Sloss and Humphries On The Road - 5.22: Viva Sloss Vegas Pt1

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

The boys make it back in pieces after a biblical sesh in the city of sin. With not enough time to cover the entire trip the boys briefly settle the aftermath and go back to day one to document the first half of the trip with an unintentional TBC to take you into Thursday's episode.            

Hello and welcome to another episode of Sloss and Humphreys on the road. Thank you very much for tuning in. Enjoy this episode where we speak about fucking Vegas, baby. We just got back from my stag do. Nobody dies. Nobody went to jail. Money was lost. Friends were made.

Kisses were had. Only between men on the stag do, though. God, that's sad that that is true oh no no that no no thingy got laid yeah yeah

single thingy got laid so he did a lot of heavy lifting but other than that just a lot of blokes kissing blokes I'll be

honest with you we don't talk about that much though we speak about things it's going to be oh yeah we speak about India and how excited we are

to come there mixed in with some casual racism because you know and this is very much like a first part of the Vegas stories and then accidentally

but also not not sorry about it have accidentally turned this into real fucking clickbait shit so you're getting the first half of the Vegas stories here

and then the rest you're going to hear on Thursday's Patreon episode. Oh no, is that not going to be available to the public? No, it's not. So gie your fucking money. How about that? How about that? Sucker den, you absolute fucking wags.

We are laughing our way to the bank. Now that we're no longer laughing our way to Vegas. Enjoy the podcast, fuckers. Sloss and Humphreys on the road. Muggins and cream, cream and muggins. Straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro.

Fuckin' muggles. Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! They said it can't be done. Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Aw, muggles. Accidental rim job in the park.

Kiss, kiss, kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11? Is there a small part of you that just wished you died there So that we didn't have to confront normal day-to-day life afterwards? It does feel like, you know What's his fuck?

Brian Regan used to have a bit I think Reece Darby always used to have a bit I think Reece Darby always used to have a bit on it Which was like moon depression Which is like people who've been to the moon Come back to the earth And like you know Their wife's there, their kids are there Is that why they call it coming back down to earth?

Maybe Do you reckon that's the etymology of it? Well no I feel that's more like If you're coming back down to earth I feel that's more like if you're coming back down to earth I feel that's more like you're a satellite crashing and burning on your way back into entry like if you're being brought back down to earth with a bang

it's like hitting the deck I have just been fucking trying to handle real life doing my business, doing my laundry fucked that up I fucking I doing my business, doing my laundry. Fuck that up. You did. I fucking I thought it was like, I could have spent all day just

watching the football. It's a Saturday, it's a day after the stag do. I could just fucking lounge around all day. I've got the dog, Natalie's at work, but Peggy stayed in with me. I thought I'd be fucking clever and do the washing. And then when I took the washing, ooh, today was my passport, I'll have on my clothes. Just in bits.

If I'd done nothing That wouldn't have happened If I'd lounged around Instead of trying to be productive When I come down Or If Natalie had done your washing Oh she was so

There's no way There's no way There's no way Cara has handed I can't tell you how many times Cara has handed me Either my vape My Tesla keys

Or my wallet As we get into bed. She's come up from the washing, and she's like, you're a fucking idiot. And I'm like, baby, this is why. This is why I'm the one that cleans out the food bin, right? This is why I'm the one that cleans up, like, I'm the one that's double-packing trash. So you're scraping plates in your leg.

There's your contact lenses in your food well I mean all the food comes off the plate I'm doing I'm doing my I do my share I do my share of

like things where she's like I hate that job and also I'm bad at it but she does the share where anything that could go wrong anything that anything

where I could lose valuable crucial bits of information I need to be doing stuff mindlessly aye because I switch my mind off when I do stuff and I know a lot of people at home be saying well surely you shouldn't be

taking out the bins then, no I am because everything I'm not putting stuff into the bin to then take it out it's the stuff that's already been in the bin it's being vetted, that's a separate trust the process, yeah yeah yeah if I do bin something that's a fuck up from a different day, that's a three day ago fuck up, this is separate

yeah so the worst thing is, right, as I packed to come home, like I was packing the gun away, I was checking my pockets, I was rolling stuff up. Like when I opened my suitcase, it was neat and I'd already checked the pockets

but mostly so I didn't take drugs through the airport. So I knew the pockets were empty but I still checked every pocket into the wash. And then just as I clicked the door shut and you know, you've got like that fucking

five minute grace period where you can still open the door once it's started. I was like, the shit I travelled in, fucking ran upstairs, grabbed my passport, yeeted it in. Wallet, fucking boarding pass. So I've tried it on the radio, and like, you can still read it, but it's fucking damaged. I'm not going to risk, I've got an appointment booked in tomorrow, but it is stressful against the clock for us, can't India on Wednesday. Well, it's stressful for you the clock for us going to India on Wednesday well it's stressful

for you I'm still going to India you're still going to India but like you are going to need a chaperone for that place mate well fucking so

I don't imagine do we have any Indian fans that listen to this podcast aye loads really people are getting in touch asking if I was coming

are you definitely coming really like if you if you go on whatever our fucking podcast hosts on you do that thing which shows where you

listen for well I only know from people getting in touch right from listening from India well so

if in that case we do have Indian Indian listeners all I think all of the shows have sold out which was very

exciting because we've been wanting to obviously announce them and do them for ages I know they are very short notice. Unnecessarily short notice, but sold out still. Yeah, sold out still.

They went flapping about it, but we could have had a bit more warning. But also, because here's the thing, right? And we will talk about Vegas and the stag doing it to all those funny fucking, funny stories. Let me tell you, it's a boring bit of, you know, stand-up career tactic-wise. It's a boring bit of you know stand up career tactic wise it's a new market so

even though we were very confident like I think we can do 2000 in India I think confidently I think we can do that. Our promoters who's the first time working with them were rightfully like hey we're excited to have you you know we're the biggest and best over here it's our suggestion that we

start with this not We're not saying we don't believe you, but it's a new market. Let's see what fucking happens. And they're constantly in the back of my mind. I'm like, I can fucking,

I know in my gut. Just from the Twitch comments. I know in my gut, I can, I know in my gut I can shift 5,000 in India. I reckon I can do 10,000 in India. And that's just 10,000 people

who said, when are you coming to India? Ah, aye, aye. But again, I am also aware that i am a human being fueled by ego like there's a voice in my head that's important to who i am sometimes that tells me i'm better than i'm at i am just so that i have the ego to go on stage and continue to act uh the way i act so i'm like is that that ego they are coming in saying and then literally Marlena before the flight

she was like I know you're about to go in your stag do and I know you're literally boarding the flight but I'm really sorry we have to add fucking

extra dates so we've added some and now we are looking into coming back on this tour bringing the same show back at a later date

in bigger venues because now that we know India is a big hit. And if my passport doesn't arrive in time for this trip, I'll be there for that one. I'd be fucking devastated if I missed that trip because of my passport. Let's get me. Surely, surely, surely by the end of 2024, we can make me the biggest British act in India.

