Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep 36 Cru$her and ¢ream

Episode Date: March 4, 2017

Flying in from his lonely friendless excursion to New York, Cream has arrived in Sydney Australia where the infamous Nick "Cru$her" Cody has joined him for margaritas and a podcast. With both Muggins currently in Adelaide meaning they are both in Australia, their roads will realign in 3 more weeks for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, til then strap in for some fantastic guests! 

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and Cream, Cream and Muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' Muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack! Aww, Muggles! Accidental rim job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or am I just being cynical? Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglopedia! Where have you been since 9-11? What is up, cunts?

It is cream. Back in the years, I've obviously been away for a few weeks. And Muggins and I think Stanley's nickname is Sugar or some shit. They've been covering for me. Thanks to them very much. I'll get on to all the shit and trash talking they've been doing for the past two weeks, unfiltered. But today, I have a very, very special guest. The newly married.

It's Ned Crush and Cody. Sluts, sluts, sluts, sluts. Cody, boys, boys, boys. We are in Sydney. We've been in each other's company for about four hours now, and we're already a jug of margaritas in. Our beers have just been opened, and it is three in the afternoon. Who's got a problem? You've got a problem.

Who's got a problem? You've got a problem. This time yesterday, I was at the gym with a guy by the name of Kev, at Strength Elite on Instagram. He's a fucking absolute savage of a man. He's trained special forces and also a comedian. And special needs comedians. Can you do

a roly poly, Nick? Can you touch your toes? I'm a big boy. I did a jump. I am unashamedly in the worst shape of my life because after all these Aussie festivals, when I go home, I'm going to go on a proper health kick unlike Maggins who

has, I'll give him respect where respect's due, he's been going to the gym a lot while out in fucking wherever he is and as he brought up in the last podcast he just keeps sending shirtless photos that are clearly he's taking for Natalie

clearly he's, that's fine I've got no problem with you sending pictures of your improvement to someone who appreciates them. There's one person on this planet who appreciates Kai's body and that is Natalie. Nobody knows why. We'll get into that much later on. It's a scientific experiment. We're going to donate her brain to science or her

body just to the fucking ocean. But he just is sweaty and his V was I've got no problem does he have a V I think so a massive vagina

yeah got him fuck that I think he's got a V because he used to just have like a downward facing D it used to be

like a constant just hangover oh man I've got a bit of that shit yeah just like a while ago

he used to have just like an avalanche warning like if you were near him and you laughed too much like all of that shit yeah just a while ago we used to have just like an avalanche warning like if you were near him and you laughed too much like all of his belly would just fall over onto his dick

and he'd get to scramble to get it out I'm close to I'm probably on the scale of fit that I've been in the last 10 years

I'm probably third from the top right now I know when I'm really bad when it like hurts to put on shoes and stuff. And I'm just sweating, just no reason.

It's like 18 degrees. And I'm like, oh, what's going on here? Is that humid? I had trouble putting on my, because I wear quite loose shoes. I don't know if this is a thing, but I had to take my laces out an extra thing.

That's a different level of fat. Normally you have to change your buckle. I had to lose my laces down a notch. What do you mean? I don't know. I think I got fat feet. I think that's where I'm put. What do you mean? I don't know. I think I've got fat feet. I think that's where I'm put. Is it from the flight maybe?

Oh, it might be from the flight. That makes more sense. Oh. Oh. That's a muggle thing. Do you know? Yeah. Feet swell.

My ankles swell on the plane. Shut up. I've never experienced it. Oh no. Oh. Oh no. Because you're not an 80 year old woman. Why would your feet swell?

Oh, see the people that just do lunges. If I'm ever at the stage where I need to do lunges on an airplane kill me I'm done like it's it's there's if your body can I don't

this is the arrogance of youth but fuck it that's who I am I've got no time for just doing your little yogis they do it against the door

that fucks me off like I saw a guy yesterday just yeah you grab onto that handle you fucking idiot oh you know it can't open though though, above a certain height. No, can it not?

That's good to know. Or is that just something you're putting in our listeners' ears? I bet you it can't open above a certain height. Guys, it's like I used to play with my younger brothers. Like if you tell them that no matter how fast they run, automatic doors always open. Great prank to play on kids. Also tell people that there's a system in their, there's a reflex in their body

where you can't physically punch yourself in the face. Oh, great. Yeah. Primary school classics. Yeah, but that's a good one. Just so everyone knows, it's impossible, no matter how hard you try,

to open up a door on an airplane when it's in the sky just same with submarines underwater like obviously not submarines in the sky

I don't know how to go there and if you're on a plane and you want to check out what the cockpit looks like

mid flight stand next to the door and yell oi cunts it's the little pilot secret code yeah sometimes it changes where you are.

Sometimes it's fat face. Sometimes it's soft cock. But it's always... Also, make loads of gun noises. Big fans of those. Because it's party time in the cockpit. Yeah. You've got to make sure you make all the...

Oh, there's a fucking loose unit out there. You've got to let him in. To bring the party up front. I've always, like... I've heard from a lot of sources that a lot of pilots are drunk how true do you reckon that

is I don't think they're drunk for the flight but I think they're a

bit like comedians they're trembling all the time they're in hotels

they're you know they can have a few drinks they're fucking mavericks I love

pilots I know you've had Muggles Corner where Muggles were afraid of flying

yeah totally right yeah I of course you know if there's a bit of rough turbulence like coming back

from the honeymoon from Vietnam there was like a three hour period on the flight home of some pretty rough bumps

and of course I'll get slightly sweaty hands but then I'm like no the plane's worth a few hundred million

the pilots are fucking unbelievable yeah oh so he really doesn't want to die yeah like yes he's the best one for the job or she oh yeah because somebody's made a mistake no i i used to have a bit about when i look in the cockpit i i just want male or female between the ages of 40 and 55 yeah but one shit me so bad the other month. Because I always annoy my wife, Looch.

Newlywed wife. Yeah, newlywed. My new wife, Looch, she, I say... You finally own a woman. She's extremely left-wing. I'm left-wing, but she's, like, annoying. So I can always get her with jokes. Like, if there's a female pilot,

and halfway through the flight, there's a bit of turbulence, I go, fuck fuck chicks can't even sky drive that's what I'm going look at her running into this invisible

like a fucking chick would she's probably lost that's my favourite thing to do with I do the same thing

whatever because obviously I'm left wing as well but I just enjoy annoying anyone if I know whatever triggers you or sets you off or offends you I don't believe obviously I'm left wing as well but I just enjoy annoying anyone if I know if I know whatever

like triggers you or sets you off or offends you I don't believe that anyone yeah you don't want to properly upset someone

but I do want to I do want to make them shout because that's when I know I've won the argument but we had a we had a pilot a couple months ago Luton Ogle on the plane

and I'll wait I'll pop my head in, just have a look in the cockpit, see what's happening. And the co-pilot was a chick. I don't care. I don't care who's flying the plane. But she had pigtails.

