SleepyCabin - SleepyCast S2:E16 - [First World Problems For Dummies]

Episode Date: March 26, 2016

The boys are back with your weekly dose of lol-y danks, that's right folks, it's the Cringe Update. Hard-hitting headlines : GoAnimate fetish porn rant videos. Art shops for old dead people. Stores that should be burned to the ground. Terrible childhood toys like African fire ants on your genitals. The secret history of St. Patrick. And so much more. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your hosts for the evening: JohnnyUtah (www.johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) Oney (www.youtube.com/user/OneyNG) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/user/Spazkidin3D) Niall (www.youtube.com/user/CryBurgers) Podcast editing by: Niall - Initial edit Jakub Z - Main Edit Ricepirate - Final Pass +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Shane Danells . Ryan Pagonis . Creeps McPasta Brian Adam . Jace Baker . Denis DeLong Liam Staley . Sonny Canchola . Paul Raymond Lucas Boucher . ubernoobinator . Matt Gronhovd Rodolfo Davis Millet . Corbin Record . Dean Borris Andrew Dore . Elecktricd00m . Kellen Dani Rucker . Dazzanator . Conner St. John Phillip Tafoya . Hudson Heitmeier . Sam Child Yuval Birenzweig . Dan Jakab . Chaney Rockwell Jacob Arends . Chris Moore . Shane Liesse Blake Bevill . ChewySmokey . aguynamedGeoff Bill Zhuang +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

There is a world as tangible as our own. Impossible to see yet. Unavoidable to sense. A world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Very deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin. And in that cabin. It's a bunch of guys.

He's a bunch bullshitter. Welcome to Sleepycast. I'm Jeff. I'm here with Nile, Chris, and Corey, or as I call them. my friends well no I'm expecting that how it's a or the cringe autism lawyers of the universe the super what's new in

cringe news this week faggots let's get cringe what is new and cringe news this week on cringe what new shit is out there that I don't want to watch I actually I've looked at it in a cringe video I usually oh uh probably go animate videos those are pretty crazy that they're they're very new

that's like four years that's like five years ago before he had a had a weird little marathon there last week we were over at next house we did a discovery a little discovery in case you know there is a subculture wait wait wait wait wait first you got to start off with this it was me you and shad you know we're all looking at go anime because we're all huge faggots don't include me on this I was Corey you were the one who fucking started it it was your idea to the ring to go anime Corey always searches no my idea was Robox law like steed court enough you that's what I'm

saying you always start with the gayest phrases Robox law XT funny ha haxT try not to laugh it's always you starting this You just gold. So then Chad is like we're all watching these gay ass videos that are horribly unfunny and terrible and then Shad's like I wonder is there go animate fetish videos So then we started Google earth you course you did. Yeah, so guess what we found what tell me why? Instead of fucking fetish videos we found a whole subculture of people against go animate fetish videos Like just like 400 rant videos about why fetish videos are weird Were they animated and go anime? No, no there were just people either I mean some of them were but they were like they showed the videos

question that are the ones that are bad and it's just like these like girls walking to room and like yes yes yes yes yes yes you're paying yes over and over and like Microsoft Sam well their fucking tittyes and ass circles oh that wasn't it's circles oh that wasn't like there's circles nobody listening to this I mean understands what you're talking about go animate is an animation program for dipshits it's for little babies it's worse than the Simpsons cartoon studio right you drag little characters across the screen and make them always do the same expressions where they weave their hands in the air pretend to dance and shit right but what we're saying is we found it

culture of people extremely aggravated. They're filming vlogs about hating go anime. No, not just go animate, go animate fetish videos. So they're- How do you animate fetish videos? You make these like big fucking default circles grow around their ass areas, so it looks like their ass is expanded. It's very juvenile and poorly done and everyone's like... Or you make them fart.

You guys are retard. No, listen. I had no involvement in this. There's two subcultures. There's like, there's like the, there's like the children. There's like the children like meme machines where they like do like jokes about Machine there's yeah there's running gag yeah there's like a running gag about being grounded It's like a common joke there's like a million go anime videos about getting grounded and there's like six movies of it

Six feature link films like 90 minutes log about getting I hate sitting here sad and like I'm like what are you guys talking like I'm a fucking hundred year old Out of Touch old man but it's like I'm just the normal guy you guys don't know making any sense Yeah I think making sense to me Roblox? Roblox. What is Roblox? It's like Minecraft, but for smaller children.

Roblox. Look up Johnny Utah plays Roblox, okay? I'm not doing that. We're making that. So anyways, that was cringy. That was... I believe you, yeah. This week in cringe. Yeah, but like... Go animated adventures. The more mainstream cringe is like, kind of like someone fucks up at like... Also, I think the guy's name that did it was like Gohan Satan, South Park Satan fan.

It was S. S.P. Fan, 10 or something. Yeah. It was like something South Park Satan fan. 2015 VCP. Everyone was really against him making go-enemes. They made go-animate videos where they put him out on the street and be like, ha-ha, look at him. He sucks. And then he's his ass expanse. He's like, wow, yeah. You met you showed him. Yeah, remember 20 minutes ago and I said, what's new and cringe this week? I shouldn't have said that. Yeah, you shouldn't. That's it's it. You dug that one. Let's let's forget the cringe. Let's forget the craigs. Let's do a skateboard. Let's do a skateboarder. Let's do a skateboarder. It's St. Patrick's Day today. Yeah, St. Patrick's Day. I, I, I, I, I was driving down the street, I saw a bunch of old men wearing their gigantic, fluffy, uh, St. Patrick's day hats. Yeah, that was very, very efficient. It's playing back by. Yeah, which is a Scottish instrument, by the way. Did you get pinched for not wearing green?

Uh, no. I don't want any association with those guys. An old man, so I walked up to me and pinched my foreskin really. Yeah, he's like, you're wearing green. He goes, you're authentic Irish. He has carried, no, I'm serious. Like, where I come from, it's like, you get pinched if you're not wearing green. I didn't know if I was like a thing.

That's assault. That's like what I heard. You can get away with it on St. Patrick's, Jeff. Excuse my. Excuse my little throwback, but that reminds me... You can't get away with holding... That reminds me of something that I heard recently was that if you go to a furry orgy

and you're not wearing a fur suit, they'll hiss at you. Isn't that like terrifying? That's actually really scary. That's terrifying. What does that to do with St. Patrick's story? I don't think... I just going to be felt up but not wearing your furry suit. They hiss at you?

They hiss at you. No, I heard this. No, I think that's like... You heard this. I think that's like a small group of like mouth breathing... From where? Yeah. I don't know how we went from St. Patrick's Day to Furries in like three seconds.

Literally the fastest. I made the comparison there between like with them pinching you for not wearing the green and Nile had a nice conversation talking about sewing places. Sowing. No, we were talking about how depressing it is walking into like, you know, Michael's Arts and Crafts stores or just arts and crafts stores. Well, I told you it's because like just these old people are going there. Wait, why is it the lighting?

Why is it depressing? I think it's the lighting. I'd like to also talk about the atmosphere of these arts and crafts places. You walk in, harsh lighting, old ladies, popery. That's what I'm saying. It just screams death. It looks like it. It looks like a place where like old people go to die.

Like they curl up in their felt. And then they're made into like fucking knitting. They dry up in the back. They mummify themselves prior like old monks did. It's hard to go in there because they have like, if I want to go for art supplies or get something framed or buy like a brush, I have to walk through a literal forest of fake awful potpoury. Yeah, it's true.

Yeah. You can't. Everything there is just like impossible to find just like a small. It is a combination of everything. But I think it's a lighting that depresses me the most. Just that harsh fucking solid. tone lighting that's like... I never realized that until you mentioned it. Yeah, it's disgusting. Well, I said like the lighting is like in the back, it like starts getting darker and more

scarier and then in the front it's like lit up. And that's what I said, like people go back there and they don't come back because like there's no one's going back in the area with the fake brushes. Like, is that popery where it's like this like weird shit? Popery's the little leaves you break up and it smells good. Oh. Why'd you laugh at that? You freak. Because my mommy's put popery around the bathroom. Oh, okay. Mine does... It's like an old quaint thing. I don't know. Poperia is like...

