Sloss and Humphries On The Road - 5.30: Diabetic Comedown

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

The morning after the live podcast before Bart rejoins the party with a regular reminder that he needs insulin to stay alive. Instead of a doctor Muggins and Cream consult him to the original gangster Nick Cody to spike his blood sugar. If you haven't heard the live podcast subscribe to Patreon you dogs, what is £3 a bit steep? Grow up.

Hello you pieces of shit, welcome to another episode of Sloss and Humphreys on the road. It's the day after our live podcast, which you'll all be able to listen to on the Patreon, is it? Yeah, yeah, it's a good one. It's probably the best live one we've done. Very funny. I'm now really fucking hungover, so I'm not miserable during this fucking episode, but I contribute little. But that's fine, because we've got Bart and Nick Horry on and it's very funny and we talk about, we're just dead bigoted really for

a while to be honest with you. Just really old school shit opinions, which we kind of acknowledge, but then don't change them. So it's not really growth. It's just self-awareness. Yeah, yeah, it's really bad. It's like, I know all of this is wrong and none of us will change it.

It's a straight white male podcast. Sloss and Humphries on the road. Muggins and cream, cream and muggins. Straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles. Tickle in the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woo-hoo!

They said it can't be done. Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Oh, muggles. Accidental rip job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia.

Where have you been since 9-11? Morning, boys. I'm only here on this podcast in spirit. You tend to be hungover, is it? Yeah. Barely a man. More of a ghost. Yeah, he waddled into the room and just collapsed on the floor it was it's like do you know that level of hungover

and also when you're sick we're just lying on the bathroom floor oh it's the only cure yeah well it's always cold it's never not cold there's nothing you can do tonight you know like you get stuck in the shower where you just can't get out of a hot shower. You're just there, trapped. You were just having a bit of tummy time on the... Yeah, tummy time helps. You got so drunk last night you thought you could beat me at table tennis. Oh, shit. Because that's what we've been doing at the end every night, as fucked as we are playing table tennis.

Have you won? I always win. No, I've beat him twice in a row. The only ones we counted. Not in a row. I win 80 80 to 90% Of the games Oh shit

I really do You documented it all In fact you didn't even document The last one You were like Even in this state I would be winning Even though I've beat him

The last two times That were competed right He challenged us last night No one found well We didn't have a table tennis table And I started looking To find one in Melbourne Yeah

And I had people working on it Just calling Because we're like There's got to be somewhere with a table it's melbourne man if if you die first loss then your your tombstone should be a table tennis table where you have to play him every week and you just can't wait because eventually you miss like first come against the wall but against his gravestone just like after like 50 years just the wearing there there's a hole that gets it through. But if I just said the admini has a life. Well, I feel like generally if someone said

if it's a like a physical contest, I feel like I'd be betting on Kai 90. It's hand die coordination, though. though yeah like it's not it's not just hand eye why have you just got it in your head that you're beating us all the time where did you get that from you've gaslit yourself

I went cable tennis I swear to fucking god I beat you 90% of the time you've won two in a row you've got selective memories I fucking dust you because I've got better than you

you guys need a proper document this I think this is how we ended up knitting sweaters man we ended up knitting sweaters because of a toxic argument I fucking dust you. I guess I've got better than you. You guys need to proper document this. This is how we ended up knitting sweaters, man. We ended up knitting sweaters because of a toxic argument like this. Who would be the best at knitting? We need a table tennis table. Oh, there'll be one on the wedding.

That you can just write down every win and loss. I'll be on your wedding day. Sure? Yeah. I mean, you won't. We'll play for Cara. What about tennis? Tennis.

Are you going to ever get bigger? Oh, I've never been good at that one. Squash, I was all right. All right. I was all you won't. We'll play for Cara. What about tennis? Tennis. Are you going to ever get bigger? Oh, I've never been good at that one. Squash, I was all right. All right. I was all right at squash. I like squash, but I love my knees. Yeah. That doesn't seem like it's good for you stamping around.

Yeah, table tennis is the right thing. I mean, maybe your wrists will fuck out and you'll have trouble wanking when you're 55. I would never ever get to the point where I would just, like, accept that bowling is the, like, last range of moment left. Because I always look at those guys, like, it's heaven it's heaven's waiting room the bulls rink there's no young people play it just what is yeah that or just the the very gentle ballroom dancing yeah or cards cards because i used to be a shitty thing a couple of festivals ago at melbourne where in the x-file upstairs they were doing ballroom dancing and I ran through shouting Leroy Jenkins.

Pensioners deserve anything that happens to them. There's not one that's not guilty. If they haven't become more resilient with age then they deserve the world to crush them. That's the law of the universe. Been around for too long. They should be diamonds or dust.

I always say once they get beyond 70 it should be like when you like turn 13 we're just every year instead of something new being legal to you we just take it away with your rights there's you lose the right to drive you lose the right to vote you can't drink you can't drink anymore. Talk. Talk. Answer back. I've got an idea where every week as an old person, you have to solve a couple of problems. You've got to fix. So you're presented with like a touch screen where you've got to solve like a trolley problem, a maths problem or whatever.

And if you fail, there's a door that just opens up. It's like a cuckoo clock, but it's a shotgun. And each time you fail, it just gets closer until it's in your mouth and you've got to solve it. And if you fail, it just fucking paints the wall. So what is that? You've got to do a little aptitude test to see if you're still… If you're, it just fucking paints the wall. So what is that? You've got to do like a little aptitude test. Yeah.

If you're still... If you're capable. So if you can still be in society. And if every time it gets closer, you flinch the way old people fucking flinch when nothing is there to startle them. Just watery eyes. It gets closer.

That watery eye, like, yeah. And they can't... The gun starts coming into focus. Yeah. I don't know what it is about my gran, that watery eye like yeah and they can't the gun starts coming into focus yeah I don't know what it is about my gran but you could announce yourself from

500 feet away phoning her the whole time being like it's me walking up behind you just to let you know and then you go but I'm going to

touch you now gran and you touch they're closer with the ghost realm everything's spooky one foot in the ghost realm. Yeah. One foot in the ghost realm.

