Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 2.38 Anything but Muay Thai

Episode Date: April 26, 2018

After strict instruction from Natalie and a handful of tweets, Muggins and Milk make a special effort not to talk about Muat Thai or any of their common intersts that might not be shared by the beloved listeners. So they discuss fashion and religeon and other things they're not particularly into. 

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and Cream, Cream and Muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' Muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Aww, Muggles. Accidental rim job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglopedia. Where have you been since 9-11?

We're going to Muggins down to Milk Avenue and then we'll take... Don't look at us like that. Don't look at us like that. Don't fucking... Didn't give you any look there, mate. Mate.

How can I look at you when you're doing that? I'm working really hard now. We've nearly done 100 podcasts now. It's fucking getting tiring for me too trying to fucking think of these.

Hashtag me too. And then I think of them. It is tiring for hashtag me too but I think of them and then belt them out and then just go go creed what apathy from you and daniel i just think he's like respect i think i should just do this podcast on my own actually well and it's just going to be an hour of you like revamping old songs but adding the word cream and muggins i haven't no i left less of your white i should anyway don't you we're trying not to

bring it up because god forbid we should talk about something that we both enjoy because people are getting bored with the fucking

name of that show I'm gonna tweet into two people just interjecting into two people's conversations that they're having Natalie actually

stopped as well Natalie stopped it some other guy on Twitter I think it's kind of funny isn't it like because we must be boring the shit out

of people with it that's why I fucking mentioned I got it completely the way before we started talking no we're still onto it let's quickly change

the topic well there's nothing else to talk about we went for a nice little meal last night in Surbiton

with Barry Barry Castaneda's birthday blew out his candles wished for cake got what he wished for quite a lot of cake if you ask me that's my

one of my favourite jokes which I did last night was when he blew out his candles and started undressing going why did you wish for this the rest of the table

didn't really appreciate it did they I did every time every time someone blows out candles oh right so it was an old bit recycled material

it's like a recycled material I'm surprised when the song started happening and you didn't start going happy birthday to cream and then some

like you were going to do one of your beginnings of the podcast that's a good one I appreciate that I was grateful for that it was a really good good idea

yeah and then I hope you're fine I can't talk about my beloved sport so I have to come on and be funny now don't I

I've got a couple of the good like situational bits that you do obviously the one where I do you're going to

jump in the shower and then you go you should step in carefully or you'll get hurt you've got a great one I jump in the shower because I can't afford a bodyguard

oh yeah that's my favourite one I do when I'm playing Fortnite just for people that don't know there's a weapon called a SCAR.

Right? It's a rifle, assault rifle. And the purple one's a good one. Right? So I always go, oh, sweet, I've got a purple SCAR. I'll find it.

I'll find a purple SCAR and I'll go, oh, sweet, I've got a purple SCAR and I'll give it a beat and I'll go, just above me right nipple. Because it makes me sound like I've got it but anyways it's very good it's very good little jokes i've got a message one time for someone on instagram going hey i

love youtube's banter on the podcast and i'm like oh you should see us in real life when you don't get a hearing what was it it when I was with Soppet? Oh, my God. Fucking amazing. Yeah, so we were, it was the night before Punch Drunk. I'd been, I was in London, so I was like,

hey, I'll come up the night before. So you come on the Sunday. It's okay, it was a Sunday. We'll not mention it, but we're going to train on the Monday, so you come up early. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We were going to go and write stuff for the podcast.

Yeah. Yeah, spend hours working on the podcast yeah yeah spend hours working on the podcast and then yeah we we go to Sopit Sopit Sopit doesn't roll a spliff

he rolls he rolls a uranium rod you look at it it looks like that thing that Homer Simpson is fucking throwing around that goes down the back of his

what the fuck was that fucking projector I just got a text oh he was texting me projector I just beeped text oh who's texting me projector I just beeped twice yeah you rolled

like the fucking in your rod off the opening scene of the Simpsons and then fucking puts in your hand like oh you said come run for a split

I don't really smoke weed anymore but I used to I used to smoke like super scog and I think it's really bad for you but every

every now and then you go oh I'll take a few pulls on a joint and sometimes I take a few pulls on a joint and sometimes i take a couple pulls on a joint i have a nice time and i sit there i'm a bit mellow i'm a bit giggly cool whatever but this this wasn't weed this was this was like crack weed crack it's just because it was the like shambles that's in it because like every time you're taking a draw it's like taking a bong hit but you're like you wouldn, it's like taking a bong hit. But you're like, you wouldn't puff, puff, pass

a fucking bong forever. No. You know, like, for, like, fucking several talks each. It went for, like, 30 minutes. It went for ages. And then we got, like, severely fucked up. But I kept, what was the fucking pun? I was doing something.

His mate, it was his mate Chicken. It was, like, his mate Chicken and me and you kept doing jokes about... Yeah, cooped up and like he left the door open we're barn in a barn yeah there's something to do with a beak as well yeah as you like the beak you keep egging him on stop it just kept telling his story during all these belting jokes and then and you just looked at me and went you should see it when you're when it's just me and him yeah because like he didn't

he didn't like he didn't not even appreciate them didn't acknowledge them it's almost as if he didn't realise that everything that was coming out

of my mouth was a chicken pun yet still applied to what he was saying in the story and it was like for how high I was I thought it was

a pretty good banner but something just batted away I'll tell you what happened with that wee day was one of them things where when we smoked that secondary he was like I'll tell you what happened with that weed there was one of them things

where when we smoked that second he was like oh I'll just roll a single skin and he was huge it was unreal and then we smoked that and I was like I think I've smoked enough weed that I'm no longer high that was my train of thought and I had this sugary orange juice and I was drinking it

and I went and I started lying in bed and I actually thought i was gonna die and i swear to god i started coming scared that i'd drunk so much orange juice that i'd over hydrated myself and i was gonna die and then i thought a sugar rush was gonna kill me and then i thought i was gonna die because i was simpson yes i thought i was going to die because something said something about the radiator and I was like I forgot to turn the radiator on

I'm going to die cold and then this was my train of thought I was so high right I have a bit of anxiety I started getting anxiety and the way it works is like you just find something and manifest into it and I started thinking

what if I'm one of those what if I've got repressed homosexuality It just finds something and manifests into it. And I started thinking, what if I'm one of those, what if I've got repressed homosexuality, but I just don't know it? Because that's what repressed homosexuality is. So I'm in Sopit's house and I'm like, but I don't even fancy men. This is the worst kind of repressed homosexuality. You're just having an internal conflict.

