SleepyCabin - SleepyCast Lost Episode - [Paul Rudd]

Episode Date: September 10, 2014

We somehow got to talking about Paul Rudd. And it just...DIDN'T...STOP. Paul, I apologize - these other guys are assholes, I didn't want anything to do with this but they held a sword to my throat the whole time please call the police i need help kela;e;tgkhkk gwea HELP PLEA http://sleepycabin.com/audio/sleepycast-paul-rudd/ This episode starring: Stamper (www.youtube.com/StamperTV) Psychicpebbles (www.youtube.com/Psychicpebbles) JohnnyUtah (http://johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

This is a sleepy cast lost episode. Paul Rudd featuring Stamper, Psychic Pebbles, and Johnny Utah. My name is Captain Dickhead. Me eat big bowl of caca for lunch. Yum, yum, poopie caca in my tum-tum taste good. I like to hang out with my wang out. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, Jeff?

My penis. But I do agree. That's a secret. My j... What? What? What? You put your penis?

some of the theater? Once I did. You can do that some theater. Oh, I guess you can't do it because it's illegal at the sex theaters too, right? Yeah, you can't masturbate. Peeway and herbert got trouble for that because he was jerking it off over the theater. Whatever, I don't... Oh, what, Pee-Weirman? What's his name? Paul? Yeah, Paul Rudd. Paul McCartney.

Paul Rudd. He was beating off to a porno movie? Oh, fucking call the cops. Who gives a shit? What do you think of Paul Rud? We're debating this. It's a great debate. It's like a very... Who the fuck is Paul Rudd? Vanilla guy. I'd like to be Paul Rudd. He's the definition of vanilla.

He likes Paul Rudd. I know who he is now, yeah. Like, he's got... I feel nothing towards him. You just want to... He's the friend you have that never makes you laugh, never makes you sad. Never, he goes to sleep on time. Yeah, but it's Paul Rudd.

You can't hate Paul Rudd. Yeah, but... Like, if Paul Rudd invited me over to a barbecue, I'm like... You'd go, you go. And I wouldn't even talk to him. I'd be like, all right. Free food, free food, I don't mind. I can just mingle and leave, and then I feel nothing.

I immediately forget the whole day. Why aren't we recording this? Is Paul Rudd going to? going to tell you, I am. It's Paul Rudd going to tell you? Yes. A good story? Doubtful. No. What was Seth?

Will you tell you a good story? What is he going to tell you? He's going to be like, Hey, I got high with Michael Sarah, we smoke weed. That's what he's going to tell you. Paul Ryan's going to be like, man, this one time I was fucking a really hot girl. She puked everywhere.

You go, man, that's not really good story, but I like you, Paul, you're likable. Why would that be the first story he tells me? Because you shake his head, and he tells you that. It's a good icebreaker. I'm sure Paul Rudd's got all kinds of stories to tell you. What's your favorite Paul Rudd movie? Fuck you, Jeff.

Oh, whoops, yeah. Is it a family comedy? I don't know. I've seen it an anime. What's your favorite movie, Jeff? What's it called? Holy shit, here we go. It's going to happen.

Aliens. What? No, no. It's sarcasm. Your favorite movie. Oh. Fucking, um. Oh.

The amazing bulk? Oh, uh. Paul Rudd. Beating off to pictures of his photo, pictures of his wife, Jennifer Annes. because he made a new friend for... Oh, that movie sucks. That movie... Of course you've seen it.

I haven't seen it like a normal person. It looked terrible. That's the one Paul Rudd movie. If I saw Paul Run, I would see. If he said, you like this movie, I'd say it. I like the movie, it's 40. What's the... What's the name of that movie?

I don't know. It's bad. Bad movie, the bad movie. I love you, man. That's what it's called. It's a bad movie. I've seen some of that. But look, I saw him and I liked him.

