SleepyCabin - SleepyCast S2:E23 - [Of Mice And Wall-Birds]

Episode Date: June 11, 2016

Murder the mice, capture the coons, decapitate the elephants. Zach, Cory, and Mick also discuss the dramatic moment when 4-bit alien invaders save the Irate Gamer from ISIS, and oh so much more... Welcome to the immaculate ejaculation. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your hosts for the evening: Zach (www.youtube.com/user/psychicpebbles) Cory (www.youtube.com/user/Spazkidin3D) Mick (www.youtube.com/user/ricepiratenewgrounds) Podcast editing by: Niall - Initial edit Tom Ryan - Main Edit Ricepirate - Final Pass Special thanks to Shad for his passionate performance. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Creeps McPasta . Jace Baker . Shane Danells Denis DeLong . Sonny Canchola . Susparty Paul Raymond . Rodolfo Davis Millet . Corbin Record Bill Zhuang . Andrew Dore . Dani Rucker Dazzanator . Conner St. John . Phillip Tafoya Hudson Heitmeier . Yuval Birenzweig . Dan Jakab Chris Moore . Blake Bevill . Amanda Scott Yamen Mouhanna . Bit.Halo And to ALL our lovely patrons

There is a world as tangible as our own. Impossible to see yet. Unavoidable to sense. A world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin. And in that cabin. It's a bunch of guys.

He's a bunch bullshitter. Plow! Welcome to the Sleepycast podcast. We've got our hosts. It's amazing. Dazel has that call me. Yeah. Y'all want to know about my Roblox?

Yeah, when's that video coming out? It's called Holocaust Roblox Memorial. I'm your second host, Spaz Kid. Extra Spazzy today. Who is wearing a crazy shirt. I'm not to describe it, though. It's the crazy shirt you'll ever know about it. It's Opai.

He says Opah Gundam style. Yeah. And when he push his shirt, there's really highlights your tits. There's a holographic fucking like Opai. There's like a birthday card. Look, there's a side. See?

Dude, that's crazy. If I press the button, he's a button. sings. There's a fucking loud, obnoxious birthday card chip inside your shirt. You're pushing. Here, listen. Oh, holy shit. Damn, dude. You heard it's like $350 on Icanass Cheasburgers.com? Oh, my God.

I see your Facebook beep coming to like a I can has cheeseburger memes. It's the best place to get like, you know, like talking tight. The first time I met Corey, I said, hey, Corey, he said, I can't has cheeseburger? I said, yeah, question mark. And I said, this is my guy. I gave my sketchbook and he drew it again. I said, Corey, why are you, I hung up on this today.

You're like, trust me, it's really funny. I'll show it to you. You yank the notebook out of my hand before I could finish my angry cat, whatever it's called. Grumpy cat. Grumpy cat versus the odd cat. God, this is what we had as a fucking refrigerator for the longest time. You know, you can, like, smell that from, like, far away. I remember when Shad first walked in the kitchen and he saw that on the refrigerator, he, like, hissed at it.

He was just like... Rupy cat, yeah. Yeah, it's... Yeah, our previous, not our, but their previous roommate, I guess technically... What's the rule of that? My, am I... Is she technically my... No.

They... This is... creature from the swamp used to live with us and she she had a token grumpy cat Us excuse me then Them they They had a

Had a had a kind of token Grumpy cat Fridge magnet They found from the sewers Oh they were down there's scathing for food You know what remind me of It remind me those heads in the Disney haunted houses Where like no matter where you stand

They're staring at you I felt like those eyes were on me Absolutely yeah those 3D Yeah those 3D banking They were somebody inside the fridge Poking their eyes through They were hollow little cutouts So I have a topic

I have two topics. And you have a few topics, right, Zach? Yeah, Corey, you start with you crazy topics. Well, let me start with the story first. The kind of, like, kind of emphasis on the kind of experience we had. So it doesn't just seem like I'm inherently going to be racist. Okay, that's a... This is a great start.

So I went to Wawa with Lexi, and I ordered, you know, just typical food, just subway and stuff. It was a busy day. It was a busy day. There was, like, six or seven people who were waiting for their sandwiches. And this fucking, like, obnoxiously fat black woman, Comes up to the... She obnoxiously fat or obnoxiously black.

Of obnoxious and both. Because, you know, it just kind of goes hand in hand. That's the point I'm gonna get to. So she went up to the register, or she went up to like the people making the sandwiches. And I guess she thought she walked in a fucking subway because she was ordering her sandwich exactly how she wanted it. You know, most normal people are like, that's what I want, and then they order it on the little...

But she was already at the actual thing, at the county? Yes. And the people were looking at her like, she was brain dead, but they were just like, we gotta go with what she says or else we get yelled at. But she was basically one of the rudest, just horrible person. I've ever had the miscomfit of ever being behind. And she was ordering her sandwich and she's like,

I want that one. And then the guy put it on, just like, no, I don't, I didn't want four. I wanted specifically two. And then the guy took them off.

She's like, no, actually I want three. And it was like olives. And it's like, who gives the fuck if you have three olives? How is that going to be any different than having four olives? It might squeeze out of your sandwich

with your fucking sausage fingers. Why does it matter? Boat sausage figures. But anyways, so, what happened was the guy ended up making the sandwich. and then she ended up not wanting something on there. She's like, I don't want that, make it again.

And then some person came out with a bag of spinach. She's like, and I definitely don't want this new spinach. I want that spinach. The fresh spinach. The spinach isn't fresh. I want that fresh spinach. And there's a line. Yeah, everyone's just sitting there scowling and waiting,

and I'm fucking like, you know, doing those eye movements of the guy next to me. I can imagine Corey, like the teapot, steamy sound starting to brew in the background. If I was not afraid of getting beat. You know, this is... But basically, what it came down to was at the very end, when this bitch was, just about to just fucking leave and then get hit by a car and be done with it. Like she was ordering her sandwich.

She's like, now put that in a separate bag because I don't want that with the other sandwiches because that sandwich is new and those sandwiches are going to be warm and I don't want that sandwich infecting it even though it was warm. And it's just like... And she had ass burgers. And then she left. And then the next person just went up and got a sandwich. It was almost like this bitch went back to her fucking bizar land and everything went

back to normal. But the topic I was trying to say is, I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like these old black people are so fucking rude. It is interesting that you would feel like you had to preface it with, hey, I don't want to be racist. Because if you've ever watched Barbershop, if you've ever watched a Madea movie, if you ever watch any of these,

it is very clear. They're very self-aware. She's allowed. She's allowed. I press the potatoes, you fucking fat. Rude. Black, big, fat, black woman. That's the character.

I mean, that's a character that exists in a lot of those movies. It is. And so I don't think it's racist at all. Made by black people. No, no. Absolutely. I think that is an archetypal character. That is just like the nerdy white guy. Stereotypes are stereotypes because they're fucking like half.

Stereotypes are stereotypes for that reason. Stingy Jew, rat-eating Chinaman. You know, because they're also kind of stingy. Or you know, even better would be like overachieving like, you know, they'll beat their children if they don't play the piano eight hours a day. It's never in between. Right, right. You know, I feel like a lot of the actress black lady are like the woman driver,

the ditsy blood. And there's a hundred, right, there's a hundred white stereotypes. are the stupid, ugly rat Jew. All those are mostly false. Rat think, Jew. But it's like, even if you were to watch, like, have you ever seen the Hebrew Hammer or something like that?

The Hebrew Hammer? Is that a, Hebrew Hammer? Is that a, Jewish rock band? No, he's in Jewish, he's like a Jewish, like, a Jewish, like, a Jewish, like, a Jewish shaft or something. He's like the, the, Jewish shaft? Yeah.

Hello, I'm so badass. He, like, throws a dreidel at people and explodes. They all fucking, he's like, he's like, they all go to Christian hell or Jewish hell. He can't touch this, because it's mine. He can't touch this, because it's mine. Of his armpits. You know, they always have architecture on their own.

You can't touch this. You can't touch this. Guys, make a Roblox video called You Can't Touch This Funny Jewish Parodies Dash Weird Al. The funny thing is... It's like, they're very self-aware. And so, I don't know. Is it a matter of like, you're just not allowed to say?

Like, wow, Medea's big, fat, black and rude. I was at the store a few days ago, this black lady was, like, screaming at her black husband was like, god, bitch. And she was like, what you say? That ain't right. That ain't right. I'm like, I don't know. I'm picking the right thing.

