Sloss and Humphries On The Road - 5.26: Sh!thouse Mags

Episode Date: April 6, 2023

Muggins has a scrape with the Australian fauna wounding his pride as much as it wounded him physically. Cream recounts his speed awareness course and the demographic of his classmates.

Hello, podcast viewers and listeners. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Sloss and Humpies on the Road. As you can tell by my very relaxed outfit style and the fact that I'm vaping and drinking red wine, I'm in bloody Australia. I'm in the fucking Gold Coast. Oh, I've got a fucking accent, man. I don't know why people make fun of my accent. It's not that fucking thick.

It's probably the most gentle accent scene in the entire fucking world. We've been having a great time. Too much fun. And we catch up on a lot of it in this episode. We have Matthew and Jack over, so the quality of the production is slightly higher because their standards are higher than Kai's. We speak about all the animals here that have been beating the shit out of Kai.

We speak about the gigs that we've coming up speaking of. Please go and see Kai's show in Melbourne. I think he's doing like six days so if you're there go and see him. If you're not, buy tickets and don't turn up. That'll fucking confuse him. But I thought it was sold out Yeah well fucking turns out people

in Perth bought tickets and just did not fly over you bong-eyed... I was about to say a horrible word there that rhymed with bong. But I didn't, and that's why I'm better than Alfie Brown. Enjoy the podcast, and we'll see you for Thursday's episode. Cheers. We're on the Gold Coast. Yeah. Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglopedia Where have you been since 9-11? We're on the Gold Coast Yeah Done a gig in Brisbane

Got a weekend off You've just been to the zoo Yeah I actually want to Before we start talking about Australia And how much fun we're having I didn't speak to you About the driver's awareness course

That I have to do today I don't think so You totally just slept in for one Yeah, so basically I got three points in Scotland because I was speeding. And how much does that take you up to? Three, three. Is that your only three?

Yeah. That's a prize, isn't it? Well, man, my rules of... I'm not going to deny that I fucking speed, but I speed at late at night on motorways. You, like, I've got you down as a person that goes, oh, what, you just get fined for it? Oh, you get points for what it puts your insurance up?

Yeah. Just fucking chuck money at it. Oh, my insurance premium's gone up. Whoop. Like, you're wasteful. So, like, I'd look at you as someone that gets to nine points and go, all right, I'm only last one. No, no, like, the speed I'm always doing,

when I speed, I'll never go over 90, but I'll do 90 on the fucking motorway at 11 at night or one in the morning when I'm trying to get home. Just because I'm like, 1% of accidents happen on the motorway. Is that right? Yep. That's what I learned from the Speed Awareness course. 1% of all accidents are 1% of traffic accidents traffic accidents alright because of that

all accidents I'd be like aye sure alright no but 1% something's happening in football but 1%

so the majority of accidents are off the motorway yep I find that staggering yep yeah yeah so it's 80% take place

in residential areas and and that's where they are so I got speed in one in Scotland because I was doing 50 and a 40 because the 40 used to be a 50 and then they

changed it, didn't do anything and then put like a mobile thing up fair enough, got caught, was speeded I'm not going to fucking bitch and moan Scotland doesn't give you the chance to do speed awareness courses, though. Right? They're just like, you sped. Here's your points.

It's a pretty hardcore, because Scotland's got like a no unit of alcohol thing. Aye. We used to kill each other heaps on the roads. You can't even go, no, I'm driving. I'll have a shandy. Aye. That's over. You can have alcohol in your system from the night before and have your license fucking removed in Scotland.

And drunk driving in, I think it's all of the UK but in Scotland it's licence is immediately gone I think if you're a learner

I'm pretty non-faceted I think it's across the board it's just completely gone so I get got speeding in Liverpool and again it's like

35 in a 30 and I'll put that down to... Because it's like 10% you're allowed, aren't you? If it's 33, they give you that margin for error. And I think I didn't know the area

and also I learned heaps about road signs while on the Speed Awareness course. Things I didn't know before and I was like, oh. Like repeaters if you're in a 40. Repeaters and also what it means. So if there's street lights,

it's 30. If it's not, it's 40 and all this stuff. And I'm like, all right, okay, I did generally learn stuff missed one just because

I slept in, rescheduled because it was in Liverpool it means I got the chance to take the speed awareness course and I'm like great if I can not have another extra three points here that's going to be fucking great for me I'll give you one guess as to what the other participants

the other 12 participants in the Speed Awareness course, what demographic they belong to? I'm going to say baldy boomers. 100% correct. It wasn't boy racers. Oh, there was one slightly emo-looking guy who was clearly like 22, 23, who was there as well. And then it was just bald boomers who voted for

brexit called dave bill or steve one of the last barry's was there they were they were all caught speeding in their van so at the start of the course this poor woman right who has to do this thing she's great at her job she's making sure it's engaged to engage. Otherwise, you know, there's no way to fail. But if you're just sat there on your phone, they're like, you didn't do anything. So you've got to engage yourself. So just to start the course, how about we go around,

say our name, say our age, and what type of vehicle we drive. Oh, no. All right, my name's Dave. I'm 56 and I drive a BMW with all the trimmings. Three seconds of silence. She goes, thanks very much, Dave. I actually just meant bike, van or car.

And I'm sat there being like, thank fuck, because I was about to say Tesla. And I'm like, Daniel, 32, car. And I'm like, Daniel, 32, car. With all the trimmings, you fucking turning your vehicle into a Sunday roast. How much more of a Farage voting fuck do you have to be? And as well, the markup on all them trimmings when you're buying a new car is fucking just stupid.

