Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 2.15 Rickets and Milky

Episode Date: November 20, 2017

Milo McCabe and Rickets McRickets join Muggins and Cream on the podcast for the first time after many a mention in previous poddy's as the gods land them all in Liverpool together. We discuss why Rickets chose to toss himself off while jogging on the motorwy and other such topics. Enjoy. 

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack. Aww, muggles. Accidental rent job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or might just be cynical. Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia. Where have you been since 9-11? Welcome back to the podcast where we never muggins yellow cream.

They're getting worse. Don't wipe your muggins with broken cream. Also worse. I ran out of innuendos so now I'm using tips, life advice. No, but you started last week, you tried doing it sexually. Innuendos. You can't run out of thing one a week. Maybe my thing is that I mix it up and do a different thing each week.

I feel like you're just covering your tracks for the failures that you've had so far. Well, there's been no failures. Everyone loves it. Do they? Do they? Right, I want you to show me five tweets where people approve of the start of this podcast. I'm busy. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm doing a podcast.

You go and check them. You're not needed. All I'm saying is If there's five people That message saying I really like How's the introduction to the show I'll absolutely allow you To keep it

I'm going to find three That's not the challenge So I only need two more Come on team Muggins No no It's got to be Like per podcast It can't be like five

Arbitrarily over Fucking seven different episodes Because that means Less than one person Enjoys my podcast I'll just cancel it And then we'll get All the complaints flooding in

I'll just stop doing it it's like oh please it's like eyebrows isn't it what it's like eyebrows what's wrong with eyebrows

well you only notice them if there's something wrong with them that's not true at all you don't notice good eyebrows no you notice Cody Garbrandt's eyebrows

because they're perfect ladies and gentlemen that's my number K if Daniel just didn't go dead posh I didn't reg dead posh. I didn't regress into my youth. You do. You're only saying that

because you don't really have any. As soon as you get passionate about the pity, you get posh. That's it. I've got eyebrows for days so I've got a different take on the eyebrows. Yeah, but you know if you hadn't looked after the eyebrows and made them all nice and sweet like they are now. Yeah, yeah. We would notice. Oh, come on. Of course he does. Look at me for fun. He'd look like fucking Bert off Bert and Ernie

if he didn't fucking look like Bert. So, I don't know. Like, run in his pyjamas with his unibrow. He's like a younger version of Rick from Rick and Morty. This brings us nicely on to... So you hadn't noticed his eyebrows? I had, but... So, no, you hadn't noticed.

You hadn't noticed. You would notice if you didn't maintain but I don't I maintain them to look like they're not maintained you don't maintain the start of this

but anyone does this you don't this has never been an issue for you yeah you don't have any you can't you can't use them

as a simile aye I can your eyebrows your eyebrows are like if like Marty McFly went back in the past

and started shaving his own eyebrows like on the picture they would just slowly disappear that's the stage you're at I look like someone blew out the candles on the past and started shaving his own eyebrows like on the picture they would just slowly disappear that's the stage you're at I look like someone

blew out the candles on the cake and wished for no eyebrows did you actually my Matt because he does that's how he

noticed I pluck them yeah he'd noticed if he didn't maintain do you pluck them but the thing is you've got that look where people go

into the shop and they get that like Geordie Shore fucking straight line fake looking thing but no I just have a bit of a pluck every now and then it isn't plucking sore as fuck though you get to like itordie Shore fucking straight line fake looking thing but no I just have a bit of a pluck

every now and then it isn't plucking sore as fuck though you get to like it it's that funny it's like scratching a scratch in an itch

do you know what I mean it's a nice little pain oh no I can't you never enjoy pain my mum does pain what my mum does pain so we've got

Marlon McKay on the podcast we've spoken about you many times on this podcast it's about time that we allowed you back on I haven't heard I haven't heard many of them I've got the podcast lined up spoken about you many times on this podcast it's about time that we allowed you back on I haven't heard

many of them I've got the podcast lined up and I haven't listened to them so I've got no idea what's been said you don't get

marked that often Elliot Steele definitely gets it the hardest and that's rightfully so nearly because he's thick I think he's misunderstood Elliot

I tell you what for someone when he brains he's really good on Call of Duty but he's really clever for a thick person though as well it's like dogs

can't do maths but they're good at fetching sticks yeah but if you throw loads of sticks they'll never come back with all of them they don't know

how many you've thrown they'll just keep looking until they run out he's been playing online with me dad it's very funny two worlds colliding we play online Call of Duty with your dad big fan of funny two worlds colliding oh yeah we play online

Call of Duty with your dad and a big fan of your dad big Kev big shout out to him I listen to this as well fun like sub hey Kev

oh he's got kids but he can manage to find time this fucking plastic fan over here but your dad fake eyebrows and shit your dad

never actually said I was a fan your dad's mates on Call of Duty put a mouth breather on there Jesus Christ put a mouth breather in my neck we go on right I was a fan your dad's mates on a call of duty put a mouthpiece on there Jesus Christ put a mouthpiece

in my neck we go on right like we've got party charcoats it's me Kai and Kev Elliot

Gareth and Gareth and then like Kev will just invite three of his mates from work and I'm sure they're lovely blokes

he hasn't got the filth we've got we've got we've got Ricketts on the podcast he's shaking his head you're saying

they're not good people go on he's a bit shy so Peter's annoying as fuck he's been playing COD for 10 years

and every new COD that comes out cheat us cheat us every fucking game right I'm gonna have to put a pin in that

because that's exactly what I've got from my fucking muggle corner because Elliot is still in this guilty of this fucking same thing

the other day we were playing right Kevin invites two fucking people right and a baby starts crying right so one of them is either right

there was no sign of a woman right so it's just a man talking and a baby crying in the background which means one of two things one he's playing with his baby in his chest who's crying

and he's a terrible father and he's not dealing with it or his missus is in the room you might have both QC35 and I was using headphones and he can't tell the baby's

crying I hate those headphones so much the amount of times you've done it recently as well where

you've just said that like why I understand they cancel out the noise but if you're in a silent place why do you need the

volume up full on them do you need a full cinematic experience when you're watching on your iPod it's like being

in the middle of an orchestra yeah so it is for me but I'm not watching the fucking that i play in the the script of stranger things it's i don't know if you're deaf well i don't know if you just get how is your what do you know do you know i think though when kev's mates get online kev's like i'll come and play with my son and his comedian friends do you not think you're not one of the comedians do you not think they get a bit of pressure of the comedians do you not think they get a bit of pressure and they think oh we've got to raise our band they try a bit too hard they don't give

a shit the band has you largely over the head actually right yeah and um there was one of them fucking shouting at his kids it was pete was probably shouting at his kids he was like fucking get back to bed i'll fucking take the plug off off your Playstation oh man I'm playing it but but me and daddy you were in America one time and I was at your house

and we were both playing online with me dad and one of his pals and it just turned into a fucking roast of this dude we're fucking

slaughtered this Pete guy this Pete guy I take it Pete's his online name yeah oh is it yeah

I mean they've not got creative names. You've got a creative name on there. You can shout out your PlayStation. You've just got PlayStation Online. I've just signed up to PlayStation Online and my call sign is Linda, spelled L-I-I-I-D-D.

