Sloss and Humphries On The Road - 4.47: Game-Over

Episode Date: September 10, 2023

Daniel wraps up his month as a fringe tourist witnessing a medical emergency and being a pulled on stage as a random audience member, before coming across as a diva on behalf of an Avenger. Kai agonises over a decision to go against his ethics while stoned at the bar.

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack Aww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11? Excited the fringe is over? Yes

That was pretty heavy for you Aye it was Aye considering I only did Two shows Aye I went out Heaps I didn't break

I didn't beat Cara's record I think I got to like I think our record's like 25 I think I managed to do like 23 or 24 shows. Had a good run in on the last day. We went to see some of my two friends from high school, the Allys.

We're like, we'll have a fringe day. They came in and we went to see Phil Ellis' show. And 45 minutes into Phil Ellis' show, the man in front of me and Ally had a fucking seizure. Oh my God. Which is so common during the fringe. Like,

because the thing you've got to remember. With the Phil Ellis show as well, your partner, you would be questioning whether it was a plant. The whole time we were holding him up while he was having a seizure, me and Ali were like, Not a plant.

This guy's a real good actor. Like, I can't wait to see what the punchline of this is. Fuck. The problem with the Fringes, all of these venues are not venues for the rest of the years. They are just nightclub rooms,

storage rooms, back rooms, underground things things and none of them have air conditioning like when you start playing some of the assembly places because assembly owns a lot of or at least they use a lot of the university of edinburgh and like lecture centers and halls and stuff those things are actually air conned so if you see those shows, it's great. Monkey Barrel, who have amazing venues, Monkey Barrel 4 is a fucking sweatbox. Like, I saw Josh Glantz in there, and 25 minutes in, you can feel sweat running down your own

back. Yeah. Elliot was in Cowgate, and he's had several people faint. Aye. Aye. So the guy fainting in front of us... It's the vaccine man. Aye. No deal with the temperature it's it's it's the one thing is that it's the one thing all those liberal audiences have in common is they all got the autism juice um he was fine and then he was like i you know when somebody goes is there a doctrine and then a doctor turns up and you're always in your head you're expecting

the doctor who turns up to be like, I'm a doctor. To be a man, what? This is, no, but just have a little bit of like, this is this, everyone clear out of the way. I'm going to do this. I understand this. And here's the thing, doctors are just people and they're seeing shows.

So this doctor comes up. She's like, yeah, how are you feeling? And he's like, yeah, not great. And she's like, yeah, do you want to lie down? And he's like, no. She was like, do you want some water? And he was like, no, I don't think I can do that. He's like, I'm just hot and sweaty

and we're still in the room. And we're all like, well, we should probably get him out of the fucking room then. She's like, I think the worst thing to do would be to move him. And I'm like, okay, sure. If it was a leg injury from a landmine in a landmine field,

let's not move him from there. There might be other landmine in a landmine field let's not move him from there there might be other landmines about there might the reason for his injury is still here and moving him will allow further injuries to happen where she's like let's keep him in the room where the source of his problem is i know this guy is scared of bears but i think removing him from the bear enclosure is going to be detrimental to his health like i think but I think removing him from the bear enclosure is going to be detrimental to his health I think if we just get him outside the bear cage having the bears not able to tear him apart

might be better she's like I'm a doctor and I'm like well there's no response to that there's a casualty in this burning building they're like well you know if he gets outside the shock of going from hot to cold could put him into whatever eventually the fucking well done the ambulance people turn up and the first thing they do like hey why don't we get

the fuck out of this hot room and everyone looked to the doctor being like hand in your fucking stethoscope the ambulance people who aren't doctors no no no no no um yeah because that like i think that is probably by the book, is to leave them until you've got equipment to check them. Also, I will clarify, important thing, it wasn't a seizure. It was a faint. We thought it was a seizure because he stiffened up and his head was going, but it became very clear after that. Once he came to, there was no convulsing of the body.

Did he come round? Did he? Yeah, he came round. He's completely fine. The clarification is he's absolutely fine. He was outside and the second he got fresh air and was no longer in an oven it was almost as if that that cured that it would it would be like surely she has some like insight that that's a bad idea to move them for whatever reason like if it is a seizure like could could moving them cause more disruption yeah especially like internal panic if a bunch of drunk people are trying to move a man's body up some stairs and out of an underground dungeon then fair enough there might

be like injuries on the way like i get that i don't want to say what she did was definitely wrong as somebody with zero it was a bit too by the book for your liking yeah an initiative was key yes this guy passed out because it's hot let's just go with that yeah and again like it like very much i've been like if it's a let's just go with that yeah yeah and again like very much I've been like if it's a seizure we cannot move him and I'm like

absolutely I don't know much it might be a spinal injury like pretty certain it's not yeah yeah she's like but even if there's a 0.1% chance

of it being a spinal injury it's not worth moving it I'm like totally fucking agree but if there was a lottery ticket that had a 99% chance of winning I'm buying fucking

two of those things but if she's a doctor and she gets held of account for doing it by the book as a doctor she's not even thinking about the guy anymore she's thinking about bureaucracy she's thinking about getting sued and losing her that's why i was not going to my badge if i was a fucking doctor i would not use it for good be on a fucking airplane old shipment being an airplane is there a doctor on board fucking hope so because that looks serious but i'm three winds deep and i'm watching the blind side so not my first of all i'm not going to be if i were to stand up right and somebody were to be being ill on a plane the first thing

my brain would do that's why i couldn't be a doctor would go i'll be like how far away to new york our destination they're like three hours. I'm like, what's the nearest airport? And they're like Greenland. And I'm like, he can make it the three hours. There's no point. Are you sure? It's not going to be New York. That's where we're all going anyway. Yeah, we might as well just go there.

But there's a better free hospital in Greenland. I understand that. But my gig is in New York tomorrow. Matt Reid had a great routine about that, how doctors always get called upon on the time off when needed. And he's like, I'm so glad that doesn't happen with comedians, where you're just walking past a funeral, and you're like, they look a bit sad.

Let's see what I can do. You can't, and try and make them laugh. Like, it must fucking suck to be able to, like, to be on your, like, day off and then have something happen and go, fuck, I hate being the responsible adult, considering my job is being the responsible adult and I'm overworked because we've got 20 fucking government. I've just come out to watch a comedy show.

