Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 29 @TheB1gM4n

Episode Date: February 2, 2017

In Perth again with Andrew Stanley as he shares some of Muggins' lapses in concentration after his (potentially fake) gym sessions, he also loves kissing. Muggle corner is directed from accross the shores via twitter from long time listner, first time caller and dear friend Matty The B1g M4n.  

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and Cream, Cream and Muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' Muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Aww, Muggles! Accidental ripjob in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or a magic beat cynical. Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia! Where have you been since 9-11?

All right, this is Muggin, sat here with Andrew Stanley, kissy tulips. How are you doing? Kissy tulips. Where else would you kiss? Kissy tulips? Yeah. I'll just give you a nickname. I thought you'd enjoy it.

Yeah, I know, but... Because you've got tulips. Yeah. And you use them to kiss. Can you deny that you are kissy tulips? I mean, technically, we're all kissy tulips so it's not a great nickname yeah you may as well call me what's your nickname human it is my nickname so um most people like uh most most single lads will keep like a list of the tally of the women

that they slept with yeah you keep a tally of the women you've kissed yeah kissy tulips i keep a tally of the kissy tulips i've kissy lipped yeah that's what i call it i don't even call it kissing i call it kissy lipping your tally your tally's up to three and a half billion three and a half no seven seven billion just seven people that's everyone seven seven people yeah and four of them are my family yeah i was thinking if it was three and a half billion right that's the female population completely but some of them are children so you've our non-s've kissed some men to reach three and a half billion I mean this is a great start

mad snogger mad snogger six pence and on the richer mad kissy tulip kiss me milky twilight anyway this is Andrew Stanley

he likes kissing I like it does everybody like kissing have you ever met anybody who doesn't like kissing oh yeah kissing's crap I wish we could just you know what I mean right

cut the kissing there must be some people out there who don't like kissing? Oh yeah, kissing's crap. I wish we could just cut the kissing. Because there must be some people out there who don't like kissing, right? There have to be. Well, sometimes there's like them closed mouth kisses

that push you away. So I did a, I did a, you know those the facts videos that I do sometimes that Ryan Cullen's on and everything.

Yeah, yeah, I've seen one or two of them. I haven't seen you in any. I've seen a few of Ryan's. One of the first ones I did was we had to watch Love at First Kiss. Have you seen that show? So is it like Gogglebox,

this fact that you do? Yeah, it can be sometimes. Wait, so just give it a little bit before you say the one you didn't give it a pitch. So it's basically you, either it's like tasting foods from different countries and things like that

and commenting on them or watching TV shows and commenting on TV shows. Yeah, I think the one I saw was Ryan Cullen checking out women's sanitary products. No, that was just him. Was it? That was just him. That was just Thursday lunchtime.

That was just him on Facebook Live. He does a sanitary women's products thing once a month. Hey-o! What about the real boys? So I did one which was... Does he panic if he's late?

At six weeks he's like, oh, fuck. Sometimes it goes on for ages. It all depends on his flow he panic if he's late? You know, six weeks, he's like, oh, fuck, I haven't done anything. Sometimes it goes on for ages. Yeah. It all depends on his flow. Yeah. And how he's taking his pill. So,

one of the first ones I watched was Love at First Kiss. And I think if you're, you should definitely try and look up this episode. It's a guy called Joshua. So look up Joshua, Love at First Kiss.

And it is the worst kiss I've ever seen in my life. The first one he walks in, so it's strangers. Right. Who've never, like, they literally walk in and the first thing love at first kiss. And it is the worst kiss I've ever seen in my life. The first one he walks in. So it's strangers. Right. Who've never, like, they will literally walk in and the first thing they do is kiss. So that's it, right? And he walked in and he said, can I kiss you?

And she went, yeah. And then he smelt her hair and left. What? That's not a kiss. I know. And then he was all like, oh my God, my heart is racing. I was like, why? Because you're going to kill her?

I don't know what. Did he think he kissed her yeah so he just walked out there and he had a mental block yeah it's like weird and then he

that's it there's a bit of pressure on that because sure as hell he kissed her let's pause the podcast yeah there's a lot of pressure anyway we're back here after the we paused for a while there

okay yeah that's it back Jesus Christ I'm not going to I tell you what there was more than two lips in that a lot of pressure anyway we're back here after the we paused for a while there okay yeah that's it back Jesus Christ I'm not going to I tell you what there was more than two lips in that

I'm exhausted in fact my lips have got cramp they're cramping up sucky two ball lips have got cramp elevate them elevate my lips

elevate my lips massage them pause the podcast while you elevate and massage my lips alright we're back it has been a hot day here Pause the podcast while you elevate and massage my lips. All right, we're back. Ooh.

It is the hot day here. I'll tell you what, it's only 29 degrees outside, but it's 42 in our shade. The sun is always shining out of your lips. Right. So, yeah, so he smelt her hair, and then he had another girl to be kissed, and he did the closed mouth kiss thing with his eyes open

the whole time so when when you're kissing a girl that does the closed mouth kiss thing do you like do you try and do you try and

because you can't say hey will you just start making an effort yeah yeah would you wear me a tongue in I fish hook them with your finger

get my finger up there and pop it open you know when you do they're like but not from the front like right around the back of the head. Right past that ear and then reach in from the opposite side. Like you're in Gangs of New York. Pull her right back around.

Pop her around, give her a Chelsea smile. Then I go, your mouth will be open next time, won't it, love? That'll teach her. No, but I've never had... I've definitely had closed-mouthed kissers before. I slept with a girl once and I never knew what the phrase, like called fish meant. You know what I mean? The phrase, like she's like called fish.

And I slept with this girl and she literally didn't move. She just lay there. Just lay there? Just lay there. So weird. Was she asleep? She was dead. Was she alive?

She was dead. No, she lay there and she was a really good looking girl. I was wondering if maybe nobody had told her about it. You've got to move. Yeah, even if she was terrible at it, they just kind of,

lads just went, whatever, she's so hot. Wait, I'm going to lie here and show what happened. Pause the podcast. Pause the podcast.

And we're back. Oh my God, I tell you what, I'm vegetarian, but I didn't mind that sushi I didn't mind that egg roll what does that even mean

I don't know it's a cold dead fish oh yeah yeah it's a really good one because that implies it was like wrapped in seaweed

I'll show you how seaweed works pause if I've got oh my god oh my god this has taken three days already you know because I don't like when this is more like when you're a teenager it doesn't so much Oh my god. This is taking three days already.

You know, because I don't like when, this is more like when you're a teenager, it doesn't so much happen when you're an adult. The really rhythmic ones where it's just like the mouth just moves in the same motion. Just up and down. Up, up, up.

And you're just like, yep. Mix it up a bit. Is this it? What else you got? Yeah. That's all you bring to the table. Hey babes,

shows your moves. Yeah. If I play you in Street Fighter, are you only going to table it's like yeah hey babes shows your moves yeah if I play you in Street Fighter are you only going to do the hand slap eh mix it up a bit keep it next I don't even care if you do some button brushing

I mean like that rather oh she's biting me lip now actually look I'll show you how I play Street Fighter on your balls pause the podcast and we're back

Jesus Christ alright well stop doing that now we'll see what I can do so I'm here with Kissy Tulips Andrew Stanley we're still in Australia so I've come

I always come to Stanley straight after my training sessions I've been getting up like super early getting up at like 7 o'clock getting a bite to eat

and then going to do yeah but you're getting up you're still on UK time yeah you're getting up at 7 o'clock UK time it's 5 in the day here you're like I'm up so Yeah. You're getting up at 7 o'clock UK time. It's five in the day here.

You're like, I'm up so early. Change your watch, Kai. Change your watch, dude. You're late for all your gigs. I think Kerry keeps changing my watch.

