Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Flashback #10 Thick Cast III

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

For the final trip down muggley lane in our festive flashback series Muggins and Cream are joined by an incredibly stupid Elliot Steel for yet another Thick Cast. Merry Christmas one and all, we hope you've enjoyed the nostalgia. Original Text: A favourite from the previous seasons has been when Muggins and Cream get Elliot Steel on and do a short quiz to reveal how thick he is. Here is a new instalment and as ever no-body comes out of it looking smart but as always Elliot is thick flair (Thick Flair) It's joy to behold.

It's Christmas Eve! So this is the tenth and final of the Flashback series. It's another thick cast with Elliot Steele, where me and Daniel, old muggins and cream, ask Elliot a handful of questions, and then he just does the rest, you know. He makes himself look stupid. We don't need to do anything more than give him enough rope to hang himself.

I hope you enjoy it. Next time you hear from us, it'll be a brand new podcast. So this is the last of your homework, taking you back to 2018. December 2018. Have a lovely Christmas, everyone. They said it can't be done. Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Oh, muggles. Tickling the clit inside your head to make you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done. Are we in the same seats?

That's hack. Oh, muggles. Accidental rim job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia. Where have you been since 9-11? I'm going to go start this episode with an impression,

see if you can guess who I'm doing an impression of, right? Oh, there was no podcast last week oh where's all the podcasts going oh you did this free content for me and I didn't get what I wanted to get

who's that that's the impression of all of Muggle Corner aye absolutely the entirety of Muggle Corner look it can't work out that this podcast

is called Sloss and Humphreys on the road so maybe when we're not on the road there might not be a podcast they're like oh but one lives in Edinburgh

one lives in London, and we just expect them to somehow miraculously... Oh, Daniel, don't you live with Colin? Aye, shut up. Yeah, aye, you should have done one with Colin. Aye, I should have done one with Colin, to be fair. And I could have got Elliot on, but he's a bit of a dick. I don't think I can run with him. Aye, that's a fair point.

Anyway, welcome to our guest, Elliot Steele. Oh, it's good to be back. Elliot Steele, notorious flat earther. Not only that, flat moona. Flat arser? I mean, I get the first two. He's a flat singer as well. Flat chested.

It's nice to be back. You do strike me as someone that's probably looked into the flat earth conspiracy. Yeah, no, I went down that rabbit hole um i'm too thick to really understand how the earth would be flat though do you know you're too stupid for the yeah well don't be they're all too stupid for it like it's just like it's the thing that always blows my mind about the flat earth theory is like like what you said look at the moon right so? So we're the only flat, everything else, like all the stars, all the planets are quite clearly space, but we're just a fucking frisbee picking our own space.

Like if you're a flat earther, look at the sun and just keep looking. Get your binoculars out. Well, I just, you know when you go on a plane and you look out the window and you can see like the Earth, it's a bit round. The curvature of the earth. That's the word I'm looking for. You would never have found it.

Yeah. That was up in the attic with loads of stuff that I haven't used since I was three. No, I looked into it, but it gets really crazy because it all goes to like there's an ice realm and there's orcs and stuff. I think I might have confused it with Game of Thrones there's I think I have actually I think we did actually have like little theories

like now Scientologists like both people being lizards like I kind of like get that more than like any other conventional religion because they're all

as ridiculous as each other but they're one sound fun Scientology isn't lizard Scientology is that we were there was aliens and the aliens dropped things dropped these souls yeah dropped souls into this volcano and now these souls are like going around making everyone feel sad well this is where god that's what it is yeah the lizards is david ike and that's the royal family and that's actually true yeah and i don't know if you've ever seen the queen eat an egg but i have

and she breaks the shell with her beak first off weird lizards have beaks uh like dinosaur type ones big speaks dinosaur the course of triceratops has a beak i guess a bit um i want about like prehistoric like type lizards. I suppose so. I don't think they're actually just like the fucking regular lizards because they don't have any level of intelligence. I'm talking about some fucking like fictional beast. Wait, two questions.

Either you think dinosaurs were smart or dinosaurs were fictional beasts then. They had societies. Agriculture. smart or dinosaurs were fictional beasts they had societies agriculture they had an entire movie called Neanderthal Park aren't you like so glad that dinosaurs aren't around anymore man like Jesus only well so you know the

theory that I don't know how much of it is a theory but basically the only reason they've ever thought dinosaurs were scaled was because there was nothing. You couldn't see any of the fucking fire residue. But if birds are that old, their feathers fucking decompose. That's why they have beaks. Some of the theories is it's very, very possible

that the fucking velociraptors had massive wings. Because if you look at the way their arms are, it's very similar to the fucking velociraptors had massive wings because if you look at the way their arms are it's very similar to the way actual birds arms because all the actual wing itself fucking disintegrates

over the years so they reckon they might have just been like giant fucking turkeys and don't get me wrong the wings have the front the Tyrannosaurus Rex

has wings on the front so it's running around all ferocious and then it just flips onto its back and flies off imagine you're just trying to like

go to the shop and one of them things comes fucking flying at you, man. Screw that. Nah, look. What you're basing... You're saying, all right, it would suck if there was a world full of dinosaurs. I don't think it would

because you're only assuming that there's wild dinosaurs. There's not fucking wild cheetahs in London, right? That's not going to fucking happen. If we lived in a world where dinosaurs weren't dead, we would just see dinosaurs a lot more. In Canada they get the occasional bear that comes in.

Do you think it would be like that? Do you think it would be like when they put the flags up on the beach because there's a great white? There'd just be like a little warning because there's a...

Fucking Nessie's just picking up there's a plesiosaurus just sticking its neck out of the water. If you had to be eaten by any animal what animal would you be eaten by?

Oh, fucking... A crab. I need time to say my goodbyes you would you would happily get pinched to death is that what you

would do paging all my teeth paging all my teeth I think bear would be

one of the worst bear would suck because I honestly don't think a bear is sitting there being like because lions and tigers and bears

are mine no lions and tigers tend to do that thing where they're like they seem to be decent they go for like a kill shot

and then they eat you know I don't think a bear gives a fuck about a bear a bear just going straight for your soft bits

I listened there's this audio there was this film called Grizzly Man and you watch it and this guy goes and starts living with bears

and then gets eaten by a bear because he's a fucking idiot and they were like in the film they were like there's audio of him being eaten bears and then gets eaten by a bear because he's a fucking idiot. And they were like, in the film, they were like, there's audio of him being eaten, but we're not going to play it because it's really distressing. And I was like, well, now I've got to go find the audio.

