Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Caviar Crackers

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Daniel is still on a high from nerding up at Wembley Arena after joining the Critical Roll cast on stage in a virgins wet dream come true. Kai cosplays as middle class but reveals his true identity with the Geordie phrase of encouragement "hawey-man-yi-knaa-yi-wannee" #4 If you haven't already, consider signing up to our Patreon for two day early access on these episodes and an additional bonus episode each week where we think it's acceptable to cross the line completely because a £3 paywall will ward off snakes.

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream And that's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Aww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss, kiss, kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11?

Well, you've been having a splendid time, haven't you? I've been having some fun. Well, we were in, where were we, like, LA? Aye. Where we performed at the Orpheum. Yeah, that was good. That was good. We've recorded since I've been to Star Wars Land.

Oh, yes. But we haven't recorded since you got back off your little nerd trip to London. Yes. I got to host the live first live show in Europe. First live show since Covid and certainly the biggest one they've ever done.

I'm pretty sure the biggest live Dungeons and Dragons thing ever. It looked spectacular. I think the official total was 9,607 absolute losers all crammed into one fucking arena. It was class. I bet they were a nice crowd, though. Oh, man.

Sweet as fuck. I couldn't, I was fucking dying, right, all the way before. Man, I was fucking buzzing. Like, I didn't realise the fucking size of the venue until I got there. I saw Ja Rule there. Aye.

I bet it was a different clientele. Aye. Yep. There was nobody dressed as a fucking elf at Ja Rule. But I had bleach blonde hair and a bandana. Well, aye, cosplaying in your own way. It's like, man,

the amount of, like, sneering, because it's right beside fucking Webley Stadium you could have got these fucking sneering bald men that normally drink in the post

being like I can't believe all those losers dressing up as elves it's like you dress up as fucking England players like it's all

badgerdry you're dressing up as teenagers you've got teenagers name on your back what was the difference in sport

aye alright well this is their sport literally cosplaying as Bukayo Saka because obviously the cast and crew of Critical Role well the cast cannot go outside before a show that size because they'll just be mobbed

like the queue for the fucking merch van outside was I'm going to not exaggerate, 750 people deep at one point. Incredible. Do you reckon if they went outside in full costume so that like they were in disguise, the fans would still recognise them based on their body language and their movement? Absolutely. Because it's not like they're playing like fucking alien characters where there would be that much of, you know, anything covering their faces. A lot of it's just, you know, anything covering their faces. A lot of it's just, you know,

changing their hair colour. Mind you, Travis did fucking, Travis did green up, full greened up. Did he green up? I greened up. Holy shit.

For an orc, proper greened up. How do orcs feel about it? Has he got like a whole pack, does he know an orc? Made from one orc. They're all invading Ukraine. That's the term they're now

using for orcs for the Russian I just thought you were being lame no no I was going to give you a little

snigger as well no no no it's there was like at the start of the fucking war when Russia was

doing all of the atrocities which I assume they still fucking are because I don't think they stopped being bastards

at any point no no that's done now we've moved on it's really past time now yeah but I that stops so that we're going bastards at any point. No, no, that's done now, we've moved on. It's really past day now. Yeah, but I...

That stops so that we're getting... Does that not stop? Does the war in Ukraine not stop? Because there's another war and is that not how it works? No, multiple servers, man. Is this how a world war started? When it's on multiple fronts

and they're doing proxy wars in different countries? Maybe. The next will be like, we were talking to our, I was talking to a friend of ours in America who is, let's say,

more centre, probably, I would say he's, you know, he's centre right in America, a friend of mine. I don't know if he votes Republican anymore. Centre right in America is probably like quite right here. Yeah here yeah yeah but he's a fucking friend well you know we

have to agree on everything that's true um he was telling me he he's he's i'm like who do you think is gonna win the next american election and he's like arnold schwarzenegger he's coming back baby that's why it was his catchphrase he was like I don't think there will be another election, I think there will be another election but if one side wins the other side is going to get angry and everyone is on a knife edge

that is British pessimism we're going to have a civil war I think though the Americans in the British elections going to have a civil war i i think i think though they're like the the americans and the british elections go swimmingly compared to other countries like where it's absolutely like fucking handing over the power like imagine fucking russia trying to hand over the power how fucking terrible that would go what do you mean? Like Putin's nearest competitor won.

Uh-huh. He's not just going to go, all right, fair. Aye, aye. Fair's fair. We've got a constitution. Aye. Scuff his feet on the way out. Oh, God,

we're so close. We're nearly out of time. Drat. Yeah. Viktor Robert, who does it in Hungary, he's just like, I just,

I couldn't do it. I just didn't have the confidence. I just. You know, when I mentioned I've been listening to a podcast about what's happening in Israel and Palestine I don't know why we're talking about Israel and Palestine we're talking about this I don't know we'll get back to this I just need to tell you this right the content no one asked for no I need to put this on record okay Daniel you don't understand I need to put this on record. Okay. Daniel, you don't understand.

I need to put this on record. I better not be your fucking stance. I mentioned that I was listening to Fian Lothan and New Jerusalem, which is available on Spotify. Yeah. And I'm like, he's called Daryl Cooper, and he's from the Martyr Made podcast. I have followed him on Twitter.

Do not follow that man. Please do not follow that man Oh my god What have you done? He tweeted that Derek Derek Chauvin Yeah the murderer Of George Floyd Was an innocent man

Rotten in prison For doing his job Doing the job nobody wants to do Keeping the The scum drug addicts off the street First of all And I come out on the podcast going I'm listening to this wonderful podcast keeping the scum drug addicts off the street. First of all. And I come out on the podcast going, I'm listening to this wonderful podcast

about Israel and Palestine. So I looked him up and Reddit says he's a fucking alt-right maniac that is super knowledgeable and knows loads of stuff. I continued listening to the podcast with that in mind. And I don't say it in them. It's weird.

I don't say it in them. Like I'm listening to it going, this feels so balanced. I'm coming away feeling like such sympathy for the hardships of both sides of this atrocity. And going away in the knowledge that it was the British rule and the French I can't believe you sent our fucking fans to the new Milo Yiannopoulos

I think I did What the fuck man I'm not saying anyone who listens to this respects our opinions on fucking anything I tate baited See if we get less people leaving

because of that that we did because of the fucking Johnny Depp thing then oh yeah aye aye

right can we can we not talk about it oh yeah can we can we not be two white men talking about the Israel-Palestine I just want to put on record

check check me sources check my sources before you go listen to my sources. Well, you know what? Well done on doing further research. I mean, after the fact.

I just followed this guy thinking, I'd like to know what else he's got to say. No, I would not. Knew I wouldn't. So I'm outside. Because obviously none of the guys can go out in their full costume or whatever, or even go themselves because they would just be rammed by 10,000 maniacs. I consistently went out and just reported back and just been like, you know,

there's so many of this character, there's so many of this character. It was real funny nerd shit. Like the box park where people drink, the hooligans who cannot get into Wembley to watch the football. This is where they normally drink. And it's just rammed with critical role fans and you've just got all these bar staff being like what team is this and then they're like i don't know but none of them make eye contact with us they're all socially awkward Yeah, man. Not a chance to catch on. Sweet as fuck. I was walking around and just, man, enjoying how just wholesome nerds are. There was a bunch of them that,

because obviously so many of the people who like this online show that you can watch on Twitch about these characters who are all very different is because they can relate to it. It makes them feel less isolated. And because of that, a lot of them are fucking huge introverts. So there was just like a woman who was

collecting all of the solo critters to just be like, hey, if you're not sitting with anyone, we'll all go in and we'll all... So hold on, hold on. Is that the Critical Role army? Yes. Or the critters. Critters, aye. From Critical Role, aye. That's what they call themselves.

