you got your tacos back. You got your kids. You got your tacos. You're your beautiful wife. What else do you want?

And if I could also say to the jury of sympathetic listeners right now, Jeff has never stolen Corey's food? I rest my case, Your Honor. Wait, Corey, do you have any final words? Corey, Corey, do you have any final words on this topic? Do you want to figure out?

Jeff wouldn't steal my food because he wouldn't want the food I have. Whoa, dude. That was the goodwill hunting. I can have a bowl of your, kid cereal sometime if I want it alright you could have a bowl of kicks with a little bit of 1% milk not too much just enough to kind of make the cereal the side of like random sausages you buy it's like kick cereal and sausage you could yes Jeff you could have what about beef brots

only one and a half of one because it's fair because I get half of your fucking chat eaten tacos Jeff will want your food because he doesn't eat ass my friend new lawyer no I tried fuck off bad lawyer I'm hanging with What's the guy who hits the hammer? To leave someone hanging when they like five. I'm hanging with the judge. One of the neat things you can do. Oh, thanks.

Thanks, never. Um, my client ate your tacos because you were negligent, Jeff. Look, you admit it to guilt. What I said was, I will give you the best case you can possibly get.

You laugh that you're, you're, you're fucking lawyer. I award Corey more tacos and Jeff sentenced to death. This could be a novel. By the guillotine. To kill a Corey Bird or something.

To kill a taco. Also, I heard of George Whispers something racist, so... What? What? I don't know. I was getting there. I better stop. Dude, no. Enough with the taco shit. Move on. Yeah.

It's making hungry. Welcome to Sleepycast episode 20-something. 20-something. 20-X. This is the self-deprecation episode. I'm Stamper TV, and I have the world's smallest penis. No, you don't. You have the world's biggest balls to make up for it, though.

Come on, like, in, longness balls. Oh, I thought you were introducing me. You said I was, like, the world's smallest penis. No, you're the second most smallest penis. You're the second most, you're runner-up. It's still pretty much. It's still good. You get the Guinness Booker Records.

You get on the, you get on the silver medal. You get the silver. Does Guinness have runner-ups or no? They don't have run-or-ups. They don't do. That is, that would be funny. Like, you have, what if you had someone who was doing a record, right? Like, he was going to do, I don't know, like, the most, like,

bananas, like, peeled and eaten? and then like some guy came out and he like Who's what I was thinking? Like somebody eats like 40 hard boiled eggs in a minute It's like sorry some dude just You got like the fattest man The man with the longest ears

The man of the biggest nose And then the man who's bananas peels in either There's no silver medals in Guinness though right No I think I think they have the runners up in the Don't they have like the picture of the main guy Who buys the Guinness World Book of World War? Who buys that book? I used to get it for Christmas around the cow right

Me? And doesn't that day to get outdated within the There's like 18 volumes. They were really entertaining when you're a kid, I thought. I used to get it to. We didn't finish introducing ourselves. Corey, go. This is a way more interesting topic.

I'm Corey. Speskin. I'm Nile. I have bags under my eyes and fat lips. I'm Jeff now because the new point break movie is coming out, so I can't call myself Johnny Utah without looking like a huge ass. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit.

Yeah. And who's playing the Keanu Reeves character? Some of an asshole that's doing a bad piano. Oh, God. You know, Jeff, I always miss. the boat on Johnny Utah. I always felt like Johnny was a more fitting name for you, but I started calling you, Jeff. Was Johnny? And then that was the end of it. I was almost Henry. Sorry, was Johnny played by Keanu Reeves. Wait, who was that? I was almost

Kenneth. I don't know what's going on. Well, you're almost... No, you know, when you talk to your parents, they're like, you know, they almost called you that. Yeah. So they almost named, they almost named me Kenneth. I was almost called Killian. Killian. Killian's a pretty cool name. It's not bad at all. Oh, God. You would have definitely been, Oh, do you know. No, life at crime. Oh, God, did I say this? Have I said this before?

What's your last name? Murray? Murray. Killian Murray. Killian Murphy? Like a famous actor? Yeah. Oh, shit.

That's like Arnold Schwarzenegger's nemesis in some movie from, that was never released from 1990. Have I said this before on a podcast? Like what my name was originally going to be? I don't know if I've said it. No. Chainsaw Dennis? That was my original Newground's name.

Actually, my original name. Yeah. My mom heard chainsaw Dennis and she's like, I don't know if it slips off the tongue so easily. So, she's like, she was like, she was. She was gonna call me my dad no my dad was gonna call me fucking Mario That's not even a joke oh I remember you told me that yeah yeah he was gonna call me Mario truthfully though I actually think Mario would work you got like a Mario I think I think you would be a good Mario You got like a staggy Italian presence yeah

It's the dark facial hair my life would be a living hell if I went to school and my fucking name was Mario No kid every yeah you would it would in life's name was you yeah they'd be like what are you doing are you gonna jump down the toilet every time you try to go to the bathroom I was like, are you gonna go down? You exist in an alternate dimension as Mario. Yeah. I'm sorry. I know. I'm officially.

I'm Henry. Mario Rodriguez. That's my... Your family aren't even, like, Mexican. I'll say that... Why would you be that? I will say that Mario fits more than Corey, truthfully. Yeah.

Corey's like a boy bad name with blonde hair and bangs that go down either side of their hair. He's got, like, beautiful dick-sucking lips. Yeah, yeah. He's probably gay. Well, probably. You know, like, Lance from Instinct. Yeah, exactly. He's gay. Exactly. Can I mention Lance,

doesn't he have crooked eyes? His eyes do? I'm not the only one that noticed. No, you're not. I'm sorry, which one's Lance? Stump, baby. The blonde one looks like his Down syndrome. What? Does he have blonde streaks in his hair?

He has blonde blonde. They all did. They had frosted tips. He was important. He was like the one that was supposed to go into space. I don't know what the fuck is. What? He never blinks. He just walks around with like big gaping eyes.

Like, everything is fascinating. But one eye is like half an inch lower than the What do you mean he did? They called it frosted tit. However, I can't complain because I literally have misaligned nipples. Like one of my nipples are about half an inch higher than their nipples. Why are you standing in the mirror measuring your nipples? No, someone, I never noticed until I was about 17 and I was topless and my friend goes, dude, your nipples are weird.

Well, technically, Nile, a lot of people have, like, like, locksided tities. Like, wait, I just want to show you, I know the podcast. No, it's very common to have lopsided tities. However, but look. They go like. It's common, though, Nile, to have lops. See that? It's common.

Like, I probably have lopsided tities. You're a dude. You know, every female on the face of the planet probably has lopsided tities. Oh, God. And it bothers them every day. It's true. Yeah, I'm glad I'm not a female for that. No human being is completely symmetrical.

As you notice, I have new glasses, and I look like a fucking idiot right now. I like your glasses, though. I like your glasses. And I'm going to go, if you guys want to read some books later. No, you do look like an intellectual. You look like an engineer. Like, that's another example. Or literatureist.

These don't have, like, the rubber pads. They're all, like, one piece. And I got two pairs of the same thing. And they were the exact same glasses, and one was sitting crooked on my face, and the other one wasn't. I didn't understand. And he just had to remind me that everyone is fucking asymmetrical. Like, one ear sits lower than the other ear. One of my eyes sits lower than the other.

How much does it bother you guys to ever see, like, a mirror image of yourself? Yeah, it does. Oh, where you take a photo yourself and you flip it in photo. Yeah, my nose is crooked and shit. I don't like the idea that when I look into the mirror, I see, like, you know, because, you know, This is getting so set dark and sad, No, no, no, just the idea... You see a sad, man.

No, just the idea that when you look into a mirror, everything is expanding. So it's like it makes your face, it makes you look bigger, fat, in your face than you normally do it. It doesn't. It doesn't, Corey. I'm going to bring it to you. There's that other thing, too. A regular mirror doesn't do that.

A perfectly flat mirror would not do that. That would create a perfect opposite image of you, but if you had like, some sort of concave or convex mirror, that would do it. Niall, are you sure about that? I'm 100% sure. I'm sorry to break it to you, but... I thought the whole mirror thing was...

No, a perfectly flat mirror. I guess... No, Corey. That was debunked. Are you saying that if Corey wants to see his ideal selfie... Maybe I don't want to look like... He'd need to use a concave mirror. So he'd be like...

Okay, well then I'm gonna go get a fucking 3D TV. Oh, to lie to himself. Yeah, but then you'd be lying yourself. And then put a mirror inside of it. Can we go back to the World Record? Because that's something I want to do. No, you know what? Back on that thing, though? It works with art, too.

You ever draw a picture and then flip it back? I do that all time. I stream Iron a lot, and they always notice. They always go flip the image Nile. So I flip it. And it's skewed always to the left. It's not even your art, though, but if I took anybody's image and flipped it, it would look strange. See, I thought it was my brain.

You always slipped the image. It happens to me. Anytime I draw someone who's straight up, they're always tilted. Why is that, though? Is it because, like, your right brain is harder than your left brain, so you, like, or works harder? Do you know how whenever you see a picture, and then, like, you look at it, like, some... There's videos of this all the time on YouTube where they have a picture, and then they turn it sideways, and you see it's, like, fucking skewed, like 16 feet. It looks like a fucking Picasso when you, like an image that makes sense to you, and then they flip it back.

I drew some girl today holding a banana Making a sandcastle for some reason And she flipped in, she looked like she looked like she looked like she looked like she looked like she looked like she was like yeah yeah she did She looked like she looked like she was building a banana and holding a sandcastle yeah That was when it was flipped the normal way but then the other way it looked like some sort of fucking weird I had a lot of time now I always always flip canvas and now in flash I try to do that whenever I'm working on an actual final piece But it really does help me you can't you can't You actually can't no you can't uh jeff told me no you can't jeff told me I can't

And I can't flip the whole canvas. No, you flipped the symbol. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. To me, that's a canvas. Like, when I have a character and I can turn it into an... Oh, that's not the definition of a canvas. No, not the canvas.

That's bullshit, though. That should be a fucking implemented feature. Or rotate the canvas. Or something. They should be more optimized for artists. Man, this is, this is... Yeah, never mind. What, too.

It's like, I'm talking about nerdy flash tips now and nobody gives a fuck. That's not true. I think you a lot of artists and go. Go, Jeff, go. Welcome to Jeff's nerdy flash tip. Did you know? Minute. You know, when you draw a bunch of lines, right, and you select them, you can then, I used to always think you to double-click them to delete them.

Yeah. Or use the eraser, use the line eraser tool. Yeah. But all you have to do is actually select everything in your, in the, on the frame, whatever, and then go into the, the collar and then hit the. You hit the line that the, you know, it was supposed to learn through the. Yes. That's what I used to do with the. Doodle.

Doodle told me. That's what I did with the. Like when I draw something and I do like a pencil line tool, I do that and that's how I remove the shit. I had no idea. I was doing it wrong. Are you fucking serious? Well, is that what you were talking about? Just now. I mean, is that what you were talking about?

Yeah, I think, yeah. I don't... You know, that kind of happened off and on the entire time I was working at Newgrounds, and then I met Jeff in like 2005, and we were already both using Flash a lot. And then you get so stuck in your own ways, like a year would go by. And then, you know, for some reason, Jeff would be standing behind. my desk and he'd say, why are you doing it that way? You should do it this way.

I'd be like, oh my fucking God. I didn't even know you could do that. That's what you told me when you can remove symbols from a fucking library by simply choosing a little button in your library thing that says remove all symbols or like all unused symbols and all the symbols that are fucking taking up 90% of the ghost data. See that's the thing. It's like... And then Control F2 where you can select a single color and change it for everything.

I didn't fucking know it. I didn't know that until way too late yet. No offense, but you don't make that many cartoons. How are you so good at using flesh? I've made plenty of cartoon. I've been making them for like fucking 15. Yeah, but you don't do them anymore. Stamper's made like 100. It just doesn't... Oh, you just didn't release him. Yeah, I do that too. I can't complain. I actually always do that and I never release them. I'm never happy with the product. Anyways, I wanted to talk about, I know it was so long and past, but I wanted to talk about world records because I like...

Wait, no, let me finish that up real quick. Okay. All right, so in summary, I've been using Photoshop and Flash. Probably Photoshop's is like 2007. No, way earlier than that. And I learned everything I needed to learn, quote unquote, within the first month, and I never learned anything else about that program. For me? So if I can talk to your friends, they probably have roundabout ways of fucking doing things. That's so true. But it's also different, too, because like, I'm not... I'm like, why the fuck am I doing this?

There's got to be an easier way. That's the thing I'm willing to learn. Sorry. No, no, keep going. I'm not willing to learn something new. And that's like something where I'm very... Like, Jeff is learning. You were learning, like, the new flash.

And that's funny how you, like, set everything up how it used to... Yeah. Because I'll have the same way, I'll have a fucking, like, mental breakdown if I get a new flash and my fucking timeline is down, I'll be like, the timeline is supposed to be up here, the fucking symbols are supposed to here, why is my color theme down here? Exactly. I mangled the whole interface to resemble the old interface, which is probably like the inferior interface.