Really? Yeah. Like, there's been once or twice where I've had to move it an hour and like, I've realized like, it hasn't like stopped and started again because the minutes are in the right place

and the hour's wrong. So someone, someone's toying with us. Kerry. Whether it's someone at the gym whether it's carrie or dan there's a mystery there's a mystery our mystery afoot yes a wrist there's a mystery wrist anyway uh yes you're getting up so i get up jujitsu and i go to muay thai and then i go straight into jujitsu with no break like you do nine30 till 1030 and this is after a 5 mile cycle

and then at 1030 you've got to just fucking run over and I told myself because I'm sweating like a fucking loser and then go straight into jits and then I come straight here and I'm just a clip you call it jits now

jits my god jiu-jitsu BJJ jits jits jits it sounds like you've got a tummy complaint

doesn't it jits I've got the jits I've got the jits man I'm the same because I've been running jits. I've got the jits, man. I'm the same because I've been running on the treadmill. But it's called treads. Treads.

Let's go do 20 on the treads. Is it good? It's pretty good. I think it's good. I might use that. Why not? You said that like it was going to mug us off about the way I'm calling jits. I'm going to do it now.

I'm going to walk into the gym tomorrow. You did do 20 minutes on the treads. I'm going to walk into the gym tomorrow and go, any Treads free? Any Treads free? Treads is a Blythe word for a scrunner. A scrunner is a Blythe word for a scruff. So hold on one second. Scruff's a Blythe word for like a bump. Why don't you just use one word?

Bump's a bad word for a bad tramp. Why don't you just use one word? Because there's multiple, man, how many fucking scruffs and scrunners and Treads are there in Blythe that you need several words

to point them out? Well, you can just go, there's one because they're not like it's not like homeless so you wouldn't say a tramp or hobo or anything like

a derogatory term for a homeless person but someone that probably doesn't wash their neck and they've got like a dirty collar but we can just use one of the words

why don't you mix it up synonyms do you know what I mean what do you want double speak you want to go back to 1984 and fucking

this is where you're all over a little bit of all this is ridiculous it's the beauty of the English language so you go to go back to 1984 and fucking this is where you're all over a little bit of all this is ridiculous it's the beauty of the English language so you go into JITS you wouldn't know this you're Irish

you just borrow our language borrow your language we're fucking Gaelic let me tell you we didn't borrow it it was given to us forcibly it was raped

into our mouths you're welcome you know what I mean I'd much rather speak Irish would you let's do the rest of this podcast in Irish. I can't speak Irish. And we're back.

So you're doing jits. So then I come here. Well, I'm eating in the cafe and I'm a fucking clip. And you've just been like, you've been just getting off and having a laugh at me. Just being ridiculous. Oh, you've been, yeah. So we've been in the cafe.

The first day we were there, you were like shaking because it'd been your first day in the gym I'm holding my chopsticks so you're holding your chopsticks trying to eat soup you decide to have a laxa soup um

while I'm already sweating from the weather you're already sweating a hot faux soup and then you decide to go oh you know what I'll try lift up this full boiled egg

with a chopstick rather than just one of the many forks that were there or your hands and surprise surprise blood soup

blood soup everyone in the cafe is just wearing my soup except for you apart from my white t-shirt I had it on my arms my face I had it on strangers

I had it on the floor the table the walls and my white t-shirt was immaculate. Immaculate. It was ridiculous. And then yesterday, no, two days ago,

you went to go get your bottle of water from your bike because rather than bring it in, you thought, I'll leave it out there in the sun. So you went out to your bike. But before you got there, the sign on the inside of the door said closed because obviously it said open on the outside. Oh, that was the door.

The door's been burning. It's handle was burning. Somebody's talking about me. Someone's talking about me. The door just slammed. So the door said closed on the inside and you hesitated before you left as if you thought outdoors was closed.

Closed for business. Outdoors. I mean, it doesn't even have The opening times written down Oh come on Oh man how am I going to get to my gigs Closed on Tuesdays Oh god

Everyone outdoors is closed on Tuesdays Oh jeez Yeah closed for business It was ridiculous I can't believe I mean I'm trying to think You've definitely done other things

I've done a way worse one than that What was that? Like last Thursday And this wasn't even... Oh, God, this is amazing. I was supposed to work out, but I'd went home, and I'd gotten showered, and I'd had a bite to eat, so I'd still had me work out in the morning,

but this was like at 1 o'clock. Are you just putting the mic down and leaving? No, I'm closing the door. He's closing the door. I mean, we should have paused it for that. We've been pausing for kissing and making out and learning Irish and everything, but then... Learning Irish?

Didn't we learn Irish for one of them? Anyway, we're back. And we're actually back. So, I dropped back. And I really wanted to watch Rogue One, the Star Wars movie, because I was unenamored by the whole Star Wars thing since, you know, 1, 2, and 3.

I watched 1, 2, and 3. Yeah. I watched 1, 2, and 3. Like, yeah, it's back. Yeah. So I loved the original 3, 5, 6, and 7. Yeah. New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. They're my boo. Right?

And then spent a lot of hours with them, you know what I mean? Yeah. Time served. So I watched 1, 2, and 3 just out of the fucking love for the franchise. Yeah. And didn't fully enjoy them. I thought it was all right. I quite like Attack of the Clones

and people hate me for that. I just think they're alright. I just didn't think they hit the spot with us. You say to a Star Wars fan that you like Attack of the Clones and they want to kill you. Attack of the Clones

is the first one. The middle one. The middle one. You know the first one? They killed Darth Maul. What the fuck? He was like the one thing. Spoiler alert.

Jesus. Sorry guys. Bruce Willis is dead. they killed Darth Maul what the fuck he was like the one thing spoiler alert what Jesus sorry guys Bruce Willis dead we'll edit that out Bruce Willis is dead right okay we'll edit that out they killed

small small they smilled smart small I wonder what happened to who right they killed Darth Maul

and I was thinking he was the number one character of that entire franchise and they had him for half a movie and he didn't really do much they could have totally there was so many that i what i what i got annoyed about with when that when those movies first came out was like things like darth maul and he had the double saber the double uh lightsaber thing loved it and you're like that's amazing so yeah of course it makes sense that 50 years later they wouldn't have those anymore you know what i mean because nobody has it in the fourth one yeah

it just got this it got discontinued yeah you think mini disc players so stupid yeah this thing that's absolutely incredible don't need that anymore nah done so stupid anyway yeah so the put inventions that didn't appear yeah that's the you're doing so I wasn't at first when Force Awakens comes out because I've been fooled once you know

I got drawn in by all the hype watching all the movies and was just like ah didn't really capture it for me then I watched Force Awakens

yeah after it got released and fucking loved it probably more than the first three yeah it's good it is good it's a similar story

to New Hope a lot of the same characters are in it so it had that nostalgia bomb and you never had any of the nostalgia when you watched

the first ones because there was nothing the nostalgia knew yeah yeah because it was original is that a verb

doesn't matter I'm a fucking Geordie I'd never speak normally coming from fucking Irish lips flips zips zips

that's what you say you know I'm sensitive where are you going to leave I just put a close sign on zips you know I'm sensitive flip sensitive where are you going to leave I just put a close on in the door you know I'm sensitive like your old lips let's pause it there he put some chapstick on

wets his lips right we're being silly how dare we the force awakens actually sounds really rapey doesn't we the force awakens actually sounds really rapey doesn't it

the force awakens she's coming around after the force never mind so Rogue One you're on to the cinema no no

I fucking I love Force Awakens so I thought to myself I'm going to watch Rogue One but it hasn't got long left at the cinema but if I'm going to watch Rogue One

because of where it's placed between A New Hope and not the Clone Wars the third movie the people are shouting at the podcast

Jesus Christ this is bullshit you should know what it is screaming at it you should know what it is what is it Phantom Menace Phantom Menace

Attack of the Clones and the Bible isn't Real Star no it's Star Wars George Has Made A Lot More Money Lucas

Lucas The Bank of Lucas The Bank of Lucas What is it actually that's going to annoy me now Phantom Menace It's annoying everybody that's screaming it

I mean Or maybe Rogue Zero No You know what it is Return of the Dalmatians Mac Return of the 101 Dalmatians Return of the 101 Dalmatians. Return of the 101 Dalmatians.

