SleepyCabin - SleepyCast S2:E17 - [Down The Easter Rabbit Hole]

Episode Date: April 8, 2016

SleepyCabin celebrates Easter by recounting the many splendid tales of mystery that surround this magical holiday, the true story of local authorities running a rape kit on a murdered dog, and the difference between legos and roblox. Amen. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your hosts for the evening: JohnnyUtah (www.johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) Oney (www.youtube.com/user/OneyNG) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/user/Spazkidin3D) Ricepirate (www.youtube.com/user/ricepiratenewgrounds) Podcast editing by: Niall - Initial edit Tom Ryan - Main Edit Ricepirate - Final Pass Music by Kevin Macleod https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/ Special thanks to BullsOfBashan for help with Jeff's ad audio https://twitter.com/BullsOfBashan +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Shane Danells . Ryan Pagonis . Creeps McPasta Jace Baker . Denis DeLong . Liam Staley Sonny Canchola . Susparty . Paul Raymond Lucas Boucher . ubernoobinator . Matt Gronhovd Rodolfo Davis Millet . Corbin Record . Andrew Dore Elecktricd00m . Sparky . Dani Rucker Dazzanator . Conner St. John . Phillip Tafoya Yuval Birenzweig . Dan Jakab . Chaney Rockwell Chris Moore . Shane Liesse . Blake Bevill Bill Zhuang And to ALL our lovely patrons

There is a world as tangible as our own. Impossible to see yet. Unavoidable to sense. A world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin. And in that cabin. It's a bunch of guys.

He's a bunch bullshitter. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the podcast. What's it called? Hi, welcome to Sleepy Cast. There we go. There we go. Hi Mick, I'm Jeff. Chris and Corey want you to say something. Go.

Jesus. Perfect. Here today on one of the holiest days, Easter Sunday. Me and Corey love Easter. Corey, you love Easter. Zombie Jesus, drop kick to Boulder and then vanish into the words like Slender Man. I hate Easter. Me and Corey were going to tell the story of why Easter came to be. First of all, isn't Easter in April?

I always thought Easter was April. Easter is a heathen holiday. Oh, it's not. Havens? Pavings? Pathens? Pathens? It's one of those words. Divans. People who worship a false deity. God?

Corey! No. You're looting everything. Corey! These two don't know the story. Pagan! Easter! Pagan! Easter is a pagan holiday outside of anything that people know about Jim Jesus Christ.

Me and you are our official Christian joins. Jim Jesus Christ. Me and Corey are official Christian children. It's true. We know the story. I know. People get really upset when we talk about when we fuck it up. So I'm not going to You know what? Religious is so dumb, guys.

I'm not saying that. Chris, as a Catholic, did you guys in Ireland ever celebrate Easter? Yes. You guys celebrate a once a place? We woke up and we found all the eggs lined under rocks and the guards. The only thing I think it's dumb is I think... Did they evolve? No.

I think it's dumb that it's treated like a Christmas holiday. Like, people don't work on Easter. It's just... It's always a Sunday. It's national state. It's not. Yeah, but even... Sundays are generally like that day where it's like, oh, it's Sunday. But you can still go places.

It feels like Easter. It's even worse. I think is shut down. Like a more place. That's one thing I hate about America is it's full of bullshit holidays like every second week that close every store. Yes, exactly.

And every time I go to the bank it just happens to always be on one of those stupid I said this before. What is the dumbest one to you guys? Martin Luther King is fine, right? That's fine. Easter. But there's like, there's one of them

that's just about employees or something. Is that Labor Day? Yes. Labor Day. That's stupid fucking shit. Sicker Day. What about Martin Luther King month? Martin Luther King was a great man

but I don't want to get an Uber to the bank just to have Martin Luther King slap me in the face and send me home. Well, it's Martin Luther King Day. Shit, I can't remember the name. Independence Day. Independence Day is very important.

Shit, no, that's not the day. What's the troop day again? Veterans Day. Veterans Day. Why can't we just like celebrate these days but also work? Oh, you mean, why doesn't everybody else work? I mean, there's just like,

oh, thank God for the, they're not thinking about veterans. That is the worst thing about holidays because holidays are the days you'd imagine where you'd want stores to be open so you can go do stuff. That's what I mean.

Because, yeah, because you're not working, so it'd be great if the liquor store was open the fucking restaurants. Their bars are closed, dude. We tried to go into Blue Comet

like two hours ago when it was closed. Like if every store is closed and you open your liquor bar nobody's going to come in because nobody's going to even be out except for one guy called Corey. There would be crazy people coming in

with their fucking rabbit hoodies and dressed up and all this like bright colors being like give me a shnops. People who drink too much they just want to drink alone sad and like they want to sit at home and drink. I'm just saying,

I'm just speaking reality here. They just want to drink in the room and pass out editing podcast. Oh. Look. Yeah, that was embarrassing. That was... I think the problem was we drank too fast. If people don't know what we're talking about, we do a final pass of the podcast,

and we had Corey come over. Normally I do it, but Corey came over, and we thought it would be a good idea to, you know, kick back, listen to the podcast, make some final edits, have a few drinks during the process. Let's break that logic down. You thought it was a good idea to have a few drinks while doing something that had to be productive.

Yes. I thought that was a good idea. Yes. Despite all the evidence. It's lighten the mood. Never ended well, ever. Look, it boiled down to, it started off great. I thought it was really fun.

It was very unproductive, though, because it took forever to make an edit. It was already edited. Yeah, we kept editing. We kept answering questions, and it was really well edited, so there wasn't a whole lot of, like, stop and go.

We just listened and laugh. Mick was coming in and editing, he's like, no, just delete it. But then I asked Corey to make drinks for me, and I just kept drinking them. It's a terrible situation where all you have to do is turn your head to the side and say, hey, can I have another one?

And all of a sudden, it just magically appear. Because you're not pouring it yourself going, oh my God, look at the bottle, it's almost done. Somebody else is pouring you the drinks, you know what I mean? You know, apology is an order for me. Because at the beginning of the stream, I said, you know, these guys are probably going to... Once you start drinking, I'm like, they're not going to be done for like 14 hours. And it actually took probably like 16 hours.

Yes. So you were wrong. I was wrong. I was dead wrong. This is funny too because when you were editing it, there was this part where I was drunk out of my fucking mind. I saw the footage. I saw the footage. I can never go back.

And I was like, I was like pushing my face and like doing weird mass things in my face. And I went over to you and I'm like, how tipsy are you? And you're like, I'm there. And then I got cut off. Oh. You hit a button. So essentially, yeah. So essentially the, for some reason, the actual stream just stopped.

Yeah. And when I woke up the next day, my computer was turned off too. I don't know how that happened. But you were still editing that day. That's the mystery. Nobody knows what happened. I know the truth. What happened?

Because I don't. You were editing. I literally blacked out during our stream. You were editing. And around that time, I'm like, I was too drunk. And I'm like, I can't, there's no more liquor. So I'm like, I'm kind of done now. You were taking a break.

You're like, I'm gonna go take a piss break. And you left and you went back to the stream. Yeah. And you flipped the audio back like you usually do. Yeah. And you played it like you were streaming, but you weren't streaming. I thought you were still streaming. Yeah.

The people were still talking. So I left and I went downstairs. And I sat down with Stamper and we watched Pee-Wey Herman. And then he worked-you-fucking guys do. He'd watch Pee-Wewee. And then he ordered pizza, just an insane amount of pizza. And then I had it, went back upstairs. and you were rolling around on your bed, going like, ayah, ayah.

And then I'm like, Mick, are you still recording? And you were just like, yeah, I'm still recording. And I went over, and I was like doing this, and there was still typing. So I was like, hey, everybody, I think Mick's done. So I stream over. And then I left and went back downstairs. But it had already been off. The stream was already off for like, ever.

See, I thought you guys, I thought that was a really clever point to end it in mid-sentence like that. But I guess, again, I can't give you too much credit. And then you passed out. When I went back downstairs, I passed out. And I woke up at 3 a.m. I got some water. I went back upstairs. You were completely fucking out.

I know I have a reputation for drinking too much and doing stupid shit. And it's not a reputation that I'm proud of. But you were awake for two more hours. But I wasn't conscious. Like, I don't remember any of that. You were just, you're rolling around in bed. I don't remember the end of the podcast editing stream. But that, that to me is just, it's not the legacy I want to leave behind.