And you listen to it. So when Steve Irwin died, the first thing I could do was, like, while crying, because I was devastated when he died, I was like, where's the video, though? I had the same thing with Saddam Hussein. I cried as well. I had the same thing with Saddam Hussein I cried as well on this note what about that guy

that fucking Christian convert that oh man this is a wonderful story people weren't paying attention there's a fucking island which is home to the Sentinelese, which is like a very, very old tribe, undisturbed for thousands of years.

And we've just made an agreement just to leave. Yeah, the Indian government is just like, no, it's illegal to go there. Like, just let them, like, we don't get contact. They've got their own ecosystem.

They've got their own culture. Yeah, and also, if something goes... It's one of the very rare preserved natural... Yeah, and also, if we go over, like, we're inoculated to a bunch of fucking diseases and we're naturally immune to a lot natural yeah and also if we go over like we're inoculated

to a bunch of fucking diseases and we're naturally immune to a lot more diseases so if people go over there it's dangerous to them

it's not that it's dangerous to you because first of all they've killed a whole bunch of people anyway and they get us near the island they fucking shoot them

and then they bury them on the beach because I could just go over and just kiss them all and they could all die of cold sores exactly

as if you're going to get past the fucking spears wait wait wait he's like I come in peace it's like that bit in Troy at the start

where they're just throwing spears at you and you just jump out of the way and then you run you jump through the air and just right on the cheek

kiss him is there no one else Hector who's Hector! Who's Hector? I don't know, but he seems to have a crush on him. He's been screaming his name since we got off the boat.

Is that Hector over there under the mistletoe? Yeah, so that guy went over to like, convert him to Christianity or some fucking nonsense. Aye, he did. He went over.

He did. And also, it was quite like, it was the second time he went, wasn't it? He went, he scouted it a bit and he went there illegally he forgot his bible he went over

and one of the things in his fucking diary first of all takes a diary what a dweeb deserves death already fucking Anne Frank over there second part he was a fucking racist right because one of his last

diary entries was like oh the centre of these islands is Satan's last Satan's last hellhole or something it's his it's his last place

of undisturbed territory it's like I mean if he said that about Iraq it would be an article like if I started being around I'd be like I tell you what

fucking serious Satan's last fucking living place I'd be like alright Jesus Christ. I can see why they're so upset. So he went over he got shot with a bunch of fucking arrows

and people have sympathy for him for some reason. I think this is one big metaphor why we haven't been visited by extraterrestrial life. Because we would just start firing the arrows.

You reckon they've just got a shit religion? I reckon they're just going look they're doing their own thing. Everyone knows we're there. Everyone's just fucking traversing the galaxy and doing their fucking intergalactic fucking trade

and everything. And they're just going, but don't go over to that fucking Earth on the Sun Galaxy. I think we'll... It's the Sun Galaxy. That's what they call it. The Sun Galaxy.

Every time they've seen us circle into space, even though to us the stuff we've done in space is interesting to us it's absolutely not interesting to aliens if you're travelling

to the galaxy all you're basically watching is like oh look they've got the technology to go to another planet and they just see like three blokes

going up a spaceship and then one guy and just play golf and then fuck off back to Earth like the fuck are these cunts doing the wrong thing to do was he came up,

they stabbed it, whipped it, punched it last and then fucked off. Are they all seven years old? Why are they putting a flag on that flat thing up there? Are they,

instead of getting their powers together, they're going to race to the fucking, Jesus fucking Christ. Russia sent a dog. Russia went, no, we don't deserve to go there first. Fluffy does. Man, maybe the fucking aliens went there and fucking, you know, we don't know what type of technology they have.

Maybe they put on like a fucking cloaking thing over the fucking first dog in space, made it appear on all of our systems like it was still in there and they just assumed that that was our first ambassador it's just fucking sitting there licking their faces going well they're a friendly species i was i always had this fear when i was younger like if religion was real like oh like well if if there was a god what if we're not like the animal because you see how the catholic church says all animals don't have souls. What if they get up there and God's like, no, no, no, I made that for the platypuses.

You guys just sort of got in the way a little bit. Maybe we don't. Maybe there is another species out there. Platypi. Platypi. Platypi. Platypuses. Platypuses.

Platypuses. Maybe, just in the whole world, maybe God fucking did make us, but maybe we're just a glorified animal maybe aliens will come down and they'll just have this fucking big blue thing on their head and we'll go

what's that and they'll go oh that's my soul and we go oh fuck his is red I got one

so we're not no we're absolutely not I'd love it if they came down and was like oh yeah no there's a god and you just immediately

have to go and start deleting some of your stand up just going through my twitter first of all real ignorant of me just assuming they're gods first of all the omnipotent man has not already read that I just might better delete me tweets

or a woman nah nah built in six days definitely a man yeah everyone gets up there and instantly starts

trying to fucking put the bait on her I just don't think God's a woman because it's just I don't know she she wouldn't

she wouldn't have fucked it up I was trying to I was trying to find out what the feminist I don't know what it was just be like because otherwise there wouldn't have fucked it up I was trying to find out what the feminist angle was just be like because otherwise

there wouldn't be any worst I think that we should this is genuine just write help across the earth you know how

if you're on a beach and there was like planes going overhead right you would write help on the beach with stones just so like

someone could look even if they didn't speak like they didn't use English fucking letters they would see that there'd been

some movement I think we should do that across the earth just write some fucking massive help across Russia or Canada and then around

the rest of it we're fine you just you just go to like just you know somewhere somewhere that you don't particularly like you know either go to fucking Russia you know somewhere somewhere that you

don't particularly like you know either go to fucking Russia or I don't know where else is bad news North Korea right

some parts of America don't really help it just like just a target just a bunch of arrows pointing towards Florida you know when

it ships Florida aye you just love Florida with Russia and North Korea aye Trump can't train it aye but it's got raids do you know what oh aye It's Florida. Aye. They didn't just lump Florida in with Russia and North Korea. Aye, Trump country, innit? Aye.

Aye, but it's got raids. Do you know what? Oh, aye. Take it back. You know what? If North Korea had a fucking water park, which I'm sure it probably does. Aye, but yeah. Does it?

Does North Korea have a water park? I think it does. It's a hot postcard. I think. It's only Kim Jong. I'm going to use that right now. There was, they had like a, they tried to build a theme park or something. I'm sure of it.

This might have been something I imagined and then passed on as knowledge. You should also point out, because obviously this is the first time you've been on the podcast since... This season? This season. Since you deleted my 100th episode, you cunt. You don't get to do the fucking 100th episode of my podcast. Well. Our podcast, whatever.

