SleepyCabin - SleepyCast Lost Episode - [Mighty Morphin' Shitty Jobs]

Episode Date: January 16, 2015

The SleepyCabin gang fondly reflects back on a couple of the shitty jobs we've held. You know, before the shitty jobs we hold now! http://sleepycabin.com/audio/sleepycast-shitty-jobs/ This episode starring: Stamper (www.youtube.com/StamperTV) Psychicpebbles (www.youtube.com/Psychicpebbles) Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/Spazkidin3d) JohnnyUtah (http://johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

This is a sleepy cast lost episode. Mighty Morfin shitty jobs. Featuring Stamper, Psychic Pebbles, Johnny Utah, Oni, and Spaz Kid. My name is Captain Dickhead. My penis is curly like a pigtail. You can pull it forward and it springs back into place. Talk about shitty jobs, work. Anyways, what time I worked a shitty job?

Wow, what a cool topic to talk about. Shut up. What that isn't there. It's a good segue. All right, let's talk about shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. No. Let's talk about jobs we've had.

Okay, me being what I am, I've only had one job, and that job was working on the phones at a scholastic toy selling. And what are you, Corey? I was a phone solicitor. Whoa. And I sold toys. Did people hate you? Oh, man. I sold toys to, like, helpless old ladies.

And let me just tell you how diabolical. we were. People, these old ladies, these chirp old ladies, would call us up. They'd be like, I want a dollhouse for my granddaughter. And I'd be like, okay, I'd be $500 because you're shipping from Canada and we charge like thousands of dollars from Canada

for dollhouses. And we told them like, oh, we make them with real American cherry wood and all we did was make them in fucking factories. But it's like, it was were they real American cherry wood in factories though? No, it was fake wood. But we told them like, yeah, we'll give you that. But basically,

It's kind of like, you know, when you trust a toy, like a bookstore, like Scholastic sells books and fucking old people know about books all the way back because Scalicits has been around forever. Yeah. They sell toys. And so since they already trust the bookstore, they don't feel like going to Toys R.S. So they call Scholastic. So, hey, Kina, we need toys. So I would work on the phones for toys. And I did that and the pay was shit.

But it was like working on the phones is horrible because I had this one bitch who would loom over my shoulder. and fucking egg me for anything I do. So I'd talk to all these old people who have fucking hearing aid, so I have to be on the phone. I'm like, excuse me, um, and she's just,

I can't hear you, sonny, like, oh, can you hear me? And then the person would go over and she's like, screaming, you're interrupting the whole entire place.

Um, if you didn't say please a certain amount of time, they would call you into the office and talk about how you should have said please and thank you like 60 more fucking times and you would get graded,

and if you got like a C and you wouldn't get like extra things. You're supposed to check your fucking thing for special deals, but regardless, I had a bunch of people who call in all the time. Like, crazy shit. I had this one woman calling, she was so fucking mad at me because we had, like, China imported shit, and she's like, what are you, a communist, a communist corporation, you put fucking bombs in your toys. Can we say that?

The bomb? Yeah. Just don't say, I'm going to kill Barack Obama with the president. Just don't say that, you'll be fine. Okay, she's like, where you put that... I'm going to kill with a rifle. What are you, what are you bombing? What are you putting shit into the toys?

bombs into toys. I'm like, no. Fucking, is my story boring? It's too long. It's too long? Yeah. Well, okay, my shitty job as I worked on the phones, I talked to a bunch of old people. I can't hear. Oh, they're a precious dollhouse

to her fucking eight-year-old daughter who's going to fucking break it down to flight of stairs. Okay. I like telling a long stories. So Corey works for a company where he sold Jackson dollhouses and shit to people over the phone. Yeah, a bunch of, like, old people who fucking bought like baseball flags and stupid shit that nobody buys anymore.

Slipper, what was your shitty job? I did telemarketing for a while. I sold time shares. Oh, God. In Breckenridge, Colorado. Did you feel like a douchebag? Like, just because it's like... I did.

Because you'd have to call people up, and you knew that you were just bothering them. Yeah. You'd catch people during dinner, and they'd be totally pissed, and I could only sell the women. Really? What? And then their boyfriends would pick up the phone and be like, she's not interested in hang up. I don't know.

Not to sound sexist or anything, but maybe dudes are more... They could pick up bullshit easier or whatever. Girls see vacations in happier times lying ahead. 90% of my sales were to women, and guys were just... What did you say to convince them? What'd you say to, like, rap who inside?

You used to sell, like, vacuums and shit. Hey, slut, you want to touch you? You would sell, like, overpriced fluid vacuums that cost, like, $300. Me and Jeff both sold door-to-door, but... Really? I didn't know. I have a story about that.

For the telemarking thing. Yeah, it was just the time shares. What is his time share? It's essentially a vacation house that you share with other people at different times of the year. Oh, okay. And I didn't sell many. And it was the first time that anyone's ever called me a scumbag in real life and actually meant it. Because there's this guy and I was like, hey, I'd like to say, he's like, is this a fucking telemarketer?

And I was like, well, I'm a salesman trying and he's like, put your manager on the phone. I looked around because normally they might. monitor calls and I looked around to see if he was like had his earpiece in and he was monitoring the calls and I didn't see him anywhere And he was like put your manager on the phone and I was like nope I'm not gonna do that He was like oh you scumbag and I was like yep and then I held the phone The whole thing started like so professionally and then I just turned into a fucking kid at the end of it like not only did I bother him during whatever the hell he was doing But then I treated him like an asshole

He turned around. It's it. And that's, you know, it's like, no color ID. He can't call back. He's probably

still pissed off to this day. It's, I looked at, I worked at Arby's when I was like 17 or 18 and I went to clean out

the, you know, they'd say, hey, go pick, go do the toilets. And then I'd go right back and do the fries. So I'd walk back and fucking have my hand

dripping with feasts and fucking stuff and go handle the fries. Really? And then some guy ate your sandwiches like, oh, you fucking scumbag. He's like,

yeah, you fucking scumbback. This beep tastes like shit, and it was like, well, surprise, guess what? Guess what else I do? No, but it was always sad to me because I would see these big fat fucks bringing the little fat fuck kids, and I can really

bummed out. It's really depressing to see that. Because the kids don't really know any better. You know what's most depressing about that? Is that it was Arby's. Arby's is garbage. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it sucks. Exactly. Like, everyone's like, oh, you work at McDonald's. But it's like, really? At least it's good. Yeah. You can't...