I call them dweebs and nerds. Did we name our followers yet? Have we named ours? Mugs. And that's why we say we sell Sloss and Humphreys mugs, because that's what you fucking are. Slumfrey mugs. Yeah?

Slumfrey mugs? Slumfrey mugs. I'll tell you, I'm not against it. mugs I'll tell you I'm not against it so someone was like solo critter just getting

just yeah just making sure that nobody like fell alone I'm like can you imagine like as people like grown

fucking men England fans standing outside like if there's any solo Scotland fans who've got no one else to go with we'll be meeting

by this tree to kick your fucking head in I was devastated watching football in the pub in America which we talked about and I showed you exactly how they were chanting

they saw me selling me on and tried to link Loopers in on the crack I didn't want that I didn't want to watch the footy now but saying that though

if I was going to watch D&D and we had a shared we had a shared love for the D&D the D&D the D&D you're such a fucking grandad

and you play it bad man aye so so like my my mum and dad came my mum who knows nothing

about Dungeons and Dragons is just excited to see I don't believe that for a second. No, man. In your house? We never played. No, man. Surely passively.

No, man. Surely pass a perception check. I only started playing fucking D&D. You were the first campaign I'd ever done. Before that, I was always Warhammer. I was always World of Warcraft. Yeah. Like, that was all my...

And, like, Lord of the Rings, Warhammer. But, no, we never did D&D. Because it was just... Cosplay as Harry Potter. When I was always World of Warcraft. Yeah. Like that was all my, and like Lord of the Rings, Warhammer. But no, we never did D&D. Cosplay as Harry Potter. When I was very young. And before cosplay was, I think, I think, I think I invented it.

I think I invented it. You went to the Harry Potter, cinema screening, dressed as Harry Potter. Oh, in Dunfermline. Everyone went over 40. Fuck it, what what a I cannot believe

I did not get My head kicked In dressing up As Harry Potter Dan Firmland Dan Firmland In fucking Fife, Scotland 11 year old me

Watched the premieres Of Harry Potter In America In Hollywood Saw the losers dress up There was like Well obviously They'll be doing

They'll be doing that In working class Fucking Scotland In the streets of Fife all the losers dressed up there it was like well obviously they'll be doing they'll be doing that in working class fucking score he had his broomstick I did I fucking did

he cosplayed he drew a scar on his head he's not there I don't know what you mean I'm scratching my nose oh right

okay everyone thought you were Alan Hanson Scottish footballer With a scar on his head Anybody not in the know I know there's more dweebs Than football fans

On this podcast So Did you go in character Did you dress up No No I also felt Hugely fucking Like

Underdressed so everyone like ever all the cast are in they are like they're sort of not done up with themselves like Travis came up as himself Travis the man I met at the LA show no no because he had green hair so he was that was halfway he's halfway to green we mean green hair you mean Taliesin mm-hmm Yes, of course Taliesin, is that his character's name? No, but his name is Taliesin Jaffe

He was born with a D&D name Yeah He was born He wrote his name on a character sheet What else was he going to do, man? Did you think he was going to become an accountant with that name? That's his actual name, He didn't change that name. I don't know.

I don't know. Taliston Jaffe. Taliston. T-A-L-I-E. It is his current name, like Colin Bell. No, it's Caduceus Clay. It's who?

Caduceus Clay. Caduceus Clay. Corner man. Hi. Muhammad Ali. Anyway. So, no, no no no they all some of them came out

dressed as their characters fucking Sam Riegel came dressed out as Jerry Halliwell half Jerry Halliwell half Freddie Mercury nice like the Jerry Halliwell

outfit the sparkling Union Jack and the Freddie Mercury moustache and look because it was the biggest I mean look remember these are just

these aren't live performers these are people who've only been doing stage performances since this show became successful. Am I right in thinking they're mostly voice actors though? They are purely only voice actors. They're normally in it. No sorry that's absolutely not true. Ashley Johnson and Laura Bailey and I think Taliesin as well. They're all like

legit actors as well. They've been in other stuff but mostly voice acting in like all the fucking computer. So to be in front of that many people is like a massive fucking, like change of pace for them. Oh man, big for us.

It was probably quite a big step for you going from 5,000 to 9,000. Yes, yes. But at least you've taken some steps along the way. Did they do like little club rooms on the way to get here? I think like the first. Did they play the stand?

Man, I think, I mean, people will fucking grab me here, but I think there's only been about... I think less than 10 live shows for Critical Role, and they've all been in America. And I'm going to get yelled at by nerds who are like... That's not true. I haven't watched them all.

I don't fucking know. There have been 17 or 18, if you count the one that wasn't recorded. Yeah, and I think they did come to Toronto. All right, I'm not going to read these messages. Don't send them., I don't fucking know. There have been 17 or 18 if you count the one that wasn't recorded. Yeah, and I think they did come to Toronto. All right, I'm not going to read these messages. Don't send them. You're wasting your own time.

Live shows. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I think they went from, I think their first one was like a thousand maybe

and their second was like 1500. Oh, and also they probably had massive ones like the Comic Con they've done when they've done panels and stuff. But like,

I think the biggest they'd ever done before was 3000. So this was three times that in an actual fucking yeah i mean and in a part of the world they've like that they've never been to like they've all done it in america because that's where like their perceived success and by the way they are all still so unbelievably humble like it's just one where i'm like you guys need to catch up to where you actually are in life uh can you just have a little bit of arrogance please so i don't feel arrogant Like, to the point where I'm like, you guys need to catch up to where you actually are in life. Can you just have a little bit of arrogance, please, so I don't feel arrogant.

Matt, they were like... Beneath you. Beneath you with my arrogance. Come on, guys, you're making me look like a prick. They'd be like, thank you so much for doing this. I'm like, you understand you're all infinitely more famous than I am. Like, this is very much you doing me a favour. Like, it's a privilege to be here like there's no way um which I guess you're like yeah but I'm famous to people who live with the man yeah yeah you do see you do see more of my fans out on the outside

more regularly yeah yeah not all of them and if they are in pubs they're the they're the ones that are doing coke god I really do have such an eclectic fan base. You've got really nice fans. Yeah. Aha. I've been to some shows in the audience of other comedians that have done well. The crowd's a bit rowdy and drunk

and want to be involved. Bert Kreischer, love the man. But his crowd, I don't enjoy watching his shows I felt I felt for Bridges the amount of fights that broke out

in his show and then I went to watch him and people were so loud behind me like if I wasn't there like somebody that knew him as like a

comp I would have made a scene if I'd spent fucking however much money on that ticket I would have made a scene telling them to shut the fuck up but because I didn't want to

cause any trouble in my friend's audience I fucking kept my mouth shut I can see why another drunk person who'd spent money would have just turned around

and that would have been a fight Abso-fucking-lutely of course yeah yours take the litter home the Japanese football fans aye aye

aye how did that happen I have no idea you think it's because I'm have no idea You think it's because I'm vulnerable on stage You think it's that They've fallen for that Facade

I don't know You just Maybe it's because like You've never let them in What do you mean? Like Everybody feels like Kevin Bridges is their mate

And they probably played football With him on the street At school Uh huh You never Open your DMs. And I... Like, I feel like Paul Smith. Aye.