Well, next time we'll just drink coffee. Next time we'll just drink coffee. What is your addiction? Yeah, what's your addiction, Chris? junk food like like I can like I'm really happy like I drink alcohol like I hate this yeah because I don't wake up the next day going I need more my addiction is anger you're just you like you like you subject yourself to things that make you angry on purpose no no no jack is just like an angry guy just can't help definitely I can't help you're like I can't

help being mad at everything go oh it's like when Superman flies up to like you're powered by the sun yeah watch something makes me angry I feel like I can get through the day now Jeff have you ever headbutted somebody never have you ever wanted to like have you ever resisted the urge to just thrust your head forward? Usually when I'll do something, there's like there's no, there's no like stop gap in between it. It's all like all or nothing.

Either I'll just be like, oh, that person's cool or I just want them in a river dead or something. There's no in between. No. So that's the story behind the untow story. Yeah, yeah. The secret in the lost hours. I rewatched it. People were saying we were I was like, me and you were just like plastered.

We were drunk, but we were still coherent enough to sit there and be able to press books. I heard the opposite. Some people were like, were you drunk? If anybody had to ask, they're clearly not familiar with what people look like drunk. No. When you're drunk, you're like falling over, destroying shit. I thought you were playing up a little bit. So, it's Easter. We got off topic before.

I wanted to talk about Easter because I feel like I just kind of like, fuck Easter. But it's like, you know, Easter has its place in everybody's hearts for whatever it's meaning it's Jesus rose from the cave. Or they're just like hunting eggs. Is that what happened? Did he push the bowler and then just fly up into heaven? The boulder slid forward a teeny bit and Jesus squeezed it. out of it like a balloon and flew away into the wind. So his body was gone.

And that's why everybody closes their store because Jesus went to heaven that day. Why did it? Because if they keep the door open, it will slide right into their store. It was like, Jesus got like the shit kicked out of him, right? And then they put him in a cave and they pushed a rock at front of him, they said, stay in there! But, okay, so it's like... They put snakes around it too, so you got scared.

Yeah, it was slithering, sliming serpents. There's some fucking Roman guy who was like, you know, sitting there looking at the boulder, like, I called you guys, should have done a bigger boulder. Jesus used the power of gosh. power of gosh to help him push the boulder with an extreme came out of the cister if you guys could save all humanity by being now due across and being tortured to death would you no all of humanity you'll be saved the whole planet

the whole plan no because it's bullshit yeah well no but it wasn't bullshit no but it is bullshit because you're like dad if you uh if you save all humanity and torture me uh why don't you just not torture me but also save all you man right why do i have to because you have to show a lesson you have to there's no lesson the point of jesus was to show that he had like you know like he sacrificed his own son, so he gave his own birth for the human race. And then Jesus is like, yeah, but Dad, couldn't you just like project the imagery of me getting my ass kicked into their brains? Dad, he's your old Windows 98 projector.

See, this is... I feel like he gets off easy because the way he died is horrible and all. It was pretty... But people die worse every single day. Nowadays, he would lit on fire while they're still alive. They burn to death. Or yeah, they make you swallow acid. It's a little worse.

Somebody should be like, you know, Jesus, you know... What do you think a five out of ten on the horrible scale. Yeah, let's see. I give him an aide. Oh yeah, because he had to drag that motherfucking thing for... He got his skin ripped from his... Do you not see Mel Brooks movie? No.

Yeah, see... Mel Brooks. Mel Brooks. No, Mel Brooks. What about those people... Jesus, musical? What about those people that are like, literally like, like, tied to wheels and have their limbs smashed in with hammers and stuck out for the crows to pick them with that. See, that's what I think.

I think Jesus nailed a little wheel to the back of the cross so he dragged it easier. He was a carpenter after all. I think they nailed a wheel to each side of the teeth. Yes. Right. Yeah. Then they nailed Jesus down. He was like face flat on it. Yeah They made him walk to the top because they're not gonna walk him to the top was he like axel from twist the metal too? Yeah

He like lay flat down on the cross and he like rode down the mountain at high speed and he raced those other two guys Cross racing. Yeah, so with the guys who wins gets put in a cave So this is why how it works back then you're like I want to go play the cross racing and they're like yeah well first need to put on a little show We're gonna like whip you around for a bit and they're like okay you know what so disrespectful Heathland I'm never even seen Jesus. This is a heaths. This is a five guys, sorry.

This is why in Ireland, the crosses, the crucifixes they have in the church, has Jesus nailed to the cross with the two wheels on both sides. Everyone has them nailed facing outwards. That's bullshit. He used to have us had what... I heard that people were actually crucified the opposite way. Like, the one that's represented as hell was the original way everyone was...

What, upside down? Yeah, like, the actual way of doing it was... You were put where the tall part was up first. It was actually like the hell one. You were put like that. Oh, upside down? So most of the time they just turned you up down so you die faster.

You catch on fire. How do you... You catch on fire. Your face is your hair. Like your long flowing greasy hair. When they put the fire in you, your head burns first. Yeah, you catch fire faster. Yeah, it makes sense.

I'm going with Corey's words. This is why I don't sleep upside down because I don't want to fucking get caught of fire. That's what happens. Don't hang from your roof. I don't think he was a witch, Corey. I don't think they... Maybe they did set people on fire.

I don't know. No, for him, he was a special case. Is that in the movie? Being hung like that. That is like, that's like the worst, the worst. So, he died on the cross. How long did they leave him there? 14, 13 days, something like that.

A bunch of days, he rodded away. A week. That's what we call it a week. See, this is my problem. This is my problem with it. They put him in a cave, right? They could check back a week later. He's like, he's no longer here.

But the problem is, they didn't have proper technology to, like calibrate, how long he's actually been in the cave for. He could have been on the cave on fucking Friday or Saturday. They also had the sun. That could have helped. The Romans had no forensic science lab. That's true. That's true.

I don't understand as we celebrate Easter as him rising up, but there's no evidence but these guys going up to check up on him be like, oh, he's no longer here. Nobody stayed there. So it's like, God was checking out every day. He was like getting a stick from heaven and poking his stuff. A lot of people out there believe Jesus wasn't real. They believe it's just a story. A story? Yeah.

There are people that steal bodies for science. So maybe there was a grave robber that stole Jesus's body. For science. Not necessarily. Maybe there are other reasons to steal bodies. I think. Jesus. People follow Jesus and they were like, don't burn him.

somebody took us by. Yeah, somebody could have been hiding behind the mountain, came up, got him. That seems so much more likely. If you put a dummy, Jesus there. You could actually just waken up new ideas. If you've got hundreds of followers, why wouldn't they move the boulder? Exactly. A hundred people could move a boulder. They were all hiding behind the mountain. They were watching Jesus come up and they were hiding behind the rocks, all hundreds of them waiting for them to go. They left the Benny Hill theme playing while they ran. And you hear like the xylophone when they're tiptoeing? Like, absolved it, right? Okay, so Mick, as you always say, all those fucking brownos look the same, right?

Uh-oh. Anyway. I'm sorry. That's hyphen, Chris O'Neill every day. No, no, no. Where I'm going with this is one Brano goes in the cave. Crispy Brano. They lock him in the cave.

They pushed a boulder in front of the cave. They locked the boulder in it all right. They locked the boulder with the key. So what I'm thinking is maybe the guy who had the key was like, maybe I could be famous, right? So he unlocks it and he looks around with his shifty eyes, right? And he goes in and he takes off. The old Jesus clothes puts it on him.

The same looking man comes out. I'm a resurrected man. was like, it's Jesus, he's back. Nobody bothered to even look in the cave to find the... Yeah, the other guy's still running in there. With, like, rats on his eyes. No, Jesus was gone. Cory, no, it's what I'm saying?

It's a false. There wasn't a soul in the cave. What was it like, you think he was really handsome? Jesus, no. He was handsome. Everyone always draws him like a beautiful, like, a white dude, but he was definitely just, like, a normal lucky. A briny.

A crispy brownie. No. Brano. A browno. I never even heard that word. I was like, Browno. This is gonna be the new bad word that we invented, and it's gonna lead back to us,

and we're gonna get in such shit. Brados, you would go up, you're like, hello, by fellow brunos. The African-Americans are listen to this podcast, you're all pretty cool. I don't know why Chris is so insensitive. Mick!

It was Mick. It was all Mick. And Mick. Corey and I are totally. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane.

If I ever say anything racist, it's because I'm humbly ignorant. You're ignorant. You're humble about it, though. Humbly ignorant. Look, can we all just take a moment here and say that we were all disgusting, fucking pasty white trash.