Ooh. Who else is it? I don't know India Who else is it? I don't know Who's going out there right now? Aziz Ansari It's American and the only one I know that's gone out and done it I know Jerry Seinfeld tried to do it But didn't sell out

Haha Jerry in your face 1-0 me That's right 1-0 Jerry 1-0 When I come down That was before the Premier League era 1-0 yeah when I come that was BC that was before the Premier League era

yes the goal to say to Jenny 1-0 no motherfucker no

what do you mean no what's so hard about saying zero What do you mean, no? What's so hard about saying zero? Did you see me actually real life do a Jerry Seinfeld joke at the airport? No. When we're fucking queuing in Heathrow to get onto the flight. Actually, it was at Edinburgh Lake.

We're queuing to get on the flight. And I was like, and I don't know for sure it's a jerry seinfeld joke but surely it's a jerry seinfeld joke um it's like who's buying luggage in the airport who's already got food security your luggage is checked on the flight and then you're buying 23 kilograms of luggage it's got to be a jerry seinfeld bit right yeah and even if it has been him it's been done since it's become hack nobody's even doing it anymore because you can guarantee

even though I haven't heard it as a bit it's been done man dads are going through the airport and making that joke like regular fucking people

I guarantee dads are being like woo fucking woo that's what dads do so I'm with Mark Nelson

Gareth and Cullen and I'm in the airport and I'm like, I know it's a fucking hack bit, but who the fuck actually is?

Like, everybody can stand on stage going, who's buying luggage in the blue? But who the fuck is buying luggage? I'm going,

I'm going to ask him right now, right in a fucking storm now. I'm like, who's this for? And the guy there would just start

with his line, yeah, just absolutely fucking baffled going it's the first ever customer I don't know how

to react it's like a Mormon when you open the door sorry a Jehovah's Witness when you open the door they're like um I need to call base

can you don't close it don't close it just give me two seconds yeah yeah they're still there yeah what's

no one told me about step two what's step two so I fucking would march in mate and he's fucking wide eyed he doesn't know how to answer he's fucking checking his notes and all that and I was like Yeah, yeah, they're still there. Yeah, no one told me about step two. What's step two? So I fucking went marching, mate, and he's fucking wide-eyed. He doesn't know how to answer. He's fucking checking his notes and all that.

So if I want to buy one of these right now, they're going to let me on a flight with a fucking... You lost something? Got it. They're going to let me on a flight when they fucking said that it's got to fit in this thing. You're going to sell us one of them, and they're just going to take it off us at the gate.

And he was like, oh, no, you order them to get delivered to your house? And I'm like, well, it's a fucking bit late now i'm the oldest just started i'm not gonna get delivered to my house it's still a terrible business model you actually get any customers and he's just like treating us like a dickhead because that's what i am right now walked away and as soon as i got back to report back with like you meant to order them to get delivered to home we looked and he was fucking pulling the shutters doing in lock and running away i was like i've just glitched the matrix

you're not meant to look at that part of the coding you've just been handed a coaster it's like that it's like that bit in the Truman Show where he goes to the elevator and it opens up the other elevator opens up

and it's just all the people on the computers with the recording equipment he's like oh they're like oh that elevator's broken yeah it was that I glitched the shit out of it

I just locked it shit out of it. I just locked it off middle of the afternoon. Gone for lunch. Here's the... Well, I'll talk about India just a bit more and then we'll talk about the stag do

from the beginning. I think would be the safest way to do it with certain bits edited out along the way. I'm excited to gig in Indiaia i've heard from people that have performed there that they are very like generous and excited audience and i think that combined with how generous and excitable my audience are already i think the gigs are going to be amazing i can't lie and say i'm not i'm excited to see the cities but i'm also very aware of the how i'm a very privileged person and i because of that

i deal with poverty very poorly the culture shock all right man fucking la is tough for me like america i can't handle the homelessness in america and just how callous they are with it but you know what though like with the homelessness in america and the homelessness in la i feel like that's a lot of people like fucking like downbeat and struggling and having serious mental health issues and howling at the moon and fucking screaming on and making you feel unsafe. When I saw the homelessness, not even the homelessness because it's like they live in shantytowns. Is that what they call them? Never been. They call them slums?

Is that the wrong term? I mean, probably. They're all like busy and about their business and fucking active and cognizant. I honestly thought you were going to be like, they're singing songs, they're dancing, they're throwing their fucking paint up in the air. Whistling. They're all chimney sweeps. Aye, they're just

coming into the veranda with a towel around their waist to dry off. It's, aye's I didn't I didn't feel like the war unhappy I didn't feel like there was

a general demeanor of like fucking unhappiness around when I saw it I'm excited as fuck to meet the people

I'm also excited as fuck about like I guarantee there are jokes I'll be able to do in India local Indian jokes by the Indian people

after I get to fucking know them that I'll be able to do in India local Indian jokes by the Indian people after I get to fucking know them that I'll be able to do here, sorry do there that will be deemed offensive if I come back same way with the fucking Japanese yeah I want to find out what the line in India is but the one thing I'm really really worried about is you've

you see how I perform, I insult my audience right, whether I'm with them or whatever and I regularly when outside of Scotland, will refer to any other nation that's not Scotland as you're a dirty, dirty Englishman and you're a dirty... Don't call them Paki's, Danny. No, that's not... I've seen this as your friend.

Off the record, even though it's on the record, don't. I guarantee that would be the the record don't I guarantee I guarantee that would be the line for them I guarantee and not because because today it's not racist today that's like walking on in Glasgow

and being like alright yeah English but you are going to if you go on in India and be like alright yeah that word

it's not they're not going to be like that's derogatory they're going to be like Calamia Malcolm yeah that's why that's offensive no no but you kind of

belong in the right lines I can't call them dirty dirty Indians like I can't like that's that's a bit where I'm going to have to like self edit

the way I actually fucking talk because I would call anyone you're a dirty dirty Welshman what are you doing I was even more horrendous I can't say it to them

because they are dirty no because other people have used the term dirty dirty Indian it's a known

phrase from bastards before colonialism yes you don't you still want to come across

like a colonialist no no as I'm like am I the biggest act in India I came here

to dominate I came here to fucking take over wait a minute there's a class system here and I could be top of it in a heartbeat over wait a minute there's a class system here and I could be

top of it in a heartbeat oh wait no what he's there so I'm always worried whenever we go to

fucking new places of like going in very aware of how ignorant you are of everything like I know

