SleepyCabin - SleepyCast S2:E2 - [The Evolution of Mankind and Molestation]

Episode Date: November 21, 2015

Shadman joins the gang, as we discuss modern methods of kidnapping children, spiritual molestation, robots who dream of God, the nature of marriage, the perfect wedding getaway, and Chris getting picked on by gangs of kids. Disclaimer : If you're genuinely offended by any use of the words 'retard' and 'rape', then listen at your own discretion. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your hosts for the evening: Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Ricepirate (www.youtube.com/ricepiratenewgrounds) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/user/Spazkidin3D) With special guest: Shadman (NSFW! www.shadbase.com) | twitter.com/shadbase Podcast editing Maestro: Tom Ryan (@tomrmusic) and Ricepirate +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Shane Danells, Ryan Pagonis, Chris Cunniffe, Creeps McPasta Jace Baker, Denis DeLong, Trevor Wood, Liam Staley, skooks Sonny Canchola, Susparty, Paul Raymond, Lucas Boucher Michael Westermeyer, Riley Paul, ubernoobinator, Matt Gronhovd William Sawikin, Travis Wager, Schegerino, Rodolfo Davis Millet Windmill Punches, Corbin Record, Dean Borris, Andrew Dore Clyde Cash, Jonathan Tillmon, Bill Zhuang, Dani Rucker, Dazzanator Andrew Suchwallo, Duncan Neilson, David Fanucchi, Conner St. John Phillip Tafoya, Richard Hunt, Hudson Heitmeier, Sam Child Yuval Birenzweig, Prosecutor Jeff, Thomas King, Chaney Rockwell +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

There is a world as tangible as our own. Impossible to see yet. Unavoidable to sense. A world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin. And in that cabin. It's a bunch of guys.

He's this bunch bullshit. Welcome to Sleepycast. Your host today are Corey Spaz Kid. Say hello. Hey, hey. Chris O'Ne. Hi, I'm. Myself, Rice, Pirate, and of course, our special guest.

Challenger approaching. Shad-based. Spoiler alert. Say hello to the fans. Good evening. Hello, Chad. Lovely to have you back on our podcast. Thank you for having me.

Why were you so excited to be on the show? You've been talking about it all month. I don't know what you're talking about. This is so spontaneous. Make literally said today. It's true. Enough of the formalities, I want to talk about topics. Let's do it.

Here's something I discussed with Jeff and stuff. It was kind of funny. We were at Outback and we were like you know these new age abduction tactics won't work anymore. Like kids kids are, they've grown out of the whole way. They've gotten savvy. They've gotten smarter. They've gotten internet savvy. You can't go up to a kid

be like, I got candy for you and be like I can get candy on the internet for like $10. So it's like I saw videos of that. They're like to get out their phones. They're like, stranger danger. Yeah, yeah. It's a different age now where it's like how would you lure kids into your, you know, supposed ice cream truck? You no longer can use the candy point.

It's true. I'll tell you one thing that's really put a wrench in my bucket. I mean, not me. I'm not like, you know, I'm not picking up kids or anything. Excuse me. A wrench in your bucket? One thing I will say is, like, phone tracking, I know has to be a factor. The fact that, you know, all kids have cell phones now. So if they ever got abducted, you know, just where's my iPhone app? Yeah. There's my kid. And then you can immediately stop the rapage.

Yeah. Where's my raped child out? Yeah, where's my rape child app? No way. And then the other thing is, like, so many times they're always, like, tweeting their location and, like, photos and stuff like that. Like, if they were going to get in a car somewhere, they could, you know, They're probably just snapping photos of it and tweeting it or Instagramming it anyway.

So what do you have to do? What does a guy or girl have to do to properly abduct and molest a child nowadays? What is the world come to? And or molest. I don't want to jump to conclusions. Sorry. Okay. And or.

So why are you asking this? Were there tactics you were thinking of here? So you have to be smart now. You can't, you know, candy and all that shit. It's not going to work more. So you got to really look it up. Like, where are the kids into? Right.

The angry birds, Minecraft. Right. So you got to be like. I got some angry. Birds over here, get in my car. No, no, you got to be like, I got an Angry Birds of Minecraft. You know the Angry Birds movie? I have the first ever showing in my car on pay-per-view.

That's not even fair. I feel like right now you're giving out some actual advice right now. You tell them, you're like, I know a new Minecraft ingredient on how to craft kryptonite and people are like, well, that seems cool. Then you bite them in. You got an envelope from Minecraft's secret formula. Beating them down. Oh, that was beating down.

Oh, that was beating. I wasn't sure what that was. No, no, and then I take them out. Punching your hand. I was sure if that was like vicious, rabid ass pounding or if you were smacking their face. No, I take them out. And then I scold them on my prank channel. And I'm like, listen.

I think another way to do it, though, would be like in-game probably, like to have like an in-game persona. You know what I mean? Like in a second life scenario. Because I feel like that's the quickest way, at least, to connect with them on a level, especially if you can fake your identity. Second life? Or whatever. Like Second Life Sims stuff. like that.

Sims. I don't think anyone's going. Facebook. That's true. People actually use it for that. Oh yeah.

They use it to hook up with children. I don't think anyone's going to your Sims 3 server. To be abducted by the No, what am I talking about? You're right

about Sims in second? Like, fuck that. They're just going right to the Minecraft server. They're going to the source. Yeah. They're going to your place. They're going like,

oh, I really like this slide you made in Minecraft and this like mining tunnel. Compliment. That's like step one. Get on the server. Step two. Complement their creations.

Yeah. Step four. give them modability so they feel important. Step five. Give them your address. Yeah, to meet up. I have this special Minecraft ingredient, but I have to give it to you in person.

It's in the back of my car. This is the key to Minecraft. I'll tell you about that place we found on Second Life where you go in and there's like all these children kind of in cages. What? Isn't that the baby sanctuary? Yeah, the baby sanctuary.

That place is fucking creepy. You go in and there's babies in cages, but they've got like ladies voicing them so they're like, I can't find my parents. So it gives you more incentive to adopt them. What? But people can actually play as them too.

You used to be able to go in there, right? Is this like a creepy mod? No, I don't know. It's part of the game. Second Life just is a creepy mod. You can do whatever you want in it. Second Life is like a script-heavy game where you can create your own meshes. You can create your own animations.

Yeah. Sometimes the scripts are kind of like they work against it because they used to be a script where you could kick the babies and stuff. So people would just go in there like to adoption centers and start kicking kids and kids around. Knocking about it about so they couldn't get back. and it's good stuff. The babies aren't real characters, they're MPCs. They can be. It's weird. They can't. You can get an MPC or a real person who will pose as a baby for you. You spent up to 8,000. So wait, you...

Shed, you look shocked. Let me... I'm not surprised. You look the fall. There's people who dress up in diapers naked and like roll around on the floor and that turns them on. They shit themselves. In real life. That's not second life. Second life, that's harmless. That's real. Yeah, but if you were to adopt a person posing as a baby, there's clearly something weird going on in some way. Either your baby has a person talking, right? Yeah. So what, you're having conversations with this baby? Like, why are you seeking out a baby companion?

It's not like, now you're my daddy. Yes, you are my child. Yes, there is stuff. So people like roleplay just to be a baby. That's basically it. So you can own land in Second Life and what people always strive to do for some reason is have a family within second life. So it's like, this is my wife and this is my son. And like, you know, their little baby boy

in the game might be a big fat 50 year old bearded man in real life who's just like, I love you, father. And they'll just roll play that for fucking weeks and weeks and weeks. You know, you know, when I played Second Life, it was a lot more innocent, you know? No, it wasn't. There was no chat, there was no talking option. You just typed. You

put your fucking smooches and coos. You didn't actually, I love you, Paul. There was none of that. There was no actual chat in game. Have you ever seen someone making out with a baby? Like a grown man, making out with a baby? No, I'm pretty sure. Or in real life? I'm pretty sure Second Life bans you for doing that.

I've seen, I went to a, I went to, we went to the baby changing server where a bunch of people changing babies. That was pretty weird. What? You mean changing their diapers or swapping babies? Well, you walk up to the babies and there's this long novel of words that talks about a story of you digging your heads into their fucking

diaper and feeling it... But you could have a person being like change my diaper, Papa, me dirty. Yeah, I'm saying that. I pooped my wiener. I've heard that people pose as like real estate agents or something. No, they don't pose as them. They are real estate. Yeah, and then they're selling like this

digital second life real estate for real cash. Yeah, and they used to make shit tons of money doing it. Yeah, I saw like a documentary on this, like, fat, obese black woman who designed furniture in second life. Yeah. And she looked fucked, but she was happy because she was doing what she loved for a living. Yeah, she was

having a good old time. But she looked really bad, like, just worst and precious. Do you think that when those people know they're going to die in their real life, that they would have, like, a funeral on second life? Probably. I don't think anyone would do it for them. No? No one would show up. Because people are really self-absorbed in

second life, all anybody wants to do is brag about themselves. Nobody cares about anyone else. People would come into your server and start grieving when you were having your fucking saddh. The funny thing about those babies though is that like you'll adopt them and then they'll still be like, where's my parents? They don't change the voices or anything. Do they really? Yeah. Babies can't follow. Excuse me? Doesn't it come with a happy script or something? I don't think so. I'm not at the skill level, Chris is where he can like, he's like a good sheep hurting dog. He knows how to hurt them in there. Do they have like a second life cons?

I don't think so. No. Because that would just ruin the whole facade and whatnot. They have precarity fans. Oh, yeah? Do people dress as their avatars? No. I've never heard of a precarity con, you big liar.

It's because I made it up. God and I had a brief discussion earlier today. And I'm curious, it's a little scientific. I like science. Don't worry. I think you'll be okay. Shut up. You ignorant shit, you fucking nerd.

Please go on. Don't mind this ruffian. So we were discussing the idea of artificial intelligence. Oh, yeah. And shut up. We were discussing artificial intelligence. And what the implications of that would be, right? Now, we always see artificial intelligence is like in the movies.

It's like, oh, they start getting really sad that they're robots and they don't want to die and shit. And they get angry to kill you. And then they want to kill everybody else, essentially. Yeah. That's what we end up seeing. But I was curious if a robot had free will, like complete free will and imagination to think, if a robot could come to the conclusion that there may be a god. Because eventually there's a point where the logic ends, right?

There's only so many things we know. Like, we still don't know what the beginning of the universe is. Eventually, you'd hit a wall, and if you had free will to have imagination to think for yourself, could you not possibly make the leap to think that there was something beyond logic, right? Yeah, they'd probably, like, in a split second come up with the most crazy fucking backstory monster. Mike, you ever seen the video where this, like, robot with four legs is walking on a treadmill? And they throw a log in it and it falls over. That's how far you guys got.

Let's learn how to dodge the wood. Shut up. I've seen it. No. I saw one where they, like, had a robot. You could, like, shove it and it could, like, counterbalance. Yeah, it was the same one. They threw wooded it until it learned how to jump over it.

And then they started pushing it off the treadmill, and then it learned to, like, keep its weight on. I love, that's what you got to in that. You're talking about, like, philosophical things. I would, you know, if that robot had a dog robot knocking over it. If it ever became self-aware and look back at that footage, it would look back and be, Like, you guys are assholes sitting there fucking shoving me around. They justified to be like, hey, baby steps. We had to push you down to the dirt for you to climb back up.

They would study and see if that's what we do to our younglings. It is what we do. We shove our babies down and fucking wait for them to get up and push them down again until they finally learn balance. That is what we do. We don't do that. No, I think in a lot of ways we do. We set people up to fail so we can see them figure out how.