I remember it now. I remember it now. So I wanted to watch that again. I should fucking know what it's called. I've just watched it. You just watched it. I literally just watched it. But I mean, you did do a double workout again today.

Yeah. With your jits. So I watched number three. Again, it was all right. That's what it's called number three it's alright yeah

so I watched that I'm gonna watch Rogue One so I get some fucking on my phone and I'm googling the times in Perth and I find

a two o'clock screening on the IMAX in 3D beautiful it's only playing on that Thursday and then it's done this is the last day

Australia Day as well it's screening on Australia Day. When it was 39 degrees. 39 degrees. And I've got a barbecue to be at at three but I think if I go to this

two o'clock screening Rock up at four. If anything, you're more fashionable. Yeah, the fucking meet's done. I'm not waiting around. I'm not waiting around having to chat to people

like a loser. I mean, fucking nailing life. You've just seen a great film. Brilliant. So I get directions and then i press directions on my phone and it says directions not available and i zoom in on it and i'm like oh it's in the middle of a shopping center so it doesn't it's not going to get be able to get me car all the way to the point so i typed in the fucking uh the street name simple

six murray six murray street and i take that in using your brain and then it gives directions to six murray street that's how Google Maps works simple easy so it's not it's actually it was a beauty because it was about

a 7 minute cycle from the barbecue and I'm heading in that direction anyway what a great day beautiful day everything works out well gets on my bike

everything comes up Humphreys everything's coming up Kai I'm pedalling away pedalling away can't wait for my movie do you have some water do you need some water on the way

I was whooping at strangers because I'm away to see Rogue One why wouldn't you Daddy's going to Rogue One getting excited for a big giant popcorn yeah

big big big Diet Coke yeah or Coke whatever you want I'd have Diet Coke you have what you want no ice

I'm cool enough minstrels I guess they're fucking bags strapped on both shoulders strapped on course got your supplies yep

got me supplies why did I have me bag I didn't have a bag I'm assuming you brought something to the barbecue nah I fucking went and just stole you're just ready to go man

that's the thing you know what I've always got bits and bobs with us got chargers and what not remember did we talk about wanting a bum bag in the last episode I can't have a bum bag

so you got a bag bag Regular bag It's just got me Lint roller rain And me spare sock Yeah And you carry your bike helmet in it Even when you cycle

Actually I should do that Great idea Carry an empty bag And a helmet Everyone's dying to see How the story turns out I'm telling you I'm excited

And I know the ending That's why I'm lingering The suspense I tell you I feel like you're lingering Just so we can try And remember the name Of the third movie But it doesn'tense. I feel like you're lingering just so we can try to remember the name of the third movie.

But it doesn't matter. So go on. So you're psyching away. So I pulls up to the destination, 6 Murray Street. What's at 6 Murray Street? A church.

A fucking big church as well. A church? A beautiful, ornate church. Well, big enough that you probably have a screen in there. Could be an IMAX. A church that was definitely never once a cinema.

Is it now a cinema? No. Why is it not a cinema? It's still a church. But you're at 6 Murray Street. That's the address. So I was like, do I go in and pray for a cinema? How does is it not a cinema? Still a church But you're at 6 Murray Street That's the address So I was like Do I go in and pray for a cinema?

How does this work? Maybe you pray That the movie gets sent to your brain So I asked a woman That was nearby Just a nearby woman Where's the cinema? Which is a standard question

The playhouse Probably gets asked this all the time Because 6 Murray Street Is the address of the cinema And she was like Oh I'm not sure There hasn't been a cinema here She's looking around

For a cinema that doesn't exist so two people are confused now so she gets it up on her phone and looks for the playhouse there's no playhouse in Perth and I'm like what bitch get out of my sight

there definitely is there definitely is I've fucking googled it six more streets I mean there's a two o'clock screening two o'clock screening for the cinema so it goes back to my original map

yeah and I zoom out to find out to find out where it is in relation to where I am yeah of course because you want to put it you probably just do a transit one

it would be way easier do you know where it was? we'll show you the map how far did it take to the cycle? it was 8,000 miles away what? it was in Perth, Scotland oh that makes perfect sense

it was in Perth, Scotland I cycled to the address of the cinema that is in Perth, Scotland and I'm there sweating like a fucking melon by the way sweating like a melon?

yeah a melon yeah melon sweat hold on hold on is that an ice cream van it is an ice cream van oh my Jesus let's legit pause the podcast

it's gone it's gone the other way race you unbelievable I didn't know there was pedophiles here so I think I did the wrong

fucking gaffe that's incredible how long were you standing there before you realised this because you connect to her internet or something like that well when she mugged us off right

it was I don't think she mugged you off well she did she was like there's not a cinema here and I'm like fuck there is well she was correct

that's not mugging you off yeah but at the time in my world you know before I was informed and I went into the centre of town where I know there's Perth free wifi

and I'm there with my fucking helmet on because you know how I keep my helmet on when I walk I leave my bike keep it on my head sometimes that's why they wouldn't

let you out of that cafe you didn't have your helmet on so I can text while I'm walking walking to shit so I got the internet up and found out I was in Perth and then went back to my bike and I was like

I've got an hour to kill and then I just turned up to the barbecue early everyone enjoyed the anecdote everybody turned up early I still haven't seen Rogue One though. I mean, it's not in the cinema anymore.

I'll tell you what though, it's on in, so Perth, obviously the weather is so glorious, there's a rooftop cinema. Oh yeah? I think it's on next week. At night though?

No, I think it's in today. Not big lay? I think they probably thought of that and worked it out. Mate. It's been there for a while. Phew.

Thank God. Phew. So do you think there is a screen. A few. Thank God. A few. So do you think there is a screen of it? As far as I know. I googled the shit out of it. But it wouldn't be listed. You'd have to go onto the Rooftop Cinema website. We're now just chatting about you possibly going to the cinema.

Yeah, we could have done that off the air. But the thing about the church being there, I wonder how many people would have just seen that as a sign and turned to Christ. What do you mean? Like you're trying to get somewhere and then you get led to a church. It's like a proper sign from God. Not really, because most people

would just go to where they're actually supposed to go. They wouldn't search in a different continent. Yeah, but they got led to a church by their misdecision. The moves that they make ended up with them being put in a church. I don't think that happens as often as you think. I think it was just you.

You know what it was like? The way I just shunned that message from the Lord would be like, say, fucking, have you seen Prison Break? When, oh, what's his name? He's got a... There's a mathematician that's got a theory, or not a theory, like a pattern, and it's named after him, Schrodinger.

No, he's got cats. Come on, let's work this out. Well, he doesn't have cats. The guy from Prison Break with the longish hair who's got the scar on his neck, and he's called the something sequence, Fibonacci. So Fibonacci from Prison Break. Fucking hell, I love that I got that.

Right. I'm going to put a bookmark in this. I'm going to tell you something. You know when you forget something, that's how you should deal with it. You fucking just play charades with yourself until you get it. Like when me dad... Oh, that's what I do, with it. You fucking just play charades with yourself until you get it. Like when me dad...

Oh, that's what I do, yeah, yeah. When me dad loses a word, right, he's like, oh, what do you call that actor again? And then he'll just put his head down in his hands and go silent. And I'm like, was he Australian? Is he English? What does he look like? How tall is he? What movie is he in?

And he's like, shut up, man. I'm trying to think. Shut up. I'm trying to think. And he'll never get it. And you've got to just work around the thing that you're trying to remember. Oh, so I just... Well, I'll replay something that um like so this morning i couldn't remember

the password i gave for my new australian bank account yeah so i had to go into it and i replayed the whole conversation i had with the girl behind the counter did you and then remembered it and then you didn't remember it you just remember loads of stuff that didn't happen and i was like a man a man like come into the bank on a three headed horse I'll be honest I opened my eyes and I didn't even remember which bank it was it was very bad

it has been a great day and then I went to a church so yeah remember the thing like I feel like

when my dad is trying to remember something he's like he's got this like dog in his head where he goes go on fetch that word

I'll fetch that name and the dog just runs off to fetch it but then starts sniffing around piss on trees. Yeah, yeah, the dog. You can't get it back. He should use a homing prison. He should do. He should have a leash on the dog.

