Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 2.11 THE AMSTERDAM ONE

Episode Date: October 29, 2017

Muggins and Cream arrive in Amsterdam and are joined by their fellow Goats Rich Massara, Barry Castagnola and Ryan Cullen and they form like vultron to make a 5 way podcast (whilst munted) this could be awful. Thanks for trying. 

Sloss and Humphrey's on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thuggin', living the dream That's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats? That's hack

Ah, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia! Where have you been since 9-11? This muggins ain't big enough for the cream of us. No, wait.

Hang on. I can't stop that. I wonder if you should be favoured that way a little bit, for them. Yeah, sure thing. It'll be alright. It's a weather course for us anyway. Got it. Hang on.

Right, you start the podcast, Danny. Tell us when. Do you want to clap? I said when. We don't need to clap. It's one make. Just say you know when to start. Too many admin.

I'm dreaming of a good Halloween. Is that how you start the podcast? Aye. You took the lead. You took all the fucking, like, oh, I'm going to do the song and then that's what

aye it's fucking very appropriate it's nearly Halloween it's the 29th of October aye but by the time this comes out it'll be fucking 30th which is one day

Halloween Eve right goats because we've got a few of the goats with us the greatest of all time yeah the goat gang that's a perfect start

it was ironic because with the Christmas song because the Christmas song starts too early and what I've done is I've integrated that with I mean you're trying too hard. Honestly.

You should leave it to me. You do what you do. Sit down and shut up and I'll do the intro. Right. Hold on. We'll start again. Right.

This mugging is big enough for the cream of us. Awful. Idiot. In what way is that any way better? Well it sticks with the theme. Yeah but the theme

that no one's enjoying. Everyone's anticipating me to have a great start with a great song's anticipating it you're high you're higher right okay that's not what i said it's that episode that we warned everyone about we are now in amsterdam in uh holland uh tonight uh is our last gig for like two days uh we've got two days off we've got two days off and this've got two days off. Isn't this a lovely Airbnb? Yeah. Where they left us their wardrobe.

Yeah, we've got in an Airbnb and it's genuinely clearly someone's house. I think she's going to stay with her mum. But she's left an entire wardrobe of a lot of hipster clothes. And if you go and check out our Snapchat and Instagram within the next few hours that this is released, you'll be able to see.

I mean, it's not as if we're going to stop wearing costumes over the course of the next two days. Oh yeah, it's going to be more. Barry's tampering with the device. You can't introduce a guest. It's not as if we're going to stop wearing costumes over the course of the next two days. Oh yeah, there's going to be more. Barry's tampering with the device. You can't introduce a guest that's not tea. You've ruined the surprise. Okay. We'll introduce our first guest.

He's King Muggle himself. Daniel Sloss. Eat shit and die. It's Dick Massager. Hey. The founder of Mugglepedia.com. It's not Mugglepedia.com, it's at Muggle Corner on Twitter. There's no.com.

There's a website? No! There is! There's a website? No, there's a link to a Google Docs page which has all the lists of up to about episode 24 of all the Muggle Corners. And you have left it open for people to edit? of all the Muggle Corners. And you have left it open for people to edit?

Yeah, if people go to at Muggle Corner on Twitter, they can click the link in the bio and then they can add in all the episodes that I've missed out because I might be a fucking Muggle, but I'm not that much of a fucking Muggle. Muggle Miss Smuggler also did the intro. Did he just call me Muggle Miss Smuggler? Yeah, yeah.

Because I was going to let it sort of slide, but I'm glad you picked up on that. That was pretty shit. I mean, come on, mate. Mate, you gave me stick for the fucking wonderful musical. Normally on these podcasts, we're having such a great time together, just being bays.

And then just because my friends are here, you're showing off. I'm showing off? You fucking marked me for the song. That was beautiful. I haven't. Colin had a tear in his eye. That's the way to introduce a guest.

Oh, well, you you know what I've absolutely done myself there that's very good so back to the point Muggle Muggle Sarah did the intro track for the podcast I did indeed

so should we do a reenactment of the Muggle track I don't know it it's last ten help me it's on the road that's definitely not it

that's absolutely we're fucking living the dream and that's the intro where have you been since 9-11 tickling the clip inside your head

that makes you cum makes you laugh oh someone listens I fucking made it mate I fucking spent hours you also you're the one that bought us

the Muggles and Cream star oh yeah that's the Muggle star that we put in the fact that buying someone a Star Wars in Muggle Corners he bought us that but then, yeah. Yeah, that's the Muggle star. We put in the fact that buying someone a Star Wars in Muggle Corners,

he bought us that. But then also, there was the one that happened... What's the star called again? It's the Muggle star. Yeah. And that hadn't been taken. Nobody had done that yet.

Nobody had done that yet. Even with the Harry Potter use of the word Muggle. Yeah. To be honest, it's just a bit of paper. I don't think they give a shit about... No, no, no.

I've actually, I've been there and I've planted crops. So I'll go back up next year and see how it's doing the sugar provides a lot of sun you also did

in fact this is one you didn't do we always put in light boxes in Muggle Corner and then it got to my birthday and I'd been away

and you were like there's a present waiting for you when you come home and I come home and I open it up sure enough there's a fucking light box the light box you put the letters on

yeah the light box you put the letters on yeah the light box you put the letters on so I put in Masara you fucking muggle and sent a photo to Richard and he was like ha ha ha and then found out that it wasn't Richard that got me that

it was my auntie which was absolutely my girlfriend you took the credit for it yeah because I was like who else is going to which auntie the muggle auntie to be fair

I did get you the Game of Thrones sword in Kifor. Yes, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So once again, we're just saying how delightful I am as a friend. And was that a Kifor getting in the door? Yes. No. For the purposes of this podcast.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. So, Rich, what's your USP? What's your unique selling point? Devastatingly charming. That is true.

You do look like a fucking vampire. And I don't mean the teeth. I mean the fact that you have never aged. Oh, I thought it was because I was sucking on a virgin. Speaking of which, we've got Ryan Cullen on the podcast. God, I was hoping for a better intro. Hey, so we just went into a bar for some finger food. We're like, oh, this has food.

And we went in and we're just sitting down having some snacks. Like all kinds of snacks. Goldfish. No. There was goldfish. Chicken teriyaki. Chicken teriyaki. There was calamari.

Anything you need. And then Richard went, I think there's a gay bar. And the minute we looked up we're like oh 100% I said it as soon as we walked in yeah did you so we've got Barry Castanola as well so you're

did you say it when we walked in I said to you as soon as we sat down I just because you said we've just walked into a gay bar and I said

it wasn't a gay bar until we walked in and you laughed so I just assumed that that was the joke and then when we went to the urinal there was a poster

right in front of the urinal saying about some app about pick up any guy you want. It definitely said guy in a urinal. I was like, oh yeah, that's to pick up guys. Aimed at men, because of the urinal. The app was called Prick. But what was cool was

no one asked us on the way in. I've been other places, particularly in the UK, if you try and go into a gay bar, they'll sometimes say to you like, do you know there's a gay bar? Do they have to show you a gay card? Actually, people are asking in case you've got a problem with it. You'd never get that card. Some teenagers just told me I dropped my

gay card back there, so clearly I don't have it to get into this. I walk in wearing black shoes and a brown belt. Years ago, the first time I came out there was this one alley and it was like some sort of pride weekend out here. But this particular alley where we were going and we were drinking,

the same guys, and they had these big moustaches from all over Europe. They were skinheads, right? All big moustaches, some of them in their 50s and 60s, all couples. And during the day,

they were all in double denim, right? Mostly in shorts, right? That's a problem. So bald-haired, big tash, like the muscle man from and 60s all couples and during the day they were all in double denim right mostly in shorts that's proper so bald haired big tash like the like the muscle man from the circus yeah yeah yeah exactly

and a lot of them had that same look right and then during the day they were all in double denim and in the evening they were in proper like leather almost like a

Kenny Everett character like leather almost like the only guy in the village but all in black with studs on and it was just amazing first time I've been to Amsterdam just going like just presuming in the village, but all in black with studs on. And it was just amazing. First time I've been to Amsterdam, just going, like, just

presuming that's something that happens all the time. But like, it was the same guys, but like loads of them, almost looking a bit like bikers or something. It was brilliant. You found yourself. Yeah. Can't go to Tash though, unfortunately. You tried though, didn't you? I could have done. Poop Tash. Hairshaved on a number four.