No. Linda. N-N-D-D. And then four A's. So it's three I's, two N's, two D's, four A's. Right. And if's two N's two D's four A's and if you want to add Kai's dad it's Kev69420Blazer

he's actually Skullweasel my dad's name was Skullweasel and he's fucking on lane he's playing PlayStation on lane

because when he was skiving off work they wouldn't see that he'd been on lane so it's his secondary one you've just snitched

on him he's got a different job now oh right okay so he's Kev1959. Kev1959. So you can add me dad on there. But he's one where he's Skyvins Skullweasel.

Why Skullweasel? Just because I think it would just look like a random teenager's clan tag. He's just like, right, what would people not expect to be Kevin Humphreys? Skullweasel. Would be the first thing I searched. That's his tag on the Blythe Estates. His bouncy tag is Skull Weasel was here. IDST.

The first time I was introduced to Ricketts, by the way, I just think I slipped this in before I forget, is I was introduced to Ricketts as the guy that got in a fight with his mate, started crying, and then ran five miles home along an A road. 13 miles home? 13 miles home along an A road, masturbating the entire time. Can I tell the story? Please do.

It was 25 miles. It was from Baja Beach Club and I had dress shoes and dress pants on. So me and Ricketts were on a staff night out when we were 19 years old. It was at Asaja Beach Club and it had dress shoes and dress pants on. So me and Rick were on a staff night out when we were 19 years old. It was Ashington Leisure Centre. I'm going to ask all the questions of the podcast listeners

who would like to know. Milo, please assist and help as necessary. So you both worked at the leisure centre. I Jonathan Rossed it. You both worked at the leisure centre.

Aye. Just doing what Rickards just getting shy Look Aye He's hiding his face You were a lifeguard Yes

What did you do Rickards I had a lifeguard In fitness and circuit Alright okay So we We one time The vandals The vandals

Skullbees have popped in Skullbees Just putting tags On the fun run The vandals got bored Of Pestero and the Roman Empire So made their way To Ashington And glassed Glassed the window But it got bored of pester in the Roman Empire so made their way to Ashington

and glassed the window but it was one of them mesh windows they glassed the window sorry they

smashed the window I stabbed it with a broken pole just went full on blind so they

cracked the window because it was one of them mesh through ones that don't really break so we got told

to sell a tape cardboard either side in case anyone touched it with their hand and cut that stuff, right? So what did we do? We did the whole fucking window, like wall of windows.

We put loads of little patches. So it looked like it had been bombarded with mortar strikes, right? We just made it look like something from fucking Syria. Just looks like a supply teacher's jacket

with all the fucking elbow patches and everything so we patched up this window and that was their job and their next job was to put the

trampolines out so obviously when we put the trampolines out you know they're only called all-eating so when your mum's

not on them it's an old joke but I love it oh my god so we were doing these little fucking stupid stunts on the trampolines

where we were like trying to just pencil jump so our hands down our side like we're stood at attention but like bobbing up and doing but every now and again just flicking a leg out right

but straight faced so me and Rick it's on separate trampolines arm up when he's down he's down when I'm up right and we're just doing like straight faces

if we're not even enjoying it right these little pogo fucking things but in my head we're having a belter and then then my supervisor walks in with the police.

We're 19 at work and the police, he's there with the police car. Can I have the hit the window again? And we stop the trampoline and just dust ourselves off like, hello, sir. You can love your seat

and stop the trampoline straight away. There's like three extra bounces where you just stand there like, oh, hello. How is this a preamble to a night out where he's in full dress outfit

So this is just This is how we're This is where me and Rick It's met right Oh this is where you guys met Right So we met So we were waiting

So that was the first time You guys actually met When you were on this trampoline Fucking bouncing up and down No no no At work At work At work

And then it was just that moment And you had Kind of click Is it great What about the The warmup for the under-15 sports day? Oh, aye. We took to the meet. We weren't even meant to be there.

Straight. We got up in front of 750 school kids to do a warm-up. He's doing the wooden leg dance and making 750 kids do the wooden leg dance. Who's the wooden leg? Basically, from the top me and Rick

had to set up the PA system for 750 kids on a field on a summer's day right it was the summer holders

but all the kids had converged for this big sports day and they were all gathered round the PA's there and me and him put the headsets on

right and we went on the stage 750 kids and we're like right it's time for the warm up and obviously we're just fucking

keeping it for 40 we're fucking our kids we're only 5 years older than them we'll fucking put these headsets on we're on the stage in the pier that we just set up i just meant to be doing a sound check all right but we started going all right star jumps right so me and rick are doing star jumps and then he's right spotty dogs and he's leaning forward doing spotty dogs and we just started getting more and more bizarre right i was going right you know i had this little

dance that i'd done when i was like four pints in when I first started getting drinking where I was like oh I'm drunk the wooden leg's coming out and I'd straighten up one of my legs tap on it

like it was made of wood and then carry on dancing but with one of my legs being made of wood it was my signature move and I had 750 kids doing the wooden leg dance and then Ricketts

his beat kicked in and just went and mince and he just started mincing on the stage in the same supervisor that had come along with the police

on trampoline day oh how I create how I have to stay he was so submissive buddy I think he was actually human by it

I think he liked it so this is where we met right we're out having this fucking laugh we've got no responsibilities to live with our folks

now that we're going to Stathnate and Rick just gets put up here on Monday and has a follow-up with one of our good pals Phil who's a really nice

lad and what was the fallout about can you remember fucking can't remember it was on the it was on the dance floor where I mean I mean Phil I stole the wooden leg move

because I mean Phil had a litre of Zambuca between me before we went out so I like munted before we got there and I don't know what happened

I can remember swinging hitting them in the face and then just running 25 miles home so you punched you punched so

I because Baja Beach Club is a proper hippie night it's like the play why do you build me up but I can't that's what you think

a hippie's listening to yeah but it's like I don't know anybody else. When I think about you, I punch my mates. Those famous songs that they used

to end the Vietnam War. No, but that's hippie music, isn't it? That's like 60s, 70s, that was the hippie movement. I don't know. I think we get it.

It's like the 70s, 80s. It's like Plascha. It's like Flower Power. Everyone's having a laugh and he's just punched his mate and people have got paper layers on so Ricketts had a fight

with Phil right and fucking swung for him giving him a little arm punch not a big bad boy he's still in recovery he's dead so then Ricketts we're back on a minibus

booking we're waiting for the minibus and we kind of get through to Ricketts and then Phil's like oh he fucking punched us and then ran off so we're back on a minibus, booking, we're waiting for the minibus, and we kind of get through to Ricketts, and then Phil's like, oh, he fucking punched us, and then ran off. So we're waiting for a bit, and then left, and it transpired that he was really devastated

about punching Phil, and he didn't want to return back to everyone, because he was ashamed, and it so brought him up and all that, because he'd punched one of his mates, and he fucking started running home, but Ashton's miles from Cramlington, and there's no way to get on a pedestrian. So he's on the main road, on the Spine Road, one of the most dangerous roads in the North East, and it's miles from Cramlington and there's no way to get on a pedestrian. So he's on the main road, on the spine road,

one of the most dangerous roads in the North East and it's got blind turns, it's a dual carriageway and it's fucking gross, right? And he's just running, doing it. He gets like fucking halfway back, like 30 miles home and he's just bored. No, so talk us through your thought process. It was near the end, I was about 19 miles in

and I was near the end and the sun was coming up can I just point out that this is pretty much this is almost a marathon we're talking but we were fit as fuck back in the day though

right looking unrelated to the story I just want everyone to picture it properly we'll wait until the last time and we'll fucking

come like yeah I used to run 10 mile on a treadmill every Monday so like an extra 10 mile in dress shoes. We are cockers.