It's not the inferior. It's the one that works. It's the one that your hands and everything are so used to going to that it's just been engraved into your head. And that's the same way for something like, um, Pretty much any flash, like macromedia I used, when I first started using Flash, it was Macromedia Flash 8. And that's still supposed to be one of the best type of it. And it was, yeah, and it was good.

And then when I heard CS3 was the exact same, aside from a few tablet issues, I was like, okay, and then I got that. And then I saw CS4, and it lost its fucking mind. Yeah. I mean, you could probably set it up how it used to be, but I'm terrified to try it again. It's amazing how many animators are, it's like we're keeping Flash alive on a version that is like a deck. decade old. People are gonna come into a, and they're coming to here with their fucking, what are those things where people like walk it, write them? Oh, segways. Yeah, some asshole Segway guys are gonna come in where they're fucking like CS10 Flash and they're gonna be like, wow, primitive and like fucking like turn the cheek on us. Whatever works, man, fucking works, fuck it.

Yeah, but they're like putting images. I could use, I can use the same time the next 50 years if I want to do. Agreed, I could use Flash 8 truthfully. Or you could just get Toon Boom. Yeah, but the fucking Segway guys are, are, fucking doing brainwaves creating flash cartoons You don't really make cartoons so I Use a Toobobleb. That's true. Yeah, that's true. I'm sorry to say that just now. But back for one of somethings. You were on your pedestals

Have you made in Toon Boom? Yeah. Like six. Really? You were on your pedestal and you fucking toppled up. No, I got kicked off the pedestal. I was on top of fucking Mount Sinai and then Snap was like, no, more into

Sinai? Sinai? It's not something that kills things? Sinai. Sinai. So can. So yeah. Ask your friends. Just be like...

But what's... What's that... ...what's never said about ask your friends? Today, I was asking Chris how to make, like, something sound like it's in another room, like audio, and he's like,

oh, you just remove the high and the mid frequencies. And then it somehow automatically sounds like it's in another room. And he's like, but if you're doing a telephone call, get rid of the mid and the low frequencies. Yeah, because it's all treble, yeah. And I was like, wow. Like, I never knew that.

And, like, yeah. So if you ask your friends, they know. It's sometimes the other way around. Like, I'll be doing something. And they'd be like, like, doodle, he was like, like, what the fuck was that? Like, how he, like, I can't really talk to a little.

I'm sorry. That sounded like Google. That sounded like, that was the worst. Let's go to the supermarket to buy the peanut butter. No, it's more like, what would that? What the fuck would that? Like, I can't do it. I cannot do a Polish accent. Should we talk about that alcohol he brought over here?

Oh, the moonshine? Yeah. I didn't get it. Mix moonshine. I had some of it. Cherry moonshine. I liked it. I thought it was good.

Moonshines is intimidating. That shit could strip paint off walls. It looks. I liked it. It's stronger than any alcohol that's allowed to be sold. It made my pico day night a lot more than it could have been. My good pal vidgame, dude. I felt like I was going to go blind drinking it.

It tasted that strong. Yeah, ketones. My good pal vidcame dude gave me a big spit jar of moonshine. Like one of those old, there's like a boot still inside of it with pickle. There was moonshine in it? I guess. It looked like orange honey. And I'm like, sweet, thanks for the fruity beverage.

And he's like, that's 200%. And I'm like, I can't even drink 30, dude. Like, I'll die. But I guess somebody drank it. Yeah, that's a difference. It's a huge difference. It was a lot, I guess. So it's like if you had too much, you might black out.

It was incredibly alcoholic. Yeah, but someone drank it all before I could even get it. It probably wasn't a good idea to leave it out. And what happened to them? They probably died somewhere in a ditch. Fucking. Anyways, I wanted to talk about the... So yeah, ask your friends for tips.

Yeah. Yeah. It'll make your life a lot fucking easier. Okay, I know this is way off topic, and I know we've already passed it up, but I like the topic of the idea of world records. Because it was always fascinating to me. They're back on topic. Yeah. I would always skip the ones that are like, oh, I jumped over a bunch of cars.

It's like fucking boring. It's like, show me the freak shows, dude. Like, I'm looking for the people that haven't fucking, like, cut their toenails in like 16 years. They're all curling up. Yeah, they're all curling up and shit. Corey, do you know what they got, like, when they start curling up, they can start getting nervous back so they can't cut them or else they get bloodlines? How's that for a world record? Having the nastiest fucking toenails.

Yeah, but you ever see those bitches? They've got like nine-foot nails. And first of all, how do you even measure that? Because at this point, they're curling like a spiral noodle. And wouldn't it hurt if you fucking hit something? I know. And they have to do, like, she's like, yeah, I'm a, I've got a clerical job. And she's trying to type.

I'm a typist. You got some Guinness, official Guinness record taker. He comes out with a piece of string and he's wrapping it around these rancid nails. No, but that's the thing. He's dead. Then you can scrape across the ground to fucking like get free food so you can like save it for later

Because no one's gonna If you went up to someone and put your fucking gross Like 60 year old nails on a table And pulled their fucking food off the table No one's gonna want it I have a question Dude they're fucking huge There's that one lady that had like their record

For a while and she's like yeah Every night they're like my babies I just wrap them in tinfoil And I have to sleep on my side And it's like it's ruining your life To have this bullshit fucking Two questions Two questions

In the Guinness Booker records How many of these people do that shit Just for the Gets Guinness Book of World Records. Yeah, exactly. Most of them? That's what they're doing. How many...

What do you think is it... Where's the line of what is a distasteful record? Like, biggest head tumor. Like, some... Best Elephant Titis show. Those are two really serious questions. Wait, we'll address the first one. That's true, though.

Someone has the biggest leg in the world and they have elephantitis. Someone had... Do they call Guinness, though? That's the thing. First of all, I'm sure a lot of people try for Guinness records. Like you, you probably see, like, it's like, oh, I just ate, you know, two omelets in a row. It's like, I could fucking do that. You know, like, yeah.

But you get the kids with, like, the Indian kids with the eight arms and they're like, I'm the kid. But think of it this way. Think of it. That's not an accomplishment. That's a birth defect. I know. But in India, they're known as that God. What's the God goes?

Yeah, little God babies. Yeah, little God babies with fucking weird limbs coming out of their assholes. Sorry. Little Silent Hill creatures. Think of it this way Okay, so I'm sorry Let's say you're a guy with

Elephantitis Which is probably the grossest thing I'm sorry to people with it It's kind of It's like a buildup of like Fucking fat Or it's just like this like disgusting Like weight tumor

That just like Yeah, where Anywhere It can be on your fucking leg You know like Coor You got a lot of disgusting Wait tumorous yourself Let me say it

Asshole You know it's just It's not I am With your testicle No, no, no, let's make an example of a little way you have elephant on your leg. It doesn't revolve all around your ball. Okay, you go right. For this example, you have it on your right leg.

All right. I think, now I'm curious. They call it elphinitis because it looks like you have a fucking, like, elephant-sized limb on your body. I don't know if that's right. That's a very biased, ignorant statement, but that's what I always consider. Like, the official medical term is elephantitis, and that's not a joke. That's kind of me. Here, this is what I mean.

What if you were the guy with, you thought you had the worst elephantitis, Then you found out some guy in... That's fucking... Yeah, some guy in Indonesia has the worst elephant... Look, this is what I was... This is the picture I've always had on my head since like a childhood. Yeah.

I mean, that can. That can. You can get it anywhere. All right, so what Jeff showed us is Eleventitis balls, and you can see that he searched that. The medical term is T-Bugius Maximus. And there's this guy kind of squatting over with huge-ass balls. T-Bri-Machimximus.

Let me do a better search. That sounds like a way of tea bagging somebody like a... Jeff, look up the... The elephant man. Oh yeah, is that John Merrick? That was his name John Merrick, Elephant Man? Was he your brother? I am not.

So anyway, I am a man. That guy. You know, if you have elephantitis, it's horrible. And I love the man is a great movie. And that's horrible for people who have it. But to me, I don't like it. Check out. Check out that woman. Yeah, see?

Bingo. He's elephant, he's elephant. Tois of the leg. Honestly, if somebody saw that they were probably... She had elephantitis of the fucking body. Bits look like Nikki Minaj. That's another song. Oh, that she does.

Are you a little bit horny with that? Little bit? She's got a huge... That is actually not that bad. Yeah, she's got a massive... She's got like huge fucking calves, but she's also got some big ass. Okay, so here's the other question.

She doesn't have this fucking malformation of meat and even on the side of her face. Do you ever see the porn of the like guys who love huge knees? No. What the hell is your problem, Nile? No! Alright, so here's the other question. Stamper's turn. You got the people that grow their nails out for Gaines, right? Yeah. But then you have the other.

people that grow their nails out because they just want to do it. So there's probably somebody out there with the longest hair in the world because they wanted the longest hair in the world versus somebody that's doing it to get some sort of credit in a fucking... In a magazine that no one cares about. Those are usually like the people who do quick things that you can do. They're the only people that really... Like eat the most ghost peppers or some shit like that.

That's something that you would think you could do. Because you have to like run in and sign up for that shit and prove it, right? I remember when I was a kid. Well, I read a... And they had the judges where... You need a... They come out. You need one of their judges to visually like...

That's a job. That is a job. Like, some dude comes out to fucking measure things, wave things, watch you, do all that shit. And it's like a job that like, it's a real job somebody would want. Yeah. Because if you were the guy... I wouldn't mind that job. You go around seeing freaks all that would be fucking cool.

I know. That's what I'm saying. If there was somebody in our life that did that for a living, he would be infinitely fascinating. He'd be a superstar. Dude, I just watched somebody... See what anything? Or maybe... I watched a guy carry a car with his testicles with a string type.

would be a fucking endless story. Like, you'd be the endly... No, no, I was thinking maybe he'd be like a total asshole. Like, you'd go to a restaurant and you'd eat like 18 chicken wings. So you'd be like... No. I saw an African chicken, man. He'd actually saw a guy in 818 chicken wings. Gittles had a TV show once. You didn't remember that?

I remember Ripley's, believe it or not. Is that it? No, no, no, no. I was thinking about Ripley's too. There was both... I think they were both shows. I used to watch Ripley's with my mom. It fucking was like creepy because they used to have like the really, like, you know the crazy action ones and they used to have the freak shows there's a show and this guy don't know if it's still on people freak shows man it's a fetish term we're all freak show it's that actually a fetish term wait this is actually kind

of fascinating that's a fetish term yeah freak shows so like people who are horny for like people that look kind of odd yeah if somebody they call them freak shows yeah if somebody wants it's like a it's a you know it's a derogatory term like it's mean to them but it's also like a sexual term like I want the that's a second I want to fuck the girl with two minutes I'm disgusted by all that's amazing I'm sorry Jeff you know I'm actually fascinated by this. I don't know what I was saying. So they called them, they actually call them freak shows.

Okay, Jeff, if somebody came to you and they're like, Jeff, we want you to be a part of the Ripley's team, sell us on something. Jeff would be like, believe it or not, no. Anyway, that was funny. Congratulations. Believe, I think Ripley's, believe it or not, is not all freak shit, though. It's like... No, it's just when those, like... No, that's not what I mean. I mean, like, there was, like, a lot of action. Like, the most cars jumped and, like, the longest a guy was lit on fire and shit.

Well, no, but they also do shit like... Because they go all over the world. They also do shit like this. This kid was shot in their bed. You know what I used to like? From a ricocheted bullet somewhere. Sunday morning. In Sunday morning comics,

they always had a little Ripley, believe it or not panel where there was like four or five little factoid. I never saw that. Yeah. The long as that someone was lit on fire. What? And survived. This is the richest.

Was that funny to you now? How's that funny? Nile! Are you drunk? Stop! Long as that someone was lit on fire. Was there one fucking, Like Buddha priest who was praying to the gods.

He died, though. That doesn't count. That wasn't Ripley's... Was it? I mean, I know it was fucked up, and I know what happened. No, but I'm pretty sure he was the longest. The longest without crying was probably goes to that guy. How do you...

You can't have a... Are you... Did he die? You know, that Munk was saying Indian style like this with his hands together. He didn't say a fucking thing. You get third-degree burns in seconds. He was like praying... Okay, cut out the...

Subject change. Wait, was that really bad? I thought it was... I was just talking. I'm talking about a person that was set on fire, because I remember watching a race car guy who put on an outfit and caught himself on fire. And he went for like a long time because he was used to racing. What's the most horrific thing you've ever seen? The most horrific thing I've ever seen?

Yes. Like really fucked up that it's like something that's always kind of bothered me? Yes. Okay. I remember it as a kid. There used to be this website where you could doll up dead people and go on dates with them. What? I'm not even joking.

Wait, it's bad. All right. No, next topic. Corey, expand, no, no, no, no. You can't just open up a can of worms and spill the worms everywhere. You open the can of worms, what are you talking about? What are you talking? He asked me and I told. You can't throw the can of worms out the window.

That was a can of worms. I was the worms. All over the place. No, your story was the worms. Leaving the birds to come and ask question. Worms. Expand on that. I need to hear that.

Okay, I was like 13 or 14 and I was curious because it was like, do people fuck dead people? When I was little, Google. You thought that? Ask Jeeves. Do people... Because I... No, I didn't... I went on...

