Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 2.16 Is Elliot Steel Thick?

Episode Date: November 23, 2017

After months of Muggins and Cream dropping it into conversation that their good friend, fellow comedian and avid subscriber Elliot Steel is a bit thick he comes on the Podcast as a guest to defend his honour. Terribly.  Do let him know how he got on...  (@elliotsteelcom)

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack. Aww, muggles. Accidental red job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or might just be cynical. Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia. Where have you been since 9-11? Does Marcellus Muggins look like a cream?

Say what again? That wasn't the deal. I said, does Marcellus Muggins look like a cream? That wasn't the deal. The deal was you would stop doing them and then we'd see if there was any backlash till you stopped doing them. You said get me five.

We've got it on record. You said get me five. We've got it on record. You said get me five tweets. We didn't get five. We've had more than five, mate. You haven't shown me any of them. I got one. I can tack you through them. I've got more than five.

I've got inboxes on Facebook. I want to see them after the podcast. I've got letters. Because, look... I've got coordinates, Wint, and those are little notes. This is why we don't get any new fucking listeners, right? Because what happens is, right?

We get a lot of new listeners. No, we don't, because they listen to the podcast and are like, the fuck is this opening bit? Right, I'm going to get my point across about eyebrows that I tried to make last time. Right, because Milo got too caught up on his own eyebrows because he manicures his and I don't have any. Manicures? Sure.

It doesn't need a new name. It's the same fucking kettle of fish. Right, so he pedicures. Sure. It doesn't need a new name. It's the same fucking kettle of fish. So he pedicures his eyebrows. So he's like, I was trying to make a point about my eyebrows, but Milo was like, I do my eyebrows and no one notices. You don't have eyebrows. You can't make a comment. I'm like, yeah, I don't have eyebrows,

but I still know what the fucking are. I can still comment on them. So my comment about eyebrows is that eyebrows is something that you only notice when they're terrible. Like you don't notice that someone spent a lot of time on their eyebrows because they're spending time on them to like blend in, to look normal, right? If someone doesn't touch their eyebrows, it looks shit, right? So what I was saying is people will notice it if... If it disappears.

Yeah. People notice the start of the podcast because it's shit. And what you're saying is they won't notice the start of the podcast if you don't do that bit. Because it'll be good. That's literally the argument you just made. You just turned my metaphor around. No, I've literally used your argument.

No, I'm saying I spend a lot of time and attention on my intros so that no one notices. Right. We have a special guest on a special in more ways than one On the podcast today, we have our good friend Elliot Steele Hello

Now Elliot, obviously the reason we have you on the podcast is because you're a good friend of ours You're a very good That's not the reason No, maybe it's not your reason, but our reason for having you on the podcast is you're a very good friend of ours One of our best friends You make us laugh to no end Yep, you're a very good young comedian, I'll change that You're a very good friend of ours, one of our best friends. You make us laugh to no end. Yep, you're a very good young comedian. I'll change that.

You're a very good comedian who happens to be young, because I always hated that stipulation when I was there. Yeah, but you needed the stipulation for you. Why do you feel you're on the podcast? Oh, this is already like when I've been called into the head teacher's office. No, you requested to be on the podcast for several months. I feel there has been a lot of slander, lies, propaganda from Goebbels over here. Is that me or him? Both of you.

A collective form one Goebbels. No. About my level of intelligence. That's why he's trying. I think he meant Goebbels. Yeah, he could have said Hitler, but he wanted to show that he had knowledge. Oh, yeah. Didn't he?

He's like, he's like, he's like, Year 10 GCSE in the Weimar Republic. Coming through. See ya. Smartness. Okay. So we occasionally, and by occasionally I think at least once an episode, reference the fact that you're thick.

Now. That's because you're thick. Okay, but my defense is, because you said in one of them right I've made notes by the way about all of the things that have been said about me in a podcast that I'm about to bring up because you can't remember them because you're thick that's not how thickness works

I managed to write them down because that's smart that's at the time I'm going to bring this up and rebuttal them that's smart forward planning see the thing is thick people don't know they're thick Just to write them down because that's smart. That's at the time, I'm going to bring this up and rebuttal them. That's smart. Forward planning. See, the thing is, thick people don't know they're thick because smart people ask so many questions that they don't know that many answers.

If you think you know all the answers, you're not asking enough questions. I'm not saying, come on, let's not lie now, I'm not going to be working for NASA anytime soon. But this is my point. You said the thing about that I'll drop some knowledge about the USSR

and I will but again the thing is I probably will struggle spelling USSR that's my point no you just did it yeah that's why I had to

write it down that was a joke alright well I feel like it's there's a bunch of reasons we call you thick. One, your accent does you no favours. No, it doesn't.

I mean, I'm not really going to jump on that part. I'm glad you said it. Yeah, well, it's so everyone can understand it. And second of all is... I can't remember my second point. My point is your accent is stupid. Oh, no, I think it's fine. Because in the group that we have,

the way bullying works amongst right, amongst friends, is that you lump something to someone, no matter how true or not it is. There'll be a shred of truth to it, but then that just becomes the ongoing joke. Like, I'm the sexy one. Yeah, I mean, that is literally the ongoing joke. We all call Barry fat. Barry's not fat. One of us called him fat once.

Barry's fat that's the joke oh my god I fully consider myself Scottish it's border England there's the whole debate about whether I'm Scottish or English so in the group the joke says

that you're English there's six English people there you're the English one Tom lives in the Tower of London I'm the English one but I've got about eight different things that you know

I've got big nose you've got we've both got big noses like if we was at Eskimo kisser it would be like the Hadronk oh no that would be a

man if we if we ever 69 for whatever reason lost a bet or won a bet like both of our noses would be in each other's arseholes as much as I'd love to say

it as an experiment I'm not going to third wheel while you two Eskimo kiss. So I've already got a big nose. I could fight. I could deal with that. I could deal with stuff about my appearance. I've got the thing about needing a haircut. You do need... Probably.

That's a personal decision to grow my hair. Being a lightweight. No, this is where I'll stand. I was antagonising him. Elliot ain't lightweight. He can bang with the best of them. He's choosing not to right now, though. You've made 50 days sober.

You've made the very adult decision to cut back on your drinking. Hold on, the very alcoholic decision. It's an alcoholic decision. Yeah, but it's very hard to get an alcoholic teenager. It's been 50 days now. I'm going to go for 100, then I'm going to have a drink. Oh, wait, I might have a 50p on me to give you

for your 50 days sobriety thing. You also own 50p for the past you just bought it you could just say i'm gonna pay for me dinner right here's here's 60 right now the pressure's on for this next 10 days but you made the very adult slash alcoholic decision to uh but but i'm not gonna i'm not gonna you know go on about that about how because you said something to me early on about you know don't be the guy that bangs on about it and i think that's fair point because when people when people make that decision i've not done any facebook or twitter post or anything like that you're doing it for you i'm doing it it's like people waving the veganism except i will come on to a podcast and talk about it and to the people i mean i

brought and he did antagonize you into it so you're fully able to defend yourself so that's three things I've got already I've been called a lightweight, I've been called big nose, haircut this is the first ten minutes on the podcast and now stupid it's because you're the cunt of the litter no, obviously we'll continue with the podcast

but we thought we would give you we've written a little test for you I can see one of them's already We'll continue with the podcast, but we thought we would give you... What? We've written a little test for you. I can see one of them's already chemistry. No, chemistry's not how smart you are, man. No, no, we've got a bit of everything. Can you swap here so I can... Chemistry's like...