Thought about buying one from Glue. Do you have a baby face? Because I can't grow a beard, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, can't grow a beard poop tash hair shaved on a number 4 thought about buying one some glue do you have a baby face because I can't grow a beard that's well yeah yeah are you the same yeah can't grow a beard like if you grew it

for like 3 weeks shocking are we talking like a teenager like a teenager trying hard it would and I'd like the option

do you remember I'd love the option yeah yeah I can't even grow a head of hair yeah his hair's like a tufty old

poop tash isn't it Jesus Christ you've got hair like a teenager's beard at the moment it's like a tufty old poop tash isn't it Jesus Christ you've got hair like a teenager's beard at the moment it's like a brillo pad that's been

like the same one that's just been sitting in the rinse bit of the sink for ages like Rusty Steel Wolf your hairline's like that bit

in Team America where they put the fake Cornwall beard on the guy to make him you've got doger hair

I've never been on Jackass where he puts the pubes on his chin where Eric McGee puts the pubes welcome to the podcast Colin

does anybody else want to fucking chime in well I feel like you've deserved this because you're obviously very famous from the internet web series Facts

when you do things that are not fact yeah I just got recognised did you yeah here no you didn't yeah I did gotta recognise the shop did you? here? no you didn't yeah I did

that's why I lost you when you turned around oh because you were fucking surrounded by your fans well surrounded by one if you can be how big were they

she moved faster she just kept doing laps I'm a big fan I really like your work did you see that bit where you criticised that biscuit oh I couldn't get enough

was she Dutch it's a he oh was he Dutch only in horror only yeah what did he say

well to be honest it was he just kind of kept staring at me I was like you alright he went oh yeah you're on fax so there's probably

some fax fans what's it all the time there's probably some fax fans listening to the podcast right now going oh amazing that's Ryan Cullen from facts

but if you don't know what facts is it's basically Ryan just like eating biscuits going oh this biscuit's a bit dry oh there's crumbs on my lap

yeah people on Instagram love it yeah you criticise sweets I saw your one where you criticised the TV show

Hunting for Bigfoot yeah because there's nine seasons of it yeah yeah it's pretty seasons of it yeah yeah it's pretty funny I actually I enjoyed doing that one

that was there's nine seasons where they they hired an opera singer to go out to the woods and sing into the woods and hoping that Bigfoot would turn up

just in case he's a big fan of paparazzi yeah yeah all these years people have just been doing wolf calls and he's like it's not my cup of tea

yeah yeah yeah or try to torture him out like they did in Guantanamo Bay where they're playing rock music. Oh, did they? Yeah, yeah. In Guantanamo Bay they used to just play them. They might be trying to just get Bigfoot out.

Bigfoot might have been looking for insurance and thought it was the go-compared bit. Or he's approached the sound so he could get a decent deal. Bigfoot just comes out one point and just goes, put a sock in it. Who sings that Pavarotti let's keep it that way

there's actually hundreds of comments under that going like people going like what I find this very disrespectful

because my grandad actually saw Bigfoot and even though there's no proof you know and then just all of a sudden

starts going like into capital letters going like some of you all believe in God some of you believe in God that's a fair point it's not a fair point

now hang on if there's someone who believes in God going oh poo poo Bigfoot yeah yeah come on mate it's like whenever

it's like whenever Christians laugh at Scientology they're like oh can you I went to see Book of Mormon the other week again

and the whole time they're singing about how stupid Mormonism and you can just see Christians around you being like oh I can't believe they believe this shit it's like you're the whole time they're saying about how stupid Mormonism is, and you could just see Christians around you being like, oh, I can't believe they believe this shit. It's like, you're the same person.

You're the same person. And also my mum sometimes just writes random words in capitals. Does she? Yeah, just on messages for no reason. She's just got text to read. It's just so annoying. Do you know my autocorrect now puts Linda in capitals? Oh, that's annoying.

You have to go to the left. Yeah, because that's what you used to do and the majority of people who listen to the podcast regularly know about the fucking Linda shouting. Linda! Linda! Linda!

Linda! Linda! So every time I type in Linda now, so I was like, happy birthday, Auntie Linda, and fucking just shouting in her face. Why are you calling your mum auntie? Do you know,

it was for my dad's sister. My dad's sister's called Linda I didn't know that And he's married to Linda What the fuck My brother's called Gav And my sister's What time

Went out with a Gav I thought she was called Gav What time of day was it When I was asking you Calling you Linda Across When we were staying At your mum and dad's

It was like my mum and dad Were in the shops or something Because they were out But you were shouting Linda Up the stairs if she was in But like really aggressively Like Linda But it was just so weird Because you were shouting Linda up the stairs if she was in but like really aggressively like Linda but it was just so weird

because you were in my parents home why is there toast on this toast I couldn't remember what it was Linda someone knocks on the door

Linda Linda even as bad it's getting to the stage now where Linda took over when we were in altitude

that just became normally when you're skiing and snowboarding together and you lose each other on the mountain you shout Mark and Polo

but we just kept shouting Linda Linda Linda it's called an avalanche it kills some people it finishes with a vowel so it travels my mum was at a UN meeting and apparently

one of the women was called Linda and she had proper Tourette's and her next pick is Linda Daves and my mum went Linda! oh shit

I found I think I was telling you a little while ago I was looking on the Altitude WhatsApp group and I looked at the videos and I went back through

there was like four or five different Linda videos with different Linda songs with Rickett sitting there filming himself and they were really funny I've forgotten

how funny they were it's just a funny name it's a real funny name I think we should make like you know how there's a 420 blazer yeah we should do like a time where you's a 420 blazer. Yeah.

We should do like a time where you've got to shout Linda. Every day. 5.30 Linda. 5.30 Linda. So people can do it on the commute on the way home. Yeah.