We should also point out that you did a similar address thing yesterday in the cafe. Oh, hold on. Let's finish this bookmark first. Oh, sorry, sorry. So me turning up at the church and just denying the sign from God would be like Fibonacci on prison break, when there like a pipe leaking in his cell and the face of Jesus just appeared on his wall and he saw the face of Jesus and that's what made him turn to God

because Jesus appeared in his jail cell at a time of strife. And it would be like me just waking up in jail seeing Jesus' face on the jail cell wall and then just picking up a sponge and going, ah, fuck that shit and just scrubbing it off. Fuck your signs from God. I got your message but I'm not answering it.

I mean, I like that you're like comparing possibly your life to a fictional prison break show where a guy has a map tattooed onto his body. Fictional? Wait a minute.

Oh, wait, hold on. Are you watching History's Prison Break? Sorry. I thought you were watching I thought you were watching The E! Entertainment Channel Prison Break Silly me

Silly me Yeah I would never pray Because if there is a God And he needs us He knows where I am He could pray to me I'll answer him immediately

Fucking God pray to me I'd be like What up God I mean I know I'd be like Fucking knock on his door I know technically I'm replacing sloth in this

But that was the most sloth thing you've ever said nah you're so important that God should pray to you well if he

if he needs this think about what you just said aye God should pray to you well I'm just saying like fucking if God

the omnipotent being number one needs you Kai get in touch who can't find a cinema you know me number who can't find a cinema

in the same continent you sent us a church you didn't find a cinema you know me number who can't find a cinema in the same continent he sent us a church he didn't pray to me and I was just like nah you stop praying like God's prayers haven't been answered

when he prayed to us but you know what fucking the church of Kai ontology if we're all born equal fucking it doesn't

matter if he prays for me as long as he's got an ego on him I'm not praying to that guy let me tell you right now the way you've been the last couple of weeks, we are not born equal. We're not. Yesterday we were at... I'm a snobby god.

That fucking doesn't want to call me. He's too cool. Yesterday we were at the cafe. The same cafe. I think it's the cafe. Maybe it's the food that does something to you. Maybe that's what it is. But it's not that I've just done three hours of fucking cardio.

Three hours now? Yeah, because I've cycled for an hour. You need to cycle quicker. I'd still be cycling for an hour. Five now? Yeah, because I've cycled for an hour. You need to cycle quicker. Five miles an hour? You can't cycle five miles an hour. Come on. You're all over the shop.

There's holes in your story. I'm starting to think you don't even go to the gym. You get the bus in, don't you? You get the bus in, you spray water on yourself, you carry the bike on the bus.

You don't even cycle. you just leave it at the cafe every day because you want to go watch karate kid what am i trying to achieve by this little i don't know what do you think i don't know you're trying to make an excuse for my retarded sorry oh god now we've got triggered no it's okay for you to say that because you're talking about yourself. So it's all good. And also, the word just means lower than 100 IQ. Yeah.

So you're literally talking about... I am 100% retarded. You know, there's people with disabilities who aren't. I don't mean them. Stephen Hawking, he ain't retarded. He's fucking far from it. That's true.

He's probably the furthest from retarded. Yeah. Seen, deemed retarded person in retarded. Yeah. Seen, deemed retarded person in the world. Yeah. Calling him a retard is like calling me

like a cripple. What? Oh my God. Now you know what? Now I do believe you did three hours workout today. Jesus Christ.

So yesterday we were in the cafe and we were looking up where we're going to be staying in Ad were looking up where we're going to be staying in Adelaide whether we're going to be staying close to each other or not and so

Kai was like here's my address well I knew I'd sent my address to Jimmy McGee yeah so he goes here's my address and he gives me the address

and I'm like that is not coming up at all and then I zoomed out the postcode was like SW17 yeah then I zoomed out of my Google Maps I was like

that's London Kai and he's like that's Jimmy McGee's address because I'm sending him some DVDs because I've ran out over here

because they're fucking going so well there's still some at home if you want to buy them on kaihunfries.com they're going fast they're moving

they're going fast he brought 10 over there's only 7 left keep it on the down low sell 100 yeah that was great yeah that's looking good balling um what are you selling mainly is it dirty dancing or dirty dancing yeah just uh ex-rental stuff yeah yeah land before time i got a rush hour two land before

time yeah anything you need anything the commitments orange is a new black actually with some new stuff as well Mad men Wild Bill Shift a few of them Shift a few of them KC Lips Sort of the same Yeah yeah I'm sending like

A bit of stock That I've got back home To Jimmy Because he's come to Adelaide But he wanted to know Where my house was So that we could Fucking train together

Because he wants to do The fake training Well the way it works out Is that going to be That you're I sent you the address He sent me I would say what's

Going to happen is Because obviously Your gym Is five minutes from my house and one hour from your house and my gym is three minutes from my house because that's how gyms should work there's also gyms near my house you know i know it's ridiculous and then in adelaide uh we we're going to be living about 40 minutes from each other i guess cycle wise 40, 45 so you're guaranteed to join a gym that's near you and my gym is already

be close to the house in Adelaide I know that already yeah but I just want to be close to you just three person fake workout and then we'll be living together

in Melbourne maybe is that right? yeah but I don't think my accommodation is sorted yet but in order for us to hang out I want you to cycle 20 minutes away and 20 minutes back,

and then we'll chat. Yeah, just so I can spaz out again. Oh, man, I used the spaz word. I'm talking about me. I know, I know. I don't know how I'm going to be sensitive to this subject. Right, should we cut to a little muggle corner? We'll do a muggle corner, why not?

Do you want to pause? Are you happy fucking one take, Stanley? I'm good to go, let's do it. I mean, I say one take. We posed a few times. Kiss earlier. Not the way I was kissing. These are terrible, by the way.

I should point this out. I really had absolute... And you didn't help me at all. You're such a dick. So I was sitting there trying to write all my dad jokes and my muggle corner stuff and you could not stop talking

about inane shit in my ear when you knew I couldn't write stuff. What do you about inane shit in my ear when you knew I couldn't write stuff what do you mean inane shit you were talking nothing I was better in your life

with the information I was putting a stone upon you nothing you were talking absolute pony and you knew you were as well

because you kept going this is hilarious yeah I knew I knew what I was doing hang on a minute you were sat there like the thinking man just like elbow on your knee

fist on your head and just like like proper agonizing over what muggles do. And I'm like, fucking muggles agonise over it. That's a good one. Look in the mirror, you daft cunt. I mean, sorry, I didn't really call you daft. Use the T word.

We both went for the same joke. Just worded it differently. Did it at a different angle. You did it Northumberland style. Anyway, go. So, shall a different angle? You did it Northumberland style. Yeah. Northumberland. Anyway, go. So, shall I go first? You go first. Muggles say careful after the event, after the fail.

I do that as a joke. And I stop myself doing it because it's so annoying. I caught myself doing it and put it straight in my notes on my phone because I was like, I'm such a fucking muggle. Yeah. It was like Gary just knocked his cup off the table or something like that I was like oh careful

and I meant it it wasn't like I wasn't like you were saying trying to be ironic careful no but I used to do it like yeah

you just do it like it's like you do it automatically it's just instinct why is that in there I need to unwire that yeah yeah I need to lose that immediately

because that must be so annoying for the person that's knocked the cup they're annoyed they've knocked the cup. They're annoyed they've knocked the cup. Or when people sit downstairs. Huh? You know when people trip

coming downstairs. You're like, oh, careful. Careful. Make a step. Don't fall more. Send me a postcard. You're already on the ground.