What you're talking about, bitch? And I was like, sitting like, is this a fucking movie? Am I really seeing this? She was, like, idiot, with her hand. She was, like, smacking her big, giant black husband. He was like, damn, bitch, don't just fucking touch me. I was like... I'm specifically saying it's old, because you get, like, these, like,

I've had black women and black men, like, go up and order their food, and they just take it and fucking leave. It's old and fat. I don't think it matters what race you are. An old, no, absolutely. But, like, an old skinny lady, be like, oh, that's so lovely. An old fat lady, get the fuck out of my way. Yeah, see, old fat people, clearly, there's two things going on.

They're fat, so they don't. give a shit about, they've given up. And they're old, so they're about to die. They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck. The fat is a symptom. It's not like because their fat sends hormones to their brain

that makes of assholes. They're just fat because they don't care, which is why they're assholes. I think if you're old and big, you generally just don't give a shit. Oh, BBW? That's a stereotype, obviously, but I think that for a lot of people

they're just like, get out of my way. BBC, Big Black Cockbick. What do you think about that? BBC, BbW. I tune into the BBC regularly. I also want to say like there was this other time I went to Duncan's, That's why I wanted to say the topic, because I felt like he was almost like, this happened within, like, a day. I had that obnoxious black woman who thought she walked in the subway, and then the next day I went to Dunkin' Donuts,

and there was this fucking fat black guy with painter pants. He, like, stained himself, and he's sitting there, and he goes up to the counter, and he's like, oh, I were baking, but I want sausage, and he puts the fucking sandwich down, and the people were like, okay? So they're, like, go and put fucking sausages into his sandwich. Well, he's looking around, like, fucking stuffing food into his mouth. It's like... He's eating a sandwich that he asked for Newwood for? Yeah.

Jesus Christ. You're from Missouri, right? Are there a lot of big old fat people in Missouri just like sitting around, get in your way? I feel like that's a thing. I feel like that's a thing I'd see in Missouri. It's definitely about black people. It's like kids. Old fat, worthless fucking people who will die soon from their heavy diabetes.

The juicy diabetes? Maybe that's why they're miserable. You think it must suck to be like an EMT or some shit. Like some fucking like 500 pound old, you know, because they're old. So they probably smell bad. They've been like pooping in their pants and shit. And then you got to like go in and fucking cart them out. And they're on like the eighth floor of an apartment building.

And there's no like no elevator. Some of those people, like, I know the fucking, like, the fattest person in the world had to be crained out of the... Oh, yeah, through the wall. Yeah. At that point, it's, like, just, like, kind of slips on over... There's, like, kind of sleep some sleeping pills. I've been watching... I clicked one Doctor of Film video, and since YouTube's algorithm was fucking broken, my entire feed was still with, like, Doctor Film Videos for, like, a week.

And then I started any other, like, weird TLC shows, they called, like, weird Eats or something, or weird addicts. And one was, like, this lady, she was, like, this big, fat, annoying woman. She was stupid, too. That sounds really me, but she was just, like, cock-cocked, and she was like, I only eat... cheesy potatoes. And then her husband's like, you want some broccoli? She starts screaming and crying. It was like, tears right down her face. And she was like, when I was a kid, I tried to eat something that wasn't cheesy potatoes. And I throwed up. I was like, throwed up. Throat up. Are you fucking five? I got really mad. I turned the video off. And it like, it really bothered me. I was like, God, it made you upset. Look, look, people. I'm sure, I'm sure we have some, some hefty, some plumpies out there.

We're not, we're not directly talking about. We're not, but you think I got a six-time. We're talking about this. We're talking about you who are assholes who go up to fucking places and want your stuff perfect, and you're old, fucking dilapidated, probably dying soon. It's like you're the people we're talking about. I just, I don't... I've had more beef with skinny assholes than I have with big assholes. Oh, definitely, definitely. I've almost gotten fights with some scrappy ass motherfuckers.

It's just like, everyone's an asshole, every shape size. If you're fat, it always you're like one percent more, though, just because, like, you fat piece of shit, like, you know what I mean? It's something you can point out. It's easily two things that you can say. It's a lot more you could grasp on it a lot easier. Some skinny guy, like, you're like, you're an asshole. I don't know why, though.

This one's fat. You're like, like, you fat piece of shit. Sometimes you do feel like you're stretching. You're like, oh, you dress like a fucking... You dress like an asshole. Oh, you dress like a hipster, you fucking neckbeard asshole. It's like, you're just trying, you know, you got fucking red. Look at these red shoes, you fucking dick.

The other topic I had was, have you ever came without touching your dick? No. I feel you give a story here, bros. I feel like... I feel like Grandpa Corpourian has a story to start for the great kids. This sounds like... This is like divine... What's it called when Virgin Mary had a baby?

What was it called? God came out and fucking finger her like E-T with his big golden finger and I'm just say I just imagine Corey with his hands up in his air and the fucking pants down below his knees he's just fucking hard erect penis chewing up modes It's just interesting to me because

Immaculate Conception, sorry I've went like you know a week or me and just like I've had it unloaded like to a point where like if you know somebody knocked on the door it would just fucking came in and I'll tell you I haven't had that I've never not touched my dick but if I don't jack off like a week and I touch my dick yeah maybe like come a lot faster That's what I'm saying

But even then Like if I don't do it for a while I'm just sitting there waiting and I'm really thinking and trying to get the stuff moving, I still can't do it. And there's people who can do it, even without stimulation. Like, there's people who, like, you know, sometimes people use, like, anal massatory things. Yeah. But it's like, to me, it's just like, even if I was ready to explode and if someone touched me, I would just go everywhere, I still couldn't do it. There's that one video of, I was just wondering if any of you guys could have actually ever experience.

No, no, no. But if I come, like, if I don't jack off for a while, my cup hits the ceiling, it's horrible. Yo, do you notice that if you don't jack off for, like, a couple weeks, that you can actually smell? Weeks? Yeah, you can smell. I don't know. I can't remember the last time I've been a week. Can you start to smell your balls more? Yeah, I think so.

Like, it actually smells almost like seeing. I think, you know, I think my theory is that you're, I don't think it's that you smell them more. I think it's that your senses are more hype. Like, you're, since you don't jack off, your mind's a lot more clear in a weird way, there's that sort of fucking, uh, fucking, uh, side phone where, like, George doesn't jack off. He just smells everybody's balls. No, no, no, but he's, like, reading books. He's really telling you.

No, that one's funny. I'm never going to fuck again, Jerry. Everyone's like, he's, like, he's like, so modest of it. And then, like, he comes back to Jerry. And he's like, Jerry, I came. And he's like, but he's, like, stupid again? Because, like, he was, like, very modest reading books. And he's like, I fucked her in the bathroom and stuff.

And Jerry's like, you what? He's like, I don't even know her name. And it was just like, he's just stupid. It's just, like, really played on that concept. I think it's kind of, I think it's happily true. But at the same time, I throw a jack off for a week. I feel like I don't think I've done that a long time. I think the voice old dude is like two days.

I was in a show at NYU where the director actually told the entire cast not to sexually satisfy themselves for the entire duration of the rehearsal process. Which is how long? Well, between rehearsals and the actual shows. And small fact, Bryce Dallas Howard was in that show, Ron Howard's daughter. But anyways, that was probably two months total. Yeah, good look with that. Who did that? No, I...

How are you going to enforce that? Yeah, you can't enforce it, but the whole idea was that, you know, he told the story. Ruben was his name. Great guy. Back in the day, like, theatrical stuff was really like this Warrior's Way kind of thing. You know, there was a Japanese theatrical performance where these guys were hanging for ropes, and one of the guys straight up just fucking,

like, falls and breaks his neck, and they just keep doing the show. And it's like, that's supposed to be, he fucking explodes. He hits the ground. Fucking shit and come everywhere. I had those for two boats. Epic.

No, but the idea that, you know, oh, that's what you should be striving towards. Like, that's a true artist, you know? Yeah. And so this was, I think, one of those extremes. And I think the idea was that you get, like, this pent up energy. You get, like, this.

You do, actually. And so you get, like, these heightened senses. I didn't know, like, about smelling and stuff. We never, I don't feel like, You become fucking daredevil all of a sudden. You can see in the dark and shit. I got jacking up for 12 hours. Like a fucking daredevil.

I can hear raindrops. You can see numbers and solving waves. Climbing walls. You can see the matrix in your fucking eyes. Yeah, like anyone ask you for like a mathematical problem. See, the problem is as a superhero, your downfall. You're fucking running equations of the ball. Exactly on for three hours.

Yeah, your weakness is if somebody grazes your pants around your penis, you just going to explode and become. You become human again. Suddenly. can't like because it's a fucking waterfall because it's like a weird fucking showerhead faucet. Your math equations have dissolved in the like fucking chalk shavings. You don't really- You can't fucking shit come. I mean just come and just barf it out everywhere.

