SleepyCabin - SleepyCast S2:E7 - [A Very Stampy New Year]

Episode Date: January 1, 2016

A new years miracle unfolds as Stamper returns to the podcast as our first guest of 2016, along with good guy Shadman. A bit shorter than the usual episodes but it's the Christmas/New Years holiday season and shit is stupid crazy right now getoffmybackokayGODDAAMN! Anyway! ... please enjoy, dear friends, and let us join hands as we venture forth into 2016: the year all our dreams came true. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your hosts for the evening: Ricepirate (www.youtube.com/RicepirateNewgrounds) JohnnyUtah (www.johnnyutah.newgrounds.com) With Special Guests: Stamper (www.youtube.com/user/StamperTV) Shadman (NSFW - www.shadbase.com) Podcast editing by: Ricepirate +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Yo, we're on Patreon if you wanna throw us a buck! www.patreon.com/SleepyCabin A SUPER SPECIAL THANKS to some of our generous supporters: Shane Danells . Ryan Pagonis . Jace Baker Denis DeLong . Liam Staley. Skooks Sonny Canchola . Susparty . Paul Raymond Lucas Boucher . ubernoobinator . Travis Wager Windmill Punches . Corbin Record . Dean Borris Andrew Dore . Elecktricd00m . Bill Zhuang Dani Rucker . Dazzanator . Conner St. John Phillip Tafoya . Richard Hunt . Hudson Heitmeier Sam Child . Yuval Birenzweig . Prosecutor Jeff Thomas King . Chaney Rockwell . Jacob Arends Andreas Tautra Sylte . Steven LeBlanc . James Vilhelmsen Darren Moyer . Jesse Gomez . Father Ocrifha +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SleepyCabin Official Site! www.sleepycabin.com SleepyCabin on YouTube! www.youtube.com/SleepyCabin Stay tuned on Facebook! www.facebook.com/SleepyCabin ...or Twitter! twitter.com/sleepycabin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We're on iTunes, too! Search for SleepyCabin!

There is a world as tangible as our own. Impossible to see yet. Unavoidable to sense. A world enveloped by a seemingly unending ocean of forests. Buried deep in that forest, tucked away neatly within a blanket of twilight, lies a quaint little cabin. And in that cabin. It's a bunch of guys.

He's a bunch bullshit. All right, boys and girls. Welcome back to the podcast. Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome. Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to Sleepycast. It is 2016.

This is the first podcast of the new year. Fucking A. You know what? I'm just going to say it. You know what? Yeah, I'm sorry. Can our guests introduce themselves? We have with us today.

Hi, I'm Stamper. Thunder Dick Stamper. Sounds like a Tekken character. It sounds like one of those unlockable reskins. Like a good name. Hello, Ich binz, Shadman. German speaking Shadman. Sensual, sweet Jeff and me.

Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Vitercheon, my love. Okay. Beater. Bete. That's the extent of my knowledge. So here we're going to be talking about stuff tonight.

Yeah, there's some stuff, but I feel like, I don't want to m-I don't want to hound on it. But I know a lot of fans are curious and it's come up quite a bit. Why exactly Stamper has left the podcast? Oh, you're trying to... Address the elephant in the room. Yeah, because, you know, it's something that people are going to mention. There's a lot of sleepy conspiracy grumps. You know, that shit just kind of comes up sometimes.

He whispered to me, he's like, listen, Jeff. This is all true. Continue? Yeah. I got a real problem. I put you on the spot, you couldn't move from it. He's like, I got a real problem with everybody calling Dr. Robotnik, Dr. Egmet. And all the other autists disagree with me, and I'm having a mental breakdown about it.

And I have to go running by Sonic OCs alone. You know what's funny? Like, no matter how much you joke about these things, somebody would, some of you're like, wait, was he joking? And totally tried to piece together all the tweets to try to reinforce that theory. Well, hopefully they can all go to Conspiracy Faggots. And talk about it. Smoke. Yeah, I was quitting again tomorrow and not quitting.

I don't know. We do these things. We go days without a smoke. And then we do. And then we don't smoke for like a week. Yeah, so make sure you stand up on your pedestal and judges fucking a month from now. Asshole, God.

I wouldn't care except you guys, well, you know, feel good. The only thing I said was that my nuts hurt. But I got that figured out. I went to the doctor. I'm trying to figure out why I don't have any feeling in my left foot. Your nuts are okay? Yeah, it was epididymitis. I had an infection in my prostate.

It's like, I guess it's fairly common. It's basically like a urinary tract. You said it was in your ball. Yeah, yeah, but it's like essentially, but the infection goes... Your ball is here. Your prostate is like here. I understand. The infection crawls up your dickhole, goes into your prostate, gestates, and then spits back out through your balls.

Is you just not masturbate enough? I don't, it might have been that, to be honest. I never have problems like that. I know. There's also not doctors that say, you know, you need to masturbate more often because... What if that's what the doctor wrote on a piece of paper, like your prescription? It's like, all right, I know what you need. And on the prescription note, it just says, Jack, oh.

No two times daily but there's any different types of jacking off there's jacking off you know you just kind of you come you know but then I came you know like you know you know what I'm talking about are you talking about the difference between like ah I came and oh no I made a mess all over my computer it's like the difference of like throwing up a little in your mouth like really like leaving everything you had for lunch that's amazing about the difference between doing it because you have to do it like eating Like you have a really good meal versus like you're eating because you have to? No, he's talking about the difference between like a kernel coming out of your ass when you're shitting or just taking like four loads out at once.

And you feel like after taking that dump like you've been asleep for 12 hours. Like, whoa, God, something happened. So when you got to jack off, it solves all your problems. It changes your life and you know it when it happens. Well, my jack off is just a waste of my time and it makes me feel worse. You got to get shit out of your system. There were a few stories about when we did move out the Sleepy Cabin office that I thought were kind of fun. But they never got told. Nobody ever got to hear them.