But it's not just chemistry, it's all forms of knowledge. But can I make my point? Yeah. I might not seem the smartest of people right and this is this is sort of a long point yeah well there'll be people out there who listen to podcasts who feel the same i'm oh no they're all idiots i don't reach out to them oh yeah that's a good point but she's not listening to it because she's a scientist she's listening to it because it's Daniel and Kai as well but I'm not like

I'm never, when I was at school I never paid attention because I knew I was never going to do anything academic like I knew like school to me was like I just turned up, saw my mates and fucked about that's what it was. And I could coast my GCSEs.

Like, I was in bottom set for most things until the last year because I could do well on the test. I was just like, I'm not going to sit in class and do work. So I just moved to bottom set. To me, it just sounds like you went to a thick school. Oh, it's proper thick.

Oh, it's proper, like, don't get me wrong. There's not much credit for being a smart kid in my school. Right, okay. So I just never paid attention there. So that bit of life, I lost out on learning basic stuff. Yeah. General knowledge.

Throw-ins. Short passes. We were all right at football, actually. Yeah, to be fair, we have rumbled here because I often think intelligence isn't necessarily, or to me, intelligence is by like what information can you learn and can you apply that knowledge therefore. Like academically I'll agree that I'm not that smart but the reason I would defend my intelligence because if you explain something to me I'll be able to understand it, explain it back and then use that whatever I've learned for future. Which brings me to something that you said on the podcast about me. You said Stills intelligence is that when Stills says something smart it's like seeing the rose in the arctic right

somebody's dropped it there's no what do you think intelligence is it's just people telling me other things and then like i'm meant to go do all the studies myself and stuff yeah but that means like any facts that you have you've just been told it doesn't mean like yeah yeah but you could have just you could have surveyed you know you could just been told it doesn't mean like yeah but you could have you could have you know you could have learned how to plant roses in the Arctic

and if you did you're a fucking idiot you stand by it like why would you read the book when you can watch TV but that's because I am that level of thick because you can't

you can't like read a book while texting no no no you can't have TV in the background while texting the problem with me

with reading a book is right so the last book I read was We Need To Talk About Kevin and I didn't finish it. Like, I've got 50 pages to go. Oh, you did better than me. I got two pages in.

I was like, it's too many words. She got proper wordy. I was like, all right, fuck it. We've all got a thesaurus. I was a little bit out. Oh, I, no, no, no. Shantaram was just unnecessarily descriptive. I get what you mean.

It is a little bit like someone's writing writing like a GCSE sort of thing and they're like oh I better show off I know how to do descriptions but

I I got like 50 pages from the end and then something happened in the book and it made me a bit sad so I was like oh I don't want to finish it

and then my sister just told me what happened in the end and I was like oh well there's no point continuing and then I also saw the film was on Netflix, and I'm like, it's like me with Harry Potter.

I always say this about Harry Potter. The films caught up to me. So I thought, I'll just save everyone a bit of time. You can save all the time just by reading the synopsis on IMDb. I still got to read it, though. A story, like any story, could be like a thousand pages or like three sentences. But then I'll read something like I'm interested in.

Like I read a book called Inside Scientology where I read up all about Scientology. I mean, yeah, but thick people are in Scientology. Yeah, but it wasn't a pamphlet I got handed. It was a book like debunking Scientology. Oh, right, okay, right. I've not found sobriety through Scientology. Because I'm not thick. I found religion

right Scientology the smartest of all of them you know what's brilliant I think we first started calling you thick as your spelling errors on the whatsapp like exceptional

they're not even spelling no no no I'm going to get to it they're exceptional I wish I could remember some of them but it came to die of beaties

instead of diabetes like is that what you think it is is that what you think that word is so it's not spelling error it's like an actual misinterpretation of the word or words i used to think something that's one word three words that ain't dyslexic and then i spoke your dad he was like he's not dyslexic he's just six four you've defended your spelling but you've

been dyslexic i've asked your dad he's like he's not dyslexic but can i but you've been dyslexic. I've asked you that and you've said you're not dyslexic. But can I say the thing? I got diagnosed dyslexic when I... So I went to a decent sixth form. I didn't last that long because I'm thick. That's the admission we got you in for. Right, that was Elliot Steele. We've cancelled the guest now. I mean, I was doing psychology, history and media studies, right?

And they let me finish media studies and I still got an E. And that's just not what films are. Can you get an E? I thought it was A, B, C, D and just F. I don't think you can get an E. Are you so dyslexic that you got an F and you read it as an E?

You can get a G, can't you? In Scotland you can only get A, B, C, D or F. There's no E. Then U is there. Ungradable. I got that in RE. I did that. Okay, that's a free GCSE.

I just wanted funny answers, hoping it would end up in next year's newspaper. That's one note you put in when you go for a job interview and they're like, how many GCSEs you got? You're like, RE got me into double digits. I totally agree with you that this test probably isn't inaccurate. Look, the thing is, it's up to the audience to decide whether you're like oh he got me into double digits right so I totally agree with you that this test

probably isn't an accurate look the thing is it's up to the audience to decide whether you're intelligent or not I've kind of stumped you here because we've got

chemistry, geography general knowledge math, history, spelling oh no and then a bonus round of Elliot questions okay right

what is at the centre of the nucleus? right that's in... I'm going to pass on this one, Chris. The answer is protons and neutrons. Which is more dangerous, carbon monoxide or carbon dioxide? Carbon monoxide. Correct.

You know, I've got questions about that one. Because carbon dioxide would be very dangerous to you if there's no oxygen in there but carbon dioxide in general is just very dangerous the question is what's the most dangerous oxygen or carbon monoxide and if there was an open flame

oxygen is going to be way more dangerous to you because you're going to sit on fire because it needs the oxygen it's not two points for showing you're working out you know your chemistry I'll defend Kai as the oxygen it's not two points for showing you're working out oh yeah it's got a point i've got it right we all you know you know your chemistry i'll defend kai as well kai's not fit i'll take kai's on the same level of intelligence as daniel which is fucking a shame for you because i grew up in blythead i should know more all right my mom and dad are just okay what should you never eat for breakfast? Shredded wheat. No, dinner. Oh.

There are some trick questions in here. The main use of salt in the diet is to A, make food taste better, B, produce small amounts of hydrochloric acid required for the digestion of food, C, ease the process of cooking, or D, increase the solubility of food particles in water. Okay, so I actually know a little bit about this at the moment. Okay, do you know the answer? No. No.

Wow. But I can bore know the answer? No. But I can bore you on knowledge with salt. Right. Because it's actually called sodium. Yep. Right, yeah, keep going. When you laugh like that, it gets a little more confident's that was the most base level fact about salt other than it's white like it was i'm gonna pour you with some

so it's the second key ingredient already salted crisps next to potato so so sodium when it's in your body is what keeps uh it keeps a lot of water in your body. So when you have to, for fighters, when they have to cut weight and stuff, they have to cut all salt out of their diet. Yeah. What were the choices again? Make food taste better. It definitely does that, but that's not the reason. But there's another reason.

Produce small amounts of hydrochloric acid required for the digestion of food. Ease the process of cooking or increase solubility of food particles in water. I'm going to go with increase solubility of food. Ease the process of cooking or increase solubility of food particles in water. I'm going to go with increase solubility of food. No, it's produce small amounts of hydrochloric acid. No, you're wrong. I'm absolutely not wrong. Oh, okay. Sorry.