There's that one video of the guy, like it's a really weird video. This Mexican guy is like in a box with a hole for his dick. He's got a cardboard box. Like a long, like, it's standing up one so he's staying up straight. And this girl like touches his dick and he comes everywhere. He's like, he sticks his head out of the hole. He's like, I'm so sorry. And that's the fucking whole, I think it was on EFOP.

That was, I was, I'm sure it was in Japanese. Sounds like a good Japanese video. I've seen a video like that. Like, someone came in and actually, like, screamed at his dick. Like, angrily screamed at it. He did not come because of that. No, he came because of it. Oh, my God.

He was like, he had an eye thing on, so he couldn't, and he had, like, a thing over his mouth. And she just, she just fucking yelled at his dick. What was she saying? Hey, your taxes! Make it get a bed in the morning! Where the fuck is she yelled at his, too? It was, like, weird German. And she was just screaming at his dick, and she was pointing at it, screaming at it.

That's a fucking magic trick, dude. I'd be fucking scared of something. was yelling German at my dick. It was like he didn't clean his room and he was getting the talk. But then he fucking came all over her face and it was the funniest shit ever. That's what's fucking funny.

Oh my god. She comes up and she like does this. Like she kind of like is giggling. And I was just like, what am I watching? How did they get here from watching just asses? It is a magic to come without fucking stunted your dick. Scream o' therapy.

Is that a new fetish now? Scream at my dick? Dick scream fetish? Scream with my dick. Maybe I can kind of. you like, oh, you call that a dick that's so small. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a humiliation thing.

Yeah, humiliation. It could have been what, it was German, so I couldn't understand it. I don't know if it was German. That's fine, it was like. Maybe it was loud Spanish. Hitler used to swim in his dick every morning. I bet. But that's what I got prepped.

You'd think about punching it, but he didn't get. He cried. He'd fucking stop. He was too free to do it. If you went back in time and you could fucking find him while he was, no, while he was sleeping. sleeping, you shaved his mustache off, and then you glued it to his dick, but you tied him

to a chair and then made him stare at it, do you think he'd laugh? Or do you think he'd be upset? Only if the pubs were cut in the same way as his mustache hair was cut the same way as his mustache. Yes, no, exactly. Yeah, yeah. He'd probably be like, ha-ha, let me go. I want to kill the Jews. No. I'm very busy today. Cuees a juice, thank you. What if you put, like, a big hat

on it with braids, a braided wig? He screamed at it. You'd be angry. Fucking he acidic braids. It's like those things where you stick someone in a complete white room with no sound. It makes him go insane. go crazy. He used to be stealing his dick with a little fucking yamaica on it. No!

He was like a jake-upon in the dick hole and they jerk off and they shoot it off the head of it. So, so how far you can shoot the yamac. So Zach, Zach and then, those were my topics. Scream his dick? What's your topic? My topic is rats and mice. Rats.

I hate rats. So we, Nick will know this. We've had a little bit of a mouse problem in the house and we're setting traps and I think in my room alone. Nick and I have woken up in the middle of the dead of night to and we'll see a fucking mouse kicking its feet. I think it's happened like we've caught like four or five just an arm alone

but we caught one one night and it was like 2 a.m. and we were like, I was going to bed, let's just get it tomorrow. And I woke up to the next day and the mouse trap had moved like four feet. So I think my theory, and it was on its back so it couldn't have walked. Right. So my theory is that a little mouse saw his mouse friend and tried to drag it like World War I. Like World War I. Yeah, just fucking

like Omaha Beach fucking dragon. Johnny! I got you! You're going to make it. I think he tried to drag his friend into a fucking small hole that he could have been into. See, if you were a If you were a real trooper, you would have been waiting, you'd be on the edge of your bed with a fucking sniper rifle, just waiting for him to come out to drag his friend and take him both out. Like the guy from Schiller's list, just picking off Jews in the fucking camps. But so, we caught all these ways, and there was one mouse in a room that we couldn't, we had, we heard like, oh, god damn, there it is.

We put, like, four traps out for it. And he kept licking the fucking peanut butter off. And I was like, goddamn. I was looking at, like, it's getting smarter. It was running for things. I was like looking at fucking, like, mice dye install ocean off from mouse traps on YouTube. I was like, yeah! Yeah!

And so, this little fat fucker, this little fucking porker, we hear, we're like, we hear like trash falling out at nighttime. We're like, oh, my God, he's crawling to a trash can, like, pulling popcorn and shit out. And I was, like, look at YouTube videos. There was this one fucking psycho who was like, here's what I do. You probably type of, like, mouse rock trap.

But this guy, I take a big mold. It was like a lunitude's trap. And this fucking psycho took a giant boulder with like a stick. A little stick? Yeah, and it would smash the mouse. And he ends the video, he's like, yep, look at all this. And he has this, he's poking a stick. He has a stick.

Is he poking something? And you realize it's like 12 like completely flat mice. It was like, yep, that little got flattened out real good. And there's also one where the guy was like, he set up like a shotgun to like these chipmunks were like cute little chipmooks for like eating his food. So he set up a shotgun barrel to like this little hole and would fucking explode the fucking chipmucks who they eat something. Oh my god. Anyways, so I was looking at his videos and I was like, okay. I was trying to find, I was like, I need to gobble machine to fucking kill this little mouse.

He needs a shotgun. They're like a bully ball. Why did they call it catching a mouse? Because it's not really catching. You kill you. You're literally murdering it. Because every single one that you guys caught, it was like cut in half. Like its head was just smashed.

His eyeballs were like across the room. I saw one where like... One, like they crushed the ribs and the heart was out of its mouth. Shastrap just so fucking... Shad and I found this one video where this guy is like, Here's had a sad, a good mouse trap. He has a really creepy voice. And then he like, he puts it on his kitchen, like, stove.

And there's like this weird, like, unsettling twilight. music play. It's like, me. I don't think it's supposed to be creepy, but it's like motion track. And the guy, like, the mouse gets caught. He walks over and he's like, huh. And he's the video ends. Anyways, there's a lot of fucking, if you have it mouse trap, there's a lot of fucking psychos

on YouTube. You would be a good idea for like a trick. What's that? You get one of your already killed enemies, already killed rats, stick a cheese in its hand, and maybe doll it up a little bit for its rat party. Like fucking, uh, fucking that weekend at Bernie's or whatever. What's a movie called? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or the puppy guy around.

You have it sitting. there on its throne, holding the cheese, almost like something like, Indian and Jones would work for him. You try to, like, lure the other ones in? He pulls out of the boy ball rolls. He goes for the fucking thing. But anyway, so, last night, Nick, I took a nap because I stayed for like 24 hours.

I was, I got to take a nap, or sleep. So I slept and I woke up. And I kind of felt energized, and I looked at where my trash can, and the trash was out. And I was like, that's weird. I was like, Nicky, did you change my trash? She was like, yeah. And I instead of the trash can,

and there was like, is this a joke? What do you mean? I was like, did you take the trash out and put a mouse inside? She was like, she was like, what are you asking? I think there was about it. And I was like, no, what do you mean? There's a mouse inside my trash can.

She's like, what? And there was just a fucking mouse sitting there. Shut up. Was it alive? So I was like, it's dead or something? My theory is that it was crawling in my trash can, pulling out of food, and it was crawling out of the trash bag. But there was no trash bag in there.

So it was just stuck. Oh. So it was a little fat fuck too. And we brought Chad down on those. Chad was like, I think it's alive. He shook the trash can. It stood running around circles. And so I was like, okay, realistically, we have to kill this thing.

Because if we're, I've released mice before, the rodents, they'll come back. Yes. What's supposed to make way to kill a mouse that's not in the trap? Flush your toilet. I said, we could flush it, but then it's going to, like, run out of the toilet pole, or it's going to run my arm or something. I said, okay, what I'll do is I'll put a trash bag over the trash can, flip the trash can, capture the box in the bag, and we'll flush it or something.

You're assuming that it wouldn't eat its way out and or... Right, right. You couldn't flush that, though, after you put it in that. Right, exactly. If you dump it out, it's probably going to run the toilet bowl. I also had a hammer. Oh, no. Everyone who's hard

Just like, I did not kill the mouse with a hammer Because I'm not fucking Jeffrey Dahmer, okay? But I was like, okay, I could hit with a hammer Like a rock or something That'll be quick.

It's in a bag. I have to kill it. What do I do? And so, like a fucking Caveman ape psychopath I was like, okay, mice are a little really tiny Like if you've got your finger

caught a mouse trap You know, it doesn't even bruise you Right. So small force, small blunt force will kill a mouse Okay So instead of a hammer I thought a hammer was overkill

You took a book? I didn't take a book I took the bag and twisted it up So he was in the end of it And then just smashed it on the corner. I smashed it on the floor. Oh, my God. And he was still alive, so I did it like twice.