I get a tiny cock when I'm running. That's not a running. I get and when I'm not running. Let me finish. So, it was near the end. It was, like, crossing the Wandsbeck River, and the sun was just coming up. I'm setting the mood. I'm setting the mood.

I'm setting the mood. You got a morning glory. And, you know, the hangover horn starting to kick in and it was just the way the sun was hitting the waves which are crashing

on the beach and stuff and it was really beautiful. Oh, Sandy Bay, it's beautiful, isn't it? Little red tinge in the sky. So you were like, I'll ruin this. Red sky in the morning,

Shepard's warning there's a guy coming with his cock out. So I thought I'd seduce myself under the bridge. Kissing his arm thought I'd seduce myself Under the bridge Kissing his arm While he was doing it

Under the bridge Did you do it Oh well I didn't do it Did you stop to do it Because I was having the impression You were doing it As you were walking

Yeah Well I went a little bit of walking And then stopping And got a seat You felt as you managed To get up the cycle path For a bit of it Away from them

Prying eyes Is that what they call The little hard shoulder some car comes round and just hits the black ice

the brick it's left you shouldn't have drank of that but he's gone I think he

got his heart out initially because he was running on the rumble strip

and he got a judder wood I think where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated my love um you jack off all the time and i'll i don't i used to i thought i'd do it less now less less and less um where's the weirdest place i've ever messed i've done that i've done it i've done a few in a plane i've never no i've never managed that rick's put his hand up Rick has put your hand up Driving on the A1

Driving Fucking you love motorways No one Are you working In the fucking highway agencies Is that fetish Fucking stood there With a cone on

You're waiting While driving Aye I always get it hard on When I'm driving Like you know in the morning Because the vibrations Kind of like

Fucking love mornings In the A I've touched off In the car like Were you driving I didn't finish myself off though I just gave it a good because the vibrations kind of like... Fucking nothing. I've tossed off in the car, like... Were you driving? I didn't finish myself off, though. I just gave it a good stroke. I had my shorts on. I was asking for it.

I just went up the leg and just started giving it a stroke. You went up... Wait, so you went underneath your... My shorts? I just went up the leg and my shorts. Just go down the normal way. Who's sailor?

You go down the back of your head to scratch your ear there. I just popped the leg in my shorts and Just go down the normal way. Who's sailor? You go down the back of your head to scratch your ear there. I just popped the leg of my shorts and just gave it a little stroke to the leg. Fucking hell, the podcast listeners are wanking. What have you done?

So you're all wracking your brains like you've fucking got millions and you don't know which to choose. I've got a couple. I've got two. I mean, have you guys ever stealth masturbated in a crowded room?

No. That's a crime. That's a crime? No. So basically, there were these two girls a crime. That's a crime? No. So basically, there were these two girls. I was supposed to have a threesome. They both fell asleep. And I'm sort of stuck in the middle.

And I can't get out. And so I thought, if I... Is it a crowded room? You're in bed? Well, in a room with... No, sorry. It was an Ikea. It was a box room.

Yeah, no. Yeah, that would have to be... it was an Ikea it was a box room yeah no yeah that would have to be yeah do you know when you sort of make as little movement as possible and it's really like you think

I don't know if I can actually sustain this and get anywhere but you keep doing it for a little while you know what's terrifying about this story I fucking shared a bed

with you last night oh yeah no there was no chance dude you were the worst person to share a bed with you do not stop sleep talking snoring

twisting can I stop can I see I wasn't asleep I can't even get it going Dude, you are the worst person to share a bed with. You do not stop sleep talking, snoring, twisting. Can I stop one? Can I sit? I wasn't asleep. I can't get it going. I was trying. Put that away.

I feel like I'm on a boat. That's stuff. Fucking hell no one. Are you a shite on Call of Duty last night? You think that's stealthy? What was your second one after you metooed them girls

second one let me have a think let me have a think there'll be some odd ones come back to it no you said you had two but now you've lost confidence after the first one

no the other ones the other ones the other ones kind of similar I was about I was about 18 and I was staying at a mate's house

and like I'm not going to say this. You went to your mate's house? Yeah. I've went to my mate's house. But why? I've been fucking rigging his bathroom this morning. What did you do? Is that what I slipped on?

That's how he hangs up the towel to dry. I fucking spaffed it straight into the pan as well, like a self-worth. Didn't even sit myself doing it with a folded up bit of tissue. I just fucking made a yard. I always hit him in the toilet, do you know? Aye. But I think what it's saying... Just sit or stand.

I stand at the toilet. Stand there, aye. No, I kneel. What, master, you do, yes. Aye, mate, you did a proper good at this. We were in Arches. Aye, I kneel down to wank. With a toilet?

You kneel down to wank. That means you probably have to shoot up. But he folds a hand towel so he's got his knees why do you do that then so you can pretend you're blushing someone and I'm just

checking up no I'm just like because you can stand up quickly and come in there I hate my own teeth so I didn't I didn't I was getting your toothpaste

I didn't have a clue about masturbation I was about 15 and I was exploding and I was going nuts you didn't discover until 15 I was wanking at 19 you ruled like 15 I didn't have a clue about masturbation I was about 15 and I was exploding and I was going nuts you didn't discover until 15 I was wanking at 19

you ruled like 15 I didn't have a clue I mean basically I was wanking when you were 15 and you're fucking 6 years older than me I was like

I ended up dry humping the mattress right and I just kept going and then suddenly I came and it was the first time I'd ever came

and I thought I was dying oh god and that was it it was fucking staggering so you discovered it like a dog humping a leg like you're just following your carnal instinct

yeah didn't have a clue how it worked I just remember like I definitely I didn't know what I was doing I remember I just started masturbating once

and I didn't know what I was doing I was like I feel like there's something at the end of this like I didn't know what I was doing but like my instincts

were like just keep doing this yeah and the first time if you're not keep digging this goal you're not expecting it fuck me man because I didn't know just the first time like my instincts were like just keep doing this yeah and the first time if you're not keep digging this gold you're not expecting it fuck me man

because I didn't have jizz my first time like it was just like your body just goes like so there's no warning your body just freaks out you're like

if I just fucking stroke myself into a seizure is this why they call it a stroke that's literally what I felt as well I thought I was having some sort of a haemorrhage or something

you went on an NHS direct I thought you were going to be cocking haemorrhage or something. You went on an NHS direct. I was playing me cock and then I went fuzzy. That sounds to me like you've got cancer. What are your symptoms? I'm really ashamed of myself, ha? He's just a wank. My first wank was in Ibiza when I was a kid.

