Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 2.1 REBOOT

Episode Date: September 25, 2017

Piss and dead frogs everwhere. The 2017 Tour has just started so it's only right that the Podcast relaunched with it. With a lot to get you up to speed on Muggins and Cream tell some of their most shameful stories from the missing months. Gareth Waugh AKA G-Tip joins the party for our reboot special! 

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Aww, muggles. Accidental rim job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or might just be cynical. Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglopedia. Where have you been since 9-11?

Oh, we're back, baby. We are back. We never left. Well, we did. We left. I think that must be nice for people listening to the intro. A little nostalgia bomb. Okay, got nostalgia for something that you had for less than a year, I may add.

For 2016. When will you ever end? Oh, it's ended. Here we are in 17. Ladies and gentlemen, and potential new listeners we are back it's I Daniel Sloss and I Kai Humphries

back I'm Muggins your cream yep Muggins Muggins everywhere not a drop to cream nope too many Muggins

spoil the cream too many of these spoil the podcast too many Muggins not enough cream this is my new thing you know how I used to sing at the beginning

yep now I'm going to do little idioms oh well an idiot doing idioms is at our opening We are back We are back on the road Therefore it's much easier for us to do our bi-weekly podcast From On The Road

So far just a big thanks to Dublin and Belfast And Stirling And Paisley And Cumbernauld We started our part of the tour in Dublin oh no we'll get to that story

oh as well let me just get some sympathy from the listeners my ears popped on the flight my right ear, well my second from the left it's good to be back my second ear from the left popped on the flight Pop pop pop And when I landed I did the head blow thing Oh yeah yeah

And I was very grateful for that but I told you I wouldn't fix you And you get off the flight You just have to be like Different postcode doesn't count as cheating I popped my ear and you popped your collar I popped your cherry And then you get off the flight. You just, you sit there and be like, different postcode, doesn't count as cheating. I'll pop my ear and you pop your collar. I popped your cherry. I should just pop to the shops.

I just popped it in. The tip. The J-tip is going to be joining us later. Yeah, in a bit. Not like, don't introduce him and then not introduce him.

Nah, just teasing. I appreciate it Kai oh shut up I'm making it's not your turn yet but anyway right so my yeah I didn't own Pops

so now I'm left ear with one ear just you're all left ears literally all left ears all left ears so we're back on the podcast we'll be doing it bi-weekly again

play it's not we're not revamping it in a sense, but we're going to try and upgrade it a bit more often. We're going to potentially do your dad jokes as a Facebook Live thing, because it turns out fucking muggles love a Facebook Live. Oh, we've been getting right into the muggle shit, though.

We've been getting properly into it. I was on Facebook Story for three posts, and I already had me cocked out. Wonderful. Your first one was of a vibrator while on you turned your fucking vibrator on full mode

scratch and sniff now just skip stories yeah we're both on Instagram we're just having to go full muggle and realise that the way to get a bigger fan base for this because there's 2000 of you can't and you do listen very loyally, but we would like more so that we can start... And you've given us a lot of grief for not doing it. Oh, yeah, Jesus Christ.

Everywhere I've gone, everywhere I've gone, shout-out to the girl in Dublin who was thrilled to find out the news. Shout-out to fucking Rich Massara, who is also thrilled. There's also a bunch of comedians that listen to this, and all I can say to you is get a fucking life, Jesus Christ.

But well done. Thanks for listening. I'm sure we'll get you on the podcast one day. Speaking of other comedians, it's the one and only G-Tip. Hiya. Spits and bars. Spits and bars. Do it. Verbally assimilate,

annihilate the competition. Anyone that's in my way fucking... I don't know. That was really good. That was fair. Not that when I'm on it, I'm on it. The gin and tonic and chronic and a frolic with anabolic bionics. I'm super sorry. I don't know when I'm on it I'm on it The gin and tonic And chronic And I frolic With anabolic bionics

I'm super I don't know Where I'm going with that either To all our new listeners This is not a rap podcast Right Daniel Nah Come on

Absolutely not I think you just found out That me and Gareth Are just a little Little riggity riggity Rap son Fire in the booth Yeah

I'm white I'm the only one in this room Willing to admit They're white And I'm the only one That's not ginger So it's weird That I'm the only one in this room willing to admit they're white. And I'm the only one that's not ginger, so it's weird that I'm the one. Rap is not racially specific.

Name five white rappers. Logic. Eminem. Not you, white boy. All right, Boba Sparks. You could be making these up. Ice-T. Oh.

No, that's actually very progressive of Kai, because he's just showing that he doesn't see colour. He doesn't see colour. But only because his family's so... MC Chan. Only because his family's so poor they've still got a black and white TV. You'd still be able to tell.

Oh, not me. Maybe you, you racist. Yeah, so you almost started a story. First of all, Gareth, how are you? I'm all right, yeah. Are you happy? I don't know enough about you. I'm also glad the podcast's back.

Yeah, you're one of the little sad listeners. I listen, but also I'm glad it's back because the amount of people that came to my friend's show because of this podcast. Oh my God, I wouldn't have had any audience in Melbourne. See, I honestly don't think any of the cunts turned up to mine

because you kept telling me you were like I had someone from the podcast today someone from the podcast today

you were like man honestly today was half people listening to the podcast and I'm sat there doing my show and there's still good audiences

I'm like but there were so many times I dropped one line it was like an in joke for all the podcast listeners where I used the term

muggles and just they were like there was never a woo there was nothing they were just like that's my boy

so anyway but I spoke to the audience I think they're trying to tell you something so we'll seal the deal now you're not on the podcast anymore we're going to cut you

fair enough I wish you'd said before I mean I'll finish the gin and then I'll go home I'm alright with it Gareth's with us today because we've all got Nintendo Switches and Gareth picked us up from the airport that I'll go home I'm alright Gareth's with us today because we've all got Nintendo Switches

and Gareth picked us up from the airport that's the only reason I'm alive we were all playing Mario Kart all day and then we did a gig in Cumbernauld

and we thought what better way to get back to the podcast because why not overfill the return podcast because we might have some new listeners I hope we get some new listeners

all you cunts better plug this to all of your friends to make a high quality one and then make them think that it's going to be this good for the rest of the fucking tour which it is going to be wink wink speaking of plugs can i have me back speaking of plugs we've got someone to plug actually i said i'll tell them my date so our lord and savior jesus christ nintendo switches uh everyone got out by a nintendo switch oh support support the all right it's a little Our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. Nintendo Switches. Everyone going out, buy a Nintendo Switch.

Support the... It's a little unknown company that you've never heard of. It's called Nintendo. I think it's German. Ten as in ten. No ten. Do as in do. Do as in do a female deer.

Ten as in ten, but not the number. This isn't like when you type in masturbate and you type it with an eight, you know, when you're sexting. A nin as my new word for chuff. What? A nin. Right up the nin.

Did it right up the nin. I saw your gransnin. My nansnin. I saw your nansnin. Na, na, na, na, na. I saw your nansnin. It was an open casket. An open casket and an open casket

and welcome back so you were about to start Gareth I don't know if you know this story but obviously thank you very much for joining me in Sterling and in Paisley to do the support

when Kai was too busy too and then so that was my first weekend of the tour did it with you my second weekend of the tour was your first weekend Kai where we did Dublin and Belfast. What happened?

Do you know this Dublin story? Yeah. Right, okay, good. Well, you wouldn't answer the door for a start. No, no, no, let's go right back to the start. No, no, no. You don't get to tell a story the way... For a start, here's the end.

Right, let's do it like fucking Breaking Bad style, right? Previously on Fuck Ups Like... You know at the beginning when he's in the fucking lab, in the fucking meth lab? Aye. Spoiler alert from episode one. But it starts off where he's in the meth lab

giving a fucking big licks in the desert, right? But then it cuts to a fresh start where he's just fucking living his life so the end scene of this is you in your boxers I'm trying to come to my senses in my fucking boxers

outside the hotel room knocking on the door and then me opening it and going where the fuck have you been oh there was a lot happening between you opening it and me knocking

right so what happened was we got to Dublin our good friend Ryan Cullen Sponge Snunky and all the other names because he's a he's a cheeky little monkey but he's a little bit of a snake as well

snake cunt little fuck like snitch right so he's a fucking snuff but he's a cheeky little little monkey but he's a fucking reptile uncle snunky so we went out he was coming to the show we went out for a few drinks after a 10 mile walk because nothing is open in dublin on a friday night every restaurant was either full or shut down oh wait a minute there was stipulations that we put in right some of them had plenty of seats but didn't serve booze yeah hi why would you go there yeah why would you go there so there's no 10 o'clock yeah yeah if i wanted that i would go to the moss kitchen yeah like just no booze decent. But I was there with Snunks and I was there with Kai. And you were in Dublin.

Moss Kitchen's in Edinburgh. One in Rome. That's fair. The commute alone. So we had a couple of drinks before the show. We had a couple of drinks during the show. And then after the show, we met a fan who kept buying us shots. It was like whiskey and shit.

It was like Russian roulette with shots. He has a nice little fucking... You know that thing where someone goes, here's a shot you go what is it and they go and you go I fucking

hate you but I'm gonna do this because that's how peer pressure a muggle doesn't tell you what you're about to

drink absolutely yeah yeah yeah I wanna know if I'm fucking having tequila you wanna

mentally prepare for that shit you gotta have a little word with yourself in the fucking mirror like fucking Rouge.

They fucking brought a tray of shots over. Your friend, Rouge. Come back. He's got red hair. Rouge. Geordie nicknames are very hard to decipher. So he come with his tray of shots and everyone was like, yeah, he's Sambuca.

