SleepyCabin - SleepyCast S2:E3 - [Tired Monkeys Talkin' Movies]

Episode Date: November 28, 2015

Tired and delirious, we push through the night. Sit back, relax, and let the unwashed drivel consume you, as the gang discusses movies, taxes, untimely deaths, and oh so much more. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your hosts for the evening: Oney (www.youtube.com/OneyNG) Ricepirate (www.youtube.com/ricepiratenewgrounds) Spazkid (www.youtube.com/user/Spazkidin3D) JohnnyUtah (www.johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) Podcast editing Maestro: Tom Ryan (@tomrmusic) Ricepirate +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Shane Danells, Ryan Pagonis, Chris Cunniffe, Creeps McPasta Jace Baker, Denis DeLong, Trevor Wood, Liam Staley, skooks Sonny Canchola, Susparty, Paul Raymond, Lucas Boucher Michael Westermeyer, Riley Paul, ubernoobinator, Matt Gronhovd William Sawikin, Travis Wager, Schegerino, Rodolfo Davis Millet Windmill Punches, Corbin Record, Dean Borris, Andrew Dore Clyde Cash, Jonathan Tillmon, Bill Zhuang, Dani Rucker, Dazzanator Andrew Suchwallo, Duncan Neilson, David Fanucchi, Conner St. John Phillip Tafoya, Richard Hunt, Hudson Heitmeier, Sam Child Yuval Birenzweig, Prosecutor Jeff, Thomas King, Chaney Rockwell +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

Mike, when's your cooking show, Mick? People want to know. I think it's going to be around the cooking fuck show. God, Mick, what's your fucking problem? I had wasabi bees. Are you fucking kidding me? Mick, do the polite thing, fart in your hat and fucking throwing outside the window. Have you ever caught a fucking spider in a glass?

The same fucking thing. There is a world as tangible as our own. Impossible to see yet. Unavoidable to sense. A world. by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight,

lies a quaint little cabin. And in that cabin. It's a bunch of guys. He's just a bunch of bullshit. Welcome back to the podcast, guys. We've got our hosts today, Corey Spaz Kid in 3D. Say hello to the folks.

Hi. Christopher O'niley. Hi, Ari, Ari, Ari, Ari, aye. Other known as Oni N-G. Special guest. Me. Yes, special guest, Johnny, sexy. It's Jeff.

It's just Jeff. So glad to have you today. So, so glad to be here. But continue. And we also got Nick. He forgot to say that part. Yeah. The commander.

The commander in chief of this plane crush. The fucking ship. You know, if the plane crashes, you have a 98% chance of dying. 98%? I thought not many of people actually died in plane crashes. No, they do. They tell you to duck and cover. So you can crush your spinal cord and die along with the plane.

People actually survive plane crashes. Not every plane dives into the ground like a dead bird. Like, not every... Are you sure? A lot of them crash on, like, takeoff or landing. Yeah, but when people think of a plane crash, they think of a big, like, nuclear explosion. Most plane crashes explode in the air

and kill half the people before they crash. That's the mid-air explosion. That's not a plane crash. You know the green laser thing you have? Did you see that? Like, it was... Laser Wars. Yeah, it's like a 20-year felony now to shine green lasers.

Oh, yeah. Well, don't do that on it. Chris. You're so lucky. you could so easily could have been one of those guys. Dude, laser wars. That was the title of that news article. Those people in their fucking backyards

with a little pointer, fucking nerd pointer. It's like CNN and fucking Fox News. What is the story? Oh, you didn't hear this? No. So basically, you know those little laser pointers that you like put little nipples

and point it like the wiener of your teacher? Okay, so apparently these lasers are so powerful and illegal that if you shine it like into a helicopter, I guess... Oh, I know that. I know, yeah, it's like... Apparently, the shape of a helicopter

windshield diffracts the light in a way where they're like, and then the entire cockpit lit up in this eerie green glow and I couldn't see and I flipped upside down and everyone died. The most impressive thing about that

is they seem like they always catch the person with like infrared cameras, chase them through the woods or they find them hiding under like a plastic pool or something. They get them every time. Me and all were like fucking around with it. It was a really foggy night

like a week ago and we were walking a wall. in the dead of night and we were shining lasers the whole way so I was like no go stand like 500 feet over there and I did it and when I turned the laser at him to him the laser was like as thick as a head like it was really big so if you shine it yeah if you shine it up in sky it just gradually gets bigger and bigger so yeah if you hit the helicopter it would just be completely red but only for like 0.001 of a second because there's no way you'd be able to focus it on one point right that part up in the sky for like more than that I want to

know when we're gonna get to the point where lasers can do all those fancy things We've seen them do. They can. They can. Lasers are already at that point where it can, like, it's considered a weapon. Where they can, like, chop off limbs? Yeah, it can cut through, like, metal. They use it to carve things. Why aren't we using those in war?

They are, right? Did you see the movie real genius? That was a good movie. Real genius. Yeah, with Falcimer. They built a laser. Yeah. And?

And they're funding it, and they don't realize... That it's a military project? Yes! Oh, wow. I've never seen that. Well, it was 1984, Mick. It was, you know, before they copied. Oh, 1984.

So that was before he was a wife beating... He's a wife beater? What are we talking about? Val, the wife beater, Kilmer. How dare you talk about Iceman like that? Fuck you. He was Iceman. He was cold as ice.

So he hit a few women, whatever, you know. Come on. He had it coming. You should have been giving him for a few mistakes. I'm surprised you didn't drop the line. They probably deserved it. That's the line. Look, he's fought lions and he's flown fighter jets.

Come on now. So what? Tom Cruise has saved the universe and turned back. time and all sorts of things. He's still a crazy fuck. You smack around a few ladies. They probably had it coming. What are you guys talking about?

Movies, assholes. Not for cringe videos. Yeah, what's that? We're talking about cringe videos. We're watching cringe videos. On my mind, why am we created something in the same vein as like Johnny 5? You are culturally shallow.

Johnny 5. What's Johnny 5? Why haven't we invented that yet? It looks pretty fucking... Short circuit. Yeah, it's made from like toasters and the basic stuff around the house. Why didn't we created a short circuit?

Dude, there's like robot battles, like battle arena, where they've got robots with buzz songs chopping off. Johnny Five had a heart. Those motherfuckers are programmed. What is Johnny Five? Is this some shitty? Johnny Five is alive. What are you talking about? It's from short circuit. The short circuit, it's a robot.

I saw that! I know, it's a good movie. No, it's not. It's a fucking baby movie. The sequel's epic though, okay. He grew up. I guess he became the prototype for Pee Wee Herman. Some fucking buried ass.

memory of my brain. Oh yeah, he looks a lot like that pee-wee-Herman thing. The one that's like... Ribbidoo do-do. Yeah. He does. He does. Did Short Circuit come out after Pee-Wee's Herman?

Pewee's Herman? Hey guys, look at my Herman. Whoa! That's scary, Mick. You're good at that. No, I haven't... No, that was the first time I ever did. That was nothing compared to Stamper's impression. Yeah, that's why you're up.

Stamper's... Because he can do the low half. Did you ever see Peewey's Great Adventures with the fucking bus lady? Yes. Yeah. That movie was great. But then the second one fucking sucks. Oh, Large Marge.

There was a second one? Yeah, Peewee's Big Top. He goes to like some fucking blue collar tower where everybody hates him. Because he's like this, he's like this fucking stick out nerd. He's like, hey, just look, get some candy. And then they're like, get out of here. That sounds like what would happen if he was in the real world. Yeah.

Yeah. And then like these fucking freak shows come and Peewee joins the circus. And that's the plot. He doesn't acknowledge how fucking weird the first one was. The bearded lady. The first one is just like a lighthearted adventure. The first one is like

where the bike gets stolen and that's like at the center. Daddy. Didn't they do a peewee's show on Broadway or something like that? Was he in it? Yeah, he's still acting.

Well, he's actually gonna be on that show Gotham now. Really? Really? The penguin's father. Which is like, that's what they did in Batman Return.

Yes, he's playing he's playing the penguin's father twice. Whoa. Wow. That's pretty fucking wild. Yeah, it's weird, right? But he does, he does look like the penguin

on that show. Yeah, a little bit. I'm not going to say that show's great or anything. It's not, but... Gotham? What is it? Like, a new hit series of, like, Batman, the original series? Something like that. Yeah, it's like Team Titan Go, but Batman... It's like the drama that goes on around. I watch it, but I'm mad the whole time. Why? Because it's just frustrating that it should be better than it is. I saw the promos for the Joker. I feel like they just keep making worse and worse jokers. Like, it just looks weird. There's so many other villains that are way more interesting in the Batman world, but the only thing people think about,

is now is Bain, Joker, and fucking the riddler, I guess, is sort of like considered and the crow. Yeah, Jim Carrey was a really good ruler. He really brought that role to life. Because he played like a fun character. You didn't like him? You know what, you might be right, but it's hard to say because the movie itself is fucking terrible. Oh, it's absolute trash. Okay, all right, all right.

I agree. Dude, the whole thing with Two-Faces is laughably just painful. Everything with Tommy Jones's Two-Face was not a good idea. Not a good idea. And then they had like Drew Barrymore and that other, like his whole house was half split with like it was all dark on one side and light on the other it was like so dry hard well

it's that dude that's fucking what's his name the dude did the puppets in the ghost town what's his name he does like a bunch of like gothic shit all the timber Tim Burton Tim Burton well this wasn't Jimberton Joel Schumacher he didn't do forever yeah he's the one who did he's the one who did the nipples and butts

yeah did you really do that one yeah Batman and Robin is amazing yeah so many ways how did it get me guys the first couple minutes of that movie are smash zooms of crotches and butts. They zoomed in on the cod piece and just held the camera there. Yeah, I do think, I do think it's a black comedy because it like kills the Batman series

in the process of being in the movie. You can look at it like that. But I mean, the director apologized for it. He did, he did. That interview, he's like, guys, he was pretty much just like, look, comics are for babies and I was just, I was trying to make it like a comic. I'm sorry, a comic.