Like how old? Nine year old. Me and this scouse lad nicked them playing cards, you know, with the... Oh, the sexy ones? Yeah. And I went to the toilet and I hid them behind the system for the whole holiday.

And I was just looking through them, got a boner, and obviously seeing this bloke wanking over our last faces and stuff, and I just kind of copied the pictures and then, yeah, like a nine-year-old. What happened to your mate's face?

Were the cards that graphic? Aye, like proper. Yeah, they were. I've only ever seen the ones where it's just like a bit of boob bit of bum little bit yeah

and I've seen these fucking bad boys when you're going behind the beads to get there with the souvenir shop didn't you behind the beads

behind the beads so you're having one of them pens you press you fucking click the pen and all of a sudden they start fucking having ATMs and shit

they're just meant to show boobs right have ATMs been asked about if they're not oh my they got it at the cash point and then that was my first experience with a woman fucking having ATMs and shit. They're just meant to show boobs, right? About ATMs, between ass to mouth and not. I got out of the cash point. And then that was my first experience with a woman,

and I had to go to a cash point. I had something to want to bring up about Ricketts. Because I know you said you didn't want to be involved in the podcast, but you've got a lot to answer for. Oh, God. So obviously,

we'll get on to Muggle Corner in a second, but on walking into your apartment, you unironically have a lightbox, don't you? Yes. Did you purchase that for yourself, or was it purchased for you? I purchased it myself. Into the microphone, please.

Yes, with my own money. And for what reason? You could have had other stuff for your money. What is a lightbox? The lightbox is... It's where you can arrange the letters, And for what reason? You could have had all that stuff for your money. What is a lightbox? The lightbox is the... It's where you can arrange the letters. So you backlight it and you arrange the letters. You get a handful of different clear letters.

Right, right. And most people put, like, Prosecco quotes on it. The last time you were here, I did have muggins and cream written on it. Oh, you did? That was nice. Yeah. I think as well, people are now embracing the mugglery. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it.

That's been my career in our friendship group for the past six years. No, you've been a shaman. Huh? So for those of you who don't know, Milo is like hocus pocus bullshit. I don't even fight this. I don't even fight this now.

I just go with it. He went to see a fucking, what do you call him, palm reader, and she's like, oh, you're going to have a boy or a girl as a child, and seven years later, they had a girl,

and he was like, oh, how did they know? This did, yeah, this did, yeah, this is one of those jokes that like, it's one thing about long-going friendships,

if one joke sticks, that's just you for the rest of your, for the rest of your fucking life. You can't fight it. You've got to roll with it. But it's granted a bit of truth. You have done some stuff. I've done some stuff.

I've definitely done stuff. After Ibiza. No, it was after Benidorm, I think. You come up with this, like, say, look, next person went, did you get what you wanted out of this holiday? I was like, I didn't make a vision board beforehand. Oh, but that holiday blew me away. Oh, I really bonded with Tom.

I loved that holiday. Was that the first or the second one? First one, obviously. Not the one where we got spiked with acid by the Dutch midget. No, not that one. That was my favourite, believe it or not. That's the one you did put on your vision board.

I hope I get spiked by a Dutch midget. Dutch midget optional. Spiked by a Dutch midget and then chased home by some Irish maniac. Like a white walker. Paying the three of us heads out. Three of you got chased by one person? It was like a tournament.

We were on acid, so there could have been 40 of them. There also could have been... Can I tell the story? Can I tell the story? Nah. Go on, go on. We've done it.

You've done it. You've covered it. Yeah, we've covered it. My favourite part was where we were running and you stopped and you went, why are we running? And I thought, fucking hell, Danny's grown some balls. But what you actually meant was my favourite part was where we were running and you stopped and you went why are we running and I thought fucking hell

Danny's grown some balls but what you actually meant was I've forgotten why we're running I just got distracted by the lights everything looked dead pretty I was like let me do it wrong

I'm enjoying it like Matty's spreading the head crying Milo's just he's still coming Milo's behind me but like keep in pace with me

because I've clearly slowed down for some reason he's like right Sloss is going to get his head kicked in and he's like fucking Sloss why you stopped

Matty's found fitness out of nowhere fight or flight kicked in he actually flew he flew off Ricketts is just confused how he ran for that long without having a wank

it was him chasing them Ricketts just watches the marathon being like man the self restraintrestraint in all these people. Should we get on to our muggle porn now?

Should we? Alright. Ricketts, you're my local first few. I've only got one on muggles. We both only have one because we reckon

that's all we'll have time for. Is that right? I haven't checked the clock. I can't see. It's dark. It is? I can't see. It's a bit of a generic one

you've probably done it before but people who say one of sort of the following you had to be there oh okay then when you said

something slightly arch or left field that they can't quite comprehend they trot out some sort of contrived cliched response

like that it doesn't make a fucking head in oh here we go oh this will be good oh I guess you had to be there or something like that alright then't matter oh here we go fucking head in oh here we go yeah oh this be good oh I guess you had to be there or something like that or alright then

it fucking drives me nuts I've occasionally when someone said you had to be there I've explained why you don't have to be there and you can enjoy it as a story

and actually broke down like oh no you can enjoy this second hand like honestly if you fucking wipe that cynical bullshit out of your mind

it's a very shit way to just undermine someone's story. Especially if you haven't quite understood it or got a reference and you're feeling slightly threatened by your lack of awareness in the situation, so you try to come over the top of it by going, oh, I had to be there.

Fuck that person. I don't understand it. Yeah, I'll cover up. But that's the thing, though. Is that mugglery or is that just cunny? I think it's a bit mugglery because it's a lack of awareness. Yeah, because it's basic go-to programming

it's like an ingrained programming that you stick to in a certain situation and I think that does qualify as mugglery it's a bit of an unnecessary self-defence

mechanism you're getting self-defensive you're expecting because you didn't get the story that everyone's going to make fun

of you for not getting it so you try to pre-empt it he has the response just go and if someone says you had to be there

just go and there's a reason you weren't invited that's good I'm glad you weren't but that will become trying to pre-empt it he has the response just going if someone says he had to be there just going there's a reason you weren't invited that's good I'm glad you weren't but that will become generic then so you have to move

on to something else oh yeah second wave of muggle is a real thing I'm going to cover that second wave of muggle this will be good as well though because

that is a lot of what this podcast is Milo's just basically covered us for every future story we ever tell on this podcast like safely do it and just put us out into nothing and all the listeners at home just go guess you had to be there it's like right you chose to tune in none of us forced you to we're

glad you did though thanks hi um i'm trying to think if there's any other like there's there's always spin-off versions of like the way shit the way you understand oh we've all had a drink is one of my yeah like that's okay I'm in the corner for this one I love but you guys do ironically though

no no because I would say I did to do something muggly ironically is still muggly I don't think we do it ironically we do it like as

a very self-aware projecting if I'm munted I'll tell Daniel he's munted yeah right and it's this is me going I am fucked right

now but I'll be like oh my god you are hammered my favorite moment in Ibiza not my my favourite, but one of them, is when it was the first day and you turned around to everyone and said, I'm calling it, I am in trouble. You owned the fact that you were munted. Before you were munted, you knew the waves were about to crash over

and you went, I'm going to claim it now. I'm owning this. Well, it was because Elliot gave us a lane, right? And then I went, to claim it now. I'm owning this. Well, it was because Elliot... Elliot gave us a line, right? And then I went, is that it? Because he just gives like a tiny little bump, right? And he went, it's ketamine? But I just had a pill. So like the ketamine kicked in before the pill, right?