I just think the cuckoo clock has got to be, it's just the setup. It's got to make the noise as well. Cuckoo. And if you at one point go, watch this touchscreen, it goes off instantly. It just completely wipes your head. If you try to phone your grandchild from it

It's just right You've got to zoom for it And if it's just like the top half of your head The gun goes off Yeah You've got to have like a It does like a biometric scan To make sure your full face is on the wall

One of the tests is One screen's clearly not a touch screen And the other is And if you touch the one that's not It just instantly cleans you I saw one of your godchildren Many years back She was a lot younger

Trying to zoom in on a fish tank Oh Great She was in a fish tank And she was like Doing the outward pinch So good It's the only thing

Where you get a Get a child At the age of 13 You go hey Do a mime Of answering a phone Oh yeah And they do that

And they do that And they go take a photo And they'll go Yeah Honestly Yeah So they don't do that and that Yeah things have changed The shaka symbol is a better It's just a better symbol

It's like they have one finger to listen And one finger to speak into They think we're mental Teenagers think we're mental When we pretend that bananas are phones Because phones have never looked like a banana to them They've been flat for so long Can you guys

I could be very picked up a book or a fucking notepad Can you remember Alive and Kicking The day at Aim Like Kids TV on the weekend Can you remember when they'd have a phone And just random stuff Like a shoe or something Or like a pineapple Shoe phone and get smart

Revolutionary Revolutionary shoe or something but it would be like a pineapple shoe phone and get smart revolutionary revolutionary i think it's for sure it's the yeah yeah i'm sorry sorry matthew uh-huh uh-huh i do think um it's gonna be another 10 years and those guys will be complaining that it's just like a hand gesture or like you have to do a facial thing to what they should do is when they do put phones into our skin yeah your thing there oh yeah uh yeah i want to be able to pull up an area like inspect a gadget yeah i want an actual area yeah i want scottwick i want my foreskin to be the microphone so i have to stretch it up as close i've got a hunch down so i'll be an old guy i'm calling my mother

it's always echoey because the skin's got an acoustic quality all of the buttons are up your arsehole your voice is only oh nine just a german enjoying themselves You just sound like a German. How much of Barbara is my house? You sound like Barbara who turned my body into a phone. Just a German enjoying themselves. Nein. This is the Saw movie I want to see. Where it's like, I can't talk for more than three minutes because I'll cum in my own mouth.

I have to. I don't want to gargle my own cum. I'm just trying to gargle my own gum. I'm just trying to order pizza. All right, no, I'm close. I'm going to have to call you back. Just stop. No, no, no, no, no.

It's coming, it's coming. Phone and babe station to get the mate closer oh man I'm upgrading my phone you've just got weights hanging off your cock trying to stretch the skin I'm transitioning

to Samsung my pronouns are knock ya and knock him yeah yeah do Nokia just not make phones anymore did they just

I wonder what they're doing that would be like they might just retire yeah but that would be like fucking Kleenex just being like

we're out we're not doing it anymore the biggest in the game to now they're just a cute little because they're still you can still get

the bricks can you yeah is it like when people buy vinyl? It seems, yeah. And it is becoming like that, where some fucking losers are just walking around with one of those.

Oh, I've got Nick Cordy ringing. Here we go. You didn't say I love you. Oh, shit. Should I ring him back? Is that a finger in my hoop? Love you. You're like, ten digits is a lot.

It's a lot of dialing so maybe you just like press your ass all once and it's like siri and then you're talking to your dick yeah it does make the same finger you don't have to yeah it's got to be each each button it makes butt dialing is legitimate yeah yeah there we go yeah yeah butt dialing sorry i butt dialed you um do you reckon you'll be able to carry this podcast without us? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm going to get Nick. It might.

It's going to be a change. It's going to be, yeah. I mean, I can certainly try. Yeah. We just talk about Magic the Gathering for seven minutes. Yeah, I never, like Tom Horton tried to get us into it. I enjoyed it. But I did feel my home and growing back yeah oh it is peak nerd it is it's a fucking fun game when it's going good it's so fun because

you're you got this massive army of fucking crazy zombie cunts he's got this weird thing of robot machine wizards and they're just twist turn massive spells how have we how have we not invented or have we the fucking the yugioh thing yeah you put your card down and then there's just like a little fucking thing that's gotta be surely it's not it can't be far off but the other thing that fucking captures people hard is the collectability of the cards yeah so people have these this one where there's the fucking is it the black lotus yeah one of the super million dollars or whatever yeah so much money and how i mean you know is it possible

at all to get those in packs or are they all just well the private collectors have them yeah everyone's got maybe there's a couple packs left hiding somewhere but not many got done but it's such a cunty standard false scarcity you've got a factory you've got a printer that can print this and they're like no we're just gonna do 10 it's like can't i'm i'll make one with texter yeah yeah do you understand what capitalism is give me what i fucking want they just put a price that i can afford the whole industry the whole card like magic thing is just people complaining that they're not printing enough of some cards because they're creating and i mean i just make them i i do make cards with biros

yeah i'll just go this is the card and people go no it's not i'm like we're playing pretend anyway you know there's no dragons here yeah i haven't cast a fireball for real do you need it to be in full color to pretend like i had to buy it like okay yeah god that is so funny just making your own fucking sick deck man charizard yeah extra charizard you're like this guy's not real it is now can't yeah also i don't know if you ever played the fucking Pokemon games but you regularly

met trainers who only had the same Pokemon over and over and over again they were all autistic they were like I've got seven

Weedles and I dress like a bug catcher you're like this is a weird part of the world man they haven't travelled much have they

they're just like you'll do yeah yeah I'm gonna train up my sex bugs you're just like, you'll do. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to train up my sex bugs. You're like, buddy, Jesus. You are not a good Pokemon. They're so bad.

Yeah. But, man, I play with a group of guys, like two groups. One who just doesn't give a fuck and they'll print cards. And I just send cards to a printer and they'll cut the cards out and send them to me. 50 bucks, I'll get a $10,000 deck for 50 bucks and my everyone will play and it's fun it's mad yeah then i've guys are like if you haven't bought it you can't use it because i guess it's for them like the fucking printing it's steroids is it yeah well it's like yeah you're but then i'm like we can all do it

yeah it's not you know as long as we agree that we don't make a, you know, endlessly powerful day, we just choose a level. But they're a bit more, or not. There's only, you know, you run into them occasionally. They're just like, no, you've got to pay to win, essentially. I feel like it's the people who play, like, FIFA, and they're like, you can't sign the greatest player of all time to Hebs, and you're like, I'll do what I fucking want. We're playing a fantasy game.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not this good at football, and I'm not a manager. Also, though, if you want to look at reality, I'm white, so I'm already, we've already done it. We've already signed the best player of all time. Like, what, have you been to the rest of the world? I can't wait for global warming to take it. It's fucking not great

dude i said ed sheen such a violent tirade of uh aussie racism because i was just annoyed i get annoyed constantly the inefficiency of your uh country yeah and the one i said it was i was like i wish i'd never brought a bought a fucking fucking Tesla I wish I'd bought a Hummer And left it in the driveway Just to get the hole in the ozone layer Above this fucking island Bigger and bigger So I can just nuke you all with the sun

You fucking pieces of shit Congratulations on your Aussie visa You cunt You're lesser of a person And she was like, good morning. Went through an Australian airport, did we? And I was like, yeah, we fucking. Mind you, your airports aren't actually quite good.

You're very efficient. You know how to do internal flights in this fucking country. Oh, yeah. And I know there's a lot of cancellations, but you're also so good at cancellations where it's like, man, there's another plane that'll be here in seven minutes. These are fucking buses, buddy. The reason the flight was cancelled is because another plane landed on top of the plane before it could move. We got too many planes.