I like the transition from Batman and Robin to like Batman weekends. Yeah. It's like, get rid of the baby shit. Let's start over. Yeah. Because there's always, like, you know, that the Dark Night saga, this always bothered me. I always think, like, the Dark Night with Heath Ledger was the first one, but it's not.

It's the one where it's like, he's in, like, a fucking, he's like in the snowy mountain. Yeah, Liam Mason is the bad guy, though. Yeah. I hate that one. But it's like that's what started it. I thought it was good. And I completely forgot about it. I liked it up to the part where he actually turned into Batman, then I didn't like it.

I feel like his portrayal Batman has always been awkward. Yeah, what was with the Lisp? Oh, they're the Thet Catholic. It's such a shame they went with that. They just had him talk more than it. What was it? Like, what's the deal with Batman having to talk like he has throat cancer? I guess he just wanted to make his voice unrecognizable, but he couldn't do it in any less of a silly way. Fuck Batman Rises.

Kiss my ass. It sucks. Actually, I think that's the most boring movie ever. I thought it was that I said they brought the scarecrow in. Yeah, he was cool. What's his name? He's got a really weird name. It's Irish.

It's like, Chloe, McDoodle. It's fucking, I don't know. No, no, no, it's like... 28 days later. It's a 28 days later guy. I love 28 days left. Did you guys see 28 weeks later? Yeah.

The average movie. Yeah, it was really bad. Turned a little sillier. And then what was it? 28 months later, it's just not... No. They never did a third one. You see 28 centuries later?

20th centuries. It's like a dusty planet with nothing. The fucking monkey apes have like disintegrated and fell off. Yeah, it's just planet of the apes. The monkey apes disintegrated and fell off. What?

disagree to fall out the planet. Are they remaking all of the Planet of the Apes movies? No, they're... I hope not. They're rebooting a lot. They're bringing back the ideas, but they're, like, making new movies. They haven't technically copied a plot line from any of the planet of the movies.

They're referencing them a lot. They're all prequels in a way. Which one was the one with... It was hated by everybody? Right? Oh, no, that was the one with Mark Wahlberg. I think Tim Burton directed that one. Yeah, it was the worst film ever.

See, so the Tim Burton plans was a rematch. of the original playing games, but worse. Yeah, it was really bad. Did they have the line? Did they have the line? Oh, it was damn dirty. Get your hands off me, you damn dirty. It was like damn dirty human or something.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's right. That's right. He touches the Abraham Lincoln monkey statue. And then he goes to the cop. He's like, where am I? Just your damn hands off me.

It's damn human. Stinky old human. And they're riding banana cop cars. They fucking take the, take the cars. on the vines and fucking go to the bag. They're like fucking banana-shaped guns. Try it up and big bananas and they're under a rescue and

they're all slipping up in a half. Why didn't he fucking do that? See, that would have been the best ending. That would have been so bad. I would have been like amazing. I couldn't fucking fucking went there. I was like, what is this shit? Fucking, what's that hot dog band?

What's it called? The Oscar Meyer Weiner van? She got a fucking banana van. I have like six of them. They fucking pull up with lights on the back of them. They'll get out wearing bobby hats with the runner hats. 40 of them run out of it like it's a clown car.

They all like brooding and walking up and fucking like grabbing them just yanking. It's like, whoa! You hear that Tim Burton? You fucking, fucking idiot. Get your ideas together, you loser? Oh boy. Hey, I got a good idea, okay? Here's a good topic.

Have you guys seen a picture of a baby who has not? baby who hasn't developed yet. Oh, uh, like you... You? Like, when you hold a flashlight? It hasn't been aborted yet. And when you hold a flashlight up to a pregnant woman's summit.

They look like baby mice. Almost all fetuses, like I've seen like baby koalas and stuff. They've got these big black bug eyes. Yeah. They look like binding of eyes of characters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're harlequin babies. Their big black eyes like pierced through their tiny little

eyelid membrane. Yeah, you can see it through the membrane of the eyes. You can also see all their little organs through their translucent skin. You can fit it in your mouth all at once. Listen, I don't shine flashlights through pregnant women because I am courteous of their bodies. Do you guys think, right? You know when there's babies inside women? Yeah. Not sexually, but pregnant. Okay. So, so there's a baby inside a woman, right? Not sexually. You put a speaker up to her tummy, right? Yeah. You start blaring weird noises like

until the baby's born. Yeah. Will the baby come out like just completely like crazy? It'll probably kill it. It won't kill it. The reverb will blow its ear drums out. Hey, which one of you is going to be the first to have a child go. Wow. Corey. Really? Yeah. You think I would stoop to that level?

Probably. Mick. Mick is old. Yeah, Mick. You're old. What the f-if? If I was going to have a kid, I would add it by now. Your pussy will shrivel up eventually.

You're going to have a kid you first. All right. Definitely me. Definitely you. Jeff will never have a kid. Corey will kill his child very quickly. By accident. I just figured you'd get like rage, you get like this rage, be like,

shut up, shut up! And you'd shake it a little too much. You remember, I was at the zoo, this is a whole other topic. But I was at the zoo, they were talking about the pandas and why panda babies die swathen because the mother just accidentally rolls over on them and move them. That's why they're going to extinct. You can imagine Corey's watching this kiddies rolls over and his sleep and suffocates his child. Kids like screaming bunnymoor.

Can you imagine? That's, I mean, that's really sad. I mean, you think about this is your child. Yeah. And then you like you know you're trying to sleep with it or keep it warm and then you wake up in the morning You don't hear it breathing and then when you look in the mirror you see it this flat baby on your chest and you have to peel it off like a fucking fruit roll up I'll be and then it's dead if I have some blink playing in my ear. There's no telling what I'm there's a really really sad video on YouTube of a Chimpanzee mother and her little baby chimpanzee and the baby chimpanzee died and is like rotting and stuff and the mother find it and she's like She's like grabbing it and putting it down and grabbing it and putting it

gonna get down because she doesn't know what to do and she just like holds it for like a day straight and then she's like fuck this she leaves it oh my god it's the saddest shit ever chris why did you watch poor mom finds dead chin the cradles real i did you google sad chimp mom holding dead chimp baby i actually found it because it was linked to another video where a gazelle gets eaten by baboon and that was the worst video ever that was the worst video that is the worst video ever Every time the baboon like bites into the gazelle, it goes, Ah! And you're like, oh my god! And the baboon just looks around like, what the fuck is that?

He's like, you're, ah! It's like this gazelle is screaming like a human. It's the worst. You show me another video too of this like mom who's cradling your kid and this like angry monkey dad comes up and grabs it and starts. It's like, and it's fucking walks off and the mom picks it up again. Nothing fucking happened.

Yeah. Monkeys are funny. No, they're not! That's fucked up. That is fucking terrifying. You said, Corey, look at this video. And it was like that. And then the monkey, you know, like, kind of like,

crowds out to it, fucking looks at it. And then he grabs it and fucking throws it. It makes one wonder, like, every single time people talk about how, you know, we're so uncivilized compared to nature. Like, you know, we're like these violent and twisted creatures. Granted, yes, we do do fucked up shit, for sure. But we do it with thought. Some people.

Usually. One little monkey anecdote. I went to the San Diego Zoo recently and out of all the animals in the entire zoo, like half of them were either sleeping or playing games with each other or just looking around obliviously, but the only animal there that

really disturbed me was the gorilla's enclosure where they were sitting there with like their backs up against the glass where the people were looking at them and they just had this demeanor about them. They're like looking over their shoulder glancing at you every now and then and turning back. It's like they're like

sitting there really passive aggressively and almost almost annoyed they're being watched. They felt like they were the most self-aware thing in the zoo. That's because they are. Yeah. They feel super threatened. And the woman there says like, do not look at them. Do not look them in the eyes no matter what you do.

Just avert your eyes. Yeah, girls are really, they're just people except kind of dumb. They really are. They just like sad people sitting there. That's exactly. How would you feel if you were like this like hairy unfucking grown chimp or some hairy ungrown man? If you were more hairy young chint. sitting there. You have this gross hair disease and you look over your shoulder. And all these monkeys are

fucking looking for glass. All these fucking other monkeys are slapped in the glass of a lot of you. And you look back and like, you don't know what to think of it. The other monkeys there seemed like they were having a ball. They were just picking bugs up each other's backs and giving a shit. Throwing it at people. Yeah, the guerrillas are not happy. It was because the guerrillas, like

they have like a territorial thing, but other monkeys are just sort of the pawns and they have nothing worried of them. Yeah. Wasn't there that video of those people who were tapping on the glass and the gorilla turns around and the gorilla crashes of the glass? I think a little girl is like beating her chest at the gorilla and the girl's like, fuck you! He runs at her.

He cracks the glass and they're all like, oops, and they run away. I would be boltoned too. There was the Irish Zoo, Dublin Zoo had a gorilla enclosure that was like fucking 20 feet by 20 feet. Oh God. It was so depressing. I don't know if they've changed it,

but how many guerrillas in there? It was a bunch. It was like a vertical enclosure, but it was like so small and all the gorillas were obviously depressed and wanted to kill themselves. I remember the last time I went to a zoo, it was so hot, I puked. I remember, I was there with that.

That was terrible. The thoughtful look on your face when you said that. Yeah, I wonder if you could teach, like, if you taught a gorilla sign language, would they ever tell you, please kill me? Like, I'm so miserable here. Please end my life. There's that one really crazy gorilla Coco. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she looks really depressed. Didn't she die? No, she's still kicking it. She's still going strong. Oh, is that the sign language monkey? She's really smart. She met Robin Williams and she was like, tickle, tickle me.