So anyways, they steal Jesus' body, these fucking people pick him up like a rock concert, they take him down, eat one by one, they bring him down like a snake down the mountain. They drop him into the Red River, they replace it with a dummy, and they have a string connected to a giant pole in the sky that they trail the dummy up so it makes it look like he's flying. That's where Easter came from. What do they make the pool out of? Bamboo. Yes, it's bamboo.

Corey, they put his whole hand on the edge of the bamboo and then they blew through the bamboo and he shut up into the sky. Straw dummy flag to the air. You're replaced it with a straw dummy. I didn't do it. So I don't really know who we're going with this, but everybody wrote it down on the big plague and that's why we have Easter. My mom's gonna be so mad. Why, Chris, we're just rewriting history. You're maddened scholars found this instead of the blanket.

3,000 years from now, they just find this one piece all right. The Sleepy Cabin Bible. They found this The most respected source in all of Oxford. My God. Quoted Corey. Hey.

That was a terrifying thought of it. They actually found all the podcasts, all those CBO and podcast, and that was like their archive. What a nightmare world. World ends, but our podcast survives. What do you think they'd make of certain, like, Hitler?

What do you think they'd say about Hitler if they only listen to what we've said about him? They would think of Hitler as, like, a celebrity. Yeah, I think they'd think. think of him as a celebrity. Kind of how we saw like Johnny Deppins. Not like a good guy. Like clearly a bad guy.

Yeah, kind of like an anti-hero-esque character. I never said any good shit about him. I never said anything good by him. Let's just put that on the table. I'm just saying the way we joke about him. You wouldn't really have a clear picture of what he was. Right. Yeah, I don't think any of us have ever been pro.

I think if anything, it was just a matter of not painting him as the monster. Do we have to pull the fourth wall away? Do we have to pull the fourth wall away? I'm not, you know what? To pull a fourth wall away, we're not pro Hitler. Pro Hitler. Look, we're not racist either. I'm sorry about that old Brownoff. I used to be... I was funny to paint Mick is a racist, okay? That's the joke. You can't go back. Nick said this in the quiet of his room.

He thought nobody was listening. I whispered it in the darkness in my room, just... Branoz! Brown nose! Fucking Hitler was a huge loser, the most successful one of all times. Pretty much just was a fucking loser and he just got motivated because of it. I still never understand how the picture-perfect Aryan Nazi was this blonde haired, blue-eyed giant when you had Hitler at the front of the band. I don't get it, yeah. Because he clearly was the opposite of that.

Maybe he was gay. Maybe that's the kind of person he liked. Hitler had one testicle. Did he? And he had extreme flatulence all the time. No, this is not a joke. I bet. Not a joke.

All that shot with. I swear. Where did you read this? I heard it. In the same book as your 30,000 foot rhinosaurus. He had irritable bowel syndrome. I'm not kidding. And then no, this is not in the same dinosaur website.

This is not on a fucking-thousand-foot dinosaur. 30K dinosaur. And the 50-foot wide crab. I never said that there is 10 feet crap and I don't know 5 feet and that is true I saw a fucking crap that could have killed me Chris in Irish waters do you know that there's seals and waxford that come out on the road and they beg for fish that's believable it's true when you send me a Photoshop of a crab that's bigger than like five not a Photoshop that is a photo that crap is like 20 feet it's it's a it's not even a king

crab it's one of the regular crabs Japanese spider crab you're you're Japanese spider crab this is the crabs that they ride around on the back It's like school buses for kids. If I saw like a guy like actually legit trying to like, you know, fuck a Japanese spider crab. That would be legit the most disturbing thing ever. Probably. Is that even a real thing? Japanese spider crabs are like 10 feet long. Where would you fuck it though?

When you definitely like... In the mouth. A little like... Yeah. Mouth. Just as long as you remember their legs are long and they're... They wrap around you and like bring you closer. Speaking of fucking crabs.

They don't attack people, Chris. They don't attack people. What I'm saying is if you're fucking it, it will like enjoy it and bring you closer to it. How real, like, a recent. Recently, Chris made me watch a movie called Angela's I Ashes. I love that movie. It's a good movie. It's got a lot of butts, and it's about being Catholic and being an irony.

The only butts I remember are baby butts and man butts. Lots of baby butts, lots of man butts. But one of the things that I remembered was the boys, the young boys, behind the wall, jerking their chains. Jerking off the sheep. Like, they weren't like fucking sheep, but they literally were just looking at a herd of sheep. That scene is weird. Jerking off. I think the message they were trying to convey was that.

And there were four of them altogether. along a wall. They're probably looking at their private parts. What is everybody's favorite religious movie? Angela's Ashes. Angel's Ashes. It was not a religious movie, but it has a lot of religion. I love that movie.

It's one of my favorite movies ever. I think it's one of the most rewatchable movies ever. There's lots of tidbits everywhere. Watch it again and you'll see new stuff, I swear to God. I bet. I still am curious, though, is that a national pastime in Ireland? Is that like a sign of adolescence? Like, you're becoming a man?

There was a guy in my school, and I'm not going to name him, but everyone said that he, like, fuck the sheep. Yeah. And then, like, one day, everyone was like, ah, sure, he fucked the sheep, right? And he looked around, like, everyone found out, and he got really fucking mad, and he, like, ran out of the room. And everybody was like, ah!

Oh, God. God. Yeah. But, um... New Zealand, they're the ones who actually fuck the sheep, right? People say New Zealanders fuck sheep, but that is a stereotype, my friend. Right, but stereotypes do come from somebody. Somebody in New Zealand fucked a sheep.

You think, look, every animal in the world has been fucked the back. More than ten people in New Zealand have fucked a sheep. Probably 100. Maybe a thousand over all the years of mankind. There's been more people that fuck out of them. Everyone in New Zealand fucks a shit. Let's just do the math. Today?

Somebody, somebody fucked and killed a pit bull. What? And then it killed it and hung it from a tree. What? Yeah. How the fuck did anyone know that they fucked it? I guess they ran their rape kit on the pit bull. What that?

I don't know. At what point would you ever be like, hey, look at that dead dog in a tree. Hey, I know. You don't run the rape kit on that thing. I don't get how you get that desperate. I don't understand how they call the FBI. Because they were like, we have a real problem on our hands here. I don't understand how people want to get fucked by horses.

Horses kill people. Yeah, like these, and it's like you see these people that try to get fucked by them. And like the horse's weight is, they're like, they have to wrap their body weight. Like, sometimes like they move. I've had to move a horse. Like when a horse dies, it's like, it might as well just be like a fucking car that just smells like shit. That you have to fucking move with a chain. Because it's like really heavy.

They're so fucking heavy. And like having to move one is just like thinking the idea of. that that can like straggle you and go on top of you and shove it its fucking elephant shrunk inside of you it's like you want that I heard some people don't even die from that they actually die from the ejaculation because there's so much of it it like explodes their insides yeah there's a lot to it there's an infamous video mr. hands mr. hands yeah what the fuck yeah that's like dude getting fucked in the ass and absolutely it's going in like a few inches and all of a sudden it like slips it goes like all the in and you're like oh my god

his insides were just destroyed there was he died and that's why I was fractured I think now Washington, Beastiality Laws were brought in because of him. Oh, it's horrific. Oh my God. In the video, he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's like, horrible. That's what I'm saying. What?

First of all, he filmed it? No, here's a problem. He had a dude filming for him. These people, these people... Is it a prank? No. This isn't like professionally done. Like, you see these people, I have seen Beastiality porn at some point.

These people, they're professionals. When the girls do it, they have people holding the fucking horses from behind while they're getting fucked. So, because they're trying to, like, keep them restrained so these people aren't getting fucked in any. getting fucked in like the meadow by themselves with no insides by a fucking reality news of Corey. Perfay again. But it's like, So there's...

Either way, they have friends and other people helping them while they're getting fucked by horses, dogs, all these things. Because animals... That's a real friend. Animals when they're fucking, they're mindless. They're just, they're... Fuck animals. They're like dolphins. If a dolphin fucks you to death, you're being fucked to death.

What are you going to be able to fight it? You're going to knock it away. It's going to come back for more. They don't know. Yeah, right, is if you're like fucking an actual hot girl, right? Now, imagine that she has shit lining her ass and you're looking at it, you're like, ugh. Like every single person would be like, that is disgusting. Not necessarily. Okay, there's a few people, right?