The last thing I was thinking about when I was 13 to 14 was, do people fuck dead people? I was watching... I was trying to get some honeycomb cereal and watch TV, man. That's why your life's boring. I was looking at...

My life is a thrill ride of roller coasters. So I... Okay, so I was on the computer, and it was like this really weird site. It was like this really gothic site. And it had pictures of a bunch of dead people that had just died that you could pay tons of money

to dress them up and go on dates with them. And they have specific places you could go on dates. And they showed them, like, sitting in chairs and stuff. And the actual thing was, I think there were more options where you could fuck them. But I didn't read too much into it because I was really afraid that somebody would see me on a page about dead people and fucking and going on dates with them. Think 14, I was a little startled.

You know what's weird? I understand, like, fucking dead people, but going on dates with them is weird to me. Well, there was like a video. There was like a guy who was like... Go and get some Shepherds pie with a dead person. No, it was like... It's strange. It was like...

It was like a wholesome dad... Fucking on... You know what? You have my people in common saying, you know, I can relate to those sleepy cabin guys. I can relate to them. I think this is like the word... And then, Corey, sitting here talking about fucking dead...

You know, you're scaring everybody away. Hey, I'm... You asked what was the most fucked up thing I ever saw. I can go back to the relation, though. And it's true. That was... Rotten.com was the worst thing I seen when I was young as you. Well, see, I saw Rotten.

It was just like... Ogrish.com, too. So wait, wait, so why an ogres was turned into the live league later on? Yeah, yeah. I did it really? Yeah, I guess like rotten.com, yeah, that was bad. But for something that could actually, like, physically confuse me was that? I remember rotten.com.

I saw that when I was like, probably 14. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so violent. But then there was a picture on there, and that was one of the first times I jerked off as well. I got to say. There was a, there was a little bit. You had a prophecy. I had a plan for you, Stampton. Those sites had a weird philosophy about them because they were against, I think, like, animals dying and things like that.

They just found this weird beauty in watching people die. Yeah, speaking of that, you could also choose your category. You could have, like, fucking... I went there a few times, but I... I don't like looking at that stuff. Like, if I watch a guy die on a video, it bothers me less than if I watch a dog die. That's what I'm saying, it's strange that most people feel that way. Like, you could watch a dude get his head sawed off all day.

It's not saying that it's cool, and it makes you fucking sick. Like, it still makes you kind of go, oh. But if you watch the dog get, no, I do not do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that.

There was, there was. It actually was, yeah. That was a great beheading video. Yeah, he was like, oh, 10 out of 10. Two thumbs up. You see the comic below. Why don't know. They rated like Torrance.

They're like A, three, three, six. Yeah, video five, audio, all right. Yeah, I can barely understand the gurgling. Yeah, I don't even know. I don't speak Mexican cartel language. I don't speak Arabic. Yeah. Is that a Freudian slip?

What? You don't speak Mexican cartel? That wasn't a Freudian. No, I said that on purpose. No, what cartel thing did you see? It was the first thing that scarred you. Dude, like when I said that, I was thinking of this one where there's... Oh yeah, hold on.

Keep that. Jeff, you asked me what was the most fucked up thing I ever saw. And I told you with flying colors. Now you tell me what the most fucked up... Truthfully, Corey, I think he actually meant the most fucked up thing you ever saw in... Dirked off to? No. In life.

I probably was... That's what I meant, probably, but... Oh, most... Oh, most... Um, uh, I saw my, okay, okay, this kind of falls back into the fireworks thing. I saw my friend. Hey, it's my turn. Oh, sorry.

Um, go ahead. Anything. I, I saw my friend, he stuck a cherry bomb inside of a bird's nest. And he blew up a bunch of birds. And I saw it. I witnessed it. I was a foot away from it. And he dropped it in there while there was baby birds and mom birds and it fucking exploded.

Are you serious? All over the place. I got blood all over my fucking yellow shirt. And you're going to call him your friend, man. That is the most fucked up thing. No. stopped hanging out with him after that. Oh my.

I was just kind of like, I was like, I was like, I cannot believe you fucking did that. I'm like, you have no shame and he was like drunk because he was like a cool 14 year old. So I left. You know, even if I'm drunkest, I wouldn't kill animals, man. It was like those kids that popped fireworks. Well, Stamper, that was the most fucked up

thing I ever saw in person. Yeah. Stamper, what's your opinion? Hold on, on. Jeff has to tell this thing. No, no, no, you know, no. I was in the most fucked up thing. I mean, well, on the internet. No, in person. Like, fucked up.

Like, I told you mine. Oh, no, no. Say internet, then in person. Yeah, internet and then person. Well, the internet was a video. Let's just say, which I, to this day, regret watching, but it involved, I think people have heard about these videos, but it involved a woman in Saleto heels and animals. Oh, no.

I saw that. Crush kit. That's a video I refused to watch that woman and they sent her to jail. They did. They sent her to jail. And they sent the guy who was actually behind that to jail. They should have. They should have.

Yeah, no, they really should have. But the worst ones I've seen is, I think it was called the Dagestan Massacre, where it was a bunch of... Stop. No, seriously. Back to that. Yeah. I remember everyone telling me about that video, and this is like off the back of watching all this other shit. It's like, oh, man, this is the most fucked up video ever. That was when I swore off everything because it might even been you, Jeff. It was like, man, there's this bitch, this Japanese bitch is going around pushing her heels through animals's eyes.

Yeah. And I was like, there's no way in fucking hell I'm even... possibly watching this shit. I couldn't... I couldn't escape it. It was all... Because I was a gay lord who was all over 4chan at the time.

So I was... I did that too. Left and right. It was on every single post. You know, your curiosity gets the best of you. Exactly. When you're first going into the internet and you're like,

you hear about these terrible videos, you're like, I guess I'll look it up, but... Do you remember that? You don't have to feel bad about going to 4chan. If I... Truthfully, probably, everyone's fucking gone to 4chan. It's not a fucking... It's not a...

It's not a scarlet. I was. I was an avid, you know. I was too, but do you remember... I was a new fecks spewer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember those... Do you remember that kid who, uh, she threw, like, puppies into the river? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, he had a basket. Once they post... Once they post... When they... Once they post... Once it's animal cruelty, they go fucking... There was a weird video of... Animal cruelty is where they go.

A soldier with a puppy, and he, like... He threw it into a movie? Yeah. And they're all laughing about it. And I was like, what the fuck. I don't know how... I don't know how to... I hate that.

What if your fucking parents saw that? Because I guarantee that... It was like nothing to them. It was like they were throwing a bag or something. Dude, yeah. The dude was like... They were standing in like, essentially the Grand Canyon and the guy was like, hey, check this out.

And he threw this puppy into a fucking ravine. I saw that, yeah. Oh, God. And if I ever see Animal Crueltsies... Those guys should fucking die. Oh, my God. Like, even... Like, their life out there just, like, destroyed there.

Even practical stuff, like, people who are fucking, like, killing, like, fucking, like, pigs and cutting off chicken's heads. I won't watch that either. I don't care if it's how we get her fighting. That's like a degrading, caring about animals, though. So I'm kind of hypocritical. It's like dogs, you don't do it, cats, you don't do it. But then like pigs, you're like, eh.

But then fish. Dude, pigs are smarter than dogs, though. Well, no, but it's like what Patrice O'Neill said, rest in peace. If they don't have eyebrows, then it's a little difficult to care about it. That's true. That's true. If they don't have eyebrows, you're like, they're less relatable.

Or opposable thugs. Because a fish just kind of flops around. Fuck a fit. Fuck fish, dude. Fish should have dead eyes. They're the most primitive... Yeah, but somebody

was hucking fish into a ravine. I wouldn't care. I'd laugh. I'd be like fucking idiots. No, I wouldn't laugh. Stupid idiots. If it's like...

If it's like... Grilty, I won't like it. What... Snapper, what do you think of... I feel like... Go ahead, yeah. One of you and out, our pal, Sabrina,

slash septastic. She... I don't think any of you guys... She sent this day you guys, but she watches this series on YouTube of this guy who... That raises fucking ducks. Raises cute little ducklings.

Yeah. You first start watching these videos, it's like a hundred-part series. He's like, oh, cute. He built an incubator. He's going to raise ducklings. And then it's slowly, the horror slowly starts to set in where some don't hatch. A lot don't hatch, but then a lot hatch that are just, they live for like an hour, and they have like a leg sticking out of their head or something.

Oh, God, dude. And then there's like that 240P quality of him, like, fucking throwing him against the wall. Yeah, then shit gets really dark. Jesus, dude. He's taking the mutant ones outside. He starts chopping their heads. Duffling Axe. Dude, that's horrible. What the fuck?

It's funny because the series... Hold on to that! No, yeah, go ahead. Sorry. The series just goes from, like, cute, G-rated territory to horror movie and back, back and forth, back and forth. He got mad because there was a fox

sneaking in and killing the ducks. So he set up a fox trap, he caught the fox, it died hanging from a tree. And he's walking over, like, with a zoom lens, looking into, like, its eye sock is filled with maggots.

Oh. I don't know, this is a weird guy. That makes me say that. I just like the idea of like a family, like cleaning some ducklings in the bathroom and then just like these like fucking guys all in black masks, like, and like some really low quality. I'm sure he cares about the duckling, but when you raise like hundreds of animals, I guess you just kind of get... But there's like no emotional connection to any of it. He's totally like in the, just the business.

Oh, so people are being climbed on the surface like, oh, cute ducks, but he's seriously like, no, this is the way... I don't even think he's presenting it as like, oh, check out the cute duckling show. He's just... He's just being real about it. He's being real, but people think they're not gonna see what they're about to see. Yeah. They're not ready for it to get so real. I don't want to see something like that.

The idea that, like, you would eventually see it. And it's like animal, that kind of stuff could go on YouTube because it's like cutting off a chicken's head is technically like normal, which is fucked up. But then in places like Mexico, like, isn't like, there's a lot of, not being like,

I have a friend Rob who lives in, um, God, I want to say he lives in somewhere in, like, a, South America. Yeah. But he has chickens as pets, and they don't kill them. At least I don't think they do. I know a lot of people have chickens as pets. Yeah, so the idea of that is fucked up. They eat their eggs.

They're fine, yeah. My grandfather, this is a famous story in my family, my grandfather had a duck as a pet. And one day he came home from school, and the thing was on the dinner table. Oh, my God, you're just like, eh. You fucking idiot. You should have paid more attention. I don't know if they even told them. I don't even know what they told them until afterwards. Did they at least save it?

It's like... Did they make the... Duck is delicious. I was just about saying my... Did they make a key? I avoid duck and lamb stuff. Duck is hard to eat and... And, yeah, and deer just for like the whole emotional ass.

Dude, duck is like the best meat ever. But it tastes so, god, damn, like. Duck is good, cooked a certain way. I don't know. There's like a certain... Oh, it's like a certain... Oh, it's like buffalo burgers? I have never eaten it, but... buffalo. I don't know. I don't like,

I don't know. It's supposed to be healthier than a beef burger. Quote, unquote. It tastes drier. To me, it's more like, the same difference, like when they say that brown eggs are supposed to be healthier for you, but they're really just fucking eggs either way. I think there's a lower fat content to the meat,

but I don't like the taste of the meat. Yeah, but you can get beef with lower fat content too. I don't know. You get like 80, 20, 20 beef. You can get like 90-10 beef. What are those ratios? 90-10? It's like 20% fat, 80% whatever, and then you can keep like... The one restaurant we go to a lot.

The brick house, they have buffalo burgers. Are they shitty? I don't know. I've never gotten one. Stamper, what's your opinion on like bullfighting? Bullfighting? Yeah. I'll give you another opinion right now. I was at a breakfast place this morning. And for the nine millionth time, they're like, okay, so you want the thing?

And truthfully, I had a really fucking good meal this morning, so check this out. They made this potato batter with onions in it, and then they poured it in a waffle iron and they made a potato onion waffle and they put over easy eggs on top of it and sprinkled that shit with cheddar cheese where the fucking delicious nothing gets harmed there where the hell was that that's at the train station next to my house oh that play what oh okay but then like every other place they're like you want pork sausage or turkey sauces i'm like huh i want sauces it's made out of pigs i don't understand the turkey bacon thing dude turkey bacon all that shit kind of taste similar and it's turkey it's lea it doesn't taste anything

Turkey bacon is an abomination. It shouldn't even exist. I like turkey brats. It's like... It's like... It's better for you. I actually like brats more than... So order your eggs with turkey strips. Don't call it bacon.

I actually... I like brots more than I like hot dogs because I can't stand... It's like, what's it called? Not a double negative, but a fucking... I'm pretty sure turkey... I'm pretty sure brats and like sausages and stuff are like wrapped in the intestines of pig. Yeah, and it's just a mix of fucking whatever.

That's fine, but... If you're gonna trick yourself, then don't eat it at all. Like don't get, if you want bacon, then get bacon. If you don't eat bacon, then don't eat bacon. Don't trick yourself into getting something to... Oh, bacon is so good. Stamper, the other night, me and Stamper went out into the city, and then the morning Stamber cooked me some bacon and eggs,

and it was so fucking good. Yeah? It's just what I needed after that night out. Yeah. Great. Holy shit. I just realized how much of eating fucking pigs. While he was finishing eating...

