Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 3.20 Boys Being Boys

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

In a bout of toxic masculinity Muggins goes training while feeling unwell against his better judgement after being called a pussy by Cream, this leads to them deconstructing the psychology of toxic masculinity. 

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thugging, living the dream And that's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Hahaha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Aww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11

uh wait well here we are so it's not snow no no that's pressed record oh sorry you just you just give everyone

a little insight on how shit what banter is not even a full insight because what they've heard was me going it's that snow

what they've not seen it's me looking at a window, and what I can now see is clearly just rain. Oh, my God. Proper shit, man. I was proper excited for a second there. He is that snow.

I didn't know you pressed play. But now that you have, welcome back to the podcast. It's just maggots and cream this time. Sniffles and cream? Aye, fucking wee sniffly. I'm a poolie little lamb Aye But you still went to the gym?

I went and white-eyed And why did you go to the gym? Oh right Is it because? So listen I got up this morning Feeling like fucking death My throat felt like

I woke up this morning Feeling like P. Diddy Got my glasses Once again Got my glasses on the floor. I'm going to hit the sea. Whiskey for breakfast. Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

Did you brush your teeth with Jack Daniels? I just got fell breath. Ah, what a dog. No wonder she was just fucking around for one hit. I'm going to pee diddy. Got my glasses on. Something I'm going to hit the sea. Before I pee in my sleeves with my bottle going to hit this city before I pee

in my sleeves with my bottle of Jack before I pee in my sleeves so I woke up feeling like

not far from that I felt like shit I went and raided the cupboards and I took

flu remedy I took throat medicine I took nasal spray which is recommended too, but you know what?

Four in each nostril. Come at me, bro. And I had a Lemsip and I just fucking dosed myself up. And it gets to about 12 o'clock and I'm like,

I just walked through the living room and went, I am not going to Muay Thai today. And me, in my underwear, on the couch,

looked up at you and said, Busy? And then what happened? I went, in my underwear, on the couch, looked up at you and said, Busy. And then what happened? I went, I can't even get on the white line. I just get my ass kicked when I'm not well. And then you went, While still in my underwear on the couch, not moving.

Also not joining any of this. And then what did you do and then I went oh fuck it I'll just go for a run I've done something and then you went if you want to run up

and down the canal like a fucking pussy why don't you tell everyone that you're a little girl why don't you run like this and then you went to my time. And then I went and got my fucking shorts on, put my...

So at this point in time, I want to ask a question, do you think you might be a toxic man? You know what? I was thinking about this, right? Because you can say you weren't. All I did was, even in a joking manner,

question your masculinity. I was thinking about this on my way over there. I'd done it like 50% toxic masculinity 50% commit to the bit

but none of it health because that none of it nah none of this was this is good for me I want to go

I feel better there was literally 50% toxic masculinity and 50% I'm going to feel better it was literally 50% toxic masculinity and 50% I'm going to commit to the bit so if anyone ever needs to know

what most of our shows are like I think we nailed it yeah I think I'm a huge fan of commit to the bit alright

like I've always got this thing of like Gareth was very good at it as well yeah it's only funny if you do it it's a good manner

to have like fucking like Elliot Steele has got so many nearly stories I nearly did this or I was gonna do that like ah

just fucking commit to the bit bro try doing his voice you're also just marking the poor lad for no god damn reason you could have just said

there are some people That don't You know Because it's not just Elliot Steele It's most of the listeners Like It's most people

Don't come into the bit But just Look And I'm with you Never miss a chance To sell Elliot Steele Down the river I'm on your side

I should feel bad about that But I don't Speaking of toxic masculinity I'm never I'm never I'm never shaving again how dare Gillette tell me

that I'm a bastard never again I think it's so funny how dare first of all first of all right a woman from Gregg's

pinned me down in the street and forced a vegan sausage roll up my arse when you're a meat eating man but I'm a meat eating man right she ran up she saw me she saw me walking by right she saw my muscle she when you're a meat eating man but I'm a meat eating man right she ran up she saw me

she saw me walking by right she saw my muscle she was like well there's a man that eats meat right so she chased me down

and she shoved the vegan sausage roll up my fucking arse and you weren't running like a pussy no I wasn't I was running like a man you weren't running away

from a girl no no no tell you what I was running to buy razors for my sick beard and then I get in there right right and obviously you know

when you buy razors there's the advert for the razors it's is above it turns out Gillette right Gillette indirectly is calling me a rapist

by suggesting that maybe I keep my friends in line well it's a shit time to be a man man it is shit time to be a man man you know what as well oh it's just

I feel like I can't get over it anymore so even people that aren't fucking snowflake it's like it's reverse snowflake isn't it it's the people who even people that aren't fucking snowflake it's like it's reverse snowflake isn't it it's the people

who call people snowflakes who are like it's the gammons man the gammons are the gammons the gammons and the hams the hams are the young gammons the gammons and the hams

are like getting all sensitive like Tom Horton's a ham yeah Tom Horton's a ham yeah I think so so Tom Tom piped up

just in a in a private conversation saying that just using it as a way to sell razors is quite transparent, which is true. But why the fuck not? Would you not rather

the... like, had a good message? Aye. Because it... It's like it's virtue signals. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be honest with you, mate. At this point in time,

people do need to signal that they have virtue sometimes. Yeah. Because we're surrounded by cunts. It's occasionally nice for somebody to go, hiya, I'm against homophobia. And I'm like, oh, cool. Someone else is against homophobia. Yet there's this group of people being like,

look at this virtue signaling faggot. And you're like, I think you've just missed the entire point so it happened a little bit with you know the boxing event that we did in 2016 so a lot of the comedians

who were on board with it in boxing were like posting a lot of photos there was a few good press shots and they started getting like

fucking slagged by people that were nothing to do with the event for using the charity and the cause as a way to get themselves a bit more attention and

I'm sure I got fucking dragged into this as well I don't see anything directly right but you know if you are going to get some attention off the

back of doing something nice then do you not deserve it a bit yeah because in the moment yeah in the moment we live in a fucking

world where all the attention is being focused on fucking people doing shitty things that's not the main reason why you do it but if you fucking get some attention off the back of it yeah and the moment we live in a fucking world where all the attention is being focused on fucking people doing shitty things that's not the main reason why you do it but if you fucking

get some attention off the back of it like surely you're gonna die we give people all this fucking attention for all the awful shit they do in the fucking world

and the second fucking Gillette decides you know what we're gonna send out you know and if you are offended by that advert right

