Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep. 3.27 Pickle and Plether

Episode Date: April 11, 2019

Another race against a weed cookie. Pickle has a taste of his own medicine. Cream's music taste starts rubbing off on his dress sense. 

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Aw, muggles. Accidental rip job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia. Where have you been since 9-11?

Are you ready? Men and gentle ladies, welcome to Muggins and Cream. Sluss and Humphries on the road. Pickling Cream. Which sounds like a horrible, horrible combination, which might actually sum up our friendship.

Like, we do go to well. We do go as well together as Pickles and Creams do, and here's why. Because only some people like us together. And those people are fucking psychos who belong in jail. But everybody likes us as individuals.

I'm Pickles now. I'm embracing being Pickles. Now it's not fun anymore. Well, that's how it ended. I mean, that's not why I'm embracing being pickles. Oh, but now it's not fun anymore. Well, that's how it ended. Um, I think that's not why I'm doing it. So last night, you went home early.

Yeah, and I had to do a, uh, I had to do a TV show with Nick Cody this morning. Oh, mate. Yeah. What was that?

So it's just, it's going to be in Australia, I think next week. There's a thing called, uh, the weekly, uh, for a camera,

Charlie Pickering and you know the show Gogglebox where like two cunts watch it so it's like the community version of it

so we're watching a dumbass show whereas me and Cody are playing like a my couple watching the show together making fun of it so it was actually

yeah it was it was one of the very few well not very few but one of those fucking you know television engagements where it's fucking fun

they go hey do you want to come do this thing with one of your best you know television engagements where it's fucking fun they go hey do you want to come do this thing with one of your best friends at 10 30 in the morning I was like

yes yeah yeah that's something I'll actually legitimately get in bed for and did he have to do it after

his radio show he's been getting up so fucking early man he's been doing his nature his nature and he's got a

kid aye well we don't know his heads this guy doesn't sleep no nah he's got a massive. Aye. Well, we don't know it's his. This guy doesn't sleep no more. Nah, he's got a massive head.

Yeah, he does. But yeah, look, in the sense that, look, it's definitely his in the sense that he's got the same size head as Nick Coy. It's definitely not his in the sense that it, unlike him, has actually destroyed his wife's vagina. If it's not his, Looch has a type. In his Lego heads.

No, it's definitely, the thing is, look, so I'm actually, on that note, I am a godfather to Nick and his gorgeous wife's baby. And it's one of those fucking difficult things.

I hope when you and Natalie have babies that it follows the same sort of thing. Because the kid is definitely, Cody's in the fight, it's got that those fucking difficult things I hope when you and Natalie have babies that it follows the same sort of thing because like the kid is definitely Cody's in the fight that's gone

that's in his head but like Lucia's features are dominant and you just go thank fucking god I need that but I've got a feeling

that Natalie's like Arabic genes are gonna fucking dominate my ginger genes and let's hope like let's really it's nothing that way we had

crosswordinding fucking little Arab kid riding around with a ginger ginger fro just a ginger fro battle of

mechanites everyone will be like is that Wes Brown so yeah you went you went to bed last night

because you had TV in the morning and I had one of my rare nights out. I haven't been partying too much. I've had a couple of nights in on the wine and stuff. But I went out last night. You've been well behaved, if well behaved means behaved like a fucking bitch.

Well, I've been going to the gym like a fucking legend so I'm pretty fucking burnt out by midnight. Yeah, because at this festival, how many stories have I told about you going to the gym? Like, legend is literally... The word legend comes from the stories being told about you going to the gym? Like, legend is literally... The word legend comes from the stories being told about you. So I'm going to tell you, you going to the gym does not make you a fucking legend because literally the only person that's talking about you is you.

Therefore, going to the gym is not legendary. People are telling stories about me because they're going to be like, fucking hell, slosses are drunk. No, I ain't not seen me stat you on Flinders Street Station. If you put 20 pence in the tar, it moves. Is that your fucking day job. You fucking spray yourself fucking silver like a drug addict from Mad Max. That's a good reference.

It is a good reference. A good reference for a movie you hated. Thank you. Double. So I went out and Taylor... Cliffed. Taylor McLeod. No relation.

To Claire McLeod, who I was also with. Taylor said, have you ever had a pickleback? And I was like, what? I thought she was as calm as pickle. And then she pointed at the thing and there was a cocktail shot called Pickleback. And then I... No, no. I think she said if you ever sung Pickleback, which is what Natalie sings whenever you're away,

I want my pickleback, pickleback, pickleback, pickleback, pickleback. Oh, I want my pickleback. Got that pickleback ribs. Anyway. Yeah. So basically I sent you a picture of the chalkboard with Pickleback on, went your two favorite things, and you went pickle and what, which was an admission to that Alamoania favourite things.

No, no, no, no. It was me acknowledging you trying to fish for a compliment. And then I replied with Pickle and me and Nickelback, because you and your mum went to Nickelback. First course I went to. With your mum. Do you know who the fuck it was with us, right? 21. Oh,

that wasn't 21 22 alright 22 alright if you test too much I'm starting to think you're 21

alright 22 I'll let you off no I was still an uncle edge I was still like

alright 23 what's worse is I'm going to fucking bring this up because I know

how poorly my taste in music is it came in double whammy so it

fucking took Peggy to a place called Kangaroo Ridge Retreat which is a romantic I took her to this fucking romantic

and how many kangaroos did you see? two and how alive were they? oh they were both dead so you took your girlfriend on a romantic retreat

to see dead kangaroos no no no so I took my girlfriend and I went we're on a romantic holiday we're on a romantic one day holiday to a place called Kangaroo Ridge Retreat saw two dead kangaroos and I had to my cup and I went on a romantic holiday, a romantic one-day holiday to a place called Kangaroo Ridge Retreat.

So two day kangaroos and I have to tell you what, I now know why they're retreating. They are losing the battle. With a white flag. Just all the way. So I think we're

with the fucking next envoys into the next fucking foray. But we go in there and I'm fucking, I'm sat with her and I've got my speakers on and just all of my fucking

shit music comes out because I've got some decent taste in music and then as we both know you're such an emo but look like

for some reason like my chemical romance genre fucking I love Imagine Dragons I like Manfred and Sons Sum 41 and that Sum 41 and that of course it's a classic look I like what I like andfred and Sons Sum 41 and that Sum 41 and that

of course it's a classic look I like what I like and you know yeah you just got all that pent up teenage that teenage angst that you had

I just I've not discovered masturbation yet and I'm just I'm just cutting my wrists for attention as opposed to intention but you know

I'm going through my face which by the way I don't think you can even drop right because she's in the next room but Piggy let's just say laughs at all your jokes very positive

wait wait wait let me finish very positive person really fun loving attractive you've just basically found someone that's just like me

and she also does have a tiny car you just went over in front of your very own female kind I did or a seemingly

intelligent seems like she could be a downright spacker which is actually really smart I'm on your nights

so I can hear you're snorting that's why she's called piggy so I'm sorry there withorting that's why she's called Piggy so I'm sat out there with that fucking dumb cunt right and we're both fucking high

and you know we're both fucking having a great time there was something like it was a fucking beautiful area you sat down outside with one of your fucking favourite people it was fucking stunning right but just she commented not in a negative way,

not like yourself, but on my music taste. And I just had one of the most, because I mentioned the Nickelback thing, and then I just had this horrible fucking flashback. And this is horrific, and I won't tell you this. Have you ever heard of a band called Creed?