And he was like, oh, okay, and he's like feeling her tities by accident. She's like, oh, really? Yeah. Feeling her tithes by accident. Oops. Yeah, probably the happiest animals there are probably the fucking cheetahs

because they stick them with like a dog pal. Oh, yeah. If the dog is calm, the cheetah's calm. That's kind of how that, yeah. They raised them as babies. I thought they were food initially. You all sitting there, this cheetah's lying there and this dog are just sitting there next to him like, like it's nothing Yeah, they're like best friends. They buddy them up actually. That's a good idea

So yeah, but that cheetah enclosure of the zoo wasn't very big. Really? Yeah, it's not big at all. Oh, I heard something weird about cheetahs like they don't like to run or something like oh They run under a hind legs like a human if they're really hungry That's what I said. That's a fact, huh? That's true They can't run twice as fast on too long There was a video of it on YouTube He was fucking jogging? He was a person in a suit with its fucking other half of the body, really?

He had that like black outline around him. Ever since you said that every since he said bronosaurus is worth like 30,000 feet tall. I'm not listening to you ever again about any other. I really thought that was real. I really did. What's the bronosaurus? Those big long neck dinosaurs. I saw an internet article that was like, they discovered a new dinosaur that's like so big, its head was like engulfed by clouds. And I was like, holy fuck, and I told Jeff about it.

I was like, Chris, you're an idiot. It's like cruise, it's like cruising speed for like 737. So like he gets a little dot up in the air. You're like, you're so stupid. If he was that big, his bones would break under his own weight. And I was like, how the fuck was I supposed to know? A T-rex had bite at his neck and fucking crunch it and had his fucking... No, he couldn't.

I drew his size comparison. He was so big that his foot was bigger than a T-Rex. Yeah, no. If it was 30,000 feet tall, T-Rex had come up to it and try and bite it and fucking crush it. The T-Rex would be like a mosquito. Yeah, I just wasn't thinking. I don't know why I believed it. Well, maybe that was like the first part of the brawn and then they...

Because, you know, animals over time, they get smaller. They do. Scientifically, animals get smaller? Really, like, you gotta really understand the scale of what we're talking about here. This isn't like, this isn't like even like the size of a skyscraper. This is like... Yeah, it was bigger. 50 times of a skyscraper.

Oh. I wasn't thinking. Higher than planes are flying. Yeah. I wasn't thinking. I was like, I was like, that is It sounds, it sounds, it sounds, it sounds... I didn't have any idea of, uh, the measurements of feet back then, I didn't...

I'm sorry, because I didn't mean to pick on you. No, it's completely just the fight. But, uh, I will say that there probably is a big, huge dinosaur out there in the universe. You think there's still floating around in the universe? Space dinosaur. It's heading to wotzes. It's going to bonk his doggen on the earth. I think there probably is, like, prehistoric, like, dinosaurs that are still at the bottom of the ocean.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're still like, see, show me pictures of these, like, fishes that are at the bottom of the water. Oh, yeah. There's just these, like... You know, they have to be that big in order to sustain the pressure when they're closer to the center here. Some of them look like they have fucking human faces on them. What?

Yes, I'm not fucking joking. There are some fishes that look like they have skeletal structures on their fucking face. Oh, I'm getting very weird. No, no, they're not the anglerfish. There was like this, like... There is one fish. It does have, like... The mud and Isaac enemy is how you fucking know what I'm going for.

The pink fuck. I don't fucking know, but there was like these weird, like, rainbow worms and fucking all this crazy shit. It's terrifying. Speaking of, speaking of the nightmare-drucatures, Corey, I'm curious. I know your mom is... Before you say that, but if we flipped Earth upside down and made all the scary water creatures float up to the earth and we saw all of them, I would have a heart attack before I got to fucking get a glimpse of it. I think you'd have a heart attack.

I'd see these wavy black flashes and kill my... When the Earth flipped fucking upside down. There'd be a lot of them. of problems. Fucking scary looking fish would be the least of my issues. How are we going to see the bottom of the ocean? We don't we can't. Fucking telescopes and lasers. Green lasers are you fucking...

No, I was going to say, your mom is of a religious nature, right? That's no secret to the fans of listeners of the podcast. She is now even more so. What does she think of dinosaurs? Best she'd be like. They were placed there in the earth by... Triggas by Lord Satan. Probably. She believes that Earth was created in six years and everything in the Bible

is true. So every single time we find some dinosaur bones, God up in heaven's like ah, fuck, not more of these. And then Satan's down in hell like Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, no, Satan's like He puts them there to trick people. Right, that's what I mean. That's why God's up in heaven like, fuck. Now I've got to explain this bullshit

again. Satan made dinosaurs. That's why they're fucking demonic creatures who ate each other. Satan took the head of a dog, the neck of a giraffe and the body of an alligator, and he put them all together. And the wings of a bird. That's a dragon. And the face of a human and a The bodies of a dragon. I think dinosaurs are.

The scales of a fish. Pretty cool. Dinosaurs are cool. When I was a kid, I had 100 dinosaur toys. Oh, I think, I know I said this in a podcast. I think, I think dinosaurs are gay. Dinosaurs are not gay. Dinosaurs are gay.

They're not gay. You know what dinosaurs are? Gay! I just never grew up with dinosaurs. Everyone watched Jurassic Park. I watched it once, thought it was cool, but then I moved on. You don't think huge lizards with sharp teeth are cool? I didn't when I was.

I didn't like Power Rangers. How do you think Bronosaurus did it? I liked Sonic and Mario. I didn't like dinosaurs. They like, they like use their big long neck to reach around to their calm and drink a bit and shove their head up to those ones. Yeah, see, you've been... So you used that blowhole on the top of their head.

It just... I didn't grow up with dinosaurs or everybody else grew up with dinosaurs. I didn't grow up with robot car people. I didn't grow up with... Robot car people! I didn't even go-bomber! Robot car people! GoBots were Transformers.

GoBots were so lame. And I didn't grow up with the fucking teenage Teenagers and Turtles. I didn't grow up with those. About Harry Potter. Your childhood is terrible, Corey. Terrible. But you did have tires to play with. I did have tires.

I did have sticks and stones and ball in a cup. I always had that to play with. Fucking. Bonfires made of tires. You could dance around. Listen, all I had was Super Nintendo. Paper. I've heard so much about your hometown.

I want to know what you. What's something famous and or well known about each of your hometowns? That's a good question. Famous? We're well known. We have a memorial for Rothwell. Do you know what Rothwell is? Oh, that's where the Iron Giant happens.

Yeah, Iron Giant. Don't have to be confused of the movie, the real Iron Giant. The real one. The real giant space alien robot that the military tried to weaponize. That Hargoth or Hargoth. Hogarth, Harthus. I think I might be wrong, but I'm not sure. Are you talking about?

Are you talking about... Roswell? Roswell, yeah. It's a Mario memorial for... It's a Mario. We have the Roswell Memorial. What happened in Roswell? Aliens were like...

Then it caught him. Was that? I don't fucking know, man. It's just like some old dude with an outfit. No, it wasn't. It looks like he fought in a war or something. An alien flew down from the outside of heaven. There's no alien trophies.

Statues. What are you talking about? We have a normal park with normal fucking statue people. Okay. You're just fucking loom around. You're a fucking psycho. You're such a fucking psycho. What about, Chris?

What about you? What about your fucking... The Great Potato Farm? I want to hear about your hometown. I want to hear about your hometown. The hometown of Wexford, we got the famous Wexford Creamery that makes lovely milk. Yeah? We got The Huck Lighthouse where many ships were smashed into the side of the cliff because it didn't do its child.

Thank goodness. No, that's lie. Uh, we got... John's Town Castle, or a famous Lord Oliver Cromwell, hid in this castle for many years because he was horribly disfigured in a fire. People were like, don't go near him. And then when the people finally found him, he had shot himself in the brain. Oh, God.

Wow. Specifically in his brain? We haven't heard from that freak in a couple of weeks. We should go check on him. That's all a huge line. Isn't the beauty of the beast going to come to the age? I don't know what else there is in Wex. We got the Rocklands.

We got... You got gray skies. We got the premiere, which they make good fish and ship. Do you have, like, famous wax for Putin? Poutine. Poutine. Everyone drinks. That's all anyone does in Ireland.

So probably, yeah. Jeff, what about you? It was kind of just a depressing suburb. It's grown up a lot over the past few years, but there's lots of cows and horses and grass. That's not monumental. You know, when I brought up the subject, I was kind of hoping there was, like, a murder, or there was a great hire. There was a murder. Okay, okay, we're getting somewhere.

There was an ice cream shop near by ice cream. I love that you just skip for it. You're like, there was a murder, there was a murder. There was also an ice cream shop. There was a shotgun murder at an ice cream shop. Oh, really? Holy shit. Oh, I didn't tell you about the murder.

It happened in White Street. Yeah, you did. You said there was some freak up at the top of the tower. That was a huge one. I don't even know. I don't even know. I know it was a guy called Oliver Cromwell, but I don't know what happened. I completely forgot the story.

I didn't tell you the murder of 94 and fucking where I come from. Tell us about the murder of 94. I'll come back to me. Corey, tell us about the murder. The murder. of 94. Tell us. What happened? There was no...

There was a murder. It was being facetious. Not all towns carry murder stories. All right, Jeff's telling a murder story. I need to hear this before I go to bed today. It's not really a murder story, but somebody died. Okay. It's fucked up. Basically, get how unlucky this guy was. In this town near where I grew up, there was a fire... There was a firehouse at like a T intersection.

You go through the intersection, the firehouse is another side. Basically, this is the dump truck filled with hot, paint. pavement material. Yeah. It was coming down the hill to the T intersection. Its brakes failed. And it plowed into a car and pushed it all the way back into the back of the firehouse.

It pushed the car into the firehouse. Yeah, the dude was dead, probably on hit. But it burned down the firehouse, and nobody even knew this car was in the back. And pretty much the truck driver lived, like, of course he did. But it took a while. It finally got the fire out, and they pulled the truck out, and they finally realized, there was this fucking car pushed into the back of the burnt down firehouse. house.

Dear God. So that guy got fucking... How close to your house was that? Five minutes. What noise did he make? Five minutes away?

