SleepyCabin - SleepySecrets S2:SS4 - [Adventures in Dining]

Episode Date: November 24, 2016

SHHH! It's a SleepySecret...

This is a sleepy secret. Adventures in Dining. Buckle your motherfucking seat belt. Beep. Well, you know, there's a plethora of things we can talk about, including but not limited to McDonald's, question mark. Listen, hold on, let's talk about how absurd McDonald's is. I love how that's the only thing on your list,

and you're acting like there's more on that list. You go into McDonald's, you ask for a burger, some ancient guy tells you, Will you got burgers Get out of here I don't like McDonald's because While the food is unhealthy and tasty And I haven't been to McDonald's in months

I just don't like the fact that I feel like I'm standing When you're standing in line I feel like you're It's like a cattle or something Like you're just waiting in line for your It does kind of seem like the DMV sometimes You get some grumpy ass people in that line Well that being said it's not that you don't like McDonald's

You don't like fast food I don't like fast food that much And I don't like the asses I do think I like I mean I think it's also due to like context like before There was all these options like Carl's Jr and and and and Burger King and Wendy's and all that there was pretty Checkers just McDonald's though right rallies we're talking about this Sonic small T's you had to like McDonald's because it was the only fast burger you could get or no tangent do you guys know Culbers I think it's a midwestern thing Cobbers is great that is a midwestern thing just like water burger

What the fuck is what water burger water burger water what Wata Burger. Oh, yeah, Wada burger. Yeah, it's Wada burger. Not bad, not bad. Water burger. You think the other city of his desk? He was, what should I call it?

What a burger? And he felt really fucking smart. You know what? They got good burgers there. They got In-N-Out burger too. Are you sure it's not called Huata burger? Hwatra burger? You know what?

People say water in the Midwest, dick. I think I'm just done eating at places as little kids. Lots of little kids. I'm not done with McDonald's. You know why? Because Big Macs are delicious, and you can get Big Mac sauce on anything for a low, low price. What's the last time you've eaten in McDonald's?

Hey, what was the last time you would have been? Like, two weeks ago. I walked through today. I did. You walked through, you just did. Just for old times. It's on Old York Road. Oh.

All right, never mind. Should we talk about it? Wait, it's on the road over there. Why don't we talk about that fucking shithole Burger King up the road? You're right? Oh, yeah. That's shit hole. We can pause.

We'll just cut it. You need to water? Sorry. It's all right. Sorry. It's okay. How's the levels on that? This is a social experiment.

I'm going to see if I can tip to a podcast. Oh, yeah, we kick Corey out of the podcast. He's in the background now because he talks too much. He's in a timeout. He's in the penalty box. So, should we sit the whole day over? We didn't really talk about much yet. We can start up with the...

God, I have a fucking kick of my interest. We were just about to talk about why Burger King is so shitty up the road. Oh, yeah, Burger King. Well, Burger King is shitty everywhere. Let's talk about what you found in the burger. Oh, yeah, I found a sandwich tie in one of my Woppers wants. Wait, what? A plastic sandwich bag.

little plastic tags. Yeah. In the, um, here's what's fucked up about this situation. So I,

you know, I ate it that Burger King a couple of times. It's always like, whatever, it's fucking Burger King. And then I got a walker once and there's, you know, like the,

these little flat plastic tags that hide, Oh, on bread together. Yeah, yeah, twist it all, you clip it together. Not like the twisty ties, but the little square plastic tags. No, no, no, I don't know,

but say, yeah, you twist the bag together and you put that on the top of it. Yeah, so that was like dead center in the middle of my wapper. And I bit into it, And I was like, okay, that's a fucking choking hazard. And what was fucked up about that is, it's for bread, right? They don't tie anything else down with that.

Oh, that's true. And then the date on the tag was expired. So not only they put that in my shit, they're serving expired bread. Now, any normal person would have gone back to Burger King and said, what the fuck is this? I'm never eating here again. But instead... You gobbled it up. Did you finish the burger?