So get the fuck out. That's like if a guy had a mullet. Yeah. Excuse me. No, no, sorry. Did you get a price? Wrong haircut. Yeah. Oh, God. You didn't get a price? Wrong haircut. Yeah.

Oh, God. Yeah, Milo would be the worst one to see. Mohawk I wouldn't trust. I'm like, you, no. Yeah. Because you're looking for turbulence. Yeah. Yeah.

Ponytail just suggests she giggles. Yeah. Yeah, I want a guy, I want the pilot, the male pilot, to have Nazi side parting. Any sort of Nazi crew cut. Yeah. And with a respectable ponytail. You know that fucking This Is Business blowjob ponytail? Yeah.

What are they? I'm not letting anything get in my eyes. I honestly don't understand how much the plane may actually fly because most of it heaps of it heaps is it most of it

yeah yeah I've been I've been in the cockpit for flights in Afghanistan on the big did you win a prize I did win a prize

they saw me and go fuck he must be sick let's let him sit up front he's 20 and they didn't put any shoes on oh Nick we can't go

any further unless you make the airplane noises you've done a lot in Afghanistan

and Iraq yeah oh not Iraq I was meant to go last time but we

couldn't like the Australian army couldn't get visas to go to Iraq

is that our war works guys if you think that's how Like the Australian Army couldn't get visas to go to Iraq? To be on someone's invasion. Yeah, isn't that how it all works, guys? If you think that's how it is, otherwise Poland in 1939, you go, nah, where are your fucking papers? You are not coming in. Fill out the forms. As someone who regularly gigs for the trips, is there a little guilty part of you that whenever we decide to bomb a new place,

you're like ooh new gigs ooh Damascus ooh Syria this time of year I heard it's wonderful yeah I don't there

well there's always stuff going on so you're going to get to some what I like about Afghanistan is there's no way you could go there

ever yeah ever yeah I've not been I'm terrified of those places not only just like

the you know the bombs and the shooting and the war and the killing and the what not but that's like the level

of temperature where it's like fuck you temperature like oh it depends what time of year you mean super hot

yeah why don't you just have a fucking snowing there is it oh in Afghanistan does it oh man winter

where's that college at your level I was there last Christmas not last Christmas the one before and um yeah it was fucking minus

four oh god I'm so dumb man it's higher up than Denver so it's like a really high altitude it's really mountainous it's quite a beautiful place

yeah what oh it is yeah a couple of fucking silly geese running around yeah

a couple of yeah making a bit of a scene on both sides oh yeah I've never I've never done

the war it's also just because like like there's a certain stance is coming up I was asked to support

Jeffries out in, I think it was, it's real? I think it was out there. I was asked to support him out there, and I couldn't really do it for the dates, but I immediately said, yeah, because I love Jeffreys,

and I'd love to go to that part of the world and see it. But the thing my mum and dad pointed out was the shit thing about being a comic is, regardless, even though I would just be going over there to support Jeffreys, to some people that's me making a political stance. And I'm like, just go, yeah, yeah, because you're Israel or Palestine. I'd go to one or the other, you're like, oh, you've made your stance.

I'm like, no, I'm gigging for the... I've definitely caught that shit from other comics. Have you? Oh, yeah, you must be right when you support the troops. It's like, no. Like the troops, I don't necessarily agree with what they do. No, I don't agree with the government sending them into certain places.

I hate all that shit. And again, I'm left wing but in the arts. It's like, yeah, I know some soldiers. They're nice. They're like, alright, you fascist dog. Most like, we're alpha in comedy. Yeah yeah we're alpha males but in any other line of life

yeah we do I get called a bully so much and I think that it's mainly by nerds like it's mainly like

yeah people like I also get bullied oh am I a bully am I a bully well why do you keep hitting yourself

what do you keep hitting yourself? You little dweeb. I love that type of call. I honestly, again, this is from a privileged position, I don't think it's fucking gender-based in any way. Some of the people that bully me the hardest in the fucking world, like Becky Lucas. Oh, Becky.

Oh, can be scathing. Oh, she's great. In fact, we should probably get her on the podcast tomorrow. Becky Lucas is Becky can be scathing oh she's great in fact we should probably get her on the podcast tomorrow Becky Lucas is a fucking diamond I'd love to see her I know I'm going well

when you're already planning the next guest oh you're also on the podcast yeah oh what's she up to now can you get her on

she's a short guest part from Cody you can hold the mic Becky can say sentences to you roast you it's like one sentence roast line that'll it'll floor you yeah she'll can say sentences to you roast you it's like one sentence

roast line it'll it'll floor you yeah she'll cut you down to you which is weird because she's just this small

gorgeous like nice thing but cutting bitch cutting bitch yeah I was just going to have you been listening

you're a listener of the podcast one of the you know main we have have you been listening to Cain Stanley's

takeovers no I haven't heard that good choice they had a massive go at us Gareth I'm team

cream I'm going to get those shirts made Gareth suggested that muggles run now what would

your like run as in job yeah I think muggles job yeah fucking legend sprint okay you know like they run as in jock yeah I think Muggle's jock yeah

fucking legend sprint okay you know a hill sprint versus a Garrett suggested it and I I sort of agree

because he was talking about you know the little fucking nerdy little circular water bottles they got and that fucking armband thing for the thing

we agreed there were quite a lot of Muggle things running oh Stanley and Kai took that so very personally. Oh, really? Oh,

they had a little bit of a bitch fit. I mean, I didn't get most of it, but Gareth got right into the, that's why he's not here. He's so sad, killed himself.

Whoa. I've not heard from him since, but he did send me a Snapchat of his feet dangling like that bit in Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, Gareth was here.

Yeah. I'm not used to the new world the new world has moved on without me yeah so what did they

how did they destroy it oh well those guys love a bit of fitness yeah well Kai loves a bit of fitness at the minute

yeah he also loves a bit of fitness dick in his mouth got him got him. You got him good. Yeah. No, I can understand

where they were coming from, but I knew Kai would stand up there in fact, because I know my boo and I know what upsets him. Yeah. And Kai's on a

health run for a bit. I can't know in the lead up to the wedding I was going to the gym telling people what they should eat and what they shouldn't. And then what did we do today

we had a jug of margarita for breakfast yeah and a burrito and then a burrito ice cream then a cookie ice cream then I had a coffee because I enjoyed that food

but I wanted it out yeah it's just going on a brief tour of my insights yeah yeah it's a very sort of it's a quick

it's not like an open top bus tour it's like a fucking speed one you're just it's like in porn where you just skip to the good bits it's a very it's a quick it's not like an open top bus tour it's like a fucking speed one you're just it's like in porn where you just skip to the good bits

it's a helicopter tour 8 to 9 minutes you're kicked out at the end no parachute yeah no Stanley's has been very much

trying to sneak in on the podcast and then and replace me oh okay and he he's done a good job I've met Stanley haven't I yeah yeah you've and replace me oh okay and uh he he's doing a good job i've met stanley yeah yeah you've met you'll meet him more when he's in melbourne he's coming over and do a show for what if i i do i do love the cunt like the pair of them for nailing