And I knew the pill was coming on top of the sensation. And I'm like, I haven't done much ketamine, right? Like it's not my drug of choice. But all of a sudden i'm feeling fucking wobbly and i know that a fucking pill is going to kick in so i was just saying and we were about to go play football as well like we were 15 minutes away from going to play football in the heat of the day in spain and it'd be that right so i was just like fucking boys i'm just letting you know like if you typed in your symptoms into like web mt it would have just been like oh no I've just had a pill and I'm a fucking teenager I keep feeling like I can't

Get close to Barry Be near Barry You'll get you through it Everybody needs a Barry on the sesh Yes that's Fairly standard I think yeah Undermining someone's story

Andrew Stanley is absolutely good Stanley's done a version of this where he's like shocking about a good slam so someone will do

a good slam normally Tom and then he'll come in going oh that was shocking it's like a best comeback but he hasn't given us a chance to read it and enjoy it yet

he's just devaluing it and pulling the rug from under it so close so close so close and he always says a good joke

shit when it's against him but he would enjoy the shit out of it if he was behind the gun you know so it's like oh god

that's rubbish I love that Stanley thing of Kizzy Tulips Andrew Stanley he slipped over we were all

standing there he slipped over and went no I didn't I love that it wasn't me that bare faced fucking Dizzy Tulips, Andrew Stanley. He slipped over. We're all standing there. He slipped over and went, how you slipped over? No, I didn't. I love that it wasn't me. That bare-faced fucking, I didn't do it, it didn't happen.

He can be very Trump-like at that. Love it. He'll just overwhelm you with fake news, lies, slander. He muddies the waters. I start respecting him. He's actually a habitual liar too. I don't know why.

I don't know why he's my friend. Actually, should I kick him? I'm admin honest. But that does raise a valid point because Stanley is kissy tulips. Ricketts, you obviously have your nickname already for the podcast. Do I have a nickname?

That's what I was getting to. Ah, sweet. Because obviously Gareth became Garth. Ricketts is called Ricketts because he had a debilitating illness when he was a kid. That's what Gav says, isn't it? It's not.

There's no good story. Let's move on. Yeah, definitely move on. But I wanted you to tell the story so I could be like, okay, should I just be there? Do you want the shit story about his name and enjoy it for how shit it is?

No. Move on. There's two Craigs at the Sports Centre and two Adams at the Sports Centre. Two of them were him, because he's called Craig Adam. So there's Craig and Adam, and then there's Craig Adam,

so what do you call this guy? So at the time, Adam Ricketts was in the charts, so we called him Ricketts, Adam Ricketts, Craig Adam Ricketts, so I added the same name. Wasn't that because he had a six-pack? You did actually, didn't you?

What happened to you? Why did you omit the homoerotic element of it? What were you worried about? The homoerotic? It's not psychoanalysis. The six pack is a key part of that story, because Adam Ricketts had a six pack. I didn't even click on,

because he was the film curry. Well, I knew him. Probably horny, wasn't he? Yeah. It's all right. Guess you had to be there. Yes! Milo, do you have any nicknames?

Oh, I guess Milo is a nickname. I had a nickname when I was a kid. Oh, my God. Like, this was traumatic for me as a kid. It's such a shit nickname as well. My dad, in his infinite wisdom, despite me being a dark head, like, markedly dark head,

decided to take me for an audition to the milky park kid right and i'm there going dad i'm not like even at the age of seven or whatever i'm like dad i don't fit the fucking bill no you'll be different you'll be different to all the rest just stand out i'm like i don't think this is gonna work i've got glasses that's it and he brings me along and then i'm new at this school right we've just moved i'm new at this school and I had a day off school to go and do this fucking audition which obviously I didn't get and uh I came in and they're like why are you off school and quite innocently not having a fucking clue about any potential ramifications I said oh I just went to audition for the Milky

Bar kid and the next two years of my life at that school were just a painful endless fucking barrage of like oh my god

that was like my first day as well I was fucked the Milky Bar Kid I was fucked but little did it and then now you're like

look how you've grown you're now like the Milt Rayman taking it on the chin you're like the Milt Rayman now yeah exactly

I used to look like I should audition I know you were bang on You now like the milk tray man? Taking it on the chin. You like the milk tray man now? Yeah, yeah, exactly. That is. I used to look like the national audition. You, I know, you were bang on. I put a nail did I? I put nobody going to expect you to be like the Milky Bar's around me from the stage. I must have nicked them off the back of the van. Milky Bar's around me.

Can I borrow some change for a Milky Bar? That would be my catchphrase. Borrow some change. Which homeless person does change for a Milky Bar? That would be my catchphrase. Can I borrow some change? Which homeless person does that for a lend? You tick us on. So your nickname become Milky Bar Kid. That was it, Milky Bar. That would have looked so ironic.

I know, I know. A big old thick unibrow. There was no irony then either. It was just, that's the Milky Bar kid like fuck that guy if it was like strangers walk past the playground

they must have been like these kids are shit I remember I went to Cubs and I was like sweet I could be me here and then someone at school was at Cubs and it got infected

at Cubs as well you went to fucking Cubs when I was eight is that not the girls one the scouting Cubs no girls guides brownies ah brownies

it goes beavers oh fuck I don't remember but I just remember playing like volleyball or something and then hearing Milky Bar Kid and just being devastated

I was like I thought this was my safe space a safe space yeah I remember I was in beavers when I was like

I think it must have been eight or nine and we went on this like what's the a mountaineering thing. So they've just, like, you've got to follow this fucking string through a forest. And it's like, oh, now you know how to use a compass.

Shite. Right? But it was, like, all these other beaver groups from other areas. And this memory sticks out so much in my head. And I've still got no idea what happened. I just remember walking and loads of people pointing at me. Right? Loads of people pointing at me.

And, like, being, like, disgusted. Right? And then, like, somebody coming up to me and like being like disgusted, right? And then like somebody coming up to me and just like making me change my shirt my beaver hoodie, right?

And being like right, you're fine now but for the rest of the people like yeah, that was the kid. I've got no idea what was on me to this day that's haunted me

for most days. Just something something happened to me. That you made the media change your shirt? The media changed my shirt. Everyone was staring at me for at least half an hour.