Oh, internal conflict. Whether you're gay or not. And then I'm in Sopit's house, right? And I go well what I've got to what do I do here I think I've got to watch gay porn

and see if it turns me on and then I know you want to see if I can start watching gay porn at that high no I decided against it because as high as I was

I was a bit like let's see how you feel in the morning before we start making music before you wake up and Sobit up by the sound of like

gay porn right and I have this plan I wake up the stop it up by the sound of like gay porn right and like so I have this plan I wake up the next day and I tell you about it and you're like oh fucking hell man I thought I was the only one

having them intrusive thoughts oh man I was having such intrusive thoughts it was like hey think of this think of that but it was always like just fucking like

grim shit grim shit like fucking oh think of someone dying think of like fucking think of your mother's tits think of a think of a teenage ass dick you think your mother's tits think of a thing you think of a teenager's dick like no i don't think any of that by the way i know i know there'll

be people listening who are gay it's not the problem of of being it's the intrusive thought it's the intrusive thought of like who am i do i even really know me what you know it's just like a fucking pure malfunction to be in stone you know like i was just glad i woke up in the morning i wasn't having intrusive thoughts like i wasn't like oh that's just how I live now One time I was in Birmingham Glee With Thomas Stade and John Fothergill Good eggs Great eggs, big stoners

And I drank this weed They had this drinkable weed I drank that Smoking joints And we go to this bar And I actually just leave them I'm done i'm like i don't but i don't say that i'm done i'm going i'm going like i panic i ran back to my hotel room and

had a panic attack similar thing i thought oh what if you're a pedophile when you just don't know it yet well you had the same thoughts yeah but what happens is when you start getting intrusive thoughts like that when you're like fucking super big you have to stay present of mind to think about what you want to think about so i just start like thinking about my holidays and thinking about things coming up and try and like delve into my spank bank and all that just to try and keep uh sovereignty of my thoughts because i don't trust that if i let me uh subconscious take over that my subconscious won't go to dark places oh man it's the worst that i when if but the problem is you start thinking about like a holiday you got coming up and then you start thinking things like oh my god imagine danny got swept out to sea and you're like

then it'd be the best holiday ever no daddy was dead and you're like oh thank god for these intrusive thoughts someone just got a regular desk but just came permanent on the podcast he lost his job as a support act now i have to go back to the leisure center and watch the pool ironically if only there was a lifeguard on that holiday no that's my thing with weed yeah but this is this is this is the argument i i used to smoke a lot of weed and my and i've very rarely that's the last time i smoked weed uh because sometimes i just have when i start having a shit time on something i now go well why am i doing this yeah like and with spliff i started doing that and i think there's people who all throughout things people manage shit differently

i don't think i've ever really fucked up too badly and you've been with me when i've been hammered i start saying dumb shit but you don't have to carry me home yeah you don't have to throw me in the back of a cat like i can handle i i and that's not to say i drink a lot but that's saying i know how much drink i'm having yeah whereas i think with me with spliff i don't really know how much i'm putting in i don't know i and i've smoked this since i was like 12 or something so i think that's had like an adverse effect on me and now i've gotten to the age where i'm mature enough to go oh that's that's just not doing me any good it's not doing me any favors so I don't what do you think about the around the whole pop culture

thing well I feel like um some people shouldn't do it I feel like I'm one of one of the people that that's fine with it right like I can I can lose track of conversation and forget what I'm talking about without losing my mind about it right like sometimes I'll be in the middle of telling a story and I'll go

fuck I forgot what I'm saying and then we'll all laugh and then I'll trace back and find out what it was we're talking about and then get back on track some people get that

and then crumble and they go down a fucking rabbit hole of like oh my god I'm fucked and I feel like it's for some people it's not for others

there's a few people I know that don't touch weed and it's because they'll get paranoid and shit I don't really get that much paranoia but if you do get paranoid of course you shouldn't do it just like if you drink

and you get aggressive you shouldn't drink yeah I don't get paranoia past a certain point but like I think there's a thing like whenever I've smoked weed like Sloss I think

is always quite good with spliff and also this isn't like sort of an insult he doesn't the weed in London is just grown I've smoked weed. Like, Sloss, I think, is always quite good with spliff. And also, this is like, sort of an insight, he doesn't, the weed in London is just grown above a shop

that, you know, it's just all chemically sprayed and stuff. And that can't be good for you. Like,

it cannot be good for you. That legal weed in LA is fucking amazing. Like, I went over to LA thinking,

fucking, well, I've been to amsterdam like what could have that like but because there's a vape on the go and there's spliff on the go i was just like spent the whole aim and the fucking hairs like it was going it was great really but yeah like really important when because that's like produced properly yeah it's not produced over here it's just like some of that chemical stuff is just it just it just fucks with your mind and i i know people i've got friends who sadly smoke way too much and they speak real slow like that and you're like yeah you're not meant to speak like that

fuck me the weed's called amnesia you shouldn't do anything that's called amnesia like you wouldn't smoke something called hiv positive would you like you should not be if something was called like really nice time weed oh give me a bit of that but amnesia wow because this shit make you forget bro like no i don't want to forget could i have could i have an ounce of down syndrome please next thing you know you're fucking drooling in your love everyone you've got super strength in your mates can put your nets I missed Daniel I've missed I've not seen we've just been hanging out with

him on fortnight he didn't really say much to me yeah he said stuff like hey do you need half a shield and you got any bandages that sort of didn't really say much to me yeah he said stuff like hey do you need half a shield you know the usual bandai anyone got any bandages that sort of stuff i was like i could do some bandages from your purple scar just uh fortnite's great anyway what's gonna happen now is people who don't play fortnite are gonna be like oh will you stop talking about fortnite how dare you have an interesting telling can you talk about

some ham and cheese can you just tell one of them stories with one of your shit yourself we don't shit ourselves every week sometimes

no actually most weeks enough for the people listening to this know me fuck man no okay fair enough

do you yeah yes should I tell a quick shit myself story you must shit myself on a

jog once I don't have a routine about this actually but this is not the routine this is the story I shit myself on a jog when I was trying to beat me five kilometres

it wasn't a wet fart it was a full shit and the shit came out when I was like 100 metres before the end of the run right but I still wanted to

beat my personal best so I sprinted with a big log smushing between my butt cheeks and I get the end it's raining as well and I'm in the rain like yes oh no

it's like the end of Shawshank Redemption where you crawled out the sewer uh huh and then and then I realised that I'd run five mile in one direction

instead of running in a circuit back to my house so I had to walk back five kilometres in the rain and I was shitting my pants so we can tell stories like that but we just don't want to we want to talk about

common interests bruv like why do you have so many shit yourself stories like you shouldn't have that amount you shouldn't that's not healthy

that's not healthy to do that oh my fucking god I just realised I'm giving you shit I've not done a tax thing fuck sorry I was meant to spend today doing that

your taxes yeah to be honest you fucking bring that up we're talking about people are like oh it was boring you're talking about my tax

you're bringing a tax return up and trying to fucking save the game nah do you know what it is I was about to give you shit for not being an adult like going that's it and then I've sat here

and I'm like oh you moron are you adulting are you adulting right now no no no I was going to be like adults don't shit themselves. And then a bit of the subconscious weed bit in my head went,

yeah, but guess what, bro? Adults do their tax return. So, yeah. So you're going to say that. So I'm in the same ballpark as you just for not. Who does their tax return in April, man? They didn't fucking. Oh, I have a thing.

