Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 2.46 Aftermath

Episode Date: July 10, 2018

Both broken shells of men Muggins and Cream try to recount the carnage of the last 7 days which included the whirlwind surprise Stag Do in Spain where they almost drank themselves to oblivion. 

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and Cream, Cream and Muggins, Straight Thuggin' Livin' the Dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' Muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha!

They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Aww, Muggles. Accidental rent job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or might just be cynical. Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglopedia.

Where have you been since 9-11? Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight fucking living the dream. You too tired to come up with anything new? No, no, it's episode 101, so it's like I'm going back around them again. Oh good, because that means there's about that means there's about fucking 50

before you actually get into this stupid habit again. So that's great. That's very good news. How are you? I'm poisoned. I'm actually poisoned. I've been waking up after 12 hours of sleep feeling like I've got carbon monoxide poison.

Aye. That's just one of the six pranks I've been doing. Oh my god. Is this my stag? Aye. Well, you've fucking... Now you've had your stag. That bit's over. And thank god the stag is over.

I had fun, but... That was a murder attempt, dude. It was. You just tried to kill us. That's not about. 70 of you tried to murder us. Aye. And all died in the process.

Nah. You just dropped like flies. No, some of them did. tried to murder us? Aye. And all died in the process? Nah. You just dropped like flies. No, some of them did. I've fucking stayed with it to the end. I'm still here. You're the one that's leaving. You were like,

I thought you were asleep at one point but you were physically unconscious? Aye. Aye, there was a fair few moments. You were like the honey badger? Have you seen the video of the honey badger

where it gets bitten by a snake and it kills it unconscious? And then it just came out and fucking ruined the rest of you. Aye. Got back at it. Aye, got back at snake. And it kills the unconscious. And then it just came out and fucking ruined the rest of you. Got back at it. Aye, got back at it. I fucked on the horse. So start from the beginning.

So the beginning was about... When a man loves a woman. When I proposed. I made you guys best men, you and Matty. And yous muddied the water so damn hard by releasing fake news right about when the stag was

and what it was going to be and who was going to be there who was going to be there and releasing just like false information just figured that since you were trying your fucking

darndest to find as much information as possible I wasn't actually well the best way to do it instead of trying to stop you finding out information the best thing to do was just flood you

with information and that includes telling you it's your stag do. Every day. Every fucking day. Every day you said this is your stag do. We would be on fucking Fortnite.

I'd be in London. You'd be in Edinburgh and we'd be playing Fortnite and you'd be like this is your stag do by the way. Yeah. And like giving us shots with potions.

Yeah. Also coming up with alternative plans. I had you convinced that I was going to America to do Conan. Yeah. Matty had you convinced that I was going to America to do Conan Matty had you convinced that he was away on holiday you were convinced

you were doing Punch Drunk I even said to you, somebody pointed out on Twitter in the last podcast, I asked you about Punch Drunk as if you were going to fucking be there yeah, and then to give it a big old plug saying this is my last Punch Drunk get to see me at my last Punch Drunk before Christmas last punch drunk nope NC mate my last punch drunk before Christmas so I've actually done

my last punch drunk before Christmas yeah that's done so yeah because there's been a couple of times where I've been convinced it was my stag

where like I was like ooh I'm going to Dublin I know I've got my passport stuff like that right and like oh

there's this weekend coming I'm in Sheffield and it was such a it was such a weird circumstance that I got booked he put out J was such a it was such a weird circumstance that I got booked he put out Jules put out a Thursday

and a Saturday but no Friday right so I said hey I'll take that Thursday and Saturday as I'm free but

but make sure with Daniel that it doesn't be stag do and fucking play along if it is because that's the only weekend that I have off

right and then it was like a day late I'm all in I went hey have you got Jules' number the promoter

and then like a day after that he got in touch with me going hey you don't need to look for anything on the Friday you can do the Friday I was like

oh well done guys well done for making that sounds like I owe Jules a ball of fucking whiskey. So I was just saying,

all right, well, if it wasn't that Dublin trip, I guess it's next weekend. So I literally downed my, like I was on high alert all of the time, but for one week, I downed my alert.

I was like, you've got punch drunk, you know it's next weekend. Just fucking, just enjoy your life. All right. And we did, we did some previews. downed my alert I was like you've got Punch Drunk you're not next weekend just fucking just enjoy your life aye and we did we did some previews

we went to Tring we went to Tring you did your gig in Tring I'm on stage in Tring I've just done my first preview and then you come on stage which I found a bit weird

and then you mentioned so when I walked on stage you didn't think it was your stag no no because you went it's Kai's birthday and yous have done birthday shit before.

You know, like, yous have brought us, on me eighth comedy birthday, yous brought us a fucking cake on stage. There was the, me birthday gig in, back in Blythe. Yeah. Me last one, me 34th. We had everyone evacuate the room. So I'm not, it's not uncommon that there's been

like pranks pulled on stage before alright but not fucking four days before your birthday not four days before like he goes this guy's birthed

in four days and I was like what's this got to do with anything and then you end but that's not what we're here for we're here because

it's your stag and then pointing at the door and there's Matty coming on with his camera phone out and a couple of sashes

and a couple of shots and a couple of shots so I take my shots I'm on the deck the fucking crowd's really enjoying that like we started started today and as I get off stage

that video is available online if anyone wants to see the reveal by the way it's on a both it's just on my page but also on your page

yeah so I get I get off stage and and it starts dawning on us that the geographical location of where we are where excuse you we're in tring we're in tring which is a kick in the ass off of reading yeah right matty has lived in reading for two years and then he got a new job in cumbria and he hasn't moved out of the house in cumbria yet because he hasn't moved all of his

things yet so i started piecing it together where mat he could be in town he's got to just collect his things from Redmond to move house so this could be a false flag because he's muddied the water so fucking damn hard that you would absolutely play a prank just to make you think that it was your stag especially especially playing the week before it's the week that you clearly think it's your stag. Yeah, well, exactly, right? And I'm in this position now where I'm taking shots and you start buying us pints.

And I'm like, oh, there's going to be a reveal anytime soon that this isn't me stag. And I've got to go ahead with me regular plan, which was go to Natalie's house in London where Natalie isn't in. While shit-faced. While shit-faced,

where our parents are in because they had seen some theatre shows so they're up in London where Natalie isn't in. While shit-faced. Well, while shit-faced, where our parents are in because they'd seen some theatre shows, so they're up in London at that time. So I would go in shit-faced with a fucking bright piece of shit on, which I would probably take that off. And Natalie's parents fooled. And then get a really early flight to Edinburgh to pick up your car and drive to Punchdrunk.