You just got to fucking bully and beat the shit out of someone until they're not lame anymore. It's true. If you have a lame kid, push him down until they're, learn so that you like... People need to learn that being lame is something that you can physically extract from people. If you hit them enough, they will stop being lame. What you just said? Like, that is all nonsense. Why? Like, it's just made... It's complete gibberish. Like, you beat the lame out of people. Like, it's just, this nonsense. To a degree. It's a moly metaphor. Yeah, we're talking. Like, what if... What if there's this guy who's like, yeah, I'm pretty cool? I'll go to

katana and he starts swinging at you. But he's like... How do you defend yourself? You fucking kick him till he's down and you take the katana away. You make him... learn his lesson. Do you not think... Be the lame out of them? Yeah, do you not honestly think that if people are acting stupid if you shoot them down and point out their flaws that they will not possibly learn from that and become less lame?

Here's possible. So in some ways, you could argue that yes, you can beat the lame out of it. No, no, on a very serious note, obviously that that's fucking around, but on a serious note, I do think that all of the best lessons I learned came from me fucking up really hard and people pointing it out. Oh, no, absolutely. With some kids and stuff who you perceive as to be lame,

that's just them. That's the way they are. And they You don't really deserve me. I'm not saying you just walk up to a bunch of kids playing cards against humanity and just fucking take a baseball bat to the back of their head. I'm just saying that, you know, in terms of certain... I'm talking about a guy who walks into your office and spills coffee all over his pants and fucking wipes it off on your desk. Yeah.

You gotta be like, dude, you're a fucking idiot. You punch him down to the ground. Or you just let him do it because then he's going to keep doing it. He's going to keep pouring coffee all over his lap. And wiping it all over your face. Yeah. The fucking asshole. What you see, Shad?

It's the only way. Like that girl who poured beer on her pants and rubbed it in. What? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? She poured beer on her pants and then she rubbed her pussy in Nile's face. Oh, fuck. Oh yeah, that mystery lady.

What the fuck? One time we were having a really fun party and this girl crashed it. Miss Ratfink. She spilled fucking beer all over her pussy. And then she started rubbing her pussy through her jeans to like kind of wipe it up, but she got too into it and she did it in Nile's face while he was sitting on the couch and he looked really scared. Because Nile was drinking his coffee enjoying his own time. He was having his little little,

his little safe coffee zone. How the fuck do these people get in your general quarters? She came back... I don't know, man. It's scary. She came back from a prior Oka experience. Oh. She crashed her party, ruined all the fun, and she rubbed the pussy in Nal's face, and he screamed

and ran out of the door. Sounds like she was trying to get the party started. No. It's like when the party ends, and then the wild person comes in and nobody wants them there. Personally, I think she had one of those stinky pussies, so she was trying to make the beer soak up that stink. Because there's nothing like some fucking rancid beer to really just freshen up

fucking dirty pussy. Rancid beer. She had wawa, freezer burn, fish steak pussy. Do you ever have that? No, I have it. You're talking about. How do you come up with these words? Just don't fit the situation so easily.

One of Corey's 3 a.m. nightly excursions. Corey, do a hypothetical quick. Oh, fuck. Oh, God, I'm not good at these. She had hates hypotheticals. Really? Yeah. Shad's always.

like, this is totally illogical. This would never happen. Why waste time discussing this thing that is not facing reality? Some of his hypotheticals are like that's not worth people thinking about. Shad, what if your eyeballs were boobs? It would be boring. A lot of cloth over your eyes a lot of the time. There's your hypothetical.

Rub their eyes that feels really good. We probably feel the exact same. It's like elephant titus but just over both your eyes. You can't do anything about it. You can't do that trick where you close one eye So you can like see the side of your nose. You can't do that when your eyes or nipples. Shad, if a really fine lady walks in and she's like, hey baby, and you're like, this is a very nice looking specimen

and she takes out her titty and puts in her mouth. She'd go up or down, up or down and brank. She takes out her own breast and puts it in her mouth. Yeah. Like she... I would think she's insane. So she goes down? I would just think like she's clearly mentally ill or something.

But she's doing it to like, be like, I think you're very sexy, Shad, I've also got your voice. I would... It's just shed with a wig. Where is this? In your office? In my office? Yeah, you're there working.

She got in the house. How did she get in the house? She snuck in when you weren't looking. I don't fucking know. She comes out from underneath your desk, because she has her face out already. She's been there the whole time. She's one of these fantasy girls where you're like, oh man, I'm very horny and you push a button in your wall and the portal opens, she steps out.

She's like, I'm here to serve you master, but she puts one of her boobs in her mouth. That's not what I wouldn't, like, that's not what a fantasy girl wouldn't care. Send it back. Send it back. Get out of here. Go back to your portal. Here's a question I know Shad would actually answer. So based on evolution, what do you think the next evolution, like just from amoebas to,

you know, landwalking amphibian fish to monkeys to humans, what do you think the next phase of evolution for humans is? Like people say like aliens, like the big head watermelon head aliens are like what we would become. Everyone should give their two cents on this. Yeah, absolutely. This is one that Chad would just immediately. be like, this is a logical.

Yeah, like, what do you think the next, like, we would look like if monkeys, humans next. Yeah, what's next? What would be our difference? I think we'd be a charred corpse. Why? Because we're not going to last much longer. That's true, too.

If we live. If we live. When the sun explodes next week. We're not going to evolve into the next 30 billion years. We'll fucking see about that. Did you check the weather report? The sun is exploding. But next thing something like that.

You'd have to see that the gene pool. Oh, sorry, Corey hasn't answered yet. He said a charred. He said fucking charged. I thought that was your answer. I was going to... He was being mischievous. If I was to say what the next evolutionary thing would be,

if it's not that, it would replace all, like, things that fail. Like, when your body fails, you get replacements for it, and eventually we'd all be Androids. You think we're going to get, like, chameleon regrowth ability? Yeah, yeah.

Like, we're going to, like, start... They're going to realize, like, hey, we have this 3D printer that prints organs. Oh, yeah, that's actually not insane. Yeah, that's what happening right now. And they're going to be, like, why can't we just stick this inside of it? someone's body, someone in their arm gets blown off, it immediately grows back, like some crazy.

Or just stick them in like one of those Goku tubes, like the capsule tubes, just like, you know, scans your body. It takes like a month, but it's worth it. Yeah, but it does like every cell, like, you know, every cell in your body that's dying or malfunctioning. I do feel like that's the next evolution. The next evolution is slowing growth down and speeding up durability for the human body. Like, we're going to realize that like our bodies are... So we stay younger, longer, and we live longer. Yeah.

They're going to find a way to make it so, like, we no longer, bodies don't fail anymore. Now they find ways to, like, keep the hearts pumping even when the... But even if they had the technology, they'd have to keep it so limited, because if it became, like, relatively accessible, population problem is already, you know, I mean, it's not as bad as it was before, but it's still happening. And the moment people live even longer, that population problem is going to get out of control. And I feel like that really would create, like, this 1%, like the 1% would live for, like, 500 years. Meanwhile, they got bulldozers going through, like, you know, shitty towns and hoods, basically just plowing down the people that aren't dying. So when the purge happens, you have it.

No, the purge, yeah. Every year. What is it? The New World Order that they keep talking about, the Illuminati's... The one day where everybody kills each other, because it's okay. That'll save that, and the people who live get their fucking Bionic Commando arms. That's mine, that's mine. That's not too far off from me.

Mine, I was thinking more, like, appearance-wise. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's just go with that. Right. We're going to get fin. What the fuck, Corey? That was mine. Go ahead, Chris.

Corey has three. We got three. Well, what we're gonna be able to find, Chris? I don't know, like, um, if you look at like monkeys, right, they've got long ass arms and little ass legs. That's true, yeah. They've got no butts. Makes no sense. Like, they've got little dog asses, like, yeah, they'll triangle.

We grew like these big, fat, cushiony asses. So we're gonna get bigger asses and smaller arms and legs? No, I'm serious, right? So if you look at the monkey's asshole, It's like, it's always a prolapse, like always, right? They've got these, um, these like shoulder blades for like butt cheeks and their legs suck and they just look generally gross, right? Yeah. And the further you look down evolution, like, this isn't something that I'm thinking because I'm myself a human, right?

But they do get genuinely more attractive and less gross the further you go down, right? I don't know. There might have been a caveman somewhere along the line that was kind of a freak of nature who was like this hot ass. Yeah, probably. Yeah. But what I'm saying is like, the further you go, um, The more our bodies like changed into these like curvaceous like nicer to look at things. So I think in the future everyone's going to have fucking giant asses, huge long cocks.

I guess from an evolutionary standpoint though, if fucking shaped head. But like people are wanting to hook up with more attractive people, right? Yeah. So that it makes sense that like, you know, they are procreating. Look, a lot of people are fucking. Yeah. But if we're getting to the point where it's less about survival and more about like what we think people look like based on their physical features, then that is something that technically over time.

Yeah. I think, you know, the way people fuck each other's asses a lot now? Yeah. I think the human body is going to eventually be like, we need to evolve a tiny hole to let the sperm leak through into the pussy here. If we could lose the need to shit,

that would be great. If we could excrete waste in other ways that was more efficient, like use it as energy and then whatever the last bit is just hawkillugi and then that's it. Yeah, I really like the system they had in scary movies too

where they pee out of their fingertips. Yeah, but what about like... It was actually like, oh, wow, that's kind of... What about a... It would be easier to make. What about corn and seeds? You can't just like... And there's little corn on the ground.

Wait, there's one more thing. You know the way people's hair has started receding over the millions of years? Yeah. It used to be on the faces, but that it was in their head. Yeah. I think eventually it's gonna be like one tiny little point on top of your head. There's a lot of hair growing up. Just like this dagger that we like fucking like jell it up to turn it into weapons. Yeah. Like alfalfa from fucking little rascals.

Yeah, he had it first. He set the goal. We're gonna evolve out the need for more organ. about the need for more organs. I like Chris's thing. Oh yeah, because there's a bunch of organs we don't even fucking need. Yeah. The gold bladder. We don't need the gold bladder.

Are some people born without wisdom teeth? Because those are fucking useless and actually dangerous. They can, like, push your teeth into your skull. They completely fucked with my teeth. What about tonsils? We don't use tonsils anymore. Or appendixes. Appendix.

Yeah, tonsils appendix. I mean, we have tonsils, but we don't necessarily need them. Yeah, male nipples. What the fuck? Well, that's because you go through like a female, like, everyone starts out as like, you know. But you wouldn't need it. You move into it. Oh, that's right. Your gender isn't

necessarily set until... It's gender neutral, so you have a nipple and no cock. You have a penis over trying no, and get a porn. And then your fucking cock like splits in half and get a line in that. Shit out every bad toxin in our bodies all into one little black ball. And then burn it for fuel.

Yeah, I was gonna say, like, it's like a perfect black pearl. And then you can use them for energy. Yeah, Nibbler had the right idea. Yeah, exactly. Throw it on the ground and disappear like a ninja. We're gonna shriek. Didn't they, like, fuel their ships with that or something? It had like the density of a small star

or something. We're gonna shrink into little nibblers. What do you think, Shed? See, I think everything like Corey and Chris have been saying, it was more out of like personal convenience. Like what's, what will happen? What is good for us? Excuse me?

That's what evolution is. No, it's not. Bigger dicks, shitting out our organs? Let me explain to you what evolution is. Evolution is when the gene pool is plastic to the environment. Meaning the environment shapes what the gene pool will be like. That's why the monkeys needed to be like that to cry around. I don't think it's that.