I love pork. I do too. Pork. It's the best. Bacon, pork chopped. Pigs taste so good. Possage links. Apparently humans taste like pig. Like they taste like... Actually, didn't they have that thing where they had a thing where our organs are interchangeable?

They had a top of the most part. Like a cannibal and they said it's a lot like veal where it's based on how you like work the body is how good it'll taste. I'm sure where in the body like where... It's we smell like pork. Yeah. Like when you cook us it's like a sulfur pork. Sulfur pork. Ooh. I need I need a human steak. I would most definitely eat human. If I had the opportunity, I would totally eat. I'd only eat human if I was stuck on a mountain and there was nothing else. Why would you eat human? A truth. First, I'd be like, this guy had a life. He had a job. He had a life. I'd have three questions. I'd be like, how did he die? AIDS. Okay. We wouldn't eat him. No, but what did he do wrong? He was a rapist and he had AIDS. And the third question would be with my party of friends

that I brought to this human restaurant asking if they'd be down to eat something. some human with me. Can I say something about like the whole cannibalism? You know in like movies whenever you see a cannibal? Cannibalism is such a harsh word. Yeah, but whenever you see cannibals, when you see a cannibal, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Whenever you see

a cannibal, you see like these really classy people who know how to whine and dine and hold their pinky out properly. But then they're like, I'm playing like New Vegas and it's like, you meet like these guys and they're like talking about like, because the quest is you're supposed to

like turn him over to cannibals. They're all sophisticated. Yeah, everyone's very sophisticated. And it seems like any time of cannibals is portrayed in something, he's very like, conniving me. That's true. That actually is true. I'll say the opposite of that. I'll say, all right, you remember, you know, they would be alive. Yep. And you have that story. Wait, wait. And then that's another thing too. Like, when you see the other cannibals are like these fucking tribals. Well, wait, wait, wait. They weren't necessarily cannibals. They had to do it because they had to. You know the movie alive? Yeah. No, I never saw it. I don't know. I'm still lost my trying to thought because everybody shook him to the fuck up. All right, so it's like the alive with the

Brazilian soccer team. Is Brazilian or? I don't know. The soccer team crashed on a fucking mountain. And every time I've heard about that story before hearing, before watching the movie, and they were like, oh, you know, they had to eat the dead crew members. I had this picture in my head that I'm like, okay, it's a little disturbing, but how bad could it be it? It's like they're probably like cooking meat, like human steaks over a fire or something.

Are they having a fire? Because don't they crash in the mountains. No. In the movie, if you watch the movie, it's really fucking disturbing. Is this the one where they crash into Ice Mountain, right? Yes. And they have to ration off the wine and chocolate. Yes, there's no food. Yeah, they did see that movie.

They sit down on like the handies or something like that. The first guy's so hungry, he goes over to some dude, dead dude, and he like rips open his pant leg. He pulls a little chunk out of his butt. A little chunk of like thigh skin. Oh, God. It makes it so much worse. It's all like fat too. Yeah.

But it's energy. Well, if somebody was to prepare a human over there, and I didn't see anything of it, and then they handed it to me, it's like, oh, it's dear. I'd be like, oh, okay, and I would just think that. I would have the mindset that it's that. Well, so here's the thing. It's like, so why can't you go on the opposite extreme? Like, you know how vegans never touch anything because they're worried about animals suffering and so forth and so on? But at the same time, if you're an omnibre, you don't give a shit what you eat, why can't I give a fuck about eating anything that's...

alive, just creatures in general, human beings included we're all animals, fuck it. What if we had... Corey, if you died, I wouldn't let you go to waste. I would eat the shit out of you and then I'd use your bones for a sweet art project with paper, machet,

macaroni, and glitter. Do you know, what if you broke me? What? We should have human Corey Sashimi, where we start eating him while he's still alive. Spaschimi. Spaschimi. Can you at least put a stick in my mouth so I can, like, hide the screams?

Oh, well, it's I put an apple in your mouth so I can roast you over one of those turning things. What an apple in your mouth? What do you think of those videos in the DC sushi chefs? They're so adept at their job. They cut all the meat off of fish but don't kill it and they put the fish back in the tank. And he swims around for about a half an hour and meat on the bottom. And then they just sink to the bottom with all this fucking like fish blood floating on.

Wait, what? Truthfully, it's a little difficult to watch. That is horrible. Well, you have to think if you do it all day. Yeah, you do it like... That is fucking horrible. You're eating the... He has the sushi on the pot.

the plate and the customers eating it as the fish that had its meat cut off is still swimming around the tent. And you're sitting there putting fish in your mouth and staring this fish in the eyes as he's swimming around in front of you. No. In a lobsided manner. I will admit, that's one fucked-up thing I watch on YouTube a lot is like these sashimi videos of like people are eating a live lobster and a lobster runs off the plate or, you know,

stuff like, or there's a frog. They put a fucking frog in a glass. Oh, no. And they've seen. They pull out his beating heart. I've seen the crab. thing. Oh yeah, and the frog is staring at you the whole time while you're eating

out of his body. He just looks at his face he's like, what's happening to me? This is my life now. It's terrible. All the Japanese guys are sitting around him, there's like Oh, it's good. Everybody's laughing, eating this fucking thing's hard. Oh, that's real. And they're super psyched and happy, yeah.

And this little frog is sitting with his belly split open, just like breathing at you and you see his little things. You see his lungs. It's horrendous. I can't stop watching them, though. It's just fascinating. That's what I was going to ask you. You're talking about frogs. I've been seeing videos of it a lot now with screaming frogs,

where you, like, tickle their back side and they go, there's a particular frog that does that, and I hate it. It's a genre of video. Are you talking about the Pac-Man frog? Yeah. What's it called the Asian Ornate Frog or whatever it is? I definitely think it's like the Pac-Pack Frog. I'm just picturing.

That fucking, the Pac-Man Frog. Look up Pac-Man Frog on YouTube, and watch this little frog eat mice whole. It's insane. Are you serious? Yeah. The mice are as big as he is. Just do it.

You probably seen it before. If you have. If you haven't seen it, it's gonna blow your fucking life. It's these things. They scream at you and they eat live creatures. That's all they do. Do you ever watch that?

Do you ever watch like squirpians versus snakes and shit? Have you ever watched that shit? He already elaborated on it. Of course he used to do that. He used to put him in. If you type in... I told that story, didn't I? If you went into YouTube and you type, like, one animal versus any other animal, they always have it.

One of the first websites I was really into was, it was called, like, bug wars or something, where they'd have, like, a monster centipede versus, like, a scorpion or a giant corned beetle versus, like, a... A spider? A spider? A spider. I don't know. They had all these different types of bug wars. It was kind of barbaric, but they'd find the biggest, meanest bugs, and put them in a lot.

little thunderdome having fight. Do they fucking shake up the thunder dome to scare the bugs and get them riled up? It's fucking crazy. Yeah, I don't know, I guess I told that story when I was a kid, I'd always, yeah, I did tell it, I'd put a spider in a little container with a bunch of ants. Oh, that's, what happened?

I thought the spider would win, but the spider was, the ants were attacking on all the front. Just ripping up and just, like, pulling it up. And you just fucking screaming. Yeah. I'm just sitting in the back air like a little psychopath with my tub-aware container full of them. That is a little bit fucking crazy.

Yeah, I only did it like twice, but I was like... Twice? I just wanted to know what would happen. Yeah, but did you not find out what happened the first time? I didn't force them to fight. The first time... The first time... Wait.

Sorry, I'm on the other side of the room. Yeah. After the ants won, did you let him go? Yes. Are you sure? No, yeah, no, I didn't kill... I would never kill the victors. I would... of course I'll let them go.

That said, I killed about 400 ants recently because I was cleaning the house because that's what I fucking do. And I open, or not open, but I lifted up a plastic bag. And there's about 400 ants under it. And I squished every single one of those cunts. The little ants? Yeah.

Well, you shouldn't be letting ants... I'm not letting them. Get in. They're really... I'm trying my best, man. They're really... You know what, Nile? They're not cunts, man.

They're just trying to get by with like. Just like your assholes. They are, but they snuck into my house and they don't pay rent stamper. What is your most hated insect? You know, maybe... few. Maybe you left food on the floor and it was an open invitation.

It's called Chris O'Neill as a roommate. That's what it's called. But, um, mosquitoes. There's stink bugs who somehow are so good at getting into your house. I had no idea. What, those fucking orange

like bugs? No, they had like a diamond shell. Yeah, diamond shell. But Jeff, did you know that stink bugs? We're only introduced into the USA in 1998. Yes, they're on an Asian airliner. They're not native. They're not native.

taking over. Stink bugs never really bothered me. They just kind of slip in under the radar and you see one every now and again. I don't know how they get inside so well. They get in they get into your house. They're quite big too. More than any other bug I've ever seen. Yeah. And they're always just hanging out on your blinds or doing something.

They're always hanging out on a curtain or a ceiling or on a wall. And they're always alone. They're just like kind of brooding. And they really do live up to their name too. They stink like rotten bananas. I've never I've never caught any of that. I don't know why they're called stink. Oh, they stink, dude. June bugs. Not only when you kill them, they stink, though.

They don't stink when you don't kill them. Do you know people who are much more likely to, like, they're very ruthless with killing bugs but they run to come across a lady bug, they're like, oh, I have to put it outside so it doesn't get hurt. Only because it's pretty looking, but that fucking bug has the same brain as a beetle who's like, imagine if you were shrunk to the size of a beetle and you saw an actual beetle, you'd fucking, how, like you'd freak the shit out. Again, it's like compassion for creatures. Like, everyone smashes a spider the second they see it.

right? But then they're happy to go to red lobster and eat crabs all night and they look exactly the same. That's just bigger. That's the thing though. I don't kill spiders. I like spiders. I like them. I absolutely hate spiders. I like spiders only because they kill flies and I despise them. But I'll leave them alone. I let them kind of hang out in the corner. Spiders seem to have like a little bit more like of a cognitive ability. Like they seem to kind of be

more in tune with life. I execute house centipedes though. Oh, house. I love that. I love killing those. You put in a... No mercy. Spray WD 40 on them until they burn from the inside out. Oh my god, you put them in a cup and then they're just like they just give up. They just sit in the middle and they're just like they get some nine. WD. 40? Yeah. All you're gonna do is grease their legs so they can run faster, man.

I never did that, but it was just an example. But I'd like, I'd spray them with bleach. Does that sound better? Yeah, get so big too. June bugs. I don't like June bugs. They only come out in June. I don't know what they are. In July. They're the ones that like, they come in hissing. That's a southern thing. You have different bugs in Ireland. You knock them down and then they just like, they're like, lay on the ground, go,

just like spinning around in circles because they can't get up because their body weird. It's like, no, it's awful because you're trying to watch a show and he's in the corner like, you're like, shut up! And you're actually screaming at it because I was like trying, I remember sitting there trying to watch Cowboy Bebobb and he was sitting in the corner and went, I, when I was like, whatever they're fucking stepping on it, like 16 times to set back down, that it's like, because you can't kill it, you can't kill it. crush it. You have to take a fucking cement

block because their shell is so strong. When I lived with Chris and Ireland Big Bob. When I lived with Chris and Ireland, we had a fly problem and I thought pleasure in killing those flies. Flies are fucking obvious. Like, even if no one was in the house, I'd talk to them. You're like, oh, you think. You're like flies? I'm

shocked. Oh, yeah, they're all like... They're all around his face and shit. When he was sitting on his computer, I had to kill him. Is he shooting his tongue out? But when I like, I talked to them, I was like, oh I killed all of your brothers What are you gonna do? And then like one of them would go out away

And I'd be like You're lucky If you're gone by the time I come back I think you might have got away But then if you'd be there I'm gonna kill you Sorry Chris told this story While I was away

About me waking him up At fucking like 8 in the morning Because I were like There's like three in the morning Probably because I was smashing bugs in my room Because some stupid asshole That's true To leave a cereal container open

And bring in the meal Actually yeah you do need to Rectify that Because you actually weren't Completely in the wrong there because um... I did not leave a... First of all, I didn't get...

First of all, I didn't get a fucking, like, double wide box of Cheerios and leave it open. No. Someone said, I don't know who said, but someone said on the podcast, you left a bit of rotten fruit in your room, but I think it was actually, like, rotting cereal in the kitchen. That was not me. There was, okay, this is what happened. So just to fucking clear some up, this is another Judge Judy scenario. What actually happened...

Real case. Real people. There was a fucking box of Cheerios. that I didn't get because I didn't go downstairs to put fucking cereal down there. I had cereal in my own room. And somebody left it there and fucking mealworms got into it. And then everyone thought they were maggots, which I thought they were maggots. Like they were larvae.

So they were actually like maggots by definition, but they spawned. I thought they were flies. But they, yeah, instead of flies, they spawned into moths. Yeah, they were meal moths. And those are the fucking worst because I have this door. One of my doors was kind of higher than others. It was about an inch off the ground. But you gotta remember.

