SleepyCabin - SleepyCast Lost Episode - [The Tinder Update]

Episode Date: February 1, 2015

Niall's Tinder adventures! http://sleepycabin.com/audio/sleepycast-tinder/ This episode starring: Psychicpebbles (www.youtube.com/Psychicpebbles) Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Niall (www.youtube.com/Cryburgers) JohnnyUtah (http://johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! http://www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! http://www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! https://twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

This is a sleepy cast lost episode. The Tinder Update featuring Psychic Pebbles, Johnny Utah, Oni, and Nile. My name is Captain Dickhead. I've been fingering my pee-hole for so long now that other men can fuck my pee-hole. Nile. Yeah. Yes, Josh. As a young strapping, horny young man.

Yes. That's a-all-of- those three things. Looking for slap. you recently found Tinder. Yeah. Now, for all of our regular people who get sunlight, explain what Tinder is. Well,

who, I think I explained it on a pretty... Don't fucking hear rocks inside caves. Let's cover it again, just for new listeners. What, what, explain in your own words, what Tinder is. Well, Tinder is basically the most shallow,

um, possible way of meeting up with somebody. And they, possibly dating them, possibly just friends or possibly, Okay, let's get to the chase. Possibly dating guy. You have friends?

Well, here's what it's for. It's for putting your dick. Desperate gals, get on. Desperate guys get on. And they're like, what to fuck you. It's like, yeah, what to fuck you too. Yeah, but I'm going to come across as the biggest sleaze bag ever

talking about this shit. However, that's literally what Tinder is, though. Yeah. Well, Zach made a really good point the other day when he said the Tinder is like where evolution, it's like, that's it. That's like the peak of evolution right now because all it is is,

fuck, no, fuck, no. It's like literally just, Like, I was, I was just saying, it's like, the pinnacle, it's like, everything evolved up to Tinder. Like, it's the point, we evolved to reproduce, so that's like the topic. It's like, no, we fuck, no, we fuck yes. It's like, it's all it is. It's like, yeah. It's just boiled down to flat.

In this, like, Twitter age of 140 characters and people have no fucking, like, attention span. It's like, yeah, it's like perfectly just how to do it. Yeah, if you fuck your tits, okay, come see me. Now, if Tinder existed in Caveman Times, not, Nile would have about like 20 mulatto children right now. Yeah, you would have to kill you. Well, you'd have to kill a lot of animals to bring your children's skin. Well, you see, the thing is, uh, Tinder, I shouldn't, I, I, I'm being a little bit stupid in how I approach this. Because, a little bit.

Yeah, don't, don't, uh, don't undersell yourself here. Do you want me to oversell myself? I would say it's shocking, it's shocking how you, uh, what you do. Wait, okay, it's not what I do. Look, it's who you do. Look, guys, I've done through a really hard break up recently. And I know this isn't a reality show, but people, deal with things differently and I just... Boo!

I need to be... Get off the stage! Like, if she's out fucking some dude, I'm like, well, I'm fucking... A few... Oh, dudes too. You know, you gotta get back to me. Let's just say one little... I just want to say one little thing that you mentioned to me. You mentioned on, your girlfriend is on Facebook.

Yeah. As most people are. And you're on Facebook. Yeah. And you... You... You... You were explaining to me how you're kind of playing a game of sorts.

No, well... Would you like to elaborate on that? Oh, the game you play. It's not a game. It's more like... To you, it is. Well, to me, it's more of a psychological thing to make me not want to fucking go to the nearest train track, strap my head down onto the track, wait for the train to call.

Hold on, hold on. You don't like to strap your head down. You can just lay your head down the track. No strapping is involved. It's easy to do that. I want to ensure the... Kids, just give the train track. just think about that.

You're suicidal. Make sure to go to the nearest train track because it's very simple. I want to, you know, ensure the cleanest, uh, chop. The cleanest, you know. Okay, so maybe they can tie it back together in like 20 years time or whatever. But anyway, so I, uh, it's not so much of a game as a psychological thing because, yeah, like, you know, I don't know, this isn't a reality show or whatever, but I've been fucking dating this girl for a while and, uh, you know, after a week,

after it happened, she got a boyfriend and, uh, I was like, fuck that shit. I'm going to go on Tinder. Well, it didn't really happen like that because I went on Tinder before I found out. And this is probably boring people. But anyway, uh, so I was doing the Tinder thing. And it was mainly just kind of like to see what kind of people were on there.

And it was like, Wicked Hot Slash. Not really. Like, it's really not Wicked Hot Slash. Oh, you walked up and you said, Hey, check out this wicked hot slash, bro. And you started doing your tone. You know what Tinder reminds me of? What?

Do you ever see the social network? Yeah. Where that dickhead Mark Zuckerberg started off the movie by making. that website where it's like yes or no Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a real version of that. It's really kind of mean in a way. It is, it is mean. But they don't know if you swipe.

It's like hot or not. Yeah, but if you're not getting people saying yes, then you're like, they're saying no. Yeah, oh, Chris. But now you have, you have. Don't worry about me, this is about you. See, the thing about this website, this program, this app or whatever it is, right? Yeah.

A lot of people do differentiate, you know, they segregate, do swipe left or right. You don't do this. Your policy of getting the hottest, hottest memes in pussy in one go is to always swipe right, which means you always accept everybody.

Yeah, see, my way is more logical and I'll tell you why, because if you swipe right, the same people who are going to swipe you right will still swipe you right, except now you have a bigger selection if your standards are as low as mine. So you have a huge selection of gash.