It's when you're like, one of your things mutates in your body, and then if that happens to suit your environment, that's why the gene pool is plastic to the environment. Because if it happens to suit. But our environment isn't harsher anymore like it used to be. Oh, you're right. So we're not going upwards. We have now come to this stagnating phase where we are making everything comfortable for us with technology. We're going to turn into Java's. No, it will be like this.

Java the hut. Yeah, we're going to just like fucking turn into Java. We live in the age where it's like, you're like, you're going to be. you know, the little bit thing, like a slight weather change is called for the news. Like, it's like, listen, it was slightly cold today and I couldn't wear, like, a comfortable outfit. It's like this is a big deal to me. But we live in the day and age where people like us, for example, where we can just work on the computer, we can just do that.

We don't have to move anymore. Like, we don't have to move much. So a lot of our functions we have, we don't even need. We don't need plant trees. And not only that, but... We need legs, though, because we do use legs periodically. We have proven as a species that brains... brings you further than bronze.

Yeah. So the evolution that Chris was talking about that was going to go this upwards thing. No, that is false. No, it's not because... Do you think we're just going to devolve into like a head? Not devolve. We have actually mastered technology

to our benefit, and we cannot even imagine our life without technology. Exactly. That's why I think... You've been born into technology. You'll be dying into technology. That's why I think we will start replacing the pointless things.

Our brains will be replaced with computers. The information we learn at school will be pointless Because we already know everything because we'll have it all calculated before anyone else. It's like we'll just, everything will be given to us and we will basically be cybernetic. That is always going to be the future. But you're also all like approaching the future, I think, in kind of a weird way. But I'm going to die before that happens, so I'm...

Are you sure? I mean, of course this is all just hypothetical. But you're approaching the future in a way where you're saying like what we're doing now, that's going to be the future. Yeah. But that is backwards. No, I know that. What we're doing now created the past, because the past is all we have. The future doesn't exist. All we have is the past. So what we create it now, what we're doing now creates our knowledge of the past because it's echoes. Yeah. You know. But you don't think there's foresight based on what we're doing now that's going to inform what the future could be. I mean, obviously none of us know. That is that, but you can't know that. Like, the future does not exist. I was just saying the way people are now is they're like super obsessed with like appearance and looks, right? Like everyone's like, I want a really hot girl for a boyfriend. So in the future, everyone's going to see, like, people are going to mutate and grow fucking giant

asses overnight, right? They're going to be like, whoa, I want to fuck this new creature right over here with a giant perfect ass. Overnight. Overnight. And then the next day they're going to have a little baby with a giant perfect ass, right? No, but you're... Overnight. The attractive time, like the ones that are attractive and seek out attractiveness are the majority.

That is false. That's true. That will be the fossil food. Like, the food for, like, the stronger ones. The stronger ones will not even have kids. Because, oh, I don't want to ruin my body. Use a condom, please. Darwin has ruled you out.

I actually do know a lot of people that don't even want kids anymore because of that. They don't want to ruin their bodies. You will purchase your robot baby. And you'll be fine because it'll never age. And then when you're tired of it, you'll just upgrade it. Have you seen AI? It's exactly like that. That's the future.

Me and Corey are going to get killed by the attractive feeble. Listen, Chad, I'm going to get a big dick, and there's nothing to fucking stop me. He's going to get a big dick and a big ponytail sticking out of the tip of the top of the man. And all you slug beings are going to fucking burn when salt falls from the heavens. If for some reason, like, you know, like our ozone layer in the next 50 years

started depleting, you know, whatever the case is. Our ozone layer is going to open, God is going to spit a big lugia. Hypothetically, if something like that happened. Hypothetically. And all of a sudden, like, we were getting a shit ton of radiation. Like, in a short amount of time, people would have to adapt in a certain way. Like, evolution-wise,

like, we'd have to be able to withstand a certain amount of radiation and, like, the body would have to form to that. For all we know in the next 300 years, it could happen soon. There's already going to be people that have like, you know, scales on their skin in order to survive the radiation that comes through. No, yeah, that'll happen, but it's like, I'll be dead, so it's cool. My body's not ready for it anyways. I find your beauty thing, like an interesting thing also, because a lot of the stuff you perceive to be as beauty is artificially made.

No, that's true, dude. And it's not genetic. But there are certain things, though, where it's like, you would rather see something smooth and curvaceous than something prolapsed and square and covered in hair, right? What she would better see is not what you're going to. Thanks, Chris. Thanks a lot. Okay, let's say you're somebody who smokes a lot and your lungs have holes in them, they're fucking not existing anymore. And you're just like, you're just like, I need a new organ. I'll pay whatever for it.

You get a new organ, it's a brand new lung. It functions exactly the prior one because we've already discovered the enzymes or whatever to make the things work. There you go. You have a new lung and everything's better again because this is the world we live in. We need to be comfortable. If something doesn't work, we get rid of it and fix it with something new. That's the fusion with technology. That's why they regressive form, because we will just fit everything around us to our...

Exactly. Even if we... Even if we have strokes and our fucking body starts shutting down, we still have ways for a place. The sun's going to have like a solar flare and fuck up all our technology in like one day. Yeah. We're going to be screwed. We're going to be in the middle of fixing a stroke. You know what we were talking about good luck in people, like evolving and shit?

Like, I think that also comes from like... When you look at something healthy, it looks like a certain way and something unhealthy looks the other way. and things in the past looked unhealthier than they do now, right? I don't know, I mean, some people, like, a lot of people are really attracted to, like, Helena Bonham Carter, right? She looks like a fucking heroin addict corpse.

Who? But at the same time, some people think Kim Kardashian looks like a fucking bulbous human wreck of... Yeah, I guess it comes down to... Cosmetic debauchery. That's what I think Miley Cyrus looks like, personally. Yeah, right.

But some people... Yeah, so I think it's interesting, like... It's also aesthetics, too. Like, we're talking about, oh, good-looking, you know? But some people like no butts. Some people like big butts. I like little monkey shoulder-boy. Some people like...

things that look kind of sickly and whatever and some people like things that look super healthy I think at the end it doesn't come down to what people like it's what they can obtain what is obtainable to them sure so they always want what you don't have no like they might find like that girl on television really Chris but they fuck their ugly girlfriend also also yeah Chris even even if there's like really pretty people there's still that subset of people who are still really looking for those like slugs and spit out ten babies they're still in our generation our generation like we are our

are very, like, fluid. This is something I think about a lot where it's like, people focus on looks so much that an argument can be solved by saying, like, yeah, well, you look like a fat fucking idiot. And then everyone was like, ah, it's like, why did he win that argument by saying that? It's because every single person is obsessed with looks, so, you know, it's not fair.

It's interesting you say that, because Shad and I actually were talking about bananas today. Yeah. And the idea that even in, I'm not saying I'm 100% along with the, you know, oh, looks will dictate evolution. However, I will say that a lot of foods that we have have been produced and manipulated genetically to look better and for people to consume. So in that way, that is the evolution. We have altered the evolution of certain foods just to aesthetically pleasing.

Also cows and like horse. You know, when you go to those like fucking like the alimone shit? But they're not even more healthy. It's not even like they're better for you. It just looks better. You know when you go to like the alimone shit and there's like these like, Indian people holding up like maize and corn and stuff and it's all like dilapidated and

red and fucking disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what corn used to look like until we spice it up with a little bit of gene splicing. Spiced it up. We made it look fucking bland as shit. It's this fucking pale-ass yellow homogenous. Yeah, you know what? You're not sticking your fucking cursed red maize corn

and you're not sticking that. You're not sticking your fucking alamo decoration into all your damn food you make. It's true. I wish I had more. You're putting your beautiful, like vibrant yellow corn that we've made by the truckloads every few seconds. and everything else. And by the way, that maze stuff was impossible to eat.

It was fucking infected. It had like disease. Really? Yeah. First of all, how do you know so much about this cold? I did a thing. If you look at maze,

if you look at maze originally, it was like, it was nonsense. Like you got so much stuff from it. You couldn't eat it. It was actually painful to eat. It was sharp. It was hard to eat.

But now we've made corn into like delicious. Everybody's just obsessed with how shit looks. It's just like, it's fucking amazing. I think it's one of the most like human things there is now. It's like every single thing has to look good. What's the medical thing where you can splice genes in order to like get rid of diseases and stuff?

Really? Yeah, what's it called? It's the thing where you like you can find out if your child's going to have a certain disease before it's even born. If I can find out, you know, whether my child is going to have a certain genetic disease and if they're going to have it, not bring them to life, you know, not bring them into this world. You know, why is that unethical? Yeah, when people online ask like how many chromosomes do you have? Right. Well, no.

I think it does stuff like that. It checks how many chromosomes. I mean, whatever it is. There is a thing. But regardless... This is the age we live in. It is. It is.

But with that, just like all other, like, technologies, like, oh, the internet's this great thing because with it, we can communicate and our knowledge of the world will grow together and greater. But instead is just used for fucking, you know, meme faces and dickpicks and fucking, you know, whatever and Minecraft videos. But I think the same thing with that technology where if you were able to, like, alter the genetics of your children before they're born, What would we, I mean, we would say that we're doing it for health.

We would say we're doing it for the longevity of the race. But in fact, what would people really be doing? Would they just do it to make their kids look like the next Kim Kardashian? I want my kid to look like the next Johnny Depp. You know, what do I have to do? What genes do I have to buy? There would probably be laws against it. Yeah, there would probably be some sort of...

They'd be like, you can't do this unless he's sick, sir. Go home. It's like, but I want to make my son stick 58 feet long. Well, you said, Chris, that obsession with visuals is more present than ever. Yeah. It's like the German saying that. The mensch is an augentier. Did you say minge?

You did. Did you say minge? That means human in German. It actually does. Yeah, it actually does. And the saying is that the human is an animal of the eye. Yeah. So like that is his most important organ.

Ah, it is. Minge is. Every single day you'll hear a sentence that's like talking about it has someone or something looks. But it's always someone though. It's like, oh yeah, she's very good looking. like, okay. I'd nothing to do with anything, but okay. But we also are creatures that can dilute themselves into thinking that something is good-looking

because it is our, like, you know, like, when you're like someone, you have to accept your faith, like a woman or something. It's like, she's my precious angel, you know? Right. But it's not. It's like to others, like, what the fuck are you talking about? But that person is so diluted that he's like, shut up. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, it's also like, um. Well, society does that to us all the time. They're telling us. beautiful all the time. I'm not saying that I'm not like, I don't like good looking people or like I don't like a good looking girl. I'm just like... I don't like it.

Why do you think things look good? Because you, what you think looks hot is not necessarily what everybody else looks like. Yeah, exactly. But I'm just saying like I don't like it when people will end an argument or just like... Oh yeah, of course. It's just like that as merit. Yeah, it's like it has nothing to do with it. You've lost once you do that.

It's like I don't like that at all. Yeah, it's like people say... Like, I like attractive ladies. There's no wrong with that. Everyone's attracted to whatever they want. It's the same thing when people say, oh. Shut up, you're poor. Yeah, it's like...

What? Yeah. Wow, you lose. You've lost, sir. Yeah. You know why we are so visual? Why? Because sex is such an important thing because of reproduction.

Oh, yeah. That's back to Darwinian thing. So we are attracted to what looks healthy and what looks intelligent. Yeah. So, by law of nature, you should be attracted to the mainstream ideal. Sex is like the thing that nobody can just dismiss and be like, it's not important. It's like the most important thing to anybody nearly all the time. It's like, oh, anyone ever fucking thinks about.

But without the survival instinct, Shad, we're able to focus less on survival and therefore the needs of that, like look for the most attractive thing based on the mainstream. And we're able to focus more on ourselves and in our own neuroses. You know what I mean? Like people being attracted to people that look like their mom because of like some weird thing or because they have an eating disorder. Right. They see this skinny or this fat girl is like really, really attractive. You know what I mean?