People were pointing and laughing, right? And I just remember being like, what's this? So do you think it was like shit or something? I don't know, because I must have... Like someone had wrote something on it. I remember thinking like I must have laid in shit, but I hadn't sat down or anything,

unless like a giant fucking bird had just got me way down the back. Or a bear in a tree. You may just be paranoid. I mean, why would they make me change my shirt, though? Just to see your tits. I wasn't either. be paranoid I mean why would they make me change my shirt though just to see your tits but now they mention it hashtag me too alright so

mugglery you had it there is it muggle corner yeah I think so it is one of

them as well where sometimes where being a muggle doesn't make you a dick that's actually a venn diagram of being a dick

and being a muggle yeah that's one of the that's actually a venn diagram of being a dick and being a muggle yeah that's one of the crossovers so what type of are they rickets muggles

or instagram vegans what's an instagram vegan you know they're always posting just ram it

down your neck they can't just be vegans waving a cucumber around in your face dragging the lettuce all over your day all of their hashtags

are like vegan life vegan meal Food our friends That's not it Even when they're just taking a picture Of their dog down the beach Vegan life, vegan this

Hashtag salad fingers To play devil's advocate for a bit Isn't that the way it all should be going Really, eventually Oh yeah Even if they're Cocks about it, they kind of have to be isn't that the way it all should be going really eventually oh yeah yeah it's just I mean even if they're cocks about it

they kind of have to be to get it out there just kind of shift the paradigm slightly we will look back at the year 2000s and talk about

us as monsters yeah not necessarily because there was a scientific report came out that eating meat is actually better for you this week

of course it is but I mean I don't know if it is but I'm happy to back that argument because I want to eat meat but as soon as they can 3D print meat

as soon as they can create a steak in a lab and you don't have to kill an animal the even concept of killing an animal to eat would be like why would you do that

but it will take that shift it has to be able to be fucking 3D printed before that because this idea that we didn't need to eat meat is utter horseshit if If you go back to

Neanderthal era, you must have read Sapiens as well, man. I've got it. Sapiens, you've got a fucking fascinating chapter in this. Where our brains developed is our ability came from the fact that we most of our time was spent foraging, right? Because that's how you had to get all the fucking calories and the fats and whatever. Then we learned how to hunt

and we learned how to cook meat, and you could get the same amount of fat and proteins in the space of three hours that would normally take 16 hours so we suddenly had 13 extra hours in the day and that's when we started learning how to farm whatever that was crucial to our development so even though we have evolved out of it now and it's not that thing this idea that we didn't always need to eat meat is utter horseshit because if we didn't we wouldn't be who we are today and i also think if we had to go back to a time when we were hunter gatherers you would totally be a gatherer you would me my lord rick should be out hunting he'd be running after a deer with his dick good and you'd just be there

picking up fucking acorns all over and just looking over rick it's going oh good luck i'm hungry i'll just be i'll just be sitting there making your gazing chains i'm the one that learned agriculture. You're out hunting too, so I'm like, oh, God, I hope the boys get a mammoth today. I've made this lovely fruit salad. All right, I think we'll leave it exclusive to vegans in this.

They're fighting the good fight. They are fighting the good fight. I used to have that bit of stand-up about it, which is that you are correct, but it's the way you're being correct. like we're actually harming the cause in a way yeah in a way but i think it's like the way that ultra left-wing progressives are irritating and there is collateral damage logically but ultimately it's forcing the right kind of paradigm shift so i've shifted from being really annoyed at those people to thinking well yeah there's going to be

some logistic sacrifices and some absolute errors, but, you know, it's all for a greater purpose. Yeah, they need better ambassadors. Yeah, they absolutely do. They need to work on the PR team, I think. I've got a couple of mates who are fucking belt of vegans. Carl Donnelly. Carl Donnelly, Chris Stokes.

Carl Donnelly for me is a belt of vegan because at Chris Martin's wedding, me and June, we were all there. We were all fucking hammered. Went upstairs and there was these cupcakes. I swear to God, the best cupcakes

I have ever eaten in my fucking life. I called on like, I'm talking three inches of this fucking icing on top as well. And he was like, it's all vegan.

And you were told afterwards and you were like, oh shit. You know when a vegan meal catches you off guard, right? You think it's vegan, you're like,

oh hold on, maybe this is possible. But I can't just eat muffins for the rest of my life and another good ambassador for the vegan cause is the diaz brothers are vegans aren't they so this this shows people that you can be a pure reprobate and a vegan because the thing for me is it looks like a proper like fucking like middle class like posh thing to do right church every sunday you're like oh fucking these are like like people of privilege seem to be vegans and then you just

see these proper fucking numpties being vegans and you're like oh no I get a transcendence class yeah

oh it doesn't make you a better person that's good yeah the Diaz brothers are really vegan as it is for everyone

do they not eat fish though is it not like seafood do they not if they're vegans I imagine they'd be hardcore

vegans that's just reminding us of something he's just made a bandana with a dishcloth right for those listening all of you Ricketts has made

a bandana out of a dishcloth but it reminded me of when he come out the shower at Danny's house come up the stairs because

the living room's upstairs I always feel weird when you say that to people I don't know you've got like a downstairs basement

area that's got the shower in it so you come upstairs I live in the upside down so you come that to people I don't know. You've got like a downstairs basement area that's got the shower and all that. I live in the upside down. So you come upstairs to the ground floor. So he comes upstairs with a towel wrapped around his head. Bear in mind Rick is his shaved head, like number one all over. He had a towel around his head but nothing else on.

It went, has anyone seen my phone? And we were like, me too, me too, me too. You're very frivolous with your nudity. It's only skin. Mate, it's mainly foreskin. You know it's weird to put your foreskin, right? Go on.

Because I've seen it a lot. I've seen it at numerous parties, right? Can you fit stuff in there? Is it one of those types? I could fit, like, main items, like Lego and that. Grow into it. It's like a kid on the first day of, like, high school and they've bought him a blazer for 30 years.

Like, I went there. You'll grow into it eventually. So that time Tom Houghton wore my condom. He won't have a groan in his mouth. You want two of them, one to put it on and one to tie around the base. So,

this is the thing. Your foreskin hole, isn't it at the tip of it? Yeah, where your cock comes out. Where you peel it back. So wait, you're not at the end of your fucking cock.

Is your seal over? No, but I wouldn't describe it as a hole. Get it out. You wouldn't say your jumper hole, would you? It's like your turtleneck, but I wouldn't describe it as a hole. Get it out. Like, you wouldn't say, like, you jump a hole, would you? No, it's like a turtleneck, your turtleneck hole. It's your neck hole. You can't have your neck hole.

You totally can't have your neck hole. It's like a foreskin hole. It sounds like there's a hole in the foreskin. Yeah, it does. Like, when you say foreskin, you don't need hole. Like, everyone can visualise a foreskin. It makes it sound like you've got that little hole on bongs that you need to hold that when you speak.