Yeah. I'm the vast minority, right? So if you see as like a sheep or a dog's ass lined with little shit specs, why would you not instantly just be like, that is fucking disgusting. Mine is the fact I'm fucking an animal. If you're a guy living on an island, hurting sheep or 20 years without when you're alone... Spitting your hand and fucking... I don't know.

They're probably used to it. Like, they're... in there and lugging their shit all day. It's at least, it's like their gift. They earned it. You know, there's that time in your life when you get so horny. I don't know if it's when you're a teenager or what, but when you get so horny, you basically black out. You basically

would do anything. Like some of the most depraved shit has gone through your head. I'm not saying for us to admit what those things are, but I'm sure in the deep, dark depths of your imagination, there was some point in your life when you were like horny and young and going through puberty or wherever the fuck it was, where you were thinking of

some really weird ass shit. Yes. How long to fuck seaweed, man. Well, if you were alone, like Jeff said, if you were alone with just a bunch of sheep for, you know, your whole life, and there's nobody around for miles. That's true.

If you weren't going to get caught, you could fuck as many sheep as you want. No one would know. Those sheep ain't talking about. They don't even care. I'll get you that ticket to New Zealand for your birthday. Thank you.

How many hints did I have to drop? Isn't today Easter? This is a new low for the podcast. You know what? This has actually been a really, like, horrifically, rancid podcast. I was going to bring up

how dolphins are horny, but I think we should just stop it right now. Yeah, let's talk about something nice. Corey, Easter eggs, aren't they yummy? Jeff, when you threw the duck into the water, did you see the duck come down and like try to fuck it and then like throwing away with it? We were on a new Easter egg topic. It was like, hey, it was like fucking like smashing the water in there and I tried to drag the fucking duck corpse. How dare you?

How dare you? I threw a duck corpse into a river. Dude, this huge duck and duck died. Let me just break this down. You ever just like, imagine? Imagine like a house or an office and a fucking, a big animal just dies next to it. And you're just like, you walk by it several days, you're just like, what do we do about this? Yeah. You just keep hoping it's not there. The next day, you're like, somebody's going to take care of it.

But it never goes anywhere. Yeah. So I tossed it like a football into the river. Did you swing it by its big duck hat? And it didn't, like, hit the water and bob up and down and float away. It just slammed into the riverbed and just sat there. It's true. But you didn't see what happened after.

No, I didn't fuck it, Corey. No, I'm not saying you did. You just missed the aftermath of these, like, like herds of ducks coming over and seeing it. Oh they like fuck dead bodies do they? Yeah, well it tried to it was like I know ducks are it was like hunking and fucking like going on it and then it flew away Because it could have fucking that was the wife duck probably was like George It just couldn't do anything so it flew away. There's something weird about dead animals that like I haven't dealt with like a deer or anything like that most of the dead animals I've dealt with have been fairly small, but I do feel like they get lighter like you'd think dead weight like I'm sure human body is very different horses are The only exception? They get lighter when they die?

I don't know what it is. Like, my dog passed away, and we had to put it down, and I had to carry it from my house to a car where they had a thing to take them away. But I do remember, like, I had to carry them all the time, and I don't know if it's because, like, their muscles are tensed up, so they're, like, kind of, like, flailing around or, like, whatever. But after we put him down, maybe it was in the moment.

I don't know. But he felt lighter. A soul is 10 pounds, man. Is it? Do people say stuff like that? They stayed through. Because I went hunting as well, and when we would shoot these, we were shooting peasants and stuff,

And I remember because they were also... You're a monster. You're a monster. No. Do you ever tell you the first time I went hunting? What's a pheasant? The pheasant, it's like a bird. It's a bird that you're hard.

It's like a peacock mixed with a fucking... Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's kind of like a peacock. It's like an ugly, shitty peacock. It is. It's a shittier wild peacock. And they like grade them to then be hunted, but they only have like a two year lifespan anyway. Anyways, so we went hunting.

It was the first time everyone went hunting. I shot my first fesson. It was lying on the ground, and what you're supposed to do is you grab it by its head and then you spin it around. Like one of those like New Year's crank things, you know what I mean? And you're supposed to break its neck that way. And then it flaps a few times more, and then it settles down.

And then you're supposed to put it in your jacket. When we're out there, it's cold. There's snow everywhere. My granny and granddad used to do that. Yeah, yeah. So we have these jackets and you actually stuff your birds in your jacket while you're going. So I kill this bird, break its neck, put it on my jacket, you know, whatever. And we kept hunting, and then finally we came up to another bird.

Dogs were ready to flush it out. And all of a sudden, this bird just starts flapping again, like, while it was in my fucking sleep. And this is like three or four minutes after it was clearly dead from before. And I'm sitting there trying to aim because we're waiting for the second pheasant to fly up from, because they were like these corn rows. You're waiting for this bird and this thing in my fucking sleeve just keeps flapping around. So I'm sitting there with my elbow just trying to like jabbing. Stopping. Stop.

And it just kept freaking out. I have not cut out for fucking dead animals on a hunting. I don't like hunting. It would make me feel bad person. I would never shoot a deer with a gun. What about a bow? With a bow, I would, yes. Really? Yes.

Does that work? No, because I would already feel bad. Look, if I could, I'd actually like to kill it with a dagger. What the fuck? I wouldn't shoot with a bow because if you don't hit its vital organs, it just runs for miles. That's right. And then it like bleeds and... And then it dies and you don't find it.

Yeah, it's true. That's the ultimate. I would just feel, I guess you could say, like, with a gun, if you got it in the right spot, you're going to kill it quicker. You get one of those... But I feel like guns are just so unfair nature to begin with. I kind of like, I had a compound bow as a kid. Yeah. You're kind of fun to use.

Shooting bows is fun. Just not into deer? Yeah. Yeah. I would feel bad. I couldn't even hit a fucking deer if I wanted to, but I'm just saying. Oh, I never have. I've never had to stare into their big doughy eyes and make that decision.

They're a challenge to use, man, because it's not like a gun where there's one site you look through. You have to set pins on the thing for various distances and to judge the distance. But even then you have to judge the distance with your eyes, sort of. Jeff, you're a man of many talents. Stay there with your compound bow. How many hundreds of you pointed that bow at somebody you didn't like while they didn't know? I shot a lot of haybells. pay boughs make, but not the no humans.

What's a compound bow? Is that like a one where you unfold it? Like it's like a thing that's like... It's a composite or compound? It's called a compound bow. Basically it means there's a pulley system on it where when you pull this... Normally with the typical bow you pull the string back and it gets harder and harder and all the way back it's... You're holding it the hard as you can.

Yeah. With a compound bow with the way the pulleys work, it's hard to pull it first but then it gets easier at the very end of the pull. Which makes holding it like... Yeah, holding it easier. I had that one. I actually had a bow. It was black and it had like pink neon because this was... or, you know, the time of everything was, like, neon.

And it was, like, black neon with, like, I had, like, green arrows. And I had, like, my own little, like, thing. You have, like, your target thing you practice on. Yeah. And I didn't have, like, a good one. So it wasn't, it wasn't tough enough to hit any, pierce any skin. So I was always worried, though, that I would end up hitting somebody, so I stopped using it.

Because when you live on, like, an area and you're, like, an area with, like, people, you don't want to end up hitting somebody with a fucking arrow. That's the thing that always weird to me out about, like, guns just in general when you shoot a gun. Because apparently it goes, like, a very long distance very quickly. So I'm always thinking, like, if you shoot a gun, like, for all you know, like, 100 yards away, right? Like, somebody else. That's happened in my area.

There's houses around where I used to grow up. They get hit by straight bullets. Yeah. Hunters are idiots. Even if you're wearing bright clothes, they'll still shoot. But I'm saying, like, through the trees. And then, you know, for all you know, there's somebody on the other side. On our property, at my dad's place, there was always people hunting.

Because we had a wood area, and, you know, there's hunting season. And if you go hunting beyond hunting season, you can get, like, fine. People still did it. It doesn't matter. But there were like times where people would like be coming and walking around with rifles right outside our area Like hunting animals and stuff there Happens in Ireland a lot too My dad would be getting shot during no, just people like always walk on the fields like just with guns like

My dad would chase him down though He would like jump over the fence and chase them down and he'd like what are you doing? What are you doing over here? They like run off because they're not supposed to be this Fucking idiot there's signs everywhere saying don't hunt here. Yeah Hunter's allowed exactly ignore them This is just stupid because I can't read If I was to like a deer or something like that either with like a knife or Only because, look, I'd want to make it as even- Stephen as possible.