Yeah, we were trying to make more planes, and we think that's how they have sex. We've never seen them fuck in the wild all we know is like sometimes british airways lands here we have to kill all of the people on board and repaint the plane because we have no idea how plane they're made it's quite a it's quite a there's so many planes there's actually planes stacked from here to sydney that people just walk along the bridge. Just checking their ticket, being like, I've been walking down this aisle for so long. This is a big board.

7097F? It's that window? I hope it's walking the whole way. You're at 35,000 feet. Yes, a bit. Can we get a hostess to... Oh, she's fine.

Did you see this carriage coming? No! No! Running all the way back down. Instead of just getting in to any of the aisles, any of the aisles, nobody sat down. Nobody has sat down.

We're tricking people to walk man they the country is without imagination or the spirit to try something new there's oh it is it is just hey if that's how this is run why would we work out if there was a faster way yeah like it's we do we do it that way and That's fine. Man, you look at Australian film and television. Oh, not good. Fuck, man. Yeah. What? Like what good thing have you seen that Australian? Ever? The it's you get like, yeah, this was was was Bronson No Bronson's not

Hey Big dog in the house Who was the Australian Bronson though Chopper That's who I fucking meant That was good the castle Have you seen the castle

Watch that it's the only one Oh we got a I've not seen the castle. Watch that. It's the only one. Oh, we got a... I've collected an esteemed guest. Yeah. The biggest of dogs. Got the big dog. We're sharing a microphone, mate. We're going to cuddle up and harmonise over that, mate.

Beautiful. Get in here, mate. How are you? How are you, mate? How are we doing? Your voice hurting a bit? Oh, man, I wish I was fucking dead. He's feeling good.

Ky's up and about. You know what? Have you had fresh air yet? I reckon outside would have helped. I was fucking sideways last night. I was in Comedy Republic chatting to people, and when they were talking back, I was having to remember what the fuck the conversation was

so I could join back in when it was my time. Well, I felt a bit like that the other night after your great show. Good show, boys. Good skits. Thanks very much, man. Good comedy night after your great show. Good show, boys. Good skits. Thanks very much, man. Good comedy little sketches there. Big comedy riddle, boys. Yeah.

Cheeky 5,000 people. And afterwards there was a little cigarette with the devil's lettuce in it. Oh, yeah. And I don't usually partake. And then a few puffs and was just staring for a bit. You actually kindly declined it and then I cooked like a chicken and you grabbed it straight off as I remember being in your place in in Edinburgh and having some of the vape

pen and just playing quiplash and it going through the default answer for me oh when you're so high yes you're safety equipment. That's when it's time for bed. I'd get shocked by the noise of it being time up, and I'd be like, oh, fuck. No, no. But that can't be. Are you playing on super fast mode? Buddy, it was two minutes as always. Just in a beanbag, just going, fuck, I'll be right.

Just a little bit. Just take your time. Well, the last night in Vegas for your bucks, we're in old Vegas, and we went to that what was the name of the saloon oh is that like the original coyote ugly ugly like uh honking pigs or something like that yeah pig fuckers it's something weird pig fuckers yeah and we're walking along and slosh out of vape because we want some vape i go yeah take this massive drag and i go that tastes weird and he. And he's like, it's weed. I'm like, well, well, well. Here we go again.

Oh, no. And just sitting in this thing, everyone's like, will you get shots, you bitches? And I'm like, oh. You were actually in Vegas for six months. Well, what I was amazed by seeing Sloss on this trip is that I hadn't seen the whites of his eyes. Yeah.

Because I got there after you arrived in Vegas, only by a few hours, but enough time for you to get to a dispensary. And it was just red-eyed Dan. Oh, man. There was not a second of those six days where I was not on drugs. There was not a second. It was the second I fucking woke up. I'm like, we've we gotta delay this hangover somehow

and the only way to do that is to not let it get you it's just keep out running it i gave you a hug on the strip one day just as we're walking side by side i put my arm around you and you go that's nice buddy like i'm giving him a back rub He just felt like he was back in the womb Just it Yeah any form Well any form of male kindness That week was pretty Oh no guys

This is my diabetes Like blood sugar monitor going off saying That I've got low blood sugar because I don't have diabetes The only alarm That I can't silence on my phone Which is Yeah like I had a high blood sugar test so i'm wearing this blood sugar monitor and i'm just not eating carbohydrates how do you wear it what is it it's stuck in me it's like an implant it's got an implant so yeah implants boyfriend my implant said

hey if you've got type 1 diabetes you're're about to die. Really? Is essentially. It's a hyperglycemic. Yeah. But you're not. You're thankfully not. I think I'm all right. It's never come in positive once. So actually other diabetics would hear that and go, yeah, brother.

And it's like, no, I don't have it. I'm just wearing this to be reminded I don't have diabetes. Yeah, I'm just sure enough. I do have a bag of jelly beans I've never used. You'd be dead right now if you were me. So it's 2.9, which is extremely low. Yeah. The fuck thing is it wakes me up at night sometimes.

It's like, hey, you've got low blood sugar. I'm like, I know, cunt. I haven't eaten sugar for three months. Just woke you up to let you know that you're going to lose a toe. It's like new cars will be like, hey, someone's close to you. You're like, I'm driving on the road, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My car still beeps if I've got like a bottle of wine in the passenger seat.

It's like a very light baby's not strapped in. You go, no, it's not a passenger. Just fucking leave it. It might be a different beep. It's like, why aren't you sharing, babe? What have you meant? Who's a big lad? Cars need wine too.

Is it the passengers? Put it in the Cars need wine too. He was in the passenger seat. Put it in the windshield wiper liquid. Swerving everywhere. Shut up, car. It didn't go off on me, pal, once. He's a big lad and his seatbelt wasn't on. It wasn't beeped. And he was like, why is it not beeping?

Does it think I'm a piece of furniture? I can't think you're moving house. Just a mini fridge I always like the Cars that have the option Just on the dashboard to turn Passenger airbag off Like Man there's just an item on some cars

It's just an option In case you've got the baby seat in or something Yeah I think it's like behind there Just to make sure it doesn't go through a lot We just start driving fast and fucking turn the airbag off and clip his belt guys off. It's just pretty much an ejector seat, really. It's the closest thing to it.

I start playing Nickelback and Kai starts making fun of me and I'm just like... He's been to Nickelback with his mum. Really? One of the only concerts I've ever been to. And I think it might be one of the reasons why I hate music. Well, you haven't been to many concerts. What was wrong with it, besides all the songs that they were playing? And I think it might be one of the reasons why I hate music. Well, you haven't been to many concerts. Aye.