Like I have, like, you know, I can just choose, like, who I want out of that. Do you want the weed chick? I'll tell you what. John C. Riley. Let's cover. You're an ex... I consider you a Tinder expert. Let's cover...

What are your, like, pointers for getting wicked hot slash on Tinder? I'm gonna sound like a douchebag. It's okay. Can I tell you something here? You know you're nice. What night? Now came into me and he's like,

Chris, look at this hot girl on Tinder. And I was like, okay. And then he showed me his opening line where it was like... It's like, wow, finally. The girl who's not called Alyssa or Alicia. And the girls were always like... Yeah, yeah. Okay, or Jasmine.

Right. And I was like, you know, You know, that's pretty clever. And he's like, yeah, that's my opening line for everyone. I was like, no, he showed me every opening. It's always the same fucking sentence. Let me show you. Okay, let me tell you why I do that.

And this does sound misogynist because I'm saying girls are predictable, but guys are equally as dumb and predictable. And that's not, I'm not just saying that to fucking give me. You're a psychological master of, of, uh, emigestion. It's just not that hard because a lot of the people who go on there aren't the people with the most brain cells. So, you're like a super villain on Tinder. You're like a Tinder supervillain. Psycho.

No. No. Not necessarily. Okay, so, well, basically, what I was doing was saying, finally, someone not called Alyssa. Like, what, like, I, you're basically, you basically lie. You'd say, wow, a girl is unique for once. Yeah, a girl is unique. So you kind of separate a date, so they're like, oh, and then you make them say,

that's because I'm different. And then you go, yeah, that's why I message you or whatever. They're like, ah. And then you get into this, like, thing. And you basically, you lie these girls to say, you know, all girls are predictable. And they're stupid. No, no, not all of them fall for it, man. But a lot of them do.

Like 99.9% of them do. What happens to the ones who reject you? They say, fuck up. No, they might reply or whatever, and they'll probably know what I'm up to. Yeah, good one, faggot. You were saying your Irish descent also helps. Yeah, see, I opened my bio with,

I'm from Ireland, and then that's just, like, slays gash. Get them in all corners. So what you do, then, but Chris, I was showing him this insanely hot girl I was talking to on it, except her name was actually Alyssa, so I couldn't use my line saying, No one, finally, someone not called Alyssa or Jasmine.

You have to change the sentence. I'd like to see these quote unquote insanely hot girls. I'll show you right now, but her name was actually Alyssa. So I have to say, finally, someone not called Nicole or Jasmine. She was pretty hot. You showed me one the other night. I could have sworn it was a picture off the bottle of Aunt Jamima Serra. That was because I was showing you because it was funny.

I was showing you that girl because it was funny. I was like, oh, there's not a picture out of a supermarket. No, that's her. Jeff, can I tell you what happened the other day? Yeah, me and Chris have an amazing story. Me and now. We're sitting on the couch fucking each other and then we were like yeah and then we were like wait what? Wait what? No, no never mind that but that mean I was like you know I was on Tinder and

I saved the picture of a girl because I knew it would make you laugh and he was like oh really I did the same for you And we were like whoa I was like okay and he's like but mine's gonna be funny than yours I guarantee and I was like I highly doubt that Yeah, and we both showed each at her phones at the same time and it was the same girl yeah, she looked exactly like John C. Riley She did she did she okay look looks like looks like we we sound like assholes here but she did look exactly like John C. Ryan. So that's why we thought it was wonderful. You guys, you guys are like the townspeople with the hudgeback, throwing tomatoes on a hushback. That is you guys.

No, we're not assholes. Oh, this is the hot. If she looked like Christian Bell, they're equally the one you're impressed. Uh, or no, did she respond? No, I will be. She's not that bad. She's, she's fucking hot dude. Oh, let's see. She's not that foul. Hey, hey, hey, hold that. Go back. Hold that, but we need, but we need to emphasize a hot Tinder girl is like,

uh... Just like, nah, I guess her eyes are kind of straight. Those people have like the crooked eyes. Yeah, but she has nice eyes though. They're a little bit close together, but they're, that's, she's a nine. They don't even notice it until you see a reverse image of them and you're like, holy shit, your eyes are like crooked. Yeah, like when you're drawing or painting and you have to like flip the canvas so you can see

all the mistakes. Yeah, so anyway. But the ugly, the quote unquote ugly girl that you guys called freaks and you said you would I didn't say she was a freak. I said she looked exactly like John C. Riley. She looked exactly like John C. Riley. You said she should be locked away. Jeff, I'll show you right now.

But the reason. Stop showing people pictures. God damn it. But the reason why this was so amazing is because there's literally infinite girls on Tinder. Like, I've never, like, I do it all the fucking time. But she leads me to something else. I spoke to this girl. What percentage are actually looking for guys?

And what percentage? 100%. Can I just say. I read something. I did a little research. And it seemed like, it said girls are, girls just kind of like the attention. They'll even like. Well, look, here's the thing, right?

The thing about Tinder is if you're going on Tinder, if you're expecting an actual relationship, you're a fucking idiot. because it's for people who want to fuck. You're not going to meet your wife on Tinder. If you met your wife in Tinder, you can't trust her to not cheat on you. I think I'm too fucking old for today. It is a sleazy thing. Well, I don't do it to find a relationship. Like, that's not why, like, I'd probably do it why everyone else does it, you know?

Yeah. You do, everyone else does it for the same reason. You want to put your big fat lad in a little tight hole. Yeah, well, you see, it kind of got a little bit out of hand. At one stage, about a week ago, when I had... Do I sound like I'm, like, bragging? Because I'm not. This is like...