Wendy's or something. It's like, oh, you go to McDonald's, you can get, like, fucking, like, six burgers for $6. You got Arby's. He spends $7 for a shitty sandwich. It always kind of blows my mind when people are like, oh, yeah, he works at McDonald's. They make fun of the occupation, but then they eat there at lunch. And it's like, you can't do that, man. If you're going to hate McDonald's, hate it all the way. Don't ever go to do it. Don't be selective about it.

Boycott you completely. You know, my friend works at McDonald's. What a fucking loser. I'll have a number one. Give me a break, dude. Do you have to give a story about door-to-door? I'll tell you, like, yeah, when I was basically desperate for money, after college because I was trying to be a freelance illustrator and that's a little bit harder than you'd imagine.

I saw this ad in the newspaper said like, it didn't tell you what it was. It said it was $12 an hour. That's the same thing that happened to me too. They trick you. This whole thing is the most such trickery going on. Did you have... Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

It might tag on, but my friend said like he had a... If he sold, like, the shitty floor cleaner, he would get an extra like money boost on his fucking thing. I think it did say something like this. It's like guaranteed $12. But nobody wants to buy a $600 fucking floor cleaner. So, yeah.

So like the people, if anybody listening, you're probably heard of this company, but they're called Cutco. And they sell. No, you should actually clarify that. Anybody listening needs to be very wary of ads for jobs. Yeah. My door-to-door shit said something like, hey, you want to be a rock star? You want to do this and this and this?

No, yeah. Yeah. That sounds great. It was just the most. This is the most bizarre job interview thing I've ever gone on in my life because it's a, like, a masterclass and, like, brainwashing potential employees. Basically, Cutco is a company known for selling high-end knives. And the way they do this is, it's like a little pyramid scheme. They basically hire people in, like, college or students.

They give them a set of knives that go from, like, door to door or go to friends' houses and, like, pity, you know, make the people feel sorry for you and you sell them these knives which are like go for like $400 a set. You can buy an individual knife for like $80.00 for one knife? Oh, it's crazy. Really? Yeah. Because they Yeah, I mean

I guess you could say they're quality knives, but the whole way they go about this. Because the first thing you do is you go in, you're answering the ad with a bunch of people all at the same time. You go in a room, there's like 40 of you. There's clearly like... This is literally exactly what happened to me. So it's like, it's like a room

people and there's like, do what the for a good of your presentation? You go to like a mysterious, unlabeled building first. Exactly. You show up, you still don't know why you're there. This is like exactly how my friend fucking described it. And you're sitting in there, I'm sitting in there with a shirt and tie. I'm like, I'm all sad because I don't have any fucking money.

I have like, I have like Andy Freeze running out of the tailpipe of my car and I don't even know fucking why. So I'm sitting there. I'm like, I just, I just need some money. I'm freaking, I'm having panic attacks because I have no money. So you're sitting in a room with and there's some, there's students, there's very shady people in there that

look very desperate than me. They look borderline homeless. Yeah, yeah. And then a guy comes out and he says, yeah, welcome. This is a Cutco. We sell knives and various other things, various other products. But for today's purposes, yeah, we were interested in hiring some of you to

sell our knives. And then he goes, then this is where like the manipulation starts. He starts saying... What kind of knives are they? Like the Swiss Army knives? No, they're like kitchen cutlery. Kitchen cutlery. Is that the right word? So he's like, he's like, listen.

Listen, people. We're not going to hire all you today. We're looking for some special people. And, you know, we're very specific because, you know, we're looking for some, we're looking for the right, the right person. Only the best. Only the best. So, you know, and I'm like, I'm like, oh, geez. I'm the best.

I'm, I better smile this stuff. I better smile today like every other day in my life. And, uh, so he starts calling us in one at a time into his office. And after answering some really bland questions, he's like, well, you know what, Jeff, I think you got it. I think you got the stuff to do this. Yeah, that's, you know, not to set you back, but that's exactly what happened with the telemarketing thing. He took me into a back room and he was like, read this paper. And then I was like, would you like to buy a timeshare in Breckenridge, Colorado?

And he's like, you got the goods. And I was just like, what the hell are you talking about? It's probably the worst reading I've ever done in my entire life. I guarantee they do that to fucking, like, everyone. All these guys telling us this shit, they start out where we were. They know the whole scheme bottom up. But, like, the people who are desperate for money, they're like, man, I'm going to get $12 for selling some fucking cutlery knives. And I guess they do turn some of the groatier people away, but all the naive idiots.

The mouth form. Like me who don't know what's going on. Yeah. A little mouth form. Yeah, yeah, a little mouth form. There were some mouth form. The ones of, like, clubbed feet get directed to a different door. The fucking mutants who walk in the squabble in there.

This is just a public call. You'll see everybody there. The ones that's all. And the thing is, the three-headed ones get out of here. On the first day, like 40 anonymous people show up to this room. And then the next time you go back, maybe only eight of them stuck around. I mean, this... What happened to the mutants?