5.30 Linda. So if you look at your watch it's 5.30 you're like Linda. Yeah. Got to roll down all the windows. 5.30.

5.30 Linda. And also if people like tweet them in you'll know from the file whether it was done actually at 5.30. Yeah if people are going to tweet this at 5.30

with a photo shouting Linda or a video shouting Linda if everyone tweets this every day just at

5.30 yelling Linda then we'll get an accurate representation of how many people actually

listen to the podcast you've got the afternoon and you've also got end of session

shit well if we're calling the rest of us carry on going

your listeners could shout at your shows to identify themselves no they've done they've done that when I was at Newcastle like one of the exams I do

just one of the names I use during a bit is I go I call the girl I'm miming with Linda and in at least three separate venues I've just heard someone

never shouting it fully but just under the breath going Linda I say they should shout it from now on if it's into the podcast no more half arsed Lindas if you've ever been

I think it's got to do with the routines as well didn't it it was Gareth was headdresser yeah I'm sure Cody got it in his set

Linda it's just yeah there's a handful of French shows with a random character called Linda in it all thanks to you

shouting at me man buddy Linda what's your mum called Cullen Mary of course she is you fucking Irish bastard

is your dad called Paddy can you guess my fella's name Paddy that's a weird thing to ask is it Seamus it's Eugenius Pacelli Eugenius Pacelli

that's another story what is he his name is his name is Eugene now that's right so when he was 18 years old he went to get a passport to leave the country

like most Irish people yeah they were just like listen there's nobody called Eugene born that day so took him edges and he went back

to his mother my grandmother because you're stupid and he was like and they were like he goes is my name Eugene and apparently

my grandmother was just like oh god no actually I can't remember what it is it's like Magella or something my dad's like Magella

that's a girl's name found out after a long time that he's named after Pope Pius II and his real name is a double barrel first name Eugenius Pacelli Cullen

and if you meet him he's the most Eugene person on earth like Jim's dad how Pacelli is he how Pacelli is he yeah no no yeah because you're a Castagnola that's very Italian yeah and I Like Jim Stano How Bocelli is he? Huh? How Bocelli is he? Yeah No

No yeah Because you are Castanola That's very Italian Yeah And I've always done a bit About it meaning When someone told me It meant firecracker

At one point Is it? Yeah I've always done I mean you're a cracker I've always done a bit About how stupid The name Barry is

With Castanola Right? Because Barry's not Short for anything No it's just Except for how you've Got little legs That's just coincidence

Barry Cousin all has like Darren Rodriguez Exactly Isn't it short for Bartholomew? No, no I wish That's your wish You've got one wish Every birthday blows the candles One day Bartholomew

I always have done a thing about saying Someone told me it meant firecracker one day Bartholomew but I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd

I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd other Italians have gone, castagna is the nearest thing, and I've gone, what about firecracker? And other people are like, no, maybe chestnut, it's a little castagna, a little chestnut. And I'm like, oh no, firecracker then. And then the other day, genuinely, maybe about a week or two ago, I just put in my last name in Google, right, not Google myself, for the material I was doing. I genuinely put Casanova in Italian, right? And everything I could find on the first page

was all firecracker, firecracker. I'm like, I'm back. You're published on your blog. You could get a brand of firecracker. I don't care. I'll be a brand. I'll sponsor them. Why are chestnuts female?

It's the art. At the end, it would be Casanova. If it was the male way of saying it. La, la, and, you know. It's like, basically, it's bicicletta. So it's the female. So bicicletta would be cast in no role if it was the male way of saying it. Le and la. It's like bicycles. Bici clepa. So it's the female. So bici clepa would be the male. Do you reckon the LGBT community get annoyed by languages like the French?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you why that's so sexist. Because it'll be like a group of boys will be ninos and a group of girls will be ninas. But when you get a mixed group of girls and boys, it's ninos. So it's just like saying boys and girls, but then when they're all together, boys. And we do it too when we say guys.

Yeah, lads. We don't say lads when there's a group of mixed. Man, whenever it's just me and Ginn, it's me and lads. Guys, guys. Just on the name, we talked about the name thing. I know this bloke, Owen. You know Owen, a friend of his, who I know as well, he changed his name when he was about 18 or 19,

his middle name, to The Hawk, right? So he was Owen The Hawk Watts. Just changed it by default to The Hawk, his middle name. And his dad, some official poster came through to his house, and apparently his dad was quite sort of meek. The sentence. His dad is quite just, you know, just like keeps himself to himself, and he's like a Kiwi guy, and he's like,

apparently he's just got a... I mean, could I have a word? He's got it, and he's like, he's just got a I could have a word he's got a he's got a have you changed your name to the hawk and apparently

he's just gone no and he went and he just walked out the room and he never said it again case closed

the hawk our friend Ali little Ali Alistair something hog Alistair David danger hog

so danger's his middle name but Danger's not his middle name because he's already got a middle name so when he added it it became his third out of four it became his second from the right name amazing can I just create the best one ever

have you heard of the guy at Glastonbury I think I might have told you the story there's a clown the clown called Rumpole Rumpole he's got 365 different noses. Yes, exactly.

And it got proven in the end. I had a running thing with a friend of mine at Glastonbury because there's this guy, he's a street entertainer, Aussie guy called Rumpole and he's always at Glastonbury and he's been around for years. He's really known on that circuit

and he was one of the first people to do a 24-hour show and apparently he did one in Melbourne. Someone said they saw it and at one point people were throwing money at him, and throwing coins. And he's going, oh, come on, guys. His dog's really high-pitched.

He's like, come on, guys. Is that how he talks? At least throw me the silver ones. He's mental, but he's a real character. He's really fascinating. And I kept hearing about Glastonbury. He almost became like an enigma. I didn't know who he was.

Yeah, so he was became like an enigma I didn't know who he was yeah he was almost like this figure and I remember him telling me that he had over 365 noses and Jane Matthews you used to

you obviously mean fake noses yes of course of course yeah yeah what else do you think you mentioned I don't know

maybe he's like a really shit version of what Arya Stark is in Game of Thrones he can't he can't take up his full thing it's just the nose

it's just the nose so It's just the nose. So, you're Jane Matthews. Jane. She can go from Elias Steele to Michael Jackson in one move.

I had a row with her about the amount of noses at the end. She goes, that's ridiculous, you're making that up, it's absolute rubbish. And for years,

I kept going, no, I'm sure he told me that and I bumped into him. Foreclaw. The first day, the last two years afterwards, I bumped into him, the first day at the gastronomy like two years afterwards I bumped into him

got my phone out and just went right and I interviewed made me like selfie with him how many loads have you got oh I've got 365 that's great yes

proof like it's going absolutely mental but the best thing about starts juggling them all but the best thing about him is so his clown name is Rumpole right

he genuinely changed his name his name was Michael Goodfellow right he changed his name properly on his password and everything to was Michael Goodfellow, right? He changed his name properly, on his password and everything, to Jolly Goodfellow. He's a clown,

but that's not his stage name. How amazing is that? He's called Jolly Goodfellow, but it's his normal name. Craig Campbell wants to crack me up so much. We were talking about it. We couldn't believe it. We couldn't get our heads around it.

And he's doing this fake phone call going, okay, so we've got the booking for the festival okay so let me just get this straight on the posters it's Rumpel but I'm booking

the tickets in the name of Johnny Goodfellow every single celebration for he's a Johnny Goodfellow yes I am

but today's not about me today I'm Rumpel surely the 365 noses can't all be different. Like, he's... That's a lot of... Have you seen over 365 different noses in your life? Yeah, yeah, but I mean, like, they're clowns.

But there could be noses and you'd be Snowflake. You could have one, like, a fucking giant meatball. You could have one, like, skull and crossbones. Yeah, sure. There's a multitude. You could have a robot duck. There'll be similarities. Oh, this. There's a multitude. You could have a rubber duck. There'll be similarities. Oh, definitely.

There's a multitude of options. I reckon I could think of a thousand right now. Right. Explain them. Here you go. One thousand. Who's counting? I will.

Right, okay. So the first one is just the original nose that you've got. Right, the second one's that but upside down. That's for when you're swimming. Actually, there's 360 degrees. It could be like 40 degrees. Oh, yeah. There you go. that's for when you're swimming like it's just actually there's 360 degrees it could be like 40 degrees

there you go that's 360 straight away different angles so now I just need to think of five you can have one no you said a thousand

one leg of glove oh yeah right one leg of glove upside down one on each finger there you go that's it

I mean there's many many I bet he's listened to this podcast being like fuck I've got none of those I think now he's

got more a good inspiration I've inspired him Paul now I've got to get some more Michael so I was told

my name meant ocean in Hawaiian or mountain in some other dialect so I've been told a few times

that your name means mountain it means ocean it means river like all good stuff right your name means basically your parents had no imaginations and can't spell

and then I get shush it's about me your parents named you as if each letter cost a certain bit of money on the fucking birthing certificate

just away from the shore K-A-I that's it Kai Gav what's your sister's called they splashed out in the eye and your ancestors

worked with camels. Humphreys. That's me, man. What would you like to call your boy? And she sneezed. She wrote it down. I went to Australia thinking, oh, he has the mountain. Apparently it means food in Maori.