They all think their pals are Paul Smith. Every single one of them thinks they're his pal. Darcy Michael does say this to me often. It's one of my favourite things. He's like, he wishes... Not wishes, but he's like, the relationship I have with my fans is very particular

like I'm just horrible to them all of the time like I walk out on stage I walk on like I'm fucking Stoke-on-Sea awesome man fingers up in the air

don't even smile at them give them absolute fuck all regularly call them stupid regularly tell them I don't respect them regularly diminish myself in front of them so that the fact

that they love me makes them fucking pathetic And if you interact with anybody You make it clear you're just trying to crowbar into a bit Absolutely If they answer with more than one syllable You're wishing them dead Yeah, I'm like, what are you, a fucking taxi driver?

How'd you wish? Yeah, I mean I like that I think, you know, it's a healthy fucking Distance to have Because I think, you know, it's a healthy fucking distance to have because I think the opposite would drive me fucking mad, man. Like I can imagine like the level that those guys are at now must be, again, because my fame's always been like incrementally going up.

Like it's always been like light exposure, get used to it, two years of like plateauing, which isn't a negative thing. That's how the world works and careers work. And then another small break and then another small, and then a big isn't a negative thing. That's how the world works and careers work. And then another small break and then another small, and then a big break and a small break. And I've always gotten used to it.

These motherfuckers, I think in like the space of three years have, you know. It's just a rocket to the moon. Aye. Lewis Capaldi levels. Yeah.

And how, is it affecting their mental health? Are they all right? Oh, I think though, well, I mean, well, yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah.

But I mean, they've got each other as well. And they're all in la so the therapy's so common in la especially amongst actors and shit like yeah i mean from from how they all were on uh wednesday they were all buzzing off their fucking minds yeah first gig i've been nervous for since i was gonna say i would have been nervous for that because man again going on to open when they're not expecting comedy and and also opening for a band in a way yes and not knowing how much of

the crossover there is right so like in the Venn diagram of like critical role fans and then my fans obviously there is there's definitely crossover I know there's crossover how much is that and how loud can those ones be right and then also i can't walk on to a mostly neutral audience who don't know me with my attitude toward my fans straight

away so you're gonna be a bit unctuous well i mean don't get me wrong i did insult them like i did you know i'm always gonna do that like and also they're aware of like i don't think anyone in the arena was like we're we're the coolest people on the planet right now. So you're like, you're all nerds with me as well. Yeah. You're all nerds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fucking one of them.

I was over the fucking moon. I got the dice. I got the fucking, I got the trifecta. You rolled a crit 20. Yeah, nat 20. I'm being a bad nerd here. Yeah, you are. Critical failure, which is actually what they call it.

For a nat one, yeah. And then I rolled a 9. I didn't roll a 9, but I got, with my plus, 2 and 9, because they're called the 99. Whenever anyone rolls a 9, the entire audience yells 9. That's how the Germans started no no it's because they said yeah had they all yelled nine at Hitler we would not be having this problem but they were like yeah yeah so what's the is nine just their thing yeah that's not a D&D thing because I've

never come across that before no no it's it's just a D&D thing. I've never come across that before. No, no, no. It's just a specifically Mighty Nein thing, like the Campaign 2 thing. And I got all three and I got to enjoy it. What was your critical 20 on? Oh, nothing great, I don't think. Like my character, my very, very nerdy character, Matthew was like, what do you want to do? I just need you to be, you're like a detective,

be a detective in this, like, bank crime heist thing. He was being vague, so I didn't get any spoilers, right? And you're going to be there first and they come in and see you.

They're all level 20. You're level five, right? Right? Because they've completed the campaign and this is them coming back. You're fucking useful. What would you like to be?

And I was like, fat John Wick. Nice. Fat, alcoholic, Scottish dwarf. My accent. Absolutely. Short, describe yourself. What do you mean fat?

I didn't say fat, you said fat. No, I didn't say fat. But you said, describe myself after I said fat. No, I said, yeah, bring it up, but I said fat No I said Yeah bring it up But I said fat And after that You went describing yourself It was part of the list I was doing

So yeah Bring it fucking up What would you like to be And I was like Fat John Wick You're being a cunt That's a I need to own a joke

Is it Yeah When they tell him To stop being a square Stop being such a Cunt Nice It's so funny I thought you'd call my coffee Morning brown Yeah, when they tell him to stop being a square. Stop being such a cunt. It's so funny.

I still call my coffee morning brown. I still say it to your wife. I say to your wife, everything's a drum when I'm hitting it. So you're a Scottish fat... ...dart bot. Yeah, right. so you're a Scottish fat dad bod yeah right with with just

I wanted to see how much I could get past it right man you're only going to be in for 15 minutes you're like

try this I'm going to be here for as long as I can cling on to this he didn't have any weapons and he was missing fingers his only weapons were two

bottles two green bottles with yellow labels with some sort of red wine in it right and when I did that

I can hear the laughter from all the Brits all the Scots and Hayden as researcher did you tell of this well I described it to them I told them

I was like it's just a tonic wine because I was I was a drunk dwarf monk paladin because I worked at the monastery where the wine was made

so the amount of messages I got afterwards of people just being like did you just make Buckfast canonically in the world like of the world of Dungeons and Dragons

like insane boys and girls we fucking did it that's class that's class buckfast canonically in the world like of the world of dungeons dragon like it's in boys and girls we fucking did it that's class that's class i love that afterwards mercer every single one of them came up to me they were like what was that fucking thing that you were describing they got a massive cheer and i'm like it's in baby there's no deleting this i got it through customs i mean they were thrilled they couldn't give a shit so they thought it was funny is Is it out yet? Yeah, yeah. The footage is up.

It'll be on, by the time this goes out, it'll be on YouTube. And are you going to get an obsession with social media? Social media. I've already gone up a fair bit just from the live show. Madness.

Yeah. So big. You know what? I remember the first time i met matt in la was his 2019 tour yeah um wearing this uh i think it was just like in an arcade bar but there was big trouble in little china was on the telly and when it finished uh i i took a photo it's just i was having a conversation with matt about how like ner, I hate to say nerdy, how nerd intelligence that they have. I don't know how to word it.

I do. Autism. Okay, right. How autistic his fans are. Nerd intelligence, for short, for long. So you're just giving me the stank as my phone beeps. I'll leave the sound on my phone. leave the sound on my phone I took a photograph of the screen

at the credits when it was the costume designers and put it on Twitter so he could retweet it to say does anybody know what film I've just watched and he retweeted it and fucking the amount of people that guessed the film based on the font of the name

of the costume designer everybody more people than followed me before he retweeted people that guessed the film based on the font oh yeah of the name of the costume designer oh man everybody probably man these are more people than followed me before he retweeted replied not even it won't just be from the front man it'll be those are those are people that enjoy cosplay man they will know the names of those costume designers because they'll be fans like that's the level of their you know so you know when you're like watching the credits and it gets past the actors and you're like oh who's this for the family of the person that did it is that what it's for you're like no actually there's people out there who right do you want to do you want to know the other easter

egg that's in there if you by the way i really want i put this in because i know how again as we're talking how nerdy the critical role fans are and how like passionate they are and how much into the backstory they will go there's an easter egg in my character's name i'll see if you work out okay it's called aggie aggie he likes being called aggie because his name is rab ag rab ag he gets called aggie never bob never bob bob bag bob saget go back one robert bob Bob Saget. Go back one. Robert Bob Agro. Just that.