I mean this sincerely fucking kill yourself buy your last Gillette razor put it across dismantle it run it up and down your wrist because it's just

it's fucking pathetic man because it's not even real controversy it's look I'm not fucking saying well no I am fuck it I am on the side of Gillette

like it was a fucking it was a decent advert selling razors I am 100% on the side of Gillette like it was it was a fucking it was a decent advert selling razors I am 100% on the side of Gillette because guess what their demographic

demographic is fucking isn't all men it's 100% men now not many people have that kind of demographic like Yorkie tried it

in like women can eat Yorkies what are you doing right this is this is a product for people who solely shave their face

So I'm gonna say Like 99% Men And a couple of Live lasses I appreciate you Like do do stuff Like

Yeah But this particular Face shaving product Was specifically For men You've got a Fucking demographic Cornered

Listening Right Speak to them Aye Have a word have a word. Have a word with them. Like, are we all, right, anyone who's got a problem with that advert, like, what you're saying is,

and this is your genuine fucking stance, is that men have done nothing wrong ever. Now, I, look, I understand this sentiment. I do say this in my shows, but I understand this sentiment of, you know, but the problem with the phrase, not all men

is that is that's what all the fucking hams and gammons are using they've tainted the they've tainted the sentiment of not all men but it's it's look it's a fucking law it's arguably at this point it's most men it is most men it just is I'm sorry that's the shit state the fucking world we know this from the fucking experience. Right? It is, you know, it's more than we fucking think.

And all they did was like, hey, maybe raise your sons a little bit. Don't you fucking tell me how to raise my goddamn son. He's going to grow up to be a gal like his fucking dad.

I love Piers Morgan. Fucking kill yourself. Boys will be boys. Oh, let men be men. Let men be men. Nobody said don't be a man. And why don't you be a man and fucking kill yourself? will be boys oh let men be men let men be men nobody said don't be a man

and why don't you be a man and fucking kill yourself if this is what upsets you but that said I was thinking I'm aware of the idea

of me getting upset about this but the thing is I never engage online I never engage online I mean apart from this podcast well no

it's a one way traffic alright but this is when I say engage online, it means I can have these sort of conversations with you, long sort of things, as opposed to 140 characters where somebody's just going to call me a cunt for no reason. Look, if I go online and I come up with these things,

some random guy's just going to come along and tell me to kill myself, right? Can you imagine the level of immaturity of that? But that's it, right? I'm going to get back to the point. I'm walking to fucking Mai Tai, knowing that I've done this 50% toxic masculinity and 50% committing to a bit.

But I'm better off at the end of that session. I literally just needed the push to go. I was just fucking wallowing in myself, just like, oh my God, I feel like crap. And I could have lounged around, I could have done nothing, I could have scratched my balls. But I actually done something productive with my day. And got the little push no because of toxic masculinity because of shame

because of shame because I genuinely shamed you to go to the gym you're masculine shameless but I don't think that should be gender specific like I think if you're like if you need some motivation from somewhere like you only, activated what I was already thinking when I slulked into the living room going, oh, I'm not going to bother with the thing. You were like, I was thinking that already. Like, obviously not in the pooty-pooty-poo where you were teasing us with it.

If you want to... I just needed someone to just kind of just fucking pull yourself up. Like, man up is... It shouldn't be a gender-specific word. Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do, like, finish your plan. I know what the female version is.

I know, and I'm using this, I'm using toxic femininity. It's a much smaller branch, but it does exist and it's only used for fun. Next time that, I might not work on Natalie though, but I guarantee it works on most women,

is next time there's a woman doing something, they clearly want your help, right? Just look at them in the eyes and 100% sincerely, just look at them in the eyes and 100% sincerely just look at them and just go do you want a man to do it and you will be now

allowed nowhere near that chore ever fucking again ever again I've said it to my mum I've said it to plenty I've said it to Gina I've said it to a bunch of

the other women in my life and just be like do you want a man to do it and there's a genuine fucking fire in them where they go no and they just go and to it and there's a genuine fucking fire in them where they go no and they just

go and do their thing and then you're just left alone yeah you were dead right as well that does not work with Atlee you end up

you end up doing that job she'll just go so weak like I think she's digging her heels in a little bit against feminism

because but what about digging her heels in a bit sexist because a little bit against feminism because but what by digging her heels in a bit sexist because I think she she likes like people doing stuff for her

and like do you want a man to do it like uh huh I've been with you sometimes I want you can't see what's wrong with that she's like

what's this fucking dumbass going to do for her I very often get a man to do it. Anytime someone breaks in my house, I phone up my dad. And every time I'm on the phone, my dad might as well just say the words,

do you want a man to do it? And I would go, yeah, no, that's why I phoned a man. Yeah. I just think everything in my house, now, I've got,

I'm one of those blokes, I've got to phone a bloke. In the house that I own, if something's shall, I'll see these old fucking gammas is that an actual trade phone a bloke

like is that a thing what like you say can you phone a handyman just to do like random shit about your house there must be

aye can you like oh I've got a shelf to put up because I wouldn't know how to fucking put a shelf up aye I could probably YouTube video it

and put one up shit aye yeah I'm pretty yeah I'm pretty sure there's there's definitely got to be a fucking phone up

phone up bloke market or if there was it probably got fucking shut down but that's Texas women can do it too shit

which is the other side but yeah it turns out that the person that is doing it it's a PM it's a fucking bloke

so you can name what you want and you know what why don't you fucking neck in sometimes you have to fight every battle

it's true isn't it I just every time something happens I'm just on Twitter just going why do you all care why is this it's the fucking

Russians man right it's the Russians I'm telling you this right now right this is the only conspiracy theory I believe in

right because it's true right and I know all conspiracy theorists say that man it's the fucking Russians what are they doing it's going on Twitter right and they all conspiracy theories say that man it's the fucking Russians

what they're doing is they're going on Twitter right and they're fighting both sides just to get us all to argue with each other to create it as be their

mentality so they can come in and take us over one day so they just go in with like either side of the argument like it could be one person

with two accounts either side of the argument and then rally people and jump in for them and then all of a sudden everybody wants oh I've got

to stay relevant I've got to stay relevant. I've got to stay my bit. I've got to do my thing. Here's my opinion on that. The Russians are destroyed, man. All they do is go on, right? All they do is go on and say something

that just never happened or they blow something out of fucking proportion. They'll go, they'll do something to do about some form of trans culture making its way into

this debate. And this is a debate that never happened or never fucking existed. It was never a problem. But you'll immediately get Russian bots that'll come in and start saying horrible transphobic fucking thing that will then trigger the fucking left-wing people to get involved and start arguing with these fucking cunts. And then they'll pretend to be left-wing people. The far left being like,