You're a maniac. This is actually... We can see the shame in your eyes. This is actually shameful. You were neck deep in Tinder... Yeah, I dug too far into the rabbit hole, so to speak. You were going multiple days a day. I woke up in this girl's house, and then that day I went on a train to meet this other girl.

Who I... Like, we didn't do anything with the second girl, and she was really nice, and I really liked her. And then I went straight from her... Don't say that. Don't, don't... She was a try of it. The chinchong. The chinchon.

Don't say that. But, uh... Fuck my pussy. No, she's fucking nice, okay? Okay. You said her... You said her... I believe, you,

But then I went... You said you couldn't tell the difference between her pussy and her eyeballs. Unlike the other girl that stole your money, but we'll get into that. She did not steal my money. She did, but go on. Yeah, you got your money stole. Go on.

Go on. Let's continue this. All right, we'll get to the bottom of this. Continue your bullshit on this one. Okay, she did not steal my money first of all. But anyway, I'm getting to that. Uh, so then I went from there. This is the biggest sleep.

bag move where I did feel like a crock of shit so I went on to the train and I went to Philly to meet this other girl and I knew what she was doing instantly so we went to a bar and she was like hmm can you pay for this and I was like oh and then like I strip like after about two or three drinks that I paid for yeah I just said I know what you're doing I know you're one of those fucking girls who goes on Tinder to get free drinks off dudes and then she was so embarrassed like she was laughing really hard and like she's a lot of work just for three free drinks yeah no how much was it what what what how do you guys how much was it what how How much should it put you out?

No, because I was... Because not only did you buy drinks, but you had to buy the train. So that's $10 by itself. Yes, yeah, so it sent me back... What, $20? It only sent me back about... Like, the whole thing, only sent me back about $40. But I said, I'm only spending...

Only $40. You're struggling deep, my friend. And you're buying tinder slots. Dude. Drinks. Yeah, well, let's see, the thing is, I was like, okay, if she's one of these bitches, I'm only going to spend $20 on her,

and I'm going to call her out after that. And I was like... Why not even go? No, because the $20 bucks! The $20 was... worth the gas to me. He didn't know. The 20 bucks was worth... If you meet up right and if she's like, buy me a drink, if you're like, yeah, you're like,

okay, I feel like like an idiot now. If you shouldn't, she does it twice, you're like, okay, I see what she's doing. If she does it again, then I'll do it. So the 20 bucks is worth doing from the beginning, you'll look like an asshole. Do you know what I mean? Like, I was like, I'm willing to pay 20 bucks for this potential. Go ahead. You know why you're willing?

Pussy. You know why? Pussy. Pussy. Because when you get lost in the city with no money... Jeff, we're not at that part yet. Alright. That's a different point. Continue.

Yeah. Okay. So then, anyway, I went back to her house and we watched. Okay. She happened to be of African-American descent. Okay. You used a different word, Nile. That was the most completely correct thing I've ever heard you say.

Nile, when you got back, you used a slur of other words. That is bullshit. That is absolute other. Horst shit. I said, how was she? You stood a date. I'm going to steal you for defaming me. No, but anyway.

Then. And I could believe. Guys, I'm so sorry to get to put up because of racist. So anyway, I stayed there that night and yeah. And I woke up in the morning and I reserved $20 for the train. Uh-huh. And that money wasn't there. Okay.

Now let's stop right there. Yeah. Let's stop right there. Nile. Where did it go? Where was it in your pocket? I'm thinking it was somewhere between the... There's two options.

No, I know you. You keep your money in your wallet. Is that correct? Is that right, Nile? Did I keep my money in my wallet? You do keep your money in your wallet. You have a wallet. Yeah, I rarely...

Well, I don't know. Hold on. If you had two $1 bills, you might put in your pocket, but not a $20. You wouldn't put a $20 in your pocket loosely. I may put a $20 in my pocket loosely. You did not. You didn't. I can't remember.

I was kind of drunk. So either you spent the money or she stole it. There was the only two options, man. I don't think she stole my money. Because she didn't seem like the kind of... Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you profiling here? Not profiling.

I'm profiling. I'm profiling you for being stupid for losing $20. You got your money stolen. No, this is how you described it. You're like, yeah, I had $20, but then I couldn't find it. It's like, was it in your wallet? Yeah. What else would have happened?

It fell out? I might have, I don't know. A Tinder whore would never steal my money. Yeah. The girl who was using you for money all night wouldn't steal your money, you big dumpling. I, well, look, the fact that I did not give her the amount of money. The effect that I did not give her the amount of money that she wanted made it better for... No, made her want...

Steal. It more because I was putting a legball. That she got it from me when she fucking stole it first. And she left you in her house all day. You should have stolen something back. Well, I woke up. I didn't know at that stage. Of course you did.

Your money was gone at that stage. She had to go to the doctor in the morning and she told me she was going to buy... Her STV. So she told me... So she told me... God damn it. Well, anyway, so she told me she goes... I'm all abortion, you go on.

So she told me she goes, she goes, I'm going to buy you a subway sandwich. Which means she was a... she was willing to spend money on me. So she said... Yeah, from your $20 bill! She stole it from you. Here, I have $20 style.

She tried to justify her stealing. That's how she does it. Well, maybe. But however, look, okay, so... Brush it off. Right, no, this isn't that point, right? So I was sitting in her house for about three hours wanting to go home.