I've had a big fallout with them. It's a long, boring story that I probably should have brought up after the podcast well there you go tell it now give people an insight into the world of a job and

since we're not allowed to talk about our common interests anymore of a job and comedian how does your tax return go down what's happening fuck man

I basically you didn't put fucking haircuts against did I give you that well I think my hair looks really nice it doesn't look nice today because i've been at that place that shall not be named and uh it the the problem with long hair is that it has long hair don't care long hair don't care it takes it takes a bit of maintenance like the

nice thing with short hair is you can just bang a bit of product in it whatever we've done bish bosh long hair you've got to leave the shampooing condition it you've got to do all sorts of stuff just brushing it

what else all sorts of can you go and do a shampoo and conditioning and all sorts of stuff because surely that's covered in shampoo

what the fuck is the other shit that you're doing are you killing Tom no you've just got to I don't even know what i'm meant to be doing with it man i mean i get told all manner of things i'm meant to be here's one

of those things where i think a lot of snake oil stuff is sold and as in you get told a thousand different things you're meant to do with hair by so many different people but what no one knows in it hair is i mean this is sort of stoneoner chat, right? But hair is so weird that we'll fucking value it. You know, like, we'll value it to a point, like if fucking Natalie got a bad haircut, she'd cry. Right? If she went and got a bad haircut. Didn't she cry one time after a bad haircut?

I think I did that as a bit, but she didn't. Oh. Yeah, yeah. I did it as a bit that she cried. She was very upset. But she wasn't going to go into work the next day oh because the next day

it would have day after that it would have been better wouldn't it yeah right she was trying to get it fixed she was going to take the day off to try and go to a different hairdresser

to get it fixed right is what she was going to do so when I did the bit right when I put the little white lie on it yeah was that like she

got me to phone in sick because to say that she was being sick she was diarrhea and vomiting so i phoned in at work because that was the fucking plan that was setting up so if this had come to its conclusion which when i told it on stage i told it as if it had come to the conclusion would be i was telling her boss that she'd was firing rusty oil out of her ass right because she was embarrassed by the fact she had a bad haircut that would be way more embarrassing

to make them visualise that you've got diarrhoea so but you just told a story about how you shit yourself in a five mile jog oh I ring, just start ringing people and telling them then, oh fuck I put on a podcast and then you try and give me shit about my hair which nobody can see apart from you so what i'm getting at is that like people like aspire to have nice hair and

they'll do things to the hair and they'll spend some money like i've fucking started just because of me i buy one i've started going to a tony and guy to get me hair cut is it good i mean what do you think all right i mean i wouldn't have noticed you'd been going. I haven't been for four weeks. I'm going to level with it. And I don't have any product in. But to that point that you're fucking spending money on a stylist or whatever. But like, what is it? It's peacock feathers?

Yeah, but do you know what? What the fuck is it? If you look good, you feel good. And if you feel good, you are good. Exactly. That's a quote from a guy from the villa that sometimes recite. Remember the show The Villa? Might have been before your time. I you meant aston villa nah i was fucking there

just saying jack gree last quotes so um yes i just think it's weird that we're like put so much value on it like surely you just go like the same as with like you just shave it off surely that should be the thing you do as you just go no it's in the way but it but but i will it's identity isn't it yeah avatar it is and did hair hair when it does look nice it is it is nice when it looks nice changes how you look doesn't it yeah i i've you know when i grew long hair and people hadn't seen me in a while, people who you see once a year at the Fringe, ironically.

Sorry, I tuned out. What did you say? You're going to have to listen back to the podcast to find out. Yeah, I will. I was busy thinking about what I was going to say next. I'm really sorry. I do that a lot, actually. I cue something up.

Often I don't even get to it because you don't shut up I wish these guys would see us when we're high no right sorry you were saying at the Fringe so when I grew my hair longer people who hadn't seen

at the Fringe people make a real it'd be a great mogul call just in case anybody doesn't know the Fringe is a festival in Edinburgh

because it's not always comedians listen to this or maybe comedy lovers it's just a coincidence it's called the Fringe when we're talking about i that's the joke i did that oh is it yeah dude dude our chemistry is awful it is awful i miss daniel i miss even though all of it's my fault and i do this to him too.

That was the joke I'd just done. Sorry mate, tell your story then. So anyway, say someone like Nick Crusher Cody, right? I've seen him a year, he'll be like,

oh fucking hell mate, grind your hair. And you're like, yeah, and then some people just, they go on this thing, they go, oh my God,

you've grown your hair. And he's like, as if I hadn't noticed. You know, what are you doing? And you go, no, you're just used to me having that haircut. And now I've come, if I had long hair to begin with, you wouldn't be going, what are you doing? Cut your hair. You fucking muggles. Fucking muggles.

Yeah. I was in the gym that should not be named yesterday and there was a guy who hadn't been training for like four weeks and I was just there like readying up

for about start skipping right and he just went are you that Geordie lad I went yeah and he went fucking hell

you got long hair and a beard it's like you've come in in disguise I was like he was just confused should have poked his belly and gone to some of you

yeah where have you been for four weeks but I'm there because I was saying about like having an avatar with like with your hair

it is your peacock feathers it is if everyone shaved it off it would all look a bit samey so everybody like they need it they put value on it

because that's their identity. Even though with, like, clothes and hair, I don't really pay that much attention. I don't know if, like, you do on labels, but it doesn't look like you do because your clothes are always quite plain. Nobody notices. And Danny doesn't give a fuck either. Yeah, I get what you mean. My clothes are quite plain, but, like, they're always a sort of brand. Yeah, like, you've spent money on your plain stuff.

Yeah. The thing is, though, is... So, like, yeah, they're always a sort of brand. Yeah, you've spent money on your plain stuff. Yeah. The thing is, though, is... So, like, yeah, you're really attempting to blend in. No, no, no, no. You're spending a good dollar on blending in. It's... Looking like you don't care. It's genuinely the thing is, I'll be able to do it now,

but the one, the brownish stuff with patterns is a lot much more expensive. No, I'm joking. No, I have a few, like like we always have this argument about clothes and i say with clothes just let people wear what they want to wear unless unless you're one of these people yeah that walk through a park in some sort of bdsm latex outfit that i saw in crystal palace park one time when i was like 15 on a bike with the boys and me and the boys i saw it i was on a bike yeah i turned the corner i see these guys in gimp suits and i went oh and this guy went don't

judge and i was like no no no no no no okay but not in fancy dress no no actual gimp they were like they were like sadomasochists yeah just buzzing about the place and it's like here's the thing yeah was it a hot day i mean yeah i was on the bike, like, in a T-shirt. What about for everybody else? You were cooking up a sweat, but... I mean, yeah, so it's a T-shirt. So, my thing with that is you can be a fucking wear-what-you-like cool, but if you're going to walk around in some sadomasochist outfit

and when people go, what the fuck? You're not allowed to go, oh, my God, you live in a society. Can we just have a society to judge and judge people? And it's like, well, you're wearing that, bro. You're going to get judged like living in the real world. You're going to walk around in a gimp suit. I've seen Pulp Fiction. I know how it ends.

