Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Ep 4.41 Snoop Dogg

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

The Monday podcast we recorded on Thursday before the Thursday podcast. Because we'll be predisposed on Sunday/Monday what with COMING TO AMERICA and all, how professional though to get one in the can, how unprofessional to do it baked. Enjoy our last pod on the road in Europe for a while with this high-cast recorded with Ari Matt Must Mustonen in Estonia. Next stop Boston baby.   Merch Store: https://muggins-and-cream.myspreadshop.co.uk

good Monday losers thanks for listening to the podcast I was about to thank you for being Patreon subscribers but then I realised that you're not you're just the cheapskates some of them are they get this early access you see

oh ok I think I did know that they've already listened to this right so if you're the Patreon listeners hey here's your podcast thanks for the subscribing if you're a Monday listener I mean thanks I, I guess. But you could be. You could objectively be doing better. And I think we both know that.

And we've got guest Ari Matty in Estonia. And he's now going to record a Patreon bonus special with us where the patrons have asked questions. We're going to answer them. And that'll be up. So you can subscribe to that if they. That'll already be up by the time we listen to this. Right.

I think that might have been the worst intro we've ever done. It was the longest. It's a good podcast. I don't think it's the longest no it's definitely not the longest well I mean not yet but they've got a good

podcast about the climate yeah it was a very funny podcast and just fucking enjoy I'll speed that up like twice the speed make us sound like

hamsters yeah I've done that to you before a couple of times I wouldn't know I don't listen to this shit Sloss and Humphries

on the road muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles. Ticklin' the clit

inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! They said it can't be done. Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Aw, muggles. Accidental rim job

in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia. Where have you been since 9-11? Right, okay. We're much too cynical. Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglopedia. Where have you been since 9-11? Right, okay. Let me explain to you.

Is this the exclusive episode first, or? No, this is the regular Monday episode. This is going public. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, that's public. And smoke weed on camera. Yeah. Will that reach YouTube?

Only one way to find out. If it gets took down, then have to go on. I'll be in the paper. You know I'll be in the papers after. If I smoke. Yeah, way to find out. If it gets tucked out, then have to go. I'll be in the paper. You know, I'll be in the papers after. If I smoke. Yeah, for sure.

Really? On camera. Really? Yeah, for sure. Is it that illegal? Hold on. You're going to get free press

for our podcast if you smoke weed on it. Well, not free. Well, it's going to be like, oh, Ari doesn't smoke weed on camera

on this podcast. Lots of people are going to want to check out what our podcast is. Sure. You talked me into it. No, no, no. Well, it's gonna be like Ari doesn't smoke weed on camera on this podcast It looks people are gonna want to check out what our podcast is. Sure you talked me into it Does he talk like this away from microphone? Yes Honestly, it doesn't Ari. Thanks for a feel seen like more. No, but you can change the location of the I can do that But then I'm just gonna be talking like change the location of the i can do that but then i'm just gonna be talking like you see this is a spinning table just spin it towards your direction yeah but then it's spinning the other no no other way so it's closer sick say turn rater how do you do sound checks with this guy though huh

and then turn this one towards you yes it does jesus we could have done this before the start this is why it's free, this one. Maybe this will be it. So this is the order of service for today. This is the Monday podcast. But we're also going to do a Thursday podcast today. Wow. So the patrons are going to get the second episode first and the first episode second.

So we're going to do a q and a with you ari field and questions that the patrons asked us did people ask people asked yeah imagine how fucking embarrassing that would be yeah if i like we're doing a q and a podcast could field your questions and ari will bat them away imagine just had like three likes no comments yeah you had to ask ari to come up with the questions yeah i had a fold the podcast. So, wait, hold on. So, you would get in trouble for smoking weed? For sure. But do you not speak about weed on stage? All the time.

Right. But it's like art form, you know, like, oh, oh. So, do you want us to blur you out while you hit the weed? No, no, no. Listen, because it would be funny, because if he's not blurred out for all of the podcast, but they blur him out just while he smokes weed? Well, I think we also have to.

We can. You like to smoke weed on YouTube. I'm pretty sure it's like Twitch, where you can smoke weed on it if weed is legal in your country. But if it's not, then you can't. So I reckon we're just going to have to ask Brett to cut, like just edit that bit out,

and then we'll carry on with the podcast. But I'm not too worried, no. I'm just saying, like, usually we'll carry on with the podcast but i'm not too worried no i'm just saying like usually we try to be discreet but okay i mean we don't i know wearing a shirt that says quality drugs yes but you're like you're like snoop dogg where you know like i mean like when you arrive at an airport and they find drugs on you, it's like Keith Richards deal. You know, it's like, cool. Wow. Pick you up. I'm like, if I'm on camera and I try to get a gig in Dubai and they see me smoke the pipe.

I see. They're like, yeah, you're not ever getting in. Hold on. You go to like special prison. Yeah. Yeah. I go to the one that the Wolf of Wall Street went to. Oh yeah, exactly.

It's like a tennis court. It's fun. And then me and Kai wait at immigration with Sirius. I still get bummed in the millionaire prison, by the way. I get in there, but I'm not top dog. It doesn't go well. You even build it yourself like Pablo Picasso and you're still not the top.

Pablo Picasso? Pablo Picasso? Pablo Picasso built his own fucking prison, did he? Yes! That's why people tune into this podcast. That's our USP. Pablo Picasso built his own fucking prison did he yes that's why people tune into this podcast that's our USP Pablo Picasso our USP

he meant Escobar I know he meant Escobar I thought it was like a joke that you guys do no no no that was me being high

the only ongoing joke is that Kai oh yeah is the cookie kicking a little bit a little bit nice nice

I'm still gonna hit the ball of course could you eat a cookie on camera would that get you in trouble well yeah what is a cookie Is the cookie kicking? A little bit for me, yeah. A little bit, nice, nice. I mean, I'm still going to hit the ball. Of course, yeah. Could you eat a cookie on camera with that? Get you in trouble? Well, yeah, what is a cookie? Are you being paranoid about, like, how much trouble? Do you do the one show, like?

Do you do, like, date-aimed television? Is it going to compromise that? No, no, no, no, never. It's not going to stop you getting into Dubai. No, of course, no, no. It's not a real fear, but it's like, well, you know what? You know what it is? That I'm around other paranoid people, so that instills paranoia, you know what? You know what it is that I'm around other paranoid people.

So that instills paranoia, you know? Yeah. But you guys hang out because you guys tour in like all these legal countries, you know? Oh, right. So is it, is it like weed very illegal in Estonia? Not very. Is it very frowned upon? Is it like drugs are bad?

I think I have a Frank. I think I'm doing like a deal that's worth like five figures in January with the health department. I'm pretty sure. There you go. But that's not what I meant initially. Because that's what you've got to think is like, is it going to stop you from doing anything in the future? Like I've done so many things in my life. I couldn't get into politics.

Well, if it's something that will. Yeah. Famously, no pedophiles have gone into politics. You've got to go for this guy that took a line of cocaine off a tortoise. Here's the picture. I mean, that's not the only reason I'm not going into politics.