But I was like, should I just wait for my subway sandwich? And I didn't know if it was rude or not. And then I was sitting there waiting for my sub... Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. You were hanging out for several hours

in this strange girls apartment waiting for a sandwich. She had, like, eight cats. What is that got to do with the kid with that have to do with it? They kept me company They kept me company Okay, that's fair That's fair

You should have taken one That subway sandwich Yeah, so she had eight cats They kept me company They had black cats Wait, why do you see that? Some of them, yeah Some of them were black

I'm just saying There was a big gray cat They're unlucky Because they're unlucky I did love her cat A lot of them were like little baby cats Oh But like, oh I felt kind of bad

Because she has a dog Which is kind of like a pit bull Which she gets Steal out of money kind of leaves... ...to pay for cat food. Which she leaves in a cage for a lot of the day. Just in a little cage, and I feel bad for that dog.

But, he's very playful, too. But anyway, that's the sides from the point. So I was there until about 4.30. And I was like, okay, if she's not... Hold on. Hold on. Did she say I'll be back in a little with a sandwich or I'm going to work? No, she never clarified how long it was going to take her to go to the doctor. But I thought she goes to the doctor's just... Dude, she did what you did?

She went to fucking other Tinder guy, man. She did other guys to... She tiled you, dude. Do you think I give a fuck? She niled you. She's been nile. She talked 20 nile, dude. Wipe the tear off your face, Nile. I don't give a fuck if she fucked for you guys.

And you know what's got Niled? Uh, Jeff got Niled so hard. Explain this point. Okay, so Jeff did get Nile, but, wait, let's not make Nile to think. I don't want people. I shouldn't even laugh. It's like, I'm, I should be mad. I should be mad at you, but it's okay. Yeah, well, you see, but at least it's funny.

But Jeff, I think I'm able to actually give my point of view right now, like here from now. So, anyway, she goes, we were sitting down. I was eating my subway sandwich We were watching It's Always Sunny And then she goes Are you gonna go soon? I was like Bitch

I'm eating my sandwich And then I ate my sandwich And then I left And then I... It's more like... No, okay No, it was more like... No, actually do...

Okay, I will give an accurate description of what happened. We were watching It's Always Sunny and she goes... Who was the episode? It was the one where they try out for the Philly Eagles Set the 4 you will go

Yeah And then we were eating the, yeah, and then she, like, I was waiting all this time just for my sandwich, and then in the middle of my sandwich, she was like, are you going to go soon? It's like, if you wanted me to go before, why would you still buy me the sandwich? Anyway, that's aside from the point. Then I go, okay, how the fuck do I get home? Because I was in the middle of the city, that's the first time I was at the city. Now, this is another aspect of it, too. You went in the middle of the city. Yeah, but I asked her for directions. She goes, get this line,

this train line here to here, then get, then change over where you changed yesterday. Who is the possibility is it? And then, uh, all around that time, I was like, uh, okay, and I wasn't really paying attention like an idiot But anyway, I kept walking around And I was just walking towards the big buildings To get into the main city Because I thought that there'd be a... And then I called...

And then I looked at my wallet Just before I got to the train place And I was like, yeah, I have no money And then I put it back in my pocket And I was like, what am I going to do? Wait, so hold on, hold on, go back to that again. You opened your wallet. I opened my wallet.

Well, I naturally... Where would be? Naturally, I would check every... You were robbed! I checked my pockets, too! You slept over. Was she awake before you that morning? They're yeah, they're like...

Nice. Nice. So it just takes... My pants were exactly where I left them. Yeah, because you put it back. So you wouldn't notice. I'm not Batman here. I'm just using rudimentary detective skills.

And, uh, I've already figured it out. It's the most... Typical case of being robbed. Well, why do you look so dumbfounded? It obviously happened. I don't feel like she would rob me. Why? Because she's like your first time seeing her ever.

I've seen it. Because the girl for the first time, and I can judge scumbags and not scumbags. Obviously not. I'm from Ireland. I can tell, well, I guess, anyway. But so she, um... Lyle, did you eff her? Did you frigg her now?

Did you put in the finger and twist? Oh, that's not the best part, though. No, no, well, there's an element to that that's interesting also. It is an interesting element. Did you stick? Did you put your little white pigtail cock in your big black bush? She was... The Beyonce type of black...

black girl, not the precious type of black girl. You said she was about 80 pounds. No, I did not. You said she had a peg leg. You said she had rings around her neck and these big hoop earrings with a bone in her nose. Rings around her neck? What the fuck? You said she had one tooth.

So I checked my wallet and there was... Robbed money? No money. Yeah, because it was robbed. Or spent or lost. She bought it. Just some... African American fingerprints in a wallet.

I know you very well. And you are good with money because you don't make that much... money. Yeah. So you were robbed. I may or may not have been robbed, but that's aside from the point, because I had... Because I didn't, I wasn't denying it. If I thought I would get robbed, I'd say it. So who are you gonna call? So I called my friend Stamper, and I was like, Stamper, I got myself in a bit of a pickle here. I'm lost in Philly with no money and we live about 45 minutes away. Can you please do me

favor of picking me up because I'm an asshole and then he was like no I'm in San Diego and I was like what and then he was like yeah man and then he tried to show tell me how to get to the City Hall which was like so I I was like oh my God and he was like he was offering to like set wire me money and shit but I didn't have my fucking bank account or my routing number so I didn't know what the fuck I was going to get home and then I was like I go to Snap or I was like I really don't want to call Jeff I'm gonna piss Jeff off. And then Stamper was like,

yeah, you probably will. It's like a dad situation. It's like, wait till dad gets home. I don't want to hear what dad did. I was like, I was gonna tell dad what I did today. Yeah, I did call you an idiot about five times really loud.