I mean, they've got hooves, so technically they could- What about antlers? Would you fight a deal with antlers? Just with a pair of antlers. Just with a pair of antlers. It's only fair. It would be only fair. I would want to rest.

I mean, I've had lots of dreams where I'm like chasing a deer down. And I can, and I feel everything. Are you so sad? I dive through the air and I actually land on top of it and I wrap my arms around its neck. And it's still moving really fast. So it keeps moving and I literally have to throw my way to the side just to throw it off balance and then we both hit the ground slide for a while at that point it's riddling around but I'm holding on with deer life and I just bite into its neck you're like the opposite of Bambi yeah if you killed you really hate deer no I don't hate deer at all if you killed the deer you could earn its mate

it's yours your prize I get up with the blood pouring from my mouth she lifts her tail ready yeah she sees the damage yeah she sees her dead partner yeah see it's a up to his wife Beastiality is a trophy thing. See, that's why people get... It's a trophy thing. The only way I hunt something is if it was in the usance. Like, um... You ever see that video where just like baboons living in some village? Yeah. And it's South Africa and they just like walk in people's house and there's shit everywhere and like fuck with the people. You can't do anything because they're like...

Yeah, the people like, get out! And the baboons just look at him like and just like, starts throwing paper around. Yeah. And then they're just like, we want to hunt them, but there's stupid fucking laws here that won't let us do it. And if you shoot a baboon, you get fined like 10 grand. But why? But they are literal, like, pieces of shit. Like they'll open your car and smash the windows and take what's inside shit on your car I did I saw I saw a documentary I can't understand why that's not like self-defense

It's in your home and it's a fucking you know a threat speaking of dead animals guys This one YouTube channel I like I don't know why I'm fascinated with this because there's a Yeah there's a YouTube channel the guy who he but he's like a professional butcher But it's just it's almost like art the way he breaks down a animal carcass into Like at the end he has his table laid out and all the meats are separated into categories and it's it's almost like you want to a picture of it. That's what my grandma is to do. I was going to say it earlier. There's a whole video, but there's like this crazy like process to like butchering a dead carcass or whatever. I think if you do it well, it does show respect, a little bit of respect to the actual thing that you did,

rather than just killing it, taking its horns and then, you know, throwing a body in a river. It could be like, Natiri from Avatar and be like, thank you. Yeah. And eat it. Pray to the animal, burn its bones. I'm going to throw myself under the bus here because every time we go out to eat or I eat your house, I'm a little picky. Like I'll eat. I like meat. I like chicken steak. But, you know, I don't really eat the gristle or... Mick eats everything. You eat everything. I eat everything.

But I don't like the fat compounds, like the fat sacks that they have. It's just like the white meat. But, you know, I eat everything I want to eat. And then I put my plate down. And then I see Mick and look at me like... I'm sorry. I respect. No, no, no.

I'm not. It's... I'm making fun of myself here because I'm just... When I get a rotissory chicken, I bury those bones in the backyard. And I burn some incense. And thank Valhalla for bringing me this dinner. My mom, she used to always be like, here Chris, here's a nice. fish meal and it's always just me like putting the fish in my mouth I'm like this tastes

whatever and then I'm just like picking little bones out of my teeth I'm like this is fucking annoying that's why I don't eat fish what does that mean what is that thing you got at that Mexican restaurant with the fish so in time what is that call I have no let's get a peske something he got a fish a fried fish was like the whole fish yeah he was just eating the fins like their potato chips it was great it was great I respect that I'm you are I couldn't do it when we were done it looked like those cartoons where like Tom, like Tom and Jerry Tom will put the fucking picture about pull it out and they're just bones.

You're like that scene out of Indiana Jones too where they're eating all stupid shit at the table. No, a fish is not a stupid shit. Monkey brains? Dude, they were eating fucking live snake babies and monkey brains out of monkey heads. You like hold a snake by the tip of its tail and you chomp down and like strip all of his bones.

They were eating the lizards and scorpions back in Jesus' time. Yeah, they were like poking with a stick and cooking out of fire and eat it. They were also eating fish. And sand. They were eating duplicated fish. Yeah, but the water was poison. Jesus kept, like, dirtying up the water reserve with his feet. I think the water was cleaner back then.

It was, it was, like, the Red Sea. Yeah. Corey, that's Moses' thing. That was Jesus' like, dude. No, it wasn't. That was Jesus' lake. They both shared it. They were in the same fucking town.

Jesus was in one lake cabin on one side, and Moses was in the other. Yes. Used to, like, fucking hate each other and throw fucking fish at each other. Put me part to see the beat the fuck out of it. Yeah, they run to the center of the part of it. He'd start getting each other. Yeah, fucking, Jesus would be like, hey, idiot, you fucking throw it. Dude, if there was like a religious street fighter name, he had Moses versus Jesus, that would be a great, like, level.

That would be cool, like, that. There was a bunch of gifts of, like, people who have discovered stuff, like, Albert Einstein and all these people who discovered, like, the theories. And they were, like, they made up into, like, the people who discovered, like, the theory of, like, light, like, the theory of light or, like, the theory of planets and, like, all these, like, theories that are actually like what we use as natural science. And somebody made a fighting game out of them where they used, their moves were based off like the guy would use like the one who discovered the light or whatever. Yeah. He would like use the one who discovered the light.

He would like use the light spectrum as like an attack where the light spectrum would like do like a laser thing. Like the person who discovered like light travel would use like stars and like create like a star bow and shit. It was yeah it was like basically like the natural science like street fighters. This is a console game? No, somebody did a bunch of gifts of it. Oh, gifts of it. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It'd be a cool idea for a fighting game, just like these people who did like their stuff they accomplished. That'd be one of those ways of getting kids to quote-unquote learn without learning anything. But then Jesus would be like fucking colossus, so overpowered as fuck. Yeah. So yeah, Jesus shared the Red Sea. Because remember how he turned the water into wine? He turned that whole ocean in the wine.

That's why they called the Red Sea? Oh, got it. And that's when he found Balloo the Whale. What? Jesus found Ballou? Yeah. Bullo is from Jungle Book. He's the gray bear.

all blue then. It's the bare necessities of Chris. Jesus is like riding on his big blue whale. Jesus like, wow, you're cool. I'm gonna show my daddy you. He escaped from the cave, climbed into the whale, and he took up. He sat in his blowhole, he shot him into the sky. And he spun around like a road. He covered everyone in the vicinity and blood. Do you ever think that all this stuff is what, okay, so like, when Moses parted the sea

to let the Jews walk across to the island, when he parted the sea, he caused the big flood. He caused the big flood that Noah had to create the boat. Do you think all these like stories are intertwined together? Yes. The land of milk and honey was literally made of milk and honey. Wait, no, no, no. They were like waiting through milk and honey for like years. What Corey is saying is that all the different stories in the Bible are really like a big Rube Goldberg machine.

Yes. We're like... That's exactly what I'm saying. Yes. Where Jesus walked on the water, Moses was like, wait, let me catch up, guys. Jesus was like, F off nerd. And he's like, fuck you. And he parted the sea.

The water then just spread across the land, caused the great floods, where Noah then had his boat. The boat goes off, I don't fucking know anymore. What happens after the boat? What happens after the boat? What's another Jesus story? Moses God, they parted the sea. They walked through the river. Jesus said farewell to his neighbor, right?

Yes. They walked through the lake. Yeah, that's the other. Jesus' character arc. He resided happily in his lakeside cabin with the balloon. So, Moses went in the gray bear from Dougomboe. Moses part of the lake. He made his way to the island of milk and honey.

Okay, well Noah, while doing all this, he didn't realize. We're talking about Moses. Yes, but when he parted the sea, he caused the great flood. Yeah, that's when Noah built his little shit. He was almighty. According to the movie, Noah, they argued with rock monsters, which are angels. Rock monster angels. That's cool.

Dude, the fucking Lord of the Rings rock monsters were amazing. They had the mad Max villains come and try to destroy him and his arc, and he fought them off. Okay. I like how you could like shove a spear through a rock monster and they explode into a fucking heaven-y. What art does that go into? What I was saying was when they might have to? The same was when they made their way, they made their way to the land of milk and honey, right? Yes.

And Moses used his parting power to part the land of milk and honey. Inside the milk and honey, he found the tablets, the Ten Commandments. He threw them into the air, and he shot lightning at them. They turned gold, they landed directly into the morning. And he read them out to his followers. The first commandment, Corey, what does it say? Uh, thou shall not kill? Yes.