So a lot of people know the Maori language. It means what in Croatian, doesn't it? It means what? food in Maori so when I like a lot of people know the Maori language it means it means what in Croatian doesn't it it means what so when you go when you go to Croatia they sing

kaj kaj in the butt I said kaj kaj in the butt they wanna do it in my butt in my butt they wanna do it in my butt oh yeah have you not heard this song

no what in the butt by what's his name by South Park no what a stutch it's just by South Park that's what made it known

fuck the original nah fuck that guy he must know the original oh hi Jerry not know the original why does I know the original because you're

the only one that took us to the gay bar for finger food yeah look guys Harry Connick Jr no no sorry

good guess though so my name means what in Croatia so when people say what's your name and I say Kai Croatia so when people say what's your name and I say Kai they repeat the question

Kai what's your name what what these pesky kids King Muggle would you like to give us

your first ever Muggle call hold on can we get the rest of the guys as USPs we've got

Richard's USP oh yeah Barry what's your USP oh boyish cheekiness. That's mine. Oh.

Oh, Jesus. Boyish? In my nature. Oh, okay. In my nature. In your taste. Yeah. I'm just reading.

So you've got boyish charm. No, boyish... Boogish. Boyish charm. You've got snakeish charm, Ryan. Yeah, snakeish charm yeah snakeish charm is that what you said about your USB

he went for charm as well I didn't say that can everyone stop making my charm that's why I took charm out and went for cheekiness instead I wasn't going to

go boyish I saw your panic I saw the panic what's your USB my USB I haven't got one that's it how unique

I'm so individual that I'm not an individual that's gots that's gots what's that's gots innit I don't know make a nice cup of tea striving for

do you nah habitual liar I don't know I reckon I'm always on edge so you never know I might die that's my thing

I might die we did have the joke before we went to Ibiza is we all expected you to die in the pool in the pool aye I packed a body bag actually

yeah it was a condom but what am I in front of your spare you just think you're cool you never got to use it

back to life Rich what is your as King Muggle yourself what is your first ever suggestion for Michael well you've done it on Twitter before yeah

yeah yeah alright I got one in early doors when you first started doing the podcast which was muggles tap people

on the wrong side of the shoulder and go I'm a big fan of it it's been hard to choose a muggle corner I got plenty of them

I've decided I'm going to go with muggles have nicknames for their genitals like little pita yeah what's wrong with the slossage that's why I know you're in the fucking club Muggles have nicknames for their genitals. Oh, like little Pete here.

Yeah. What's wrong with the slossage? That's why I know you're in the fucking club. What's wrong with the soldier? The soldier? Not because he stands at attention, or fails from the hip-hop, because Natalie likes to dip her own eggs in the morning.

Get slaughtered on French beaches. I don't get it. I don't get it. I call it the power off. Fuck off. They sent Vin Diesel and Tom Hanks to look after it for a while.

Oh, that was, I forgot Vin Diesel was in Ryan's Privates. That's you? Yeah. Ryan, what do you call your private? Is it Ryan's Privates?

Yeah, that's exactly what it's like. Did you not see, do you remember that? Is it Ryan's Privates? Yeah, that's exactly what it's like. Did you not see, do you remember that whole thing about Vin Diesel being gay? No, he's bi. No, I think he's straight. No, I know.

He's a thespian. No, he's a Sagittarius. Sagicurious. I don't know if I can say this on the podcast, but who gives a shit? Oh, you're going to out him. I've got a friend that works at a very swanky bar. Oh, you really are?

Yeah, and Vin Diesel frequents it all the time, and apparently he's a bisexual man. He picks up both of them. We all have a chance. Except Cullen, because he gets down. I say so off. Oh, no, none of us are criticising it. I just brought it up.

It's for a man that's in like, he's in all those movies, 2x2 Curious. And scene. Just for a second. Top corner from this lozenge. 40 yards. I thought, when you first talked about it as as well I was not only thinking about Van Damme right but also

I was thinking about him in the cause adverts right Van Damme with his denim on when he's doing that cause advert where he's just tongue in cheek

I was thinking about I was totally thinking Van Damme not Vin Diesel sorry about that it was a great joke so Rich are you saying

that you don't for someone whose name is Dick Masada you don't have a nickname for your penis no I don't little Dickie

no that's good no little Dickie no little Richard Dickie Gervais Masara on the penis well these are all good suggestions guys

but I just I just think it's but you don't choose your own nickname like people nickname it for you no

of course you you don't need names you're a dick it's not like a fucking public vote for like fucking boy McBall no no But you don't choose your own nickname Like people nickname it for you No Of course you Who names your dick It's not like a fucking public vote For like fucking Boy you make ball face No no no It's just called

Dick you make dick face Your partner is allowed To choose a Cutesy little diminutive name For your genitals Because they're your partner But you name their boobs right They don't name their own boobs

Like Natalie didn't name Her own boobs Princess and crayons Princess for the mint one and crayons princess for the mint one and crayons for the one

that you chew on I just think if you name give your own genitals a nickname you're a

fucking muggle oh I'm in the corner twice maybe Rouge called his

cock Rouge Rocket exactly I don't think you should even be you shouldn't accept it from a partner either have you It was rugged? Exactly. It's a ginger boy? You guys, you want a piece of the rock? I don't think you should even be,

you shouldn't even accept it from a partner, either. Have you? No, do you? You're drawing a line. So what do you do? How do you stop that happening? For anyone calling you for you, either way. Either way, do you know what I mean?

Do you put your foot down? None of you should be naming each other's, or your own genitals. So she doesn't call yours the Dementor? No. So if anyone was there just going, oh, time to get the Dementor out of my mouth, you would go, what did you just call it? Yeah. Absolutely, I'd be like, please don't call yours the Dementor. So if Helen was there just going, oh, time to get the Dementor out of my mouth, you would go, what did you just call it?

Yeah. Absolutely, I'd be like, please don't call it that again. She's in time out. On the 90 step. So what do you call it? No, I'll just communicate like an adult. Can you do me a favour? Let's communicate.

Have you not named Helen Scurllar? No, I have Helen Scurllar. So, Barry, Barry. Evidently. If I was to write a letter to your penis, what would I address the letter to your penis yeah what would I address the letter

to to whom it may concern everyone that means it's an open letter it's Barry's cock

dear John dear John oh well that's a fun game any listeners that want to risk 30 seconds in the corner

name Barry's penis under the hashtag name Barry's penis describe your penis describe your penis so that you hang on although I did

I did once someone did once used to quite make me laugh sometimes just have a conversation with my penis about stuff that was actually going on

about plans for that weekend or whatever and we'd just talk and wait for answers just penis about stuff that was actually going on, about plans for that weekend or whatever, and we'd just talk and wait for answers, just holding, which I thought was actually quite funny, holding the penis going, and just looking at it going, yeah, probably about four o'clock. No, it won't be that late. It was pretty funny.