This happened, like, 15 years ago or something, but I still remember it clear his day. I was sitting in the lobby. I made friends with these two guys. One was like... I have a question. Did you... Did a mutant ever get to... employee of the month. Anyway, yeah, I made friends of these two other guys. One looked like he was

in about a hundred motorcycle accidents. He had scars like all over him, his face and shit. And so there was a black guy who was wearing a shirt. You ever wear a shirt, a white shirt and tie, and you wear a colored t-shirt under it? Oh, so you really... He was wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with like a logo on under his shirt and tie. So yeah, so talking to these guys, and we all go, we all, we graduated to the next phase of the, tell me if this is getting boring. I don't know. No, it's good. It's good. We graduate to the, next phase of the master plan to get us to sell the knives to

housewives. Go in the next room and we're introduced to a new guy who looks like Henry he looks like a cross between Henry Rollins and the fucking Sandman or Sandman from fucking Marvel Comics where he's wearing like the striped the striped sweater but he looks like

Henry Rollins so he comes out and he's like he's even a better salesman than the last guy. He's like hey guys you know you know you have you you guys got a real future here if you do a good job And he takes us into his office and his entire office wall is covered in Knives and broadswords and bigger broadswords and they're all they're all etched with his name and it's like Employee of the month employee the month like various months employee the year

He's gonna fucking like medieval broadsword with like employee of the decade his name on it and we're like oh shit this guy This guy's good stuff Employee of the decade if this guy is selling Conan swords to somebody yeah, yeah and the general vicinity that needs them. So the day, just this, this wrapped up and he said, go home, come back tomorrow, we're going to start your real, we're going to start the real training tomorrow. So I come back the next day.

My mom was already wary of this. She's like, she's like, yeah, this is, I don't think you. Did you try to sell the parents too? No, no, this is the problem because I grew up in the fucking country. Not to skip ahead, but yeah, they basically, at some point in the, in this whole

scheme, they're asking you to write down like 50 names of people that you know that you can go try to sell the night. I know it immediately wrote your family and friends down. Dude. So you start, yeah, and they start playing these fucking games with you. They're like, they're like

all right, we're going to do some team building exercises. You know that shit where like you catch each other and you have to like put your hands on everybody else's shoulders and like form a ring? Oh, God. It's just weird games they're playing with you and then it starts to get a little weirder. Now we're all sitting

in a circle on wooden chairs, right? They're kind of, they're almost like intentionally uncomfortable wooden chairs. So they downgraded you? No, they didn't, no, this is where we started. And over in the corner, there's some padded chairs. And he's like, all right, people. I want you to make a list of, he wanted us to make a list of 50 people we could eventually contact to sell knives.

But he said, listen, pick out, pick out like the top five people. And I want you to cold call them tonight. And if you can manage to, whoever can manage to get the most appointments by tomorrow, because I want to come back tomorrow and report back to me, whoever gets to the most appointments gets to sit in the padded chair. Oh. Everybody else gets to sit in the wooden chairs. Do you know what's funny about this like situation?

What's that? This story? My friend told me the exact same thing. He told me like it was like a leveling system where you eventually get to me. Oh, yeah. The cool room with all the drinks and stuff. Oh, it keeps going. But he said, like, unfortunately, I was like, hey, dude, how did you do?

He's like, I didn't try. It was too hard. I'll tell you the whole brilliant. I'll tell you the brilliance on the whole plan. But basically, it keeps going. So now he says, I didn't go back the next day. I'll just cut ahead for a moment. But back to day two, he said, and now he's like, listen, guys, I don't want to get your hopes up and get you all excited.

But I want to tell you some very. exciting things about what happens if you do well here. And we're like, oh, well. He's like, now listen, he's like, the more knives you sell, when you start out, you're going to get a low percentage of the profits. But the more knives you sell, the higher percentage you're going to get. He's like, if you, hey, if once you sell 50 sets, now you start rolling in the money, guys. Now this is the good, now you're into the good stuff.

He's like, and you know what happens then? He's like, at the end of the year, whoever sells the most knives, you want to know what happens? he's like, we rent you a limo. You get to go out on the town with some cash on us. Wow. To go around town, eat, have fun. Everybody's thinking, oh, wow, this sounds, right? He's like, yeah.

And he's like, he's like, you get to take somebody or like, a friend? He's like, he's like, no, you get to go with me. You and me together on the town. Holy shit. That's really nice of it. Do you look cool? What? Was he cool?

He's an asshole. No. Did he have a sweet, like Hawaiian shirt? He was the most... Ace Ventura get-of? No, he looked like... This is the Henry Rollins. He looks like Henry Rollins, but a salesman. He's like, he's just such a salesman. He's such a soulless salesman. He's like, guys, you get to go out in the town with me in a limo all night.

Gee, I wonder why. Don't you think that's great? I mean, you're in a limo, so you're just thinking, oh, I'm a limo. Now, at this point, now, as some of you guys might have realized, even earlier, Even earlier in the podcast, when I'm not happy, I start making, like, faces and I realize it. I'm like, I'm like, I said frowning. I'm not very good at hiding. I'm not very good at hiding.

So he calls me into his office. He's like, excuse me, what's your name? Jeff? Can I talk to you in my office? I'm getting reprimanded and I don't even fucking work there. Calls me into his office with all the broadsards on the wall. Did he kill you? No, he's like, he, listen, listen.

I might be. Yeah, Chris. He killed. Cut your head off with this, son? He killed him. A stupid commentary, Chris. Sometimes I can see through Jeff. I was wondering.