I love my freedom to judge. Yeah. And you can judge away. In fact, like, why are you even trying to project yourself in a certain way if you don't want to be subject to judgment? If you don't want people to look at you and, like, choose how they feel about you based on the way you've done your hair or the way you look, why are you doing it in the first place?

Because it's just an expression, right? Yeah. Why would you express yourself if you don't want anyone to receive that expression and make their mind up on it? Don't judge unless it's good judgement. You can only say nice things about the way I've chose to

you can't just say you look like a gimp Exactly. Because you're a gimp you are a gimp. Can't walk around in arseless chaps. That's got a title it's called gimp. The other thing as well yeah is if you're gonna do that not everyone's gonna

wanna see it and I hate it when people do that thing of going would you say to a gay couple no no no no no because gay people have been oppressed

you know I mean gay people aren't allowed to get married if you turn up in a gimp outfit you're still probably gonna be able to get married as long as you're marrying

another woman in a gimp outfit or you're marrying someone of an opposite sex in a gimp outfit you're still probably going to be able to get married as long as you're marrying another woman in a gimp outfit or you're marrying someone of an opposite sex in a gimp outfit but so gay people have actually been oppressed i hate it when people use that like they pick like an actual marginalized group okay but we're being marginalized and you're like no you're being fucking weird you're being weird you can choose not to wear a gimp outfit you can't choose whether or not you're gay. That's the difference. I feel very social justice warrior of you today. Yeah, you do. Here's a question that I don't know the answer to,

and I don't even know if the question's inappropriate, right? But you know transvestites? Transvestites are drag artists, right? They're the ones that dress up as women. They don't identify as women. They're men who dress up as women. That's what a transvestite is. Is that right?

Correct. There's a difference between, I think drag is like an exaggerator. Drag is like a character. And I know that because we gig with drag acts during the Edinburgh Fringe. Yeah.

Like before Set List one year. Yeah, before Set List. It sounds funny. It's really funny. We're doing that overcompensating they were funny they were cool you know

they were just like us no no no there was a there was a drag act but I think that's like a character thing that's like when Milo draws

his moustache on it's a character it's an extension of their personality they're not the same as that so because transgender is a thing

that people have to be sensitive about, right? And some people are identifying... I know, I'm fucking... I'm just going to fucking barge through this door. Is this going to be another fat people who like bad smells, man? No. It's not.

No one tweeted about that, but I get shit about Moyta. It wasn't that bad. I fucking listened back. I'd rather listen to me being accidental. Well, maybe he's blasé, but right, fuck it. I'm not going down that hole again.

I'm going down this one. Transgenders, do they look at transvestites as somebody putting on blackface, the way a black person would look at a minstrel? That's interesting. Would they look at them going, oh, my struggle is real. I'm a woman in a man's body

and when I dress like a woman it's because I am a woman and I identify as a woman and I want the pronouns but you're just like flaunting around like going, hey, I look like a transgender. Look at my fake bosoms.

You're like, that is some like female that's still biologically a man just looking going, but I want bosoms i think i think that comes down to like they got a suit i think i think that comes down to yeah and the same with anything you're gonna have transgender people who are just like hey as long as people identify me as whatever i'm identifying as, cool, everyone else can do what they want.

And then you're going to have the ones who are like, the ones going, we want this political, like the same way you've got feminists who are like going, hey, we just want, you know, equal pay on certain things. You know, we want this, that and the other. And then you've got the ones going, everyone needs to think like this and dye their hair blue. You know, you know, you know, you got them.

Like with anything, you got the extremists. Like you'll have like a dude who's a Muslim and he's just like, yeah, I'll just go mosque and do this. And then you got the other ones

who fucking take it a bit too far. Same with like, you know, white people in the EDL, wouldn't it? Like when you get EDL dudes, they just, it's like,

whoa, you're taking, you're going to an extremist side. But I don't know what the extremist side of transgenders would be. Well, he has a, you know when they say, I identify as a certain thing, right? Surely it's up to you how you identify somebody else, though. Like, it would be up to, like, if you said that you identify as,

fuck, I don't even know how to do this without stepping on the subject of trying to make it like. No, but people need to have a conversation about it, man. But what if, like, here's the example. I'll just use this as an example, right? So I know somebody who identifies as a woman now and is going through the changes, and now I also identify them as a woman. Like, I align

my thoughts with theirs, right? So I will refer to her as she, right? But there's somebody else who identified as a woman and then identified as a man again and just like fucking switched it up. I'm like, I'm not going to fucking pedal along with just whatever you're fucking saying.

You know who I mean, right? Someone went from Will to Sarah and then Sarah to Will. And I'm just like, no, I'll just identify your identity in you don't know who I mean right someone went from Will to Sarah and then Sarah to Will and I'm just like no I'll just identify your identity in my head as somebody who's a very troubled man who's looking for attention

and using somebody else's struggle to get attention I will not call you she and her when you fucking decide to be Sarah on a whim throw as many wigs on as you like bruv

your name's Will like yeah yeah yeah and I know people will be going no this was this was a certain subject that that's too long to go into but this person was doing that as an act of attention they were very they were trying to sort of i don't know if it was meant to be a bit of like i think it was a bit of misjudged performance art on their part of like going trying to mock the transgender community and i actually feel the transgender

community like it's something i don't know anything about i don't know anything about so i will say something ignorant on it and it's what i would say when i say something ignorant on it that doesn't mean i'm not that means i haven't learned something yet that means no one has sat me down in a conversation on hey look i'm a transgender but this is actually the way i feel don't worry about it bro i understand I understand. You could get it. And you go, oh, okay, cool. Because that's something that I've never grown up with. I have a family

friend who used to be called Victoria, is now called Mika. Got the op. Looks like more of a bloke than me. Have you seen me? What these operations do? What, did you turn your penis inside out? Oh, no, no, I don't know about that. I didn your penis and say that oh no no I don't know about I didn't want to ask

to see it I don't know if that's rude you didn't want to ask to see it no no I wanted to ask to see it oh you wanted to

but I I didn't ask of course not you'd be a me too post well but it's man on man no no what I'm saying is

is you could you it raises so many questions but it's man on man. No, no, what I'm saying is, is you, could you, it raises so many questions that you just go, I'm not going to ask because I don't want to create an awkward situation with someone who now has way more testosterone than me. Beat me up. I don't want to get beat up by a woman. Oh,

it's the other way around. It's the other way around. The other way around, yeah. Hey, so the way you identify someone as your business and your property, I feel like that's up to you. They can identify themselves in a certain way. Like, for instance, if there was somebody from Natalie's family who identified as Muslim, right, I would respect that and probably wouldn't offer them a harm and peace putting study, right?