Like when you're marking up and you're like, oh, I'll have the button. That means that when, which is good buttons to have. Like that's the seat setting for me, but that's the seat setting for my wife or whatever. Like the markup when you go up the scale is just like, you do want them things as a capitalist when you're looking at it and you're going to want that. But like, you're probably going to be fine with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I mean, the rental car we've got here has that but like you're probably going to be fine without it yeah yeah yeah like I mean the rental car

we've got here has that like it's got great fucking sat nav parking brake buttons need to be illegal they need to be fucking illegal right

in my car the second you stop driving it's locked there's nothing you can do you get fucking rear ended and you're moving as far as that car moves but your car's moving

nothing because of these fucking cars you press the button, you get out of the car and it rolls like six inches and goes, ah, made you think oh you thought, you thought I was going to run over your four month old didn't you? I fucking got you, sorry

this car was designed in France they just have a lot of road accidents for children there I thought you just had it in for Renaults. Oh. What's the make? Citroen? Yeah, yeah, Renaults.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aye, that's all in there. So, look, I learned lots on the speed awareness course. It does make you think, but what it makes you think is, all right, I'll stop speeding in school areas. Unless you've got Matty on the passenger seat you just need to get him

past before he tries to dive out and just put them in the boot I can't believe the child lock works on him the irony

I did a speed awareness course many years ago you couldn't do it online I had to go into I can't remember where it was it was some fucking hotel function room

and um it was again mostly the same demographic you said a couple of boy racers like myself and uh and there was just like one elderly woman right and this man got up and went i'll tell you who causes more accidents than people speeding people going slow and you have to like gather where they can overtake them and all that and it's always just an old biddy just doddering along and then he just looked at the woman and went well obviously not you so

we arrived in Gold Coast from Auckland on fucking whatever the day

I think it was Monday or something picking up a hire car so you've been driving over here as well yeah yeah which I've done before and I'm fine with

like there is the rental's dead good because literally just on the screen in front of you it's like we drive on the left hand side

of the roads in Australia you're like thanks man that's exactly where that sign should be I don't like arriving at a roundabout and going

we drive on the same side of the roads as we do in Britain and I'm like oh great now I have to remember driving on the road in Britain motorway that's not helping what side of the road is it? it's a one way street I don't know what side of the road we drive on in Britain

I'm just I think I see it like that is it left? we're on in Britain I'm just I think I see it like that going is it left we're on the left I believe get here my son has learned how to walk fully that happened so fast

two days like he he was always able to take like a couple of steps but it was always you know if you were like a couple of paces away from the couch and he's holding on to the couch and he wants what you've got

yeah he'll huddle over at you and like fall into your arms he went from on to the couch and he wants what you've got. Yeah, yeah. He'll huddle over at you and, like, fall into your arms. He went from that to, like, walking around with your finger completely just, like, day and lapse of the house to just, like, I don't even need this and letting go on your finger and now you've got a walking child. Aye.

If I could tell you, this morning, like, it's literally been in the past two days, like, it's so fascinating, like, how it feels, like, for so long that they're not learning anything and then when they do learn it's really intensive. I've got this weird thing because there was a fascinating book on sleep and it's like the reason we sleep

and the reason babies sleep so much more than we do is because when we sleep, what dreaming is, is our brain just sorting all the things we remembered into our head in that past period of consciousness. So whenever Caleb walks 50 feet, I'm like, put him to bed.

Let's fucking save game save game let's walk that in control the mess but he's like I just learned to walk I want to sleep

I'm like buddy you have to otherwise we can't walk tomorrow delete the save game by accident but this morning I fucking wake up

with him and he's a man he's a bin right he's like it's grey because me and Gareth's big anxiety all the time

was we didn't want him to have the same level of pickiness. Obviously, he'll probably get to three, and when he starts to feel like a matitude, we'll maybe pick up some food things. But at the moment, we call him Bin Laden. Anything you do, he just goes, that's mine. There's the Aunty Donna song from Big Ol' House of Fun, which is everything's a drum.

And whenever anyone is eating anything in Caelan's head, I believe it's just the tune. Everything's for me. Everything's for me. Did you know this muffin's for me? Everything's for me. Everything's for me. And that's just how he lives his fucking life.

Is this egg for me? Yes, it's for me. Yeah, and just how he lives his fucking life. Is this egg for me? Yes, it's for me. Yeah, and just that scene when I don't give him food, just like Broden standing at the window. You said everything was for me. Now, now, Brother Galen, everything is for you. He's like a dog as well, where if you've got food, you'll potter up the end and just start eyeballing it

as if it's just like, I'm here to keep you company. If you cuddle, then you're like, what are you after? It's like you'll seeter up again and just start eyeballing it as if it's just saying i'm here to keep you company with your cuddles and you're like what are you after it's like you'll say something that's on the table and start like maneuvering his way around so that he can get it oh it's funny i was eating some crisps yesterday and he came over and was like i love my dad i loved my dad so much he's always got crisps what convenient fucking anyway can i be down now i mean it's because and then he sees my dad eating a nice lolly and he's like crisps are shit and you're like oh fuck now he knows

he's got priorities this morning it was me Matthew down with him so I give him a banana and he has to

have something in each hand and in his fucking mouth like in the future it's funny watching him whacking around dual wielding

TV remotes we're going to be looking for them later but that looks cool while he's doing it if he grows up to be gay he's going to be a really fun homo that's cool while he's doing it if he grows up to be gay he's going to be a really fun homo

that's all I've got to say one in each hand and something in the mouth he's going to be a good fun time for all the bears out there but when he's crawling with food in his hands you just fucking sit him there and then he's toddling around and you're like

I'll let him do that and just smearing shit all over, like banana. Not physical shit. Not physical shit. Well, not,

not, not, not yet. We took him to see, we went to Karambin Zoo. How was that? Really good.

I was meant to join you but I decided that I was going to have a day in. Well, also you've not, I don't know how much We can Trust you around

The Australian wildlife Anymore After I got assaulted Yeah I got full on assaulted You got beat up By Look

Right A bird You got beat up by a bird You got beat up by A black and white bird Sam Geordie Slag

Toon Fan And I was I was like Because when I went to Portugal I got into a fight With. Sam, Jordy, Slag, Tunfan. And I was like, because when I went to Portugal, I got into a fight with another Jordy everywhere I go. I'm just scrapping with other Jordys. It's a broad thing, isn't it? It's almost as if it's a youth problem. Magpie fucking kicked shit out of us.

Well, you know what? If I'd let it kick shit out of us, I would have come out better than the way I'd committed suicide. Yeah. So I'm running along. I ran to the beach and back, which is like probably about two miles to get there. And then the same again back.