Yeah, what do you sound like? What noise did he do? He probably died instantly. Oh, no! Anyways, that was... I always wondered, like, what the last thought through my head

is going to be. I've had dreams where I got like shot and killed, and the last thing that goes through my head almost always is, oh, fuck. I know that's what's going to be. Like, gosh, darn it.

Yeah. God damn. What would you guys do if a solar flare happened and all electronics in the world just to stop working. I'd go to a liquor store. No, I'd go to a gun shop and loot it.

Then I'd use those... You would not. You would not go to a good store and loot it. Then I'd use those guns to go to a liquor store and loot that. No, because it would all be gun. Then I would go to a Costco with my guns and liquor, and I would barricade myself in there with a few people that I trusted.

What about the other 1,000 other people who thought the same thing? Yeah, you big idiot? I would... I personally, I don't know what I'd do, but... I would shoot them with my... I would start a business and hire all let's plays for below mental wage because they'd have no skill set. That's a good idea. No, you don't understand.

You could start a new movement that way. The world would be rioting. There would be no order. There would be no electronics. There would be no internet. That's right. That's what I'm saying. Guns.

We still have fucking, we still have batteries and outlets. No, because every bit of electronic microchip explodes in the solar flare. Okay. Have you seen small soldiers? Yes. Well, fucking put your electronics underneath a dick. They had a convenient huge dish in their garden. I don't even know what. I'd be able to protect all my electronics in my big lead-walled house.

Just get rubber-s and-men. It doesn't even matter. If your electronics are fine, the fucking power stations that allow you to use them or not. Uh, not my bicycle-powered electrical generator. What would you do? You wouldn't be able to call your parents or your friends? Let off another silver friend. I'd be like, listen, I'm an artist and they'd be like, show me you're working. Nobody would believe me. me. They'd be like, we don't need our right now. We need fucking people who can do some hard labor. It's true. Hey, Chris, if there was a solar flare and all electronics got knocked out and you weren't able to see your parents, would you go on a magical adventure of harrowing feats to cross the sea, to get back to Ireland to see your parents?

Absolutely not. They would never see you again. They would never see me again. Because that would be fucking ridiculous. I'd get back to Ireland and the country would be completely, like everybody would be right. quieting and killing each other. Why? Parents would be dead. I thought Ireland didn't have any electronics to begin with. Y'all fucking eating potatoes and living in grass huts. Good one!

That was a funny joke! I take your place, Chris. I go there and live like a Highlander. You would go back, you would get instantly killed by... Wrong. Above. I'd behead everybody. You'd like.

Take their power. I would be extremely upset that I couldn't contact my beloved parents, but they would understand that going back to Ireland would be a huge risk. Your dad's candy shopping it. Fucked. He's gonna save all the chocolate bars. What's gonna have your candy shop when the solar flag goes off over the... Mal, my dad, he owns a warehouse. He'll save all the dairy maries. Could his solar flare technically blow up and take out all electricity around the world?

It takes out all chocolate, all electricity. All chocolate will be rendered useless. All dragon balls the action figures will explode in your head. Oh no. All of you stupid shit on your desk will go on fire, Jap. Your stupid flux capacitor, your stupid art books that you don't read. Fuck you, Chris. Your shitty ass Mac and Pondage.

The one benefit, though, we all get the superpowers. No fucking Mac would survive. Mac would survive. They'd have a fucking built-in battery. There would be a solar fire coming towards everything. Chris would say on something like a fucking retard, like doing like this Goku, like,

fireball thing at the sun. Like, I can stop it. Facing the flare with his hands up in the air. Like a fireball. And he's all like, ah, yes, this is my soul. Comey, come in, come a heart. It's real. Your face would be mel.

I would... I would honestly... I would honestly... I would honestly... I would do that. I would line my hand up to the solar flare to make it look like I was actually shooting it. Like somebody... Then your face would have like a perfect hand shadow of like crystal clear hands.

I'd be like, I'd like guys I'm doing it and it fucking explode. You'd have the silhouette of hands around your burn all over your face. Why would I have burns? You'd have fourth degree burns from the solar flare. Your eyeballs will be melted into your brain. What's the solar fair? Does the sun explode? It's like...

When the sun looks at the earth and it goes... It goes... Yeah, it's basically like when the sun, like, farts really hard. Yeah, it doesn't explode. It sends this big arc of, like, fire. Radiation. Yeah, and radiation flies to the earth and burns everything. Has that ever happened before?

It happened in, like, 18, like, 90 or something. Yeah, I guess it's an EMP, essentially. So it would knock out everything, basically. Couldn't you bring it back? Yeah, like, over, like, 100 years. It would take time to read you, to bring back everything. I believe they have ways of protecting electronics. I think if you turn it all.

There is. LED is one of those things. If you turn the electronics off, does it make it? No, it'll still fry it, I think. Yeah. I remember he reading something about this where they said there's precautions they can take it. They turn off batteries too, right? Like car batteries can't start either. Yeah.

Since they're electric, I guess. It's like in War of the World's with Tom Cruise. He had like the only car that worked though. What the fuck was that shit? He fixed it because he was a mechanic. They said like the batteries out of the car. Like they just, I don't know. I like that movie.

That was good. Yeah, it was cute. I like the way they died. I liked. It was like, fom! Just like fucking turn into powder. Yeah. I just, like, when they got in the car and everybody, like, saw that they had the only working car and they all fucking ran after them.

Yeah. That movie has the best build-up scene I've ever seen in my life. Oh, you mean when they're in the town in the center of the sidewalk? Yeah, it spends, like, ten minutes just watching the fucking things come up, and it is so good. It's like one of my favorite movie scenes ever. And it has a nice, like, in music, you know, like electronic music, they have the drop. In that one, the drop is, like, as soon as they realize, like, oh, fuck. That music's really weird.

It doesn't sound like actual music to me, but it's still really creepy. It's just like... Yeah, what if the same sort of thing happened? A solar flare went off to turn off all electricity because aliens learned that we need electricity to survive and then they came to a time. The aliens would come down and come out of their ships and tick us all. That would fucking suck.

If aliens like took out her power... You know what? If there were aliens hanging around our fucking planet and a big EMP went off, like a big solar flare went off, all their fucking UFOs would just crash into the earth. No, they'll line it with lead. They're the ones doing it. They're the ones doing it.

They got their shit together. We're fucking idiots who took lead out of pencil. Aliens? We're fucking thinking backwards. The kids listen to sleepy cast, they get ideas, and then they built the world. The only way to kill them, but a warehouse is and find pencils. Number two pencils? Type konger, like, like, like, like, like,

Stab them in their eyes. Yeah, you fucking stab it in their fucking eyes. You aim from their big Zelda weed points. Why don't you just fucking do that in world of the worlds? Because they died because they drank water in the air. They didn't, yeah, they drank water. They did, just fucking the parasites in the air killed them. They sort of didn't have that one covered for something.

Yeah, and then. Warfrey was like, and assault, the aliens all died. Yeah, we talked about it. Like, why would aliens come to a, planet where it's like, they're like 90% air, water, and germs. They're silly. They came all the way across space to just fucking breathe some bacteria and die. It's like in Futurama where they coughed in the aliens and they exploded like water balloons. I was talking to someone recently and they were like, you know the end of signs when like the aliens are dying because of water and everyone's like yeah, that's a stupid ending. And they're like, no, it's not a stupid ending because it's holy water and the aliens are symbolism for demons because the main guy is a priest. You know what? That is stupid. I knew the F in the age told you that I heard the same I heard the same fucking symbolism

for it follows They said oh it's a symbolism for STDs because they always follows them Yeah I didn't read a synopsis or whatever About the whole The aliens are really demons It almost makes sense in a way It does make sense but it's also still very stupid

What's his name? Maybe He had a night show along Mel Gibson he was in the movie Yeah That's probably why he signed on there And there was the stupidest I'm sorry for killing your wife.

There was this... Yeah, dude, the fucking stupidest thing they had was like the swinging thing. What did she say? Keep swinging. Yeah, she's like, just keep swinging. She's like, she's like dying after she got cut in half by a car. And he's like crying. She's like, just keep swinging. You know what?

Keep swinging. And it comes back at the end when the aliens there. And he grabs a baseball bat. And then like her voice in the back of his head. Keep swinging. He's like, oh, right. I can smash aliens with the fucking baseball bat. He's like, wait, what was that?

Keep swinging. Wait, what? What do I swing? What do you mean? What do I swing that? Swing your bus! If any of you guys got pinned against a tree, I would immediately just back the car away and let you die.

Thank you. I appreciate that. You know what? I came out way meaner than I thought it was. Yeah, you were trying to be merciful, but you sound like a dance. If you picked somebody with your car, they'd be killed instantly anyways. What? Jeff, what about me?

I hold pens and paper. I'd say, but Jeff, I could still help you. I'd pull the car away, and Corey would just be fine. He'd be like, everybody would think he was cut in half, and he's like, oh. See, I just don't. get this part. It's like if I got hit by a car, right? And it was like pin me

against the car and literally like cut me in half wouldn't all my fucking guts be shooting on my eye sockets? Wouldn't I just be like, mah? And like my fucking stomach comes out of my mouth? Heavy? No. It's got to go somewhere. It's the same thing. It's the same thing that happens when people fall into train tracks. Yeah. And they get, the

train goes by and they get their body gets twisted between the train car and the side of the, so basically they're alive because their body get all twisted, but there's no way to on, there's no, if they pull the train car away, it's like all their insides are just gonna like fall out. They're gonna die anyways. They're gonna die anyways. Yeah, they're like, they're dying slowly, but they call family members. They're like, yeah, you got like, I don't know, you got like half an hour and then you're dead, so, or you can just die now.