But me and I were to say the other day, we went to, uh, Kmart and we walked in we're like this is really depressing but then the more we walked through it the less depressing That's because you saw toys you liked That's true Kmart is like a Hilo, a life-size halo toy But whenever I walk into Aldi like going shopping like I don't like going shopping Aldi was one that I could never walk into I don't like going shopping because it makes me depressed because you walk into alldy and it's really depressing It's sad like a shower room. It's like orange and yeah, there's like drains everywhere with black fluid You know what's fucked up about Aldi? When you walk in the door they um force you to go through the first aisle to get into the rest of the store and the first aisle is really depressed

Because it's just all this cheap-ass shit. It's awesome in some ways because they have all their own brands that are a lot cheap. I love the rotting fruit that they leave out for days of the time. I don't buy fruit there. I remember I used to go to always with my dad and he would give me a quarter. And that quarter would be mine. I would get to put the quarter inside to pull. Because you put a quarter inside to pull out the troll.

Yeah, the cart. And then I got to keep the quarter. So I would look forward to that because I'd be able to buy shit out of the little stupid bubble machines. And all that you could, you can hold, you're open to everything with a quarter sheet. No, wait. We were talking about AC more art stores. Yeah, A.C. Moore, Michaels, those... And Michaels is worse than A.C. Moore, I think. A little bit.

What about dollar stores? You guys like dollar stores? It's the same thing. It's just depressing walk in. My dad owns pounds, like, dollar shops. Yeah, in Ireland, it's different, though. They're kind of worse. No, it's not. It's, well...

You mean, like, dollar stores or, like, dollar general? Like, like, discount shops, I guess, you'd call them. They have, like, this reflective tiles. Like, they all have these, like, reflective tiles where the light just shines off it, and it's just... Should we talk about the stores that are down the street in our town? Oh, yeah, that are just, like, awfully placed. Let's bring this out.

All right. So basically, we live in an, I think we work in a nice area. But the problem is there's this main intersection. The people elected to take care of the town or whatever. They're always trying to improve everything. They're like, oh, let's remodel the street lights and the crosswalks and everything's nice. But let's all go. All right.

Let's just break this down for a few items. First on the main corner of the street, there's a bug extermination. Yeah, that's not only that. It takes up like 40 acres. The front window, the front window, display in this bug extermination building is a like a bug museum. Yeah. But it's bugs that are in little glass cases that have been there since like

1975. So they're all faded and old. Yeah, they're all bleached. Here's our termite display. What happens to shoes when they get termites? It's like 1950 shoes and typewriters. This is like in the middle of the intersection. This is like the cornerstone of the whole intersection, this shitty fucking bug store.

Don't they refuse to like give it up? Like they've been offered to get out of it. They were, yeah, there was a really nice restaurant. chain called like Iron Hill Brewery or something. They're like, yeah, we want to buy it. And they have a nice place. They have other nice locations around here, but they wouldn't sell. And let me talk about this other, across the street. This is the one that's the most impureating. There's other places that are shitty down the street, but there's a lot of little closed consignment shops around, right? Like women open up these little shops and they put up like nice

wallpaper and what? Women. No, it's women. It's for women. And not. Equality, Jeff. But they have a little flowery displays and the name of the store is like some little girly name, whatever. So it went out of business in this this undesirable moved into the shop. And in all my years living, even in the poorest neighborhoods, I've never seen a store get taken over. It's almost like a squatter moved in where he didn't even change the name of the store. It's still like, it's called like Colors of Flowers or something. It's called like colorful flowers or something.

And that's just the name of the store. He moves in. It's still called colorful flowers, but now it's like the windows are filled with like neon lights and cigarette ads and lottery signs and now there's like this bright neon there's a bright fluorescent lights inside where you see all the flowery he didn't even paint it with a flowery wallpaper he's like welcome to colorful flowers oh my god you just want to throw rocks to the fucking windows you're just like this is you do this is a shameful display there's a there's another thing that always irks me it's always been an issue i've seen like these fucking places that don't seem to understand that The sun is actually harmful to your products.

These fucking idiots who have DVDs that have been there since the 80s. They're just fucking sun dried at this point. And they have this ugly, sepidone white and blue, just gross colors. Like, no one's going to buy, what's that movie? It's like no one's going to buy

fucking sandlot for the, for fucking BHS. Nobody's going to buy National Lampoons Christmas 2. These are fucking movies. Anybody ever wants to own in their life. You have to say, there's a little bit of charm

in those old video stores. Yeah, when they're not, and get dried by their son. But the funny thing is, he has these, like, disgusting old DVDs that have never been touched in years, and then he comes out with,

like, new shitty DVDs that no one's ever gonna bother. That place is another place that should be bombed. And that's next to the one that has all the old man toilets in the store. All these... Collateral damage. We have so many businesses in a row that should just be...

fucking toilets and worthless bikes. The entire block should be set on fire. Can I just say one thing that really gets me down? Yeah. When I walk into a store and there's no music playing at all, And it's the most awkward fucking shit. That's depressing.

No, it's not depressing. It just puts you on the spot because then they notice you walk in because it's so quiet. Then all the tension is on you and they're like, ha-oh, and you're just like waving at them like a fucking idiot. That's the stressful part of, but going into small stores. Yeah. You walk in, you're the only one there. The owner has his eyes locked on you.

There's no music. And now you're forced like, oh god, I have to like buy something. That's a reason why I don't like going into stores that I'm not used to. Because I'm really terrified of the first experience, like, if they're going to be be so on me. Because remember when we ate at that Thai place and like the first time we ate there, these people were just like my mom made that, she's back there,

she wants to know how it is. They keep coming back and see how the food is. It's just like, fuck off. It's like, you're going to guilt trip me so I never want to come back here. I don't want to go to your fucking clothes store with three racks ever again because you were trying to guilt trip me because your grandma died in these clothes. I didn't want him to begin with. I said, yeah, there's probably

like some kids in like Africa getting hacked up with machetes right now. We're complaining about walking into a quiet store. Yeah, but we weren't born there. We have our own problems. That doesn't eliminate our problems. I also feel bad too because it's like when we're writing with like Tom and stuff and we're just looking at these businesses,

like these like home doctor office where it says doctor, it's just like a home, like maybe people like that. But it's just so weird because you see like banks that are just look like they're just condos. It's like I'm not going to go into a condo that's a bank. It makes me feel uncomfortable. We were talking with Tom and the Carler Day

about driving down the street and you see businesses that have been there for years, but we just can't imagine anybody going into them. They don't look like, business somebody would actually walk into. They've always been there. It's weird. Dude, near us, there's a place

that, like, it looks like a house, and it says we burn DVDs. Really? The sign outside of it. Yeah, I swear you guys. It's illegal. It says, we burn DVDs. Wow, I'm going to go to this fucking creepy looking house to burn a DVD. Can I get Samlock? You walk in, and then they fucking...

That's a good move. They fucking have a machete already ready where your tendons are. You're right on your fucking iron tendon. Because you're a freak who goes to a place that says we bird DVDs. Or they hold a machete up to a DVD customer. They're just waiting for your side. Like where you reach.

They have a Pee-Herman match. They're like, steal their fucking $1 DVD so they'll hold a machete up to you. Yeah, they have these DVD. They have just like a nice like old lady maroon, like dark wooded room. They just have DVD sitting on a desk and you go up to it and there's like a pile of DVD. There's like a Pee-Weirman machete thing that goes like this. So if you walk and cuts your fucking tendons. I don't think anyone's gonna go through that much effort for,

Which I prefer a shit-beating business that way. Terrible business. That's what it feels like when you see places like that. My dad owns like cheap stores. Yeah, see, I'm not trying to- And it's really awkward to walk into stores like that for me, especially. But I'm not trying to like insult small businesses. No, me neither.

Because I know it's hard to start a business, but the worst thing you can do is Bogart people with attention and bother them when they're just looking around. Like if they need your attention, they'll be like, excuse me, miss or something. Corey, did you ever walk into an Apple store? Yes. They have like 500 staff and like seven people in there. And they're like, can I help you? Can I help you?

flock to you like demons. I like how the Apple store is, though. It has a very calm nature to it. It is not calm. Everything shoved in a corner and there's just DVDs and,

not DVDs, but just like, everyone has like fucking like staples smiles and they're like, I hate that fake fucking like, oh yeah, dude, what's up? Oh,

come over here. Hey, bro. I don't know if I've never gotten it. It's like getting swindled every time. I'm curious what would happen if you actually tried to buy something with cash

in an Apple store if they just kick you out. You are. Literally 50s, my friend. I'll take you money. It seems like there's nothing you don't know. They wouldn't even know what to do with it. You have to pay it on your iPad. You pull out change and drop it. Everybody just looks like, they're just always trying to swindle with you.