I know Indian people so therefore I know like I know but here the Indian social structure is they've got

caste system man and I can't even and that's like a dog has skin's worse is it But the Indian social structure is, they've got caste system, man. And I can't even, and that's like a... Darker skin's worse. Is it? Yeah, because that means they're like being exposed to the sunlight, they're outdoor, they probably work as like, if you've been indoors and you've been like sheltered from the sun,

you live like a more leader's life. So they're not tanning in India. They're bleaching. They're bleaching? They're bleaching their skin. Because I queued up for skin bleaching cream instead of suntan lotion because I couldn't read

the article on the bottle and you got to the front of the line and they were like buddy you're done buddy buddy you're not

your colour's not even on the wall you finished your course you ran your course like can we use you as the after photo just to get other people

in here I was just trying to get rid of my freckles still had freckles i needed a bleach out um oh would that be i wonder if that's because surely surely surely that would that they would want that if you if you're becoming so the whitest thing in the world's a ginger cunt that's the whitest fucking thing in the world So do Indians want to be ginger? I don't think so Nobody wants to be ginger No but no I know nobody in this country wants to be ginger

But if their thing is right They want to have the pastiest fucking skin There's nothing whiter than a ginger person There's nothing Albino? Oh fuck alright go cave Yeah alright but there's what 11 of those 10 when I get my licence

What a horrible joke I know I know It's just four of them You're after I don't want to hunt them To extinction I think we should still

You know I'm going to hunt One of the older ones Andy Andy just don't want to hunt them to extinction. I think we should still, you know, I'm going to hunt one of the older ones. And he does not clear the mound. I'm going to kill one of the older ones that's infertile, that's lived its life, that's stopping two of the younger albinos from fucking each other. They're only allowed to fuck each other.

We've got to keep that white race pure. That I believe. Not this one, not Caucasian, but the albino. That's the white race we have to race pure. That, I believe. Not this one. Not Caucasian. But the albino. That's the white race we have to keep pure. What a horrible podcast. I say podcast, it's me. This podcast would be lovely if someone else was on it.

It's nice and old. Yeah. It's like people being like, oh, God, this church, what a bunch of wankers they are. Mom, mom, mom. Anyway, I think there's a legit theory there that if you were to ask Indian people,

if you were to give them the chance to become ginger, I reckon 50%. Do you reckon so? Uh-huh. They'd take ginger. Pasty skin. I reckon they'd like

the fucking freckles because they're like that. Yeah, because I think there's still a... Are they dying their hair? I think there's still a pride in who they are. They just want to be a lighter version of that. I think it's still a... Are they dying their hair? I think there's still a pride in who they are. They just want to be a lighter version of that.

I think it's a complete change in race if you're going ginger, isn't it? And for a very religious country, there's no way they could possibly dare lose their souls. Like, they're not going to... Because there's the, like, you want to look like you've been indoors, right? You want to look like you've been indoors, which? You want to look like you've been indoors, which is why you want to be lighter.

But, like, there's no amount of being indoors that will make you ginger. So it takes away that. Surely if you want to look like you're indoors, you just want to come out, like, fat in a World of Warcraft shirt with spots on your face, and they're like, fucking, that cunt has never seen outside. It's like, you know, when you get, like, working-class people going to the sunbed centre and stuff.

That's just an inverse of, like, to make it look like you've got more money because you're looking like you've been on holiday look like you've been away a few times a year you've got a tan and all that right but you wouldn't get fucking sandra from ashton khan i want to be like i want to be like full congo black not true not true what group of people are the ones that regularly do black blackface at halloween the working class that's true it is them it's always them it's always them being like but Demba Ba

is my favourite player doesn't matter doesn't matter that he's your favourite player wear his shirt ask for a fucking autograph there's a photo that keeps creeping up

on my Facebook from somebody I went to school with that got sent to school as Les Ferdinand in the toon strip fully blacked up

at the age of nine aye aye so there are definitely white people who fully blacked up at the edge of nine Aye aye So there are definitely White people who are blacking up Therefore I think it's unreasonable to say That there's no Indians Who are gingering up And because there's heaps more ginger

There's heaps more Indians Even if like 0.1% of Indians Are gingering up I think if you've got like Naturally black hair and you bleach it, it doesn't go on blonde, it goes like a ginger colour anyway,

so I think there'll be some accidental gingers in there. That's the one everyone looks up to. Man, if you're ginger and you're sick of this fucking life in this white country

where you get bullied all the time, go India, man. God stays. Here's the thing, though. For them to believe It'd be funny If you got an hour to India Thinking I'm going to do

The best comedian And Carrot Top's already there Killing it No that's why I went to Vegas Just to make sure he was there I'm Chindian Oh So we're talking about Vegas

Vegas You nearly lost your passport In the airport You did lose your passport In the airport I did but I didn't I remember because We were sat down. This was when we get to London.

This is when everyone, well, not everyone who's going to be there is there. Everyone that's flying from the UK is coagulated in the wet of spoons. 19 of us, all in all, get a couple of drinks. We go to the gates. That was very funny when you found out

there was going to be 22 people, but you didn't know how many people were there so I'm sat there and people go because everyone fucked up everyone fucked up at some point

they let something slip so I'm like telling I'm telling Colin like you fucked up the other night you told me you accidentally told me that fucking Can

was coming I'm then going to stop I'm like you told me two and a half years ago you were coming you text me telling me he was the one where I was like I sent me two and a half years ago you were coming you text me tell me

he was the one where I was like I sent everyone like a golden ticket like off Charlie and the truck in fact we just got like

you're coming to Vegas the flights and hotels should be covered but like I'll fucking keep you posted with what the budget is but it should be pretty low budget

at your end blah blah right fucking immediately thanked you I was like well I haven't even fucking raised the money yet and I'm telling everyone and then they were sat down you I was like well I haven't even fucking raised the money yet and I'm telling everyone

and then and then we're sat down and I'm like I still don't know because I'm counting how many people are there and Rooney's like are you still fucking

trying to work out what's going on I'm like and you know what a little bit of me is because I'm a fucking control freak and I just like

knowing things so I'm like I know you're probably not allowed to tell me but am I allowed to ask how many people are actually coming on

because one of the fuck upsups was you said 20. And I'm like, was? But that would have got away as an approximation if you got there and there was 19 in the airport. Yeah, so I'm like, was it an approximation or was 20 the exact thing? I'm like, so I'm asking people. And Rudy goes, you're a fucking idiot

if you think I'm telling you anything. Sid's like, you're a fucking moron if you think I'm telling you anything. Even though they just started talking about poker in front of you at Rooney's wedding Aye They were just talking About their poker tactics Aye

Well to be fair I know they play poker anyway It wasn't them that fucked up It was Gareth Was it Aye Aye He was the one that was like

