SleepyCabin - SleepyCast Lost Episode - [The Crazy Scissor Lady]

Episode Date: March 20, 2015

Sabtastic is back with another fun story for you all! This episode starring: Psychicpebbles (www.youtube.com/Psychicpebbles) Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/Spazkidin3d) JohnnyUtah (http://johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) Sabtastic (http://sabtastic.newgrounds.com) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Paul Raymond, John Erlinger, Creeps McPasta, John Toomey, k0xfilter, skooks, Sonny Canchola, Dim, Hayward Cole, Denis DeLong, Jace Baker, Duncan Neilson, Jacob Miller, Shane Danells, Ryan Pagonis, Trevor Wood, Brian Adam +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

This is a sleepy cast lost episode. The Crazy Scissor Lady. Featuring Psychic Pebbles, Spaz Kid, Oni, Johnny Utah, and Sabtastic. My name is Captain Dickhead. I recently lost a testicle. But that's okay? I was born with three. Okay, so this is a couple years ago.

I was like, I think 19. And I was heading home from West Edmonton Mall, which is a really big. How old do you know? And, pardon? How old do you know? I'm 24. So I had to take the bus and I was with four other friends and, sorry, three other friends so there's four total.

And we get onto this bus and it's only like 930, 10 o'clock on a Friday. Is this a Greyhound bus? No, no, just regular like public transit. And so we... That's the only bus? That's another story. So yeah, we sit in the back of this bus and it's just like, you know, regular Friday night. It's not too crazy.

And this little old lady gets on the bus and kind of sits close to where we are. We're at the very back and she sits kind of on the side, also near the back. And she's dressed in very smart attire. She's got like a gray kind of like blazer poncho thing. She's got her hair up in a bun and just, you know, looks like a rational, intelligent adult. And so we sit down and the bus takes off and we all kind of take out our iPods or whatever, P3 players. So we listened to this music for a little while.

We've all got our own headphones in. We're all kind of just staring. No. So the bus takes off. We're listening to music. And my friend Samson pulls out one of the headphones from a friend Taylor's ear and then puts his headphone in. So he switches headphones with his friend while he's got like two streams of music

playing at the same time. So what different one each year? Yeah, like one's like whatever metal and one's something else. Anyway, so he's like, that'll make your head explode. Ha ha, ha. And so this lady hears that. And this, like, triggers something in her mind. And then she just gets, like, set off. Like, I still don't know what the hell, like, trigger this lady's rant.

You know, it's just set up, like, someone who, like, you know, we say it a lot is kind of, like, mundane things. Like, spilling your coffee. Yeah, this, like, was, like, PTSD flashback line. Yeah, like, she was, like, you just, who make your head explode. Like, like, p. So, so, so, yeah, this lady, uh, hears us, or hears Stamps and say this. and she's like, I'll make your heads explode every last one of you. And we're just kind of like, ha, ha.

Like, we don't know what the hell to say to that. Because, like, I don't know, you would think that somebody was kidding. It's just so out of the blue, right? Like, we hadn't talked to her or made eye contact at all. So she says this, and we kind of go quiet a little bit. And she goes on this rant about, like, she talked about, like, hemorrhoids and Satan and whipped cream and... We're getting more and more turned on. No, no, no.

I was terrified. You were spraying. By the end of there was two inches of water in the bus, everyone was slipping. No, but what- Was it? Man-sreading and water was hitting all the windows? Were her thoughts just destroyed? Yeah, were you man-spreading?

Yeah, was she... Was she... Like, was she... With cream, it's devil. No, no, no, okay. I missed a really important part. This is like the scariest part. You brought up this really important part

where she pulled scissors out of it. Yes, thank you. Okay, so she... After she says, I'll make your heads explode. She, like, picks up her purse and opens it up and starts kind of rifling through it. it and she pulls out this little ceramic Casper piggy bank and puts that beside her

like just maybe like the size of... Yeah, yeah, just like the size of, I don't know, a cookie jar. And then she takes another... She rifles around, takes a hair straightener out and puts that beside her. And then she keeps rifling around and then she takes out these huge, fucking long, pointy scissors, the kind that you use for like hair dressing that have the little loops and like the pointed end. And she, like, she just has these in her hands.

So right away we're like, holy shit, she has scissors. Like, what? What? Hercules scissors. Yeah, and so, like, we're all kind of, like, staring at the, you know, corner of our eye, like, holy crap, this woman has scissors, and she starts snipping them, like, really loud.

And she starts... She's looking at us, too, and she's like, snip, snip, snip, snip, and, like, we're like, what the fuck is going on? Like, we're really scared. Like, I'm shaking... Does the bus driver fucking do anything? No, and the bus was, like, full, too.

There were people in the bus. Everybody's in on it. No. Yeah. No, so she's got these scissors and she's sniffing away and we're just like really scared. We're not, like, we can't go past her per se because she's like maybe within like distance to me and Corey like five feet away. Oh, fuck, are you serious?

No, yeah. She could like, if she wanted to, she easily could have lunged over and fucking got us straight in the jugular or something. And yeah, anyway, um, so she's, she's ranting away. She goes on to this whole, like, rant about like, I remember one thing she said was, uh, if you were stuck in a basement and you had no food, what was the first thing? like what would you eat first, your fingers or your toes? Like, what would you bite off?