And there was light that they could easily see at all times in the day. There was tons of them downstairs. And somehow, like, my door was always high enough so they could come inside. And I had meal moths all the time. But what's funny is, I swear to God, this may sound like crazy and it might just be a bias. But I feel like they were learning. Like, they were learning when to come out and when... No, they were, sorry.

Listen, listen, okay? So after a while, I would kind of test. I would turn the lights off, turn it back on. And then when they were all out, right? I would kill them. No, listen, listen. I would kill them all. And I would continue to do this. And then I started realizing that I would do this and then I would see them and they would immediately fly into the dark. No. Yeah, you used to just fly around, but then when I turn the lights on, they all like scatter into the dark.

I never heard of the term meal muffings. I didn't hear about it until they came. They're like fucking things that live in cereals. They're tiny moths. Never in the history of ever has... But you lived in the house. You know why you had fly problems in your... Was it made? It's because you leave. open bottles of blue moon in there and it's nothing

but sugar in it dressed. That was not me. I had no blue moon in my fucking room. My room is completely clean because I made sure after there was fucking meal moths in the cereal that was downstairs there was a fucking group about as tall as a

fucking skyscraper in bump terms. That was not me. That was some asshole downstairs who left the fucking box cereal open. My fucking room was fine. Corey, I actually agree with you there. Now when I cleaned your room out when we moved out There was nothing but beer bottles and they're filled with busts. That was after.

Yeah, after. After they were all day. I celebrated by drinking beer and leaving them all over the place. Corey, look, all right, so they're both right. I'm just given an unbiased opinion. So, Corey was not responsible for... There was a lot of laws in our kitchen. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I did. I did have beer bottles and stuff in my room. But that wasn't what caused it. It wasn't what caused it. Because Chris didn't have any in his fucking room. How do you explain that? Because Corey...

Zach didn't have what he was. Chris had rotten sandwiches in his room. Yeah, but Zach had like, fucking, like, 16 blue moons on the, on the table counter on his fucking window. And my room had a light underneath because everyone else's room was completely dark, but mine had a light because that was up.

You're through the one. Maybe you guys all have confusing problems, because I never have bugs in my room, period. Neither did I. Neither did I. Surprise. Drup. Jerk.

Nice bottle glasses there. Incorrect. Ah, no. The first thing you said, incorrect? Second thing you said? Very true. Here's a thing though. The mothman Profferies. Here's the problem. Even if you got rid of the source, they're going to try and

live there regardless. If you got rid of all the wheat, and I did, trust me, once I started getting meal moths, my room was clean of all things. I made sure... Is meal moths an official term? I can tell you a story about meal moths. Oh, so meal moths is an actual thing? It's real. My brother had meal moths. He lived in South Korea.

He's all his cereal boxes in his in his pantry or filled meal moths. So yeah, you got it too! They came home and he sub- his place to another guy while he was visiting America and I guess the guy went into the pantry started opening cereal boxes and just the whole place filled with meal moths and he's like writing my brother these angry

emails he's like what the fuck he's like they fucking stink too and they were like glued to the ceiling they could be walking around they just land in your hair and on your hands and you're just like yeah I thought you were smashing fruit flies that's what everyone else was telling me no it was actually the moths that were that like got

birthed in the fruit flies are tiny they wouldn't even bother me at all They bothered the shit out of me, man. Yeah, they bothered. They never bothered. I never got fruit flies. To be completely honest, I know it sounds crazy. No, fruit flies sucked.

I know it sounds crazy, but I never got fruit flies. Once the fruit flies started coming in, I got rid of the source and they were gone. I never had fruit flies. Like excessive amounts. I had them, but I got rid of them. Because they come. Like, you leave a beer up for a night. They're there in two seconds.

They'll just fucking, they'll just like appear before the beer. Let me tell you something about fruit flies. They swarm around my dick, my friend, because my shit is ripe. Because your dick is African and black, so they swarm around your dick. It's like a mango. They call it African kid. They won't even buy it from the store because you're like, ah. They crawl and they're going to spoil real quick.

They're fucking like pores on your dick and they set up shop. They make more babies and you're like, check this out. Shake it a little. They all come out. They get a little studio apartments on my wiener. Anyways. I wanted to, there's something I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about babysitters.

It was a weird topic, but it's kind of something that like. Oh, yeah. You were talking about that this morning. Yeah, you were saying you want to talk about babysitters. Yeah. I'm terrified. Can I talk about a babysitter first? Just a really short one?

First and foremost. Okay. Jeff, when you were growing up, did you have babysitters? I did. Nile, when you were growing up, did you have babysitters? I had plenty of babysitters when I was younger. Step back for a second. Jeff, did you ever babysit?

No. Nile, babysitters or did you babysit? I babysitter. I had babysitters and I babysitter when I was 16 for my cousins. Corp. Yeah. Do you have babysitters? My babysitting, I had babysitters.

Cool. I have only babysat. I've never had babysitters, though. My babysitters. I had like a happy yomore routine where my grandma kind of raised me for a while. It's weird. I have two things. My babysitters used to lock me in my bedroom and watch Titanic downstairs.

It's generally what they do. They get rid of you. Yeah, and then when I babysat... That's really specific, Nile. They won't when I babysat my little cousin threw a 20-cent coin into my eyeball and they have a terrible left eyesight since. That happened to me when I was... Now, shut up.

Jeff, go? I thought I was too old. Even at that age, I'm just like, why do I have a babysitter? That's the term I don't understand. I'm just like, do I need this? Exactly. I was like 14. What age?

34. Last year, no. I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember. She finally went home last year. But it's like, I wasn't in danger of hurting myself.

I just sat there and watched TV. I'm just like, I'd be fine. by myself, but my parents are really paranoid. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, I remember growing up, it's like... I didn't need a babysitter. We just, like, raised ourselves, which was a good and bad idea at the same time, because we still did a lot of stupid shit,

but I never had babysitters. I was over, I feel like I would, my, especially my mother was a little overprotective. Yeah. Like, you know, the type where I can't ride down the road without, you know, she'd scream at me if I didn't wear my bicycle helmet. My mom did that, too. I remember my mom,

she got me a bike helmet, Knee pads, elbow pads. We talked about that. We talked about, like, you had these, like, goofy neon fucking, like, elbow pads. This wasn't for rollerblading, though. This was for biking. I know. I had the same thing.

My mom made me wear, like, some fucking, like, goofy, bright blue helmet with these elbow pads to write a fucking bike. Well, at the time, my stepdad was a detective, and my mom was a sergeant. So everything was all about safety. So there's, like, police fucking safety everywhere I went. And all my friends just thought I was a fucking. faggot because I was going out on a bike with knee pads and I had an orange vest my mom used dude I wanted to ride to a friend's house who was like two or two miles away she made me wear this big orange vest exactly dude

when I was a kid my best friend fucking Jerry he lived like three blocks away my mom was like you need to put this on this on this on this I spent more time putting gear on then it took to get to his fucking house that was the same for me like When I had to go bike riding, it was elbow pads, knee pads, a backpack with, like... I wasn't right. That's when you stare up to your mom and you're like, fuck you mom, and then you never have to do that again. Yeah, but look guys, like I was never, I never had to do that shit. And I got a stone clogged in my brain when I was four years old.

What's what you get? Exactly. That's what I'm saying. You shouldn't be complaining about it. Your hair, you kind of start to look Sonic the Hedgehog. You look like a fucking Oni Musha character. You do. I don't know what that is, but...

Your hair looks like PS2 graphics just going back. Final Fantasy. the PS2 hair. Don't make fun on the hair, dude. You actually do. You have a bit of a moustache Eagle. Don't make fun of hair. At least I can grow hair, Stamper. What do you call this fucking shit? I'd shave it because... You know what? Stamper can't butter. You know what I shave it because... Stamper's a fake bald man. That's what I say. Stamper like acts like a bald man and like shaved his head, but he's not actually... You can grow perfectly amount of hair. You know why I shave my head, Nile? Look, you can grow the same amount of hair I can if you want to

You know why I shave my head, Nile? What? Because I have important things to do. do you know what you do every day you go to your fucking hair stylist on what done I've never once in my entire life went to a hairstyle nobody looks that beautiful without going to a hair stylist I have you went to a hairstylist and was the lady you go to at the mall what crew could you do have a beautiful of hair I haven't went to any hairstylist in the mall in my fucking life my ass that's such horseshit my friend but it's not that's the thing like Zach was telling me about this like black lady I should go to in there like I know it's not

irrelevant but she's saying that your hair looks like let me tell you how he played jesus in an upcoming film let me tell you how people work jeff he's probably not happy with his hair that's why he wears a hat all the time i mean it's messy but i still have see i see no the thing is the first this is funny because like the first i'm not insulting jeff i'm not my hair is a combination of the the first time i saw jeff was actually recently at zach's birthday uh when we all went to stamper's house to drink and jeff wasn't wearing his hat and he was sitting on the couch and he looked like a deer in the headlights. You did look like a vulnerable deer. You were like, oh God, people are seeing me without my hat. And you just sat there, but you have perfect, perfect head of hair.

No, that's true. You have a perfect head of hair, but you're just like, oh, God, oh, shit. You are projecting or something, I didn't care. No, you look like you cared a little bit. I don't believe you now. I don't remember one this year, top when you, when... Nah, look at you with your authority glasses. Dude, I have the fucking ropes on who can have, like, hair control hair. Like, you know what? I can grow my hair as long as a skater boy, but I don't look like a fucking emo nerd. Except you did until about a week ago. Not just because I didn't want, I was too lazy to get my head.

No, about a week ago, you look like an emo scared boy. I was too lazy to get my hair. Truthfully, your hair grows out faster than, like, I swear. Especially my beard. I see you now in your hair short. If I saw you in three weeks and you had like long fucking hair again, it wouldn't even fucking surprise me. I swear your hair grows out like three times faster than normal person.

All over my body too. It's not very much. All over, where it's hot, dude. I have a lot of stomach on my hair. But yeah, if you guys. got time to go to a fucking barber and stylist. Except I don't except I never once

went to any stylist in my entire life. You're a liar. That's bullshit, dude. You look like the dude the main guy in Warlock. You read that movie Warlock? I haven't seen it, but I hope that's not an insult because I'll get very sensitive. Why don't you just start walking out of New York

and maybe some like talent scott will see you? You're like... I know that sarcasm, Jeff, but I'm not taking... I'm going to just take it as a comment, so I'll feel better. Why don't you carry a cold ice Frappuccino in one hand And a muscle shirt

And wearing in the other Because I have no vibe Walk up in down New York Street It's no joke that you really You really do pull up that unique To blow it any chance you can't What? You have a little soup of a unique

You have a little sip of quino And then a little sip of wiener What the hell was that movie? Oh shit What was it called? With Will Ferrell and You know The model of the models

The Zoolander Was there like a joke Wasn't it like a style Where like they were making fun of But the people walk on stage covered in garbage or something wasn't that? Oh, Darolique Yeah, Darolique. Yeah, you're Darolite.

No, I can't remember what you looks like, but thank you. I'm just going to say thank you just so I don't... No, you're not... Just so I can sleep tonight. I'm just getting even with you. You see, when you fuck with Nile long enough, he starts to, like, his personality starts to go down and down, like now he's really legitimately upset. A little bit.

Anyways, I wanted to talk about babysitters, not Nile's Frofro. Fro, what's that? It's a her. You got to tell me what that is before you can do it. Hairter. Everybody's fucking thrown in the barrel tonight. This isn't fair.

Okay. Corey, listen, you look like John Oliver. I do. Thank you. Thank you for the couple of them. With what? With fucking AIDS?

With AIDS? I'm John Oliver with AIDS? I look the same. Nile, there is no way that you did not go to a style. You look like the main villain in Passage of 57

with their hair coming back. You look like Jason Statham who went through a blender and came back out and he was like, oh, my muscles are gone. I'll take it. What? I'll take it.

You look like, Stathethe without muscle. Oh, my muscles are gone. What? That didn't even make sense? You look like Staveham. Who got his muscles chopped off and served in a charcoal grill with lamb and stew. Jeff, you look at the lead role of

Keanu Reeves. Jeff, you look at Keanu Reeves in the movie. The movie was in called Johnny Utah. Yeah, what's it called? Postal View or something? Postal. Postal Point break. When it was a good movie in 1991, now it's going to be a bad movie in 2015.

It was a great movie. Was that 91? It was a good movie. Jeff, your official name is now, Jeff. I thought it was a good name when I picked. I started using it in like 2004. And I'm like, oh, yeah. I'll use a name from a quirky fun 90s movie. And now, now it's going to react to me.

You should have saw the fucking, like, you should have saw the red flags whenever Robocop and all that shit. I should have called myself this is long before that. They were talking about this point break remake for years. I thought it would never happen. And all of a sudden, the fucking trailer popped up one day. It's like a joke where you thought it would be funny the concept. No, this is common sense

assuming that all those old franchises were going to die in Hollywood. Fucking Evil Dead was touched. There was no reason that Evil Dead had to be remade at all. It's like, it's a stounding. They remade that movie. They remade Portuguese. Oh, don't tell me they remade fucking Portuguese, dude. A movie that didn't even need to be touched.