This would not be a fun thing. I mean, it would be a good prank. It would be a good prank to get me fucked up for that. But I've got that ahead of us. So that was constantly in the back of my mind. And at this point, he's confiscated my passport, my phone, my wallet, my iPad, any communication in the outside world.

So I can't figure out if it's a prank or not yeah because you can't text anyone for confirmation so i started getting a little bit um worried that because i said i said to you guys i'm picking people up from the train station i've got elena tennant who's coming for the punch drunk gigs that i've got her at a train station in cramlington at a specific time that i'm picking her up for and i'm like i need to make sure she's picked up and you're like i'm assuming gav's got all that sorted and i was like didn't be assuming like assuming someone's got something sorted it could result in somebody being left at the train station right and then just just relinquish my phone for 15 minutes to

make sure with gav that he had all of my punch drunk obligations but we also made sure that before we relinquish k Kai's phone to him, to give it to him so he could phone Gav, that I text Gav just saying, Kai's about to phone asking if you've got everything organised while he's away. Just pretend you know absolutely nothing

about this fucking stag do and play along. And Gav was like, Roger, on it. And then you phoned him and apparently Gav did an Oscar worthy performance well because what he did

is he neglected like the comments so flippantly right so I rang him up and I just went

hey Gav do you have the transport sorted for the acts for this week and he's like no you're doing it aren't you and I just went

yeah well I've just been informed it's me stag do of Matty and Danny they've just rocked up with me gig and so they reckon it's me stag do of Matty and Danny they've just rocked up with me gig and so they reckon it's me stag do now

so I don't think I'm picking them up and he was like oh no no I know when you're stag it's not new you're picking them up anyway

with the accommodation and he just started talking about the accommodation like what we need for the act so he's like so Andy Askins isn't staying with his parents

and he needs the accommodation because I was hoping I would get two of the holiday homes but we'll only get one but it is a three bedroom it's going to be a bit cramped and I'm just like

oh yeah yeah I've spoke to Andy he said it's all right with that and I was like he was like well on the plus side fucking you get to have a good night out with Matty

and I went aye aye that's good but fucking I'm glad it's not my stag because I'm under the weather because I had to put my sniffles down on the stag and then he hung up

and I gave him, he like snatched my phone back off, and I was like, well, it's not my stag, it was your phone. He's like, it is your stag? Yeah.

I was like, it's fucking not my stag, I'm just funny, it's who the fuck it is. And I spent all of that day convinced it wasn't my stag. Oh, I'm talking like, I come up,

so the last time I left you, you were left off, you were left off stage, right, convinced it was your fucking stack i think i'd send the message to gav i then go on stage do my gig i come off my he's like gav just played a fucking blinder he doesn't think it's his stack it's like i'm backstage you just being like no no it's not my stack no i'm not an idiot so i'll play another show and you're like no i'm

not doing a show it's not me i mean i'll do the shot but it's not my fucking stack i'm like i've told you sit, I've told you. I've told you 20 times. You told me in the airport that morning. No, no, I can't. I had a challenge from the boys in the group of how many times that day I could tell you it was your stag do very brazenly. In no other words, not mincing them or anything. They're not even mincing my walk, but just telling you straight off.

Just straight off telling you it was your stag do. I got to 15. And then I was like, there's no way you're starting to i got to 15 and then i was like there's no way i'm gonna be able to get to 20 and then i reckon i got to 50 because between us leaving tring festival to getting to london in the uber to the hotel i had to be like it's your fucking stag and you're like nah nah not a fucking idiot i know what's gonna happen we're gonna get on the train and then we're gonna get into london and then mike's gonna go for another direction and we're gonna go back to natalie's and we're going to get into London and then Mark's going to go for another direction and we're going to go back to Natalie's

and I'm like that's what got us right so I booked the train tickets because we're like we haven't booked train tickets

to London yet so I went on you are merely a pawn in the chess game that I am playing at all times I am 20

I'm like limitless bitch right I'm 20 steps ahead of you every single step of the way never think you can outsmart me so this is my route right um we land in tring right and i'm like have have we got

our train back to tring yet and you're like i don't know and i asked marlene and she was like no you just have to book that so i was like oh fuck so i just went on found a train that was after you finished and then booked that train for after your set into london so that we could get natalie's which was the plan so i'm there going well matt is here because he's moving his stuff from redden and then we're in the train platform and you said oh well you're going to be embarrassed when we get into an uber in houston and say the gatwick hotel please i went the gatwick hotel you couldn't have even researched not a hotel right and then you fucking get on your phone and you're finally on and go hi the beaumont hotel gatwick

you just fucking googled that like if i wasn't 100 I'm now 103% convinced that it's not because you've just fumbled a fake hotel. And then we get on the train, which I booked, another thing. And as we're on the train, I look and see Matty's bag, which is like hand luggage, but it's still a bag. And I'm like, well, if you're moving your stuff from Reading, what are you doing on a train? Back to London. Back to Houston. And it started, like, fucking dawning on us a little bit, like Matty's gone the wrong way now. well if you're moving your stuff from Redden what are you doing on a train back to London back to Euston

and it started like fucking dawning on us a little bit like Matt he's going the wrong way now so right well me and him are going back to Natalie's Mams and you

you Matt you're lost right that's where we're at now yeah but you were and I've got videos you were 103% convinced there was not a chance

it was your stag dude you were like you're trying to mug me off you're trying to make like an idiot and i was and i said yeah i was like if you're gonna look like a fucking bigger fucking idiot now because you're so adamant it's not which by the way for me and my was the greatest two hours of my life because we'd spent 18 months living in fear of you finding out when your fucking stag do was. And now I find out and I'm still not convinced. So we get to Euston and you've called an Uber and I get in the Uber, right? And at first I think maybe this is just going back to Natalie's because you called an Uber

and you said it's going to Gatwick. And then I start like realizing we're going in the wrong direction. I haven't got a phone to check the map, but I start seeing Saints for Gatwick. And I'm not an idiot. And then at this point, I'm like, I'm 50% going to do that. I promised 50, didn't I?