Then some cunt has a medical emergency. I don't want to be a responsible adult today. Like, that must be. There's no escapism Man it'd be like going on a fucking night out right you've got your one night off from the kids you're going out to be friends and your husband just turns up and just hatches both of your kids and is like

I, oh sorry you're like but no no no but this was my one night out I know but they missed you so here the other night club. Joy blue bamboo Yeah yeah and also I don't know Why you've brought your kids To a nightclub now You should be taking them home

That's pretty fucking irresponsible Yeah also Like you know If a doctor turned up to work Several gins deep They'd get fired Yeah So you can't just call them

Into action Several gins deep That's rude Also I don't know How much Like You know if you're a doctor And Because this happened This doctor She this doctor, she was there,

and she was giving us all the advice, and we were all listening to it. And then, like, the medically trained staff member of the venue turned up and was like, here's what we should do. And you could just see this doctor being like, how have I just been fucking outranked by a cunt that's done CPR on a mannequin? This isn't, they come in with their little fucking box of like this is where all the bandages are and she's like that's great good good for you man it'd be like us being at a fucking gig and a juggler being like I heard the headliner can't go on I'll do it and you're like first of all I'm the emcee if anyone's fucking

headlining me it's me I've got the qualifications um he was fine we got out there how was phil i mean great fucking i love that random fucking did he style around the fainting no he was good and it's always a difficult uh position for the performer because man you just start the show and people are expecting you to make jokes and it's just the time when you just don't make jokes because we don't know how serious it is you don't want to distract any of the fucking professionals while they try and sort this situation out and to be fair to the fucking hive they got him out there in like 15 minutes like it was nobody did their job fucking badly it was good everyone was safe ambulance got there on time and then phil was like i don't think we should continue the show and we're like well

obviously you have to fucking continue the show and then obviously the next 10 minutes was just making fun of the guy that passed out because that's the only way to, it's the only way for us to heal. Aye. Yeah, you can't just sit there and be like, right, well, just hold hands and have a little seance for the- Kumbaya, anyone?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, a seance, he died. Okay, okay. I'm always singing kumbaya to seance. Part of you would prefer he died because you can't give a refund to a dead guy. But if you're like A 45 minutes And I had a seizure

And it's because of the venue I had a seizure Because it was too long You had no idea What it was So we then End up Going to

Like a barcade For a bit We went to get some foods And then we went We were going to see Two shows in the evening Matt Ewins And a show called Bats

Now I'm not going to Reveal a name here Because I just I don't know Let's just say elliot steel yes i don't know if i'm allowed to uh but through a thread of a friend uh we have become good friends uh with an actual celebrity not like a celebrity it's like the way i'm a celebrity and you can't say the name of the celebrity i wouldn't maybe you're not gonna name drop on the podcast uh but they are of uh marvel fame uh-huh like actual in the marvel movies uh fame and avenger and avenger uh and we've become friends uh with them through comedy because they have lots of ties to comedy and i had

a time we went out for like a double dinner with them and I phoned up the restaurant and I'm like, is it possible to get like a, and it's not like a good restaurant, I'm going to have a fucking cara. And we all know my wife has the palate of a 13-year-old, right? She wants chicky nug-nugs, she wants a milkshake, she wants pancakes for starters. Smiley faces, please. Absolutely.

Gets very upset if the potato smileys, through cooking, have a dour face. She won't eat those ones no and especially not if they've touched her ketchup you've got to keep mum fucking safe

turkey dinosaurs yeah yeah yeah and she only believes in some of the dinosaurs she gets very very upset if you take a giant meatball and throw it at the turkey dinosaurs as if it's a meteor

not for her she won't excavate them no no she will not sometimes just to fuck with her I like to put bones in the turkey dinosaur. And she's like, what's this?

And I'm like, I'm just making it anatomically correct, like this is, don't be a fucking creationist about this. These were real and they had bones. But you think they're all jelly-like, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just loose-legged fucking. I'm sorry, do you think God just put the bones in those turkey dinosaurs as like a test for creationists?

You'd have been a fucking idiot. Ciao, town. So we go to this restaurant i phoned them up and i'm like hey uh can we have a table for five and they're like absolutely and i'm like can we get a bit more of like a private table just because i am daniel sloss so and they're like hey yeah okay i guess there's like one around the corner what's the name and i went daniel sloss and i heard her like laugh off off phone and i'm like fair enough okay because that's very much me like hello it's me international celebrity

can you put a curtain around my table please yeah it doesn't have to be anything fancy just one from a hospital when someone's dying if you just close those curtains there just give us the privacy so me and cara arrive you're strutting with an adventure and they're like oh oh okay yeah we walk in first me and cara sit down at this table and like the way it's coming over is like is this private enough for it it says there's not too many eyes on you i'm like this is perfect thank you very much and then they say rocket This little raccoon walks in. And they're like, you take your dinosaurs as a car? And then for the rest of the fucking meal,

we got served by every waiter, every member of bar staff. Just taking turns and having a go at your table. The head chef came up and was like, how is it? I just remember saying that I've served them. Aye, aye. And man, it was very it was very nice they are one of the most

down to earth people because of course they are we end up going out and getting a little bit drunk afterwards anyway so on Sunday

when we're all out we end up going seeing a bunch of shows with them we go to see Matt Ewins which was fucking brilliant

I always love his just how fucking I love comedy that's just dumb like especially during the fringe dumb but smart yes yes he's intelligent anybody just fools around yes but the whole it's that thing of when you want like there's so many things of when you watch comedy during the fringe you're

like man that showed a really good point and a really good message and then there's other shows you're like oh my there was a really subtle point in there and i understand what they were saying there's like a message or there's a story. There's all this. And I love that stuff because that's the type of comedy I often am prone to doing. But because of that, I love somebody that's just on stage being an idiot and 40 to 50% of the audience are just saying to me like,

so what, is it just stupid? And you go, yeah, that's the whole thing. The whole thing. Sit back. And it's just people unable to surrender unable to just give up that little bit of expectation I love being surrounded

by those people now you didn't have that problem on the Sunday because it was like the last day and everyone was just fucking they knew who they were going to see yeah yeah and the word of mouth

was out at that point so we end up having a great show we then go to Batsu which is like the show that was in New York and Chicago and it's like a base on it's like a

japanese game so so batsu is japanese for punishment so like they've got the four contestants on stage and they're always part of the show and they've got to do these challenges whenever they fail they get a really shit punishment like one is like a really massive industrial elastic band that they put around their back and they just keep walking back and fire it onto the other person's chest so other people whenever they lose they get fired at paintball from like three feet away like it's so we're all fucking sat down at the back because again i've done the exact same thing i'm like hey and the staff at adribelli are like oh you're dinosaurs i'm like can we get privacy at the back just we've you know we've got a celebrity with us and they're like man everyone's

gonna know sure i'm like it's not me it's not fucking me i don't do i don't if i was to ever have the idea that i needed privacy i promise you it would never be me the one asking for privacy i would keep up the illusion my people yes i am being someone's people right now yes this is actually me being very humble very humble i'm being a personal assistant um so they set us at the back And they're going round Asking for audience fucking volunteers And then this woman's like your friends Say you'd be willing to do the show And I'm like I'm not doing the fucking show