My lack of political knowledge is also, but hypothetically. I reckon if there was a candidate that came out and was just like, I used to do heaps of blowback in the day. I smoked every single day. And I'll be honest with you, heroin is class, like I get it, but I'm all clean now and I'm running. I'd be

like, I trust you. It shows you how bad the government is that we're like, aye a recovered addict wouldn't be that bad. For sure. As long as it's recovered. I would get some crackhead off the street and all that. Especially like comedian in the sense that you know our industry is like more fucked up shit you do

the cooler you are in essence we're not like formula one drivers we lose like you know shawl it's like

there was a comedian in the UK called Jack Whitehall who he does the one I haven't seen anything but it's always in my fucking face

him and his father or something comedians and their parents is a comedy trope that... It's always travel shows, isn't it? Like, I get it. Cool. You love your parents. Like, I love my mum.

I wouldn't do a travel show. I tell you what, though. A travel show where me and Linda would shift tickets leg. Well, it'd be the first time she'd ever fucking travelled. It'd just be her and the pyramids just going, eee. Oh, yeah. They're like the tea bags.

Pull the window open. Oh, yeah, hi. Get that window open. Compromise a little bit of audio quality for... And by that, I mean how high we're going to get. Go. Are you going to do something? Did he just tap me out?

You said specifically before the podcast, I'm only going to... Slander? No, you said podcast I'm only gonna No you said I'm gonna let the animal kick in And I'll be fine And I have let it kick in It was before it had kicked in It's only because the camera's running But you guys are like

Bro every time I hang out with you guys after shows I mean I cannot When I'm on tour It's like no like maybe one shot of whiskey and I have to go straight to bed. Because me and Mika will have like a panic attack. Yeah. If we have like, but you guys just go hard, man. Every time I hang out with you guys, I'm just surprised.

Because you guys fly all the time, every night shows. Yeah. It's nice to feel appreciated, isn't it? Oh, like true professional. Like you were like passing out at that bar last night. And I was like, if that was me, that's two week recovery. Like I had three gin and tonics last night. I woke up, you know, like.

Yeah, but you don't drink that much in general. I know, yeah. So this is Ari, my muster, by the way. He's an historian comedian who we've been friends with. The pronunciation of my last name. Mastanen? He lost confidence after that. Ari Matty Muston, by the way. He's an historian comedian who we've been friends with. The pronunciation of my last name. Muston? He lost confidence after Matty. Ari Matty Muston?

Just don't say it. No, come on. You say it. Come on. Ari Matty Muston. Ari Matty Muston. Ari Matty Musteson. Mustardson.

Ari Matty Musteson. Mustardson? Mustardson. Mustardson. Mustardson. Mustardson. Sounds like one of them Prohibition type bars. Yeah. Why? You know that band Sanford and Sons Sounds like One of them Prohibition type bars Yeah

Why? You know the band Sanford and Sons? Yeah Yeah You know the band Yeah I don't know that

I don't know that from Sanford and Sons By the way I only know that from Scrubs In Scrubs Tark sings The fucking song All the time

So I don't actually get The reference So You used to come on Must Get me weird You used to come on stage sings the fucking song all the time so I don't actually get the reference. So you used to come on stage to Mumford and Sons didn't you? Did you listen to it a lot? I listened to it, it was definitely pre-show music. I still like Mumford and Sons. I mean I think the lead singers are fucking morons. You know the Lumineers as well? Like similar music, you know Lumineers? I had to open for Lumineers in Latvia did you?

yeah, but they were like doing a festival but it wasn't like that we were like it wasn't even officially opening it was just that we had a side stage for comedians to do comedy there and then they did the music and it was just the weirdest gig

I can't imagine music fans of the Lumineers are... Are they respectful comedy audiences? Do you think they're... Yeah, that's your gran and your aunt. That's a bunch of... No, no, no, not here. Is it the students from the thousands?

No, they're very young hipster, man. Yeah? Yeah, they're still very hipster. Okay. And are they... Like, how big are you in Estonia? Is that, like... You've been doing comedy here for ten years?

I've been doing comedy for, like, I think eight years. Here, maybe five. But, I mean... Yeah, I mean, I do my work. But here only. So were you a comedian when we first met? I was

you just started I just started but already I knew the hierarchy and I didn't want to mention I'm a comedian

yeah because we talked mostly about MMA and at that figure and at that point in my life I think I was 23 when I met you

yeah 2014 I was still like I was still like in my head oh I think we can close the window now so this sound

oh great if you've pulled it yeah then the sound oh and in my head I was still like I don't know did you guys have

like a secondary dream like a secondary thought or backup plan not a backup plan but what was the other thing what even when you were young

what was the other thing oh like yeah when you were young what was the other thing oh like yeah i wanted to be when i was very young i wanted to be a zookeeper like don't make yourself interesting you did not want to be a zookeeper are you trying to me that's something like i think you would say to a girl i just love animals so much i'm willing to collect from that was your fucking dream a bin man a cage fight of course yeah

snowboarding teacher or James Bond James Bond was my big one yeah I'm a huge Bond have you seen the new Bond no

is it good this is why I can't respect you you're Scottish we can't watch it in fucking Belgium I'm not watching it in a foreign language

bro you're Snoop Dogg you can call in a cinema and tell them, you know, I'm arriving here and you can smoke inside. How famous do you think I am? We got offered that. You're very famous. We got offered that in Edinburgh. Did we?

We did. I got offered to go and play because the guy managing the cinema said we could go in and plug in our PlayStations and play the PlayStation at the cinema. Oh, yeah. Also, isn't Bond Scottish? Like, that's the backstory, right?

He's Scottish. Yeah. I have every DVD. I have every VHS. I used to have, it paints the picture of 007. I had all the movies. I've seen all of the Bonds.

And you haven't? I've seen most of the Bonds since like 2000. The opposite. Exactly the opposite, my friend. Shagga. When I was young, yeah, that was my shit.

Did you guys like, because I've heard you talk stuff like you know like Iron Man and like Marvel I love the Marvel see that's in my world does that make me a basic bitch to you not a basic bitch but like there's no you ski you don't snowboard no because you're like that's like the opinion

of someone that skis is Bond and then you're snowboarding and you're winning a Marvel. I don't want to answer this question. I feel like... He fucking loves it, mate. Really fucking loves it. Well, I... We had a podcast called Muggle Corner for years.

Because we're the same, similar age. Even when I was young, when I saw that first scene of Harry Potter... Oh, the movies aren't great so like even the books bro I I bought three Harry Potter because the hype was so big I bought three of them at once because I was like I'm gonna rip through these yeah chapter one already like spells and shit doesn't like a nerdy do you fucking think it was no but like an owl at a at a train station and like you know like suspended display Bro, I watched James Bond.

He like shoots missiles, fucks women. Yeah. The first woman he fucks, he murders. Does he? Not him, but his actions, though. You know, like old finger.

You know, he gets... The first woman Bond fucks always die tragically. And he, you know, for a second, he's like... And that's not suspicious to anyone else. For a second, he's like this. Don't have no means no. For a this no means no for a second he's like oh you know like oh that's so

and then he calls em and it's like continue the mission and then the second one he fucks is usually the wife of the bad villain because he mentally beats you as well fucks and then you know and that's so it's that it's just one of the things he always mainly beats the person mentally so many you know like small pistol you have like nuclear weapon don't matter because you know james bond uh he beats him psychologically psychologically and when you're a kid you know compared to harry potter like you watch i'm like just shooting i'm picking up what you're putting down but have some fun man you're disbelieving i like fairy tale wait what age were you when you tried to read Harry Potter, though? No, I was young, bro.

Even at 13, I was like, this is bullshit. And even Spider-Man, like jumping and like, shoot, where's the, you know? Oh, man. I agree with that. Because it's not a realistic dream. Getting bit by a spider and jumping off a building. You wanted to be James Bond. Yes, but that's realistic.