Two words. Baggy. Nope. Bobaggy. Bobag. Bobag. But you'd have to, it's Rab-aggy-ag, because he hates being called Bob.

Bobag. Nice. I got it through Jesus I'm mad about it they have to state you four million people

are going to fucking watch it like I've got it I've got it all through that was fun man how did your character die or do you not want to put spoilers

no but it was I mean the whole point was I you know Matt was, do you want to be in it? I'm like, only if, only if I die, like, I'm not comfortable enough yet to step into the world and be any fucking good at it. Like, especially to the degree, I don't want to ruin my favourite thing, right? You know, as much as I would, you know, as people go, would you like to be in the Lord of the Rings movies? You go, no, I would ruin the Lord of the Rings movies. Yeah.

Do you want to play for Newcastle United? I would be shit for Newcastle United. That's what I think when Steve Bruce was the manager, because like, he's a boyhood Newcastle fan. I was like, no, he's not.

If he was a Newcastle fan, he wouldn't be anywhere near that. Yeah, absolutely. Because I'm a Newcastle fan, but if you put me on up front, I'd be like, I support this club more than I want to play.

Even managing it. I don't know what I'm doing. I support this club more than I want to play even managing it I don't know what I'm doing I'm not good enough for the thing I love so so I was like I only wanted to do 15 minutes

and I was just I just played a drunk aggressive me when you come off where you're like that kid who

got on stage on a festival and sung Tiago Silva have you seen that clip yes of the festival goer that gets brought up on stage to on a festival and sung Tiago Silva. Have you seen that clip? Yes, aye. Of the festival goer that gets brought up on stage to sing a verse. Aye.

And he sings the verse and he absolutely fucking kills it and he waxes off and he's just like, what the fuck's just happened to me? Oh, I think I did quite well. Like, I think the cameo was, from all of their feedback, the cast feedback, they were like very, very happy with it and were like very, very happy with it and all the crew were very happy with it. I need to get a lot of messages afterwards telling me. I'm very happy that I now have

also the fastest, the shortest cameo in Critical Role history. Ah, nice. It was previous record, I think it was like 45 minutes. We're not taking any risks with you. Right, this could be a disaster. We it yeah yeah yeah um oh man it was so fun i mean and the gig was i mean i didn't you know i i said to them they were like how much material you're

gonna do i'm like i don't think i'm gonna do much of my own material i think i'm just gonna go on fucking you know hype them up make fun of them talk about the fucking thing you know do some inside you're treating it like a bit of a corporate way, you've got a bit of work to do beforehand, you're going to write about the situation rather than just go in and get straight into your stuff. Yeah, but I know... But then you can segue into your stuff.

Yeah, but I didn't, yeah. My version of writing wasn't sitting down and writing any jokes for it. My version of writing was walking outside regularly, observing everything and then talking to Elliot Steele, who I got tickets to. And the whole time we were walking around, he was like, bruv, please don't tell anyone I came here. But then fair play to him,

because I absolutely smashed the opening he posted about it. And then also because I got the Nat one, the Nat 20. Did loads of people get photos of him just in his natural garb, thinking it was a teethling? Fucking garb. Because he did a day-in-day campaign with us over Zoom during lockdown. Elliot is so fun at Dungeons & Dragons. As much as he fucking gives up.

He's an anime nerd. He's obsessed with fucking like Russia and Japan he's a dweeb he's a big dweeb he just

does Mai Tai and grew up and went to a working class school so he just has to still has to act in a certain way and he just comes

he just comes across like an alt-right yeah tape it yeah just a little bit yeah man and then

short cameo managed to get off stage very happy stole so much the day loads

of memorabilia robbed yeah man handed out to like all of the dice that were like used on stage by everyone

I was like that's mine that's mine not their own person because man they just every live show there's just loads of dice backstage

and they're like, I think for like none of them brought their own boxes or anything with them through customs. It was just like stuff there. So I wasn't stealing Laura Bailey's actual personal dice. I mean, you're protesting quite a lot. I mean, it's been very specific. I stole all of the extra

ones. Just specifically not. She's the only one that scares me It's not true she's a sweetheart But she would kick my head in And then Yeah and then I got very very drunk with Most of them

Just back to the Hotel well I mean Wembley Pick up Most of them. Yeah, where did you go? Just back to the hotel. Well, I mean, at Wembley. Did you go to the tavern? Pick up a quest. Aye. Let's have a break and play now to cool the cameras down. Aye.

We'll get some water as well. Yeah. Advert time, motherfuckers. That's right. We're sponsored. We actually have a sponsor. We have proud sponsors. We are proud to have sponsors. There it is. Yes. Th have proud sponsors. We are proud to have sponsors.

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Does not work. Because my name doesn't scan. It's brewed in Dunbar, East Lothian. It is fermented for three to four weeks as opposed to three to four days which their competitors do and it is available right now at thisleycross.co.uk with the promo code thisley's loss 10 drink responsibly gareth oh shit gareth wall messaged me afterwards saying heard you got a natural 20 at Wembley

Arena that's the closest any of us will ever come to scoring for Scotland that's about right now

oh absolutely you're like the real natural 20 was me getting the gig whereabouts in the series is it

like if you want to listen from episode one so that you are in the loop by it Like If you want to listen From episode one So that you are In the loop By the time It got to yours

What episode's it on now Oh so I'm on There are three campaigns Uh huh The first campaign Is like a hundred and Thirty Episodes long

In each episode It is between Three and five hours long What It's like It's like catching up On the fucking news, man. I don't know.

That is like fucking watching Corrie from the beginning. Yeah, but it's... Can you just jump in the skipping ropes? What about this campaign? They're obviously putting bookmarks on it. No, so this one that they've done wasn't part of the campaign. So the end of campaign two two ended and this is like, oh,

and they reunited four years later after, I mean, this is like nine years after the campaign ended. It's like a, you know,

a fucking little sequel, a little Christmas fucking bonus. All right, and here's a little adventure that they go and they all get, the gang get back together one last time.

It's Joey. Yeah, it's Joey. Yeah, but in their own, it's the Cleveland show. Yeah. So it's just a one shot

because I've got a hell of a long drive coming up this weekend I'm going to St Albans via Liverpool and back to Glasgow yeah so it's probably like a thousand mile round trip that

yeah I was like ooh I'll be able to chew through a season of Critical Role I'm not driving to Beijing no no have you watched the cartoon on Amazon Critical role. I'm not driving to Beijing. No, no.

Have you watched the cartoon on Amazon? Legends of Vox Machina? Yeah. I think, did we watch the pilot? We watched the pilot, Super High. We watched the first three at Mercer's house. Is that based on the full campaign? That's based on the first campaign. So I can catch up on the story of the campaign by watching that?

Yes. Well, yes. And Campaign 2 is being turned into a TV series as well, but it's just not had its first season out yet. You could do that. Also, Matt does a really good job at the start of the fucking special explaining where they all are and stuff. But yeah, I think you would miss a lot of the references.