I was like, do you guys got those LED bulbs that you can control your iPhone? They're like, yeah, then we got this big, like, pack here? Oh, this just pack is perfect. It's like, it's got like 20 light bulbs in it and a fucking home hub. So it's like, $500. Yeah, yeah. No, I just want to one, thank you. And they just try and force everything in your throat.

Yeah, no, I mean, the store looks nice. I'm just saying like, it's shitty because you're like $300 for headphones. I went in there recently because I wanted an extra battery for the phone. It was like probably double the price you'd get for on Amazon. Really? Like fuck this, this is stupid. Didn't you get it though? No, I got on Amazon.

I saved like $100. Yeah, that's shit. Oh man, yeah. They have all these like cool hip gadgets section where it's like a drone with five Gopros on it. Like, oh, why do I need that? I used to like... I used to like... Spencers when I was little, but I kind of like...

When I was little, I used to love it. Because it looked like it was so adult and naughty. That is the trashiest story. She's store yeah Chris's boycotting Spencer is actually you get you're just like this is fucking There's one like big burly guy that works there big burly more like big fat obese hipster like ear hoop dip shit Yeah, he's just mean to Chris like he was always nice to me and he was nice to people I brought in there Chris he remembers Chris is the milkshake guy yeah I walked in with a milkshake one day and he was like he was like

He created him in there was no fucking this is what happened I walk in with a milkshake I'm like But there's a lid on it I'm a good boy Yeah, so um wait he said something like Is that a milkshake? And I was like yeah. And he was like, well if you drop it on the floor I'm gonna like throw it in your face. And I was like excuse me. Oh, sorry if I drop it on your fucking dildo collection. God, he was fat asshole. Yeah, I was like literally just walking with a milkshake. Like you dropped it on the floor. I'm gonna pick it up and throw it in your face. So now he has like a vendetta against you because he went into a

store drinking a milkshake. You were telling me that story while we were going into Spence because you're like I don't really like it in here and then they were me too again. I remember what he was the day we brought the fog machine. I can remember what he was mean to you. Why were they being mean? They didn't they said that was mean. They got their fucking del those, instead of throwing them on. You just look like the type that was a love shake.

What do you eat more? Spencer's or Hot Topic? Hot Topic. I don't hate any of them. Hot Topic is just funny. You're like, oh, wow. Hot Topic sucks. An Adventure Time T-shirt.

No, Hot Topic is like everything I hate. Stolen fucking art and just they. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's like, they got everything that's like, you know, a fad already. It's like we're gotts, well, here's your corporate adventure time. Yeah, I don't need fucking. O'Reilly shirts and Invaders in Garbage.

How can it be so corporate and got that the same? I know exactly. That's why it's funny. It's so weird. It's... Here's your emo, uh, Captain America's Civil War shirt. You know why you're a happy true fan's keychain in fucking like, uh, Invaders Zim hoodies? They love Invaders. No. Nightmer before Christmas. Shane Dawson.

YouTubers. Yeah. Um, it's the worst store ever. Yeah. It's just kind of attaches to the trends and gots. Uh, by definition are like, I don't do. It's where you can still buy annoying orange like fucking blushes. So, I mean, that has to go somewhere.

You know that store we're at. we were at New York that was sort of like hot topic but it was the authentic, scary like hot topic store. The, uh, it was me and Tom. Oh, maybe it wasn't. Oh,

maybe none of those are there. Was that when you had the weird like ghost experience with Stamper? The masks and shit? Yeah, there was no ghost. It was a show. It was a show of like ghost. Yeah, yeah, no. We went to this place.

It's called like search and destroy or something. But it's legitimately like the most, it's like authentic hot topic, scary, goth. Is it scary? You walk in. You walk in and there's, uh, it's like packed with,

You can't barely walk through. There's so much clothes. And there's weird mannequins and scary dolls covered in blood. And it's run by like two Asian girls. And I don't know. It was like screammo playing. You know when you think about it though? Just like opera music?

I don't even, yeah. The music was like hardcore screen. Like you know, the music or everybody's screaming. Was this hot topic related? No, it's not actually hot topic, but it's sort of in that vein. It's like where actual real authentic angry emoes go to buy their clothing. Was it the scream where it's like, Right.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Like you. And then it goes to be like, well, that's going to save me, honey, like that kind of stuff. Wake me up inside.

Yeah. I just feel like if I kicked a clothing like bugs are going to fall out. I just like, but if you think about it, like it's in the title, like hot topic means like the top what's trending now.

I think goth girls are hot. Me too. Definitely. Well, only hot. It's because I like it. Hot girls are hot. Yeah. There, we agree.

It's like a type of, I didn't have the boss to be a goss when I was doing. It's like finding nurses. What's the latest in goth fashion? Like it's funny that they're like I know this is kind of a tired old like thing, but like it's funny that they're like I don't conform but they're all the same Back when I was in high school it was the dog collars the Tony Hawk haircut The Jankos the Janko pants That's better than like fucking long black Severus snake hair that yeah I want to know like 2000s are wrong 2016

Like what are they what are they about I think emo's died out a little bit Emo's emo is a 2006 more bandy it's like 10 years old that's like they're more band culture now Yeah they're less they're less like fucking like you're nightmare before Christmas and more like actual bands. That was like children's shit. Right now they're more about looking like a got than acting like one. Whenever I see or meet a goth person at a con or whatever, they're always

really happy and nice. I went through an emo phase. Not so much a goth phase. I went through an emo where I wore only black and I had black hair. Did you cut yourself? Didn't cut myself. I wasn't that gay. But I had black hair and cutting yourself is popular, but I'm like, just have black hair. It's like, why waste your time cutting yourself? I just knowing cutters in the way.

I thought it was a bad. It was never understooded, but I get a waste of time, right? It's a huge waste of time. You're just going to have fucking marks for like ever. I've talked to people who do that and they're saying like, if you don't understand it now, you'll never understand it. It was just like, you mean you're looking for attention? Do I understand it now?

It's to feel something. I know a lot of people who grew up and they saw the empty of skies all up around. That's what I'm saying. You cut yourself and you're going to have scars for like the rest of your fucking life. They got like millions of them all up their forearm and they're like, yeah, I really regret that. It's down the street, not across the road if you want to. Nile, that's bad advice. There's probably some like deep-rooted, kids, don't kill yourself.

There's some like deep-rooted reasons as to why people cut themselves. I know it's like that. This should be switched. But I always saw it as like a cry for help or it's like being unstable. Yeah, because it's like you definitely, how you feel back then, you never really know how to act upon things. It's like when people want to commit suicide. At the time, I think it's a good idea. I'm trying to remember how I coped with like depression and shit when I was like, how you-

That's what they do it. Chris, what? But I see, that's a thing. I was always a, I was always a happy kid. I was happy, happy, happy Corey. How are you call feeling? anything. I was happy.

Did you guys ever have a stuffed animal that you kind of remember having, but then you, Jeff, I don't know if you like remember having a stuffed animal. I remember having a stuffed animal. I'm just so old. I don't remember anything. No, do you actually, I'm not being re-grew, but do you actually remember having a stuffed? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had a stuffed animal that I remember it was something that I drew. I drew a frog with the giant fucking, I didn't know what frog's feet looked like. So it's just like weird, like a tentacle, like fucking. He was real stuffed animal. that you drew him too. Yeah, I drew a frog on a green paper with a marker, and my mom or dad cut the thing and filled it with stuffing, so I had my own freaky, deformed-looking, fucking ugly stuff animal frog. But I had it so much that I eventually lost it in the basement.

They probably went to Michael's Arts and Crafts to make it. Yeah, and I came across it one day, and I pulled it out, and I was looking at it. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And all, and like these fucking small beetles poured out of it. What? It's like a voodoo dog. These tiny beetles came out. What frog did they sacrifice to make that?

A cartoon were just like come out. And I lost my shit because I hadn't seen the frog in years. I'm like, oh, it's my frog toy. And I poke in his fucking bugs like come out and just go all over it. And I fucking remember throwing it and never seeing it again. It's probably still in the basement with like spider eggs and shit. I had a little bit, kind of a duck with a dress on. That was, I just carried that around.