Oh, my God, he was still alive. Well, he may not have been alive. It may have been just like... Yeah, I think he was twitching, and I was like, oh, my God. I felt like a psycho. Shad was, like, laughing. And Shad took up through the bag, and he was like, look at these little blood splatters. There was like a little psycho, like, fucking...

Dun, dun, done. Shower, like, blood splats in the fucking... In the bag. And Chad disposed of it, but I felt like a maniac. Fucking smashing rats. I feel like a cave, and it was like, oh! I was all extremely. Alo Akbar as they did it, which

helped take the pain away, help fuck the pain away. You really scream out there? I also open the bag and came on the mouse. Funny one who you're supposed out there. For the animal lovers, that's usually how it starts with serial killers.

They kill their first victim and come before they get in. Yeah, yeah, that's the one time came without touching my dick. I did. So you did. It all moved back. I came the second I saw the mouse

screaming. What if we know that the second Zach saw the fucking mouse's agonizing pain with the last breath after that's body? I saw it still in the hand, pushing against the bag and stealing out of the window. I do actually think,

you know, some people say, that sticky traps are more humane, but they're not. They're not. They're actually worse. In New York, we would have mice as well, or we had rats or whatever, and I just remember one time we caught one, and it would just sit in there, like, its whole side was stuck to it.

You know, like, it was like, you can see it's rib cage breathing, one eye staring up. Oh my gosh. And it was like, and it must have been there, like, all night long. And so I felt terrible. I pick it up, and I tried to, like, pull it off, and I clearly like broke its arm or whatever.

They're so fragile, and I felt so bad. I was like, ah, so I just left it. And then the guy's like, what the fuck? You just like left this like, now it's dying even worse, dude. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. So then they ended up flushing that one. Then we got another one. And this time I was like, okay, I think I got an idea. So I took a pencil and I used the eraser. And I was like, here we go. I'm just going to nudge. I started with the hands, right? I thought I could like, you know, like when you peel a sticker, you want to get like the little pieces off, you know first. So then you can get the big chunk. So I went with the hand. So I went with the hand. I was like, okay, here we go. And I

went for the, just to get the hand off, and all of his fingers just went, like, they all cracked under it. I was like, oh my God. So I was like, I felt so. I was like, okay, I was like, okay, fine, I was like, sorry, sorry. And then I went for like a leg. I was like, okay, fine, let's go for like a drumstick. So fingers pretty brittle.

Yeah, you know, go for a full leg. When people tie down, like, when people, like, when fucking, like, jack the ripper has this victim, he's, like, accidentally cutting off. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. The leg went backwards. It was over your head.

Fucking breaks backwards, like, uh, Stallone movie or like whatever, like a Rambo move. Let me just fix that, put it back together. So then the last, I didn't want these guys to see that I couldn't do it twice in a row. So my solution was, I opened up the trash can, I stuck my arm down there, kind of made like a hole, and then threw him down there and then covered him back up. And I was like, okay, look, worst case scenario is, he eats his way out. Well, he wouldn't eat his way out.

He couldn't because, well, maybe he could actually in retrospect. But he was stuck to a trap. So he stuck to a trap. Sufficating. Yeah, that's, I guess. Under garbage. Under garbage. Or, or.

You're gonna fucking tie bungee, you. He stuck to a trap. You came up. You put him in a house. He's fucking... Oh, maybe my cub will get him off. He'd have him and dried the rocks with your cubs are going to get him. He'd eat. He would have food down there

until he died. He dried him and cut him up. You fucking ducted his arms up. Do you think that's worse than what we did with the rats? Stamper and I took the rats out. Sleeping Kevin members, please give us your worst rat-hore stories because we know you have some. I'm sure there's like a few, like, scloosh people out there.

Listen, you guys have to understand. You guys have to understand. that this is like, what are you supposed to fucking do when you have a rat that's caught? It's like, I know people say it's inhumane. The vermin. The vermin. It's inhumane. It's like, what are you supposed to do? If you have a pet rat, that's totally fine. But if they're vermin and they're infested in their house and they fuck like crazy

because they're mice, you have to kill them. If you release them, and I've done it before, it makes me squeamish too, but you've got to do it. If you release them, they come right back and they fucking fuck. They fuck like mice and they spread. You're going to have an expert. You know that that entire speech you made is like the context of like what Hitler said about these are what Trump says about this. They invests

In our Homeat And steal The resources We must We must They're Don't see in the

Grombs and Borgheim I think Mousetraps Are way more Humane Than sticky Trap

Get it over with it I think I think it's stupid to argue That mouse traps aren't humane You literally fucking snap their

goddamn neck It could be Any more easier to kill it It's like a little Bels It's the best It's like

Oh no Poison Traps Are Better Whoever thought Whoever thought that fucking sticky traps were better was probably the same fucking people who thought catching people when they weren't looking

and fucking cutting their tendons to watch them fucking fall over the same thing because in my opinion it's worse Do you think it's more or less humane to let's just imagine in a world Let's say in warfare

Is this a rat chapter? No Let's say in Afghanistan right Let's just say in Afghanistan When we find guys we don't like POWs whatever If we've got some ISIS dudes Or something somewhere in the world

We don't like them And we decide to put them on a big old sticky trap Just leave them in the desert. People would argue that that was very inhumane. Or imagine if you had a giant metal apparatus that stuck fucking snap their neck in two seconds. What? That's better than a fucking stinky trap in the middle of the desert. If you think about it, we're basically imposing Sharia law on mice

because their only crime is stealing food. Instead of cutting their hands off, we're just fucking killing them for it. We're basically... We're cutting up the middleman, getting straight to the mid-man. We're just getting straight to the fucking point. We're like, we don't care about this, like, we're not trying to fight for the freedoms. I wonder if people in the middle of these cut little mice hands up if they steal food. imposition really a little mice.

You know what's interesting, though, it's like, the bigger the animal gets, the more, like, moral... Yeah, fly is fine. You can do what you can... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, the bigger they get, the more we care about it,

like, the more it deserves to live. Like, if you had a fucking cat, or if you have a dog... Right, elephant. If there was a video of somebody who made an elephant trap that snapped a fucking elephant in half, do you know how many dislikes that would get?

So many Tumblr people would be very upset about that and try to make petitions. That would be like... I think it's also pestil, vermin, like, I think it's in the end that the fact that they're invasive, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, finding mice and breaking their necks with the fucking metal... Well, when deer, deer

sometimes vermin, sometimes those things overpopulate an area, they eat crops, to do all that. So my, my, my feeling towards like deer, or even, like, groundhogs and prairie dogs and shit like that, I don't, shoot them all you want. But what if we didn't shoot him? Hold on, I'm just picturing, like, a fucking, like, backwater hick, snapping in all of its neck with

this fucking, like... With a giant, like, 80-foot-long mous type. It's just, like, Oh, fuck. The fucking head just cuts right up. He's like, like, Gleeck! Imagine he pulled like a giant fucking rock like the mouse trap, like an 80-foot long rock to smash the elephant and fucking...

It's fucking... ...he hits the elephant, the elephant, fucking kicks him in the face and his heart explodes. I would just love to see an elephant on its side, start to a sticky trap, like a fucking 40 by 40 foot... See, it's just like sitting there, like, trying to move around. It's fucking shrunk, wailing around like a fucking fire hose, just like everywhere. Pig are like boars or then they're like vermin. In the sidebar of the mouse trap videos, was just one guy like,

Look at these boars. And he, the fucking psycho planted like C4. Oh, yeah, I heard about it. Around, like, fucking, like, like, boar food. And these boars were, like, like, all walking to the area. And he fucking hit it. And it was like, it was like, it was like, fucking,

it was like, uh, it was like, that was really like World War II. Yeah. Because you get like those blood volcanoes. Yeah. There was, like, there was like, there was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, holy fuck. You didn't see anything violent, but you just sort of like the fucking shrieks of these boars.

It was horrible. Really, psychos. Like, we're going to get him. Goose fucking see more And then a guy was like picking him up with fucking a sniper From the distance What would they like crawling away Or half their fucking body's birded like

Trying to save her brother It was fucking Deidate for boars It was B-day That's a little joke for you We'd like kiss kiss See this that seems so I feel like because you can eat boars I'd make like a fucking pit trap

You'd make boar still wouldn't you I would I'd eat I'd eat Eat boars all day You'd eat Chris Boers Imagine if you saw those boys You saw Chris Boers walking around Snoop in the food He smells a bad video game

He smells a bad video game. He gets whiff of fucking ET from the... What the hell? And fucking C4 of Thursday? He's fucking like... What the shit? He's fucking... Coddy's skeleton falls down and lit up fire.