Whereas if you decided that you were going to identify as Muslim and you didn't practice any of the faith or the belief of Islam, right, but you're just like, I'm a Muslim now, I would be like, no, you're not. Like, to me, you're not a Muslim because you're not shown any, you're not shown your workings. So surely it's up to everybody as

an individual how another person's identified with them. Like, a lot of people will probably identify me as a twat, and it's probably because of my opinions on this podcast but but like other people might identify me differently it's everybody's business how they think of you yeah so you can't say to them you've got to think of me in this way you've got to you've got to think of me like some people like you're you're a man you identify as a man but i see you as a fucking tiny little bitch You're a man. You identify as a man.

But I see you as a fucking tiny little bitch. So that's how I see you. What was that for? I just meant hypothetically. Oh, okay. And really. I think we should get away from this topic and start discussing Islam because there's something we won't ruffle any feathers with. Well, I don't think...

I've looked on the back door of this podcast and there's not many, so there's some people from Saudi Arabia and that that listen. Fuck off, it's there. It'll be like Holder Me. Who's going on holiday? Yeah, they're going to Mecca. Imagine listening to this podcast, you're doing a walk around Mecca and you've just got this in your ears and you're going,

probably should put this on pause as well. Yeah, I'm going to end up in trouble. None of it's real i don't know you see it's like this this is my opinion i wish people respect my beliefs you're being silly you're all being very silly where you can't draw muhammad like okay i'll like that's what you do but i just think it's my belief to think that you're silly is that all right is it like if somebody's like praying to God in a church on a little altar with a stained glass windows and me going

oh it's all nice and all that but you're being a silly billy this is going to be dumb as fuck yeah but if there's no pictures of him

how do you know when he comes back does he come back like Jesus I actually don't know anything about it so I don't want to talk about the topic

in this kind of depth right because I'd rather learn about him I've started learning that the Sunni and the Shiites are arguing because they've got a different belief over what Muhammad's successor should have been. Shiite means the party of Ali,

where they fought, like, which was his, like, fucking, I don't know, like, son-in-law or something, and their sons. Again, I'm reciting something that I've read. Shit, I'm going to get in trouble for that last comment, aren't I? That's another, that's going to be a fucking... No, no one's in trouble.

Like, we could just say, like, our belief is that we think religion's a bit dumb. I don't actually think religion's, and we've had this argument before, I don't think... I think it was necessary, like, thousands of years ago to create order. I don't think religion's dumb. I wouldn't even say any religion is wrong like thousands of years ago to create order i don't i don't think religion's dumb i don't i wouldn't even say any religion is wrong because i i truly do not know i truly do not know and the

other thing is if that many people can believe it i and the only reason i'm atheist dude is because i was raised atheist that's the only reason i'm atheist i wasn't even i wasn't raised atheist my parents were just not didn't practice a religion, so I never practiced religion. My aunt used to take me to church, my great aunt. I found it boring as fuck, and to get out of it, I could just be like, I don't believe in it, so stop going. Do you know what I mean?

I was just like, yeah, I'm not going there anymore. I'd rather burn in hell than spend one more day in that fucking Sunday school. Exactly. Also, the other thing as well with it i i always found really just weird was it was i just used to think well this the the message of like jesus loves everyone and then it's like then why am i here yeah you know i mean if he loves everyone cool I love him too but like

that's always been my theory and I think I've said that on here before is if fucking if God needs me fucking he knows where I am I'm not going to bother him every day

he's got a lot going on yeah he's fucking busy I'm fucking ringing his landline every day fucking on my hands and knees hi God hi God look after me

there's billions of us but please I'll just crack on fucking God you know what you've got enough on your plate I'll get on with this I was having a at that place that shall not be named I was chatting to

a few of the lads there today and like what I love about living in a place like London where everyone sort of comes together is you see how stupid groups like the EDL actually are when they march going Muslim this Muslim that and I just sit there and I think have you ever had a conversation stupid groups like the EDL actually are, when they march, going, oh, Muslims this, Muslims that.

And I just sit there and I think, have you ever had a conversation with a Muslim and just not talked to them about Islam? Like, and just talked to them, to someone about football, or a common interest, or something like that? I've spoken to plenty of Muslims and I've never spoken to them about Islam, ever.

It's never fucking figured out because they... They're not trying to convert me. Yeah, they're not trying to convert you they're not trying to convert you in the know that you're not Muslim so it's not a common interest I wouldn't talk about UFC to somebody that doesn't watch UFC the conversation would end real quick

just like I wouldn't talk about it on this podcast because chances are not everyone we'll go back to that again let's get on Muggle Corner I'm going to mention something because we started talking about clothing hair, avatar we've got back to get that again let's get on muggle corner even though oh hold on we've got a bit of time yeah i'm going to mention something because we'd start talking about clothing hair avatar let's get back to that because i want to put this in muggle corner but i've only been on

the podcast with you and you won't pass it i've been waiting until i'm on with somebody else who's got sense go on the the value you put on uh on on footwear, right, we both on the same week spent... I'll pass it. We spent 150 quid on a pair of trainers, right? Yours was a pair of, what were they? Nike AF SF1s. Yep, that one. Right, and mine were... They're blue suede

air forces, mid-tops, if anyone's listening, they are. Some people care about this shit, you see? And this is the UFC thing, and the Mugly. I've worn those worn those there's been a couple of people who stopped me in the streets asked me where i've got them shoes yeah i saw someone do it the other day was it demas yeah it possible no it wasn't demas it was someone it might have been brett yeah yeah it may well have been so somebody asked you about that i have seen it happen here like where you're in this little club of people who are also muggles that fucking care for this snake oil when we talk about fucking snake

oil these because this is why I'm saying it's snake oil I bought a pair of trainers innovative running shoes to wear on the piste so that I could walk in snow I could walk up mountains I could like go hiking through the Hebrides where Rickets right so they could fucking wear and tear their fucking coat

ex-bad boys and they've got attributes. I'm getting bang for my buck, right? And you were slagging me off, calling us a fucking old man like you don't know goms. Don't know goms. Garments.