Did you finish the burger? You went back for another one. Fucking a fucking ago. Did you finish the burger? That burger? Nah, I was kind of put off by. I might have finished it the next morning. I went to an apple bees in New York,

and I remember I ordered a salad, and in the salad there was a cockroach head. It was just the head of it. So, I mean, as far as I know, I could have eaten the rest of it, but all I saw was like it's two little big eyes staring up for me. How far were you with idiot? It was actually pretty early into the salad. I was maybe like, I don't know, like a third into eating it,

maybe just like a third or something like that. What's that? Did you complain? I didn't complain. I tried to be as polite as I can about this shit. So I did tell the waiter when they came back and asked how everything was. I had to be kind of dead honest. And I was like, listen, the salad actually tastes pretty good, but I won't lie. And I just pointed out my plate. And I just, I mean, I held it up to them. And they were like, what? Is it okay? And then I'll be back. And then the chef came out and he apologized. And he was like, oh, I'm so sorry that that happened. Can we get you like a, like, a beer or a drink and I just looked at it was like how about another salad I mean that that'll work too I don't know I see it's kind of weird first of all I rarely to never bitch at a I've never complained at a restaurant I very I wasn't complaining at the time I mean I always wonder like if you send your shit back and it's like this is fucked up oh yeah and then like you

get the second one out you're asking for yeah seriously you're you're sitting yourself pissed in there yeah I've never met a happy chef in my life you did not order a cockroach in your defense I didn't And for all you know, you'll give the salad back, they'll pick the cockroach head out and hand it back. Just hand it right back. Yeah, that's true. When's the last time you've seen somebody making a scene in a restaurant over something? Because Corey and I were at Outback the other night, and there was a boisterous lady, a boisterous woman and her daughter and granddaughter.

And making quite a fuss over her. About what? Let me guess. She had short hair and she was fat. That's two correct. Wow. Two for two, not bad. Um, actually, uh, there was an occurrence didn't happen so long ago.

Uh, oh, sorry, but what happened with this lady? Oh, she ordered a blooming onion. She's like, man, that was burnt. I'm not saying what ethnicist. She was, that could have been anybody saying it like that. She was pale of ginger. But she was like, man, this is burnt. And the waiter's like, ma'am, uh, this is just how they look, ma'am.

He's like, yeah, I don't think so, man. You know what, in fairness, the last two or three times I went to Alback and we got a blooming onion, were like way darker than I remember them being. See now you're being racist. Yeah. I think Jeff, the way you told that you stood up and said, you're dark, you're burnt. I was just whispering to Corey, I was like, Corey,

check it out. And the waiter, the waiter's like, ma'am, there's nothing wrong with that, and then she still made him take it back. Jeff, you and I... He rolled his eyes all the way back to the kitchen. You and I went... They come back out with a frozen room. You went to a Vietnamese place one time, and there was a mother scolding her child over his grades very loudly. Oh yeah. I really was like

man, I... What a fucking bitch, he's just one of those moms and she's just gonna be a, she was, he was, I know, he was like, he was 10. Your grades don't matter when you're 10, dude. I mean, they do, kind of. No, she was a one, she was like, Jason, Jason, you need to, you. They'll just drop you down well. Yeah. It's important. Hit you with the car.

Leave that shit at home, man. She was doing it loudly. I was just like, I really was worried to be like, dude. That's exactly what, that's not even fucked up for the kids' sake. That's fucked up for everybody that's trying to eat. That's right. Because when I go out, I'm also paying for me on. I'm paying for like ambiance and relaxing time, you know, or have some fun

with some friends. But recently when I was in Minnesota, there was... Listen, you Chinese cunt! Take your kid home and shut the fuck up. I'm trying to eat my peti and peace. There was a gentleman with us in our group and I guess

they carded him and he was a little older and he was not appreciative of being carded. Now, I've worked in a restaurant. I know that they have to card you. It doesn't matter if you're fucking 95 years old, if their managers watching, especially this person was clearly new. You could tell very quickly that they were kind of nervous about the whole situation. They're like, oh, I'm sorry, can I see your ID?