I identify as a fucking, I won't lie, I have sex with cars. So they can trigger the right. So the right come in and go, oh my fucking god, because they want to create a perfect imbalance of us v them from both sides, which they've done successfully. And every fucking day, every one of these dumbass fucking cunts on Twitter fucking falls for it. They chase

this fucking controversy, and they sit there, and they're destroying western civilisation. Do you think it'll settle? No! Do you think this is just a storm that's always going to be permanently grown online from the i mean this sincerely right and i'll this could be a fucking topic for the rest because i've got a lot to say about it from the bottom of my heart i believe the world is going to end within my lifetime sincerely i believe that in what way that's the thing there's millions of ways i believe it's going to happen

I think it's and when I say the world ending I don't mean like it could be like a ruined economy like you mean the world would know it

like the world war you think society as we know it's fragile and we could end up being here's what I absolutely sincerely believe is going to happen

within my lifetime World War 3 it's some form of World War 3 is going to happen it just is going to happen in my lifetime World War 3 it's some form of World War 3 is going to happen it just is going to happen in my lifetime

it'll be the fucking I'm not going to say it'll be the Russians it won't be the fucking America's a pile of shit we're a pile of shit Europe's a pile of shit

it's going to be us we're all cunts we're all the fucking worst cunts in the world and we're like my mum environment consultant global warming was irreversible 15

years ago that was the point 15 years ago was the point road road turn nothing can be done now nothing it's all over that scientifically what we've done to the planet is over it is done we can't fucking fix it it's finished that's a fact if humans bandied together absolutely we could survive that's the one message of hope. What was the film, a comic book, was it Watchmen, where they created what appeared to be an alien attack to make the Earth have a common enemy? That's such a fucking good premise, man.

It's the only thing that we guys get. Like an alien invasion is the only thing that would fucking band together. Destroying the world hasn't united us. Like nothing. Climate change hasn't united us and got us together. And it's fantastic. The bullshit hope everyone will sell you is this. They'll go, if the humans band together, what can be done, and this is true,

is we could, you know, find a way to live and inhabit this. If we pulled all the fucking resources you know yesterday the first ever seeds on the moon grew

oh yeah did that happen that was there they took up silkworm eggs as well didn't they and the potato seeds

yeah potato seeds right so that's happening and that's with I didn't even know the Irish had a space program oh my god

the world is going to end. There's potatoes on the moon. But yeah, so if we were to put all the resources together, 100% we absolutely have the capabilities of going to other planets and sort of fixing it and sort of delaying what's happening here and expanding things. Well, that is possible.

But if history and everything is taught to say anything is that hope is utterly pointless it's never but when is it when have we ever

come through World War 2 did we yeah I think so because the second thing I think what happened was we invented nuclear weapons

and now we're scared of nuclear weapons every day oh we stopped fascism now but to what end the Nazis are back at this time they're shite we invented nuclear weapons and now we're scared of nuclear weapons every day. Oh, we stopped fascism now, but to what end? The Nazis are back. At this time, they're shite.

Like, I really don't want to fucking step on a fucking premise that Ryan Cullen fucking nailed. But Cullen's whole bit, he's got a phenomenal routine now about how basically Nazis are shit now. Back then, you used to shout anti-Semitism and this time

nowadays they cry on webcam. But it's totally fucking true. But man, fucking look. I honestly think our lifetime is this real like because as much as we think it's fucked right

we're in this real It's the best it's the best it's ever been. It's the best we're in this eye. It's everything. It's the best. We're in this eye of the storm where we've got all these fucking wars that marauded the entire fucking globe behind us

in the threat of fucking extinction ahead of us. But we're just in this eye of the storm where it's just this perfect, sweet time to be alive and people are whinging like bitches about Gillette's advert. You know what I mean? What time to be like, we shouldn't be complaining,

we should be kind of the luckiest cunts that were ever born. Aye. Well, no, but we are, but because of this, and because of that, I just think, I think with everything that's going with it, because the right,

you know, and not the, not the cool right wing, which I understand, I'm not one of these fucking lefties where I'm like, if you're right wing, I'll fucking hate you.

Fuck you, right? There are conservatives I agree with. There are conservative policies I agree with. There are Russian policies. There's some Russian policies. Republican policies I agree with. I am left wing. You get right wing when you start here

and people go, oh, your baby's got a consent fight to put a nappy on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, fuck off, man. Fucking brain that.

Raise your child. child also by the way that was another thing that never happened is that another thing that was that story there about that woman there that whole story

about her saying you have to ask your baby's permission was that a sketch it didn't exist no it never fucking happened the Russians fucking

they took one line out of an interview where she was like oh yeah I guess that's kind of what I'm saying. All they did was take the fucking headline. Nobody watched that video.

So they backed out of their corner and nobody agreed with that. Was people, was people ever spun up that video going, yes,

at some point. Oh, of course. Man, man, don't get me wrong. The far left do exist in the same way

that the far right exist, right? There are this uprising of horrible fucking anti-Semitic, racist, far right, the fucking proud boys, fucking Gavin Watts his fucking shite cunt humphries hi um gavin fucking emma's whatever his goddamn name is uh that that right wing does exist and it is on the rise and

unfortunately the far left also exists there are people out there who do identify as a fucking couch and are like I demand the same rights and that's but the thing is that's not the majority the majority of the right are not racist and the majority of left

are not sensitive but they're the ones fucking shouting shit on the internet shouting the shit on the internet and that's the stuff we're amplifying

because we don't I don't want a fucking boring story even I don't want a fucking boring story today there was a very sensible debate

about gender neutral I'm not reading that fucking article like it's we want all this fucking chaos we want all this stuff

that's why the world's going to end which brings me to the question the debate I'm now having with my fucking self it's like

if I truly believe that the world's going to end within my lifetime which I do am I allowed to have kids with that knowledge? Can you bring someone

into this world? I think I think it may be important to fight the good fight Aye because you know who's not thinking that? The bell ends

Aye The people who shit opinions so I think you need to like fucking make sure that the world is populated with good people. Yeah, even at the end. And I also think as well, like, it's just, like, otherwise you'd lose all faith. Like, kids are this tiny fucking bit of faith.