Wow. Wow. podcast our podcast whatever wow wow for those new listeners Elliot Sealer our guest here is not a black woman I'm not a black

woman he is a white boy from London just in case we've had a lot of people in America who upon googling

you were shocked to find out I've had to address it in my stand up now I really have to like

people with eyes I still don't believe their eyes it took five and a half years in the stand up like I had have to like people with eyes still don't believe their eyes it took five and a half years into stand up like I had to go yeah I know

I shouldn't have this voice so yeah I'm not a black person so Elliot done a spell of co-hosting with me because obviously

when me and Daniel are on the road we can't produce podcasts but we still do try to put them out as often as possible and Elliot has jumped on and like kind of

co-hosted with me and he comes across ridiculously thick. So we set up these podcasts with the three of us on where we quiz Elliot to find out if he really is thick or if he has... He got annoyed at us

for calling him thick on every podcast that he wasn't on so every now and again we give him the opportunity to come on the podcast and prove that he's not thick by asking him a bunch of general questions but I think what I think it's like this one's got 18

I'll say if you get like if you get I mean they're easy if you get like 13 questions right we'll stop calling you thick I know but you know I'm not gonna

I know but it's just it's nice to come on I mean the beauty of this is is like Elliot gets the point of it but half the time I don't know the answer to the question. But the thing is,

I'll admit to not knowing, or at least try and come up with a logical thing. Elliot just doubles down his commitment on how wrong he is. Well, that's what I do as a black man. Yeah. That is right. Yeah.

Okay, Elliot. Right. We've got 18 questions here. Cool, let's do this. Question number one. Who became the first female minister of the state in British Parliament history in 1965? Who became the first female minister of the state in British Parliament history in 1965? A, Margaret Thatcher.

B, Theresa May. C, Barbara Castle. So multiple choice. Are you giving them multiple choices? One of them is multiple I think three of them are multiple choices

yeah because I like how he tries to figure it out go on well I've never heard of Barbara Castle

I know it's not Theresa May her sister is Windsor yeah I'm going to go Maggie Thatcher cool it was

Barbara Castle oh fuck psych I knew that bitch was in there I knew gonna go Maggie Thatcher. Cool, it was Barbara Kasper. Oh, fuck, psych! I knew that bitch was in there as a little girl. I knew it was Margaret Thatcher by process of elimination. Fucking Theresa May is too current, that's the fucking red herring. Margaret Thatcher coming into power in like 1983 or something.

I think she had a period of power before that. But, mathematically, she would have been a child. Yeah, but I'm not... I think so. Nah, she was like... a child. Yeah, but I'm not. I think so. No, she was like teens, 20s. Because people are prime minister when they're like 50-odd, aren't they? Yeah, maybe he's right. She might have been like very young.

She would have been, what's that Scottish? That's Scottish. Nicola Sturgeon. No, no, no, the other one. Mary Black. Mary Black. She would have been like Mary Black. That would have been very progressive for the 60s.

Mary Black's a Scottish SNP chick and she's Black and that would have been very progressive for the 60s Scottish SMP chick and she's fucking great she's just doesn't really take much shit also like I mean we've had what two female prime ministers you know

first was Margaret which is you know it's good like it's amazing that we had that but also she did a shiter of a job and then also

you've got three of them and you're like it's like I really feel fucking sympathy because women must be sitting there being like those are the two worst fucking I think it's like I really feel fucking sympathy because women must be sitting there being like those are the two worst fucking

I think it's like men have had shit representations fucking Tony Blair and what not but we've also had a bunch of there's at least

been some decent she did a real good job of making salt of the earth working class people feeling like utter scum and may she rest

in peace for that she took my milk. She took my fucking, all of the jobs in my fucking area. Like, and then, and then just tell everybody

fight for your lives if you've got anything about you you can get a decent job and then, yeah. Oh, yeah, but. Or is it she had a milky snatch? Aye.

Milky snatcher. Yeah, yeah. Margaret Thatcher milk snatcher. She's just like She just got so old That she started Lactating She's like

Drippling down She's lactating From a kid That's why they call her The milk snatcher Okay Anyway On average

Which animal is faster A kangaroo Or a zebra A zebra Not a kangaroo Oh for fuck's sake. But on average? Yeah.

On average of what? Are they all... Top speed. But no, yeah. But what if... How do they know that? Well, they put them in a race. Yeah, but how do...

They don't know all the zebras. That's why it's on average. They do. The average speed of a zebra compared to the average speed of a kangaroo. I reject that question. I reject that. I think a zebra is faster.

Because honestly... Over what distance? I... Oh, what? Kangaroos are much faster. No, no, no. Because if you're not seeing the ranks, what they do is they jump up, right?

But when they walk, what they do is they lift their pouch up like it's a fucking old woman in a skirt, right? And then they just run them to legs properly fast lifting it up they're lifting up the front

of the frock just run away so they see the mouse zebras zebras outrun lions I mean not

in the documentaries half of them it's a notorious thing I've actually nah just a couple of them

outrun lions aye aye the ones that because they're not going to catch the one at the back and then keep chasing them I want the good stuff

all the dudes outrun the slowest zebra aye because they're far you should see them as like but aye when have you ever

seen a lion take down a kangaroo well you see this is I've wanted to make a show for a while. I know it wouldn't happen because of vegans and whatnot. But I really think there'd be money in a show just called Animal Fights where you pitch a great white and there's an arena

and a great white has to fight a Bengal tiger. There's a real fucking flaw in that plan with that match-up. No, but it's like shallow enough water for the tiger to be cool but there's the great white man but that means

it would be too shallow for the great white man no no right if the coliseum right if there was a

fucking coliseum in fucking London right and everyone on it had either signed up they were like I fully consent to I want to be

in the fucking coliseum I want to be a gladiator I want to do all the fucking shit or it's like people who are like criminals to, I want to be in the fucking Coliseum. I want to be a gladiator. I want to do all the fucking shit. Or it's like people who are like criminals being like, I want to take 50 minutes. Pino fights. That's what they should do.