You could pull the train car away and you just die instantly, so. It's really kind of fucked up, but that could just happen to you if you're like walking along a subway and you just trip and fall in. Yeah. And then you're just like, human help. I'm gonna be walking on the sidewalk and somebody fucking drives their car to you because they're looking at Twitter. I swear to God, that almost happened to Zach once where we were at a convention and there was a train coming. And it was a train in the middle of the road, like a tram. And he was just standing in front of it and not paying attention. And I was like, Zach, Zach, and I just grabbed him and pulled him.

And I just missed him by like this much he would have died. I swear to God. What the fuck, dude? Yeah. I have a question. Okay. What? Do you ever think you'd ever find your mutant powers at some point?

Like the X-Men? What is your mutant power, Corey? I don't know yet. You have to discover it. What would you like it to be if you had one power? I feel like you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Let's just say we all had a mutant power, guys. Let's just say we had an innate, hidden.

It's like deep within us, and it'll happen at any point during our life, right? Yeah. To sit there and speculate what you would want it to be is a surefire way to fuck yourself because you'd get the power and it wouldn't be nearly as cool as the one you wanted. I wanted the power to write my name in cursive and not mess it up because I still can't do that. I still can't do it, right? Writing the entire alphabet in cursive? This isn't fiction.

This is real life we're talking about, Jeff. I don't understand. I get two-thirds away through my mind. name and I forget how to... J. E. F. I can't do it. What are you, Corey? What would your power be?

What would you want it to be? Cory would turn to like rock or something. I feel like it would be some kind of... Or metal. It would be like cotton and slice it under the door. Coton? Coy would be like the cotton man. He'd like float away in the air when he gets lonely.

You can throw a little flex of himself in your face, you inhale it and cough. Cory would like hide in like chairs and let people sit on them. Chris would just like turn to a chocolate bar. I've already found my mutant power. What is it? What is it, Chris? I lost all sensitivity in my penis because it jerked off the most. That's not a mutation, man. It says it's a body defense. Oh, okay. That's good to know.

That's like an anti-power. No, it's super. Trust me. Me and Chris share the similar powers. We shared it at birth. What? We can find autismos. Buy the truckloads. You want garbage? We got it for miles. You're like Aquaman for autismos? That's what we need.

You like send out a call, like sonar, and then they just all flock to you. In your mind, in your mind, you hear like, the new thunk on the ground is awful. And you're like, you hear it. And then you look it up and then suddenly you find it. Can you call out to them like? They're like echoes throughout the sky. And then they all come in like buses and their parents drive them to the office to like hang out with you. No, no, it's not like that.

It's like a, it's like a technological like sense. Like for instance, when I first find out about like Chris Chan, it was, um, they didn't know about it. But then after I found out about Chris Jane, I realized, like, it was just so easy to find people. Yeah. It was easy. Yeah. There wasn't a word to look up like cringe at the time. It took real talent.

Corey, Corey. Tell me the story of Rocky Six. I heard you have an interesting summary of this. I've never seen it. Me and Chris discussed it. We were saying if you were telling it to somebody who never saw it. I have not seen it. Okay.

Well, it's about a wrestler who has an MMA match against a robot android who blows smashes Adrian his wife's head in front of him and each movie is about him bench pressing thousands of pounds and growing Hulk strength to fight the android in the Coliseum. The Great Coliseum.

Rocky 6 is already a movie though. He punches down on Adrian. No, I'm talking about Rocky. He punches all the Rockies leading up. He punches down on Adrian's head, smushes it into a pancake. Yeah, the Android laughs. He's like, I kill girl to the, to Rocky. And Rockies like,

Is this Rocky for? No, this is Rocky! I kill, girl. Okay, so the robot smashes Adrian said to give a pancake. Rocky Benchristy thousands of pounds. He exclaims his enjoyment of killing her. How does he laugh?

Does he laugh? He's like hot, hot, hot. He sounds like Arnold Schwarzeneg. This is not Rocky, the android. This is Ivan Drago you're talking about. Yes. I crush you. That's him.

Yes, that's what he did. Rocky's like, You turn him to a pancake. I know pancake girl Adrian And so what ends up happening This is explaining it to a blind person What ends up happening is

Rocky ends up winning The wrestler tournament He gets his belt He gets a new girl And then You get a new girl And then his son leaves on the legacy For Rocky 6

He's like I'll do for you there Is this Rocky 5? This is Rocky 1 through 5 and then Rocky 6 is the new generation. There's already been six Rocky movies. Okay, Rocky 7. Whatever.

I'm explaining to a blind person, not someone who actually fucking see. Why are you lying to being mean and lying to a blind person? Like, a blind person's like, can you explain, what is Corey? What is Spasket, Corey? I'm like, he's an alien. What would a blind person care?

There's an alien from being on drama to galaxy. Can you explain it to me? What would a blind person come up to you? Corey Spaz Kid instead of living? thing that a fucking DVD hired for Harry comment. Because he hired me for a quick synopsis of Rocky. Hey, Corey, Corey, if I had to hire you for a synopsis, if I had to hire you for a synopsis of ET, what would be your synopsis?

E.T. Yeah. Give it to me. Okay, so a kid enters a science fair. Yeah. And his science fair project ends up touching one of the aliens. Like, it gets the alien's attention. The alien comes.

Yeah. Like, it's horribly burned by the air. So he has to hide in a closet. The little girl tries to feed it by tossing skittles at it and other candy shit. It ends up burning the girl by spitting acid. Eventually, the like toxic people, the people who like do toxic and stuff, they detoxic him. Take out the baby inside E.T's stomach. Give him to the boy. And the boy takes the ship.

That's voiced by Pee-E. Herman. That's a navigator. The fight of the navigator. That's ET. I want to live in your head for one day, Corey. You're such a fucking psycho. How did you think of the tummy acid shit? Where did that come from? That thought it would be funny.

That was aliens. That was from alien. Oh. You're mixing all the alien movies. That's the same. You mix all the fucking alien movies together. Mix ETT with aliens with... The fucking kid goes to the alien place. Corey, give me a synopsis of the Shawshank Redemption.

Yeah. The Shafshank Redemption? Yeah. There's a performance. professional group of people who They they they're what it's like it's like a it's like a it's like a group of people who have mastered the ability to shank Shank one of them They're professional shakers

They meet up occasionally from shaking a professional shankers They have their stories Okay Are they retired they got caught because one of them was an undercover shanker They get taken to a bunker The other people they have a police officer her. They're all shankers. They're shanker blue, shanker black,

shanker red. It's like reservoir dogs with shankers. No, they're like Power Rangers. They're like Power Rangers. Right, right. What am I thinking? They all have like shanks, like one's made of a toothbrush, one's bed out of like a rock. What's his name? What's the... He played Jesus in Bruce Almighty.

Morgan, Viran. He played God. Morgan Freeman. Yeah. He played Jesus. He is in shocking redemption. Yes. I think it's cod. They go to the jail. He goes him a shank. He gives him, no, he takes away his shank, puts it away, and he's like, you don't need a shank anymore, and then they let him go.

Because he learned his lesson. Oh, yeah, that did happen in Shawshankment. What about the old man in the bird in his coat that he feeds worms to? Yeah. Where do you come into it? He shanked him to death. Give us a bird, too. Give us the synopsis of a million ways to die in the West.

Okay, a million ways to die in the West. Seth McFarlane hangs out with a teddy bear. Voice by Marky Mark What the fuck is that me? They both take turns riding in Optimus Prime And they fucking They get into a time machine

No Let me finish Go to 1989 They crash into Budweiser vehicles And have commercial breaks Throughout the movie And then they wind up in fucking Japan And they find the dino bots

Corey In China Seth Lippoorlin finds a dinobots It fights him for And rides it So much jokes at that point Rides it into sunset I want the synopsis for Jurassic Park

30,000 foot bronzoar. Jurassic Park is told by Corey. Okay. So this old dude, he's got an egg. He puts it in a machine. And Newman from Seinfeld breaks the egg, and a dinosaur comes out. And it goes into the cloning bay and creates more dinosaurs.

And the island catches on fire. They all die. And then they create the world after with the one dude from Guardians of the Galaxies, who's a dinosaur whisper. So wait, the dinosaur went into the lab and cloned more dinosaurs. Yeah. He's smart. Well, it was like a big open door.

He left the door open. This is easy, dude. This is like cakewalked me. He did any other movies? I got you. Robocop. Robocop. Man, I can't do these.

You just said, give me any movie. Oh, fuck. Do the Simpsons movie. The Simpsons movie? Peter Griffin gets a pig that's a spider. It wins the fucking shark. Wend I don't know

fucking babe in the big blue city I don't fucking know man Wow we tapped you out hard Nice topic I'm done man Cory's tapped The baby He's tapped

It's tapped It's like ramblings of a madman It's you Corey It's my brain I don't know I do feel like certain movies Like if you did do the synopsis They wouldn't be that ridiculous Like fucking mad max

Fury Road gross guys get their babe stolen They drive into the desert And they drive back I feel like orange girl shit I feel like Corey's brain was like dipped in Fanta Orange for like 10 minutes And it just like sizzled around his brain

And then they put it back in I got stories for years What was it talking about? Old ladies with big knees Old ladies with big knees Yeah they got knee knockers Yeah old ladies who like stand on the side of streets Clacking their knees together

Yeah it's like cellulis Where like you Is that what it's called? Cellululite. Cellulite. It's fat legs with little lumps in it. Yeah, no. These are knee knockers. We're talking about knee knocking old ladies.

What they do is they put it like a little hat on the ground and you're supposed to walk by and give them change. You know what you're trying to like, yeah, you're trying to drive home and these old ladies like stand on the side of curbs. They're just like, ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So these like, what do you call the thing where you like, Scooby doo dance or you... Oh yeah, I don't know what that is. They're not doing that. They don't have arms. They're just standing on the side of the streets with their huge knees going

Yeah They're like And you're supposed to give them money They're actually kind of a problem Because they'll get in front of your cars During traffic Like during rush hour And they clack their knees together

And they don't move Until you throw change at them They kick your car until you do Yeah And then they're fucking nasty old bunions And their feet absorb change So they get tall over you They grow

This is giant stilt-legged old ladies With big bony knees Like giraffes Their fucking knees around That's right They can hear them Standing in front of moving, standing in front of traffic. Well, we got a few years left, so it's fine.