Oh, yeah. Right, right. There's that big puddle of mud in that as well, isn't there? Oh, no, no. Puddle of mud is the next. Puddle of mud, we're all right. Here's the problem with Creed. So on that as well oh no no puddle of mud here's the problem with Creed so here's

let me give you the story of why I got into fucking Creed was there was an advert not an advert but one of those fucking warnings

on WWF back when it was WWF which is like don't try this at home so during the show they'd be like aye these cunts get injured

they are fucking athletes even though it's fake do not try this at home these are professionals right to a. Even though it's fake, do not try this at home. These are professionals. To a nine-year-old, I'm like, I'm going to try this at home. You try it at home. Of course I did.

Oh, mate. They were okay if I had my sister on the walls of Jericho. Man, exactly. I fucking warned her she did not lose that baby. That's how she got the baby. What?

But, you know, you need a fucking backflip. How do you think Jose ended up disabled? Swung on, Bob bomb on the top rope absolutely she was the one doing the swanton bomb

I saw that she but so for years there was one song that played over the top it was called My Sacrifice

it was by a band Creed and right man I'm just like 10, 11 years old I fucking get into this song man it's the only music

I've got in my life. The only music I know at this age is anything that the wrestlers walk into. Yeah. Because we don't have fucking iPods back then.

So you're like listening to Whoa, I'm a big show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You listen to that sort of shit. If you smell what the rock out all the ones, right? Is he cooking toast?

Why is the left side of your face numb? Rock, please be my rocker. Have a good soak. Soak a genius. So, and then I just kept listening to Creed

and it was one of the first albums I bought was listening to Creed and I listened to it in the car with my parents all the time. Now, one of the reasons I think I don't enjoy music

as much is I don't listen to the lyrics. I literally just listen to the da-da-da-da-da and I'll say the words but I don't know what it means. Upon reaching 19 years old, I was mentioned how much I enjoyed Creed

and someone was like, you know that's a fucking Christian rock band. And I was like, I was like, I beg your pardon? And they're like, yeah, I'm like,

no, but it's like a social, I'm like, it's such a, it's such a Christian rock. They're like, there is nothing subtle about any of their songs about Jesus Christ.

I'll play some now, and let's see how long it takes you to realise how quickly this is a Christian band. This was a jam. Oh, I love this. This fucking... So already... You say... fucking so already you say I cry for one Christian Rock you see this is where the rock part comes from

the words coming They are coming, but... The song is called My Sacrifice. Here we go. This is the chorus. He's not singing about a woman. He's singing about Jesus. He's singing about Jesus. I believe.

I believe. He's there like, yeah, I believe I believe you understand like yeah I believe man I thought it was about a woman like I'm just like I've not been in love yet but this is how I'll sing

and then for my whole for like my entire listening to fucking Creed I'm like man this cunt loves his missus and you all listen to this

when you're out in the fucking outback oh right no no no that's when I become fucking self aware but it was one of those moments where I just suddenly fucking realised of listened to this when you were out in the fucking outback? Oh, right. No, no, no, no. That's when I become fucking self-aware. But it was one of those moments where I just suddenly fucking realised of... Yeah.

And to this day, like, you know, I don't know what... You listened to mainly rap when you were a teenager, right? Yeah, and that doesn't speak to us so much now. Not so much now. But I have nostalgia from it. Yeah, yeah. I enjoy nostalgia. I love the wordplay still as well.

Yeah, but if I were to play any... I guarantee if I was to play any song that existed in your life between the ages of 13 to 19, I don't care how old you are, if I play that, you're going to be able to sing me choruses of verses

that you forgot ever fucking existed, right? And it's one of those fucking moments where you just go, what are the songs, I can sing three songs word for word without looking at the script, right? and they are all heavy Christian rock songs. This is why I don't do karaoke. I might as well go to a fucking church. What's your karaoke song again? You've got a karaoke song you go hey now you're an all star. All star by Spotify, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or every white person's song,

Mr. Brightside by The Killers. But I hate karaoke, man. What's the start of that song again? Coming out of my cage, you know I'm doing. No, no, no, Mr. Brightside, the all-star one. Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I aim the sharpestest tool give me head I thought that would be a good sketch right if like somebody's like praying and crying

and the bed guy like god where are you I've been fucking trying to find you and they say found it with god and then they sing the first line of that and then god's voice just booms the second line you can't you can't not sing yeah you're trying to fucking get a response from God for him somebody was told me in an interval voice yeah oh God

finally it's like when I was in the police famously whenever we were trying to get into you know

to find out if there were fucking people in the building you just go and they didn't have to. You literally just knocked on next door's house. Where's the knockback?

Where's the knockback? No, no. They're not back. So the fact that they've not replied means they're definitely not in. Or sensible people that are annoyed by my views. So I sent you the text with the picture of the chalkboard saying pickleback.

I. Send you two favorite things, pickles and nickelback. And then Taylor was like, I'll get you one. And I didn't know what she was getting at. I didn't know what a pickleback was, right? So you don't know what a pickleback is your two favourite things pickles and nickelback and then Taylor was like I'll get you one and I didn't know what she was getting I didn't know what a pickleback was right so you don't know

what a pickleback is I do now so she put out four shot glasses for me and Taylor and I go we're getting two shots each

filled one with whiskey and the other one with pickle juice which is what you call your own camp yeah but like I didn't fill it

with pickle juice no she she just like milked't fill it with pickled whisky no she she just like milked me into it oh no no I thought it was even worse I thought it was just like

here's something I've made earlier and just with the scent and taste alone you were like oh that's mine like everyone knows his own brand

so so it was fucking weird because whisky like it's a fucking bit of a shot to the system when you have a shot of whiskey. It's not the cleanest shot.

No, no. And then a shot of pickle juice, if you just had that now, it would make you feel a bit sick, right? Right. But the two together, like, weirdly work. So you have one shot and you're like, and you have the other shot and you're like, ah, hmm. But then you're like, did that taste all right? I think that tasted all right. That's weird.