What was wrong with it, besides all the songs that they were playing? Oh, I was there with my mother at the age of 13. Man, the first concert I ever went to, I think I was about 20, and my girlfriend at the time was a few years old. She loved John Mayer. Oh, yeah. So I got her tickets to see John Mayer here in Melbourne. We went along, and he did the whole concert, walks off, encore, encore, comes back on and everyone's like,

your body's a wonderland, yelling at him. It was like the hit at the time. He just did like a 20-minute R&B guitar solo and then just walked off and I was laughing, crying. Indulgent. Like 8,000 chicks upset and me going, yeah, Johnny, that's hilarious. Baller move. Fuck what you want want i'm doing what i want just like a lot of pussy looking in no penetration he's a master you boys are hurting aren't you sorry i've come in with breakfast radio and just like

i rode a bike at 4 30 in the morning i'm like what's up motherfuckers brighter with you in it yeah there's an aura coming out of you are you just like I rode a bike at 4.30 in the morning. I'm like, what's up, motherfuckers? You've got to work brighter with you in it. There's an aura coming out of you where you're just like, I haven't had coffee, I am. We did the live podcast yesterday and it was definitely the most fun we've ever had, a live podcast. Ari Mati told the saddest story that ever happened.

You've got to listen back. Oh, man, it made me want to, I wanted to kill myself on stage. Wow. Long and short of it listen to the live podcast when it comes out everyone

but I was like what's your worst memory so to be fair my fault for fucking asking long story about him having

you asked the guy that does MMA and comedy life hasn't been great the whole time lives in Estonia Estonia and asking what his

worst memory is wasn't a bread line it wasn't even the death of either of his parents like hang on yeah

oh jeez no no no so this was he was flirting with this girl but basically this girl becomes his girlfriend

on MSN Messenger never fucking meet her and he's actually telling his family that he's seen her yeah yeah yeah and they're flirting and he writes poetry for her he writes poetry and he's actually telling his family that he's seen her yeah yeah yeah and they're flirting and then he writes

poetry for her sister helps him write poetry and sends it and then she's like one day I'm in town you can meet me come down

meet me at the end of the pier he writes this teeny tiny with his teeny tiny erection goes down there and it's just

three of his friends pointing and laughing cat fish fucking savage He goes down there and it's just three of his friends pointing and laughing. Cat, fish, fucking savage. He told the story in a way that he wasn't over it. You're going to die. If you were diabetic, you'd be dead, man.

Can I get you anything? Do you want some sweets? If I did it, it's just, man, I'm fine. Telling him he's fine. I should just rip it off, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of me. Just bait the thing out of your arm.

Sorry, guys. That's how doctors get rid of the women's implant. Oh, I just ravage them out. I suck it out. Just go deep. They've got a little claw on the end of their dick. Like a cat skill tester. The implants in the arm.

Going all the way up. Yeah, skill tester. The implants in the arm. Going all the way up. Man, I just had a blood test that was like standard checkup. And then went in and this doctor just went, you've got type 2 diabetes, you're obese, take these drugs forever. I was like, maybe I'm going to get another opinion.

Yeah, yeah. And he said, don't. Don't you dare, fatty. Don't you dare dare funny chubby idiot dr. slut yeah I'm not next but the next patient is mixed up they got craned out of their roof they get brought in it's like looking good chief taking blood pressure medication if and get a free wheelchair out of it. I see. I found the catfish story because I don't think I've ever been catfished. I think I was always like hyper fucking aware of it because I think like,

I don't know. Did you ever go in a catfish? You've been carafished. Did you ever go in like, I've been car-fished. It's Cullen in a mask. My mates got me as an adult with that, like where I'd met a girl in a nightclub and the text was saying that it was her, but none of me texts were embarrassing.

But like when I was single, I would always text as if her mates were reading them because they are. It's very smart. They are. So smart. And you do it like your mates are over your shoulder. Like if you conduct yourself the way you do in fucking public, because they are. It's very smart. They are. So smart. And you date like your mates are over your shoulder.

If you conduct yourself the way you do in fucking public, then you're not going to embarrass yourself. Yeah, we were talking about it last night. Your behaviour is being assessed by 10 women when you're dating someone. Yeah. And you're saying if you can conduct yourself like you do in public, you'll be fine. You're a man that shit yourself while running. Yeah, that came up in the live podcast.

Did it? Yeah. That was his worst memory while running. Yeah, that came up in the live podcast. I did it? Yeah. That was his worst memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so funny. The 5K run or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it?

PB. Poobie. Ridiculous. Poobest. We were talking off the podcast yesterday, wasn't it? It didn't come up on the podcast, but I'd like you to tell the story again about when you were dating a girl and it went terribly wrong. Oh, fucking hell. Did you hear this? I think you may have been talking to Steen, isn't it it's on the podcast but i'd like you to tell the story again about the um when you were dating a girl and it went terribly wrong oh fucking hell man did you hear this i think you might have been talking to steven yeah yeah no so we were talking about like because sloss pissed

himself in a lift car was talking about how he shat himself pissed myself in it yeah which i brought up which is fucking great because sloss was like there's something wrong with me i was like man cody just drank 30 beers and did the same thing. Yeah, I had July 4th twice. Wow, Jesus. I had July 4th here flying to America, landed, it was July 4th again. Yeah. But I kept drinking. Man, and then it's like, is there anything wrong with you?

No, you had 30 beers. And it was a fucking great bit that you did. Did you close on it? No, well, I was closing with it in Melbourne and then at the Edinburgh run started closing with it. But then I realised it's like 53 minutes into a show, you start talking about pissing yourself and you see people like, I really got to piss.

Oh, yeah. So I flipped it and would open with it. Open with it, yeah, smart. And I'm like, I'm just talking about it now, so I know none of you need to piss now. You just start phoning and all that, like fucking a TV screen with a waterfall on it. Looks like Bellagio out there.

Yeah. So I was dating this fucking gorgeous chick early on, like a couple of weeks in. Good roots, good times. Had a bit of a stomach bug, but I didn't feel like it was a thing. We went away for like a dirty weekend. Oh, it was dirty. It got dirty.

It was a very dirty weekend. Not a full weekend. It didn't end great. And I, during the deed, had just done a sneaky fart. Oh, no. But it felt fine. Like I'd not thought about it. Pumping went pumping.

And then, you know, like finished cuddles, chats, and then we're talking like the widest sheets, like thousand thread count, and we're getting up to get breakfast, and I like splayed and spread across the sheet so all of my arsehole touched the sheet for the full length of the bed. Are you scooted like a dog with worms? Yeah, almost like a jazz ballet dancer.

Like I just had one leg forward and the other. I just pulled myself across. Glide your shitty arse across the clean bed. Like a man ballet dancer. I just had one leg forward and the other. I just pulled myself across. Glide your shitty ass across the clean bed. Like a man slash slug. And left a dark straight line. Like cartographers would be proud. Can't hide. He was like, what's Richard say to the bed now, babe?