All of a sudden, because we're not so worried about just getting to the next day, it just opens up the doors for all sorts of things to be. come attractive. Yeah, that's also another like point is like while there is like the norm, like everything has to be pretty, we've also moved kind of the society where people hold themselves higher than others. So how you perceive people is like, yeah, this is me. This is what I want in life and this is what I'm going after. I don't give a shit what you like. Right. Which is basically that. Yeah. And also in an age where everybody wants to be different. Everybody wants to be a snowflake. You have just like constant conflict with what is what. And it's like that's why we need technology to come. come in and start sticking wires into us and get our shit together. Chris, yeah. Since you have, like, such interesting views on beauty, why don't you, like, indulge us in your perfect woman, what you would look like? Or, guy, if that's what you prefer.

Okay, I wanted them to have, like, an elephant trunk for a neck. Nice. A monkey ass. You see, you give him a serious question, and he, he turns it into it. You want me to be serious? It was a serious question. I don't know. I like a little bit of meat, a little bit of love handles, seeking weight.

Yeah, I do like pale skin, though. I like dark hair. It's interesting. That's about it. I like big asses and big tities. I was going to say societally, pale skin is one of those things. Like, certain cultures really coveted. And certain cultures don't like it at all.

Yeah, I know. That's my views. Yeah. Yeah, Shad, you're going to dish it out. Okay, okay. Look, you see, the way he described is like, it's all for him. It's all about me. You know what?

I want big breaths. Not for me. for my children so they can have milk. Wide hips, not for me. So you can bear my arms. Yeah, but I think you're like asexual or some shit. You want Gerta? I just imagine this big, like,

German fucking breadmaker. She's like working to fucking midmill. I need strong arms because you can work in the field. You need, like, nice, like, hairy arms and whatever the fuck they want. Yeah, you get a nice woman. People can, like, little skinny ladies. They can like big fat, huge ladies.

I will come home and be like, Guten Aub and vibe. Good truth. And she would take. care of my children and give me my dinner. She'll come down. She'll come down. She would bury your kids in her breast. She'd be like, I've made bread.

She'd fucking spit out a baby and you'd be like, good for you. I want some steak. And then she'd go out into the field and she fucking punch the cow on the head. Yeah. And then just snap its neck with her bare arms. She'd be like, and she'd use karate chop a fucking leg off of it,

bring it back into the house. She'd like blow fire through her lips. She would just send it on fire. She would rip a cow. and half like a fucking weightlifter and give you the meat and kiss you on the forehead to show she she'd rub she'd rubbed two stakes together so hard that they'd actually cook

and then she put it on the table that's a good woman that's a good woman you get a woman who's basically like the whole thing on it you don't have to worry about shit if some guy comes up to you she'll cartoonishly bend the gun back yes and beat into death when it's right did you think it's wrong that people are attracted to the specific

things like that no not at all I think that's good I think that's good I think it's good that people have still sexual interest. Otherwise, what would you be alive for? Yeah, no. Everybody has what they're into. I know asexual people who are fucking delighted. They don't have to worry about it.

You've got other things to focus on. I do think that, you know, and it's kind of a cliche, but I do think it's really true that personality really does alter the perception of a person. You could have someone who, you know, if you'd never spoken with them, you would think they were dropped yet gorgeous. You have, you know, you spend a little time with this person and you're just like, you cannot unsee the ugly, you know what I mean? And vice versa.

That's 100% true. happened to me a few times where, like, I'll see a girl, and I'll be like, nope, because I'm just an asshole. And then they'll talk to you, you're like, wow, you're cool. Yeah. I like you. This is, once again, brain defeating the brain. However, people are still attracted to the looks and that can never, no, that's the initial thing. It's impossible

not to be. Before you talk to anyone, before you read a book, before you do anything, you see something first. And that is that initial instinct. You know, you're not going to look at a pile of shit and go, hmm, I wonder if there's a golden nugget in there. Women are not pieces of shit, man.

Nick, they're not objects. They definitely don't come from. That wasn't the metaphor, but yeah, no, no, no, I can see where that train the thought went. So, Chris, could you see yourself settling down for a single woman for the rest of your life? Yeah, probably. If it is the right one? Yeah, probably. You could, yeah.

You could, too? I don't think I'd ever marry anyone. I don't know, though. Marriage is a big proposal. I think it is, I feel like marriage is a scam. It's like a huge scam. Oh, as someone who had been married for eight years, I will say that, In retrospect, I do think marriage is very contrived,

and I do think it's very, it is the epitome of unnatural to me. Yeah, that's really true. I'm not saying that being with a person for a long time. Just the concept. And being loyal to them or things like that. Signing papers. Yeah, I don't think those are unnatural, but yeah, the papers and the laws. You are in love.

This is what happens if you bring up. Yes. I think that is very unnatural. Or the fact that we give. And the implications that people. Good on that. Or rings, rings, like wedding rings are complete bullshit. I really don't like that idea. Exactly.

Before we upset a shit ton of married people, right? People can get married and be very happy and die happy, right? Absolutely. Like, we're talking- Yeah, but that's the thing, right? I haven't really. Okay, 90% of people I know who do that, just, they get a divorce and it's a huge ordeal that, like, ruins a year of their life and it's like, they gotta go through all this fucking bullshit with the court and spend a shit ton of money.

Why didn't you just not get married and love each other? was never about love. Love was a byproduct that may or may not happen basically out of survival so you didn't kill your fucking spouse. But before marriages were all fucking arranged. But I think that once marriage became about love, now the factors have changed because if marriage is now about

love, right? That means the moment or as soon as you don't feel like you guys are in love anymore, well then what's the fucking purpose? Like why are you still doing this? And that's when you get those parents that just fucking hate each other but they stick together out of convenience or obligation or children or always. I know way too many married people who are just

fucking furious. at each other all the time. At the end of the day they'll like hug and kiss for like a second, but it doesn't not. It's not right. Because it's like, like you can definitely marry, like don't get me wrong, you can marry someone and be like, yeah, this is great. Like we're in love and we're gonna die happy and you die happy and you had a great marriage. Right. For the fucking majority of people.

Well, you can also start a Let's Play Minecraft channel and blow up. But most of the time when you start that shit, you ain't gonna get more than 10 fucking views and most of them are gonna be dislikes anyway. If I met someone like and I really love them, I'd be like, yeah, you know what? We could probably get married, but I'm not signing that you get married. that you get half my shit, that is bullshit. That is fucking a complete scam. And then a girl, like most girls are gonna be like- But then you what, you don't trust me? There's also-girls can be like, you don't trust me, you fucking piece of shit. There's also-almonie.

Yeah, like the concept of alimony, which is like, you know, I was paid as a subside amount of money and I still deserve that even when we're- There's just too much shit that can go wrong. It's like rich people and it's like it's also the whole I'm completely ignorant. Okay, I'm like 25 years old in marriage is the last thing on my fucking mind But I've always thought the idea Like conceptually of giving a ring Yeah Like purchasing a ring for like thousands of dollars Bullshit-dicts behind that too

Is its own subset of bullshit Like oh this person spent $30,000 in a ring Therefore what? Do you know but you know like people who like Oh I lost my ring and it's like It's like oh I'm gonna get in I'm gonna be so I'm gonna get so much shit for it I'm just gonna immediately rate why

If your person you were with It's like understands that you guys are committed together and it's like, why would they be upset that you lost it? It's like, I can understand that, but it's still kind of like, shouldn't you guys still be on like a level of trust? It's a thing. Right, and if you're measuring the value... It's an object where when you get drunk and you're like, oh yeah,

I'm very... Right, exactly. I think like... My dick's just going to slip into somebody. You know, when you see people getting, like, tattoos of like their, girlfriend's names on their arm and shit, it's like stupid as fucking idea in the world, right? Unless you murder them and it's kind of like a mark, like, for every girlfriend you murder. No, but I still think that's more forgivable than

a ring, because rings that are like, they're overpriced and stupid and it's just this like concept that shouldn't exist and you can lose it it's like why the fuck it like at least you can't lose a tattoo it's like cut off your body you know it's like it's like tombstones like people spend like thousand thousand of dollars

to get the nicest tombstone but in the end you're just fucking in the ground worms come all over but if you think like that then you could say that about everything yeah everything when I die put a stone there and be like dead man when I go to the graveyard

right there's two graves they fucking love right it's like one guy in the graveyard got a grave so that his grave was a fucking bench. It's like, you were the coolest guy I've ever met. I could sit on you and be happy for like a minute. That's cool. I had a tribute bench at high school. That was a grave. That's fucking awesome. I love that, right? Because if I was a bench, if I was a bench, I'd have butt curves in it. It wasn't fucking, it wasn't a comfy bench. It was some bullshit stone bench. I want to get like a public toilet as a grave. It's like functional. No, but um, and then the other graves that are really cool are the Chinese graves where they have these shrines that you get. No, but there's awesome. What I was saying for, I get fucking count.

masturbator. I'm talking about the conceptual idea that like you spend thousands of dollars because they force you to. These people are like, oh, you have to get the $16,000. Well, there's also the engagement ring, then the wedding ring. Yeah, but I'm talking about, like, debt. And the wedding. We've talked about it, but it's still like that. Like, it's still like that shit. It's still like, no matter what, you're always going to be having some sort of overly expensive item to be remembered by.

And it's like, it's not a terrible thing, but it's just like what Chris said. Like, we're all remembered by how commercial. I honestly think that if you took the money that you spent on rings and the wedding and instead planned a trip with the person that you're supposed to marry That to me I think is a lot more symbolic and memorable party dude. It costs more than the fucking wedding ring half the time Yeah, no absolutely tens and thousands of dollars and for the rich people like a million dollar wedding or whatever But honestly and when I say a trip I don't mean just some like oh go on a cruise to some Caribbean island I mean grab the money that you would take from this wedding or the wedding ring yeah find the person that you are marrying Experience amazing shit and then yeah go to a lap.

bring some backpacks and survive the wilderness for a month. Then you will know if this is the person... You'd be singing a different... No, that's true. But you would know that this person was clearly not fit to survive because they got eaten by a bear. You guys go out into the woods and fend for your lives as a team.

This isn't a fucking discovery channel. We don't have to do this. And if you both survive and come back to be back for you. I don't want to fucking do that. You want to remember this day. Instead of spending a fucking trillion dollars on making all your friends think you're cool for a day, fucking bring her to like Japan

and, fucking go see the silver back gorillas and fucking experience amazing shit. Put money where your mouth is. I would love to go to Japan and ride the silver back gorillas absolutely. How about this? Instead of buying an expensive casket for you and your wife buying a ring, buying a wedding party,

why you take a little bit of that money, buy a gun, two bullets for the both of you and end your life because you're fucking a guy's going to get married, a fucking loser. You might as well just end it right now. Your time is over. I just like I really think if a girl

can understand and be like, you know what, I agree that this is like, uh, this is kind of like a governmental farce where it's like, like, we're making the government a lot of money by getting married and all this. There are couples like that too. Yeah, and then like if a girl can understand it's like, you know what, we can just love each other and not have to get married, that's the nicest thing ever. It's like, wow, we don't have to spend a shit ton of money to prove we love each other. Yeah. After 10 years. Yeah.

After 10 years, they don't want to see there anymore. I'm just kidding. What? Like, after 10 years, you don't want to see each other anymore. That's just natural. That's the thing, like, I keep hearing love is a chemical imbalance, or not chemical imbalance, a chemical reaction, your brain that last maximum four years. So you might love him now

and then the four years you're like, oh shit. Wow, there's an expiration date on love. Oh, fuck. Well, that's when you gotta figure out absolutely everything you know about your... That's the thing. You never know if you're gonna fall in

or out of love with somebody. Yeah, I'll just throw this out there real quick to end this particular topic about love, but if a little word of wisdom, if you're ever wondering, do I love someone or do I still love someone, the answer is no. There's no.