I promised 50, but then said 60. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At that point, you were like, I'm about 63 at this point. So, the reason I'm 60% is because

you would totally do that. If you thought I was onto it when Stag do was or whatever, you would 100% blow a 40-quid taxi fare in 50 pund on a hotel, right? Just to have me stay the night in a hotel, just to go, ha, you thought it was just Stag, right? And then fuck off in the morning. Because you were capable of that. I was not willing to relinquish my doubt.

I was not willing to relinquish it. So I was like, right, this is what's happening. So just for any listeners, the moral of the story is, if you ever want to surprise your friends, just be an asshole for 10 solid fucking years and your friends will distrust you so much that any nice thing you try to do to them

or for them, they will deny adamantly until it's directly in their face. So I was going, this is what I'm 50% sure of. Again, I'm 50% sure you're in the Gatwick Hotel and you've made it a room for fucking three

because you've got a flight to LA. You're still currently on plan A, right? I am now in a fucking situation where I've got to get to fucking cross London to Luton to get me flight to Edinburgh and you've fucked me over, which is fucking part of the prank, is me being fucked over.

And Matty, you, sir, are fucking lost. That was my thing with Matty. I was like, this piece of the jigsaw puzzle doesn't fit in. You are just fucking, you're wondering about last night it's like that bit where you've just finished

making something from Ikea and there's one bit of wood left and you're like nah that should be somewhere yeah you don't fit in with my doubt right now you're causing real problems with my doubt

you look like a shelf but there's three shelves in there isn't there three shelf things so where do you go maybe you're a spare part which is what you've been

my entire life. So I wake up in the morning and you fucking put us in some stupid clothes, which like charity shop clothes, which I just fucking passed off as like, oh, I'm getting to borrow some clothes from Matty's wardrobe, which is a joke. I never grew old.

No. And then we'll get through the airport and you tag me board and pass through in Gatwick. And I'm like, I think the joke's on you guys now. If this is a prank. Yeah, yeah.

It went so far. You've booked a flight for me to go to Edinburgh. And then my friends started turning up in the airport and like I just had to be like I'm 99%

I'd go 100% but I've been 100% before and you're not fooling me twice I've been out before so we get to the airport everyone starts showing up

so it goes Milo G-Tip Tom Sponge Elliot Elliot and then eventually barry and we get on the plane and that's when your stag do starts so one of the big things that the stag do is the whole point of us taking his phone and his ipad and his wall and everything is

to prepare kai for married life we were going to make sure that for the entire holiday he was not in charge of any aspect of his life if he wanted wanted money, he had to ask for money. If he wanted his phone, he had to ask for his phone and do something in order to be allowed his phone. Somebody was in charge of what he wore at all times. Somebody was in charge of everything he ate. For instance, there was one time where I wanted money for cigarettes. Yeah. Because I kept bumming cigarettes, right?

And then, which I decided to unquit for the four days yeah the I was calling for cigarettes yes you can have money for cigarettes if you go and find me

a perfectly round stone so for like 20 minutes while we're all drinking in a bar Kai it's like a fucking track queen

I need these cigarettes like a like a like a little African boy searching for a blood diamond just out going through half the stones

outside with people walking by what are you doing mate oh nothing I'm just this one's quite oval but I'm filing it down just running it off

while dressed like a fucking pillock by the way Milo absolutely nailed that Milo was in charge of all of the clothes

so we we'll go through everything as well absolutely nailed that. Milo was in charge of all of the clothes. So we'll go through everything as well. On the flight, who was it that was in charge of? Well, you put me in that. Oh, it was Gareth. Gareth Wall was in charge of your drinks.

Yeah. So we all fell asleep on the flight and Elliot stole the dirty little fucking snake because he's a little boy and he was getting excited.

He took deputy, didn't he? He was like, Gareth's asleep, so I'll buy you a drink. I was just sleeping on it as I was sleeping. No. And he just bought you a white wine.

He bought you a lovely drink. Drink one of the Huldah. And then you woke me and Matty up by sticking your fingers in her mouth. Oh, which I did with everyone. Hi. I had a deep throat

and everyone with fingers was not sleeping. And then you woke Gareth up with the same thing and he was like, have you been drinking? And I was like, yeah,

steel fucking bottom of white wine. We're all furious at steel for giving you a nice drink. So your next one was tomato soup and whiskey. What whiskey was it? Johnny Walker?

Well, it wasn't even good whiskey. You poured a Johnny Walker into my soup. It was the most abusive version of the bloody Mary. That was the black and blue Mary. That was a domestic abuse Mary.

The hemorrhagic Mary. I just think all of the fucking shit that he made us drink, right? I tried to take like a champ. The soup had such a horrible aftertaste that just hit the roof of your mouth. But I just had, mmm, mmm, I love it. Can I have one more, please? He's trying to order me another one in that place. I remember going to that place and I would try to get you another whiskey and soup

I was like we've been here and now we're fresh out I've been on it all day didn't you get around you bought like a double tequila shot but filled it up with Tabasco sauce

and then got everybody around to watch me drink it because you were convinced I was going to vomit I had cameras out and I just downed it and I was like thanks guys

that was lovely water streaming out of my eyes as I'm keeping away from the camera and then five minutes later you just been like Convinced I was going to vomit. I had cameras out and I just downed it. And I was like, thanks, guys. That was lovely. Water streaming out of my eyes as I'm keeping away the face. And then five minutes later, you're just being like, I'm going to be honest with you. That really fucking sucked. It probably sucked. I've got the video.

Actually, someone sent me the video of me taking the shot. I'll get that online. So we turn up in Malaga. And I'm in a bit of a panic because for some fucking reason, my phone just deleted the Airbnb app. So I've got no way of getting in contact with the guy. Oh, I remember you being panicked. And I couldn't log on to fucking anything.