But I was wearing that kind of onesy. I had a really hard realization recently, very recently. where I was telling you earlier when we were walking the subway where I used to, my childhood was more so toys than anything else. Like, I like video games and I like movies and TV, but I really fucking love toys up until... You still do. I like toys, right?

I don't play with them. I stopped playing with toys at a late age when I was like 13, right? Yeah. But anyways, this is where the story concludes, right? So I remember having this little Taz, from Tasmania. I had a Tasmania thing. It was like a little stuff guy, and I used to play with it so fucking much, right? one day it just went missing

and I was like what the fuck what the actual fuck I don't lose my shit right and I literally checked every fucking crevice of the house right I looked everywhere in my house everywhere in my grandmother's house anywhere in the two cars my mom and dad at the same time was gone right I was actually

heartbroken then I grew up a bit more and I got this connects man it was my that was my favorite toy of all time right Is that the one you have now? It's the one I re-bought right because back when you're 23 yeah right anyways I played with this

guy as long as I can remember for fucking years I played with it right and then one day it was gone I was like what the fucking goddamn and I scared everything again and then it was just yesterday I was like wait a minute my mom and dad fucking just tuck it and threw it away because I was playing with the fucking toys that's stupid

like that I'm so fucking mad my parents were great parents but I have a story like that I was playing the PlayStation 1 like way too much during the school day and stuff so they only let me have it so they gave it back to me on Friday for the weekends. And I had Spirriled the Dragon in it and they took away my PlayStation one Friday and when I got it back

it was a big fucking chip in the Spiral of the Dragon disc and I was furious at my dad and then he's like, then they were both parents ganged up against me saying it was me and they were mad at me for breaking the disc. It was them when they fucking moved it and to this day I'm like you fucking assholes. It wasn't a very good game. I played it recently and it

did not capture the magic of when I was a kid. I always needed toys like something to do. I had a bear. I don't even know what happened to it. What color was it? Brown. It was just the most generic bear. It was just the most generic bear. It was called teddy bear when you bought it.

My grandmother gave it to me and I just hung on to it. Or you guys is most like memorable toys. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where you put the pizza in the thing and you press the button and it fires out. Or I had a Tasmania toy. Did you? That's awesome. It was like a vehicle. You stick it in and it shoots and it shoots it out.

And then I had a Tasmania devil toy where you spin it around and then he does the spin thing. Say his toy? No, no, it was a different one. Do you ever go to like the toy shop and buy a toy toy toy shop and buy a toy toy? And then just be horribly disappointed with it like oh yeah that happened that's what toys are when you're a kid like you expect this only toys I was never disappointed with were the non-electrical fully articulated ones where you could bend everything I love those like figures yeah I had a toy I think I talked about that before the ash toy where his hand is always like stuck glue to the right with a polka ball in it so you can't make him run or anything But the one toy I thought was so fucking gay was it was a Jackie Chan action figure from the animated series where you push down on him he does a little kick and that's all he does so it was just lame

Yeah, once that do one thing you're like this is all like Yeah. The ones you can use your imagination and do whatever. I was, Tim, I was into Transformers and I asked my parents for a, the Constructacons, like I wanted the whole set.

Yeah. And I mean, that was an expensive toy, I think. That came in like a big box, all five or six Constructacons. Yeah. And instead,

I got the Go-Bot version. It's like, it wasn't because it was like Go-Bot sports cars. Is it go-bought like a rip-off of a transfer- Yeah, yeah. No, it's actually not a rip-off, but it's lame-or. Yeah, they're like, yeah,

I guess they're lamer, but people think of them as inferior transformers. Every single person in the world thinks that they're just gay. They're literally transformers, but they're just called go bots. They're from Japan. They're stupid. I had a Michael Jackson space jam toy. He wasn't even in space gym.

Wait, not Michael Jack. Michael Jordan. He was really, he had a big stretchy arm. He had a big, long black arm that you could boot up. You could stick a basketball too. If we're talking about toys, I remember at a young age, I didn't know what a model was when I was little. So I saw this, like. fucking like fighter jet and I'm like that is so fucking cool that's inside there and I was little I didn't

You know I didn't know what models was and I got it it cost to me like four allowances and I finally opened it There's just like all these like fucking pieces connected to like metal piping and shit and I'm just like what is this Yeah yeah because you don't know like when you're little like you don't understand that you're supposed to put it together To me I just got a bunch of piping with fucking blocks and shit connected to it and I was just like this is it what was all the picture Yeah for a long time I kept on trying to buy model stuff because I didn't realize you had to put it models together. You're an idiot. Why didn't you learn from the first time? I thought I thought I just got a bad model or something and then I saw like a robot. I'm like that one has to be in it and I got it and got the same fucking thing. I remember everything I had. And also the

shitty toy I had was like this fucking like it's like ferret on a ball for some reason. It's like a toy you give to a dog. You ever own a popple? A popple? Yeah, popl's. Oh yeah, the things you push down and then they pop up. No. Fuck is a popple. It's a stuffed animal that you can turn inside out and it turns into a ball. Oh, that, yeah, that, no. Popples. Those are dumb. I remember I had, wait, I had constructs, because my parents went on me Lego.

You have, like, shitty, like, 80's toys and they're fucking cares about. You have, like, fucking Legos. Although I did, I did have the G.I.J. are cool, and I had Transformers. My brother was into Teenage Ninja Turtles, and I also had He-Man. I missed out on Teenage Ninja Turtles. I had a lot of Lightbrite. I had a lot of light-prite pieces.

That was so dumb because you ran out of black paper, and you're like, I can't use this anymore. Do you guys have that? There was this huge fad for like a few months called yo-yo balls where they were It was squishy ass like you put a ring on your finger with a squishy string attached There's like a big ball at the end like fucking plastic like heavy. No it was it was all rubber but the thing was that they got bad because it wrapped around a kid's neck and he like suffocated and died We oh I remember that we had one that was like actually like plastic and the rope like contracted together so it actually like the ball was fucking plastic and hell Oh what's what it was it was it was like I was a fucking yo yo that you went like this and it flew back so hard your fucking hand hit the wall.

So you're like, we. And you're like, fucking recourse. So you like fuck your like hand up playing with toys. I had lawn darts. They banned those. Oh, are they? Can that kill someone by like going in their head? It killed her very badly injured somebody.

But yeah. It's a lawn dart. They're these giant, giant darks that you throw it in the row. You throw them up in the air. He threw them up in the air. Literally it literally went up in the air and impaled some kid in the head. This is what I don't understand. That is the stupid.

If you look up these lists of like toys, who's these fucking psychos that are putting like sulfur and like bomb kind of like here kids, it's fire in a cup don't fucking spill it. It's like here your own science lab where you can make your own poisonous chemicals

you just follow the instructions You can be a very on the mat side. I had a chemistry set. Was it like the poisonous Yeah it's like here's your little bottle of sufferec acid have fun. Oh Jeff you know what you said you don't think you said you were into he men's are like mom you know you said you're into hemen

back in the day. Those toys run like $700 now. If you still have any. Oh, I don't. If we're talking about toys, they'd probably have to be in pretty mint condition. Well, a few hundred. They've remade them though. They're almost identical. Really? Yeah, yeah, but they're not worth as much. If we're talking about those kinds of toys like the My Little Chemistry Set,

not to be confused, like my little fucking big set. There was like, I remember there's like a blowing glass toy set where you could like fucking blow glass and make it. So not only did you have to heat glass to like multiple levels. It's real. It's real. It's a real toy. It's a blowing glass kid said That is ridiculous

I have a shitty toy It's a question sure if you want to call the toy But it was at one of those ant farms Those are fucking boring Dude you buy the ant farm right And you have to mail away for the fucking ants And they send you a little tube of red ant Red fire

No They sent me fire ants They did know Now They fucking like kill you Imagine it's like They bite Yeah

Imagine the little kid you have this tube of fire ants You're like how am I getting these ants Into the farm And you open you carefully open it up They fucking just crawl. And they start crawling out long your cutting arm. It's like all like 100 of them are.

That is not real. I swear to God. Is that back when you had to like use magazines and cut them out and be like... No, I bought the... We bought the ant farm at the store, but you have to mail away for the ants. Like the ants are in the box. Do you know those like creepy crawley like fucking like... Yeah.

I got pit. I got pit all over, but these jellybugs. Yeah. Those were also like molten heat when you fucking stick them in because they're like... It's just like they think kids want to stick. They're not going to stick their fucking hands in the little slot where it's hot. At least you don't live in fucking... Flesh off.