Oh, I see what you mean. That's realistic. There's an MI's realistic there's an MI6 I googled MI6 I remember I was like this is a real motherfucking like it's loads more realistic but it's Scotland Yard is an actual institution that spies and there's weapons with like suitcase

when you google suitcase weapon you see actual agents like actual Soviet spies at like a marketplace, like filming and shooting arrows. That's realistically happening. And people are having sex. People are, like he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people are all...

So immediately when you say... There are super soldiers. I sound like a Republican. There are super soldiers out there. Immediately when you say like an owl is talking, I've never seen an owl talk. The owl doesn't talk in Harry Potter but they deliver mail yeah

like it knows spell like you could see like in real life there's people living under the stairs

in the foster house oh I know yeah that's the deeper but when you're 12 I don't see the deeper shit oh there wasn't that much deeper shit he was clutching at straws

there I'm glad you were that wasn't me trying to just the undertones of Harry Potter. I was not into it. But James Bond, it was like such a realistic dream. I didn't have a father. James Bond lost his parents at like a skiing accident.

Batman as well. I still had my mother. But, you know, when we went on vacations, I was like going near cliffs, hoping that a trauma would happen. And I would, you know, enroll in like an undercover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I go to study as a police officer but then they go like oh you have good you're you like pass the test on the extra level fast track fast track they recognize like this you're the one you're the you're the officer that shot the little girl during the thing you didn't kill any of the aliens because one was crying and that one was clearly doing this. You saw through the charades.

Yes. And that was like a realistic dream. You get drafted at some like secret police school. I can't tell if you're doing a bit or not. It's not. This is a hundred percent. It's not. No, but I'm saying when I'm 12, when I'm 12, James Bond looks realistic, bro. Like it looks like you could actually. So what was it? If you're, if you're realistic, if this is legit then,

if this is earnest, what was your game plan? Because your plan straight out, what are your steps along the way to become... No, actual police school. Actual police school, yeah.

When I was like... I went to enroll at the police school in Estonia. But then, bro, you have to be like an officer, like checking parking tickets

for like 10 years. Oh, really? To be maybe a detective. Did you think you were going to present a bit straight from the crew? Because James Bond was like 25 when he started missioning, you know?

Yeah. Well, yeah, or maybe when he was 15 until 25, maybe that's when he was 15. And of course, we don't see those movies because it's just him like... He's getting his masters.

Getting his masters as a spy. Of course, when I was like 14, you know, then I started realizing there was... But at 12, I was like, you know...

Did you love it? Are you talking like through the uh did you movies obviously but did you read the books as well the Ian Fleming books I tried but if you have you know I'm one of those generations we had like I mean we had you had male and like wooden you're older than us yeah yeah much older yeah but we were like my brain is like like because you played video you played like first pac-man yeah that came out when you were i was there for the spectrum you used to put cassettes in yeah and play it on like like a rubber keyboard you had to go to town hall to play pong like you know like like and you didn't even get to play you watched a scientist play pong and you're like even get to play. You watched a scientist play Bonk and you're like, what are the possibilities?

You know? Like, me and him watched Terminator 1, like, this is dog shit. Yeah. Like, remember when you saw it? Yeah, we spoke about this in the last one. Like, I didn't like Star Wars when it first came out because I was like, these graphics are shit.

It would have been main blow to our parents. But like, to my parents, it was like, oh my God. But to him, like, Terminator 1, he was like, it's an actual robot. Oh, man. The T-2000, the fucking liquid metal. That was like, technology can't get better than this. We're watching TV then going like, this is peak. You can't get better than that. But have you watched Avatar recently? Looks like dog shit.

Does it? Like PlayStation 3 graphics. Really? But remember when it came out, people were like, it is just like real, it's nothing like real. And that was during that time when they were still so desperately trying to make 3d movies and television happen and just the public just kept going dude 3d movies can go fuck themselves i'm never wearing those two one time i tried and it was only a 3d option and then you have to i have to wear and my head yeah and then you look around all the other

grown men with glasses you know and it's like the effects are not that good and it's like two images and once before forward it's not like a rounded 3d it's like a one thing in front of the other like a stage set as if there's waves and i don't even give a fuck about 4k 8k i 480p was enough to enjoy a movie you know I do like the nah resolution's gotta be tight man that's too far that the resolution's

gotta be good I don't care like you say and the sound system when it's too loud last Bond movie there's an explosion I was like

it's a bit too loud you're getting triggered no it's just it's a bit I can't you know it's a bit I'm high and it's like

sensitive we went to the cinema the other day to watch the here's another nerd did we? no no no me Cullen and Gareth

went to see the third Lord of the Rings movie like two weeks ago and the cinema was absolutely fucking freezing like it was like we could something must have been wrong

like it was still September were you watching The Revenant? it was when they were on Just the Hills and man you could almost see our breath none of us said anything and nobody else in the cinema said anything but when we all came out somebody just went god it was cold in there and like 35 people went

it really was fucking cold in there everyone just dealt with it it's so Scottish just fucking stubborn the way through and it's a man it's a long movie pull me a jacket

I'm a bit tighter imagine finding out 20 minutes into Lord of the Rings 3 that it's cold you're like this is director's cut too

you're like mother yeah this is we did one director's cut I wonder rushing down the hill is yours nobody went to the toilet

in the full three and a half hours because they just pissed herself to keep warm. Yeah. I got it. You got to wash your hands like this. Oh, you know, when it's things. Oh, do you know what we didn't talk about the other day? The blackout in the hotel.

We were in Belgium and when we got in, like we'd woken up very early. We'd been to a lock-in, right? Had we not been, it was four o'clock in the morning, we'd been to a lock-in at the wine bar. No, no, no. Was that the day after? Yeah, yeah. It was the day we came back from Madrid. So we'd gone out until like one in the morning in Madrid, came and then flew at like 6am.

So we were very tired. So I went for a nap and then halfway through my nap, like there was like a knock and then I just thought it was like housekeeping, but like I've just gone in on that day and it's just this guy's like hello and I was like yeah sorry I'm sleeping he's like oh sorry just dropping something off and then he shuts the door and I go back to my nap and when I wake up he's dropped off a bit of paper and a little torch and it's just like we're very sorry but just to let you know there's some technical work that has to be done tonight. So it means between 11.30 and 5 a.m.

there's going to be no electricity for anything. In the entire building? In the entire building. So here's a torch. How about not open the hotel that day? Right. That is unacceptable. It's pretty fucking weird.

Also so Belgian. I think it's fine because, look, it's between... It is very funny. It's pretty fucking weird. Also so Belgian. I think it's fine because look, it's between... It is very funny. It was on a Monday between half 11 and five in the morning. Like, I get it. It's a security thing that you can't phone down. If this was like Bratislava, I would accept this behavior. But Belgium, I mean, it seems like...