Will you be doing that in Vegas then And I was like Hello And Matt he's like I'm not slipping up I've not fucked up at all And then we get all the way Around to Nelson

And he just went 22 Like why He was like went 22 I was like what the fuck he was like no what have I done so that so but while I'm

while I'm telling that story sop it comes up to me and just you sit across me because you daft cunt your passport's just falling out your fucking things

on the floor right so I'm like oh fuck I'm in joggers of course so I sit at the back of my joggers go to the toilet they call the fucking gate

check my pocket it's not there so I know it's within 20 metres of where I am like so I sit at the back of my chokers go to the toilet they call the fucking gate check my pocket it's not there so I know it's within 20 metres of where I am so I'm not I'm not panicked in the sense because we

we got a train from the other terminal if it was in the other terminal I am fucked it's over train back go to the airport go to the pub

they've handed it in somewhere else yeah yeah it's a half an hour thing I'm either delaying the plane for everyone but because you remember falling out of your pocket the first time you knew it it's a half an hour thing I'm either delaying the plane for everyone but because you remember falling out of your pocket

the first time you knew it was nearby I knew it was nearby I'm like either one of the lads will have it and here's the cam I'm like

we're above this type of prank even though we've been pulling out whoopee cushions yeah sorry for the eternal flight we are above stealing passports

well you know but there is I think there's a certain type of prank the way it makes a person feel. If the prank makes somebody feel silly and like, oh, I feel a bit fucking stupid, I'm fine with it. If a prank induces fear into someone, I'm less okay with those pranks.

I was getting people who would come off the taxi or whatever, and that guy left that on the seat in hand of my passport. So they'd already got it back before they'd had a chance to worry about it. But they're like, oh, my God, thank fuck. I'm like, that's mine. You can check your pockets. So for me, taking somebody's passport, I'm like, it's a prank. But for me, it crosses the border as a fucking cruel prank.

But everyone's just like, Sloss has dropped his fucking passport. We're running around. It was handed in. We're all fucking fine. In the running around to collect your passport, though, I left me duty free. What did you?

Because I grabbed me fucking bags to go and run and run looking for your passport, but they didn't register that I was also carrying this new bag that had joined the party. Aye. Well, I mean, there was a fucking huge fucking fiasco. So here's the thing. Like, we're a big stack of 19co so here's the thing big stag do

of 19 lads but the thing is you know we look like we're together because we're all hanging around and fucking

laughing but we're not all out in costume we're not fucking there's not like shirts there's not

like fucking little silly hats and everything and also we're drunk but we're not lairy

we're not chants we're volume conscious we're aware of how noisy you know we're not trying to ruin the story.

I don't know how the flight was because, as always, the second I get on to... Actually, I woke up at one point for the meal. I think I watched half of a movie. You isolated me from the rest of the group because, like, we were in a big row. But there was, like, row of mates, Isle, you, then me, and he just fell asleep. So I had sleep with my aunt and then fucking Isle. And then all my mates having a laugh over there and this poor lady next to us and I'm just like right.

I hope this is one of those in-flight entertainment systems where you can chat from seat to seat. I want to play Bejeweled Blitz. Are you guys having fun over there? Craig! I know you're laughing but check the screen. Check the screen.

You're not typing? He's not typing Oh he just gives a thumbs up Type thumbs up There's no emojis you're laughing at I watched Black Adam Oh aye It made the flight way longer than it needed to be That was a ten hour movie

What a piece of shit Anyway moving on from that Is it stankin hot shit? Stankin poo poo-poo. Horrible. Worse than Wonder Woman 2? Like the worst of all of the things. Really?

Okay. Worse than The Eternals? Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. Worse than any game? Significantly. So anyway, moving on from that.

I don't want to kill the mood so we get to Vegas we do you think we're allowed to talk about the thing probably not

oh yeah I mean probably don't say his name well take a note of this time here so one of the guests had been to Cuba

and there was a stamp on their passport saying that they'd been to Cuba right and then it fucking showed up on the front page of the ESTA application had been to Cuba, and there was a stamp on their passport saying that they'd been to Cuba, and then it fucking showed up on the front page of the ESTA application that you can't enter the States if you've been to Cuba in the last two years.

Now, he had, he'd been to a wedding, so he'd been in and out of Colorado, but he didn't know about the fucking Cuba thing, so he just did it flippantly, without knowing, but now he knew, and then it was like, you can't apply for this waiver, and it's like 150 quid, but it takes like fucking six weeks or whatever so if we started the

application he wouldn't have got the passport back so you had to just go hoping that they wouldn't flick through and we took it upon ourselves to just say don't tell anybody because if everybody's stretching their neck looking to see who it is that's like getting through it would have just created this nervous tension and it would have looked it would have felt obvious well because I get through absolutely fine

like I'm having fucking banter with the lady she's like you seem happy I'm like it's my stag do I don't know what you call it your bucks party

fucking bachelor party we speak different alright and she was like you know we get speaking a bit we get through and then fucking

grabs me from behind and hugs me and I'm like I'm expecting people to be excited But this is like 9th time to Vegas I can't believe we're here Oh man I couldn't look at him when we're going through Because we'd been tense for weeks

It went from the fucking Wondering if Mark was going to get there Or not, like something's going to come up that, like, he's, like, his life's fucking hectic enough. Without a Vegas trip in the middle of it. And you're just like, oh, this could just fucking go tits up. And then it, like, shifted to, like, he might be the one. We're going to edit this quite a bit, I think. He's going to be the one.

And then, like, he was in a different queue to me. And I was just trying to look at the corner of my eye but trying not to stare. And I saw her fanning through the pages and I was like, she's got to see the fucking stamp and he's like chatting away and he's taking a slight hand. He's like,

look at me. Do you ever shoot this really high up magic trick I do? Pick a card, any card. You can keep doing your job by the way. You just keep looking up here. It was literally that.

And then he got asked a couple of questions and he was answering them and then he what kind of light bulbs you got up there

those are those those those neon oh that's so

so they last quite a while don't they have you oh that was were you there when Cody

was out drunk it was like three o'clock in the morning end of a session everyone's hanging in Cody's like if you

start looking for stuff to do tomorrow because it was a day when I was playing, he was going to the Vegas Neon Museum with all the original lights there. And you'd walk through and it's just all of the Vegas lights

and you're going through. And I was like, I'm going to be honest with you, it doesn't sound class. And then Matty just went, I'll check it out if the Shoelace Museum should. I don't think there's a better punchline than shoelace for that for that form of joke i also actually think the old lights of vegas

it doesn't matter that's not what we're doing it was at the point of the sesh way just undermine anything anybody says you don't need to explain toxicity to me we'll get to it's it's at the stage of the night where you're trying to put everyone to bed so you can go to bed so you're just demeaning everything anybody's saying so they feel like their confidence has been knocked

and they're like I'm really struggling in chat here I'm going to go to bed when their chat is perfectly fine you just need to put them to bed

because I'm not going to be going to bed until everybody else does it's like the conversation version of those like American mall competitions where whoever keeps their hand on the wedding dress for the longest gets it for free.