And a lot of Australia is very much like America where they're just like... You want to walk somewhere? Tough shit. Yeah, who needs pavements? Who needs pavements? The place is 10 minutes away. Nobody's going to fucking walk that in the sea. Just get in a fucking Uber, get in your fucking ute,

drive down there. Oh, you're a jogger, are you? All right, well all right well just figure it out so like there's a main motorway that's just going straight from where we are all the way to the beach right but there's no sidewalk on it sidewalk footpath um but there's like occasional streets that kind of run parallel to it so you're kind of just making your way just through like streets that look like something off neighbors and i'm staying next to the bushes that's between the street and the

because there's no footpath still but I'm staying by the bushes because it's providing a little bit of sun cover so I don't get scorched while I'm running

and on the way back I just felt like it felt like a football hitting us on the head yeah if you're just fucking running by a park and a football hits you even the kids are laughing

at you so you're looking around to kick a ball back to all these teenagers you're like oh there kick a ball back to all these teenagers, you're like, well, there's no ball. Oh, there's no teenager. Ah, in fact,

it came from that bush. It came from inside the bush. And I look back and then like to see where the ball was and I was getting fucking attacked again, like fucking swiped at this magpie. And it just then hovered like kind of just out of reach,

just like a drone. So I was getting orbited by the way, not even orbited by the way not even orbited it was like fucking static but I'm running backwards and it takes a little swoop I've got my phone in my hand I'm just fucking trying to dink it with my phone in that way why the phone it was in my hand I'm running when I've got any pockets I'm running I just okay all right it's in your left hand and that's why you're right okay Yeah but also it gives you an extra couple inches And also it's harder you can be like

if I just fucking donk on the beak there that's it giving a warning alright fair enough Yeah and as well if it's coming in

with like claws and fucking beaking out a lot Fucking listen to the way this cunt's telling this story This is about a bird and he's used the word claws

Talons Talons It was a bald falcon You know they descended from dinosaurs right it was a bald falcon you know they descended from dinosaurs right it was a

peregrine vulture I essentially fought off a fucking velociraptor I'm lucky to be here pterodactyl

aye aye fucking the cunt kept at it like staying out of range and then swooping in if I ever

dropped my guard for far too long like way too long like I reckon about two minutes. Which is quite a long time

to be running backwards for a bit. I really, really wish because like what they say is right, during the swooping season these magpies are just fucking protecting

their nest, right? But they're very, very territorial. But they're like just keep running. Don't make eye contact with them because if you turn around

and confront them they think it's a confrontation. I got it all wrong. Yes. I got got it all wrong that was trying to clear me out from its nest right and i faced it and confronted it and that fight would have went on for as long as that i'm gonna be honest with you i'm surprised you didn't fucking take your shirt off the second that fucking bird came back out i'm surprised you weren't like right i'm gonna take my shirt off here. I'm going to be blind for one second.

Do you have any fucking honour? I tapped it. I knew it, wouldn't you, fucking bastard? Well, when I was running backwards, I was looking over my shoulder, so I didn't run into anything, right? But trying not to take my eye off it for too long, so I'm backing off and swiping at this bird.

And I was getting closer and closer to a camper van, and I was like, I might have to dive under that camper van. Great. Imagine the Darwin Award I would get if I dived under a camper van and fucking... Just a croc. Just a brown snake. Just a funnel web spider.

Just there waiting for us. I'm being attacked by a bird. I better just jump into this burrow. Who knows what could possibly be in here? So I didn't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You went into the cabavan. It was just two Aussies making meth.

They're like, Hey, our kids are sleeping back there. You're like, oh, for fuck's sake, Jesus Christ. The bogans, the magpies. I'm getting attacked from all angles. And you mentioned about swooping season as well because I hadn't heard

of swooping season until I got swooped until until the Magpie whispered in your ears it's swooping season motherfucker

well somebody somebody said to us it's not even swooping season it's not and I looked it up and it was like July till November swooping season

and I'm like I got fucking bitched in a pre-season friendly he's fucking warmed up on us I'm an I love animals until they put

me or anyone I love in fucking danger and then I'm like oh yeah oh and then it's like I'll kill you and then look if you want to

take it back to survival of the fucking fez let's fucking go I wish I'd been there for you on that fucking run right so just when it starts fucking chasing you down there just to prove a point back to survival of the fucking fez, let's fucking go. I wish I'd been there for you on that fucking run, right?

So just when it starts fucking chasing you down there, just to prove a point to that fucking magpie, I would have worked out where its nest is and just fucking smashed them all off the floor. So it's going to come back being like, I'm fucking scared of that bong. You're looking for it, but there's just loads of magpie nests

in the oldest aside of fucking... You're like, damn it. I'm like, bah, bah, bah, and another magpie you're just in it with survival mode so I was

I was fucking running backwards like walking backwards trying to catch this magpie on the way down and then a fucking another one

just came in and started angling getting an angle on us it was so funny that magpie chased you just into another magpie's nest. Man,

it'd be like, it'd be like you're fucking robbing someone's house. You hear them come in downstairs. They can hear you upstairs. They're like, I'm going to fucking get you. You hear like the sound of a shotgun fucking cock and you're like,

I've got to fucking jump out this fucking window. I've got to do this like Jason Bourne style. You take a run up, you parkour over the bed, you leap through the window you crash fucking through it and then just crash through the neighbours window

into their bedroom you're like no fuck you guys all live so close together so I think you fucking really injured yourself I turned around

when I saw the second one I was like oh this is just going to take forever I'm just going to get out of here which should have been plenty

plenty should have just been crack on you know what I looked it up like how do you fucking stop a magpie attack and it was

it was all preemptive stuff like wear a wide brimmed hat and stuff and one of them was have a flag on your bike that's taller than you and I'm like yeah get battered off people

I don't know there's no fucking get that off people I don't want to see more fucking ribbons on my handlebars now I like a basket ring ring no no tell you what the best way to put them on

is if you just get some sort of little baseball cap with some sort of propeller on the top of it I'm pretty sure that'll keep the magpies away

and also people will be pulling over being like are you allowed to cycle by yourself uh if you wear nhs glasses and uh in train track braces that totally helps as well mechanism like a pure nerd so i don't get beat up by a bird so i turned and ran fell flat on my face immediately by the way like saw the other one and i was like right right, I'm going to turn and run. And then just went...

Gravity hits different in Australia. It's because, like, it's spinning the other way. I should have turned the other direction when I turned and run. But I just fucking scalped across the floor hand first, like, took the skin off my hand. I need a fucking really good one. Skin off my hip and doing my arse, little, like, bits of blood on my ankle,

my knee, my elbow, like, wherever I fucking hit the deck on that side. And braced myself for these magpies flying in hitting us when I'm down when I'm wounded and they just went got him

ran off ran ran god that would be the most fucking degrading they both land beside you

just caught each other and then slowly walk back and then I go my turn motherfucker just fly up above them I fucking and I was walking down

like just taken stock I'm bleeding profusely out of my hand my fucking rest of it is sore typical you're like oh jeez I'm bleeding so profusely

from all of these wounds I tell you what I'll just go wash me hands in the Gold Coast River just put blood in the Gold Coast River. Just put blood in the thought of the bull sharks. And I just fucking, my phone wasn't one piece in that.