And I was just like, ugh. I ate my toes. I'd suck my dick and eat it off. Well. That's a discussion for another day. Yeah. She said other things, too, that was like, Satan's going to whip you.

Like, none of you are pure, and, like, I'm the purest thing here. And then she started, like, petting, like, this Casper piggy bank, too. It just, this whole rant was, like, a half an hour long. Like, she kept going. And so, like, we're just trying to, like, avoid, eye contact and look through the window

and avoid this lady, right? She's still going off. She's still got these scissors in her head. Well, you want to look away, but she also don't because you don't know what she's... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're trying not to make eye contact, but like... Subway's bringing up, like, the biggest freaks.

Yeah. When I was on a subway, um, like, this is, like, still stay on this topic. Like, uh, the situation where this guy was on a, I was in Chicago with Alexie and we were on a, we were on a fucking train and this guy comes on with bongo drums.

What? And he's like, starts talking about Jesus. He's like, Jesus. what a crazy subject. Then he starts going on for fucking ever. Yeah. And then he starts, like, handing out pamphlets at the end. But it's just like, he's just talking and talking.

He's like, you all are going to burn if you don't pay attention. And everyone's just sitting there kind of like on their phone. Just like, this guy's walking by, like, hitting their fucking feet. And they're just like not paying attention. It's the most common thing they've seen all day. They don't want to get involved. I really don't know why those kinds of people are allowed on. They should like, you know.

Lie? Yeah. Be sacred. be pushed to the back of the bus segregated? Yeah, there should really be like a number. They should have to throw a watertight in Zucon. What do you think? Eject button.

There's like a fucking door that opens up. You fucking stop and they all fly it through it and close it. Anyways, that was an important segue. Yeah. Well, no, yeah, it kind of helped me kind of remember what she was saying. Nobody died. Nobody died. I thought I was going to.

I was pretty sure it was. But she starts going on about, oh gosh, she mentioned hemorrhoids and all this stuff. And Satan. and being whipped and stuff like that. Like something about her daddy abusing her and I was just like, whoa. Did she seem religious in nature?

She brought up a lot of really like satanic religious things. Like she was convinced everything was evil. Yeah, yeah. Purity was a big thing that kept coming up. You know what it was? Maybe she just got done watching, like, because she's like really in a Casper. Yeah.

So maybe it was like a situation with me where this one time, well, I was actually in like a really religious place. Yeah. They wouldn't let me watch Harry Potter at this place because we were going to watch the Harry Potter, the Chamber of Secrets. And they were like, no, Harry Potter's the devil. It's actually told us like it's sick and it's black magic. I always told Poeward was what the devil. That's an interesting point.

Because religious people aren't even, they consider ghosts evil and stuff. Yeah, yeah. No, no, I always told, I always told Polkawan was the devil when I was joan. She probably had an infatuation with Casper. She like wanted to fucking. Maybe. Maybe she'd just like to possess by Casper. Yeah, I still don't know why that was there.

She would have had her piggybank. You could have probably saw her clip pointing up if you would have known that. I'm gonna say it's a little lady boner. You're fucking nose in your eye potter. So, yeah, so this lady's ranting away. And then at some point, my friend Alex, he crosses his legs and kicks her in the foot while he crosses his legs. Because they like, yeah, so he kicks her foot. And she just stops talking, like completely.

And that's even scarier than when she was on the rent, because we're like, what is she thinking? Holy shit, she's going to go, like, she's going to snap and stab us. And so we're sitting there. Like, we're watching her at this point because, like, we don't know what's going to happen. But we're not making eye contact So like this maybe five minutes goes by And nothing is being said We're just like shitting our pants

Right And then finally She like moves really quick or something Or she goes to like Put something in her purse and like she moves so fast That it scares me and I make eye contact with her And then that just triggers a whole Like funnel of hate to me

And she's like you know what? You're just a little cunt, aren't ya? And she's like you think you're so good And she starts calling me these like four or five letter words and I'm just like holy shit four and five letter words yeah fuck cunt bitch yeah she's like she's like I bet you think you're so good see all these guys with you bet you they want to fuck you start like that and I was just like oh my god she's crazy scissors ladies and she's still got the fucking scissors in her hand too and so like

like my hands are shaking I think I'm gonna stick to they want to run a train out of you Snip, snip, snip, snip. Oh, my God. I'm just calling me like a whore and stuff like that. And I'm just, you know, fucking, I don't know what to do. Dude, I'd be fucking action. My hands are shit. I'd be like, you think of a whore?

You want some? You can't have that. Cut your teeth off. Fuck out. I'd grab Casper and stick up my pussy. He'd be like, he's mine now, bitch. I'm glad you were. Can't grab, Matt.

I would have gone. I would have gotten to be like, not today, lady. You fucking stabbing your eyes. I would have. I would have grabbed the fucking piggy bank and thrown it out the red water window. Casper, go free, back to hell and throw out the window. Fucking big jump out. To hell with you, Jamon!

Bring on! She fucking jumps out when her fucking head's getting all bang on the shit. Oh, holy shit. That's something would have made the story boy just thinking. I guess, yeah, I guess ultimately there was like there's four of us in one of her, so really if she would have tried to like stabbing us, we would have been fine. But like, it's still fucking scary. It was very fucking stupid. Yeah.