At least you don't live in fucking, like, one of those African countries where to be a man, they put bullet ants all over your dick. Yeah. That doesn't sound like a very fun toy, Nile. This is a most disappointing toy, which I wish... I actually never bought, but I wanted one, but I was... Sea monkeys. They're like...

They're like little people. Like, little fun little people. Fucking Southbrook. They're Brian shrimp, right? Yeah, they're just... Yeah, they're just... The most disappointing thing ever. They don't even...

They don't even hold pitchforks or talk? No. They don't have little... cartoon faces on them or anything. When you're a kid, you don't realize that, like, people can deceive you. You think that it's exactly what it is. That's why they have to start saying stuff like, like, if a dragon's flying around a room, it's like, dragon is not actually real.

Yeah. So when kids don't fucking buy the toy, they're like... All they have to say to lie to you is, terms and conditions apply. That's all it is. They can lie to your face. All I wanted when I was a kid was a polka ball that expanded when I clicked the button in the middle. That's like all I wanted.

There was like this disc that was like aluminum foil that had like helium that you put inside of it. Do you remember that? It was like, it was like a thing. They promoted the fuck out of it. Like, it's the new coolest toy. It's a, it's a frisbee that's made of aluminum foil, and you fill it up, and it flies around the room.

No, I don't know it. Well, I always came with a fucking hole in it, because we got three of them. And I guess they didn't realize that maybe you shouldn't make your fucking thing out of, like, party balloons. Are boomerangs a scam? Or aluminum foil, like, party balloons? No, they work, but they're really hard.

They're really, they're harder. Do you guys remember pin artists? Those things with the pins, you put it on your face, and then your face is, like, shaped into the pins. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was like, I was like, yeah, It's like um, I mean, I think you're supposed to like retractable pins. Like putty?

I don't think it's just to put your face on it. You are. That's what they're showing in the bar. Yeah, look, so there's a, there's like a million pins sticking out of this thing. You push your hand in. Oh, I love those fucking things. Yeah, I always like 10 and I put my dick in it. Me too.

Yeah, and it pitched my skin. Of course it did. It's, it's, because it rubs it. It pinched my skin too, but I forgot about that. Millions of pins on your dick. It's not pins. It's not one going in your pee hole at least. No, my pee hole doesn't face into it.

Oh. Oh. My boner was dressed against my belly. Those things are sweet. I remember just always putting my fucking face on it and just like, but I remember I had my open mouth in it and shit. That's what everyone did. Yeah, everyone did it.

Canaries are really cool. How didn't you not kill yourself, Corey? They probably carried like, fucking influenza and all these different diseases. I'm just grabbing my friend's thing and I'm like, oh, look, oh, will you fucking immune system? I actually just had a, you saying that I had a weird flashback to when my mom and dad got their Windows 95 and they got a new printer that was like top end technology back then and I tried printing out

a page of a thing I drew in MSPaint at the time but I was like I've got a great idea I'm gonna pull on the page so it comes out I did it like 10 times I was like it's just like pulled it out and I was like why is there these white lines on it so I printed it out over and over wasting the ink and breaking the printer and then they came in they're like this printer's broken now you didn't figure it out that

like pulling it little kid I was like six I figured that out Windows 95 I did the same thing I was like why is this taking so long I did pull it out but then after one time I had to like brains to be like okay pulling it out fucks the ink up I got lots of the memories like that where I was like I had a little toy of a robot and I just like scrape his legs across the bottom of a character because I thought it looked cool you guys are dumb me we were kids are like the same when we were little I did the same fucking stuff I used to rub my toys down until their legs were gone is there

anything you did you regret you did I did I did I did I did I tell you guys that I remember an incident that happened when I was eight months old I remember something that happened was eight months old and no one believes me, but it's true. I was on a boat with my parents and my mom was holding me. And I remember having a sucker. Like, we call them dummies in Ireland. I was in America. I was in America this time. No, no, you know, like a pastclare. A ring pal.

Like Maggie Simpson has. A dummy, yeah. I had one of those. And I remember, I remember thinking, I was like, in my head, I was like, if I throw this into the ocean, will I cry? So I like, pulled it out and I threw it, I went, what? And I threw it into the ocean and then I cried. I was like, okay, I do cry when I was. You remember you were in? Are you joking? I remember that.

I remember that in my head. Are you joking? No, I know, I was. I was thinking of it in my style. You were having like variable thoughts like fucking taking like this scientific method. It wasn't in those words but I was like, you were like, my hypothesis. I remember wondering in whatever baby lying there was smarter than me. It's like a science fair.

I didn't even know about variables and hypothesis. And I had this other memory when I was like really, really small. I remember I couldn't talk. I remember specifically being like, I cannot talk yet. But like, wow, you're a liar. You're a liar. You're a liar with a bag of fraud. I was pretending to be asleep.

on the couch because everyone was calling me cute and I loved it and they were all like look how cute he is asleep on the couch and I was like now this isn't fucking baby geniuses I wasn't a baby You sound like I was putting the voice on but like I remember yeah I was sound like an old man who's like an old British man who's narrating a baby David Attenborough yeah day never would happen if I spilled the milk I swear to God I remember that yeah I got a bunch of weird really young memories too but only little flashed why do you regret that we're talking about the most biggest regret oh biggest regret yeah throwing my pacifier in the ocean That's your biggest regret. I was a kid. I don't have, I was a kid.

I was coming out of a pediatrician with my mom, and I picked up a rock. I was trying to throw it over a car. It landed right on the coat of the car. Oh, my God. And my mom freaked. Holy shit. Now we're going. Get it.

Let's get out. I was like, I still remember it. I was like, I feel so guilty about it. You didn't know. You just thought it was funny. You were trying to throw a wrong. I was just a little kid. I don't remember all that.

I did when I was 13 and 14. Like, I was like, I tried to fit in in a group. And I really didn't like doing this, but I needed to fit in with the group, the cool guys. And they were all throwing like little pebbles at cars. And I was like, this is fucked up. I had to do it. So I started doing it.

And then I did it once. And it missed the car. But then the car started chasing us. And the guy got out, found me because I was hiding behind a bush. Got me up like that. And he's like, I fucking take her to a fucking police station. And I was like, do not cry in front of the cool people.

Do not cry. And then I started like kind of tearing up. I was like, god damn it. That's my biggest regret, I think. Just doing that. I have a story. Did I ever tell the story of when I push my sister off of like, off of like a flight of stairs when she broke her arms

Jesus, no, no. I've heard some of this, but I don't know if you told it on the podcast. Okay, well, that's one of the biggest regrets because I could have killed her, so it probably wasn't smart. But it was like we were going, I remember I was really excited because we were going for ice cream. And my sister was running up the stairs and she pushed me first of all. She's the fucking instigator. So it's her fucking fault that I almost killed her. But she was running up the stair and she pushed me. And then I'm like, ha.

So I push her back. Then she fucking almost kicks me in the face running up. And you know, she's like sticking her tongue out. And I'm like, you bitch. And I run up and I shove her. And then she comes back to try and fucking elbow me. Like this is like a street fighter going thing going up the stairs. Jesus.

And so I fucking take her. And I, we didn't know. Well, first of all, there wasn't railing on the fucking stairs. Oh, okay. So I fucking just pick her up and throw her off the side of the fucking stairs. Because we were going up and I just had the genius idea of shoving her off the side of the stairs. I was only the biggest fear. So she fell down and she was silent when she hit the ground.

She went like clumped like that. And I thought the first thing that went through my head was I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to be in so much fucking trouble. I didn't think, oh my God, I killed my sister. But then she's like started doing that one baby like, and I'm like, oh, okay, good, she's alive. So I was relieved, but my mom, that was the maddest I've ever seen my mom. Like, she picked me up by my hand.

Like one hand, she carried me into the air. She basically threw me into my room. Like, she was so mad. She didn't know what to do. First of all, she was freaking out because she thought I might have just lost my mind and almost tried to kill my sister. So she thought I was probably dangerous to everyone else in the house. So she threw me into the room and she pushed.

over a fucking like like um cabinet a cat like yeah a fucking bookcase she pushed it over so i couldn't get out so the fucking thing was like that because there wasn't no door on our wall so she put a fucking bookcase in front of me with like uh my stepdad and then she like was screaming i mean she's like you you have no idea what you did she's like you just wait till we figure out what happened and she was like hyperventilating and screaming and i was just like what did i do what did i do in my room for some reason though when you talk about you being a kid i remember I think of you with your exact head now on a baby's body. And so now, if you're talking about stuff I used to do when I'm a baby,

apparently I used to actively fall downstairs and laugh afterwards and try to do it again. That's real. That's not surprising. That's real. My mom said she had those like one little jump stair thing set up. And I was like screaming and like, you know, like, jump stair thing. They're like things that you put at the end of the stairs where kids like fucking hop and they're like, he.