Ali was there and he's not listened to any of the critical role and he enjoyed it, but he of the role and he enjoyed it but he was like so much of it was lost on me whereas you know Grant and my fucking old math

teacher were like that was the great like that's exactly what we wanted and I think season three now campaign three

I think they're up to like episode 70 it's so like there's so many benefits to being like a full-on nerd about it

because I'm playing Baldur's Gate right now and I Marcia's in it is he actually yes who as is I thought

is he one of the starting four characters no no he's he's towards the end and I don't think he's the only one I think also maybe Laura

I think Laura maybe you know I think another one of them I mean it would be remiss not to have them like it would be really weird if they made

like the biggest day and day game for the PS5 and just ignored the day and day world yeah yeah like they've got to loop them in

yeah but I mean they do I mean they're all voice they all work on fucking everything I guarantee you you've played games which were voiced by everyone on the stage

and you just don't know these people have voiced characters that you yeah like in TV shows and cartoons because they're not doing the voice games which were voiced by everyone on the stage and you just don't know these people have voiced characters that you yeah like like in tv shows and cartoons and because they're not doing the voice when they're speaking to us yeah because uh like i still have to have a look all right what's encouragement again i will one day for's I don't even call it encouragement I've just been a bad nerd inspiration right

Jesus Christ it's been so long since we've played oh man speaking of just fucking being an absolute nerd last night as always

we have our little fucking Columhaven me Gareth Waugh our friend Matty and you were playing on your Playstation 5 in the room with your wife Natalie and said our friend Matty and you were playing

on your Playstation 5 in the room with your wife and said I think Matty have you played your 10 gold

to get the blessing from the monastery and she just caught up and left the room immediately she stormed out she stormed out

getting a blessing from the oak the mighty oak I would say she fucking she stormed out like fucking

aye stink aye yeah toss that you fucking just stormed it like fucking I stink I yeah toss that I can't believe can't believe you made me

muddy this you know what though I feel like I love nerdy stuff but I do feel like I'm wearing somebody else's suit like it doesn't fit

it doesn't like it doesn't it doesn't fit with who I am but I do enjoy it. It is odd. I like driving someone else's car. Yeah. It's me and Gareth are like that in general,

but you and Elliot are very much tourists into nerddom. Yeah. Even if I've got more hours than somebody. I wouldn't even say just tourists into nerddom. I think you both have chalets in nerddom. You've got a bigger one than Elliot's, but that's only because you took with me and I force it you I tell market don't have one I just visit some names mad Nelson Nelson so funny how much of a stance against the and day that he set

up yeah he'd love it no no I don't know creative I don't think he'd be able to Oh fully surrender to it like Katieary Marks was excellent at it because even though he found it nerdy he was like alright the best way to enjoy this is to just go in

and fully commit to the character because I thought he'd done a swing and a miss when he wrote his character sheet that he was this gnome that thinks he's a giant because he was raised by giants

he thinks he's a lot bigger won't go into any building won't go into any tent won't go into any tunnel because he's too big to physically get into those things won't go on anyone's shoulders because he'll crush them won't let anyone pick him up because nobody's strength to a really annoying ally to have very very funny oh he committed to it so hard that it worked oh it was great yeah if if he just like

had that as like something that just occasionally comes into play but the fact that it was always a problem yeah made it made it hilarious and made it just something that as friends of of the character i had to work around that was also like that was when we were playing dungeons and dragons in australia and it was when me and cara just got together and she and you're trying to break her in gently i mean she stayed in the room but she put her headphones on and i noticed that all of us started needing to use chapstick because i think she was drying up the room by sucking all the moisture we called her the dehumidifier she was like i can't believe i've ever seen him naked i just spent the whole time parched because of how much she was drying out the air guy montgomery was good everyone was good hastings was very good We are in a very good industry

For people to play Day and day with Absolutely And don't take advantage Of it enough But also because like We all live in different places It's really difficult

Like you have to You have to go Right there's a festival on We're all here for a month We're all committing To these days And we're going to Bash it out

That's how it worked In Melbourne And that's how We should in Melbourne and that's how we should do it at the Fringe but I think yeah but you're also

putting it in the same way that like if you go on like I'm a Celebrity or like This Morning or Strictly Come Dancing you'd open

if you go into that you open yourself into another audience which isn't necessarily a bad thing but you'd you know the amount of comedians

we know that went on to I'm a Celebrity, managed to tour off the back of it, but now they're gigging to people who don't watch anything post-Watershed, they're all old middle-aged fucking people, and they don't like that audience. The Great Scott Talent crowd,

like the comedians. And that's not what I'm saying, Chris, but I'm saying if you're going into Dungeons and Dragons, really, I mean, you're bringing nerds to your comedy, be aware that you're changing the fucking PH of your audience. Yeah. Right? Which I'm absolutely fine with.

But I think for like, you know, like I think if we were to try anything on this, Elliot Steele would never publicly play Dungeons & Dragons with us, even though he's very funny at it. I don't think it would draw in a prudish audience though like it wouldn't it wouldn't mean the war I don't think

I don't think there would be any there would probably be a touch sensitive but only out of kindness ah well it's just it's

I mean I'm not saying that everyone who plays Duchess of Dragon is left wing but it's very it opens itself and makes itself

much more accessible to the left yeah you could end up doing a lot of like preaching to the choir sort of stuff that could end up doing a lot of, like, preaching to the choir sort of stuff that you see from a lot of... From left-wing comedians, aye. If you're a right-wing comedian, your job is to make fun of right-wing people.

And if you're a left-wing comedian, your job is to make fun of left-wing people. Stop being a preacher and trying to just... Hold your own side to account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you're the only person that's going to be able to fucking convince them. Your job is to hold a fucking mirror up and go that's you you ugly cunt that's what you fucking like not this handsome chap not this perfect man but that fucking monster right there

we're the same i'm relatable come see me live i've got a i've got a big drive coming up so I I filled the tank with petrol because we were I'll tell you this I'm a Tory now do you know that

no I inherited a second car I'll tell you about this didn't I I don't think I mentioned it on the podcast I don't think you did Natalie's mum and dad

bought a new car okay and gave us their old one because i had seven weeks left on it's a motel not like put it through 10 more take at the end if it goes through you can have it right i was like i'm just scorting audi i don't know if you know anything about my family but we don't have spare audis lying around yeah also okay i have i have stayed up with you until six in the morning and having a flight at 9am.

Watch you still go to get the free breakfast because you cannot turn down a free breakfast. So imagine me getting a free outing. God, you married up. I love how our house is just the perfect blend between step up from where I grew up and a step down from where Natalie grew up and in the middle, just house. Natalie's just being humble and I'm like, la-dee-da.

Stretch my legs. I'm similar, but I think the opposite from that for Cara. I don't know. Your house is probably bigger than your mum and dad still. Yeah, and also definitely bigger than, you know, Carla's one growing up and stuff. Yeah, yeah. But I filled the tank with petrol for my big drive.

And then it fucking filled its MOT on something structural. I was only meant to have it for seven weeks anyway until the MOT. I was warned. But I'm just like, I have got this car forever and fucking filled the tank so now i've got a full tank of petrol in a car i can't use wait i don't understand what you put the wrong petrol in it no no i filled it up with petrol and then then and then now it's not roadworthy why because it filled its mot oh right sorry okay that took far too long for me to fucking Catch up there Yeah Right So now I've just got

Like a full tank of petrol In the car That I can't use Surely you can drive it To it's MOT Oh yeah I've done that I didn't burn an entire

Tank of petrol down In the MOT In St Albans Well it's there Petrol doesn't go off It can sit in there For a while Till what

Till you get it back Give it away by any car Or is it So the structure That was The amount sitting there for a while till what do you get it back give it away by any cost or is it so the structure the amount that i would be spending to repair this car i'd buy another car oh really okay yeah right but it's just such a what like the working class person in me is yelling at me for wit like oh what for just losing the fucking petrol money you can say for now if fuck it Jake bought this is where I'm at any rate this did it cost 90 quid to fill the tank that's not it's not it's not small about money that's not a small amount of money right that's a lot of money mm-hmm like we're in positions I've been in, coming into that amount of money would have made me cry.