I don't even know if shoes are technically garments. Are shoes garments? They're goms. Jury's out. But the fact is, you were telling me that fucking I was an old man for my choice of shoes

and you that I didn't know shit and then it was barely raining barely spitting spitting on

and I had to fucking pull the car close up to the house I had to walk through the fucking rain in my fucking waste of money train that's right

drag the car up as you fucking skip tentatively into the car because you didn't want to get them wet and I'm like what have you spent your money on it's fucking footwear and you can't even step out the house with them on by slippers i will i i agree with what you're

saying will you hear my rebuttal yes the shoes that i've got so i've got i've got quite so i'm getting my collection up i used to own a dope pair of jordans when i was about four years ago michael jordan or the basketball i guess his shoes yeah jordans i only owned a dope pair of jordan ones yeah and i just fucked him up in it like i was an idiot with him and i fucked him up and i'm just they sit in my house and i look at him and i'm angry at myself for it and not only that is why because they'd have value now yeah you're a stamp collector well no no no not that they would have value it's just like i would those were like the first pair of trainers like i'd sort of bought like with comedy money you know that's the equivalent

of taking a comic book out the pocket and fucking scrambling not just that yeah like the the my uh my nice shoes that i have i wear them on like nice and sad but they're also shoes i wear on stage and i have a little thing of like when you go on stage there's something that I just like when I put those shoes on sometimes before I do a gig it's like gig mode you know and the same way when you do a gig

you don't want your shirt to have a stain on it you don't want your jeans to have a stain on it and I feel the same way about that with shoes a little bit and then also it's just that it's just a sort of respect i've got a pair of jordans that i just wear out and about they're like my casual wear shoes like i didn't wear them today i wore them today sorry but my uh uh afsf ones they're suede so getting them wet fucks them up. They're blue suede.

Elvis wrote a song about this shit, bruv. He was threatening to bang out on people for stepping on them. Now, I ain't going to let

God rain on my shoes. Otherwise, he's going to be getting a call from me where I'm going to be ringing up his landline and be going, yo, bro,

don't ever step on my shoes like that again, you dickhead, all right? And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you wrap up something and put it

in Muggle Corner that wasn't that wasn't a suggestion for Muggle Corner I was just saying I fully agree with you because like if you you sat there

when me and Jamali are talking like there's a shoes I want to get there's a pair of shoes I want to get that to get them and I won't get them

they'll cost 1500 quid a pair of 1500 pounds yeah yeah this is the price of a car right because but they're not

this is the price of a second hand car that will get you fucking around for a year they don't start at 1500 quid what happens is there's like a raffle

like certain people you have to enter raffles because the way they make certain shoes these shoes is they're like collector's editions

you guys are fucking nerds man yeah yeah oh it is I agree it's absolutely but you just play it off as cool though you just try and act like it's editions you guys are fucking nerds man yeah yeah oh it is I agree it's absolutely but you just play it off as cool though

you just try and act like it's not nerd I mean I admit and do it now oh I like Danny met someone who you could

yeah Danny McLaughlin and Jamali are fucking two of the coolest kids in school right it's fucking that's not cool what they're doing

they're spending that kind of fucking money on stuff they can't even wear out but here's the thing with it it's sort of what you were saying earlier it's here's the thing with it is it's it's sort of what you were saying earlier it's the ufc thing is that when you meet someone who

it's just a common interest it's it's you collect footballer cards when you're a kid you're now doing that with an item of clothing uh there's certain like i have i like stone island that's a brand i like i've got my stone island jumper that's my nice jumper and that jumper by the way has lasted me four years and it's still in good condition because even though it's expensive

yeah I don't mind spending money on clothes if they're durable if they've got attributes like I said you want to buy shit that can't be touched right

like if I was to spend what did you say it was £1500 £1500 on a pair of trainers I would want fucking 50% fire resistance and then like fucking I I don't know,

like have a bit more capacity in my rucksack. Oh, yeah. You'd want them to be like Hermes shoes where they fly you, yeah. Some Skyrim type fucking shit. I'd want to be fucking plus 10 strength. However, it's the same way... I'll spend money on running trainers or something.

That's going to be better for running. If I was ever in the point, yeah, where I was doing like big tours and stuff like that i would buy them as stage shoes because they are nice shoes they look nice and and you know that there's going to be a percentage of people in there that are also in the same breed of nerd that are going to light up oh yeah and it will take away from my some of my filler routines gives you this little bit of subculture like wearing a rick and morty t-shirt five years ago or whenever i first come out like now it's mainstream right no one gives a fuck but it's

like back then if you buy uh for example there's a guy in a place we shall not speak of who has a pair of yeezys which are the which are the adidas yeezys i nearly bought a pair the other day and they're just, it's just something like me and him have a conversation about. There's a, it's, it's just a cool sort of thing that you can get into. They look like a pair of trainers. They look like they're having a fucking adverse effect of peanuts.

Yeah, they really hate Charlie Brown. They're fucking going through anaphylactic shock. No, I, I, I completely get what you're saying. I did. This is one of those things. If someone was to pull me up about it i would i i won't deny it

i won't go oh yeah that's stupid and the amount of time like when me and jamali go down carnaby street in london and walk into shops and i'm going like i don't know should i get and you know but when you see and when you get into like i just love the rain air force range the air max range and i like the jordan's range of of the shoes you know i'm just into them and the more and more so at first you sort of start buying a couple of pairs it's a thing you can get do you think you'd like them if you were looking through a catalog right and you didn't see any titles or any prices, and every pair of trainers, even the fucking shit that's on sale at Asda, right, were on there. And you didn't, like,

the labels were blurred out, right? Do you think you could, like, you could choose a pair that you liked and then find out that you just bought some fucking TK Maxx? Oh, absolutely. I think that could happen. Like, or I could, the same, I could be fucking buying some shit just because I think they look good and end up with a pair of like fucking...

Your shoes look like Adidas shoes. They look like Yeezys, but they're just not Yeezys. No, they don't. They look like Yeezys if they didn't eat peanuts. Exactly. Shit Yeezys. Like, are they Adidas? I don't know what they are.

What are they? I don't know. I got them from ASOS.com I literally did what I just said there where I just fucking scrolled through

until I I can't even tell yeah but bro here's the difference you got a wedding to pay for I don't I still paid

fucking money on them you got a wedding and you know you got rent to pay and bills they went far off the price of yours but I picked them

because I like them I got but a pair of bro listen when I it's just it's dumb

it's dumb and it's stupid I agree however it's my stupid it's my stupid thing it's my stupid thing that I like doing

I like having a few stupid things in my life because guess what all I'm ever doing in life is putting off the fact that I know I'm going to die and that I'm an atheist

and nothing's going to happen after. But every now and then, I get to buy something and go, maybe this will fill the void in my life. And do you know what? For like five days, it does. So let me just have it. That's the saddest story.

Can I have them when you die? Oh, yeah. when you kill yourself fuck I didn't want the laces I've got blood on them if I if I if I was

if I died like by suicide like that way I'd really make it look like I was having a strangle wank would you yeah

what by just having a strangle wank do you know what if I was actually now you've found out that's what you're into just before you die if I was gonna'm actually now you've found out that's what you're into just before you die

if I was gonna kill myself I'd think I'd just give heroin a try before oh yeah I think we've been through that as well just give heroin yeah I'm keeping heroin

for my cancer days oh fuck it looking forward to it so that wasn't a muggle corner it wasn't me suggesting but stand in the corner for it

and this is one because I'm gonna do this real quick so i'm going to have two and you're going to have one um is because you're doing this just before fucking that's when i was setting up the podcast and clearing the memory card and stuff you were watching facebook videos and whatsapp videos you've got your headphones there right i kind of see a screen like what the fuck is that part of my life for anybody who just loudly plays videos and i'm not talking about the same people that play music on their phone on the bus.