Cory, would you watch an ISIS video if they captured Chris Bores? You saw his big pink face as they unveiled the fucking bag? Oh, rats! I don't know how it would feel. I'd probably like... It would just erupt in a roar of laughter,

but then I'd also realize that they're gonna fucking be on Chris Bores and there won't be no more... What if instead, like, the fucking, the space evaders It was like, Kement on the left side of the screen hit ISIS in the face and they fell over, and Chris Borders ran free. He's like, he's like, E.T. Come save me. Then, like, fucking, like, fucking virtual E.T. comes down on the sun.

His fucking Maple Leaf character comes out of the side of the screen and fucking hits ISIS off and he runs away. Oh, thanks. Isis falls out of their lawn chair and fucking comes down. Chris Bores, if you're listening, please make this the finale. Chris Bores, if you're listening, please, we want you on. Oh, fuck. Okay? Do you ever have just, like, searing pain in your foot?

I swear to God, I was talking to Jeff about this that like sometimes when you're like moving your foot you can like move in a weird position and it just like there's just fucking pain. You trolley hoots you in? I don't know. Sometimes they get that one hurts so bad but it's for a second. It's a split second. You drink enough water? No, I'm serious. If you ever have a weird pain, if your stomach hurts, if your leg cramps,

if you have headaches, if you have bad skin, fucking call up a clinic. The first thing you're going to say is drink some fucking water. I try to have like a giant thing of water every day. It's like the two liter thing, whatever. What is it? What is it? Two liters or eight glasses or something? Eight glasses.

I'm cutting out coffee. Coffee's not so, but as long as you drink as long as you're going. No, I'm actually cutting it out personally. For what reason? Because it's like, it's probably bad that I drink so much coffee regularly. How many coffees? The problem is. The problem is, the problem is I'm drinking coffee and I'm no longer getting a bus from it.

It's like that point where it's like I'm so addicted that I need it strictly for the fact that I woke up at the morning and I need coffee. Yeah. And I've switched it with tea. I've been like tea now. That seems to be getting more popular. It seems like people are switching over to tea. nowadays. Specifically though, they have this new thing, which is tea and lemonade. Holy fuck.

It's not a new thing. Well, they fucking just invented the Arnold Palmer. It's not an Arnold Palmer, though. Tea and lemonade? What I get it is not an Arnold Palmer. It's called a sweet tea lemonade. It's got lemonade in it? It's not even sweet. It's called a sweet tea, but I asked them not to put anything sweet in it. So it's just like lemonade with no sugar and tea with no sugar. It's brilliant. It does sound good, though. That sounds refreshing.

It is because it's like tea isn't overpowering, and the lemonade, it's just nice. When I was a kid growing up in Taiwan, I used to always, it used to be so fucking hot. because I go in the summers, I was this big fat kid. And I used to get these plates of shaved ice. And the only flavoring, because normally they put like sugar lemon juice on it. It would be so fucking sweet. So I was like, no, no, no. I'm trying to be healthy.

Just put the lemon juice. So they basically just squeezed lemons over ice. I never had so much diarrhea in my life. And I did it all the time, too. I'd never learned my lesson. He didn't care. Dude, this is back when Taiwan was a third world country. They had open sewers and shit.

I'm sitting here eating just blocks of ice. What do you think that fucking ice came from? Basically what I'm drinking now is tea and lemonade. The Corey Palmer. You know what I really like. Without the sugar. You know what I've realized? I think the thing about coffee that's good, it's like, it doesn't really wakely much either.

Like, it'll get a lot of energy from it, but it's the routine aspect of it. It's something hot in the morning. It's like, ah. Because when you wake up, what do you do? What's the first thing you take a hot shower and then you drink something hot? It's like that kind of, you know, the sip, ah kind of feeling. But you're saying because you want to wake you up, right? I think it's really.

You want to wake up, Zach? I'm going to give you a little hint. This is an old man hint. Are you ready for this? Especially in the summer. Wake up and fucking hit a cold shower. That shit will start your. I've never, you know, I've never been a fan of it. I've never been a fan of it. You don't do it because you like it. You do it to wake your ass up in the morning.

I just wouldn't feel a refreshment, but I probably feel like I just got up a pool or something. You know what I mean? They feel dirty. The hot shower, it's like a cleanse. It's like to me it's like to me it's like to me. It's like, to me it's like, to me it's like washing the sands away. Like I just want to pass back out after I take a hot shower. Yeah, it can be, well, it's getting somewhere though, so probably take less hot showers. I'm telling you it also has to do with the fact that like coffee's not doing anything for me. It's just unnecessary stuff in my body. Well, the problem is when you stop drinking coffee, and you have to have it to, like, get you back to normal. You need caffeine. Right.

So, me drinking tea is that substitute for caffeine. Like today, I drink tea instead of coffee, and I didn't have a headache. Coffee's where it's like, it's like, every other year that they come out with a study that says the exact opposite thing that the last study said. Yes. It's a coffee's good for you. It helps with your prostate. And the next year to say, coffee's bad for you. It's bad for your heart or just gives you cancer.

I've heard coffee can cure baldness. I've heard all sorts of fucking care. Strictly for me, I want coffee to actually have an effect again. So I'm going to weed it off. just while it's summer, and then I'll go back to it. One thing I'm glad I cut, and, you know, I cut soda completely out of the mix. I don't drink soda ever, unless it makes you with alcohol, but even then, you know... Soda's so cheap, and it's so easy to consume.

The good thing, if you haven't had soda for, like, months or weeks, and you drink it again, it burns your mouth, that actually makes you go, ugh, you can't... I drink spray. I've kind of tried to weed off dark sodas. It sucks me... One of the worst things... It's like, when I was younger, it was, like, fat or anything, because I don't have metabolists, I was like, I was one of those kids, you can eat, like, 10 Taco Bell tacos to be fucking... Not anymore. I'm 23 now, so it's not as cute.

I said on kids like you. Fuck kids like me. Like you. Now, but... Not then. But when I was younger, I was like 19, there was a time when I bought, like, a 24 pack of Dr. Pepper. Can never do that. And drake it. Oh, easy.

No, drank it. No, you don't understand. Drake it, the whole thing. Yeah. Within, like, 24 hours. Yeah. Because I was working. I was like, oh, whatever. And it's like I gained weight.

It's like I had... Oh, he's the doctor all the time. They're like, no, you're fine. Yeah. I just didn't affect me. But now if I did that, I'd puke if I had one. Because I can don't drink soda anymore. I'm kind of the same way.

There's, like, some black sodas I can still drink one as well. Like, it's weird. Look, I don't like drinking Coke, but I like getting, like, Coke slushies at while. Coke is good with, like, with, like, whiskey or bourbon or something. If you're going to mix it, it's a basic ass... What is the Coke? It's Coke, yeah. It's Coke.

No, but before it, well, I mean, let's say back in the day, it's like, hey, Jimmy, there's this new thing called Coca-Cola. It's really swell. Yeah. What is this taste like to you? You wouldn't be like, taste like Coke. Yeah, you'd be like, tastes like sweet molasses. I don't fucking know. They used to say it was like a medicine back that it was like to cure your stomach

ailments or something weird like that. Pepsi. I think it was coke. It was like a pharmaceutical thing. Well, the original Coca-Cola had cocaine in it. Do you know what's weird? And it was a wake-up thing. Same with 7-Up was, had lithium in it and it was supposed to wake you up.

That's why it's called 7-Up because you wake up at 7 in the morning. It was your boost in the morning. I just remember that one. That's the thing. Dr. Pepper. Pep is meant to, yeah, there was all sorts of things. of stuff. Dr. Pepper is a magnation of tons of sodas. I still think Dr. Pepper is the best taste. Yeah, me too.

That's what I'm saying. Like, if I drink dark soda, I'll still drink Dr. Pepper from time to time. I can still manage a Dr. Pepper. It's so bizarre. A Pepsi, not a chance. What are we named for a soda, by the way? Dr. Pepper, like, Pepper, that's the last thing you want to hear you know. Dr. Pepp? Mr. Sandman. It's just like, you know. No, but Pepper. If it was Dr. Pepper, it would be a lot more interesting.

But Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Pepper is like Pepper. Would you drink a thing called, like, Mrs. Salt? No. Exactly. It sounds fucking weird, But you've heard it since birth, so, you know, it's like, it has no meaning. I think the meaning back then. Pepper was, like, spicy to that. A nurse salt.