Aye. With like, changed your mind. I can't believe I've gotten myself out of this mess. Yeah. But I know how much of an amount of money that is. I don't think it's enough to pay us to suck fuel. I don't think,

10 pound off. The fact I need to buy jerry cans would bring down the value oh gee fucking hell Jesus Christ there's the snatch in you being like well if I can steal jerry cans that'll be a fucking disco

I've got to get a hose pipe next door I've got one if I lick it during the night And I do it during the night They'll know I can replace it in the morning I suppose if you've got a jerry can You can just pour it

And mule that Audi Aye If you've got If you've got another If you've got another Audi Stop sucking on petrol Yeah I'm really

Conflicted with the situation In life I've found myself in It's not who I am And I don't know how to situation in life I've found myself in. It's not who I am and I don't know how to live in it. I like it. I like it a lot. Yeah.

Like you watching me, your face watching me in business. I know we've already talked about my business etiquette, but we didn't cover this. I was just not even thinking I was being washed. Thank you for the hot towel It's quite hot Face, face, face And then up my top Up my top

Day of my armpit And I just looked over at you Just like There's a shower There was not a shower There was not a shower That's it Or another, yeah

Yeah, that wasn't on Oh God It's not for you. There's a bit that stink. It's not a cleansing towel. It's a refreshing towel. I refreshed the gumping bit. The what?

Gumping. Gumping? I made that up. It sounds right. Huffing. Huffing. Absolutely. Huffing bits.

Glocking. Glocking. Glocking. Uh-huh. That's a dog's day. Like, you know, when you can just hear a dog when you're asleep, when you can hear the dog giving it the beans. What was any of that fucking sentence?

Do you think that's going to bring any international fans in? Say that sentence again. You know, when you're asleep at night and you can hear the dog giving it the beans. That's glopping. That's glopping. I have no idea what you're talking about the dogs clean themselves and they make that glop and noise of the dog self groom guy okay and the onomatopoeic side of them is them stopping the ball of grooming of their balls of that gash of that feet I offer for of their fur is glopping. Glopping.

It is known as glopping as well. That's not just a word I made up. But where is it known as glopping? You understand, to international listeners and viewers, you make us sound like the... You're making us sound like what we think Ireland is. Like where it's a magical land of silly things and rainbows and what, like, the word glopping exists here. That's all.

Do you know honking piece of kit is a common insult yeah you do that that's not just like honking piece of kit is like that's a bad

outfit your honking piece of kit it's normally used between squaddies as you fucking trap oh yeah aye you're dressed shite

aye I like being on high like I was being a honking piece of kit when I fucking wiped myself doing With a With a

Do you know as well Litter on an aeroplane Is called gash I beg your pardon Gash Litter on an ashtray On an aeroplane On an aeroplane

Is called gash And the The bags that you put The litter in Is called a gash bag Nah You're not having me Google gash Nah Google gash bag. Nah, you're not having me. Google gash.

Nah. Google gash bag. No, because then you win. If I Google it, you convince me and you win. I can't do it. Glopping. Glopping as the dog

sucking its tail off. I can't wait to see Matthew is here. Is aeroplane litter? No, this is like the time that you thought poop meant fart. I worked on an aeroplane

collecting litter and the lads would go and get all the gash off there till the... No, this is like the time that you thought poop meant fart. I worked on an aeroplane, clicking litter, and the lads would go, go and get all the gash off there, tell the steward you need a gash bag. What are you... I fucking knew it. Then they asked Dan Byatt because... No, you were just bullied by your elders.

I thought it was just a slang term amongst the people at Newcastle Airport can't get all the gash off that did a science teacher ever say for a long stand in another room

like that sort of stuff but like but not just getting me with it everybody called it that we're all called it gash can't get the gash off that and there's a gash bag

great and I thought it was just a slang it's us saying fanny like I thought that's what we right and I thought it was just a slang is us saying fanny like I thought that's what we're doing and then it was someone on

like Brian from from Big Brother rings a bell there was somebody on Big Brother that started talking he was an estuar

oh aye and he started talking about calling it gash and I was like yes I thought this was a like just a localisation

and was he from New Castle a bullshit no I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not never trust us never trust you I don't think you're from Newcastle no I'm caught I'm fine to Google Brian from Big Brother just to find out whether I'm not good on Brian from Big Brother just to find out where they're. I'm not Googling Brian from Big Brother's Gash, though. You've not filled me twice. Do you believe it's about glopping? I believe that in your magical little world of fucking Blythe that yes, people say glopping. I'm not sure if it's a universal term.

It was actually Murray. Matt. Like our greyhounds were glopping. Oh, he won. Brian Dowling, is that him? Yeah, that rings a bell. This one? Was he an estuary

Where's he from Are you trying to see If he's a Geordie I am He's from Ireland Is he Another magical land Of pixies and fairies

You can't call him that Because he was an estuary Hey no I think Nah yeah I can He's married to a man So therefore I can't call him A homophobic slur Because he gets one

well you know what yeah I thought after all the fucking wholesomeness of me enjoying myself at critical role we maybe wouldn't be paying anything today but

but then you called Brian Dowling a fairy I did a flying fairy that's what you said do you know that's what you said. Do you know that's what the army call the Air Force? I'm going to fucking knock you out.

You try and get me. I'm fucking popping facts like nobody's business. Yeah, what, you think you're a fucking penguin, do you? What do you mean? You know they've always got facts on this. I'm popping facts. Oh, fuck you. Oh, no, penguins is jokes. Fuck.

What's it that does facts? Snapple does facts. Oh, fuck you. Oh, no, penguins is jokes. Fuck. What's it that does facts? Snapple does facts. Bad.

Some of the ice lollies are crackers when you pull a cracker. Jokes fact. Jokes are fact. It's one on one side, one on the other, isn't it? And then you get them leaping frogs where you press its butt and it leaps. Aye. Nail clippers. Nail clippers.

And then you fucking hit the big one when you get the screwdriver that works on your glasses. You're like, yes! That's me staying away from the sellotape oh different christmases what's in your crackers i fucking dare you so i can't wait people Tories caviar crackers what do you call it when I culturally appropriate middle class

well you cosplay as middle class huh you cosplay as middle class aye and also it's

not you that cosplay your wife dress you as somebody who like she's like dressing up three dogs in a

trench coat and taking it on how long before that's just who I am but well first of all will you stop it it's in some sort of but you dumb cut can we teach the American listeners the beauty of howe sure come on get on board howe howe use it in context howe man use it in further context come on let's go and have us on a bag

howe I know it's only Wednesday but I don't know it's a tough, but I don't know. It's a tough two days away. Put you off on Thursday. How about that, man? Put a little man at the end as well. How about that, man?

We eyebrow race. How about that, man? Just like Wednesday. You know you want to translate. You know you want to. How about that, man? You know you want to. What a belt of sentence.

Say it again. How about that, man? You know you want it what about that sentence say it again hello man you know you want it sounds like again just another mystical spell that

would summon something out of a fucking tree that would grant you three wishes but all the wishes

would go wrong eventually usually get a blowjob after saying that hello man you know you want it

it's a blowjob spell It's the blowjob spell What was the one I said to you before? Aye, the flying ferries That's what the army called it Don't believe it No way No way, because I know for a fact That in the army

Navy's the one that they call Nah, puddle jumpers But they're homophobic to the people in the navy, aren't they? That's the one that they call our puddle jumpers they are we call that better but the homophobic to the people in the Navy and they that's a thing puddle jumpers not slur for anything fairies is a slur I saw my use on the RF these puddle jumpers that's what the army called there I think they insult themselves no but what the other two call them? Oh, the big boys. They just, they just rise above it. They've been pricks.