Is this the show where you were getting carried off by a naked guy No that was Stamptown Okay we'll get to that We'll get to Stamptown So Batsu They're like is there any chance you want to be involved In a sakeaki relay race Nice

Aye Aye do aye So I was like absolutely sure I would be so competitive to win as well Oh I came second Aye How many Six

A few Aye aye We I go up And like So it's me and another audience member And then like We've got two professionals each

and they bring him up and they go hey we also hear you've got a show on this festival he's like yeah you know I'm an actor and I wrote this show

and it's there but it's not I mean it's not at the festival but hopefully it'll be back next year get a massive round of applause and I'm like

for the love of god do not fucking ask me that I just like the plug of the Marvel movies for a friend I don't know if anyone's heard of them but you can get them

on Disney Plus yeah yeah yeah they're all, but you can get them on Disney+. Yeah, they're all there. I can also get them on DVD for you, if you're that fucking weird. 999 and you get like 20 plus movies. All on the same disc. You've got to turn it over halfway through Endgame. So I go on and 20 to 30% of the audience just have that little thing where they go, I'm pretty sure that's Daniel Sloss

and I'm like and like 90% of them go I thought he was taller yeah yeah yeah if not 100% of them we do the sake drinking game it's like pass the parcel but with sake so you pour

you drink you pour any remainder over your head and you pass the parcel, but with sake. So you pour, you drink, you pour any remainder over your head, and you pass the thing on to the next person. They pour, they drink, they pour over their head. Everyone gets their collective punishments. Eventually gets down to, like, me and the last guy. And I thought, as a fellow performer, that it was going to be, like, watered-down sake because they do this every single night.

It was not it was pure fucking straight they are drinking full shots of sake every night or are they just pouring sake in their hair no no no I mean there's bits of it going in there but they are doing the shots and they are that's not their slate of hands to just not do any

no and also like man if I'm going to get shot by a paintball three times a day for 25 fucking days they're probably going to have a drink get me fucking drunk for that um at the end when it's uh like the guy the host just goes okay we're down to our final two who is gonna win the saggy really shabby either a professional comedian a host or this random audience member and like at that point 50% of the crowd are just laughing because they're like oh this is fucking member and like at that point 50% of the crowd were just laughing because they're like oh this is fucking yes and he was fucking with you though right no no no it was a japanese game show yeah from they just thought they dragged you out the audience just

thought they dragged me because they didn't even introduce me as daniel sauce it was just daniel s because that's how i signed up to the fucking thing with anyway end up having heaps of fucking fun I end up too fucking drunk hopefully there's going to be images of it because everyone all my friends who has I was there were at the back of the room and obviously laughing the fact that I hate being asked on stage to do things but I was obviously doing this because I want to prove that I was fucking cool so the only sort of Ali was laughing because he loved it he's like I've never seen you on stage and not have full control and I know how much you love full control on stage and surrendering any of it is hell to you and it was very fun to watch because man I don't have a microphone I can't make sarcastic comments and make myself look better I can't I'm just fucking there doing this

and I just kept staring at the fucking back of the room after every single show every time I was asked back onto the stage so I think one of my friends might have a compilation of all the times where I ended up steaming drunk obviously to the point where after I sit down, I'm like, should we stay and watch more of this? And they were like, let's get you outside into some fresh fucking air. Oh, because that's not going to hit you like a brick wall. And when was this, Sunday night?

Sunday night. So this was the day after I saw you because I was very high when I was with you. And that was just the start of things. I'd done something while I was really high. I'd done something that i was really high i done something that makes me really ashamed but i still think i would have done it if it happened again okay okay well is it is a social faux pas was it being like a rude to someone it was it was uh it was calculated but

only because i was in panic because i was stoned and i made a decision okay right i made you know when your head's just conflicting, you're fucking overthinking because you're high and your head's just spinning round, right? And I hate a round dodger, right? This is like one of my pet hates is a round dodger. Yeah. But I went to their...

But just, if anyone needs clarification, somebody who, when you're getting rounds of drinks in, is never there when it's their round or will always at their point be like, why don't we just go separately or any... Just a second. That's blinking. Right.

Sorry to interrupt. Round Dodger. Aye. Explain Round Dodger from scratch. So Round Dodger is just when you and your friends, anywhere between fucking three and 10 of you are out and you just go, right,

instead of us all buying drinks for ourselves, we'll buy a round and then the round is, full round's over once everyone has bought a fucking round. A round dodger will always wait until the last couple of rounds. People start leaving. And people start drinking at a different rate.

There's always a point where, like, if your friend's on pints and you're on gin and tonic, sometimes you'll finish them faster and you're like, I'll just get another one in between. And by the fifth or sixth round, a lot of the time the round can go, this is where a round dodger thrives they wait for people to be drunk that way they can come on with it no i got that one or sometimes they'll be like i got round of shots and you're like that's a generous thing here's a here's the thing round dodgers you buying

around shots is not a fucking round right around shots it's a gift that you're deciding to go above and beyond the call a round of shots is always in addition to your round. You can never replace a round with a round of shots. You can add a round of shots to another round, and you're dead cool, and that's fine. Anything else is cheap and crappy. So there's rules to that shit. You know what? Get in fucking early.

Get in early. Get in early. So now this. This wasn't someone I was going rounds with. This was somebody that I bumped into on my way to the bar, and I was like, hey, I'm getting a gin and tonic.