I'm not sleeping in that. It's like the center of a sharpie. You know when you've got to like Pump it up a couple of times And then you go I know you can resuscitate a pen Fucking hell boy Sorry guys This is the most it's gone off

That's his erection monitor Yeah That's a different one Cuts to me Dad this is the last podcast I do But then literally Like I literally drew a line That she had to cross

And she decided not to Like it fucking She bailed on him. She was able to go through. She called it there and then. That was her last. Didn't try and disguise it as like there's another reason. Just like it's not happening anymore because of that.

That's fair. So we were saying her WhatsApp would have been lit. Oh, man. Her girl's WhatsApp would have been fucking belted out that week. Worst memory, that was the thing I thought, one of the things that came up, which I think why I brought it up later. It was fucking like just absolute shame. Yeah, yeah.

You should have just blamed her. Just be like, you filthy fucking cunt. There's a line from where it starts to my asshole, like it's directly. Behind the curtain of your... I thought I was the grossest one here because I did a sort of wet shit, wet fart while we were fucking. I thought I was the grossest and now you've left this big skid mark in the bed

that ends at my ass crack on the end of the bed. I can't believe... I can't believe you shot my pants, you bitch. How did you get shit into my asshole, you dirty bitch? Some prank lady. 10 out of 3 I met, didn't I? Tricky

temptress. Play with my heart and my butt. Oh man, shameful. Have you been doing the full run? Oh no, you you been doing the full run Oh no you've been doing I just did one week Yeah

Nick Cody and friends Kai Humphries was on there That was class Fucking so much fun Just doing a line up show here mate Yeah Fucking It was a particularly filthy night

The night you were on Aye Everyone Everyone was It was great It was what Melbourne needed You know I was

A lot of poetry going on I was doing jokes about the sex waddle and Natalie running to the bathroom like Catch and Spunk. And your mate's mum was howling. You're trying to get footage of your mate's mum. She gets it. Executive producer of a radio show. His mum was there.

I hadn't seen the bit, though, so I'm laughing, but trying to film Leon's mum laughing and trying to get it across just to send to Leon, who was right next to her. But never got it. It's very funny when you go with a relative and they're getting a joke that you wish they wouldn't. Yeah. Too true.

My own mother has ran across the bedroom cup and spunk. Like watching a risque movie with your parents. Like a sex scene comes on. I remember as a child watching Psycho with your parents like a sex scene comes on hey I watched I remember as a child watching Psycho with my parents and they fucking made us

leave the room for the shower scene because she's got her tits out or something and then like I was watching like Murder and Go on Deaf and they were just like

but not nipples son that'll ruin you oh really yeah real Instagram rules yeah you can kill but you can't create life

yeah no fucking which is yeah real conservative But with parents that's probably more just for the embarrassment It's probably embarrassing for them watching sex scenes with their kids Yeah Just so it's not fucking awkward fuck off Yeah I thought the other day my four year old was about to ask the first sex question

Because he said when mummy has Maxie in her belly If you want another baby another baby's in there, how does it get in there? I was like, what's that, mate? And I think I must have said it in a way. Sling it up. I've shown you sling it up, huh? Like a rod of a drainpipe, just get up there.

You were staring straight in his eyes, holding your dick, like giving yourself a Chinese burns. And his eyes started watering and he just ran out of the backyard. Sorry I asked, dad. His heart rate went up, peeps. Let's come in here. We've got to show him something. Stay from the land.

Everyone has a memory of seeing their dad's balls when they're between the ages of three and seven, walking in the shower and seeing these balls and going, what the fuck is going on here? Jesus Christ, how is there so much hair there? What the fuck? Yeah. They've got to figure it out.

Like, look at me, Dad. Were your balls that big when you were born? Yeah, we had balls that big. Man, well, you would have seen them when your son was born. Newborn boy testicles are fucking huge, man. They're all swollen. They'd be like a pasta shell. No, they are huge.

Huge. Just almost down to that. Just these big swollen ball sack. Like a one-yard space hopper. Yeah. Just reminds me of the fucking South Park. Yeah, the balls are like that. Microwave nuts.

Yeah, but you and me have very different stances on childbirth. You were down there taking photos of the time of your life you think it's all a bunting little blowers again now they've got a break on the top of the head is his cronin well they had to for charlie because he was in there for a bit they had to put this little thing on his head the nurse reached her hand in with this like a pad connected to wires and i said okay oh a little hat his first ever hat oh man this is the word it's literally honestly rather you be dead yeah that's me too oh me too it's so slow. There's just so many kidnappings in the area. Yeah. Oh, man.

He diabetesed himself off the roof. Yeah, I said it's his first little hat. And then as she's pushing it, he'd go, what? And I'd go, drop that fucking hat back, mate. We've lent you a hat. I was just trying to be fun. Oh, it's horrific. That's a fucking joke.

Bring the hat back. Yeah, it was a – That's a fucking joke. Bring the hat back. Yeah, it was, you didn't like it at all. No, man. She was in heaps of pain and there was lots of blood and it's really fucking gross and it's awful. It's a nightmare.

There's absolutely no fucking reason the men should be in the room. No. But you have to be and I obviously, like, even if you were to tell me

to get out of the room, I would stay in there. But it's fucking insane. Like, if she was in surgery for anything else, they would just be like, you want to come in? You want to just come in and see? Why don't we just cut her open and stuff? Get our appendix out.

Yeah, do you want to come in and watch while she goes through major surgery? Well, I said on the last one, she was pushing out her second son. And it's like, big push. You're going to need a big push here, Looch. If you don't do it, the nurse said, if you don't do it, we're going to have to cut you.

And I was like, well, when I said that to her last week, it was very different. I was also holding scissors and had a menacing tone. Big push, Looch. She listens to you. It's the only time I can get her to do anything. Man, the second one, this is why you should have a second one. The second one, little Max, he came out.

He was quick sticks. We didn't even get into the birthing suite. She did it in like the waiting area. It's like a room, like a waiting room where they're just meant to relax. I looked awful. Can I give about 45 minutes from contractions today? Like it was too fast. The speed was the problem. They were like, oh like oh honey you did that way too quick so the findings

have muscle memory huh do they have muscle memory like they're gonna know this again and they do it's easier the second time because they don't know how she's meant to beat that it is 45 minutes yeah well what no like they're like with the dates when it will be faster and we're like but that's not good that's really dangerous that's not good. That's really dangerous. The hospital's 20 fucking minutes away. Love to see it. Yeah, yeah.

Catch us in the job, actually. Dude, you got the cash surrogate. Get some fucking weird, poor fucking... Give them 10,000 pounds and get it done. Yeah. Surely, we should be close to growing them in vats. Very. Like, come on. That is a vat. Yeah. Surely we should be close to growing them in vats. Very. Like, come on.