the podcast uh but there's gonna be a lot i think the first podcast me and kaget back together it's gonna be a lot of fucking bitching i might have you in my corner and I might have Stanley in his and we can just fucking throw down it could be like that bit in Django Unchained I've never seen that you've never seen Django Unchained

no oh man good I don't know I love comedies but um no it's really good Samuel L. Blackson

says the n-word far too much I mean it's obviously he's right but that's the thing like I never understood like-word far too much. I mean, it's obviously it's right, but that's the thing, like, I never understood when liberals got

too much. I love that's the bit you've taken away from it. Isn't it a movie where slaves are just getting shit together? Oh,

look, slavery, that. But that's the thing that really fucked me off with liberals when those movies come out,

like The Django Unchained and Tarantino's other one. They're just like, oh my God, they use the N-word so much, it's so racist. That's how people spoke back then. They would have said far worse things. He's doing it. Well, you want him to

bleep out that word? I fully agree, it's wrong. That's the point he's trying to make. Well, remember John McCain, that Republican a few years ago, said the word good? Oh, yeah. In his interview agree it's wrong that's the point he's trying to make well remember john mccain that republican a few years ago said the word good oh yeah right in some interviews like running to for president and uh he got he got captured in the vietnam war and his dad was some high up dude he was a prisoner of war they broke his broke his arms just heaps of times his shoulders he can't lift his arms above he can't lift his hands above shoulder level now.

Which is why he was never allowed to be a nanny. Oh, got me. Can't cheer for things. He had to give up his career. Very promising. So it was like a promising bottle opener. But now he can't do it. Yeah.

He always wanted to be one of those things that worked out in front of a captain that's over no you're playing a zombie that's it yeah but he like two years

into captivity they offered him a release because his dad was famous his dad was high up oh okay I just thought that was

like something they just said like okay we're going to offer you a release that wasn't offered this whole time oh sure in the small print but I just thought that was something they just said. Like, okay, we're going to offer you a release. That wasn't offered to him this whole time.

Oh, sure, with the small print. But he wouldn't go if his friends weren't allowed to go. So he said no. He was in captivity for five years. And they told him off for obviously saying a fucking heinous word. And he goes, look what happened to me. Yeah. Am I allowed to what?

Am I allowed to what? Am I allowed to what? How many things? Like, he's also really old, but I understand, like, racism is never, ever acceptable. But, yeah, with the age that he is. I do think, though, in Samuel L. Jackson... Sorry, in the Quentin Tarantino movie. Do you ever reckon Samuel L. Jackson

just looks at the amount of time Tarantino's written that word in there and he's like... Man. But, like, is this what, like, does it have to be in every movie? Like, I know I say it, but I feel like you're only hiring me.

You make me do each take seven times. Like, it's like, sometimes the cameras aren't rolling. It's just. It didn't have to be every Tom at the end. Not I. Yeah.

I at the end. Why do you capitalize it each time it's just in the outtake reel that he wouldn't let happen just set up your objective be like no i know i appreciate you know you're shining a light on an awful time that african americans went through during slave time but can we maybe talk more about that and just just throw it in less it's still hard Quentin. It still hurts when you make white men

shout it at me. Have you seen the Oscars fiasco? Oh yeah, so the little stuff up. The little

mishap? Yeah. Oh, yeah, love that. Right. Have you seen the,

my favourite part is the, have you seen the photo of the audience the moment it happens? So there's like a great photo of a reaction shot

of everyone in the audience like all the face people reacting to it and anywhere you zoom in on the photo is a celebrity reaction and the best one is Dwayne the motherfucking

Rock Johnson guess what face he's doing laughing? no he's doing the rock eye oh the eyebrow like he's clearly I don't know

the bit where the guy goes Moonlight's won and like Meryl Streep's like oh my god Matt Damon's like what the fuck Casey Affleck's like

oh I love beating women and he's doing you know that face he does but The Rock's just there which is like the people's like in the eye he's taking off his wrist

I was talking to Gina about this yesterday I have a proper fucking crush on The Rock yeah yeah The Rock is great. I would love to be seen.

He's one of those Instagram accounts that if you just feel like a fucking mushy piece of shit, follow The Rock on Instagram and a guy called Jocko Willink. Jocko, I don't know him. Jocko Willink. So he's an ex-Navy SEAL. And the majority, like 95% of his photos are of his G-Shock watch around 4.30 every morning. It's when he gets up. So it's like just photos of his watch and then photo of like a deadlift bar with sweat everywhere.

That's it. Then it'll be like 4.31 and he's like, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it. Oh, dear. Yeah. He's like, do not stop. End everything. You're like fuck see that's the thing

that's who Kai thinks he is right now yeah I've been at the gym with Kai several times and again

he works his fucking ass off he is excruciating to go to the gym with right why's that because he screams and he's one of those

he puts on his noise cancelling headphones right and he's got two things when he's gassing out he just he deflects. He goes,

Oh, yeah. You're not a piston. Yeah. Oh, it's the most, I'm there like a fucking embarrassed wife. Yeah. Just like, sorry. And then when he's just,

he's like, ah, ah, and like, it's not necessary. Oh, man. I get a couple on, fuck, what? I was doing this thing yesterday, this ski machine, which is like a rope machine,

slightly different, but man, towards the end of those, there is a bit of like... Like, just... And maybe it's me, because I internalize everything. All the motions I have to internalize. You're thinking about it,

you're not pushing. I'm just, all emotions. I had to watch the blind side on the airplane while I'm drunk because I'm going

to a wedding next week and I know how bad I am at showing emotions so I'm just trying to teach myself that it's okay to cry. You were crying at the wedding. I did.

You were not a good tear. I did. Oh yeah, Lidge's speech was good. Her sister's speech was great. Both parents fucking crushed Bart. Free Bear House

fucking speech was great. Yours was obviously crushed Bart. Free Bear House fucking speech was great. Yours was obviously good, didn't cry, yours was fucking loud. Mine was average at best. Yeah, but maybe because you weren't crushing it. I love the fact, I love... I didn't write it. Yeah, that was my favourite. Not, I'm saying somebody else wrote my speech.

I didn't write a speech or vows, what will I? We went to, yeah, because I got to the wedding the day before. You, me, Bart, Demi, and Kat, your manager, we all went out for a fucking lovely dinner. You were like, I'm going to hold it to three beers, three beer limit, and then you had some wine. To be fair, you did only have three beers.