That's all your good idea. They're like that. And then she went downstairs and she was doing something. And suddenly she heard like a do do do do do and then I fucking like land down the ground But she pulled me up thinking I'd be freaking out and like wait but I was like laughing I was crying so hard that I was laughing they made stairs And I was like turning around and try and crawl up the stairs to do it again They made like stairs. No he's talking about those things you hang wires from the roof with a little diaper at the bottom and you put your legs in you

Bounce oh the little mobile yeah I regret doing that because I could have those for adults those things are sweet yeah they actually are I'd love to get one of them like strangling your balls though the little harness Not if you have a hold, put your wiener in balls out through. Yeah, then everyone will see the exact imprint of your wiener and balls. No, they'd actually see your wiener in balls to be hanging out of a hole. So, I didn't speak English when he was a kid. Oh, yeah, I didn't talk proper until I was like four.

You spoke Irish? No, no, I spoke gibberish. It was like, blibla, blah, blah, blah. There was shit like that. There was shit like that video on YouTube with me talking about the Easter bunny. And I'm like, and he bischo da scamp. It's like, it was retarded. I didn't have any.

Little sister's like, or your big sister. She's one year older to me. She's talking elegantly. She was like, the Easter buddy is a mythical creature. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Bucat, style. And then Chris is like, blooby, blah, blah, blah. My mom and dad don't even laugh or react because they were just used to it. They're just like, like, okay.

It's why you're so good at Sim Talk. That's why I think the same thing. I don't think I have any regrets of being a kid. I remember I went into like one of those like manger places. Yeah, and I, like, major. Yeah, like those like, Jesus Christ, and so way those things are set up, those way those things are like, baby stuff. Yeah.

And I stole the baby out of the crazy. I took him. You can't do that. And I was worried I was worried I get in trouble so I put a lamb in there or like a sheep Or like a sheep and then people were like wow it looks so real Put a sheep in there and I took the baby and I was I felt guilt ridden so I put it in the bathroom the priest's place I remember doing that because I remember like people were going up and they were like They were like looking at it because you know how like Jesus was like you know the lamb

That was you you are the famous lamb Ah So it's St. Patrick's Day that our topics have nothing but baby toys and We and Chris we're going to talk about Ireland and the concept of shifting girls at underage discos. Yeah, do you ever shift the girl? Ever go with me like, give us a shift with you? Yeah, will you shift my friend? Is that a moon?

Will you shift Jeff? It's like mooning? No. What is it? What is it? I don't even know, but I know it's not mooning. Jeff, would you shift? What is it?

Would you meet Corey? What is a kind of? Meet Corey? Corey behind school after. Meet sounds a little more. I don't know your shitty Irish words. Yeah, so basically shifting is like kind of something that like young people say in Ireland. I don't know if they do any more.

Well, maybe, back when we were growing up. Is this like flicking the bean? No, no, no, it just means kissing, like making out where you're tongue kissing. Why is it called shifting? I don't know. But when we were 13 to 16, I don't know, it was like the biggest goal of a guy. I would not shift, Jeff. That was literally all guys ever talked about in school.

Yeah, they just wanted to shift every year. Shift anyone last weekend. And I remember. What happens whenever they discovered shanking? It's like throwing anything off. That's murdering, that's killing people with a knife. That's killing. Well, with a fucking homemade knife.

But, like a fucking bit of a mirror. them after you shank them? No, no, because that would be necrfidia. I remember it was this underage disco. Let's make that popular in prisons. You have to be 14 to get in. Shank and shift. Shank and shift. Did you get a shaken shift? Did you get a shift and shank? Did you get meated and shift at the same time? What is meeting? Yeah, what is meeting? Meat is the same thing. It's just different like areas of our village. Why meeting? That doesn't make any. I know it's the stupidest word. It's so confusing because then you're like, oh I meet my friend after school, like the actual term for meeting, then people like, ah, you're a shift

and your friend. But anyway, there was like under... Underage discos, I remember when I was 14, there was a... I didn't get a shift yet. There was this, like, mildly retarded guy called, uh... Actually, I shouldn't say his name. Call him Ephron. Close to Michael.

Affron. Affron. And he was such a fucking crazy... Ephron Jabron. I'm too lost now to continue my story. I don't even know what I was going to say. His name's Effron. Well, my first ever shift...

Was with Effron. It was with Zach Effron from high school musical. You fucking weird. She never get as good as Zach Gephran with you. Anyway, yeah, my first ever shift was a game of Thruton there. And I pretended all my friends, I always get, I was like, I shipped everyone, but it was a game of Truton Dare. I saw my first pair of Tidys.

Truton Dare. Yeah, but it was the butch kind of dike from, like, my neighborhood that I ended up shifting. And then my friend thought it was funny that I was shifting her, so he kept daring me to shift her. I was my first ever shift. But then there was these underage discos called Millennium Madness. And I remember, like, the only people I'd ever get, because I was like this little short, fat I was short until I was like 17 and then I just succumbed to being a fact a short fat guy I was like I guess I have to be the funny guy now because I'm short and fat

and I've nothing else going for me so I became 17 and I got like skinny and like tall but anyway you'd shift all these gross skanks and you try to finger him on the dance floor and everyone would laugh at you and you get kicked out and that was shifting in our own for me we're talking about like disco dancing I think when you're 13 and 14 do you ever go to underage ones when you're no I the only time I ever went to like some the equivalents of dancing was like when I went with my fucking dad to the comedy show and downstairs There's a bunch of like cougars and old people that are just... Do you get it with a cougar?

No, they're just downstairs dancing to like fucking... Who's sliding left? Or fucking... Superman! Or that one song by like, um, everybody in the half the night. That fucking song. Yeah, everyone's just dancing of that.

And then like, I don't like dancing. I hate dancing. I have no... I have no pep in my feet. I feel like a goofball. Whatever I do it. You ever have a gym class where they taught you,

uh, square dancing? No. What? Yeah. Wait, that brings, what is square dance? It's like a Texan dance. It's like, you know, whole it's like, it's like Condi-Joe dancing. I'm not even joking.

And you'd like put, it around. It's like, do, do, do, do, do. There's like, seventh grade or something. And the girls come in, you have to, like, hold hands and then swing them around. I don't know. I forget. It's like you skip around in circles. In our than we had the bare minimum.

It was probably, like, way more, like, laid back for you. The counselor, the counselor was like, well, you know, what do you want to do? Like, you have enough credits to graduate. wait, but do you want to do any extracurricular activities? Like, what fucking city? I didn't know. But, Jeff, you're from Philly, right? Yeah.

You were, like, raised here. Yeah. This is a pretty kind of liberal state. There's no... Pennsylvania's, like, two-thirds, liberal. Yeah, yeah. So you didn't really, you weren't really forced. Growing up, there were three things you were to do.

What are you saying, if it was more... Are you saying more conservative states forced you to... Do choir and, like, other fucking religious stuff? Oh, yeah, there was no... Well, the only religious thing I ever had to do was, um, I went to Sunday school for a little while. My parents... Oh, God.

I never had to sit there. through church. Unless you had through church once. My grandmother made me, but yeah, I went to Sunday school a few times and that was it. I don't, I don't know. I just don't, I don't like it. I remember, like, because I grew up in,

like, we grew up in Ireland and Chris, we were like, like, we'd watch TV and you would hear about Sunday school and summer school, but I'd always be like, eh, ha, ha, ha, I'm in Ireland. Why does, what do churches suck so much? Like, why did churches, what is the inside of churches, they just smell like pine salt and plastic,

and they just had this awful, just atmosphere. Well, it smells like funerals, because funerals are held up. Yeah, it's funny, too, because, because, Last time I went to church with my mom, she goes to church on Saturday, it's the seventh to Venice. And they brought the kids there. And you just see these kids that are so fucking miserable.