That's a different breed of bellend. People that, amongst their friends, just, what, and I'm guilty of this. And Daniel and fucking Natalie are fucking screaming at the podcast right now because I've done it to them, right? But you press play on the video as if, like, just putting a part of your video

that's out of context into everybody's life? What I would argue is this. I am there and being a good friend and being a human filter for you because if it's a good video, I'm going to show you it. But what I'm doing there is I'm taking a hit because I always find this.

Usually on Facebook, you see a video with 50 million views. It's usually got 50 million views because muggles have shared it. Muggles have shared it. They at this a man was dressed in a wig and singing a bloody shania twain song muggle stuff goes far it goes far dude there was a fucking joke that with everybody's status right it wasn't something to share it was something that people copied and pasted into their status going the tall

ships are coming to Sunderland except the premiership and the championship awful joke a play on ship as they got

relegated right yeah we'll love sticking shit to Sunderland would do but that joke is fucking structurally unsound structurally unsound

as a joke right it was a play on the word ship the separated champion and premier it was so obvious that it right? It was a play on the word ship, the separated champion and premier. It was so obvious that it was gross. It was a lot of things wrong with it, right? And people were copying and pasting it onto their own status,

but not only that, one of my best friends screencapped the status and put it into a WhatsApp group. And I'm like... Yes! I'm like, oh my God, you fucking muggle. That's the worst. But they go far.

They go fucking, they have reach. So what I'm saying is, is, like, when I'm looking, like, I scroll through. What I'm doing there is I'm scrolling through Facebook, and it stops on a video. And I just sort of start. And if the video's funny fuck it say the video yeah was like I don't know

I don't know I've got a dark sense of humour say it was something quite dark and I found it funny yeah a 9-11 joke yeah I'll show you it

and you'll be like the dog having Vietnam War flashbacks oh one of my favourite videos who are we remember when I showed you that yeah nice like the fun we had but if you just played it in my present and had a little giggle i'd be like what you've been a dick yeah but then i'll show but every now and then the hit you get for being that level of margarita i'll let you into my corner is worth it for when you find the vietnam flashback dog or when you just find one of those videos what i'm

saying is your headphones are there. You're touching them now. They're in reach. That's the way you wear it, right? Would it not be more muggly? Would it not? Whap them on. Listen, bro, these are Bose QC35 IIs, right?

Which is the point I've been trying to get to for the last five minutes. You are sponsoring podcasts right now. I've listened to a couple of podcasts and they've come up as they've sponsored the podcast all of us tweeting

in about the thing that shall not be named right tweet both and get them to tweet both and just say that we've had their back

people have bought them off the back of this podcast we'll suck your dick I would totally understand if they didn't want to get behind the stuff

we said about Islam and transgender earlier but but you know what pick a side, Bose. They're noise cancelling, so they can listen to them while not listening to us. Exactly. I think.

I don't know. Let's get us that deal. Everyone get on Twitter. Mobilise. Bose are so good as headphones that if you were in the midst of a terrorist attack, you wouldn't notice because of the noise cancellation. That's how good. You could be in a natural disaster. You could be there

and you're just... You'd be like, oh, fucking hell, this Led Zeppelin song's good, isn't it? Yeah, you could be in a massacre. You could put them on because there's babies crying and then somebody could just go postling,

start killing babies and you wouldn't even hear the babies get silenced. I mean, technically, no one would hear babies get silenced because it would just... The noise would stop. The silence would be deafening.

Wait. So you're in Muggle Corner after you kill babies? Watch this again. You're in Muggle Corner. Muggle Corner for the opening. Yeah. If you're playing videos and people's presents and having a little chuckle at yourself

and just having your own little thing and letting your experience bleed into other people's world out of context. I've got, muggles make you wear condoms if you want to have sex with, no, I'm joking. Muggles are obsessed with Harry Potter.

Ooh. I feel this has been in it. The irony of, the irony of using the word muggle and adopting a word in the lexicon as a different meaning that's from Harry Potter. Yeah. And then, I mean, it's true though. And this is the other thing.

I do love a Harry Potter meme though. This is the other thing as well. I do love Harry Potter though. I was in the writers room yesterday and somebody, two people who really sounded sound, really nice people. Great story. Cool. They started doing a thing of like one of them was

going like oh i'm so ravenclaw and i was just like i and it was just that like uh or when someone puts you are totally you are totally sliver and all i mean we're doing it if we're gonna put ourselves in muggle corner for being obsessed with harry potter you're so i like harry i'm I don't want to be involved in it. It was so... I like Harry Potter. I'm Humphrey Puff. Oh, my God. You see, I like Harry Potter, innit? I do, I do. I'd never finished... I like... Fuck it, I've read, like, four of the books.

And then I saw the films. You've never read a book? Yeah, man. I've read the books. Well, four of them. Why did you stop? Did you stop when it started getting good? Did you stop when it started getting...

No, the films caught up to me. Oh, okay. No, I was just... Fuck it. just fucking and you know it was part of my childhood and whatnot but i it's one of those things where i feel it forced like you know when someone adds as a friend and it says what school did they go to on facebook hogwarts school of witchcraft and shoot yourself shoot yourself just whatnot just look at oh i'm gonna be fun on a night out aren't i like enjoy something just enjoy it but don't force it into every car i mean i'll do this with muay thai but yeah harry potter is muggly it's got a fucking isn't it like we said muggle stuff goes far and wide that is one of the most popular fucking things in the entire world yeah it's harry potter it wouldn't be if it didn't appeal to muggles it wouldn't be

but i think some things where you just because i was i was a late i was late to getting into it like danny fucking like twisted me on because he wanted to go see the theater show got me to read it uh watch it and just get up to speed so i could go watch the theatre show and I was like ah just in the interest of not being a muggle I have missed out on like a really nice story a nice little

like you love the characters it's so well written I lived in that world for a bit and I liked it and I was like well if this has been

a muggle then I don't know I've got that to come with Game of Thrones I've not seen Game of Thrones and I know I'm gonna love it but I just haven't yet but then you're going to be like

oh I'd be such a Targaryen like if I was living in the you wouldn't be a Targaryen what would I be you'd be like

would I be one of the dragons nah you'd be like a Greyjoy ooh that sounds good yeah Theon

you'd be Theon Greyjoy I think Reek Reek yeah he gets called Reek once he gets

kidnapped and they chop his cock off spoiler alert that's not on man because this is the problem with game of thrones yeah this is

why i've never watched it because i know what happens because you they show it on the adverts and shit i know like oh i know the wall's gonna fall i know this is gonna happen i

know i've not i've seen series one i know this is gonna happen i know that's gonna happen i know dragon's gonna come into it oh know Dragon's going to come in. I knew... I know... Blocky Riaz, if you've still yet to watch Harry Potter.