And took a shot that was vodka. And he just lost about 12 friends. No one was happy with his little gesture. I haven't done shots of vodka. Like, unless you're doing high-end vodka shots, like Grey Goose, where it does actually taste smooth going down, which I've only done once. And I was like, I can see why people do drink this.

And then I saw the price, and I was like, but I can see why none of us do. Yeah, I can see why this is the drink reserved for Polish ex-convicts. Yeah, vodka's a fucking heinous shot. You ever had a shot of gin oh it's naughty

it's bad yeah who does that we know we made him remember do you not remember so we

we none have shots of gin I think this has been since the podcast ended but we all had a little lovely weekend away down in Coldstream

didn't we oh yeah and we had a very fun another night when we got absolutely munted everyone's screaming at the podcast

hoping you get back to the original story. Oh, we will. We absolutely will. I know what it is. Trust me, I'm not letting this story fucking go to waste. We're good at this. When I showed up at Coldstream,

Kai was already munted. Yeah, that's because me and Matt, you played the banana game, which I think we've mentioned on the podcast, but basically you pick up a banana and you point it at someone and they've got to pretend it's a gun. You've got to do whatever you say.

If you make them do something, you put it down in the banana and you leave it for them to get later on. And if you've made them do something, you have to do banana and you leave it for them to get later on. And if you've made them do something, you have to do something in return. And I made Kai do a shot of gin. Before you proceed with what the dares were, I've just got to make it clear, right?

If you hold the gun up to someone, the banana, the gun, and tell them to do something, they can say no, but the game is then over. So you've got to give them a dare that is doable. They're going to be resentful,

but they're going to be looking forward to getting you back like if I go hey suck his dick I mean that was the nature of the party anyway they'd be like why do you need a banana for that

I'm sorry I took his dick out of my mouth I know so you point the thing and you'd be like I held my dick at Kai I went eat that banana so that'd make you twerk so you'd just be like fucking... I held my dick at Kai and went, eat that banana.

So I'd make you twerk. So you'd just be there twerking. You'd laugh at it, you'd twerk and reluctantly. And then the banana goes down. But then you'd start like slowly up into steaks. You made me drink out of dog bowl. Oh yeah, we both had to drink out of dog bowl. You had your fucking hands and knees lapping out the dog bowl.

So we got shots in Dublin we got very very drunk and it got to a point where me and Kyle were playing a very fun game that we've been playing all tour Gareth's joined in now on Instagram which is called

Oh There He Is which is you find something and then you make a very very niche reference to how shit someone else and then you go oh there he is like I was walking across

a footbridge and I was like this is a lovely bridge it's very easy to walk over I don't think I'll see anything that's as easy as to walk over oh no there he is and point at kind yeah and then I had um the spire I think that's just started off wasn't it was the spire on O'Connell Street which is like a 200 foot fucking needle you know it's just like look at the spire fucking I bet I never see a bigger prick than that the whole time I'm in Dublin oh there

he is yeah yeah uh so we were playing that game and then you got to a point when you were i mean i think this is one of the very few times that you'll admit to yourself you were muttered oh in dublin yeah oh fuck yes and i like this is one thing i pride myself in right i get fucked up like probably fucked up on alcohol booze drugs whatever alcohol booze. Other. Drugs. Narcotics. It's part of me just going, oh, me dad's listening. Oh, the wacky backy.

Sorry, dad. The old devil's lettuce. The one thing you'd be proud of is me, dad, is that I always try and handle my shit right. I always try and stay

in the front of my brain. So I'll be fucked up but I'm like, it's alright, boys. I'm still here. I'm proud of myself for that. This is one of the first nights in a while

where it starts slipping from being in charge. I saw you circling, and Ryan was like, we're going somewhere after this. I was like, we are going absolutely nowhere after this. Because I was also fairly munted, but I knew the level of munted I was at,

and I saw the level Kai was at, and I was like, I am the captain of the ship that gets us home. Like, if I'm too drunk to get us home, we're not going home. Whereas if he's too drunk to get us home, we can still find our way home. Like if I'm too drunk to get us home, we're not going home. Whereas if he's too drunk to get us home, we can still find our way home.

You know what makes me know that I was way more wanted than you? Was that in the morning you had Snapchats from the evening. I was not capable of that fucking noise.

Oh my God, the motor skills involved the fucking capacity. I still managed to blast a couple of coherent messages out in the WhatsApp. That was thanks to autocorrect.

About 12.31ish, we get back to the hotel and we go in and Kai... I've been down in IPAs as well. All right. That was noise. Straight down, ass up,

that's the way he likes to nap. Face down. Almost fully clothed. I get into my bigger bed, unnecessary information, but there you have it and then about 20 minutes later full on snoring

and I've toured with Kai for many years I don't do any snores if you just say his name he'll just go Kai and you've got about 2 minutes to try and get to sleep before he starts snoring again I can't get a snooze on my snoring but after like 10 times your brain becomes aware that Kai before he starts snoring again. I should put a snooze on my snoring.

After like ten times your brain becomes aware that Kai, someone's saying Kai's no longer an emergency, because after the tenth time you go, Kai, he's just snoring all the way through. You're going to cry wolf one day. Just during a house fire. Kai, Kai, fuck, I've put a rest snooze ten times. Here he dies.

You're just quietly at the door Kai I didn't hear anything just a minute and then eventually I threw a fucking pillow at him and he sort of

woke up startled and then and in that time I managed to fall asleep cut to then like 3 in the morning right

and I just hear knocking at the door now my bed's beside the window Kai's bed's beside the door I hear him just knocking and I just assume it's a drunk I just assume it's a fucking drunk he keeps knocking and I check my phone and it's bed's beside the door I hear him just knocking and I just assume it's a drunk I just assume

it's a fucking drunk he keeps knocking and I take my phone and it's like three in the morning I'm like fuck it I'm just gonna ignore this

he keeps knocking I'm like this will annoy Kai more than it annoys me I'll let him get the door he's closer to why would you think it was me out the

door why would I why would I think it was you you were in bed last time I saw you you were snoring why did I leave

I was in bed so eventually I was in bed. Last time I saw you you were snoring. Why did I leave? I was in bed. I was in bed. What was I doing on the other side of that door? I wake up I eventually open the door and be like, such a lazy bastard. Open the door and there he is. I'm like, that's fucking incredible magic.

Just sitting there holding my card from two weeks ago. Your birthday card no in his by the way in his underwear but more impressively shirt and a jacket like had fully dressed the top half really yes ah and i was like where were you and you were like i don't know and then straight back head down ass up that's what you like to do I had to sneak out to that hotel in the morning so no what did you

what did you do or what have you so my waking up in the fucking meth lab breaking bad moment how did you end up here is I just fucking

kind of come to my senses in the corridor hammering on the door right fucking 408 rings a bell I'm wanted hammering on the door

408 was not our hotel room oh yeah it was actually yeah it was you're thinking of the last one this is us yeah I don't know how everyone's going to turn up

new guests right so I kind of come round in my fucking consciousness and what I've clearly done is got up for a piss and didn't go through

the toilet door went through the corridor and didn't just go into the corridor thinking well this isn't the toilet. This is very long and toiletless for a bathroom. I may as well shut the door behind us and turn the light on.

The reason I knew I'd left the hotel to go to the bathroom instead of going to the bathroom to go to the bathroom is because I was busting for a piss right but to be fair he did have his room key in his pocket unfortunately he didn't have his choices i am there in my boxers just come and run like where the am i right it's like i didn't try to remember which city i'm in which door i'm knocking on because i just kind of just slept walk me away to the bathroom and ended up not in the bathroom right and i've got a trying to remember which city I'm in which door I'm knocking on because I just fucking kind of just

slip walked me way to the bathroom and ended up not in the bathroom right and I've got to fucking hammer my shit I'm hammering on the door

and Daniel is fucking dead to the world like at first I'm just like tapping lightly because I don't know what the other name is and then I'm just like

oh fuck this and I'm trying to NYPD that shit and I'm like shouting your name and that I'm like worried that I guess

I'm going to come out I'm busting for a piss right and I start going down the stairwell and then remembered I was in my box. And couldn't, as drunk as I was,

couldn't bring myself and just waltz out into the fair. People having breakfast and shit. The way you've pitched that, I couldn't bring myself to piss outside

in my underwear because I'm not that type of person. So what did you do? A little wee in the stairwell. A little wee? Most of it. Most of person. So what did you do? A little wee in the stairwell. A little wee? Most of it. Most of it.

Most of it, the travelodge stairwell. Travelodge? So this is a carpeted stairwell. Mate, I'm not happy with my actions. Jeez. I'm ashamed. But there was just a moment where I was like, I was going to piss myself anyway.

I might as well whip it out to piss. You know, like one of those. Oh, you don't want to piss yourself. I'm a bit decorum. I'm going to piss on anyway. I might as well whip it out to piss. You know, like one of them's... Oh, you don't want to piss your pants. No, no, he's a fancy man. I'm a bit decorum. I've got to piss on the floor anyway, right? Whether it's pissing myself or having a conscious piss.

The piss is going to end up on the floor. I was like, I may as well take responsibility for it. See if we box us. Yeah. So I had like, I'm very aware that I was, I was going to piss.

All right, worst thing was at the bottom stairs, pissed up What he did was He held the elevator door open, right Pissed in the door, right, and then ran downstairs And recreated the scene from The Shining with his own piss Oh my god But there was a moment in my life

Where I was pissing in the corridor Of a travel lodge, just going This isn't you you didn't do this you handled your shit Kai you've been proud of that you did handle your shit

you didn't shit you just didn't handle your piss actually do you wash your hands what after having a normal piss I rarely do actually

yeah I think it builds up your immune system yeah also and everyone else's everyone else I need to nut off the bar Having a normal piss? Aye. I really do, actually. Yeah, I think it builds up your immune system. Yeah, also, I know where... And everyone else's. Everyone else needs a nut off the bar. Aye. Yeah, I don't...