That is a vat. Yeah. Your fiance is a vat. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like she needs it to be in her heart. Like, she didn't like any of the pregnancy, I think. Yeah. If I didn't do it, it it's not mine even though it's genetically mine man the doctor's fucking

roasted me the second one because lucas just up 20 minutes took a few hours 20 minutes after birth baby on the tip walking around on the phone telling her parents because they're like five in the morning and i was just sitting in the corner holding a coffee and the doctor walks in he goes you give birth did you mate oh because i was just like in the corner holding a coffee and the doctor walks in and he goes, you give birth, did you, mate? Oh. Oh, no. Because I was just like, oh, it's so early. It's really early.

I'm a little bit sleepy and I've got to come here. Getting a bit of sauce off the doctor. That fucking class. That classic Mother's Day, they should get a week, fathers should get like half an hour or something. Yeah. You've done shit, mate. You're fucking there.

Dude, fuck that. They didn't have to see. Look, they've got a little curtain up there. All they see is our scared face. That's all they're looking at. That's why you've got to be like, it's okay. None of it's a nightmare. That's why I can't be down there. She would see the look in my face.

Yeah. How is it? Yeah. Man, that's so nightmare. That's why I can't be down there. She would see the look on my face. How is it? Yeah. Man, that's so true. Like, if you can just be like, hey, this is good. Come on. Man, you are there to cheer them on

as they do the most fucking difficult thing. And I reckon my ability to cheer her on is absolutely diminished as all of the blood drains from my face. Like, though, I imagine the worst thing as a pregnant woman giving birth is if your husband fucking faints. diminished as all of the blood drains from my face like though i imagine the worst thing for as a pregnant woman giving birth is if your husband fucking faints there must there must there must be such a fucking moment as you just go yeah oh really this was too much for you was it

i know it happened to sean walsh and he was saying like, the shame is fucking deep, man. Oh, Sean Walsh. I've never met him, never seen his stand up. Now I know two stories about him and they're not great. Rough. You need to practice being in a tough situation

where someone's going through something. Like just go to the ICU where people are dying and hold their hand. Yeah. Get used to that. And then you'd be like you know it's just just go who's that guy holding grand's hand no idea unexpected father start pillowing people just be like i'm cool with this and your wife walks out when you're taking the baby home you go no no you're meant to stay here i'm meant to be dead i hold your head and then you sleep forever, mate. Imagine waking up in a hospital bed next to your wife after she's given birth and you're both just in your gowns.

You're both in your gowns and you're like, oh, we did it, baby. Holding hands across the bed. A wee cold feel of the bedpan under your arse, you soft cock. Oh, man. Yeah. I think those guys are the ones that get proposed to. Jesus.

I think if a man gets proposed to by their wife, they should have to wear one of the diamond sparkly rings. They get a pink collar they've got to wear. You have to wear a proper elegant Sparkly little shiny thing With a big diamond on it And she wears just the Big beefy one Big beefy thick one

And you all may have to catch the bouquet It's not a diamond It's a coward stone It's a big coward stone a simon it's one of the I was saying this to one of our friends last time because years ago she pointed out

she's like you're a very liberal person but you have some huge fucking blind spots and I was like that's fairly accurate one of my recent that I've worked out is it's the I've said it before, membrane proposed to OR and this is disgusting,

this is sexist, I'm a monster. A friend of mine took his missus' second name. Oh! You don't change it if you're gonna, like, if you're gonna be the... Hey, you're all pigs. I want you to know you're all fucking pigs. Point, point, come out the trough, whatever.

It's archaic bullshit. Where's the slob? If she doesn't want your second name, you just don't change it. You just go, right, we're both going to have different names. It's going to be difficult in the airport. Change your whole name to fucking loser. To be fair, he doesn't have a good relationship With his family So he's like

Obviously That's why he took his wife's second name If it was raised right Fucking stand his ground Make a new name together Yeah That'd be sick That'd be cool

Get the letters from both surnames And just shake them up and see what you can oh man Scrabble style get some fucking sick names I used to have a bit because my wife Looch

kept her surname yeah which upset me I wanted her to take Cody because finally a Cody would have been to university yeah you haven't just let me down

you let us all down yeah I've definitely got Natalie's the only Humphreys in the world with a master's degree. This is why we've got to bring them in, man. We're boosting stock.

You get them through trade only. You only get them through a trade. So good. She's the only one out of our overdraft. She's enhanced the legacy of our... But yeah, On your wedding day The bank calls her Sorry Mrs Humphries

There's money in your account Are you dead? Are you dealing drugs? Fraud Fraud Fraud Fraud Did you get a PPI claim?

Did you? Immediately Just The bank phoned him You've been like, somebody has got your fucking credit card because you are going on really nice holidays. You've got some really good shoes.

Oh, man. Remember that my wife's birthday, the same year we got married, later in the year, on her birthday, end of October, the bank called me and said, hey, we've cancelled your account. We've shut your account down.

We've blocked it just because of some odd transactions. And I was like, what was it? And it was $150 worth of skincare products. I shut my bank because of that. Three days before my wedding, I bought $7,000 worth of booze at a liquor land. And I was like, oh, nothing. Yeah, nothing.

Of course. Suspicious. It's Friday. In that case, it's very funny that your bank didn't think it was suspicious that you bought a $200 pair of hot pants in Vegas. He had no idea what store he was in. He was in some high-end store getting some custom-made hot pants because he wasn't in fancy dress, so he wanted to wear hot pants.

You say fancy hot pants. They say, eat my ass on the back. And it came with a green singlet and said King. He's from Newcastle, man. Hold on, is it your bucks? Are you getting married? Fancy. I claimed it, though.

Don't worry about it. It was so funny because he put all that money on the fucking hot pants and walked in, but everyone's in fancy dress. And Danny just looked up from his photo saying, huh? He was like, well, that was worth it. Got changed back immediately. That same night, I've got to bring it up with you because it still makes me laugh.

And when I told Lurch, he found it so funny. You were on a streak on Roulette. Yeah. And we're in a casino in downtown Vegas and you said, oi, red's on here, put 100 bucks on red. I go said, Oi, red's on here. Put $100 on red. I go, all right, put $100 on red. Lens on black.

You go, no, no, no, we'll turn it around. I'll do it now. Hold on. Fuck, I've got no cash on me. Can I borrow $100? And I said, yeah. And you put $100 on red, and it's black again, and you go, nah, and just walk off.

And I'm like, I think it owes me $100. Hard luck there you. I think it was me under it. Hard luck for you, man. He looked at me like, nah, what do you do? Did you ever get it back? No. It's worth it just for that. It was so funny. Like, oh, well, nah.

Bad luck, mate. Just goes to you bad luck thanks for the memory oh I don't remember that I think that was a

joke about someone they compare a mate to getting mugged at a knife pound guy and gives Ali a money and he just gets his wallet out

and goes right there's the 40 quid over you fucking great just got unlucky money mate fuck

made me laugh oh oh wait it's still recording that one oh okay that just means it's blood recording on that one. Oh, okay.