I'm going to need a second opinion. I need to check again yeah yeah it's the same way with nobody actually likes tequila what you like is you like

your likes going yeah lemon yeah so it had that effect right but I just think it was unexpected I didn't like

expect that sensation when I had it so I had another one and then I ended up like propping the bar up and just chatting to whoever fucking floating by

and I ended up like anytime somebody come and chat to us at the bar I was like have you had this fucking drink pickle back it's maintained

to the tail of my hand and then I was like let's get you a shot of pickle back so you started getting high on your own supply fucking getting high on my own supply

you're all what you eat this is what I'm saying I'm fucking I'm just going to accept being pickled because I woke up in the morning and I spent like

fucking 50 quid on pickle juice last night and also in two days he spent 50 dollars woke up in the morning and I've spent like fucking 50 quid on pickle juice last night like and that's also in two states he spent 50 dollars

on pickle juice and then another 50 dollars on pickle juice which is what he also calls anything he drinks so like

man I've had some fucking nights where I wake up in the morning and go oh what did I spend last night you know like

a little bit of shame you're like oh man I got fucking drunk I got drunk I fucking bought a lap dance like a little bit of shame you're like oh man I got fucking drunk I got drunk I fucking bought a I bought a casino brought a bag of coke

I fucking rented a car drove it home so there's a couple of nights too where I've woke up like oh my god I spent far too much money last night oh my god

but this morning I was like on fucking pickle juice I have a go though I never fucking had a pickle juice last night I just did it for Natalie

just so no girls try to kiss us that's the one thing stopping them I was sick

of girls trying to kiss us so I was like nah whiskey pickle

juice is a little bit of a repellent the fact that I left you

out with Piggy as well I appreciate you making sure you put her off

yeah I mean, my neck was still on limits, but that's not cheating. Well, no, to be fair, there are those rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you cross your fingers while inside them. And that means you

can be inside them yourself and have your fingers crossed behind your back or while fingering them, cross your fingers while inside of them, doesn't count as cheating. What if you're like, what if you start to get cramp, right? So you're like, uncross your finger and cross them the other way, which by the way, no one does, I didn't realise until now. Try and cross your fingers the wrong way, weird. So if you were just like, oh god, I'm getting a little bit cramp, cross your fingers the

wrong way, you know the bit where that uncrossed for a second, how you're cheating for a second? Only if they notice. How would they not notice your fucking wiggling of fingers like a whisk well it depends on how fucking loose

your girlfriend's fucking fanny is or arsehole or your own arsehole or your own fanny it's 2019 that escalated quickly other rules for cheating

is it doesn't count as cheating if you don't know their name yeah it doesn't count as cheating if you don't know their name yeah no it doesn't count as cheating and that stands for

even the person you're fucking or the person you're fucking yeah if you forget either name it doesn't count doesn't count as cheating if it's your birthday doesn't count as cheating

if if they're not bothered oh yeah also also you couldn't give a fuck aye

if they are and the thing is I want they are anything if there is sex it doesn't count as cheating now a five and under counts as cheating a seven above counts as cheating

if you just bang a sex that's fine how's that what's your logic it's not my logic it's just the rules Einstein said it Einstein

aye do you think like if Piggy cheated on you would you rather she cheated with someone less attractive than you so yougy cheated on you would you rather she cheated with someone less attractive than you

so you can get a mug or would you rather she cheated on someone more attractive than you so that

you could get on you know what well I'd like first of all I'd like her to cheat on someone more attractive

because that's going to be way more difficult she's going to be hunting for years I don't know

I think interesting question I don't know. I think... Interesting question. I don't know. I think, personally, for me, like, I would just... If it was... You know what? If it was someone that was...

No, no. For me, if it was someone that was fucking lesser than you, I would just laugh. Like, it would be one of those things. Like, say someone's fucked someone that's, like, genuinely lesser than you. And even though there's not a hierarchy in society, there is.

And if you say that, I know which part of the hierarchy you're in. Like, if they're fucking lesser than you, you're going to be like, oh, well, fuck it, I don't give a shit anymore. Like, your taste is so... Like, that person that you've cheated on me with is so appalling. I don't respect your taste, so your taste of me is not a criticism. Yeah, but, like, you could also be of the thing where, so not just with your fair looks. so appalling I don't respect your taste so your your taste of me is not a criticism yeah but like you could also be

of the thing where she's not just wiffy for your looks like you could you could be hideous and she'd still like you don't have to assume she's shallow

oh no I know what my personality is like I safely assume she's shallow but um he has the right so if

like say if Natalie was to cheat on us with like Matty who's a handsome lad has he or Scotty D who's a little there. Has he? Or Scotty D, who's a little bit

There you go. Scotty D's more handsome than Matty. There'd be part of us Let's have that on record on the podcast. Scotty D's more handsome More handsome than Matty.

Matty, aye. Owns nice houses. Different horses for courses, isn't it? Different strokes. Don't bring Elliot into it. So there's part of us that would be like,

I could understand if it was Matt he's irresistible well in that case most women are medical workers but if it was

if it was Scotty there'd be part of us you know there'd be part of us where I was like oh Natalie what you doing like making a mug of us

right but there's part of us that would be like go on Scotty here's the difference if Natalie was to Go on, Scotty. Here's the difference. If Natalie was to cheer you with Scotty, you'd be like,

fucking hell, Scotty's got a big cock. And if she was to cheer with Matty, you'd be like, fucking hell, Matty's got a great personality. I probably just

would have watched it, didn't I? Natalie, if you're listening. This isn't Sophie's choice, you didn't have to pick Scotty. So it's him, do you, didn't Natalie if you're listening this isn't Sophie's choice you didn't have to pick Scotty I was so it's Hedgie and Piggy if you're listening she's in the other room

well Matty I was really hungover this morning I fucking went for a walk down the river and I was going to tuck myself in but I can swim

so he's giving me some exercise to do can I be honest I can swim that's the time I try to hang myself and it turns out

I can just breathe through my nose that's such dumb logic no just breathe through my nose straight away easy is it just bleed through my nose. Straight away, easy.

Is it? Just bleed through your nose, man. Way easier. Fuck. The medieval times would have been very different if people worked that out, wouldn't they? Man, that's why they don't mention it because they're like, man, we did nothing. That's why they invented the guillotine.

You know, if I was in the gallows, I would have just fucking put a straw do me neck. Just feed a straw do my neck. You know what I'm saying? I'd just be hanging. It's the same way. I'd just yell like a... I'm breathing through the straw.

If you slit your wrist, if you bleed sideways, fine. If you what? Just bleed sideways instead. What? Sideways? What do you mean? So even if you cut down the fucking track, but if you just decide to bleed sideways, it fucking cancels out.