What's the terminology for when you hear a word so much, it loses this meaning? Oh, fuck. Look, if you see the word dog, like 40 times it loses this meaning. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what the technical term for that is. I think there's a word for that is word for words just start meaning different things. I think we keep saying word, words gonna lose this meaning. It's like faggot.

Like, nobody says faggot anymore. I literally don't see faggot as a term. I see faggots strictly, strictly, strictly as a term for someone who is obnoxious and annoying. The only time I say faggot is to myself, by myself, when I stare at my dick. I look at my dick and I scream faggot. You're a little kid? Until I come everywhere. Faggit!

But in general, I can't think of, like, it's funny because a lot of words I say, like, fucking shit. It's just, like, it's common dialect or whatever. The two interesting words that I've seen change in my lifetime, like, in the last, like, five years or less. No, not even idiot. The two words that I've seen go from, like, common usage to, quote, quote, bad is retard. And Tranny's one, too. Yeah, Trani's one, and the pilot of always sunny. Yeah.

I think I'm still, excuse it, three or four, they're like, oh, it's a tranny. I don't like the connotation of training does seem kind of rude. Because it's like, I mean, like, it is what it is. But like, it's like, oh, hey, that's a tranny. It's a sound, it has a very rude conversation. I'm not saying it's interesting that it went from everyone's a train like two or three years ago. Like, it wasn't always sunny. They know always say it's like the beacon of that.

You know why? It's because of how rampant the transgender community has grown. Yeah, which is fine. I'm glad they got some stuff. But that's why. And also, I think, sorry. I was going to say, I have to stop myself something. Retarded is not, is one I still can't wrap my head around because I still say it.

And it's like nobody says retarded to someone who's retarded. They say retarded is something that's stupid. And I still understand the argument there because they say one of two arguments. The one is that they say, well, it shouldn't change its meaning. It shouldn't change to mean stupid. And I'm going, well, the word retarded came from the word retard, which meant slow. Like you would say my car is being retarded. In music, there's something called a retard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Retard on day. Yeah. You're a retardant. But, but like, the train was interesting. I was watching the actual original original pilot. It was like a five minute short for Always Sunny. It has the training.

It was like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's 10 years old. They would never do that now. You'd get in trouble if you said that. I must say it's right or wrong, just saying it's interesting. It's weird, like, even like, I would feel uncomfortable because I was looking for, I was looking at new apartments. And when I saw online that the nearby facilities were, there was like the Burbank Center for Retards. Wow. That's, I'm not making, it's a family business.

Yeah, no. The guy runs in the family. It was very, no, literally, that's like the name of it. Old Papa Retard is the one of the son. What if it's just their last name? Yeah, what if it's the Retard? Yeah, what if it's like, yeah, what if it's like Gerald Retard and like, like, Missy, retard?

Old Grandpa Retard. Yeah, old grandpa. Oh, that's just old Grandpa retard. And everyone's like, don't say that. Ah! That's the slogan of Retard Facility, USA. Retards Inc. I don't know.

Like, I mean, I brought this up, but I don't want to get too into it, but the argument for retort, it never made sense to me, because the word is like, idiot and moron and imbecile. All three of those were specific IQ brackets. Like it was like the word idiot. I think it was the lowest one. No, no, it was more on imbecile and idiot. And they were all referencing specific IQ brackets. But retarded was only like the official like lexicon of a medical, like the medical dictionary for a little bit. Like not that long. Here's what's what I mean.

And it got changed to just mean stupid, which is fine. Let it change. What baffles me even more is that people who are quote unquote retarded are no longer called retarded. There's other words, right? So disabled, right? So that means technically that when I say the word, you're retarded. I am not even actually technically saying the word that references the people who are disabled. Medical people don't use it anymore. Right. It's like if you were to say you are mentally disabled,

that is a specific. I am pointing out, right. So if I say retarded at this point now, because they don't associate with that word, it is untaken. There's no real group unless you know, some group, you know, maintains that retards. Title, right, basically. He's progressive like fucking S.J.D.

nonsense. You know what, it's, I think it's the thing where it's like, no matter what the term is, there always gonna find a fence. Sure. Like, colored is being used again now. Colored is now the right I'm going, what? Yes. Colored. Colored. Evil colored. Pocs. Yes, pox. Like that's supposed to be an okay thing. Yeah, yeah. Oh, hey, look, it's a pock. It was clearly not okay for a long time. Black, white, pretty simple, pretty descriptive, pretty accurate. Black, white, yellow, brown, black, red. Corrie, one time Corey saw a Native American, he said, oh, blah, blah, and fucking killed him. Dude, you, you can have been, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, and he turned me.

You know the fucking sand. Yeah, like, why? I got five white friends, and yeah, that's my black friend over there. Also, there's those two yellow guys. All of a sudden, it's like, what? What? Yeah, yellow's the weird one. I think black, white, Asian?

Yeah, like, what the fuck, dude? I don't know. Yellow fever. Johndiss. It's like all these things. John dis, yellow fever. Pee-pee. Yellow fever.

Measles. All these things equal yellow. Lemonade. Around the corner. Fuddle Palmer. Milk, milk, Arno Palmer, around the corner. Chocolate's made. We've had nonsense topics about nonsense, dude.

Whatever. People wanted chill. People wanted... They just wanted, you know, no topics. No, just talk. Did you ever have a topic besides, like... The only talk about it was the fact that, like, one of my fucking eyes is bloodshot. Oh, yeah. It's because Nikki's been pooping in his left eye. Listen, I opened one eye right below her asshole, she shits right until the poop touches my eye.

And then she sucks it back up and runs away. She screws the way. She's groundhogging it. Have you been sleeping, like, ass to face of Nikki? Yeah, I put my, I put my, I buried one of my eyes right to her asshole, so she farts. See, I didn't even know. What do you expect? I don't know.

Fucking who figured that out? After like Brazilian fart porn, all these guys had pink eye, and then they were like, oh. You can probably build up an immunity to it. Who is the first guy to just fucking open up his eye socket, peel back his eyes. Fart my eye, so you're what? I think they had someone tied down and had continuously farted in his eye

until pink guy went away. No, they built immunity. They fart on him, gave medicine. They fart on him. They continued to do it until his eye grew stronger than they realized that if people just farted in people's eyes more often. Did you have a new superhero was like his only person. was that you could fight in his eyes and he wouldn't get pink eye.

Yeah, that's it. That's like the superhero thing I wanted to do with like the characters. Oh, yeah, I like that I do. But they're just like terrible superheroes that don't fit in at all. It's called the awes, Corey. It is. It is fucking called the awesms. It is so fucking accurate. No, it was just, it was going to be...

It was a lot better. It sounds like a good idea. What it was going to be, was it was going to be like, I'll just say this is not necessarily something, but it was going to be like, you know, Captain Crash and Smash Girl open their own, like, superhero societal thing where superheroes come in and anybody can be a superhero. So they have this big, like,

group and it's almost like this place they live in. So new superheroes come in consistently and they fight. And people die because they're bad superheroes and they fight bad guys along with the Captain Crash and stuff. But new superheroes are coming in. The ones who stare are the ones who like, you know, it's based on like judgment from everything else. So it would be like that sort of thing. But I don't know how good that would be. I think there should be an app called super. And the whole idea, it's like Uber, but super where you get to hire out a superhero for a little bit. You can like give them a five star rating or a three star rating if they're really shitty. You know what I mean? Like fucking superhero for hire.

They would be like a guy who's like, I am super quick runner guy. Welcome to board. No, they're clearly to be so many terrible. Can he, do you a pack of gum? Yeah. And he'd be like, do you have the money? No. Then he gives it to him, then he runs away.

And he continues to keep some meter running, so you get fucking. That was actually Captain Deception. Yeah. That's cool, Gordon. It's like, Captain Hindsight who comes down, he's like, you should have put us. He came here when he leaves. Thanks, Captain Einstein. You know what's funny about that fucking South Park character?

He's a, that's like a three-party. He's only in part of it. They just never bring it back. They leave some. Yeah, they leave some weird cliffhanger thing At the end of the first or second episode It would have been funny if they like out hindsighted him Like he's like in hindsight

You should have put the you know entrance over here And they're like we did And the entrance is over there His fucking head explodes You know those commentaries I think they just said in the commentary That they just didn't want to do anymore They forgot

Those commentaries are really funny to listen to where you're working Because they're like three or four minutes You just pop long They do every episode of South Park I have never listened to a commentary in my life Listen to the South Park Are these the fire Like when they're in front of the fire

In the first season No no it's interesting In the first season they did the whole episode, but in the first season they're like, we don't want to, like, 30 minutes long. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't want to fucking do this for every single one. Right. So they do, like, many things. So they talk as much as they watch about the episode. Like, oh, fun fact, fun fact. And they just do the next one. So they're like, four minutes each.