Oh my God, we're all on the same team. You fucking bulls. All right, you need a lift anyway. How was it? Is it a thing if we get in Afghanistan?

You got a whack there? You fucking, through mugs so I assume you guys just want no UAV right sorry for calling you ferries

I've left you know how we don't jump the puddles right that's the RF you're thinking the RF they jump the puddles skim over the puddles we go through the puddles

I think they would have Kicked me out of the army On day one Oh you're RAF Through and through Yeah Aye Twizzly almost times

What do you mean? You reckon I go high up In the RAF Or you think I'm just going to be Like a fucking Deck cleaner Oh you're going to be

Middle management So I'm a warrant officer Aye just going to be like a fucking debt cleaner. You've got to be middle management. Some warrant officer. But you've got to have a nondescript accent. An accent of travel. Yeah, no, I don't think they would. Little posh kids that are just displaced. I think I could be inspiring to Dungeons

and Dragons fans. I don't know if I could inspire anyone in a militaristic position. I think they, mind you I did. And this is the exact same. Could you give orders? Oh, well no, because I hate structured hierarchy. So, and authority figures. And that's why I don't think I'd find that good.

I think I wouldn't be good at deferring. And I also think I would be very awkward. I'm sure that I'd find that good. I think I wouldn't be good at the furring and I also think I would be very awkward. I'm sure that I'd have that fucking beat on me, but I don't think I would enjoy other people like the furring to me. I don't think I could be strict enough to say... I didn't claim the ranks in the Air Cadets. No, I didn't claim that.

For a few years, nobody was giving me any authority. It's a really dangerous position to put the younger cadets in. Is the Air Cadet, it's just like the fucking karate of like the army world where it's like...

You do a lot of stuff. I fired a lot of guns, I flew aircraft. Yeah, and people who do karate do lots of kicks and lots of jumps and they get a black belt but I guarantee anyone else

in any other art firm could kick their fucking head in. But I think like you can just go into any sports hall and do a fucking karate kick and a karate chop right but that's what I'm asking

about air cadets it's how air cadets it's that version it's grooming you for the forces right by showing you some fucking cool stuff

that's part of it right it's introducing you to travel it's introducing you to weapons at a young age class

like considering like like you say the other clubs are fucking karate chops and this one you're fucking firing an L98 Down the range

Aye What else did we do Didn't like Yeah loads of camps Like adventure training Night exercises Aye All that sort of stuff

Good stuff What were the night exercises Like You have to Like games of Fox and Hounds Type of thing Where you have to go and like

Infiltrate another team's base Aye Without getting spotted. Kiss them. Got your poncho on and that. What's the poncho do? Do you stop you getting wet? Yeah, I stop you getting wet.

Yeah, you're fucking made for the RA. It's me running around the fucking Welsh woods with a poncho on. Oh, it doesn't make any noise. I think they're coming from that direction. What makes you say that? Well, I hear fluttering and then the sound

of somebody walking into a tree and then fuck oh they just hit another one do you think it's the Geordie yeah he just hit a wayman to a tree the only bit of light

just sparkled off his glasses what else did I do with the RF with the airconets I wore a beret aye I had to wore a beret Aye I had to wear a beret Yeah they do drill

Done a lot of drill What's drill A lot of marching Singing songs with chants You have to get Nah Nah I don't know what I've been told

I wish That would have been class that But I've been gay since three years old So I joined the Flying Ferries You have to like stand in order of height uh and then your right dress which is put your arm up and i'm just fucking this is scratching the back of your brain this where you put your arm up so you've got the right marker everybody gets in lane and then you put your arm up and then like there's something where you like step i can't remember how you did but you get in lane and like everybody is in uniform of like

their height and i can't remember which way it goes like your tallest tallest person's the right marker but then like maybe you get shorter towards the back left i can't mind exactly but there's like a really efficient way of getting everybody looking uniform. And then you start marching. Your thumb's down the seams of your trousers. And then you'll salute your officer as you go by. Do you say left, left, right, left? Uh-huh. You say that?

A bit of left, right, left. All right. Some of you do a little bit. Actually, I lied earlier. Not like me. Left, left. And you can check your steps so you know if you're out of step like if you're marching

and everybody's in lane with you because you're the right marker and I'm out of step there's like this little leg where you look at the side you shoot hit the other one and you just do like a little half step

and you're back in lane with everyone that's really neat still use that sometimes when I'm walking with my lass aye did you get bullied for going to this thing Lee Brosnan used to throw rocks at us

honest to fucking god this is the lad who's one of my best mates I played football with him Sunday league right through fucking

you know trying to knock the beret off your head from distance oh man him and his brothers that's before I knew him good duck shoots out

before I knew him there's our best friend doing trying to be like fucking you know the Queen's God trying not to move fucking rocked his bust

with his cheekbone open left left left and they're just like fuck it this is one of those shooting duck galleries

this is glass turn the box whoo whoo aye fucking hell Left, left, left. And they're just like, fuck it, this is one of those shitting duck calories. This is glass. Turn and bounce. Fucking hell, that was so funny when I discovered that was who. You didn't even know it was him. Oh, it was just funny. But how is it? Were you in football?

Sorry, hold on. Where are these stones being thrown from that you can't see who's throwing them? Over the fence. This is after you leave so we've got this like marching like area next to the big porter cabin where you make your airfix models and whatever do your learning yeah um so these porter cabins but they've got this square and you'll do a bit of drilling there and sometimes they take you out on the streets and march up and down the

streets cooping which is a rough part of life brave but it was so funny I was there I was talking about I was in the changing room for football as we were 22 23 and a I started talking about when I was in airconets because there's a lot of the other team that used to be in airconets as well as you know I was like oh fuck I know him from airconets he leave for us and I was like what you an airconet so I was like I think I used to Chuck from Airconettes he leaves for us and I was like are you an Airconette and I was like aye he's like I used to chuck stones

at the Airconettes when they were marching and they you fucking prick that was me small world of course it is you live in fucking Blythe

aye one of your best mates he's like aye you hit us with a brick and a knife aye and he put my teeth in

so funny And he put my teeth in it So funny Did he ever get you good? No not me Fucking one of the lads though Straight on the head Straight on the head I got skimmed once Headed on the shoulder

Skimmed? Like you're a pond He winged us like you're a pond winged us it's good training you know you're going to be marching

marching up the Khyber Pass when you war who are you going to war with if you're going to war with anyone that's

throwing stones you're a fucking arsehole the Arabs you can stick a tenner in for that one no you're a fucking arsehole the Arabs pass it here fucking you can stick a tenner in for that one

no in this current climate you'll be sticking ten pounds in and you'll be happy about it fine pass it here

you're gone it's really bad I just put so much stank on it when I put it in so what clubs were you in Scouts

I did I did is that why you let the tie in when you got married I did I did Beavers I did Cubs

that's the last one I did no Brownies not in Scotland that's Brownies yeah what was it in Scotland