I sometimes lie there next to Natalie going there, talking to my cock, and my cock will be going, wake her up, just wake her up, she may touch you. And I'm like, no no I can't wake her up she's got work in the morning and she's like well I tell you what go out to the kitchen

get some water come back in bring a drink and go oh you're awake and then climb back in and she may touch it that kind of conversation but it's more like

my cock manipulating us if it sounds considerate though I mean more deceitful actually it's like little finger big finger that's the nickname big finger I mean more deceitful actually it's like little finger is that the nickname for your dick big finger Kai's nickname Kai's dick is called dick name

dick name it's little finger just because you hold it up did you just nickname my cock that makes you a muggle well yeah I'm definitely in the corner solid finger so you genuinely

don't have a nickname for your cock I genuinely do not have a nickname for my cock occasionally I

will take the foreskin and operate it like a puppets mouth and sing songs out of it oh yeah that's normal

it's ok it's great Sarah lady or lady or pretend it's like a baby chick

and they get her to just spit food it's like covered food in their foreskin spit the food back out

regurgitate yeah I think it goes in my book I fully agree I go for it can we just say for the moment

where Barry suggested spewing the taut foreskin. We're going to take it. Pretending to be a chick. Just enjoy that. The pubes are the nest. The balls are the two unhatched eggs. He's like an arty version of Puppetry the Penis.

Stunky. he's like an arty version of Puppetry the Penis we could a whole single Snunky yes what was your first suggestion from Michael Korn right this is a bit out there but people under the age of 30

who play golf and post videos of their swing online oh yeah I feel like golf's a thing that you do

when you can't play football anymore you're off rate even if you like it but you know like people that are you see them on Instagram and football anymore you're off right yeah even if you like it but you know like people that are you see them on Instagram

and it's like how's my form and they're like you know just swinging as bad as your chair I'm like I don't know I don't see the ball I don't follow your gene

if it was someone just doing a tutorial for you know like an actual pro game yeah but that's not my pro then yeah that's fine but anyone just doing it

for them yeah just something like it's also like there's nothing wrong golf is like for me I try to put hill walking

into my corner and I'm like obviously there's an age you get to when it's absolutely yeah but there's an age you get to actually I

like even though I don't think I'm of the age where hill walking is my main thing I still like to dabble it's not my main thing but like yeah I love it

what's that like dabble borrow someone else's gear don't buy all the cats before I went to Pasagonia I was

like any gigs up north I'd go to somewhere no relation somewhere and I'd find anywhere up in near Leeds

I'd either go to the Moors or to the Peak District somewhere and even if just on my own I'd go to a three or four because then you have to do some training for that I wouldn And even if just on my own, I'd go to a three or four, because then you'd have to do some training for that.

I wouldn't have just gone and done it anyway. I genuinely listen to a podcast or listen to the radio. This one? Yeah, sometimes, yeah. That was a few years ago, actually. Yeah, and genuinely enjoyed it. Like, walking, just having a little walk. I think it's lovely, but I do think, like,

it's such a low form of exercise. Like, it's when you stop playing football or other sports that are competitive nothing's competitive about hill walking and if it is

it's the way to get back to the point it's the golf that's the question I think golf is a good it's kind of

you still want to do something competitive but you've lost your motion it's almost like after golf it's carpet balls it's like you still want to compete but you haven lost your motion it's almost like after golf it's carpet balls it's like you still

want to compete but you haven't got much left in the tank so anyone that can still do fucking hard yards on a pitch on a squash court

on a tennis court what are you doing playing golf it's the game you play once you've had gout yeah do you know what I think it varies

and what I I tried golf when I was younger literally about 12, 13 I golfed from the ages of 9 to 15 and just and I started playing. Lost the love for it.

I generally do about the same. I was out in America and bought junior clubs and started playing. I came back probably a bit younger, probably about 10 or 11. Started playing with a mate of mine, Warren Pike, and teaching at the start of playing as well. That name always sounds made up when you're talking about anyone from your childhood. Warren Pike, it doesn't sound real. well that name always sounds made up when you're talking about anyone from your childhood that famous guy from the shakespeare novels and it was a golf course quite near us and we used to go and just go up on our own like 12

you know 11 12 and he carried on playing i gave up and started playing more football at weekends and stuff and he uh he went on and became like a pro my brother's played from a young age he's playing in like a school in america he's playing a school team and he you on and became like a pro my brother's played from a young age he used to play in like a school in America he used to play in a school team and he used to play basketball and other

stuff as well but what I like about golf and I genuinely would like at some point to try and pick it back up again is that normally they're beautiful

nice golf courses stunning it's like a walk in a proper good park and whack a ball around having some sort of competition to it as well doesn't mean you can't

play football it's a bit pretentious isn't it you can't turn up in your crack suit I just don't know how you can do it at that age

it's expensive too I got into it when I was some baller because if you've got to take lessons buy equipment all that stuff

be snowboarding I know you've got to spend the same amount of money I don't play golf but part of me would quite like to and I have done in the past I don't play golf but part of me would quite like to and I have done in the past

but I'm not very good but what he's saying is he's not saying he's not saying oh no I'm talking about the videos oh 100% of course

because that would be the equivalent of if you play football you're like this is how you take a free kick absolutely we're just slightly

away from the discussion of the merits of golf hashtag bender leg bacon straight onto your bush but yeah no videos of course videos I'll absolutely put in yeah right we're just like we're just a slightly wider discussion yeah yeah hashtag bender like bacon no yeah yeah straight onto your bush but yeah no videos of course videos I'll absolutely put in

yeah right should we give this a quick what we do you do it right we're back so Kai

Muggins your Muggle coin I've got a couple of ones written down but we're just doing one each other yeah I'll go with this one Muggles

oh hold on the tag of friend didn't say nothing anything that comes up where it's something weird happening on a video on like Ladbible or anything like that

that's just tag a friend and say nothing yeah it's always like a fucking anybody that just doesn't scroll past that it engages in it are you talking about

like the weird videos yeah yeah it's weird videos on Facebook tag a friend so they have to say nothing okay so it's not

here's Saul Campbell make it no no they just do it like waste someone's day by tagging them in a picture of this potato it's always Saul Campbell naked

oh is it well I've done I've never seen that one oh god I've never yeah it's just there's a weird Saul Campbell did

some weird photo shoot where he's naked and he's got his back turned you're a die hard Arsenal fan aren't you? When I saw that picture, he was a Tottenham player when I saw that picture.

Have you not seen the one, so it's basically it's always a weird video or a weird pitch and it's like tag a mate and say nothing. It's always on a banner. So like today I saw one that was this guy who was going around a lap dancing pole but he was twisting it with his arms but he's riding a blow up unicycle a unicorn

easy mistake to make he's riding a blow up unicorn so it looks like he's a carousel going around the bar and it's like tag a mate and say nothing and everyone's like

go on it kind of ruins it because when you click on it it says tag a mate and say nothing it's just it's one of those forms of banter

if it didn't say tag a mate and say nothing you might even tag a mate yeah tell me what to do I don't know but I'll hide it yeah it's just It's one of those forms of banter. If it didn't say tag a mate and say nothing, you might even tag a mate. Yeah. Tell me what to do. I don't know, but I'll hide it. Yeah, it's that quirky type of banter,

which is like, look, we're so weird. This is the sort of things we laugh at being random. Yeah. 14,000 shares. Straight in. Any of these videos as well, where you get sent a video and it looks like it needs sound and then you put the sound on

and it's like a porn noise. That's sex. Oh, I hate that. It's such a... Yeah, no, you're hate that it's such a you know you're right it's such a low form of banter like play bear with the sound on and it's

ah ah ah it's got so common as well even if you're like used to lectures and it happened

nobody even laughed and we're like saying that we may keep sending these pictures where there's a picture that looks intriguing and then you press on it and then when it zooms out and fills it full screen it's the guy with the big long cock

on the bottom first of all I have a name and those are hilarious and also I'm the guy with the big dick well good for you I'll put that straight in my one I don't think anyone will debate this but it's worth a discussion It's revenge porn. Well, good for you. I'll put that straight in. My one. I don't think anyone will debate this,

but it's worth a discussion. Muggles have fish. Pet fish. Yeah, I've never been one for fish. I do like an ornamental aquarium, like in a hotel lobby or a gym. Yeah, but one sentence I never expected to hear. One with more responsibility.