Yeah, no. Well, I was, I was nervous. I was nervous because I don't like being yelled at, but he's like, listen. Did he see your pizza? I could swear that it seems like you don't want to be here. And I was so nervous because, like, A, I didn't like the confrontation at the time. And B, I needed the money. So I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

I want to be here. You totally misjudged me. He goes, I don't know, because you didn't look, you look kind of unhappy out there. Dude, no, I want to party with you, man. Yeah, he's like, no, man, no, man, listen, I can do this. And I said all this. And he's like, all right, well, my mistake. And we went back out there and he went through his whole spiel about saying how they'd usually give the knife sets away to the new recruits as like a example set to show people.

But he's like, well, you know, enough people start just taking them and leave them. and then I'll come back. So we're gonna have to have you buy the set. Oh boy. For the discount, nice discount of $300. Oh, holy shit. How many knives are in the set? It's like a shabry? Like a dozen.

It's like a regular block of knives, like a basic block? Do you have like those knives that, like, for like bread that you don't make anymore and like stuff that you don't actually cut? It's like a fucking... Are you cutting like fucking lamb legs every night? You have to level up in like a fucking video game. Even with the next. knives you sell. You can't, you can't even sell all their, all their products at day one. You have to earn it. He's like, after you earn, after you sell like five sets, then you're allowed to sell the pizza cutter. You see what it was four and then after that, you can sell the wooden block to put your knives in, but you can't sell them right off the bat. Do you say it was five years? Are you serious? You're gonna look like a fucking idiot coming up. It was around that, yeah. It was four and fifty. You could buy ice skates for that, like Tom Hanks. They're supposed to carry a, what? You're going to carry a, you're going to carry a, you. You're going to carry a, you. You're going to carry a, you. You're

You're gonna carry a dozen butter knives. Like, listen, I need to upgrade to a fucking pizza cutter. Can you please buy their fucking butter knives? I can't comment on the actual quality of the knives because they did this whole demonstration where the knives cut through thick leather hides just cut through a penny. And I'm like sitting there.

I'm like, when the fuck you are going to need to cut through a penny? But let alone, but the knives did it. They cut through the penny. They had like some carbon fiber handle thing. If you want to cut to your wife's bones, that it would be useful. They had some... Saw through them.

They had some pre-brain-brain-brain. She was in her eyes. Girl come out. She was already pre-brain-washed and gave us the whole routine of like what you're supposed to do when you meet the housewives. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a whole script. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very important, you stick to the script, they say. Is this like, I never did it? No improv. No go crazy with it. What? No, no improvising.

No, not really. It's like, you can, you can make it your own a little bit, but it's important you stick to the script. But the one thing you learn is that housewives are the most bored, needing of human interaction people on the face of the planet so the script goes right out the window

you just start talking to them like normal people when she happy to see you most of the time read the script was she kind of like yes I want your knives was she like very enthusiastic did she almost feel like an actor but at the time you were just kind of like she was okay I think that's why they brought her in

because she was one of their she was like a stage performer she was doing well at the time she was in college yeah but yeah so yeah so she was She was there to convince us how to do this to the board housewives. Jeff, could you do it up here from the housewife? Could you still know what it is? Zach is a housewife.

Zach is a housewife. All right, all right. All right. Ding dong. Hello. Hi there. Hello. I'm Amanda from Cutco.

Get away from me. Braves. He's got knives. Steve, get the shotgun. What's all? What's going on here? Oh, my husband left. sit to the army

Well, I'm a girl So my brother I'm a lesbian Don't you want to see our knives Cut through pennies And quarters Well, I like cooking I like cooking

I'm looking I have I've just earned the right to sell you a spatula Yeah there's like four women in this house You can pull your wien around It's like a Mormon family Five wives So I can say

So, wait, I could sell like two grand with the knives in his house. I am an exotic woman, okay? You can hear it in my voice. I am looking for all sorts of knives. Yeah. Pizza knives, bread knives. You're in luck. Fucking noodle knives.

You are in luck. Fucking noodle knife. Fucking action knives. What do you got? Action knives. You have a tiny little knife for cutting a noodle. Just a noodle. Yeah, what noodle?

What kind of knives you got? Oh, we got the... No, is it... What kind of knives do you go? What kind of knives? What do you got? What do you have? Steak knives.

Steak, I don't eat steak. My teeth will fall out. My husband makes steak. Well, good thing, because they can cut your steak into tiny little pieces. Wow. If you don't like your husband, you can throw in with them. That's actually a pretty damn good, like, sale pitch. Like, if someone's like, I can't eat it.

It's like, well, you cut it into microscopic pieces. Just slide down your throat like noodles. Yeah, there you go. See, maybe I was, maybe I was in. Maybe I shouldn't have gone into animation and did this. That's a very bad one. That's bad. This is a role play hour.

This is Jeff's story about fucking getting fucked. I was terrified. Yeah, so basically, when he pulled out the knives and he's like waiting for us to hand over our check of $300, I ran. I ran out of the building. I'm like, I'll be right back. I'm just, I'm just going to get the money for my mom. How fast did you run? Did you run away like how from Malcolm in the middle?

I didn't run. I walked. I walked. You walked proudly? No. Did you not give a call? I cowered. I cowered.

I ran like Gallen out of the building. Did you tuck your dick between your legs and walked away? Yes, yes. Okay. I did the same time. I was ashamed. I was ashamed. I even...

I can't believe you stayed there. I felt tricked because I sat through like a day, like a day and a half of the show. No, because I did the same exact thing. Like, I walked in there with the same thing. And I walked into the same room with the same 40 people. Yeah. And I went in there with my friend Bob at the time. And he was my best friend at the time.

We used to fucking do everything again. We used to blow each other, fuck each other. I beat you guys. to it, so whatever. I was gonna say that you're disgusting talking that. I was thinking, I was thinking, outside, playing pretend, superhero adventures.

Yeah. Last thing I thought was you were fucking up against a tree and saying you were up rub everything in the smudge. That's the first thing you thought if you had a tree involved. Listen. I walked in there with Bob. We sat down.