Like, I don't piss on my hand. I wash my cock a lot. Why do you think I was cut at the bathroom? Fucking humble brag. I genuinely think, like, I think you could have went to reception and just your boxers, but if you're wearing a jacket and shirt

and popped up, that's... You should have known I had to lose them. I. To logically do it. Yeah. Just stash me jacket and just go,

I've got locked up in my room. Yeah, yeah. That would be fine because they'd be like, oh, yeah. Because they'd be like, this actually happens all the time, but if you turn out there

with your fucking bomber jacket and your hat on, they're like, you've been thrown out a room. Are you one of those kids games where you can change the legs, the body and the head and they've nailed the top two

but they fucked up the bottom one? Oh, man. So, strong start to the tour for you. Oh, man. I fucking plodged back down the corridor and pissed on myself. Plodged? I didn't say I got out of the way.

That was pretty disgusting, Kai. That's pretty bad. But speaking of stuff that's pretty disgusting. Oh, no. Here we go. We'll talk about Froggate. Oh, fuck yeah. I thought you were doing one of the Snapchat things.

I don't know. I have no idea what this is in reference to. So let's put a conclusion to the story. I went back and knocked for another 20 minutes. Daniel answered and I got back in. Froggate. Drives a boat. Froggate.

I forgot what this is in reference to. Right, Daniel's mum. No gate. Dry as a bone. Frog gate. I've got no idea what this is referencing. Right, Daniel's mom. No. I'm already pissed off. No, right. Lovely woman. I'll tell this.

No. No, you told my story. Aye. But I didn't exaggerate anything. I'd like to hear this story from Kai. Right, so I'm just going to drop the little bomb.

I'm just going to drop a couple of facts down on you and try and talk your way out of it. Your mom hired you a cleaner. Yeah. Right. She come along to judge. mum hired you a cleaner. Yeah. Right? She'd come along to judge you.

I said she'd... Not the cleaner, you. She'd come along to just go, look at the fucking clip of this house. And also be the martyr and help tidy up. Right. Rub it in your face

that you're doing the shit job of adulting. No, yeah, yeah. She also, like, she had the cleaners... No, no, no. Let me lay down the facts and then you can fill in the blanks. Okay.

And then she took a photograph of some of the fucking most rank shit that she found in the house right one of them was just like a mouldy copper fucking fair right

the other one was the fossil wasn't a fossil wasn't a fossil this was brrrr boom boom boom

it was the decomposed remains, the skeleton, the fossil, if you will, of a frog on his carpet, embedded in his carpet, the skeleton of a frog. Was it embedded? No, because Dana never told us about it. What an excellent niche reference that seven people will get, but only two who listen to this podcast right

frog gate there's a skeleton of a frog a skeleton can't emphasise that enough oh yeah there was no meat on the bones

it was like a French person had been at it the maggots had left sucked dry oh you just said the same joke no picked clean

so which point so the flies and the maggots have just like picked it clean and then the flies and the maggots have just like picked it clean and then left flies and maggots were in his room

dining out fucking disco party it's like there's a fucking frog in my mouth and everyone's invited frog in your

throat nice and then the frogs and the flies and the maggots just went ah we're done

it was just like a little pop-up hipster restaurant alright right okay so here's from my side of things everything you did

just say was true during the festival by the way the one thing this is I want to get into the science of this

if there's any science people out there they don't listen to this podcast for an escape as always like before the fringe

I properly clean the house I do a full spring clean myself By I means we No no no You weren't there this year There's no I in we But there is in Y Ironman

There is if you're French If the Japs are I when you're we That's true There is an I in we if you're French It's good It's very apt We're talking about frog I fully

I fully cleaned that house and then it was once we got one day I was cleaning out the car and I put a bunch of bags down just by the back door

I had a bunch of people staying over it and they all left their stuff by the back door and they're like I'll put this up at the end of the fringe because I'm a good host

right so that was the last time the house was cleaned which was about July 23rd right and then on August 5th I have a house party with 40 fucking cunts

in this tiny little house and people were smoking and so I made them I don't think they're cunts by the way that's Daniel's opinion oh no I mean I think most of you are cunts

leave the back door now we often get frogs in the back garden because our back garden is down in front of things so the frogs fall down back out of the zoo didn't it

yeah they just skip Gita will hold her hand there so they always fall down and things the frogs fall down back out of the zoo didn't it yeah they just give G-Tip will hold her hand there so they always fall down and there's no way for them to get back up

so you have to sort of release them so clearly what's happened is somebody's left the back door open a frog's got in it's hidden under

all the fucking bags that I've not looked at for the rest of the festival and it's just obviously decomposed there and just for the rest of the festival I'm just in such a

fucking state that I'm barely in the house and during that time I don't realize what's happened i will fully admit that is absolute right and i'll hold my hand up but i will i cannot clarify enough that july 23rd the frog was not there the frog was categorically not there it feels like a fast time for it to become a skeleton it was a proper skeleton wasn't it yeah it was a real you started like going oh well i'm the only one that tidies real you started like going oh well i'm the only one that tidies up after all the parties and stuff and i'm like i've been doing tidying up

too but i'm not like oh hey i'll move upstairs you go and pick all the frogs out your carpet well maybe i wouldn't have frogs in my room if you let me hoover you're probably sucking them up up here that's not one of the weekly chores that's just something you stop having it's not one of the weekly chores it clearly should be That's why it didn't get dealt with. I don't know how long it takes a frog to decompose to that. It's less than a month. Or about a month. Is it?

It must be. Or maybe a month and a half. It was a full-on skeleton. It was a full-on. I'll put the picture up on Twitter. It was a proper... It was not... But it was as well... They've got way bigger ribs than a frog.

I don't remember. They're doing a rib bit? I'm a bit of a like ribbit I'm a bit like I'm very aware that my room was fucking

it always is true the fridge because the fridge is absolutely fucking chaos I'm not letting you pass this off as my room is messy no no but

there was a skeleton of a frog under things in your trap under things oh oh well then sorry

take it back yeah I'm often lifting the couch and finding fucking... It was another skeleton of a fox. I've not cleaned under the couch yet. Well, to be fair, I don't know how long a frog takes to become that. Aye. From being dead.

Aye. But I feel like it's longer than a month. I also feel that way, but it's definitely... It's not longer than 40 days. Well, that frog that's in's definitely, it's not longer than 40 days. Well, that frog that's in there now, trick on that. I'm genuinely tempted to just get another frog and fucking leave it in the room

and just be like, just for the sake of science, be like, look, I told you this fucking digested, decomposed. Hang on. He's taking a twist. Yeah, sorry.

That's how I am. I eat the frog. His man found it in his poo. That was the embarrassing story I didn't want to tell. I'd actually eaten the frog his mum found it in his poo that was the embarrassing story I didn't want to tell I'd actually eaten the frog earlier and then I got

munted and I spewed eat your food like an owl just swallow it round if you got any and then I turn my head round 180 degrees I go

not for you cunt have you not ever found a skeleton of a frog in my room this is not one of those things Where we get to top each other with stories

Be like oh you think that's bad Yeah so I pissed in the corridor And you fucking You kept a frog hostage Until it was skin and bones Well to be fair I do have a little prison down there And that was like

It was being a bad frog And that was my punishment for it What does that like to call it Toad the hole Oh no I've been sitting on that for days so where have you

been up to you bought a house I did buy a house yeah moved into it that's what you should do after you buy a house

worst thing to do is buy it just left it there certified all the frogs need to get a cleaner can't afford one

a little frog gate I don't know I got a piss story as well I remember coming to my name getting shouted I come whenever my name's shouted as well

no I woke up and I was I was pissing in the top drawer in my bedroom and it's like my underwear drawer so I literally

pissed all my pants at the same time yeah see that's I hear people do that like I've got a friend Andy Evans who worked at the legislature he'd just fucking

go to sleepovers and end up pissing in the corner of the room and shit like that and I just like in my head I'm just like I'm not that guy I've never done it before

I can never believe it like when I hear people pissing in cupboards and stuff I'm like how have you done that but I like was sleepwalking obviously and did it

never thought it was possible I was fucking gutted to transition to that fucking state of being. We all went to Ibiza. We did. Ibiza was, and there's so many things that can all be said about Ibiza. I played football on Ketterman. That was one of them. That was one of them.