Okay. Final question in chemistry. Right. Coal is composed of which element? Coal makes... If you crush coal, it becomes a diamond. Right. That's also not an element

Right It's made of charcoal So What was the question Nick? Which element? Coal is composed of which element? What element makes coal? Yeah

Fire This is a fucking couple of questions. Point me if I am. Carbon. Like the element. Oh, I thought you meant the earth, water, air, fire. That's the best. I couldn't have expected a more earlier answer.

How are you expecting me to know the whole periodic table? Well, it should be. It would mark all the other ones. Every time there's a periodic table. It's not a league table. Find me one thing on the periodic table like you've got potassium which is K then you've got that one that you drop in the water and they act like the one in science

that they make you drop in the water and they're like this is really dangerous. There's seven of those, they're alkaline metals. Right, yeah, and they're on that far side which is the like yo, don't go near the side. No, he's's right I'm saying find me one of them one of them

that will win a fight with fire fire's in it's own league can I put water's not in it water would beat it yeah yeah but by your by your argument of elements

water is on the table and that does beat fire no I'd say that's like a sort of, you know... No, if fire's an element, water's an element. Water and fire's like United City. You're not going to be able to call who's going to win it, but someone's going to get it that season. Do you know what I mean?

Water's definitely a component, and we're definitely coming across thick as well. I'm not. No, if he's saying fire's an element, water's an element. Yeah. Okay. Geography. Oh, no, no, this isn? Elements of weather. Okay. Geography. Oh, no, no.

This isn't going to be good. No, one of them I reckon you'll do quite well on. Boop day is the Spanish equivalent of what day in Britain? Steak and blowjob day. Good answer, but no, it's April Fool's Day. Okay. Before Mount Everest was discovered,

what was the highest mountain in the world? Mount Fiji. No, Mount Everest. Just because it wasn highest mountain in the world? Mount Fiji No, Mount Everest Just because it wasn't discovered Doesn't make it any less tall No, that's not But like But like that might not be true

Because what if there's a mountain We haven't discovered That's taller than Mount Everest What do you mean if there's a mountain We've not discovered What if it's an underwater mountain? That's actually a very valid point That means it's below sea level

That means it's not very tall Yeah, yeah But you get taller Mountains underwater means it's not very tall. Yeah, yeah. But you get taller mountains underwater. But it's not. Yeah, but it is. It's still way lower than Everest. But it's bigger than the big one. But if we're talking on sea level, he did make a good point.

There are bigger mountains technically. But on sea level, Everest is taller. Because it's out of the sea. No, no, no. But it's like if you... Ridge is down to the base. Because Daniel sat on the sofa and I'm sat down, Daniel's taller than me. Is that's like if you ridges down to the base. Because Daniel sat on the sofa and I'm sat down,

Daniel's taller than me. Is that how it works? Ridges down to the... No, because Everest ain't going to just stand up. You're talking about the peak to the sky but if you were to measure from the top to the base... No, from the centre of the sun to the centre of the earth

to the peak. It doesn't matter if it's underwater or not Everest is way taller if Everest was shorter it would be underwater allow me to explain what you're not getting I'm not getting it

you're not from peak to base from base to peak the base is the fucking bottom of the sea for Everest no it's not because it doesn't start

at the bottom of the sea drain the earth go as low as you can go drain the earth and I'm on trial here for being whoever drained right like it's hypothetical hypothetical you could go right Drain the earth. And I'm on trial here for being a drain the earth. It's a hypothetical.

The fact that we're having to speak in hypotheticals is like... Oh my god, this is like when I'm filling the cup again for you. When I fill the cup under the podcast. Right, so just to clarify, you think that if something's underwater, it could be taller than Everest. No, I'm saying... A whale bigger than a snail, because it's underwater, it could be taller than Everest. No, I'm saying... But a whale bigger than a snail...

Because it's underwater, is it not as big as a snail? That's the worst! This is just wonderful. This is just wonderful. But that's your logic. I mean, no, he's completely negated my logic. Everyone is screaming at the peri right now.

Not me. No, no, because if it's underwater, get where you're coming from. Like, because you are from the base, but where is the base of Everest really the base the base

eventually you'll keep going lower and lower yes of course of course then you can go under water and under water until you reach the depth of the yeah but what I'm saying is

there will be in like whatever it is geology or whatever like what I'm saying is that would just be a foothill to the beach oh yeah

some of them will be fully fucking submerged it's total bullshit so the highest mountain is that one he's still got the question wrong next one

I'm still fake but also we are just all coming across as really retarded right now I'm not I'm bringing myself down with Elliot

you definitely failed on that one didn't Anzac trips come from which two countries what Anzac trips come from which two countries

Anzac Anzac clues in the name, kind of. It sounds a little bit like South American. No. Oh, okay. Then I'm going to go... They have an Anzac Day,

the countries in question. All right. And they have Anzac cookies. Oh, that man. You might as well have asked me where the Anzac cookies come from and then been like, oh, they have an Anzac colony.

And they'll be like, I don't know. Yeah. The answer is... Okay, wait, wait, they have an Anzac army. And they'll be like, I don't know. Yeah. And the answer is... Okay, wait, wait, wait. I'm just going to take a guess. Yeah. The Congo. Expedient working.

Just, you know, they've got an army that I haven't really heard of. New Zealand and Australia. Oh, yeah. What is the capital of Australia? It's that place that no one really knows of. It's that other one.

I don't know the name. It's like Darwin. Canberra. Yeah. Okay. So if you get eight of these, I'll give you the point. What 14 countries were in the Soviet Union? This is your category, by the way.

Okay, 14 countries in the Soviet Union. So you had Russia, Kazakhstan, Poland. Nope. Poland was invaded by the Soviet Union. It was invaded by what was in the Soviet Union. What was it? Pardon? Poland wasn't part of the Soviet Union

Lithuania? yes the thing is I don't know many countries this is the good thing about the Soviet Union and why I liked it it got rid of it got rid of a lot of other countries

you just had to know one place instead of 14 others so you liked the Soviet Union because it made geography easier fuck yeah It got rid of a lot of other countries. You just had to know one place instead of 14 others, didn't it? So you liked the Soviet Union because it made geography easier? Fuck yeah. Oh, where are you going? Soviet Union. All right, which part? You know, east.

The left. Yeah, okay, so one second. You've gone Russia, Lithuania. Yeah. You said Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan. Wait Wait I'm going to have a pop With a few to help you out No One second

I think I can get this You've got 11 more to go Yeah No I'm not I'm not going to make all 14 We've worked that out You should get 5 If I get 5 that would be good

5 more Oh what Yeah it was up to 8 Okay If you get five. If I get five, that'd be good. Five more. Oh, what? Yeah, it was up to eight. Okay. Lithuania is in the regional. Yeah, I'm trying to think of all those other eastern countries. I'm going to have to buzz you out.

What's it called? That's the game. I want to hear what this is. It begins with an M it does that place Moldova Malta as well Moldova

Moldova Moldova oh my god right so I'm going to go Estonia Latvia Uzbekistan

did that get said no you said you said Kazakhstan didn't you so we've got Lithuania we've got the big one we're almost in the big one Russia no no you said Kazakhstan, didn't you? So we've got Lithuania. We've got... The big one.

We're almost in the big one. No, no. You said Russia. Okay, the second big one. Ukraine. There you go. Yeah, in Moldova. Georgia.

Georgia, correct. And these are the tough ones. Before it gets hard, you've got Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, and Azerbaijan. Okay, we're on to general knowledge, Elliot. Because it's going so well. A caravan is a group of which animals? I can't say that. A caravan?