I don't really get that even as a hypothetical bit oh well you know what someone will and they'll tweet me and there'll be

two of them and that'll be enough to reassure me of the bit that I did it will but if it's any less than two

I'll kill myself and then not breathe through my nose and then definitely be full on dead see this saved myself from the

gullet you know I just wear Argos jewellery I'm sorry why Argos jewellery because you get

more bang for your buck aye but that doesn't mean it can't be and you get more metal for your fucking pound

don't you aye you do but it's not good metal aye it just gives that little fancy little

chain that costs fucking 300 pounds to fucking save it from a gullet I want that fucking rope do you know

do you know do you know the fucking chain I used to wear if people go back and watch Michael McInerney's comedy roadshow

that I was on I'm wearing a silver chain that my male friend bought me when I was 13 and he was 15 and I was like this is a cool thing

that dudes do for each other that no nothing he bought you a silver locket no I didn't lock it 15 I was like this is a cool thing that dudes do for each other nothing he brought him a silver locket a chain just a chain

it was like a picture of him in it no see if you had a picture of him I would have

respected him more than Isaac because then there's more meaning to that because if it's like hey

I love you and I want you to love me here's something to remind you of me even though you've delivered that wrong your intention behind it is really nice it's like, hey, I love you and I want you to love me, here's something to remind you of me. I'm like, even though you've delivered that wrong, your intention behind it is really nice.

It's, hey, you're my friend and I like you and I want you to like me. It's always close. Yeah. Put it up your bum when you go, no. As opposed to, I reckon you'd look sick in this. There's something so much worse. It's supposed to be legal worse and I don't know if that's a fucking

guy thing right but it's like the way guys give fucking gifts to each other is be like here's something you fucking need

or here's something you want and in both of those situations it's cocaine you invite someone like imagine I was like

I bought you this top but that's what girls buy each other shit all the time where they're just going I reckon you'd look sick in this And it's something I'm genuinely

A little bit jealous of Should we start doing this Should we start buying Each other gifts No it can't just be us Because then Can you buy me a pleather jacket Like the one you've got

It's fucking Danny's rocking the pleather At the moment It's class Alright Thank you Don't say it's class It sounds like you're being sarcastic

I'm just saying I didn't expect it. You just come in, red shirt on, black pleather. I said, class, Alec. Honestly, fucking hell. It's your fucking flame shirt and the dry cleaners. Yeah, I know, brother. Good luck.

Cool, look. Your mum dressed you for the disco. You look classy. You've got to pull it. You've got to your mam dressed you for the disco you look classy you gotta pull it you gotta tap some lats at the disco I'm not being sarcastic yeah oh really

because I'm gonna tell you right now your honesty feels about as real as the leather jacket I have that's me the fucking

the vegan son started protesting and then had a closer look at me and then he said one of us feels about as real as the leather jacket I have the fucking the vegans started protesting and then had a closer look at me and they said what the fuck he's what the fuck man

speaking of which right there was a bunch of them fucking you know them the protesters oh the fucking

vegan protesters the vegan protesters in Melbourne decided to shut down three lanes because fuck people

who have jobs and also fuck other vegans trying to get to work I was thinking about this I was thinking I was just putting

this is like a fucking fake news story just going oh the vegans stopped the trams and all the traffic and fucking three vets couldn't get to work

and all the dogs are dead no but man I promise the hospital workers might not have been able to get to work and all the dogs had to eat. No, but man, I promise, man, I can directly prove that that vegan protest

did more fucking damage than it did good and here's why. One, stopping traffic, you've got to understand, especially in Melbourne, at least fucking 20%

of the people that you fucking stopped were fucking vegans on the way to the job so you've already damaged that. Second of all, you reminded me me and piggy that there's an aquarium in melbourne which we would not have gone to had the radio not said hey uh all the protesters have

accumulated outside melbourne aquarium and she went oh melbourne so we went there and it was fucking great it was really good fun and um You know what I love about it the most? About the protest? Because they would have had to be on a Facebook group or something. Or some kind of forum. And they would have definitely

had to say at some point where shall we meet? We actually don't meet anywhere. It's bad for... Oh. Isn't it weird? Like, you know, home of wars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They go, hey,'t it weird that you know homophones hey hey

eating meat is bad for the environment I also reckon making cars stop with their engines running might not be

spot on you thick ugly cunts and I'm not trying to say all vegans are ugly all I'm saying

is do your own research and arrive at my conclusion yeah so that happened they did it dead early as well didn't they I missed it

alright so you went to the aquarium aye loads of dead fish turns out it's just what she does it's a stench penguins came out though oh you just smelt like fish

aye yeah that's what you did aye cool it was cool that was good penguins and culture oh my god

on my knees so I'm trying to backtrack over what I was saying you're all about buying gifts for each other we're talking about the little necklace oh when I was talking about the locket this is something I put in my head when we're talking about the locker with the picture I was talking about the locker this is something I put in my head when we're

talking about the locker with the picture in it it reminded me of something that Dave Johns

did Fred McCauley two stalwart comics from our lands who do you reckon

was in a fight them two Fred I think Dave Johns I think Dave Johns

would gaslight probably cough gaslight him just getting chinned you're losing this you look awful I think Dave Johns would gaslight him. Probably like cough stock. Gaslight him? Gaslight him. Just getting chinned. You're losing this.

You look awful. Fred just being like... Put it to your girl. Do you reckon Fred McCauley would be up Dave Johns? I reckon so, yeah. Nah. I put his name rules. So, Dave Johns

was on the same bill as him, I think it was at the stand, and he knew he was going to be on the same bill as him,

and he went to the bar, and he was like, what do you want, Fred, I'll get this one, and Fred said what he wanted,

Dave ordered the drinks, just flopped his wallet open, started chatting to the barmaid, but he printed out a photo of Fred McCauley because he knew he was on the bill, put itped his wallet open started chatting to the barmaid but he printed out a photo of Fred McCauley because he knew he was on the bill

putting his wallet so Fred's just like chatting away from how that looks doing season picturing himself staring up coming to Dave John's wallet

great do you think I did to Peggy so I need to get a pass for her because obviously from Melbourne

you get to certain artist bars so I need to get a pass for her because for Melbourne you get to certain artist bars. So I need to get a pass for her so we can go see shows. So I'm just like, is there any chance you can just get a pass for my girlfriend, please? And they're like, yeah sure, can you get her to send us through a photo? And I was like, yep, this is the one she sent through. Didn't ask her at any point. It's a picture she sent me months ago of just her crying at a spider.

And it's her crying because of a spider in her room. And that's why she sees those. See, she is me. Yeah, she did a show Saturday. Very funny. Did she? Yeah. We went into

a big unicorn store selling shoes and unicorns it was really weird you know where the board game

shop is which one the shop next there that's all rainbows and colours it looks like the fucking new universe from

Lego Movie 2 excellent reference and then we were just whilst in because we were like we were both hungover

and it was just all these colours and sparkles and glitter and we didn't even know it was like we were both hungover and there was all these colours and sparkles and glitter and we didn't even know it was like some shoes

at the time but that was the deco and we walked in and it was all like pinks and silvers and

golds and all that right goth work in there I don't think no no because here's

the thing I don't think goths were ever particularly fucking sad I just reckon they liked the fucking

it was emo's man and his book is God's used to like like fill those area of Newcastle that was just a square and it was just that they were the congregate they're never like always harmless really yeah God they wouldn't they want to make jobs I felt like no one I think they were sort of seen as fucking George's news or Ned's or whatever because they were just like they were so I don't give a fucking shit and they act

you know they have big fucking spikes on their fucking wrists and dog collars and shit listen to the

same music as you and that well no no no emos I'm getting on to them

the problem with emos and it's one of the things I feel very fucking guilty about now as an adult

is because the thing is about becoming an adult is kids are fucking cruel and not in a bad way.