Enjoy your trip. Send me a postcard. Enjoy your trip. Oh God, that shit. Yeah, that's 100% that's in the corner. Yeah. Like, giving someone

any advice that they needed. Should we have explained what muggles were before the start? Everybody knows by now, right? Yeah, but maybe because you're going to be sharing this, you may be drawing in a few people that have never listened to the podcast before. Yeah, I doubt it. Which I mean the fucking avid listeners now after the fucking bomb. They fucking better be.

I'm not wasting me time for this shit. The bombs have been dropping. I'm destroying Australia. So muggles are people that do things like that. They do, you just like do,

sometimes it's an e-jerk reaction thing, sometimes it's measured and an example I like to use is muggles ask, like request songs off the DJ.

Yeah. I think that's like super muggly that the DJ is there, he's paid to do a job, he's got his set list in his head and then someone

comes up and goes hey can you play fucking Fat Controller by Drake Thomas muggles yeah muggles queue for a flight

to board a plane yeah what are you doing muggles queue to board a plane I'm gonna sit down and get on that flight like we're gonna take off

at the same time yeah exactly stood up in a queue. So muggles just do things like that. Love, laugh, live. Love, laugh, live. You're a fucking muggle. So muggles say careful and give you a warning.

Is this going in the corner? Can we accept that this is a thing? 100%. The warning was required. Oh, careful, you're about to knock the glass off the coffee table. Perfect. Oh, careful, you've just knocked it off. What the fuck's that advice?

That reminds me of Colin MacDonald. I think so. I think I can do them at the last lounge. Small Irish guy, beard. Yeah, yeah. I did. He has this great bit about people overreacting to stuff like that. So a woman will trip and she'll go, oh my God, I tripped and almost broke my neck.

It's like, no, half of that sentence is true. Yeah. Yeah. I set my neck. Is that how you heard set my neck? No. Oh, that's, it must be like a Northeast thing, but I set my neck like, oh, I nearly set my neck. Oh, so it's like you nearly broke your neck. Nearly broke my neck. Yeah. That's real common. You're like, there'd be so many steps for you to break your neck. Like you just slipped a bit. You didn't do anything

like what you said. And you'd be a lot more panicked if you'd come that close to break your neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you really legit like had a big fall off scaffolding and then the fucking,

whatever timber you had up there fell on you and you're waiting for the paramedics and you can't move and it turns out you're fine. You've just like sprained some muscles. You're like,

fuck, I nearly broke my neck. Like that would be like a real deal shit. But it'd justrained some muscles you're like fuck I nearly broke my neck like that would be like a real deal shit but I just flippantly go whoop nearly broke my neck or a doctor saying to you you nearly broke your neck

those are the only times it should be said careful though yeah careful all those things 100% look everyone I'm just going to get it in advance

so I don't have to say it afterwards just be careful out there it's a fucking cruel world anything can happen anything from a stubbed toe to put your eye out just be careful so I don't have to say it afterwards and if you do there it's a fucking cruel world anything can happen anything from a stubbed toad put your eye out just be careful so I don't have to

say it afterwards and if you do it I've already told you what are you playing at do you know what one's weird is safe flights that's a weird one isn't it have a safe flight

yeah have a safe flight it almost sounds sinister doesn't it it's weird watch them roads safe flight what's going to happen

it's an odd one isn't it yeah because it's like you've no control over that it's like you've got to kind of half close your eyes and go yeah have a safe flight that's kind of like when somebody an odd one isn't it because it's like you've no control over that it's like you've got to kind of half close your eyes and go yeah have a safe flight

it's kind of like when somebody's driving somewhere and they go oh be careful before on your drive you kind of go well obviously I'm not going to be like

nah but then on a plane you literally have no control so it's a weird one isn't it yeah have a safe flight like as if it was in your control like hey don't annoy the pilot

when he's flying don't step past the white line. Yeah. Like a bus driver. Don't shout bomb. I do it as well. I do it like a similar one. Like, sleep well.

That's another one. You know, like a sign-off. You go, sleep well. As if somebody's going to go, I'm trying to get night terrors. You know what I mean? Like, of course you're going to try to sleep well. Yeah, I've got no control over that shit, man.

Yeah, exactly. I close my eyes and then the sandman does his dance. It's out of my hands, dog. Oh, God. Definitely in the corner. Careful. Definitely in the corner. Mine is, my first one is,

Muggles post countdowns to trips. Yes. And also... You're coming huge now. I found out there was a countdown for Easter online. Countdown for Easter? There's an online countdown for Easter on a webpage. Why?

Because some people are excited about Easter. Egg-cited. Egg-cited. What? Thomas? You just cracked a joke. Oh! You're so mewk.

Rewind. Yep, yep, yep. You just cracked a yoke. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm not going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it Let's just take a moment and enjoy that one and we're back Oh we're back Jesus Christ my hand So yeah there's tons of

it's become I don't know why it's become more popular all of a sudden because people always do it you know people always have it on their phone and things like that

and maybe it's just because people mainly post on Facebook through their phones and things so it's easy to just screenshot it or it's probably actually the apps probably have a share to facebook thing or something like that you know you know it's um it's what's tough to put this in a muggle corner is um sometimes a person's like fucking grinding with work you know what i mean they've tied themselves up with a house with a a car, with a family and all that shit, right? So we don't get to relate to this because we've decided not to have kids and not to get tied to a property and stuff.

So this is a life we've chose where we get to travel around quite a bit. So it's quite normal. But then some people that are in this life, which is great because they fucking love their family and they love their kids. When they've got a holiday booked in, that's a much bigger deal. I 100% agree with that but why not just be able to put up one month till I go to Thailand

not a countdown you put a countdown up it's the countdown that's what I'm talking about that's the image of like nine days yeah

do you think having that amplifies the enjoyment of the thing if you're if you're constantly yeah but they've still got it on their phone how is posting it up

seen as anything else than I'm going there I'm going on holiday and you're not yeah you know what I mean it's like

it's similar to the obligatory airport point that I was talking about in the last one yeah I think so if you're posting a screen cap yeah come on down yeah

it's kind of rubbing it in people's faces right and they're not jealous of your life because you're all that excited about something that's 40 weeks away. Yeah. There's a friend of mine, Jillian, and she,

she has like four trips coming up between now and say June or July. And they're all on her screen. And she posts up pictures and you're just like so many trips, so many things. And you're just like, there's no need for that, you know? Yeah.

It has been a decade. Oh God oh god so yeah what do you say corner yeah i think so i i don't think there's any harm in having a countdown for your for your shit for you because you're like excited about if it's there on your phone yeah but i think the the posting it and rubbing in people's faces like that i think like when you when you post something you want other people to get something out of it a little bit of joy. Yeah, exactly. So these brag ones, and I am guilty of it. I've got to stand in the corner myself.

Sometimes I'll indulge myself and like, fucking whatever, I'm going to Tannery Reef next week. Yeah, and that's fine. And that's not bringing anything to anybody else's life. Maybe some of me nearest and dearest will be happy for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the extended friends that I don't hang out with but the friends on facebook what does that mean they don't care yeah yeah so i think there's a bit of mugglery to that so get

in the corner get in the corner um the reason that you were thinking about your muggle stuff while i was just being all blase and trying to distract you oh yeah is um matty sent us a couple of muggle suggestions all right okay put them in um good old Matty. Matty, who I'll tell a little story about Matty. He came away with us to Benidorm when we got spiked with acid. Not the time we took mushrooms when Stanley was Jeff, if you listened to the last podcast. It was a previous holiday. We got spiked with acid, and it was a bit of a ride. There was fucking no safe word for it.

You know, like when you're on acid, if you open your eyes, it's there. When you close your eyes, it's there. It's fucking damage, right? And a couple of us wrote it out well a couple of us tried to resist it and had a really bad time on it and um me mate matty was one of them who had a bad time and he texted his girlfriend saying i'm dying just i'm dying not like a whatever's happened right and then his phone died and he didn't contact her for 36 hours so his missus back home had a i'm dying text and then 36 hours of radio silence and i mean because we were all tripping balls as well our phones were fucking dead and off because you're not

paying attention to any of that business when you're fucking tripping phones mean nothing so so yeah he's a fucking he's he's a legend in his own way that's almost like he's a fucking, he's a legend in his own way. That's almost like. He's a legend of failure. Maybe that was like, it's like an automatic iPhone message. Like when an iPhone falls in water, it just sends out a message to everybody, I'm dying. And then it powers off. Power down. Oh man.