But to be fair, fucking our parents didn't take that into consideration. Like, I hate to be that fucking emo 13-year-old. I don't know how to still be born. But, like, you irresponsible motherfuckers you honestly right I cannot stress enough I love my mum

and I love my dad I love my grandparents I love my entire family but the second that every single person who was born before 1975 is dead

what a wonderful world this will be truly you've decided oh man oh I mean it and again and I know and I know is dead what a wonderful world this will be truly you've defined it oh man oh I mean it and again

and I know and I know and I know I know I've got fans that are listening to this and you belong to that generation and you're going oh I know that's not me

I know it's not you I know it's not you but you are so vastly outnumbered by scum that it's collateral I'm willing to lose you yeah when you

when you look back and go remember when we couldn't swear? Because some people didn't like it. The generation that's still offended by swearing. He'll fucking sit there. This is the gammon generation. Right? Man, call

Piers Morgan a fucking cunt. Call Piers Morgan a wife a cunt and watch him lose his fucking mind. He would lose his mind by swearing if you go on his show and you say fuck oh bloody hell

will he fucking he'll apologise to the screen he'll do this and the fucking shit the second that whole generation and they've done incredible stuff

they have done incredible stuff but they also destroyed everything so fuck them yeah I think like you're taking out a lot of decent people

as well there when you're blanking when you're blank blanket statement that generation. But they're just collateral, aren't they? And you know what? I'm sure Hitler enjoyed some Jewish movies, but... What's the Jewish movies about him? Oh, well, very interesting. There's a lot now, isn't there?

Well, genuinely. So I've learned this bit of information recently, but the Nazis, the genuine fucking Nazis, the greatest propaganda they ever had was American films. The stuff the Americans made was better Nazi propaganda than the propaganda the Nazis actually made themselves. Genuinely. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So basically what happened was, this is all available on a podcast that I'm becoming utterly obsessed with so I do want to give it a proper shout. It's called Behind the Bastards. It's a fucking phenomenal podcast.

This show just goes in depth on the worst people in history and it's really, really riveting, really well researched. He's done two episodes on R. Kelly

who is a fucking beast by the way. I'm hearing that. Natalie watched a documentary on him when she was six and going, I cannot watch

any more of this thing. No trial, take him out of the field and shoot him in the back of the head who'd have thought the guy that fucking married a teenager and pissed on her who'd have thought that guy was a beast

fuck man I thought he was one of the good guys nah no trial real salt of the earth but what about bump and grind and I want to have sex on a baby I'm sure there's a fucking story

yeah man he's pretty well but yeah there's a good episode on there how Hollywood helped the I'll go half son a baby was that a song I didn't listen to any of his stuff I knew he's pretty well but yeah there's a good episode on there how Hollywood helped the I'll Go Half Son of Baby

was that a song I didn't listen to any of his stuff I believe I can fly from Space Jam I grew up on it man like my mum was always playing R. Kelly

when I grew up and that's how I got into rap because he had loads of featured artists like when I first heard Jay-Z and Biggie and Tupac

not Tupac Tupac wasn't Nas Jay-Z Biggie they were all featured artists on a lot of

R. Kelly albums so then I would go to HMV and find their own albums and by them I was less interested in the

fucking love songs and the singing and more interested in the rap features on the tracks so I got into rap music because of that

fucking pedo oh the Nazis so the reason they so basically you know how every every American action movie you'll ever see right

is about like some fucking soldier that like disobeys the order like he's trying to or someone's trying to save the world and a bunch of people go no no you can't save the world

and he's like fuck it I'll have to do it my own way and then he saves the world yeah that's the Fuhrer principle in action that's what that's what Nazi is

admits is there's some every now and again somebody's born who is just natural leader and everyone has to follow that's what the Fuhrer principle of Nazi is amidst that's what

fucking Hitler was so the Nazis kept trying to make Nazi propaganda but because they killed all the Jews all their movies sucked right genuinely they fired them from all the German all the

German studios right all their movies began to suck because all the writers were jewish a lot of the actors were jewish a lot of the people involved in every aspect were jewish so their movies began to suck and the german people couldn't make fucking movies because whenever they made propaganda they made like just this where it was like they would just tell you how good nazism was it would just be someone on screen telling you how great it is to be a fucking nazi as opposed to what the American movies did, is show you it in action without even ever mentioning Nazism. They just go, here's a man who's come along and is disobeying all the rules,

and everyone subverts him, and he saves the fucking world, because everyone listens to him, and when they don't listen to him, he takes what he fucking wants. Hitler loved it. The one Nazi propaganda movie we know about, the one that you'll recognise from any Nazi movie, was 11th in the fucking charts behind 10 fucking American movies. One of the American movies was in the German Nazi cinema for like 56 weeks because the Nazis were like, this is amazing. Like, how the fuck did you make this so popular? We're so happy to be Nazis. Yeah, so they used American movies

to help fight that cause 100% that's how they aired and what's this called Behind the Bastards Behind the Bastards it's a fascinating podcast I'm coming coming obsessed with it

and where you get your Russian starting debates by coming in from the far left and the far right that's from a podcast called Reply All. Yes, Reply All. That's a much more sort of eclectic group. But it is a fucking wonderful set of podcasts.

Also, that's also... It's just great journalism. Yeah. Like, there was one of them that I listened to where, yeah, he got scammed. Like, oh, you've got to phone this number. Your computer has been hacked.

And their whole thing was like, I need to get remote access to your computer. Then they'd go on and then they'd get some information or data or whatever and then fucking hold you ransom for it and make you pay some money. So that was the scam that they were running. But this guy just got obsessed with the scammers and started stalking them. And like, he would let them on. He found out who he was ringing, who he was phoning. And he got a picture of them off the Facebook,

put them onto his background of his computer, and then gives them remote access to his computer. So they started... And they got to a point where he got a fucking flight out to India and went and met them. It's like fucking next-level journalism. Yeah, just trying to find out what the scam is. Like, they commit to the bit?

They commit to the journalism or maybe that's what we should do last time we did a bunch of fucking recommendations people really is there anything else you're particularly enjoying at the moment

you know what I you know what I loved with last time we were doing recommendations we were banging Dave Longley right and I fumbled over like oh I think it's episode 48

and then I was like oh no it was 48 minutes long so it might have been a different episode he just went back and retitled his podcast episode it was this one

that Daniel Sloss and Kai Humphries were talking about in Block Capitals every one of them hasn't got a title it's like number one number two

number three it's just that one Block Capitals wow I fucking love David Lewis so much I can't really recommend anything I've been listening to at the minute because it's the transfer window in everything I've been listening to is football podcasts.

Because I'm dying for someone to come along and just fucking rescue Newcastle, but it's not going to happen. Podcast one. Oh, is our fucking Spotify playlist better than Spotify? Did you make that public? Yes. Oh, yeah, I did. The Billy Bangers one.