You know, this wasn't like a fucking game of like, I go, there's a bunch of stuff we can't uh name from ibiza i didn't like to look at them i like the idea of them just going what's this stuff the concept oh yeah that is the bad thing there's so where did you put the body oh man it's decomposing in my room yeah we all went to ibiza's at 10 absolute fucking morons went there and the thing I do like like we did start going on these holidays

ironically being like oh it wouldn't be funny if we went on a lads holiday because none of us are lads and then eventually they stopped being ironic and did turn into lads holiday

but not in the sense that none of us in fact we're never there to pull like all the lads holidays have been on it's just been like

it's just me trying to there's a couple of single boys giving a shot but they don't stray too far from the critical mass of the group aye and yeah just it's that thing where you just go I'm just trying to outdo each other this is that toxic masculinity that people

have been referring to fuck it's fun we were sat around the table outside our villa at like six in the morning just nobody wanting to be the one to go to bed first and like none of us having fun just sat in silence

long since over yeah just all like not even talking checking cigarette packets yeah I hit a dark end of a session but you can't be the one to go to bed first

I think I got to it was about nine and it was when I stood up and I was like right boys it's been an honourable session oh thank god

we've all done very well I'm fucking you guys are fucking amazing I'll see you in the morning we've got two more days of this and I stand up and the guy just goes pussy

and I sat back down for another two hours yeah aye when Milo went I went finally somebody's gone and I went straight away

followed him to bed yeah watched him sleeping kept whispering Milo when he was kept snoozing and snoring

even though you're not sharing a room with him no so yeah we've done it before we've done the Fringe the Fringe was fucking awesome thank you to everyone

who came to the Fringe thank you for everyone who's come on the tour we'll give more dates for that later on but yeah genuinely we're very happy to who came to the Fringe, thank you to everyone who's come on the tour we'll give more dates for that later on but yeah, genuinely very happy to be back to the podcast because we did realise that we were missed by a bunch of you fucking nerds

I did a nudist gig in the Fringe yeah, that's noteworthy and I know I put it online and a few people have been asking us about it anyway but it's fucking laid down now, I got a phone call offlexis and do i want to perform at the naked cabaret and i've been to the naked cabaret before i've never performed there before i've sat in the audience it's pretty cool like they'll get fucking everyone races to get naked you know it's

like everyone's got to be naked after three not like after three get naked everyone's tentatively doing it they send up so you're racing so before you know it you're put naked everyone is you know i'm gonna ask some uh ignorant questions because i'm an ignorant person so how big is the audience and everyone's tentatively doing it. They send up so you're racing. So before you know it, you're put naked. Everyone is. You know, I'm going to ask some ignorant questions because I'm an ignorant person. So how big is the audience? There was about 100. Various. 100?

Yeah. There's 100 people in. Yeah, it was there. All butt naked. Hold on, how big is the monkey barrel capacity? Yeah, about 100. So it's full.

Sold out. 120, I think. Yeah, so, yeah. And they're all naked? Everyone is naked. And what's the ratio 50-50 really

there's about 100 boobs there right okay that's definitely an odd number yeah right ballpark and so wait

this is my thing right I went in so Alexis was fucking like do you want to perform at the naked cabaret and I was like fucking definitely not

but agreed alright because that's that's how I know my opening joke oh I always handle life like that if you don't want to do it

what would you do if you didn't have fear you know that's something that's fucking that's kind of screaming at the podcast now that's something

she's just mentioned to me about a book she's been reading what would you do if you weren't scared like she mentioned it recently but it wouldn't matter her he wouldn't

marry you he wouldn't be scared that he couldn't do better what a fucking bald Campbell for now what would you do

if you weren't scared and he just alright I'll shag your mum fucking Natalie is playing with fire maybe that's a good thing keeps you in check so yeah keeps her in check Fucking Natalie is playing with fire. Maybe she feels a good thing.

Keeps you in check. Keeps her in check. When she told me about that philosophy from that book, I was just like, you know what? I've kind of been living in that anyway. And it was a moment of that where I'm just like, fuck, I don't want to do that. But yes, I'm going to do it.

I agree with Dean. So what we're trying to say, girls, is anal. What would you do if you weren't scared, girls? Stop there's nothing to be scared of fucking bitch we can't tell that story no no no no no um so right what's Five and up. Five to twelve. You have to do one with similar cock sizes. I'm just a bunch of seven-year-olds and a Chinese guy. Oh, for fuck's sake. All right, so get in there right And I'm in this room Full of a hundred people

All with their clothes on Did you get nervous Did you pitch them all naked Pitch them all Wrapped up warmer So the age range was Like fucking Twenties to I would say the oldest person In the sixties a bunch of them all wrapped up warm so the age range was like fucking 20s

I would say the oldest person in the 60s so quite a fast range quite an artsy festival right but there was a lot of

good looking people in there boys and girls but a lot of pretty girls and I've been in a fucking relationship for

six years now is it coming up six years I was about to say 100 strange titties I had no idea get away with it I was about to say a hundred strange titties. I was,

get away with it. I was really worried. I hadn't seen that many tits since you last had four porn tabs open. They're all lesbian clips as well. So, I was worried I was going to get aroused.

Right. That was going to be my question. Is it not real hard to not get like a... Because I've always said, I can get boners pretty easy. I can probably close my eyes and really push, get a boner before I pop my ear.

That's what happens when you go off the plate. You start holding your notes and blowing and you just start getting an erection. There's too much blood going to his cock. We're going to have to make him deaf. That's worse. Never, ever, ever trust Kai when he says, pull my finger.

It's not his finger. It's mine. He still gets a boner for some reason. Hey, that was really... I get a boner on a bumpy bus ride. Most people do. Do you know what I would? You know what I mean like if I

yeah that's very common just like oh man I'm gonna crash when have you ever been on a bus I'm on a bus every fringe no that's a very common

thing you get a boner on a bus yeah well documented I did surveys I also documented just on Instagram here's my bus boner

hey you got a boner? then lift my top and go how about now? I said well if I really need a wee that's just your dick pulling up with piss

that's the real reason that's why I couldn't go to the eye that's the real reason I couldn't go through reception honestly I think somebody

was like can I put boner when I'm not even horny yeah I get boners when I'm not horny but sometimes I also think

that maybe my dick's noticed something before I have like sometimes if I get boner in public I'm like like how dogs can heal a storm

before it comes yes yeah or I just think it's like a pig snuffling for truffles like I'll just be in a pub I'll just get boner

and I'll be like where where where what did you see that was just two rolls for truffles. Like I'll just be in a pub and I'll just go up and I'll be like where? Where? Where? What did you see? That was just two rolls. So I was genuinely concerned about that like we could like we cock was

going to get the wrong message like we cock hadn't got the memo that it's just a gig and I just saw a bunch of boobs and went remember me? Guess who's back?

Your dick does the thing the Terminator does at the end of Terminator 2 just the thumb the lava as it dies it's game day this is what we play for

feel bad you're playing it back it's getting all eye of the tiger on you oh honestly I was really worried that my cock was going to come out swinging

I'm not swinging I was like oh no and then I'm not swinging. I was like, oh, and then, and then I fucking got naked, and, I tell you what, what's the opposite of a hard-on? A vagina. A vagina?

What are you doing? Oh, do you ever leave us now? At least a little bit, put up a little bit of a fight. So nothing. Proper winter dick. Mate,

this is the thing. There's three elements here, right? The fact that it was a little bit drafty at the back of the room because we couldn't get in the body of the audience. Because you were at the back of the room and all the arseholes were facing you. Right, all right.

And, you know, it's no cliche. It's get cold and get smell, right? I was nervous as hell. When you're nervous, your cock doesn't hang around for that shit. It's a fight or flight when your cock stays running for a fight

it's out of there yeah if your cock stays running for a fight it obviously thinks you're gonna win the spoils of war absolutely

yeah when you're finished punching that's why cock fights are illegal right triple threat that's why cock fights are illegal right triple threat fucking nervous

it's cold we've been partying the night before now some of the chemicals and a couple of holy trinity of fucking tiny cock

with the fact that it's not that big in the first place and I needed to trim had somewhere to hide I was there with this outy belly button of a cock how am i we used to be friends i couldn't like just looks like a diglet that's what i call bum sex diglet and poo gangbangs

duck trio so I couldn't like you know you would give it a warm up if you if you were

you can't start jerking off in a room full of a hundred of them you know like there's not a green room

out like that I kind of just started pulling it through my legs stretch through my legs give it a little twizzle like I'm fucking trying to start a fire with a stick.

Whatever you think, give it a grub like a fucking stress toy. I couldn't do none of that shit because that's not the nature of the evening. You could have blown on your dick or blown out the candles on your birthday cake and wished for a bigger dick. Oh, God. When I went up, oh god

when I when I went up I easily got into my routines because I did a story about proposing by a guy someone wants that

forever took one look didn't win James she likes it she's got a ring on it like a pigeon's foot oh so yeah She liked it, so she put a ring on it. Like a pigeon's foot. LAUGHTER Hold on.

Before we move on to Muggle Corner, let's do a quick pause, fill up some drinks and roll a joint. We are back with everyone's favourite. It's Muggle Corner. Now, normally we understand we shouldn't have to explain this, but since it's been a while for the podcast and also we might have some new listeners. Gareth, would you like to explain what a muggle is?

A muggle is a vanilla person. Somebody with no magic whatsoever. Well, not whatsoever. They have no magic. They do... They're like that spark. They're basic bitches. Basic bitches, yeah. somebody with no magic whatsoever well not whatsoever they have no magic they do they're like that spark they're basic bitches basic bitches yeah

they're not bad people but they are the red salted crisps of people now we're all capable of doing muggle stuff we all do muggle stuff you just got to make sure that your ratio of muggle stuff to non-muggle stuff is fine and you should be fine

and they're not bad people there's no usually sweethearts actually proper sweethearts there's not bad bone in their body but we do just like to point out and be aware of whenever yeah we have some uh muggle things so each week uh we'll suggest social commentary yeah it's facilitating a social commentary we will suggest six muggle uh things that we think muggles do and if we all agree then those things go into muggle corner and if you are

guilty of those things then you also go into muggle corner and you have to stand there for 30 seconds for each thing that you are guilty of none of this is meant as an insult even when we get aggressive it's literally just for the purposes of it I love it when my friends go ah you put me in muggle corner it's so nice when you fucking stay somewhere

my mum and dad are devastated every week because they're like we might as well just fucking put this a tee here because this is where we live I shall go first and I think this is a very very good one Muggles listen to this podcast

I love every last one of you but honestly that fucking two month sabbatical we have every single one of you has been like it's a podcast coming back I need something for the drive to work it's just it's the nicest thing and I think that's why it's the perfect Michael Korn thing because it's so pure

and it's so innocent and there's no maliciousness it's like we talk shite for an hour people are like it's the highlight of myite for it and that works people are like it's the highlight of my week and I'm like that's really nice but also quite sad my arrogance

doesn't want to put them in Wiggle Corner because I genuinely think we're funny as fuck sometimes not all the time I think we say a lot of things

to get the funny you've really taken them not coming to your show to heart alright every last one of you. You're also in Bastard Corner and Judas Corner.