You know that thing where you follow up with a pint? So hold your pint up. My phone was grand, so we left, I'll be left side's fine. And I'm just walking by and I just fucking, saw this workie getting out of his van, a trainee getting out of his van and I just fucking saw this work he's getting out of his van a trailer

he's getting out of his van and he's just fucking clocked his bleeding he's like

oh mate you alright I'm just going to swoop by a magpie he's like oh my god

a magpie got you and I'm like I'm pretty embarrassed to be honest he was like do you mean

anything to mop that up and I was like have you got anything that would

be sound and he just started shouting through his mates working on the gun hey Barry Steve have you mean anything? They mopped that up. I was like, have you got anything? That would be sound. He just started shouting through his mates working on the garden. Hey, Barry, Steve, have you got anything?

This cunt's been attacked by a mack pie. I'm like, mate, it's fine. He just ran off. He didn't get his audience. Out of breath from me, running, fucking bleeding and I'm like,

I'm a bird, God, it was... It was very funny when we first got to this place. So there's... We've got a pool in the back garden and then literally 15 feet away from the pool is just slightly sanded a bit

and then this big bit of fucking water. And it just banks around the houses and you just see the water disappear. First thing you do when you come in, you're like, I've not been to the gym in a while. That's fucking good cardio. Take off shirt. And you do, man, you fucking swim.

The length of this, I'm going to say it's, I'm really bad at distances, but a kilometre until the other ones? I think it was a kilometre each way. From our shore to the other shore at the far end. Yeah, I'm really bad at gauging. I'm going to guess it was a kilometre each way. I'm going to guess. But like, if I was to guess higher or lower,

I think I'd say lower. Yeah, maybe. but it was about that to the point that when I was at the middle of the body of water it felt like I was getting no closer to the houses in front

and when I look back it seemed like I was getting no further away and it just felt like fucking treading water for a bit but then it started so I think Cara

posted a video of you swimming over there and then you fucking re-Instagram it whatever and then obviously all of Cara's DMs and all you fucking re-Instagram it or whatever and then obviously all of Cara's DMs and all of your DMs

it's just Aussies going don't ever fucking do that again don't ever fucking do that again like it's Gold Coast there are bull sharks

in the river literally Jordan was showing us last week some guys went fishing and pulled out a six foot bull shark most of the shark attacks happen from bull sharks

shark attacks are rare but like 80% of shark attacks happen from bull sharks sure shark attacks are rare but like 80% of shark attacks are from bull sharks at least that would have been fucking cool but not the bird thing yeah

not the bird thing fucking bird go shit in a car bird everyone's telling us all this and we're like that can't be right because we're always like we always talk about

fucking kailuk and I'm like if you've done two kilometres swimming in a lake shark infested water with open fucking wounds and you've come back being like the water's fine and i just walk in with my son and 30 seconds later i come back out he thinks you're doing that jim carrey thing he's just laughing his tits off on the bank um so uh I'm freaking out you're freaking

out when we tell you there's bull sharks in there you get this look on your face of like

I need to be just more sensible I need to read things through before I do and then

Cara spoke to the other house and she was like no it's a private fucking lake

and then you zoomed in on the map on the google maps and it's like a horseshoe so where it

looks like a meander's around yeah it looks like it looks out of the sea yeah it looks like it's part of the

fucking Gold Coast river system but it's not it's just a disembodied horseshoe landlocked and don't be wrong because it's Australia you know people are still

like oh you know there could still be crocs in there there could still be brown snakes you've got to be careful and you just think to yourself

God if only Australians had put as much effort into exterminating all the dangerous species in this country as they did to exterminate the people

who originally lived here then maybe this might be a funner place to visit it's not even funny because it's true it's sad because it's true yeah

yeah yeah you could probably do without so many predators like and I'm a little bit like what the fuck are Aussies doing letting birds evolve

to think they can attack people that should be like they should get fucked up and not breed again that should be like an evolutionary dead end for birds as attacking people for the fucking country that invented coward punching which is just at 3am outside of a casino you see somebody that won more money For the fucking country that invented coward punching, right?

Which is just at 3am outside of a casino, you see somebody that won more money than you and you run up and you punch them back in the head. Interesting fact, it used to be called the King Punch was the name of this thing and it killed heaps of fucking Australians. It was this horrible thing that drunk punters did. Like it was before things were going viral, but it was like this fucking trained, well...

Like happy slapping. Yeah, yes, yes. Perfect example uh and then the media did something really really fucking good which is rare and they went we're not calling it king punching anymore we're calling it coward punching and that reduced the amount of coward punching by like when they changed social security to benefits and people stopped doing it oh really it's a fucking it's horrible oh yeah benefiting from the system oh yeah yeah social security

I'm getting security from society yeah what a fucking I can't even fucking thought about that Jesus but they called it

coward punching and people were like well that's not me I'm not a coward I'm a king kings punch people in the back of the head would you agree

if I'm talking about nations where you're like, places you wouldn't want to get into a bar fight, I think Australia would be up there. You know what? Anywhere that has rugby as the number one sport. Yeah. Somewhere that I'm like, fight amongst yourselves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Aussie rules football. This is a country, we were watching Aussie rules football the other day and the reason I fucking I don't understand the rules but the reason I like

fucking watching it is because it's a pitch full of men that if they were punched in the face or hurt by a member of the other team

the ultimate act of shame for them would be to acknowledge that they were hurt by the other person which is the opposite of fucking football

football you're trying to gain advantage by theatrics man you could literally fucking king punch sorry coward punch somebody in the fucking

AFL and just out of sheer spite they wouldn't die until the referee blew the final fucking whistle they're like I'm not going to

give you satisfaction on that and I've played with 17 men beep beep boo coward blah aneurysm like that so fucking whistle they're like I'm not going to get you satisfaction on that and I play with 17 men boop boop boop coward blah aneurysm

like that so it's mad that in a country where I'm like you know I think the people are fucking hard here they're hearty

you know it's harsh conditions people fucking survive here you let fucking not even good birds

not like fucking cockatoos or eagles or shit we care about, fucking magpies. We get magpies in Scotland. Do they swoop people? No. No, they fucking don't.