Every episode has to have a handful of stories, too. Yeah, no, they're always really, you get some interesting stuff. Their commentaries are good just to put on. Commentators in general are. You learn stuff about the production. It's just, what's weird to it, though, too, is like, you can't talk about the movie for, like, two hours. I think they did one for South Park, too, I think, and the whole time they were watching, they were just, like, getting mad in the movie, and they were just, like, disgusted with it. Because they did it, like, season, like, 15 or something.

Yeah. And, like, look at this shit. I'm, God, this looks terrible. What the fuck me? See, that I wouldn't mind watching. That I would actually find it interesting. That's what I was saying. Their commentaries are actually really really interesting. But it's like, if it was here, Liam Neeson being like... This is the part where I did this. I'll do commentary over... This is the part where I got taken.

Fuck, Sonichu. I'll do commentary with Sonichu. They're just getting bored. You're just getting bored. You should. insane when people are talking over a movie. I don't care if you're in the movie. If I watch a Miss It Impossible and fucking Tom Cruise is sitting next to me.

All right, oh yeah, this part, I'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up, dude. I could do commentary over fucking sane, not included, because that is actually like 35 minutes long. It would just be you screaming. There's a lot of, there's actually big market for commenters. I don't listen to all of it, but I listen to some of them bored, and I've run out of stuff.

There are times we're all, like, blast through a whole TV series or a whole movie thing. I'll be like, well, time to listen to YouTube videos now, I guess. I watch speed runs when I'm out of audio. How do you, wait, wait, wait, wait. You watch speed runs when you're out of audio. Because I watch... Because see, the whole point of audio is like, hey, I can work and listen.

Listen. Listen. I watch speed runners that, like, talk while they're playing. So they play a game. It's so disheartening because you watch someone play, and they're fucking two hours in. They fuck up once and they reset all over, do it all over again. And then you can hear like the anger of their voice, and they reset, you're just like, damn, man.

What do you listen to when you run out of audio? I just listen to a lot of music. See, I try that, but I get sick in my own playlist sometimes. Yeah, I know. I have my playlist and I play it for five minutes and I just watch YouTube videos. I have a microphone set up in your room, actually, that I listened to.

I set it up a long time ago when Lewis was there. I just listened to the sounds of people in the house. He set up a little sniper rifle on every single room. That's right. At any point in time, I just dial the number into my phone. I can page the sniper. Can you hear you breathing? You're done.

And I come without touching my dick. At the same time a mouse gets fucking snake broken. Yeah. I just have that on repeat. Sometimes I'll listen to YouTube videos like... Fucking mouth. Crosstrap compilations. Just a hundred fucking fucking pancakes compilation. There's a lot of YouTube channels that I'm subscribed to that are just really, um, you know about the antiques road show, right?

The what? The antique road show is like an old cable show? All it was, is these fucking people would be like, Here's my, here's my grandpa's base he gave to me. I think it's worth a hundred thousand dollars. So they're like, like, I'll give you 30 bucks money. Like, okay. But there's a guy kind of like that on YouTube, it's just this nice old British man. Yeah. He's like, oh look, I find nice little toy. That's all it is, but it's just good to put in the background. It's like a playlist of like, fucking two thousand videos. Wait, is that the one that Harry introduced. you two? I used to him. Oh, okay. I remember you guys talking about this guy. He, um...

Because he collects toys and shit, right? He collects toys. He's just a nice old man with the really nice, pleasant. It's like, listening to fucking, um, like, Mr. Rogers or something. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, oh, it's a nice back-front noise. But yeah, he's the guy who, like, he got famous, like, two years ago, because he reviewed, like, a toy that was like a gun, but it was like a dildo and a gun. Like, a dildo re-tooled me and it spun around like a dildo.

And he was like, what is this curious little device? And all the comments were like, you feel fucking get it, dude, do you? Or listen to like Donald Trump rallies too. I'll just throw him on just because it's like... What do you get out of that? Like, what do you feel anger? Do you make you laugh? I'm laughing constantly because he saw up the cup and he'll just see like, what do you

he'll just go into weird tages and speed... You do you know, he's going to get the last laugh. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. You can laugh into the bank, but he's going to laugh, you can laugh until Hillary's head explodes. It will. You know she's going to fucking blow her own brains out if Trump wins. She's going to go into the bathroom after the rally. All the people are going to have the signs. They're going to

look sad and dejected. You know, Trump today, Trump today said he was going to try to win California, like Reagan did. Oh, I think I saw a headline. He says, like, there's no droughts in California. Yeah, he also, he said, no, there's no drought. There's no drought. There's no drought.

He's fucking Jesus now. I think his exact quote was like, he's fucking Moses now. I think his exact quote was, they're lying to you. We're going to bring the water back. We're going to bring the water back. We're going to make. What is that mean? What is that mean?

You think there's like, you think they're hiding in? Like, fucking supervillains? No, no. See, the wall he's building is actually an aqueduct. The water. He's going to siphon water out of Mexico. He's gonna fill the wall on the inside with fucking aquafina and smoke water. You're gonna look up.

You're gonna look up. No, it's gonna be Trump-Rand water. It's gonna look up, you're gonna see the storm clouds with greed and red light. Don't worry, those are my lights. Trump's face is gonna come through the clouds like the fucking bad guy for James of the Giant Peach, the fucking, like the bowl that comes through the clouds or whatever. He's going to pulp people with fucking McDonald's and Dougherpeper. His big fucking frog grin.

Oh my God. He's going to cry water on the California. If he did, people would vote for him. I vote for him if his face could have pinned in the clouds. Absolutely. I think that's a fair vote. And name me another president who can fucking act like the Messiah.

Who can make their head fucking appear like fucking Mufasa. Yeah, exactly. I would kill myself if I looked up in the sky and saw his face coming down. Right at you.

Yeah, I'd be like like the fucking like the moon from the George's mask his giant face gritting. But if he had his head and he adjusted your shirt he's like, now you look down.

There you go, now you look great. It was so good. Then went back in he sucked back up in his face. Have you ever seen his like weird old tweets? He had some way. But he appalled

didn't he like apologize for those? He's like, I didn't know how to Twitter before. Or like... One of his old tweets was like, my Twitter has become so powerful. I can make my enemies tell the truth. She was like, what are you talking about? Another tweet he wrote was, um, I have never seen a thin person drinking

Diet Coke. That was the whole tweet. There's fucking so funny. Oh yeah, that's fucking like circulated like crazy. I was like, dying, laughing. Did you see the one he put for, uh, the sequence of mile where he's like hunched over? He's hunched over his desk in like Trump Tower. He's got like a taco bowl. and he's like, made fresh by the Trump chefs. I love tacos.

I love, I love, I love Mexicans. And somebody like contacted Trump Tower. There are no, like, chefs there that make that dish. He's just... He's just lying. There's another video. If you type it, I tweeted it, if you go to YouTube and type of like Trump Ghostbusters, there's a video from squinting with really strange lighting,

bizarre lighting in his office. I don't know how the video happened. But the video stuts off and he's like, they're rebooting Indiana Jones without Harrison Ford. You can't do that. And they're redoing Ghostbusters with only women. What's going on? I saw that.

There's no way it's real. No. It's real. It's real. I saw it. Celebrity voiced it and like... I saw that video. I know what he's talking about. It feels like a Chris Bores video with the editing.

It's like he stops. Then he looks to see that the red lighters are that he's like, that he has something else to say this. It's so... Like somebody had a fucking gun in the head. It's like a fucking ISIS video or he had like... Read off a cue card. This Donald dropped like a billion and a fucking giant tower. So did he call it?

It really like, okay, get the camera. I have to say this. And the guy was stopped. He was like, was that it? Was that what you call me at Bore? Yeah, put it on YouTube. This looks great. Trump has the big red button on his desk.

He smashes the red button with his tiny little finger. The guy fucking busts in with his green screen, with his expandable green screen. They're remaking Indiana Jones without Harrison Ford. You can't do that. And now they're making Ghostbusters with only women. What's going on? This podcast brought me about James and Mars Trappy. You got a fucking bite, you got a nurse?