Well, I'd never consider it as a hole. Some don't have a hole. You wouldn't consider it as a hole, right, because you've never seen the hole on the side? There's holes on the side of his dick the foreskin hole's on the side oh you notice a hole

it's like eyebrows you don't notice it when it's not wrong I've clearly got a good foreskin then I've never yeah his is on the side like he's got this

crooked little it's like a knick knack I like a knick knack it's like a knick knack in a hooded it's like a knick knack in a hooded sleeping bag it's like a hooded-knack in a hooded it's like a knick-knack in a hooded sleeping bag it's like a hooded

sleeping bag you know yeah show us get out it's perfect get out oh yeah it's all his skin

hey Ricketts your cock Ricketts' cock wouldn't look out of place on the end of a question looks fine when he's angry when I'm running

Ricketts Reminders why you didn't want to be in the podcast you were really nervous about the wedding yeah rightly so at the end of the podcast we'll plug all of our shows

and Marlo's shows and then if any pretty ladies out there have got nothing to do this weekend we'll plug his tinder alright plug his tinder

his bumble so we're putting that in if you can do it on Instagram I'll put that in alright I've got one because this came from earlier

right and this is this is directly at Elliot Steel as well but you touched on it muggles claim online players are cheating

because they're better than them yeah right we've just started playing Call of Duty right and played it for the first time two nights ago

so understandably I'm not going to be great at the game I'm going to be decent at the game because I've played Shoot'em Ups before. I've played the previous Call of Duty games. But I'm not in the zone. I've not got fucking seven days of reactions. Elliot Steele is in the same boat. He's had it for maybe a week.

We go on and there's just these guys that are better than us. I kill him twice. He kills me seven times. And they've got time served, man. You can see by their levels. They're prestige. They're putting in some serious hours. They've got their eye in can see it by their levels. They're prestige. They're putting in some serious hours.

They've got their eye in. They're not munted. They're drunk and high. And LSE has just been there.

Nah, mate. They've got these special controllers. They're faster. They've got longer joysticks to the reaction times. But even if they do...

But Steel is 21. The amount of testosterone he has flying around his body is different to oh totally because everybody gets so aggressive

I haven't played these games for ages and I played a bit yesterday and I'm just fucking sitting there watching rickets just become this ball of angry tension I love it

and it's just this oh just this anger and if you plus being 21 and fucking being Elliot times that by five

do you know what I mean aye but first of all just just get owned properly. Don't have any excuses. But I agree with you. I become one of the worst people when I play online. Like, the testosterone and the toxic masculinity comes at me. That's what's fun about it.

But I'm like, that's where I need to let out. Like, that's where I, like, that's my purge of all the shittiness in my system. But then surely that purge comes when you're on a kill street and you feel fucking powerful and awesome and aggressive but then when you keep getting that like

denied that's when that gets fucked up yeah yeah yeah so I fully get angry too when I do but like I'll call the guys

a bunch of assholes a bunch of nerds a bunch of losers who've got all this fucking time I'm not claiming that shame I haven't been online on the mics

for about like five or six years is it still racist as fuck? It's not as bad anymore. Like the reason I, the reason I stopped doing it, I took my headphone out. Like I used to play Xbox live from the first one.

The reason I stopped putting my headphone in, because I was like, I was sick of people telling me that they fucked my mum. So I didn't go, didn't put my headset in for six years and then put my headset back on. And then I very quickly realised it was like, Oh no, I stopped because I kept telling people

that I'd fucked their mother. Like, I'm fully the problem online. I don't like what happens to me, but it's funny. And the whole thing Elliot had about, oh, they've got these special control pads that make it easier. Get a set.

Like, we could go, like, they could be going, oh, but they've got a massive 50-inch TV. Yeah. Because you fucking, what size is your TV Because your TV Makes it a lot easier to play

Oh it's like 65 65 inch TV right We're cheating Yeah Like fuck if anyone's Just playing on the little Portable fucking TV That you can take on the road

In the suitcase thing It would be like It would be like It would be like fucking Claiming that a comedian's Doing better than you Because they're wearing a suit It's like

You can also wear a suit Yeah Yeah Or just because They've wearing a suit it's like you can also wear a suit yeah yeah or just because they've got a better PA system yeah and also

then play gigs with better PA systems you'll be better ultimately if you're not doing something well you should take responsibility

otherwise you're not going to get better so yeah that's fucking yeah there's mugglery yeah like it takes

it takes a big man to admit when he's shit Elliot so maybe just so a bad workman blames his tools as mugglery. And a bad tool blames other people having good controllers. What's your one?

Yes, so anybody that claims people are cheating on computer games is in. I've got two here. We're just doing one? We're just doing one. Right, let's choose one. The second wave of mugglery. This is essentially what we're doing now, right? But people are complaining about,

oh, Christmas doesn't start in November. Oh, fireworks finished yesterday. Why is there still fireworks? Oh, my God, I can't believe I've just seen Halloween costumes on the 15th of October. Like, anybody that's... Because they're pointing out muggles. Yeah.

Right? Which is what we do. But then they become the second wave of mugglery. Of Muggle Square. Yeah. So, like like which unfortunately captivates us that's us

that's what we're doing so basically I want you to understand the ramifications of if this goes in the corner if this goes in the corner this means that every week from now on

we'll have to stand in the corner for three minutes after every fucking podcast no because we've been put in for it we've been put in for it we don't have to stop doing it

he doesn't have to go in every third week evolve the terms of muggery evolve the terms of muggery I mean I've just done it now this is the third wave yeah I've just started the third wave of muggery but then as you start the third wave you're going to have to go in every involve the terms of muggery I mean I've just done it now this is a third wave yeah

I've just started the third wave of muggery but then as you start the third wave you're going to have to jump straight to the

fourth wave so you don't have to go up in the third wave yeah we've got to stay ahead of the game

we've generally got to lead the charge I think we kind of do that anyway since this is an absolute dictatorship

and we're the ones that decide what muggles are none of it matters I do I'm genuinely curious to understand

to find out if anyone still stands in the corner for muggle corner because I know people absolutely used to or I don't know if now I've got to stand in the corner

has now just become a phrase because yeah because you know I put people in the corner if they actually stand in the corner for muggle corner that makes you a muggle like people don't always do it

and it caught a lot of people out it caught out Nick Cody yeah Nick Cody was like oh I'll go to the corner i'm gonna have to go to the corner for that but i like if anyone's still doing it i cannot express how much i still love the idea because like we've got the two of our fans that come visit us in leeds like uh she was saying that she absolutely makes him stand in the corner if he's guilty it's like a little joke in the house they listen to the podcast in the car and they go alright I've got one and a half minutes

this week well you've got I've only got 30 seconds I think today standing in a corner for three minutes I mean everyone's so distracted by everything

if you genuinely fucking stood in a corner and stared at a wall for three minutes I think you'd have a revelation I think you'd have a step out of your

sort of world of constant distractions it would be like meditation yeah it'd be a good thing you'd become a better person like a really sad meditation

like you could have decided if the Buddhist came over you're like I'm off to meditate and you stand in the corner they're like there's better ways I'm standing in the corner

because I clap when planes land exactly aye but as much as I'm saying it's we're guilty of this mugglery because it's what

we're doing now I can't imagine being like, making a post complaining about Christmas songs or complaining about people putting their decorations up. You'd literally make a podcast about it. Yeah, that's what I mean. I've got Max DeGrain,

but I just can't imagine, without the humour side of it and the way we're packaging it, I can't imagine who would do that. With what you're doing, as it gets popular, it becomes clichéd and it becomes muggly, so it kind of eats itself. You get the muggles that do the thing,

and then the thing becomes popular, muggles do that thing, and then you get the wave of muggles. The second wave of mugglery is people that complain about people doing that thing, and then the third wave of mugglery is the people that then do it two months later, ironically. Yes. Here's an example. Ice bucket challenge.