You're just doing that. I'm going to fart. I'm going to shit myself. I'm going to start singing at the top of my fucking lungs, just stinking the place out. There's been a couple of times in my life where I've been through the last four out of 20 and I've just been like, I'll just four out of 20 and I've just been like

I'll just go out of bed I've just floated it and you can just see people's face light up like it's music

and I'm like well I'll make it to the end and all three of them are like thank God you

suggested it you fucking losers I'll be doing stairs in the bottom one out I'll be doing stairs at the bottom of the world oh it would work it would work

just the dejected look on all their faces as they went is she coming round the table it was one of the well we went to bed at midnight and fucking Tom started trying to of the ways I went to bed at midnight

and fucking Tom started trying to give his hell for going to bed at midnight. And I was like, it's midnight the next night for me. You know when you slept. You know when you were in bed for that good four hours. Not even that much. Stealing out a ceiling on your seventh coke wine.

You do know how I'm on last night. So we land Vegas. seventh coke one you do know how I'm on last night aye so we land Vegas we aye we'll have the panic we didn't know was a panic

well I had the panic aye we get all of our stuff together eh we go outside and and then we introduce the gown of shame

the gown of shame so the original concept of it was anyone who complains at any point anyone that's a buzzkill anyone that's a buzzkill eh just has to put on this fucking nightie with a hat. And it's just a way of being like, look... Fucking guy's been a loser.

Like, we're all in Vegas together. Like, if you're going to be a dick... You're dressing like Scrooge for it. Aye. First fuck-up, I mean, there was... The lowest fucking odds in Vegas was who was going to fuck up first and get this fucking nightie. It was obviously, Rich Massara

had bought some gin from Duty Free so he could have some gin and tonics in his hotel room so he didn't have to pay for very expensive drinks. Oh, and just going downstairs to get them because you're like, you're having a gamble and you can just drink in your room. Aye. And Tom Houghton comes out and just in his big fucking

bumbling Boris Johnson Tory fashion I'm a Tory fucking smashes his thing he has to get that put on we get on the bus all start fucking drinking now the great thing about Vegas is like there's the airport

and then there is Vegas and it is like to give you context Matthew our hotel is closer to Vegas airport than we are currently to Edinburgh airport that's how Vegas works it's the airport and there's also another airport in

Vegas like right beside the Strip but that's for like private flights and fucking whatnot everyone starts getting excited I was excited For so many Well one Just because this thing I've been two and a half years

In the fucking making And it's finally there I love that It's holidays It was a fucking good bunch Got the whole crew together I love Vegas I've you know

The only other time We'll get that whole crew together Is your wedding And there's going to be birds there Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah Or my funeral And I'll be there for that I'll be I'll be busy In Morocco going to be birds there yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah No, they've got COVID. They don't want to give everyone COVID.

They're zooming in. All right. Who's that in the background? Who's holding the camera? I, buzzing off, because so many people hadn't been to Vegas before. Fucking, poor fucking Ricketts had never been to, not only never been to Vegas,

Ricketts had never been to America. That was his first time in America, was in Vegas. Going to Vegas Ricketts had never been to America that was his first time in America was in Vegas going to Vegas for your first visit to America when you've just turned 40

yeah it's like losing your virginity at the age of 50 to somebody shitting in your mouth like it's like it's like

don't get me wrong like this this does happen and this is a part of it sometimes but have your teenage fumble first yeah

like come on figure out tits New? yeah like come on man figure out tits New York Boston like come on Texas Austin Florida

yeah I mean yeah you know definitely that's class we get to we're also just wide eyed at the strip coming in

because it's night time when we got there as well so oh you know it's funny as well you missed it on a lot of the chat because Mark Nelson

got a connection for Brewdog right and that Brewdog is class it's got like a fucking it's like a sky bar roof terrace and all that and you might not be able

to waltz in and get a table for fucking 22 immediately so he used a contact to try and fucking organise the table for the first night

but the chat of him coming in I've got a connection to Brewdog I'm going to be able to get rid of him coming into the watch I've gone I've got a connection to Brewdog I'm going to be able to get rid of him I'm like oh I've got any chance

you could get us into WH Smith in the airport as well you know just one of these places that you can notoriously just waltz in off the street I mean

man is there any chance you can get me into church next Sunday I've been wanting to go I've been wanting to go for years I just haven't got in

the queue I'm always in the queue but there's some people camp out overnight I just can't got it in The queue I'm always in the queue But there's some people Camp out overnight I just can't I can't do it So there's a lot of chat About that

And then I fucking looked it up And I was like Aye that's 100% what we're doing Yeah Classical So we all check in We're all drinking in our rooms We're all getting silly

Oh we've turned up to fucking 30 grams of gear Oh yeah We've turned up to fucking 30 grams of gear Oh yeah Yeah yeah yeah We've turned up to It was already sorted This is something I'll need to acknowledge

Very early on I don't think anyone Listening to the podcast Will be surprised Since Carol was not Even remotely Surprised But after

Two and a half Years of me Being like I'm not touching coke Of that part of my life Is fucking over And also I don't trust the fact That there's not like fentanyl in it

Like I've read all those stories Just not doing it Turned up with Please put that name I found a reputable Yeah hold on So somebody One of the guests found

30 grams of cocaine From his like regular dealer Who tests and is like You know does it himself and he just gave me this whole fucking speech of being like you know it's this i've had it myself i've tried it before this guy doesn't you know do that he's a good guy as well because i met him at the end to drop off my leftover mushrooms and uh and then so it was just like it's your fucking stag do and i'll kill you if you don't. And I was like, well, okay.