Half the time you're throwing money in them to get them to move. The other time, you just feel bad because, you know, they're going to die. In all honesty, though, in Japan, they did have that. Not the knee-knocking ladies' bums in order to make money. Because, you know, Japan's like a well-oiled machine. It's a clock, dude. People got to get to work, otherwise they commit suicide, right? So when people are driving during, like, heavy rush hour, bums would lie out.

Like, there's a red light. You just saunter off in front of the cars, lie down. So in order to fucking get them to move, They just throw, like, huck change at their faces. That is fucked up. Who does that? That's fucked up. People who want fucking money and don't give a fuck.

Yeah, well, then you don't give them money. You kick him in the face. You can't. You're in your car. Get out of your car. It's illegal to kick someone in the face. You're like, hi, hi, tell you, a Tio. Hey, Tio! They're not people anymore.

There's speed pumps. Exactly. Isn't there like suicide Nazi stuff in Japan? Or is that China? No, that's, that's Japan. When I went to high school in Japan, around the times that the final, the results of their examinations would come out,

But all of her parents got faxes saying, your kids are going to come home late from school. Don't be surprised. And it was because there were so many fucking suicides. And they'd back up all the trains. Wait, really? Yeah, absolutely. That is absolutely a fact. Why are people so depressed there? Well, in Japan, like, you go to school. It's a lot like China, too, but you go to school, like before school, and then you go

to school after school. And all of this is to study for this one exam. And this one exam is the thing that basically determines whether or not you're going to have a life. And if you fail this test, then it's like impossible to get a job They like put like a big dunce hat on you and you gotta like sit in the corner of your room making miniatures of your own room Doesn't everybody that people just epic every country has that big exam That's why people get into it but it's like okay then Ireland has no not to draw porn and just make fucking hentai

Well not everyone has that attitude like I can go make my pave my own porn filled way But there's some pretty fucking you know do the SAT you're we've got the leaving cert which is really hard Leaving start leaving cert you're like certification yeah it's like it's like you It's like you're supposed to try and achieve 600 points, and if you get below, like, 300, it means that you're not going to get a very good job. And, like, that's it. Like, after that you're done? I mean... Or can you take it again?

No, like, I know lots of people who got really shitty results and they still got jobs, but I don't know. I think that whole... Because they have pretty faces. Probably. I think the whole job, like, how that, how it's, like, determined by, like, one factor, like, one test is just, like, completely bullshit. Yeah. What if that year, you were just, like, completely out of it? You know, if...

you subscribe to that mentality, and I did when I was young, because I was conditioned to believe that was all there was. You know, it was like paint by numbers, step by step, ABCD. You go to elementary school, you go to, you know, fucking middle school, then high school, you go to college, you get your college degree, you do an internship, get a job, get the house, get the spouse, get the dog, have the kids, ABC, all the way through. But I think if you subscribe to the idea, like, if you're sitting there like, wow, this test is determining my life, you're all. You're all. You're all. You're already kind of fucking yourself, you know? Like, you should just stand up.

That's what everyone tells you, though. It is what everyone tells you. It's fucked up. And the worst part is a lot of the subjects, like, don't matter. No. Like, uh, I really, I wish there was a subject that taught you how to live. Because when I left school, I had no fucking idea where to begin. I had no idea how to pay taxes, how to fucking go to get a house.

Dude, this is what we're talking about. It's saying this is like something you should learn in school before you get out of, like, before you go to college. Taxes should be the main thing. Yeah, you should, they should teach you taxing. You know why they can't teach you taxes? They can't teach you taxes. Why?

Because every year they revise that book and there's thousands of fucking pages. That's why people who have CP, like, even if you have a degree in it, you're still going to generally have, like, someone that you hire to do your taxes because it's so complicated. All they got to do is just teach you the very basics of it, like, just how to do it. Yeah. Yeah, they don't even do that. I don't mean, I'm, I'm, I'm, don't teach how to write a check. I might as well be wearing a fucking Dunn's hat.

I don't want to say, like, right in the law. I have to look up how to write a check. every month because I'm confusing man I forget how to do it and in the next month I'll have to just do it against it because I've already forgotten. Yeah it's just weird it's weird they don't even cover that stuff and all these checks are like different too like the TD

bank check is different from all other checks Whatever checks are going to be a thing in the past You don't even have to worry about checks in 20 years The way we pay taxes which should be a thing in the past like Oh absolutely that's why a lot of people Like when it comes to like politics You know when they run on platform some of them talk about

Like doing like a flat tax and stuff like that, where it's just like it's so much less complicated, but... It should just be like, everything should be more expensive or something or you should be able to, like, do it online much easier, you know? Like, Nicklin and Dimey... And every state has their own taxes. Nickel and Dimeing, every little thing you ever do is fucking obnoxious.

It's like, just give me the extra $10 or whatever. I'm fucking... It's so funny, too, because it's like it's a little game. It's a little meta game. Like, my accountant, he sort of does my taxes because he feels bad for me. He, like, does my parents' taxes. But, you know, he almost gets, like, hard-ons from, from like the excitement of finding loopholes in tax code.

Yeah. Creative accounting, what they call it. Yeah. I got on account, too. He's really cool. Yeah, I need one. Yeah, that's what we say, but for all you know, they're fucking raping you. You don't know.

I don't give a shit, man. I do not. I would not care. Just give him money and be like, clear it. He's my dad's accounted too. My bad's. Do what I can't do. Smart guy.

That's like, when I bring, if I had a car and I'd be like, can you fix this? He'd be like, yeah, it's going to cost you $1,000. I'd be like, all right, we'll make it work. you don't care if he's fucking you he'd just be hitting with a hammer he'd be like this is wrong and I'd be like well if I put the ignition in it doesn't turn on

I'm not paying you yeah like wouldn't it be possible just to make everything more expensive would that not work well a lot of places have like they have certain taxes

for goods there's also taxes that cities pay like you have to pay city tax in New York like there's tax for everything guys I mean honestly I understand that there's like extra taxes on your taxes. Like if the country just made everything.

It's like just, just take the money out of what I have. I don't care. Fucking. You know like with inheritance, the inheritance taxes that are there? Like a third of whatever you have left is all that's left. So like let's see you have like $3 million, right? You die and you want to pass that on to somebody. They get a million dollars.

Two million dollars? Guess where that goes? The fucking government wherever. Yeah, they just take it and throw it into a big fucking hole, which is called the debt. Like they just literally just ch-chew. just shovel money into it. So every time you hear about a president or whatever, Congress,

and they're like, yeah, we just approve $3 trillion for this, you know, we budgeted this thing for whatever. I mean, that money comes from somewhere. And it comes from us, which is why, you know, people talk about like why voting is important because these people are just going to, you know, they make these decisions and they're just like, oh yeah, by the way, we just spent billions of dollars on this fucking thing that you may or may not even care about.

You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. And we'll be sending you a check in the mail. Basically, yeah. Is it not possible, though, just to make, like, every product, like, cost 50% more, like, every single little thing? Some places have sales tax, have higher sale tax in other places. But, like, I mean, like, we're just remove the need to just sit down at the end of every year for fucking a week straight and fucking get all that bullshit together. That would make sense except for I do believe that they keep that system around in order to keep it ambiguous.

Not only that, but it's also a workforce. There's whole armies of people training just to be able to sort through that bullshit and figure out taxes. That's ridiculous. Yeah. In fact, there's a whole thing, I believe constitutionally, any person who can tie their shoes and check their email should be able to figure out their taxes. There's no reason why it should be as complicated as it is. Yeah, exactly.

But they keep it complicated. They keep it fuzzy. And you know what they love to do? This is the other really fucked up thing that the IRS does. When they flag you, when they notice that you're fucking up. they won't tell you right away. They'll let you accumulate fines and fees, and they'll knock on your door

when the number is just nice and exorbitant. And then they're like, oh, by the way, you're like, dude, why didn't you fucking tell me the moment there was a problem? If you did, I would have paid you guys. But they loved just let it fester and grow. I know a friend of my family who actually, he got audited and they sent him to jail for a year.

Yep. What? Because he was cheating. That's scary shit. What a beautiful system. Yeah, yeah. America. America. Land of the free

except it's taxed. Put you a rapist and fucking murderers for that. Enjoy our beautiful country, but don't break the rules. Yeah. Don't break them. You're fucked. We'll have a nice little cold cement room for you. Fucking taxes. Enjoy the fresh air.

It's like, bald eagles. It's like all I want to do is just give them money. I just want to be like, just here, half my paycheck. That's like every artist I know. It's just like everybody, every creative person I know is like, I don't deal with any of this shit. Just to Here's their money. I don't care if I'm losing money. I just don't want to fucking deal with it. I don't care. Yeah.

I just want to be like... They know that. They know it too. They built... They have to know it. There's no way that... Look, let's say I work for the IRS, right? And I understand this tax shit. Everyone in my family who doesn't work for the IRS has to know and has to be complaining about how fucking shitty and stupid the whole system is.

Yeah. I mean, even the president, if he's not doing his own taxes, understands that it's fucking stupid. Yeah. But like, he's what? He's not going to do anything about it. It's like, eh, you know... It should just be like a system that you can just like sign into and be like, you know, today I had a business meal and then it's there.

And then you can pay it either there or like do it all at the end of the year. I mean, the truth is they're tracking everything we do anyway. Yeah, no, exactly. So why don't you just track that shit too for me? Why do I got to collect a bundle full of receipts? You know, like... I need an accountant. I need an accountant.

Yeah. Someone that you can account on? Yeah, exactly. I need to go to account and be like, listen. Yeah. Here's my bank statements. Do my job. How much is it going to cost? Yeah. Okay, good. Well, that's the thing. So you pay this person to figure out how much you have to pay to those people. Yeah.