Do you know why? Because we fucking taught them lessons. I wasn't there for it, but I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure there was one time in history where the magpies in Scotland were like, we're going to do swooping season. And Scotland went, you know what? We're all going to get into fucking tennis

that's when that mutation ends aye you just Aussies are just like I can't believe they're like no no no we can't disturb this creature's

area because it was here originally and this is get that fucking abo out of here it needs to stay there and we need to protect because it's been here a lot why is he there move along move along why is he there why is he there their day

is in like 14 fucking day oh that's what they did it's what they do let's not no no it is gone this isn't buddy buddy this isn't this isn't New Zealand right Australia's trying you know but it's a

it's a big hole they gotta fucking dig themselves out of long way to go aye like you gotta remember man Aboriginal

AFL players here to this day still get absolutely fucking barbaric like

Italian football fans yeah absolutely fucking like it's

and don't be wrong you don't want to be competitive Italian football fans

like do better no no and it's not it's obviously wrong to

say it's all of Australia because there are you know it's there are

so many liberal parts of Australia that are doing their best

to acknowledge what's happened in the past they're trying to change fucking there's a day here which is like Australia Day but the left are like it's invasion day Anzac Day? No, no, no, no, no, no, no

That's the forces isn't it? That's the forces Australia, New Zealand, Armed Corps So Anzac Day is that, but there's also Australia Day, which people are just like... So they're Columbus Day, you mean?

Yes. Right, okay, got you. So they're like, we can't call it Australia, let's just fucking change the date. Let's stop celebrating the fact that we came over here and wiped 90 fucking percent

of these people out and made our own country. We want to do it. This conversation is happening in Australia and it would be wrong to say that there aren't people out here fighting our own country. We want to do it. This conversation is happening in Australia and it would be wrong to say that there aren't people out here fighting the fucking good fight. But it would also be wrong to say

that they're winning. I don't know. There's too many people that are just like, it's tradition. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the fucking... You're like, well, if you cared about traditions... One thing I do like

about Australians is they've got firm handshakes the majority of them like I haven't had a bad handshake yet and I've discovered it more so since I've

hurt my hand I love about Australia is the fact that it's one of the few countries where I can be very very honest about all of my opinions on them

and I don't have to caveat it with I love Australia we get it, I know like in America you have to I've said this before and I'll say it again every time you even dare fucking be like I think America

could be slightly improved in this way, you've got to be like I love America and you've got to sing the fucking national anthem and you've got to fucking bend the knee love America. And you've got to sing the fucking national anthem and you've got to fucking bend the knee to fucking Trump and then you get to say, I actually think your food is shit.

And you just cover up how shit your food is by giving people larger portions and you'll still lose 50% of your fucking audience. I opened the fucking show in Brisbane the other day

with the extermination fucking line and they lost their fucking minds, man. Like, and on both sides of the fucking spectrum. Aussies are, at least from my experience, really hard to sincerely offend. Yeah, and they can laugh at themselves. With America, it's like you have to have your HR

head on call them into the office and tell them like, look, you've been doing really well with your work, you're hitting the quotas but you're just not turning up on time you're not in trouble unless you improve this you might be

but we just couldn't do that keep that in keep that in keep absolutely let's keep that in as this man, this manly man, flinched while setting the clap for this episode. That's fucking, that's just an open wound.

Aye. From? From a vigil attack. So, New Zealand has, what I've, all this stuff, New Zealand has the I've all this stuff New Zealand has the press that Canada had 10 years ago

right which is the rest of the world thinks it's this amazingly forward thinking place this liberal fucking hub this amazing sort of

thing and when we're out in the You're not that prime minister Yes I Prime mistress I think I'm not a caroler You're absolutely not especially since That prime ministeress. Yes, aye, aye. Prime mistress. I think I've got to call her that.

You know, you absolutely not. Especially since she's not the prime mistress anymore. She's retired. Jacinda Ardern was her name. She was wonderful, wasn't she? From what I heard, from all accounts, from the people. So the sort of thing that's going around now is nobody under 20 in New Zealand can buy tobacco products and then in 10 years nobody under 30 new zealand can buy tobacco products and then

in 10 years nobody under 30 will be able to buy tobacco products and they're basically phasing out so that in 50 yeah yeah which is absolutely the right thing and then when we're in new zealand we can buy fucking vapes everywhere and i talked to my friend greg who's there and i'm like i thought new zealand was banning nicotine he's like just tobacco man like nicotine's too fucking big and they're like you know they're doing this good thing we all fucking agree but vaping is still unknown how fucking dangerous

it is because it's only been around for fucking five years and I think it's far more addictive because it's infinite oh and it's infinite

you can do it in the fucking house finite thing on a cigarette means you have a smoke and then you'll put off and put off and put off

until you're next door and then you're going right I'm feeling a bit antsy I'll have another smoke with a vape you'll just sit reading your book

just fucking vaping constantly we get to Australia buy some vapes and then Matthew when he arrives over he's like what does it say zero milligrams on it and I'm like oh fuck I just bought one without nicotine in it all right fair enough and then we go down to a vape store and I walk in this is the gold coast yeah yeah, yeah. And this is another reason why I love the Aussie attitude to just everything so very fucking much. I walk in and I go, we're just looking for some vapes. And she's like, yeah, absolutely. There's selections over here.

I'm like, where can we get ones that have got nicotine in them? And she went, oh, so nicotine vapes are actually illegal in Australia and cannot be sold. And I went, yeah, I know that vapes are actually illegal in Australia and cannot be sold. And I went, yeah, I know that, but where can I get them? And she went, Dave's Vape Shop over the road. Because you're going through the beads like you're going to get in a video shop back in the day where they used to have the porn in the back. Not even that fucking thing.

We walk in, because I'm expecting to do the thing where I'm like, right, we've got to go in and do the like look over the shoulder but make it not look like you're a cop being like so we're just here for some vapes

do you guys do some nicotine vapes and she just pushes the menu that's on the table and she's like these are all nicotine vapes and I'm like you fucking guys

like if only you could apply that fucking lax attitude to your shitty shitty shitty ass traffic lights. Oh, mate, it's the pedestrian ones that couldn't give a fuck about you. What?

They couldn't give a fuck. They're going, right, we're going to have like eight rotations of cars and then we'll let you through for a second, like miss that window by looking at your phone and you're done. Another minor gripe I have about these trains, man, the traffic lights take fucking ages to change it. But to be fair, on the other side of that, they also let you through for ages.