He still wouldn't have done anything. And so it takes an even worse turn after a point where like there's another guy that gets on the bus and sits like right beside her. And he gets so scared because he starts listening in on what she's saying. It starts reading a book upside down because he just wants to look busy, right? Like he's like, I remember the book too. It was like Life of Pie or something. He's reading it upside down. I'm just like, oh man.

And so eventually he gets the courage to like get off the bus because he's like further. He doesn't want to do with this. away than we are, right? So we don't, we have to talk past her still. So at some point she starts, I can't remember what, what point in the conversation with herself, she started talking about this, but it was all about purity, like, it was back to purity again, and she started like, you know those poles in the bus that you hold on to, and it's full, you can hold on to something? She starts hitting her hand, no, like, she starts hitting the back of her hand against these poles to the point where you can hear like a really loud, like reverberating ting every time she

hits it. And it gets to the point where her knuckles start getting bloody because she's hitting them so hard over and over and over and over again. And nobody's stopping her, nobody's saying anything because we're all scared shitless. She's like, hey, knock that off. Yeah, and like, I think at some point, like the bus driver said something

but that doesn't stop her at all. No one was getting up to be like, hey, stop it, get off. That poor woman's dealing with all that misogyny on that bus. She was being literally raped. All those meninists or whatever everywhere. All the men's eyes were fucking taking circle navigations all around the bus to look at her.

You were man spreading. If they weren't raping her with their eyes. Yeah. You were man spreading. It's when you sit like that on the bus. Yeah, yeah. She was man spreading. She was.

You were. Oh, it's when guys, when guys don't sit like this. They sit like... I never man spread. That's not even my vocabulary. It's a way for women to passive-aggressively be mad at men for no reason, basically. Because they want more space, more legs space? They just want to be mad.

They want to hate men, so they're not. they're looking for any reason to hate that it's like going to a guy and like complaining that a guy has like gets you know like he has balls like he's minding his own fucking business and he has a dick and balls just like so he can't sit with his legs pressed together so that's basically what you

they take a picture of him and post it on tumbling and they're like look at this disgusting man like quaint little you know nods sticking balls that bitch would be sipping his head like a spider I'm like you know what's going on of you I mean you show her all we're

Fuck. She'd crucify. She'd make a whole big tumbler post about you. I do this. I did it. She's spreading his legs right now. Wait, so where was the story? Juan Hater?

Yeah, okay. So, back to the... Guys, what's the... Sorry, sorry, Bruce Lerner. No, no, it's all good. Okay, yeah, so at this point of the story, there's blood, like, all over this lady's hands. And she's, like, she's actually, like,

outreaching her hands to us and, like, pressing the blood out of her knuckles and, like, pointing it at us, being like, yeah, this is too pure for you. I don't know why I'm pointing my hand at the mic right now. It's not like you're going to get your life. You're trying to give you an authentic experience in the audience. And so, yeah, she's, like, getting all this blood all over her hands,

and, like, she's wiping it on the seats and stuff. And, like, at this point, no one's sitting beside her. So she's just getting blood fucking all over the place. And she's even got a ring on. And she, like, it's this big kind of, like, rhinestone, like, one of those, like, there's, like, a big fake gem on it kind of thing. Like your school ring? Yeah, yeah, like, so she's got one of those.

and on top of all over her hand, she takes this ring off, rolls up her sleeve, flips the ring over so it's jemside down and presses it to her wrist, and then starts scraping it up and down so that it starts bleeding too. Ooh, that's going to cause some blood. I'm not a doctor, bud. I can tell you that, Vaj. No, yeah, so this lady's wrists are bleeding all over the place now, and, like, she only does it on the one arm, but, like, her hands are all fucking bloody,

her wrists all bloody, and then it's just like, there's literally blood all over the poles, all over the seats, and we're still sitting there, like completely mortified. We haven't moved. You know, if I... Like a second ago you were eating a fucking hot dog, and now you're on a bus watching this bit... If I was a lady... If I was a lady, I would have outblooded her. You know what I mean?

Yeah, you could have freed... Stood up, stood up. She was like Arnold and T-2, too. She just wanted to show you her end of her... Yeah, she would be like, look, I have not made of human parts. You cannot destroy me. She was trying to pull the skin off to show you that she was really a T-1,000. Should have thrown a tampon. It's a T-800.

The Team 100 is the liquid metal guy core who dies with a lava. But maybe all are the T-Wil-Dine Systems Model 101, idiot. Yeah. Yeah, Corey. What are you a fucking nerd? Who goes to the Greek? No. What's that terminator quote?

I'll be back. Yeah. Fuck you, asshole. Yeah. I like that one. I like that one. I like that one. Too.

Fuck you asshole. Is that when he's in the hotel room? But are you going to be out of there to sir? It's like, it's like nice to meet you. Goodbye, fuck you assol. Is it the T-1000 or the T-100? 800?

800. T-800? Arnold's the T-800. No, I'm talking about T-1-Bound. T-1-1-000. T-1-000's the liquid metal. The cup. It's a new model that has skin placed over it.

They're trying a new thing. The T-3 has the... Wait. What is your question? He said it would be the 2-800 because he has like... He has, like, flesh and... The T-800 is the skin on top of... the endoskeleton.