Jeff, what was the second command? I don't know. To bear arms? No, you're not right, to bear arms? You're not gonna... It was funny! I was gonna say that! I was gonna fucking say that.

The third commandment. Never judge a bark by its cover. Yes. Fourth commandment. Always wipe your shoes. Fifth commandment, don't go swimming five minutes after you eat. Sixth commandment, don't call the people brown-oes. No matter how anger you get. Seventh commandment, always tip your raiders.

Yes. Eighth commandment. Always tip your waiters. It just got more pettier because he ran out of ideas. Ninth commandment. All right, don't forget, two more. Don't forget to feed blue. Search, Robox. Robox.

Search Roblox all XD every day on YouTube. Nobody understood what that meant. Doesn't matter. Until YouTube was invented. It was a prophecy. It was. A prophecy of Wall XD Roblox. 10th command, the most important one.

Own kids through commentary videos. 11th commandment that has yet to be seen. It's still in the works. He's gonna come with Y2K comes. He's gonna drop all these new commandings. He's like, I'm busy. Here's like a hundred more commandments. He's just cut it into the soul of his foot so no one can see except him.

Okay. So the wrong. Did you see this? Did you see this? I never saw it. I never saw it. It is literally ridiculous. I heard it was written by somebody who had no idea what Noah's It's kind of cool. It's cool. It's like an action movie. It's not it's just not even it's like watching the Lord of the Rings. It actually makes religion like people who are like oh well that's just a fantastical fairy tale, you know like Jesus is about as real as Frodo or whatever It essentially makes the Noah story into one of those Frodo stories like it's just so ridiculous. It was so stupid but I did like the one shot where they pull away into space and just see the earth and it's just one huge storm over the entire oh yeah yeah that was kinda my favorite shot was when they pulled out and you just saw fucking Noah's bear ass he's like literally face planted on the beach yeah and

he just has a sandy ass sandy wet asses sandy wet bubble butt because he actually gained a little bit of weight for the roll and he's literally like his dick must be in the sand like he's got his wiener wait I don't know why that was the first thought okay so because they do a close-up of the fucking ass cheeks is his dick okay And these lines in the sand. Is this dick okay? He was face planted so hard, I was concerned about his genitals. Do you remember the movie AI? Yes.

So do you remember the part where they're, like, string up all the robots and, like, talk about how they're going to torture them? Oh, like this arena or the arena? Yeah, this, like, all these, like, post-apocalyptic people. If they did a retelling of passion of Christ, it'd be just like that. Like, he would be strung up, he'd be like this big buff-ripped guy. They'd be like, what should we do to him? Burn him! So they have all these, like, robot arms coming out with lasers to fucking, like, heart.

He's just like, it doesn't hurt me. And, like, light would shine through him. And then his rock angels would come in and with giant fucking hammers and just smash the heathens. They walked around and retarded. They looked like they were retarded, right? The rock monsters, they just were someone around and their arms were different lengths. The rock monsters would they represent? They represent, like, was it supposed to be like Paul and John?

No, they were angels. No, there's like the angels, like the main ones that, like, uh... Wait, they named the angels? God's two right-hand man, like Paul and Joseph, I forget. There's like Paul and Joe, Polly and Joey? Gabriel and Michael. I guess God hated them because they were all kinds of fucked out. Yeah, well, they cheated a lot.

Did any of you guys see the Ridley Scott movie recently? The story of Moses. Oh yeah. Noah? No. Oh, Moses. The other, the other Moses. No, I never saw it.

I never saw it. I can't remember the name of it. Exodious gods and kings. Exodus. Fucking horrible. Exodus. Like there was an exodus of joy from your body. I'll keep that mind.

It's a big, huge journey. No, really? Exodus is basically like everybody fucking bailing. Like an exodus from a country is like a whole bunch of people being like fuck this we're out. Oh really? Yeah. Oh wow. I know the word but when I see it's a spell.

It might even be banishment. The story of Moses is actually really cool. Like all the shit that happens. Like if you watch the movie Prince of Egypt, I think. Yeah, no, I like Prince of Egypt. No, it's not called Prince of Egypt. Yeah. What's the actual movie called?

Because Prince of Egypt's the game. No. No, it's the movie. Is it really? Prince of Persia. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm getting an idiot. Yeah. Prince of Egypt was a really good movie.

It was kind of like the telling of what happened with all like the crickets and the frogs and the measles. The locusts. Yeah. Crickets. They were locust in Exodus too. That stupid-ass song. It's like, you're playing with the big boys now. It's so stupid.

That was really well done, though. I love that movie. It's a great movie. It's such a good movie. There's like the thing where you're supposed to like smear blood on your door. So like the spirit's done to come. God knows not to knock on your door. God's like, smite your kids.

He's like coming in to kill you. He's like, Ooh, you see Exodus? Any you see it? No. See, that's in the movie too. It's a really, it's a fucking awesome story, though. It's just like an epic version. Were there a fireballs at the end of it? There's fireballs, yeah, firebts, too.

Yeah, there's all that. Evil spirits coming, like, they're fucking like these black, like, light, like shit. The wisps that stole the children in the night. That's the willow the wists. How did they kill the babies in that story? What babies? No, no, I'm saying in Exodus, because they fall, remember all the babies get killed?

They said, they throw them the crocodiles. A bunch of people in this one town mark their doors. Yeah. So they were safe. So yeah, you mark the war. The ones that didn't, what happened to their babies? They were just, like, I think, dead the next day. It's such-

Storm came, and then they were just dead the next day. Oh, so they didn't show like a mysterious-ness. They were very subtle about it, but God just turned off. God is like an angry wind. He unflunged them. God's like, dead. Dead! Dead!

Dead! Dead! God went on his like, Windows 98, he's like, cc.c. C-C-D-X, uh, kill all babies. So wait, does that mean God's a baby-killing? In the movie, in the movie, God's a little kid. Instead of a burning,

Bushy talks to a little kid. You never read the Bible. God kills fucking anyone who smites him. He's like, God is literally like the biggest asshole in the Bible. God, you're not supposed to say that. It's true in the Bible. It's like, God is literally like talking to the devil. They're gonna ban you from Ireland. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't want to go back. There's so many angry comments. You don't know anything about religion. I was born a Christian and raised to Christian. Look, listen, this is the Bible. This is the Bible. God is hanging out with Satan under tree picking apples, right? Satan's like, you know, I bet that if you were really mean to one of your followers, then he'd leave you. And God's like, no, he won't, I'll prove it. And then God's like, you there, your whole family's dad. Oh yeah, I remember that story. They just fuck with this one guy until...

He just fuck with him for no reason, right? Until he's on his deathbed, and he's still like, I still love you. He's like, I still love you, God. And God's like, see Satan, he's my friend forever. And then saying, he's like, guess you're bye-bye. He didn't prove anything. He's like, whoa, shit.

And he's like, Dope? D-Doh, I miss. You're mis-pheus. Look, look, you can be spiritual, okay? I'm sorry for making fun of the Bible. It was just like the thing with like a Bender where he's like has all those people. He's like, do you trust me?

Yeah. And he kills them. Bender Jesus. Can we have a disclaimer? Yeah. We like spiritual, nice people. We like spirit science. Bees.

Disclamer. You can be super spiritual and scientific. We like space trees and hollow moons. What we're saying is look up. spirit science, learn the ways. There are, there are like, hardcore people that do listen to us. Really? Yeah, yeah. Do you learn anything? I'm not saying, like, it's all stupid. I'm just saying

that, like, we're just making funny stories. I just wonder why. I wonder why they listen to us. I don't know. But I do find a lot of the stories in the Bible, like, when they're interpreted, like, through, like, movies and stuff to be really fascinating. Like, the story of Adam and Eve as told to a movie, how it's, like, told, like, the weird... I feel the whole rib

thing was a little much. It's even worse than the snake. My mom has this DVD, where, like, Jesus is... downstairs on earth he's like molding together a human out of clay so he's like making his body like rubbing his face and then like he kisses it and it comes to life

and then he takes the rib and he puts it into the other clay model and he makes the woman. The woman is the one who betrayed God's trust. She's the one who ate the fucking apple. Let's you remember that. And that's why everybody hates women today. Yeah that's I think that's what I'm

because I'm pretty sure what happened was is God made women first then out of clay and then took the weener off of the woman she still and then used that she still ate the apple and then made it made another man out of that she ate the apple was like did you do this and she said fuck you you're harassing me you're gay or gay because Jesus were gonna have any of that so he went to Jesus was like I'm what I'm out of here fix the wage gap I'm done And then God threw the boat out of the garden of the eating and was like, fuck off. Lit the world on fire and drop the lions down and creating sin.