Hey, Steve. Hey, Tom. You know what time it is. I sure do. Text time. You got those W-2s? Signed and ready. W-3s. Right here. 926, 941, 952. 1042, 1096 and 1099, AB, and C. And C. And C. And C. And C. And C-C-M-9. Bring it in. G-25. Load them up. And of course, the cold M4. All right, buddy, hit me.

Are you or so and you now suffering from taxes? Get out alone. Taxes are the number one cause of financial debt, stress-related illness microtesticular disorder, and collage and R block today. This, taxes. One day we're all going to have chips in our arms anyway. They're going to be tracking all of our expenses and everything else, and we won't have to worry about any of this stuff,

and we'll have 24-hour surveillance, and you won't be able to jack off without some guy in a van listening to you fap. That'll be the future. That's already happening. Yeah, that is actually already happening. My TV, when I bought it, it was like, it had all this weird shit turned on where it's like, yeah, oh, we're just listening to you if that's okay. It's like, no, that's not okay.

Sorry. Yeah. Like, turn that off. Yeah. All these other things were like, we'd like to send your shit to the government. It's like, no, please no. We'd like your identity, please. It's like, fuck off.

Like, I'm trying to watch my fucking movies. It is creepy. Like, if you ever used, like, Picasso or something, if you ever upload a whole bunch of photos, like, let's say there's like a Pico Day or something, right? We take 100 photos and you put them in. This is, I mean, this has existed for like five, 10 years already. I don't remember. You just upload all the photos and then it does this scan, where it scans everybody's faces. And then it'll pull out like, hey, there's 13 photos with this guy. There's 50 photos with this guy. There's 25 photos with this guy. And so you can like do

a quick tag of people essentially. Yeah. But it's like that technology, it's all there. All the surveillance shit. I mean, yeah, we've been hearing about what's his name, Snowden. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, they're already listening to Oliver sorted conversations. Every dick pick you sent? Yeah, they got it. Jeff, did you know aliens built the pyramids? So I've heard.

So people who believe in gem powers. Pyramids were built from the top down. Pyramids were built down. What? What do you mean they were built from the top down? It's true. There's soft stone on top. How do you explain that?

Yeah. They saved it for last and threw the soft stone on top because It's so heavy that they wanted to... Stupid bitch. You're so stupid. Actually, the dolphins carve fucking lines. You know what? As far as aliens and pyramids, the only way I would believe that pyramids were made by aliens

is if those pyramids were fucking upside down. If I saw a structure that large and it was upside down, I'd be like, God damn, that had to be, there's no way human made that. How do you know? What? What about the leaning tower of pizza? Pizza? Well, hello story.

It wasn't leaning when it was built. It wasn't always leaning. Exactly. Exactly. You got me. Got you. Gotcha. What other shitty conspiracy theories are there?

Have we ever talked about this? Shitty conspiracy theory? No, we haven't. Yeah. Shitty conspiracy theories? Shitty conspiracy. Shitty conspiracy theories. Shitty conspiracy theories.

Here's a shitty conspiracy theory. Yeah. That voice on Rick and Morty is my character. Yeah. Oh my God. Show me what you got. You know that guy. And people don't even know that you did.

that what, like four years ago? Yeah. Four years ago. I know those fuckers probably listen to flash those flash cartoons. Absolutely. They're totally. They're a fan of them. That's my shitty conspiracy theory.

Mick, what's yours? Mine is that the birthday boys saw potato salad and stole a bit for their sketch. Who? Birthday boys? What the hell's that? They're like the whitest kids you know. They're like a sketch comedy group with like younger guys. What part did they see?

There is one part in the movie or in the show because it's a bunch of sketches, right? Yeah. And it was when Stamper and I were watching. because we were like trying to think of like things to shoot but the guy one of the guys does a thing we have sunglasses and the way he takes it off he slowly takes it off and as he's bringing it down drags it across his face yeah and I think they actually have like a sound effect for it too which is identical to what we did in Ptatea Sound no but it makes sense that they would have seen that too because they're like

our age and they're doing like a sketch comedy show so it's like you know clearly they've been watching dirty thieves some of their stuff was really good though. I believe you. I'm not even going to give him a chance. I think Chris Chan ripped off my Sonichu series. I actually was about to say that. Really? Yeah. Chris, what do you believe that's stupid?

What do I believe is stupid? Besides everything. What's your, what's a conspiracy theory? You don't, all right, some of you don't necessarily don't believe me. Also, yeah, I remember playing Sonic Unleashed with my TV monitor. There's a whole lot of people who

fucking replayed Sonic Unleash recently. me. Corey, what's a Sonic the Hedgehog conspiracy theory? Sonic the Hedgehog conspiracy theory. Is there a conspiracy about Sonic's like true, true life or true form or anything? I don't know, something weird like... He's actually a figment of the Illuminati. People think Sonic was actually created by Dr. Joe Robotnit.

Dr. Evo Robotnik. Why are there real people in that game? Why are they like realistic looking people? Do you not understand the lore of Sonic? No. Fucking, okay, this is Sonic the head chuck. It's too complicated. So I haven't read it.

Dr. Eggman, Robotic Ivo. Robotic. No, no, no, no. Cory is fucking with you. He took his fucking flymobile to an inhabit an island with anthropomorphic people animals. And he took the opportunity to practice his. Okay, so he was getting his PhD and fucking robot. Corey, this is serious.

This is true. He was banished from fucking, you know, like when you... He's clearly a brilliant, brilliant scientist. Who would banish him? He was banished because he was trying to robocize animals. He was trying to make animals robots. Yeah, he was a fool. He was a fool. He's like, we need robot cows.

How else when we keep the cows going? And they're like, you're an idiot. We just need to make more cows. Is he even a bad guy though? Do you hear that? Do you guys hear that? I hear the rumbling. I think it's the rumbling of an angry stampede of Sonic.

fans coming to take your life. This is what happened. This is what happened. Robonic applied. He was like, listen, this is how we keep getting animals, more animals. We make robot versions of them. Therefore, they won't disappear. That's cool though. And they're just animals. But they're like, we can

just clone them, you fucking idiot. And they banished him. He makes them as robot slaves. It's the whole thing. Yes. But they're just animals. They're not. So he so he goes to Nodho Village and he sees all these things and he makes them robots. So he's like, that's the only way.

continent is to preserve the animals. Where is Green Hill's on? Some planet Mobius. Yeah, idiot. Listen, Corey, you are the worst of explaining shit. I explained it with full attention. This is the lore of Sonic the Hedgehog. Chris, break it down, break it down. The world explodes in nuclear war in the farthest of the future, right?

Let's stay in his casino zone in. It's Nevada, dumbass. That makes sense. That makes sense. Listen, the world explodes in nuclear war. Many, me... Nuclear, you. Nuclear, many years later, Mad Max comes for vengeance.

Animals who survived have now evolved to stand on high lids and speak like people. So this is after like the Mad Max era. It's like everything's a desert. Everything grows back. Everything's coming back. Animals are like, well, we can talk now. We can jump. And Robotnik's like, holy fuck, I'm the only human left in this world.

Probably most likely. So the humans and the animals are like, we will be friends. We will be friends together to shake their hands, right? And then Dr. Robotnik's like, I don't want to be france. And he fucking... That's not true!

He roboticizes Aminals and then Sonic the Heschong He jumps on top of the machines and breaks out the animals and then... So why is he doing this? Because he's like, I want the world to be a robot. Yeah, that's it, that's it!

Cool. He told you he wanted robot animals to preserve... He wants to build the death egg. He wants to build space colony. Where's the bozo bird? Where's the white rhinos? They're fucking extinct. He wants to make robot versions of them

so they're preserved. forever. So he fucking makes put some... He's just misguided that. Yes, and Sonic breaks all his shit. And he's like, why is this asshole breaking my shit? And so he tries to kill Sonic. So where... What's... Let's deal with the chaos rings. Chaos emeralds.

Emeralds. Where do they come from? God, they're a mystical ancient emerald from the angel island that floats over America. He fucking looks at the sky. Why does he become super Satan Sonic when he eats all the emeralds? Because the emeralds are full.

of power. Yeah. If you collect all seven, you become... Are you saying that Goku has collected all the seven... Why do you get to run through a maze on a ball to collect each emerald? Hmm? That is obviously just some... You know what I'm talking about. Some design style is... Yeah, that is, he's running through... You know, Aztecs, they make like, they make paths that go all over mountains. Shadow the hedgehog good or bad. He's evil. He's the anti-hero. He starts off and he's like, I want to kill all humans.

Isn't messed up. My question... My question... Do you know the actual plot? You think he's a blackhead shot? You know, Shadow... Let's get to the schematics. The semantics, okay?

Fucking Shadow was created for Maria, who was dying from cancer. Hey, it's space aids. Space AIDS. And Gun, America, would not have him making this any... Murdered... America murdered Maria. Gun. Who's Maria?

She's, uh, Evo Robotnik's niece. Yeah. Is she hot? No. So did Robotnik? Robotnik maid? Shadow the Hedgehog. No, his grandpa did.

Yeah, Dr. Gerald Robotney. Hold on, let's back up. How old is she? He's alive. How old is she? 10.20. 10. 20? She's human.

She's human. She's human and still kicking. She's dead. All right. Here we go. Lightning round. Top speed. Sonic. Sonic top speed.

How fast is it? Speed of sound, dumbass. Okay. Top speed shadow. Speed of shadow. You have chaos and rules. Who is the fastest animal? in the animal kingdom.

Cheetah. Is there a Cheetah in Sonic a Hedgehog land? Unfortunately. Yeah, dude. They're all like snakes. Sonic killed them all. That's sad. Cheetos, Cheetos, Cheetos, Cheetos

is that true? That makes sense, right? Cheetos Cheetah. He comes into Sonic land and he eats everything. He's been fucking, those aren't golden rings. That's the discovery. Those aren't actually golden rings. They're all fucking Cheetos.