Don't tell me they remade Evil Dead. Don't tell me. They did with a shit storm. It's fucking horrible. I fucking. They remade it? The remake or the original? Visually, cinematography is not bad, but it's a fucking...

Are you talking about the original or the new one? The new one? There's a new one? Yeah. You were just talking about that Nia? What the hell? There's no... The character Ash is played by a girl now.

Yeah. Oh. And it's awful. It's just like... You know what? I wouldn't even call it awful. I would say it's bland. It's...

It's unnecessary. It's safe and it's bland and it's missing all the... It's the same thing with the Robocop reboot. It's like... They don't get why Robocop existed to begin with. Why they did well to begin with. They just rebuild them. Robocop is a weird movie that could only be pulled off once.

That movie is so fucking bizarre. The other thing, though, and I think we brought this up before, but it seemed like there's this golden age of movie making in like the 80s and 90s when you could almost feel like the budgets were high enough where the movie had, you know, decent effects and actors, but at the same time, they were... It was weird. It was so like new. They were like all under the radar enough where everybody making the movie was having fun.

You almost tell people. What else was... We talked about that in the car. We talked about how, like, all city escapes now are just, like, these black, sleet businessmen who make millions of dollars. Like, a city life is, like, the luxury. It's not, like, old 80s movies, which is, like, it's, like, shitty and gritty, and people are real. And, like, when stuff happens, it actually feels like it happens. Now it's all, like, corporate.

And they were so charming, too. You watch a movie today. It seems like nobody's having fun making it. No, it's all like this... Well, I just feel like it's, it's, like, a transitional period. where like most people coming out of college nowadays, they're like moving into the industry without much knowledge of the industry.

They understand money, they understand what works, and they understand what you... You understand how to film things, like they know... Well, there's the filmmakers, and then there's the writers... They know the technical shit,

but they don't know... There's two things they're told. They're told... They're told what to edit, and they're also told where to put the fucking Wilhelm scream in all the latest films. If I hear that Wilhelm scream,

one more... It's even, it's in cartoons now, which is just like horror. Any cartoon that comes out, it has a fucking will. It is way past. It's all pretty much the whole umbrella of Hollywood now is revisiting things that they know worked in the past. People laughed at this, people like this, people enjoy this movie, so let's do this again because we know that works. I'm wondering if they're going to do something with, like, Westerns. Like, they're going to revisit Westerns?

Oh, I'd love that. I love Western movies. I think that would actually love that with some. Well, I mean, but he cares. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, like, old westerns, like, the stuff that your dad and grandpa watched, like, the real good. You know, movies, like, good movies come out all the time. It's, like, theater movies, no. Yeah, but, like...

A million ways to die in the West bombed. That was a fucking... The one thing that, like, 80s movies had... Really? The one thing that 80s movies had that, like, modern movies don't have it. Hey, raise your hand if you watched a million ways to die in the West in the theater. I didn't watch it in the theater. Why did you do that, Corey?

All right, I told you why. And to be fair... I was giving Seth MacFarlane his first ever chance. He was trying to get me to go. I said no. He had his first ever chance when you watched 10. I didn't. Oh.

That was my first Seth MacFarlane movie. I can't hate it. A million ways to die in the West fails so hard on every level. I can't even believe it. Actually, no, that's wrong. The cinematography is all right. Yeah. But it fails the joke.

Did he direct it? He pretty much did. He put himself in every shot to make sure that he has been a great cinematographer. This is a literal quote from the movie. So, such a disaster. The mayor of the city was dead on the street. This is literally the mayor of the city. He's literally lying dead on the street.

Dogs are literally coming to eat him. How is that funny? Is that when I recorded a whole? I actually have that. I still have that. We should have it out. We should release that. I should have released that. Why didn't you?

We could put it on sleep again. I keep asking about it, but everybody's incompetent. So. Who said that? Everybody. Jeff just said it. Like, I wasn't meant to. No, no, no.

I'm just, Zach had it for the long. See, I wasn't the one who's meant to edit it. I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying, No, I know, but I wasn't the one who's meant to edit it, but it's on my laptop. I get edited easily and put on sleepy cabin. Okay.

You're too busy getting fucking banned from Twitch. Why are you worried about anything? You got banned from Twitch and I'm twice. I was there. You're such a fool. Do you hear about this? I did. Yeah, I heard you were just prank phone calling.

Prank phone calling. Police stations? Niall. On Twitch. Jeff, I was drunk and I was funny. No, that's like, that's like calling 911 one and being like, oh, what do you think of not a living? He called the same police station twice.

Nile, when did you do that? Quite recently. It was about a couple of weeks ago. He gave me that stupid friend of years. The dumb ass. Listen, Ollie is a stupid fuck. Now, you know, Slaepy cabin was a real company, you'd be fired right now? You can't do that. Yeah, the first time we got banned, he was drawing a dick.

I drew a dick in very detailed penis. He felt like he needed to get banned harder the second time. You needed to go out. You had to go out of the bag. I was calling escort turpses, and I got banned. The official reason was sexual harassment. Anyways, if there's a third time, I don't know if I'll get it.

I'm not doing a thing. I'm just slow clap. I'm in your fucking effort. Well done. Anyways, can we get back to babysitters? I haven't even told you my extravagant babysitters. Wait, what was the last thing we talked about, though? Babysitters.

All right, yeah, then you want. Okay, so let me tell you about my babysitter's story. Okay, so my babysitter story starts, it's really weird. I recall a bunch of babysitter's stories. This is one I had that I just... Wait, when you were babysitting or being babysitted? No, when I was being babysitted. I've babysat before.

Like, I've babysat my one-year-old brother. That fucking sucks. But babysit-satted, I guess it would be the term you'd say. Wait, how would your brother? Babesatted? Babysat. Is that it? It sounds like a test.

Like sitting on babies? I think. Sitting on babies, you crush yourself. How old your brother? This was my... Okay, so my dad's dated a lot of girls. That's another topic for another thing. Oh, like your half-brother, your step-brother or something.

Yeah, he's like my half-brother. Actually, yeah, he'd be my half-brother because my dad dated another chick and then they had a kid. So, yeah, he'd be my half-brother. He's basically, I call my brother and my brother and my brother. Sure. I don't really call him my half-brother, but I forget his name. God, that's embarrassing. Well, that's not your brother then.

Jesus Christ's name. My friends are brothers. At least I know my family's name. Shit. You can't say it's your brother if you remember his name, dude. Well, he is, though, technically. Even if I can't remember his name. He's your brother from another.

Yeah, he's my brother from another mother. Oh, wow. Is it actually from another mother or another father? Yeah, he's a brother from another mother. Oh, wow. So anyways, that has nothing to do with my fucking actual babysitting story. Anyways, the babysitting story. There was this one chick that was babysitting me and my sister and some other guy,

and I was arguing with my sister. Stop, you were how old? 14, I think. She was how old? 17. Or 16. Was she hot? No.

Did she have big tities? I don't remember. She was wearing like, uh, just like the most basics. Her tits were sagged, so she, she had like deflated tits. That's a little too much, man. Go on. Anyways, you wanted to know the details. But she, we were, I was playing Super Mario 3 with my sister, and I was arguing with her because she...

On the Nintendo Entertainment System? Yeah. Nintendo Entertainment System. Super Nintendo, on the Super Nintendo. Super Nintendo. Super Mario 3 was not on Super Nintendo. All-Stars? Super Mario All-Star.

Okay. They had an updated graphic version. I was playing the All-Star Super Mario Bros. 3. And she, I think she was using the items. And I'm like, stop using the fucking, like, hammer. Because that's, like, the best one where you throw hammers and shit. Yeah. And I'm like, stop using that fucking item on an easy stage.

And then we started fighting over that. And then she came in, and she's like, where are we arguing about? Make up. And then we made up. And then she was, like, there, like, make up and kiss. So she wanted us to kiss. And I'm not doing that. And then she kept on like doing it and the other guy was like yeah kiss her kiss your sister

And I'm like I'm not doing that I'm not kissing my sister So wait your sister was there Yeah my sister was there and she's like yeah I'm not kissing him and they kept telling us to kiss And then I'm like you guys are weird and I ran up to my room Wait I'm lost so you and your sister were there and your babysitter Was telling me and my sister to make up and kiss after we hugged and shit Oh I thought you're fighting with your babysitter no my I was I was being like, I'm not going to do that. That's what I was fighting about.

Right, and so, to make up for that, she wanted you to kiss your sister. Okay. It was just weird, and I'm just like, I'm leaving. Did you do it? No, I never did. I kissed my sister. I pushed her. She's like, that's not kissing, and I pushed her again. And she's like, I was being defiant. And then I went to my

room. I never told my dad this. He just came home. No, I'm thinking I'm missing something. I thought you and you're... So you were playing Mario All-Stars. With your sister? Yeah. Okay.

I was flipping her bean. And you're flipping her bean the whole time. And your babysitter was watching? Did she wanted me to kiss her? I didn't even know you had a sister. Yeah, I do. I have a question. Yes.

This is the worst. This is maybe on topic, off topic, but what's the worst thing a sibling has ever done to you? The worst thing? My brother knocked my teeth out once. You pulled an axle off a toy, a large toy. Like on his car, you sit in his little kid. He pulled the axle off and swung it and hit me in the face of it and knocked my teeth out. Oh, really?

My stepbrothers smashed a plastic chair over my back when I was little. I was going to say something, but it's nowhere near that. I sat. You know those like, sorry. You know those like really like undurable ones that you get at like a dollar tree and stuff? They're like really cheap. They break really fucking easy. And then he just like shattered it over my back.

And I had a long, I had like this huge fucking chairwell. That's the worst. my sister. I think she threw something. I mean, I fucking chased her with a butter knife and she was fucking hyperventilating and I held the fucking butter knife up to her nose. And I was like, if you

do that, it was like gritting my teeth angry. A butter knife. Well, I got a couple of stories. Probably not good at all. If we're talking about stuff like, I don't know if I said this before, but a go-car fell on my sister. Did I say this? A go-car. It fell on her? Yeah. From a... How? From where? My height? My dad?

My dad had a go-kart that he used to ride around. On his roof? Acres. No, he had a go-cart, and we were riding it around, and we were going down a hill. And you're not supposed to go down a hill and press... You're supposed to let the gas up, and then let the thing go down. And we were pressing forward. And that was really stupid.

And we turned, and the fucking go-cart, like some jackass. At the go-cart just, like, tipped over, and I crashed, and then I blacked out. And then I woke up, and my sister was screaming. And it was like the go-car was on the other side. And then I ran around, and I saw... The go-car was laying. on her fucking leg with battery acid

pouring into her room. Oh my fucking. And she, and it's just like, you can hear the noises and she was fucking screaming. And I, I ran away.

What? I ran, not to hell you ran the other way. I was terrified. I thought she was going to die so I could understand that concept. So you had to get away from that. I was so scared.

But then I, then like something clicked in my head and I'm like, she could die and I could be in so much trouble. And so I ran back to save her. And I guess like the fear of getting in trouble Allow me to pick up the golf cart And fucking pull her leg out

And I was little So the idea of that is crazy We're more concerned about getting in trouble Than her actually die My adrenaline was strictly being grounded For the summer I do remember the most fucked up thing That a sibling did to me

But I can't even fucking say that On this podcast ever Period ever I think you remember one of the The did say it on a podcast We made a season Oh my man I have never I've told this to maybe two people

And I'll never tell it to you, Corey You've got a big ass mouth And I'll never tell it to you, Nile, because you're a fucking borderline alcoholic. I'll tell it to Jeff later. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Can I just call it up to you now? Wait, wait, personal secrets.

Corey, cut it out for a second. That is fair use, the one I said. That's fair use. Corey, cut this out for a second. I'm a border- I don't have royalty-free stories, Corey. Yes, you do. Stamper, yeah?

A real-life alcoholic is telling a borderline alcoholic. You think I'm an alcoholic, Nile? No. You're borderline too, but you're more, you're like closer to the border than Naya, like far closer. That's really interesting. I don't think you're an alcoholic. I think it's an alcoholic. I used to respect

you about like this much. Now you're like down here. You have to start all right now. You're fucked up right this. I don't think you're an alcoholic. Then you grab your beer. You're a bluff. You grab your beer right after that. I will tell you the most fucked up thing I did to a sibling. Okay. Um, when

Back to the babysitting thing Me and my sister and brother We were always left at home When my parents were at work And we didn't have babysitters or anything Because we're all kind of of age So my parents just kind of trusted us And we were always like

14, 12 and 9 Or 14, 12 and 11 Or whatever the fuck So my parents just assumed That we're old enough To hold things together And it doesn't sound that fucked up But to entertain ourselves

Since we didn't have much to do in the way of fun. We used to play hide and seek in the house, right? So like, my sister would be like, okay, you guys go hide in the house and we find you. And then, so me and my sister were it once, and we were looking for my little brother. And I swear to Christ, we were looking for him

for like two hours. And it was getting to the point where it was like, did he fucking leave the house? Like, we were really upset. And we eventually found him. It was kind of genius on him. his part, he hit in the dryer. So he, like, opened the dryer

the clothes dryer, laundry dryer. Right, right. So we hit in the thing that you pull open and go inside and close. But he, well, you guys, you don't necessarily do that? What's that? You're calling his name or anything? Yeah, totally. We couldn't hear you? And he was just, no, he was just being a dick.