A lot of kids aren't cruel in a fucking malicious way. It's just it takes a while to develop empathy because to develop empathy, you have to do enough bad things and see how your bad things have consequences before you understand. You've got to have bad things happen to you so you can know how you felt when that happened to you. Exactly. Or, yeah, exactly that. Or on the other side of the thing, doing something...

Have a relatable emotion. Yeah, or doing something bad and then seeing how your bad thing affected someone and then going, oh, Jesus Christ. Like, here's the thing. Now, I don't know if you've got the TB jab. Do you get the TB jab? Yeah, BCG we call it.

BCG, right. So just to our listeners outside of the UK, BCG, Jack, is an inoculation that all kids in the UK get. It makes you autistic. Don't give them the occasion. Yeah, honestly, it's the reason me and Kyle are autistic. Sorry, artistic.

Oh, wow, you did that one. I know, I know. Look, I'm high. I've had a cookie. And fuck them. At this point, I could actually not do any criticism right now. You need to defend yourself. Well, don't worry about it.

I'm just saying that's where you went. I'll just point it out and put a little highlighter on it so the BCG thing when you're in about I think it's first year of high school if you're in Scotland or when it is in England but you go in, they do six needles on your wrist, they do this little prick

there and if you react to it you've got to get the jag against TB and most kids end up with it and when you're in first and second year all the older kids all they tell you it's scabs it's going to do this

it's going to do that it's a very scary thing when you're in fucking high school and then when you get to the older years the teacher goes to you

hey the first and second years are getting their jags this week just make sure you treat them well and again we can't reiterate this enough

do not punch their jags when they scab because that's what leaves scars and we're like i'm sorry what it does what and the reason every single person in the uk who was born pre-1992 has a scar on their left shoulder and i'm talking 98 of us before born before 1992 have a scar there. And it's not because that's what the JAG does. It's because every older person in our school was like,

cunts hit me, I'm hitting them. Welcome to justice. This is the system. Natalie's got one. I'm going to find that cunt. Shake his hand. Back in the days

when you used to get away with it. I've got to make sure they don't leave bruises if only if only I can do that now you know but it's like this thing

you suddenly realise all kids man when I was a kid I was did the fucking horrible shit because you didn't realise the consequences

of your fucking actions yeah I mean even though I know the consequences of your actions if one of my peers had his BCG now it's funny fucking actions. Yeah. I mean, even though I know the consequence of the actions if that was happening, if one of my peers

had his BCG now. It's funny. Like, you know, it's just funny. Like, if Gareth or Ryan had their BCG. Look, I'm sorry. You don't get to,

you don't get to not have the scar the rest of us have because you'll just be excluded. Me beating you up is inclusionary. We're all in the same sort of field here. Yeah, BCG means of field here yeah BCG

means big school gang BCG oh yeah oh it does make autistic oh no

oh no I just oh right so this cookie's kicking in that's what I've discovered it's actually not

by the way I actually just gave it to you just a chocolate digestive placebo are you That's what we've discovered. It's actually not, by the way. I actually just came to mind. I just had chocolate digestive. Placebo. Are you high?

See, it's definitely you then. And she's tiny. Yeah, I mean, I did drink a little pickle juice. It may accelerate the effect. Is pickle juice like your version of a Scooby snack? I'm going to try and get 100 days without drinking pickle juice you know I'm going to you've got to

stick by us though I'm going to need the support of my friends no no no I'm going to be like hey Kai

do you want to do a podcast you'll be like no I'm not in the mood I'll be like what are you doing for

pickle juice and then you throw it at the back of your neck and your muscles bulge up like Popeye if I get to

4 o'clock in the morning I get my one day chip. I'd be eating that chip going, this would be good with a pickle. So yeah, I've been rough today, but it was good.

It was, yeah, I deserved it. Well, you know, that could blow it every now and again. Yeah. What's the point of washing your car

if you don't drive it? I have a point. Oh. You've got to fucking take the beast for a spin now and again. If that means drinking half a litre of pickle juice. There's a joke I want to make that I cannot make on here.

Taking the beast for a spin. The pedo joke or something. Aye. Yeah, well. Yeah, I can't wait a while for this. I know taking the beast for a spin the pedo drug or something aye yeah well yeah I can't wait a lot so you can try glass again

sorry sorry what about was Mark Nelson on the Walters what's that what's that reference the Walters

you don't know the Walters yeah what's the reference it's that spinny ride yeah I know what that is right screaming for you when I go faster I know that stuff

which is like taking the beast for a spin. Oh. It's calling Nelson a beast. It's good, it's good. Well, I mean, not... It was like... I mean, you could have picked, like,

anybody to be a beast in that situation. It would be like if you said, like, the guy from The Chase. Which one? The beast. No. Paul Sennett. no Paul Sennett

that tickled me pickle I did not he did not tickle his pickle no he did so we were meant to be playing Dungeons and Dragons tomorrow oh great

yes this story please from Tentacle 2 yeah and you Tentacle 2 we might be playing Dungeons and Dragons tomorrow oh great yes this story please from 10 till 2 yeah and em and you 10 till 2 you forgot Icelandic dentist

and you forgot you were going to the zoo yeah you made plans you gotta go and kill some beasts also em you gotta

you gotta go and kill some em animals again everywhere you go no damn damn bitch leaves on Sunday yeah so you go no dumb bitch leaves on Sunday

yeah so you go to the zoo and there's also so three times this week there's been times when I've hosted three three hour

D&D sessions which have all been great and the whole time she's been having fun and there was this one time I was like yeah we can do Friday and then I just suddenly

remembered we're going to the zoo then a three to one ratio is when I can work with I'm like three for me one for her right baby

baby see just dead supportive always seeking approval aye can I buy this pleather jacket please first of all

first of all tickling pleather first of all first of all it was her suggestion second of all I take your point third of all

pause it you're damned. So, oh yeah, I'm going to try and retrace all these steps and carry on with what I was saying.

But first of all, I want to say when Piggy went, Piggy Picklin, Piggy Pickle Pleather and Pins. I'm going to say Natalie,

Packy. Paul Sinner. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I'm going to say Natalie. Paki. Paul Sinner. So it's all done. Piggy, pickle, pincers, pleather. Pleather. So, so, so.