I think it was... The corridor lights were on. It was just the rooms also they have Snoop Dogg in the hotel wouldn't that wouldn't that they have literally wouldn't the administrator tell the construction

no no we've got the title of the podcast Snoop Dogg the Scottish Snoop Dogg no man I think what if you're disabled and the lift doesn't work and you're on floor two

and you're fucking well we know what happens so when we fucking get back the downstairs the reception lights are on like so it's not the whole building it's clear they're doing some of the wiring work upstairs i don't know i don't know what it was and uh we get we're like we're on floor five and he's like okay cool i'll take you and he opens up the fire exit because the elevators don't work because it's no electricity and we have to go up go up five fucking flights of stairs. But it was like,

it was two lots of stairs per flight. So you go up one, up one, you're on the middle of a floor. Up one, up one, you're on floor one. This motherfucker was in a full suit. Like it's a Hilton hotel, right? So he's-

Bellboy. He's dressed all nice. He's dressed as a fucking bellboy. This cunt was a sharper man. Like his mother was a mountain goat. He went up those stairs. I was shouting up at him we had to ask him to slow down you're the one with the torch he left when the fucking pitch black trying to clamber up slow doing with the emergency lights were on emergency lights were on yeah yeah you know the ones that are like the fact that it's not an emergency and the emergency lights are on, I mean, that's...

They stay on all day, Ari. Do you guys save the electricity on your fire exit this way, lads? You what? You only have the emergency lights, the fire exit this way. They just stay on 24-7. They're not like an alarm puts their alarm on. Was it a nice hotel? I mean, it must have been at least a nice one.

It was a Hilton, I think. A Hilton? That has a brand. I mean, Paris would be disappointed. That nice one it was okay it was a Hilton I think a Hilton? yeah that has a brand I mean Paris would be disappointed that has a brand it's like unacceptable I just didn't bring it down but we're going through

a thing of like everywhere we tour is very different like so when we're over in Estonia and Belgium and all these places we stay at like

really nice hotels because in Europe I'm famous but in the UK I'm not that famous. So what? Really? Well, we're not. I mean, in England, in England, like in Scotland, you are. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. But not England. England is like England. I'm like, I think Zedlist like real. Yeah. And it's really weird because I'm very famous in the.

Lee Evans is big in England, huh? Yeah. England yeah Jimmy Carr is big in England yeah those boys yeah who's the biggest Australian comedian is it you yes yeah nice stand up wise

but not like celebrity or nothing stand up is a niche market that happened in recent years then because you haven't been around that long who did you overtake who was your guy

who was your best nobody overtook I mean it's just we're all you're growing up together because it's comedy is in its infancy absolutely it wasn? Nobody overtook. I mean, it's just, we're all working the same. You're growing up together because comedy's in its infancy. Absolutely. It wasn't like an old guard.

I mean, we have like three to four professionals. Five professionals now. So it's still really new here. Very. No, we're growing the audience as you're speaking into it. There's still... It's grown, like we've watched it grow.

Every time we come back. And it's a really cool way to do a scene because because you've all grown the audience whenever there's like a new comedian that comes in

yeah you did like Athena which was like two two three hundred I felt huge at the time as well yeah yeah yeah

the first time we were in Estonia was I always remember it being like a hangout 650 because it was the biggest gig we'd ever fucking done but not the first time no

it was in a hangout with Bleach I see no no no remember Lewis jumped up and done the But not the first time, no. It was in a hangout with Bleach. No, no, no. Remember Lewis jumped up and done the starting bit? Yeah. That was still big. No, that was, yeah, that was the warehouse looking guy.

Yeah, Wabalo. Was that not 650? Was that the next time we'd come back then, the 2015 year? Maybe, maybe. So 2014 we did that size. I don't think that's 650. No?

But it was still a big audience. Like, for sure. It was certainly our biggest audience. For sure. Oh, I mean, it was big a big audience like for sure it was certainly our biggest audience I mean it was big for sure and then when I started doing some gigs in Lithuania and Poland and stuff I think with Paulius with Paulius especially yeah and then I did like similar rooms as you and then I kind of realized

that well also Estonia it's very rare that we have such success if you watch like go to like ticket sales like and in the top five it's always like top four are stand-up comedy like every all the actors are doing comedy because because now you're you know when they realize i mean i'm sure it happened in scotland but that happened in the 90s for you guys yeah when like famous people figured out that oh my god this is

not a play you can just grab a mic sell with your famous name and then just shit in their mouth but you can pump out some money bro you were saying it was it was it rob schneider that you saw here that was apparently fucking horrendous oh pablo francisco i mean lots of those guys have come through but that's that's during the boom even yeah i mean bill So Rob Schneider bomb bombed? Well He doesn't listen to this Listen For you Snoop Dogg You can talk shit about T-Pain He's the T-Pain

You can talk shit, anyone can talk shit I might have a big opportunity I've heard he's a nice guy I've heard he's a nice guy I've heard he's a nice guy He's anti-vax He's anti-vax I've heard he's a nice guy. I've heard he's a nice guy. I've heard he's a nice guy. He's anti-vax. He's anti-vax.

Is he? Yes, which is my crowd. I would have lots to talk. Also, he does clubs, and I've heard when I land in Miami, I might see him at a mic. So you're saying you're not anti-vax, but you're crowding anti-vax? No, but I can relate to those people. You are very strongly opinionated like no but race is bad

I am open I need to still grow my crowd I'm at your DVD you know Tokyo Motel you know the band Tokyo Motel when you had your hair I'm at that phase where you were them and at that point you would not open the show

with like you know Brexit you would be like at that point, you would not open the show with like, you know, Brexit, like fuck. You would be like, England is a nice, you know. You would not say fuck London like you did very disrespectfully. Don't let our English listeners know how much I changed the set when I'm outside of England. Are you going to do England like you did Spain? No, I do. You're going to cut off countries one by one until you've got any fans left so right

the joke in the fucking show in the UK is scientists have found out that the lowest form of creature

that is capable of laughter is a Tory right and it's just man it's a fucking cheap joke and I call out

that it's a fucking cheap joke what's a Tory Tory's the conservative government the current government oh the Tories I think there's a

serious quote the Tories right so that's that joke when it's in England and the Tories. Ah, the Tories, right. So that's that joke when it's in England and Scotland. But when I'm in the rest of the world, it's the lowest form of creature that's capable of laughter is an Englishman.

And it gets a bigger round of applause because the rest of the world hates England. And I don't have time to really explain what a Tory is. Estonians, we don't like England too. Stack parties, stack parties. You guys ruined a lot of things. A lot of the image because for us

you were so classy on television yeah James Bond like but all of it so classy like the

Blackadder Rowan Atkinson so smart Monty Python so smart Monty Python Benny Hill you know

funny you know like clever Jason Women that was cool that was very cool and then the Thames logo and the beginning of Benny Hill were like,

and then the morning you have like beautiful stuff and like old buildings and a queen, you know, shit like that. So for us, it was always like the ones that are coming over, like her cool boy raw, you know, like, ooh, they're like with a suit. And then when the borders opened up

and stag parties started coming through. I was a bartender for six years and motherfucker. Shit. My luck's spoiled. Yeah, your accent used to do serious drama for me when you started speaking. Because the stag parties... Because Geordies would come in day in, day out.

And the way you dressed, you know, like fucking ballet skirt balls out in the old town. That's not the British I expected. Getting invaded by Geordie Stagg part is such a funny insight into fucking England. Because we didn't even know that that's like a Stagg. You didn't know that was a Stagg. They were wearing mankinis before the movie Borat came out. And very obnoxious.