So even though it's annoying to sit there for four minutes, when you're 50 deep in a traffic thing, you're like, oh, I reasonably might get through on the next one though. So that's not too fucking bad. Nobody in this country... Is in a hurry to get off the bus. I've not seen anyone move off when it turns orange

I've not even seen anyone move off when it turns green whenever it turns green every Aussie goes I'll just double check left right

mirrors and go and you're like you fucking arse go this is every car just being driven

by a koala yeah it's also I think it might be because it's so long on red that like you can't not

just get your phone out so it's probably just a bunch of people just going I'm not just going to sit here existing yeah I'm not mindful enough

to just sit here looking at the lights for this long so I'm just going to go and play a snake I do agree Australia, if you're going to have traffic lights that remain red for

four minutes at a time you do have to have an episode of Bluey going on just beside that traffic light You and Bluey man What's your fucking problem? It's good I just didn't think

there should have any traffic lights what you'd rather people were on their phone watching Bluey looking down no you get man

cut in the middle man just play it right on is that the perfect sized episode for an Aussie traffic light yeah man is that the perfect sized episode for an Aussie traffic light yeah man

it's the perfect it's the perfect perfect thing and there's oh man I didn't realise sorry to go to another bluey ramp

that is the greatest thing that's ever been created by in any form of art form it's all set in Brisbane and apparently there's this fucking

I didn't realise there was a bluey reddit thankfully but like because of the algorithm understanding what I watch when I'm on Reddit now it'll be like do you want to join the Bluey subreddit and I'm like no but it'll still show me things and there's a map of Brisbane

where it shows you in every episode of Bluey where they go some place and this is where this is and this is where this is and I'm like god I think I'm such a fucking dad because I'm like If Kai wasn't here we would go to all of these places We can we can we can go to the beach where she meets the crabs we and lunch to walk by herself We can go to the big peanut that they take on the fucking road trip a trip to avoid the grey nomads

that's pretty fucking cool that's a great episode we can go to the school that they go to the parties they go to oh man you can go everywhere but it's a drawing

what? it's a drawing of the place can I do that? no, no, hold on that's what Aussies look like they're all dogs They're all fucking dogs Well drawn dogs, sorry

Really well drawn dogs You'd know that dog's immediately looking at them Matthew Well, he's catatonic Do you reckon the audio is picking up Dogatonic Not through a cat's ear, mate Absolutely not

Do you reckon Even though we've got An exceptional sound system Do you think it's picking up Your dad's snoring Because I can hear it No it's not It's not

It doesn't look like it No Aye How do How did you Find the Flight out here Because this is definitely

The furthest you've Ever fucking Well because It's the furthest you can this is definitely the furthest you've ever fucking... It's the furthest you can fly. It's the furthest you can fucking fly. How was the flights for you? It was all right. I mean, I slept intermittently, but nothing consistent. But I was like 30 minutes of sleep, then waking up for 10, then going back the whole way.

It wasn't anything nice. Yeah, if you know you're not like staying awake for long you end up like looking on your phone and I fucking hate that because it's like it's finite scrolling and then you go back

and you've just got the same things to scroll I've whiled away so many hours on flights looking at the same shit that's pretty low not on your phone

just being like well I guess I'll just read all of the comments I hate it but I I didn't I like watching films on my iPad way more than I like watching it on the

screen on the telly they're just never really good screens the headphones they're just like you want to use your headphones? well tough luck you're going to need this one and you're just like well fuck you I've got good headphones it only works in the left ear what if I

shugle it oh okay how about no ears oh fuck I guess this entire movie is

happening over there because I mentioned I watched a film on the flight that like everyone had

watched and you already spoke about and I was like I'll finally watch that film on the flight and then Elliot

was just like just as the director intended this and that like actually resonated with us it's like nobody's making a film thinking like finally watched that film on the flight. And then Elliot was just like, just as the director intended this. And that actually resonated with us. It's like, nobody's making a film thinking like, ooh, watch this on the flight in all of its glory.

I watched The Green Knight on the way over. It's got that actor from Skins, Slumdog Millionaire. Dev Patel? Yes, thank you. Dev Patel. I fucking love Dev Patel as an actor. He's got Hasty Lion.

Yeah, superb. That was one where I nearly cried, but didn't because I'm not Milo. Oh, okay. I wept. I wept at least three separate points during that movie, quite openly in a cinema in New York.

And then five years later, during lockdown, made Cara watch it. I was like, this movie will get you crying. So sad. And when the sad thing happens, I'm there with tears, fucking streaming down my tits and I turn around.

I'm like, see, this will make, oh, you're on your phone. Okay. Oh, no. I think she enjoyed it. Trying to connect to the airplane Wi-Fi to see how it ends. Is it her that does that? Yes, that is her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I watched The Green Knight. The Green Knight The Green Knight because I saw the advert and it looked fucking weird it looked good I'd never found the time to watch it it's the sort of thing where

it's not something Cara would watch so I'm like the only way I'm ever going to watch this is when I'm on a flight so it was when we were coming back from India I think it was

it had Joel Edgerton in it who I fucking love as an actor as well fucking stack of shit man the ending is horrible just nothing really the actual story because I watched the trailer and I loved the trailer

so I went and read the story and I was like oh this is going to be fucking sick and then they do all the story points that lead up to this ending and then for no reason at the end they just change the last 10 minutes so none of it pays off

and none of it makes sense they don't tie up all of the stuff that they set up there's like because there's bits where like he kisses

the king on the mouth and stuff and then there's these people that you don't really know what they're doing he goes through all these challenges

and the whole point is at the end is that he's being tested to see whether he's a good knight or not necking on with the king's part of his criteria. Aye.

Have you not got your jury duty letter that on the king's coronation you've got to go there and kiss King Charles? Aye. Otherwise you're not going to be a good knight. And if you're not a good knight, you don't get any good knight sleep. I hate that. I hate that so much. That was like the film you were talking about. It does all this stuff and then at the end it's like what the fuck was that at the end? Was the end

of it just baffled us? Man, it was funny. I didn't even realise that that joke was going to come out of my mouth. I love doing that to myself. When the joke that comes out is one that I also like and I didn't know was coming. You tried to hire me, not under the bus, you tried to call me out on something that I didn't do yesterday. Why?