Piggy, Piggy pleather, pickle, paki, pincers. Yeah, that was it. You've done it. So Piggy went for a walk've done it so Piggy went

for a walk and this little Piggy went to market and she went to market she's there and she because after that she went wee wee wee

all the way home yeah she phoned the cat cafe and went like meow meow meow she phoned the cat cafe and went to the cat cafe and it made me think

you know how like some people like Anders Breivik go and get on one of these fucking killing sprees one of it made me think, you know how like, some people like, Anders Breivik will go down on one of these fucking killing sprees. One of these people? Aye,

like fucking, you know, shootings. Aye. Like, man, wouldn't it be funny, hypothetically,

if someone just did it at the cat cafe but like, didn't kill people. Just shotgunning, just fucking turning cats into dust and then turning it

on himself. That's a new story I want to read. I mean, not against cats, but that's just... I mean, cats are collateral damage for a great new story.

Right. So, we had Dungeons & Dragons planned for tomorrow and I get a text off the thing-thing landlady. Yes. Who I've weirdly got saved

in my phone as Fong. So do you reckon... I wrote it in front of our age she text is going heads think thing but that means oh so just just remove spell phone thing FB ng FB ng FB so thank you okay so um so she when she pays a visit that's when we want to clean them and what it tells change and stuff for that I am and says alright I'll get because I'll get a number and I'll give it like you can text us when we want to clean them and when the towels change and stuff like that and I says alright I'll get I'll get a number and I'll give like you can text us when you want to come round

I'll see if I'm in and I asked her her name and I saved it as bong in front of her face so oh no so like I didn't even click on that

so actually yeah so wait in fact no literal ignorance not malicious yeah no no no

not at all of course not but then she would she was looking at my phone, so I just went, what's your name? And she went, thank you. And I was like, yeah, whatever. Just something like that. Just a bunch of...

Just something like that. Just one of them names. What's your name? Kyle Carl. What am I doing? So yeah, she texted me saying, hey, is somebody going to be on Friday to clean up and come around at 2 o'clock, 1 o'clock to clean if there's someone that let him in.

And I just replied honestly, like, look, we're going to be playing Dungeons and Dragons in the living room. You can come at that time if he doesn't mind listening over. He was dropping our nonsense. Yeah. Like, because we've got a sex picture intent. Yeah, I said it too. If he wants to stand around that and witness our fucking which is a nerdy

it's such a fucking nerdy thing so I'd be like aye because that's a ridiculous thing to eavesdrop it's such a weird thing because you're not

gonna get any of the context and you're just gonna hear all of this nonsense coming out of the way and it's gonna be making like it means a lot

about the story that we've built it's so angelic it would be like walking it would be like fucking walking be like walking it would be like fucking walking into a fucking

boot club seven weeks into it where you just go no you just don't get the context of any of what's going on so

I was like look if he doesn't mind that the cards on the table that's what's going on actually no cards involved in Dungeons and Dragons I mean there is

there's item cards there's magical items oh fuck delete this bit so I wasn't wrong I listened to Dave Longley's podcast With Milo

And he was Did he just cut Milo At the whole thing Both really funny But there was I think there was Like one or two times Where Milo was like

Oh come on cut that bit But he hasn't cut it Every podcast I've ever heard Milo in Whether that be Our podcast The one we did With Irish Afria Longley's one There's always a bit Where he's like Can you delete that bit every podcast I've ever heard Melo in whether that be our podcast the one we did with Ari Shafia

there's always a bit where he's like could you delete that it's really sweet it's because he's one of the kindest human beings that ever did live

which is why we will destroy him so this is the way I left it so the cleaners are going to come tomorrow

she doesn't reply. So she's clearly just forwarded that message on being like, hey, here's literally the message you sent. Here's the situation you're going to be in. You're going to go in there. You're going to clean.

You're going to hear a bunch of nerds talking about your nerd shit. Then what happened? Well, then you cancelled. So now the cleaner's going to come around and I'm going to be in on my own because you're on the zoo.

And I'm going to look like I've been stood up by Alfred Dunst inoport. The cleaner's going to come running. I'm going to be in on my own because you want to sue. I'm going to look like I've been stood up by Alfred Dunst in the Dundas. The Dundas, which is worse than being stood up. It's not.

It's like, hey, if you want to come in tomorrow, I'm having an orgy with seven lesbians and like a bunch of friends. I've done a bunch of coke. If he wants to clean up

around that, he can. And then he comes in the next day and it's you and just like two women and one bloke fuck it he's like

well you know you stood up a bit you're not the legend you've gone polar opposite you've gone

I'm doing I mean there's nothing cool in any of that at least like even if it was like a fully cancelled orgy and I was like

yeah nobody showed up at least I had the fucking I was going to plan an orgy yeah yeah at least it's a lie about the orgy as well

being like look I know what's cool as opposed to I lied about playing the game Dungeons and Dragons

because that's cooler than the life I'm currently knitting so now like what am I going to do now just like text him

going oh our plans have changed like it's a forgive me for over explaining why no one's come to play what you should do is have changed like like he's a forgive-me-fuck like over explaining why no one's come to play what you should do

is when he comes in he's just really like can I can I clean this corner and you just roll it down and go no

should I just sit him and give him a character sheet aye what a character assassination he's supposed to ruin him be like 43 in a cleaner be selling dick pics to people start spreading shit

up with them we've both done an article well I think and that's the international sign of let's get into dad jokes it's a thing well yeah

it's been a quick podcast it's always been pretty cool do you have anything else to talk about em yes I do actually

I am going to put it out there to the people of podcast land em I looked on the you hate it when I say this but I went

to the back door of the podcast and had a look at the stats and I caught the back door and it must have been someone else

that didn't like it oh no that's the first time I've heard it but when I say on record I don't like it you don't like it it's going to the back door he didn't it must have been someone else I didn't like it oh no that's the first time I've heard it but when I say on record I don't like it you don't like it it's going to the back door

so if I said I'm going to the back door of my website and into my gig list you wouldn't call it the back door of a website no you wouldn't

because the front the front the fascia is the website itself but I feel like I'm in the back door I get the analogy I think it's a

I think it's a quick way of saying it like I think I've coined it myself I might have heard it before there's probably

going to be a couple of tech geeks getting touched on that's been a term for fucking

centuries computers haven't been around for centuries but we can also beat all those

cats up so he gives a shit yeah we he says we as a team

yeah he's going to be whiting my arm he's plaiting his fingers like fucking sharks and

jets that famous war. The crocs in the jets. It's the sharks. The crocs because of your fucking dad's footwear. And the jet after the colour of his hair now that he's a fucking emo. The jet of the colour of his black pleather jacket.