If you're already asking you the question, then the answer is. already. Here's another test. Just go in the bathroom and jerk it and then come and then your mind will be 100% ready. Love is bad. You'd be like, boy, I don't love her. I'm just horny. What? Love is a battlefield. And... Love is a racing fire engine after that fire. God damn it. I thought you're going to say something. Love is a wise. Swimming pool. What's the most perverted thing you think you've ever done? I can't say this on national television. I can't say it on national. That's the thing. It's so bad that I I can never tell anyone about it.

And that's the best point. Everyone's got like at least fucking three of those. What's the most perverted thing you did as a child that you couldn't be held accountable for? That's the thing. I can't say it. I can't say it. The one I'm thinking of it's still bad. It's still bad.

I can't say it. I think I already said it once in the podcast. I was a kid, but I was still able to read. I think it was like 12 and it was on the international flight. And I was reading, Valley of the Horses, the sequel to the Clan of the Cave Bears. And I got really horny and I was chewing a big water gum. And I went into the bathroom, the airplane bathroom, this tiny little thing. and I brought in the page that I was reading where it got really hot and heavy with the caveman sex

And I wrapped the gum around my wiener and jerked off with a wad of gum around my dead That's not that bad at all That's not that bad You don't even know this stuff we did Yeah That's the thing I can't tell you because when I was younger I didn't know what I did Can I tell a true story but it's not bad

Okay When I was 11 I went on holiday to America with my mom and dad We stayed at their friends house And they had porn on their computer that I was watching it. And I got super horny and I ran up to my, uh,

the room of Staining and I started drawing like me fucking like people on like, I used to do that too. No, I know, right, but I was like drawing. You're the loser.

I know, right? I was like 11. I was like drawing horrible, like, fucking insanely stupidly bad pictures. You like, right me enough of that for the arrow to it?

No, I was just like drawing me like fucking like, I would say they were hot when I was 11, but now they would look like deformed creatures of the night.

Did you ever draw yourself with like, fucking like 18 people at the same time? like a human centipede of just like your dick is like a skewer. The best way to describe it would be they look like the pictures that Chris Chan draws of himself fucking girls. Okay. When he does like babies draw like these horrible characters.

Anyways, I was drawing those and then my dad came upstairs and he tried to open the door and I put my foot on the door and I wouldn't let him in. And then I was like, what am I going to do if he'd be like, he was like talking to me while I was thinking at the speed of light and I was like, I need to get rid of these. So I put them all in my mouth and chew them into like a paste. Then he came in and I just ran past them and ran to the battle. from spat into the toilet, like flushed it. He was like, what the fuck are you doing? I was like nothing and he like left. But then the toilet got blocked and I had to shove my hand down into this shitty toilet and pull out these petronics and put them in a bin. It's not that bad. It's not it's not perverted.

Why don't you just put him down your pants or something? I didn't, wait wait wait wait. I know in the moment you just don't think about those things. No, the thing, the worst part was the people we were living with they were all like super obese and the guy had just taken a shit in the toilet like, like it would, my hand was deep down in like slurry shit. Yeah, it was bad I kind of did the same thing, Kristen I had a binder full of like adult comics Where I would draw like

I think I did like hybrids of like Cartoon shows and like games And just stuff I did Like stuff I played at the time Like I remember I had tons of comics With just like characters fucking just like orgies I drew like peach fucking daisy And like Sonic fucking Peach

I just did like these like weird pornographic like comics to myself So I was doing like When I was like 13 or maybe 12 I was young, but I was doing, so when I got really into Dragon Ball Z, I made up my own port of, like, Dragon Ball Z, and I had this big black binder full of that.

I said a story before. You were always a dirty little shit. Yeah. And obviously it was terrible, but at the time, it was like my treasure trove. I had this, you know, those like work. Dark treasure. Those, like, work binders that you stick stuff in,

it was so full of comics. I couldn't close it, so I actually had to, like, stick it underneath my drawer. And when I got older, I was like 19 or 20, and one day I was just moving shit my room and I pulled them out and I saw it

I was just like holy fuck because they were like really scratched in there viciously carved in there you ran out of ink in your pen but you continue to just chiseled it into the paper you know those like tick tecto lines like those fucking lines you know some horror movie

yeah no like the lines are like that and just like these like fucking flabby pancakes everywhere it would just dicks and I was just like because I can kind of tell what it is because I can kind of say like oh there's Princess Peach's helmet helmet. Crown. And there's Amy's bow

and there's a bunch of dicks and all over and I was like, okay. And so I took all my comics and I put them in a big black thing because I was like, this is embarrassing. This is actually embarrassing. And I put in a black bag and I dropped it at the bottom of the river with a brick over it. No, you didn't. Yeah. No, I did.

No, you didn't. This sounds crazy, but I was like I took a knife and I chiseled holes in it so it would sink. And I took a brick and I tied it with rope. This is when I was leaving my dad's house for the last time. I did this before he got home. I was like, I'm leaving. I don't want him finding this one day when he has a kid and he moves in and gets my

room. And it buried it at the bottom of the water. And I'm sure if I went back there today, I could bring it back up. You could find the... Corrie. We should go. We should go and go get it. Yeah, absolutely. I just bring it back. I would like drop this like seaweed box, but who wants to read my old... Let's put it on champagne. Let's fucking make it a thing. These like dilapidated like rotting pictures.

It'd be like, peach fucking dais. You guys ever play a game called Sextris? No. What's that? You guys ever know what Sextriss is? No. It was Tetris, but it was called Sextriss, but it was like Tetris, but all the pieces were made of people, naked people, and you would combine them like you would with Tetris. Is this like a rom hack?

What's that? This is like a rom hack? It was just like an online game. I think I played that around the time Snood came out. Yeah, it was in college. So it was like new. Yeah, it was like late 90s. Yeah, it was like late 90s, early 2000s, I think.

No. Anyways, so if you can just imagine a bunch of pieces, like L-shaped, naked people, whatever, and then you could combine them, and they would go, oh, oh, and they disappear. That's cool. But essentially, so I guess the reference is lost. But anyways, if you haven't played sexist, Google it, it's there. But essentially, I had a drawing when I was a kid that was, it was like this, it was just this ongoing project that I had,

where I just had a couple of people, like, in sexual positions. You couldn't really see dicks or anything like that. but over time I literally just kept adding onto the pile and like I'd add some underneath I could never add any on top but I started in the center of the page so it didn't matter and I just kept adding people like over time I mean I don't know it was just like occasionally I'd whip it out and just draw a person here or there but it ended up being like this entire fucking page or just all these people

fucking like they were small like tiny little people you know like they looked like little Lego people almost like I couldn't really draw very well but yeah that that was about as far as I went into it about with the sex Strings like Gumby's horse pal like characters like that yeah just a whole fucking how like a quilt of human Fuckery this is good times see we're all just a bunch of horn dogs just what's saying everyone's I'm built to be horned dogs Everyone is just a horny fuck and anyone who denies it is a liar that's why that's why there's why there's that statistic Anita Spartan's sneezing sir key yeah the one who said that like all men are rapists 99 rapists that are toxic yeah it was 10 out of 10 men will rape everyone or everything

Even inanimate objects. One out of seven girls play games. 100% of men are rapist toxins. It's hard to be a guy. It is. You know what it is? It's hard to be a white cis male. It is.

Civilization. You know what? You know what's even worse? It's like we're not getting to rape people. Obviously, but like I feel hurt being white in this world where other white people talk down to me. And they say, hey, whitey, there's your fountain. Hey, Whitey, there's your bathroom.

We're segregating ourselves into a new civil. It's true. I would say that like it is kind of frustrating that I just can't rape all the time because it is on my mind and societally it's not all right. I literally as a man have been built to just walk up to things and molest the fuck out of them. And on a daily basis, minute to minute, you know, guys have sexual thoughts like every 30 seconds. You know, I'm, maybe I'm like overactive, but Jesus Christ, every second of the day I'm trying not to just stick my dick in something. Hey guys, mix trades to like rape everybody and it's not fair to say. He's lazy. I've had, I've literally, I've I've learned

this technique out of body experiences to chase people down and fuck them. Is this spirit fucking? Did you learn this from Jordan D? Did you do you know, so 66? Yes. You use the spirit crystals to enhance your body.

Yo, the owl people will lead you out of your flesh so you can float above your body and go chase down your body. children and rape them. Men think, men think about two things, rape and toxins. It's true. Let's stop talking about the qualities of rape. What's getting into the real meat? Let's talk about the way our fucking society's heading. So we have streaming. Yeah, we had five nights at Freddy's. This is the future. This is, where do we go from there? How do we evolve? What is the next big, big horribly stupid thing that everyone's going to jump on? I think the next, well, as far as stream is concerned, I think the next thing we're going to get to is people just streaming their day-to-day lives.

Once Google Glass comes out and people can see through other people's eyes, I think people will just have full-blown channels where it's just their life 24-7. That will be the point where I can't take it anymore and I'm just gonna quit the internet. Because I feel like there's enough voyeurs out there who want to watch and there's enough exhibitionists who want to show. And there's some, look, if there's channels dedicated to people just like eating Doritos or watching trailers to movies, there's gonna be the whole like, this is my life, this is my wife, my kids, my job, my lunch, my shit break. I think, yeah, I think movie theaters, you know, in the previews, like video previews and stuff before you watch a movie. Yeah. I think that space is going to be bought up for, like, YouTube stars. Like, people are like, hey, check out our prank videos or, hey, I'm an up-and-coming artist.

Check out my music. Well, YouTube movie. I've seen a YouTube comedian on the big screen one. Well, or I've definitely seen... It's weird. I've seen the print ads for the YouTube stuff. I'm like bus stops and stuff. Instead of getting movie previews, that stuff we've gotten for, like, years.

It's going to dissolve in a TV commercials. We're gonna see like new kids toy that glows and stuff and it's just like you are you saying Sky plays Minecraft or Sky does Minecraft is gonna be He's gonna be in the next Pixar showing yes Yeah, it's gonna it's gonna be the preview to the movie man Pixar is gone they are done. What are they doing now what are so fucking trash like what with the Disney stuff? Do they just not care anymore? They they they they they what the fuck Chris I'm so I hate Pixar now Have you seen their YouTube page? It's it's like it's pandering to the lowest common denominator They have their stupid little inside out

shitty characters reacting to movie trailers. You didn't like Inside Out? With canned footage. Is it real? I'm not kidding, that's true. You didn't like Inside Out? I don't have any problems with it. I'm gonna watch Inside Out tonight.

I thought it was boring and not... You're gonna watch your interest. I've never seen it. What? They're... Disgusting is fucking putry. I hate it. They're worth a lot better than that in my opinion.

That's because like... Like they're reacting to like Age of Ultron because Disney bought out Marvel and the stupid little joy characters like... Wow! It's like canned footage from the movie that was a suit. Do you remember the video where Shrek was getting excited for One Direction? What? Yeah, I love that.

Yeah, he's like, I don't want to see these new stars, and they may look handsome, and I really like Zane. But I don't want to see New One Direction. What happened was DreamWorks tried making a YouTube channel, right? And they rendered a bunch of, like, Shrek backgrounds as JPEGs, and then they got the Shrek rig, because, you know, their Dreamworks and they own it. And then they tried making, like, viral Shrek videos where they got it. They couldn't get Mike Myers, because,

Mike Myers is too good for it. This is during the time. Completely fair. They got a shitty sound alike who sounds literally nothing like him. Nothing. They put him in some fucking broken ass sound booth, turned a mic up too high so it was clipping. And he's standing in the middle of a swamp, but no background noise. He's clipping his mic, he's doing a shitty-ass impression talking about One Direction.