Because last time we did it it actually wasn't so this is this is what happened I made it a collaboration yeah and invited you and Gareth yeah

right now that means you and Gareth could have added to it yeah but then I made it public so then I had to stop it being a collaboration

otherwise all these cunts would be able to just add oh I'll give a shout I'd like happy shock or whatever the fuck that is. So you can actually now find our playlist of filthy blangers. Blangers? Blangers.

Go back and change it. What capitals? Blangers and Mlash. Fuck off. So it's called Filthy Bangers. It's on Spotify. There's about 20 tracks on there that'll just fucking make your day

honestly it got me through that walk to the gym this morning yeah that's it's a real good fucking workout one

it's a real good one for cleaning your hands podcast wise what I've been enjoying Battle of the Bastards sorry Behind the Bastards I'm a fucking real real

getting into that reply all book wise have you read Quarkology no that's a good recommendation

by Gareth Waugh he's got all his books as well I haven't listened to a book read a book that Gareth Waugh recommended without

enjoying it Gtip's very very spot on also big big big plug for the movie Upgrade if you haven't

fucking seen it yeah I really enjoyed that like fucking it went quite under the fucking radar it is it was the second time

I've watched it fuck me I love that movie like I really think it's just like trendy assholes that would give it a bad rating because

there is some plot holes you need to ignore for it to work like it is just a fun as fuck action movie set in the future

but like there's some points where you've got questions and you go actually just fucking put that question to bed

enjoy the fuck out of it stop being an asshole yeah but if this happened then this would happen

stop Neil deGrasse Tyson alright I'm warning to people who if you're anything like me, and you're fucking squeamish as shite at things, there is a... Not like... You'll see the gourd coming, but do be prepared to cover your eyes.

As well, I'm late to the party on this, but fucking Luther is quality. Luther's excellent. He does not care for search warrants. Never? Nah, he's so disinterested in search warrants. Nah. He does not play by the rules. He still rings the? Nah, nah. He's so disinterested in search warrants. Nah. He does not play by the rules. He still rings the doorbell though.

Well, in fact, not all the time. Do you know, I met a guy who was in Lutha and I can't figure out who it was yet because I was on the,

I was on the train from Glasgow to Edinburgh during the fringe in like 2013 or 14 maybe is when Lutha first out. Because it definitely wasn't before it came out. I don't know. I'm going to guess 2013, 14. So 2014, right, I'm on the train from Glasgow to Edinburgh, about to do my show,

and there's this fucking older bloke in front of us just like hocking up phlegm. Like, he's probably like, like really fucking gunning it. I'm like, what am I going to do with this see that's why you need to like you got a couple of don't you're disgusting did you swallow it

aye I bet you were one of I bet you were one of the kids that put your nose in it at school what do you mean at school they might be

coking there well in that case could be some We've got one snot Oh Fuck's sake So erm So this guy Nah

Nah Let it linger Waist snot Snot Snot So this guy Is hocking up phlegm

aye hocking up a loogie and he just like I'm just like trying not like just being very British you know

I'm like I'm trying not to pretend that it's not weird and then he caught us looking one day when he hocked up a phlegm he was like

the air conditioning and fucking fucks me saying this. I'm just like, oh yeah, I know I get that all the time. Stop joining in on that. But I just thought he was some fucking crazy old bloke, right? And then this guy comes in. So we're sat like kind of opposite diagonal from each other on a table. Nobody to his right, nobody to my right.

We're just sat there. If you were both pods, you could take each other. Ah, yeah, I could. I would take him on my pawn. So the guy sat opposite him, right to me and opposite him, and I kept staring at him and just went, Yo! And then said a name that I didn't recognise.

And then he just went how is he how's idris right and then they started talking about it was elba and um and then he turned to me and he was like do you watch luther and i said no and he just uh he went you've probably seen him in braveheart he was the irish guy oh yeah yeah it's my island yeah you can't see which guy's there oh fuck yeah he was like can I please second first

doesn't pop a tax point aye aye in the peasant wagon we actually like shook his hand and we only just went oh dude

congrats with his fucking flaming hands and we only like extended a handshake to him because like that's the fucking

movie I watched a million like Braveheart's like one of them films you've watched a bunch hasn't it you can just watch

you can just watch it once like you know that film and um so I feel like I've been entertained by him by like quite a bit but like

I can't figure out which one he is I'm just up to the end of season one and I don't think I've seen him I wouldn't be able to remember what he

looked like anyway because I have a fucking visual memory but I could look him up what else am I recommending at the moment oh yeah Luther's Group

I'm glad you're on that I also recommend I'm biased here but Conan Without Borders has just gone on to Netflix oh that looked fun man it's

fucking like I've genuinely like me and Gareth watched a couple of episodes, and my friend Ali as well. Proper, proper giggling, man. Like, I think it's because every time I see Conan nowadays, it's, when I'm on his show. But it's like, when he's sitting down doing interviews and stuff like it's always every clip I normally see of him nowadays

is either the monologues or the just him interviewing a fucking celebrity man you forget how genuinely fucking funny and engaging

and kind of human like he's yeah there's a reason he's there there's a reason he's reached that level yeah he is one of the funniest and I just

yeah just I don't know it's just a second to appreciate the moment of a man who's been very instrumental in my career. Yeah, you got tagged in, like, not one of his shows, but he was doing a lecture at, like, Harvard or something,

and he just randomly slipped your name into the Harvard lecture. Yeah, somebody sent me a link. He was doing a two hour speech at like Harvard and there was a Q&A afterwards and somebody asked him if he still gets excited about comedy

and his exact words and look this used to be a compliment and it's not so much anymore his exact words were like yeah no there's still so many comedians

in there that when I see them you know I'm filled you know with the same level of excitement that I had

when I first saw Louis C.K. you know people like Daniel Sloss oh no no that was such

you know what when he said that the first time three years ago before Louis CK died yeah he's dead by the way he's dead

R.I.P. well just R none of the R just R just R just rest just rest just rest

have a think just yeah it doesn't have to be in peace I hope you suffer a bit but you know rest in turmoil right I didn't

are we are we doing this I haven't read many articles on it right so I don't know should I the guy did he wank himself off in front of girls are we doing this I haven't read many articles on it right so I don't know should they the guy

did he wank himself off in front of girls in his hotel room is that like is that is that what happened did that happen is that

that accusation no no that's and he admits that right he admitted he admitted everything that he was accused of so he's just like

he got two field comedians up his room oh no no on more than one occasion and it was accused of so he just like he got two field comedians up his room oh no no on more than one occasion and it was more things like he would invite women on the sort of

like and this was when he was at the height of his power would invite them you know up to his room yeah status yeah yeah

power from status yeah it's power from status yeah especially if like younger newer comics like look up to him he did have power yeah I fucking looked up to him he did have power yeah

I fucking looked up to him he was fucking you know didn't wank off in front of you didn't you fucking feel a little bit let down I never met him

but yeah so basically it was an abusive look I this is such a fucking difficult fucking thing to talk about

because none of us were there here's the facts I need another comedian it's really difficult to thing to talk about because none of us were there. Here's the facts. And he's another comedian. It's really difficult to fucking like talk about another comedian like this.