Yes, exactly. If I was loaded and I had a whole wall of exotic fish right like within my apartment and someone was looking after it

and doing all the filters and doing all of that and it was literally the same as having like a painting up or an ornament or whatever

and someone took care of it exactly as you said with no responsibilities not my own fish you can't hold it

what are you the guy that hard just like you don't need a fucking aquarium it's just the I don't want a pet you can't hold it. What are you, the guy that hired Jess Bigelow? You don't need a fucking aquarium. I don't want to pet you because you can't stroke. I like a hamster.

You've got to clean it out. And stroke it. No, you can play with hamsters. If you put a fish in a fucking hamster ball. Right, is it cruel to squirt the bottle in the hamster's face

because how do you not do that? You know what it is? The hamster's having the bottle and you're just like just drench it. Is that bad? It's the equivalent of when someone gets a bottle of beer and you hit the top of it so it overflows. That's the hamster's having a bottle and you just like, you just drench it. It's that bad. It's the equivalent of when someone gets a bottle of beer

and you hit the top of it so it overflows. That's the hamster. It's like a fish. What was the thing years ago with the porn name, with your first pet? Casper Jordan. It was your mother's maiden name. Well, that's the name of his pet,

so I had a rabbit called Casper. It doesn't work with some people. Mine's just Geoffrey McGinley. Your mother's maiden name. It does work. First pet mother's maiden name. Well, I made a name for his pet, so I had a rabbit called Caspar. It doesn't work, but some people, mine's just Geoffrey McGill. Oh, yeah, first pet mother's maiden name. So it does work. First pet mother's maiden name. Yeah, so Geoffrey McGill. My one works.

So that's Mugley, that sort of stuff. My one works, because my mum's, my first pet was called Lassie, and my mum's name is Roger, so Leslie Roger, and Roger's an old Scottish word,

well, British word. Your first pet was called Leslie, and your mum's name was Lassie. What's your bank account? Lassie Roger. That's it. What's your first, what's your address? And then the last three digits on the back.

Your stripper name was your favourite colour and the last thing you bought in a shop. Okay, I don't see colour. It's a black dildo. Which is ironic because that's also the last thing you bought in a shop. Why would I buy a blue dildo if black's my favourite colour yeah

I just think like with fish like I want a dog but I'm very aware that I travel too much to get one I want a pet but just with fish

it's like is it to represent your personality like I just I don't think you would you know where you'd be sad if your dog died I don't think anybody should be you know how you'd be sad if your dog died?

I don't think anybody should be... You bury fish in the toilet? Hang on, hang on. I don't think people should be sad when their cat or their dog dies. Not when a fish dies. Not when a fish dies. No, people do get sad. Colin, go again. Definitely not talking about the fish I killed.

I had a university that I buried with a ceremony. Did you? Yeah, I had two fish at university. What were they called? Bobby and Frank. Why? Bobby, Darren and Frank Sinatra. I don't even know university. What were they called? Bobby and Frank. Why? Bobby, Darren and Frank Sinatra. I don't even know.

Where was Darren? I just couldn't afford Darren. Couldn't afford Dean Martin. I don't even know why you're here, Richard. Tell him. Wait, hold on. So you buried... which one died? Did you lollipop stick them?

What do you mean you? Did you put a lollipop stick... Put a lollipop stick. ...lollipop stick wrist on them? Yeah, no, no, no. I did a viking burial for them I put them on lollipop sticks and

fired them on fire into a little boat see that's the thing if you did that with

cats though it would be really weird it's weird if you do it with fish

if you catch a fish on the volley it's alright you cannot bury pets as close as you can bury humans you can bury cats is you can't you cannot bury pets as close as you can bury humans

you can bury cats and you can bury dogs and you can cremate them but you are weird if you come out you get pallbearers for them

and I feel like fish aren't on the same level as if you have a cat level funeral for a fish yeah you flush a fish did you see to be fair

they were shit pets and I was never going to get any more so I figured send them out in style I had a mate of mine. Played Ave Maria. A mate of mine, Jay, he had a piranha, right?

No, he didn't. Yes, he did. He had a piranha. He had a piranha. And what he used to do, this was when we were probably, he was a few years older than us. So we'd get quite stoned and then he'd go and get goldfish from the pet shop, right? And then, hadn't eaten for a day or two or whatever, he'd chuck the goldfish in, right?

It was savage. It would, like, chomp a couple. It was horrible, right? It would chomp a couple. And they'd say there were five in there. The other ones, it would just, like, nip their fins, their back fins, like, so they couldn't swim off. Oh, like mimos.

Yeah, yeah, right. It was absolutely horrific. And then one day, he was away working somewhere on a job and one of his flatmates, another mate of mine, turned all the switches off, including the tank, and it was in his room, sort of locked. He was away for a couple of days, and it died. And he'd come back from work, went up to his bedroom,

and ran downstairs, and we were downstairs, and all he could hear was, No! No! Me piranha's dead! Me piranha's dead! Me piranha's dead! And then he stopped dead and just went, It's all right, I'll have them stuffed. And he kept it in a freezer for ages in tinfoil. He never ever did get it out.

He talked about it, he never did. It was in a tinfoil freezer for ages. And one of my friend's mum said to him, When you've found it, you should not try and revive it or anything. He goes, No, I've put my face off push the lift just turn it into the world's worst flesh even that was horrific

you were talking about animal cruelty did I ever tell you about my dad Ryan the Greyhound Eugene when he was oh yeah

yeah yeah yeah I know this story it's like it's just it's like a scene from a Guy Ritchie film my dad and his friend

told me so Eugene is Pacello there when he was 18 him and his two told me so Eugenius Pacello there when he was 18 him and his two friends were like they got this

tip off that they could get buy a greyhound and it's a good decent greyhound but they said that they would buy the greyhound

and the guy would supply them the drugs for to win a race and at the moment it's like 8 to 1 this greyhound so my dad

so my dad so my dad and my two friends they got their money they bought the Greyhound they were on right and they bought the injection

you know they started it so they took out all their money put all their money most of their money on the bet and kept money

just to start drinking through the day because they were like we've already won right and this was this was their this was their whole all their savings

and it was like 400 pounds, which is apparently a lot in 1977 or some shit. So they started drinking before the race, hammered, and my dad goes, you know, I've given the dog the injection, and the two lads were like, what? No, I just gave him, and all three of them had given the dog the injection. The dog overdosed and died. That's a monster you do tell this story

and everybody goes but at the same time it's a non-runner he got his money back all the other dogs come running out and your dad's dog just comes out

cutting shapes it just sounds like Jason Statham in that so funny but I told him that I was like

you're a mate tell me that story I think we've done your dad joke I remember that your dad OD'd a greyhound so we're agreed

that fish are in the corner yes yes definitely and finally Barry Castagnola so mine is people who get old old time

western photos done mum and dad in the corner you go like a John Wayne on a plate somewhere in America

like Disney ornamental plate yeah or you stand there and it's sepia and you put on a couple of costumes and it's

what if they what if they legitimately went to Westworld though is that allowed oh Westworld's a good fucking series no but still don't exit

fire the gift shop and get a fucking shit picture so if they went to Westworld they'd be fucking legend what if they went to Atlantis as well