And because it's on my phone, Barry tried to get me to log on to his one. Because you log in through fucking Facebook, it was this whole fucking ordeal. And I was fucking panicking. So I sent everyone outside to buy booze and fortunately while I'm sitting there panicking I'm also secretly waiting for the second

flight to arrive which is bringing because originally it was just the goats on that one. Yeah. So I was like, and I was like, as long as he thinks it's just the goats, this is fucking great. And there's still a couple of goats missing. There was Mark Nelson who was never going to be able to come. Mark Nelson could never turn up and rich massara we just convinced you that you couldn't afford it david canham turned up in the airport that was a nice yeah and then jimmy mcgee

carl donnelly and nasus manlo turn up and i'm like you know what i'm actually gonna fuck the rental car off at this point because we got a bus who gives a shit uh went outside and um yeah that was a that was an awesome reveal because Carl Donnelly being the original naughty boy who got the tattoo and Jimmy McGee who we're fucking

dear friends with who was spent in the whole couple of months of Adelaide and Melbourne 2014 and then

Nazus Manley who's pretty much like one of my first friends in comedy he used to sleep with my coach up in Newcastle I would sleep

with his coach in London and it was just like fucking three proper fucking best of friends from the comedy industry so we then get to uh we get to our hotel uh hotel our villa way way up in the hills in malaga way way up in the hills uh proper uh exclusive sort of head and it's away from fucking everyone. Without just being too boring people who are just going to tell you about... Matty made a thing of the whole day that they'd go, Barry wants a lap dance.

Did you ever see that? He just kept coming up to me as if he had these godlike powers. In the airport, he's like, Milo wants a lap dance. I was fucking munted off whiskey soup at this point. Because I was just wearing cycling shorts

with this fucking horrible jersey that you had on it and I started doing like you know when you you reach underneath and rub your finger down your ass crack

across your fanny and I'd done that right and then as a rush of blood to the head pulled me fucking cycling shorts down to my knees and pulled me

butt cheeks apart in the middle of the airport fucking kids running running running away Milo's like ooh dinner and a show

so instead of just being you don't want to get that scene too instead of just being two boring cunts that didn't tell you every aspect of the holiday let's just go through

our personal highlights first of all let's go through our personal injuries right I I can't remember how, I have fully

grazed my knee to the point where it's borderline infected at this point. That was from a game where we invented the Fortnite drinking game when I got wrestling

with Milo. Tried to, while running to Den, slide to touch Den, but what actually happened was across fucking gravel. That's also where I lost half of my big toenail

I've got a huge infected bruise on my middle finger on my left hand from when we were smoking a shisha and I just put my fucking hand down

straight into it I reckon I've got three broken ribs and I can't remember how I did that I've got no idea I had one where I didn't want to

because I had to be told what I was wearing and my shoes were up by the pool and I didn't have any other shoes I could wear so Carl Donnelly gave me a piggyback decided to run with me and fucking fell he's like I had to be told what I was wearing and my shoes were up by the pool and I didn't have any other shoes I could wear.

So Carl Donnelly gave me a piggyback, decided to run with me and fucking fell. Two grown men falling and getting a piggyback fucking sucks. At what point were you... I also did a fucking white tie with Elliot with no pads on and no gloves and we were checking leg kicks. My fucking shins are in absolute tatters from checking leg kicks.

We'd done jiu-jitsu, which is the you know, the thing where I'm stood over you when I'm butt naked and there's bruises all over my arse. That's from doing jiu-jitsu on the gravel. No. There's, one of my favourite personal highlights was

we've been playing a version of sort of hide and seek and none of us knew where Jimmy was. And then we just sat there and I was like, I've not seen Jimmy for a bit. And then just on the little roof above us we just hear

ow ow ow and Jimmy then throws himself off the fucking roof turns out Jimmy was hiding on the roof near a fucking wasp nest agitated it

probably just pissing him off so there was a bunch that had been caught already because actually it was the fortnight drinking game so it was the people who had went out

on the fortnight drinking game because you had to go and find your different guns you had to go looting to find out how many shots the other person takes that's pretty much the gist of it and then you go one to one with someone based on what gun you find and the person that loses sits out as the other people carry on so all the people that were sat out were just like having beverages and just watched jimmy just fly off the roof and hit the gravel and we just looked up and went wasps and we just got back

to our drinks there was a game we played as well on the fucking because it was on a fucking ranch right it was like the main house

and then up the hills the pool and then a couple of cabins by the pool where people could stay and then down the hill there was like a barbecue gazebo area

which had a couple of huts to stay in a little outdoor jacuzzi and a suicide swing a jacuzzi and suicide swing which like swung you right over the edge of a cliff and one of the nights

after we'd come back from a night out we played hide and seek around there and this was when Dean and Brett had arrived so shout out to two late arrivals

Dean and Brett and Sam from Abandoned Man who turned up for a 14 hour sesh and then went back home to do the show Aladdin day one

he just fucking come up and then at the end of the day left and I was like what was that it I just turned up for a sesh

didn't use a bed just fucking rocked up had a sesh left and then done the music for the Aladdin musical some boy so the fucking hide and seek

moment proper old school hide and seek moment proper old school hide and seek that's den everyone hides in order to not get caught you've got to run back

and say 1, 2, 3 block your name to get caught before that so it's me looking I've found most people that are off hiding in all the fucking bushes where there were definitely

fucking wild coyotes speaking of which Mark Nelson had to walk home speaking of which Mark Nelson did arrive I was waiting for that as a final reveal, right? Fucking Mark,

like we were watching the England match. We were about to watch the England match and Danny fucking held my eyes, walked me through, opened them. There's fucking Ferris Bueller dressed like Mark Nelson. And I was like,

what the actual fuck? Because he couldn't come. Couldn't come. He physically couldn't come. He was on family holiday at the same time. But, but he left his family holiday to come sesh with the boys for 16 hours for 16 hours and then got

his train back to his family holiday came back to the ranch couldn't get a number from the ranch so decided to walk down from the hill we're apparently on the way home he got chased by a wild dog and had to kick it in the stomach to make it go away fucking wild dog in the hills of spain attacked him while he was fucking he was munted as well. He was off his melon. And then the Uber didn't arrive. He got to the train station late, missed his train, got on the next train, fell asleep, missed his stop. He was a fucking nightmare, man. Well, we're fucking fair play to him.