Yeah, that's the way he made the flood. He was like, it stinks. I hate people. It's like, it's like, fucking like lemurs or whatever. He just like, you have like one lemur left, so you just want to flood the area and kill the last two lemurs and start over. Is that how you did a hole and kill the last one and start over? Oh man. I have the story, the book.

Popper pictures? Do you, you guys want to hear a bad joke? Yes. I shouldn't tell it. Tell it. What did God say when he created the first black man? Oops, I burnt one. It's not even like that bad.

Not really, but... Like, look, can I just say something? You know jokes about skin color? It's because people have different skin color. Yeah. We're pink people. You're a pinko. I'm a pinko and there's brownos, right?

There's crackers, brownos, pinkos. Why can't we all just be together? Yellows? And... Plinko machines, pinkos are the best, though. Bejoss? Bejos? Yeah.

Melanos. These all sound like really bad cereals. Cappuccinos? Cappuccinos are the worst. Those sound like a good cereal. That sounds like a really good cereal. I need cappuccinos. You think he was... You think God was good at pottery because he can make people? You think you... ...to be able to putty people via pottery methods is quite amusing.

He made people out of clay. He shaped our human form out of clay. Why are we fucking growing arms then? Well, if you make a lot of people, you're gonna have some defects. It happens. How do you make giraffes? Do you just, like, make a horse... Yeah, he'd make the horse and then he can pull back up. Stick it in the sun and then it becomes... and drops it on earth.

Drap horns always remind me of little alien antenna. They do. Do they bell out like little horns, like literally like tubas? Little giraffe horns. It's like they're little horns, but they have balls on the tip. Yeah, okay. He like squeezed its head so like pieces come out and then he like, that's created the horns. What is the dumbest-looking animal to you, Corey?

What is the... Um... God, that's a really tough. Slots. Slots are really goofy. They're really dumb. Maybe they're not... Really?

I can't believe they... Slots are always smiling. Slots are always smiling. They're always just like this stupidly smiley animal that just fall to their death all the time. God purposely sucked the brain. Like, you know how people are fast? Like, we used to run like cheetahs, but he sucked brains out of us and made us slower. So he sucked all the brain juice out of the fucking sluts.

On what day, on what day of Earth's creation did he suck the brain juice out of us that made us slower? We were running with lions and he's like, that's not right. We were as fast as lions and like, we're like, we're straight. Like we need to balance him out like a fighting game like yeah This is your line He had to slow him down a bit God's just trying to balance the earth like the game He puts out a new animal and it's too overpowered like when he

He dropped bears down they were shooting like fire out of their fucking mouth And going up the cabins and just You think when he made the slot it was like it was like an agile monkey right with a It was like quick on its feet with this like little daggers Yeah he uses daggers like he uses daggers to cut up his phone Yeah, I was like he's overpowered so he like he got his finger and his thumb He squashed his head down and made the him slown. But he's shook it until the

like brain juice came on. See that's like when people try to like patch something, they ended up he pushed a software update to Earth. Oh my god. That's what happened. So what makes the sloth that were powered because they seem pretty shitty. Man, the razor claws. They have like Wolverine claws. That's true, but if you could see

if that thing like, if you could like see it run like a fucking mud like else. Imagine that sloths running around like bullseye and daredevil. That would be terrifying. Dodging fucking. What we're saying is they have a strain of zombieism like from 28 days later. If you infatheels, if you infected sloths game over. Those things would literally be like

knife tornadoes. Absolutely, yeah. They'd be spinning around like the Tasmanian devil. They don't like an evolutionary mystery though. How do they survive anything? They're so slow that they just like regain all their energy and they don't have to eat that much. I remember someone told me something where like when their babies are born on their back since they're so slow

they have like shit on their back and the babies like not shit but like algae and crap mold and stuff and the babies just eat that till they grow up and can like start doing that and then they just repeat the process. take so long to get food, they just feed off their parents back. Back mold. Yeah. And since they don't really, like, they're kind of like camels, like water.

They're hot water forever. There would be, like, subsisting off your own boogers and earwax. I know how to do that. It's a baby. Camels are also really dumb looking. Camels. Yeah, because they have these, like, huge humps and have these really cute smiles. I think they put, like, also God probably had a horse and he fucking squeezed it with his, like, fingers. So it's like, these pumps popped up.

I mean, put these big eyebrows on it so. Yeah, he like twisted his eyebrows. This is those big beautiful lips. Pandas are an animal, though. They deserve to be extinct, but we think they're cute, so we keep trying to save them. They're vicious. Not or not.

They can't attack. They have the strongest jaw of the bear kingdom. Why do you really eat bamboo? Polar bears. Even stronger. They have the stronger in polar bears. The jaw are. Yeah, polar bears just have to crunch through baby seals and shit.

These guys got to, you know, they got to eat through bamboo. But they're stupid because they have babies, and they just roll over on them and kill them. And they just, they can't keep themselves alive no matter what. It's just a struggle every day. Jesus, that's insane. I'm wondering if it was always like that. Because clearly they existed for a long time.

So maybe it's like in captivity, they're stupid and would do that? I don't think so. Have you guys ever seen a marmoset? No, what is a marmoset? I've heard that word. It's a little, um, imagine it like a little capuchin monkey, except now imagine him with a very stout body, really fat-looking. And he has Einstein hair coming at the side of his head and a little orange face.

This sounds like a ridiculously scary creature. No, no, no, no. Right, they're so fucking cute, right? Me and Nile and my friend Caitlin went to the zoo recently, and there was these two little marmosets behind this little glass thing. And Nile put his face up to the glass and then the little marmissettes run over and it sort of slapping on the glass. Trying to get to Nile. Funny as shit.

It's so cute though. I've always wanted a monkey as a pet. I don't think they're mean. I feel like a pet monkey. Like in the movies that always seems like such a good idea. It seems like a good idea, right? Now imagine that you were literally looking after a hyperactive jumping toddler that can jump up on your. Yeah.

That can like pull up and throw shit at you. Owning a capuchin would literally just, you're doing nothing except looking after them all day, every day. It's another alien animal. Flamingos. Yeah, formos are weird. I hate flamingos. They like stand on their high lengths. If you look at them up close, they're just the weirdest.

They have these, like, dead corpse size. Their beaks are bizarre, too. They just look so fragile. You really just want to break its leg on your knee and be like, cool. They're almost like weird. If they were in the color they were, they'd be like Harry Potter creatures that only dead, like, if you've seen the dead, you can see them. What's my lawn flamingos? Why did that become a thing? Oh, it's probably like a symbol of like...

Laziness. No, it's like trying to make your backyard look like a Miami Beach. Oh, yeah. People want to look, be reminded to Florida. Yeah, Florida. That's true. Because there's flamingos all over Florida. Epic.

Pretty epic. Whoa, epic. Oh, epic. Hi, I'm Jeff from Sleepy Cabin, and I have a special message for you today. 93% of Sleepy Cabin fans suffer from severe, debilitating autism. These poor souls substitute real-life relationships with imaginary Sonic the Hedgehog characters. In their minds, they think the Game Grumps are their real-life friends. This disorder ravages lives

and embarrasses families everywhere. Please donate today to put an end to these poor sad bastards writing conspiracy theories on 4chan about Eager Raptor and John Tron not playing video games together anymore. Because really, how could any well-adjusted human being give a shit about any of this? Please donate what you can to sleepy autism.org to help an early 20s manchild today. Thank you. Cringe is a word. Crinch is more than a word, though. It's becoming this phenomenon.

It's becoming, like, cringe was this kind of subset. No, it's not even like hipsters. It's like little kids are... You wouldn't label it cringe. You all secretly labeled it cringe. It wasn't like, hey, check out my cringe compilation. It was more just like, dude, did you see this video? Are you looking to your friends on Skype?

It's a buzzword. It's a word that gets you views. You put a cringy idiot. Everybody's going to click your video. There's an appetite for it now. Before it was like this thing that you would just kind of call it cringe to your friends, but it wasn't like an actual genre. Now I feel like it's almost...