That's the more notistic imagery ever. ever. Fucking Cheetos, Cheetos running with Sonny. There's big flopping shoes flying all over the place. You can see how that I go. It'd be like, it's not easy being cheesy. Sonic's like, don't have a cowman, cowabunga. And you fucking flies away. Fucking kills him.

Well, like Novarki says, gotta go quick. Uh-uh, you're slow. Uh-ah, you're not fast. You're slow. What if her body made Mecca Joe Camel? Would that be a good enemy? Who's Joe Camel? The cigarette mascot?

Yeah, he's like, he was cool. sunglasses, he's Joe cool. But he's slow. Joe Camel's slow, though, but he's super cool. He's dying. He's dying. Chester Cheetah, that's his name. Chester the Cheetah. Chester the Cheetah. Yeah. Cheetah's Cheetah? You can run.

He can run way faster than a hedgehog. I actually think that the Kool-Aid man would beat Sonic in a race. Not the Kool-A-Man, all you'd have to do is beat the finish line and go, oh no, oh no, and then he'd bust out through the wall. I'd be like, oh yeah. And he wouldn't even run. He wouldn't have to run.

He just teleports. Kool-A guy could fall upside down and trap Sonic for Robotnik. Hey, that's right. What's the coolest Sonic zone? There is. Greengrass zone. Where do you want to live, Corey, in Sonic World?

Where do I want to live in Sonic World? Yeah. Hello, my answer is any level, but the water levels because they're dumb. I hate the water levels. You know why? Because Sonic is slow. That timer sound.

Bum-bub-bub-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- It is the most stressful thing. you can ever hear. I would live in casino Oculus. Why? Because it's pretty. You get killed by robot Beatles and like these... No, I'd be in Spring Yardtay. Question, is there a vampire hedgehog? Is there a vampire?

That's only in the Archie comics. Oh, wait, no, there's that girl. She's a bat, right? Rouge. She's got really, she got like that really roundhead. She's not a vampire though. She's got them big bat titty. She's a bat. How many fast hedgehogs exist in Sonic Land? Including Metal Sonic? Let's keep it simple.

Okay. So there's Sonic Undergras, we're talking about Sonic, Corey. There is nothing simple about this. Okay? Sonic Underground. If you want to know how many hedgehogs there are, type in Mick the Hedgehog on Google search. I did.

It's dumb. Your name the Hedgehog. It's just green stupid hedgehog. You get Mick the Hedgehog and Jack the Hedgehog. There's hedgehogs for all. I'm so jealous because most of the time when you guys punch in your names, you guys get hedgehogs with like guitars and sunglasses. Mine looks just like a green recolor.

It's just like a fucking, like they just use the hue saturation tool and just scooting it over to green. It's like fucking Minecraft. Everyone has their own hedgehog. Cory the hedgehog's pretty cool. Did I talk about the Sonic OCI I drew one day, one day. Oh yeah, you did draw it. Hoob's the goat.

The Z. I saw it that you drew it in your stream. He likes, uh... You know, there's no goats, so you could make that canon. He hates rules. He hates rules. What does he like? He likes, uh...

Breaking rules. He likes breaking rules. No, he hates rules and he likes, um, Totino's pizza, pizza bars. He drinks Mountain Dew. Yeah. He looked Mountain Dew. Sounds cool. He listens to Blink 182, and he calls his parents

nerds to their face. He smokes. He has like a, he was an e-cigarette. Does he vape? Because he's still smart. He's still, he's still polite. He still doesn't smoke. Is it just nile?

He blows vapors. I drew. He's on my Twitter account. Nile the Hedgehog's. It was 3 a.m. I was feeling really self-destructive. I drew this. I want you to imagine,

Sonic the Hedgehog's body with Nile's head on. That would make a great sign of the Hedgehog character. How does tails fly without getting his tails tangled up? Where are all these hard-hitting questions come from? Because I feel like his tails would very quickly get tangled up. I want to see his skeleton. He's got like a wheel where his... Yeah, exactly. He's got a wheel joint.

It's like those rotating screens that you have. Yeah, that makes sense. You're speaking of animals. Off topic, man. You know if you were butt-fucking tails, you could do a thing where he'd like spin his tails around to like tickle your body? Like an assert? It would cut you a half. Oh yeah, they too. Sorry, what were you saying, Jeff?

The propeller blades, dude. Oh, this is the sign related, but with the zoo, we were, the most alien creature we saw was these fucking flamingos. Mm-hmm. You ever seen them in clothes? Yeah. They're super weird. The way they sleep on one leg and they, their eyes are scary and their necks are like a noodle,

and they, but, like, how do these things survive? I don't know. Have you seen the way they're watching? They seem like they should just, they seem like they should have just put them out. They taste like shit. So, no other animals ate, they, they, them so they continued to live. You know that is a natural defense of certain animals?

Tasting like shit. They're the only animal that has... They're in two exhibits and two separate places in the zoo. I feel like they just... They multiplied so much. They just had to put them all in two different spots. I guess they fuck a lot. Fuss.

Fucking flamingos. They're dumb. Waring animals. That's why they're fucking front yard ornaments. They're fascinating. Because they're fucking stupid otherwise. It's like... They just look so fragile.

What about a... Nomes were real. They do the same thing. They would stand on one leg. Would you talk to a gnome if it came to your house? A gnome? Yeah. If you said, Corey, can I hang out here? Can I live on your property? I won't bother you.

It's probably true. You're talking about something like fucking midget-ass garden gnom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love David the gnome. I love a... Like, Corey, my name is David. I'm a... I'm the gnome. I'd be like, get under the fucking sink.

What? What? Nomes have feelings, dude. Like, Corey, I will take care of your garden for you. What was this fox's name? Swift? Swiftie? Who? He had a fox. David the gnome, wrote a fox. What's you talking about?

David the gnome. What the fuck is David the gnome? Oh my god, Corey. You gotta get in the gnome on this one. I can't believe you don't gnome who this is. Dude, David the gnome. Do you remember Maya the bee? Yes, of course.

Maya is a little bee. Yeah, Maya, fucking Adventures of Maya. What's the Door of the Explorer? Are they Chinese Gnomes? Chinese Gnomes? What are we talking about? Yeah, they're called fucking Chinese people. Oh, that's...

Let's talk about exit fucking signs, ruining the immersion of Team Perkerites. Yeah! You mean when you're in the haunted house and you see that big blowing exit sign? You're like, wow, I guess I'm not in the real haunted house. You don't be really cool if you were in a haunted house and there was an exit sign and something scared you so much, you ran for the exit, but when you opened it, there was like spooky skeletons in there. Yeah, or spikes or like, it just dropped down. Cool. Yeah, just like a big pit. Or there was like flames behind it, you opened the door and just flame shoot out.

Did you hear the sluice? scary story of the little boy Hershey Park who ran to grab his hat when he fell under a roller coaster and a guy kicked his head off What? That is so fake. You know what's real? What do you mean it's fake, Jeff? You can't

just walk up to like, and walk under a roller coaster. It's all fenced off. It is now. Yeah, it wasn't before. He slapped his head off. Oh, please. Chris, he slapped his head off. Kicked his head off. Jeff, I'm going to tell you a secret. One time I was on a roller coaster and you was hanging down off of it. And when the roller coaster

went around a 90 degree turn my shoe flow off. It landed right in a little child's brain and killed him. I haven't told anyone. You never told anybody. You took that secret to your grave. It's been 12 years. I'm illegally, let's say it. That's right, because they can't try you for it for the crime. It's been 12 years exactly.

You asked for your shoe back from his head? No. In New York, there is, on Coney Island, there's an amusement park. And they have this big wooden roller coaster. And this is absolutely true story. You can Google this. It was old, dilapidated, and clearly they weren't maintaining it like they should.

But what happens is that there's this first initial drop. And it was such a hard turn. Like you go, it feels very jerky. Like you get whiplas from it, right? Apparently, not that many years ago, when it went up, it came up and when it did the turn, it derailed. So it actually went down up and then launched them. like 100 feet in the air and they landed in

I forgot what they landed in they landed in like the food court or something like that everybody died oh my god but yeah just like imagining being on this roller coaster ride and especially if there was

like more than one roller coaster on the actual track I don't think they do that I think it's one at a time right yeah sometimes yeah but if you could just imagine like sitting at the park and then you just watch this

this car full of people people's children parents whatever just getting launched 100 feet in the air and knowing that in the that moment, like, nobody's going to survive this. You know what's the most...

The one thing that really pisses me off the world is when theme parks brag and they're like, we've got the, uh, the biggest wood roller coaster in the world. It's like, what the, who the fuck cares? Every time I get on a wooden roller coaster, it's literally just... It's all the time. It's so fucking screaming eagle. If you brag about your wooden roller coaster, fuck you. Your roller coaster sucks ass.

Yeah, I think... That's the only way you're going to sell tickets to it, you fucking scam. There's one mirror here called Hercules, or maybe they twerk down. There was a Colossus one. I think that was out of Six Flags, too. This is a Dorney Park. Hershey Park is sweet, though. Yeah.

I like Hershey Park. I like the roller coaster at Universal Studios. It was a long time ago, but it's called like Twin Dragons or something. So it's two coasters that sort of like... Yeah. Sounds like a really weird sexual position. Twin Dragon? Well, let's do the Twin Dragon.

Let's do the Twin Dragon. I just think about dragons flying through the air instead of sex. Ooh, that's sexy, though. Two dragons interweaving, their bodies entwined. All right, Mike. Six Flags is like... Chinaman. It's like the most... I never feel safe.

I never feel safe. Why? Like you're just waiting for fucking roller coasters to explode? It's like... It's like the cheap place to go. It's where all the cheap people go. He spent like hundreds of dollars just to wait in line from people who else paid hundreds of dollars. Like here's the quick line. It's like the exact same line as to fucking slow line. And this on a sad note. All right guys and gals.

Hey Jeff, sing us out. I don't sing. My name is Jada Utah. I am really great. Hello, my name's Mick. I like to flirt. And I'm not very good at art. All right, bye, guys.