I saw him in England, I liked him. I saw him in role models and I liked him. and I saw him in everything we see them like yes I don't think anybody remembers them they're always like yeah it's that guy

yeah do you do you want to talk about the cashier at 711 too because they're equally as worthless and forgettable who gives the shit it's always like yes you're telling me

if you saw Paul Wright he knocked at your door he gave you a hug and said hey Stamper what would you say I would be like weren't you that guy from that thing why are you here

at my house say I'll cut it out he could be working at a gas station I wouldn't even blink I'd be like yeah just like a guy if you saw if you saw if you saw Paul Rada at Wawa

and he was like throwing the Coke and he was like yeah he'll flip it out he's like I'm gonna buy this what would you say to him you know about half the audience is gonna listen to this doesn't even know who Paul Rudd is they'll have to see a picture of him first and now we're just pissing him off even more by continuing this bullshit

Paul Rudd comic Paul Rudd was Titanic Avatar Star Wars Jaws Jurassic Park Gone with the Wind every fucking the top 10 movies and you're gonna sit here you know who Paul Rudd

play stuff of the loving guys here you know who Paul Rudd plays in every movie Paul Rudd. He plays the same I'm sorry Who does Schindler's list play In every movie? He was who?

Schindler's List. You mean the list? It's not a person. That's a list. What does that play in every movie? A list. Paul Rudd. Name two movies lists.

Go. Schindler's List and smart guy, wise guy. Wedding Crashers. What? Wedding Crashers. That had a list. There's no Paul.

Oh, we're Olin Wilson's like, oh, I got my grocery list. We're gonna buy some fucking names' eggs. We're so fucking Owen Wilson and Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. I've heard Paul Rudd so many times tonight. The words have lost all meaning. It's like a disease that grandpa's getting. Ah, Paul Rudd's back again.

I guess you said it really close, like if you're making one word. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd is going to be... Oh, the Paul Rudd's making me pay. It makes me want to kill myself. Ant-Man playing Paul Rudd. It sounds like the new Taliban. Paul Rudd.

Yeah, you can... It's the new thing that you... I can imagine some sort of screaming Paul Red in the middle of least. Barat! Barad! Barat! Parat!

Parat! He says 40, Parat! Al-Palrat! Al-Palrat! Was he in 40-year-old Virgin? I feel like he is.

I feel like Steve Correll. Yeah, he was in that. Nobody knows. He could have been. Nobody remembers. Yeah, maybe he was that fucking white guy in the background, man.

Who cares? With the sexy smile. Hey, on topic. You remember how you own... It was a three-in-one. It was a three-in-one. It was a good deal. You own a 40-year-old?

version on DVD, right? We plugged it into the DVD player and Sinavia cut it off and said we're not allowed to own it. We bought I bought that. And it said it was illegal and that I tore it and pirated it. I don't care. And I would never fucking tore it

40-year-old version. It's a good movie but okay, let me back up already. It's a fun movie. I'll put it on and not to turn it off. This is such a special conversation. I think we just released this by itself and just called Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd, if you're listening, I like you.

Paul Rudd, when I'm at your house and hanging out, these fucking sore losers. I'm sure he'd be a great friend. You can't come back up now. I'm sure when you get your car inspected to pick you up. You said if you punched Paul Rudd that was to break his teeth, that's what you said earlier. Yeah, I'll turn that one back and see. I'm sure he'd leave the tip on a bill. I think he'd be very good tips.

On my deathbed, with my fond memories of Paul Rudd, here's what I'm going to remember. The day I called him up and said, Paul, I really need your help, man. Can you please bring me to the airport? And he was like... He said, sure. Now it's like three in the morning. Okay, man, yeah, sure. And then it's like, wow, he's an amazing guy.

Yeah, but in the car, he didn't say a lot, but he turned on the radio. He was really nice to you. He did everything you wanted. He's so inoffensive and so... Would you, would you cry if Paul Rudd died? If he was my friend? No, just Paul Ryan.

If Paul Rudd died right now, half the world would say, who's Paul Rudd? Way more than him. I think 95% people would say that on. Every mediocre white male in America could just replace Paul Rudd in any movie he's ever done. Paul Rudd was your best friend that he died. Yeah.