Yeah, six day wine, some joints. Yeah, a bunch of wine and stuff. But just you were like, I'm going to go away, and I'm going to go away and I'm going to write my vows. I came back

half an hour later like, how did it go? Didn't write them. Then after your beautiful new wife goes on stage and does her great

speech, you turn to her, whispered in her ear, what did you say? It's like, Nick, it's your turn to read your vows. And I just

landed a load of you. I haven't written a goddamn thing. Fucking smashed it out of the park because I said to her because Lucio just found it funny but there was a tiny I don't even say it was 1% annoyed

maybe frustrated and emotional where she's like why didn't you and I go Lucio if I cannot say one minute of nice things about you we shouldn't get married

that is true and your shoe collection's cool and you wear fun hats I did again

I love the fact that I got showered during the wedding yeah that was a good moment that's how I engaged the wedding up until that moment I'm like this is you know what i get it's for the good oh my name

on stage pretty good wedding by the way i love that everybody except bart fucking roasted me in their speeches luch luch is the beautiful wife all these amazing things are said about her she's an angel which is all true she's magnificent i'm a very lucky man but it's all these beautiful things about Looch and then boy Cody fucking cop this from her sisters oh from your new father-in-law that is the sweetest one of all time he had a written speech and just threw it out. Didn't read a word off his speech. So he just approached me instead and plugged his daughter's album. My sister-in-law is a singer-songwriter.

And yeah, my father-in-law plugged her merch. That's the way I think it should be. I fucking love. Yeah, but to be fair fair you also plugged your Melbourne show yeah your one yeah yeah I said

there was a there was a fire warning today which is obviously a little bit scary on the day of the wedding we could have been on fire on fire

as a matter of fact is the name of my tour it's not AU I think Bart had my favourite line out of all the speeches so Bart Freepart in Amazing Common was your best man for the wedding yeah yeah he was one of the best people and it's not AU I think Bart had my favourite line out of all the speeches so by a free parent amazing comment

was your best man for the wedding yeah he was one of the best people and his speech opened with he pulled a bit of paper out of his pocket

A4 paper unfolded he goes oh guys don't worry this isn't my speech I just threw a massive dick and he just threw a big veiny cock and balls

and it said believe in yourself everyone laughs and he throws it on the floor and he goes, don't worry, they'll pick it up. It's their fucking gift. But then his line was that I lost my mind and I was like, bent over, crying for most of the speeches, laughing so hard and getting roasted.

But then Bart's line where he said, Nick and Lucira found true love. True love's a beautiful thing. I had true love once but I sacrificed it to the dark gods for eternal power I just got a bit

fat instead oh well sometimes you just have to murder a woman to see what happens I loved the bit during your

voice it was like gorgeous after when the sun was out it was yeah it was when after when the sun was out. Yeah, it was really lucho after the... It was sort of near the Macedon Ranges, about 45 minutes outside of Melbourne. For her to get... She grew up on a farm in the outskirts of Australia.

Outskirts of Australia? It's 45 minutes from Melbourne. You catch a train. By the way, the outskirts of Australia is the beach. the outskirts by the way the outskirts of Australia is the beach I used to remember being on that farm

looking around like just the beautiful land and you know how secluded it was and just thinking wow it's amazing

that she's not racist like if you show me that farm I'm like this is where racists live and not mean racists

just ignorant racists yeah but I think people that live in small towns and there's nobody there where racists live. And not mean racists, just ignorant racists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But we should, you want... Yeah, I think people that live in small towns and there's nobody there from other cultures,

I think sometimes maybe they're more ignorant than racist. Yeah. But if you're racist in a city, you're a fucking real piece of shit.

Yeah. Because you live around everyone. Because, yeah, you've got zero excuses. Yeah. You've just heard of these foreign lads and these foreign people. You're allowed to be a little bit scared. You're wrong, but I understand where you're around everyone. Because, yeah, you've got zero excuses. Yeah, you've just heard of these foreign lads

and these foreign people. You're allowed to be a little bit scared. You're wrong, but I understand where you're coming from. But if you live in Melbourne or London and you manage to be racist, fucking check yourself. You tried to keep, obviously, the part of the wedding classy and whatnot.

Looch looked amazing. She was walking down. That was my two favourite moments. One, Looch walking down in was walking down that was my two favourite moments one Looch walking down in her gorgeous red dress with her dad and just everyone

went silent it was a genuine like it's a it was a comics wedding there was so many comics there and just you're fully expecting

that the back shopped heaps of family members to get more comedians in the room and mates like people I see the most

and I hang out with yeah of course which is what what do you want and we're at the room and mates like people I see the most and I hang out with them yeah of course which is what what do you want and we're at the back and obviously when you're standing

there you're just getting marked and ripped and ripped and the second you come down you're just waiting for one comment

just to say one thing at one point and she was so beautiful that nobody said anything it was just genuine silence genuine happiness and then

she was the one that half way down she was beautiful she just went it's fucking shit aye with her big top up shit hey like oh shit hey and like she's from northern Queensland where's this coming from goes up there all excited and just and then does a shooting does her little dance twerking bit gets down there and then uh you go oh you know she calls

me auntie but i want to oh yeah she was like my auntie i don't want to, oh, you know, she calls me Auntie, but I want to, oh, yeah, she was like, am I Auntie? I don't want to say it because my family's here. And I just grabbed the mic off her and goes. She calls me Cunty. Which is her nickname for me. Cunty. We don't know how it started. I think it was like, obviously someone being a cunt is terrible, but cunty?

She's like, that's fun. Yeah. But we use Auntie in public. So don't be. In America, because they obviously hate the C-'s fun. Yeah. But we use Enty in public. So lovely. Because then, in America, because they obviously hate the C-bomb, right? The dumb ones, the fucking legends are on board. But the reason we say Enty is because when I leave, she goes, see you, Enty. Yeah.

Oh, it must be a, it must be a, like, Nick the Amazing or, it's just something beautiful. The other one I really liked was this was the one when we're all comic shipped in which went oh you know Nick

there's the three things we're good at drinking laughing and one other thing that I don't want to say in front of my father and you just saw 17 comedians

just lean in to other people my one was rimming oh I don't know let me just grab another cider and then we'll move on to Muggle Corner. Alright, it's time for Muggle Corner.

Nick, would you like to explain to any new listeners we have what a Muggle is and what Muggle Corner is? A Muggle, to me, is somebody that just does basic bitch shit. Now, a Muggle it's just a... It's semi-derogatory. Semi-derogatory, but Now, muggle, it's just a... It's semi-derogatory.

Semi-derogatory, but where, of course, you and Kai and all the guests you've had, we've done muggly stuff. Yeah. It's only if you're a muggle all the time are you... And not to mean you're a bad person. Muggles are normally lovely people. They're just a bit muggly.

They're just a bit simple. How do you describe a muggle? Is it simple they're just not even simple because I suggest intellect wise I just mean the

things that they enjoy like you could guess their like Buzzfeed articles you could easily have a breakdown

of things they enjoy it's very easy but then again that's the thing sometimes muggly things we all secretly enjoy

to ourself most definitely I mentioned one before that I know you're going to have a crack at I will but just what we do

is we suggest a muggle thing and then if we both agree despite what Kai and Stanley might say on the next podcast if me and Nick agree that it's a muggle thing

you are in the muggle corner for 30 seconds to think about what a muggle you are you could have guessed you may go first okay muggles this is your right bloody phone 30 seconds to think about what a muggle you are you could have guessed you may go first okay

muggles oh this is your right your bloody phone come on phone sorry guys it's fine it's just down there for the time

don't worry muggles don't get their shit together alright muggles wear clothing that have holiday locations

that have been on it you know what I mean like a hat that says welcome to the Gold Coast. Yeah. Just like in the middle of Aberdeen.