Make pino fights. Let's just put some. So, I mean, I think, I don't really think you can give the pinos a chance to get back out. No, no, no. With robbers. Like my stance on robbers is like, if you rob somewhere, you go to jail and then you beat a lion to death. You know what? In fact, you know what? Now that I I think about it maybe you're not like back in the streets actually we've just been training you, that's a terrible idea no you do have to die in there, I'd say I'd blow up my pants immediately

so you're saying like in this instance a pedo would go in to fight a lion to see if he could get freedom and then win, that is the last pedo you want on the streets that is the apex predator that is the king pedo you want on the street that is the apex predator that is the king of the beasts but is that it and the same thing actually the more I think about it the same goes for

fucking murderers right see if you fucking put a murderer in there with like a bit like let's say he's killed two people that's got the chops to kill a bear

and you're like nah you don't get back out on the streets like but you know what tax fraud like if you're a fucking wee nerd right and you're sitting, nah, you don't get back out on the streets. Like, but you know what? Tax fraud. Like, if you're a fucking wee nerd, right, and you're sitting there with your pen as mightier than the sword shit.

But then when he gets mauled, you'll just be there going, oh, I only cook the books. But would you actually, like, all right. I don't think this penal system has any groans. Right, okay, right. I'll take the penal system, that matter, right? But let's just say. You're saying you want to watch people fight lions. No, would you, right? If there was, like, fucking sign up'll take the penal system out of it, right? But let's just say... You're saying you want to watch people fight lions. No, would you, right?

If there was, like, fucking sign up and the British government were like, fuck it, you know, it's a good source of fucking income. Everyone in it signed up to it. Like, it's maybe people who've got, like, diseases. Like, fuck it. I want to go out a goddamn... Someone has a common code and they just throw it in. Somebody sneezes

and you sign them up they just cover their mouth and it gets a pack of hyenas the hypothetical qualifiers on this are just making us look way more barbaric

they're trying to do it as if to say not because you just enjoy watching it there's definitely a reason why it's happening I'll take all the caveats off take the caveats off

you know what if it was happening I couldn't not look I couldn't not watch like I feel like I'd be farting no that wasn't my question my question was

would you pay for fucking floor seats or nosebleed seats like how I reckon that'd be a season ticket it would be such a fucking quandary

that like you know it's wrong but like if it's happening anyway you want to watch it but it's only happening anyway because people like you are you know it's wrong but like if it's happening anywhere you want to watch it but it's only happening anywhere because people like

you are buying tickets it's basically the fucking vegan argument do you reckon it would be like UFC like you're set up to five

in the morning and you're there going like oh it's going to be a good one tonight everyone in it was like

I'm of sound mind right I genuinely just want to I'm into this and I want to fucking I know you were going to hell'm into this and I want to fucking I know you were

going to hell but you'd watch I'd absolutely fucking watch man I've seen how funny fucking football chants are

imagine the fucking man because obviously the second you set up a fucking coliseum here that's

pretty fucking good man there's going to be lower leagues you've got conference Sunday league

Sunday league coliseum people just fighting shrews fucking one of them turns up oh you got conference Sunday League Sunday League people just fighting shrews fucking one of them turns up with a cannon and all the shrews

and you're like ah go on this is how I think it would go for me right I would like be like wrestlers I'd be swept up

in it right I'd be like oh there's a dude fighting a fucking Bengal tiger tonight at the thing right and then I'd just go and I'd watch the guy

get mauled to death get his head ripped off and they'd have to contain the Tiger and I'd just walk away quietly from the Coliseum going, ah, I didn't like that. Because the reason I know this is because we went to the UFC in Vegas and watched Anderson Silva fight against Chris Weidman

and Chris Weidman checked that leg kick and his leg snapped and wrapped around his leg and we just went, well. We saw Anderson Silva kick himself in his left knee with his left foot. Like, that's how much this fucking leg snapped. And that injury, I mean, like, when I showed you the Frank Mir, Kamara armbar on Minnetonka Gara. I immediately...

And you looked away, you were like, nah. Like, that is, like, literally stubborn at all compared to what you would see in that kind of coliseum I reckon you'd go in and it's like oh it's a man fighting a lion

and then you'd have PTSD and cry like I reckon like yeah I'll be honest with you sometimes when I floss my teeth

and I see blood I'm like oh no what world am I going to be able to watch a fucking javelin go through

some cunt's neck do you know what people would moan about the most? They'd go to that connoisseur and be like, oh, about six quid a pint, though. Plastic cups? I mean, that's... I'm going to hot your glasses. All right, next question. So how many have I got?

Oh, I've got none right. You've got none right. Two questions before in hospitals nephrology departments generally treat medical issues related to which organs of the body

nephrology is it the liver oh it's very very it's kidneys oh well I just I just went for a huge

guess there oh it's in the ballpark I'll give you a hat Elliot I don't know the answer to this right but I'm gonna I'm gonna just give you a chance to try and explain it away like teach me and what's the difference between a liver and a kidney uh kidneys in more the back and livers more the front oh no i mean like i know the liver is like the big one and the kidneys are two smaller

ones right but what what's the function i think the liver like helps you pump water and shit around your body and stuff. I think it's a bit more of like it deals with the fluids and the liver is like it repairs itself. That's why if you go sober, your liver will repair itself. Were they both liver? Yeah, that was both liver. That was both liver.

You didn't specify. You just compared the liver to the liver and gave them two different explanations. No, did I? Yeah. All right. Choose one of them to be kidneys. That was your question. That was your question. No, did I? Yeah. All right. Well, choose one of them to be kidneys. That was your question.

That was your question. That is exactly why I asked. Just take your pick. No, I think kidneys helps you pump water or some shit. It deals with the toxology of the blood. I'd fall for that. Yeah, I think so. I think it's a chemical filter for the fluid

see when you're on MDMA and you can't piss so you see how people over hydrate on MDMA because you don't sweat out water you're sweating out your salt content because it fucks with your kidneys so your body isn't pushing around as much water so that's why that girl over hydrated on MDMA

not over hydrated this is called probably wrong by Elliot Steele water so that's why that girl over hydrated on MDMA that one not over hydrated she over hydrated yeah yeah yeah this is called probably wrong by Elliot Steele where me and Danny don't know where me and Danny

also don't know the answer so just let him run wild with his version of this this is just like most of my conversations it's just going to lead

back to the time I go I was on MDMA one time and I think I figured something out I will give you I'll give you a half point you don't

get any bonus points for knowing the term. You get it for bullshitting with confidence. Sorry. Thank you. Which, as of 2015, is the largest city in the Americas? Mexico City. No, Sao Paulo. Oh, fuck off.