Not on the podcast, at least. I didn't want to share them without you. Jeff, you heard some of these, right? I didn't know what you're talking about. Okay. I was there at some point. Yeah, you were there for some of them, Chad. Chris and Zach were working on Hellbendors.

We might have to go back, clarify a little bit for people that don't really know. So we had an office. Oh, right. Okay. Fully established. Stamper poured his heart and soul into this sleepy cabin. in office. It was beautiful, but yeah, eventually the need for the office kind of dwindled, and we decided to can the office, unfortunately. But when we moved it out, when we moved out

all the shit from the office, a few things happened that night. Aside from Nile getting drunk while he smashed fluorescent lights against his face, and I had mailings to do, and he would not let me leave until I turned on the camera so you could smash light on his face. You know, I saw that video, and that was the moment when I decided maybe I just shouldn't be friends with anything. You know, that was one of a couple of videos. There was a second video I never released. That was the first time that Mick second guest in my judgment because I was supporting him and joined in.

You guys were combining backyard wrestling and bum fights. And later on, they combined it into Star Wars battle. And I tried to let them know. I mean, look, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that a lightsaber fight with fluorescent light bulbs isn't going to last very long. Right, but then you have like a chunk in your hand and you can stab people.

Yeah, that's, that was it. thing too. But I remember you guys were trying to fight and like it was like you guys choreographed something. You guys like oh no no I'll do this move you do that move it was like all right great they have a plan turn on the camera one two three and they just like smashed it against each other. Yeah it didn't work at all. No not at all. Yeah when you abandon something completely it's just it's all just self-destructive. Yeah I think the end of it it was just tear it all down just burn this fucking place down. You know I did I do remember fond fond memories.

I were there. I used to have that mangy fucking fox just running around. Oh yeah garbage and trash or rubbish? Rubbish and garbage or rubbish? Garbage. Yeah like everybody asked me about garbage and fox but like Jeff was there all the time feeding them too. Yeah but you were the voice. You were the voice of that movement of the sushi pancakes and garbage shit all over the office. Right so a house cat and

a fox that shit everywhere. And then we got to sell it very long. And then we've got to sell it very long. And then we've got two rats here, three abandoned turtles and we had a stray dog too. This is literally, and then there was that never, never disrespected the turtles. There was the baby snake too, remember? Oh yeah. Zippy. It was like

the size of like your I can't believe you fucking remembered his name. I do. We just had a video, I don't think we ever put it out, but there was this baby snake. I don't even know how you saw it. Yeah, so quick, quick story, I was fucking, I don't know what was in my system, but I was out of my mind and it was

night, it was like pitch black. It was It must smell like midnight. 11, 12. I went outside for a smoke. I came back in and I had a baby snake in my hand and I was like, you gotta see this, Mick. It was a baby snake. It was just this little tiny snake. Yeah. And we filmed it.

It was so small that the phone had a hard time focusing on it. It looked like a tiny rattlesnake. Yeah. It had like the... And it would like whip around in your hand and like try to bite your finger, but his face was too small. It was like a earthworm size. Yeah. But he had those big black eyes, you know, like the cute

anime truth be told I've never seen a baby snake I haven't either and we looked it up like what do we feed it and like none of the things

they said to feed it would even fit in this thing I think they were saying I went outside and I fed it into the yard like the rookie of the year I just whipped it hard

I kind of want to befriend more wild animals I think kind of like the fox I like this idea of having a animal pal that I have to take care of

yeah he can take care of himself and just come and visit sometimes and I'll pet him and he'll just go off and go off his own fucking adventures.

And come back. It's one of the big things that people don't understand. Like, you put out a video like Garbage of Fox and it's fascinating. Listening to all the people criticizing you on that, pretty much 75% of them are afraid of him. They're like, don't do that. You don't even close to him, don't touch him, don't even fucking worry about him. And it's this weird, like, backwards cruelty. And then in my mind, he's tiny and useless and sick.

And then you got these other assholes that are like, oh, you shouldn't be feeding him lunch. me and stuff. I'm just saying because I did a lot of research. You got like the paranoid people that make up the big point and then like the asshole people think they know everything. It's almost like somebody else's pet, right? Like let's say you own some cute animal. I don't have to

take care of it but I can watch you take care of it and enjoy that, you know? So I can sit by on the side and enjoy it. Like I did a YouTube video with the turtles and you got the assholes and like, you know, you know your diet for your turtles is a little, it's like okay and there's like two thumbs up. Yeah. And it's like

you really shouldn't be treating your rats like that. And it's like, you know what, dude? My rats have been alive for like a year and a half and they have a two-year lifespan. Yeah. Could you just let me give them some fucking cranberries and candy bars? And then when you talk about it on the podcast, to send them out gracefully.

Drinking a bottle of fucking piss and cigarette butts, there's nobody going around being like, you should really limit your piss intake. Oh! Exactly. We treated those foxes like fucking kings. I swear. They were gods.

Genuinely, honestly, they were eating back. Better than we were. Yeah. Better than we were. I was not going to feed that thing by hand, but then I knew better. I knew this thing could be scared or sick and bite me, and I'd be immediately on the way to the emergency room to get fucking shots. Yeah.

But, you know, because Stamper is a nice guy and reckless. He decided to feed him by hand. And I'm like, well, I can't look like a fucking pussy here. I guess I'll just do the same thing. But that thing was grateful, man. He just took the food right out of our hands. No, he misunderstood me. I am cautiously.