Yeah, yeah. And that's literally it. That's all there is. He has the Eddie Murphy sound like too. Yo, did you guys ever see, so you guys know American Dad? Yeah. You know Klaus? Yeah, I saw that.

thing where they did that? I think Tomar mentioned it on Twitter and that's how I saw it but they were... He's the goldfish. Oh, I did see that. There's just like... They were like doing a Q&A with fans or just talking but it was like so bad. It's so long and there's just like... There's no background noise There's no noise. There's no music.

He just sits there and he's just like okay this question is from and it's like it sounds terrible. Yeah, they don't know how to use mics or set up anything. It's like what we're doing. We're just sitting in the middle of a big ass empty room with Reaver fucking blaring around. And it's one frame. Yeah. And sitting in a ball, it never changes.

So, big-ass companies, learning your lesson, don't make viral videos with shitty rigs on JPEGs, with no background noise, learn how to use your mics the end. Is there any company that has gone out of their way to literally create a quote-unquote viral video that you've seen, that you've liked? Like, they were like, hey guys, our goal today, we're going to make a viral video. And it actually was that. YouTube? Well, yeah, that doesn't count, though, because they just promote their own shit. No, well, YouTube actually tried to make viral videos, not actually. steal viral videos or they tried to make viral from already viral videos.

What you're saying is, did a company make a successful viral video that people enjoyed? The only one I know of is an Irish company called Little and that worked for them. What did they do? There's just a shitty-ass supermarket, but they made these funny viral videos and people liked it. Oh, oh. Like what classifies as a viral video? Guyco in Progressive. Their shit went viral.

I wouldn't think of anything as viral, that's over a million views. But then like all game companies and stuff have videos that went viral. Yeah. Of course, Guyco and Progressive, remember when Guyco was just a lizard? And now it was like a caveman, and now it's like all this like nonsense. They just do like a, it's like a fish out of water constantly. It makes no fucking sense. It's really weird.

I think we already talked about this on the podcast. What was Progressive originally? It was like Aaron Insurance. It's car insurance. It's auto insurance. It was like Aaron Insurance, that girl with pink hair. Now it's like this fucking like ditty like old 50s looking girl. Yeah, she's like old 50s.

It's so weird. So mean, Corey. No, she looks like she's from the 50s. She looks like, she looks like fucking, one of the moms from, like, fallout. Yeah, I think that's, yeah, yeah, yeah. She totally has a 50s buffoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she does.

She's like, I'm a meme. And then she sold a million insurances that thing. I'm a meme. Remember when Burger King did the thing where there was like the, the king? No, it's like, when people try our new, like, bacon, Swiss spicy burger, it's like, here's what this people,

sing and they had like the mimer and then they had the selfie the selfists the people who take have selfie sticks and are like oh my god this burger's so good they tried making that fucking viral by doing everything popular yeah see oh you know what i think old spice pulled it off to a degree oh yeah they went out of their way to do it but see those were commercials that then went viral it's one of those videos that like your friends like even if you're not interested in the product like it's things that people will email you or Skype and be like oh my god you got to see this oh like when the simpsons did the Harlem shake this Yes.

Yes. It would be like that. Technically, it would be like that. Dude the hoomish. It was so embarrassing. God. After that, I like didn't, I couldn't say, I like the same instance. I couldn't say that anymore.

You know, Family Guy tried it numerous times. Like, they really went out. They were like, I did the other one where it was like, um, peanut butter jelly time, I think. Oh, they did. Oh, it was. Brian wore the banana suit and did the peanut butter jelly time. It was based off a GIF. Yeah.

Oh, I know. Or did a troll of a little song. Yeah. No reason. Family Guy didn't do it. They were in a bar and he walks in and he's like, lo, lo, and they start singing along with him. For no reason. There is a reason.

It's because Seth McFarlane made friends with some fucking hack, and then he gave him a job because he felt sorry for him. And then that fucking hack wrote memes in the family guy and ruined it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Defeating moment of family guy. Like, oh, God, it's this over. Have you ever seen Seth McFarlane's Cowlid of Cartoon Comedy? If you want to, like, make yourself feel better about anything, just watch that and just think about how serious. Wait, he made those, right?

But when you look at it, it doesn't, it looks like a bunch of interns. No, you- Fucking threw shit at a wall. They were like, hey, let's- You know what's fascinating is. Me, Chris and Aaron were watching it. Yeah. And it was like, we were literally like, these are people.

This is someone who's like saying like, the joke is, a Scottish man is watching a famous TV show. Yeah. You write that on paper. Yeah. And then you do it. And that's the joke. He's Scottish and he's watching like fucking Grace Anatomy.

Right. And he's talking about it. He's like, oh, don't you? Don't you rule your relationship with him? It's just like, but this isn't funny. I don't understand it. There's no joke. It's like stereotype humor.

Yeah, it's two people talking. That's what it is usually half the time. I remember there was this one with like the monkey. This guy meant like this monkey at an airport and they fucked because of the guy has sex with a monkey that's how AIDS is made. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, oh, you should probably get yourself tested. It was so dry and just, okay. I know what you're saying that a guy had sex with a monkey.

That's how AIDS came, but it's not a joke. There was just a lot of them. There was just like a guy that was standing there. It was like the awkward guy in the room, and he's just standing there, he was just like, I feel weird. I mean, I feel like they just dug up a bunch of skits that never were meant to see the light of day. And then just threw them all together. They removed Family Guy skits. It was a huge Burger King advert, really.

You know, but if you would tell that to him, he'd be like, I'm making more money than you. That's the thing. He's like, he's super redunculusly talented at, like, singing and stuff. Oh, yeah, he's a really talented guy. And, like, Family Guy Season 1 is like, everyone. And he could do a lot of great. voices. I go back and see certain cartoons or certain movies and I'm like,

he fucking voiced that guy? He wrote all these really good old cartoons that were on Cartoon Network and he voiced, he's a really good voice, he's a really good singer, and he just does that. I think the thing with Family Guy is that he's not even really involved anymore, I don't think. I mean, I think he voices stuff. But I feel like as someone with his name on the show, like he'd be in the booth

or in the studio recording lines and he'd just look at the script and say, what the fuck is this? Like, I'm just so surprised he hasn't, like, you know what I mean? Like just guys, guys, guys, guys, look, I know I stepped away for a while, I put this in your hands, and I'm working on other things right now, and, you know, it's not my baby anymore, but

what the fuck is going on? But sometimes I have to super, I have suspicion that, like, characters like Brian, he specifically wrote them to be Republicans and stuff. Yes, no, absolutely. He, like, project himself into those, and that's why the show becomes even worse. He is just Brian. Yeah, yeah.

He's, like, a writer. Like, for instance, do he's, like, into show tunes? I think Brian is extremely liberal. He's all about, like, feminism and stuff like that. But isn't that one episode where he becomes a Republican? Well then it's

in that scenario it's because he's not normally. So that's why he does it. Where Brian used to be the voice of reason, he actually just became the one note of topics going on. Like he became the liberal,

he became the feminist, he became the social justice. They like all became this horrible character just as none of them have any humanity left and they're all just like they'll let each other die and like not care and it's really fucking hard to watch.

And like Meg is just like a desperate loser. He's like the, a joke, she's a running gag. It's not funny, it's like Meg walks into the room and you're, and you're supposed to laugh at the baseball game. It's funny. It's funny. It's like really cool. It's really mean-spirited. Yeah, it's just like you watch a single episode now

and it's just like this mean-spirited, just deluded cartoon show of what it used to be. It's just like, who are these characters? It's almost like they parodied themselves so nobody could parody them. Because it's gone, it's literally got, what would really be a family guy parody? That's what happens with every show, by the way. It just turns into a parody of itself after a certain point. I think South Park parodied Family Guy really well. Yeah, that was good.

With the Manatee episode. Fucking, the Manatee who just like throws a ball and to a goal. Yeah, yeah, I would agree with that actually. Like, just Randy Marsh being a big idiot every episode. I think South Park has a lot of episodes where you can kind of see it coming from a mile away what they're doing. And then it becomes predictable in sale. You guys remember when Scrubs season one was like this really like nice, like, light-hearted, like kind of dramatic, like... Yeah.

And then it's just turned into this like fucking part. I liked Scrubs at first. You always say weird shit like that. I did. You always say it in that same if like you're like, too. I like Scrubs. I like J.D. I did.

I never got into it. I agree. I like Zach Braff. I like Zach Braff. I like Zach Braff. Who the fuck is Zach Braff? He's JD and Scrubs. God!

I don't know his name. You know, this isn't the first time you've been confused about Zach Braff's identity. Yeah, like they all turned into weird parody. You said he looked like me. Though, you know, it's interesting that we say it because we just, Shad and I, we went on a little movie date together. And we put on a little movie date together. And we put. Oh.

put on the Human Centipede 3 because we needed some entertainment. There's a third one? Some good lulls, some tears. There's a third one. Some joy. It was a parody of itself. It was completely ridiculous. And it became clear that they did it.

It was almost like we were both trying to like figure out what the strategy was behind this. Like why are they doing this? The director himself shows up. Oh yeah. I wrote this movie. And he's like, oh, it's the big director guy. We love your movies. And they kept like flashing the DVDs.

Like it's always like, you got to watch these DVDs. I know they're really good. Yeah, the whole time. And it was like they were purposely parodying it so nobody else could. This is not a movie theater? No, no, no. We saw it on Netflix. We saw Netflix.

I kind of liked the first and the second one. You said you like the second one? Yeah. Would you recommend it to anybody? No. Okay. You may enjoy the third one. It is such a bizarre.

I mean, I guess they're all bizarre. But this one was clearly like just rando humor the whole fucking time. Yeah, it was the actor. The main actor was the dog. from the first one and the secondary main actor was the retarded guy from the second one. There's something, I don't like, they're both kind of shitty, but I just like the atmosphere of the movies. This is a totally different atmosphere. It's colorful. It's like vibrant colors and bizarre. Do they have human centipede?

They talk a lot. Like they all talk a whole lot. Yes, there is a human centipede. It's a human cartipillar. That means like no arms and no arms, no legs. There's a part of the second movie that made me kind of just be like, okay, that's too much. too much. When the baby falls under the the break of the car and she puts her foot down and squashes her newborn baby. It's like, come on, dude.

That was not necessary at all. You know, those movies, those three movies, I respect them because the first movie and the second movie, the third one, they all have a completely different tone and a completely different style. Yeah, and that's why I kind of really respect that. That they're not a bad horror

trilogy. Yeah. But they're not great, they're not good at all. No, they're terrible movies. Yeah. But there are things about, I mean, they're embedded in people's minds. You know what it's like?

You know what it's like? It's, uh, I wouldn't, in no way regardless. It's like, uh, but it's like Evil Dead. Where the first one set like this like weird tone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the second one, that's a perfect example. Yes, because the second movie was a very different movie. But it still kind of had it, but it was still.

And then Army of Darkness. And then Army of Darkness is a nonsense. Absolutely. That's a lot. That's very much a good analogy. Except with the human's enemy this comes from like kind of funny to just complete dark and no humor. Exactly. Very funny.

Well, it's funny like they're trying to be funny. Yeah. Yeah. I'm saying they're trying to be very funny. They're trying to be. I'm not saying I thought it was very funny. Yeah, parts of it, I mean, sometimes you're just laughing, like, is this actually happening right now? Here's the part where he screams at an eagle.