So what ones did he send? Are these the ones he sent now? Yeah, he put out, should I read them out the way he wrote them as well? Because he put a little bit of vigor in them. Oh really? He went for it? He put them as if he was having a rant okay

he's really expressing himself with it he's trying to get involved in the podcast he tweeted them to us right so even though because he tweeted them

to me and Daniel he could have just sent this as a message from when we went to Vegas we're in a group chat so he actually wanted to express himself he wanted people

to read it people to know who he was but because it's more than 140 characters, he wrote it in a note on his phone and then screen-captured it and sent the note. Oh, God. Isn't he so adorable?

He's such a little... He just wanted to rub his head and pinch his cheek. Welcome, Grandad. So here we are. One, period. There's a raggling there. Muggle's whistle, period. Fuck off with ruining my silence, you irritating toad. that's where I'm coming from muggles whistle period fuck off with

ruining my silence you irritating toss piece explanation mark so muggles do whistle though I'm not giving it no

but I like I'm just I just love that he's put like his own little twist on it yeah yeah because that's what

we do that's what we do like you know on the podcast if you were to bring it up you'd be like muggles whistle like fuck off ruining my silence you fucking toss it yeah yeah because that's what we do that's what we do like you know on the podcast if you were to bring it up you'd be like Muggles Whistle

like fuck off ruining my silence you fucking toss pieces yeah yeah he's doing it organically he's scripted it he's like he's got stage direction

he's got stage direction he's like Kai enters from the left of the room a man is there it's Andrew he hasn't put it on notes he's put it on a tweet but it's Andrew he hasn't put it on notes

he's put it on a tweet but it's got minus 119 at the bottom so he's like well that's not going to send

I got carried away didn't I but if he left out all the stage directions it would have definitely fitted it would have

been 139 yeah I believe you wanted to write it so Whistlin's fine nah yeah

nah we're going to have to put it Let's talk it out Yeah You know Like what I say Is your output

Is generally Gotta bring something To other people as well Because your whole life You just don't wanna be In other people's way Yeah I think that's a good way

To look at things Just don't be in people's way Just don't be a dick And do your own thing Express yourself But don't put anyone else out Whistling definitely puts you out I don't know I don't think it does. And you do your own thing. Express yourself, but don't put anyone else out. Whistling definitely puts you out.

I don't know. I don't think it does. Because I think whistling generally, when somebody's whistling, right, it's always cheerful. Like, you never have whistling. You never have somebody whistling, like, The Cure. You know what I mean? Or whistling miserable songs. Boys, don't cry.

Karma police. You know? I never heard anything like that. So it's always cheerful. It's always, like, upbeat. You know, like, I guess, like old Disney movies kind of wh cheerful. It's always like upbeat, you know, like I guess, like old Disney movies kind of whistling. So do you think just like

accept the happy vibes? Yeah. They're putting some noise in your airwaves. Exactly, yeah. It'd be different if it's like, that prick won't stop whistling on the quiet carriage.

So how's that different to like putting, to say, feel the love by rudimental on your phone on the bus? Like you're choosing what people listen to then? It's like,

it's like cupcake in your ears. Yeah, but I don't, I don't think, he's not saying on a bus, listen to then it's like it's like cupcaking your ears yeah but I don't I don't think he's not saying on a bus on a bus is different on public transport that's different I think he's talking about

like somebody walking down the street having a whistle so we've got to but down the street if you've got your phone out with music playing you're still a muggle

so like what what difference does it make if you're playing the music yourself what makes you think people want to hear your version of fucking well what makes you think anybody wants to overhear

any conversation that ever happens ever? But the conversation is... You're having a conversation. You're exchanging. I just think whistling is like... Whistling, you're projecting to a bunch of strangers and it's a little bit of tension. Actually, that's the other thing.

I don't even think it is a lot of the time. I think people don't even realise they're whistling. I think you can whistle when you're washing your car. Whistle. That's so specific. It is. Okay, there's going to be more.

Whistle when you're gardening. Right? These are outdoor whistlers. Whistle indoors all you goddamn please if you're in your own house, right? All you goddamn please. All you like.

Right? So you whistle in your own little space. That's an interesting one, you know. But if you like put yourself into public and go in your own little space that's an interesting one you know but if you like put yourself into public and go this is my time to shine they know what whistling is huh you don't have to do the whole thing i was just wondering what tune i would go for if i give it a shot it was very jazz it's just like i didn't go for any

specific tune. What have you got? What do I whistle? I'm trying to think. No, no, no. Don't think. Just let it fly. You inward whistle. Huh?

You suck in when you whistle. You can do, yeah. Get a little bit of tremor at the end. Maybe it's if I whistle outwards and you whistle in once. We just kiss? Let's pause the podcast there. We're back.

Right, let's whistle a little bit closer each other. Whistle it the way here. Now without sound? All right alright I whistle I whistle when I'm cooking I whistle in the shower

but I just with that like with water hit your face and it's just I almost drowned once oh yeah because you whistle inwards

don't whistle in the shower if you whistle inwards you'll get water on your lungs and then you'll like cough up some of the water but it'll still have fluid on your lungs and your body will cough up some of the water but it'll still have fluid on your lungs and your body

will start creating antibacterial fluid and you're secondary drowned. I'm worried about you. Don't whistle in the shower for risk of secondary drowning. I'll never whistle again. I'll be like, I'm looking at your corpse just going, what a muggle. 20 years now people are like, when did you whistle anymore?

I'll be like, my whistling days are long behind me. And then spits them back into a corner I used to whistle till Perth 2017 not Perth Scotland Perth Australia the thing about being

at the cinema as well because it was you weren't at the cinema okay hypothetically I got to where the cinema was the cinema wasn't there

I looked at the watch the cinema wasn't there it was 2 o'clock and I realised I was in Scotland and cinema was the cinema wasn't there I looked at the watch the cinema wasn't there it was two o'clock and I realised I was in Scotland right and I was like well actually still got it

I was together just jump back on the bike throw some water in your bag there's a time difference I can get there before two so I realised that because I whistle but I just realised

I don't whistle in public yeah so you're right I only whistle in the house do you feel like you'd feel like a dick if you just walked down the front street now

and just started whistling through do you think I think people would have a range of responses I think Matty would be like get out my ears you irritating toss piece

yeah close bracket close bracket end scene internal internal scene external fight the black

such an idiot I think he's still on tripping he's black he's such an idiot I think he still had a trip he still he still lied in the apartment I never I never even

had a trip in Amsterdam that was all part of his trip he's there like I'm gonna be somebody like hoping

some big writing agent picks it up copyright Spielberg trademarked he's tagging in fucking authors jk rowling what can you do with this wolfie whistler the whistle boys whistly tulips oh whistly to whistle stanley a strange boy. He was an inward whistler. There wasn't many of them around. Most people outward whistled, but Stanley was a strange boy. An inward whistler that nobody had seen before.

He was new in town. He was new in town. He drowned in his shower. But then people could still hear the whistling for years to come. Oh, God. People could still hear the whistling of Inward Whistler's Stanley. We'll milk this first part. Send it to Enid Blayton.

She's already got Mr. Pink Whistle. Enid Blayton. Actually, you know what? When I think about it, yeah, I will say Corner. Yeah, I think Public Whistlin'. Public Whistlin'. One-time Whistlin'. You know what?