He was just like hiding. He hid in, and it was like a front loading dryer. Yeah. And we were so mad. We shut him in the dryer and we turned it on. Oh my turn it, dude. You could have him dude holy shit what that was like the worst thing I've ever done that has that that's not the worst thing you've ever done I would be I like I still remember the way he was screaming oh my god tamper that was oh how long it's like a

drum and it's just like it's a drum he'd be spinning around bop-bombs punching hot you're cooking you're cooking in wild scolding while you're boiling him. He's gonna scorn him by how long. Boiling him like a ham. Oh my god, snap her. Like, how long did you leave him in there for? You know, the sad part was me and my sister

was sitting in front of the dryer. And we were laughing. Oh, my, fuck. I know. He was spinning her. Oh, jeez. All right, that sounds hilarious in theory. However, in practice.

I know, well, you know, now that I'm older, I get it. You know, when your kids, you're just like, oh, it just turns around. And that's how kids kill other kids. But when you're older, you're like, oh, it's very hot in there and it's really dangerous and you shouldn't do that. In hindsight that's worse than you have ever again.

I may have killed... I nearly killed my little sister by stuffing Rice Krispies down her throat when she was one. I mean, truthfully he was only in there for like 10 seconds. Are you fucking serious? Yeah. I shoved the whole lot of Rice Krispies down her throat and she choked. And then I told my mom

when she was clean the bathroom, I was like, Mom, hey, I fed my sister and she was like, oh, okay, dear, and then she kept her up the phone and she was like, face Krispies into a man. Yeah, and then she stuffed Rice Krispies. What? Rice Krispies and my mom came

out and she saw my sister's face was like, I'll swell up like a hamster and like it was rice cream. Holy shit, Kyle. She's cardiac arresting and like. You don't even know better, but it's like Jesus Christ. Oh, you're just trying to put food into a human. Yeah. Like there wasn't any elegance to it.

You were just like, no. No. No. No worries. stuff in like fucking like full cube like the rice crispy yeah like the rice crispy treats she was scraping it against her fucking wood tooth and she was not freckling popped all the way down her fucking were you fucking like scraping on her teeth

to make sure it would like break and stuff or you just stuffing too too young stuffing fucking thing she had a chicken yeah no I just I just shoved them down all the way down her gone that's like fucked up but the most funniest thing yeah but she she choked she had to go to hospital you know what I turned the dryer on

with my brother in it but that's That is fucked up, Nile. That is fucked up, but you were conscious. You realized what you were doing. You were being a demon, you were being an asshole. That's the difference. You were getting back. He was trying to be helpful.

Yeah, I was trying to be helpful to my mom. I know you wanted to give her smush bees, but I didn't. Oh no, yeah, I was totally being an asshole. That's the difference. Turn the dryer on and make him pay for it. Like you boiled your brother alive. I pushed my sister off the stairs. I guess that would be fucked up.

I pushed her off the stairs and broke her arm, I think. Oh, shit. Because there was no way. railing and I pushed her off like two flights of stairs. Yeah, we were really violent these kids. Did you do anything, Jeff? No. You never hurt your siblings that bad?

No. Jeff, you have a brother. Yeah. You've been silent for a second. Sorry if we've been talking to him. You're the older brother, though. Yeah, I'm the older brother. Oh, so you didn't really...

He didn't show dominance by breaking... I was the reasonable one. My brother is the crazy one. What, did he try anything? You know, normally I give people the benefit of the doubt, But I'm actually on Jeff's side with this one. Truthfully, I don't think I need to meet his brother. I don't know.

Why? Just from the years of... Just from the years of... I think I get it. We all have these interesting brother stories. I don't have a brother. We just say that. Interesting.

We all sort of have these similar stories. Wait, stop. You know, maybe everybody listening has interesting brother stories, and maybe we're in the wrong. I remember I used to... I remember I used to fuck with my brother a lot. I used to fight with him a lot. I used to... He'd think I'm the asshole.

I was a giant asshole. I was a giant asshole. I used to fucking... You know those... You know when, like, those Goosepump movies where the older brothers like, yeah, the monster

come out and eat you? I used to fucking do that shit all the time to my brother. Nobody watches those movies. Oh. Those goosebumps shows. Like, are you afraid of... I used to do that to my sisters,

you know, you have those, like... You know, you have those, like... Snoddy little brothers who are like older. It's like, hey, pee brain. Better not go in there to drain monster to eat you.

He's like, shut up. I used to do that shit to my sisters. To my sisters, I was like... But I would actually go the extra mile and hide in areas to fucking scare him how we thought I left. My younger sisters, like, I'd be like... Niall, how many siblings do you have? I have three sisters. And one of my little sisters, it's called Eva.

And I was kind of extra mean to her. She was the middle... She was like, my sister right below me is called Neve, then Eva, then Ali. And with Eva, I'd be somehow meaner to her. So wait, what's the order? All the kids... One is two years younger. Yeah.

Yeah. One is two years younger. One is like seven years younger. One's like 11 years younger. But the one that's like seven years younger, I was kind of the meanest to her. I'd always be like, do you know what I heard last night? You know the doll you have in your room? She was like, Eva, I'm on the first step.

Eva, I'm on the second step. And she was walking up the stairs towards your room. And she slowly opened the door. Then I caught her and she just went dead. So you better thank me, Eva. And she was like, oh my. God, thank you. Like, yeah.

And then I, yeah, I was an extra-meanor. Like, I used to get two pillows and bang her on the side of the heads and go, jingle bells, jingle all the way. You're just like a fucking horrible. I was just kind of mean to my sisters. I mean, you know, you fuck with your brothers and stuff, and then they grow up and learn that, like, you know what, I can see that now. You did grow up in a household full of women.

Yeah, that's why. That's not to say that you're a woman, but you definitely have that understanding. Yeah, see, some people think I'm gay because I get along with women really well, but it's not it. You see how to, you sound like one. You sound like you're gay? No, you're not the voice you do. You're not the voice you do. You want to create people out again right now?

Yeah, I can do that. Stamper can also do a girl voice, though, so it's all right. I have to pitch mine up, though. Yeah, but this is not how I normally talk. You know that, Stamford. You can pull off a... See, Stamford looked disgusting. You can definitely pull off a white trash chattie.

Well, I could do it. a trending point. Like if I, if I decided to become a woman one day, I'll just start talking like this. You actually could. It actually sounds like you were practicing. So like your name should be like Tammy or something. Yeah, Tammy. Oh my God, Stamper looks so disgusted when I did that. It was

like, you like disgusted We all, we all did. See, it's just I was not looking at Stamper. The misunderstanding. I was disgusted in my own ability to do it because I smoke a lot. I was thinking about, you see, everyone's a star of their own world. They think that everything revolves around them. Maybe I was thinking about myself,

Nile, you ever think about that? I think about you a lot, Stamper. God, you still missed the point. Jesus. I love you, Thamper. Okay. Oh, if we're going to talk about siblings, I have another sibling's story, ish. My stepdad, his kid's side,

one of my brother's, Cody, he was an asshole. Like, he would always fuck with me. Like, there was the older version, Luke, who wouldn't, he was kind of like, he kind of fuck with me. No, this might be confusing to people. Let's go down the line real quick. Okay. Version. All right, so,

So my parents divorced when I was two. And then I got step parents. Both ways. I have a stepmom and a stepdad and a real mom and a real dad. Oh, you want to talk about like our parents? So no idea. And then you have what? Okay, I have a dad and a mom, but they divorced.

So I have two stepmoms on my dad's side. And I have one stepdad with my mom. Right. So it's just to let people know what you're talking about. Yeah, I have one Russian stepmom and one country mom. Like, she's very country southern. Who's your mom-mom? Country.

She's like... Country mom. Wholesome Christian. That's not... No, she's like... Is that another mom? Yeah, that's my mom mom. Okay.

How's your Russian mom? I think I get it. Is your Russian mom cool? And now you still have the same bitch-ass parents that put you out? The ones that knock me out of their pussies, my mom and dad's pussies, I am still part of their family. Jeff, you still have your fucking... A mother-fathered brother. Oh, you're parents in divorce?

No. Wow, thank you. Man, anywhere else it's like, oh, wife and husband, they're together forever. In America's like, yeah, she's my, like, step, son, niece. Divorce is more common than anything, dude. Yeah, in America only. In Ireland, there was one kid. That's because you guys are all fucking Catholic, and no matter how much you hate each other,

you just stick it out. See, I think my parents are kind of doing that a little bit. Well, yeah, no shit. Really? That's what it is. When did they get married when they were fucking 17? And they don't like each other? Really?

Surprise. You're like my. but I'd never get married the disease I hope they're not your age anyways What is with you guys? My parents got divorced

when I was one Oh my god Jeff is such a fucking What? He's an American freak Most people are fucking divorced It's so crazy here though My mom saw my fucking dad's

Arnold Schwarzener muscle And she was like Wow I want to fall in love with this dude And because my dad took Arnold Arnold Schwarzener's like he had like lessons On how to Um There's like a P90X in the age of

There's actual videos of him teaching people how to work out. Like, he was a muscle. So, P90X. I related question for all you guys. How much do you see yourselves in your parents? Like, can you look at your parents? You can almost feel like you

came from them. I have my mom's sentimental side, but I have my dad's anger and creative side. I got my mom's creative side and my... And I have my dad's perverted side. Oh. Let's not go to that topic. No, I got...

My dad is really laid back. like me, but my mom's kind of the creative side I got from her, so, and I looked like my mom instead of my dad. I guess I like almost got like my dad's voice in some personality, but my mother's sense of humor. Oh yeah. It's weird. I don't have my dad since my dad's corny. My dad's like fucking early 90s Jim Carrey jokes all day. My dad is like, do you hear the most annoying sound in the world?

My dad never shit talks anybody. I guess my mom does sometimes, so it's like, I know I go. Oh, my mom is part of this like group of moms who was in my school who are like, They just talk about, like, gossip all day. It's really annoying. My mom, I know I got my, like, shit talking and, like, anger side from definitely my dad, but my sense of humor was shaped by the internet. I look exactly like my dad, and I get his logical side.

My dad is the precise thing. Oh, I'm so lucky I got my mom's hair, though. If you mean my dad... No, my dad is the messy one. You will see... He looks exactly like me, and he's very straightforward. Everything he does is... He's a meteorologist.

Everything he does is very concise and precise. So you're those temper. Well, no, but then my mom is like You got past the boat worlds then. Do you still that audio recording of you and your father? Oh my God. You're the only person I ever sent that to because

it was so fucking embarrassing. I always forget what it was about, but I was like, this is interesting. I want to hear this. It's not even embarrassing. It's just like me and my dad were fucking wasted and we were sitting around and for like 75, it was. It was like a podcast before there was even a podcast. And we're just sitting trying to remember who invented the light bulb.

Thomas Albert Einstein? Yeah, exactly. It's Thomas fucking Edison. But the whole time we're just doing... It just sounded like an older Stamper. It's like... Stamper talking to himself from the future. You know what?

Introducing Stamper's Dad. So real quick. Real quick. Final question before the time runs out of here. Final question. Did you know that... The first filament of the light bulb shown at the World State Fair was made of finely coiled. Now, cardboard with carbon impregnation in it?

No, I didn't know that. It curled? Was it curled around a little stick, and then the stick was pulled out, and then it was connected to two pieces of platinum, which were then in turn connected to two pieces of copper? Is that really how it works? Inside a sealed light wolf? Wait a minute, I'm talking about sex again.

What the fuck am I doing? Yes, in fact it was true. Our friend, Mr. Einstein. No, that's not him. What's his name? Starts with the Eichhorn? No. Eisenhower?

No, no, no. Come on. Well, help me out here. Edward Newton. No, that's the apple guy. Edward Newton. No, that's Edward Norton. I'm thinking, no, that's Eddie Norton. No, it's Albert Newton.

No, God. Albert Einstein. No, he's the theory of relative, what we'll call it now? What's the guy? Oh, fuck me. Ah, it's a statue of thee. Come on, now. Eisenhower, that's him.

Yeah, that's not it either. Ah, I don't know. Alexander Drenbel. No. No, that was the phone. Fuck, he invented those crackers for fuck sake. Which crackers? The graham crackers.

He's not a way. For me sake. Sorry, The guy didn't invite Okay, light bulb Newman, Newman Newton No, Newman, Newman, Newman, Newman, Newman, Newman,

What the fuck was that guy's name? The guy didn't inventing with the light bulb? Yeah, I just saw him in the news, just the other day. Theodore Roosevelt? Oh, come on, same era, same era, Theo Roosevelt. You know what, off topic, you know what always surprised me about Theodore Roosevelt was that he's white.

He is white. And Theodore is such a, such a non- white name. Oh, come on. What the hell? What? It's not Hispanic. Okay, so, DiGio. Julio, Julio, why the fuck you're going? Julio. Julio Roosevelt.