I was like I love any I love NY shirt or any memorabilia I'm like oh no first of all no you don't. Yeah.

And second of all shut up. Yeah. Yeah. Any memorabilia I don't yeah I'm definitely in the corner for this

I've definitely got some Disney World stuff oh yeah I've got I had my first trip to the States when I was 19 I bought an

I heart NY no I bought an I heart OR hoodie which is Oregon

the state of Oregon and do you love Oregon I fucking love Oregon oh well then Pacific Northwest I'll wear that with pride in the corner which is Oregon, the state of Oregon. And do you love Oregon? I fucking love Oregon. Oh, well, then. The Pacific Northwest. I'll wear that with pride. In the corner. In the corner.

I'll be nice and toasty in the corner to get about what I did. Just reminisce. Is wheat legal in Oregon? Yeah. Yeah, it sounds like it. Yeah, I think that's one of the good places. Oh, man.

Portland. The wheat dispensary's there. If you haven't been to one, it is like going to a bottle shop you just go in there's heat but it's classy as well it's not even like

I remember it's like a scientist I remember walking into one in Denver, Colorado and there's just scientists behind it looks like

they're zoo animals they're kept behind glass and stuff oh really? yeah you can see them growing it

and spraying it they give you all the things they look like a lot of scientists with hay fever it's ok man you've got some

red eyes yeah man worst place to get the munchies because everything in there's got winged this is a vicious

cycle I can't do it but some of the edibles are like this is a warning to any listeners do definitely go out

to one of these places get like a wee but be very careful with edibles I went in there and I said hey

I'm from Australia heads up I'm a rookie I've smoked weed 20 times in my life yeah that less popular

Snoop Dogg song yeah smoke weed twice a year okay when it comes to beers I'll fucking destroy your whole country but could you just give me a little spliff yeah take it easy on me and they gave me some edibles there eat half of this and then and I was fine they give you bags of sweets and they're like I'm like how much are these to you and they're like half of one and I and I was fine they give you bags of sweets and they're like I'm like how much are these to you and they're like

half of one and I'm like why is there a bag of them then like at least make each one an individual one that makes sense but if you're like one will fuck you up

lower the dose like you know what you should sell them there's no limit on alcohol there's no point to the goal of don't drink all of this in one go

you'll die instantly I guess they do with vodka, I guess. But these are just tiny and delicious. Sell them in halves. You'll look at them and you're always, because my one of them is like, can I have a beer? It's like, yeah, man, here you go, 56 litres. And it's just rolled out of the keg.

Can I have all this? No. No, of course not. You're going to die. You just want a little sip. Yeah, just stick a straw in. We'll tell you when you're done. My animal experience was

they've got the mince there the mince are great because they kick in in about 15 minutes so and you can like update it and so I keep it

going but the fucking little sour sweets have like a bowl like just a head of wheat do half of one 45 minutes later,

feeling nothing. Rookie mistake. Just like, well, maybe my tolerance is just not realizing that the chemicals take far longer to break down

in your stomach than they do when they are inhaled. Two different types of high. I take the other one and again, an hour later, nothing.

I'm like, I think I've been missed. I'll just have a little nibble of another one. Half an hour after that. So this is two and a half hours after the first one, nothing think I've been missed. I'll just have a little nibble of another one. Half an hour after that. So this is two and a half hours after the first one. Nothing.

I go to sleep. Fifteen minutes later, I wake up vividly hallucinating. And I don't mean like, oh, things like, I had no left arm.

Like it wasn't, it wasn't like I couldn't see it. That's a lot of matches. Yeah. Like it was just, like it looked like my bed was eating me. But the thing,

I was high, so I was still totally okay with it. Like I woke up and my bed was eating my arm. I'm like, yeah, that's what I'd be doing if I was a bed. That makes sense. Eating people? Yeah, just like you said on my face, I'm not meant to eat you. Like what is, how is this fair?

I'm just meant to sit here and take a look. I respect you, bed. I understand what you're going through. Went for a wankank didn't go well oh no you can't no you can't do that

those edibles though it's like shots I try and avoid shots because I'm 29 I should know better but you don't I just really try not to have shots

maybe twice a year I'll have shots there are shots I can't do shots I spew on shots now specific ones that I've drank too much of now it's

whenever someone's like do shots I'll be like you're a ones that i've drank too much of now it's whenever someone's like do shots and be like you're a bitch i'm like no i'll just i just know there's no point you buying me a drink that i'm gonna throw up in 30 seconds can i tell you a secret if somebody and listeners of this if you ever feel pressured to have a shot but you don't want to have one if you've only got a little bit of your beer left what you do is i say can i have the shot and then a bit of a beer chaser and it's just somebody being annoying

wants you to have a shot you know when just some muggle that drinks once a year we've got to

do shots you're 46 get your act together don't have to do shots remember your kids names

but you do the shot keep it in your mouth then put the beer bottle up and just spit it into the

beer bottle okay yeah kind of like yeah oh do you reckon that's what girls do after a blowjob sometimes mouth and put the beer bottle up and just spit it into the beer bottle. Okay. Yeah. Kind of like, yeah. Oh, do you reckon that's what girls

do after blowjobs sometimes? Yeah. Do I have a beer chaser? I should probably stop drinking. They're like,

can we get some water beside the bed? And then they blow you and I'm just like, oh, I'm really thirsty

after that blowjob and they're just straight facing it while I'm just getting my own cup. Yeah. Why do you have sea monkeys in that camp? Anyway, yeah, I think to buy...

Oh no, but that's the point of my recording. To make us go off into a thousand different directions. Yeah, buying memorabilia from a place is fine. But... If you wear it, I think it's's t-shirt and it's it's also it's close you're never gonna wear like they're never fashionable like fred perry has never done welcome for fucking paisley shirts yeah right it's never fucking canberra doesn't have a fucking lovely polo neck with whatnot tasmania doesn't have like fucking designer thongs british thongs

not the fucking weird things you call them but also it is mainly airport clothes yeah that's airport

clothes yeah you can wear them at airports mind you I always have to address somebody gives

you a gift that's got the name of the place where they were on holiday on the gift they fucking forgot to get

you a gift and they bought it for you it's also a shit thing here's a place I've been that you've not been to

I do that I don't understand why people have to buy people gifts when they've gone on holiday when people show me pictures of

their kids I show them pictures of people I fucked and then I ask them who they really think is winning as long as it's

not the same picture they just showed you oh my god they sent you that one too snap oh yeah no I'll agree with

oh I think if it's gym if it's gym you're allowed to wear anything at the gym to me because you're just sweating in it

fuck it oh yeah but yeah I do get when you're in America you see people my Conor McGregor t-shirts

gym t-shirts now yeah because I've got about five of them yeah we have a massive massive man crushing Conor McGregor

Irish UFC having the rock I would love to be stuck between the rock and the hard place if McGregor was the hard place ooh ooh a lovely little sandwich for Slotty um yes I would love to be stuck between The Rock and A Hard Place if McGregor was The Hard Place.