It was funny as well because I was like, you know what, I'll be first ones over the trenches. I fucking organised it, right? And I had knocked up a lane

and I was like asking Barry if he wanted one. So I fucking knocked up these like reasonably just like fucking mild lanes to start off. We're going in the shower. Let's find out

if he's fucked up or not, right? And I got out the shower and he was like, do you want a real one now? With a massive slug massive slug on the desk

and I was like fuck me in for a penny and then it was just like late at night in the evening you just saw still alive

and you were like canaries down the main went to Brewdog that's when the Nick Cody surprise happened which was like because I put him

On the fucking list But with everything With his fucking radio job The fact that he's a father Of two and he lives in Australia And he's already flying To Scotland And he's been dealing

With some shit at the minute as well Yeah And he's also coming to Scotland For the fucking wedding I was like There's no way I'll be there So he was a proper surprise He set up his studio

In his room And did radio Every What a dog Every afternoon So he would He would like Finish the sesh Go in there And have like one hour of sleep He set up his studio in his room and did radio every afternoon. So he would finish the sesh, go in there and have one hour of sleep and then turn up and just start talking about what his fucking favourite tuck shop combo was to people driving to work. It was so funny because his co-host is an ex-AFL,

Aussie Rose football player called Brendan Favola. AFL players Are notoriously Just fucking dogs Like they're always drinking They're always in the newspaper Getting in trouble Doing stupid fucking shit He's with a retired

One of those But he's only retired From the sport Nothing else Cody would say Like every morning He's going on the thing Hungover

And at the end of like The three hour Radio thing Brendan's like You're not fucking done in Vegas Until you're 20 fucking grand down Okay That's when you're fucking done You in Vegas until you're 20 fucking grand down okay that's when you're fucking done

you get back out there you keep fucking between songs you keep fucking you play a song you've got four minutes go and put a fiver on red and come back with a bloody Mary

man honestly like Nick would get two hours sleep do that radio thing and then he would come downstairs like he was in the final of the fucking Superbowl and he'd been pumped up

by like woo let's do this you're like buddy it's 2pm like we're done this energy's good stairs like he was in the final of the fucking Super Bowl and he'd been pumped up by like, WOO! Let's do this! You're like, buddy, it's 2pm this energy's good but we're off the top golf That first night when we get back to the fucking casino and we all just get into our fucking gambler, I've got a couple of stories

to tell here so feel free to fucking interrupt with anyone you want to tell but just try and keep track of where I am in this good luck roulette is my game because I don't think in Vegas you're ever going to find better odds than 50-50 that's if you're betting red or black

I mean I know it's not 50-50 it's 49-49 because of the fucking greens or whatever I've got my numbers that I play and roulette is a table you can stay on for a while standard rules that we've always had in Vegas you stick 20 in the machine and you sit there, you get your drinks if at any point you double your money

you cash out fucking immediately if you get up to like 60 whatever you cash out and then like that you save the double up and then any extra you can stick back in the machine and bet and it's just a surefire way of ensuring that either you double your money or you only lose 20 bucks.

That was how we used to do Vegas and that's how we're all doing Vegas at this point. I'm there and there's currently nothing to say but welcome to who I am now. 20 doesn't touch the sides, man. That's not. It's like people who smoke weed for the first time will be high for five fucking hours. They'll giggle. They'll still be a bit lethargic

the next fucking day. Great. I'm a seasoned st stoner i need two edibles when i wake up i need a fucking split for my fucking coffee my tolerance is high my money tolerance is higher yeah i went i went to the table playing craps right just to figure out the game because i knew how to play it i just needed to rerun so i went on the machine five minimum bets and that right and i'm just fucking playing and i got me fucking 20 bucks up bets and that right and I'm just fucking playing and I got me fucking 20 bucks up to 150 bucks right

and then I was like right I'm ready for the table took it out took it out of the table lost it in a second I'm like fuck I took it out that was

that was graft alright so that that first night I'm just and again I'm getting more drunk I'm with a bunch of fucking boys

right and I get to the point where I've put 100 I've put 100 in the machine and I've gone up to like fucking 200 and... Oh, I think maybe 300, right? And I think really sort of from my shoulder, it's like watching you gamble.

It's disgusting because you're just putting fivers on things like that, you know, I'm putting bigger fucking... On the fucking numbers rather than on the red and black. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just gambling bigger numbers I mean don't be wrong in the scope of Vegas I'm still

I'm on the ball I'm so low I'm on the tiny I didn't see you digging that hole in the Blagio no no no

not that far but night one when I'm fucking drunk I'm like I'll bet fucking tenors on single blah blah blah people gathering around because man I've taken up

from fucking 100 300 everyone's like cash out just fucking cash out and I'm like absolutely I'll cash out Ricketts red or black he's like don't make me do it I'm like do it red or black it was black I stick it all on black it comes in and we're all like yeah

up to 600 like 20 this is fucking amazing and everyone's like cash out cash out I'm like absolutely Cody red or black he's like only dogs don't go red and I'm like Dan 600 on red everyone's like cancel it get it off

spins around lands in fucking red we lose our fucking minds we're like oh my god I cash out then obviously because I'm like that's insane

1200 quid you've got to get your hand your passport in they've got to make you fucking sign stuff for that amount of money in fucking Vegas I'm like this is it

take me to the fucking high road that was on the machine wasn't it yeah yeah so it doesn't let you cash out that on a slip no no no they've got to make you fucking sign stuff for that amount of money in fucking Vegas, I'm like this is it take me to the fucking Hyde River so that was on the machine wasn't it? so it doesn't let you cash out that on a slip so Ricketts comes up and congratulates me that was unbelievable after I got my winnings I've got a spare

I'm like stick it at the table and I go let's see if you're still as lucky, red or black and he's like black, comes in, double and I go red or black and he goes black, comes in, double it I cash out the 400 i give it to him i went you owe me a hundred bucks enjoy vegas and he ran off into the night gareth came over and was like can i get in on that i'm like absolutely it's the same fucking hundred stick it in the machine he's like arsenal red i'm like done red doubles i'm like one more he's like one more he's like Arsenal red I'm like Arsenal red doubles I cash out he's like

do I need to give you the hundred back I'm like if you want to otherwise just buy me heaps of shots and he's like that one and he ran off into the night to enjoy Vegas. Cullen's like obviously I'm getting involved in this. The look of the Irish I'm like absolutely baby I still get a hundred dollars and he's like

red for Arsenal green green for Ireland and that was Cullen for the rest of the fucking time all holiday there will be a separate podcast that we do

it'll be the next one on the fucking Patreon where I'll have Cullen on and I'll talk to him because me and him need to talk about some shit that happened in fucking Vegas

that can't look I'm not kidding you touch your table and it would go sour. For everyone that was... You'd be doing well at your table, you'd touch it and it would just start fucking chipping away at you. You can't just give it the touch of death.

That man lost 90% of the 50-50s I saw him play. It was remarkable. It started becoming funny. I mean, it was always funny, but it started becoming comical. It started becoming scripted. It was like... It was unbelievable, it was unbelievable

how much he was losing 50-50s. And not only with his own, with my money, so because of, and for anyone that was rightfully while listening to me talk about spending all that money, they'd be like,

what a fucking obnoxious prick's loss it's become now that he's become a bit wealthy. Here's the fucking comeuppance, right? Despite being that much up on fucking day one, on that Vegas trip, I still had to go to

The ATM twice And I came back With nothing Right Because you put it All back in Yeah and because I trusted Cullen

Seven fucking times Because you thought You thought like It's odds on For one of his 50-50s to come in now I swear to fucking god There was one night

Right where I Steaming drunk At a table So drunk That I put the wrong Bet down once Thought I'd won, and the lady was like,

that wasn't your bet. Oh, it was on a table while watching the wrong wheel? No, no, no, it was at a table. Oh, right, because there was one that we did where we watched it come in,

and then it fucking was on a different, because there's a red table and a blue table and we're watching the wrong wheel on the screens. No, no, this one was, it was the same fucking table. I just got, oh man, I was steaming drunk, I couldn't fucking see.