And also one that I, you know, I fucking love. Enjoyed his stuff. Yeah, I looked up to him for a fucking time. It's such a shame. Like,

this is how, I mean, I've got real fucking piecemeal information on what happened because I kind of like just went, oh, that's a bit weird.

I don't really want to go down that road. But was he trying to close the deal on a threesome and just on a horrendous swing and a miss? No, no. Is that something like a kink that he enjoyed? That's it, right. The thing he enjoyed was that it was women being uncomfortable while he was doing it. That's why he would sort of standing in the doorway and jerk off.

Like, so they couldn't, he would always ask, like, that's the thing. Like it wasn't. And what did they say? Like,

did they say, yes, go, go, go for it. I don't think they were like, yeah, go ahead.

But like, imagine, right, genuinely put yourself in that fucking, imagine, right, imagine like you're two years into fucking comedy, right?

And like, let's say fucking, eh, what are your heroes? Let's say I take you upstairs. and like let's say fucking what are your heroes let's say I take you

upstairs right this is just the fucking accurate history so far and I start jerking off

in front of you no but like it's that's that's the one part of the argument that people

so right let's put it like properly flip it right so somebody who I've looked up to in stand-up comedy

of the opposite sex right who I'm not up to in stand-up comedy of the opposite sex, right? Yeah, of the opposite sex. Who I'm not attracted to. Joe Brand, right? Yeah, yeah. Joe Brand is on the same gig as me and I'm like, oh my God,

I used to fucking watch Joe Brand on TV. This is great news. And I come upstairs and she just scans, do you mind if I start flicking my feet? Yeah, yeah. But also, but again, but with the implication

that comes with it like she says you're up there you've agreed to go up there you're having a nice time you think you're going up there to talk about your fucking career or whatever

because she's not been kissing you downstairs no like she's not been fucking flirting with you it's not been she's you know and you go upstairs

and then she just gets her you know that out and just she's like she's after us and I've just went gan for a joey.

I've got a joey now. I'm on that level now. First name terms, fourth base terms actually. Like this is the thing, right? Because this is exactly how it would go down. I would walk away

with that thinking like I wouldn't be going while I've been sexually assaulted. But I'd be like I've got a fucking weird ass story about somebody

and then when I do that story then she gets like kind of shamed in the same way that Louis C.K. did. And then when I do that story, then she gets like kind of shamed in the same way that Louis C.K. did. So it does have parallels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it does have parallels, but also the thing you're not taking into consideration is...

Is that she's probably not... I don't know. She can probably take us. No, no, no, no, no. But fucking, you know, it is that thing. It's like, you know, people always say that thing, but what about on the reverse?

If you reverse it, you go, well, women can't kill men as easy. So it's not the same. Like, if I'm alone in a room with a woman, I've never been scared of my life.

Like, and that's not an insult to women. I'm very aware that you could kill me. I just don't think you would because you're not assholes. Whereas that's not the case for women.

Like, there's another level of the power. It's not just power of state as a comedian. It's power of, he's a fucking powerful man and powerful men get away with shit. And he's already showed warning signs of that he's power of he's a fucking powerful man and powerful men get away with shit

and he's already showed warning signs of that he's capable of some fucking creepy shit so you're like even though it didn't escalate

in anything else you put someone in the fear of it escalating and that's not to say he would you know do anything

fucking like kill them or whatever but you just as a woman I imagine you just don't fucking know that one of the most powerful men

in the fucking room everyone's gonna fucking believe him whatever he says they're going to fucking believe him yeah because nobody wants him to be that guy just nobody wants him you don't want him to be that guy

like you fucking when I heard it I didn't want to believe it you're just a you're this fucking little open spot fucking hater who's going after the fucking king nobody's gonna fucking believe it

so you just sit there and you go along with it and you know what I bet it does feel violating I bet it doesn't hit you straight away I bet it takes a couple of years

when you're just like oh god like just blocking my way and especially when stories are coming out about like different celebrities

doing different things and the guy's being championed as a fucking you know he's being championed as a fucking feminist and all this stuff and you're sitting there

with this knowledge of you know how he made you feel and as a fucking feminist and all this stuff and you're sitting there with this knowledge of you know how he made you feel and how he abused his power and this is where like it fucks up his stand up is like

he had some quite like bitter like abrasive stand up routines but you're watching it coming from a good guy so there's a good guy saying some like

bitter abrasive stuff and he's like mad at the world about some things and you're laughing because you're like fucking hell one of the good guys is spitting the truth and then when you find out that he's like mad at the world about some things and you're laughing because you're like fucking hell one of the good guys

is spitting the truth and then when you find out that he's a bit of a bad egg right when you hear that stuff you don't feel like it's steeped in irony anymore you feel like

it's kind of his opinion so it does I don't think it affects how you can enjoy your stand up for sure I've got

well I've not got back but like I'm scared to go back and fucking you know watch it because then you

just suddenly watch it through whatever the opposite of rose tinted glasses are dirt tinted glasses is that where you're going to go I smoked tinted glasses

he's just been wanking on my he couldn't wank on my face he just didn't wank enough so why did we get him to

Louis CK what was the because Conan used to he compared it to him I just find I find like I agree

my problem with a lot of this stuff at the moment is like it's it's people that don't belong in the debate get involved and I used to do that

all the time but it's not my fight there's a bunch of guys going in being like well women and I used to do that all the time but it's not my fight there's a bunch of guys going in being like well women should feel like this in that situation you don't get to tell people

what they should feel like what I get annoyed with right is I can't remember where I fucking saw it the other day but it was on Twitter something happened

where they were just like a black person went racism is on you know racism is on the rise and a white person went no it's not I'm like

how do you know you is on the rise and a white person went no it's not I'm like how do you know you have what are you talking what you never get if a black person says to you racism is on the rise

that's evidence yeah that's that's the only evidence you need even if it isn't globally wherever they are living their experience in their life

they feel that it's on the rise so it is on the fucking rise so that that is just some like actually like fucking steadfast data coming from the black guy

yes that's a fact he goes oh man racism on the rise you go no it's not you don't know just because you're racist