Oh, if you just started putting out movies and just pull white guys off the street and then be like, starring, Paul Run. Just call everybody Paul Rudd. Yeah, nobody would really be that. What? Nobody would really be, you're right, nobody would question it. You feel like they wouldn't have like that friendly demeanor or anything? I guess. What is his special quality?

Hey, I'm Paul Rudd. That's Paul Rudd. That's it. It's his catch for his. He's just kind of like... He's just Paul Rudd. He's kind of like a handsome guy, but not too handsome. He's just...

You know what? He's a kind of guy who in high school. He saw him. He's handsome, but not too handsome. He's in shape, but he's not too big. He gets laid. Friendly, but not even too friendly. He's... Well, maybe he is too friendly.

Right. You see all these things we're describing. Cashier at 7-Eleven. Handsome, not too handsome. Fuck you. Not too bad. Pull me a cashier who does it look dirty. He's always at the gym.

Pull me a politely. He's slightly out of shape, but kind of in shape. He's, when you see a shirt, you go, okay, for your age. He's got muscles, but a little gut. Yeah. Yeah, for his age, for what he's got. What movies are you watching with Paul Rudd taking a shirt off? This is in your mental, like, thing, grab bag of facts to put out.

Whenever I see Paul Rudd's shirtless, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what? Come here. Come here, Paul? Come here, Paul. Come here, Paul.

Come here, Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd, the most boring man on the face of the planet. Paul Rudd. Come on with you. Come on with you. Come on, see out. Would you ever go sailing with Paul Rudd and then ask him to use the rudder? Oh, geez, man.

I've never been on a boat before, but sounds fun. I'll bring oysters. Boy, that's too exotic. No, pretty, no, I'll bring hot dogs. Yeah, hot dogs. Imagine you. Sushi, baby, sushi. What would Paul Rudd's favorite joke be?

I don't know. But, you know. Something would make him laugh. What's brown and sticky? A stick. That's his favorite joke. You don't know what could be. He's the most boring man on the face.

Even when they're handing out last names. It's like, what would you your last name be? and they were like, I don't know, Rud. Skavakalakowitz? Yeah, no, Rud. Rudd. Take Rudd. Sounds like crud.

Like, they didn't even have, they didn't even have the decency to give him to try. They're just like, run. What's like, cut? Rutt. What's that, right? Okay, I'll take that. He'll take that. He's, uh, Jewish?

No, he's not a Jew. Why'd you say that with such disdain and hatred? No, he's not. I'm just, yeah. There's no way power as a Jew. He seems like a guy who's like Paul Schweinzee. He could be a secret Jew. You could be a secret Jew.

What? You could go to his house and find out he's a secret Jew. Maybe he has a little Jewish guy's... That's what he was just saying. Secret Jew. He changed his name. Yeah. Like me.

I changed it to stamp. Oh, fuck. I said too much. Sounds like a good movie. What's Secret Jew? Secret Jew? It's like a... It's like Mission Impossible.

That's the new thing. You think there's like technology in his Yamaka? Twist it off. Yeah. That'd be a good robot. You know, a Terminator? You pull his head up and you twist the thing up. You don't even need to batch the hair.

You can just, it can just be a cap. Oh, it's like their battery pack. Yeah, you twist the up, pulling out. Like a huge container comes out. Like, and they just power down. The Jew, the Jew, the Jew is powered down.

Jew, you, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, you do, you. You stop talking about Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd and Jews. This is like the podcast 1.5, and we've already been more racist than every other podcast. Combide. Who sits and talks about Paul Rudd?

I don't know. It's like four in the morning, and we're just talking about Paul Rudd. Jeff, you're a liar. It's 320. One. You're right. 1. 321.

320. Rudd. What did you tell anybody if you saw Paul Rudd eating spaghetti at a restaurant? No. Why do you think Paul Rod is going to just wave to you every chance he gets? Because you look, you see, oh, is that Paul? I would tell my friends at the restaurant, Dave, hey, I think it's Paul Rudd. He walks over with spaghetti.