You are reckless. I am cautiously and understandingly reckless. So I don't walk into reckless situations. You treat foxes and homeless guys the same. You know they can hurt you, but. No, everybody has a trigger in their stomach where you look at something, any situation, and you say, this isn't for me,

and you turn around and you walk away. Maybe my trigger's just better than yours, bigger than yours. I don't know. I don't know. What are you talking about? You know that little buzz that you get in your gut? Spidey senses, your stamper senses?

Oh, give me a... How many situations in life where you should have been like, I'm going to walk away. A lot. And you didn't. And you didn't. Well, no, that's the ones that you see. But I walk away from...

It's like, every time you guys see a situation that I'm in, you're like, okay, but you don't see, like, the 30 other situations I walk away from all day. I think it's... I think really what Jeff is saying is that you end up in a situation where you have 30 situations to walk away from. While most people, you know... Maybe a handful of situations. Life is boring.

Life is boring. You do keep things interesting for better or worse. You always manage to... Mainly for worse. I'm not going to... I'm not going to argue there. I'll tell you one thing, though. I'm still alive.

He always got a story to tell. At least was that. He does. Speaking of a story to tell. Yeah. So here's one half of the story, and then Stamper is the second half of the story. We're moving shit out.

We drop off a bunch of stuff at Chris's Axe's place. Yeah. And Stamper, me, and Nile. We just dropped off stuff and we're driving back And there's a cop following us, yeah Dude, first of all, fuck Easton Road If you're a policeman on Easton Road Listen, I know you're doing your job

But really fuck you, get a fucking life That whole road is littered with cops Who have nothing better than you Than fucking cold people over Absolutely And you know, I'm sure they're decent people at home With their families and whatever But on the road they are all fucking dick sucks

What? I'm not gonna tell the story I'm just gonna say this I've been driving that road for God knows how many years. I got pulled over once and the cop politely pulled up next to me and he like did a little roll your window down motion and I rolled my and he's like, oh I'm sorry sir I punched in the wrong numbers on your license plate. Good day and you know and like oh

they handed you a fiber. Suck your dick and then walked up. See I did not have that situation. No you guys yeah go please. So apparently look it's not my fault this moving van the whole dash lights up as soon as you turn on the car Now, normally the dash doesn't line up unless you have the lights on. But it was night. You're driving at night with no lights. Yes, in a moving van. So I get it.

Okay, fine. Fine. I did say that. Fine. So they pull us over. However, I don't. No. Stamper initially thought we got pulled over because there were cops tailing us.

And Stamper was in the back of the van. So not in a seat. Well, we were driving all day. But the road is so well and prominently lit. Yes. You don't need your headlights. It never occurs to you. We're going back and forth.

Unlike what, less than it was like a quarter of a mile. Yeah. I mean, if that. We could see everything just fine. Yeah. So anyways, these cops pull us over. Apparently, I had been pulled over previously because I had a headlight out in my car. When I was in the car.

Yeah. That's when you were in the car when I got pulled over. Remember that. Yeah. But then they wanted IDs from everybody in the car. Nile didn't have a license. And he didn't have his past. So you were driving.

I was in the cargo area in the back. Yeah. Which, as far as I knew, was illegal. But no, but then when they were like, what about the guy in the back? Can we get his ID? It never, like, that was never a problem. You just handed your ID like... And then he just chatted with us.

Yeah, you like handed the ID through like a slot or something. There's a dude cop and this female cop. And Nile would not stop hitting on her the whole fucking time. Well, because like he was like, oh yeah, yeah. Oh, his Irish charm. And then she's like, oh, yeah, my parents are from Ireland. Oh, yeah. So they're having that conversation on that side of the car.

And he doesn't have an ID and she thinks he's adorable, like a lot. Puffie. Yeah, that's one of those situations where the second he says, oh, yeah, I'm from Ireland, and she's like, oh, yeah, it's just ding, you know, they're never going to have a problem and we're out of the situation completely. Meanwhile, I'm hanging out with this guy who's, they asked me, he was like, uh, I just got to ask, have you been drinking tonight? And I was like, yes, I had a beer about an hour ago.

And he's like, all right, you need to step out. So I stepped out. The answer is no. No, I was, and when I stepped out, he said he could smell something. And I'm like, well, then probably not, but whatever. He probably smelled you from the fucking cargo. area or Nile because both those guys were drinking all night anyways cop says I can smell something you say yeah I've been working all day I had I had

nothing to fear I was totally I was totally confident that it would work out and it kind of did except that it just drew out the whole night longer so I had to go out it was the first time I was ever breath-alized cute this actually made me sick it was bullshit so the Hanna's the ID is a bored cop for 30 minutes no and then event well no no then now brought up that we did like a podcast together and then she was like oh yeah do some podcasty stuff for me or something like okay we just need to go now like I'm glad you're entertaining I'm in a fucking car yeah he was in the back the whole time cold like a medieval torture device the whole time pissed off

well you guys are charming police officers I was look I was trying to do damage control Nile was straight up hitting on her there was no damage to control at all all right so that was the night and we got back there was still a few more moves we had to do but while I was doing the mailing I got a text from you stamper isn't the interesting part so that story was annoying and unnecessary. Your story is fucking bizarre. Okay, so do I start my story now? Yes, please. I don't

remember as well as I probably should. If you don't, I'll try to fill in the blanks. Okay, good. So from what I remember is as I was coming back home, I got pulled over in the same spot on the same fucking road by the same bored fucking cops. Dude comes up to my window and I forget

the conversation we had beforehand, but I'm looking at him, I say, you just pull this over, you know, a couple hours ago and he said no sir i've never seen you before i was like no yeah i was in the u-hall van i was in the back and he was like no you didn't say you hall van yes that's that's what the thing was yes he was like uh that was where you oh okay okay start off okay okay okay fucking all right well to be fair i understand why you don't remember uh here's what happened okay you were super fucking trashed right you were driving now you were driving 70 miles an hour in a

35 zone. I was trying to get hold. So you got pulled over. This is what I remember and I will never forget. You said that you were pulled over. The headlights of the cops car in your rear view mirror blinded you so you could not see the two cops as they both flanked your car coming up to the driver's side area. Flanks is a little call of duty. Well one is on one side, one's and the other that's flanking. As the officer gets to your window, they knock on the window and you look in the man's face and realize that you've seen him before that it was the exact same fucking cop that pulled us over just a couple hours before. Now he didn't recognize you. This you didn't mention, but that you were in the back of the van. So he never saw your face.