it means it's not on the rise because just because you're fucking pinging around the N and P words willy nilly whenever he's you know on public because just because you're not doing that doesn the N and P words willy nilly whenever you you know on public phone

just because you're not doing that doesn't mean other people are not and it fucking that's what the whole level of the debates that happen nowadays somebody says this thing is happening and then somebody who has no experience in that thing goes nah I've not noticed it

therefore it's not happening shut the fuck up and listen I'll tell you the one time where I like type something out and then delete it is if I see if I see somebody using somebody else's joke quite

clearly on Facebook and it happens to fucking Joe Heenan all the time Joe Heenan's so prolific with his Facebook output and I'll occasionally see

his joke just lifted like word for word or the same picture there's a picture of him with a celebrations tub with a bit of white paper on saying burglar alarm and he's sellotaped

at the side of his hoose right people have actually used the exact same photo right it's his hoose it's not only his job but that's his house

and they've been like putting it in top tips and all that and they've put it on and a couple of times I've seen that from people in my friends list

who are friends with comedians I don't know if they're open makers I don't know fucking who half the cunts are, right? But I keep typing out like that's that's somebody else's joke and then it's like

why am I even going to engage on this? They've clearly got no fucking integrity. Yeah. And I kind of apologise and I'm going to so I just think

I'll just let Joe know and yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll let him know who the fucking snakes in the grass are. Yeah, and just like I'll let my friends know I saw one of Mark Nelson's jokes

left the other day and I fucking screen-capped it and I sent it to him. But like, I find it so hard not to just engage with those cunts that are just like

blatantly robbing people's intellectual property. Right, straight away. And just like, no integrity. Yeah, fucking credit people. And it's so hard to recover it as well

because... Yeah, there's a share button. Share Joe's fucking thing. Aye. But apart from that, there's not much I fucking really engage with. I remember sometimes we troll bash people. We've had it before if someone gives you shit online,

whereas the majority of the time we just let it, we never feed the troll. Sometimes you just feed it until they've fucking become the victim and just enjoy them being a victim and then laugh at them we've butchered it just because we're

boarding an airport like a fucking three hour layover and we just use it as three hour did we fucking kill that teacher once yeah

I fucking that I came on I can't remember what it was I think he criticised something then I replied then you fucking engaged and it was,

it started with him tweeting me abuse for something I'd fucking said and then we had his life. We just went through his back catalogue of tweets and photos and pictures

and fucking just, and we just fucking bullied him. Bullied him. Bullied him. We bullied him. What he did was this fucking,

this little bully came out and went and he'd never been reprimanded for being a bully right when you I never get a reply from the big people

I can say whatever the fuck I want just building his fucking inner god complex decided to come at me I read it because I read all my fucking tweets and I went let's throw it down

you got involved and within about an hour he was we had time to kill it what's this fucking phone he picked the wrong day we were just sat obviously each other

waiting for fucking the next flight or whatever it was I can't remember where we were I think we were just sat opposite each other waiting for fucking the next flight or whatever it was I can't remember where we were I think we were in Estonia it was Estonia wasn't it

because when I technically remember I just remember we were sat opposite each other not really tied to each other but both laughing our heads off

at each other and I don't know the guy on my face but you know when Vine was out I had this one where I boil the kettle and I pick the kettle up

and I pour it over my head and scream right but like that because it's Vine like I managed to cut it replace the kettle with like fucking cold water

and then and then pour so all I'm doing is like soaking my thing and it looks like and I'm just fucking with this new social media and this guy

like fucking like I got burnt by the kettle when I was a kid you shouldn't do this sort of shit and all that right and just started giving this grief

and then I just ended up because it was public on my comments on Facebook I just ended up spending the rest of the evening just fucking trolling this guy back just like

it starts becoming entertaining because other people can see it right and you see yeah yeah I wish it wasn't fun I wish I didn't yeah

it really tells me a lot about myself that I get real satisfaction out of fucking eviscerating people that's why I can't do it anymore

because I'm good at it yeah but I you know what I've never been that guy though they're the only ones I engage with

are the ones that come at me only if I've got time and I want to do it as a bit of fun it's not that it's bothered us it's that I'm just

going to clear with my food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But who's the guy that's doing it? When have you ever felt like doing that kind of comment on somebody else's shit? Well, man,

I get annoyed by the fucking, you know, I don't like the fucking coward celebrities that, you know, whenever they get tweeted abuse, they'll tweet, they'll like retweet and do it.

Get them. You get your boys on them like you're gonna drown the noise out you're gonna create the opposite of a fucking echo chamber like fucking

half the fucking discussion right but you know what it is your fucking responsibility keep your followers in line

I'll occasionally see one of my followers say like if a fucking couple weeks ago somebody somebody made a

very very a genuinely fucking funny joke about me. I can't remember what it was. They made an actual funny fucking joke. It wasn't like a look, I can't remember what the fuck it was, but it was something to do with my fucking face,

and it was funny, and I fucking retweeted it with a joke fucking reply, and some of the fucking followers started going after this guy, so being like, you're not even that attractive yourself, and I was like, and I went and I waded in

I was like every single one of you stop fucking right now I'm not bothered by this this is it's a joke that I retweet because I enjoyed it and then everyone was like

oh yeah sorry sorry sorry oh no but it was all fine by the end of it right that's your fucking responsibility if you have a lot of Twitter followers yeah

right it's to be oh well I'm not responsible for them yeah you are when you're inciting it like if you're fucking retweeting it

and you're going against it every single comment that person receives is on you fucking take responsibility for your goddamn

actions I've done one where Mark Nelson had put out one of his News of Three videos and it was like it was an anti-Trump

one and I just I went through the comments and there was some fucking idiots in the comments and I just fucking responded to every single one of the just I went through the comments and there was some fucking idiots in the comments and I

just fucking responded to every single one of the haters I was just high I was like

who's doing that I just went through just fucking engaged with every single one of the

fucking bad comments to Mark because Mark couldn't have really done it himself you know

without looking a bit better or anything so I just went through every one of them one of them

inboxed this fucking offering us out on a fight Ied this fucking offer and I was out on a fight I played 100% I thought I was getting enough joy to fucking

I thought I was getting enough joy to rip a young lane I'd fucking love to knock you out that would be class right let's plug some things

that was not enough I feel like that was a good episode no no considering I'm fucked and considering we I mean maybe it wasn't

fucking you know what that's the scary thing about some of these conversations sometimes it's all it takes is one person to take one of the

I'm pretty sure one of the lines I had in there was I'm pretty sure Hitler loved some of those Jew movies stuff like that out of context

and now you've pointed that out that's going to be a ringtone people are going to click with that stuff like that out of context and now you've pointed that out that's going to be a ringtone people are going to think it's bad out of context that's horrible but in context

I explain the full history of why that makes sense but with these fucking deep conversations you never know all it takes is

someone to just fucking take one thing out of context which has never been done with us listeners tend to be good but you know what some of their

Netflix ones may be awesome I really've got mid-listeners. I really like them. All right, nerds. Okay, first of all, let's do UK dates. There's a bunch more been added. Newcastle, you're not sold out.