Beeb's done a joke that he clearly does all of the time. And it was when Mallory had that wedding album out and he was showing Cara's mum and dad the pictures. He leaned over and went,

Mallory's the one in the white dress. And I was just like, how many times have you done that, man? And you were just like, ah, you blame Natalie for that. I'm like, I will fight this corner. That's a different thing. When you say something, she's like,

how long have you been waiting to tell that joke? Yeah. And always at a clearly improvised moment where your brain just grabs on something. Yeah, that is like two completely different things. I hope you understand. I do, I do. I hope you didn't understand you didn't catch me

in the act of doing the thing that I that I pull people for I got my dad today properly fucking buckled up when we were at the zoo oh fucking here comes

a little monster hello dickhead hello trotting away we were watching the bird show at Crumbin Zoo right

and Cale was fascinated it was so good he should have been so tired but all of these birds are flying just above his head so that's fine maybe you should shut the door actually just in case You're at the bird show did you say?

We're at the bird show Wouldn't be me like Well we figured since you weren't there we might as well take advantage of you I'm there in full body armour And a green knight Ready to kiss a kingfisher We Were watching it

And they've got like They've got fucking Some big ass fucking eagle That comes out They've got a couple of owls Owls that come out And then And they're like

And One of the nation's favourite birds is here the black cockatoo Kelly Minogue I went, I've heard you like a black cockatoo Oh man Sorry I didn't say that, Alfie Brown said that

Sorry, sorry, Alfie Brown was there with us and he and he didn yeah yeah and he and there was and he didn't say black no no and there and there was

somehow there was a hard R in bird bird bird I'm going to be doing shows I need to plug these I keep I keep getting told to plug my shows and then not plugging my shows but I'm going to be in Melbourne. I need to plug these. I keep getting told to plug my shows

and then not plug in my shows, but I'm going to be in Melbourne. So we're on this tour now. We're doing Gold Coast on Tuesday and then go to Adelaide. This isn't the end of the podcast. There's going to be more chat. I'm just captive audience.

You haven't left yet. But then when we do Melbourne, I'm going to stay in Melbourne and do five shows. I looked at the schedule and I was like, oh, it's going to be fine. It'll sell out because I'll open for Daniel and I'll say, hey, I'm going to stay in Melbourne and do five shows I looked at the schedule and I was like oh it's going to be fine it'll sell out because I'll open for Daniel and I'll say

hey I'm going to be in Melbourne but the first two shows are before yours so I'm going in raw did you see if you could come to my first two shows you guys only

and then all of the plastic fans that I get from Daniel can come to the other ones but first two shows in Melbourne I need y'all to be there did you see

Sean Walsh's Instagram yesterday I nearly messaged him I nearly messaged him because it was so Sean Walsh is doing Melbourne Comedy Festival

for the first time and the fucking poor boy I think he's had some form of illness he had to cancel fucking two of his shows because he shat himself

in bed he's got a fucking migraine so he's clearly not having a great time shat himself in bed he's got a fucking migraine so he's clearly not having a great time he finally wakes up and he's like I can't cancel

any more shows regardless of how awful I feel like this is a dream come true and I'm so lucky to be here and I've already

disappointed people that can't come I'm gonna fucking do the show so he does this post being like Melbourne that's it

the shows are going ahead tonight and somebody messaged him being like Melbourne are you opening for Daniel Sloss amazing and he was like post being like Melbourne that's it the shows are going ahead tonight and somebody mentioned it being like Melbourne are you opening for Daniel Sloss amazing

and he was like you'll like this but I didn't and I was going to reply to him just going hey it's a decent living it's an honest wage

aye we should also plug we are adding a third Melbourne show in that stupidly big room it's reduced capacity

and by reduced capacity we mean two and a half thousand tickets. It's on at 4.30 during the Melbourne Festival and that's hopefully so that people who live slightly outside of Melbourne and have children have the opportunity to be able to come in and see the show

and be able to get back at fucking sensible times. I'm sorry that I haven't put a have the opportunity to be able to come in and see the show and be able to get back at fucking sensible times got you so I'm sorry that I haven't put a live podcast out yet I did mention that there were management

and agent and stuff and we're looking into venues and ticketing and all that sort of stuff that comes with it there's not for them

just yet but we could maybe just have a word with Dan well let's do the X-Fat again and just do it low key and it doesn't have to be like, we can just announce it

on the Patreon page That's the way it fucking should be done right because the fucking, Slauson Humphreys live during Edinburgh was 30% podcast listeners and 70% people who just came to see me because they didn't get

tickets for other shows. And it felt like that for the first 20 fucking minutes. Like it didn't feel like we were getting the people that understand our sense of humour. So I actually, I personally always prefer the live shows when it's 100% the fucking podcast. So let's do it like pure low-key then, and I'll put it on the Patreon message like just as a

like as a text post aye and we'll just do an afternoon or something in the XFAD and just have it like put a low key like that aye

and we'll have fun that way and also if you're not Patreon don't worry we will also tell you the fucking things but just don't bring your friends who don't listen to the podcast

just exclusively people that can listen to the podcast just exclusively people that can listen to all of our ignorance in a room while we get drunk but that'd be good because there'd be so many people there for good guests like Milo's in town

Milo done the Formula 1 he went to Melbourne Grand Prix done Greatest Guild like everyone Lewis Hamilton Verstappen Toto Wolff

fucking works man like everybody that came into the paddock everybody who's anybody in Formula 1 he flirted with on their way

through the door and he doesn't know who any of them are which is good for the bit it's good like it's better for the bit

if he doesn't know who he's talking to because it's better for the bit if he doesn't know who he's talking to because it's better for his composure I'm so very happy for all

of Milo's success except when he gets shit like that and I'm like but I'm I'm like what were you motherfucker

he's got a free ticket to the Formula 1 he couldn't give a fuck like meeting all the Man City team he could have went to the game but like he just didn't call a football

man it's like fucking sending the top 10 porn stars in the world to the fucking Vatican it's fucking wasted on them right it's just not gonna go down where

I mean speaking of you know you're saying there's too many predators in this country the fucking church in this country is it worse than no no it's not worse than Ireland

and it's not worse than America and it's not worse than America but it's still like there was a guy called I believe George Pell who was like some fucking high up fucking minister

over here and he was just a big fucking Aussie nonce who nonce and all he did was nonce and he loved

sucking little boys cocks and loved wanking them off and he loved all that fucking shit his job was his hobby aye aye you gotta do what you fucking love

and he's dead now thank fucking god never worked a day in his life he's dead now and hopefully his children. Never worked a day in his life. He's dead now, and hopefully his children are sad. But, like, it was that thing, you know, the way all of Christianity is like, remember history, except for the stuff we did.