Right. So, I went in the back door of the website I hovered the cursor over Australia and saw that in the last month there's been

there's been 2,700 downloads from this country alone in the last month is that from separate people where was that because we've done

2,700 we've done about three podcasts over in Australia so 900 900 yeah so there's people listening that are around the corner so I'm talking We've done about three podcasts in Australia. So 900? 900, yeah. So there's people listening that are around the corner.

So I'm talking to you now. It's literally math math. If you're in Melbourne right now, because it's going to be spread around the country, but I was talking to Heggie and he was saying the majority will be

between Melbourne and Sydney listening to podcasts all the way around. And also, none of them are from Adelaide. We know that. Yeah, a couple of companies are from Adelaide. A handful.

Well, then I have not made my stance on Adelaide clear enough. But we know there's people in Melbourne. So how about we do a live podcast? This is what I'm going to say. The Ex-Fad. Between Russell Street and Little Bourke Street. I think that's the one. The Ex-Fad is in Chinatown.

Upstairs is a room there. Or as I call it, town. I think that's the one the expo is in Chinatown upstairs there's a room there what was I call it town upstairs

and the expo is available from 12 till 1 on Sunday not the Sunday approaching let's get the actual date of the Sunday and we'll put it out there

oh so now it's we will find the date when I want to get in a fight it's suddenly just you but when you want to find what date I think it is we'll find the date oh fucking hell

let it go mate Jesus Christ sorry wheezes Christ he's always bringing up stuff from past arguments isn't he those are the only

arguments that exist those are the only I can't bring up arguments we've not had yet oh man it's like I didn't just get the argument that's happening

in front of us I get the fucking back catalogue so the 21st Not yet. Oh, man, it's like, I didn't just get the argument that's happening in front of us, I get the fucking back catalogue. Back catalogue? So on the 21st of April, 2019, by the way, we should do a podcast at 12 o'clock at the XFAD.

And, right, what we'll do is we'll just do a podcast there regardless if anyone turns up. Aye. Right? But people can turn up if they want. So 21st Melbourne so you're going to

because this is not going to happen if I have to organise any of it you're going to organise this yeah I'm going to organise it we'll put tickets on as well so literally the first ever actual can they buy tickets

or should we do like a pay on the door thing what a dumb dumb club do we'll be competitive with them because they put the well no because well no I just What did Dumb Dumb Club do? We'll be competitive with them. Because they put the... Well, no. Because... Well, no.

I just... Because they let them in? No, I say... Because now it's going to happen then. You're not going to get podcast watchers. You're going to get people that just float in from the bar downstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if it's like no risk, they'll just wander in.

Man, you know... No, no, no. We've not charged these cunts for anything other than fucking badges we'll charge 20 fucking dollars in Melbourne and if nobody

comes in we'll do it to fucking no one if they want to come see they want to come see they've had this

podcast I don't want to be a dick here but they've had this podcast free for four goddamn fucking years

yeah I love performance stand up but you put tickets on your door because you oh and we'll have guests on we'll have muggins do the show and we'll have guests on we'll have muggins

we'll have cream we'll have pickle pepper no we'll have Pincey Strider we'll have Prince William same person

same person plot twist no relation so we're really high now. It's really hard to get my book. Right,

12 o'clock, 21st of April, Expo Hotel. 12 o'clock, can that be one? 12 noon. And now we've got, I found out when it was three

and it's that. This is our show zone in the afternoon. Okay. Lunchtime Sunday. All right. Well, we'll try and save it over

on that Saturday for you we won't but yeah it would be nice if we caught you know what a fucking genuine we'll stay for a

paper years as well we'll have a drink we have last Sunday and it's also last Sunday and I've never respected an MA audience so I'll drink with you for a bit

because I can get a fucking nap if I would be and here's my expectations I reckon here's a firm case

shh bitch let's just go for it being a nice person but in the hallway I reckon we'll get about 20 yeah

well I'm going to say this as well a little promise to them they'll see your dick that's it wow oh what a promise for the first one that's unbelievable I'm going to say this as well, a little promise to them. They'll see your dick. Wow. What a promise for the first one. That's unbelievable.

Yeah, they're going to see my dick, if they're lucky. And if they're unlucky, they're going to see my little. Yeah, look, it all depends on how this ends up. So this is what I think. I'm going to get it out because I'm really high right now so I think it's you too we'll be nice about Australia we'll think about all the

no no don't promise I can't promise that I can't I'm not going to lie to my audience no Australia's been really good

over the last couple of months it's been phenomenal it's been phenomenal for the past couple of years it's been great it's been phenomenal for the past couple of years it's just been great nobody thinks I don't know I don't think any Australian

thinks we actually hit Australia every Australian I've spoken to we've been harsh on them the last couple of years no no no we've been real on them we just you know what

we haven't it's like it's like there's something there that's so great but we're hanging on to a little imperfection that's true

it's so fucking great so what I'm saying is we'll like highlight all the fucking shit that's awesome about Australia

alright what and it's the fact that 20 cunts turned up but if they turn up with cocaine

it'll be Australian cocaine and shit no fine I'm fishing with compliments

here's my deal if more than 20 turn up I'll be nice about Australia and if it's anything 20 turn up I'll be nice about Australia and if it's anything less than that I'll burn this country to the ground

and by that I mean drive diesel cars have you brought your badges? no yes come on Melbourne I'm behind by a lot and also Melbourne

I'm behind by a lot if somehow he still doesn't sell more than to me here yeah and also a badge is part of the ticket price no

and then I'm going to do buy one get one free no no no no no no no so I honestly come and buy

all the Muggins badges so just to really clarify so Sunday the 20 what 21st 21st of what month April April this month at the Expo Hotel clarify so Sunday the 20 what 21st 21st of

April this month at the Expo Hotel you and me are doing a podcast live there yeah get there for about quarter to

we'll charge we're going to say 20 in 20 bucks um yeah that sounds fair alright dad jokes yep

uh your dad has started an e-petition to get Kimbo Slice inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame

that's a really good one it's so niche as well it's so niche I'm glad you enjoyed I'll be honest I'm glad you enjoyed it

because I don't reckon most of them did I reckon most of them in this podcast, a lot of people just listen to this podcast to hear us make each other laugh, so for those people that was a fun moment for them, watching me take your pickles, pickle

oh man your dad poured salt on his cock and it fizzled and dissolved away like a slug that was the first time it came out of its shell as well Your dad poured salt on his cock and it fizzled and dissolved away like a slug. That's the first time he came out of his shell as well. Your dad flips his mattress four times a year, once each side. So for six months of the year, your dad tries to lay in five soft inches,

much like your mother is used to. Your dad sticks his tongue out when the plane lands because he likes the taste of blood your dad wears denim socks you wear a plana jacket the apple doesn't fall far from the tree your dad can do five kick-ups but not in a row

your dad is trying to be woke by selling his and hers condoms your dad left a biscuit in his jeans pocket

when he put the washing on but it didn't stop him enjoying it just sucking it through the crotch while you're dad left a biscuit in his jeans pocket when he put the washing on but it didn't stop him enjoying it. Just sucking it through the crotch while you're wearing the trousers. Your dad stands shirtless in front of

the freezer to get his nipples hard. Hard enough to knit himself a jumper. Your dad chose to watch Teagrand and then does something mundane like a handstand oh yeah

your dad's screensaver is a picture of your grand's fanny in case he gets homesick

go back to where you came from your dad always takes me to fancy restaurants when he dumps us

your dad harmonises with his own farts sorry and then occasionally and then a spew spew then he harmonises with that and shit you're like that's how nice it is with that shit

oh yeah that was the joke was it yeah yeah I thought it was mate it was fine they heard it

your dad your dad did the robot dance at a wedding and failed the chewing test that's an excellent joke your dad measures his cock with the kids wall chart That's an excellent joke. Your dad measures his cock with the kid's wall chart. And by that I mean he stands with an erection center wall to determine whether kids are ready or not.