Right. But you saw his face from the back of the van because you were looking out the windows and filming everything. The way you were describing it though, he was asking, he was like, do you know how fast you were going? And you were like, oh yeah, I was probably going real fast. And he's like, yeah. That was what started. But then he asked you if you had been drinking. And you said you were sweating fucking bullets. Dude, I was wasted, dude. Because if, I mean, that would have been your license. You would have been your license.

I was above and beyond the line. Yeah, you would have been done. You wouldn't have a fucking license. I was Denzel Washington flight limit. You said you admit them, you're like, yeah, I'm drinking while you arrest me or something like that. Yeah, no, you said something to them that you told it. There was total affirmation about the drinking, but they,

no, yeah, so you said that you've been drinking and then they asked you to step out of the vehicle. And in that moment, it's like, look, if a cop says, have you been drinking, You don't say no, you say, yeah. Even though like five minutes ago you just told me I should have never admitted that I was drinking. That's not global advice. You can't give that to everybody, but people know what I'm talking about.

No, I do, I do. But what happened was they asked you to step out of the vehicle and you said that you were right, your mind was racing. You were trying to find any way not to get out of the fucking car. And the only thing you can say and you were so happy that it occurred to you, you saw the guy's face and you're like, hey don't I know you like total distraction from what was actually happening you're just trying to like change the subject and the guy's like what no what i don't know you and you're like no no i'm pretty sure i know you and like you wouldn't drop it and he started getting really frustrated and finally you said

something like no i i know he wanted to fucking breath a lot he wanted to get yes but then you were like i was the guy i was the guy in the back of the van you just pulled this over a couple hours ago and the guy said the cop said to you i don't know what you're talking about i haven't pulled over any you today. Yeah. And then you were like, I never said I was in a U-Haul. And you said that in that moment, his eyes just got really big. And he walked away on the top.

Yeah, he got really silent and just fucking turned around and walked away. He was like, uh-uh, uh-uh. And then the other cop with his ID handed it back. It was just like, okay, you can go. I don't understand. I don't understand why he had you. I don't understand why he did that. He had you dead to rights.

He did. He, oh God, if he just shut his mouth, you would have been done. But then it caught him in a lot. You should have been in jail that night. Yeah, dude, there were so many reasons why you should have been in so much trouble. And I just remember you texting like, I don't know how I got out of this. Like, is there like a jurisdiction that I don't know about? Like, is there like some sort of law that he was, oh.

I have no idea. Because he walked away, like, I was in power now. I didn't understand anything that happened. I mean, that was weird enough. But then the other cop coming up, like, he couldn't even do it himself. Like, he was so embarrassed. He couldn't come back up. Yeah, like, he had to, like, talk to his friend.

Be like, yo, listen, just let these guys go. Can you hand him back. I can't look him in the face or something. Like, I'm going to see him again or something. I don't know if it was like shame or like law. I had no idea what happened to that. Let me step back a second moment. I'm going to tell a story.

Speaking of vehicular stories, I was driving Chris to the airport. I was driving Chris to the airport because, of course, his train gets canceled. We're following this car. We're going about 35, 40 miles an hour. Plainting room to pull over. It's not this hectic highway. This car in front of us. The passenger's side door is not closed. It is swinging loosely. This is while you're driving? Yeah. Chris, I'm like, Chris, what are you? What's going on up there? The door is just swinging wildly.

You guys are in the freeway? It wasn't quite a freeway. There was a place to pull off. Okay. So then it opens up further and his head sticks out. And this person starts project out vomiting. out the door while the car is driving. It's like cartoon vomit. It's like fire hose. Aston core vomit.

So I'm like Larry, I'm like a, this is a fucking carbon enthusiasm episode where I'm Larry David making Larry David faces trying to avoid my tire driving through vomit on the road. 30 seconds later, the door opens again. And they start vomiting again, out the door. The car is not stopping. And I am swerving trying to not hit the car and the lane to the left of me trying to avoid

vomit on the road. It's splattering. Dude, it's splattering ever. It's all, it's like it's like, scud it. It's hitting the ground. It's 60 miles an hour or whatever. It's hitting the, it's down to the side of the car. We talked about what kind of critical situation it was for him not to pull over.

Did you imagine? What was the conversation in the car? Yeah, like, dude's driving. He's like, dude, I need to peer. He's like, we can't stop. We need to keep going, dude. You're kind of half expecting this person to just fall out of the car. This person vomited Four separate times, the car would not stop. The end.

People. I don't know. Don't understand this planet. That's amazing. Yeah, anyway. Shad, what do you think of Christmas? Don't really celebrate it. You know, there's a lot of people who say, like, I don't care for Christmas.

Like, oh, fuck Christmas. I don't care. I have to go see my family. Like, I literally don't care. But isn't that because... German Christmas... German Christmas isn't like American Christmas. Like, your Santa Claus like murders children and stuff.

No, no, no. call it Weynachten and our Santa Claus is the Sami Klaus and he comes on the 6th of December and gives the kids gritty bands which is little greedy pants. They're little baked baked kids. Like they're not literal baked kids. Like gingerbread men. Yeah but they're made of bread but they're like like they're like gingerbread men. They're supposed to be children like they're gritty bats. Right, like gingerbread men. They're the little cookies. Yes.