That just means it's blood sugar slow. Yeah. Oh, fuck, man. Tell your friend. The dad jokes are in the phone over there, but it's like fucking, it's going to alarm again, I know. Oh, shit, you got dad jokes? Yeah.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, we just did it for the live one, but I can't wait to hear them both. They're just there. Just leave them in the vault. Oh, yeah, no no There was no way I woke up Like too Too soon ago

Oh yeah Well said I woke up too soon ago Yeah Not just before Earlier Yeah God I wish there was a shorter word for this thing

Closer in reach in my mind Just before this time now I woke up We often get up early Because you have lobby calls and stuff But we never speak It's always like a good few hours Into the day before the fucking gears start turning On your voice box

You guys have come out early To have an early podcast is new terrain I think it's properly rude to speak to anyone for the first three hours that they've woken up. Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. I literally wake up and talk for the first three hours. That's why I've come in like, what's going on?

Natalie feeds me fucking vital information when I'm not awake. I'm just starting to like fucking peel my eyes up and thinking about having a coffee and she's just telling me stuff that's important that I need to retain for later just like write that shit down man

text it to us text it to us oh the amount of times I've said text me that to my wife and she's like but I'm telling you like that doesn't do anything

you're not going to remember yeah but you have no idea how much I'm not listening you need a memento system where it's just tatted on you. Yeah. The things that they say over and over again. With Kara, I'm just like, you know what my memory is like.

The thing we always laugh about is how bad my memory is. Why are you telling me this thing? Staple it to my forehead on a post-it note. It's the only way. Their memory is not very good in regards to your memory. No, that's where it's their playing spot. It does feel like she's, you know, obviously I should just have a better memory,

but that's not my responsibility. And let's just listen to this, and she should know, because I've argued about it with this before. She'll tell me things. She'll go, hey, don't forget this Saturday, my friend's birthday party three hours away. It's all day. You have to drive and you can't drink because you're driving to it.

And I'm like, I don't, you didn't tell me that. And she's like, I did tell you. I'm like, hey, just so you know, I would have remembered the worst day ever coming up. That would be a red mark in the calendar. This Saturday sucks ass. I'd fucking remember that's at the front of my brain

I'm thinking of ways to get out of bed I'm staking it in the middle of the road your brain's just buried all those memories like 75 and they all come up like all those days you're like fuck they all happened that'd be the worst if that's life flashing before your eyes

all the shit events I didn't want to attend I'm like no no no Nick's got repressed memories Wife's friend's birthday parties I got a text message When I was well into the edibles last night Saying that I had radio this morning And that loomed on me so hard

So fair play to you for what you did What did you have to do this morning? I got up at 8 this morning 8, not even that late a time really To talk to Perth? I'm not sure what it was I think it was an acronym Like 2CBR or something

2MCB Sounds like a cool drug 2B right back I don't know It had a number 2 and then 3 letters I really disrespected that radio station But it was nice, it was alright But for what gigs were you plugging?

For my Sydney show Oh no, Today FM No, it wasn't it wasn't today no i don't think so any guy's not that bad at spelling is there is there is i don't know uh is there any beef between radio stations do you fucking hate other people you sneered down at triple sometimes bosses will try and stir that shit up he's not he's not like the sharks and the jets when you see all that, are you? No, definitely not. Not for the girls.

You get annoyed or whatever at some other things. I now know that even if I hear a show that I don't like, there's a tip of the cap like, you woke up early. I'll give you that. It's like stand-up. If I see something, I'm like, you're out there, man. Yeah, you're doing it. Good job.

What about controversial transfers? Do you ever get like a van percy to man united job like where like a radio presenter just went over to the rival team and oh yeah i yeah i guess at the end yeah it's always fun you'll see some people they'll finish up a job in like september the end of the year's december if they finish their show in september and they're like just want to spend more time with my family you go now that's a three month no compete clause you will be on a their show in September and they're like, just want to spend more time with my family, you go, no, that's a three-month no-compete clause. You will be on a new show in January. They just stop in September for no reason. Yeah, I just hate this now.

Bye, everyone. Did you genuinely have a clause in your contract that you were able to take time off to come to the wedding? Yeah, I've had to argue for your wedding. Yeah. A few years ago I had to argue for Dum Dum Club in Thailand. Yeah. And I got that off.

But it'll be Kat from Century, my manager, she'll write back and go, well, it's with lawyers now. I'm like, that's so funny. Fuck yeah. There's people who probably thought one day they'd be, you know, working in a class action lawsuit against Purdue Pharma. Yeah. And they're like, nah, can the wranger go to Scotland for a few days?

Yeah. He wants to see his friends. Yeah. And he wants to get drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Class. Because I, so obviously there's so many people that are coming from overseas.

Rhys Nicholson and kairan uh i was toxic talking to them last night because race is doing some stuff in new zealand they're traveling they've got jeff there's just lots of movement in the next three months they were like you know can we really go to scotland just in may when we're going to be back here in august anyway like we really go for first losses wedding we want to go but it's not that and then it was like the day after they'd sent out their wedding invites and i replied after two minutes being like there's nothing in the world that would keep me away from your wedding and they went oh guess we gotta go to the fucking wedding then like i could fucking be he just unbelievably guilt-tripped us without even being aware of what he was doing.

Booked the flights the next day. Ten grand. Oh, no. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Being my friend is an expensive experience. It's fucking great for me.

I'm getting sleep ins and shit. I'm living the dream. This is sick. It's kind of what money's... This is the good shit, right? This is where you go cash. Yeah, yeah. Go fucking do some dumb stuff. Yeah, be a fucking idiot. Say yes to stuff that would normally be what you're rich yeah yeah and like you said

it's going to be even if you're fucking 14 hour flights or whatever it's going to be such a breeze compared to breakfast radio oh yeah and dealing with kids and yeah whatever man just sit in a seat no one talks to me fucking rules oh it's so good so good you never you never get that tape in your head then I get off somewhere in the middle east have a shower drink some booze

and they're like there's another seat you've got to sit in by yourself for a while I go thank you how do you pass the time do you read do you watch stuff

on the way to the Bucks party 14 hour flight from Melbourne to LA I slept for 9 hours I've never had more than 7 hours sleep in 4 or 5 years

oh wow nine hour chunk and then you're gonna on the way back nine hour chunk feeling fucking grand so nick and i are in the same flights going over and so we're gonna just book seats and my plan is to just book whatever seat he's sitting in opposite right next to him like even if the whole plane is empty hey buddy just middle seat next to him hey what even if the whole plane is empty. Hey buddy. Just middle seat next to him. Hey, what are you doing? Like I need some fucking time alone.

Should we? Me too. Should we have time alone together? Let's do it together. Should we have a rating session? Yeah. We should start a movie at the same time and watch it together.