You know, like that, you know, have that like british people have that imperialistic confidence because you conquered because it's in your blood to be better if you have to scroll down to click united kingdom that's how imperialistic we are united kingdom's got to be at the top on any of the scroll down list on a form to be fair that does do my fucking night like you know where i'm from at the top it's like russian people go to like egypt thailand you know they dominate like they'll talk russian long enough for that the signs to turn russian have you seen like russian signs in egypt and you're like why is there and then the egyptian guy goes you know because they just steamroll that place until you start speaking russian right

americans go to and then Australians go to like Indonesia you know like when I bro when I went to Bali and I saw like Australians there I was like I understood the bombings you know like it was a bad look you know like fucking bars and then but for Europe

it's for sure British stack parties that do that shit where they just come in like by the thousands too and then when Ryanair came around I was a bartender when Ryanair opened that was a serious hit to my mental health you're just like oh fuck they can get here for 12 quid

they can come here on a whim they don't even have to save up because before you had to you know British Airways you had to SIS you had to use Finnair you had to use it was mostly British Airways, you had to SIS, you had to use Finnair, you had to use, it was mostly like a connection or a weekend getaway, at least weekend. But Ryanair, you know, they put like Monday 6 a.m. flight. So now I'm like opening the bar at 10 a.m.,

like putting the coffee machine ready and you guys come in like, you know, doing Jaeger shots and shit. And just so disrespectful. It's crazy crazy have you ever flown on one of them flights by accident you've just been getting on a flight home from england or something but accidentally on the stag do flight i i was by i was by accident on like some flight from london stansted to stockholm and you know i don't follow soccer but there was like a

soccer game the fact you call it sock has proof enough the soccer game was like a soccer game. The fact you call it soccer is proof enough. The soccer game was like happening in Sweden in the fucking Nordkoping or whatever, the small airport. You know, Reiner puts you in the middle of a fucking field. It was like, they'll be like, yeah, you go to Sweden, but not the Sweden you think. Oh, what's that? Who wants a flight home immediately?

Care so much that one cost, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, you're landing in a warehouse in the middle of norway like you know just walk through the fields to get to the town and and when you say which way is oslo they go like oslo you know and now and by accident yeah like just yeah like you described that was by accident and because you're such like a your middle class is rich there's so many you're such a well-off economy as well there'll be like groups of 40 i would never in my life be able to convince three of my friends to get at the same time because we all have work we all have you know like real jobs make Make a plan.

Make a plan. Tell everybody to save the dates. There's no saving the date if you do two jobs for like three euros an hour. There's no saving. You kind of take holidays. No, no, no. He's saying we have the economy. I like to have holidays. Do a getaway in Sweden.

Hey, man, this is where our stag do's come. Of course, they don't have the fucking economy to... Yeah, their stag do's come here because the flights are cheap and the booze is cheap. And then it pumps up the economy. So it's like a little reverse leech. Yeah, like we go on a cruise. That's our budget.

We do like a one-day cruise to Stockholm and back, right? But not even stop in Stockholm. We just want to drink on the boat. That's our teenage years. Like maybe I think some stags in Estonia might do that. but not even stop in Stockholm. We just want to drink on the boat. That's our teenage years. Maybe I think some stags in Estonia might do that. And you'll get like five of your buddies, best chance, five.

But you guys, and that flight, I remember, I was like, does everybody know each other? It's just crazy, but it's a lot of fun. Is there people not going on your stag do in Estonia then? If you kind of get that much hustle to get people together, if you go, oh, it's Ari's stag do, is there that many people going, oh, I've got two jobs, I kind of get time off,

don't have the money? Or do people try and make it happen? This would be a big stag party. If this was my stag party, they'd be like Daniel and Kai. They must really appreciate you. Here's an ignorant question.

How old is Estonia? How long has it been? 1992. Oh, really? Yeah, but it was founded again. I'm older than Estonia? How long? 1992. Oh, really? Yeah, but it was founded again. I'm older than Estonia. True. Fucking hell. Before it existed, and then the Soviet occupation happened.

What were you born then? I was 1992, the liberation year. Oh, so you're the liberation baby. I am the baby. When I came out, they said we must free these people. Estonia's age is your age. Yes.

Wow. I think, see, of course, you know, Estonians are going to listen to this. And, you know, they're very like, you know, those small independent countries, they're always very patriotic. So they'll be like, 1991, 20th of August, actually. Whatever. You can tell me about small nationalistic countries. So that means you were born into it rather than just before it like you are just to say well just a fascinating country that we born into in the

sense of like yeah imagine figuring out currency like in the 90s already yeah like and you're having to just suddenly make new bits of money and imagine like stealing in the 90s did you have your own currency did you make one we made one yeah because it's euros now isn't it yeah it used to be kronos but we just like we just watched other

we even took the anthem we have the same anthem as Finland have you ever heard of that because we didn't have time to come up with it you copy and paste

in another country's anthem literally the same anthem can you believe that and we have no relation to Finland when you play each other do you sing it once then again

or do you sing it together oh bro when a Finnish guy like wins formula we're still like oh shit you know oh wow but uh but imagine how mad the finish and finnish people are mad because i'm half finnish is the word finland in the song at any point as a change it to a story no we just translated the words you know but it was but but it's such an estonian thing to do because what a lot of these small soviet countries do as well culturally is like you know like we copy i don't know maybe i don't think if scots do that but we copy everything like we copy everything like all our hits all of

our pop music it's all like translations you don't have any creativity coming out of it until now because because it's just like that was so easy to do. Like there'd be so many artists like, you know, flying to America, you know, like flying to America. That's like a big thing back in the day, right? And they would come back and all of a sudden have this inspiration, you know, like Summer of 72. And you're like, oh my God, how is he not more famous? He's so good you know

and you sing the song and then you turn like yeah like 15 and then you find out like when I when I started listening to Rolling Stones I was like

you know like yeah I can't believe this you know every everybody because man this is Paul Sneddon

who does Vladimir Maktavish has a story about a time I think he was in Finland. Like, he went over to Finland, did a set, had like a Finnish opener for him, and then went back five years later, had the same guy open for him.

And then when he went on stage, like his jokes didn't go down well. And it was because the Finnish guy had been doing his material. His material. Yeah, just watched him, wrote it down, and they've been doing it all over in fucking Finland. Wow. His stuff's so, like, depends on being Scottish too.

I think this was a while ago. So you must have translated it to be in Finland. Oh, that happens a lot in the smaller countries as well, especially. I mean, but in every art form, that sort of stuff happens, you know. It's just plagiarism is a big... Mike Birbiglia didn't commission, but like some Mexican guy, Mexican comedian said to Mike Birbiglia, can I do your show, like some Mexican guy Mexican comedian said to Mike Birbiglia can I do

your show the new one in Mexican and Mike Birbiglia was like yeah sure and then genuinely helped him translate it and that guy's now

doing a run of oh nice so he's like franchised it in a different language yeah we didn't commission it but I think the guy was just like

look I think I'm a Mexican comedian this is a fucking great show but it's just people won't, people don't have that grasp of English over here. But if you let me check, Mexican, Spanish, listen to me.

Speaking Mexican, sorry, Spanish. What a fucking idiot. Hi. Just trying to fucking, wait, did you have, did you have your own language or did you? Yeah, no, no, language was always there. Yeah. Was always there.

It's just that the Soviets came in and took the structure. So communism, you know, I was always there yeah it was always there right it's just that the soviets came in and took the structure so communism you know i mean there was currency but it's state controlled and you know coupons for food and so it's very um i i love the it's so exciting for me that you know like how far are you from severe trauma generationally? Like, what is it? When was Mel Gibson screaming on the mountain? Like that kind of trauma, like war, the fucking World War. But then again, wait, Second World War. Yeah, we were in World War II. You guys did some. Yeah, yeah.