So like little... You ever see Shrek? Yes. Remember your favorite character? Yes. That guy. The little gingerbread. No, but he also...

Remember, he's off like this, I think. Oh, no. He also gives you peanuts and mandarin. Mandarins? Yes. It's very specific. Yes. But if you're a bad kid...

Your country sucks already. Never mind the bag kid. Are you telling me if we go around with bags and shit, people are just going to hand us peanuts and mandarin oranges? No, some you know. Check it out. If you're good, they give you peanuts and mandarins. But if you're bad...

Yeah, what if you're bad? Schmutzley comes, and he's to black Santa Claus. Santa Claus is a slave. Wait, wait, wait, you mean like he wears a black outfit? He's black. Like he... He's black, wears a black outfit. Like, he came from Africa, black?

Yeah, yeah. And he's covered in dirt and shit? He's just his... Is he covered in dirt or is he black? Both. I have a question. No, he's actually both. So he's black and covered with dirt.

Yes, yes. And he's a dirty black man. And the slave. He's a filthy. He's a dirty black slave. He's like anti-Sanna? Yeah, no, he's his slave. He works for Santa all day.

Slaves over him while Santa gives out stuff for the kids. Gives out peanuts and manner and orange. It's not just Santa. It's Sami Klaus. It's a lot different. It's like anti-Klauze. Wait, I have a question.

You know, you know that movie Cramppas? Like this whole, it's like of a German. That's like a German origin. Does that, was that ever? I'm from Switzerland, so we had, that was way Tommy Claus is Swiss. Okay. Oh, wait, just in Switzerland? Yeah, it's just in Switzerland.

Wait, where did you speak? Racist Santa Claus is Swiss. Yes. I thought he'd give out like chocolates and shit. That seems like a Swiss thing, chocolate. No, no, it was, it was mandarin and peanuts. What a random comment. But anyways, Schmutzied then puts you in his bag and whips you.

How many kids can he fit in his bag? So instead of like bringing a bag of toys, he, like, puts you in his bag and, like, whips the shit out of you. But that's on the sixth. So guess what? happens on the 24th guess who brings the gifts I don't know Jesus cup and frog and he throws you in a well and wishes you the best of luck it's little baby what does you climb out lying around in his crib wait who is it little baby Jesus how does he know what to give you

how does he give you presents he's got these tiny little hands fucking Jesus does he just fuck do they just like materialize or does he have like a big bag of toys never he has a tiny bag of toys with his tiny bag of hands he has it all in his crib so you're saying like you You know, like, we have Christmas ornaments where we have Santa Claus on a sleigh with a reindeer, and then we put it on our roofs and shit like that. You're saying in Germany or in Switzerland, they've got a baby in a crib flying in the air dropping presents on people. Yes. You're fucking kidding. I'm not making this up.

I'm not making that up. And you can imagine that pretty early on as a child I thought, like, this is obviously just bullshit and, like, our parents are giving us stuff. Yeah, because the dude that comes down through the chimney and sneaks to. through your house and throw shit under Yeah, it actually makes more sense that a baby would fit down my chimney than a big fat guy. There was no chimneys in our stories. He flew up to the window, you could fly

in his crib. What, he fly up to your window and what, break your window and throw the presents in through your window? I don't know. Is this obviously not as well thought out as the American? So what do kids do if a German kid and a Swiss kid meet up and they talk about Christmas? They have completely different stories. They're like, oh, did that creepy black dirty Santa come and beat you up? No.

I guess I must be ignorant or something, but I never understood how the German language tied in into all. We don't have the same language. Swiss German is completely different. But it's called Swiss German? Yeah. Really? Or is it like English versus UK English?

It's completely different. Oh really? Are you sure? Hold on, hold on. If I went to learn German, we couldn't communicate? You could not communicate with sister. In it, period, at all? At all.

At all. At all. Swiss German is completely different than German. Swiss German is absolutely perversion. In Switzerland, do you call your language Swiss German? We call it Schweitzer Tuts. So you call your own language Swiss German. Schweitzer Tuts.

Does it look the same when you write it? No. That's what I'm saying? This is fucking different. Why didn't they just call it Swiss then? Put it on the spot. They know they feel guilty. They know they bastardized.

They were just like we don't have enough time to make our own language. We're just going to call this Swiss German. But it's nothing like German. They have the Super Merry Brothers 2 of German language. Pretty much. It's funny. We were just talking about that today.

Yeah. I tell you guys about my Christmas. Yeah. Jeff, tell us about your Christmas. Well, you know, it started. I took a plane. I don't know if I told you this. No.

I was taking a plane to visit my ex-wife. Wait, what? Yes. Wait, what? I remember this. Wait, hold on. Hold on, hold on, no. Are you kidding?

No. Jeff, you were married? Yes. Oh, my God. Okay, go on. And she was at a Christmas party. Okay. And her business was having a Christmas party.

Yeah. So I'm like, you know what? I'm going to show up in surprise her. Tell this, dude. It's kind of fucked up. This is really, I didn't... It's kind of fucked out. Genuinely.

You know, I was having her on the computer in the lobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it turns out. Yeah. She changed her last name back to original. I was looking for her with my last name. She changed her name back to her. Dude, you were there for like fucking 14 minutes.

Flipping through B. Look. Wow. Okay. It was in a skyscreen. You're making some kind of reference. This is not real. This is something from a movie.

Okay, so go on, go on, go on. So I got. I took the elevator up. I was about to surprise. I was walking in the hallway. I had flowers. Yeah. Terrorists took over the tower.