What are we talking about back? He's got to, sorry, Sabrina. I can't, I'm learning about Terminator. So it's a T-800. I thought it was a T-100. 800? The T-6, that was rubber scan, it was hard, it was easy

to identify. Wait, what is it? The T-25? The T-600? The T-600? Yeah. Back to the dead store. They looked shitty.

All the guys shot about the battlefield. they lost. They're like wax. They're like wax speaking of things. They were easy to spot. Yeah. Anyways, this is important.

Sabrina, tell us your T-1000 store. Yeah, okay. So, so Crazy Scissor, Terminator lady is just on her rampage. And like, yeah, there's just blood everywhere. We saw like a beer can rolling up the hall at some point too. So like one of my friends insists she was drunk, but I've never seen anybody act like that when they're drunk. So at this point we're like, fuck this. We get off the bottom.

us, like, we're not even anywhere close to our stop. We just, like, somehow walked past her. She didn't, like, lunge at us or anything, but she was like, yeah, you better leave, and we're just like, uh-huh. And so, so we get off this bus, I'm like, my hands are shaking. I was convinced that one of us was going to get stabbed. And so, like, even three hours after we got off that bus, I was still shaking. I was so, like, just shell-shocked. Sabrina, you pussy. What? I would have grabbed your scissors and look through the eyes. You would have been piss in your pads, too.

I know, I know. I would have fucking. sat there like a bitch and just watched No, yeah You're like, theoretically, like people listening to this would have been like, oh, I would have just reached over and grabbed your scissors. Yeah, it's like, fuck you, yeah, right. Yeah, right.

Mockering and Sambich would have fucking walked over and piled down in the mouth. Yeah, right, these motherfuckers would be sitting there peeing themselves. Yeah, exactly, so screw you guys. I'd walk over like, kill me, come me! And once that story a few years ago where

a guy got beheaded on a bus before even realized what the hell was happening. It was so fast. Who fucking said that? On the Greyhound. There was a story. There's a, I don't, where, was it in Canada or it was a Canada? Yeah, something went fucking crazy and cut a person's head off on the bus.

Yeah, some Carney. Yeah, some Carney. They ran off, everybody ran off the bus except this person just sitting in the bus with the person's head. She's sitting there like a fucking psycho. Yeah. That's like that Canary story. Oh, God. Where an old lady was looking around the store and a guy came out and cut off her head.

What the fuck, man? Yeah. You ever see that video of the old lady who got, like, some robber red of it stabbed me with the back of the big knife? And she was like, oh, have a nice day. And there was, like, video footage before walking. buying she doesn't realize there's a knife in her head so she's walking her like buying groceries and there's like a fucking kitchen life in the back of her head. I didn't remember this.

People are screaming and she's like buying and she's like oh this is a nice apple. His panters rocked and she puts it back and there's a fucking kitchen life in the head. Did you see a video of this like crazy cycle that stabbed this guy in the ass five times and left? In the ass? What happened with it? Yeah this guy was just sitting there when he was holding his fucking cute hand and he just comes up to him and he just comes up to him and fucking does this to his ass five times it leaves the guy. The turts pour out?

He's like trying to figure out what happened. He's like looking back and he's just like holding his... He just walked up and stabbed him in the ass. Did they catch him? No, he just ran off. The ass stabber got away? He's just like that and fucking ran the other way. What the hell?

And the kid looked back to see what was going on because the guy was just like this, like grabbing his ass. The ass stubber got away. Yeah. Did I ever tell you guys about my old lady, crazy bitch? No. Okay, once I went out on a date with a nice girl in Dublin. And we went to McDonald's and we sat down.

I had a really bad day. It was the worst date ever. Anyway, we sat down at McDonald's. Who's bad about it? It's just a bad date. didn't get on. Chris was the bad part. What? No, okay. The rape didn't work. Anyway, we went inside, sat down.

Sat down at the table. I was eating my... I was eating fries and a burger. And then this fucking... I was not eating my ass. And then... Your applesauce. No. Hartsmox sauce. I like how that was you were McDonald's here.

Listen, I'm not doing that. If you said, I'm making live big videos. He said, like, rape fail in the big letters. Fuck you guys. Listen. I was sitting at the table with the girl And then this fucking old bitch walks in the homeless whole lady and she's like Hmm

This is my corner and I was just like okay and then I was looking up at the cashister and the guys were just like they saw her but ignored her I was like this is weird if she's a fucking threat why aren't they doing anything She was like this yours she pointed out my food and I was like yeah she stuck her hand in it and squeezed it into like Yeah, I was like okay and then I was scared so I stood up with like I'm getting out of here And that's the end of that story that's it nothing else happened I can't confront I cannot confront stuff like that. It's too scary. It's too pretty like you'll stick your hand up or pussy pull a syringe and like stick it in you and put a age in your anything You know you got just got to like you know like yeah You can run away like a coward that you don't cycle don't be a hero if someone walked up to me and then they they were fucking just like

So I'm doing something shaving your hands to your shaming your fucking hand off with a ruby I would just like I would just sit there and accept it but then I just kind of be like all right man You know what I would do? I'm not crazy it's a good idea So, Corey, be a crazy person. I'll try to out crazy, okay? I'm sitting on the bus, right? With my big dick out. Zach, I'll do it. Okay, Chris, you do it. Wait, do you want to do it? Okay, be crazy.