You bunch of traitors. No, I just think, like, I think it's the perfect way to bring back Muggle Corner, which is, I think if you all look really hard at yourselves and you admit yourself. Nah.

Nah, this is why, right? You've never had a job. That's true. Man, you've never, like, I's true man you've never like I would have fucking loved because like when I used to get the bus to work right

that was my way to the airport that was like an hour or so each way fuck me if I'd discovered podcasts back then like in 2002 2003

would they even have been around again that would have been lush but it's not it's not a dick though like because I also I'm very muggly

about podcasts I love the Aunty Donna podcast I get updates on my phone whenever the Aunty Donna podcast so you're in muggle corner because absolutely and i also love this but i listen back to most episodes of this podcast because i too also genuinely love it i think it's hilarious it's bad with my friends but every time there's a little update on my phone that goes the podcast up i go oh and then in my head i mentally decide when i'm going to treat myself it's never

just then and then I'm like you know what actually I've got a bunch of I've got a bunch of frog cleaning up to do later that'll take that

that that that'll take at least an hour I'll listen to our podcast then whenever the Donner podcast comes out

I just go I'm like oh man when am I going to the shops because it's half an hour long I'll go to the shops five minute drive down there, 20 minute shop, five minute...

So you're creating a commute. Yeah, oh, and that's what I think with this podcast is because I know so many people... What's our friend? Maybe, maybe. We're all muggles, right? And that's why people enjoy it is because they're laughing at themselves.

And if you laugh at yourself, like everybody knows if you've got an insecurity, the minute it's out in the open it's like Tyrion Lannister you've got an insecurity you wear it like armour yep yeah yeah yeah

maybe it's just like you may be a bit like uptight about your actions sometimes and then people laugh at the way you do things and then you go

ah it's alright I'm not alone but the reason I would also I think this is for any new listeners this is the perfect example none of it is malicious when we put things in Muggle Corner.

Sometimes there's a bit of genuine fury and hatred and annoyance by the thing because it happens so much. But what I'm trying to pitch is that Muggles are not bad people. Tell the new listeners some previous things that have been in Muggle Corner. Things in Muggle Corner, if you have a love, laugh, live... Anything. Anything. Tearing. You're absolutely in the...

Tattoo. Yeah, tattoo. Oh no, tattoo, you need to die. You got the love, laugh, live tattoo. anything anything key ring you're absolutely in the tattoo yeah tattoo oh no tattoo you need to die like that you got the love laugh live tattoo

yeah I'm not far away Muggles Muggles Q for airplanes when that these are all the classic ones

none of it's malicious none of it's bad but it's just something we just go ah you fucking Muggles on the 4th of May yeah the Muggles come out

to play and say it's Star Wars day may the 4th be with. Yeah. The Muggles come out to play and say, It's Star Wars Day. May the 4th be with you. Spending it with this one. Oh, another one. Obligatory airport beers.

All the classics. None of them are malicious. Which is why I think this one. Hot dog legs by the pool. You fucking Muggle. Anyone that listens to this podcast I think will very openly admit that they are in fact we're all muggles that's the whole point of Muggle Corners

to point out all the muggle things that we're capable I'm in the corner for at least a minute every week even Rich Massara King Muggle himself the man who made the theme tune and he made Mugglepedia and he made Mugglepedia

Mugglepedia.com is a legit thing if you want to see the archive of all of the muggle shit go to mugglepedia.com and I just think like it's basically the past

I can phone the hotline I love talking to it was a real like normally I'll answer normally when I'm talking to people because you're hot

you want a line normally whenever you got any no normally whenever I talk to fans after the show during the hugs and stuff like I've got to we've

got to move people by fast because there's a queue sort of building and stuff but one of the way you could always get my time is anytime someone's gone I'm a big fan of the podcast I go hey because I'm genuinely surprised any of you fucking enjoy this but there is part of my head I'm like ah my goal oh remember in Estonia when that kid come up he must have only been like 80 or 90

years old he was just like Margains and I was like what he was like

Margains he was like big smile arms open like Morgains yeah I've been to the gym

he's like Margains Margains and cream his accent I was like yes fucking love this guy I just think

because even in terms of I've listened to this podcast which is mostly whenever there's I'll listen to this at some point just think, because even in terms of I've listened to this podcast, which is mostly, whenever there's, I'll listen to this at some point tomorrow

I'm going down to London, I'll probably listen to this podcast on the way down there and catch up on all the stuff that I can't remember I said when I was high and have another little laugh. I will feel like a muggle.

Yeah. I'll listen to it and hear the jokes of yours that I missed. That you talked over? Not just that I missed them, I was like, oh,

I miss them jokes. All right. Yeah, we do a lot of that I was like, oh, I miss them jokes. All right. But yeah, we do a lot of that, right? Like, I fucking talk over your jokes and then enjoy them later.

So, thoughts? Based on the people I met during the Fringe that came up and said, from the podcast, yeah, they're absolutely

Yeah. Oh, man, I feel like, I've always, I always feel like they're the ones that are like

the non-muggles that are like on this side of sentience yeah yeah yeah but this is I'm not saying this makes them a football

but I'm saying it's a muggly thing it's one of the muggly things they do in their non-muggle life there's still 75% not muggle but in that 25% it is enjoying

the fuck out of this podcast it's enjoying us I think yeah I think it's muggly but I love that they do it because like when anybody came up and said that

I was like oh that's fucking amazing thank you so much James. You know what I worry about? I worry that people aren't tweeting us because they think it's muggly to tweet us.

Oh yeah. I mean it is but we love it. I honestly love getting tweets about the podcast. You get tweets about shows and stuff

that you've become a bit more desensitised to. But it's always still nice. It's always nice to get people reaching out that have enjoyed your stuff. But with a podcast, it's like amplified by a million. Well, it's because in stand-up,

we get instant reactions then and there. With the podcast, because so little of you tweet, we're like, we're never, I was never sure of how well the podcast was ever doing until we took that two months off and people were like, I finally got so many messages being like, when's the podcast coming back? When well the podcast was ever doing until we took that two months off and people were like,

I finally got so many messages being like, when's the podcast coming back? When's the podcast coming back? I'm like, had you done this while the podcast was on, I would have been far less, you know, easily letting it skip by a couple of weeks. I didn't realise how many of you genuinely loved it. People ask me that and I was like,

it's not my podcast. That's those two cunts. Yeah, no fuck of us. I've given it a pair of push. I try to defend you guys. You're all fucking muggles. In the corner you go. All three of us will join you

because we all listen. I listen to you. So, look, the first one back, every single one of you get in the fucking corner. Let's just commit to this mugglery here. Aye.

Let's do it right let's keep doing it Kai will do you versus oh yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna open with the one that got

tweeted to us by one of our muggles it's fucking wonderful oh yeah please do also tweet in the muggle corner we're gonna mix up the games every week

we're gonna try and bring more of the old games in and stuff and create new ones we just wanted the comeback to be a classic yeah but we're going for the classics here but please do tweet us in any muggle corners and we will try and use new ones we just wanted the comeback to be a classic yeah but we're going for the classics here

but please do treat us in any Muggle corners and we will try and use them if we agree so yeah this dude Stuart Hogg at shog9

give him a follow give him a follow and a thumbs up let's have a look I think I already know who shog shog9 Snoopy

I think I've got him on Snapchat look at the word so yeah he's tent a bunch all good but this is the one that got me

is Muggles laugh in advance when they say I've got a funny story for you I hate that pre-emptive fake laugh at the beginning

of a story and I'm glad he noticed it because it's something that I've been aware of it's very subtle yeah because we had

one guy that we met on tour who kept doing it and it was so because we had like one guy that we met on tour who kept doing it yeah and it was so rank it was like I know this story's going to be bad

because I've pattern formed from the rest of your shit stories yet he'd pitch it with his you know it's going to be good but no

it's the one Stuart not pitched there whenever like if I were to say to if you were to say to me sorry I've got a funny story to tell you

I'd go no I think it's was that his like it's like we need to like you oh so i was yeah that's what that's what that all well in that case that's his thing is that people like laugh at the wrong story before they tell it they give you this sense of anticipation i am 100 in the corner for this i reckon if we listen back to the start of this after knowing this we'll probably all go oh fuck yeah yeah yeah so kai was uh in dublin oh god i don't know what you did yeah i think we're all in the corner for this and if you listen to this podcast memento style you'd like maybe you do let like let the laugh space sincere if you genuinely have belief in that your story's funny.

Just let the laughter come naturally. Man, I don't just do it for that. I do it for tragic stuff too. I'm like, man, I've got a sad story to tell you and then I just fucking cry for like five minutes.

And I'm like... Fucking get it out. I'll just be like, guys, I've got a real sad story to tell you and I just bawl and I'll be like, mate, right, okay,

my frog's dead. I didn't really start my drink. I just took a mouthful. I do when I'm angry. Like, right, okay, my frog's dead. I didn't really stop my drink. I just took a mouthful of it. I do when I'm angry. Like, boys,

let me fucking tell you what happened. Sloth, I loaned him a frog. He's a silly fucking goose. No one ever says silly goose with actual intentions,

does it? Silly goose? We always say it. It's always playful, but do you reckon anyone in the history of language has said you're silly goose but always say it it's always playful but like do you reckon anyone in the history of language has said you're silly goose

but with like a serious silly goose back in Shakespeare time you silly little goose you silly goose I'm not a goose you're a dirty little silly goose

alright filthy little goose good luck saying that with no tongue turn around and look at me when I fuck you bitch dirty little goose

why are you so down you goose what's the difference between a goose and a swan? I don't know Daniel What is the difference between a goose and a swan? That would be a real funny way To play who wants to be a millionaire Every question he asks You just reply What is the capital of Taiwan?