Okay. I wouldn't believe it. Fuck this guy. Okay. Then what happened? What you're talking about? Then what happened? They captured everybody, but I managed to escape.

Without my shoes, for God's sake. I'm running around this goddamn skyscraper without fucking shoes. Trying to not get shot to them. When he came home, he showed me the bottoms of his feet. This is like Fred Flintstone. How does it end? What? How did you get wrapped up?

Somebody else came in and said there's a pregnant woman She had to do something about Hans There was C4 There was C4 I threw about a dollar of your cap. It's just C4 lying around What's the deal with C4? Yeah Have you ever seen C4?

It explodes. It explodes. Okay? Let me ask you something. C4 goes boom. Where do you get C4? Fucking Amazon. I'll tell you right now, within 20 minutes I can get you a pound of heroin.

Where do you get C4 from? I bet you I guarantee you the heroin's more expensive I bet there's like a anarchist cookbook I bet you can figure out how to make proceed for I think it's like this

urban legend that a lot of movie directors like die hard that's what it was die hard you're a dirty liar Jeff live your own life

is that like your wet dream I only want to be John McLean and die hard one and three but you know what for a brief moment there yeah I thought you actually had a ex-wife. Yeah, I actually...

But when you said, I had... I also have kids. I knew another kid. Yeah, no, that was impossible. I knew that's too far. You're very perceptive. Yeah. Because I can't imagine you

having kids without fucking them. What? Well, that is offensive. What if he told you he had kids and he fucked them? I wouldn't believe him. Wait, you said you would believe him, no, I wouldn't believe him because he would be in prison.

What if he said he had kids and he thought about fucking him? You'd be like, oh, I believe you now. No, I wouldn't believe him. Why? Because you would have acted out on it. You're projecting. You're projecting.

I don't have kids. You know, speaking of fucking kids, though, maybe we should talk about a thing that occurred lately. You know how that one podcast you were talking to Corey about like pedophiles luring kids with Minecraft? That was the one that we had where we were talking about how like nowadays molesters have to get savvy with the times and they want to molest kids. What was your suggestion that they just start a Minecraft server or just like invite kids to it or something? Are you trying to like paint me as this math? No, no, no, no. It's no, but it happens to be something that it's interesting that we would joke about it.

We made a joke. Yeah, Minecraft lures kids in. And apparently popular Minecraft players are now being caught left and right. Yes, the most recent. But they were already getting caught kind of left and right. But that just doesn't seem to be slowing down. No, no, yeah. That one was like seems to be like the most.

offensive case yeah this one yeah so who is this again they call them lion maker okay and apparently like I'm not into Minecraft at all yeah I never look at anything but it was just such a notorious case that I couldn't happen but hear about it what exactly were the what exactly was the offense the offense were that he was accused of hitting on this underage girl okay well that's bad but it's not the worst thing I mean it's terrible but it's not like so what ages oh he was He's like in his late 20s and she was like, I think 15. Every time somebody says underage, it means 17 to 1.

Yeah, yeah. She was like 15 or something like that. And he was like mid-20s. Yeah, and he's late 20s. Okay. And apparently he shared like some child porn on Twitter or something, which I thought of her. I don't know of what. Like I can say it.

I don't know the whole story. I just kind of got in late and like I saw a lot of stuff about it on Twitter. No. I just heard a lot of stuff about it on Twitter. And like he shut down his Twitter and he came back and put it back up. It was just really weird. Like, vindictively? He admitted to it, but then he keeps saying that he's being defamed.

Like, it's this whole strange thing. And so, like, the morbid curiosity kind of got a hold of me. It's like, I want to look up this guy's channel. And I went to, like, his channel, and it was, like, all these, like, tons of Minecraft's video. One of them was, like, in a Star Wars world and stuff. Well, yeah. I mean, that's what Minecraft lets players do. They just play Minecraft.

You could see that at first, like, some of his videos, they were, like, well-received, a lot of upvotes and stuff. And suddenly, they started to have a lot of downvotes. Then some of the later ones, the comments were disabled. See, as soon as the comments go, you know that's when there's trouble. There were just tons of downvotes. Yeah. Then his latest video was entitled, Hide and Go Seek. And it was just nothing but downvotes.

The comments disabled. And you see, like, this anthropomorphic Minecraft lion running around, like playing hide and seek with mute children who are running away from him. And just him like talking in this PewDiePie voice like, hey, how's going, guys? It's me and a Lightmaker. And he was trying to make a humor situation. No, he was not. He was not.

There's a disclaimer saying, hey guys, Lionmaker is feeling under the weather a little lately. I just don't think there's anything more distasteful or just ironic than a guy getting pinned for being a pedophile, dressing up in an animal outfit and chasing. kids in hiding go see. Well, no, but that's like his character. It's just, how do people not think that they're going to get caught for their shirt? Their first switches in their head

just go off. I guess. They were just willing to do anything and everything. But, I mean, God damn, the internet is such a small place. It's just their lust. Lust for children, apparently. You had said something like there was some girl that also had a channel, right? Yeah, so one of the girls he hit on apparently

also had like her own little Minecraft channel. So it's like, they probably he probably promises kids like to share their stuff with his fame you know it's like it's so sad but yet it's gotten to the point where it's not surprising at all it sucks it's disgusting but I don't think it's ever like I'm like wow didn't see that coming so what percentage of hockler mind crafters in these you think are oh you know what putty pies fan group the brofist army you know why they call it brofist I'm scared to ask.

You don't want to know. It's because he broke his screen. Because he fists. Oh, no, he doesn't. You know why Markiplier's mustache is pink? Oh, shut up. Oh, there you go. I don't even, don't even answer that.

Right, you know what? I'm not even going to get into that. But there's messages. There's subconscious messages there. So we're just saying a lot of these children's entertainers on YouTube, they're probably sexually attracted to children. You know what? Even if they aren't less of a less of a, less of a knock on them.