I'll be crazy. I'll be sitting here reading my own book. It's called... I'm exactly. Yeah, I'll read my book. Alright. You want to hear something crazy? Hey, who are you, bozo? Beat off, pal. Hey, listen, dumb ass, couldn't read. You're talking about fucking ear off, dick. Not even talking. It's not even crazy. Crazy Corey is quiet, Cory. You're way more crazy.

Hey, fuck all, pal. I'll sit here enjoying my food You're fucking screaming at me Why don't you throw that bus? Why don't you throw that bus, idiot? I was just a spanking cord to be like Blahler! You can't fucking fucking fuck it.

This sucks. Chris, you be crazy. I'm sitting here. Okay, you're sitting there? I'm on my iPhone. What are you looking at? Playing Tetris? Cool.com. Looking at my face.

I walk in. Ah, fucking nigger! Hey, shut up? Yeah, that old shit. Why are you doing with that? Give me that. Oh, really? Get away for you, idiot.

Oh, my God. That reminds me. What? I'm a crazy person. Me and me and Shad, we were at Aldi's, and I was just sitting there talking to Shad, we were talking about potential

porn we'd draw later or something, we were laughing. And then this fucking old guy who had already bought his food, he looked like fucking Doc Brown mixed with a dude from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry David? Yeah, he looked like Larry David makes a Doc Brown. He turns around and he's like, you motherfucker.

Then he fucking walks away, screaming you motherfucker. What? And Shad was just like... At you guys? Shad was just like, like point he's like hey and then they like looked to me and said all it and I was like what was that he's like I don't know do you know him and I'm like no dude and he was outside like fucking slamming his card against the

fucking I was scared to go outside you ever want people think you're a maniac just because they see like it's something at you by accident in public like you're like oh fuck people think it was psycho like you're thinking of a grocery list you're talking the grocery list and quietly under your breath and someone sees you like fucking psycho and they go away or whatever

look at the example like a couple weeks ago I was you ever see somebody but like in the not totally really close to you're walking with your head down you look up and there's somebody there you're like ah yeah yeah i was walking like 8 p.m and i was walking up from our office to our house and there was a black lady at night time and i was not even gonna make that obvious stroke was like oh yeah whatever her eyes and her teeth because i saw i saw her body but i didn't see her i was walking and i didn't see her right and tell i was closer i was ah i overreacted way too much and then i was

like oh my gosh she probably thinks of a huge asshole or racist so then i just pretended to have a twitch I kept going, ugh, I kept doing that I did it for like a whole mile because I thought she was staring at me, I was like, I'd rather be a psycho, like, the racist, you know what, that's exactly like, yeah? You know when that time when you're like walking by and then someone's walking towards you, and then you fucking

go the exact direction where they go? Oh yeah, you step to the left, I've done that, like six fucking times. And they stepped to the left, and I was like this and fucking going around him. And then afterwards I was like, oh, like that, too him. And he just looked back at me, like I just I've done that so many times. Yeah, people would be ignorant.

fucking mania. It's like, everyone, it's like, you go there, everyone, it's just, it's weird because it's like you're not used to going in the opposite direction everyone else goes. When somebody comes to... I always go by, like, the road system, I go to the right.

When someone comes towards you, the first fucking thing you do is always go this way. And everyone always goes this fucking way. Yeah, no, you get. And then you go this way, and then they go that way. I always go, I always doing the roads. It's, no, it's like, you go to the left and they always go to the right.

No, no, I always stick on the right hand, because I followed the road system, right? Yeah. But they walk. I never do that because I'm a fucking crazy person. You are, you walk in the left, you drive me in the wrong head, Clay, Corey. There's this little thing that you can do,

and a lot of girls do it, I think, where you make this little, like, you point with your hands, and you kind of make this little, almost like a diving thing. I can't do that. You kind of shimmy, like, you indicate which direction. If I could get the fist fight, if I did that, I get, I could punch the fucking nose so fast, but somehow with the backwards hat.

I play chicken. I play walking chicken. What do you mean? Just run them over. Like, uh, we, people. If somebody was walking towards me, I just won't stop. I'm going to make him... Oh yeah, you're going to make him divert.

Yeah. I'm the dominance. I'm lumber. I'm alpha-mailing him. I lumber. Like, someone was down to jump. I'm just like... Cory. You've been acting out this entire project.

Claude, people are going to hear footsteps and you're getting quiet. That's all right we're going to hear. I'm lumbering like a gorilla. He did a gorilla. He walked with his legs spread part of his arms down. There's something... Wait, something I wanted to talk about that I wrote down. Wait, while we're on the topic of crazy old ladies,

can I just ask a second? one question. Yeah. Do you remember Maggie Hurley? Uh, who? Do you remember, you visit at Wexford? Yes, I did, I did, I visited Ireland, yeah. Well, do you remember when we used to walk up the street every day, we go to Tesco, and there'd be a fat, 400-pound old lady on the sidewalk? You told me that, you told me that right, I only saw it once. You only saw it, you saw it, you saw it, you saw her, like,

rolling around, fucking absorbing gravel and stuff. She's a national treasure, okay? Okay. She's, she's, like, 500 pounds, and she's three-foot high, and she's, she sings, I'm nobody's child every time you're in the town She's like, I'm nobody's child And people throw coins at her Really?