I don't know What is the capital of Taiwan? Well, I don't know. What is the capital of Taiwan? You start holding your dick. I've heard this one before. Oh, wait, that's Thailand? Okay. Try and say a goose. What was your goose again?

You're going to say the goose. What's the difference between a swan and a goose? Who's the swan? Gooses are like on welfare. They're poverty swans, aren't they? Swans are owned by the queen. They're charm swans? Nahose are like on welfare. They're poverty swans, aren't they? They're chaff swans. Nah, middle class swans. What are chaff swans then? Pigeons?

Magpies. Seagulls. So in this analogy, I'm a swan, Gareth's a goose, and you're a dead seagull. You're a dead frog. One of those... Only the queen's allowed to eat us. you are a you're a dead seagull you're a dead frog one of those oh lordy

only the queen's allowed to eat us you're you're one of those I can break your arm only I'm not a goose I'm a pigeon no also

that's a swan yeah that's a swan I can I can break your swan that's a geese a goose well I suppose if there was a load

of them you know geese is only plural for goose if it's more than four. And two or three geese, if you will, is gooses. You've got a goose, two gooses, three gooses and four geese because it's got to be more than four. It'll be a flock and it's got to be a flock of geese.

All right. Now that fucking guy is both. Did you? Did you? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, bitch. Fucking hell. See, he brought back true lies. That was great. You brought a podcast game from 40 episodes back genuinely. You absolute bag of shit. That was great.

That was very good. I'm really pissed. I so believe that. I fully, man, I was ready to pass that off as a fucking fact tomorrow. I can't wait to tell people. I did actually hear a genuine one today

from my friend, Alison Hogg. Oh yeah. Revenge is sweet, honey. I can even, I can even read that, no, because I replied.

Oh, that's going to make us believe it. I replied, I replied. Your phone's the wrong way around. Frogs can decompose in three weeks. Fact. So, daisies are called daisies I replied Frogs can decompose In three weeks Fact So

Daisies Are called daisies Because the flowers Open up In a very pronounced manner In the morning And close up at night So they were originally

Referred to as Day's eye Which over time Is shortened to daisy It's believable It's not Because my one That I said

The one I said return is roses are only called roses because they're always in a row that was your true lie

yeah and also sunflowers are only called sunflowers because I molest them like they were my own

children sun deflowers so this might be a fact yeah but it's based on the same thing as you know like a mouse becomes mice

plural and if you get loads if you get 400 of them stacked on top of each other wearing a blanket that's a moose there's actually no such thing

as moose unless it's dessert like two short people in a trench coat yeah two dwarfs we had a really bad mouse problem at my mum's house

when I was growing up and one day she texted me going can you check all the traps outside and I went and they were all empty they were all dumb ones They were all tampons. I looked up and there was about eight dead mice laying on, like she'd laid them all on a shelf. See how they run. And then I'd like sent, I was like, what the fuck?

And she was like, ha, ha, ha. She thought I was like a funny little joke to play. It was like, it was like mouse wits. Mouse wits. That's true though. She did lay a bunch of dead mice in a row like a fucking psychopath. That's why all the other traps were empty.

It's like in Game of Thrones when they put the heads on spikes. No, they're not welcome there. Is that Barry, Steve, Ryan? It was the The Red Leicester Wedding Oh no

Was that Mouse Frey? Mouse Frey Mouse Stark So The computer IT The ones that you mouse That you use with your computer That would be mouses

Miccon Stark got one Miccon Rickon what was Miccon though Mickey Mickey the mouse

absolutely not that's where you went hi squeak perique ah better they're all terrible let's go back to

Sean Ballantyne yes people laugh no Stuart Hogg Stuart back to Sean Ballantyne yes people laugh no it's Stuart Hogg Stuart Hogg Sean Ballantyne oh one thing I want to say about gooses it's like

you never have a fucking sorry no no if there's nine of them it's actually gocta pie you know anyone ever has goose sandwiches

You'll have like Chicken sandwiches Turkey sandwiches We never have goose sandwich They used to have goose for Christmas You'd get a Christmas goose But like They were all on allotments

And farms and that So they clearly like Pate What are they doing with them They're not milking them Foie gras goose Foie gras But you're not going to have

Like a goose sandwich Are you Natalya You have a pate sandwich I've got to work I've forgotten goose sandwiches say again can we get an excuse me

squash more squash more pod anymore we gooses sandwiches like we've got sandwich I think we should eat more animals

you're right I feel like we've got a little bit of a fucking I think I've heard this I think I think this was something discussed

on the Ricky Gervais show I'm pretty sure Kyle Pilkington was like we've not got enough like it's cow chicken pig

mostly pig and that's it sheep like of all the animals we'd really focus on three or four we only farmed like a handful

of them didn't we yeah we've got a tough deal like yeah I feel I've had this I was talking to my dad

the other day and this is when my dad my dad's way smarter than I am and he probably stumped me on this but we were talking about like I mentioned something about the fear of overpopulation

and he was like doesn't happen like there's there's space on this planet for you know X amount of people and I was like well just the drive here

was mainly just countryside and fields and that's not... It's not a legitimate fear, but when I was explaining to people it was a legitimate fear and I was like, you know, we only just make as much food as we need. And he was like, yeah. And the second he just went,

yeah, I was like, God, that's a stupid argument. He's like, you want us to make more food like of course the second we get more people there wouldn't be enough food to go around we'd make

we'd make more it was like there's a million less we'd make less yeah fair enough no yes I think

people who laugh before their stories are muggles yeah I will absolutely put it well done Stuart Hogg on to G their stories are muggles. Yeah, I will absolutely put it. Well done, Stuart Hogg. On to Gareth Waugh. Muggles take a photo of the temperature gauge in their car.

Oh, absolutely. Especially if you live in Scotland. Who are you trying to impress? Yeah. Look, it's almost room temperature. Look, they've got to prove it. It's hot today. Look, car says so.

Yeah. It's cold. Look, minus two. And the machines wouldn't lie to us. They've been trained not to. to prove it it's hot today look car says so yeah it's cold look minus two and the machines wouldn't lie to us they've been trained not to

it's a car it's not a thermometer you know what it was really funny when it was first done but now it's becoming a bit muggly in itself because

this podcast but yeah but whoever had it as an original thought was the stone on a rope the stone on a bit of string it was like the weather stone it's like if it's wet,

it's raining. One day, the stone's moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The heart of Cade, the stone's gone. Because it's just like that fucking,

look out the window. But like, they've really committed to the bit and made a mint joke, but I've seen that take the rounds a few times now.

It does feel like, I think one of the reasons... But every time you enjoy something like that though, you've got to remember, someone come up with it as an original form at one point.

Yeah. Even May the 4th be with you. When that was an original form. When someone said that I bet they were like oh Brian that is an

absolute beller. People will not be sick of this in five years. And then someone with a bit more forward thinking sat in the corner

going Brian what have you done? What have you done? You've ruined May for a lot of people. You fucked me. Not only have you

ruined May the 4th you've ruined at least four days afterwards. To me as I may. Probably ruined her you've also ruined the 3 days afterwards because of all the subpar comedians being like May the 6th be with you

and then the comedians I'm sure I've done this at early doors just in the middle of November just like November the 9th be with you I think one of the reasons the car temperature things add to the muggliness is because like you are there's you're not putting that on facebook you are specifically put that out in snapchat and uh instagram stories which is basically you don't have enough information about your day to put online yeah it's absolute

filler you're not a weather man man you are putting the bumpers up on the bowling lane of your fucking social life it's output output with nothing to say alright oh you sent me a

you ever seen them you ever seen them posting on Facebook and then folk will comment below with a photo from there like oh it's oh they do that

26 degrees here and then comments down it's going oh it's only 24 degrees in Fife oh oh no why are we all just sharing the weathers that's a dark corner of the internet 26 degrees here and then comments down it's going oh it's only 24 degrees in Fife oh why are we all just sharing the weather

that's a dark corner of the internet yeah that's worse than the dark net it's on the dark net that's a lot more child porn than that the dark net

the dark net's actually very overrated it's all that stuff folk think it's a bit sadistic it's not it's actually a gateway it's that and the dancing baby

from Ally McBeal what was your point It's actually a gateway. It's that and the dancing baby from Ally McBeal. What was your point? I was just going to... I don't know. I think I'd have to unravel it to get back to my point. Well, let's not do that. It was about the meme centres. So when people have got...

It's output. It's people who've got output, but they've got nothing to say, but they have an output anyway. It reminded me of a meme centre there about when you've got no achievements in your life and it had a bloke on the news

and it had his name like Chris Jones and then for my child yes Gareth Huling is a very simple one I don't think

there's not much discussion yeah there's no opposition to it is there that's very Muggle-y straight in straight into Muggle I love a straight in Muggle corner,

especially this late in the game. Right. Yeah. You know? Here we go. Muggles complain about spoilers

a month after the things come out. Like, if it's a TV show, right, and don't get me wrong, and I've also been very guilty of this. Like, I went by,

I can't remember what TV show I was watching, but everyone else had watched it apart from me. Oh, Broadchurch. So I told my mum, I was like, watch the first two episodes of Broadchurch. I absolutely love it. She's like, have you gotten to the TV show I was watching, but everyone else had watched it apart from me. Oh, Broadchurch. So I told my mum, I watched the first two episodes of Broadchurch. I absolutely love it.