Hey, guys. The second I left the restaurant, I totally forget. I saw him and wouldn't tell anybody ever again. This is just like your weird sexual fantasy to have Paul Rudd acknowledge you in public and come up and talk to you. Listen, you're at Spaghetti's R Us, your favorite spaghetti restaurant. You're sitting down. Spaghetti's R Us. Is that real?

That's got to be a real place. Anyway, continue. You'd be sued really fast. Yeah. You're sitting down, get some spaghetti as a word. Yeah. With just marinerer, like meat sauce. No, they only have one kind of spaghetti.

Fritz sauce, noodles. What if it's red? What if it's red sauce? Do you like it? No. You got red sauce? You could say it is if. You could say, oh, it's red sauce.

And they go, no, it's still spaghetti sauce. Don't make it up. What is what's in a restaurant? What's in red sauce? It's just pot-rod. It's probably just water. I bet you it's really bland. I'll tell you that much.

It's really bland. Water on noodles. Yeah, you know, you need red sauce. Yeah. Maybe you get, maybe some time. Yeah, okay. I imagine it is like a milky, it's got a milky. It's edible.

Color to it, but it doesn't have any taste. It's edible. I don't want to wave to me a wawa and saying, hey, hey, I'm Paul, So you never only finish my thing that's going to happen to you. I'm trying to prepare you for the real world, Jeff. You're at this place. Continue. Continue.

Look over. Paul Run. You see Paul Rudd, spaghetti, Bobb and his head up and down, have a good time. Yeah. He really likes that spaghetti. Yeah, he's having a good time. Is it? Is it?

Is it a poor run? Ripsy shut off. Ripsy shut up runs full speed of you. Yeah. Stops at the table. Yeah. Hey, it's me, Paul Run. I saw you look at the evening.

Yeah. What do you think? That's what you're preparing Jeff for? I might nod. What do you think? I think I'd give, like, a nod at him. I'd be like, get the fuck away from me. I'm trying to eat my spaghetti.

Oh, good one, buddy. Touch his new shoulder. Yeah, good one. What if he came home and tried to steal your garlic bread? I'd be like, Paul Rudd's a fucking asshole. Yeah, we ran out. He goes to him. After convincing me he was Paul Ruddy, he'd be like.

So, yeah. You know, good weather. It's like, listen. I'll acknowledge him. I'll say, you were good in that movie. Hey, man, I know Steve Corell. Yeah. Oh, so now his name dropping?

Yeah, you know Steve Carell? I know him. You were perfectly... You appear perfectly unoffensive and... Oh, why are you saying that, man? You did your job. What are he saying that for? Do you know who I am?

I always said, I love you. Man. Yeah. You would have a spill of DVD. He pulls out of his pocket. What do you think his favorite movie is? Besides it. Oh, it's I love you, man.

That's his, like, crowning achievement. Oh, you look at his DVD shelf. What if he's a total asshole in real life? What if he ran over to your table and started eating your spaghetti with his bare hands? What are you going to fucking do? What are you going to fucking do? Do some bag? Pudge me?

Punch for a run. Nobody can see you. Nobody can see him. Zach's pretending he's eating. That's how he eats spaghetti. Yeah, that'd be worse too. He's fucking spaghetti over. The kitchen ran out of spaghetti.

Give me your spaghetti. I see him. He wipes out of your fucking... At worst, I see him coming over and, like, arrogantly sticking, like, just one finger in your food, and then, like, licking it and then walking away. And then smiling with that smug face of it is, where he's just like...

Put in your water. And Paul Ryan. Dude, eating spaghetti like that is too much personality for Paul Rud. Yeah, that's true. You ever eating spaghetti with your bare hands, though? really liberating. You just take a big plate of it and just grab it and just I think the closest thing of that is you know

like a dog. You savages can do what you want. I'm not going to eat. All right, Queen Victoria. Queen Victoria married to Bang Bang. This is my husband. Paul Rudd. The most interesting man on the face of the planet. What do you think Paul are the favorite color is? You think it's

really like blue? What do you think it's gray? Hey, could we make Paul Gettios with red sauce one night? Paul Gettios with red sauce. Spaghetti and Rudd balls

and just little heavy What do you think the conversion for that would be what do you think how would he advertise it?