So that was a lot of trauma, right? Do you have like a grandfather that goes into a flashback sometimes? No, it wasn't. Both my grandparents were alive during World War II, but were like bunker babies sort of thing. I think my gran was eight and my grandpa must have been about 10 during World War II. So there was just like,

we remember Glasgow getting bombed a bit. So that does something culturally and generationally, that does something. That's always exciting for me to, you know. It's nice hearing stories from the old people. My granddad was in the RAF and that, and he used to train pilots with the... He never left England.

He flew toward the targets. Spitfire pilots would shoot at the target and he'd winch it in and check the scores. So that was his job in the war. Imagine... He loved it. Yeah, imagine... Yeah, I remember somebody else telling me

that their grandfather was a pilot of a Spitfire and then he would get like a new Spitfire and he'd be like why is there a big hole right here and they said

oh to drain out the blood of the last guy who got shot and he was like damn to hear that and then go and fly specific type of person

but so that's your grandfather so my granddad was like he was safe the majority of the time like worried about invasion and stuff but he's on English land in Eschot.

Sometimes trauma can also be, like you said, just seeing being a bunker baby. I mean, imagine that concept of a childhood compared to the one that we... And that's a very short time to change, like grandfather. But for me, my mother and my fathers, our fathers and mothers saw tanks on the streets. So it's very close.

So imagine how quick the transition is to like year 2002 South Park, American culture, all the free world. But taxes just coming around. Taxes came around early 2000s, really. Because they're figuring it out. Imagine starting a country just like this, and just trying to find a prime minister, like trying to copy systems.

Who wants to be prime minister? Do we not want a king? I don't think we have enough time for a royal family. Unless we start one now. In the 90s, everybody's already so developed, and just first current, imagine how easy, like all these stories about how easy

it was to steal i mean imagine if the fucking guy you went to high school with is trying to figure out the government and you're like we can steal for the next yeah yeah so 2001 all of this going on and culturally and imagine like being being a mother or like somebody in their 50s now how much shit you've seen change, you know, like so quickly go to like an iPad from like coupons for bread. Is that catching up fast, like? Oh, catching up fast but also imagine all the drama

that lives to my generation, right? And I'm not saying that we're all like shell-shocked, we're very European kids but trying to relate to a generation that's so close to us with time, but yet so far culturally. Because you've grown up in freedom. So free.

South Park, Chapelle show, you know, on Kazaa and LimeWire, Imesh. You would download Eddie Murphy, listen to that. Meanwhile, your dad only could watch how many fucking TV stations, or was it just like whatever?

It was one guy that said, I love Russia. Just playing 24-7 and then but then there's a lot of but I'm not like complaining it's just a very interesting thing oh that's fascinating of the remnants of culture

that get left dropped here and you know if plagiarism was a big part of the culture just because you're trying to like build and copy did that mean when you started stand-up

you thought it was okay to copy jokes? What? Did you actually do it until you found out that it's not? Well, I did a gig. Yes, yes, yes. I did a gig somewhere. It was, I think, 10 years ago or something.

I flyered. I thought I'm doing comedy. That was when I wanted to be UFC champion of the world. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I gave up on being James Bond. Yeah, James Bond dreams are over. No, no, no. James Bond, UFC.

I'm going to be two weight, middleweight, easy win. KO with my raw Estonian power and then I'm going to outsmart the light heavyweight. It's going to be some, it's going to be like

a big guy. I'm not going to say the race. It's going to be like a big, you know, like a big powerful guy but I'm going to GSP him because I'm like

very game plan heavy, you know. It's not going to be a good one for the spectator, but for the purist. The purist is going to love it. The purist is going to love it. Five rounds of neutralization.

But the middleweight one, I'm going to just fucking out. Announce yourself. You know that Shogun tap, when he's bloody on the ground? Yeah. You know that tap? When Rory McDonald fell forward.

Yeah, I'll do that to a man. At middleweight. And then light heavyweight. Smart it out. And then retire. And then do HBO. Like a special. And then bring out

proper 13-way skates. Because I watched a little bit of Wilbur. I didn't get it. He was yelling. He's one of my favorites now, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't get it. Very angry. But when you watch Mr. Dave Chappelle, when you watch Mr. Eddie Murphy, the confidence, the pizzazz. Pizzazz. Dave Chappelle when you watch Mr. Eddie Murphy the confidence the pizzazz

it almost seems you know like imagine being an Estonian kid downloading so what I wanted to get is Beverly Hills Cop

I put in Eddie Murphy into Gaza you got delirious so no no what happened is there was like an audio file

and it just said Eddie Murphy grandmother that's all it said it was a track from his album this is Eddie Murphy so no no what happened is there was like an audio file and it just said eddie murphy grandmother that's all it said it was a track from his album this is eddie murphy and it's about the grandmother falling down the stairs right yeah it's just an old bit you know falling down it's the delirious are goonie goo goo all that shit so i listened to that and i'm like rolling on the floor laughing right i start to listen some more and then I found another audiophile Dave Chappelle

for what it's worth and it was the bit hey baby I'm selling weed neighbor you know like that part I'm selling weed Nintendo you know it's the word but Yeah, yeah. I'm sailing with Nintendo. It's the word.

But imagine just listening to an audio, Estonian child just learning English. And imagine how much culture you have to transcend to understand. I don't know even what the projects mean, but his delivery is so strong that even a 13-year-old Estonian kid will fall out of the chair laughing. And what that does to your brain.

I'm like, what is this? I just remember because English was such a foreign language, I just remember hearing the pace. I was like, this is not many movies or American culture songs. There's something about the pace that makes me laugh. Yeah, yeah. The cadence and the delivery. That's why I love watching whenever we watch any other comedians do comedy in a foreign language, even though I don't understand any of the jokes.

You start laughing with the audience? Yeah, you do. Because you feel the rhythm? Because they're saying something and you're just watching a performer. And you can tell the type of laugh it is as well. Like, oh, that's something rude or shocking. It shocking uh it's fucking fascinating like i mean we've told this story a thousand times with the when we were doing iceland uh there was um ari another ari yeah ari ari akeland he's on netflix now yeah yeah yeah uh so he um he opened up and we were watching when he was killing man like he was fucking blowing the roof of the place all in icelandic all in icelandic except for one bit right and he just at one point in five

minutes into his set he just goes yo motherfucker i'm a flower and the room exploded in english yeah that was the only bit that's in english and i thought what he'd done is in icelandic set to the audience there's two english comedians back there they're going to come on daniel and kai two english comedians you fucking cunt going to come on Daniel and Kai two English comedians you fucking cunt fucking thing I've made that slip this is him

this is him speaking this is him speaking in a hypothetical bit in a different language he said English comedian Daniel Sloss and his sidekick

don't soften the blow it still hurts in the wings in the listening in English sorry English speaking comedians and I'm and they're listening in English sorry English speaking comedians and I'm about to say

something in English that they'll think is the punchline so you guys have just got to die laughing because they're back there and he just went yo motherfucker

I'm a flower and then they go nuts because it's part of the setup but it turns out it was a legit fucking joke and he does it and we came off

and we were like and we told him the story he's like oh that's so funny and he started to tell us the joke and we were like and we told him the story he's like oh that's so funny and he started to tell us the joke and we were like don't tell us never tell us the joke it'll never

if you it'll ruin it you'll never cause in your head it'll never be as funny it's already somewhere special yeah I don't know where it is

but when when you clarify it I'll go all the mystery's gone yeah yeah all the wondering and the myth of the fucking joke to be fair two years ago when i was in melbourne i asked him what it was i thought no no i didn't

i went to see him live it's something to do with the national anthem isn't it and he translated it and it was i was like oh i mean good joke but you know i was gutted because it's like finding out god wasn't real yeah yeah yeah it's like finding out louis't real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like finding out Louis C.K. was Louis C.K. That's funny. The first time I saw Louis C.K., it was like... So I started here and I didn't know what I was doing. But then I moved to Melbourne because I'm an American girl. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You moved to America for her?