Daniel they'd drown that's then they'll get I mean it's one thing like going to a even

I'll tell you I might include in this actually thinking about it is on a rollercoaster when you get unless you're doing it sort of ironically

with mates oh I'm in the corner yeah if you do it ironically with mates but what's your family we weren't allowed we went

me and my mates went to Holland Towers and we bought one of those passes so it's like you pay 30 quid no no you pay 30 quid and over bought one of those passes so it's like you pay 30 quid no no

you pay 30 quid and over the course of the day you can get 5 photos from any of the rides and we just wasted 30 quid because every one photo that we took they were like

we're not printing that out did you try and time it? oh we knew we knew exactly what it was so it was like us pretending to blow each other like all of us

like it's the same as if you go to the new camp or something and you can get a pretend photo with Ronaldinho it's like you're there next to the trophy

with like Pepe and Bernabéu on the log flume we were just drawing pictures of Mohammed my brother years ago because my dad used to live in

LA for years me and my brother used to go out every summer holidays we'd go out there and my dad used to be a courier and he dealt with Universal Studios he used to get us free tickets so we used to go out every summer holidays we'd go out there and my dad used to be a courier

and he dealt with Universal Studios he used to get us free tickets so we used to always go down to Universal Studios and do the tour with Jaws

and all that business and we got the Miami Vice Stunt Show are you on first name terms? can't call him that me and my brother once walked out the back of the

Miami Vice Stunt Show got down to the set because they were filming the film The Burbs with Tom Hanks at the time and we were trying

to get down on set and we got to where the psycho house was and we're outside the psycho house and then the security car or cameras obviously took us back to this office and we're like no you guys better behave yourselves we're about like 9 and 12 or something and then another time we're there there's a cardboard cutout of tom selick you know tom selick magnum and it's slightly yeah's slightly yeah it's slightly blurred so when you take your picture with it it looks real Sex and the City

right no do you know Mr B no oh fuck is that Burt Reynolds let him finish his thing I'm around

I'm around 9 or 10 and my brother's over the camera there's a big queue of people waiting to get the picture taken with a cardboard cutout of Tom Selleck as I get up there my brother's

started mugging me off right and he's like hang on a minute hang on and I can see a grin on his face so there's people waiting I'm standing there like my brother's just like mugging me off, right? And he's like going, yeah, hang on a minute, hang on. And I can see a grin on his face. So there's people waiting. I'm standing there like a kid in barracks.

Tom Selleck. With a cardboard cutout of Tom Selleck. Fucking hell. My arm around him, but a queue of people. And my brother's like, yeah, hang on a minute. I've just got to switch that. Hang on two seconds. And I got so angry, I ran off.

Rewinded it. And then just ran away from him. And because he's responsible for me, I'm about 10 or so. He's about 13. All across on the tannoys, could Barry Casanova please go to he's responsible for me I'm about 10 or so he's about 13 all across on the tannoy could Barry Casnell please go to guest relations

I'm like nope oh man just so I'm not in a panic I'm pulling you could have taken your own photo with a Tom's healthy stick could have done Tom's healthy stick

is that what you went for fuck's sake mate I'm at Pierce Brosnan at Remember Me they're filming that film Remember Me you met him that's just a photo

I'll tell you what happened just to him. That's just a photo. I'll tell you what happened. Just to give context, he's just shown a key ring with Pierce Brosnan on it. But not even a photo. It's a headshot. It's a Google image. I like bringing this out because people freak out in shops, you know,

if you kind of like take... Because, look, I've got my money, my coins in, like, a flip part, so I own... Muggle? Yeah, it's like an old woman right like a muggle whatever

bye we'll look for another corner for that one I think it was Ed and apparently muggles keep their coins in

water I didn't mean to but like it's remember me it's a terrible film it was Robert Patterson and

Pierce Brosnan and I walked into this I walked on set essentially by accent I was like what the fuck's going on here and I stayed around

and Rob Patterson is just after Twilight so he walked out and it was just like 50 screaming girls running at him and then Pierce Brosnan went out of his own and I was like fucking Ireland and I didn't mean to but I was drunk at the time and I went up and I was like fucking Pierce Brosnan IRA this is what I thought

in my head I was like oh he was in Michael Collins the film he wasn't and Saul I went I was like he was in Michael Collins the film he wasn't so all I went I was like fuck Pierce Brosnan I'm a big fan

and he went and he kind of went okay and I shook hands and there was a walk past and there was a guy selling merchandise

for the film and it was like Rob Patterson but there was a key ring and they also had Susan Sarandon key rings

and she's not in the film Larry Hagman called me a little prick who? Larry Hagman he used to play J.R. Ewing in Dallas Dallas

before your time I was trying to get his signature and my mum were big fans of the programme and he was at LA airport and he was hammered and he goes into

a newsagent buys a couple of top shelf magazines like Playboy or whatever and he starts going up these spiral stairs to first class me and my brother follow him up and I go excuse me can I have your autograph and he's got a smileagent buys a couple of top shelf magazines like Playboy or whatever and he starts going up these spiral stairs to first class me and my brother follow him up

and I go excuse me can I have your autograph and he's got a smile on his face he turns around and goes no fuck off right and I go come on please please but he wasn't threatening right

I go come please for my nan my nan's a massive fan please for my nan he turns around I swear to god he goes go fuck your nan

then he hands us these I've still got them at home somewhere he hands us these thousand dollar bills that say in Hagman we trust with his face as JR with a cat on and I go

please can I actually get your signature please and in the end he grabs the pen and he turns around one of these notes and he looks at me

and smiles and goes you sucked me in so there's your little prick and the weird thing was a couple of days later I saw him on

Wogan the chat show and he was talking about how he was scared of flying because he was absolutely hammered and then like a few years later he has a liver trial and he goes

oh it comes together fucking hell that's a serious fucking quality name drop isn't that funny better than fucking Warren Biscuit or whatever you call him

Warren Pike with the with the getting old west are you also putting in because I do think there's slightly they've come back

at parties and stuff but it's the passport photo booths that they have at parties I don't mind those we've got to

put them in the ones where they give you different props yeah I found them they're a little kooky

I don't mind those is that lesser because there's less ever put in so it's not as muggly that's just there yeah I don't know why I Is that lesser because there's less ever put in, so it's not as muggly, that's just there? Yeah, I don't know why. I'm inconsistent with it.

No, no, no, but you have to have your way to do that. Are you including those ones where it's like Victorian dress? That's what I mean. That's the ones I mean. The other ones I do mean. What about Brighton Beach, where they've got like a cutout of a beach scene and you pop your hair through?

No, that's fine. You take it out yourself. You take it out yourself. Yeah, it's so easy. What's through the faces of pandas in Sydney Zoo? So basically, are you saying the difference is the framing part?

It's how much effort you put in. Yeah, the Victorian or the Wild West. That's just too much. It's all serious. Babies and like a big... Yeah, like fluffy ruffles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My sister's got one up on a wall. Muggle. She lives in America. She's right, a muggle. She's American. And Matt Kirshen,

I was over there once and Matt Kirshen is another comedian we know. She's right, Muggle. She's American. And Matt Kirshen, I was over there once, and Matt Kirshen, another comedian we know, dropping all tonight. He was there and they got one on the wall and there was a pause for a bit, right,

where no one was saying anything. And Matt, so he just met my sister and her husband that night and he just looks up and he just goes, oh, I didn't know you used to be in the Wild West.