Do you want one? And then he was like, I think I'll have this cocktail in there. You should try it. It's nice, right? And I fucking ordered a cocktail. And then he was like, ooh, and I'm going to get some food

and started ordering some food, right? And I'm like, I'm buying this guy's food now because I'm at the bar offering the drink right and then he started calling his mates over right oh do you want a drink get them in on the drinks right and it ended up like six people at the bar and me with me walla dude i'd offered someone a gin and tonic and like the cocktail that he ordered right was gonna be more than a tenner so it was already like a 25 pound round when it was me and him and i was happy with that

and i'm looking at this with the food and the extra bodies and that. And I'm like, he's probably going to get them. He's got to. He's probably going to get them, right? But I don't want to say, I'm not getting all these, by the way. I'm not spending 100-pund on your mates and your dinner. I'd already had my dinner, so I couldn't even jump in on the dinner round. This is like the shit bit that people do whenever you're out for a restaurant and you go i'll get

this and they go well in that case i'll see the dessert menu but it's a bit and what this person's actually done is gone it's not a joke it's serious yeah so this person was being mighty sociable right i'm high do i know them uh-huh right i'm really high i reckon i can guess i'm really really high you'd seen how high i was you had to babysit me to the burger van which was very funny because i said no to hot sauce and you clucked like a chicken i did i did not i did not even cluck like a chicken i said the word buck twice that's clucking like a chicken in my eyes i didn't i didn't change the pitch of my voice. I didn't try to sound like a chicken.

That's enough. I didn't know it was enough. And I just looked at the many levels of hot sauce and went, I'll have the game over, please. Yeah, as much as you can, please. As much as you can. I'm like, all right, man. Splashed it up. It was fucking lush as well, by the way.

I would never have ordered that of my own volition, but so glad I did. It was well nice. Not, by the way. I would never have ordered that of my own volition, but so glad I did. It was well nice. Not the next day, but... I text you. Ah, you did, aye. I nearly forgot about that. I got reminded from the inside out.

You text me after that burger the way you text me after you and I have gone to my personal trainer, being like, fuck, Jesus, that felt good at the time, but I'm regretting it now. Ah, yeah, I can't even train today. like fuck Jesus that felt good at the time but I'm regretting it now yeah

I can't even train today so I ended up like at the back of this group of people as all the rounds and drinks were coming in

and and I'm just at the back like trying to even get in for a bit of conversation because I'm too high and socially awkward and

another mate of mine went do you want a drink mate I was like I need a gin and tonic and I just I was like I need a gin and tonic and I just went off with him got a gin and tonic with him and whacked off and the other lad

when he found this was totally butthurt because he bought us this cocktail that he liked and I was meant to try and I'm just stood there on the other side of the bar with another drink

oh so he had so he had he ended up you had to buy them I was long gone I fucking popped smoke I ghosted like did I

or did I not Do the right thing Yes Was I about to get Rubbed into a fucking Hundred pound round For someone else's mates Or was he just

Going to take the money Like was he going to Buy that all along And I'm paranoid Tell me who it was Elliot Steele Huh Because that's like

Don't get me wrong Here's the shit You put up My personality I would never ever do What you've just described be like oh not only will i have a drink i'll have dinner and can you buy drinks for my friends i would never do that to a fellow performer a fucking flyer uh i would absolutely fucking do that to any pr any agent that was not mine and any agent that was mine you would yeah because with my agent a reviewer if if it's my if it's my like american agents

where i know that or my australian agents where i know they've got a fucking company card right and i know it's all on that and they're like can i buy your drink i'm like absolutely because i know this isn't your money this is money in this big fucking pot. And this is all expenses because you're schmoozing. Absolutely fine. Milan. Yes. It's tax deductible. It's tax deductible.

I don't know if I could do it. Like if someone were to do it to me, I would pay for the full fucking round and then mentally delete that person from my head and my friendship group. Would you fall out with them over that person from my head and my friendship would you fall out with them over that because never publicly i would never call them on it i would just go you've shown me part of your personality and i'm not here to correct you this late in life so now this is the thing like i don't have to delete them now because i just walked away from

the situation if if i'd paid for that then that would have been a card marked yeah that would have been the card mark that I've just been blatantly taken advantage of but the fact is I'll never ever know what was about to happen because I panic evacuated the whole situation

now if that had been like my mates that got called over I would have looked at that as money spent that's going to come back to us at, I would have looked at that as money spent. That's going to come back to us at some point. It's money well spent. I've got deep connections with these people. I'll get them a drink.

They'll remember. Not people I'll never see again. That's not for me, that. I didn't have the... I wasn't sober enough to just go well if you add now like because i'm so frank if you're adding all that to the bill you can get it i'll fucking chip in for but i'm not getting 100 pounds running for your mates i would have literally said that but because i was stoned i was like taking the hokey-cokey you know i think i just left just fucked off and

cheated on him the The Northern Irish goodbye. I don't know if you're cheap Northern Irish people, but there was no other. The person who's around had jumped on was Mickey Bartlett, so they're not. No. Is Mickey Bartlett's Northern Irish? Uh-huh.

Ha! I think I did know that, actually. Okay. So, aye, that's been like on my mind going what a philosophical quandary yeah because I'm all about the like fucking

diving around but that that was like I found me breaking point we had a moment the other day on a night out

on Friday where I was glad you weren't there because you would have got into a physical altercation when Cara comes out

And I sometimes Forget That I have Married Scum Common as muck Northern scum I love her

It's one of the main things I love You married a woman in my image Yeah I will This is not going to of the main things I love but she is you married a woman in my image yeah I will this is not going to be the best thing I've ever said on this podcast

but it is true I remember being in a relationship years and years ago with somebody who was like I like

they were she was very intellectual and it was a challenge all the time there was lots of fucking debates and blah blah blah and I was talking to Andrew Maxwell time. There was lots of fucking debates and blah, blah, blah. And I was talking to Andrew Maxwell and he's like,

she seems a bit fucking combative, combative to you. Every time I see you, you're always in very heated debates. And I was just like, well, man, you know what the thing is? I just like being in a relationship with someone who mentally challenges me and keeps me on my toes. And Maxwell's like, no, man. You're in a relationship with them. You marry a bimbo.

Marry a girl that doesn't watch the news, dude. You marry a happy bimbo who doesn't know anything about the world so they're not affected by it and they're just happy all the time. And I'm like, fuck it. Jesus Christ, Maxwell. That's some old school 70s, 80s sexism there.

Women can be intellectual and if you find that like a challenge to your masculinity, I find that to be quite pathetic. I've got to tell you what, marry a fucking bimbo man. They're the tits. She's just happy all the time. When we go out

and she's not with me, people are gutted that it's just me there. Because they're like, but you're not. You're not the fun one. You're going gonna fucking sit down there and you're gonna have a grumpy resting bitch face and even though i know you're enjoying yourself in my head like it's not whereas cara is fun fun fun so we'll go out cara's in full fucking fun mode and i love it i love being in her wake i love just being like okay i'm gonna surrender to whatever she wants to do i drag her out to comedy all the time. And even though she likes it, it's not her favourite thing.