So we played hide and seek. He took a massive hit and blew everyone's minds because he kept that secret from everyone. Nobody else, nobody apart from Milo and Rich Massar because when people were telling me Mark couldn't make it because he was on a family holiday

they actually like believed that they were just giving me information that Mark couldn't make it just so I didn't have my hopes up and they knew

he couldn't come so when he did come that was fucking amazing I think that was probably one of the main moments of my holiday was when he like yeah because nobody

expected Nelson to turn up so we're playing hide and seek and there's two people I can't find and it's Kai and Dean and suddenly

I can't remember what it was I think somebody just pointed and it's you in the back of the car and Dean

in the front of his fucking car right and you're like lock the doors and I'm like I'm absolutely

not letting you get away with this right so I jump on the fucking roof just ready of the car

just waiting for whatever door one of you cunts come out for me to jump down and take it. And then what I was not expecting was to hear the words of Kai Humphries while I'm on the roof at four in the morning coffee fucking nuts, just to yell the words, drive, drive, drive, drive! We were just off-road fucking scrambled

with you on the roof around the bed. Banging on the window like a zombie. Skidded to a halt next to the table as I fucking dive out and fucking slam the table. I'm fucking amazing. Then there was... Elliot was fucking astounded. Like when the car skidded from the corner.

Then there was... Let's talk about G-Tip on night three, shall we? Oh my God. So we get back. That was one of the days we'd gone into a beach club. We'd organised a fucking beach club where it was. Oh, the pool party was amazing. The pool party was from.

It was like something off a rap video. Fucking Barry went, this is like the fucking scene from a porno, like before it kicks off. The bit you skip through. We had three beds we had champagne at the fucking table we had like two bottles of vodka

I mean that was a hefty fucker oh my god I couldn't believe the fucking prices like I glimpsed the prices thank you very much to everybody

that chipped in like I now you put the fucking quite a bit down on that but it was it was astonishing that was like all out that was like fucking

P. Diddy parties like that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was fucking dancers everywhere. There was one point where we're all jumping around in the fucking pool and then Kai decides to host a water aerobics class, right? So he's on the side of the pool and the other 15 of us are in the pool just miming his every sort of thing. And at this point, we're just a bunch of drunken cunts

in the middle of a very upper class fucking pool party that everyone's paid a lot of money to but people are enjoying it because we're just having fun so he's doing all we're doing fucking Fortnite dances we're being those fucking nuggles

that was some original Aquafit moves when I used to safeguard the pool when it was on and then at one point because he's on the side of the pool and the rest of us are in the water we do this for about five minutes everyone's looking

seeing what we're doing other people are starting to join in and then Kai fucking planks right on the side of us in the water we do this for about five minutes everyone's looking and seeing what we're doing other people are starting to join in and then Kai fucking planks right on the side of the pool and the thing is there's not a chance 15 comics are not

doing exactly what you fucking tell them to join in the bit so 15 people in the middle of the pool then start planking just disappear under the water

under water start floating to the top lifeguards got no idea what to do he's like are they drowning how can you fucking tell are they just planking

the reaction around poolside was like ripping a gig I was there we got a round of applause I was there the plank position just going oh we've just crushed it

we're getting a fucking OV off poolside but it was funny it was like all the girls there were absolute posers. They were like shameless posers. I was going to the bathroom and there was a girl in a thong bikini just fucking taking a selfie of her ass in the mirror,

but like pouting and kicking her ass out and all that. And I was like, they've just got absolutely no shame with it. It was meant. It was so good. Do you know when they go to sit up, they always sit up in the doggy style position with an arced back. Oh yeah, just in case there's a stray cameraman. And then they'll sit up with their hands on the back of their spine and try and touch

their elbows together as they put their boobs out and flash their heads. Every one of them came out of the water like they were in fucking Baywatch. I was just making sure I'd just done the absolute same. Every time I got up I went anywhere. I was just in these little fucking speedo trunk things that Milo had got on, or the camel same. Every time I got up I went anywhere. I was just in these little fucking speedo trunk things that Milo had got on or the camel toe. Yeah,

I just kept doing the same poses. Is this what they want? I would get my legs and just hold them by the knees, just legs akimbo going, is this what the girls want?

Is it, I just want to, I just want to pay it forward? Is this what they want? And, what was it when they, because we were kind of in one of the groups

the Kardashians because they were like just, they were like of one of the groups the kardashians because they're like just they were like carbon copied off the kardashians right and they got in the pool it went under water and then fucking colin went i was expecting a face to float to the top so we do we do there's one man that i'll tell you about this this is beautiful black girl like bent over to pick something up in front of her you beautiful black girl bent over to pick something up in front of her. You know, that classic bending over to pick something up posing, trying to find a rich man.

And I just made a fart noise like a... Right next to her. Oh, she did not like that. She wasn't like, ha ha, what do we like,

bit of banter. She was like, you fucking dare ruin my image. You actually caught me with a stink eye, fucking with three times. I thought she was farting from. She's just looking at this guy,

and you fucking, the image I've spent fucking years perfecting. I'm the fart girl now, is that me? So we then, that's when Jimmy, Carl and Naz had to tap out like a bunch of pussies to go back to their normal lives. We then get the... That was a sad go back because we had a fucking great time with all those boys.

We then go back, we get on the bus back to the fucking villa where we're then involved in horrific, horrific traffic. We're in a fucking sauna. We stop off at the service station. We get some more booze. Oh, that service station was a godsend to pick up some booze. Pick up some booze. Because we were starting to dry up on the way back.

That was the problem. It's fine if you're drinking. Drink anywhere, right? All right, fill yourself. And then we just go, look, tonight we've got a bunch of food. We'll cook a bunch of the food that we've ordered.

We'll drink. Because one rule in the stag do is once you get through customs in Malaga, you buy duty free on the other, you buy at least one bottle of duty free booze on the other side and everyone just went for two because it was like

£8 litre bottles of vodka and gin so we're like look we've got all this we've got all the fucking mixers let's go back to the house. Oh he's got a punch bowl on the go. Let's get a punch bowl and let's just try and clear out the fucking booze and we get back and that was a heavy session. I found a ping pong ball on the floor and I was like you know this means fucking ping pong.

Beer pong. This means ping pong. Ping pong, yay! So it's me and Colin versus an array of fucking people. But Gareth Waugh... I'll say this about Ryan Cullen. Ryan Cullen in beer pong is an absolute fucking sniper. I have never seen anyone like that.

It was the funniest thing to watch. And what made it more funny is for some reason he had a personal vendetta against G-Tip. And I'm talking any time G-Tip filled up his cup and put it down on the table, Cullen went no and fucking straight in. You were doing like fucking round the back of his head. I got a behind the head shot against Elliot Steele that I fucking lost my mind in. Colin at one point, and fair play to G-Tip. He wouldn't even break conversation.