Yeah, you call me an idiot five times. But you didn't seem that angry on the phone, but I was like, oh God, I'm waiting. The only reason I wasn't madder than I was because I'm like, this is just going to be a good episode. Me and Zach were sitting like at the office,

and then I got a message from Corey, and all it said was Jeff is so fucking angry. I was like oh what happened And I was like And then I was like kind of calling I was like Nile I was like not what happened You were like

LOL was stuck in the city Just picking me up And I was like It's because You had this nonchalant I know I was like No you better fucking say So it's obviously

Because I was thinking like If somebody called me And I was in the middle of work And somebody was like drive 45 minutes I didn't know I didn't know I didn't

I swear to God I did not know It was 45 minutes I thought it was like I thought it was like It was like If I had to go into the city I fucking hate to go to the city It's a bitch.

It was at 6.000. Yeah, exactly. Perfect. Perfect. I'm sorry, Jeff. But the only reason why I'm making myself look like a cunt here and talking about it is to apologize. That's like, I wouldn't tell this story otherwise because I do fucking. Now, when you got in the car, tell her what you did.

There's two precious hours out of my life. Tell me what you did when you got Jeff's car. But Jeff is on his death bed. He'll remember those times. Well, I didn't get, like so. No, no, hold on. Jeff told me this. Now, this is fresh of the podcast.

I said when you got in the car. What did I say? You unzipped his pants and said You started making like a fish mouth God damn it's Jack And he said I'll do anything I mean anything And you look Jeff in the eyes

He gave your big pearly blues Anyway Jeff you told me that I guess I guess you did chatmatiles Remember anyway I navigated myself Around the city And I found the city hall Even though

And I was right outside city hall And I asked a girl I was like Oh you fucked her too Where's city hall No And then she goes You're at city hall

And I was like oh And then, what you call it? So, I sat around looking like a homeless man for a while. As usual. With your figureless blue gloves? Like, no, yeah, I was wearing the fingerless blue gloves. I was sitting on steps, and I was drinking Arizona iced tea, which looked like a big fucking can of some shit.

You had it, you have it in a paper bag? I did have it in a paper bag. Oh, my God, you fucking homeless guy. No, because the can was cold. It was cold outside. The can was cold. Dude, no. Were people throwing you change, Nile?

The can was cold to touch. I had to have the brown. I would have actually thrown money at you if I didn't know who you were. I did see people walk by and look with pity eyes going, oh, so young, so young. I saw that. But anyway, I did that and I waited and Jeff was like, I'm 45 minutes away. So I was like, I was so cold. But I was like, I deserve this.

I deserve it. That long? I thought you were only 20 minutes away. But I did. And I was so cold. But like, again, I did think I deserved it. So I was like, I'll just endure this shit. And then anyway

45 minutes came around and Jeff picked me up And I had a lot of splina to do As to say I'm just saving people's lives left and right around here Jeff you did save our asses so many times Yeah gotta save Chris's life And that'll be complete Yeah you did save my life

Yeah Jeff there was a point where I had no money And I couldn't get to the bank And you go over there And there was another point There was another point Not to do a tangent But it was a small thing But one time we went to Chris Shadman

Oh yeah Corey Was it called? Yeah. It was Chris Shadman, us past, Corey and I, we went to the movie theater, we took a taxi there.

Oh, yeah, that too. This was completely out of our, like, we called four different times when we called the tag, because we went to IHOP. Because we closed by the movie theater, we were like, hey, can we get a taxi? And it was like 8 o'clock,

and they were like, yeah, we're like, oh, right, we're like, 20 minutes. We're like, 20 minutes passed. Where are you? Oh, yeah, sorry, that guy couldn't come. We're like, oh, can we get a different taxi? Oh, yeah, sure. 20 minutes passed.

Hey, where's a taxi? Oh yeah, sorry, you couldn't come by there. I was like, all, fine. That was more like two hours, not 20 minutes. No, no, I'm saying it didn't completely happen to the point where it was like two hours. Then we called and they're like, yeah, we're closed. And we're like, we have to call Jeff and Shad had a-in-havenor face. He's like, you must talk to Jeff.

I don't want to piss him off. And I was like, hey, Jeff, I'm sorry to call you. You know, I'm on this topic. Yeah. Anybody want to, would you like to elaborate on when and what you're seeing? On a Saturday opening night, what you were seeing. It was Big Year 6. And let me say, it would let me say.

It would let me. Let me say, it was Corey and Shadbady who orchestrated that. I wanted to go see it, but I didn't like it. I did not. I was a guest. I hated it. I said, my pals, my pals were going to the theater. I said, what an event? Wow. And I decided to go with them and watch a flick. And a funny story happened at the theater. Nothing's your fault ever. Nothing. We were at the theater with Corey. It was forcing next to us. And George Clee came on in the theater for Tomorrowland.

And a little kid next to his point in it and said, I know that man. And it was a cute little kid. And Corey looked at it. Looked at the kid pissed up. He looked at me and was like, God! And Corey fucking, Corey actually moved out. He stood up and went to the front of the theater. He went to the front of the theater from that. I was like, Corey, it's a fucking five-year-old kid.

That kid was so obnoxious, but he was so funny without himoxed. Do you remember he kept saying really obvious shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, whoa, I know that, man. He died! If you were like an interstellar, I could see being mad, but man, you guys are asking for you. I, Jeff, I, okay, I'll tell you what. Frozen, I was like, that was kind of my... I was like, you know, everyone's saying

good things about Frozen. I'll go see it. Then it was, Big Hero 6 was animated control. What is the next baby movie you're going to see? Jeff, me, I would see Frozen in Ireland. We were like, we're animators. It'll be fine. We went in. That's what I did, too. It was full of little girls. We looked like fucking pito. No shit.