You buy a big rocker or stinky. Smash him. Yeeh! I had a mouse problem and I put when I put the big rock and it was really funny I was very unsatisfied

with my mouse trash He didn't quite work This is fucking ridiculous What is this? The lunatunes I bought a mouse I put it's a big rock It's a big rock

It's a big rock and a cardboard box You get me a fucking rock Oh, Now that's a huge Mastraft I'm talking about a three two-old Gah Gah

Yeah, right Yeah What a weird commercial I can't believe they sponsored the podcast That was fucking strange They were grassmen and straws here, buddy

Yeah, who the fucking bite up? I swear I had another topic, something. Let's talk about air rodents, aka wallbirds. Air rodents. There's like videos of these people who capture fucking birds and like carve holes in their walls

to let the birds out, but there's these fucking asshole birds that crawl into vents and live in there. And we had a problem at the office and there was this fucking bird because Tom put up his tape but he put up like paper tape

and they just chewed through it and set up shop again. But one day I couldn't fucking take it. Like I was so mad. I just went over there. I went to that red wall right there next to the light and I fucking scream like a banshee and smacked the wall. I smacked the wall so hard that these- It was it was either or but I smacked it so hard that these fucking baby birds like I just heard like kerthunk of just shit falling down. Yeah, they fell into there. They weren't saying anything. So we thought there was one because it started going like it did one. And the mama bird was fucking losing her shit outside. She's freaking out. And then I went out the window and I was like Fuck you!

Fuck you! I was like, fucking slapping. Wait, Corey, you made the Divers fall down further to the wall to the happen? Whatever. You see they're chopping up mice heads with your fucking metal contraption. Corey's gorilla smashing baby chicklets. The mama's trying to save it. I'm like, fuck you!

And I'm like fucking trying to smack it. But anyways, this is what's insane. We thought there was one. And Jeff made jokes. Like he called it like, he said like, I call it Wally because that's where it's probably going to die. This is funny. Because it's probably what happened. I was telling him, like, say it was like, just let it die.

Let it suffocate and let the office stink for fucking me. Yeah, a little decay. Let it fucking die. It shouldn't be a stupid wall bird. It's its fault. I mean, what else are you? You take a coat hanger, try to reach it down there. There's like holes in the bathroom where it can get out.

And I guess it got out when I was like... It's like the bathroom? Yeah, it got out finally. One of them did. One. The baby was or the bird? I can't, I can't touch a fucking feral bird. That shit terrifies me.

It was a baby bird or an adult bird. It was a baby bird. But it was like, it was... Corey's just screaming, standing on top of the fucking sink. I'm not. I'm not screaming. I just don't want to touch a fucking bird because like when Lexi went over to pick it up

with like rubber gloves it's like fucking screaming like a pig getting its arm pulled off like it's just like and she's not even doing anything she told me that you're supposed to blow on it with carbon monoxide to like calm it but I would have just been like She was going to breathe fucking cigar smoking in his face So she like let it out

She let it outside and you know like we did what we could It's like falling out of a nest we just let it outside But there was actually five more goddamn fucking birds in there And they were just coming out at random times throughout the day. For a whole weekend, we had nothing but fucking birds coming up there.

It was a fucking exodus of Jews leaving it. It was like fucking Mr. Bucket with the balls popping out of his mouth. The birds were coming out of the holes and fucking all over the toilet and shit. And she let him all out. I was too, I was like,

I can't fucking do this. I'll open the door for you, but I'm too much of a pussy to handle birds. John's birds fucking terrify me. When they're on me, I feel like I'm being fucking hell by ICE is against my own will. Bird Cinnies a total cut.

She'll like pull your hands out and shit. When I have them near me, I feel like I freeze up, like a fucking deer in headlights. my eyes out. Yeah, it's fucking scary. But these fucking wall, feralberg assholes are fucking coming in and they were finally all out, but it was funny. There were times where, like, they left the window open and try and let them fly out, and the fucking mom would come in with food and try to stick it through the hole. Wait, what? Are you serious? Jesus fucking

Christ, are the little ones dead? Yeah, one of them ran onto the wire and a fucking car hit him and loaded out. No, you're just fucking liar. But that was, yeah, it's like, like, those kind of rumen, like, I've had raccoons in, like, a ceiling, and they're fucking scary at night when he hear all. like raccoons rattling up your fucking upstairs they're like, it sounds like... They come into your room, they touch your genitals. You can't have some of the fucking vermin

because they're just gonna fucking shit up and make... Like raccoons? Like, my stuff that had to get a fucking coon cage to catch this thing, those things are like weird like these weird like fucking saw traps where they get inside and they're like... Coon cage? That's just a short term for porch monkey. Corey...

Oh boy. Lawla is a coon cage. It's a coon cage. It's a coon cage. It's a cune cage and her ass. She got in the cune cage. She walked out and she fucking fell into the weird like Coon trap. It's just a whole of the fucking

bananas. Come out with sticks whacking their fucking back of their head head like get that bitch and bring her out on! The best cookie you ever built

was a giant hole with the one single banana hovering in and she just like who fell in. Little as you know that it would actually attract more than one

Coon. There's like 30 coos at the bottom they were all fighting and they were all they're all they're all it's a danger they start

on top of each other. It's actually a dynamite the banana and it cartoonously exploded them all. All the other fucking duck bills turned in their back their head

just my luck. Listen we're not sensitive, we're just practical. We're practical men. We're practical men with practical ideas. If we could just build big cages to capture people, why do we have the death sentence? What's the problem, you guys? We did that ever go

wrong? We did that rather than human beings in cages ever go wrong. Why do we have lethal injections? Just put them in a cave and fucking rattle it a little bit. Yeah, there's that ISIS video of those fucking, like put all the guys in like a cage just putting water like Dr. Evil and they raise it up when they drown. Such a fucking weird, like, what are...

It's horrible. God, play some Xbox or some shit. Yeah. God damn, dude. Play some new ground. sponsored content for killing people only on Newgrounds.com. By Angry Bird. I don't know.

Watch the Angry Bird movie. They sit around like Wiley Coyote and draw diagrams like All right, Abib, hey listen, let's get a rope here with a gear and we'll lower them down into a pool of water. Like stick man drawings with the X's on their eyes and shit?

Tom told me about the new Angry Birds movie. He said it was like people were complaining because it was almost like social commentary on like the Syrian refugees. What? These pigs, right? They come to the fucking Bird Island And they're like, oh, they're friends.

They're friends with us. But really, at night, like, there's still, like, a group that are, like, are scoundrels. Like, they're not the scoundrel, but they're, like, the groups are like, no, they're bad. Like, no, you're wrong. But they end up stealing all their eggs and taking them back to the fucking pier or whatever, taking them back to Pig Village. And they need the help of the Bald Eagle, aka America, to help with the problem. And what they do is they go back to the Pig Island and fucking bomb them. Because that's what any bird is.

It's about crashing into fucking buildings and destroying it. And they're led by the Bald Eagle. So all these birds led by the bald eagle are flying into the fucking pig fortress and killing them And then they get the eggs back You're actually kind of making a little sense That actually does sound a little And that's what people are like

It's like social commentary It's like no it's coincidence Like is it though how much coincidence Though a lot of like the bosses and stuff Some of the pigs remind me of like Russians or something like that Yeah Like the green Russian pig I mean like Syrians like they like

Because Syrians they would like steal baby eggs And like fucking eat the side of them Like cook them up big omelets. Good job, Angerbirds. You just Scooby-D you came at the end, and pull all the pig heads off and it was ISIS. Then they pull off the other head and it's fucking Trump underneath. This is the last time I've been ahead.

They pulled out the eagle set and Trump's like, I told you I'd make America. Look, look, look, they're stealing our eggs, okay? What are we supposed to do? Build a wall, that won't fucking work. We have to build a way. Yeah, we're not going to do the wall. We would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky Syrians. Oh, man, it's really. I'm not saying it's true, but it's probably the biggest drug and horse of all time.

Somebody should lay serious Trump like dialogue over the Angry Brids trailer. Do you hear that? Do you hear that sleepy cabin? Yeah. There's videos. Have you seen this video before where they take like Trump's, like, speeches and they'll, like, cut parts out and show, like, really dramatic footage of, like, refugees flooding into Europe? Like that snake pulled Trump read, with the woman who, like, helps the frozen snake,

and the snake, like, bites her after she heals it. People, like, lay that over and it with serious dramatic music, like, movie trailer music. With, like, refugees, like, flooding and, like, breaking shit. It's fucking weird. So people do that with the Angry Birds trailer. Do that now. Yeah, do it right now, you little bitch. And show me your Trump Angry Birds collab.

Show us. Show the bash up. Make it happen. We'll give the best one a sticker. Angry Bird sticker. Angry Bird sticker. We will all spam your Twitter with Angry Birds emoticons. Yeah, we will.

Scott Monocons. Speaking of refugees, we're going to go become refugees to food. We're going to get that food boy. Get that food boy. Hey, hey, I'm not going to get that food boy. Get that food boy. Get that food boy. Get that food boy.

Get that food boy. Get that food boy.