Ooh. Ooh, a lovely little sandwich for Slotty. Yes, I will absolutely 100% give you that one. My first one, and this one requires very little discussion, happens in America all the time and is unforgivable. Muggles clap when the plane lands. Oh. What did you think it was going to do? gonna do yeah like would you boo if it crashed that would be your reaction yeah

you saw it like oh i can't and i know how dumb it sounds because like my argument is who gets clapped at the end of their job? Me, every day, constantly, every goddamn day. But that's because I'm not, you know. But it's just people that don't understand the science behind it.

Like, it's not a fluke. Yeah, yeah. It's not a one bingo, you fucking idiot. It has been designed to land. Yeah, literally at least 15,000 planes land every day,

every day. Yeah. And I can't study never had very rarely happens in the UK in America all that maybe 18 months ago I flew from LA to New York fancy and coming into new so I went to L I was living in new york at the time and uh luch was in new york i went to la for a thing kind of like that night but coming into new york they said there's going to be pretty heavy storms and man it was some of the worst turbulence

i've ever felt in my life like you just did an accidental look the loop like is that what you signed up for yeah so you have a paper airplane and it just does that and you know you've done the wing front because the thing just goes woo like one of those man it was getting

smashed around a bit of sideways action you know where it just feels like it's going to the side you're like that's not good that's not a good feeling

in the tum tum you ever have the one where like your butt kind of leaves the seat and you're like oh seatbelts that's why they're there like otherwise I'd be

joining my hand luggage and man there was some bumps and then the pilot said hey guys strap in it's gonna, coming into land it's gonna be pretty tough and man it's bumping around everybody on the plane silent and then you hear like boom

and people start clapping like yay we've landed and it's like no we just went through a storm oh just to go until the engines are still going you look outside we're not on the ground yet what the fuck was that it sounded like when the wheels touched down you hear that bank yes everyone's like yeah now they're like shut up it's not finished look I've been still 10,000 weeks I went back from Washington

to LA and it was foggy as fuck like so foggy I'm just looking out the window and I'm not a nervous flyer

because for me it's instant death and there's nothing you can do to me that's peaceful I think the only thing that would suck about knowing you're in

a plane crash is everyone else on that plane crash would be a little bitch. They'd be crying, they'd be phoning and you'd be like, can I just die in peace? I don't want my last memories to be me elbowing you in the fucking jaw for just making this so that you're scaring me, not the death. I love when people are like that. Man, if I knew a plane was going to crash, I'd just have sex. No you'd not.

Also, what type of person do you think is on the plane like yeah I'll suck a dick yeah my dick can't get hard if it's too

humid if I've got to peel my dick off my balls yeah oh yeah because there's no time for

yes just hold on baby hold on seatbelts on fuck your seatbelts like the fog was so bad and like

we got I'm like he said we were meant to be landing like 10 minutes ago we're going down and we're just still in this fucking fog and it's buffeting around

the girl behind me is crying and I'm like well she's obviously a muggle and a wimp but I understand and I swear to god

we land before I see the ground like that's how foggy it is and at that point we're going on instruments. Yeah. Yeah.

At that point, when people clapped out, I was like, I'll allow you this one. And if you're a muggle, I used to be terrified of flying. Terrified. So I watched every episode

of Air Crash Investigations. It makes you appreciate how awesome planes are and airports are. Yeah, it's not an accident. Because every crash, they figure out what happened and make sure

that thing can't happen again but there was one I think in Puerto Rico a plane coming into land and then there's a storm

and it's coming into land and then it has to take off again because it wasn't the runway lights it was street lights oh my god

a lot of cars and trees on the runway yeah there was a lot of people in Russia were just shedding their Oh my god. A lot of cars and trees on the runway. Yeah, there was a lot of, yeah. A lot of people in Russia were just shedding their palms, being like, that's getting a bit, oh, that's getting,

oh, there it goes! I bet they clapped before the car. It's like, woo-hoo-hoo! I say, you know, we're jogging around, muggles clap when the plane lands or whatever, and it's like, I'll just fucking pull it together if there's a bit of turbulence you're fine but I have

passed out on the pirate ship ride so I can't do rides I can't do roller coasters I can't your brain just turns off oh man

I just shut off my favourite thing you'll never do the Hulk ride in Universal Studios it's like a bungee like you put the you put a towel

under the cage and I just you just put me in movie world Universal It's like a budgie, you put the tail on the cage and I just... You just put me in movie world. Universal, the Hulk ride, when you get off it, there is a room that is just filled with 50 beds and those are for the people that passed out because the thing goes to such a speed. I went on it four times in a row with my brothers because we had Fastpass, we were just being cunts. We were like, hey!

And there was one point where my vision just genuinely just went, boom, pinball. I was very close. But you get there and there's just people just passed out. They have to be lifted out by these people who still are working at Universal. So they're going to have a big smile on their face like, hope everyone enjoys the ride! Yeah, there's a lot of that G-Force stuff

I know those pilots that do stunts and like when the plane's doing a loop the amount of G-Force apparently you can black out so they have to do these

big breaks and squeeze their thighs together get the blood pumping into their brain inhuman I've got a lot of respect for those people

but they don't fucking clap when they land imagine now you're an F1 flyer landing down on this fucking small ship you've got to hook the fucking tail thing on this aircraft thing I love flying in aircrafts so much

watch documentaries on it whatever I'll never go to an air show I will never go to an air show because every air show it's like hey guys we pulled air show because every air show, it's like, hey guys, we pulled out this 1922 thing and then it's fucking on fire. Google air show.

Just put air show into YouTube and I guarantee the first five videos don't have happy endings. It's never. Air show goes exactly as planned. What's your next one? Next one. muggles love new

year's eve absolutely not I love new year's eve why because in Scotland it's called hogmanay

so it's like a different celebration is that just so you get with your accent yeah hogmanay hogmanay

Hogmanay yeah so for me it's always been Christmases for family New Year for friends I always have a fucking house party

we always go out into the we have a place with a roof we can watch all the fireworks and then you just get

mackered it's like saying muggles love getting drunk no but it's different but the reason I say it's like muggles

to me it's that's amateur reason I say it's like muggles to me it's that's amateur hour New Year's Eve I would agree I'm not saying you can't have fun on New Year's Eve

but muggles will go into the city oh okay well in that case I'll probably like the street party stuff

I've never done the street party in Edinburgh because there's like I think it's like 25,000 people in 7 toilets and the booze

is like 10 or a fucking pint and it's just rammed and shitty and yeah it's sort of like that forced fun like it'll be more fun if we're surrounded

by thousands of people when? When has that ever been true outside of an orgy? Like White Night you know White Night that when they Melbourne has it

I think it's down in Paris a few cities in the world have it where it's this festival. Are you talking about the KKK? The White Nights. You've never heard of it? No. So they light up all of Melbourne with these amazing light displays. And it goes all night until the early hours of the morning.