Yeah At one time we had a parade And she started walking in front of it And everyone was like, yeah It was the best parade ever I just went to tell us one last story It's unself of all people So this happened like yesterday

Now when I were walking somewhere It was like it was down the road And I saw this old man Oh yeah That dude you fucking tackle With the middle of the road Yeah I broke his hand his head turned into the dust.

No, but I was walking with Nile and this old man stuck his hand out. He kept shaking and I was like, he was shaking his hand. And my friend, Jeff, if you see somebody doing this, what's his first instinct?

Remove your help? I don't know. This. I guess, give him money? Yeah, exactly. So I was like, so I don't have any change. And he kept doing it.

I kind of avoided him. And it turns out he was holding two pieces of candy. This fucking 80-year-old man was trying to give Nala like candy. And I was like, oh, I was like, oh, thank you, so he took the candy.

And I was like, oh, oh, no, oh. This fucking old dude was like This old dude was like doing this nice deed My argument is this What is it realistically What is the likelihood of some old fart handing you some fucking liberation

But here's my here's no it was it was York Mitz But here's my here's my argument right This dude is like 88 He's seen 88 years of people being pieces of Like he's seen 80 years of how horrible The world could be And for no reason he didn't have to He decided to give two young kids

Who could have been assholes candy You're playing off your ignorance. There's no fucking way. No, the fact that he didn't say anything, he was like, so, he could hear the old man, I was, oh. You can't just walk up to somebody with your fucking handout. The first thing someone thinks, the colloquial thing people think is like, oh, this guy wants money.

No, but the fact that he was giving me something, I was like, I don't have any money. You fucking, oh, get away from me. What is the most likelyest thing that the old man had fucking candy? I just felt so bad, though, I was like, dude, that guy did not have to do that. He could have been, he could be like, if anybody can live 88 years like that, or however old he is, it's still not be a piece of shit,

then, you know. That's a situation where, it's like seeing someone over the counter, right? And he's just been really shitty to you. And he's just like, like, you're like, okay, for instance, you never look at this guy. You just see him over the counter, and he's been really slow. And you're just like, what's taking you so fucking long?

It's like, I've been sitting here for 30 minutes. He's like, I'm sorry, sir. And then he walks over the counter, and he has these little fucking wooden legs that are like fucking, like, breaking and shit. And you realize that you were making fun of, like, the fucking guy with wooden legs. But that's the same situation.

I guess my logic is like it wasn't even the fact, it was a regular guy, I feel like a beast of shit, but the guy is so old, he's probably like a year left, dude. Yeah, but you didn't know, Zach. It does, I don't know, it was one of those things. You can't feel like shit because of something you didn't know. I totally feel like shit. Well, you shouldn't because that's silly.

Okay, I've been, I've been trying to say this. This is something that's always been kind of on the back of my mind. You know how they have like Kids Bob 50, Kids Bob 58. Yeah. I don't even know what that is. KidsBot. Kids Bob, Zach knows. Kid Bob. Kids Pop.

Kids Pop. They basically say. pop songs or like popular songs at the time and they do kid lyrics they change the lyrics they do like DMX or they do you know like slip that they do like they take songs that are like profusely

about fucking girls and bad asses change them to like eating ice cream and having cotton candy but the thing is so Coral you you make up your own song like a really dirty song and I'll give you a kid buffers so it's like it's like get that ass ass slap that ass so this one this is like get that pizza pizza pizza

get that pizza pizza pizza But it's like the thing is Where is this air on the Disney show? No, no This is things they release For Christian wholesome families To listen to while their kids But it's like, what if the parents

We're sitting there You know, fuck up Listen to Gospel John Switching through the radio stations And they're like, oh, I know this rhythm And they start listening to like Fucking butts and slapping asses And it's like

Haven't KidsBob got sued For fucking taking lyrics And changing them by like Christian Wholesome families Because the only people Who fucking buy that Are those kinds of families That Christian family that wouldn't let me watch Harry Potter, they had like fucking kids' bock one through 38.

Like they, they were long from the long hole. And they like had all the kids' pops from like the fucking 90s and 2000s. Yeah, I had a Christian friend who'd go to his house. He's like, you know, I want to watch my tail. Kids Bob? Eat some carrot sticks and grape juice? Yeah, but it's... I was like, get the fuck away from you, you freak?

You know, I kick into the shins. Yeah, but it's like, it just fascinates me how there's still. making fucking kids pop and they're still taking pop songs which are like the music now is just like this droning fucking beats about fucking passes. They took that one song, Fuck Me To My Pussy Blase and turned it to give me a haircut

make it nice and neat. Jeff tell us your story. No, Jeff's story is about Silent Hill and getting like... No, high school. It's a different one. What school? Oh. Hike school, Billy.

You can yell at me from him during it. Yeah, it's a story about bad children. Yeah, in my... When I was in high school. school, there was this thing they used to do with kids who had in-school detention. Basically, basically my school district was becoming overcrowded and they were building the middle school. So every kid went from first to sixth grade and then seventh to twelfth in the high school. Really?

Before the middle school. That's weird. Once the middle school was built, they cut out six through eighth. Yeah, that's how usually it's. But before that, basically, to just, just, to just, just Just to tell you a little bit, like, backtrack. Yeah, I went to sixth grade. I went to seventh for the high school. Then went back to eighth for the middle school, because it was finished, finally. And then I went back to high school for ninth. It's very bizarre.