Yeah, I know. I know. I know, yeah. You can see Chris's big head sticking up out of the whole crowd. It makes me sick. You're thinking about that. I had a bachelor plan. I had these two little bobbies and I'd turn my hair into pig tails. And I got away with it. I look like a little girl. You're six but three. I want I want I want Chris O'Neil fan art drawing you as a princess. Yeah, draw Chris and a little princess with pigtails. Don't forget his one kid. Sitting in the fucking theater with little girl screaming.

Don't forget my tie pussy. His tight little pink pussy is not touched. A little flower. So far. Yeah. Anyways, Nile, you went to tinder. Tinder. Now being picked up by Jeff. Yeah. Yeah. That's basically what happened. But there's not, there's a couple, there's a couple more things I like to touch on. Your interaction. with these people. But like you're your online interactions, right?

Yeah. So there was one lady who you thought, because you try to ease into these things, you're like, there was one lady you were talking to who thought, who thought gave you to go ahead for dark, for dark crazy humor, right? You made like a rape joke or something. She, she consented to it. She was like, you know, she consented to a rape joke. I'm going to have to tread carefully here. But, no, this is what happened. No, when do we do that? Come on. No, but like this is because...

This woman is a very nice girl, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. And I don't... And I don't... I did, because I did hurt her feelings before. Well, okay, so I was talking to this girl on Tinder, and she was kind of like... She was like, she had the sarcastic, dark kind of humor.

So I was kind of, you know, just like seeing where the line is. You know, like, as I do. And I... So you come out of the gate with you, right? stepped over the line. No, I didn't say a rape joke. I said, it's not like I'm going to rape or murder you,

or I said something like, no, she goes like, what do you do? And I was like, I'm a rapist or something like that. You're a mobbed. You're James Bond. I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck. No, but, no, but I, um, you said you were gonna rape her? I didn't say I was going to rape her. I was like, I'm not a rapist or something like that.

Oh, okay. I think it's funny to say I'm not a rapist on Tinder. Why isn't that not funny? It's funny. It's funny given the context of that being a complete misconception. But she seemed to take that joke while, and she was like, I don't know. She seemed to.

No, well, she skimmed over it kind of. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So my point is, she didn't see it. She didn't give you the green like she ignored it or didn't see it. So then you not only stepped over one, like you stepped over two, because what did you say next? Because she was talking about, God. What did you do? She was talking about, um.

Uh-huh. She's talking about her parents And then she talked about And then I said something about my parents And then she said something about her mom Or my mom She's like your mom sounds nice Then I said

My mom's dead Right Let me just stop here My mom's not dead by the way Let me stop here Lyle You told this woman So first you sped through the green light

You spent through the red light Made a rape joke And she didn't even see it Or ignored it Then you kept You sped up It was more of where the line is. I thought she was beyond the line of the rape child.

Was this another psychological manipulation? Yes. No. You're the American psycho. Now what happened next, Nile? What was her response to you saying your mother was dead? She goes, I am so sorry to hear that. And then I was like, just kidding.

No, it wasn't like that. It was pretty, you literally said ha-h-ha-ha-ha-in-all-caps. I saw the text. You said that. You did say ha-ha-ha-ha-in-all-caps. But, okay, like, I sound like a fucking, like, psycho here, but you gotta understand there was context involved. We were talking for day or for hours, and we, and like every, like, we hit it off very well. Did you ask her if she was regular?

I didn't just, this wasn't straight away off the bat. We had lots of jokes and stuff. Was she reduced calorie flavored? What? What the fuck you're talking about? Maita. Oh, no, she was not. She was this nice girl.

She was a very, very nice girl. Okay. Now explain. So to a lot of you people, that would seem inappropriate by itself. Okay. But the woman's reaction was particularly offended because... Okay, so last thing I said, I said, like it was a joke, but I delivered it better. I have more confidence in myself than to say that I just said,

eh, l'all J.K. or whatever. But anyway, she came back with saying, uh... Her mother is sick. Her mother is very, very sick. Now, what did you say? This one gets baffling, Jeff. He looks baffling. Okay, all right.

So a lot of people would say, oh, I'm so sorry. When Nigel said was, oh, don't worry, my mother was really sick, too, but she got better. And his, her response was, oh, her response was, oh, my mother is definitely going to die. She has a year left to live. She's stomach cancer. This is fucked up. So it's like, Jeff, if I came to you and said, my dog is sick, you're like, oh, don't worry. My dog is totally fine.

It's still, it's completely fine. You're literally like, yeah, oh, no, I'm sorry that happened. I feel terrible. I'm sorry that happened. My brother's totally fine. All of this is going on. Nile has a heart on his in his pants. Yeah, a big fucking heart on, pulsating through his pants.

You're talking about dying mothers with a heart on. A big purple hair. No, I don't have a heart on at every given moment. You had a big, baby purple erection. You had one in your head at least. No, I had a potential heart on. You were looking, you were screaming. No, I'm just kidding.

You were sco me through a pictures. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not. Dying under her last breath. Oh my God. Hello. No. Be good to my daughter.

Fuck. But, treat our heads. Please. She happens to know what sleepy cabin is, by the way. The one does. The, bo, bo, bo, bo, the, um, the, uh, yellow-skinned one, right? Jeff! Oh, no!