You fuck him off his ass. We blow him and fucking fucked him after. We fucked up his back. We fucked up his back. But no, so we sat in the big crowd of 40 weird people and dudes with bullet wounds and shit like that. There's fucking veterans in there with no legs looking it's so nice.

Did you not hear what Jeff said earlier this fucking weird? You scored, you said there were mutants everywhere. Yeah, but I was thinking, I didn't think it was crocodile people. I thought there's a form of- When you put an ad in the paper, what do you expect to turn up? It's well-adjusted human beings. Bill Gates? It's people that need jobs.

Anyways, Corey. Listen, I showed up with my... Crocodile, man could sell a, a, fucking doth. I showed up with my friend Bob. We sat in a room with 40 fucking weird, broken people. And he's only critical to the story because when we first went in there, there's a guy and he was the main guy that came up to the front to do the whole speech. His name was Skip. And I only remember that because he was like 950 pounds. Me and Bob called him Skip Jibleth.

Because we couldn't remember his last name. It was like McCasmanich of which. Skip was his last name. So we just called him... Sibblings. His first name was my dog. What? My dog, Skip. Chris.

Go over there and be quiet. You skip giblips? Did he skip dog food out of it? No, he was just fat and his name was Skip. So the irony was Skip could ever skip because he was... The irony was... Let me finish the fucking story! Okay.

Anyways. You fuck Skip. He... He... He did the... He did the brain games on me and Bob early because... Yeah. When I walked in there with Bob, I knew that something was off.

And Bob kind of did, too. So he fell asleep in his chair. And meanwhile, Skip was at the front of the room, and he was like, look at what I have. I have this fucking empire. We sold vacuum cleaners. It's exactly like Jeff's story, but with vacuum cleaners instead of knives. And then he went up there and told us this fucking story. When he came home, when he was a kid, he saw his mom in her bed killing herself.

And he was like, and then. Look at me now. And I watched my mom die. And then I had to raise my six or seven brothers and sisters by myself. And Bob fell asleep. Yeah. And then he was pointing, he pointed to Bob at one point. And he was like, get the fuck out of here.

You don't belong in here. Get out. And then Bob was like, what? What? Wait, what? And I was like, dudes, you need to get out of here. He's like really mad at you right now. So he made an example of Bob and then made everybody else in the room feel like they were privileged to be

there and then he kept going with his fucking bullshit story about like how you're destined for fame and fortune. I got the look at me now. I got the look at me now thing too. I'm like I was down on my luck and working McDonald's but look at me now. When you were telling me I was down on their luck and look at us now

and we're still in bad shape. When you were telling that story I zoned down and it went from really lighthearted, it's really dark and when I zoned back in and you're talking about dead people. Yeah because you're falling asleep on the couch. You know people actually want you to contribute to the podcast, Chris. I'm trying.

Are we gonna get up to fill up to all these comments? I am trying! Chris, you may be able to tell my story about GameStop, but you all trail off. Chris, what are your favorite foods? State. Go, hurry. Grush. The Bob's gonna go off.

Brunch ice cream. Alapidia pizza. Chewis. You like chew. Blueberries. Chewitz. I haven't eaten the chewets in a while. What the fuck is brunch ice cream?

It's yummy. It's pink and it's covered in flakes. Poop. What? I don't eat poop. You eat doo-doo flakes, little fang. What's using a food? It's a meal time.

Brunch is an ice cream. What kind of farts is something? It's a big ice cream. It's really delicious. What's your different food? Breakfast. Okay, that's all I said. Curios is good.

Coco pops is good. Coco pops. Coco pops. What the hell are cocoa pops? Got to have my pops. They're like, the fuck do you mean what are cocoa pops? Chris. Hey, Americans, what are cocoa pops?

Are you serious? Wap, wwap. We don't have Lucky charms. We don't have lucky charms. I didn't ask that. What the hell is? Are they just called charms? Or are they called regular charms?

Are Coco Pop's little black chocolate balls like this? No, the little Coco Popes. They're called like American Charms? Pups? Puffs? Puffs. They're called Coco Pops and they have the little monkey on the front. Oh yeah, of course, the little monkey, yeah, of course.

This name's Coco. We have a cucko. Oh, you mean Cocoa Kris. You guys. What the... I have a question. Are they like teeny tiny? Yes.

Oh, they're like Rice Krispie chocolate. I have a question. I have a question. I got Cocoa Pops! No, they're called Cocoa Krispies. They were invented in America. I have a question. Kellogg's American yes or not.

I have an important question that will deliver it. Fuck you! I have an important question that is important to the podcast. Well, Kellogg's American. No goblins. Do not eat cereals. Listen, it's not about goblins and what sort of fucking... Regal us, Corey. This is an important story.

Everyone's going to be really quiet to listen to your important story. Here comes. We want to hear the story about the little eight-year-old kid who show me his penis as a Power Ranger. I want to hear that after my... How did you go from that, from cereal to that, Corey? Another fucking intersection car crash by Corey. The story is like going 90-bond an hour down the room. Thank you, Zach.

I'm just, I was, I said, we should start calling Corey. This is bullshit. This is bullshit. Teabone. Teabone. Teabot sounds like a husky black guy. I isn't even close to my fucking, like, first of all, my story, when I was going. Stop. Stip was that done.

Jogurt, wolves, cake, bananas. I want to tell you a story about game stuff. Okay. Corey. Stamper's not done yet, is it? What was his story? Well, tell me where.

You asked me what brunch was. Corey, you're not a sandwich. No, I feel like I was done. Oh, just do a quick answer. What happens when you're like, you're like, wait, I have to stop this right now to talk about. This was actually brought up by a fellow sleeping. This is a sleepy cabin fan. He asked, tell me the story about the Power Ranger duty to show to your penis.