People are complaining about ice bucket challenge. Oh, it doesn't fucking... It doesn't help charity in any way and all that shit, right? And then people start complaining about those people complaining. And it always comes in waves like that. And it's in genocide. Aye. It does?

Aye. So we'll just nip it in the bud here and just save a lot of lives. Save a lot of lives. You're welcome, society. So we'll just nip it in the bud here and just save a lot of lives. Save a lot of lives. You're welcome society. So let's go through what's

in Muggle Corner starting from the last. Muggles joined the second wave of mugglery about picking on muggles.

I.e. us. Yeah. So we're all in the corner. Muggles can't admit they're shit at an

online game or that someone's better than them so they accuse of people in this day and age of online gaming that people are cheaters

like as if Xbox and Playstation just gonna be like I cheat away forward slash rosebud shout out to Sims fans and Ricketts muggles are vegans

Instagram vegans yeah and guess you had to be there guess you had to be there muggles muggles top of the story

muggles yeah they top your story with an undercut. Yeah, yeah. It's not even top of the story. It's pushing the story down. Yeah, for no reason. All right, your dad jokes. Oh, my God.

Now, Rick, as you were nervous about these, but when we've been on the sesh and it's gone to five in the morning and the only thing we can do is dad jokes, you're one. You brought up your dad wrote, it's hammer time on a stop sign yeah and also your

dinner lady your dad's a dinner lady you've had some that's just alive in the moment but you pulled me to one side earlier going can I run

these past you and I was like nah because I want to react to them Kai your dad pretended to have a serious illness so he could dodge

the draft oncology put his name down his skull weasel Rick it's your dad wrote a me too post about the time Put his name down As a skull weasel Ricketts Your dad wrote a Me too post About the time He used the bathroom

To take a shit While he was in the shower Kai Your dad calls out The bingo numbers In the local social club But it doesn't work There or you even

Play bingo Two fat ladies Danny Your dad has STD tests Recreationally He just likes getting his butt taken likes the sticker that you get at the end

Milo your dad oh no wait your dad got lost in the carpet shop when he started hiding between the rolls did you never do that when you were a kid? yeah I never had a carpet it's a newspaper stone who is it? I've never had a carpet. There's newspapers down.

Who is it? It's me. Okay. Milo, I've no idea how, but your dad always knows... What the fuck have I wrote here? When we're taking him to the vet and he always goes mad. Sloss,

your dad works in the porn industry as a fluffer. I reckon it's your dad eats Play-Doh and takes pictures of his shit shit's too stiff he got pushed down on his head though Ricketts your dad's druth is so bad

he has to use a pritt stick to seal his envelopes Danny your dad always turns down the TV once you've found the desired volume that you want

because he's power hungry Kai your dad asks strangers for 20p for the bus home Kai your dad sings the go compare advert

when he takes your mum doggy Kai your dad volunteered to be the doll that kids point at when they're describing being molested. Danny, your dad never knows whether to shake someone's hand or hug them, so he just stays in the house. Milo, according to your dad at work, no soap, no hope, no splash, no gash.

Ricky, so your dad was watching Bullseye during your conception and got all the answers right Milo your dad works at Baby's Danny

your dad your dad tried to start a marsh pit at your school nativity and was asked to leave Sloss your dad is the brown owl at the local girl guides club Your dad tried to start a marsh pit at your school nativity and was asked to leave. Sloss, your dad is the brown owl at the local Girl Guides Club. Danny, your dad cries happy tears at X Factor when they go through.

Kai, your dad does the sniff test for tampons. Bye, this is reusable. It's really coming backwards inside out. Inside out. Back front. Throw them at the wall if they don't stick put them back in

Rick it's your dad got radicalised by teenagers and he's now an Islamic fundamentalist

but he's just going to crack on living in Ashton because he's got a good job and he's

scared to leave your mum that was very close to a one I had I'll tell

you tell us later Kai your dad still drinks Twenty Twenty down the woods On a Friday night Kai your dad tunes his air guitar Milo your dad checks

Snow depth with his teeth Danny your dad's a squirter Kai your dad goes around the street washing neighbours cars for one pound on a Saturday morning Rick it's very similar to what I've got

Rick it's your dad bids on meat bids on meat Rick it's your dad dries towels with his hands and your mum's pussy with his chat Rick it's your dad dries towels with his hands and your mum's pussy with his chat. Ricketts, your dad's got a job as a wet floor co-worker

and he spends his day standing in puddles. Kai, your dad's a Michael Bublé cover act. Danny, your dad played soggy biscuit and lost on purpose. Kai, your dad bleaches his arse with a paintball gun. Class. That's me done.

Is there any more? Kai, your dad hides under the stairs with the dogs on gaff walks. Kai, your dad uses a banana as a fake gun at parties then afterwards goes to hide in the shed and fucks himself in it while he watches all the guests.

Like father like son. I use a fucking banana as a fake gun at every party. Milo, your dad's a believer. He wasn't at first but then he saw his face. And now we'll plug our podcast

everyone listen to the podcast what I meant is we'll plug our tour we're going to Derby tonight it's too late

you've missed it this isn't coming out until Monday so on Tuesday the 21st of November we are in Swindon at the Arts Centre the 22nd Wednesday

we're in Windsor at the Theatre Royale Thursday Cardiff Glee Friday Kirkcaldy Kirkcaldy my hometown Adam Smith Theatre come on down to

that and then Salford Saturday we'll be back with Ricketts and then Sunday in Hull Milo do you have any gigs coming up yeah I'm all over

the shop but basically if you have a look at my website milomccabe.co.uk I've got a full gig list there I've got some full length shows next year but

yeah and if I could push people towards my Facebook page which I do in character oh yeah Melo does all the fucking great Troy Hawk videos yeah so it's Troy Hawk

with an E on Facebook and go and have a look at the videos there's about 8 or 9 videos exceptional videos and also a big shout out from the Blythe crew

you went to Blythe Ashlington and Cramlinton and toured the gigs there and done a video in Blythe and there's a lot of listeners from the area so they'll be enjoying it so we've got one in the edit right now from Blythe.

I cannot wait for that one. Ricketts. When are you next to craft? You'll be able to find me at my office in Widmiss. I'm doing Monday, Tuesdays, Wednesdays,

Thursdays, and Fridays. And Fridays, good. What time? For the work 12-hour shift, 7.7, it's a long gig.

But yeah, you can find us there for the next few weeks. What can they expect just classics good coffee good coffee and he's also on tinder and bumble

if there's any he's got his own van how do you find me on tinder set your radius lower your standards you can find me on instagram jordycraig83 I enjoy his vegan meals on there

we'll talk to you on Monday where we'll hopefully have Andrew Maxwell on yes oh no wait Thursday Muggins out

love you bye