I've got some great ideas for your radio okay just a couple of games hear me out hear me out why are you snoring do you need to put your your thing down i can't see you my visor's up my visor's down but yours is neck hey what are you thinking about fuck me oh all i get it opening the door and pushing you out you know how sometimes you get like the A and C and B's like you think B may be empty so you sit on either end but then somebody takes that seat between you anybody that talks across the random dude is fucking psychopath yeah yeah just continue a conversation with your mate while some poor sap is just out there playing fucking tennis. They're furniture. They're furniture. You're treating them like furniture.

Aye. And that is fucking a gross thing to do. Horrible thing to do. Real dehumanising. Shut the fuck up. So, as I was saying, it's, oh, oh, gross. You're an object.

I'm trying to talk to the person I care about. Be a fly on the wall, but absolutely massive and one foot away from me. Touching. Rubbing arms up against each other. Ignoring the couldn't. Fucking hell. I'm not looking forward to that. I booked economy.

Yeah. Fuck. Spewing. We're going to get space. There's going to be space. There's going to be space. Ew. That's what I'll say when I'm in there. Ew. The whole time. Fuck. Spewing. We're going to get space. There's going to be space. There's going to be space. Ew. That's what I'll say when I'm in there.

Ew. The whole time. Ew. Yucky. I just stand up the whole time. So can you go back to your seat? Ew. Ew.

Ew. There's no metal cutlery here? Gross. Savages. You're all savages. Take on your nose. Gross. Savages. You're all savages. Peg on your nose.

Can I use the shower up there after? Because it stinks and I'm gross and I can feel them on me. Flight attendant comes past with the drinks cart, leans over to Bart, your friend's sleeping, and I've got the eye mask. I'm like, no, I just don't want to look at these savages. I'm wide awake. I don't belong here. I should actually be at the front with my friends who are the pilots.

I'm actually friends with the pilots. Just keep dinging the thing. My chair's not turning into a bed. Didn't you do something where you weren't economy and you weren't business? You fucking walked down an address and go and have some shit. He sent me chocolates. He came like orange juice. It was fucking great.

No, no, no. So I've got to tell the full story because it sounds unfair. It sounds like I left you there. Yeah. But Bart had a mate at Virgin who could get him like super cheap business class flights. Like 40 bucks. It was cheaper than my economy ticket.

Yeah. So we weren't checking in at the same time. So they were like, hey hey you can upgrade using points and i was like well fuck it bart will be in business because he gets cheap business class flights get on the flight some of the flight attendants have been at the sydney comedy store i'm like nick are you here with luch i'm like no no i'm here with my mate bart and they look at the thing they're like he's not here i go what they're like oh he's down the. I go, what? They're like, oh, he's down the back. I'm like, motherfucker. It's 10 in the morning.

The plane takes off. I put the pyjamas on. They said, here's another thing of pyjamas. And I said, can I get a glass of champagne for Bart? And they go, yeah, of course. Knowing full well he doesn't drink. And I opened the curtain and look out and went, yuck. Why is there so many people back here?

It's 10.30 in the morning. I'm in pyjamas. People want to fucking murder me. I'm like, ew, ew, ew, just walking down the aisle and he's going, man, hey, bro, bro. Man, I've taken six endones as well. I'm a sky junkie. Nick looks like an angel. He's come for me.

Just walks up like the fucking scene at the end of Officer and Gentleman. Love lifts us up where we belong. Is this the Sky King? Do I get to finally meet the Sky King? So I gave him the pyjamas and the person next to him was just fucking staring at me and I said, Champagne Bartholomew? And he's like, no thanks. So I just scull his champagne and my champagne

and people are like, the drink cart isn't even out in the back yet. People are like, this motherfucker. Man, I, after that, sent him a cup of water and a plastic cup to the front in regards of seat 40D. Yeah, I sent him this nice dessert. Oh, so good. And so they send a business class dessert down to Bart, and then I get a tap on the shoulder.

Bart sent you something, a plastic cup of water. No ice? No ice. Oh, dude, I can't afford ice. I wouldn't be sitting back here. Fuck. Man, flights are so cheap but it's so like if there's space, it's only if there's space.

Yeah. Otherwise they'll just put you in the fucking boot. Yeah. That was the one, that was us flying to the States and it was July 4th. That was the one that was us flying to the states and it was july 4th that was the urgent business class had a bar and so i was sitting in this i was sitting at this bar like a they actually out the bar a bar yeah sitting at the bar chatting to people the whole time on the flight yep yes get a tap on the shoulder they're like mr cody we've turned your chair

into a bed okay fantastic thank you i'll be there shortly. Drink and drink. Hey, just meeting people, fucking talking nonsense. Then I get a tap. Mr. Cody, we'll be landing in Los Angeles in 35 minutes. And I'm like, what the fuck? It's just 14 hours of me in a bag and in a bar, haven't laid in the bed. I go back. They've taken it out, just turned it back to the seat,

and I sit there just blind. And we landed, went straight to a mate's place. Well, you counted. How many Bud Lights did I have? It was like 30. Or 28, I think. It's more than a carton. You went over.

And I just pissed myself in a lift. That was the day when you joined the piss party. 10 in the morning to midnight. Just solid. Fucking amazing. Fun times. I love them sessions, man. Yeah.

When you start early in the end, it's just fucking, it's 14 hours later before you know it. Yeah. Yesterday was almost dangerous because we started drinking. We did a good 12 hour session yesterday. Really?

Yeah, the fucking. You're staying here, you're still in Melbourne. Are you flying out today? Yeah, in a minute actually. We're going to have to wrap this up soon so I can pack up. But I head off to Sydney now.

Nice. And then. Comedy store? You know what? I think I jumped up there last week, so probably not. I'm doing the Endmore. It's my solo show. The little side room.

The cafe. Oh, the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did a gig in there the other day. It was class. The sick room. And then I've got a couple of galas, one tonight and one tomorrow. Great. Great.

So that'll be all right. And then I've got two days in Perth as well, but I'll be behind him. He'll already be home. I can get back in his wedding time aye so we I will split from the tour for a bit now

aye see you fucking later good riddance I say who opens for you in Perth then Connor Burns ah nice Connor's class I didn't meet Connor

he's great he's fine he's still around the bit you made soon is he going to be running for Anzac Day because he'll probably be waiting until you go

I think he's off to Sydney is he ah fair enough yeah so he's going to be a run for Anzac Day? Because he'll probably be waiting until you go. I think he's off to Sydney. Is he? Fair enough. Yeah. So he's going to the Anzac Day to go by himself, hanging out? Yeah, well, I'm going to. I thought you'd go to Sydney. No, Sydney on Saturday.

Oh, sick. Yeah, I'm playing Magic the Gathering tomorrow. Yeah. The true battle. I've got a real, like, the war's still going on, and I'm holding the fort. So I've got a fucking crazy army deck that i can fight all the dudes with and we're talking about that when you're coming up and coming up um all right you've got

to pick your bug yeah that's right uh cheers for coming on lads been hanging out love you boys see you see you at the wedding you