Oh, fucking love Kirshen. Right, I fucking love Kershins. Right, we'll put that up. I'm voting that in. So let's just do a quick whip around for the Muggle Corners. What did you put in, Rich? Nicknaming your genitals. Definitely. Golf.

If you take videos of your swing, how's my form? And you're not a pro. I can't remember what I put in, so just rewind it. The tag I made in Say Nothing once yeah that's what I did muggles have fish yeah and old time photos so if you are guilty of any of them

go and stand in the corner for 30 seconds and go to at muggle corner on twitter click the link and then update the episode or just go to muggleopedia.com that's not on your website your dad jokes were all ready

I think so. I will go first. Barry, your dad used to sit on his hands before he held you for the first time so it felt like another dad was holding you. Sorry, that's a rich story. Take anyone. All right.

Daniel, your dad pinches his trousers just above the knees before he sits down on a chair. It's because otherwise they untuck from his socks. Hey, did anyone say this? Your budgies have died if you've got short jeans on. If your jeans are too short. That was a thing in life, is if you've got short pants on, you say your budgies have died. Why?

I have no idea. So tweet in at www.mugglapierre.com Is that anything to do With budgie smuggling? Maybe Maybe Perhaps Yeah that's the thing

Where I'm from Dickie Alright Ryan Your dad broke his nose Dabbing after he scored An own goal That's good

Rich Your dad isn't near Isn't allowed near playgrounds In case he hurts in case he hurts in case he hurts himself on the slides well he is a tall man I fuck myself

Colin your dad armpit armpit farted his way to the final of the show Colin your dad eats pussy like it's corn

in the cob nom nom nom ding that's genuinely horrific Colin everyone's just doing it to Ryan Your dad thinks Michael Bublé's gone off the ball a bit With his latest stuff

And refers to his songs as numbers I really like that Right Ryan I might as well call Eugene up there Or Eugenius Pacelli Right Ryan I might as well call Eugene up there Eugene Spicelli Ryan Eugene Spicelli is actually keeping forever

all the VHS tapes on which he wrote keep forever he's actually snapped a little plastic tag yeah he's taken a little safety thing off okay that's fine alright Kai your dad lost his virginity to a 3D porno.

Colin, your dad straightens his pubes with a George Foreman drill. Kai, your dad dressed up as Harley Quinn for Christmas. Colin. Your dad has said spring forward, fall back at least six times in the last couple of days. Barry. Your dad started a thumb war with himself. He's still at a stalemate.

It's been 12 days so far. How's he done that? He's dead. I thought it was my next one. This is the way the very next one should be. Rich. Your dad, even after the toilet's fully functional your dad still pushes the shit around the U-bend. Does he even try to flush it? Rich, your dad's in the Guinness Book of Records

for the world's biggest cook. Elliot still scutted. It was neck and neck for the last week Reg, your dad reheats pizza under his armpits Daniel, your dad finds Coronation chicken too spicy and Coronation street

and Coronation milk Kai, your dad never blinks because he's afraid of the dark. Okay, Daniel, your dad sends dick pics that he watercoloured. For sure. It was actually just a stencil and he was crying. Barry, your dad blows raspberries on your inner thigh to get you to sleep. Kai, your dad lost his virginity to a beanbag. Watching 3D porn.

Kai, your dad took roleplay with your mum too far and at the end said the money's on the side. And Linda got really pissed off and said, okay, that's too far. and at the end said, the money's on the side. And Linda got really pissed off and said, Kev, that's too far. And that... Danny, your dad actually forgot about Dre. Rich, your dad loves your mum. What a mug.

Oh, fucking hell, I'm glad that wasn't aimed at me. Rooney really loves Pat Danny your dad's got stunt pegs on his bike and that's how he drops your mum off at work

Kai your dad's lost so many rings while fingering your mother that whenever she pisses it's like Sonic died Rich your dad feeds the steering

wheel when he turns corners. He's a very responsible driver. Ten and two. Kai, your dad's safe word is, I love you. He's never said it. He's never said it, not once. Rich, your dad claims a knee injury was the only thing stopping him from being a professional footballer.

Well, Colin, your dad keeps a cigarette packet in his turned up t-shirt sleeve Barry your dad wears a onesie to badminton Daniel your dad thinks miniature

toiletries from Boots are really cute and then when he buys them three for two the extra one he swears it makes his face even softer

because it was free he says everybody puts it on and he goes this is all gravy Barry your dad cries before

he cuts onions so sorry okay Kai your dad watches Babes Station and he sends unhappy birthday

messages to himself so he can see the shout outs across the bottom your dad fights his toenails on his holy Colin your dad's tapeworm is so big that whenever he travels he's got to get a passport for it the shoutouts across the bottom. Your dad beats his toenails on his holy.

Colin, your dad's tapeworm is so big that whenever he travels, he's got to get a passport for it. It's true. Daniel, your dad says, I'd rather squeeze earth than squeeze oranges. Ryan, your dad tried to have a strangle wank by putting the belt around his dick and holding his breath. Rich, your dad looks at other people's dicks in public toilets, you know, over their shoulder, in the cubicles.

Yeah, but like literally over the sides. He's six foot five as well, he can probably fucking see. Danny, your dad makes you leave a line of cutouts for Santa. Kai, your dad uses his tongue as a bookmark. If he's mid-book, he can't talk to anyone. I'm his kindle. I'm that little good bit. Ryan, your dad goes to Mexican restaurants and orders nachos with jalapenos.

I was going to say jalapenos. Jalapenos. That's not what're supposed to say it that's also jello-py nose do you fluff it yeah oh Barry

oh Barry mate fucking hell I'm too honest as well having a nightmare could have got away with it Kai your dad's face

actually stayed like that when the wind changed okay Kai your dad broke his leg in two places

fell down the stairs and then again in the hospital hex him in mother Kai your dad broke his leg in two places fell down the stairs and then again in the hospital hex him in mother sorry mate I stepped on you your dad

Daniel this is for you no actually I didn't you last Barry your dad rewinds DVDs with his finger Rich your dad has done his own

Top Gear spin off show called Third Wheel Kai your dad has done his own Top Gear spin-off show called Third Wheel. Kai, your dad calls you a Wally. Always asked where you are. All right. That was best Wally. Rich, you see my malfunctions? Sorry, man.

Daniel, your dad knits his own gollywogs. I see one more Rich your dad sits on his arm totally goes numb and then touches your mum I think the first one but not as good thanks

Colin disabled dolphins make a wish to go walk away a dad right Paddy you are technically on tour with

Greg Greg Davis yeah yeah just had a little are you still supporting on tour Greg Davis who you all know

from the In Between Us as we say a little bit yeah and Taskmaster that appears to be quite I didn't realise how popular that show was but are you doing

any other tour dates outside of Greg or is it just Greg for now just Greg if now just Greg if you want to see Barry live you can go on gregdavies.org

oh wait pdmugglepedia.com definitely Rach Chalmageek's coming up I do you can find me on at Richard Massara

on Twitter and you can check out the podcasts I do one of them's Bunker Radio which is by McFerry and the other one's Panel Beaters which is likeer Radio which is by McFerry and the other one's Panel Beaters

which is like a panel show done by Gary Delaney and Quive McDonald yeah well worth checking out check them out Colin when are you next eating biscuits

oh fuck every day of the week man you're doing a tour of America what you're doing a tour of America eating biscuits yeah well that's not supposed to be announced at all

oh fuck let's bleep that out and me and Slossballs yeah we're going to be in Belgium you can find us in Antwerp and Ghent Antwerp Ghent

and then some other places we'll all be in a podcast on Thursday shout out Linda Linda apart from that thank you very much for being on the podcast

boys cheers guys hey