It was bizarre. But anyway, the point being, when I got there in seventh grade, the high school was very overcrowded. It was 7th through 12th. There was no spare room for anybody. So when... All these delinquents in my area misbehaved and they wanted to give these kids in school detention. They're like, what the fuck do we do with these little assholes? We can't...

Typically, you stick them in like a spare classroom. Yeah. But there were none. So, their solution... This is what they did. This is like the first day... This is like the first day of school. They take us out back behind the high school.

And they're like, now, children, if you're going to misbehave, this is where you're going to go. And they walk us over, and there's this blood red school bus up on cinder blocks, right? It's like a bus, but it's painted like, it's like rusty blood red. There's no spot of yellow on it. It's like a bus from like the 60s. It's up on these cinder blocks. And all the windows are whitewashed out. You can't see in or out of the bus.

Are you fucking seen it? And they're like, go on, check it out. And they send us up the stairs into this fucking bus. and it's, all the, all the, uh, seats were ripped out and they put in, all these shitty little desks from, again, like, I swear, the decor of the inside of this bus hasn't changed since, like, the fucking 70s or whatever. And this is where all these kids go when they behave, misbehaved, they have to sit in this fucking bus all day.

And they can't look out the windows. It's all, it's like, like, like light-watching, dude. That's like, that's like something you'd see in, you know that movie Matilda? We're like, yeah. Yeah. No, it's creepy. This is a trench ball. Yeah.

I want to, like, illustrate a children's book based on this or something, but it was just the creepiest fucking thing. But then the second, the next year, when the middle school was finished, they just sent the bus off to the junkyard. But I think it was there for a long time. Oh, my God. I'm going to tell you my story. Okay, so we used to have a clubhouse when I lived in the woods with my sister. And we, I built it up. Like, I, we...

Wait, you lived in the woods? Yeah, I was going to say, I... That sounds about right. What? Like, we lived on... You lived in the fucking trees, Corey? It was like the woods slash like a field, like 15 acres. So there's like a wood area and a fucking like land.

You lived in the woods or you lived in a house, a regular house within woods? It was like here's a house and here's like a long trail up to the woods. And then there used to be this woods area where there was like this like old barn. Right. Which me and my sister like fixed up and we made into our clubhouse. And then and then one day like my dad was, he was really mad at us. one day. I guess because we didn't spend enough attention to us because we were hanging out in the clubhouse.

He fucking went to the clubhouse and burned it down. What? When we were asleep. What the fuck? Inside the clubhouse? He burned it. He just went in there and fucking put all the oil around and burned it down. You say while you were asleep in the clubhouse or while you were asleep at the house? In the house. Oh.

Obviously. He was so jealous. Yeah. I told you he was crazy. You would never remember that. I'm like, Dad, you remember when he burned in a clubhouse? He thought, I never fucking did anything. like that, you're crazy. Trying to think the craziest thing my dad ever did. I don't think it was anything that crazy. Did you ever try to kiss you?

You didn't want it? No. What you did have done, Jeff? No, I never did that. No, nothing. He's like, listen, Jeff, what if you're, like, when you're like, 12 or 13, he's like, listen, Jeff, you know, you're getting up there at age,

and you're going to be a girl eventually. I just want you to be a good kissing by the time you get to with a girl, so let's practice kissing. It won't be gay, we'll be sexual. I just for practice kissing you. My dad had too much fun scaring the shit out of me, basically.

That's pretty scary. me. My dad used to have this plastic skeleton which he called Old Boney and he used to like fucking talk about how old bony, it was like one of those like things that you see at like high school skeleton thing. Was it a real skeleton or you show it was plastic?

It was a fake yellow like plastic fucking like presenting skeleton that you show kids at science class and stuff. Do you teach you the birds and the bees with old bony? No no no he used to be like he told me that old bony is to be real but um he was like he was like an escape convict so his spirit still haunts the skeleton

used to tell me that and fucking scare the shit out of my sister. That's scary. Because one night he had the skeleton on like a fucking like one of those like things they hang on and shit and he stuck like little metal rods to his fucking hand and the skeleton, he made the skeleton

come in doing this shit like on a fucking like roller thing. Walking like Frank Stein. No it was like on a roller he just had the fucking hands like this and you're just like a like that over the bed. One night. He used to do that kind of shit. Is that what your dad did?

My dad told my little cousins who were like seven or six, they were girls. He told him Santa Claus was shot down by Vizuco, the military saw him and shot him down, and they fucking cried. This is all Christmas. This is all Christmas, dude. I don't know why I did that. I thought it was hilarious though.

My dad left me home one day alone, and he came back and he just had to, he started to pretend like he was trying to break into the house, so he started banging on the door and shaking it and, like, for like 10 minutes. I was, I was, I was, I don't know. Holy shit. What if you did?

What if you did? What if you did? He never really, I would have been guessing how to use it, because he never really taught me how to use his, uh, his shotgun that well, but. Yeah, I was, I was actually, I was frozen like a deer. I didn't know what the fuck did you know. You got us a shotgun and you fucking blow your head off. He's like, I got you.

Probably, probably. Probably. Could have done that. That's a big gamble for a little giggle. Giggle and gaggle. He was, he was a fun, a funny one. What's telling you? You know, your deads don't care.