This is what you have to, what you have to, what? What the fuck? What? That's my topic interruption. Well, did he can finish? Because there's no way we can go back to it. Just try to do it. You already said...

You already said he walked out while Mr. fucking Brown was talking about his knife collection. You already said he left. Stamper. Stamper was talking about... Cocoa Krispies. Because he trusted him. A fucking yellow.

Who got shit? You're like, no, listen, guys, I have to stop this now to talk about... This is totally other things. And I want to tell him a GameStop story. What the fuck? Yeah, no, see, when you do that, it's like, people talking about, like, computers,

and you're like, no, I have to interject right now, and then you start talking out. Like, blueberry pies. I have 45 liters of beer inside me. I need to tell them's drinking. Before I can't speak anymore. Stop drinking. I have 45 ounces of beer in you.

Same thing. Corey. Holy shit. Stamper, you want to do a little bumper? Be like, anyways, that's what I looked at the place. Did it? Because he looked at you with breakfast. I don't even know what's going on anymore.

I interrupted him with breakfast? What? You were talking about cocoa pops and like... He asked me. What my favorite food was for some of him? I didn't know how we sat and waited in cereal. Here do I. And I did not interrupt shit.

He said, Chris, what's your... That's because you were like the segue and I didn't tell my story because you all ignored me. Hey Chris. Hey, Chris, didn't you work at GameStop? Yeah. Wow. It was cool. You like the Black Tractor Trail and Terminator 2.

Like he just smashed through the... Smash through the bridge and land and you just keep going. Listen. What? When you put alcohol? hole until I golly? I just know. We know. Tell him what's coming out of it. Go ahead. Tell you. I have Rush H-2O that gosh love

gaming. It needs to peeve up my holy water. Chris. You know, anyways, hey, today I was at GameStop when I saw a retarded person dying the streets. Chris, didn't you work a GameStop? Yes. That's the worst segue I ever heard. I don't know. I'm going to run it again. Yeah, okay, okay. Why did you talk to your right shoulder?

Sh, Stamper, you do a segue at GameStop. Okay, fine. Um, all right, so I sold, wait, yeah. What the fuck, that palin's screaming in my ear. Palin's... This is... Ow! Jesus! Yeah, why don't you take the thingy off?

My name is man, with my monster can, and I'll blow you up. All right, so long story short, I sold vacuum. I actually have a lot to say about that fucking job. Well, let's see more. Yeah, you went to, like, a poor

place, and you were trying to sell, like, $80 back in cures, or literally, people couldn't even afford. You said, you set up your story when the dude was like, Bob, get out of here. But then eventually Bob came back to work. I guess it was just scare tactics. Anyways, the same exact story that Jeff had verbatim just with vacuum cleaners. And then I went door-to-door selling vacuum cleaners,

but the problem with the vacuum cleaners were they were $3,000 vacuum cleaners. Damn, did they shoot liquid and shit? And to ease the blow, you could give them the carpet shampoo as well, That's what I'm talking about $1,500. Oh, yeah, okay. And they sent me to the ghetto to sell. Vacuum cleaners to people that could barely afford their fucking rent. Yeah, they're starving by McDonald's.

I didn't sell anything. Yeah. Tell me a story. Tell me a story where you walked up and this person with like six kids. There was, okay, there was one story that the one that I remember the most was, I went to this old woman's house, and I was like, hey, I'm basically selling vacuum cleaners. I was pretty much done. And she was like, are they good? Because the whole thing is, like,

I had to bring out my vacuum cleaner and tell them to bring out their vacuum cleaner. Do a side by side? And then do a comparison. And in some cases, go in and sprinkle dirt into their carpet and be like, use your piece of shit vacuum cleaner to pull the dirt out of that carpet, and then I'll show you what I could do.

Like that, right? Yeah. Nobody wants to bring out their fucking vacuum cleaner and do chores because some asshole came to their door. Or sprinkle things. And just surprised. underground so you can... You had an old man

actually did this every year to my family. He'd come in with his vacuum and his ball bearings and he vacuum up the ball bearings and be like, check it out. Who cares? It's ball bearings. Like how strong it is anyway. What time are you ever going to vacuum up fucking like small

metal balls? But no, there's... I think you're just supposed to show the strength of the vacuum anyway. Shattering the ear drums of the old man. This old woman though, she was more concerned with getting the cat piss out of her rug. She had like nine cats, and the cats just pissed on her rug.

And even when I was younger, I was just like, maybe you should get a cat box, something like that. Anyways, she had this big yellow spot of cat piss. And because Skip Ghiblet was like, this is the best carpet shampoo wherever, he could pick up everything. He totally got me. Like, it totally could pick up everything. I ran over this cat piss spot on her carpet at least three different times. And then at one point she was like, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

When she went to the bathroom I took this big potted plant that she had in her living room and I slid it over the cat piss and then I left and I never came back. You think she went to know the diameter of a fucking house? Like I was covering something

I was hiding the cat piss. She forgets the layout of her own house. That was her piss. Yeah. All that she was like she was piss everywhere. Maybe she, I came into her world and she was like, oh, this guy can clean up her

I can't everyone. I can't help it. Maybe she knew about Skip Jiblets and she set up that pissy urine thing. Move the pot of planet just in case you saw the... This isn't inception, Corey. Realistically, though. I'm saying... I'm saying...

Pissed on the floor. Listen. Because her husband's been dead. Anyways, that job was over the end. Bitch following. I kept his vacuum cleaners and he got pissed off and I had to return them. And then I worked at Walmart, T.J. Max, Pizza Hut. Then the telemarketer.

You said pizza was pretty good. Stamper, would you... Oh, Pizza Hut. It's a great car. company. Yeah, because you get tips. This podcast brought to you by Pizza Hut. Pizza is pretty good.