Yeah. I'm going to say cows. Camel It's a herd of cows Alright But My logic there was On Fallout 3

Brilliant start They When they have the two headed cow thing Yeah It's called the caravan Okay They call it caravan No they don't pull a caravan

They are the caravan I know When I first did it I thought you could get caravans in the game But it turns out It was just two headed cows What two words, when combined, hold the most letters?

Anti-distablishmentarianism. Yeah. The answer is actually post office. What? Which two words, when combined, hold the most letters? Post office. I thought it was like, what has the most letters? No, it was a trick question. What holds the most letters?

An ampersand is the sign for which word? Clues in the name. A what? The ampersand is a symbol. So, no exclamation mark. That's a symbol. There's a symbol called an ampersand. And so it's a symbol for...

I'm really going to have to dumb this down here. Right, so an exclamation mark is the upside down I. Question mark's the... Yeah, question mark. The hook with the Dutch sign. Yeah. So the name of this symbol is called the ampersand. What is the symbol of?

Man, I've never heard of that. It's the word and. You know, the little... Oh, that's what it's called. Yeah, it's called an ampersand. Interesting. If we're not laughing, we're learning on this podcast, aren't we? Oh, we're definitely laughing.

You'll get this one. In rhyming slang, what are mince pies? Right, again, I'm from South London, so the Cockney thing doesn't work. I don't know. You are Cockney. I'm not, I'm from South London. It doesn't...

Potato, potato. Natalie's more Cockney than me. From Glasgow? But she lives in East London. The definition of a Cockney is you live within the Bow Bells, the ring of the Bow Bells. So, I don't know, is it Vince Fies? No, eyes.

What the fuck are Vince Fies? I don't know. I don't know Cockney rhymes. Why would Vince Fies be a Cockney? Who's Vince Fies? Because you might as well have asked me what it was in Japanese. It's a different language It's in

Lint spice It's in English Well you didn't know Because you just need to Rhyme something You would go right So probably eyes No

What do you call a woman Who knows where her husband Is every night Constantly checking her WhatsApp No a widow Oh that's brought the mood down Come on. These were meant to be light and jolly.

Okay, math. Oh, fuck. What is your topic? As far as I was concerned, it was Soviet Union. Yeah, but you didn't really ask me any questions about it. Well, maybe they'll come and play it. Okay, good. Vietnam War I'm good on.

Okay. Who won? Everyone. No. play it okay good vietnam war i'm good on okay who won um everyone no um it depends like what you define by women hollywood hollywood yeah exactly we got the good films and this and they got bombed so they got well yeah yeah so yeah i think the north the north vietnamese one okay After seven Which is the next prime number? I've never understood prime numbers Right I'll explain it

You can still get it It's a number that can only be divided By one and itself So it can't be split into other things I'll give you a clue The next one isn't nine Because you can divide that by three I was going to be my guest

But you can divide that by three. I was going to be my guest. Maybe you can divide that by three. Right, okay. Eleven. Correct! Thank you, 7-Eleven, for advertising on the VNC. It's subliminally making me go for that. How many colours are in the rainbow?

Richard of York. Oh, what's the rhyme again? Richard of York oh what's the rhyme again Richard of York oh I'm going to go seven correct I've never I've never heard that one because here's how

I was hoping you did the same stupid thing I did once right which is I got asked alright so the batteries ran out on the podcast device so it saved Elliot's blushes

a little bit actually all the questions after and then what happened right is I got so much right and then you guys were like oh now we're going to have like a little experimentation round you're allowed to do something and I made like a I drew on the wall and proved why there isn't a god

goodwill hunting style with equations and shit. And then a load of aliens came down and were like, yo, bro, do you want to be, like, king of the universe? But I was like, I've got to finish the podcast. And then we were like, oh, our face is red now, so actually pretending to run out of batteries. Yeah. So we did, there was two more rounds.

Fortunately, you know, I think you got some of them right. No, I got none of them. I'm just trying to save your blushes there my favourite one was your bit at the end there you tried to basically be like

I'll ask you a bunch of questions then we're like go ahead what are the two main elements in the sun you couldn't think of any questions and then you went what are the two main elements in the sun

and Kai guessed hydrogen and oxygen and then you lost confidence because Kai said it was such confidence but you were right it was hydrogen and helium what was your logic for why it was helium? it's why the sun floats innit

it's got better helium better helium? no, it's not Luke it's not my logic but it's if you said that to me in a pub I'd believe it but that's what knowledge is sometimes the road But if you said that to me in a pub, I'd believe it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's what knowledge is. No, it's not. But sometimes the rose dropped into the Arctic is not meant to be the rose, is not the right rose. Maybe it's not a rose. Maybe it's a daffodil, but you think it's a rose because you've never seen a rose before. Just to cut your bullshit right there, I want to say...

We just want to apologise. So you only missed about five minutes of it we'll definitely have another quiz this can easily become a regular game

because you can go studying things I'm not going to do that I didn't do that for fucking A levels and that would have got me somewhere

if you did study it wouldn't be as funny when it cut off we were like oh shit we might have lost loads but we'd only lost like five minutes

or so right but the reason we're back in the game even though the batteries ran out we we where did you get the batteries from kai thanks natalie we're in natalie's house right now and um we're trying to get the out the light box the little muggle light box so that's there those batteries ran out because she's always using those. Yep, and then... Tried the remotes. Found a dildo. Found a vibrator, to be specific.

So we hooked it up to the car generator. So today I have a podcast on Natalie's dildo's purple generator. To be fair, when you were like, I'll get them out of Natalie's dildo, I'm like, those will be more dead can I just say for someone who's on a podcast being accused of being thick I'd have charged the batteries

of the thingy before they were brand new batteries oh really oh but then I found out in further development you were so stupid Kai said

maybe it's when I dropped it the other day oh I fell out my bag oh right yeah I want your bag because I didn't

zip it like to put something in but I hadn't zipped it up fully so when I fell out my bag. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fell out your bag? Because I didn't unzip it, like, to put something in, but I hadn't zipped it up fully. So when I was dragging my suitcase along, it popped out.

It's a human around me. I didn't know who the Amzeccas or something were called. You were fucking so stupid, you

drained all the power from the device. You fucking struggled to really, anyway. So Natalie's dildo, come to

save the day, genuinely. She's not going to thank me for this, but but you know I bought her this as a gift a while back

she asked us to park a car in a specific place this is when she lived in Glasgow and I parked her car and you said go fuck yourself

I parked her car in a place that I found but not the specific place she said but the place where I parked it was this like really fucking derelict bit of

wasteland right in the middle of Glasgow like this old building site that they'd stopped building on and when she went to get it I told her where it was when she went to get it the car window had been put in someone stole the stereo who fucking steals stereos this day and age let's get a fucking iPod so someone's bricked the window and stole the stereo

and she phoned me up crying but I was asleep because I'd been on a session the night before so when she rang us I didn't wake up and then when she finally got through to it she calmed down a bit but she still totally blamed it on me that I can't get broken into so I tried to cheer her up by playing out a dildo apparently an inappropriate gift

So if you're at home wondering why is the lovely Natalie marrying Kyle Humphries I have another story for you that is going to turn this why why is she marrying him so I've been on this podcast

I've been accused of being stupid and thick and I've not done myself any favours and I will

I will say I'm not I'm not the brightest whatever one in the thing it's meant to be but another brace tool

in the shed I'm not the brightest star in the sky because I haven't got much helium in me but hi what happened

the other day I'm not very well while you were having a gentleman's play look I know where you're going with this I'm a step ahead of you

you're trying to throw me under the bus for being unwell no that's not why I would never make fun of you for being sick. I wouldn't make fun of you if you, let's say, shat yourself while wanking. You had a shank?