I thought that was my chip. I was like, that's my chip, she's like, it's not. She's like, don't try that again. I was steaming drunk I couldn't fucking see thought that was my chip I was like that's my chip she's like it's not she's like don't try that again I was like I wasn't trying anything

and then I'm like fucking I hate when people think you're drunker than you are it's fucking so annoying like I can fucking compose myself

and I look down I'm like oh that's not a one dollar chip that's a that's a ten dollar chip that's a ten dollar chip from Black 11 god fucking that's the last one dollar chip that's a that's a ten dollar chip that's a ten dollar chip from black 11 god fucking damn what fucking god that's the last of my money black 11 i was like

unbelievable 360 but i'm like i can't i can't i cash outcomes like let's let's go double it i'm not doing it i'll stick 250 in and then you know he's like absolutely he's like it's gonna to be red. I'll give you one guess. Green. I did that as well where he was at the poker table. He was just chatting away, right? And he fucking just, like, he just kept taking the fucking five

or whatever off the top, putting minimum bet on his hand and then playing the hand or whatever, right? And then he played his hand, won it and went, fang fuck for that, that was 100. He was like, f**k for that that was 100 he was like f**k for that he's like if i knew it was 100 i wouldn't have twisted um so during so during this gareth was true to his words and kept plying me with f**king drinks i'm doing heaps drinks anyway around about four in the morning the reason i know i was very very drunk was because on night one of my stag do at four in the morning i the reason I know I was very, very drunk was because on night one of my stag do, at four in the morning,

I walked up to ten of the lads and I went, I might, I might go to bed and every single one of them went, yeah, yeah, man, that's yeah. You were literally

in the nightgown at the time because you'd fell down one step as if it was loads of steps. Oh, no. You kept on tumbling. I gotta, i gotta thank fucking uh ricketts for this right because the whole point of the night game was is if you're ruining it and if you're being a buzzkill right so i stumbled down i don't fall over my drink was still in my

hand and the drink didn't spill i didn't spill any on me but so it went down you did hit the deck and then he went down on the shoulder but got up and fucking i think it's like matty and gareth Fucking run over Lobbying And the one thing I've learned From many many lads holidays Is you don't lobby back

If somebody's demanding You do something Suck it up and do it Because complaining Is just going to But I'm like Ricketts must have been like Oh if you're giving it away

For that I'm going to be in it loads I need to defend The game's parameters Aye But also But man I wasn't being a fun sponge

By falling over I just fucking fell over I was like But he came over and argued He was like Well you're changing the rules of the game At this point Just be aware

Anyway Ended up putting in I go to bed at 4am I mean the rest I mean people that night I think stayed out till I think all the way through Yeah well

I went back to the room And there was like People taking care of the room and it got to like seven and there was maybe five who were left and two of them wanted to go and watch the Arsenal game. So we just fucking got in a taxi and went to this pub.

And it was just this fucking, had like Britain bunting up. There was a fucking big cardboard cut out life size of the Queen, which Mark Nelson stole and put in Rich Massara's bed. Did you see the joke where Rich Massara had made a bed sheet and it was like Captain Tom arriving in heaven

and people welcoming him, like Madeleine McCann were up there welcoming him to heaven and the Queen was there and all that, right? This bed sheet, and on the last day, he put the bed sheet onto his bed and Nelson just went, fuck you, Rich, and sent the picture and he was like, what do you mean, fuck you? You've had it on every night this week. And then posted every picture away away just draped it over him

he's like in the morning or when he got in he draped the sheet over him and just does this reveal about all the photos of the bed the bed spread

the bed spread was on him every single night that he went to bed so we went straight from that pub and met you guys at Topgolf

so whenever he's got up and had your breakfast or whatever so we me Colin Ricketts me and a group of five lads at you guys at Topgolf so whenever he's got up and had your breakfast or whatever so we, me, Colin Ricketts, me and a group of five lads went to Planet 13

to pick up like the first bunch of fucking weed we were going to be having on the trip and this is the the night before had been fucking silly and boisterous and boys being idiots and stuff Topgolf was the day it got toxic.

And I take responsibility for some of it, for being some of the people. You had such a toxic group in your booth. Man, so we get to the Topgolf bit, which is amazing. We've got like three booths. We've got all this fucking food up the back. We've got food.

Texas barbecue at the back. Just so our booth had its own barbecue to it. And it was also free rolling drinks because we just paid the money per head for drinks. And I thought that meant they were just going to be stingy. And you'd struggle to find a barmaid because she was just our personal fucking chaperone

and just kept the drinks full to the brim all the way through it. Bear in mind, we'd still been up before we travelled I start doing this bit with Cullen which is just going up to him and being like have you taken any weed this holiday and he'll be like you watched

me take an edible 30 minutes ago and I'm like I think your marijuana smoke is making your memories much worse I think you need to take another he's like I'm not going to do so we're in the booth at this point we've taken edibles before we get there and I know it's half an hour before but I'm getting giddy

and it hasn't even fully kicked in yet I know but it's 10 milligrams me and Colin's tolerance is fucking way past anyone else there so I'm like

fucking come on man we'll be absolutely fine he's like I'm not doing it I'm not doing it I took one literally 30 minutes ago and I'm fucking drinking and I've had two hours sleep and I just start going

he's like it's not it's not going to work and you're like and then someone hears you and they join in like or someone else behind

and then you start like scratching at the we don't even know what we're clicking at and then they and soon enough it's 21 men just in these places

going and Kyle's like fine fine fuck it all that just became the culture for the whole trip as well. The amount of shit that I shot at and took,

even though I knew I was fucking sideways and I'd already been fucking my legs taken. I was putting stuff down the hatch because people were cooking out chickens.