It's Mexico City. It's not. That's the biggest place in the world. No, Mexico City is the biggest place in the world. Apart from Russia. It's not even the biggest place on its continent. No, please. Please, you've got Please, you don't even mean city, you thought it was the biggest place. No, no, no. I think it's compared to Russia. And then apart from Russia, but it's bigger than China. How big is Sao Paulo? How big is RuPaul?

how big Sal Poil how big RuPaul that was a piece of string well you know as long as Mexico City

isn't it I don't know I've not I'm sure it's Mexico City Mexico City is one of the biggest cities

in the world well according to this one Mexico City is in the Americas right yeah Central America

there we go you know see smartness yeah see knowledge right but you got it wrong which lake

holds by far the largest volume water in the UK look I only know one lake in the UK name it South Norwood Lakes by my house

South Norwood Lakes by my house. South Norwood Lakes? Yeah, I don't know. So you don't know of Lake Windermere, Loch Ness, you don't know any? Is Loch Ness a lake? What do you think

Loch means? I thought it was a lock. I thought it was just called a lock. No, it's Scottish for lake. Well, that's you lot's fault for having a different language and deciding to use it

at certain times. Hold on a minute. What do you think the difference between a lake and a lock was I never gave it much thought give us a thought now I just thought

like a lock was I don't know I thought like it would just be in a certain shape and then it would like have a I don't know

it might be in a lock shape it's a lock a lock you thought just like coincidentally all the lakes in Scotland it might lock

it might lock itself in or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't the lock just down by the keys? Well, that's what Lake is. It's landlocked. No, Lake is... It's landlocked. It's like, yeah.

What is a landlocked? And that's why it's called a lock. Landlocked. Is it? No. You're a quiz master. I mean, potentially. No, because it's Loch.

But it's potentially Lake. That's probably how you'd say it. It's not a lock. No, no. It's Scouse. Is it not it Loch no no it's Scouse is it not South North Lake it's Scouse

it's Scouse for Lake right but is it not South North Lakes no no the answer is Loch Ness oh okay well I didn't know

any of the UK Lakes by question number five you were on point five so that's a that's a ten percent we wouldn't be in it anymore the question is

like I think we're all a little bit thick right but you are flamboyantly thick aye you're thick

with a passion I think you are to the thick community what cat people are to the gay community like

we're all gay but come on you are very could you stop Jesus walking down the street fuck we get it you're thick

honestly you give the rest of us a bad name do you have to stress like that I know I did I did so

do you know what I found out the other day my GCSEs don't count anymore what towards your fucking company you're down for a game because you're never in Frances don't count anymore. What towards? You're fucking kidding me. You're turned down for a game because you're never in French.

I don't send a clip. I just send what I got in religious studies. The M1 Morway is how many miles long? 200. Well, you're fine. I'll give you another help. It's 193. That was pretty close.

Well, yeah. That's a tricky question. I'll give you a help. It's 193. That was pretty close. Well, yeah, that's a tricky question. I'll give you a full point. It's within... Where does it go between? London and Leeds. Yeah. Normally, it's quite a common trick question.

How long is the M1? People think the answer's in the name. They're like, one mile. Because it's motorway one, isn't it? That's how I'm always... Maybe when I pedalled, I fucked up people like the M1 and the M6 were classed as cities because the population density

twice a day during rush hour so they had to get a mare and be classified as cities and people buy that shit you know and then once people go oh yeah I've heard of that

like a true lie I had what was it because the reason I know that or know about the M1 a bit is because I failed my theory test so many times

like my driving theory that question wouldn't come up yeah they ask you they ask you about motorways and like on the M1 and like closures and shit now yeah it's amazing like I was laughing at Colin the other day

because he's 28 I mean you're 22 it's starting to get less forgivable like you just don't drive like what dude it's that fucking theory test yous are comedians

I can it's that fucking I get in there and I panic and it's that fucking theory test. Yous are comedians? I can, it's that fucking, I get in there and I panic and it's like asking me questions and I, look, man, I'm not going to hit a kid with a car. What more do you want? To be fair, if you can't fucking handle the pressure of being sat in front of a laptop with multiple choice questions,

you shouldn't be put in front of a steering wheel. I'm a decent driver. You've got to be wearing multiple choices when you're driving. A decent driver. You're going to be driving down the road, you're going to be looking at the kids in the middle of the road and seeing them as a multiple choice question. You'll be like, oh, fuck, which one's the least important?

I don't have to do a test to, like, fucking walk. Why do I have to do a test to drive? Because you're not going to wagon to a school, maybe you would. Wagon to a school. Yeah, it just seems a bit like like crazy to me now that like

adults opt not to drive like it's like it's like like there's such a fucking huge resource there it's like going it's like going

ah internet not for me it's like I honestly say like the roads and the internet is two just fucking valuable things that people need

in their life which is why I always surf the web while I'm driving I say this while not having a car but you can drive but how many times

did you do the theory test once I've done the theory test once right so I it's literally something you're going to learn

overnight I've technically I've done it once one time and twice I haven't shown up great no one's ever done it once, one time and twice I haven't shown up. Great.

Did you get fucking lost? No, I woke up one day and I just went, nah, I'm not doing that. I just went, I'm not going to do a test. I'm not doing it. I did my theory test when I was 17, right? And I studied on the fucking bus on the way to work, right? It was so much easier back in your day though it was still multiple choice

it still had the same same knowledge this is one of the very few points where I agree with Elliot I do reckon it's one of those things where it does get hard because back in the day

the way fucking like the fucking test the test in 1920 was like right what does the right pedal do go what does the left pedal do

stop it congratulate it's like the American driving test. The American driving compared to the British driving test is appalling. Americans, and look,

I know there'll be Americans listening to this podcast being like, oh, LA drivers are the worst but us in the fucking Midwest,

we're the best drivers. You all are the worst fucking drivers in the world. None of you can drive small cars for shit. All your cars are massive. All your roads are massive because you're all

thick as shit and you can't fucking control it. You've all got cruise control which kills most of you because you don't understand that. All your cars are massive. All your roads are massive because you're all thick as shit and you can't fucking control it. You've all got cruise control which kills most of you because you don't understand that it's not a self-driving fucking car. You're an appalling,

appalling ass piece of shit driver. If you're the best driver in America, you're still the worst driver in Britain. You can't drive stick. You've got no contact. I love you. I don't love you all. I love about 30% of you.

But 100% of the Americans that listen to this podcast, I love you. You are the worst drivers I love about 30% of you right but 100% of the Americans that listen to the podcast I love you you are the worst drivers on the fucking planet America sounds great honestly honestly

like I would rather fuck it I would rather drive in India than I would fucking drive in LA just seeing the way some of you cunts drive so yeah

what I'm getting at is yes it may have been slightly easier when I did it but I was also a 17-year-old chav. Yeah. And I still had the capacity for it.