But yeah, fucking 100,000 people turn up into the city to see these displays that I'm sure are impressive but not with that many people around I think what I'm saying I don't like crowds yeah I was put up with

crowds yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah For me, every time, I... I'm starting to avoid prayers. I know, yeah, which is what a lot of shows... Hey!

That was a softball run. That was an underarm one, really. I think for me, I'm always so defensive of New Year because my New Year's, I always love it. It's all my fucking mates. It's a three-day fucking pinch. But then I realised it's got very little to do with New Year I know so many people

that despise New Year they stay at home but to me people go one of my friends who I love but I won't name her I passed out this year

at 8pm on New Year's Eve the Ronda Rousey fight was on during the day and the last few big UFC fights so you lasted less than she did yeah

we'll see. It gets faster, this knockout. Yeah, I was like, every punch she takes to the face, I'll have a beer. And the rest of Melbourne had to stay dry. There was no booze left. The UFC started at 11am.

Mates came over at 12. And we watched but I've got my RSA, Responsible Service of Alcohol from when I used to be a bartender years ago but I've forgotten all the rules because when I'm serving myself in my house there are no rules The rules are

I'm in charge, shut up Looch I remember I knew I was blind when I yelled, I've got a Ronda Rousey t-shirt on and I go, let's go Ronda Rousey t-shirt on let's go Ronda and it was the start of the co-main event it wasn't her fight yet it was Donny Crews

fucking go Ronda sick arm tax I think we'll have to fight this one I get your point you love New Years you love counting down I think we'll have to fight this one I'm not allowed I get your point Well you love New Years You love counting down So go count down for 30 seconds

In the fucking corner I'll throw streamers at you Muggles believe in hypnosis What more evidence Do you need It's not true it's not true it's not true there's a scientific thing and this is from

countless studies over years anyone who was hypnotised and anyone who was told to act like they were hypnotised was the exact same, all hypnosis people all hypnotists always say you can't hypnotise someone who doesn't want to be hypnotised so you admit it doesn't work then.

Yeah. It's all horseshit. Yeah. Oh, it made me stop smoking. No, you're just a gobble fuck. Yeah. Like, I'll do it. Just stand in front of a mirror and say, don't smoke, don't smoke, don't smoke.

Like, just because it has worked on some people does not mean that the thing itself is valid. Oh, yeah. Look at the people who've... Look at the morons. I guarantee none of them are scientists. I guarantee none of them... Well, they're muggles. Like, muggles can be hypnotised.

And I've been to most of the shows. They're very funny, but it's horseshit. Yeah. It's... You're so dumb. You know what? You know what conversation has never started like this? I went and got hypnotized.

Oh, cool. By who? Doctor. That's never happened. That's never happened. Now, some cut in a purple suit at the RSL. Yeah. Oh.

They got me to think I was a chicken. Like, it's real. If hypnosis was real, do you not think it would be used for things other than hypnosis? Do you not reckon that would be... It is, man. The government do it. Chemtrails. Shut up.

The entire front line of the SAS would just be people there with their little fucking... Yeah. With their little clocks on screen. Guys, guns away. Pocket watches out. Go. Let's go. Allah is bad.

Allah is bad. You're picturing yourself at a rifleful range, but you forgot how to use your gut. It doesn't work. It does not work. But there was a sports psychologist on a podcast that I like recently, and

he was saying people talk about that they can't get into a hypnotic trance, but he's like, you can, because people will just check their phones 150 times a day. And he's like, you're not doing that. That's just your brain in a pattern. So he's saying there is ways to talk people through.

I think there's some things, and also there are times when, you know what, it's helpful. Like if someone has like PTSD or some trauma and that hypnosis therapy there helps them through that but I'm just that's great but to me that's not hypnosis that's therapy

that's like there are some parts that push this thing out of your brain that's got nothing to do with hypnosis that's psychologists that would be really bad if somebody with PTSD went to get hypnotised But went to like The funny I saw my friends

Die in battle And now you're a dog Yeah Imagine they were All wearing hats So that's straight in Oh yeah Right good

Go hypnotise yourself In the corner I know Yeah Go into the corner 30 seconds think about what a fucking

mug you are Milo McCabe I'm talking to you oh Milo oh love the man with all my heart he's the father

of my god children he's a fucking great comic check out his videos on YouTube Troy Hawk his Troy Hawk videos

his Troy Hawk videos at Panland at Mecca oh Wetherspoons Wetherspoons Troy Hawk. Troy Hawk videos. There's Troy Hawk videos at Poundland. Poundland. What's it called? Oh, Wetherspoons. Wetherspoons. Troy Hawk Wetherspoons is a fucking

belly sketch. Troy Hawk Wetherspoons, watch it, goes for about three minutes and if you don't laugh, you know where you're going to look next?

The corner. Oh, yeah. Honestly, watch Troy Hawk's videos on YouTube. Milo is so fucking smart but he believes in

some of the dumbest ass hippie shit. I'll get him on the podcast one day. You know how he met his wife? I used to idolize Milo. I still do to a degree. He's got the perfect life. But he was like, you look up to me too much.

I'm going to tell you something that's going to make you respect me less. And I'm like, Milo, that's not possible. There's no way you can possibly do that. And he's like, do you want to know how I knew my wife was the one I was going to marry? And I was like, oh, because true love's real, and you saw her and you knew. and he's like do you want to know how I knew my wife was the one I was going to marry and I was like

oh because true love's real and you saw her and you knew and he was like no because my psychic told me and I'm like are you

fucking mug oh yeah his wife must have loved to hear that yeah I was tricked

his vows was just a plug for the psychic what's your next one? Final one. Muggles love staying at bed and breakfasts. Oh but Nick, it's just so rural. Look they've got this little, they've got this like special, you don't see these types of things anymore. Look at the little, look at the little chain that the plugs on.

Oh my god, this place is so beautiful it doesn't have insulation. You don't see these types of sinks anymore. Look at the little chain that the plug's on. You don't see it. Oh, my God. This place is so beautiful. It doesn't have insulation. Isn't this just so beautiful? You could be murdered here and no one would know. What part of that theory?

It's always just... Like, Airbnbs... No, Airbnbs are great. And, mate, we're in an Airbnb right now. It's gorgeous. A huge two-bedroom apartment in Coogee. We're only using one bedroom, though. The boys.

Having a little sleepover. Yeah. It's not gay if you do Conor McGregor quotes the entire time you're doing it. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to come. You'll do fucking nothing. You need to have reach. You need a breach of your same height,

same weight. You're a bitch. Yeah, I think like that to me is like, sorry, bed and breakfast

are, me and Kyle have had to go to a few we go to such rural places. They give you those fucking, one of the ones I hate is where they go they give you the big key and they're like can you hand this in before you come in like just so you don't steal it I'm like I'm not robbing your two bedsheets yeah like there's nothing a massive key oh huge if you drop it in the sea gone forever like it's just it's a fucking it's a fucking

it's a weapon like those proper like half a fucking nunchuck it's a mace yeah I think that's something for like

old old married couples who don't have sex anymore but it's almost like they're just doing

their life in another place yeah shall we go you know how we just sit around and don't talk to each other and just read things? Shall we do this somewhere a little bit more scenic? That's the life I never want to get into. Airbnb, I don't think of bed and breakfast.