Fucking who knows who is. Who fucking cares. Everyone just needs to look out for themselves and not be a fucking idiot. If you're online and there's some fucking 30-year-old famous Minecraft player who's sending you dickpicks

and asking to look at your undeveloped body for fucking views on your channel, don't do it. Just don't do it. So what we're saying is 100% of Minecraft YouTube is

all the pedophiles. I think that sounds realistic So I'm gonna do I'm gonna build Nakatomi Tower in Minecraft Build little Minecraft terrorists And then And then weave a tale

About how your life was... I'm gonna look for children Who are also into diehard Like me And they get caught And go to jail That's my friend In the game?

Oh no, you mean in real life You get caught If you get caught in real life Look sexy kids That also like the diehard Like die hard One and 3 But not 2 4 and 5

Are willing to go to jail for it. That's what we're looking for. You're willing to go to jail for that. That's a fun part of that game. That could be a subplot of his real story, right? Like, he's telling that, and then he just, like, adds that in. So then it just confuses the audience. They're like...

This little girl messaging me, and she's like, you know, I like Die Hard 5. And I'm like, get out of here. You're nuts. You know, it's so sad. I love Bruce Willis, but he's got, like, this crazy... If you look at IMDB, it's like half the movies he does are just trash. And the other, I feel like a lot of them are really good. But it's like clearly a job.

Like, he's just like, eh. Some of the actors just have more discretion with the roles they take. Who's an actor? Like Johnny Depp does the same thing. He does a ton of great movies and he does a ton of fucking trash. What's a trash movie by Johnny Depp? It's a transcendence. Okay, it seems pretty trash.

You're looking at the surface. You're looking at what they deliver, but you don't see what happens. Oh, no, I agree. There's so many. What is business and you're doing what you do. And to be fair, like we've seen plenty of movies. that the premise seems great. Like transcendence.

It's got a lot of good actors and somehow, and the production quality is there, but somehow it just sucks. Wouldn't you say transcendence would be one of those? It has good actors, it has good production quality. It started off good. And then it just sucks, yeah.

It's a lack of communication between the directors and the technical team and the actors, so there's never like a harmonious vibe in any of it. But it makes me wonder, it's very like robotic in everything. Right. Seriously, the last 20 movies we pulled up on Hulu or voodoo or Netflix or whatever, they were very clinical by the book, pieces of shit that, truthfully, the one thing that I can say

that was special about the last, honestly, maybe 13 movies we watched was the post-production of the raw footage color-wise. That's about it. Like, visually. Paul Rudd. So you continue, Paul Red. No, you know what was funny is that when we were watching. You know what we should like begin and everything with just Paul Rudd.

Just like, thank you for joining Sleepy Cats and Sleepy Cabin and final thoughts on Paul Run. Yeah, but when we were watching it, the first thing out of Sanar's mouth was like, wait, how old is Paul Rudd? And then we were like looking it up and he's like, damn, he's in great shape. Like, he aged really well. How do you think Paul Rudd is? I know he's somewhere between like 42 and 45. 46? Yeah.

Alexa. How old is Paul Rudd? Paul Rudd is 46 years old. 46. Yeah, that dude's pulling up on 50. Those Avengers here, there's a lot of, they're all going to be like 50, and all the women are going to be 30.

Yeah. And at the end of the day, nobody's going to care about that black dude that has those wings that, and no power. Is he Falcon? Yeah, is he Falcon? Yeah, it's tall.

I'll tell you what he is. He was worthless in the first movie, and then he got beat by Ant Man in the second movie before he even understood his power. Hey, Mick. Yeah. What's your goal with Sleepy Cabin? What do you hope to achieve here?

Entertain some people. Yeah? Yeah. Why couldn't you do that by yourself? Well, I could, but it's fun to do it with a group of people. Cool. And I want to work with you. Yeah.

Whenever you're ready. I feel like we've been sitting on the couch for my last fucking... Doing what we feel is best for people versus actually talking about. You know, if all this shit was off, we would have a completely different conversation. It's fucking ridiculous. So wait. Hold on, hold on. No.

So I want to know. What were you? you doing for the first 10 episodes? In the first 10 episodes, we were being ourselves progress. And, you know, we've, you know, it's, it only takes 72 hours for your entire life to completely flip upside down. I don't disagree. If you establish something very early and it takes off and people really like it and you have to keep that going because that's what people expect. So you're saying you're completely different now than you used to be back? No, but what I'm saying is in a lot of ways, if you start a series, for example, you feel this obligation to keep, like,

rolling with the punches because that's what people expect. Even from the beginning, I feel like we were just kind of delivering things to people in a, in, uh, we were very, um, graceful about everything we were saying. And we're still, we're still doing it now. There's so much truth to what, what St. And everybody else is doing it too. Like, truthfully, if these microphones were off right now and we were talking. Yeah. It would be a completely different show. Yeah, we're, you know, know, we're pumping things up a little bit. We're trying to entertain people. No, no, I am curious.

Absolutely, but you're speaking for yourself. I am curious what you mean by that, though. I think that, if I may say, the Stamper kind of thinks that, you know, it becomes very, like, kind of anecdotal, that, like, everything is, like, supposed to be, like, oh, here's this story with this punchline. Oh, look, this is kind of funny.

Let me tell this story. Right. Rather than being, like, an actual organic conversation where we explore a subject and, like, Like we usually do when we talk with each other. Right. And I think that's, you know, there were plenty of podcasts where we did just tell stories and it didn't have to be. Like funny.