And he just goes, are you serious? And already it was like, dude, just pull out your fucking ID. It's this person's job to fucking ask you. And he was trying to get a whiskey and he had a very specific whiskey in mind. Now, wait, to play Del's advocate, how old is this guy again? He was older. No. How old is?

What decade? What decade? I'm a 50s I'm continuing story in a second I'm completely on the on the other side of that I think I am too there's one time I was at an airport and I'm sitting I'm sitting at a bar and this these two Japanese guys walk up one is like fucking 90 and the other guy's like 47 and then they're hardcore Japanese and the bartenders like can have your idea and they're like oh tzukes is good and I'm like sitting right next to the dude I didn't know you can speak Japanese dude yeah they don't talk like that and then they didn't understand it and he's sitting there wasting 20 minutes like I need I need your ID. I understand. And I showed him my wallet. Have you ever worked in a restaurant?

Have you ever worked in a restaurant? I get that it's, no, I get that they have to do it, but where did common sense go out the window? The guy is fucking, a million years. Common sense went out the window when you have a franchise. When I worked at ESPN zone, when you raise an eyebrow to it, like, eh, eh, and I worked at ESPN zone, you would have Disney, because it's owned by Disney, you would have Disney employees who were spies and they'd come in and they make sure you did all the right things, that you

got their drink order first and that, you know, you were polite, you greeted them, you told them the specials, all that shit. And one of the things they always did was they would ask for a beverage and you always have a car. If you lived to be like 85, you should be left the fuck alone. How many 15-year-olds are dressing with old man makeup getting free drinks?

This isn't a debate whether or not they should or that common sense is out of the I'm saying that there's a protocol and you can get fired if you don't do it. I'm saying the protocol is stupid. I'm saying I agree. I'm saying following the protocol is fair, but the protocol itself is stupid. Absolutely agree. If that was the discussion,

that was had at that time, I would have nodded my head and gave him a high five and said, I agree. But that isn't what happened. Anyways, continue. So anyways, he, so not only does he, you know, all of a sudden, he asks, he shows the, or no, no, no, no, what was it? He shows the ID and then, no, fuck, he didn't. Then he goes, you know what, never mind.

She goes, oh, that's right. So she asked for the ID, and then he just goes, you know what? Never mind. And she was so confused. She was like, wait, are you serious? He goes, yeah, yeah. No, I don't want anything. I don't want anything. I'm not going to order anything. Like anything. Like he went for dinner, wanted to drink. They wanted to card him. He was so pissed off. He's like, you know, I'm not going to get anything. And already it's like, dude, we just sat down. We just sat down. I wanted to have a relaxing meal. I didn't get out of my house very often to eat. And this was like the one, you know, they had to drag me out here. And this is exactly why I didn't want to go. So then he goes and talks to the manager at some point. Oh my God. He's a manager guy. Yep. So then he talks to the manager. He disappears. He's like, oh, I got to go the bathroom. Disappears. Okay, comes back.

You're not my friend if you're a manager person. I'll tell you that much. Get me the manager. Yeah. So then it disappears for a little bit. We continue and I'm kind of like trying to shrug it off, whatever. Because you could see the fear in this waitress's eyes. Anyways, so we're getting our food.

We've been eating. And all of a sudden, the manager comes by. And he comes on over and he asks how everything is. And this guy is the first one to say, well, your service is terrible. I still don't know why I keep coming back to this place. And I was just like, dude, I had food in my mouth. Like, I'm just trying to swallow. Like, I hate awkward shit like that.

Like, it's happening two feet from me. Well, that's the thing. It's like they're making the entire night awkward for everybody so they can alpha male fucking around the place. And especially even in your own party of people. Oh, yeah. What's it? Do you think he was oblivious to this? Like how he's, he knows exactly.