I think there will be some people that will disagree, just go ah that's a cheery dude and i think there's also like a point of age where like it's a bit more acceptable if it's an old man if you just say like some fucking rude boy gangster fucking whistling with a big chain on yeah or if you just say something like uh just an old man whistling you're like ah he's lived a life yeah probably whistling so he remembers how to get home or something you know what he's probably got something to whistle about that boy

that boy's whistled before and he'll whistle again yeah go on corner go on I'll kind of yeah go

that's fine you put in some stipulation yeah yeah exactly alright so let me see have yourself 20 seconds in the corner yeah then but while you're over there

don't you fucking whistle yeah I'll tell you what I'll make obtained by pass quicker don't you fucking whistle that corner put your lips against the wall kiss the wall lips against the wall kiss me while you're there yeah i'm at the other side of the wall i am the one i'm dressed as a wall i've got a break on my face like the like the ema advert did you see that where the guy is like dressed as the wall of the school like half of the map or chart or whatever it is and then he comes out

of the wall and goes, hey, did you know you can get EME at 25? I'm going to be stood in the corner just dressed as the corner of your wall. And as soon as you

walk over, all you hear is, you start whistling and I'm just like, what? Steal a kiss. Stop whistling, steal a whistle.

The whistle of the whistle. Okay, so here we go. Whistling the whole world whistles with you Muggles asked for that's a tongue twister sorry mate oh you're fine

you're fine Muggles asked for recommendations for Netflix series or whatever series but just so they can tell people what they finished watching

yeah they always throw that in don't they they start off with a so I just finished that new series that everybody loves I started watching it first just finished Stranger Things

what's Westworld like yeah just finished Stranger Things? Just finished Stranger Things. What's Westworld like? Yeah, just finished Stranger Things. Anything else I should watch? The thing Netflix just recommended. What's that? Yeah, yeah, dude. www.imdb.

Just check some stuff out. You can get a little review. It's like when people come onto a WhatsApp group and they go, what's the score in the game? You're on the internet. Yeah. You're on the internet. Google it.

The app's just there to swipe away. Actually, way quicker, because now I'm slagging you for five minutes and I'm not going to tell you the score you should have just gone to Google you're under the bus dog in fact I'm going to tell you the wrong score I'm going to tell you the wrong score

and then you're going to throw up accumulate a betting slip based on me giving you the wrong score you're going to go what's the score in the Liverpool game and I'm going to go

England are seven wickets down giving them the wrong score yeah yeah it was Scotland by knockout Scotland tapped out three rounds in yeah it was an early stoppage

from the referee so Muggles asked for Netflix recommendations yeah you can like I think anything you put online you can just Google I think what's good

is when people use Facebook Google it's like hey Facebook Google does anybody know a good plumber you know like in the area I think stuff like that that's fine because that's more recommendation stuff and things yeah

you're just asking a group of people about a thing but I think asking for recommendations you don't need to put that out to the larger audience no that's your own research and also Netflix could not make it easier do you know what I think is a little bit different asking for

a recommendation for a book because I think there's way more books in this it's just such a deep rabbit hole with the series there's like a handful of good series yeah

right well I did somebody did a count for me and there's seven books and four series so yeah really way more fuck I must have read all of them

you've read all the books I've read the series as well have you yeah i've read the series i got the scripts i've read but i got the scripts they were they were written by money screenplays by maddie she was a caddy lass I don't know what you're talking about I like reading books of classic films that I haven't seen

like what like I've read Godfather oh right okay just so I can be that wank where if people go you haven't seen Godfather I'm like

read the book dog book's actually way better yeah read The Shining haven't seen it book's way better yeah read Trainspotting The Shining good oh's way better yeah I read Trainspotting The Shining good

oh you're you're just finishing Trainspotting sequel right now right Skag Boys right right are you excited to watch Trainspotting

yeah yeah okay yeah but I'm gonna I'm gonna watch Trainspotting 1 first yeah I haven't been holding out on that on purpose

just so I can be like well we can't go see it it's not out here until the middle of February I haven't seen the first one no I know yeah read the book though read the book

two girls one cup read the book I actually anyway. I haven't seen the first one. No, I know, yeah. Read the book though. Read the book, yeah, of course. Two Girls, One Cup. Read the book. I actually watched the play. I haven't seen it. Watched the play. I watched the screenplay of, I read the screenplay of Two Girls, One Cup.

Did it? Spoiler alert. Written by Matty. Spoiler alert. People get shat on. I've actually never seen Two Girls, One Cup. Read the book.

I'll tell you what, if you want. Coronation Street, read the book. There's cups in the cupboard. We could get a cup and just pause the podcast. And we're back Jesus Christ I've never shat that much

wow my days what a day fuck what a day I need to eat more fibre shall I tell a horrific story while that's while we're on that subject

yeah hold on let's check oh fuck Nat what yeah go on then but we're going to overrun oh really yeah we've been talking really fast as well I'll tell it next week I'll tell it next week for my bookmarking Oh fuck, Nat What? Yeah, go on then But we're going to overrun Oh really?

Yeah, we've been talking really fast as well I'll tell her next week I'll tell her next week For my bookmarking Write it down Write it down in the thing I'll write it down Story

You're in Muggle Corner What was your thing? Netflix recommendations Yeah, yeah Go on, do your last one really quickly Can I do it in the mighty stage direction? Of course, of course Two, period

Muggles start a sentence with Open quotation I can't believe it Close quotation I.e. I can't believe my baby is a month old Of course, of course. Two, period. Muggles start a sentence with, open quotation, I can't believe it, close quotation, i.e., I can't believe my baby is a month old. Explanation mark. Why? Question mark.

Why can't you believe this? Explanation mark. Question mark. Were you not present for this, you muggle fuck? Explanation mark. Question mark. So without the punctuation. Muggles start a sentence with, I can't believe,

i.e., I can't believe my baby's a month old why why can't you believe this well you're not present for this you Muggle fuck thanks for the stage directions thanks Matty that was good

I was slick as fuck just then I was imagining him doing that there yeah but like forward brow yeah like not even like that kind of fake angst like a legit

like fucking pointing his finger down at the table that's essentially Matty going what's that about yeah what's that about so M, what's that about? What's that about?

Some mothers do say, I can't believe you. Can't believe, yeah. That's a really good example as well. I can't believe my baby's a month old already. You've spent every hour and every second with that baby for a month. Yeah.

It equals a month. I'll be honest, I don't even need to discuss this one because that's in the corner. That's in the corner. Immediately. I can't believe that's straight in the corner. I can't believe that's straight in the corner.

I can't believe Matty came up with that. Even though he sent it to you from his phone. I can't believe it. I can't believe that you can't believe that Matty thought that.

I can't believe we've had four orgasms each today. I can't believe it's not butter. Let's pause it there. And we're back. And we're back.

Definitely in the corner. Okay, here's my last one. This is a terrible one. muggles use the hashtag life goals yes life goals for everything

life goals or relationship goals they'll post a picture of like old people holding hands and relationship goals like how is it a goal to get old

I never want that to be the goal they should post a picture of people banging and go relationship goals yeah how is it a goal to get old I never want that to be the goal they should post a picture of people banging and go relationship goals yeah I just like

a bunch of the girls mates in with them in an orgy just going relationship goals let's pause it there yeah no it's

it's just life goals relationship goals and they're just they're just you know what it is as well. There are always things that you go like, a picture of like a promotion in work, life goal.

You're like, yeah, everybody wants that. We know. And it's also, a lot of the people that put like relationship goals and life goals and stuff like that, you'll find there the underachievers, the ones that do a lot of talking. They'll put like a life goal. But it's very rare that you see the follow-up photo of them

at the fucking, the beautiful waterfall that they took the photo of. Like there's no hashtag Life Call Achieved. Yeah, no one's ever done like, yeah, life achievement. Life achievement. No one's following it up with a lifetime achievement. Goal made. People that achieve don't fucking post memes like that on Facebook because they're not muggles.

Yeah, I think it's just, I mean there's loads of annoying hashtags out there. Yeah, so if you do post a live goal, you've got the clock ticking. You've got to start a countdown timer and post a countdown timer for when you do. Post a countdown timer for a trip you're going on as a reward.