He'd just be tacking away at Ian and ping just put him in. Not looking. G-Tip drank everything that was put in front of him. He must have drank about two pints of homemade sangria in about 20 minutes. And when I say homemade sangria, I meant we bought bottles of sangria. I then poured red wine and vodka into it and squeezed about two oranges. So it was like

double the fucking strength of normal sangria. He keeps on this, but at one point, um, at one point, Gareth was fucking smoking, right? At one point, Gareth was fucking smoking and threw his fucking cigarette over it Cullen Cullen threw a ping pong ball into it caught the cigarette took a draw

that was it Gareth threw the cigarette Cullen caught it threw the ping pong ball straight in took a drag of the cigarette and just went I don't even fucking smoke

and then did he not throw the cigarette in as well I think threw the ping pong ball in threw the ping pong ball in after and that look two pints of fucking vodka and sangria and then did he not throw the cigarette in as well and then he threw the ping pong ball in threw the ping pong ball in after and get that look two pints of fucking vodka

and sangria in 20 minutes does something to him Gareth just disappeared from behind his eyes and it was replaced by the blue flames

of Hades and I was like who the fuck is this guy he was shouting on trying to get the game of beer pong and people were

trying to cut him off. Like, you've had too much. And I was like, fuck that had too much. Let him play. Let's see what happens. It's my stardew. I want to see what happens. Because from now on, this is a medical experiment. And I will say this, I have seshed with Gareth Waugh for about

three or four years now, right? The man can fucking sesh. The man can drink a lot. I've never seen... He's one of the... I've always said about... Pilot Levern never leaves the ship.

I've never seen... But it did this time. Fucking hell did he eject. And it was... No, no, he was like that fucking German wings guy just fucking got depression, locked the fucking door

and decided to plough into the side of the mountain. The side of the mountain. He was there. He was what I can only describe as old school old old man, drunk. Aye. Like Nick Nolte in Warrior,

when Tommy has to hold him back. He was just like, he was Eugene drunk. He tried to flip the table several times. This is when he tried to flip the table, right? So he was allowed to play a beer pong and he was my partner, right? And he got put out straight away by Cullen yeah right downed his drink and then i ended up throwing a ping-pong ball and he's arguing can i be back in i want to be back in that's not how it works i've got to get

put out and then it's somebody else's turn he's like no no i've got to be back in so i was like right you can be back in i want to see what happens he filled him up another drink and put it down and i was like right you're back in he like, let us back fucking in, man. I was like, Gareth, you're in. He was like, aye, let us in. Let's get in. And then he started trying to tip the table, but didn't have the strength.

He only managed to push it backwards a bit. He pushed Matty in and wedged Matty up against the wall by the table. And then Matty just threw the ball and put him into it. I had to doubt it. And then you had to hold him down and then because we wouldn't let him in when we actually would let him in he started trying to kick off and at first tom tried to pick him up and when tom picked him up he ended up like swinging his foot up and kicking you in the face and nearly broke your nose and you hit the deck

and you were like i thought you were a proper medical situation because you were like down holding your face and everyone was around you well i, I've got a fucking big nose to hit. And when you push it back into the thing, you push a little bit of my brain out of the back. Yeah, that's what happened. Come over here, yes? So you were down. He kept me in the nose of my brain

and the brain started coming out of my ears like a fucking Play-Doh machine. So you went down, Tom left Gareth, and Gareth got up and started trying to fucking, he was in riot mode he was in full riot mode so I pulled him in right and I got him in like a fucking body lock

with my hands but I like I got me leg right around his waist and who or that leg over the top of it like a jiu-jitsu triangle and held him in like that

and started trying to soothe him and Gareth like fucking wide-eyed gone I'm gonna knock them out it was like it was like he was he was like he was the Hulk

and you were Scarlet, you had to just put your hand up and be like, sure, it's getting light outside. I'm laughing my fucking head off, right? I'm like, Garth, man, you're not, man. Diven knocked them out loud. He was going, but I could though, couldn't I? I was like, aye,

but Diven, they're my mates. Diven knocked me mates, dude. So I was holding him like that for ages, right? And he was fucking trying to calm him down and stroke his head and shit, right? He's a proper old man drunk. And then he's like, right, right, I'm calm, I'm calm, let us go. And I let him go and he went, right, let us out of the baller back here.

And he fooled us about three times like that. And then we had to put him to bed. And then he started getting fucking sleepy, right? And I carried him up. From that arm around the shoulder, I'd taken 100% of his body weight, right? He's managing to put one leg in front of the other. And I had to take him up these stairs where his bed was, right?

The door was a trap door. All right, proper Anne Frank door. The trap door all right proper and frank door the door opened like a proper and frank door and then we'll get we'll get him upstairs and i put him into this double bed right because it was double bed with two mattresses on two single mattresses on a double right so i put him on the on one of the mattresses and that's going to be important later and then i come downstairs and i shut the trap door and i start having this sober and feeling as drunk as i am I'm fucked as well. I've been fucking out all day drinking too and beer ponging too.

And I'm like, fuck, if he tries to come downstairs in that state. He's going to die. Them stairs are going to kill him, right? They're like a steep fucking old school wooden. And also it's not just straight down there. It's like there's a wall at the bottom and then you turn left. Like that's the neck break one. Yeah, it's more vertical

than horizontal so I'm like fuck what if he comes down probably the most conscientious person that I know from this party is Rich Massara so I confided in him I was like Rich if he comes down there he's going to be fucked he was like well

just take him up a sick bucket take him some water make sure he's alright keep an eye on him I think that's the best we can do right it's fucking better than trying to bring him

downstairs and put him in another bed I probably made the mistake of just putting him in his own bed I should have put him in my ground floor right so fucking we went up

sick bucket by the bed glass of water by the bed and then Rich realised he still had his shoes on started taking his shoes off and like yanking them off but what it had done is pulled the single mattress over and over with every yank of the shoes

until it was balanced on a fucking hinge on the side of the bed and as we walk up the door during the hatch we're just here as the fucking mattress just spits the mood onto the floor it's fucked up as he is and we had to go on back and it hadn't woke him up he was just unconscious on the floor. It's fucked up as he is. We had to get him back. And it hadn't woke him up.

He was just unconscious on the floor after falling to bed. We had to pick him up and put him back on. And we left him there. And when we went over in the morning, there's a massive puddle of piss in the bed. Fucking stinks. And we asked him, we're like, did you piss in bed? He was like, no, no, no, no.