Remember specifically 2,000 years ago when the one good Christian was alive. And by the way, he wasn't a Christian, he was a Jew. But let's not read into that. Yeah. You know, like, Australia feels like this country that christian he was a jew but let's not read into that uh there you know that there like australia feels like this country where you go it's a bit christian and you go only in the fucking outskirts adelaide is the fucking capital of churches but i mean christ church religious place in new zealand because it's called christ church. Yeah. Didn't seem that way. No. And, you know, none of the fucking Maori fucking gods bother me.

Like, you know, when they, you know, we were watching the Australian season of Alone last night and there was a Maori guy on it and like. Alone with friends. Alone with friends. You're never alone when you're alone with friends. I bet on a guy. Let's get back to your point right in

a minute but you bet on the maori guy he was a maori guy yeah yeah the guy with the fucking long dreads the first thing he did when he got so he's from new zealand the series takes place in tasmania and man i do find like that i i find like tribal culture so very interesting. I find old, like people that are holding onto the past in like a good way. I just find it so very interesting because it's like, oh, this is how people live. This guy knows, on the other seasons of Alone, the people know how to make traps

because they're Americans who are obsessed with like hunting and they learned it from their dad or their granddad or whatever. And not to say that it's not been passed down for generations, but if something is passed down from generations in america that's 120 years it's three generations yeah fucking total yeah if you if you've got a native american that's how they passed down for generations that's fucking old school so this fucking maori lad like is coming on and he gets off the fucking boat and the first thing he does, and again look that's somebody that despises all of religion right, this guy's coming on

and he starts speaking to the island and he starts thanking it and explaining and just explaining to the island, he's like I'm from this tribe, from this part of the land, you probably know her, you must be related probably Have you seen Moana? Yeah, yeah we're all together. That's Hawaii isn't it? Aye, aye, aye. Damn it.

And he looks good man like he's making he's making this fucking looking at this guy and I hope this isn't racist but my first thought was like that cunt

can make a canoe oh yeah he's like that well I saw him just cut like he made a trap for some water and he fucking

he was managing to get himself a drink first up and he was having a bit of a like like, miss me family, which is always a bad thing. On day two, on day fucking, no. If you're tired of being with your family,

like early doors on alone, you're already, like, setting up your excuse and, like, justifying its plausibility in your head. Because it is a plausible excuse to want to be back with your family. Yeah, yeah, of course. But if you leave alone in the first week because you miss your family did you

when you were out there when you were out there practising making fires in the bush when you were out there building fucking traps and learning how to track animals at no point

as part of your training did you just go for a long weekend away in the Gold Coast away from your family in a nice just be used to being away I'm not saying it's easy to be away from your family just be used to being away, I'm not saying it's easy to be away from your family

I know how fucking difficult it is but motherfucker, the only thing I can beat everyone on a loan at is being away from the family that's the one I was watching it while away from my family and he was crying after one day and I was just like, surely I should be

looking at people who are on a loan going, that looks really hard. I shouldn't be watching the loan going, I've been doing that for weeks now. What are you talking about? So I bet on him and it is the quickest I've ever lost a tenner and I've just gotten back from Vegas. But it's almost as if the show

was left thing. It was like, here's the winner of the show and Kyle was like I want him he's dead it was before the opening credits it was like

the end of the show and I was like I'll have that guy that was drinking water at the end and then the next one just bled through and it was just like

a man crying on a boat and you were like that's your guy and I'm like you cut out the bit where he tapped out didn't even make the phone call he's just floating off

into the distance fuck's sake. Anyway, enjoy the rest of the series, guys. I'm just going to be sad here watching the footy. But the difference between... Because this is Australia's first season of Alone, right? And it's so fucking different to the American season, just in the language.

Because Americans don't swear because they can't and it's not within their culture and whenever Americans do try to swear it's like you know when AI videos now are so fucking impressive but the one thing they haven't nailed is blinking, you can all tell it's an AI thing

because they blink fucking weird, that's any American from any part of America that's ever sworn at any point, it's like oh hey AI, that's not real you're not a It's like, oh, hey, hey, ha, ha, ha, that's not real. You're not a real person. That doesn't fucking belong there. Whereas Aussies, like the fucking Scots and the Brits, it is part of the vernacular.

We were watching this fucking show last night, and just like this 45-year-old, 47-year-old teacher, secondary school teacher, she's out there, right, and she fucking knows bushcraft like nothing else right, and this fucking branch falls down and she just goes, you fucking tree cunt! And we're like aww, this is Aussie

this is the most Aussie fucking thing my guy, who I fucking bet on because my thing is always, go for ex-army people not because they've got the best skills but because if anyone knows ex-army people not because they've got the best skills but because if anyone knows

suffering and how to survive starvation isolation and really shit conditions it's somebody who trained to be any armed forces

around the world because that's what the first year of armed forces training is how much do you think life can suck discipline and depravity yeah yeah yeah

so I'm always putting this this bald fucking aussie cunt right the one rule on a loan the one rule on a loan for it do not drink any fucking water from anywhere unless you've boiled it into oblivion i and even that even then even then it's coming through the trees always fucking pour the water this guy is up to his fucking knee with a fucking bluey cup one of his ten items and he's like he's like oh is that down to drink the water on a line you fuck yourself you drink the water on a line

nobody fucking tells me what to do cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck you can't tax bacteria what am I doing and I'm like man we're not here for the banter I've got a tenner riding on you you've got 250 grand riding on this what are you fucking doing you psychopath

he's probably an anti-vaxxer because he doesn't like putting stuff that he doesn't know in his body and then he goes ahead and does that and you're like alright we have a barbecue to go and host now so I think we should probably go and do that

we'll get another podcast recorded here another Patreon one recorded before we leave and then we might try and get one done in adelaide or most likely sydney but we've got matthew and jack over here so hopefully the quality of these will improve and the chances that they come out regularly yeah and uh come see my solo shows in melbourne please yes come to your see your solo shows. And also Sydney and Perth, but Melbourne's first. Aye. We've got shows in Melbourne. We've got shows in Gold Coast, Adelaide, Perth, Newcastle, fucking Adelaide. And when you do Newcastle, Cairns and Hobart.

Canberra. Canberra. I don't think I'm doing Cairns. And Tasmania. And Tasmania. So when you do them, I'm going to be doing my solo show so I'm sorry but you have got

Connor Burns who's class alright apart from that thank you for tuning in and we'll see you on the next episode