This happens to be the only one. I'm a bad person. Of all the ones I've met, this happens to be the only one I actually like. Look, it is going to be belich. In all fairness, if you're listening, all you said were nice. things about her. Yeah, like my mother's father's is dying of cancer. Oh, ha ha ha ha. But anyway, can I just say what you said? She's like, she's a nice, respectable young

lady unlike that dirty horse slut that I looked and ate a sandwich with and left. Yeah. Left on the curb. Buffy cats ate a sandwich. But this one was nice. No, that's not what I said. It's close. You said, you said, well, if your mother has a subway sandwich, her cancer will go away. Like, I do acknowledge, like, I do have a little bit of a Tinder problem right now, but I'm still going to do it because, uh, I don't care. Let me ask, okay, that's one more thing?

What? Are you going to, are you going to put the dead dying mother, like, line in your pocket for later? No, that one, that one, I think, is that, are you going to say you guys? Is that your second? I think I want to retire that joke. I think that one, I think I want to hang attention. I'm just saying for, like, getting, getting sympathy and, you know. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, especially after said, my mom is dying. You should just put those together for a big super That was only because I couldn't react I didn't know how to react And I felt terrible To open up girl things with that You're supposed to use it against bullies

You're like, I'm gonna fuck your mom And you're like my mom's dad You need to know the context Unless the boy that makes funny The context makes it a lot more Like a lot more The bully The context makes it

Like more understandable But anyway So like what I was saying was I felt like a huge sleaze ball After all this But then I found out that my ex got a boyfriend And I'm like fuck that

and now I was going to continue for a while. Okay. That's it. That's all I was going to say. No, but there's another small little element of this I'd like to explore. Sure. I was actually in contact with a few of these people. I think, too.

Ah, yes. Ayanda. Poor fucking Iyan. You were a dipper girl, too. There was a dipper girl. Bill Murray. Not Bill Murray. Fucking John C. Riley girl was one.

So the, the, the, the, the, the previously mentioned John C. Riley Hitties piece that these guys threw tomatoes in. You were the one to call it in his piece. I didn't call it anything. I didn't call her John C. I didn't call her anything. You said she's fucking looks like, if you, if you got a stulp of his head

and put a girl hat, wing on her. Chris, Chris was making fun of her eye was nothing but nice. But anyways, I fucking, like, you were like, fuck me over the phone. Speak of the devil. The, the so-called thief. Let's know.

If I can go out to her house. Yeah, so she can steal from you again. Yeah. But anyway. You should do it and steal the money back. No, I'm not going into Philly tonight. Fuck that shit. All right.

So anyway, what was it going to find? Oh, yeah. Ianda. Okay, so there was this, this lady. Okay, she did have quite a resemblance to Aunt Jemima. And she...

And she had a lot... You said she had about 10 weeks of syrup in her cupboard. Yeah. Well, I didn't meet this girl. This is not... Oh my God. You said you went to a house and eight... That's a different girl. Not all black people are the same. There's a Beyonce one. And then there's an Anjima one.

You did say you did say you fucked Will Smith at your house and a paycheck's with her. You did say that. I did not. You did. You were telling me about the one girl you came in and you stood in the doorway and you're like welcome to earth and then you two fucks well listen that's that's not a bad line okay but anyway I uh this girl I did I have no intention to meet your name poor old Ianda is what I call it's I had the anti anda well she has she's very unfortunate looking and now I have to percinate looking I have to preface

yeah hold on now you you can't just say that move on I have to preface this unfortunate looking I have to preface this with this was uh this was matched because I do do the swipe right thing. And anyway, I go, Zach, look, I go, Zach, she messaged me saying something like, hey baby, or something. And then I let Zach take the pilot seat. And I did a nose dive immediately.

Yeah, and, uh. But what's weird is, I didn't hit the ground. I'm still waiting for this one. I hit more sky, my friend. You pulled up. I didn't pull up. The wind blew me up, Jeff. I was, I wanted to go down.

I pushed hard and harder to go to the ground. You and I couldn't. You were in a flat spin. I was a jihadist pilot trying to hit the ground while the wind. It was the birds in the way were pushing me back up. Go down! You know. Wow.

Shit. Yeah, this is still loading, so... I couldn't hit the Trade Center, unfortunately. I don't know why this loading so much. It never takes this long. Oh, the Pentagon, whatever you want to say. Let's just say you're aiming for that field on Pennsylvania. Yeah, yeah.

We can make that joke. We went Pennsylvania, guys. That's fine. Yeah, all right. We have permission. Yeah, all right. Pennsylvania, we have permission to make that game. My dad was standing at the field picking days.

Daisy's with that plate smash into him. Can we talk about Swain's fucking in flight simulator adventure? Should we say Michael Swain? Okay, Swain is a guy on New Grounds who's really cool, right? He's just an artist, but... He was by the Swain. Yeah, but he had a fucking really funny story where it was like... When he was like younger and the World Trade Center thing happened, he was so shocked and appalled and upset that his only form of...

Grief of like getting over and coping... ... was going on flight simulator and doing it in flight simulator over and over. He recreated... and I love it over and over like on the day. He was shocked, upset, so he did that. He's such a weird fucking guy. He's like so, he's like so tall and dashing. He's the most handsome man on the planet.

But then he's got this trollish evil fucking upside. He's a mischief of his dick. He kicked the chair out from underneath me before, put me under the ground. I saw that happen. I guess it was one of the funny guys in the first seen. Can I mention what one thing Swain did to me? Yeah.