Yeah, he's just screaming. And the eagle is flying. He just filmed the eagle while he's screaming. I want to know something, right? So just say, like, something's different. Just saying, like, Mick went, like, missing for, like, six months, right? And he came back, and he had those, like, scars around his, like, face. And he was just completely shallow of his former self.

And, you found out that he was stitched to a man's anus and was forced to eat shit for a few months, right? Would you still hang around with Mick if that had happened to me? Yeah, and hang out with him even more. You would? You're a liar. No, okay, Corey, Corey, that happens to Mick, right? He comes back, he's a shell. He's got these big fucking scares.

You can't ignore when you look him in the face. And would you talk to him? Every single time, every single time you're like, oh shit, guys, I gotta go take a dump. You feel awkward now. You feel like you can't say that around me anyway. The first thing I would say is I would be like, hey, Mick, why so serious? Whoa, wow. And then your face would morph into the troll face, man,

and you'd sing troll. La, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, like, another thing I always wondered about, though, is, like, if someone, if one of your friends got deformed to the point where it's, like, it kind of ruins any, like, hanging out with them, like, would you be that horrible friend and just stop talking to them? That's the theme of a number of things. There was a book by the guy who did, um, Fight Club,

and I think, what was it called? Something Monster. Why are you looking at me like that shit? Anyways, thinking of what could horribly happen to you. Well, no, essentially, this person, like... My face gets ripped off by him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The main protagonist of this story is, like, a model or, or an actor.

actress, like a famous actress, and she's got like this supermodel boyfriend or something. And then she gets in like this terrible accident and like her face gets burnt or something. And like everyone, like it's not flat out said like, oh my God, we can't hang out with you. But all of a sudden like the boyfriend ends up dating her best friend. And then eventually like she can't get any more acting roles. And then like her whole life just goes down the toilet because of this one accident that happened. But that actually kind of happened in Vanilla Sky as well with Tom Cruise. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like his whole like he's like this famous dude. everybody loves him, blah, blah, blah, and he gets one, like, something happens to his face, and now all of it, this actually loops back to the whole discussion about looks. But all of a sudden, you know, people can't work with him and, like, all this kind of stuff. Yeah, so I could see why if an accident happened to someone, I would expect better from you guys, but, you know, it... You hear about that lady who got her face, like, ripped off by the chimpanzee, right?

And, like, I read that, like, nobody goes to visit her. Like, nobody, like, she gets super lonely, and it's like, why would people not visit her? Like, is because she's just like... Chris, would you visit her? I don't... That's the thing, like, if that happens to somebody and nobody visits them and you're the only one to visit them, then they become dependent on you, and then...

Yeah, it's true. And then you're kind of stuck in it, and nobody wants to be stuck anywhere. That's true. So, Chris, if you... Chris, if we started a Kickstarter to get you out there, to get you a trip to fly out to the gorilla lady, to the gorilla face-rip lady, would... Mick!

I'm serious! I'm serious! It's such a horrible truth, though. Put yourself into that situation. If you were like the centerpiece of a human centipede For two months And then you got rescued by the SWAT team And would you want people to come visit you and talk to you?

That's the thing I'm asking I'm still the same me I just have to eat shit for you You're not the same you You've been fucking like You've been turned into a human centipede No not just that

You're like But then where do you draw the line though I mean here we're talking about like Face Rips from gorillas And ass eating shits From human centipes Something horrible is happening You're not the same person anymore

But what about What about if, you know, a family member of yours died? Or, you know, you got divorced because of some crazy thing. Like, you know, just, I mean, where's the line? I really think it depends on what happens to the person and how they deal with it. If I was part of a human centipede and I came back and was like, hey, guys, what's up? You're like, dude, did you get, were you in a human centipede? I was like, yeah, dude, totally sucked.

But you know what? You know what? Life goes on. Trying to forget about it. Yeah. Send it and forget it. You know, I realized, I realized, guys, while I was sitting there eating Bruno's big dumpy poops for two months.

I sat there and I had to justify life in some way. Otherwise, I just fucking kill myself. You know what? In life, we're all eating shit. We're all eating the shit of everybody else. We're eating the shit of their bad day. We're eating the shit of their imaginations. We're eating the shit of the government. We're eating the shit of commercialism. All the time. Yeah. And then Mick, and then people finish,

you're like, you're going to flush that? Yeah. No, right. So exactly. You'd have to make a joke of it. Someone take a dump. They'd come out of the toilet and you'd be like, leave any for me? See, like there's another situation that comes out of that. The other situation that comes out of what you're saying is, is like, you could come back and you'd be like, look, something fucking horrible happened to me, but you got a level way, got a little bit, right?

Right, right. I got a perfect scenario for you now. Okay, right, after this, right? Just say you come back like that now. Everything's cool, right? But, but society will still always treat you like, oh, you're the poor person you got fucking pooped on his mouth, and you shout into another poor lady's mouth. Like, and people will always forever treat you like that.

So with that not just like, make you really angry if people keep doing that to you? I don't think they would, though. Could I get our... Even if it did, I think your job then is to not let it bother you and to be like, hey, listen, I know where you're going to go with this? We don't need to talk about it.

Or, you know what? Yeah, it's true. That's the guy who I was, but guess what I'm good. You know, like, you just have to constantly remind people. It's like when people make memes of you guys or something like that. It's like, dude, please stop. But at the same time, it's just like, you know, like, it's not going to ruin your day, but it's like, you educate people. Like, hey, guys, we're kind of done with the Nazi thing. You know what I mean? Like you can

stop now. You know, but it's not like you just sit there and take it. You know what I mean? If I was experienced the human centamine, I'd use my newfound fame to go try out for Ellen, Ellen DeGenerate. And then I would go on Ellen degenerate and I'd be like, I fucking hated you as Dory. Holy shit, that's kind of fucked up. I would leave. You get free

knives, and you get a nice blender. You get a bunch of nice shit from going on the show. I would come in and I would say that and I'd be like, that's the dude who ate shit as a human centipede. He told her to her face that she fucking sucked his dory. This dude. You know what, you know what? If you were like, listen, for six months, I was eating, I was eating shit out of a dirty

ass, swamp ass, okay? But you know what? I would rather go back to the human centipede than watch your show. You know what? The human centipede is completely ridiculous. Let's go to something a little more realistic. She I wanted to talk to me. I wanted to ask this, Chris. You strike me as a secretly

talented cock sucker. Okay. So, you could, as they say, wax a mean cock. Right. So, coal, wax the pole. Imagine if someone,

if like this big black guy, and he would be like, Chris, suck my dick. I'm not saying you do that, but you would just be one of those guys and you suck his dick, and he filmed you secretly, and you put it online.

Oh, no. Would you then still want people to talk to you or would you just want to be like, I don't want to know anybody anymore? Personally, if that happened to me, the best thing you can do is completely own it. Just be like, right?

So? Yeah. So then it's the same thing. with every other situation. Like, I've been turning to a human centipede, so... Yeah, no, yeah, but he's a good way looking at it. Yeah. Because the worst thing that can ever happen to you after that won't be as bad as like... That's true, too. So, like, you know, it's like, I look like a fucking super villain now.

You always hear stories about people going blind and it sounds like a really horrible thing, but they always seemly much happier. That's because your other senses get enhanced like Spider-Man. The real question is, what are things that would be worse than being in a human centipede? Having your ears, eyes, and tongue coat out? Yeah, it would suck. Yeah, but see, the whole point of the human centipede is that it didn't mangle you. You what I mean? You were able...

It did mangle you. The original. Oh, really? It like ruins your asshole. It means you have to wear diapers for the rest of your life. It means you'll never be able to walk into a grocery store that people looking at your face be like, ugh. And they also cut out the things here and can't walk. Oh, yeah.

In the third one, yeah. It was a prison. Yeah, so like literally it was like you would be in the human centipede, serve your sentence and then they let you go. Yeah. If you had your like dick ripped off in like a bicycle accident, would you like just become a one more? Would you just like be a dickless man? Wow, that's actually a really good question. I would just be a woman.

That's always like the question. Would you really? Yeah. That's always like the question where it's like, okay, so your genitalia is mutilated. Yeah. You have a choice to become a woman. Yeah. Absolutely.

I would get like the grossest-looking vagina. But I become the best looking woman. You'd be like that Buck Angel guy. What do you do? This like biker dude, who, oh no, it was a lady. Wait, whoa. It's like this gross hairy man with a pussy. It's like, imagine the most burly.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hell's angel biker, but he has a pussy. Oh. Yeah. It's weird. It's a petite pussy. It's a quaint one. It's not one of those like violent I really I really actually don't know if it was a lady or a man first It was a man. I don't mean to say it either. No, no it was a man. How did he do that then he just he actually just decided he wanted a pussy So did he just gave him an operation and it work he was a guy first? Yeah, that works. Yeah, he just wanted it to be his thing is being fucked by men

Oh, okay you slice up the shaft of the penis. You grab it by it like you know the shaft and you you wrap it around into itself into a pussy and tie it in a balloon knot and then you set. He's right. You tied it into like a little giraffe. It's like tying your shoes. It's like pull the rabbit ears through the hole, pull the end, you never forget. That's how you tie your shoes. Over the fence.

Through the hole. That's what the doctors are doing. Use a stapler or done. That's what all the kids are doing. We're good. Beautiful. I was saying like with a lot of them

with a lot of like you know there was this one comedian who was talking about gay guys and just kind of like the perception that oh they're these effeminate guys and I love he went to this little rant and I loved it but it was basically like hey so what do you like

you know it's like this guy asking another guy he's like oh yeah I like women I like them nice and small and soft and silky and you know smooth and cuddly and pretty and they smell good it's like what about you gay guy It's like, I fuck dudes. There was like, there's nothing more masculine.

You know what I mean? If you want to talk about effeminate, like, oh yeah, I want this pretty little princess to stick my wiener in. Versus like, give me a big hairy motherfucking dude. You know, like he just fucking lifted a barrel over his head and threw it down the hall. Now this sweaty man, we're going to fuck. This is going to get fucking, you know, I want this guy to wreck me or I'm going to wreck him. And it's like, I don't know, that's pretty manly. There's probably somebody out there who thinks it's like,

like the epitome of masculinity to go out into the wild find a bear and literally wrestle the bear to the ground and then violate it sexually. Actually, in the age we would. Just rape the bear. Never in the world would you wrestle a bear to the ground.

I think what's way more manly is wrestling a silverback to the ground and fucking raping it. Dude, a bear or a silverback. Come on, man. A bear? You can, a silverback, come on. I don't know. Who do you think, wait?

I'm the guy who fuck the silver bear. Grizzly bear or a silverback? silverback. I think the fucking... Who would fuck each other first? Yeah, the bear would fuck up the silverback. I don't know. I mean, the silverback has the trees, right? I mean, it has the ability to be more mobile. The silverback could pick up the fucking bear and throw it on the ground. Are the silverbacks like the old ones that can't really do much?

They're the alphas because they're supposed to protect everybody. Oh, okay. They fight for that role. And when they're too old to be protectors, another alpha will come and it will challenge it. They're like nature's bodybuilders. Yeah, and if he wins, then he becomes the new alpha. I see. I didn't know that. A lot of animal tribes are like that. Like, they'll just have a leader for the longest time until a younger one comes and kicks his ass.