What's that about? Oh, wait, here you are. Oh, phew. Oh, maybe it just sold out today then. Well, maybe it's not. Jake, Newcastle. Melbourne, Sydney, Auckland. That's New Zealand. or maybe it just sold out today then well maybe it's not Jake Newcastle Melbourne Sydney Auckland

that's New Zealand Perth Australia and Canberra and Queensland and Adelaide

for fuck's sake will be there LA dates there's one more date being added on the 3rd no the 5th

of March New York still loads to take well not loads but some tickets for a lot of the days left there's one more date being added on the 3rd no the 5th of March New York still loads to take well not loads but some tickets for a lot of the days left there's a show in New York called Friends of Daniel Sluss

on the 7th and who knows 7th, 8th and 9th yeah it's just me and some friends who knows who it could be we've no idea

who's going to be on those dates or where they come from or whether they're sat beside me right now or who knows whoever's there

has definitely got a visa yeah definitely um Boston hey America you know how you

were complaining that I'm not doing gigs in other places in America well now I am I'm at Boston on the uh

what's that the second of March and also there will be a bunch of other American dates added in the next few days. I'm not allowed to say what they are, but there's a bunch.

Texas is one of them. Not sure which one, but it is there. Austin, I think. So I'm not allowed to tell you that one. What else was I not allowed to tell you? Chicago, not allowed to tell you that one. I just do this because I know my Asian listeners

so they know how much she hates it. She actually told me to take the last podcast down. Aye. She means well, but she annoyed me yesterday. I really get her point as well. Right. Oh, fuck. You know when you just kind of be bothered.

Aye. Also, here's a bunch of other dates for, what's the fifth month of the year? The fifth month of the year is May. May, right. In May, 10th, London. 16th, Leeds. 17th, Hull. 18th, Sheffield, 19th Durham, 22nd South End, 23rd Bournemouth, 24th Reading, 30th Dublin, 31st York, and then in the month after that, 1st is June, that's one, Manchester, Liverpool and Aberdeen, get on those, blah

blah blah. And everybody all over the world you can watch my latest show Punch Drunk at kaihumphries.com forward slash shop and use the discount code muggins to download

or stream my show and do enjoy it it's very good you may cry you probably will cry your eyes out like a pussy

the kid dying your dad spent yesterday burning all of his Gillette razors on the front lawn screaming it's okay to be a man your dad

your dad approaches the urinals side on and cocks his leg like a dog to piss your dad eats plastic bags because he keeps

mistaking them for jellyfish your dad goes to the water park in one of those old school metal diving suits. Here is your dad's top five celeb crushes. Snap, Crackle, Stretch Armstrong,

Captain Birdseye and The Moon. What? I didn't have any puff. Yeah, I didn't like them. You're in The Moon. that's what I was laughing at earlier I caught you laughing at it didn't I just for some reason

I looked over at the couch and Danny was just a fucking fit of giggles and not like you're laughing at your own dad something fucking really tickled me about

like referring to the moon as a celebrity because I can't say everyone knows who the moon is pretty famous he's pretty famous it's more of a landmark oh if you hit the moon you've gone too far aim for the stars if you hit the moon you've gone too far oh my god no that's a terrible thing

that's that's our personalities rubbing off onto each other as opposed to just each other rubbing off onto each other it's frustrating

he brought a bit of tissues I just reached into the couch and pulled out a pack of tissues I didn't know was there oh fucking hell let me try Natalie's tits oh they're looking great

right now, by the way. Well, they're sad here. You know, like, I'll put on a bit of Timber on my honeymoon. Oh. Right? And I come back

and it's just on my belly. You were going down and she's yelling Timber, yeah. So, like, I get, like, skinny arms, skinny legs, skinny neck and this massive little belly. Right.

Like, massive little belly, like a bowling ball, like a little pea belly. I get one of them, right? Like, the monster of fucking big mouth. And then Natalie just gets a fucking massive set of cans on her, a badonkadonk. I'm like, we've been eating the same shit, how come you just look mint? Anyway, I can't go, they look fake, their boobs. They do? Are they so perky? They're pointing forward, just Wilson running a pyjama top this morning.

What do you mean pointing forward? What else do they point? No face in, he's 33. He should be pointing up. put a point in four which is Wilson running a drama top this morning what do you mean point in four what else do they point no facing that's just 33 it should be point and a few I don't know how much Natalie enjoys us discussing our

tits on the podcast but definitely not as much as I love it your dad played the spoons in a Christian rock band

your dad tried to become the UK version of Rick Moranis by starring in his own movies called Honey I Spunked on the Kids your dad couldn't breathe

for laughing when you were born he's the one to this one I could have just said that you're not half the smoke you've got so the doctor had to dangle him from his feet and pat his back. Get him breathing again.

Your dad voted for Trump during the Brexit referendum. Very confused. Spoiled the ballot paper. He didn't know that. Your dad still plays choo-choo rocket online on the Dreamcast. Very plausible. It's a good game your dad gaslights the postman

your dad can't touch his toes even when he bends his legs your dad has pictures of his kids in his wallet and none of them are you your dad got thrown out

the strip house for blowing raspberries on the girls. Your dad takes a run up to spit. Oh, very javelin. Your dad used to be a Jew but he got bored and stopped

fucking hell imagine that's a religion word you know what that does happen you do see people who used to be you know Muslims and Christians

not for me Scientologists not for me whenever a Scientologist gets his head screwed on straight fucking hell oh my god

sorry to go back to it Battle of the Bastards currently listening to the three part episodes on L. Ron Hubbard L. Ron Hubbard what a

fucking cunt that man was Foss Proffitt is he man one of the worst human beings alive Lost Proffitt

no it's what Lost Proffitt he was definitely one of the worst persons alive that Lost Proffitt No, he's one of the worst, Lost Prophet, he was definitely one of the worst person alive, that Lost Prophet book. I hit the bin there by the way. Did you? Did you see that? I went long, I went long with a tissue. Tissues don't really throw two grand.

No. It floated, it left my hand, slowed down to almost a stop and floated into the bin. It's a good day. And on that note, namaste. Turn it off. And also with you.