As a live goal, yeah. So we're saying the corner then as well. Yeah, I think everything got in there. Everything got in this week. Thanks to Matty you put a little bit of friction up against the whistling

vibe but I think that was more just because you wanted to give Matty some static abuse for his stage direction yeah beautiful stage direction

though if you want to look at the stage direction I'm going to tell them Matty's Twitter handle that's going to be good it'll be nice

if they trolled him a little bit as well isn't it it's the real director Matty I think it's like Matty's Twitter handle. That's going to be good. It'll be nice if they trolled him a little bit as well. Isn't it the real director Matty? I think it's like Matty Bigman or something like that. Oh God, like

Mark Nelson. Bad boy Mark 33 at hotmail.com. Oh no, I can't find him because he's so insignificant that if you type his name in it

doesn't come up. Oh my God. Sorry Matty. We'll tag him on it. We'll tag him on the post. No, should we pause the podcast? Legit. And then find it.

Oh, no, because he tweeted us that thing, so I'll just find it off that. Oh, my God. You definitely have worked out today. I'm having a nightmare. So you go through your things. You'll go through your Muggle corners. Oh, Matty Cannon, here we are. At the big man, put the I in big

as one and the A in man as four so get this T-H-E B-1 G-M 4-N

and then you can see his little stage notes and you can just compliment him for him you know what it is like you put in some good suggestions there

he did it was impressive go pat him on the head go pat the big man yeah the big one the big the big man. Yeah. The big one. The big four.

The B1. The B1. G. No. Badad. All right. Let's do the last thing. The dad jokes. Do it.

These are terrible as well by me. Hold on. Let's go through. Let's do this. Muggle corner. Oh, yeah. For Muggle's whistle. Get in the corner.

Corner. Muggle start a sentence with, I can't believe. You can totally believe it. You can believe it. It's generally unbelievable when that happens. And stay careful after the event. Yeah. Muggle's countdown to trips posting.

Asking recommendations for Netflix. And hashtag life goals. Yeah. So that's a... It's a packed corner. That could be a total of three minutes in the corner for you. It's a packed corner today. Yes. a total of three minutes in the corner for you. It's a packed corner today. Yes.

Six motherfuckers. Muggle fuckers. They went muggle please but that would have been a different word. Sorry.

Should we wrap this up? We're going to wrap it up with some dad jokes. You going to do it? You go first

to get it. Yeah I'm going to fucking he's going to get it the day or probably your dad breaks into schools at night so that he can steal chewing gum from underneath the desk. You're going to do it? You've got first to go. Yeah, I'm going to fucking... He's going to get it the day it pops off. Your dad breaks into schools at night so that he can steal chewing gum

from underneath the desks. That's good. That's sensible. That's frugal. No problem with that. It's fucking hard chewing gum. How are you enjoying that? It's hard chewing gum.

No way. The shop's not open. It's late at night. The risk. The shop's not open late at night. The risk isn't worth the reward. Unbelievable. You don't even know how good the chewing gum is. The shop's not open for the night. Not isn't worth the reward unbelievable you don't even know

how good the shop's open for the night not the shops not the shops that's cool not in Dublin that's cool the city always sleeps

your dad brings his own parents when he goes to see a PG film I don't understand how the writing works the babe your dad

your dad's a librarian and he hasn't got the confidence to shush people so when people are being loud and noisy he just hides in the stationary cupboard until they leave

cowering when your dad's in a bad mood he refuses to go to happy hours in bars because he doesn't understand the concept you think so oh man

I'm exempt oh man I'm in a bad mood I can't go to that I'd love to meet you Dave your dad's got a top knot are we talking about this because I've got so long oh we were

yeah yeah because I've got so long before I say Natalie we're like this is the longest time I've been away from her like nine weeks in total like seven weeks left

I have definitely got time to grow my hair out and put a top knot in top knot to meet her in the airport. I'll meet her in the airport in Thailand. Well,

she'll be there before me because I'll meet her on the beach. So I just rock up with a top knot and I make it like some rosemary bead necklace with sharks too. Like a shell bead thing. yeah,

yeah, yeah. Some hemp wristbands. Yeah. Get a hemp tattoo on your face. Henna. Henna.

Hemp. Hemp tattoo. Fucking weirdo. But yeah, like yeah we can digress all we want your dad does have a top knot yeah

your dad switches off the power at the sockets before bedtime oh what a muggle I think I can put muggle corner ones it's fucking ridiculous

Chad your dad still calls he calls the Chinese restaurant the chinkies and he calls the off-laces the packies, and he doesn't see what's wrong with that at all. It's owned by Russians.

That's why it makes no sense. Your dad brings a list for grocery shopping. Not even on the notes on his phone either. Doesn't even bring his phone. Too dangerous. Just a handwritten one. He doesn't want to get distracted. He's a man on a mission he's got milk

bread eggs I gotta get them yeah you're not getting any texts so late it's on your bit of paper are you

I'm not getting anything else and he writes it on wingdings as well so no one steals it it's safe as he's in code yeah everyone goes home

with his shop no he has to take out that old school magnifying glass that you had in old computer games work out the code oh yeah

remember that yeah it didn't have like a plastic film yeah yeah ridiculous it didn't magnify it though it was just like a lens yeah really good thing thanks guys uh your your dad can count how many women he slept with on one finger responsible good catholic good catholic well uh your dad's karaoke song is god save the I was responsible. It's fair play to him. Committed. Good Catholic. Good Catholic man. Your dad's karaoke song is God Save the Queen.

He loves them trips to Edinburgh. If your dad could have a pound back for every tenner that he spent on lap dances, he'd spend it all on lap dances.

That's a thinkerer I like that one not just jokes a thinker as well you gotta work that out get an abacus out count it up your dad uses after sun

aye he put it on after I was born I mean my brother when my dad put After Sun on. The worst joke ever. That's the worst joke in the history.

Tom Houghton is masturbating right now. Oh, seriously. Oh, I love it. Your dad can't keep a cigarette. That's why your granddad's in prison. Your dad recites the safe cross code at zebra crossings. Green cross code, we'll call it. In Ireland.

Did you have the hedgehog advert? No. King of the road. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Your dad sings that. Fucking insane shit about my dad. Your dad is a hedgehog.

What? Explains my hair. It's a podcast. They can't see. They're imagining me with hedgehog. What? Explains my hair. It's a podcast. They can't see. They're imagining me with hedgehog hair now. The editor of The Mind. With stage notes by Mike Cannon. The fridge room.

The big man. Your dad went out on the pool without his glasses and spent 20 minutes chatting up a pot plant. Fair enough. Strong glasses. Got laid. out on the pool without his glasses and spend 20 minutes chatting up a pot plant fair enough strong glasses got laid your dad does push-ups on his knees

your dad your dad your dad rubs fat women's bellies and says when's it due that's weird sometimes it's hard to tell your dad regularly

clears out his Sky Plus box you have to you fucking genuinely have to you do it when it runs out he clears it. He manages it.

Even at 50%, he's like, time to clear this out. I don't want to get close to zero. The actual fact is, in the Humphreys household, their planner's always full of shows that my mum and dad

haven't got time to watch because they're very busy people. That's because they're online going, what should I watch? I ask people. They haven't got Netflix. They have.

These might... I don't know we'll work that out I'll give them a text after this we can leave this for after the podcast your dad always dangles

his cock in front of your pet snake on the off chance he'll suck the venom out if it strikes your dad gives his teeth an extra brush before a dentist visit

you just made my dad out to be a really organised man he just spends his day just fucking nailing it really organised oh well let's shake hands

right just just kiss shake hands and kiss you generally shook me hand as well you had it out you presented a hand I fucking should have

slapped it away what are you doing you muggle never slap away never slap away a handshake never slap away a handshake never slap away a handshake alright that's how he lives

that's his mantra he's still holding my hand now he's going to get that carved in driftwood you're still holding my hand now and I'm the weird one podcast more fool you

where's your cuckoo oh is this yeah so this is us should we hug no we don't know how to end this do it

it's over bye guys muggins out kissy tulips in