She's like, have you gotten to the bit? I was like, well, spoilers. And she's like, it came out two years ago. I'm like, that is actually a very valid point. It's your duty to not find spoilers now. You can't blame other people. You can't bring up the show and be like, I'm just watching this. And people will be like, oh, it's amazing.

You brought it up. You literally brought it up i'm a i'm in the corner yeah oh but i also fucked up massively with you so uh so muggle corner obviously i've never uh same as you kai i'd never really read harry potter or seen any movies never done that ever so about i think it was started this year i started listening to them all. And you knew that. And we were driving back from Kendall Calling and we were just being dicks

and we were just shouting stuff at people all day. And then as we're driving out of this festival, you rolled down the window and shouted to some people, Snape kills Dumbledore! And I went,

what the fuck? And if what Gareth just shouted there made you upset you're a muggle and like I was like what the fuck and I went you knew I was listening to that and then you went yeah I do apologise but also you've had 20 years I've literally had 20 years

I did feel so bad because I wasn't done intentionally the reason I yelled Snape kills Dumbledore is because it's a reference to one of my favourite online videos online videos. How old am I? Online videos. Go on YouTube and type in Snape kills Dumbledore and what it is, is when the

sixth book came out, someone somehow had gotten a copy of it earlier. I don't know if they were first in the queue and they bought it and they just got to the back. But there's a queue in America around the corner of people dressed up as Harry Potter and this is the dickiest thing in the world and that's why I know I'm a cunt

because it made me laugh so fucking much it's just the guy drives down the queue and just shouts out the window Snape kills Dumbledore Snape kills Dumbledore and you can audibly hear

a woman being like NOOOOOO and I remember being 16 years old and that making me cry with laughter so that's why I did the reference

but the second you went what I just had that moment of oh no the thing is like it's only it was only half spoil anyway because I knew that

Dumbledore died because like I've been around my like family love Harry Potter and stuff so I knew he died I just didn't know how

and then I went oh fuck alright honestly just wait till... It's not... I was upset in the moment, so I'm definitely in the corner.

Just wait till Hagrid fucks Dobby. You're going to be devastated. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You got that wrong as well. Dobby fucks Hagrid. Right. He's on the way around,

just an explosion. Just a... It's like your dad told me... No, no, no. Shokes later. Here we go. Your dad told me about when they had the poster for

Usual Suspects they kept pointing an arrow at Kevin Spacey spoiler alert on the poster people come out with the marker pen pointing an arrow

at Kevin Spacey so that if you've seen that the minute you start watching it you're like oh fuck it's Kevin Spacey he's Kaiser Sotheby's spoiler alert there's also a theory that it's not Kevin Spacey. Ah right. He's the Never seen that movie. He's Kaiser Sotheby's. Thanks. Thank you. Spoiler alert. Well no there's also a theory

that it's not Kevin Spacey at all. They started sending people around graffiti on the posters and our appointment everyone else. Ah. That's quite smart.

Yeah. The reason I brought this up is because when it came to Game of Thrones I was watching Game of Thrones every episode this season the second it came out we came back from

Nights Out specifically to fucking watch it the second that leaked episode 3 was on in Spain of course I watched, the second it came out we came back from Nights Out specifically to fucking watch it, the second that leaked episode 3 was on in Spain, of course I watched it the second I fucking could because I'm terrified of fucking spoilers I know I won't give them unless I'm shouting out a window. You've got a bit of your own responsibility don't you? I got chastised on Twitter for

spoiling something you know that game Uncharted? The PlayStation, the new one of that came out and it had been out for like a week or something and I was playing and there was a point in it where he sat playing PlayStation

and you play the first level of Crash Bandicoot in the game. Nice. So I tweeted out going fuck that bit where you play Crash Bandicoot because it's made by the same people

Naughty Dog. That was it. That was so cool. I want to play it now. A less lame version of that tweet and then somebody went like spoilers

I went it's nothing to do with plot yeah that's just a little like hey that's a little easter egg and they were like

oh it's still something that I could have discovered for myself and I was like oh fuck you muggle absolute muggle hey do you like

this one I used to do when I read the Harry Potter when I read the Game of Thrones books, so it was only up to the Red Wedding season three and I was up for the watch. Yeah.

This is trying not to put spoilers out still. Every time anybody put a spoiler, like an immediate spoiler online after an episode, I would inbox them with three, four more seasons of spoilers. That's great. Like literally fucking the plot after the spoiler that they gave, I would just give with three four more seasons of spoilers that's great yeah like literally fucking the plot

after the spoiler that they gave I would just give all the fucking social justice I just had a copy and paste of it and just fucking

that is brilliant alright that's very good so we're agreed on this one yes right so what's the what's the range

how long have you got to watch it two months two months or I'd say a month because I'm at the minute now it depends what it is I started. Or I'd say a month. Because I'm at the minute now. It depends what it is.

I started watching more. Yeah, if it's a movie, you get longer. Yeah. Like if it's a movie, I figure you get six months. But if it's a fucking... Oh yeah, give it until it comes out on DVD. It's got to be on DVD for a bit. But if it's a TV show as big as Game of Thrones,

understand it's your fucking responsibility to watch it. I think Game of Thrones is within a week yeah yeah I would put it down yeah because you want to talk about it yeah too

and you want like also the memes that come off are fucking exceptional yeah incredible so straight in let's play through your two right

so I have got Muggles post it is kind of similar actually well it's different but it's in the same breath

Muggles post proudly about being the only person that doesn't watch something like oh am I the only person that watches the Mayweather fight oh what's this Game of Thrones nonsense everyone's on about

like if it's nothing to do with you it's nothing to do with you taking joy in fucking ignorance being like I don't care what the big deal about Game of Thrones is then I feel sorry for you

like it's a genuine joy it's a genuine joy to watch and it's like don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's cool to watch Game of Thrones

but what's happened is you've seen everyone talk about Game of Thrones because we're so muggly and obsessed with it you feel left out

yeah and you were like oh you think that's cool I'm gonna let you know it's not cool it's like just let us enjoy

things I can't imagine making that breach into talking about it like so I'll not watch like fucking I mean well

fucking well but he's on it as a narrator but the Love Island Love Island yeah I don't watch Love Island

because like I don't know like even when we made Muff it was kind of mocking that concept of show it's reality TV show and you've got

it's hard to catch up on and also there's it's just not our type of show and I'm very aware it's not for us people are loving it people are all over it but fucking like

I'm like let them have it you know they're enjoying Love Island they're saying something that's for me I'm very aware that it's happening

because I'm seeing posts on Facebook as people who like it don't like it you're allowed to not be part of something just don't

just don't ruin it for someone just don't be like oh you guys are all muggs and I'm not you don't see Gareth being like sex is for muggles

I know I mean it is wouldn't it be me yeah we'll go to the corner I hate they do it's the

they do that and then there's the ones that do the same thing and they light the beacon do you know what I mean where they put up they'll be like am I the only one

that's never seen a single episode of blah blah blah and then you get all the comments on there. I'm actually... I've also never seen it. Like, oh yeah, go all you three... Muggle flypaper.

Yeah, yeah. Just, no, Muggle roll call. Lighting the flames of Gondor. Aye, cheers. Going like, Rohan will answer. Here they come. Here comes the aid. Yeah, abso-fucking-lutely.

Which, by the way, if you don't watch Game of Thrones and you've been sat on that side of the fence, even if you haven't commented on it get it fucking down you it's what a time to be alive like I honestly

believe that suicide will go down in the next few years just because everyone's going to hang on to see what happens in Game of Thrones why wouldn't you

like anyone that watches Game of Thrones no matter how fucked up your life's going people only survive cancer fighting hard

that's why people are actually working to cure cancer faster because they're like, it'll be real dog shit if any of us has to miss the finale. That's 100% in there. Gareth, your final one. Muggles collect nectar points. You got us.

I'm in. I'm in as well. I have a question. I've lost my nectar card and I'll reply for it soon. I've collected nectar points

ever since I moved to this house because I go to Sainsbury's all the time. Get your power as well.

I've never used them ever. I mainly did it to get them to stop asking me if I had a nectar card. It was to stop

two minutes of unnecessary interaction. I've never checked what it does, but just to shut them up. I'm so jealous of you. Fuck, you could probably afford all kinds of shit. Kettle.

I got a Nectar card two months ago, right? And I've started collecting the points. I've got the app on my phone. Two months. How much money do you think I've got? Regular shopping? Yeah. How often do you think i've got as like regular shopping yeah how often you go to these shops like all your groceries once yeah all my groceries once every three weeks okay i reckon how much i reckon you've got i'll tell you how many points i've got right okay

two months 2344 right that must be about £20. £20, you think? Oh, no, wait. No, £2,000, not £2,000. Two months. Two months. That'll be £6, I reckon. It's £11.72. Oh!

Isn't that good? Yeah. I thought you were trying to undersell it like you hadn't got much. No. Yeah, it's good. It's so good.