I remember doing it. I pissed in bed. We're like, what's the difference? He goes, well, I got my dick out like a little Belgian statue. And just fucking pissed like up and as far away from his body as he could. But with no aim. Like wedged in the fucking middle. So we had to wash the in bed sheets.

Oh my God. That was just before the hide and seek as well. Aye. That was when he folded. That's when we went down to the suicide swing and done before the hide and seek as well. Aye. That was when he folded. That's when he went down to the suicide swing and done all the hide and seek shit. Fucking, you know, one of the funniest moments for me. This isn't going to sound funny

because it shouldn't have been as funny as it was. But you know when you filled up like a fucking ton of water balloons and put them in the pool? Oh yeah. So we were like day drunk. I think it was the next day after that, wasn't it? We were day drunk and you just filled up all these water balloons, chucked them in the pool.

So the swimming pool was like a ball pit of water balloons, right? But they didn't burst on impact. So I belted them at each other. They burst on impact on the wall. But on your face, they just fucking wrapped around your face and hurt. So we were like fucking lynching each other with these. And then Gareth just randomly fucking come up and shoved one in my mouth, right? And started fucking face fucking us with it.

And he was laughing because I fucking moved me sunglasses through and made eye contact with him. Probably creeped him out. But then Matty come along and just properly grabbed it and started going, you fucking like that, don't you? And I was genuinely choking to death on a fucking white apple. And I'm going, oh, oh, oh, oh. It was just wasn't bursting. And I was like, oh, oh, oh, it just wasn't bursting and obviously that gives me

a newfound respect for Natalie I mean you're not as big as a water balloon Colin on the other hand Jesus what the fuck was that

fucking Christ what the fuck was that we all went so by the end of the thing we were just happy to get our dicks out

which we always have you and me on day one showered together did each other's backs did each other's I remember that What the fuck was that? We all went, like, so by the end of the thing, we were just happy to get our dicks out, which we always have been. You and me on day one showered together, did each other's backs, did each other's, I remember that. Did each other's fronts. At one point,

I went for a shower and I was just showering with the door open, fucking cleaning my arse or cleaning my dick and just walking through butt naked past Colin, right,

with my big dick and I go at Colin and I'm like, fucking seen this bad boy and he's like, aye, aye, whatever. And then Colin doesn't mention anything,

just goes into a shower, right, and then walks out, walks out and I'm like, fucking see this bad boy. And he's like, aye, aye, whatever. And then Colin doesn't mention anything. Just goes into a shower, right? And then walks out, walks out. And I'm like, oh, fucking Colin, your towel's hanging down the floor. You're going to, that's your dick. Oh my God. It was like, he put you to shame. Did I? It was like, what the fuck is that?

He's been fucking the whole time. And he hasn't mentioned it. He's not mentioned it. He doesn't need it. For five years, all the jokes have been about The size of my dick And Colin's just been sat there Being like

Whatever Oh but he was probably funny after that Because he kept holding up His little finger At the end You know what I mean I used to think that meant Call me

Right When people hold up Their middle finger I thought it meant call me Aye I've been knocked off The big dick chart I mean I've still got a big dick

But compared to that monster He was ugly looking as well Aye Fucking looks around corners It had a waist He puts a belt on it Like That's how

That's how his dick comes It doesn't put it around His own neck He puts it around It's dick neck And then wanks off his head Aye Aye

Sure Not for me that one Nah Not Tom Bairns around its dick neck and then wanks off his head. Sure. Not for me, that one. No, not Tom Bates. Oh, God. Time are we on? We can move on to your dad jokes soon. But I'm in fucking

tatas now, man. That was like a fucking whirlwind of hitters because I went from just being under the weather out of preview and train to like

on the most fucking hardest call because fucking we went we'll never top that sesh that was nah I've peaked I've peaked like

because I made it like a personal thing to place every night I was like I managed to fucking podium finish every single night of the whole day

and I was like I've done myself proud I was fucking king of the sesh for me own stag do put 17 blokes to bed on a fucking daily basis it's true i'm fucking i'm right away from it guy i just right away guy and well that's like it's me proven i've did it i've fucking i completed session i survived me own stag do and so now it's i'll just fucking downhill every single person on that stag do put in a 10 out of 10

fucking performance even like even the war on that fucking night that was war at the end of because he

podium finished on the other three nights and that was the only night he went to bed he was the also I will say

that fucking night he was one of the first on the next morning and he was the one that made the first

fucking batch of cocktails went straight to the pool no it wasn't the first we were because we went and

got him up immediately because we needed and got him up immediately because we needed a reaction. Oh, yeah, that was it. Yeah, yeah. Because he said, this was Gareth's words, he was like,

I didn't remember any of last night, but I knew I'd done something wrong because I woke up to you two stood over me. And when I looked up and saw your faces, I was like, oh, fuck, what have I done?

One of my favourite memories, we had a big fucking soup bucket which we were just making all these horrendous cocktails in so after the big water balloon fight in the fucking pool I went down

got it got the ladle and just a little Richard David Attenborough documentary of just being like the wildlife in Spain

is absolutely beautiful I've just found a little nest and started making cheap cheap noises and then you Colin Gareth and Matty all come noises and then you Colin Gareth

and Matty all come over and I just fucking ladle fed you stretched necks stretched necks months wide open pushing each other

out of the way like little fucking birds just in position oh everyone on this has put in a fucking 10 out of 10 performance like you can't

you can't question the legs of anyone on that holiday nah everyone's got a fucking jaw an iron jaw that can take a punch. Those fucking dark moments, like there was a moment on that last night out

where everyone was just enjoying dancing and shit and I was like, we just had a bit of a huff, didn't we? Aye. We're in a fucking nightclub because there's a couple of boys out that wanted a guy out, like fucking Elliot Steele's 21.

He wanted a guy and have a look around, right? And there's a couple of them just love dancing. They're a fucking bunch of queers. I've never been a fan of dancing. I will dance if I'm on pills, but most of the time, I can do it for 10 minutes. Then it's done, right?