But because it's my favourite thing, she will surrender to it, put her all into it. And that's why she's so popular amongst all of my fucking friends in comedy. So she goes, I want to go do karaoke. And I'm like, done, done. I've taken you to see enough shows at this festival. If you want to leave the arts bar and just go do some fucking karaoke let's go do that together so me uh a bunch of other people who work in the industry elliot steel uh actual elliot steel i've not changed that name the real actual jewish horse elliot steel comes with us and so we're out we're getting it about fucking

one the thing's booked for an hour and ellie's like i'm not gonna sing and i'm like man please sing i'm not going to sing just because i despise karaoke i hate it i i will watch it and i love watching it i'll sing from the audience like if my wife's singing on stage i'll fucking sing whether from the crowd you put a microphone anywhere in my face i will sit there and ruin everyone's evening i will i will not say any fucking words i'll do the tequila song that's it yeah right because that's an ira songs yeah so i so eventually i'm like elliot get up and do a fucking song you'll love it it'll be for you he's like you're not gonna make fun of me i'm like no man like this is a fucking safe space elliot goes

up sings he loves it everyone's having fun now because we had a booking from one until two and the bar shuts at two and that's fine that's licensing laws i get there 2 p.m everyone's got to get out cool because we started five minutes late because they were getting us some free drinks the timer on the screen said that we had 10 minutes left right when it was five two two-2 and I'm like oh it's like the five-a-side courts where the five-a-side lads start coming on to the pitching stand in the corner instead of waiting by the window

because it's their turn on the court you're like we didn't get on, we're changing from the badminton the badminton nets were up when we got here so there's a knock on a five minutes wait outside lads 100% that we get to two two nobody else is paying attention to the clock apart from me but i'm like okay i think i think we're done and they're like

one more one more song i'm like all right fucking fair enough and one of our friends is up picking a song from the screen two friends are singing on the stage and this fucking bouncer walks in and this is how there's a way to do that right we weren't given any warning by the way nobody coming and being like hey guys i know it says this could you fucking wrap up we're sorry this bouncer comes in physically moves two women to the side who are just typing into a thing to pick their favorite song physically moves them aside to turn the fucking machine off right and and that no hello no everyone get out just that and right elliot is immediately like i'm like don't i'm not getting to a fight with a bouncer tonight.

I'm not getting into a fucking fight with a bouncer. I cannot be fucking arse with any of this shit. He's like, he's being an arsehole. I'm like, of course he's being an arsehole. He is a bouncer. The fact that this is the way he's done this is he's already getting kicks off with this. So do not give him anything that he wants

in this fucking scenario. Just fucking leave. This reminds me of when you nearly, you actually stopped me from beating up a fireman. Aye, that was exactly the example I was going to give at Rockness. At Rockness Festival, the fire, I mean, he was in fire,

torn in gear, whether he was a fireman or just the fire guy at the festival. We're in the artist camping, we've got a little campfire going, and we're just sat around, last day of the festival, just having a couple of cans,

a little bit stoned. We've got a drive tomorrow, so we're not going mad, and we're just sat around last day of the festival just having a couple of cans a little bit stoned we've got a drive tomorrow so we're not going mad but we're just telling some stories and he come along with a fire extinguisher and sprayed the fire

in the people aye the people sat around and ashes smoke fucking remained out of the flames didn't come up and say

hey guys it's time to put the fucking fire out walked out with a big shit eating grin on his face and just did that oh I don't know he fucking rammed that fire extinguisher up his arse aye like it's time to put the fucking fire out. Walked out with a big shit-eating grin on his face and just did that. Oh, I know. He fucking rammed that fire extinguisher up his arse.

Like, it's not a good look beating up a fireman. It's a terrible, terrible look. But that was a scumbag in a fireman's outfit, that. That was an absolute piece of shit. You were looking at a fireman's outfit as a get-out-of-jail-free card from getting kicked the fuck. And I wasn't going to let it stop him. We're just out there looking at this company like, are you sure you didn't want to be a policeman?

Because this is what a policeman does. Like that's that level of, I've got a tiny bit of authority and I'm going to fucking wield it in the most aggressive way and dare you to fucking challenge it. Buddy, buddy, move to New York and become a police officer. That's where your heart lies. Brutality.

That was me at prime Macy as well. Macy being Larry to people that aren't from Newcastle. Macy. That was me when I was at my fucking most trigger happy in a fucking hour. I was in a fit of rage. So I done that. You just fucking come in, just fucking stomped in.

Boom, unplugged it. Thankfully, all the girls were drunk enough that they didn't care. They were just like, all right, we can just go fucking somewhere else at this point. But I was like, it was, Elliot was the only part. It was me, Gay Ryan, who's obviously, mind you, he was getting fucking bitchy and laity as well.

He was like, this is unacceptable. And I'm like, man, please don't. I'm the one that gets my head kicked in here. Would it be like that scene in Bronx Tale where he just fucking, he just hears the door lock. He's just stuck in. He's just in there where he's like, oh, fuck. The other doorman kind of get in.

And look, I tried to have fucking empathy. I'm like, man, the amount of times this guy has probably walked into a fucking karaoke thing, this, and just everyone's been fucking late. Because again, when we're in there, like it's a side of Edinburgh that I've not been to today, just because I don't go out to nightclubs and stuff. I was like, oh God, I forgot that these type of people existed, which is just people who, because they work so hard during the week, right?

Their weekend is their big fucking thing, right? And that's them going out. And they've got every right to get's them going out and they've got every right to get fucking shit faced and let fucking loose so imagine dealing with those people every friday and saturday you're just like i'm gonna go in with a zero tolerance fucking yeah but you're just sad they've been like you are a zookeeper that throws stones at the animals and i just think like i don't think you should be have to your job description isn't to be nice to people but your job description also isn't have absolutely zero fucking humanity

yeah like i understand that's that's important to be able to do the things that you're doing which is to pick up small women and throw them away you never look even as the customer there you're like you're coming in you're paying fucking over the odds for a beer just because fucking that's the way it is you should be a valued customer really

but they just say it's trash because you're drunk even though that's and we are trash even though that's what they're selling you're a scumbag

for doing it like the you can't even complain about it otherwise you look like them people getting thrown out of a comedy club going what for laughing you're throwing us out for look like them people getting thrown out of a comedy club

going, what, for laughing? And you're like... You're throwing us out for laughing. Nobody has ever been kicked out of a comedy club for laughing. But if you did get thrown out for laughing, you don't have a leg to stand on. There are some people who... And I think making fun of somebody's laugh

is like one of the cruelest things in the world that you can do, right? To make somebody self-conscious about how they express joy. Now, that's not to say really stupid laughs don't exist out there. Jimmy Carr has a dumb as fuck laugh, right? That was one of your things when you were single. I don't know if you remember, but you used to tell girls you liked their laugh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really sweet. It's really sweet if you mean but you used to tell girls you like that laugh oh yeah yeah yeah and well it's really sweet it's really sweet if you mean it yeah i just fucking wheel them i like to every

seal yeah oh no to be fair i don't think i ever said i love your laugh to like there was someone whose laugh you didn't like yeah i'd be like i like that you're laughing but there's some there's some people who have laughs which are just they're they're unusual they're different fucking sounds and if it's genuine i will never ever make fun of those people there are times in clubs and shows where and and i will say normally in america 90% of the time in america where somebody's laugh you go that's performative. You're laughing loudly. And pointing at your own face while you're doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm laughing, ha, ha, ha.