By the way, you can just forget you're doing it and then like in a couple of years. That's a living quid that I've got for doing nothing. Maybe I should find out. You should have a look I should definitely have a look

but I don't remember listen to how muggly we are this second I'm so fucking muggly I caught myself right you get the app and you can load offers to it where you can get more points

to the point where I've gone oh I'll get an extra like 200 points if I get my fuel at BP this week I'll find a BP garage and fill up there you're an absolute muggle

you are an absolute I need the petrol I bet you there was a point in the fucking festival there you're an absolute muggle you're an absolute I need the petrol I bet you there was a point in the fucking festival where you rolled up a £20 note handed to your mate and never saw it again

you're fucking getting all excited because you've got 11 points on your neck of card I am you're going to be frugal with one aspect

you're going to be frivolous with the other I'll forget about that and I'll shop and then after a bit I'm going to look at it and I'm going to go £100

six years you should definitely check mine you should I could buy a house I remember talking to Tom Stade a bit

and they had like 300 quids worth of nectar points and they bought like duvets and bedding and loads of stuff for the house

fucking muggles I'll start downloading what's the app called nectar oh my god nectar absolutely right Natalie's loving this bit like Natalie's fucking nectar what's the app called? Nectar. Oh, God. Nectar. Yeah, the terrier. Well, absolutely, right.

Natalie's loving this bit, like Natalie's fucking neck-nodding her eyeballs. Where's Tesco club cards? Dog shit. The only reason she's

marrying you. Well, for me, neck-nodding points. It's not for your dick. Points for my driving licence. Right, I think those are all in. Shall we go

through them? Yeah. So, if you are guilty of any of the following things, you have to go in the corner for 30 seconds for each one. I think everything went in too. Everything did go in. So my two ones were... Two possible two minutes.

We're all in the corner. We're all in the corner. Every one of us is in the corner. Muggles, listen to this podcast. It's not a dig. I'm not slamming you. But just be aware that it is absolutely muggly and you are in the corner.

Muggles complain about spoilers a month after something's come out. It's your responsibility. Don't pretend you live in a time where internet is everywhere. You can get wifi on the moon now, grow up. You're not getting us back for goose gate.

You? Is it me? Alright, okay. So, this is thanks to Stuart Hogg. Muggles laugh in advance when they're about to say a funny story. I'm 100% in the corner for that.

Let me tell you. Here's one for you. In Muggles' post, proud, boastful status is about being the only person that doesn't watch Love Island Mayweather

McGregor Game of Thrones whatever's popular you're not cool because you're not joining in with trying to be alternative like fucking emo

emo post I don't like happiness alright alright get a fucking get an emo coma am I the only one that's never played

a board game oh god um Muggles take a photo of the temperature reading inside their car Straight in, lost right over Take a picture of the temperature in Muggle Corner you fucking muggle And Muggles collect

nectar points Alright And last but not least our favourite game It's your dad jokes where we each spend we get ten turns

to insult each other's dads I shall go first Gareth despite your mother's rickets your dad fell in love with her

at the first sight and his chat up line was hey baby you must be the hunchback of Notre Damn

does rickets not make you go bow legged I don't know hunchback of Notre Damn! Does Rick and Son make you go bow-legged? I don't know. He sold it very well.

Very good. Gareth. Okay, yeah. Your dad Ian's socks while they're still on his

feet. It keeps him warm. Daniel, your dad's speech on his wedding day, he spoke using it keeps him warm Daniel your dad's speech on his wedding day he spoke using his bum cheeks

like an Ace Ventura so he also kissed my mum Kai your dad works part time as a crash test dummy your daddy whiskers out the tin with his hands

and not the cat food actual whiskers are you looking at me I think that one was you oh Kai your dad cheated on your mum with a snowman

I said snow I said snow okay should we look melted his heart. Gareth, your dad's asshole is a poker stop on Pokemon Go.

No, there's always a raid. Gareth, your dad got his acrylic nails done at Lush Hair and Beauty for £7 off Groupon. Why is Kenny getting in so tight?

Because he's met him. Daniel, your dad is worried that the movie It is going to ruin his career. He's not a clown, he's a drag queen. Kai, your dad is the

17th hole on the St Andrews golf course. Your dad puts his hand in the toaster and turns it on and keeps it there as long as he can So you can try and look hard in front of your mum Kai your dad tells people he's a footballer Because he goes to the leisure centre on a Tuesday And plays crab football. Crab football. He does.

Crab football. He wears a fucking light gruff word as well. Kex is so zonky. Kai, your dad named all his horses on Zelda after his children and has to walk everywhere in the game. Why? Because he's not allowed to ride them? No, because none of them are his.

He can't be many of his horses. Daddy, your dad lost his job as a sniffer dog after six months when he woke up and he wasn't a dog. That seems more of an insult to the police department. It's a shame. To be fair, he did have a collar and a lead. Real shame, he caught loads of folk.

He's got a fucking right nose for the guy. Danny, all the plates in your dad's house smell like shit because your dad puts his anal beads in the dishwasher. Gareth, your dad's big toe is what his little toe should be. His little toe is where his pointer finger should be. And his life is nowhere near what it should be. And he keeps emailing your agent for representation.

Kai, your dad sits in the trolley when your mum goes shopping. Kai, your dad gets pit stains while wearing a vest. Danny, your dad's really looking forward to Halloween because it's the only time of year that he doesn't look out of place dressed as a scarecrow.

Kai, your dad takes his marriage certificate out at parties and pretends to blow his nose with it does that thing when he blows

pretends to rip it yeah he blows on it when he does it Gareth your dad cried after he came home from holiday and his

Xbox Kinect didn't recognise him Gareth, your dad cried after he came home from holiday and his Xbox Kinect didn't recognise him. Wait, Danny, your dad phoned the NHS helpline about his truth? Kai, when your dad and your mum goes out to a fancy restaurant and your mum will turn around and go, zip me up, he does it, and then when she turns around and goes, zip me up.

He's such a muggle. Kai, you know that thing people do where they run and jump on shopping trolleys and glide? Your dad does that with Heelys in the wheelie bin. He's never happier on a Thursday morning. Garth, your dad's speech therapist

had to give your dad all his money back and apologise your dad wanted to thank him but couldn't you just had to do it a few times before he was gone

Danny your dad unzips his jacket and then holds the corner of his coats and puts it up behind his head and tries to fly away Gareth his jacket and then holds the corner of his coats and puts it up behind his head and tries to fly away.

Gareth, your dad takes a knee before he has to have sex with your mum. It's because he doesn't respect her. Tell a girl. Your dad jumped up and grabbed a seagull's feet and it flew off with him. You did that in the last one. I did that in the shed.

Oh, did you? You looked at us to do one and I'd run out. I'd done me ten and you were looking at us to do one and I remembered that. Have I done more than ten? I don't know. I've done one more. I've done one more, but I'm not confident in it.

Yeah, you do it, because I'm not confident in mine, but I'll end on shit. Your mum was trying it on with your dad the other night and he tutted, sighed, took off his reading glasses and slammed the leg shut and went, go on then. He didn't even have lenses in, that's just for show.

He wasn't reading the book. He just folded up his cocktail glasses. Kai, your dad has actually said his last words but isn't dead yet he's got another few years left in him can I get a word in with your mum

your dad once put the baby monitors in the wrong room and you had to listen to him crying through the night I was nearly not doing that that's another one I did in the shed.

But I give that to Elliot for a roast battle against his dad. So you might see it on TV. Speaking of, while we are lovely at the end, tomorrow, Monday, today, whenever you're listening to this, I'm off down to London

to do the roast battles. Jimmy Carr roast battles which will be on Comedy Central in about November or December. So please tune into that I'm against the lovely Desiree Burch and she is getting destroyed the jokes are good

the jokes are good me and Kai are also on tour so this Thursday we are up in Aberdeen then we are in Inverness and then we are in we've got Dundee Dundee and then St Andrews

all dates are available on danielsloss.com we will also be in Europe to any of our European listeners who can understand Kai's accent when he's stoned and on a podcast

and also for anybody that didn't understand the word druth in the dad jokes yeah dry mouth dry mouth dry mouth

when your mouth's dry so that's me Kai on the road for the next couple of months so please do come see us on tour and let us know that you're a fan of the podcast because as we said earlier

it does genuinely make our day Tuesday Tuesday work in progress oh for Edinburgh people Edinburgh Summerhall

so tomorrow to anyone listening to this Summerhall £3 tickets it's the crew right now. How do they get tickets? They go to summerhall.co.uk. It will be me, Gareth and Kai trying new material for fucking three pounds fifty,

including booking fee and potentially Mark Nelson. So come on and do that. Do you have any other dates, Gareth? I'm in Edinburgh all this week. I'm there on Wednesday at the stand. And then at the weekend, I'm at Monkey Barrel. And then next week, I'm at Punch Drunk doing Kai's gig. Yes, Punch Drunk.

That's it. Yeah, a week today. If you listen to this on release day on Monday, a week today, fucking Punch Drunk's got a sick lineup. It's going to be great. Can't wait. Aye. It's going to be good.

Also, go to my website, www.kaihunfrey.com, if you want to hear more from me. I've got my full special on there to download if you want to listen to my comedy special, watch my comedy special it's just me talking without these two mugs so just imagine this podcast, sweet names better apart from that thank you genuinely very much for listening

it's been, we've been very excited to finally come back to do this podcast genuinely lovely to be back you all berating us and yelling at us and calling us cunts for not doing podcasts for the past few months has genuinely made us feel loved

so please do subscribe listen share get your friends involved get them onto the podcast because we would like it to become just a little bit bigger

let's get you lot more mobilised yeah sharing more keep us here alright and also please do write in with if you have any

muggle corners or any suggestions like that we'll happily shout out because we're struggling with stuff like that occasionally and also

let us know your thoughts on we were thinking of doing the your dad jokes at the end of the podcast also as a Facebook live session

because we know you're muggles like a Facebook live yeah and it goes into a much wider audience so let us know your thoughts

on that apart from that thank you very much Gareth Ward for being on the podcast thanks for having us I'll see you later Kai Muggins out Cream out