They have like these fucking books and stuff with like felt and then they get bored. And so they just start, they start like fucking jumping over the chairs and climbing up and just like going through the books and throwing them in the air because they're so fucking bored. Like 50 kids are rolling on the ground. And they're like, ah! In the back. Actually, you're an actual genius. That was the most entertaining part of church whenever I was. is everyone sitting there bored in their mind and it can be like,

Baa! Yeah, the kid next to his like, the kids like, he's like, the babies start like screaming each other. They're like looking at each other and they're like screaming at each other. Oh, another baby! They're all like screaming at each other. They're like the kids like sitting there shaking back and the baby's looking at each other. I remember that so well.

He was like hitting the fucking thing and he was like, he fucking like pouted and he's like, I'm bored. Oh my God, you brought back memories of me like looking at like the babies. And then the babies would look at each other. kind of give themselves the nod. They look each other with fucking shock like, I can't believe it! Another baby! And then they'd have a crying room and one would cry and be like, hey-ha. And then the other would be like, ha-ha. And then the other would be like, some churches really pissed me off. There was a church in Ross Lair where they had a fucking, they had a room at the back with a wall around it so babies could be held on the mom's there and cry. It's like, you're defeating the entire point. You're not doing anything in here. You're not doing anything in here. You're minding your baby. Why are you weird? They have speakers. But why are they even there like trying to listen if they're making a baby? Because they want worship God. You get like, like, worship him from home.

Yeah, but to them going to church is a big thing. No, nobody goes to church. No, nobody on planet Earth listens at church. Nobody. They don't, but they want to go to church so they can pray to God. I know what I'm saying is, why go? Just to go to heaven. They're like, okay, I'm going to church.

That does not how it works. Well, that's why I think about. Not a single person listens to a word that's being said. They're like, ooh, with their mouth dribbling and fucking bees are crawling through hair, and nobody fucking cares. I remember being like, I want to listen. Oh, sorry, Jess. Yeah, every time I was like, I'm going to listen today.

And I never did. I never did. I'm kind of agree. into this stuff, but I just don't know, what do these guys talk about for, how long is church usually every more? Like, 40 minutes in our own songs and say passages. It's only 40 minutes. Yeah, but when you're a kid, that's like six

hours. Yeah, oh my God. Even here is it 20 minutes? It was actually like an hour and 11 minutes. What do you talk about every week? They just sing and fucking talk about passages. They say like five of the same prayers that we're like God, like Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ has come. Yeah. Hail Mary full of grace, Lord's with thee, bless our day, blah. We had the same in our life.

Like a same... Hail Mary, full of grace, Lord is with the Bless Fart amongst women. I'm just gonna avoid... If I die, if and when I die, if... It would be a mortal... I'm not... I just like, don't...

Don't even do the thing in the church. Just go out to a field or something and say a few words and just throw me in a way. I will make sure no one goes to a church. Even when I went to my grandmother's funeral and it was just the creepiest thing. Just the whole... You know, I probably talked about this before,

but the way the guy just silently ate the wafer in front of everybody and drank the wine and man the whole thing was just so awkward and then they start singing a prayer and then all her friends in the pews they start singing along and it's like this call it sounds like a cult like if I die before my parents whatever helps them I don't care what happens

I was an altar boy never told you like I have to get out of here I have to get the hell out of here no you never donate altar boy and I got my wait you were an altar boy I was I was alter boy they were like really yeah we were worshiped by the by the minister by the other kids I got screamed in my face because I forgot to ring a bell at a certain point of this fat egghead old shit

came over to me and he's like, you forgot to ring it when blah blah blah and I was just like sorry and I never went back again actually. You're not going to heaven. I remember like thinking, this is weird but I remember thinking back in the day it was like only certain people were picked as altar boys and I was like wondering if it was like only the ones the cute one.

If we're going back to the little dimples I had a bold hair cut like I do now. If we're going back to like when we're talking about like being in church I remember just being in church and just this one dude just fucking smiling and looking at me the whole time I was there when I was little. And I would just glare at him because I didn't know who the fuck he was. The same situation happened when I went to church last time.

I was just sitting there and my everyone's dressed in their finest clothes and I'm wearing my patented fucking Shadman shirt and my fucking jeans. Oh, Jesus. But I had a blue hoodie so you couldn't see anything. When were you last in church? When were you last in church? When were you last Christmas time? And I was sitting in there and this guy was looking at me.

He's like, just looking at me for like 10 minutes. And he's like, do you like peppermints? And I'm like, no. That was the end of that. And he kept on like fucking looking at the kids while. They were just tearing the fucking altar apart, just, like, destroying everything. And then by the end of it, he was like, you guys want peppermints? And he gave everybody peppermints.

I had a sneaking suspicion that they had fucking chloroform in. Apart from, like, chlorooms. Clorums and, like, seven years ago. Hey, if I walked into any church around here on Sunday and just sat in the back, do you think everybody would look at me, like, you're not part of us? No, I don't think so. Yeah, because that I'll be dark skin. We're talking about, like, we really want to go to, like, you know what, like a black

gospel kind of church. So I was about to say, if you went to church, we just like, you'd be like, you like the white chocolate guy in the entire room. I like the music. Yeah, yeah, but I wonder if we walk in, fucking, the pale white Irish people, like, they'd look at us. You know, they come in and they have their own Bible where they talk about the white battles. Christmas fucking church. That was the bane of my existence.

Right. In Christmas church, it's actually way longer. It's like an hour. That's what I'm saying. We went there when it was Christmas. Yeah, it's like an hour and a half. And in our church, they do a thing every year. I'm not sure if this is normal, but they'll sing segments of the Bible.

And I think it was kind of improv. So the organ player would be up there playing a really, really really long chord and like like Duh and it's making more slow And boring no it's because how else you're gonna do this So then he's going to do and then another ladies could be like Like they just sing for fucking it was the whole story of Jesus being resurrected Who likes this stuff?

Fucking stupid who goes they're like this is cool this is nobody Everyone's just afraid of hell that's all it is Everyone's afraid of hell So the reason why else there's fucking God fearing like old people like can't we just have like Greek statues everywhere like that would be neat why can't turn Why can't church just be like I'm just saying why do we have depressing Jesus shit like why can't we

just have statues of Zeus and other gods and everywhere? If I went into fucking church I just want to go in a room where they give me like one of those like sausage rolls. So holy shit I don't want to look at a guy nailed to a fucking wall for two hours every morning You know this is the worst right you wake up on Christmas morning right you see those big fucking presents

And your mom's like we gotta go to church And you're sitting in church sweating. See, I've never had a bit. Thinking about opening those fucking, like, P-S2. The worst part is when you want to go somewhere, and it's just like you're sitting there knowing that this isn't going to be... You look at you... The worst part is when you look at the pamphlet, and there's like

40 million songs and passages you have to look through, and you're like, oh, we're almost done. And then you realize that it's an older version, so they like skipped a few, and then there's actually still 16 more things to sit through. Here's it sucked. I couldn't sleep in. For Sunday school, I didn't sleep in. I had to get a shirt and tie. Yeah, to tuck your shirt. You had to tuck your shirt. You had to go.

Sunday school. Yeah. Yeah, and then I had to go sit in this room with a bunch of other drooling retards. It's horrible. Oh, my God. Yeah, this one woman, she sent her kid there every Sunday, and the kid was literally retarded, and I'd shoot spitballs out of him. Sure. He doesn't know. You're literally going there to become a better person, but you're, like, bullying a retard.

It's not become a better person. It was bullshit, because my mom and dad wouldn't go to the church service. They just dropped me off and go home. Why am I even here? Who talked you into doing this? Why am I here? So they were, like, tuck. your shirt in, get ready for school,

and they just fucking come back later, and they're like, I don't know what the, I want to ask him about them. Like, my dad was a, kind of went to Catholic school, and he was, I'm left-handed. My dad was left-handed. They kept hitting his hand with a ruler until he was right-handed. Yeah. Really? Wait, really, until he was right-handed.

Until he started using his right-hand. That is, now he still uses his right hand. That is an extremely good description. That's what they used to do. Yeah, my mom and dad got the absolute hand slept off from what rulers in school. For not fucking being able to write with their left hand? There's something weird about in the religious circles where they feel left-handers are evil. Left-handed people are wrong.

You have to use your right hand. So they just slap a ruler, even though he has to somehow learn the right-hand. They beat your hand. They beat your hand until you started writing with your right hand. What if you wrote shitty? Do they slap your hand for having bad hand writing? No, then they just say practice more. Nobody fucking wins. I don't know.