They tell you spooky stories. Dad's so cute. Then they fucking, like, come in with a scary skeleton sticking his hand out of when you're trying to sleep in a big room, and then you tell your daddy yesterday what happened. And he's just like, that never happened. That never happened.

Like, smiling. He just like, why you fucking see that? Jeff, were you done your story with your dad? Oh, yeah. I don't know, but that doesn't end the story. Yeah, basically. And then he finally came in. He's like, ha, ha, funny.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that was hilarious. Somebody... You got me. Sorry. Go ahead. Somebody did that to me once, and it was when I was living with my boyfriend at the time. And basically, his mom was downstairs or something,

trying to scare off, like, coyotes in the backyard. So she was, like, she had a bat in her hands, but she was hitting, like, the doorframe or something to make noise and scare them away. But to us, it sounded like somebody was smashing down the door. And so instantly, like, you're, you know, you're completely asleep. You're, like, an R.E.M., like, you know, you're completely... out of it when you wake up, but you're like

instantly freaking out of noise. It's a horrible feeling to wake up out of fear. Yeah, like fear instantly when you wake up, right? So you're like, oh shit, what's going on? And you're like trying to assess the situation, but like you have no idea and there's loud noises. It sounds like they might already be inside kind of thing if they're like trying to break in. And so my boyfriend at the time. Instead of, you know,

like... Being brave. Heroic. Shubs me aside and hides in the closet. Really? Yeah. And it just leaves me in the hallway. Room for one. And I'm like... Ruproa, Leah.

Seems like every person alive should be put through a test like this to see what their true colors are. Yeah. Long story short, we are no longer dating. Have you ever had a situation where I don't know if this has happened to anyone, but you can't really explain it, but you swear to fuck you heard it. Like you swear you heard it. Yeah. You're kind of sitting there. You're either really tired or you're just sort of dozing off.

You don't want to fall asleep and you know you're going to fall asleep. So you're like watching TV or something. And it's really quiet and you just like rest your head down and your eyes are closed and everything and you're not thinking. And then I swear like you you suddenly hear something say like like hey, hey wake up just real real quick. Just you swear like you swear like you hear something to say. Corey, you're schizophrenia call you're dying. No, no. It sounds fucking crazy.

But like it happened at the office a few times. Like I was sitting on the couch just sitting there and I swear to God I was like dozing off and someone's like, hey wake up. I was just like, I was up. Like, I was just like, okay, I can't get to sleep now because I was just terrible. I can't explain it, but I swear to God, it sounds like someone just says that instantly you're talking. I think I have another couple times.

One time I was sleeping on this couch and Chris, Nile and my girlfriend were playing, what's that game called P-T? It's like a, it's like a, it's, whatever, I was sleeping, I was sound asleep. I was totally fine. But I guess for those who don't know, it's like a game on, what is the PS-3-4?

Yeah, it's a spooky game we walked through a hallway. It's a new Silent Hill demo. But I was salient sleep. I was always dreaming of daisies. And they all, the character jumped down on the screen and they all screamed at once, all forwarded through the units in. And like, I didn't just wake up, I had

adrenaline. It was like the weirdest. That's what happened to me. That's what happened to me. That's what happened to me. Dude, that's what happened to me. I swear to God, it's like, it would be like if a sound, like if a sound was just like, and then it just stops.

It's like a movie. That's exactly what it was like, it was like, they wake up, and then you're just awake. Corey, your fucking room used to do that shit to me all the time. You know what, you had that glass in your ceiling. It would fucking fall down and smash on the floor in the middle of the night. I think people are throwing bricks through your window. I'd fucking scream, sit up in my bed, run that over to Zach, see what the fuck's going on.

I'd be like, what the fuck's going on? And then I scared Zach by doing that, and he'd wake and be like, he'd scared him because it's like, what? What the fuck? The sunny wake somebody up. It's like you're going to, especially if, like, if you had, Have you ever woke up from like a dream after like a regular good sleep, but you wake up from a dream, you still feel like you're dreaming for like a good 20 minutes afterwards.

You feel like you're that weird state of mind. Yeah. That last, yeah, exactly. You're like, oh, like, if you have like a dream that, even especially it happens if we have a dream that relates to the house you were in. So it's like, if you had a dream that took place in your living room, you kind of feel weird when you walk downstairs to the living room or whatever. Yeah. So it's like stuff that. So Chris walked and going, so out there's someone, but, what are you?

I was still trying to like process. I wasn't dreaming anymore. screaming so you know yeah it's also like that time I woke up with the fucking siren and the train at the same time you were telling you? Oh yeah no no yes told it happened Did I already tell that in the podcast? I don't tell me totally tell again if you did fuck people if they already heard it

Go cry you didn't hear it basically it was in bed and you know way we live next the train station at the old house so in the morning every fucking hour ago one day I left my window open and we also live next to the fire station so every like few days ago The nuclear siren, like a tornado. And the night before, I watched the fucking nuke movie with Zach. Uh, which, which was it? It was the one with the fucking scary imagery.

Oh, the day after? Yeah. That's a good movie, by the way. But fucking, in the morning, it was just like, and I was just like, ah! Fucking scared the shit out of me. Fuck you. That was, the crazy scissor lady.

Join us next time on Sleepycast. I have to go to the doctor. piss looks like guacamole for some reason goodbye