You had a shank? Because I'm not very well. You had a shank? Right. You shat wank? How does it, like, this is what I was saying in the group, and then it got smudged over because I probably made a spelling mistake. what i was saying in the group and then it got smudged over because i probably made a spelling mistake and you how do you like be mid-wang and then go oh how do you not realize you're about

to shit yourself there's two there's two like feelings your body gives that you know is happening one's you're about calm the other one you're about to shit and you're not going to mix them two up they come from two different places have you ever had diarrhea no but i've had a wank and not shat myself you're still young yet boy 12 years on you you can blame our diarrhea but the way you told me the story was you were having i'll tell you the story right go on then right so this is the thing with diarrhea right yeah you know that you can't trust a fart but the first, the first one you don't know you've got diarrhea, so you just fart willy-nilly. No pun intended. Sometimes I can creep up on the strangest tape.

So I didn't feel very well. I woke up in the morning. This is how I know I didn't feel very well. I didn't go to breakfast, and it was a free continental breakfast on the hotel. So I knew I was sick, right? And it's approaching 12 o'clock, which is checkout time,

and we're in Wolverhampton, and I feel like fucking death, but I've got to get showered. I've got to get out of there. And when I was getting changed right? And it's approaching 12 o'clock, which is checkout time, and we're in Wolverhampton, and I feel like fucking death, but I've got to get showered. I've got to get out of there. And when I was getting changed for my shower, I thought, you know what? I'll give myself a little rub, cheer myself up.

Right? Because you know what? Sometimes you can't be bothered with a wank, but sometimes once you have one, you're like, oh, glad I did that. But sometimes a wank can be bothered with you. Treat myself.

Right. So I was treating myself to a wristie, and then, you know I wasn't just going to let my fucking gas build up like there's no one else in the room

whom I try to hide my shame from I let out a little fart and when I farted mid wank I was like oh no did you continue

with the wank no no I postponed it oh you can as much as you can say it got rained off i rain checked and i was like i'll finish this once i've had this way put a pin in it or a cork

so i sat down to finish my poo which i'd started mid-wank oh my god this is horrible oh man i mean with a boner this is the worst because like really that's the worst bit this is the worst bit because like I went to finish like to have a poo right I didn't know I had the shits until like I farted

I was like uh oh and then you sit down well you piss when you when you poo when you've got a bone it's like hard to get it like pointing at the porcelain it's like pointing upwards

so here I am trying to fucking manipulate me pissed and me diarrhea I'm sorry everyone listening I'm so sorry but uh when

i was trying to do that and i looked down on the floor and i saw a little brown little brown smudge on the floor like a wet smudge wet wet patch of like wet fart the wet fart had landed on the floor really sorry i brought this up and um i'm not because i've got someone else to bring up after and um and i so I cancelled the wank. It went from being postponed to cancelled. I still haven't picked it up, actually. Yeah. Huh?

Much probably expired by now. If you finish now, you'll get sick again. Well, I'm still very sick, actually. I think it's something very unsympathetic. How was your fiancée, Samantha, when you shot the bed? I mean, I don't think she knows. Does she not know? Well, because I didn't shoot the bed. What I heard is you shot the bed. I mean, I was in bed when I shot the bed? I mean, I don't think she knows. Does she not know? Well, because I didn't shoot the bed.

What I heard is you shot the bed. I mean, I was in bed when I shot. I mean, I don't want to get down. So, what,

it landed in your boxers or? So, I just like, I walk up and like, go to bed with a smelly arse. Wake up with wet fingersse wake up with wet fingers

wake up with wet fingers so I woke up and I clearly like I didn't like I was at the point now where I didn't trust a single fart right

because to be fair you should be like that all the time like I don't know how that's not but sleeping Kai didn't get the memo sleeping Kai didn't get the memo and sleeping Kai

clearly just sort of farting away in his sleep and i woke up with a wet bum and a confused girlfriend and it's meant to be a confused girlfriend a wet bum a wet girlfriend yeah a wet girlfriend a confused bum i'm recycling i hadn't text getting it wrong so yeah i woke up to the wetness the dampness and I like John waned into the bathroom and I threw my boxes away and I had a wash

and a shower and then I discreetly checked the bedding and saw that the bedding was still pristine and clean the way my fiance made it for me getting home nice and clean

all nice and clean and I climbed back into bed and then she found out on the podcast honestly she's also going to find out what's happened to her double-dose battery honestly she's also going to find out what's happened to her dildo she's going to be sitting there

with the podcast in lying around she's going to get her dildo out and be like right old habits right she always listens to the podcast and dads herself off

she's going to shove up there and be like why is this aww you bastards I reckon that's why the batteries went dead on the fucking podcast because we're probably

just passing them back and forth. We'll probably just keep swapping batteries until they're on my podcast device. Tickle in the clit and save your head. That makes you come.

That makes you laugh. Do you feel better? No, I feel like death. But why do you still trust farts? I trust farts because 99.9999% of them have gone ahead

and just been shits aye 99.9999% of mine are just normal farts but I fart way more nah yours is like there's more farts that are shits

but there's a higher percentage I just don't understand like okay I was having this conversation this when we found this information out,

we had to leave a game of Call of Duty. Oh, you're telling me dad. No, your dad wasn't online. He's also found out about the podcast. He's just happy we didn't take the batteries out of his dildo. I don't understand how as an adult male... So I can count four stories of you shitting yourself and i know there's more i know there's like oh from from the unless let's have this year no let's let's go from

the age of 80 from being a society deems you you're a grown man how do you like you're 34 that's i don't know how to live act your age not your puce eyes I don't understand how people you fucking lectured me before I would shit myself because because I just got lectured on the podcast

they didn't hear it because I couldn't spell Mississippi M-I-S-S-I-S-M-P-P-I I-P-P-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-M but how can you do that and then like claim you're smarter than me

and then shit yourself wait one I didn't know I was going to shit myself I was just trying to have a wank but that's that's even worse you haven't even made the conscious and then shit yourself wait one I didn't know I was going to shit myself I was just trying to have a wank but that's that's even worse you haven't even made

the conscious decision to shit yourself I'm very ill if anyone wants to know you hasn't shit themselves you lie to yourselves me for ages you'll never be ill

I'm like a baby no but when I'm ill I just be like oh I'm probably going to shit myself I'll go to the toilet I don't I don't just decide oh I might shit myself

what I'll do is I'll crack open the laptop light a candle I don't think you understand I might shit myself what I'll do is I'll crack open the laptop light a candle I don't think you understand the extent of how I am once the whole house goes off

I'll spew it all over as well won't I I think I've been very brave actually I mean put up with this nonsense if anyone wants to know why we don't do

merch for podcasts most podcasts what they do is they get like a quote there's all shirts and they'll put the quotes on the shirt and that's what they sort of sell. I don't think we can sell

a shot of myself a wanking shirt. A podcast powered by Natalie's dildo. Yeah, speaking of her sponsor. Natalie's sexual ungratification. Noise reducing QC35 dildo. What's noise reducing when you put it up there?

What I'm like I got a the car got broken in like 2013 maybe still battery left yeah she's obviously

changed them I don't know I found it in a dusty box you can't you can't call it a dusty box that's very racist at the moment You can't call a vagina a dusty box. That's very racist, admittedly.