No, no, no, no. To Australia. Oh, that's where you went to Australia so yeah yeah so you were there with the girl I met her in like Thailand you know like hostel

you know like and Eastern European guy and she's like half Mexican so crazy and very you know she like taught me to steal properly from grocery stores

because I thought I'm going to get shot like that's my drama she taught you how to shoplift yeah but like morally she you know like because i thought always thought shoplifting very bad you know you can't do it but then she was like no no but this is

woolworth's like it's a corporation fuck them fuck the system went bust they did yes ari look what you did listen i put i put one time i put speakers through as carrots in the self-checkout no it means woolworth's in australia they're still you didn't cripple woolworth's that's a I put, one time I put speakers through as carrots in the self-checkout. No, he means Woolwats in Australia. They're still, he didn't cripple Woolwats. That's a supermarket. Woolwats in the UK. And she was like, you know, like, you know, that store, like closed door, secondhand, never steal.

But like, well, fuck, you know, the system, you know. And then taught me to like, just self-checkout, right? And I was surprised that it came to Estonia, but we still have one guard that checks all of the fucking things. you have to have that guy uh they seem to trust us now uh well it is an honesty box i think like no i mean it's it's the most annoying thing in the world where like because there's no self-service check god no let's not do this i'm not no we can't i can't no that's all that's the end of it we're not doing Self-service checkout We're not Self-service checkout Is hacked

It's been done man It's fucking over It's our generation's What's the deal With airplane food Very very much so It would have been nice To chat about

But it's not worth Getting there I cannot be clipped There could not be Footage of me out there Talking about Self-service checkout Doing that

Do I work here When do I start my shift unexpected item in the bagging area yeah it's the punchline to everything yeah what next you want me to fill the shelves man exactly that that's what we're about to start doing i know that's always gotta nip that right in the fucking bud we're just having an earnest conversation about it and then oh yeah so it's like you've been you've started you've started the stand-up scene here with like five other comics and the ones that we've known no we didn't start together even no it wasn't that organized see there was comedy estonia and i remember i saw at the show like the first show

was nice do you know ahmed baran oh name. Yeah, he's like a Swedish comedian. Very funny, very funny. And he was like the first guy I saw live doing stand-up. Yeah. Right? But I still didn't get it. I still, in my head, I was like, oh, it's just talking, telling some anecdotes, you know, like anecdotes.

Yeah. And then just like, so in my head, I was like, oh, this is pretty easy. I'm like pretty funny at the wrestling gym. You know, like in the gym room. I can like hold my court Yeah, yeah, get them guys to come watch you the first few times so that you can guarantee to laugh well Yeah, yeah, and the first time I want to say something I did an hour, you know, because I didn't even know you just don't Do that. Oh really?

Just you though or was it me? Oh, well, that's you know, and I fly art. Yeah So your first your fly i packed it your first gig was a solo show our i did self-produced and how did it go you've never 45 minutes in i turned it into a quiz show um out of panic because it had to have a narrative was that your contingency plan before the gig no no of course not because if you're having like a panic attack and you're trying to put, it's like 80 people too, and you're trying to put together a show. But think about it.

I don't even know what a show is. A starting, a beginning. Yeah. And when you're like going. You had no opener. You were just like, just me, I'll go on and talk. I didn't know.

What's an opener? What's like a working microphone? What's a stage? Nothing like that. I just got up at a bar and just like 45 minutes in I looked down

I remember there was like a pool of sweat around my belly I've never seen that part sweat just your belly not like the V on your chest the V on my chest yeah that's what I normally get

but now it was like here you know when you're having such a bad panic attack that even your pores are like I don't I'll go out with any pore how did it go? like was it good?

He started doing a quiz. I turned it into a quiz show. How do you think it went? How would you think your gig went last night if you ended up doing a quiz at the end? Out of panic. Like, okay, I thought maybe like you ran a material 45 minutes in, that had gone well.

And then you were like, all right, well, we've got 15 minutes left, so let's fill it with a quiz. That's my first question. You've got to prepare a quiz? What was your question? But I didn't say like, oh, like I said we've got 15 minutes left, so let's fill it with a question. You've got to prepare a quiz? What was your question? But I didn't say, like, oh, like, I said, now it's the quiz part. Like, I just lied.

And my first question, I remember what was it. My first question. I asked, what is Super Mario? What the fuck kind of question is it? I didn't know it could go this bad. Yeah. And then I, like, asked some other questions, and then I even calculated the number kid could go this fast. Yeah. And then I asked some other questions, and then I even calculated the number.

People were very confused. And then I remember the bartender told me, you ain't no Jimmy Carr. It's a very funny thing to say. Have you met any of those people since you were good? There were lots of ex-friends there. You cut them out. Are they shocked to see how well you're doing now after that?

There is one girl that comes to every show I do, and she's like flabbergasted at what happened. Like she's like, because she went, and she's told me the story. She's like, I went home, and I was like, dude, I saw the crazy, and she came the next time too, brought more friends. I did more people the next time, because people are like, this is the weirdest, bad, like, wow. You were so bad it was selling tickets.

Yeah. You were a safe show. People wanted to see the car crash. And then, but of course, in my head, no realization of what comedy is. I was like, I'll do eight gigs. You know, I booked eight gigs. You booked a tour?

So after the, yeah, I did a poster. And after the first one, I went home and it was like a life-changing experience. When your ears are ringing, you're laying back. In at the deep end. It was crazy. And you know when your friends don't talk to you? Well, you don't.

Fuck yeah. Man. But then I did like, yeah. And then the second one sold more, but then it was a slow fizzle out to like 16 people. Is that right? Could friends not talk to you anymore because they were embarrassed? No. I mean, I was a slow fizzle out to like 16 people. Could your friends, is that right? Could friends not talk to you anymore? Cause they were embarrassed.

No, I mean, I was a good, let's say the good friends did that thing where they go like, no, no, no, there was something,

you know, they believe in you. They go, look, that was obviously objectively that was shit, but we still like little Ali. It's been like that for me throughout my career. It was just like when I was early on

he was like man like you'll do good eventually but that wasn't the best you do have that mate

that's still coming to watch you bomb early 2000s Ali's seen me do fucking gigs to fucking four or five people

and he's very proud of me and then I remember I started listening to like because of MMA I started listening to Joe Rogan

right I mean well that's how I found out about Ahmed Ber like because of MMA I started listening to Joe Rogan right I mean well that's how I found out about Ahmed Berhan that's how I saw you guys because we just listened to Joe Rogan that's how I found out

about stand up and then you hear people talking about sets you know stuff and then like the paradigm shift in my head where I'm like now oh I understand the context

that it's an art form you hadn't read the manual yeah yeah and then I moved to Melbourne with that American girl you know together and then we by accident Melbourne with that American girl, you know, together. Yeah, it's that shop lesson. Yeah, by accident,

we moved across the street from the comics lounge. Yeah. And then I signed up, opened mic, went to the workshop. And a lot of people shit on workshops, but... I do. Yeah, of course.