Natalie really wanted to join the bronies but didn't want to get bullied haha you're a brony she's like aye great I'm a good queen

beavers beavers squirrel scouts beaver scouts beavers is the prerequisite to scouts yeah so you learn how to get molested

then you get fully molested when you're in scouts it goes squirrel scouts beaver scouts cub scouts scouts so what the training you're for in scouts thing in the air connects they're like training you to be military when scouts are just training you to survive in the woods no i think it's just like just useful like everyday things yeah life skills like you know some of it is outdoors but a lot of it is you know fucking sewing

or like knitting writing I think you do like a whole bunch of shit in it just to like putting up a shelf

aye just DIY DIY yeah yeah it just gives you a little badge there's your badge so cheers

aye sew it on yourself because both of your parents were alcoholics they'd get in the car did you used to have your initials on your pay top oh the car did you used to have your initials on your pay top oh good question

you had to embroider on not embroider no embroider on like I mean when I used to have to put a KTH on me a little white t-shirt won't stop people nicking your scaffy clothes I've I wear white t-shirts a lot now

I've a tatty about this I bought them just like a job lot of white t-shirts because I wear sweaters all the time lot now I've had to talk to you about this I bought them Just like a job load of white t-shirts Because I wear sweaters all the time Yeah And it's nice to be underneath And then I fucking went to LA And all I had was white t-shirts

Aye I just couldn't about them I felt like I was at PE Everywhere I went I think I'm wearing white t-shirts That stand out to me Do you play white tea? Aye

Non-offensive, non-descript A bit basic isn't it? Yeah but Yeah but you've seen you right Aye Aye me arms Stay the selling Aye

Mm Me arms sell it Like I don't need to wear A loud t-shirt Because me arms are loud Seen these Oh god

You're not a fan What am I looking at Just don't give me that Don't give me that Do not give me that You're not a fan? Of what am I looking at? Oh, don't even go as that. Don't even go as that. Do not give me that. I'll translate for myself. Yeah,

someone fucking has to. You. Aye, I don't think we'll never, I wonder how bad the closed captions are for this on YouTube, given your accent. I wonder how we're going to spell,

oh, how am I on an I-1-8? Yeah, I wonder what that is. Everyone's like, ooh, Benjamin Netanyahu. What's this going to be? Why do you continue to strafe close to this subject? What's your opinion on it?

You're going to have a hard time. End my fucking life. Aye, they were brutal no mm-hmm when did it stop sucking I was bloated all day mm-hmm I went had an ice cream oh I know must have helped that was nice I will flavor mint mint chocolate it's not as bad as actually I say ice cream it was like a milkshake but it was practically ice cream

it was from that place that your wife loves shout it out do you know what it's called you don't know your wife's favourite pancake place

I don't know the colour of my fucking wife's eyes I asked her when we were in bed last night it was blue I could have guessed blue but

anyway that's not the nor birthday nor wedding anniversary nor I can't help with that but It's blue Is it blue? I could have guessed blue But Hey man That's not the Nor a birthday Nor a wedding anniversary Nor I can't help with that But No just bad

I just don't retain Like You know Some of It's easy for me to remember My wife's eye colour Because They all have brown eyes

If not It would be like Kind of creepy Like a husky Yeah Yeah No I don't remember Not that huskies Have got creepy eyes But like It does look weird If not, it would be like kind of creepy, like a husky. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't remember any of that. Not that huskies have got creepy eyes,

but like it does look weird, a dog having blue eyes. They look way more sentient. Not that my wife just looks sentient. Chocolate chip, mint chocolate chip especially, is a really shit flavour of ice cream. It's a really shit flavour of ice cream.'s a really shit flavor of ice cream i know this is like so a lot of people i want no no no but i'm not here to give you shit unless you are the following person the following people do not deserve ice cream if your favorite ice cream

is pistachio fucking ice cream i didn't mind it oh I didn't mind it one bit what are you fucking I find that to be the middle ice cream mid bottom tier nah nah nah I'll talk you through it top tier

is gonna be fucking put your cookie dough and your fudge in there right your mints in your middle ground with pistachio at the lower middle

and then right at the bottom is just any of the like kinda fruity ones you cannot be putting sorbet in the fucking bottom you can't compare everything i've just said absolutely think about who it's in a league with it's fucking any sorbet is infinitely better than pistachio ice cream and mint chocolate chip objectively absolutely fucking lowly yes disagree no hard disagree i think you get at the gelato shop and you'll see a lot of smooth tops

on them ones you like they'll be breaking the fucking seal on them ones for you yeah the pistachio one they're going to be digging it out the bottom

strawberry cheesecake nah that's alright yeah I suppose if you're getting in the realm of cheesecake you're fucking joining the other side now

no no just putting strawberry in there I agree with you like you know fucking chocolate's always going to be a chocolate chip

mango please I'll have the mango delicious absolutely always going to be a chocolate chip mango please I'll have the mango delicious absolutely delicious mint chocolate chip oh can you give me can you give me

the sensation in my mouth of having just brushed my teeth after a hot chocolate and then why do you think you brush your teeth because it tastes great

what you brush your teeth and you feel fresh ready to take on the day ready to kiss a bird what is oh no i think it's but men men anything see people that put men on lamb i'm like why are you putting the you better not be one of these fucking absolute war criminals who give people licorice chewing gum no absolutely

not licorice and i see chewing licorice is a disgrace licorice is like we're not if you're giving someone a chewing gum that's not meant you need to fucking lay that down immediately give them otherwise you're spiking your mate aye

bit strong I was gonna go a little bit of like an ungranted prostate checking like

that vibe where you're like oh look I know a lot of people do it like this but you had to tell you had to tell me what it was

so I could you take a run up aye come on man you gotta let me know and if i take a run up it's important you gotta let me know you're about to fucking kick me what's he running up for there i don't think he's a real doctor doesn't feel like he's wearing a glove i think he thought i was gonna run how long we done here i don't know What does it say? 37 Oh enough Aye Enough yeah Oh good Well in that case

Plug your butthole Thanks Oh yeah I mean what have we got coming up We're in Europe We're I'm in New York Belgium

I'm in New York on Friday At a venue The town hall Which I'm very excited about One of the venues in New York I've not played yet Liverpool

I'm going to be on Hot Water I think on the weekend you're on your honeymoon actually 11th or something one of the weekends

in November I'm on with Dave Longley great in Hot Water so if you want to see the troll live maybe that's got to be a Patreon

what's that should I take the stuff yeah to have Dave Longley on as a thing If you want to see the troll live. Mate, that's got to be a Patreon. What's that? Should I take the stuff? Yeah, for Dave Longley on his thing. Absolutely. Yeah, sweet. But I'd want you to be on it as well. I've done loads with Dave Longley.

We're just me and him. I'm sure in the past when he's done Punch Drunk and stuff. But we've done one with him over Zoom and lockdown. I would love Dave to come up here. It would be interesting to speak. Should we just... Get the troll up. Should we actually just... Should we just book him like we're running a gig?

No, he'll be doing quite... He'll be doing... He does this dance and he does the cleats and he does... To get him when he's up, yeah. He'll be up here at some point. Yeah, that'd be good. But it does have to be a Patreon episode for him. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Right. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Come and see us live if and when we're in Europe. India, we're still working on it, we're talking to people. Yeah, there's lots of cool shit in the works for next year. I was having a look at 2024.

And aye, wherever you are in the world, there's a fucking strong chance we're gonna be in here. And if you want to support this podcast podcast you can sign up to our Patreon and is this a Patreon episode? no not good you can sign up to our Patreon

come and give us money so we can just make you more shit that you'll enjoy and then also if you want

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