You're a fucking grown man. You know, I fell by one mark, and it just broke me. It just broke me, and I know a question I got wrong. I just fucked it up, and I fell by one mark, and I was so upset. It's like, I remember the last time I did a comedy competition. I did well, and I didn't win and I went I'm never putting myself

through that again and we did theory tests it was like I was back in an exam and the panic and the anxiety hit me and they're like oh fuck

I've not really studied I should be trying harder and I just went I'm not putting myself a banana yeah I see I'm anxiety

I can't even drive I'm sitting in a fucking safe space leaving the drive into the grown ups fuck I forgot to come in sorry

I forgot to go into Barry's office no shit not a euphemism what is my middle name Jamie yeah

which middle Eastern city is also the name of a type of artichoke a what which Middle Eastern city shares the same name as a type of artichoke what's an artichoke

it's like a fucking it's like one of these almost spiky vegetables is it yeah a Middle Eastern city. Aye. Is there one called, like, Leek? You think leeks are spiky?

Do you think leeks are the type of art? When have you seen a spiky leek? Are they a type of art joke? No, they're types of leeks. Oh, well. They're going a type of leaks. Oh. Well... They're going to the Onion family. Oh. I don't know.

Is it Bethlehem? It's Jerusalem. Oh. You've got to write it down. Hang on. I might be thinking, is Jerusalem and Bethlehem just a renamed place?

No. Is it not? No, you're being thick. Where's Bethlehem again Bethlehem's oh good question is it in Libya no

is it in Israel it's in the Bible it's in Israel isn't it Bethlehem's in Israel oh good for them or Google where's Bethlehem now if we're to call it

by it's real name Palestine because the Middle Eastern countries since the fucking 1920s are just like it was literally I wish I could remember the names of the two generals.

There was a French and an English general that just fucking just shared the countries out on a map, like drew lines on a map but didn't take geographical borders

into consideration and just like divvied it up. So like, that's why there's so much turmoil in the Middle East. Yeah, it's a Palestinian city in Israel.

Yes. See, do I get a point for that? Oh God, I've done it again. What, gone and bang? Yeah, for that oh god I've done it again what gone bing yeah for some reason I'm obviously using

the wrong fucking web browser Danny's like up and out of Google for some reason no I didn't it was a pure accident I've opened up

my wrong web I've got internet explorer which is a fucking traffic chain itself instead of chrome right and it's just go to his bing

and man fucking hell when you use anything other than Google the grass is not greener on the other side the grass is fucking hot coals of shite it's fucking appalling

everything you type is a Google whack it's a big whack when I googled Bethlehem in there apparently there's a Bethlehem in Northampton what? that was the first one that came up I was like no the nearest Bethlehem to you Beth no no you know where's Bethlehem to you Bethlehem Mississippi

America no the Bethlehem you know the Bethlehem it's just fucking one cunt in an office running around

on Google Maps being like turn left turn left I'm like what is dermatophobia dermatophobia

is it a fear of is it a fear of teeth no dermatology you think it's a fear of teeth no dermatology you think it's a fear of teeth well dermatology is to do with the mouth isn't it

it's to do with the skin that's dentistry fuck I'm like you know as you said that question as well I was like I'm about to surprise

these listeners with this I'm going to sit with God I think they were very surprised that you thought dermatology was the study of the mouth I sat up from my seat with Don't worry I think they were very surprised that you thought dermatology was the

study of the mouse I think they were pretty fucking surprised by that I've honestly thought I knew that so what's it there

skin disease dermatophobia is a fear of skin disease fear of skin disease skin is the largest organ did you know that skin is the biggest organ did you know that hmm

skin is the biggest organ on your body yes right everybody knows everybody knows that might be the biggest on yours my dick's the biggest

on my nose it's not since I've been circumcised okay you get three words to spell oh no this is funny

because you're dyslexic. Oh, my God. Spell symphony. S-Y-M-P. This is where it gets difficult. Yeah. T-H-O-N-Y. No, P-H.

Oh. And've got the P True That's like spelling going Alright Spell it for me Q-E You always know what follows that Hold on

Symphony Symphony Symphony No but he's spelling it Symphony Symphony Symphony Yes

Ah enjoyed that Alright No Spell Ladle L-A-D-E-L symphony yes enjoyed that alright no spell ladle l-a-d-e-l no l-a-d-l-e

oh you motherfuckers I was close damn it autocorrect would have sorted it out for me

then explain every text you've ever sent about ladles spell carriage I'm rooting for you Then explain every text you've ever sent. About medals. Spell carriage. I'm rooting for you. Oh, man.

God, you know how it starts, right? C-A-R-R... No. C-A-R-R-I-A-G-E. Yes! He didn't miss carriage. Despite the fact that he should have been one but that's

you know come on mate what is the art of stuffing animals for preservation called you know this taxidermy yeah

fucking yes I'm on a roll here how many do I get for the spelling ones one oh right roughly what proportion of their DNA I'm on a roll here. How many do I get for the spelling ones? One. Oh. Right.

Roughly, what proportion of their DNA do humans and chimpanzees share? 72%. I'm going to go with it somewhere near a 97. 98.5. When you say 72, it's only two-thirds. Because they've got we're 98% 98.5% well that's

that's I don't think that's true because right okay yeah take that science well it's just like

why if I add like 1.5% more DNA into a chimp it suddenly turns human no you're now

turning into an evangelical Christian who does not understand what evolution is but like if evolution's real

why are there still monkeys it's like right if tomato sauce is real why are there still tomatoes you daft cunt

it's a very different thing well because you know I just don't alright no I'm not going to understand that and I never will sometimes in life you've just got to accept you just don't I'm not going to understand

that and I never will sometimes in life you've just got to accept you're not meant to

be the person to understand certain things so you think we're three quarters primate what do

you think the other quarter is human so we're only one quarter human the only

difference we're not even more than half human we're largely chimpanzee

more than human on the weekends well like there was a chimpanzee. More than human. Just like a big human on the weekends. Well, like, there was a chimpanzee, and it fucked a homo sapien, and then they had human. So basically... No, that's just...

My dad is fucking slitting his wrists. So this is how I gather it. I'm at the risk of fucking sounding more stupid now. But so we are 97% the DNA of chimps, right? So the 98.5. So the 1.5% that's different is the mutations that's changed over. Over like every birth, every generation has like a slight mutation of DNA, which will be like that will become more upright.