Oh, Natalie, still Marius, please. Right, shall we get on to our muggle corners? Yes. I can tell your one's going to, as always, everything you do leads to a debate. Because I'm smart, I like to discuss things. No, go on. Alright.

It's just one muggle corner each. One muggle corner each. Yeah, it's a straight one. Okay, alright. I had a couple here. Muggles call other people's football team shit when they are glory hunters. I concur. Now this is...

There's a lot to... I'll let you explain. This is shots fired. Yeah. No, no, no, but I think I'm technically almost in the clear, but I'll allow you to make your argument. Okay. This all started on a sunny day

when I was on a train to Manchester. I had to connect it to the Wi-Fi, paid for the Wi-Fi, I'm keeping up with the football score because I support a team called Crystal Palace and... If you haven't heard them we know why we're

we're not doing very well in the league like we're not doing very well at all and up until this point we hadn't scored a goal in like nine games so

and we're playing Chelsea last year's champions so I'm like and my team and Daniel's team so I'm like I'll just check the score every night

and I'm just on the train and I look and there's a text from my dad, and it's just like, we've scored. And then Chelsea score, and we score again. So of course,

I'm in the WhatsApp group chatting absolute shit, because I should be able to. Daniel kicked me from the WhatsApp group. Power hungry. I will admit here, in hindsight, now that I've had a lot of time to think,

I was absolutely in the wrong in that situation. I got very sensitive, right? We were in Jersey, right? I think it was an early start, it was really grumpy. Also, you know how to wind me up more than anyone else on this planet, and I absolutely bit. I absolutely bit.

I hold my hands up, right, and admit what I did was wrong. He totally got you back as you slaughtered him for having a shit team. And then Scotland got put out. So he started doing your exact shtick to him for having a shit team and you spit your dummy out. Forgetting Mark Nelson was in the...

Mark Nelson nearly killed himself. I get it. Though I will stand by. I gave you shit about Palace because of the shit you'd given rightfully about Palace beating Chelsea. So I gave you that shit in return. And then you did transfer it to the international one where I understand why you did but I was like

could you be a bit more crucible? In fact I'll admit this the international thing happened before Palace and Chelsea no it did it did because I was chatting shit because you said to me Palace are playing Chelsea this weekend watch how much shit I chat when we beat you that's what happened so then when I was

on the train I started I started chatting loads of shit you that's what happened so then when I was on the train the plot thickens I started I started chatting loads of shit that's what happened anyway so we're in a WhatsApp group

with a handful of comedians who have been regular guests on this podcast who majority are glory seekers absolutely you've got like

you've got Arsenal and Chelsea fans from Scotland you've got Liverpool fans from Ireland he's from Ireland and he's meant to be like ooh

up the rah not ooh up the rarsnal right and then he's like to me oh yeah he was like going to me oh I support Arsenal more than you support

Palace and he's like oh Palace are shit and I'm like well how many times have you won a Champions League oh zero I'm like oh well my team's won it loads of times who do

you support Real Madrid because I'm just going to choose a team from another country as well I it loads of times who do you support Real Madrid because I'm just going to choose a team from another country as well I will argue my case here the reason I support

Chelsea is because I was brought in kicks upon Thames so when I was it's funny how you like you really deny being English when people are

saying you're English right but the minute your football team comes in which by the way you started supporting them on Roman Ivanovic's takeover

which is so convenient it's so like you didn't even know who Ranieri was when he fucking started managing Leicester and he actually

took Chelsea through some fucking hard times first of all I absolutely knew who Ranieri was because I did my research into it the reason was

I supported East Fife and Hibs which are still my two fucking main teams so I do not look I've been to several East Fife games

and it's the worst thing in the world it's just love the team love the fans but we get gabbed so fucking regularly like we went up

one season we go back down right and everyone in my team supports Celtic and Rangers and everyone starts supporting an English football team right

English Premier League is the best league in the world right I'm not just going to sit on the outside right and just go I'll not support anyone

I'll just watch you can't pick and choose what you love about us but no one no one my point is no one started supporting in Scotland

and went oh I'm going to pick Aston Villa and then Aston Villa. It's like you all happen to pick the top four teams. That's why I love Nelson. Nelson picked Everton. You want it to struggle?

Yeah, yeah. Closest to my fucking birthplace. I went, what is the team? No, that would be Wimbledon. Kingston upon Thames would be Wimbledon, which is league three. I'm going to check the postcard of that. No, it is. Kingston upon Thames, your closest team would be Wimbledon, not Chelsea. I'm definitely going to check the postcard of that no it is Kingston your closest

team would be Wimbledon not Chelsea I'm definitely going to check the postcard on that it's absolutely

100% so what happens in this whatsapp is that Elliot you get totally swarmed on by glory

seekers but it's like this fucking little ring of people who think they're

right but they're wrong but they're validating each other because there's so many of them and I have to

keep coming in and rescue you because I'm a long suffering Newcastle fan I have to keep coming in and just going lads you a long-suffering Newcastle fan I have to keep coming in and just going lads you's are wrong here

you can't like shit on Elliot for supporting his local club no we're not shitting him for supporting his local club we're shitting him because his team shit

yeah yeah but that's my point why it's Muggery because it's like fine if I'm just going to flat out say oh I'm just going to pick the best team

well guess what I'm just going to pick Real Madrid I'm going to pick Barcelona right but the point is I'm not I've gone and supported team. Well, guess what? I'm just going to pick Real Madrid. I'm going to pick Barcelona, right? But the point is, I'm not. I've gone and supported the team that's local to me because it's a community thing.

And then when, like, I had it all the time at school when Palace were in a championship. We were looking like we were going to get relegated. Oh, your team's crap. We're winning the Champions League. And it's like, yeah, because you chose the best team. It means nothing. I've never, ever, ever in my life

shouted on Crystal Palace until you shot on Chelsea right it was an utter it's not my fault we beat you every season right it was an utter utter rebuttal

but this is the thing again right you sent a message saying death to Palace on one of them oh at least seven but like

I fully agree look you can argue the place of fucking glory hunt whatever right I came in to support

Chelsea that time I've supported Chelsea All the way through that I tried to find a fucking Local team to mine Like success Breeds fans If you're going to say

I can't support Chelsea You've got to go to Africa And take every Man United top Off of every child over there And be like Nah nah nah You've got to support Your local fucking team

You've got to go fucking Brazil Where all the leagues are shit And you'd be like None of you are allowed To support None of you are allowed To support Barcelona Even though you're Argentinian

And you love Messi You're not allowed To support Barcelona Because that though you're Argentinian and you love Messi, you're not allowed to support Barcelona because that's not your local team. I think the leagues are pretty good over there. Here's something that you keep throwing in as well, where you and Ryan Cullen and everyone, you've always put on him that it's fucking dumb to be patriotic over a geographical location.

Oh, like, I support the team nearest my house. That's like going out with a girl that lives in your street instead of casting a net and all that right but as soon as the fucking international stuff's on you're singing Flower of Scotland like nobody else

and you're like how does patriotism like only count because patriotism's country not no but it's like patriotism's literally country but there's no if you

but that local pride there's flags there's people people I would argue by the way I don't shit on you for support

I know why you support Palace I support. I know I support Palace. I will constantly say my argument is Palace are shit. You're back a wrong argument because there's so many of you. Because you're outnumbered, and that's why it's nice to have you outnumbered now, in public. Yeah. I still stand by everything I've said.