Get your dirty pepperonies right now for food. Pizza Hut, to this day, is the best company I have ever worked for in my life. I've had friends who worked for, like, like... Including New Grounds and Sleepy Cabin. The best company I've ever worked for in.

I worked in my dad's office over summers in college, Verizon. You ever see it? No office space? Verizon. That shit is 100% accurate. I've never had a legitimate office space is fucking

no I have in Florida I did have a weird fucking office job down there that you know that's all excluding oh and I also worked at Kmart I don't know if I said that my office job in Florida when I started getting into professional design and stuff like that I exclude those

jobs that's just this hobby building there's this like a clay ball of shit and just like match together I don't even count them anymore feel bad the only job I've ever had is working on the photos of glass sticks and you know what's funny That place actually got shut down from fucking up in order for thousands of dollars because they just sort of ignored the phone calls and then they got sued Chris!

That's what happens. Oh? Oh. I went to GameStop. Well, I went to GameStop, but I was like, hey, how much money to get for this? 30 bucks? Wow, I was like fucking six year old game. Are you kidding me? We're like $5. You guys are gonna be pissed, right?

Because in GameStop, nothing very interesting happened, right? Except I was told a story by one of my superiors. That was really cool. What was the story told by? Did he piss his pants and everyone fucking clapped him? No, but P.U.'s involved, right? So, so he told me when he was... Dude, he got to use the beef in the shit. He was bullied. He was picked on... He lived in Dublin, right, in a real shitty part of Dublin, which is like...

Okay, I'm just gonna say it, I don't like Dublin and I hate it, okay? It's just boring, horrible place. Anyways, is it because you... You're punched in the... Yeah, it's because I was walking in the street. Have you... Have you... Have you... ...have you ever pissed your hand and hit someone in the face of it?

Corey, you are sick. Have you... It's how it hurts. I do that daily, dude. The piss makes it hurt. You smack him. It's like a slap by a wet fish. But anyways,

Corey. Anyways, okay, so the guy lives in Dublin and his shitty... This is important. He lives in a great shitty life, okay? His life is shitty and he's little kid, right? And this kid called Bobby... This kid called Bobby picks on him

every day, right? And he gets his friends to hold him down and they all pee on him, right? He's like, uh-huh, right? And then so, uh, they used to walk down to... To get to town, they take a house. Shut up, Corey.

To get to town, they go through a shortcut over a field and then over a... Corey! Shut up! It's important! What? Were you stalking the Call of Duty case? He's like, listen. What are you talking about?

I posted this Bobby guy's mouth. No! You misinterpreted everything! Corey! Shut up! Shut up and stop talking forever! Corey! This is real, folks, this is real.

Okay, so Corey, I'm gonna give you a basic breakdown of what we have so far, okay? A kid gets bully, gets pissed on, his name's, let's say his name is, uh... Billy. Samus. P-thage. Samus. No. His name is Brian, okay?

Brian gets held down by Brian. I don't like Brian. Brian gets held there by Bobby gets peed on by him and all his friends, right? So he's like... Ryan is a tougher name than Bobby. He holds resentment to this Bobby fellow. They used to... Listen, he goes to town every day, right?

He goes through a friend. Cahill's- Jeff, shut up! Shut your fucking mouth! He lives in the same neighborhood as Bobby, right? So, is this gonna be careful. Cory, shut up! What is it smeared?

C-Core, I swear to God. Shut the fuck up. Corey, shut up! You listen to me. Shut up! Last time we did a shit debate, you were telling me, shut up, and I couldn't explain my points because you were like, shut up!

Who story is it? What color was the pee? It was orange. Anyways, they used to have to go to town, or they wanted to go to town at the weekends, right? weekends, right? So they walk over a field. At the end of this field was a big old fence, right? So they have to climb over the fence, right? And one day, Brian and Bobby are walking through the field and they're like, we'll just let each other walk this one time. So they're both climbing over the fence, right?

Brian gets over it, no problem. Bobby fucking falls over and he's hanging by his fingers through the fence, right? His fingers got caught. He's like, ah, Brian help me. I'm being caught by my fingers. Get help it. And Brian's like, no, and he runs away. And then he comes back later. And the kid, fell off the fence and both of his fingers are still on the fence so he got yanked off by his fingers and he had to go to town to get help and he couldn't reattach him because it was too late I forget what's that the game game stop he was the guy he was my superior GameStop oh he was fucking he let no my spirit he's the one who got peed on by the guy with no fingers oh yeah oh dude you're you're a guy at GameStop played a guy peed on and he got his

so he allowed some kid to get his fingers ripped off at Bucky deport for life How do you lead to that? What would you say him? So like the worst thing that happened at game... Chris! Shut off! Wait! I would have done the right thing. That was like the worst thing that happened to be the right thing.

All I had to do was sit around and take games under the other cases and put him in little plastic sleeves. That was the worst of my life. If I was Brian, I would have pissed directly into his mouth. They'd be like, hey, how's it taste? I think getting your fingers ripped off is just as good as dessert. You piss on him? He got his middle and index finger ripped off off off. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so... He can never figure a girl or his... He can, but it would just want not be as good. He could do his pinky and his ring pink. Yeah. He can still do one in the pink and one in the stink. Gross.

Unless he puts two in the stink and a thumb in the pink. He could just fiss her with his gross stub hand. Or he could just, like, lick her out. He would have to hold his hand like an autistic retard. Or he could use the other hand, problem solve. You're right. You could have a huge hook on his hand in Huckery Pussy. Problem solved.