So people go, and then people laugh at your laugh, and then you love that people are laughing at your laugh, and then you sort of go into just, it's the way of getting the attention onto you. I'm not saying we should throw those people out of the club, because, you know, it's like the death penalty. It's Muslim. It's like the death penalty.

What have you got it wrong? And that is actually their laugh. You can't, even if there's a 1% chance we're going to get it wrong, we can't do it. But put them in a little booth, a little soundproof booth. Aye. Stop laughing so much. Is that even the laughing so much?

Is the laughing so pointedly? If your natural laugh sounds like a fake laugh, that's so unfortunate. Oh, man. I went to see fucking Ed Byrne the other day, right? Ed Byrne, who is the reason I got into comedy. I watched him since I was nine years old. I love his stand-up.

I used to fucking watch Pedantic and Women's Circle on DVD over and over again and then just go into school the next day and repeat it. And that's why if you ever watch any of my early stand-up on television, I'm just doing an Ed Byrne impression. He's got an amazing show. And I'm in there in the room at the assembly. It's one of the bigger rooms during the festival.

There is a woman four rows in front who is just so drunk. Just so fucking drunk that her whole thing. And this is his show this year about his brother who died. She's not listening to any of his stuff. She will just occasionally, she'll hear buzzwords and she will leave with a clap. Like, whoo! Yeah!

And then turn to her friend. Her friend who has not made eye contact with her for the whole, her friend who's just sitting there because the people in front of her are turning around and the people beside her are looking at her and people behind her are like trying to fucking donkey punch her while their partners go honey don't don't don't don't donkey punch the bitch she just keeps going on keeps going on and her friends are trying so hard to move away from her but it's a fucking sold out

venue and it's a big enough room that like i when i'm on stage in bigger rooms and i can hear there being a disruption over there sometimes right the best thing to do as the comedian is to bring and it's a big enough room that like i when i'm on stage in bigger rooms and i can hear there being a disruption over there sometimes right the best thing to do as the comedian is to bring attention to this person go shut the fuck up uh because one hopefully once the attention's on them they don't want it anymore it lets the staff know where they are so that and that the person's bothering you that they can sort of move out uh that's one way of dealing with a disruptive audience member. The other one is to just sort of kind of, and I prefer this method, which is to just let them, for five more minutes,

get everyone around them to hate them more. If you insult them straight away and you go harsh, people will be like, oh, that was a bit rude. She was only talking for like a minute there because she was enjoying the show. The first couple of times you just kind of glance at them And stare at them

And like let the audience know That you've put your spotlight Of attention on them If you let this woman Or this audience member Talk for ten fucking minutes The size of the circle Of people they're pissing off

Is just going to get bigger And bigger And bigger and bigger To the point where you're like When you address it You've got an army Yeah well to the point Where you could literally be like Hey there's enough of us in here that we

could murder this person we could just beat them to death and if we all agree that they fell down the stairs we'll be good that's where you want them to get that's when you can now she did eventually uh shut the fuck up uh unfortunately it wasn't through dying, which would have been the best. Just run out of steam. Aye. Well, it was one of those things where, like, it gave me a bit more empathy for the fucking bouncer the night before, because I'm sad.

Because that's my level of annoying. Talking to you on the show is the thing that fills me with such fucking rage that I'm there being like, this woman never comes to see comedy. Remember when we were watching Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? And we were on cocaine. Yeah, we comedy. Remember when we were watching Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? And we were on cocaine. Yeah, we were.

Yeah, we were. And we weren't talking as much as the fucking kids were. We weren't talking at all. We weren't. Or watching Harry Potter. Aye, we were loving it. Just wide-eyed. And then there was just these kids chatting away behind a rare lake.

It's fucking, what is it, like 250 point a ticket or something? Just bristling and looking at the mother not looking at the kids I'm not going to do anything to the kid but I'm like this is your fucking child and you've taken them out and don't get me wrong well done I think it's a good thing to do to take kids out to theatre or music or any sort of thing but part

of your responsibility of taking a child out to this is to explain the social rules of public performance that's what it was for me it was the zero intervention if she tried to intervene a few times and just had lost control i would have had so much sympathy there was no attempted control no and they were so fucking loud and obnoxious and just playing their own little game behind yeah yeah it's so hard being a grown-ass man like at the time would have been like just over 30 but still right

grown-ass man you didn't want to be the one telling the child off for talking during harry potter i absolutely you were the guy yeah i was a guy i went oh and i didn't even fucking mince my words because again as you said for 10 minutes there was no even slight intervention like i think had i turned around at one point and been like hey could you please be quiet like the fact that i was somebody who wasn't their parent talking to them adding to their parents telling them to shut up would give them that fear of like oh god i've got this attention i literally turned around and went you need to get your kid to shut the fuck up like that's just what needs to happen here like and i'm like yeah yeah yeah i'll bet get your kid

to shut the fuck up now to be fair the kid did shut the fuck up for the rest of it and I did want to turn around half an hour later and be like you see how easy that was do easy

and all the hate that you have for me now because I swore in front of your kid that's what 15 people around you were fucking feeling because it wouldn't have just been us that would have been

several rows that were feeling that way we were just in the epicentre just to let you know if you were ever in a public a cinema a theatre a music thing and somebody is so you know if you were ever in a public a cinema a theatre a music thing

and somebody is ruining the show if you were the person that has the fucking courage to turn around and go you need to

shut the fuck up you are nothing short of a social god that is such a like a good public thing to me

that's the equivalent of the is there a doctor in the house like if somebody's talking through a show I'm like is there a scary person nearby is there someone with bravery and the, is there a doctor in the house? Like if somebody's talking to Rishon, I'm like, is there a scary person nearby?