No, he's like, he walks at any restaurant. He's like, oh, everyone catered to me. I'm king now. Show off a little. Yes. It's what it's like alpha. There was not a single bar experience. You call this medium rare?

Yeah, anytime we went to a bar, anytime we went to a restaurant, it was either there was a problem with the bartender, waitress, server manager, the establishment, there was always a problem and it was always against him. Right, it was always like they were like focusing on him for it. Anyway, so the manager comes by,

he asks everything he is, this guy's like, it's terrible, I don't know why I come here, your service is joke, and then the manager puts his hand on the back of his chair, and he says to the guy, he's like, don't put, your hand on my chair, asshole. We're not friends. Don't try to act like my friend. And I, my face

is beat red. I have food in my mouth. I'm just about to scream. Like, it's just so awkward and so uncomfortable. You should have said something. You should have been like, oh, I did. No, no, no, no, no, no. We ended up outside after that. After the manager left, I said right there on a spot, I was like, I can't believe you. I can't believe that it always has to be like this. This is fucking ridiculous. Who the fuck you think you are? You think you're the only person here? I came out here to enjoy a meal and you fucking ruined it. And then he asked me if I was serious and he had a really goofy looking face at the time. And I said, I don't know.

I can't tell. And then we ended up going outside. Nothing happened, but we talked outside. To blow each other. To blow each other. He asked the other one outside. No, no, no. I said, do you want to take this outside?

And he said, yes. And I said, all right, let's go. See, when I was an outback other night with Corey, I asked, I made them take my pork, my pork back. Because this is a weird thing with, just sorry for the tan. it, but Outback actually asks you how would you like your pork cooked? That's weird, right? No one place does this, but Outback says, and I always

panic, I'm like, because you don't want to ever say, well done, because that makes you look like and they'll burn it. They'll give you a rubber. You never say that with a steak, but with pork, so I risked it. I said, well, how about medium? I'll do it medium. Oh, dude, no. It came back, it was like raw inside.

Yeah. And I tried eating it. I couldn't do it, and I apologized, profusely. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but pork is less dangerous than chickens. You could still get... You see the taste. He doesn't want the taste of it. It's chewy. You can still get pink pork in the middle, but...

It was beyond pink. It was like, it was just dark. It was not edible, but, to me, but... So then what happened? I just apologized profusely, and there was no problem. I just felt so guilty about asking... So you're like the polar opposite then, is what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. I never want to make a scene.

I never want to be condescending to... waitresses or waiters. Not to their face at least. I worked in fast food, so I try when I eat fast food or what I eat at any place. I try to be as nice as I can because I realize how fucking terrible working at any place like that.

Food is obviously the worst place to work at sometimes. It is. But what was I going to say? Plus you don't want to fuck with those people. Because they're dealing with your food. Yeah. No, if you see that video of this guy and this asshole on YouTube

who goes around the fast food places that he's like, make the burger just like the one of the picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's like, when it comes out, like, kind of sloppy because they have a million fucking customers, he's like, oh, excuse me, excuse me, I watch the picture, I order the picture. Yeah, he thinks he's white knighting for the humankind. Yeah, yeah, he walks in. Is this a, wait, is this a YouTube prank guy?

No, it's not a prank. Or is he like a YouTube option? Well, as far as I could tell. I've seen a couple of guys to do this. They go in and they're like, I want it to look exactly like the picture. And then he turns and looks in the camera and he's like, I'll show you guys how it really looks. And everyone's like, dude, you're fucking douche man. Yeah, we've always.

had him before. It's not like you're surprising any of us. It's supposed to have this attitude of like, yeah, let's keep these guys making work harder. They're slackers. But it's like, dude, you fucking asshole, you're making money on YouTube making videos like this. These people are over a shitty hot grill all day, you fucking asshole. And that's the other thing, too. It's a machine.