Stamper, if you were at a store. I like how that was Chris's job story. It had nothing to do with the job. Look, the only two jobs I've ever had were walking up and downstairs with boxes to put into the back of my dad's van and then he buy me a Game Boy game or something. Welcome to the world's job. Yes, it's boring. And GameStop was just sitting in the back room in the cold and people are... And then you have to just put...

You need to use this little thing and put in a 15-digit number and then print it onto the back of the sleeve and then you put in the drawer. Every job that everybody has is a conveyor belt. I know. I know. I'm not complaining. I'm saying that's what my name. My job was. Stamper. A homeless man. Shut up, Corey!

Stamper, I have a real thing to ask you. No, is this a... Okay, Corey. You're fucking kidding me? Can you keep telling me? Shut up. I'm not a jewelry box. What?

What the... Okay, a homeless man gives you a box. He's like, I need you to keep this forever. What's in it? I want you to hold on to this for life. Can I just interject for one second? He's pissed it, he's shrieing it, and he gives it to you. Cory.

What do you do? What do you do? Corrie. It's like a T-a-a-a-a-border box. Corey! C-T-R-T-R-R-Y! C-T-R-Y! C-R-Y-R-Y-R-Y-R-R-E-RILL.

You have to say-CORN-I-RILL. Do you like it with bananas? Yes! Yeah, me too. If you dip the banana in for granola, would a cling? Almond granola cereal. Okay. If you were at a, if you were at a store with a big staircase, a big concrete staircase.

You wrote my story! If you sn-a-b-br-W-R-R-W-W. What am I getting heckled on a stage? Come on. Yeah. What? I is you die? Yeah.

Jeff, what if you had a story? Hold on. If you see an old lady, do you push you up when you brinks her death, if you feel bad? Give me a second. This is an important story.

So a homest man gives you a sheet. What do you think of Vladimir Putin's invasion? Boo. Oh, yeah. A homeless man gives you a shitty pissy box. He's like, here, you hold on to this. What do you do with it? What?

He gives. He gives you a farting it. He gives you a farty, poopy, pussy, he's like, I need you to keep out of this. I would not touch it. I'm upgrading to my phone. fridge box. I need you to hold on to my Sierra TV box. This is my old house. Why

he's so specific. It's like a refrigerator. No, it's a box. He lives in it's a box. It's the box. Sounds like this happened. He lived in a Sierra TV giant box. He gives it to you. He's like, I need you to hold on to this box. A what TV? I need you to shut up Corey. No, it's a great. It's a scenario. What do you do with the box? I don't understand

the logic. He gives you a smelly box. He's giving you his home. What do you do with it? Bill Gates walks up to it says, I'm going to die of cancer in one day. He'll have this. You might, you're like, you He said he was pissy, shitty, farty box. No, not a pissy farty box, small jewelry box with a little, kiss, little lipstick kiss on it. And he says, Stamper, here you go.

And he runs away. And then, like, 10 years go by. And because he says, don't open this. Ever. Ever. And it's, ten years go by, and you're like, what's in this? And he opened it. His tube is inside there.

A little tooth. That's exactly what I was going to say. We were going to open the CRTV. I think you do it. What is the Sierra TV? CRT TV. What the fuck does that mean, Corey? Cat food.

Rate. actually. Wow, Jeff. You don't know what a CRT TV is? God damn it. No, a CRT. I get what, I thought he was saying

Sierra TV. Oh, no. CRTV. Exactly. Do you know letters? Do you remember long ago when TVs were four, three dimensions?

Damn it! I thought he was saying CET. Oh, yeah, I heard him. I thought it was a brand like Ciarity. Yeah. Like, Visio. Analog.

I was just trying to In the day, yeah. You don't give the homeless man back his home and he comes back later because his fucking fridge got came from the rain. Can I interest you in some real estate and then gave him the box? You guys told, you wanted me to talk about the dude who showed me his fucking penis. Like, people wanted to know about that. Yeah. Because I went to that.

I'm like, woo. You got to make it a quick story, though. You have three minutes. All right, quick story. Okay, it was a hot summer day. Hot summer. It was fucking shitty out. I didn't enjoy being outside.

I went outside of this guy's house. Okay, you went to your friend's house. It was my friend's house, yeah, this kid next door. He's like, hey, come on my house. And I'm like, no, I don't feel like it. So we went over to his house. You didn't feel like it, but you went over anyway. He had like, he had stuff and he was wearing like an outfit. Okay. What kind of an outfit? Like he was like, I want to show you what I learned on Power Rangers.

What? He was wearing like some fucking like, like baby outfit. I don't know. He was like a little kid. He was a weird kid. How old were you and how old was he? I was like, I think like 13, maybe 14. Okay. And we went over to his house. I was like, show us. What the fuck are you doing? He's like it's a Power Ranger move and he pulled his shirt up like one of those kids who was who's about to pee into a toilet like a big boy for once And then he fucking showed me his little Jimmy and it was and he was like wiggling it around and like singing the Power Ranger song Okay, and I'm like this gay you're gay and then we went back we ran home And my mom she had all these fucking popsicles frozen from the start and I had a strawberry popsicle and my friend had a great popsicle

It's fucking bullshit Because I wanted the fucking strawberry Popsicle He was fucking hogging the grape one Okay Wait you wanted the strawberry He was hogging the strawberry I wanted to like mix them together

In a bowl Mugged I was short Jeff looks so fucking I cut it up I cut it up I put it into the bowl And I made a grape strawberry

Popsicle and I ate it with a spoon Oh dude How does this This is this story You've been teasing for like Four hours Well I got to pee You're like, I want to tell the Power Rangers story, and it ends with you eating a popsicle.

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I was looking forward to that story. I was like, this is going to be good. That was, Mighty Morphan shitty jobs. Join us next time on Sleepy Cast. I'm gonna go jack off to photos of my anus that I took when I was a little boy. Goodbye.