Yeah. What if you go into the hood and choose, like, the most meanest, biggest black man and arrest him and rape him? Is that manly? I don't think people would fuck with you. It would be pretty manly. Yeah, but you could say that about any place. If I walked into the fucking Google office right now,

marched right up into the main office, into the fucking CEO's office, some bodyguard security guy came over, and I fucking just bit... slapped him. I went right up to the guy grabbed him. It's a fucking chair meeting. It's like all the chairman are there. I grab him and drag him onto this long

table, flip him over, pull his plaid pants down and fucking stick my dick at his ass. I don't know. And if anyone tried to challenge me and I was able to defeat them, and then I stood up and I said, I'm the new fucking CEO. I don't just shoot you. I am Google. Don't you shoot you. I'm Google.

People come in with fucking God likes me. Nick, you have been very rapy today. Yeah. This is, I'm sorry, guys. I ate a lot of Chinese food today. Also, Mick. Also, Mick, you would be in the middle of doing that. My natural Han side. You would be in the middle of doing that and suddenly his head turns all the way around. He's like, this is just a test in case anything happens because Google's way ahead of me. Oh shit, it was a robot. Yeah, they come out on their cybernetic futuristic like moving machines.

Oh my God, like a, like the strawberry in Cloudy with the chance of meatballs too. They're like this is a test. You are now officially a member of Google because you've shook. We like this. They give me the Google. They give me the Google G sticker and they put it right on my chest. Nick. There's like an anti-raped device in Google ass that like cuts your dick off if you stick it up there while they're wearing it. Yeah, it's a fucking blender.

They are ahead of the time. They are way ahead. Google ass is awesome. You can like look at yourself, take a shit from underneath. Google S. Actually, you know what? I'm sure if someone had Google Glass that they would if somebody, especially Germans, that they would like stick it down there just so they could take a look at their dome. 2000.

2,000 dollars. It's scat you shit while you're taking it. What do you mean, why Germans? It shows you shit what it's going to be before you even have it. Oh wow, it's like X-ray vision. Google Glass is supposed to be used for things like seeing if you got a good shave, but people are using it to like doing your boots. No, Chad, Shed, why do you, why does that seem like something that seems inappropriate?

I just think like why Germans? Because when I was in Germany, a lot of the toilets, at least in Berlin, so maybe not where you are, because you lived on a farm or you shat in a hole, but in Berlin, they have these little shells. So when you take a dump, it sits on this little shelf. Then you push the button and it washes it down. And I asked what that was for. And they said it was because that way you could examine your stool before you flush it. I've heard of two toilets.

Yeah, the famous Japanese ones where it's like... Yeah, the squat holes. And also just ours, American ones. No, India's got a really good one too. What do they have? You just shit right on the beach. There you go. Have you seen a video?

Save fucking money and effort. Have you seen like a cat? And then you just like kick some sand over it. You've not seen a video on YouTube where it's like, this city is like, Hello, I've got a toilet in my house, but I have one of the very few here in India. And if she goes out onto a beach and there's this guy's like, I will show you where we all take a shi, I'll take a poo here. And he like brings me out onto the beach and there's like hundreds of people just squatting, taking shit, like, in a full view.

And the water's like coming in and pulling out the shits and it's like... Ew! Do they at least draw like a line in the sand to delineate where you're supposed to shit and where you're not? They'll stand around and these sort of ship piles of shit. The households are like split up based on like, who's... Oh my. And then there's like a part where he's like, if you run into one of your friends, there's someone you respect, all you can do is luck away. It's like, yeah, it's like YouTube video.

Yeah, and you, like in the YouTube video, they don't censor. You see shit's coming out of their assholes and landing on the beach and stuff. When I was in, when I was in Taiwan, we went to a Buddhist monk temple. And what they had was this trough. So it was like this like concrete trough essentially. And at the very top of the trough was a little gate. And what would happen is this trough was maybe like 30 feet long. It was pretty long.

five feet deep, but it was only about half a foot wide. So it wasn't very wide, but you put both your feet on both sides of this trough, don't fall in, you squat down, and you take a shit. And you can look down the trough, and there's just piles of shit going all the way down. And when it gets too filled up, you pull this chain, and the water comes down and flushes it down, I guess, a hill. But essentially, it's like the trots. So we've got squats, we've got, like, the squat toilets, we've got the normal, normal American

toilets. We have German shelf toilets. Toilet trots. Yeah. I would hate to fucking fall into that. Rape isn't funny because rape isn't a joke. In fact, it's super duper serious. Studies have proven that even joking about rape

is equal to, if not more, rapy than the act of rape itself. The unraped truth? There's never been a funny rape joke. Just like there's never been a funny joke about terrorism, racism, sexism, ageism, or even rapism. We may not be able to stop rape, but together we can stop Paul Blart's mall cop three. Join the movement at ban theblart.com.

I want to hear a story. I want someone tell me a story. I got a great story, Mick. Recently, well actually it was a few months ago, I went to Hershey Park with two. I went with Nile, my friend Jack, and my friend Caitlin, right? Yeah. So we're walking around Hershey Park.

having fun on roller coasters when this kid runs up to me this normal looking kid who looks about 12 runs up to me and he's like ha ha ha little teenager and I thought he was like making fun of the way I looked because I was wearing like stupid Halo t-shirts and my hair was long and I looked like a dumpy idiot

yeah and I was like yep he ran away right so I was like that was fucking weird so basically he was like all your fans but go on yeah I was like that kid must have known who I was or something oh right so he then he was gone and then I was having more fun on the roller coasters with my friends. Then

I ran into the kid again and he went, uh, you're doing, making fun of me, right? And I was like, what the fuck? And then I noticed there was this like black kid behind him laughing and like, and egging him on. So I was like, okay, these kids are like trying to fuck with me, right?

Yeah. And then this kid like, uh, walks up to me and he like grabs my t-shirt, he went, uh-huh, right? And I put my hand on his chest and I like pushed him back. And he like, he kind of like went back a few steps. So it was like, get away from me. And then his friend went,

hey, this guy's pushing him, right? And then at this point, a bunch of other kids ran over, one of them being a lumbering eight-foot-tall fat retard, who was like, what are you doing my friend? Right? And I was just like, you push me, right? Dude. It gets great.

You kicked the bees nest. Oh, it gets better. So I'm standing there trying to defuse this ridiculous situation when my, look like, God, My friend Jack came over, who was six foot three, built like a tank, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was just standing behind me, just like, what the fuck is going on? Chris, what the fuck if you've done?

And I'm like, I do shit! I was fucking pushing away this kid is fucking with me. Like, I'm not gonna let him just push me and fuck with me, right? So I was getting mad. And then, um, all these kids started walking towards me, and I was just like, okay, this is bad. And then, uh, I said out loud, why do I always attract these fucking freaks, right?

And then this big, tall, lumbering kid, it's like, if you say that about my friend again, I'm gonna smash your fucking, fucking face in and he was like he looked like he looked his face was 10 years old but he was like six foot five right and I was like what the fuck am I supposed to do I can't hit them and then the mother came over and she's just like what did you do to my son and I was just like I pushed him away from me because he was grabbing at me right and then the kids the little fucking shits were like he was pushing him around right I was like

oh fuck me and then this big fucking tall bill black dude came over he's what the fuck is going on here and then that Thank you fucking Christ my friend Caitlin was like, your son was like pulling on my friend's shirt, right? And she was like, oh, and then my friend Jack is like, oh, he's autistic. And then she's like, yes! And it's like, yeah, he was pulling on my friend's shirt. And she's like, I'm sorry, we'll leave. So all these little kids were egging on this autistic kid to pull on my shirt.

And I pushed them away and got the entire fucking scene mad at me. Wow. And then everybody was mad at me for the rest of the end. Do you think they do that? Do you think they bait that kid into going around? Yes. They were egging him on to like fuck with people. And then I like, I didn't push him hard. I put one hand on his chest and just pushed him away.

I would have picked him up, but fucking... And he heard saying, he was like swinging at me and shit. He was going, like, swinging his arms at me. I was like, you fucking asshole. Why do you think the other kids thought you were an easy target? Because it looked like a dumpy teenager. You know, you have these stories though. Like, when you were in Dublin, you said like a bunch of kids surrounded you

and started like poking you and making fun of you and trying to steal your camera and shit. Yeah, that was over Christmas. And before that I got punched in the face for literally no reason walking through Dublin too. Oh, also, we had a lumbering beast once, hypothetically, in our presence that threatened to beat your ass as well. You know why I think it is? It's because I've got this fucking blonde hair, and I just look like a fucking teenager that wants to be picked on. You have one long blonde hair. You have that punchable, that punchable face.

It's all fucking pisses everybody. It's just long beautiful. I honestly, I think I just look like an easy target, because I am an easy target. I wonder. I don't think you look like an easy target though Half brain lobotic retard Walked up to me and he was like Do who do who I'd be like

It's fucking scare him Are you trying to play You'd say that you'd fight fire with fire Yeah it would work I was minding my own business I'm always minding my own business Having a good time when these people start fucking with me And he's just like

The worst part was everybody was like pampering him Like once I pushed him All these little shitheads Try turning the situation on me I was just literally trying to get there is no way it was the first time. Yeah, there's no way it was the first time I would have honestly though the parent come up to I'd been like this little shit just started to this is so fucked up that you you can be standing there and then a bunch of kids can start fucking with you and you push him away just to get him out of your face and then everybody thinks you're the bad guy.

Well the fact that he touched you is bullshit. He was he's like a fucking grenade that they threw at you because they knew you'd have to respond and then old cunt of a mother was leaving her fucking autistic kid unattended to do this shit. Yeah and and you know what at the best part at a fucking roller coaster park you know Because that's like the safest place to just fucking let your kids run wild. He looked like really like normal, except he was acting like, you know, an autistic person. Right. But at first I thought he was just fucking with me. Like all of us.

Yeah. Like I just like, he just had that like head on him where he's like smiling going, eh, you're teenager. I was just like, oh, okay, thanks. So. What does it even mean? I don't fucking know. I don't think it means anything.

I think at that point it doesn't matter what they're saying. Nonsense. Yeah. No, there's any time. And I'm not saying this kid did it. But anytime I got in a fight when I was in high school, the fight always started with like the stupidest shit. Yeah. Things just like, you know, I don't like your hat.

Literally, like, that's it. Like, this is the foreplay you're going to give me? You don't like my hat, so what? You're gonna fucking throw down? Yeah, that's what it started me. Some kid was pushing me because he didn't like my coat. No, no. It doesn't even matter what...

If you got like an autistic kid who, like, goes around, like, trying to fuck with people and you know his friends are going to egg him on to do it. And, like, if you see, like, a guy pushing your kid away, you're not going to assume that maybe your kid was doing something fucked up. Like, they were all just obviously. pampering him and making him more... I don't know, you know, sometimes you'd think that parents are a little bit more aware of what the hell's going on, but sometimes they do block it out. But here's the biggest red flag. She was like, what did you do to my son? So clearly it happens. Right. Because if she's like, oh, I'm sorry, when it happened again. Right. Or what's going on here? It's just, what did you do to my... Immediately what did you do?

That fucking ragged old cunt didn't even apologize for, like... And she knew that her kid was starting shit. She just, like, lets him get away with it. And that's why he does it. And that's why his friends egg him on to do it. It's even on a baser level, it's like when people have kids that are crying or annoying other customers or stuff, you just see them sitting there and it's like a whole, it's just like blank. It's like they've found a way to just block it all out. Horrible people down to the core. Sorry, I just, I was really mad because everybody turned up.

My own friends were like, Chris, why did you push an autistic kid? I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like, just let them fucking grab at me? Everybody turned on you at that point. I've never felt so isolated. So alone in a land of fun. to the new age of oppression, 2015, official movement. Yeah.

And I think you guys know what I'm... What's the oppressor of the hour today? This has been a lovely evening with Corey Spass Kid. That's me. Mick Rice Pirate. Oh. Chris, me, and shadbase.com. Thank you, Chris.

Thanks for listening. F***.