They can look like a picture. Like most people, like for example, Corey's dad is a fucking cunt. He's one of those guys that goes to places and he's the guy that throws a steak across the restaurant. Yeah, I already flips tables. Clarify that Corey. That's true. Yeah. See, it's true. Yeah. But at the same time they don't understand the process of how a kitchen works and how the front end works and how

you could scream in a wait in a waitress's face that's right but they are the last they're the messenger that's it yeah it's like what is this shit and you're like ruining her day for no fucking reason yeah I guess that's why the manager guys exist but then it's like what is the manager it's true but the the servers are the ones who get the full brunt of any of any chef yeah if a meal is great a lot of people a lot of people, not everyone, like, hey, they'll be like, hey, you tell the chef they did a great job or go back into the kitchen, let them know, that was great.

But it's like with a server, yeah. Yeah, and then last I checked, they make less than minimum wage, and you still got those cunts that going. I said cunt like nine times in this thing. It's just rolling off my tongue nuts. But then you still got those gentlemen that they get a shitty meal

from the chef or the fucking, the sous chef or whoever fucking made their food, and I'm not paying, I'm not tipping her shit because she didn't, because I hated my food. And it's like, dude, who do you? What are you talking about? She grabbed it and walked it over to you, dude.

Like she did a fine job. You can't, and it's like, yeah. Unless, here's where you can't tip a waitress. If she gives you the wrong owner, she fucking fumbles and throws the food in your face, and she calls you an asshole, then don't tip her. Don't tip a waitress if she's a shitty fucking waitress and a total bitch. It's simple. There are times when the whole experience gets ruined though, and then it gets, it has nothing to do with the servers or the food or anything. Like, you know, there's people yelling or complaining next to you and the whole time it ends up ruining your entire meal experience.

And you just want to get the fuck out and you're like to fuck this place. I'm never coming back here again Then you end up taking it out on the server. I'm not saying we do. I'm saying I'm sure that happened No, we did we were at TGI Friday's right about fart clouds and ruining everybody's meals Yeah, Zach was just screaming as loud as he could tell me Cory what's a difference between a brown fart cloud and a green fart cloud Oh my god I do what do you mean lies now If we're sitting there with chopsticks and I was like please try to bed keep it down And this and this simple first of a white man you know what you hear you know what believes you You, Zach. Be on your best behavior.

Everyone believes me. And this handsome, black, perifican, American gentleman sitting right next to us, put his fork down. He was like, I'm never eating here again. Yep. What about... All like a taste is fart clouds, baby, and then he got up and walked out. Actually, he told you us, he was like, actually, the difference between the green fork cloud, the brown forked.

He's the green ones who are selling. You're all liars. Good day, gentlemen. When we talk about the opposite end of the spectrum, something I've experienced, about people who, instead of being mean to the waiter, they're a little too friendly, and they... Creepy. Not, well, they engage in a little too much banter with the wait. Like, the waiter can't get away from the table because the person will not stop.

Oh, they see their name tag? Hey, Andrea, how's it going? They're telling them their life story every single time they come over. Yeah. Do you ever, do you know, the experience? I've seen it happening and I'm like, where's my food? I experience it every now. Have you seen the guys who think the waiter's hitting on them or the waitresses hitting on them because they're being polite?

And, you know, some of that are. It's like, hey, I'll have, well, being flirtatious. at the very least. And some of that revolves around like, uh, it sucks when you go to a new restaurant, but then people are focused on the regulars and they're like, yeah, they're sitting down and having fucking conversations. You're like, god damn, man, I just ordered a grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it too, because, like,

they'll be, they'll be having their little clever banter, you know, their familiar friends, and they're all talking, and they're smiling and laughing, and then they turn over to you, and they just, their face goes stone, cold, like, what do you want? What do you want? What's the fucking beer? What the fuck you think I came here for? Jesus Christ. Why is it so complicated?

The end. This has been sleepy secrets. Scyonara, my nigger.