He was at the Newgrounds office. I came in the next morning. and I couldn't find my fucking computer mouse. It took me an hour and I'm like, where is it? It was, all of a sudden, there was a blow-up doll with, like, it had like one of these mouths. You could, like, I guess, put your dick in? My mouth was shoved in his mouth and taped in his duct-tip in his mouth.

And it was shoved under the bull tape. And I'm like, what the fuck? Swin's cool. Yeah, he is kind of cool, but I'm just like, he's not actually working right now. I'm just like, be, he'll tell me, stories like he'll just go on a Minecraft games and bury like pigs

under people's houses and so they'll just oink forever and people never be able to find them and like ruin their game. I don't know what the fuck his problem is. Okay, I'm on Tinder now so I can find I can find Zach's interaction with poor Ianda.

I can tell you more stories. Yeah. Wait. We play Red Dead Red Dead Redemption. Let's get Swain on a podcast of future. I'm like an asshole. I opened the conversation with Hey, stupid. She replied with, Hey, what the name calling?

Then I said, Ha ha, sorry. I just thought it was a funny way to start a conversation. Because I said that because I felt bad because she actually seemed to get offended. But anyway, it kept going on

and then... My logic here was I want to see if I can write like a fucking psychopath. I'll give you guys the exact transcript so you can see how I wrote stuff because how I wrote stuff

was like a fucking maniac wrote it. Yeah. So anyway. tried to scare her away, it didn't work. So anyway, one day she hit me up and she said, hey, then I said, hey, Ayanda. And she said, how are you doing? And now this is where Zach took the pilot seat. Captain Dickhead, you could take this away.

Before I begin, I have to say that when I looks at men, he says, Damn, what a sexy man. I am a gay homosexual who likes to kiss men because I'm queer. And when he sees little boys, they are like, Please fuck me I want your dick even though it's illegal. M. M. Poppin'all, I want that weird ass yam dick up my little cute butt. And he's like, okay? Spread your cheeks little guy. Anyway, on to the chat. How are you?

Good. Mostly fucking horny. My dick is red and pulsating. How are you? Oh really? I'm okay. Just bored at this hour. I'm bored too. Which is... why I've begun stroking my big fat purple cock and squeezing my hand from bottom to top, trying to extract cum, or at least precom. Would you like to hear more, you hot, ebony, princess? I would like to hear more. Do you have a kick or want to exchange numbers?

It's kick. It's an instant messaging service. So she goes, so then Zach said, Let us exchange sex talk here. So, what would you do to my white fucking motherfucking cock, bitch tits? Then I can tell you everything I would do to your big throbbing dick. Listen, baby Vag, I will describe it for you for the time being until I can take a picture of my tamed cock.

Okay, it is six inches. Cut, but there is a mole. I hope it's not cancerous, the doctor did not say. Other than that, you'll love my fucking white penis and hairy fucking goddamn balls. And then she said, MMM uncut? That's something I've actually never experienced. How are you so such I'm going to love it?

Uh, and then I, and then Zach said, yeah you are. And that's pretty much, uh, that's pretty much where it went. That's what adds. And then Nile added her on kick, but it was... Yeah, I felt a little bit. Yeah, we just deleted. We didn't want it. I didn't want it.

Okay, but then she goes... But then a day later, she texts me again. She goes, like on Tinder, and she said, hello. I thought we were going to talk how much I want my lips on your fat white cock. And then two days after that, she just said, hey. And then that was... And then she gave up. Now, there was one other lady I talked to, which is the...

The Jansy Riley lady. The Jonsie Riley lady. This, I was... all happened before Chris, like me and Chris. Yeah, this is previously I didn't even know about this. No, I'm I ever saved the picture to show you before that, like, no.

No, like, I haven't done it either. Well, I've done it once for you. But what you call it? And it's so baffling because there's so many girls on it. But anyway, me and Zach were at a restaurant the other day, and I go, Zach, I think it's time for you to take over the pilot seat again. When John C. Riley

lady said, very cute. and uh Captain Dickhead you can also take take this away You fucking freak you stupid idiot Very cute Close to coming

Keep going Yeah Then she said Sad face Not saving any for me And then Zach said Teeh Mine

Gobble Gobble And she never replied But um This is This is what she She looked like I'll see that again. Go to the last picture.

The last picture. That's another picture. Last picture. That one. That's the best one. God, we sound like fucking asshole. She looks like Johnson Riley. What is the face she's making?

Who uploads that? She looks like Steve fucking Bruel. No! No! She looks like Dana Colby, dude. Who? Who? Look at her.

She looks like Dan Carby. I'm sorry, dude. She has Dan Carby's eyes, dude. She has... I know! Because there's like light coming from underneath. like light coming from underneath. It makes it more ghoul. She looks like a ghoul.

She does have tooth. Let me see that again. Let me see that again. Dude, she looks like, uh, the voof-fucking age will. Like, go. And then-Gar. Look at it. Just looking again.

I keep thinking of him. Oh, we can't upload that. Oh, she's only 32. She looks 58. Aw, poor lady. It's gonna kill me. We can't upload that. Okay, we can't upload that.

Make a sound for what you think she would sound like in that picture. That's it? Like that came out, so many room for activities. But that, Wow, you're my best friend. I can't believe you with all these awards. I'm like Ralph.

Her bio is... I'm the proud mother of a one year old son. I'm a divorced single mom. That's the most awesome kid I could ever ask for. Anyway, yeah, so that's Tinder for you. Well done. You should meet up with her. You should... Just don't call me when you're stuck at her house.

No. And with that, fuck you. That was... The Tinder Update. Join us next time on Sleepycast. My mother has a wonderful recipe for cinnamon buns. They're absolutely scrumptious. Goodbye.