And you can't change who you support. I guarantee you would never have supported Chelsea, even though you're from Kingston and you support. I guarantee you would never have supported Chelsea, even though you're from Kingston and you were born in England and all that stuff. You would never have supported Chelsea had they not had the meteoric rise the minute you started waking up to football. Probably. It's like Gareth Ward started supporting Arsenal in 2006.

And then went to me, but it's not the glory years. And that to me was the mentality of people who choose their football team. It was, oh, we were only getting Champions League. me was the mentality of people who choose their football team was oh we were only getting champions league like that was that's the mentality yeah because i remember i got a text from someone one day when arsenal got knocked out of champions league in fact i think it was my dad got a text a friend and it said uh oh we've just been knocked out the group stage of champions league this is what it feels like to support palace and you're like you have no idea like if that's your level you don't know the struggle of the struggle your team goes through you that's you've just

no idea and that was quite a strange one as well when Gareth was getting very passionate about the football and then he announced that he'd only

started supporting them like in 2006 and you're like what you did what you mean you've just started watching football because 2006 he was so

recent to me the problem I think the reason everyone get defensive right it's because like even if you're taking glory hunt whatever we all

we all support your team with a lot of fucking passion right you can sit there being like you're glory hunt it's because even if you're taking Gloria Hunt whatever we all support your team with a lot of fucking passion right you can sit there being like you're Gloria Hunt

it's like I've supported Chelsea for 14 years now it's easy to support a team with passion when they're winning

dude I hope I never have the chance to prove to you that when Chelsea are shit because I will if they go down

not that they will but if they ever do I hope I never get the opportunity to prove to you that I Chelsea are shit I hope, because I will, if they go down not that they will, but if they ever do, I hope I never get the opportunity to prove to you that I'll still support Chelsea then Oh my god, but you'll watch less matches, I tell you that, because fuck me Newcastle bore me sometimes I'll sit there being bored for an hour and a half

by my old team. I watched us lose 3-1 to Colchester on my mate's birthday, we went as a treat for it It's not a treat. It's a struggle. The struggle is real. So what's the mugglery? Glory Seekers are...

No, no. It's not just... Okay, I can understand your argument of supporting the team and stuff, but my point is it's like when it's mugglery to go,

ha-ha, your team's shit, but I'm supporting the local team. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. For big teams to shit on local teams. And I noticed this as well in my area. Everyone sort of suddenly started coming a Palace fan

when we got promoted or when we got to the semi-final of the Carling Cup and the final of the FA Cup. Everyone suddenly became fans. It's easier to be a fan when you're doing well though. Like, fuck man, when Newcastle have been like, I can't watch them on Match of the Day

when they're in the in the championship you have to fucking actually I had to sign up to the website to watch the highlights on the Newcastle

website and pay a monthly subscription and I'm not getting it with decent commentary or anything it's actually more difficult when you're

not in the top flight to support your team oh hugely and the other argument that was said which is silly was about how oh Elliot do you

like Conor McGregor yeah you're glory hunting and it's like it's completely different I was losing the argument so I needed to make something we should all be Bisping fans

this is how I argue the second the second I start the second I start losing an argument I stop using my logic and I start twisting yours

because it's the best because it stops being about being right. It's about proving other. But I will admit and I'll stand in the corner for 30 seconds. My one. Muggles go to the opera. You spend, God knows, and it's very posh Muggles.

It's very rich Muggles. You spend your hard earned cash to go watch a bunch of pensioners play Nokia 3310 ringtones. I would I would I think it's such a horrible

I agree with you but I saw one of my favourite shows I've ever seen was a Mark Thomas show about how his dad went to see the opera and his dad was like

this working class but that was you saw a comedy show yeah but it was like it was like oh it made it sound good

it was like oh right so I imagine like if I learned to understand that. I just don't understand. Well, I don't understand opera enough to make a comment on it, but it was funny when Ricketts had suggested going to see Hans Zimmer, who is obviously not an opera actor.

I guess he did a musical performance, but he does suspenseful music. But what is brilliant, and I fucking love all of his work, like I love Inception but that other one with Matthew McConaughey where he goes into space interstellar fucking wonderful

Blue Planet like half the shit that you watch that's got suspenseful music on you don't even realise Hans Zimmer makes the music Hans Zimmer makes the music right

but what is good about it is like it'll build suspense so you're watching like a fucking Conga Eel's about to make it's like attack on something so it'll build a suspense

and then as it attacks the music goes with it so all the sound effects are him reacting to what he's saying now if you take the imagery away from it you just get a suspense

for nothing like oh here it comes here what comes oh nothing just be careful but how do you sing in an opera

you've got to sit down right and just sit down and listen you're not just singing along and if you're always singing along you can't like what do you sing in an opera you've got to sit down right and just sit down and listen you're not just singing along and if you're always singing along you can't like

da da da da da da da I love the words they're great real deep but isn't opera all in Italian or Latin

one of them oh yeah I think we're getting opera and orchestra confused a lot as well orchestra and opera like opera's yeah

yeah I've never I've never really understood why people go to the pro do you know what i hate is when they do the proms or something and then they're like and we're gonna get like a rapper to rap over someone and you're like don't try make this like let it be either let it be cool to the people who like it and not cool to the people who don't like it like a school teacher like a school teacher putting his hat on backwards. Just let it die. I feel that exact way about jazz. I'm just like, the second jazz dies, I'm going to be so thrilled.

It's slowly dying and it's so fun to watch jazz die. Apparently there's a wicked jazz bar in Soho. That one my mate wanted to go through. Jazz is the improv of music. It's the improv of music. You learn bass. I appreciate the talent that goes into jazz you've got to be able to fucking play these this music and these instruments so

fucking well and you make up an improv but it's just not like do a song i know i don't want to hear you go it's loud it's annoying it's elevator music and i'm not in an elevator why are you reminding me of the worst time in my fucking life when i'm in an elevator with some kind of hate have you gone and spoke to someone about any of these things no no yeah are you putting music you don't like in muggle corner no no i'm gonna stick with opera uh or yeah opera and orchestra i'll agree with you i think if somebody was going to the opera and didn't have any understanding but kept going as like a just as a class or status. I think you do have an understanding.

I do feel like the orchestra thing is an accompaniment to something else. It's like you watch, if you have a musical and there's an orchestra there, that orchestra is amazing. Yeah. Like you say, the movie that you're watching or the documentary that you're watching, it's like an accompaniment.

Like it's so weird to go and listen to it on your own. Like, just listen to it on its own like just listen to it on its own sorry not on your own but you agreed I'll put it in I'm inclined to

but I'm a little bit uneducated I'd like to go to an opera just so I can look around and go yeah Muggle yeah yeah but I'm pretty convinced

that would be the case I've not gone to an opera so I haven't done the research but I'm just basing it on what I imagine it's provisionally in the Muggle corner provisionally right to an opera, so I haven't done the research, but I'm just basing it on what I imagine there are. It's provisionally in Muggle Corner, provisionally. Right, cool. What's your one? I don't think anybody that goes to operas listens to this podcast.

Exactly. Normally Muggle Corner. It's genuinely higher arts against hedonism, isn't it? Right, so I've got a Muggle Corner. I just didn't have it open. Sorry for the stalling. Oh, yeah, this is just because my mate Ryan applied for Jodie's show. Muggles applied to be on Jodie's show.