It's like cruel and unusual punishment for something you can't help. It's disturbing. And I, yeah. That's like smacking someone in the face with like little ticks of Tourettes. Like someone who has to like tick their head. You're like fucking hit him with a newspaper. They're like, stop. I wouldn't care.

Nonsense. That's like removing a woman's ovaries because you don't know how babies were. You're like, she has a Satan in them. What is this? A guys don't have this. Get rid of it. And then fucking cutting them open and getting rid of it. I don't know how anybody likes this stuff.

I don't know how anybody stands it. How they get up in the morning? I can't wait. Do I know something funny that I was talking to my mom recently? I hope my mom never listened to this stuff because I'll feel bad. I was talking to her about the elections and stuff. But then I brought up something. I was talking about ISIS.

And she said, did you know that ISIS is just nothing but special effects? She said those words? This is exactly what she said. She's right. She's like, all to beheading. This is all manufactured by the government. And she knows this. And I was like, what?

And then my brother, my brother who's in a, like, he knows the army and he knows, like, the games of, like, he plays, like, all of duty and he loves guns and, like, army and war. Therefore. And when she told him that, he was, like, that is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. And, like, he usually, like, trust her. But he's just like, he's just like, there's no way that. that's true. There's no way that's true. It's proven that they're actual people. Like, they're people. But she's like,

even if it's not true, I believe it's real. Is your mom voting Trump? I was just wondering. No, she's like, my mom's like, all of them are the fucking Satan reincarnated and Jesus is the real president. Jeff, do you want to talk about a story that happened one week? It was just like, it was just nonsense.

Sure. Three days in a row, it just kept happening where we went to order food or the curse of like Outback Steak house. I don't know how interesting would be, but I think I went, It's pretty funny. I went to Outback. It's pretty fucking funny. Basically, Outback Steakhouse is, you know, a nice place.

Yeah. And dinner time when we go, everything, you know, it's busy as hell, but, you know, everybody gets their orders, right? The food's fine. But something weird goes on where they decided they're going to open for lunch. And the lunch crew in there is very inept or something. There's, like, no one in there. And it's like, it takes longer than dinner.

It's empty and they get our orders wrong every single time. My order especially, but everything, everything. thing I order is wrong or backwards or upside down. I don't know. I don't know how interesting this is going to be. No, it's funny because there's this one specific time where Jeff ordered a steak and you ordered, um, what was it? I ordered a New York strip steak.

A New York strip steak and I ordered a medium, New York strip steak. You ordered a medium rare prime rib. Not prime rib, but ribai. Ribai, yeah. And then they brought them out and I and you know, everybody fucking knows the strip steak is like a thin steak. Yeah. And the ribide is like a thick steak. Yeah. I got a thick, medium rare steak.

You got a thin medium steak. She fucking comes out on a plate and she's like one rib eye and it's like a tiny steak. At the time I'm just like, my brain is focused on. I want this steak so fucking bad. So I'm just like cutting it. And then I'm looking at it and Jeff's just like, and I'm like what? And then you're like, that's not a rib eye. And then your steak comes out almost instantly.

And she's like in one New York strip. And then you puts it down and you're just like, then you cut it up and you're like, that's medium rare. And what's fucked up is we told them. We're like, this is wrong. The steak is wrong. And she's like, no, no, that's... See, I'm not one to complain usually, but... Yeah.

They said, no. I've ordered so many... I've ordered so many stakes in my life. I know what a fucking New York Street looks like. I know what a rabo looks like. And these two, this waitress... Three, it was three of them. Yeah, it was two...

It was like a waitress manager and, like, the main manager. And they're all... Well, the one, the men, the one manager didn't know what was going on. She wasn't claiming anything. No, no. And the head manager were adamant. They were adamant. They were adamant.

That's like, no. That's a New York Street. And that is a ribon. I'm like, you're wrong. The steakhouse is like that is a tiny little steak. Like, no, that's a rib eye. That's a ribby. But what's funny is, even if that was the case, they left a crucial mistake in the fucking investigation that could have gone through.

The fucking steak, your steak was medium rare and mine was fucking, like, medium. So not only did they give me your steak cooked medium how you asked, but they also gave you my steak cooked worse than medium wear. It's like fucking rare. They charge us like $30 million in the show. I said, I said, I'm purchasing all this. and you got like a fucking tea and a steak and you end up paying like $40. It's like, oh, sorry, we got the cards confused.

He ended up charging us both double or something and then forgot my, ah, man, I don't know how, I don't know what's going on there. We've had experience. Talk about, like, remember we went to fucking IHop? All those experiences at IHawk? Like, there was a lot. Yeah, there was a lot. Like, IHop always fucks up and some fucked up.

Do you know what they do too, though? The segregation. They segregate. Yeah, I already talked about that. Oh, did we? Yeah. White and black people before? But one time, me and Stamper and my friend Jack went to

we were at Magfest. Oh, and Patty was there too. But we went to this restaurant called like 007 or whatever. I don't know what it's called. But anyways, it was the most fancy-ass expensive place, right? We couldn't find anywhere to eat because it was like a busy Magfest. And we were like,

you know what? We're all like on holiday kind of. Let's kind of go spend big and get a really fucking good lobster meal, right? So we went in there. I ordered something simple lasagna, right? I paid $60 for it. Wait, so it better be fucking brilliant, right? So they brought out.

the meals, my lasagna was extremely cold, like, like ice cold. And I was like, uh, excuse me. And he was like, this is really cold. He's like, I'll go heat it up for you. And he walked away with a big sour puss on him, right? And then he brought it back out. And then I put my fork in. I took a bite. I'm like, still fucking cold. And I was like, excuse me, uh, this is still cold. He's like, he's picked it up really violently, walked off, right? Then he brought it back. Now it was burnt to a crisp, right? I was like, are you not like this time he got back? And I saw it. instantly I was like are you fucking kidding me out loud and Stamper's like come on dude and Jack was just like Yeah he was like laughing because it was so ridiculous right? I was just eating like dude mine's okay

But wait wait but anyways then the guy's like and he walks away with it right he brings back a new one and he brought back a plate full of baby cookies and shots of like green like alcohol shit and Stanford's like what is this poison Wait wait along with your meal yeah he's like I'm very sorry here's a free drinks and cookies like courtesy of the restaurant and Stan was like what is this poison We were like Yeah we like pointed in a laugh And then I ate it and it was like lukewarm

I am not going to eat with you guys Anyway dude I So you have the worst trouble with fucking Cizania and Italian food at places Where you expect to get Italian food Yeah like my fucking pizza The taste of like your baby sick and fucking Carribee

Yeah Olive Garden That's why I've never eaten their sense Olive Garden Yeah everyone says Olive Garden is shit And I went there because I always wanted to go there. The breadsticks are good. Lazzania, there's something about lasagna where it's just like a fucking, it's always cold.

Like it never gets warm. Like, even if it's like you eat it, the only time it's delicious is when like your parents make it and it's like, it's perfectly cooked. It's like ready at the time. You're just like, this is the best fucking lasagna ever had. But I never want to reheat lasagna ever because I can never get it cooked. If you even a group, they'll like leave meals to the side for minutes until the next meal for the person your group is done. So they'll bring it all out together. So you're like, oh, we're all getting your meal together.

This is fair. but yours is now cold because they left it to the side for so long. I know Zanasi should be put in just like a heating bat. What time is it say on there? It was like 1.30, I'd say around. We could just name this episode First World Problems. That's what it is. That's what it's called First World Problems.

We're just a bunch of sissy baby pussy idiots. We talked about, yeah, our St. Patty's epidemic episode was about church and toys. We brought up St. Paddy's about 50 times that we barely got into it. We barely talked about it. You know, okay. It's just a made apollin. Let's end up with this, okay? St. Patrick's Day.

is a fucking shitty day. Is it like the shitty day where if you don't wear green you get pinched like super same Paddy's day in Ireland? No, it's not America celebrates a way harder. It's America's fucking excuse to be like oh we're not the iris But they all get drunk screaming each other pour beer on each other and act like food In Ireland they do that every day anyway look I don't want to be a party pooper but I think you should all be fucking ashamed of yourself Well actually the whole concept of St. Patrick's Day is that St. Patrick got rid of the snakes in Ireland which is bullshit anyway so the whole The worst leaving a snake in the first place! Anyway, this has been Sleepycast. Take it away, St. Patrick.

Thank you. Okay, all you snakes go away. You are all grounded. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Goodbye.