Is that someone with bravery and courage? Yeah. Is there a very physically intimidating person in the vicinity who can stand next to this person and just put fear into them? Is Emmanuel Sunobi here? Is there any chance he'd be willing

to just stand behind this white woman and breathe down her neck What do you mean that's dangerous for him Why would that be dangerous for him Fast track to getting shot So where did that come from again The show Ed Byrne show Ed Byrne show just the woman fucking talking all of the way

Through it Jabberjaw's, excellent show. Yeah, Natalie said it was essential viewing. Yeah, and then I went to Stamptown again. Stamptown's like the new fucking late night. So this is the bit where I saw your Instagram. This is where we split after the game over, hot sauce burger.

I split to go to Masiobi, and you went to Stamptown Stamptown and then I saw on Instagram of you getting carried off the stage

by a naked dude was that impromptu or was that I was impromptu so Stamptown is just made it's hosted by Zach Zucker

and the whole fucking thing is like a late night cabaret show and his character is that he's a terrible fucking

comedian and that he's got no control over the show and things just keep going it's so fucked like it's you know you have to be there in the audience and you have to fucking surrender to it like one of the whole big bits of it is there's just a guy called dylan and there's several dylans and they just wear purple morph suits and they wear a shirt

that says dylan uh on it and anytime zach tries to do something they'll just come out and start dancing to a song to try and get the energy up even though the energy doesn't need to go up and it's carnage and then anytime Zach does like a gun shot at the end of any of his fucking shitty jokes someone will fall down dead from off stage and and then people will clear them up it's just meant to be this clusterfuck so they said to me they're like do you want to do Stamptown I'm like 100 100 they're like would you do a set and i'm like not in a million years i'm not going on to that chaos and doing jokes about my son like i've been like so the other day my wife like it's just the current batch of materials for a show i'll tell you it's not club ready i'll tell you who

will smash a fucking stamp town gig as a stand-up. Michelle Brazier. Michelle Brazier, because she's fucking high energy. She's got real fucking talent. It's almost like a character in the way that she does it. She's excellent. I'm like, I will just go on and just be part of things. So there's a guy called Marshall who does whip tricks and fiery. He's one of those cabaret acts who's got one of the biggest dicks i've ever seen in my life and i say that as somebody with a large deck but when me and cara saw like he's got this

thing where he just he's butt naked and he's got the scotland saltire flag in front of him and it's see-through and all the lights go off and he just holds a torch behind his arse to the song what's that coming over the hill it's a monster a monster and just flicks his giant cock through this and just there's a shadow puppet of his deck onto the oh and it's yeah yeah yeah and does he get it actually out out as well or is it a trick of the light no no you get to it's a big old dick it's a big big big big big big dick it's any hard to tell from the distance how is it scott foreskin no foreskin he's american uh oh he's not no that's not true i think i would have said my face wide in the middle big head bit of a bend bit of Big head? Bit of a bend.

Bit of a bend in it? Bit of a bend, aye. Like Ricketts? Aye, could fuck a girl around the corner. Our friend Ricketts, like his dick wouldn't look out of place at the end of a question. He's the cock riddler. And only because it's riddled. Riddled, I like it. His cock's like like a bull So they

So I go on And the thing I've got to do Is I've got to hug Marshall's big sweaty body While holding a rose in my hand And he whips it around his body He cuts the fucking head off it The what?

The head Off the rose It does this every day? It's still big it grows back bigger hey you asked if he was circumcised I was just explaining the procedure there was one when me and

when me and Cara went to see Stamptown for the first time right we're just in the audience we're just there to like watch she's there every night Marsha does this thing she loves it halfway through the show a woman in the crowd says going oh my god oh oh my baby right and all of the lights come up right all of the lights come out all of the crew and the comedians from backstage

come out and like run out and like the venue staff come in and this woman's like standing i'm so sorry it's my baby and everyone there is freaking around turning around right and it's Karen Gillan from Doctor Who I love method right she's there but she comes down onto the stage

and half the audience are like is that fucking that's Karen Gillan that's Amy Pond and she goes on stage and she gives birth live to Natalie Palomides an ex not um not edmund

fringe nominee i think she actually might have won it one year her special is on netflix it's excellent she comes out as a baby with the umbilical cord and how do they make this happen she's like ed come between her legs karen stands at the back behind the curtain right behind the curtain somebody's there with some really horrible red water. They throw that out. Natalie comes out between the legs with a giant umbilical cord still attached to Karen. And then she does five minutes of stand-up as a new baby. Just like, could you tell me a lie?

And the guy's like, the sky's green. She's like, what do you think? I was born yesterday? No, I was born today. God, I'm dying up here.

I feel like a stillbirth. That's the whole fucking, man. That's amazing. One of the most fucked sense I've ever seen. And me and Cara just sat there like, 20% of the audience don't sat there like 20% of the audience don't get it

80% of the audience are just like this is it this is fucking stamped out baby this is the fringe we're at the fringe now

why the fuck is Cara Killian in this audience then at the end of the fucking set we're just all calming down

um Zack Zucker comes on and goes ladies and gentlemen just to close out the show Bastille and Dan from Bastille

the fucking band was in the crowd and came up and just did a five minute acoustic set at the end Fringe, fucking Fringe baby like that's, what venue is this at? it's at Pleasant's 4th I don't know if I've been there, so I mean next year, I said to them at the end

I had so much fun on it, but that sort of like silliness clowns, so many of them clowns, it's like Viggo Venn's part of it and fucking Josh Glantz and all these amazing fucking clown, silly fucking comedians.

And it's just them being silly together and they're loud. Just workshopping daft ideas and like nothing's too stupid. They're like, okay, I'm listening. Yeah, I didn't have the courage. What was I going to need? I didn't have the courage

to come up with anything silly myself. I was like, just incorporate me into things you've already got and then after doing it it felt like my first orgy right you know your first orgy you probably don't you probably don't fuck a lot of people your first orgy you probably end up like having sex getting drinks once maybe getting like a little blow job maybe experiment but you let a guy wank you off you're like okay maybe i'll get into this next making people cigarettes yeah yeah yeah yeah you look busy I'll get that for you

in the wet floor corner in the room with a clipboard but by your second or third orgy you're like okay I understand everyone on me yeah yeah

pilot so I'm definitely next year at Stamptown going to be doing more of the shows and just being more fucking silly and dumb with it like so I'm definitely next year at Stamptown going to be doing more of the shows and just being more fucking silly and dumb with it like so I died this time I got shot at one point on stage

and that's when they carried me off and they got fucking Gary Starr who's another clown who's already fucking butt ass naked and fair play to Gary Starr for getting his cock out after Marshall got his cock out that is good oh hi man like even if you had like the most aesthetically pleasing average cock we just saw just seen it man yeah yeah man have you ever seen like a really really big baby like

a baby that was born like 10 pounds and then like for the first six months like it just didn't stop growing like it just ate more and more and because some babies grow faster than others and then you set that baby beside a regular fucking baby and your regular baby you're like people go is your baby premature and you're like no that's a normal baby it's just because i had a massive fucking baby that was gary star's cock next to marshall's uh gary star everyone looking at gary star's cock was like carrying on playing a computer game After you finished the main story Yeah Just