Like where hips bend in, the birth canal shortens, the heads get bigger. Like these are like slight mutations on the model right but you think we've uh developed 25 percent a quarter of our thing has mutated since being chimps that's what you're suggesting well what i was i remember learning in science yeah like the about evolution and natural selection that uh that we we've got things in common with them. We come from the same ancestor, is it not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's why we ain't chimps. Yeah.

Because we come from the same ancestor. But could we fuck a chimp and have a baby with it? No, we couldn't. I think the same way a wolf couldn't fuck a fox and have a baby. Why can't... Why does nature... Or could it? Why does nature... could it why does

why does nature lions and tigers lions and tigers zebras and horses lions and tigers create like a like a

mutated baby that can't reproduce and doesn't stop growing so so because you see it's kind of like

it's kind of mad how like nature does that thing where it's like PS4 and Xbox are like no you can't cross play so and like nature does one where it's like of like it's kind of mad how like nature does that thing where it's like PS4 and Xbox are like no you can't cross play so and like nature does one where it's like

you're not allowed to like fuck an alligator and have like a human alligator I hate copywriter it's just like God's a dick he's like no no

no cross platform can't go play with my mates and see fair like you know what thank God thank God DNA doesn't work like that

imagine just like imagine like whatever you fucked you did fucking reproduce you'd have people laying eggs and shit it would be creepy it'd be weird

or would it be like or would it do you reckon it would help fucking get rid of like racism because if like let's say you just fucking went out and like shagged a bear. Fucking, first of all, respect, right?

Second of all, it gives birth to like a fucking bear-human hybrid. But enough to the fact that... Hi, Nick Corey. Imagine, yeah, that's... Instead of the Coliseum, instead of... But there would be so many different breeds of things. And then those breeds would start breeding with other ones over years. I don't think there would be too many things to be racist about.

Well, that's what I think with race. I think because we're still in very early stages of integration, it probably won't be too long before there's a real homogenous race of people. Oh, man. We're all going to eventually... The human race is going to be a milky tea one day. Yeah, like, when you speak to a lot of Americans, they come from a lot of different heritage and backgrounds and stuff like that, right?

I think it's way more there. But, like, eventually when the world starts becoming... You'd still get, like, pedigree people. Aye. That, like, stuck to their own. Aye. Well, first of all, don't call them pedigree. Call them blue. Call them supremacists.

There would still be like a master pure race hanging around with the rest of the mudbloods. It still would be. You know if Native Americans just stayed to Native Americans, then who would end up being a pedigree Native American in the same way as if white, black Africans. You'd still get that, but the majority of people would be cross-platform. Aye. And if we were to cross-breed with fucking animals, eventually at the point where, you know, we're all sitting there going, in the future, you know, we'll all just be like a milky tea colour because we'll have, like, bred so much with each other that we'll all

just eventually have the same skin colour. If you bring animals into that, what fucked up thing are we looking like? The platypus! It comes full circle! The platypus! It's the fucking... It's the platypus it comes full circle the platypus it's the fucking it's the platypus I was talking

singly oh alright yeah you're right you're correct we have three more questions

oh no wait one two three four questions okay

here we go which side of the brain would be mostly used to evaluate whether a new wardrobe fits into the space available in a bedroom, right? So when you're buying a wardrobe for a bedroom

you've got two halves of your brain two very different functions, what side of the brain is, would be used to evaluate whether the wardrobe would fit in a room? I'm going to go side B Left or right?

Oh, right. Yes! I know that was a yes, but you still get the point. I was at 50-50. So the right brain is like cognitive. I mean, I'm not smart enough to know this because I only know it from ballpoint. Ballpoint and ballpoint.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Left brain is the creative side of the brain. The right side is the logical side of the brain. Have you heard this thing yet, that your stomach might be the brain? I mean, it's not logical state of the brain have you heard this thing here that like your stomach might be the brain I mean it's not but continue I mean

it does explain a lot of my friends so in that you see we like have always thought the brain is where we think

the brain is like the thinking like it's our it's our you know whatever this is wonderful it is

that the brain does it might be the stomach that be what the brain does it's our you know whatever this is wonderful it is that the brain does it might be the stomach that the brain does in what world why would that be true because I heard it but you understand that we've done

like lots of scams with lots of people and when you ask questions there's like it shows you where the electrons are far into and that's

that's why you know when people shoot themselves in the head for suicide that's because that's the cause know when people shoot themselves in the head for suicide that's because that's the cause of all of that trouble

all of that depression all of that fucking bad shit nobody just fucking cocks a gun punches it in the stomach by the whole world and this is

this is where this is where science needs to think a bit more outside the box yeah what if fucking that is the most I think that's the most offensive thing you can say to a scientist hey if you could all stop being weighed down with your facts and your evidence and just have a

little bit of creativity maybe the world would be a more interesting place children are the best scientists because they don't comply to your norms well it's just it's just like how many times have if you look back at science like 300 years ago right

they got a lot wrong yes a lot wrong they did and so they tried so we're going to look back in 300 years time

and be like what the fuck were they doing thinking the earth was round but if it was okay right just based on your theory that the stomach is the

brain surely then the growing of the stomach would make you more intelligent no no no because it's like

it's look look look it's the way and also you don't empty your fucking brain like if your stomach is your brain

at no point like at the end of the fucking day, does the back of my brain and fucking... And everything along just get fucking shat out there. I get scared when I think about it. And how come if you get a tumour in your stomach, you get, like, severe cramps and shit blood,

but if you get a tumour in your brain, you can get personality disorders? Do you not think if the brain was doing a thing and it would be the other way around? Yeah, well, yeah, do you know what? I'm sure science has got it right this time okay what is the

third most common gas in the earth's atmosphere after nitrogen and oxygen carbon dioxide that's two

that's two chemicals combined together yeah and it makes one right because nitrogen nitrogen

after nitrogen how do you make the question did you say element I said common gas common gas okay you know what

I think like it's still a gas even though it's a compound even though it's a compound it's a compound gas yeah isn't water in the air and we just it's still a gas, even though it's a compound. Even though it's a compound, like you didn't, you didn't. It's a compound gas.

Yeah. Isn't water in the air, and we just, it's just not like thick enough to be water yet. See, what? You're going to look,

you gave me that. I'm not going to repeat it, because I've never received that look of you. It's like I've discovered a new facial expression. I don't know, can you just say that again,

but slower? Like, water's in the air. Uh-huh. But it just, it ain't in its final stage of evolution. How have you in your 22 years ever seen rain? Fuck, yeah, you see, but I'm not wrong. Right, the answer was Argon.