Not only is it like a genre where people are like... for cringe, but I feel like people actually go out of their way to make cringe. Yeah, they do. Which is weird. It's like a new subset of like, I don't know, I guess the original office. You ever see the original office with, uh, Ricky Jabeas? Yeah, that was kind that was cringe. All that British humor is super cring. The problem is that's like, now we're getting in like the semantics of cringe because that's like fabricated cringe. Right. It's created with actors. It's written cringe. Right. It's not the kind of cringe where people are embarrassing themselves. Do you get the same, so like let's say people get satisfaction from

watching cringe, clearly because that's why they watch it, right? So you get the same satisfaction from watching fabricated cringe like oh my god that moment in that movie they obviously tried to make it cringy do you get the same kind of satisfaction from that then when you watch i wouldn't call it satisfaction it's just like a spectacle it's like whatever the appetite that you have that needed to be sated clearly part of you wanted to experience it right so you get the same does that appetite get sated to be honest no i think real like actual like we're talking about cringe like it's the high art it's not no what i'm saying i'm talking about it like it's crack addiction. So don't think of it as high art.

No, what I'm saying is that when me and Corey look at cringe videos, we're like... It's a good noise fodder to talk about. It's just, yeah, it's actually good background noise. And it's funny because it's like, people are like, oh, you make fun of people, but it's like, maybe back then, but nowadays, I watch stuff, and I'm hoping these people

because I love it. Like, I find entertainment, and when I watch this stuff and it makes me laugh, I feel joy, I can cry, emotions, I feel it, and I'm like, I want more. I don't want people coming and being like, hey, thaget kill yourself. Yeah, no, I hate it. ruining everything. No, you know, right. Because it's like, if there's someone I like,

and then other people find out about him and start harassing him, ironically, like trying to give him attention that he wants, and it's not the kind of harass where it's like, oh, where they're fucking with him, so he keeps making videos, but it's like the ironic fucking, like, oh, you're so funny, you're so entertaining. Now you can't watch anymore because people ruin it. Yeah, people ruin it, right? So it's like, you just move on to the next thing. And another point to that

I wanted to say was, I recently uploaded that second life video, right? Yes. See, everyone in the comments is like, this is so cringy, right? And to me, it's not. It's really charming, right? It's funny, right? And the guy in the video is so into it and harmless that I actually love him. He's fantastic. He's, no, I saw the art and I heard the song.

You could hear this dude's stories for hours. You just has stories about all the wars he's fought, all the people. He reminds me of so many kids I knew when I was a kid. Yes, no, but like the... Or even myself at times. Yeah, exactly. Right, so the thing is that I can genuinely say, right, that he just is a nice guy, right? But I wanted to upload the video just because...

To show him. Yeah, he's amazing, right? To bring attention to him. But people... We'll go out of their way now. To attack him. Yeah, which is shit, right? I was like, I was like asking everybody in my Skype.

I asked everybody. I was like, should I upload this? I don't want people attacking him. And everyone's like, people are not going to attack him. Dude, like, everyone gets the joke. Everyone, everyone's going to like, you know, worship him like the god that he, like, he thinks he is, right? He is. He is a god, right?

He is absolutely 100% genuinely. But then you upload it and then there's these complete assholes that are just like trying to go out of the way to bully him rather than just like look at the joke and laugh at it. Do you think, though, that when people, they think, think that's what you want them to you. Yeah, my uploading it, they think. That's not the point. Problem is children are incomplete human beings. The moralist little monsters.

That's what it is. That one of the kids. That is exactly. These people who are looking up other kids in the same age rank, you're looking up like, oh, I'm going to look up this 10 year old, because I'm 12. I'm going to look at this dumb idiot 10 year old who's singing to a pop song. What a gay one.

You suck. You kill yourself, all. Okay, that ruins it. No, that does ruin it and that sucks. But that's what it is. But yeah, no, but it's just on a grander scale. When you were 10, 12-year-olds would do that. Yes.

Yes. Yes. 12-year-olds would literally give you weddings. 12-year-olds will pin you down and hopped a loogie on your forehead. There was all the kind of shit. But now this stuff is glorified. Like, we're giving, like, this. Well, now you're letting every 12-year-old in the fucking world do that to one fucking 10-year-old.

But there was this kid named Sammy Sonic fan or whatever. He was like this harmless kid who did Sonic videos. He screamed. He got, he overacted. And everybody's like, he's like, the law cow. They're like, all these, like, adults. Adults like fucking with this kid and he's like fucking 16 and people were sending me videos like what do you think ma and I'm like yeah I don't care he's a kid we just let him scream about Sonic and fucking pee his pants I don't give a shit

Cringe is like the most relatable thing almost because everyone like it's such a powerful thing that makes you go like oh god If we can scream and look then he's fucking break his ears He's also kind of self-reflected yeah it's like you should have sympathize yeah you do you support them to and then there's like people who like um there's different kinds of it right So you see Chris Chan and you're like, this is so fucking mean, but it's so crazy that I can't stop watching, right? But like you're just watching, you're not the guy going out of your way to bullying, right? And also, I'd like to say that me and Corey aren't saying we're angels. Like, sometimes you look at it and go like, wow, like, you know, you're not doing a good thing.

I'm an asshole. You're uploading that second life video wasn't like a nice thing to do. I don't think it was mean-spirited though. Like I think he'd see it and like at first he'd be like, what the fuck, but then he'll see the air and the music and he'll be like, that's cool. See, the funny part is, the funny part is Chris, when he found him, he was like, oh, this is fascinating. But then he became infatuated with him because he's like, holy fun. I'm not going to lie, dude. The fact that he just made that story up on the spot.

No, he makes up stories on the spot. You're always hilarious. I almost feel like you could just, it would be nice to just have him around and be like, tell me a story. And just let him, just let him talk for a while. Just let him tell a story. Yeah. You know what I mean? The YouTube page where he just talked to, he's like, I had just got my knife upgraded and I was really hoping to kill someone.

A lot of people said that Genesis sounds like you except higher pitch. Well, well, me. That does sound like him. It's weird. He sounds a lot like, a... I guess the moral of this cringe story is that, I don't know, it's like... I always see it as this. It's like, if you enjoy it, enjoy it, don't go out of your way to distract the person from doing it to make him not want to do it anymore because you're...

Bully people isn't cool. The end. Bullies, dual, kids rule. Cringe to me is just like watching Let's Play videos. I'll watch it, but I treat it like drinking alcohol. I'll do it in a social occasion. I never watch cringe when I'm sitting at my fucking thing. Unless I'm a... around a bunch of people. Like it's like kind of like a social thing. I'm never sitting there like me

Corrie really put it on. What creepy weirdos are out there today? I would just put it on when we're like in each other's company sometimes. I'd rather know a severe alcoholic that drank alone and then somebody who just watch cringe alone all the time like it's it's definitely a social thing because you can like sit and discover stuff with your friends and laugh together. I am never going to be like looking like I have never looked at Roblox law like sitting at my fucking computer screen. I'm not going to watch 12 year old kids play Roblox while I'm fucking working. That's scary. And weird. And it's just annoying. It is annoying. I don't want to hear kids fucking slapping their mic around. Wow, I'm on the car. Woo! It's always that. It's always just the kid like screaming. But there was that one kid. It was like in Doge Land or something and he was just like the biggest meming like 12 year old.

He was hilarious. I can't find his videos. He was just like this little ginger kid who's like, wow, these memes are epic! I'm going to five nights and Freddy's woo! He's like, welling and it's just like, oh man, I gotta find this. Yeah, and he has all these fans like circling him in the goalie. What? Yeah. He's like 20 people just circling him and pushing him around. Roblox is the MMO of Minecraft. When did this game come out?

Ages ago. Yeah, ages ago. Like six years before Minecraft. How did it, it just regained popularity? They like updated the graphics slightly. Yeah, it's like the same thing. Is it basically just like an easier Minecraft? It's not even Minecraft, it's Legos. Yeah, it's like you're just, the kids make their own, like, fun.

They make big slides and then they'll get over the slide that. like that or something. It's like a donut or something? Those like Bungo people or whatever where they have like a, they're just like those like building blocks where they just don't have torsos or just like these blocks

that you stick on things. Yeah. That's what they are. But they have like limbs that they can move at the same time. I've seen them riding around in like pizza cars. Yeah, they're just like,

they're like. Jumping off doing backflips. They're basically bootleg looking Legos. Yeah. They look like they're made with like a 3D-Pretters of Legos. Yeah. Essentially.

Essentially. Essentially. Essentially. Happy Easter, everyone. I hope you have a few. fun at Easter dinner. Happy Easter everyone. Have fun with friends and family at Easter dinner and Merry Christmas to everyone.

Amen. Amen.