Julio. Julio Roosevelt. What the fuck you think of going? So, no, not Julio. No, Stiro Roosevelt. He's a white guy. Then invented the light bulb. And he invented, did not invent the light bulb. It was, uh, what's his name? Hey, Blinken, no, no, he invented the, he invented the, he invented the, he invented the, he invented free black people.

Free black people, he did, yes. And the black people were happy to have that invention. No, let's see, who was that guy? Come on, come on, come, come, come, come, come. Stay on my second. All right, let's step back. Let me put you back. Buddy Hackett, that's it. It was Buddy?

No, sorry. Wasn't that a Happy Days cast member? No, Buddy Hackett was another guy that started movies that didn't go anywhere. Let me put you back in grade school. Okay, let's pretend like I just gave you a test. Okay, we go. Blank.

Blank. invented the light bulb invented the light bulb in 1877 yeah I see it was John

Wilts Booth John D that's it D John D no that's not that's not it

uh no hey you know you know speaking of Abraham Lincoln did you know that Abraham Lincoln was it was a Jew hold it

no I didn't know that come on that's not true you got shot in the tempo Nice. You know what? It might be still too early for that joke, my friend,

because there are still Abraham Lincoln fans out there. Who? In Illinois, maybe. Oh, those black guys that were talking about. That's right. Oh, like the Lincoln Cow can't. Those are toys. Those are...

Hey, Lincoln Logs are, you know, Lincoln. That's the name. Lincoln, so they may be a little offended, so you just better watch it. The guy who built the Lightball, the guy who built the Lightball... Was not Alexander Graham Bell. By Whitney.

Eli, that wasn't, he invented the cotton gin. Then he invented the light bulb because he couldn't see the cotton. So he makes a light bulb and ding, he sees it and he goes, hey, this does look pretty good. All right, right. Okay, wait, let me. Let's see, hold on. I'm not resorting to the internet. I wouldn't if I were you.

No. Let's see. Who invented the light bulb? We just saw this. It wasn't Eisenhower and it was not Abraham Lincoln for fuck's sake. it could have been Robert E. Lee. The guy, the Civil War guy? No, that wasn't Robert E. Lee?

The outlawed Josie Wales could have a light bulb, though. He was pretty good. Wasn't Josie Wales a female? Josie Wales was a fictional Western character who shot lots of people but didn't even really exist, so nobody actually died. So he maybe invented the fictional light bulb? Could have. No, the guy, it was like Frank Filament or something who invented a linebowl. That's it. Frank or Paul Platinum? one of those guys. That's it.

Invented the light bulb. Well, okay, let's just say that Paul Platinum was the guy that invented light bulb. Yes, he used where were we going ahead of time? Sorry? We were talking about something before we got on the track of who invented the lightbults. Treadmills. Treadmills. That's correct. Who invented the treadmill?

I have no idea. George Patton, the guy who was in the war, General George Patton, invented the treadmill. Because he discovered that in war you never get anywhere. So that's why he invented the treadmill Because he walks, walk, walk, what, never going to go. Oh, well, I get, there's... Or my ex-wife.

Either one of those two invented them. Ah, because it's an uphill struggle. That's right. Well, that's... She invented the treadmill. She had the machinery down. Yeah, you press a button and it goes up in an incline. Oh, like the stair stoppers.

That's it. Only it was flat. It's flat. Like my ex-wife actually. So you can't get it. Yeah, you know, that's it. So it wasn't Alexander treadmill? No, Graham, something. No, that wasn't it. Who did invent the lightbow?

Come on, I'm dying to know now. Was a guy? His name was something, something, and he had specific color of hair. I'm going to say chestnut. All the guys from the 1900s had chestnut hair. And he wore a specific kind of clothing back then. Like Victorian-style 1900s clothing.

You got lots of hints here. Come on, come on, come on. He wore shoes. And he was an inventor. Shoes with or without buckles. Give me more hints. Thomas, wait a minute. Thomas Edison.

Thomas Edison. Invention? No. No. He fitted to subway for fun sake. It was Thomas Edison. No, Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson signed the bill for the light bulb.

That's right. That's right. The first bill that was set out for lightbulks. Thomas Jefferson had to pay. That's correct. Not the bill. Oh, that too. I think you might be right with this Thomas thing.

Thomas. What's the name of that guy, Thomas? Thomas Edison. Thomas Edison. Thomas Edison. Thomas. Yeah, that must have been him. Thomas Edison did invent the billing process for electricity, right?

Bingo. That's why Thomas Jefferson had to pay. The black light, you know, for like the clubs? I do. We dance around in neon clothes. It's invented by Morgan Friedman, I think. And he actually, he did the Dixie Cups. The Dixie Cups.

Or those red party cups, where you put the drinks in the red party cups and you have the drinks? You drink the party drink out of the red cup and then you go Is there any more? Yeah, that was fun That whole red party cup thing Was a blast. What was cool about those? They were disposable, you could Drink it. Throw them out?

Throw them right in the trash. That was unheard of. Pretty cool. That was unheard of. Give me one of those red cups. Disposable you say, I'll be fucked. And off he goes into the trash game. Yeah, yeah, that's right. I remember those days, yeah. We got extra drunk

because we didn't have to worry about where our cups went is throwing them in the trash. That's very true. You didn't throw my cups in the trash, did you? You mean those ones we were using? Yeah. They were glass? Yeah, yeah.

Do you recycle glass? We can. How about you will? Because it might be busted up. What a pair of faggots. Wouldn't you agree? All right. That's to be the name of the episode,

Major Malfunction. Do you want to call it that? That's a good name. I don't even... A major malfunction. It sounds like a movie from like, it sounds like short circuit, like major malfunction. This is called a major malfunction. Let's call it.

What would we call it? What would we actually call this? Major malfunction, I think that's a good name. Why is it? Or finesse on the end, maybe. Major malfunctions. Yeah. How does that make sense?

Because we're all talking about how fucked up we all are. Yeah. Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense. Could work. Major malfunctions. I think it's a good name. Childhood Major Malfunction. It's called The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

It's called the Babysitter Diage. It's called the Baby Situ-Diator Di-Di-Dive. That movie was always like the stupidest concept to me, and it was always like the most goofiest thing to hear in a conversation. You can't wear the same jeans. It doesn't make any sense. You have to all be the same size. The traveling pants. You kidding me, man? They could have like, um, that's kind of like a... So they have to get a really big fat pair and then a cinch belt for the skinnier bitches. Like, so the first one has to be really fat, and she has to go buy the jeans at American Eagle or whatever. Do you think that the sisterhood's traveling pants? Oh, cut out, but...

Ever run into the fat pair of pants, and it's like, you know, you're just like the fucking, like, the half bread of the sister and you travel... Maybe you need to stop eating snickerdoodles. Like, maybe that's the whole point of the movie. Like, I don't know what fucking... That'd be a good movie. Pants talk to each other, just insulted fat pairs of pants, and that's the... Call it Fat Pants, and it's just like, hey, you know what, maybe... That sounds like an Eddie Murphy parody, like a remake to Norbert.

Yo, Jeff, what was that funny? Norbert Yo, what was that movie The Eddie Murphy movie That's like The infamous shit Where like He was

He was America That was a great movie You better shut the fuck up He's like a space cadet or something No no this is like a horrible movie This is like He's like a thing with Eddie Murphy's in his head Oh my name is

Jeffer Oh the one where it's like I don't get his nymphs He's like just the thing like walking around It's kind of a recent Eddie Murphy's in his head Dave or something? Yeah, Dave! I told you, it was a space...

I couldn't think of the name. I was thinking like Pluto, Neptune or something like that. Norbit was 2007. I like Norbit. That made me laugh. Really? It made me laugh in a bad sort of way. You know what?

I'm going to watch The Adventures of Pluto and Ash. I want to see how bad that movie is. It's just like terrible. It's just stupid. That's from 2002. Jesus. Also, I never really liked Dr. Doolittle.

I never really liked Dr. Doolittle. You know what's weird about any Murphy? His movies suck? So you got like Beverly Hills Cop Coming to America That's a good movie 48 hours even

48 hours And if you look at the history Like for coming to America Like I was kind of shocked That that movie's actually It actually turned out to be something good Yeah Because from what I read

He was always at the director's throat Like they never got along Really? And he's very argumentative With all like everything That's coming to America was good Nutty Professor was good and Shrek was good

What I'm wondering is like Shrek Shrek one But like As an actor The more he got out of being Under people's control The worst his movies got

And the more he started Like doing his own thing The worst they got His stand of comedy is great From 84 to 80 No it's not I heard it was I haven't listened to it was

Dude listen to So Beverly Hills Cop was in 84 Golden Child was in 86 Then Beverly Hills Copped You then coming to America was in 88. So, look, those four years are pretty good. It's like a... It's like when he started directing his own movies or something,

but... Vampire in Brooklyn. What about that one? Oh, my God, that is... That movie sucks. What about a haunted house? What about... Is this a new Paul Rudd? What about a haunted house? Haunted Mansion. Honimension called Holy Man? I always like... Boat Finger. Honda Mansion.

Whenever I saw him, movies based on Disneyland, right, apart from... Pats of Carbien. Anytime I saw any Murphy... Boomerang. There was a lot of... Anytime you saw Eddie Murphy There's always like... What was it called the perfume in that? Oh, soul with soul glow?

Are you talking about coming to America or boomer? Boomerang, yeah, the thing where she fucking gave birth to a bottle of... I forget. Oh yeah, that. And like the goofy comedies, there would always be like a wide angle lens on his fucking gap teeth. And it's like, you know, I don't know how he feels about that, but his characters were always like these like weird iguanas with like buck teeth.

Eguana. Like iguana eyes. You know that's fucking up. Corey. It is! But I was trying to say, how would you feel if you had one thing you probably were self-conscious about? And even though you took prestigious care of your teeth, you always still had those, like, gaps. But they were kind of like your thing where, like, you laugh, you have your, like, fucking Simpsons doctor laugh. But you would always, everyone would always see that. They would always see that, like, tooth ears.

It's kind of like your signature thing. I was like, but it's like, I don't know. I always thought that was funny that everyone would always like, anytime you saw a character of him, he looked like these, fucking, like, just this walrus of these huge fucking teeth coming all the way down to his, like, Like, what do you call this thing? Your neck. No, this bone. Eddie Murphy is one of those guys where I remember watching him in a few movies that made me laugh.

But everything else is just like, man, it's garbage. Like, once Dr. Dool came out. I heard of Stampton wasn't bad, but Stamper says otherwise. It's the whole, like, fucking thing Chris Rock does. It's not, it's not bad. It's just nothing special. It's just like, whatever. No, I, no, the guy.

It's like Chris Rock. That's fucked up. I can't say that. It was, you know, it was, it was groundbreaking back in the day. But, like, now it's like, eh. A lot of people, like Richard Pryor and all those guys, it's all the same. Like, oh, I showed you all that. But, you know, a lot of that is, like, those were kind of the godfathers of it.

So, like, nowadays, when you watch it, you're going to be like, and, but it's only because so many people have emulated that system. Yeah, exactly. Like, even Chris Rock did emulate that kind of thing. I know. So, like, you've heard it a million times before regardless of who started it. The only old-school guys I'd really like would be, like, Mitch Headberg and George Carlin. Chris Rob and dead. They're both dead.

We're going on for two hours now, so... We can stop or whatever. We're having a hearty conversation. Oh, it's good, I was just saying. We've been talking for too long. All right. That's the end of that episode. Blah!

Blah! I'm gonna go watch Norbert. I don't know about you. I'm out of here. That scene where you get stuck in the swimming fucking pipe. You know what? Here's a funny side story about Norfolk. It fucking sucks.

No, I knew a guy for like 10 years, and he was like one of my best online friends. And then he came up to visit me for a while, and we didn't have much to do. So we watched Norbit on, I think it was Netflix. Is it Norbert or Norbert? It's Norbert. Terrible. And then he went home, and we haven't talked since. And I don't know if it was because of Norbert or because of something that happened.

Norbit ends fucking relationships, okay? I can tell you. Norbit is known for that. You know what? I laughed like three times. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, would you laugh when she farted? She's like, that was true. Is that what you fucking left that? Really, asshole? Every one of your cartoons has an ass joke in it. Oh, really? You're gonna crack on Norbert. Really? Yeah. What have you not made a cartoon that doesn't have an ass joke in it? I like it.

Me too. But I don't like Norbert's ass. That's a good point. He got you there. Okay, no, he really didn't know. I don't really understand what's going on. He didn't worry about it. Listen, I'm saying the only joke I laughed at, because that's the only one I can remember, is when the girl was sitting there, she's like, oh, there was a chair. And she's like, you're like, yeah, I was a chair too. I don't even remember that movie as much as you do.

Jesus Christ, man. You're a fucking liar. You just remember to sit, you remember to your relationship. This is Johnny Utah. You were last person brought it up. You're like, shut up. Good night. I'm Niall.

This is Cory Ann Stamper. Good night, everybody. Good night. Good night. All right. Over. Wait. Hold on.

Let's say good night in like rhythmic harmony for like the next 10 minutes. Good night. Good night. Goodnight. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night.

Good night. Over. Good night. Bang.