I went to that nightclub, right? I danced ironically for 15 minutes, right? Done a couple of muggle Fortnite dances, and I'm like, I'm done. And like two hours later, and Tom and Milo are still giving it big licks on thenight dances and I'm like I'm done and like two hours later and Tom and Milo are still giving it big licks on the dance floor

I'm like surely you've done every one of your moves now what are you even doing now what are you getting into this is it exercise is it sport like I know you aren't

looking for women like what are you even dancing for at this point you're not on eckeys like you're not you're not even drunk because you've stopped going to the bar because you've stopped going to the bar because you're not on eckeys you're not even drunk because you've stopped going to the bar

because you've stopped going to the bar because you're dancing like we've been going to the bar because we've been propping the cunt up but what are you

even getting out of it now and they were like do you not just love dancing and hearing the music I'm like the music was better at the

villa aye I think I'm just longing the two foot now nah because I've never enjoyed dancing I think I did when I

was em because this is what I think I did when I was, because this is what I think, I think it's just a it's like a mating ground, it's like a real primitive, basic, like, you know, when you see a documentary with a lizard that like plumes out its gills, they're not gills but you know what I mean, they're like fanned out,

and then they'll do like a little dance, stood on their back legs, and they'll shake their fucking fins or whatever they're doing, right? And then the mate might take it or leave it. That's what dancing is. Dancing is going in front of some scantily clad women and going, hey, pick this one.

Pick this one. But then when you get like two 40-year-old blokes who are practically married, one of them is married, pick this one. Oh, no, no, I don't want to be picked. I'm just doing the dance. Yeah, any girls that come up to them like,

no, no, sorry, we're in relationships. It's up. I'm just doing the dance. Yeah. Any girls that come up to them are like, no, no, sorry, we're in relationships. It's like, I mean, you kind of blame the girls for thinking. Like, you were doing the mating dance. Yeah. You don't get a lizard, do you? You don't get, like, an old lizard doing the mating dance

just wanting a noise still gut. Just one peacock just fucking pricking his feathers doing the thing. And the second a female peacock goes over, she's just like, hey, he's like... Can you stop interrupting me I'm doing this for me

so that was the one point where I was like I was drunk, I was tired, I was worn out and it was at that point where you felt like you couldn't get off your face anymore you were like drunk but sentient you weren't lost in the moment anymore because you were just so fatigued

and I was just like I can't stay in this dance club anymore I can't do it had a walk we just went out and walked one of the streets had a look at the cathedral did touristy shit at 4am

we did touristy shit and then got home and got on it but it was one of the one thing that's worth mentioning as well was when we were in the jacuzzi and everyone's starting to as well was when we were in the jacuzzi and everyone's starting to get out I started pissing

in the jacuzzi when we cocked out right and Matty clucked it grabbed Cullen by the heed and dunked him under the water and just put his heat next to me

next to me cock while I was pissing and Cullen just come up and went I didn't like that not for me it was just an avalanche

of toxic masculinity wasn't it oh god it was so good it was like we're just fucking it's like we've got all this like toxic masculinity pent up

and we just locked myself on a ranch in the hills in the middle of nowhere and just released it made sure made sure it didn't affect any of society it was just that look We just locked ourselves In a ranch in the hills In the middle of nowhere And just released it Made sure Made sure it didn't affect Any of society

It was just that Look This toxic masculinity It exists in our It exists in our head Right We're working on trying To get the toxic masculinity out

But sometimes it's in there We're just bleeding the radiator Right But taking a Taking a fucking axe to it Just properly getting it all out And now Al I want to taste Put a couple of cucumbers On my eyes And have a spa day I want to be an arse But taking a fucking axe to it. Just properly getting it all out. And now while I want to taste,

put a couple of cucumbers on my eyes and have a spa day. I want to be an arse. I've got to do my system. I just want to exfoliate and have a cuddle. Aye. Aye. Right. Shall we move on to your dad jokes?

Shall we? I've got to fly back to London now. I still haven't been home yet. Since the stag. Oh, here we go. Shall we do a mongrels? No, we don't think. Your dad buttons his own shirt with his teeth.

That's how he seduces women. Your dad can't dab. Man, Jimmy, you're trying to do a dab. Everyone dabbed around the table and Jimmy done tiger claws I don't know what it is

your dad got cast as a sheep in the school nativity and he hasn't been in school for four years your dad barters toast with his feet

not with a knife in his feet just with his feet when your dad orders a fry up, he says, can I swap the bacon for another tomato? Your dad wears a fedora. Your dad is the fastest dancer in Fife, but only because you've moved to Edinburgh.

Your dad pedals really fast on a bike, flips it over, then wipes his arse with the running tyre. Your dad pedals really fast on a bike, flips it over, then wipes his arse with the running tyre. Your dad thinks monogamy is for mugs and that's why he's never cheated. Your dad has a signed copy of my DVD. Not signed by me, it just says, to Kev, from Kev, hang in there. Your dad buys a screwball from the ice cream van and makes a small incision in the bottom so he can get the bubble gum without taking on any calories. Your dad has a flat foreskin from the amount of times he's accidentally slammed the laptop close to it.

Your dad claps with his teeth. Your dad was on your stag day, you just don't remember it because he's so fucking dull. I kept doing that at cullen while cullen was there i kept going i wish cullen was here your dad visits the cemetery to smell the flowers and because he has hair fever it looks like he's mourning your dad shelves chicken nuggets your dad carries poo bags around with him in case he spots the shit that he might like to take home to your mum.

Your dad wants to be a slinky when he grows up. Your dad got a gypsy to publicly blow a handful of dust into your face before sports day so locals would bet on you because he owns the boogies and you knew you'd lose. Your dad shoves a basketball up his top, pretends he's pregnant and then goes to the abortion clinic. With a knife.

I'll do it myself if it's too late in time for you pussies. Oh my god, I'm still in recovery. Aye. I think there's probably going to be stories from that fucking stag do that leak out throughout the remaining fucking... Aye, once we bring other people who were on the stag do back on the throughout the remaining fucking once we once we bring other people who were on the stag do back on the

podcast they'll tell they're in for it because it's like fucking you know when you

so much happens and you fucking kind of like you kind of get

your hands on it all at once I think it's going to leak out bit by bit but fucking I think we're

doing well there to get an hour of it out try to get like fucking four days of carnage into 55

minutes oh my god I'm going to be paying for this for a long long get an hour of it out try to get like fucking four days of carnage into 55 minutes oh my god I'm going to be paying for this for a long long time well thank you for a wonderful stag do

cream very welcome and shout out to Matty for fucking doing his bit alright and thank you for everybody

that came and love you all fuck I'm running out of words bye bye