Hey guys Paul Run you probably saw me over there and over there that movie one time I'm Paul Redd

too one time that's what I'm spaghetti now come on good want to see my shirt you have to wait

to get at the bottom the can I think he would allow he would allow one chest hair to escape his coffee

I'm saying he's enticing he's saying he's slightly dangerous but not too dangerous But listen, I think this is a good idea. You buy this

spaghetti because he gives you a taste. He says, hey, you want to see the rest of it? It's at the bottom of the can. So when you dump out the can of spaghetti sauce, some shirt looks like that, show it everything. He himself is at the bottom of the can of the spaghetti sauce? Yeah, because you buy it and he shows you a little bit. He's just little, or it's a photo of him?

What are you talking about? Shut up. I'm saying, in the commercial, he left his belly up and says, hey, you went to see the rest of this, buy the spaghetti sauce, and you'll see me at the bottom of him. the spaghetti sauce. Oh. Everybody uses a full jar of spaghetti sauce when they make spaghetti anyways.

You just dump it in. You know, that's what I'm saying. We have been talking about this mediocre human being for over 20 minutes. That's fucked up. He's going to listen to this. Don't call him mediocre. He's a great guy. He's a perfectly acceptable guy.

He makes more money than you do. He's just jealous. Well, I'm on Rudd's side now. Those are both true. Those are both true facts. How big do you think his dick is? Average? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Try to come with a clever answer. I don't think I'd be surprised if I saw probably. Just, it'd be the perfect human male, white male average. Not bad, not great. You wouldn't talk about it? Yeah, it'd be like half the size of mind.

You ever see those pictures when people take, like, hundreds of portraits of human beings? And they're going to one person? Yeah. He'd be Paul Rudd. He's the scientific invention of every white guy on Earth. Yeah. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd.

There is. And he might not even be. real. You don't know for sure. You think he was the scientist trying to actually make that guy? He got loose and wandered out to a Hollywood set and nobody stopped him. Okay. He's pretty attractive.

He's like bicentennial man. Oh yeah, that fucking movie. Looks more like Paul Red. You know the guy from Jurassic Park was on that? Which guy? I've never seen it. The guy from Jurassic Park 1? Which guy? The main dude. Oh, Grant? Yeah, not Jeff Goldberg. Oh, is he the father

or something? Yeah, he's the dead. He's like, oh, we got a robot. It's Rod Williams. Was that horror movie that Jurassic Park dude was in? Like something Rising? Oh, yeah. With the... Oh, yeah. That movie was pretty sweet.

Something Rising. Yeah, I know we're talking about. Hannibal? Hannibal Rising. Yeah. Paul Rudd Rising. What if... Did you watch that if Paul was in it? If he was in it? If he was in a reboot? No. Yes.

Sorry, Jeff. I don't want to talk about Paul. What were you going to say? Doesn't matter. I'm just saying, you know, yeah, what if... I don't even know anymore How did we get for Jews to Paul Rudd? Final statement on Paul.

No, you said Paul Rudd, but you said you think Paul Rudd's a Jew? I said, no. I said nothing of the kind, my friend. That was Jeff. He said, you think Paul Rudd's a Jew? Yes. Zach. Yeah?

What's your final word on Paul Rudd? I'll let you have the final word. Paul Rudd? Okay, yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's good enough for me. Yeah.

Paul Rudd. Okay, yeah. Paul Rudd. What if he came over to your house for dinner and he was like, is this kosher? Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. That was, Paul Rudd,

join us next time on Sleepy Cast. Pee in my mouth and I'll blow you while I hold the pee in my mouth because I'm a gross weirdo. Goodbye.