That fucking sound, that fucking sound is the reason I did mushrooms when I didn't want to do mushrooms. When I fucking stayed up for four extra hours when I didn't want

to fucking stay up. You just be like, I'm not really in the and then I'd I'd have had a line in my room and then I'd gone into somebody else's room to say well even now

and they'd go and I've knocked you up a line and you're like oh I've just had and then you'd like you could just see them foaming their lips and you're like

pass that fucking note right now yeah right then I'll die I'll die so not to be a coward it was a horrible culture it's so dumb

it's so funny it's such a horrible way to ensure that everyone has the maximum amount of fun as possible none of us are allowed to slow down and I've got this perfect way because as well the way i organized i was

just like oh right we'll finish that free bar and then we've got to be in fancy dress at the party bus in like three hours so you've got a couple hours to just get showered get changed into your stuff have a nap if you want i'm going for a nap i'm not going for a nap then i'll have a line then on the walk back right I am walking up and down our fucking queue of lads walking back, like, just like

Mary Poppins, but like, just squawking, like, muck, muck, muck, muck, muck, muck. The chickens scatter in the corner. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah.

Just, muck, muck, muck, muck, muck. To the point where, like, Colin comes up to me, he's like, I am in trouble here. Can and Tom went to their room for like two and a half hours,

were like super fucked up. I don't think they could find the door. Oh yeah, they didn't take that edible well. They nearly didn't make it back out. I think it was Megalohat, I don't know where, just going, look, this is one of the things, there's like five events where everybody's together at once. They didn't fuck this up.

And they really had to pull themselves up by the bootstraps to get back in the mix. And that was when it was revealed that it was the Marvel night. And you had a custom-made Natasha Romanoff. I did, aye. One suit. That's why you were just, I think you were changing, Caelan,

and I'd just come up with a tape measure and started measuring your chest. Yeah, I was like, all right. I mean, it fit well. It was comfortable. And everyone else was dressed up as... Man, I can't fucking call Milo out here, right? I am very, very aware that I am not the...

I don't think it's... I think I'm an expressive person, but I don't think I'm as expressive as I am when it comes to like Excitement Or positive Ones right And that's been brought up

By Gina on the podcast before Yeah Being like It's not that I'm not grateful But just your way of Showing gratitude Is you know Minimal

And leaves a lot to be desired Something I'm working on So But It's I'm never enough For Milo right Yeah he wants you

To just be like, oh my God, you did this for me? Let alone me start crying, man. I put on my fucking Natasha Romerov costume, right? I watch you put on your... Oh, Spider-Man. I thought I'd done myself a solid by doing Spider-Man because you can get like a decent level screen accurate,

like one suit so you don't have to have much on. Just that, right? Fucks you up because you need to take your clothes off fully to piss you also need to take your clothes off fully to use

your phone because your arms are in and you've got no pockets I totally fucked myself up I've been that

level of inebriated trying to organise everybody and I can't use my phone I ended up wearing a jacket because there's

a picture of Miles Morales from the multiverse where he's got a very similar jacket to what I had on and the exact same Chicago Lost and founds that you had on. So I ended up being screen accurate with pockets.

I'd seen you dress up as that. I'd seen Ali dress up as... He was Black Widow. You were Black Widow. He was Hawkeye. Yes, yes, he was. He was like post-accident Jeremy Renner. Black Widow you were Black Widow

he was Hawkeye yes yes he was he was like post-action Jeremy Renner and I'd seen I'd seen Sopwitz was the best

yeah Sopwitz as Star-Lord he was like he texted us back who the fuck's Star-Lord because obviously Sopwitz is not that fucking banging

into the Marvel Universe right Sopwitz so who the fuck's Star-Lord two minutes later this is me he has the fucking perfect outfit

and then you'd have Elliot who was dressed as a fucking tree as Tom pointed out who the fuck's Star-Lord? Two minutes later, this is me. He has the fucking perfect outfit. And then you'd have Elliot who was dressed as a fucking tree, as Tom pointed out. The thing that you give the shit kid to dress as in the nativity because it's the least difficult thing to dress as. And he was like still shopping in the airport for his outfit.

Milo comes through at one point and I'm like, hey, he's like, how you feeling? I'm like, I'm fucked, man. Like I'm on a cocktail of weed and booze

and lack of sleep and fucking cocaine. And aye, but I'm having a good time. He's like, you've not reacted to anyone's costume. I'm like, I'm dressed as Black Widow. Like, this is the joke suit. Like, this is it. I'm the one dressed as the hot lady wearing the spandex fucking...

Everyone else's costumes are great and I'm very happy, but I'm not going to be like, oh my God, no way. I'm dressed as Black Widow. Like, what... You know what was funny with Milo's outfit?

He was low-key, right? And his came with a muscle suit. Now, Milo's are really muscly. Matty was Thor and his came without muscles. Man, he... He looked like Axl Rose. No, he didn't

he looked like Will Ferrell in Eurovision I did he was the fucking spitting dad a lot of people were telling me

he looked good he was like why are you lying I'm telling you I think it did I just kept going sing your I got a dick dog

sing your I got a dick dog I think we're going to have to wrap this up this is going to have to wrap this up. This is going to have to be two parts. And there'll be an interlude with Colin on, I guess unless you want to do the Thursday one.

I'm going to come through on Wednesday. So we'll put a bookmark in this. So we're still on day two, Topgolf Marvel Night. We'll call it an interlude here and we'll fill you in on the rest of it on Thursday that's a real clickbait thing to do to them as well because the public

are going to hear this one and the other one's a Patreon oh practical fucking geniuses expect a spike a three quid what happens next what you won't believe

I said what to Colin what how many fingers ended up in Tom's asshole find out next time you find out oh you find out

about Tom disgracing himself you find out about who won the poker tournament you find out about the fucking taking acid

you can't watch tournament of kings that was a fucking bad dark day come back we had the weekend at Bernie's, Cullen, after that. I've seen the pictures because I wasn't paying much attention to anyone else apart from fucking my visuals that I was having.

But anyway, we're clickbaiting the shit out of you. Pay your three quid, listen to it, and then just cancel your subscription. Aye, aye, aye, aye. But gie us that money first. And hey, it's not going to Vegas anymore. Yeah, we'll spend it on mic stands We can move without them making a noise Stuff like that

It's going back to you We'll be reinvesting in you Right, so Aye, in a bit Also If you sign up to Patreon We've got a roast that we've recorded Because we haven't even got to that bit yet

Aye, but realistically How much of that roast is going out? like about half of it and we're not putting the video up it's going to probably end it's probably going to end careers if we put out the raw footage but also the dignity of our partners

they didn't sign up for that so there's a handful of shit, I mean I'm still going to show Natalie the full thing at some point but you can't expect everyone else to be that sound so aye there's got to be something

of a roast that we'll show you and we'll also have like a crowd facing camera that we might have to be very tactical with when it faces the crowd just get rid of all the visuals look we're going to put something out for you but

can there just be like a no snitches tier where we're just paying there's at least 40% of that stuff there's one of the things that Mark Nelson says that just still rings in my head going like I would have been scared to say that even if I knew it wasn't

being recorded in case anyone repeated it anyway enjoy that episode it's still coming soon