It's like you're buying your lottery ticket. You think your number's going to come up and you're going to be famous for your 15 minutes? Imagine having the idea that you think you're going to go on that show and you're going to look good. Like they're going to make you look good. People are laughing at you. I think the thing where Ryan probably would be good at Joe's show is just this lovely, high energy...

Is there a big gay little Ryan? Big gay little Ryan. Did Flaring for you during the Fringe? He was a great fighter. He's charismatic as fuck. But he'd be great on that show, but he'd probably get rejected because he's not some fucking

he's not an asshole and he's not fucking buff he's not he's not eye candy for the for bimbos he's and he's not he's not really bitchy enough either

like every time i've had a i think he could be like oh yeah yeah he can crank that up clearly he's only bitch when i'm not there

i about about it um so yeah he's applying for that because Ryan works with Punch Drunk a lot and I was trying to get a fruit of him dude you work with so many people who are genuinely talented why would you be drawn to something that it promotes lack of talent

it promotes celebration of ignorance lack of substance is what it thrives on yet you're working in this industry that is like fucking talented people everywhere. Yet there's this shortcut industry, which is, I guess, car crash television. It's what we made the show Muff about.

And I hate that people look at that as a little out, like, oh, I could maybe escape the grind and be seen and have my moment in the sun. I'm like, develop a talent, dude. Like, he's a fucking charismatic man like take up acting

take up comedy take up singing or like learn an instrument or just do something of talent but don't go into there I don't just don't like

look for the because it is a fast pass isn't it a fame remember remember before TV right people would be famous for their accolades in war

or their their like like a bard would be famous for their accolades in war or their like a bard would be famous for doing a recount of a story in a song people would become

famous because of their accolades now you don't even need to have an accolade you just need the camera to be pointing at you do you know what

I was thinking the new generation come through are going to do those reality shows that the old generation never had like if you had

2004 Big Brother or whatever they never had Twitter or Facebook so they never would have gone on and said something risky and then one day thinking like if you if you don't the thing is with our job is you always think like maybe i shouldn't put this up because someone could get it bring it out of context i'll get brought down yeah no chat should get banged yeah which one great philosopher once said and uh but with the newer generation come through

like that guy just got evicted from i'm a celebrity because apparently i've not seen tweets but apparently they're racist and homophobic or something and you're like you go on these shows now and your whole like life yeah everything you've once all the mistakes you made all the mistakes when you weren't in the limelight when you're figuring yourself out yeah exactly and i just brought up and it's like nah get off the show you don't get a chance to apologise or a redemption

you're just outcast I think like yeah a lot of times if you've said something recently you should be held accountable something you said

10 years ago of course you should be able you should be allowed the opportunity to be like I was an absolute fucking moron

I said some horrible stupid things we've mentioned this in the podcast several times about Crystal Palace nah I stand by those Death to Palace

you say some stupid things I didn't say this much shit when I was 16 17 years old but unfortunately I did have a platform to say it I've not gone through it but I don't imagine I said anything to but I'd hate for people to be like but you said this, you're like, yes, I did.

I'm not like... I've moved on from that, actually. I can't say that I've grown since then. Yeah, people's past can't catch up with them as if it's their opinion now. And for some people it is. Like Donald Trump famously said, I've not changed.

I'm the same person I was when I was five years old. That's a direct Donald Trump. Oh my God. So yeah, applying to be in a... changed I'm the same person I was when I was five years old that's a direct oh my god uh so yeah applying to be in a reality tv shows as your little fast pass over there go apply to be muggle corner yeah just fucking do the grind learn some shit find a get a skill so in muggle corner is uh glory hunters who shit on little teams yeah uh orchestra slash opera people who go to that and people who apply to be on reality TV shows yeah

and before we go any further Elliot before we go into the dad jokes do you have anything to plug which shows you I have a couple things is it alright

if I plug something I'm doing in April of course yeah cool so these are just a few things

coming up that I know people from so in February on the 3rd I've got nothing really in London at the moment that's just my thing but in so in February on the 3rd I've got nothing really in London at the moment that's just my thing but in February 1st

to the 3rd I'll be at Edinburgh stand with Gareth Wall two of the fucking podcast listeners and Edinburgh is blessed and on April the 2nd to the 4th I'll be at Punchdrunk yes I'll be at Punchdrunk which I'm very much looking forward to with

Marcus Brigstocke and Glenn Wool amazing and this Sunday I will be fighting my first interclub Muay Thai fight yes so if you want to

come to that if you want to come and watch me if you want to see him get punched in the face kicked in the body I'll be more Punch Drunk at that one actually

there's Punch Drunk so last week we've got the Soho Theatre Run to plug we're both going to be there at overlapping times mine is the 7th, 8th and 9th

I think yours is from the 4th till the 9th yeah mine is I think it's from the 3rd to the 10th I think mine is

so you can come see both our solo shows in London at the Soho Theatre mine is 7th, 8th and 9th of December you can get the

tickets online and it's on at 9pm and me and Kair are still on tour Thursday the 23rd of November we're in Cardiff

Friday Kirkcaldy. Saturday Salford. Sunday Hull. Tuesday the 28th Barnard Castle. Wednesday Carlisle. And then I'll update you all on those next week. I have one last thing. I'm on Twitter at ElliotStillCom and Facebook ElliotStill.

I'm putting out a new couple stand-up videos soon. Sweet. That's cool. Right. So I haven't wrote all my dad jokes because i haven't been very well i've only got nine uh uh kai your dad oh no sorry steel your dad has his has my name on his writer kai your dad keeps right in hashtag me free on me too posts. Your dad has pockets in his jeans. Kyle, your dad cleans his hairbrush

with his teeth. Danny, your dad wears his best Stone Island and writes hashtag away day and hashtag no pyro no party on Facebook before driving you and the rest of your teammates to the school football match. Elliot, your dad uses

his tip X on his teeth instead of brushing him Elliot your dad has a disabled parking pass for his lisp Kai your dad is still wearing

his poppy loves his country Danny your dad purposefully puts a stone in his shoe to remind himself that the struggle is real

and that live is to suffer Kai your dad left your mum because she wouldn't let him call you Sonny McSunface. Danny, your dad has a podcast with a segment called Your Son but it's not the same.

Elliot, your dad makes his toast on the hub. Elliot, your dad wipes his arse with a cotton bud. Kai, your dad makes his toast on the hub. Elliot, your dad wipes his arse with a cotton bud. Kai, your dad got a caution at work because he keeps calling Islam is lame and it's making Sajid very uncomfortable. Danny, your dad hired two prostitutes and the three of them just sat around in their pyjamas braiding their hair all day. Kai, your dad dabs at weddings. Danny, your dad took a poo in Ibiza because he had heat stroke.

Are you out, Kai? I've got one left. Who wants it? Me, I'll take it. Your dad turned up to baseball practice but accidentally brought a dildo instead of a baseball bat and then spent the entire training session worrying about what he'd done with the bat.

Natalie's happy though. Kai, your dad has a bookmark for his Kindle. Danny, your dad has been smoking weed for 40 years but still can't roll a spliff. Oh, fuck, that's me. Shots fired. Elliot, your dad's slut drops truth bombs. Danny, your dad Slut drops Truth bombs

Danny your dad Doesn't support his Local football team Because he's a huge cuck Is that it We're all done That's it Romeo done Five minutes lost

To the ether But we enjoyed it Aye We'll be back Next week Thank you Elliot Steele For coming on the podcast we'll definitely

have you back on to defend your intelligence once more yes and I better put these batteries back where they came from Morgan's out