Oh, no! Harry Potter. But I knew Snape killed Dumbledore. Right. Because people do that as the joke spoiler, assuming everybody's known everything. That's one of Sloss's go-to jokes when he's just saying, oh, I haven't seen the new Avengers yet.

Don't tell us anything. And he'd be like, Snape kills Dumbledore. You know, like that's his go-to jokes. So I knew that. I think that comes from a video, actually. But I still enjoy it. If you've ever seen it, I'll show you it afterwards on YouTube, it's great.

This guy just drives by a bunch of people who are just buying the new Harry Potter book, and he just goes, Snape kills Dumbledore! And you say, no! If you're going to be that level of arsehole you got to commit to it and that guy did it's like a drive-by shooting it's quality um so yes of course harry potter's muggly of course it is it's like what a tap in and what a tap in and if that has not been done on this podcast probably has but never we're running this is the thing people we're running out of muggle

corners we're literally at the point now where we're like muggles drink water go into a tap what a muggle muggles tweet us saying you didn't talk about my tie this week

you know I swear to god I nearly had that as one of my muggle corners yeah you know what I find funny you know Bill Bear's podcast talks about the NFL

all the time I just enjoy it so I've listened to a couple. I don't care a jot about NFL. So I'll just let it wash over us when it's happening. And you know what? It's funny hearing his excitement and his opinion on it still. But what's funny is how many people have got into NFL

just so they can enjoy his podcast a little bit more. I get what you're saying. So many people. I started trying to get, I started trying to get into NFL and this is the thing. I was, I used to be very like, NFL is dog shit,

what's this? And when I started sort of watching bits of it, I was like, I've watched a show called Last Chance U and I really got into it. It's about like an NFL,

it's about like a college, high school, college American football team. It's amazing. It's on Netflix. I recommend it to anyone. And you watch, I was watching it

and I thought, I wish I understood the sport here because this is so intense and amazing. I wish I got this. And then when I started watching little clips of it, I thought, this is,

this is amazing. Like, this is just a very tactical, it's UFC like and like the tactics, like, it's like in UFC when you look at what's going on in the corners,

instead of just watching for someone to get a beat down. Like when you're watching it go, Oh my God, they are, he's on his back and he's got, he's, this isn't a jujitsu practitioner. So someone's there,

you know, Greg Jackson's coming, you know, use your stand up, use your stand up. And then he starts belting out a banging routine. He does tiger, tiger Croydon,

which is one of your banging routine. Um, but it's, it's, so the reason I would never get an NFL just so I, He does Tiger, Tiger, Croydon. Which is one of your banging routines. But it's... So the reason I would never get in the NFL, just so I... Because I don't want to be the parody of the American who starts getting into soccer ball. I'm going to support Everton Blues because my ancestors were from Ireland

and they came over to Liverpool for a lot of their abortions. So I've got a connection with Liverpool. That's a great joke. Thanks, mate. I really enjoyed that. Start the podcast with that. So Muggle Corner

for Harry Potter, Muggle Corner for people who get in the NFL so they can listen to football. Muggle Corner for people who complain about a certain topic on a podcast that isn't for them

oh yeah man on a free podcast on a free podcast complain on the period page if you fucking don't here's the other thing as well yeah

you can't the whole point of a podcast is what we hope is you don't see where the conversation is going that's one of the things you know

if your friends were this entertaining you'd have a chat with them but no you need us i don't think they do there's a multitude of options i think my godlike complexes just come through i think like we're very lucky we've got any listeners and they could be listening to dave longley i wish they i really hope people get my irony on this podcast sometimes. But no, if you don't like the... Sorry, we've laid back this point far too much, so I've got some things to say about your dad.

Go on. He's got a pair of skipping ropes with a counter on one of the handles. He uses them at Muay Thai. Your dad's bike stabilises. He cycles the Muay Thai on it. I can see a theme coming your dad tried to mug someone with his flick comb but they knew muay thai your dad is taking performance enhancing drugs so he can try win the egg and spoon race did he yeah but he ended up winning his my time right can we stop now

no oh no this is the theme your dad keeps pesto and oceana let them do a dj set let him do a dj set and he got it

because he knew my time stop whenever your dad's on public transport he starts doing pull ups to make people think he's hard

I mean that's a taffing. I wish there was something I could tag onto that, but there's not. Your dad stubbed his toe and tried to style it out like it didn't hurt, and then he fainted. He stubbed his toe and another person... Stop it!

Stop! Stop it! I'm going to tweet you. I'm going to fucking tweet you right now. I'm going to fucking tweet you right this fucking minute! Alright, I'll stop. Your dad got a memorial bench for his goldfish.

What's its name? My dad! My dad! Your dad tried to start a mosh pit on the tube platform due to a shower and they had to close the station because of the amount of mosh pit on the tube platform in the head he closed the station because of the amount of people that fell on the lane your dad tweets into podcasts and moans about the two

podcasters talking about Muay Thai like a little bitch you're joking that wasn't what you had no I did have it but I felt it would have been funny if we hadn't done the whole podcast about it yeah no right sorry sorry No, I did have it, but I felt it would have been funny if we hadn't done the whole podcast about it. Yeah, right. I'm sorry. Hashtag sorry, not sorry.

Maybe they've got a point. Your dad took the shelf out of the dishwasher so he could claim in with his scuba gear because he was really intrigued how it worked. Your dad has taken up breakdancing lessons. He's not allowed to talk about it on his podcast or at the dinner table your dad keeps saying that he's eating for two even though the only thing

left to do is say his twin's a scar purple scar just to know he's right nipple fuck me this is callback central gone purple scar what the god just the most rate nibble fuck me this is callback central your dad

makes conspiracy videos about Diana's death I'd watch those what if your dad stayed by it if Kev stayed by it

yeah I'd get fucking obsessed by them I'd watch them in people's company and they couldn't see the video. Your dad is gutted that the Guinness Book of Records didn't recognise his time for staying on the mechanical bull just because it wasn't moving.

I thought he found a loophole. You held on to it tight. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's all right, mate. You take your time. Look through your notes. It's not like we're overrunning. Oh, it is quick.

I'm under pressure. Your dad still does Harambe jokes. That's so untyical that I had to remember who it was it was your mum and that is not the spirit of this bit of the podcast sorry

that's true actually I do apologise but your dad puts his arms through the leg holes on his boxers pops his head through the buttons and goes running

through the park with his arms in the air at least when he shits himself it doesn't fall into his boxes leg holes on his boxers, pops his head through the buns and goes running through the park with his arms in the air. At least when he shits himself it doesn't fall into his boxes. No, he puts them on over his head. That was the joke. Your dad puts a bit of tape over his webcam.

Your dad practices walking and says, I said that with the aisle at Tesco. Your dad lost out on space in the family nuclear bunker to the pet guinea pig. Oh, you started it, didn't you? No, this is the last one. What was it again? Can I try it again? Yeah, aye.