Like A little sub-quest A little sub-quest dick So I I start getting dragged off stage And I feel somebody grab my legs And then somebody grab my arms And I'm sort of trying to give a thing

I'm like I'm definitely touching a naked body And then Gary moves my hands To his arse And he's like This is the only place you'll get purchased So I walked off Spreading his arse Spreading his arse cheeks he's like this is the only place you'll get purchased so I walked off spreading his arse cheeks

spreading his arse cheeks nice Stabbed out baby that sounds good you've done that instead of coming to Masayuki with me yeah

yes I've fucking that sort of stuff don't you yeah you want to do a big sing along with me and Milo

it was good that I went with like Milo, Gareth, Mark and Alison it was a fucking really good crew I remember little of it like nothing to report I was fucking mulled It was good that I went with Milo, Gareth, Mark Nelson. It was a fucking really good crew. I remember little of it.

Like nothing to report. I was fucking mulled. I can't even tell you much what happened with me evening. It was just fucking... I needed propping up. I remember because you were staying at ours. So everyone was going out. I said to people, I was like, I might meet you before Masayuki, but as you know, I'm not going out to a mass karaoke event.

That's just not my thing. It's just not me. It's not who I am. There's one person that can get me to karaoke. I'm going to Stamptown with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If Cara was like, I want to go to fucking Masayuki with me, I'd be like, all right, darling, whatever you want.

But not here. You were meant to be staying at ours. Aye. I got back at about... woke up the messages one of them was like where's kai and a couple of people going oh yeah yeah the people that had took their eyes off us for a second were like fuck i thought someone else had like i need people needed to be responsible for us like that's why i got new bella i open it i just wish i could piece more of it together i got like snippets i actually because i took i went to take half a pill and somebody who i would least expect to do half a

pill someone that's never done a pill before and is in the 60 Like, said the day half of this, right? And I took a nibble and I went to have a look at it to see if I needed a nibble more. And they snatched it out of my hand, threw it down the hatch, and I had only took a quarter of the pill. So I had to go and have half a pill with somebody else because I was like, ha-ha, very funny and all, but I still need mine.

So I ended up having another half a pill with someone else and uh i'm annoyed at you now but give me 25 minutes and i missed that person coming up because they weren't coming to the karaoke and like the whole time one of my mean overriding things was i am gonna miss the moment of the fringe as this person comes up right and i text them in the morning like i got back to glasgow and i text them in the morning. Like I got back to Glasgow and I text them, how was that half a pill? And they're like, sent us a picture of that like Garmin watch with the heart rate low,

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then just shooting off the chart. Fucking shooting off the chart on the Saturday.

When I made it, it was decent. How was your, how was your night? It was fine. The medical people attached to my watch turned up at 5am to YMCA. I went to watch Phil Ellis So I feel like I

missed out on something absolutely spectacular in that Before we wrap up here I do think it's very worth fucking pointing out Aruj Ashfaq not only got nominated for the whole thing

she found out she got nominated for the best newcomer award in the taxi on the way back from the podcast here we obviously messaged her a bit like congrats that's amazing that's so fucking good well done you and then she only went fucking won the thing and this is also after emmanuel snow we got nominated for best award a week after we just put the put the touch on every artist yeah so i messaged a rouge just being like man congratulations we're all super happy for you it's an amazing show

you should be very proud she was like thank you so much uh for everything thanks for all your help thanks for sharing the show and i was like do not put any of this on me, I gave you little shout outs you would have, had I not She wasn't going to do it She was like, no, no, thank you so much and I'm like, look, I'm just going to do the standard straight white male thing of now that I just because I came to see your show and I championed you

I'm going to claim that I fucking discovered you That's what it feels like for people though when they come to the Fringe. Not comedians, but punters who go in and say an act and then they end up being massive and then they saw them in their little cargo container of 70 people.

You were getting that feeling that the punters of the Fringe get when they discover someone. Yeah, and the only difference was I got to say that I enjoyed the show on this podcast and because people on this podcast, one of the many things I love about you is the fact that you go and see the live comedy of the people on this show. And that makes us look really fucking good to the guests that we have,

especially in Europe. Like all of our guests who've gone to Europe will say that like 25% of their audience, they are people that have listened to this podcast. It's a great thing. So I messaged you, being like, I'm just going to take all the credit

for all of your success being the one that discovered you. Two hours later, an article gets released talking about Arooj being nominated. Guess who was mentioned? Shut up. Quoted verbatim.

I will not take credit for your success. No, I didn't fucking do it, but the whole thing was Arooj. What was the context of it then? A rouge ash vac nominated wins the best award after being spotted and shouted out by Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Daniel

Sloss and I'm like Phoebe Waller-Bridge fair enough she wrote Fleabag that won the award came a show and she's now president in the fringe right she now works directly with the fringe. I have no doubt that Phoebe will have had actual, important, useful, helpful input

into getting a Rouge nominated. Not me, whiskey drunk at the end of Playhouse. Be like, you should also go and see a Rouge ash vac.

Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Not the same thing. I wasn't the person who was in Star Wars. That is classier than that. Because you were really excited when you'd seen her. Oh, man. That means she'd done so well that she had you fucking excited about it.

She was always going to go somewhere. Yeah, she was always going to win it. The only thing, look, congratulations to everyone that got nominated and won. Everyone fucking deserved it lou wall not being nominated for best newcomer is an outright fucking travesty i 100 um anyway we've got to wrap this one up because we're doing another q a one after this for you cunts so this one is going out on the public and it's going to be out after we release the q a because that's the patreon episode so if you listen to this on a public episode and you want to listen to the q a that we're about to record it's already

out you just have to pay three quid for it i think you've got three quid uh thanks to everyone that came to our shows during the fringe thank you to everyone that went to see the other shows during the fringe it's you know it's uh we don't have the fucking biggest uh listener base in the world but we do have enough to make a difference to the fringe and uh we're very happy about that so thank you