Because here he comes. He's a beast. He's a beast. A pigeon flew near your dad so he did a bicycle kick and killed it. What a legend I mean he went viral you can't man if you overhead

kicked a pigeon he watched it over his shoulder and just turned on a dime did a bicycle kick straight in the sky dead dead now blood on me boots

blood on me smile on me face one of the scoreboards this guy, dead, dead now blurring my boots smiling at my face one of the scoreboards your dad is a superhero but only uses his x-ray vision to heat his meal for one your dad reminisces fondly

about stuff that's literally just happened oh that reminds me of the time that you told me that like father

like son yeah that was apple tree fall your dad has started a new dating app

where all women he's put off of dating and men can start dating with each other and it's called sesame tinders

that little getting of us your dad what the fuck was this mate your dad's got the web bits

between his toes pierced and he's tied string to them and walks like a puppet but with his own hands he's redundant yeah

between the webbed bits in his hands weirdly like he was really good at swimming with his webbed hands and he got them pierced and just made them redundant

the only thing they were good for that and high fives but now the high fives he's got like way more you can get through the air quicker

all these high fives used to be really slow because that's the man that's famously missing from high fives, he's got like way more like you can get through the air quicker. All these high fives used to be really slow. Right, because that's the man that's famously messing from high fives is the speed. Hi. It's the air reserve. I know, but hold on, because you've got holes between your fingers. If you had a fucking like, if you had like a hand like a catcher's mitt, you probably wouldn't get a bit of air restriction.

Yeah, I would not have to fucking prevent a fucking high five. I thought if both of you were doing it, it would be twice the slowness. Like you're both going to be dead slow with your webbed hands and all that like probably belly

it'll just be like you stroke each other's hand and you're like oh that was creepy just stroke each other's webbed hands and then just get into the habit

of just stretching out the last dad joke I know I feel like I feel like there's better ones to do longer ones on huh I feel like there's better ones to do longer ones on huh I feel like there's better ones

I feel we should because we don't always necessarily improvise on the last one we always we I was on one there proper rule

web plan bit fucking how we do with web plans what do I do em probably how would you do with webbings? what would I do? erm probably I don't know

just get the rest of my arm webbed what do you do? like a fucking flying squirrel just from the fingertip to the heel just with a just membrane just web everything just like

top of my head and my elbows. Just be like... Like a literal glider suit that they use. You know what I think, like I keep it out folded in, right, and as soon as somebody went in the hoops, like I startled, like a lizard. I would just instead, I would like to, look, with with my dick I'm happy that I come your web dick look

I got two balls two web balls you put no two balls on the web you put semen in one of those balls which there is turn the other one

into ink and I just like the option to be like a squid I'd like to like let's say when I'm in fucking Matt's Walser or fucking Art's Bar

and there's some person I don't want to talk to because we're mess over there I'd like to be able to grab my second testicle turn it into ink and just bring it in you still have to jack off

onto them that's the major part it's not just like it's not going to be like oh god Daniel's fucking oh it's Aaron it's just his ink trick and everything

that's the point I'd have to be saying they'd be like because it would take longer for the people I didn't want to be because if I was trying to get away from the people I don't want to be because if I was trying to get away from the people I fancied

I could ink real quickly but for the people I don't want to be near it's going to take way longer how's the benefit of having web hands making you be able to switch to ink I'm just in a nautical thing to be honest with you nautical? that's the air

nautical is that not like nautical mailautical is that not like nautical male is it to say no because I just consider nautical male to be like the air male you know what

I might be wrong and I often have been this is interesting isn't it podcast every day a dozen years ago didn't it it did

which is like do you know who's the only worst I listen to this is fucking Nicky Gibson Nicky Gibson gay Jonathan

Nicky Gibson gay Jonathan oh yeah Nicky Gibson gay Jonathan if only we could get them together if only we could they could give them like a biggest fan off

I'm very sure you got the biggest fan what was that what was that what did you say we could do a biggest fan off oh

em oh did you listen to Longley's podcast where he slagged off every other podcast let's not make this the end of the podcast where we just talk about other podcasts let's end it he went through he did a podcast

where he slagged off every other podcast did he slag off ours? he did call it the challenge out of the throne or something because he was trying to see how his was the best his is the best and he went through and mugged every foot off but when the throne or something because he was trying to see how his was the best and he went through his is the best yeah and he went through and mugged every foot off

but when he mugged every foot off he was like oh the lads are scraping the barrel now they've took on it as a gimmick because they're

running to stuff it was like with three or four back oh I've not I've not listened to because he was like I'll listen to them while I'm just out

with some fucking bullet hood like put myself through them it's really funny and then he goes oh but fucking Daniel just

complaining about his gigs in America like he's got amazing shows and you're fucking whinging him with the crowd

first of all have you seen Dave Longley bitch about his wife on Instagram like fucking can't can stay back in his lane

fucking his wife is fucking glorious. She is. It's a whinge. I fucking we claim our HLN and get a PCLS. Shame on.

Dave Longley. Dave, Dave. I would chew through your wife's arse until I hit spine. Which wouldn't take long because she's still got the nerve to date you.

You fucking. This is it. This is one of your jokes but I'm going to bring it back. Please. I wouldn't date long because she's still got the nerve to date you this is one of your jokes but I'm going to bring it back I wouldn't fart her out of bed for kidding me I'd wank her off with my feet the web ones and that's why all the videos of me and her fucking hair ended up on the dark web dark And that's why all the videos of me and her fucking hair ended up on there. Dark web.

Dark web. What did you just call me? What did you say? Nothing. Why are my... Because my show's called Dark. Yeah. Hi. Why else? because my show's called Dark is the yeah aye

oh why else oh that's my question right I think you might leave the Lord with the podcast

I think she's dead you alive bitch dead dead let's cancel that. We'll be back before next Sunday, the 21st, but see you on Sunday the 21st.

Bye.