No, if you're on a... Being at a workshop is like being on Reddit at the stand-up forum. You're not going to make it. You know, if you're like a moderator... Oh, I went on one, but like when I was there. You do a good workshop,

I think. You've got such a good comedy knowledge. Yeah. You'd be able to like impart good advice if you took a workshop. The reason comedy workshops

are shit is because none of the comedians giving them are good comedians or successful. Occasionally. Yeah, occasionally.

You get the occasional. I just saw that as a disclaimer though. Nick Goudy was a good one. That was a good one. Yeah, Nick Goudy. No, no, I stand, no, no, no, I'm You get the occasional. I just saw that as a disclaimer though. Nick Goudy was a good one. That was a good one. No, no, I stand. No, no, no. I'm dying on this hill.

No, true. I mean, anyone. That failure. That fucking dog shit hack. I love you, Nick. But he was very good. Yeah, he said a very funny phrase. It was like my second workshop ever.

He said like, if you don't quit, you win. Like something like that. And I remember being like, oh, like that's how you get better. At some point, you're going to get better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, man, you just like, that's why I always say a bit of advice to every new comedian. Like, what's it? I'm like, man, just go on stage.

Go on stage. Gig all you can. Gig to anybody that'll listen. The only secret to comedy is the more you do it the better you get at it like it's just and even the workshop uh i mean you got up in front of the other workshop that gets the stage time exactly and that was like a comfortable because my english was i mean it was um it wasn't good it was okay but not like performative because i don't know how i sound in english and

all that so you sound good i mean we've got you on a podcast i mean the americans will struggle because they'll understand you more than me yeah they genuinely were but because you learned english from like american tv shows and british tv shows and he learned it from other minors the bomb screaming on the street. That's your linguistic. People that are the coal miners in the. Yeah. Pit yakas taught me how to speak. Who? Pit yak.

Pit talk. Ah. But that was and then I remember I went there and then I got Louis CK tickets and you know because I didn't have enough money to buy them not even the nosebleeds you know when people say like

oh what was his ticket price? like a hundred dollars yeah yeah a hundred dollars per a hundred Australian dollars yeah okay that's not in my realm

at that point I am stealing carrots yeah yeah we were stealing avocados yeah you know stuff like that I mean I was like

hostel backpack life yeah that was not in my world but there was this website Gumtree you know and like that i mean i was like hostel backpack life yeah that was not in my world but there's this website gumtree you know and that's the first that was actually how i started making money in australia is that do you know gumtree it's like craigslist yeah yeah yeah so because i was like kind of fascinated with computers i found out there's so many macbooks being sold on gumtree. Like every day. In Estonia, you have one MacBook

a month at the forum. And you've got to get in there quick and be the highest bidder. Highest bidder and it's expensive and it's not the newest model. But in Melbourne, it's a buyer's market. And it's such a diverse market and also there would be like these housewives that are selling their kids' MacBooks.

And because MacBooks are so similar, often wise people put the wrong number. You know, like they go, I have a MacBook. But they don't even say pro. But then from the picture you can tell it's a pro Retina model, which was the first high-resolution screen. It's a bit thinner. It looks similar, but a bit thinner. And then they post like $1,000. So I can already make, let's say, $400.

So you catch them, buy them, and then sell them properly. No, no, no. But I write to them with my cold Estonian heart. I write to them like, hey, like $400. And then they go, that's too low. And I go like, well, you know, it's like an older model. It's not an older model. So you're like, yeah, good.

Yeah, yeah. You just know they know nothing about it. Yeah. And then I would buy. Pre-announced stupidity doesn't, good. Yeah, yeah. You just know they know nothing about it. Yeah. And then I would buy... I had like... That's not... Hey, hey, hey. Fair enough, stupidity doesn't feel bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's stone cold capitalism, baby. And that's what we're all about here. I would pick these MacBooks up. I had like seven MacBooks within one week because I went apeshit. You're just doing Bitcoin with... Yes, but also I was picking these MacBooks up,

going by like bus, you know, not buying the ticket in the back, you know, just standing with my backpack, going to these fancy fucking mansion houses with a gate, you know, like the other point that I told you,

fucking gate. I like this guy. He said it last night when we were out drinking. Cause, cause Harry stayed with me for a month during the Fridgewood year. And God, we smoked a lot of fucking weed then.

And he was, I was like, you need to come and see the new place. He's like, he just went, I bet you have a gate. for a month during the Fridgewood year. And God, we smoked a lot of fucking weed then. And I was like, you need to come and see the new place. He's like, he just went, I bet you have a gate. And I was like, oh, I do have a gate. You've absolutely nailed me. Yeah. And then I would like press. And then some mother comes out.

Ah, just kidding. Doesn't even care about the cash. Doesn't count it, you know. Doesn't count the cash. That's like, that's that's that's australia i was like wow yeah and i had like seven laptops that i was shuffling off so there was one that was a bit dented but because macbooks have an aluminum body which is good for sustainability because when it drops it absorbs the impact plastic you know gives it through so the fucking shocks shocks through it right so it was like lots of dents you know and that was also very like when i saw how people handle their iphones in like australia because the pay is so much higher but you know iphones are the same

price everywhere because it wouldn't work yeah otherwise you get them imported it's like a mcdonald's right yeah for you mcdonald's is a shit place because it's one pound burger yeah one euro now it's one euro burger one euro we make 288 an hour so that's 50 percent half an hour cheap like if i if i was 17 and i took my girl out to a mac like a mcdonald's and said not the dollar menu the euro menu i go like whatever you want get a chicken legend if you want babes oh that's like 490 for a chicken burger that's like two hour wage yeah you know son that's a fancy restaurant yeah and it's right beside that fucking weird flower market you guys have got yeah definitely hi 24 7 christmas new year there's a 24 hours a day and there's like 22 flower places yeah not just one stall like a whole row of people

all competing that's got to be a front. That's something Russian. I saw one opening last week, like the 23rd. I was like, who? Are they Russian that do it? It's got to be a money laundering. Right, so that's a money laundering thing.

Who looks at that, like 22 flower stands and goes like, you know what? Look, I reckon I can compete. Like, I think these are still. Who's the 20 water fucking dandelions and we need to go to a do you have anything to plug no

no no no you don't I guess are you doing any comedy in English anytime soon yeah I am doing so I am doing the Belgium. I'm doing something in London. Yeah. Great. And say your name again because you know I can't do it. Just say Ari Matty. Ari Matty.

A-R-I-M-A-T-T-Y. Must have been. Right, that's a podcast. Cheers, Ari. Oh, thanks for having me. Hold on, I've got to read out the American dates. Okay. Oh.

We'll save the dad jokes. Oh, I didn't write any. Very cool. So, America, you fucking assholes here is the tour that kicks off on Tuesday

Boston Washington New York Philadelphia St. Louis sorry I know I keep saying your names wrong you complaining bastards

Atlanta Indianapolis Pittsburgh Albany Concord Grand Rapids Cincinnati Ann Arbor

Chicago Madison Minneapolis San Diego. It's all on the fucking website. Just go and come and see the show. Otherwise, I'll never come back because I'll give you the Spain treatment. Is that it, Dan? I think so. Great. Next one.