Yeah, because that's not good. Even though it's 10. Yeah, but we don't get... Yeah, bed and breakfast. Yeah, but they don't give us breakfast here. No. Mind you, I will agree that it is muggly. And I enjoy them.

I'll stand in the corner for this. I went to a place where the woman was like, because me and Kyla, the thing we fucking hate on tour is we get told when breakfast ends at hotels. So breakfast ends at 10.30. You're like, no, shut up. When I wake up, it's breakfast. Shut up up nerds

just because you've got a bunch of businessmen you stop serving it then breakfast is when I want any bed

breakfast we've gone to I'm paying you for you to tell me on my fucking real schedule right

fine I'm going to start drinking now when is your bar open when I'm fucking so so done

I'll put that straight in and I'll quickly do my next one but yeah I think bed and breakfast although they're lovely it's just a bit lame

just go to one of the kinky sex dungeon bed and breakfasts oh are there those which I've not sent you the videos of the you sent me a video

of you in a sex dungeon well let's definitely talk about that on the next podcast tomorrow because me I'll do a couple with Cody because

I'm away for a week but I'll make sure I can still release them yeah well remind me to talk about that on the podcast tomorrow about my sex dungeon

and this one more no no one more for me you and me are straight in the corner for this it'll be a very

simple one to get through muggles get limos oh yeah yeah and we're going to do it in Melbourne we are going to do it in Melbourne.

We are going to do it. We just found out we're both on a very fancy gig. We're doing it in Melbourne. Oh, no, no, no. Can't say. Oh, can we not? No. You might have to cut that out.

No, fuck. Oh, I'd like anyone from there to listen to this. Me and Nick are going to do a big gig, and we think it would be funny if we take... A pink stretch humble demo. There, and just in three-piece suits and just come out the front where the audience are going in and just exit and look like the biggest fucking ballers of all time. Sloss wants to release dubs.

I want to get dubs. And just open the thing and walk out with Gene and your mum in my arms. And a pit bull. Yeah, your dad. Dad with a bowl cake they are totally muggly but I'm so

like I don't think I've been in Vegas oh Vegas oh shit let me take that's a good

note for tomorrow we should tell our Vegas story tomorrow and the sex dungeon story tomorrow I'll put that

both in my notes but yeah we went to we went to the limo in Vegas it was great oh it was the best but they are just I understand

if you've done them I respect if you want it if you've next fucking next time you're getting ready for a show

I don't know yeah next time next time you have a limo invite me I'll come I'll sit in time you have a limo invite me I'll come I'll sit in the corner for the limo

for 30 seconds and I'll enjoy every god damn second of it but we all have to admit that they are fucking muggly they are very muggly so just to clarify the ones that got through

were you're a muggle if you clap when the plane lands clap in the corner for 30 seconds you muggle fuck if you believe in hypnosis

go into the corner you fucking muggle and limousines yep if you have clothing muggle fuck. If you believe in hypnosis, go into the corner, you fucking muggle. Limousines. Yep. If you have clothing with holiday destinations on it that you've been to. If you love New Year's Eve. I rejected that one. And if you love bed and breakfasts.

Let's go into our last and favorite game. It's your dad jokes. I'll go first. Your dad slap drops the kids off at school. Your dad's favourite drink is a baby chino.

What? A baby chino. They do it for little babies in cafes here. They just like walk. My favourite drink is a baby chino. A what? A baby chino. They do it for little babies in cafes here. They just like warm them up. So it's like a little coffee with no coffee in it. Your dad's got a death pill for his kids

and he's not afraid to win dirty. Both died in their sleep. Cool, dude. Your dad does the haka Before he has a wank Your dad follows through When he sneezes By cumming Your dad thinks

George RR Martin's middleman Is Roger Rabbit. That's what he's been up to since he got framed. Your dad heard that dolphins are the only other animal that have sex for fun, so he's now in the sequel to Blackfish. Your dad wants to know when Schindler's List will get its own Lego movie. Your dad wants

head down, ass up. That's where we like to fuck. Played at his funeral. That's how he intends to be buried. Your dad plays the bugle. Your dad keeps sending me death threats on Tinder because I keep ignoring his dick pics. Your dad's favourite Batman is Val Kilmer.

Your mum can no longer wear a towel on her head after your dad's continuous hate crimes on her. Your dad prefers Linux. He's going to kill you for that one. Your dad hard boils eggs by sitting on them. Takes ages. Your dad yells taxi at funerals. There's a few funeral related Your Dad jokes which I love. Still, my favourite one of all time is Your Dad Calls the Puget Funeral. Your Dad Calls the Movie Moonlight Broke Black Mountain Pots. Your Dad's favourite party trick is coward punching.

Your dad's on the sex offenders register after he signed up to be the doll in the courtroom that kids have to point out where they were touched. Your dad's man cave is his arsehole. Oh, God. Oh, Nick, can I thank you for coming on the podcast? Oh, mate, it was a good time. We're going to have a bloody good couple of days. Good couple of days. A couple of days here in Sydney.

So this one is not going to go out until Monday I don't think because that's when I'm due to take over so do you have anything to plug for after Monday yeah big Australia

tour kicks off March 9th in Adelaide I'm at Adelaide Fringe for four days then I've got a week at Brisbane Comedy Festival then I've got a night

at Canberra all of Melbourne Sydney Perth Comedy Festival big tour tickets at nickcovey.com.au at the nickcovey.com.au at the Nick Covey Instagram

and winner, lovely and I on Monday I'm going to Brizzy Barbados for a wedding but I'll also be at Canberra, Hobart, Tasmania Brisbane Comedy Festival, me and Nick are going to be living there so there'll be more podcasts from the pair

of us come see both of our shows over the course of the week and then I'm also doing Melbourne we're in the same

room are we? at Brizzy as well back to back back to back so if you were in fucking Brizzy you could have

a double whammy of Crusher and Cream and a comedy train round yeah bring an ashtray in the middle of your bed

and all all details are on downsloss.com thank you to the guests at Cody thank you especially thanks

to Adam Stanley for taking over my spot on the podcast with Kai Kai send me some shirtless pics mate yeah

not dog send neck them I don't want to see them anymore you fucking I'll send you my ones blowing out

on the honeymoon yeah no good I'm going to wear a t-shirt to the beach that's it don't neck them I don't want to see them anymore you fucking I'll send you my ones blowing out on the honeymoon yeah I'm going to wear a t-shirt to the beach that's it you wear one in the shower because you're body conscious thanks for listening to the podcast

again as always if you enjoyed it give us good reviews on the fucking iTunes it gets us up there it gets us more listeners but apart from that just thanks for the feedback

love you lots talk to you later cunts bye