Yeah. Like, we could just talk. And people actually love those episodes too. I know. Like, I don't know what the big fucking deal is. I think it's, part of it is expectation. So, like, when you get to make something on your own terms and people tend to like it, great. But as soon as you're feeling obligated to do it or it's contrived because people expect it,

then it's not you doing what you want to do anymore. You're kind of like forcing this thing that people expect you to do. I mean, for better or worse, nothing we've done has been, I don't like, contrived or forced. I mean, we're just... It's exaggerated at times. It's exaggerated at time, but we're trying to entertain people, so sometimes we exaggerate, but... I feel like people... You know, it's just, we're being ourselves.

It's not that you have to, like, bring things out of yourself to... But I feel like there's a way that we're not... There's, like, millions of people to follow us, and I just feel like we sit this room, and we're like... I mean, we talk, people know that. But for an hour and a half a week, people get to hear, people they enjoy, be silly and stupid and tell some life stories and be goofy, inner reverend.

It was never supposed to be one thing. It was going to be a mix. A mix of the goofy stuff. If we had something goofy happen to us, tell a funny, entertaining story, we do an equal amount of what Stamper's talking about. If we have a serious topic, talk about that. I always thought that's what it was supposed to be.

Right. Again, can I just reiterate? The whole point of this thing, This was never supposed to be like the main thing. This was like we spent all our time and effort writing scripts working on these other projects. This was supposed to be this thing where we just... Once a week for two hours.

Remind people we're still around. Entertain them with whatever we feel like talking about. It wasn't supposed to be this wondering if we're wasting people's time. It was just supposed to be... Bullshit. Yeah, you know, fairly disposable content. And I know, yeah, we still put some effort in, edit it. But when you're just losing some...

sleepover wondering if a podcast is good enough or not. I feel like you're kind of taking the wrong angle. All that effort should be probably going into something else anyways. Yeah, you're right. This is just this thing to remind people that, yeah, we're still here. We're interacting with our audience and really, you know, put that effort into something else we really care about, whether I'm making a game or if I feel like writing a fucking book or you feel like writing a rap album or whatever.

It's, you know, that's where you're probably your heart and soul should go into. Something that's going to last through time or whatever. This is just this thing to keep a way to get away from our desks. Enjoy ourselves like have some conversation. Well, thanks for joining the podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to 2016. Fuck. This is probably the funniest fuck.

Just put all that out. I don't know. Fuck, pop, pop, ma, ma. Good luck editing all of that. That was my plan to begin with. The end of the podcast. You got like... Here's my question.

I'm just so tired of you, Mick. Sorry. I'm so fucking tired of it. Why is it that all the heroes, why are all the main ones white, and then all the partner ones have to be black? So, like, you've got Iron Man who's white, and then you've got War Machine, who's black, and he's, like, the secondary character. And then you've got Captain America. who's like this oh whatever fuck shut up

why are you gonna like aim your fucking anus right at me it wasn't right at you was it was it was in the podcast it's over it totally was dude why do you aim your aus at our guests a fucking dog doesn't do that dogs do that you're an animal you're a filthy animal sorry it's so weird i get to your perspective and his perspective is like you're like that's because you live with me no you're like I you know I just wouldn't be around the people that respect me for who I am and I can do whatever I do and whatever but at the same time it's like you have to have like this mutual balance

because what you do is disrespectful to other people regardless of who you are to be fair I apologize all okay I'm done I'm done I look I will say boy also I'm genuinely concerned that you are sick. That I have stomach cancer. I know. I fart way too much. But I will say that in my defense, I apologize, but in my offense, I was aiming for the microphone. I'm gonna beat your

fucking ass is what I'm gonna do. I'm so sorry. Okay, I'm done. I publicly apologize. Now I have to sit here and breathe. You can't smell shit. It does not smell. Don't be silly. It doesn't smell bad. It doesn't matter. Look.

There's ass particles in my lungs now. I'm publicly apologizing to you, to the world. And I will no longer fart in your direction, okay? It strengthens your immune system. We should be thankful. I just wanna choke the shit out of your name. I'm sorry. That's the last time I'm saying it.

I am. You're not. You're not. I am. I'm sorry. Okay? I'm done. It's just stammer.

You're right? Put the plus line for my next cartoon. There's ass particles in my lungs. I'm gonna sit down again. I swear. Do not do that. If I ever do it again, I give you a free... There's ass particles in my lungs now.

Three punches to the butt. You can punch me right in the butt. Oh. Test me, Mick. I won't. I won't. I'm done. Where were we?

Christ. Mick farted in your mouth Farted in my mouth Dude this common guest courtesy man I just think of him as like a brother I don't think of him as like a guest Well yeah at the same time I've known him for fucking

15 years and I've never farted from him because it might offend his senses You ever think about that man I'm Chinese How many times I have to tell you not to do that Well Okay well to be fair To be fair that's like the first time I ever did it like in your face

Lift your leg like a wild animal and you make sure people hear it. Yeah. You tighten your spanker and make sure people hear it. For optimum projection. I think you might be sick, dude. You know, I've said that for a long time. I may take the claw and have a hammer and put it in your fucking... You know what?

If I went to the doctor and he said, guess what? You might think it's funny that you're farting so much, but you actually have gastrointestinal cancer or something. I don't think the doctor's going to be like this is really funny. But guess what? No, but I mean... Can you turn this in a kidding story? No.

No. No. Yeah, I fart in your face, but I might have cancer. What does that even mean? Hey, I might have cancer. I do feel like your dad sometimes, dude. Really? Hey. When you do that, I was like, can you please not fart on our guests? It just feels weird.

Anyways. That's what a podcast should be. There. Just, just what? Just people being people. I want every goddamn comment on this podcast to be telling you to stop fart in my face. Okay. Alright.

I bet we'll see a hundred of those. But if I say something like, hey, y'all want me to fart in Jeff's face again, leave it in the comments. Oh!