I've never, like, that's a Lord of the Rings character. I'm not having that I'm not having that he's just fucking just strider hanging

around the air alright you've got two more questions okay how many earlobes does Kai have none

correct it's an evolutionary mystery final question lobes does Kai have? None. Correct. It's an evolutionary mystery. Final question. What did I mouth do? What? What did I

mouth do? Anything you want it to, baby. So, the total answer to the question

was... I'm getting a drink of water. So, we said we said some in the air just lick the air

so we said if it's not thick enough to be water yet you're thick enough to turn it into water and please may I get some water so we agreed that if you got 14

you weren't you know what I would have taken it down to a 12 because I will I'll be honest and say some of those questions I didn't

I wasn't as thorough with that one I wanted to find more simple questions it's what I would have taken it down to my 12 because I will I'll be honest and say some of those questions I didn't I wasn't as thorough with that one I wanted to find more simple questions it's what I say with this with this podcast

this series of podcasts that we do with Elliot it's not to prove he's thick because of course he's thick and so are we on the scheme of things we're fucking dummies man

I can't believe people listen to us but it's how like I said it's how emphatically thick he is it's how like how what you, it's how emphatically thick he is. It's how, like, how much he commits. He's thick with flair.

He's thick flair. Thick flair. Thick flair. Woo! Every time he gets a question wrong. Woo! I think it's important to just be curious. Oh, my God.

Nah, but could you... No, no, being curious actually involves searching the answers to the questions. Yeah. And then... Anyone can go to imright.com and fucking look up what they want to hear. Right. So, so, why... Like, you can find anything on the internet to back your argument.

Sometimes you're like if a computer program watched a bunch of George Carlin sex it's just trying to say profound things but in turn

I'm like if science would just think outside the box there's part of you it sounds profound you go oh no no

that's just thick no no no now that I've made it more than two seconds of thought but like what's nice as well is like you'll say something no no that's just fake no no no now that I've paid it more than two seconds of thought but like what's nice as well is like you'll say something

like that that's like not even pseudo profound it's like parody profound you'll have this like smug look on your face like you've nailed it we are at risk

of doing it over one hour on this podcast so let's let's wrap this up by rinsing your dad you got eight you got eight questions

right so we still you you didn't answer enough questions for us to not do this again oh one day

one day you'll get all the questions you're gonna do this test more times than you're driving theory do you have anything to plug um

fucking probably um shit yeah i've got his twitter handle is elliot steel calm and say that's for communism not comedy no um is elliot still got it got on my

facebook i've got videos and shit on there man and uh i'm doing a preview at top secret comedy club on sunday the 30th of december so like nobody should be in the good day i don't know so just to the listeners who've never seen elliot still but he a preview at Top Secret Comedy Club on Sunday the 30th of December so like nobody

should be and also just to the listeners who've never seen that list he might be thick as shit but he is a very very good comedian

so I'm really my time is spent working on comedy and not reading and shit that's the problem and I've got something to plug I'm going on my honeymoon

oh alright if anyone wants to come I'll come I'm going to Cape Town to the lads holiday to die lads holiday I'm going to my honeymoon. Oh, all right. If anyone wants to come. I'll come. I'm going to Cape Town. Another lad's holiday. I'm going to Cape Town. I've actually just read Nelson Mandela's Long Walk to Freedom and I'm going to go to Robben Island

and just stay in a five-star resort. Just to see what you went through. And just go, you think you were tied down? I've just got married. 27 years. This is too deaf to us, Paul. You've got to pop those numbers

up those are rookie numbers I'm going to Cape Town I'm going to visit Table Mountain and Safari

and shit like that Table Mountain? Table Top Mountain what's that? it's the mountain off there I'm sure it's the mountain off there

Close Encounter no no Table Mountain go fuck yourself no it's not that's Close Encounter No, Table Mountain Oh fuck yourself That's in the Midwest of America You're in Johannesburg I mean if you notice I'm sure it's the I put a little bit of unknowing to my lack of knowledge

But is it not? But yeah, Table Mountain is like In National Park in South Africa We've got tour dates that have gone on sale They're available on my website dinosaurs.com work at yourself

leave cats and then I'm going to Mauritius if anyone wants to come bracket about me how old is right Elliot

your dad signed his wedding contract with a light pencil Elliot your dad recently started ejaculating blood and he thinks

it's pretty Kai your dad sits under the Christmas tree and and he thinks it's pretty Kai your dad sits under the Christmas tree and tries to knock the baubles off well Kai that's

interesting because your dad's also halfway up the Christmas tree as we speak tucking into a Christmas pie Danny your dad

says milk in two when he's asked for a Lemsip Danny your dad applies the phrase shaken, not stirred, to everything and now he's no longer allowed to hold babies. Elliot, your dad has extra skin on the back of his neck

so that your mum can carry him around in her mouth. It's because her dad was a tiger. Good one. Oh, thank you. She's a cougar. That's me. Elliot, your dad's scared of squirrels

and whenever you see him running in the park he actually went out for a walk Kai your dad sits

at the back of the bus playing this podcast on loudspeaker and he's the bus driver

Kai your dad is trying to learn how to kick flip Elliot I keep dating you I've done enough to Martin dad is trying to learn how to kickflip Elliot I keep

dating you I've done enough to Martin Elliot your dad walks 10 miles for water with a

pot on his head but it's actually a round trip and he just gets it from the kitchen tap when he gets back

Elliot your dad steals the metal dusties off of wheelchairs Danny your dad isn't allowed on Red Dead after he uploaded videos

of him molotoving suffragettes to YouTube. Danny, every time I hug your dad, I rub his back until he burps. Kai, your dad leaves a sorry you weren't in sticker at each of his advent calendar doors. Kai, your dad sulks when cats don't let him stroke them. Well, Elliot, every time I want your dad to get to sleep,

I throw a blanket over his cage. Kai, your dad has to take dick pics in landscape mode because of his incredibly wide chode. Sloss, your dad's Twitter bio reads, as heard on Sloss and Humphreys on the road, for bookings, please contact Leslie Sloss at guestsl Twitter bio reads as heard on Sloss and Humphreys on the road for bookings please contact Leslie Sloss at guestslossproductions.com

Daniel when your dad worked for the fire brigade he used to always bring in a note off his mam saying he's not allowed to get wet

your dad got home from the fire brigade to make them noise Kai your dad goes camping in the back garden Felder doesn't fall too far from the tree keeps hitting his tent well that was a podcast

you've been an audience goodnight Seattle